Narcissistic Spouse Brainwashes Adult Children to Reject You/Surviving Parental Alienation
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 15 พ.ย. 2024
- #parentalalienation #narcissisticparent #narcissist #divorce In this TH-cam Video, you will learn about how a narcissistic spouse brainwashes adult children to reject the alienated parent. Parental alienation of adult children is often gained through targeted, consistent, manipulative, passive-aggressive conversations designed to paint the alienated parent as a narcissist.
Narcissistic fathers or mothers, caught in a nasty divorce, can use their children as forms of narcissistic supply against the alienated parent. Some of the ways this is gained is by distorting reality, withholding critical details, and marginalizing the alienated parent. Narcissistic spouses who have had little interest in their children up until the divorce will suddenly become available to their children. Narcissistic parents who alienate their children from their spouses may create dependencies that satisfy the needs of their adult children.
Surviving parental alienation is one of the most excruciating experiences for the parent who is blindsided by the depths the narcissistic spouse will go to manipulate their children into rejecting their other parent.
In this video, you will hear some of my personal stories and experience with attempts to alienate me from my children during a nasty divorce, and some of the tips I learned to survive this crazymaking experience.
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Thank you for watching, Narcissistic Spose Brainwashes Adult Children to Reject You/Surviving Parental Alienation
#parentalalienation #parentalalienationawareness #lisaaromano #narcissisticrelationship #narcissisticmother #narcissismawareness #narcissisticparent
Parental Alienation is one of the most traumatic understated things a human being can endure. You mostly suffer in alone and in silence. Forced to become a clone of yourself, like living 2 lives. When the child even starts making up untruths, you know you’ve lost the cause..
Losing them to parental alienation was bad enough. I fought for 2 years after they left to get reunification granted through the court. Then the first session came and the lies that had been made up that I know came from their other parent was almost like a final blow. I’m devastated all over again
Yup
Yup! Its gut wrenching, cruel. Both of them got married. I was NOT invited. Learned of events through social media! Humiliating, devastating. I cry weekly over this loss. Its been SIX years of depression. They have blocked me from calling them, I dont have their new address either. Ive NEVER had a falling out with either of them . Even in their childhood ,I rarely had to discipline them. We always got along. During the separation ,the step mother showed zero boundaries. Let them do whatever they wanted. No rules. Next thing I know ,I'm not invited to graduations . it went down hill from there. You all know the sad story I'm sure. :(
@@tonyaonasch1513 I’m so sorry that happened to you. As another rejected mother, I really understand the pain toy describe.
@@tonyaonasch1513 I'm so sorry for your pain. I am going through the same thing. Have you ever followed Dr Craig Childress about Parental Alienation? he has alot of really good videos on TH-cam. His book describes the kinds of spouses who do this to people and how extremely manipulative they are.
My son was 20 years old when I divorced his father. In a matter of days, the sweet boy whom I loved, nurtured and chauffeured to every game and practice said it would have been better for everyone if I'd just died, told the entire world on Facebook that his mom is crazy (using words very similar to his dad) and told me to, and I quote, "f#@k off." That was 3 years ago. He has since refused all of my attempts to talk, and has blocked me on everything. Having a child you were so close to suddenly dig your heart out with a spoon is the most painful thing any parent can endure and should be considered child abuse by the narcissistic parent. (Ironically, one of my son's Facebook posts was that he wanted to dispute all the rumors that his dad was abusive toward me....)
Same :( sending you hugs and healing
They go where the money is
Lisa, you nailed this one! Amazing job.
My son called me worthless
Tell me about it? I nearly killed myself the pain was so unbearable. But now, even though I struggle sometimes, I don't want a relationship with my children. I refuse to be mistreated and disrespected any longer. They should honor their mother but instead they cuss at me, threaten my life and assault me. No thanks. I know it sounds awful but I had to get to this point or not survive. I feel for them but I am not going to allow them to treat me that way any longer.
I raised my son as a single parent and around 17, my son turned against me. He moved in with his father and stopped speaking to me. My son also cut off his brother (My son from a previous marriage.) I spent 15 years facilitating my son's relationship with my ex, only to realize my ex was turning my son against me. The pain is unimaginable & indescrible. Now I'm a "bad mother." Even though I cared for my son, forewent opportunities, sacrificed relationships... all the things his father never did.
I’m suffering the same situation
I felt my husband couldn’t understand how he doesn’t have the close relationship like I have w my kids .. since he bought them phones , cars paid education . But has arrested development and uses them as pawns and trophies .
This… I am so incredibly sorry. Going through this now with my oldest who is 14 and his two younger siblings from that marriage following in his footsteps. It’s absolutely devastating
My heart goes out to you. I can so relate. I hope one day things work at for you. I was always there for my son,even when he was an adult, but now I have not heard from him in over 5 years. This all happened after he married this woman, who has apparently convinced my son I was not a good mother. I am at peace now, after years of crying, [you become emotionally drained] because I no longer care, as my son does nothing. However, my granddaughter used to tell me, she hated the way her dad and stepmom treated me, I only pray she still feels the same way and is not able to contact me because she is not able to, not because they finally got to her. I pray one day I will hear from her. I can never understand how people are so manipulated by someone.
Heartbreaking ❤….me too.
I can totally relate to what you are saying. Before I left, my eldest son was assaulting me, cussing at me with vile things, threatening my life (in front of my husband) and my husband did nothing to protect me. I called the police on my son two times. I had to go to a women's shelter for a month. Now only one of my four children will even text me on mostly special occasions. It is a lonely life but I rather have this life than be abused by my own husband and children.
It’s wickedness that a parent would do that to their ex and their children!
I know a dad who got alienated from his adult children due to mom ‘s manipulation. Mom is so evil from all her manipulation even after the divorce
I’m in the throes of this nightmare right now. My heart is breaking and I’m having a difficult time releasing the situation and letting it unfold. I’m sick constantly- he and his sister are poisoning my 26 and 19 year old daughters. He barely sees our youngest and her and I are suffering tremendously. How can anyone be this evil ?? I still cannot wrap my brain around it- I know what he is - yet my knowledge goes out the window and I’m still trying to rationalize the tactics. Thank you so much for your video. It is the exact situation I find myself in. My daughters are my life. He’s done very little for them all through the years and it’s the attention they receive when they do his bidding especially my middle girl that has her hooked in this web. My heartbreaks for her, because I know how she belongs for genuine love from him. But the disrespect has become abusive emotionally and physically
I've been there now going on 24 years. I filed for a divorce and my husband which was an attorney prosecutor at best. He turned all my kids against me, and one my oldest was 28 years old, son 21, 14, and 12 years old. He told me I will destroy you, turn the kids against you, and your life would be a nightmare. I laughed but he did what he set out to do destroy me. 9 years ago he passed away and my adult children still want nothing to do with me.
So sorry
OMG reading your post I had to look and see if it was my post that i forgot i replied already or something...my ex told me the EXACT same thing word for word and i did the EXACT same thing, i laughed & didn't believe it possible...living it now for 10+ years and I swear I have thought the whole time this guy is going to die and my kids will still not believe me or want anything to do with me because they will never see me as having any value and if he dies it just confirms it true and unchangeable for the rest of their lives...i have almost all but given up hope...i am soooo sorry you have been experiencing this for 24 years...i dont know about you but at the 10yr mark it was almost like i stopped feeling like i was ever a mother, it feels like it was a dream or different life and that i am not really a mom...it really sucks!
I’m so very sorry 😢
The grooming started way before the divorce
I agree. I started seeing the grooming in the home prior to separation and divorce. 😢
Absolutely 💯 The divorce is because the narcissist partner was against you from the very beginning. Post-divorce allows them to live unchecked.
Same for me, it was going on all along behind my back. Luckily my daughter saw it when she grew up and went to therapy.
Yes, yes, this was my situation. One other tell tell signs was everything felt like it was a competition. But I agree, she started long ago when we all lived together. And I have tried to be amicable but because our son lives with her (no court order or agreement) she has taken advantage of the situation. But God knows that I have tried. That is the only peace that I have. So unfortunate. People in broken relationships just become downright selfish and prideful.
@@RedeemedRestored that’s why I stayed. The thought of visitations scared me to death.
Alienated children are emotional prisoners, they're trapped and they can't escape. There is no wriggle room. I am learning that the best thing for me to do is let go of the control, work on myself, find happiness where I can, through my work, through my sports and hobbies, through my partner, through friends and extended family. This is like grieving for children who are still alive. I hope and I pray that my 3 beautiful children are safe, and that they will break free from their mother's cult like toxic dynamic.
“It’s like grieving for children who are still alive” My thoughts exactly. 💔 Amazed I’m not the only one feeling this way.
If only I had known before the divorce this was going to happen, I would’ve done things differently.
@@rubyramirez4616….there are millions feeling this way. You can not prepare for this, it would have had to have been recognised before you even had kids. The tell tale sign is the way that your spouse was raised and their family dynamics.
I feel exactly the same way…I’ve felt like I have been mourning my son since his mom turned up the crazy @ 10 months ago. Poor kid, I love him so much
@@rubyramirez4616 it's impossible to do things any other way than the way the narc tries to dictate every move.
2.5 years here, no contact. Kids 23/22 and strong loyalty contract with their mom, calling her “honorable” and “perfect.” It has to stop sooner or later, because she’s far from honorable and perfect.
I thought leaving would be the hardest part, but having my ex turn all 4 of my kids against me has proven to be far worse!
Here
me.too. It's a deep hell like nothing else.
I also have my 4 sons turned against me. It is unbelievably painful. My soon to be ex husband is more terrible than I ever imagined. I was a stay at home mom for 20+ years and it is all wiped away at the words believe by them with no question. He is smearing me as having mental illness. This video was so helpful and validating
It is worse than going thru the divorce.!
@@gailsims3558 so true. Creating doubt and character assignation is so humiliating, embarrassing, and hurtful.
My wise brother counseled me: "Love them, and let them go."
Crying- 7 years and counting. What an unfortunate nightmare. The system is broken and it has VERY LITTLE knowledge, if any at all, about parental alienation. 💔
Sadly, the system is set up for the lawyers to make money. Greed wins out over justice in our country.
Wow this is my story! I have a 4 and 5 year old who are victims of this terrible situation my heart aches because my babies are being traumatized.
Oh they know. They profit off of it
Agreed. The courts do nothing
Very diabolical and extremely hurtful to the child's mental, & emotional health. For their entire lifetime, they will be fighting the confusion this causes them.
Thank you for letting me know I'm not alone. My ex alienated my 2 adult daughters from me after the divorce. I haven't been allowed to see them or my grandchildren for over 7 years. It's like a living death sometimes, a living nightmare. I need to hear I'm not alone and that others make it through one day at a time. Thank you.
You are NOT alone. I lost my only child and only grandchild to the narcissist demon. May he get what he gives, may karma pay him back 10 fold.
Never doubt your self worth. You are not alone.
I hear you...Our children always wanted a real house..So after I'd had enough and threw him out..He rented a suite in a neighboring town for a bit. But later moved back to where we were living and rented a HOUSE. One by one my 2 daughters and my stepson moved in with him. He did this on purpose...To take what mattered to me 'most'. He knew exactly what he was doing. I was working 2 job's at the time and finally doing so much better financially without him... Feeling good that I could finally provide for my daughter's without his BS. These narc's are pure evil. I've heard both my daughter's out numerous times but I can literally feel the grip he has on them in so many ways. They tell me he doesn't say a bad thing about me. Doesn't surprise me at all because he manipulated them in so many sick ways from the time they were very young. It's his 'behaviors' towards me! Therefore they assume that they too can treat me with such disregard - lack of appreciation - respect and compassion. It's been year's of these mind games. I've done my best. I'm not perfect but just recently... I've decided that enough is enough 💔
Do you think it might have helped if you had earned your children ahead of time?
@@ts3063 I don't think you can without playing the same parental alienation game that the narc plays. It's not possible, if you are a decent, peace-loving parent who wants what's best for your kids, i.e. love both parents and don't pick sides. Furthermore, you can't predict the future and know that your kids will turn you. What you have control over is forgiving yourself, being kind to yourself, setting healthy boundaries, pursuing your healing and keeping hope alive that a positive change will come one day. Looking back at what you shouda-woulda-coulda done is counterproductive and will slow down or inhibit your healing. You didn't know better then and did what you could with what you know then, but today you've since experienced, and learnt a lot about, narcissism and can only do better going forward...
Time for college my daughter did a 360. She blames me for ridiculous things. Her Father constantly denied her time,resources, coming to events etc. Now I’m told he and his wife treats her better than I ever had. To raise a child to have self respect, and the respect of others yell and scream and completely be out of character, is heart breaking. I grieved so hard. That I simply had to hand it over to God and move on with my life.
I’m now in that boat, too. I’ve got to give it to God. This nice lady is reading my mail.
I never thought in a million years that this would happen to me.
Yes I've got to move on.
I'll never know my grandkids but her dad gets video every day in they lives
My daughter won’t speak to me even though I gave her every bit of love, time and attention throughout her growing up while her abusive, narcissistic father ignored her. I know she is thrilled to have his attention now and the price is to hate me. I will always love her and her brothers but I will not take abuse from her. I need healthy boundaries in my life. I pray her every day.
If she went the opposite way, she did a 180. 360 is full circle.
@@dianagarrison3138Thanks Karen, glad you cleared that up even though all of us reading knew exactly what was meant.
I'm going through it right now. I wish I never met my ex. He's a monster and I hope my children will see it one day.
We tried to get his abuses documented and on file. To this day we are pressured by this guy. So many court dates. Go to this, go to that. A restraining order doesn’t do shhh.” ❤😂he just uses the government to stay attached. I told her maybe we need to go FULL NON CONTACT.
My heart goes out to you dear😢
My wife is manipulating my kids to alienate me by a transactional relationship and lying ,but when they grow up the reality of her actions will show
It's devastating. In 22 years my x hadn't one interest in parenting or caregiving. I homeschooled our children 15 yrs. We did everything together.
Now I'm alienated from all 4 for 12 yrs now. They devalue me and defend him.
I've had to let go and give it to God 🙏
This is a serious question.... How on earth did you survive for 12 years? Did you ever feel happy for long periods? How did you raise yourself out of the blackest emotions humans can ever experience?
same same same...going on 10+ years now for me with all 4 now adult kiddos
“ Done with the crying “ is a very good book about parent alienation.
Thank you
I just got the book and the workbook. I want to stop crying. It has been 8 years.
Thank you
What’s a high level synopsis? Just curious because I’m tired of crying. No energy to even read. Just exhausted.
Thanks!! Is it on Amazon?
This is exactly what my mom did to my dad from day one. She lied and told him he wasn't the father. Then 3 years later when the guy she was with did a DNA test, and found out that he wasn't the father, she had to scramble and go after my actual dad. Then over the course of 30 years, told me all of these ridiculous lies, and manipulated me into hating my father. I had gone no contact with him when i was 19, and finally, now that I'm 32, i reached out to him, reconnected, and learned the truth. And i never would have been able to do that without watching these videos from you and Dr. Ramani.
You give me hope for my 3 children. Thank you, even if it is only a faint hope.
SO HELPFUL. I’ve let go of my girls completely (now 19 yrs and 21 yrs….split at 13…and then 15 yrs). Agree with all you say and I’ve stepped out of that toxic dynamic…caring for myself and healing. And trust, they will see him one day for who he is…..I’m in a peaceful place but it’s easy to have the sadness triggered.💙🙏🏼
And they may never see him for who he is. I had to come to realize this
This is my story too. My girls are now 21 and 23. We also split around the same time as you did. I even heard my older daughter, who is much closer to her father, and has vocally chosen to live with him, not me, gossiping about me with her dad. Whenever he calls they move to a separate room to chat to him quietly. I never would have imagined this would be my life today!
Do you think it might have helped if you had warned your children ahead of time? In a similar situation.
@@ts3063 I don't believe you can "warn" your kids ahead of time cos at the time they're too young to even comprehend what's going on, and quite frankly, you don't know what you're dealing with either (it takes years of learning and research to understand narcissism and a long time for many of if us to realise that we're experiencing it). When the kids are little you're trying to do what any good and decent parent does which is to not play the alienation, tit-4-tat game as well. You want them to love and respect their dad, even though you don't. Also, you can't preempt that things will get worse, but honestly believe that, like most things in life, things do get better with time. However, over the years you realise that it's not the case with a narc. They are relentless and don't get tired in their pursuit to destroy you, and they get worse over time. Eventually, when you realise that the kids are old enough and slowly living their own lives, you decide it's time to take care of you cos all you ever did was care of them and operate in survival mode. And yes, contrary to what my therapists and pastors have told me in the past, I agree with @winona349 that there's a possibility that the kids will not see their narc parent for who they truly are cos they've been so badly brainwashed, but we can only hope and pray for a positive outcome. When you lose hope in situations like this, you lose and the narc wins. Even if the situation doesn't change for the better, you will - just don't lose hope. Victor Frankl's quotes on hope and survival are also amazing and help us shift our mindsets to avoid our own destruction.
@@Dee-Dee4959 you're right. Can't be warned bcuz the narc spcipa5j turns what you say against you. Their minds aren't fully developed until 27 by then it's changed their memories. So sad and heartbreakinf
My life would not have been completely wasted had I known that this was going to be my reality. My narcissist pulled off alienation before a divorce, so that I couldn’t leave without losing everything. So I lost everything. I have nothing else to lose and it’s not so bad because I have nothing to care about. He thought nothing could hurt me more than losing my kids and grandkids but once I was aware of his game it was a game changer. The narcissist/torturer watched my face as our kids would insult me. And I couldn’t combat the lies that I didn’t know. After 10 years I gave up realizing I have been losing my reason for living and see no reason for hope. Stepping back it is educational and in my case the explanation for why I was screwed is the narcissist is a most ridiculously pathetic psychopath. So I end up being the lucky one who gets away.
I have been shattered by my adult children, their distancing from me and completely rewriting history. Thank you for saying this experience---I thought I was alone!
Same here
You are not alone...I have lifted my head to God and stay focused on what I need. I have 2 out of 3 adult children who have not followed in their footsteps...and am okay now. It means I no longer see my two oldest grandchildren, which is the hardest.
100% I thought as my son turned 18 this nightmare would be over but it's not. He never had a close relationship with our sons and now he's twice divorced and new gf moved in, along with her 18yr old son who has a baby and now all of a sudden he's interested in our kids. Got my 18 yr old to move out within 1 conversation. Told my son I shouldn't have curfews and rules about sex and drugs. So off my son went. I was his fulltime for 18 years. How can he so easily be manipulated?? It's so scary.
it’s hard to take care of yourself and work on yourself when you have a literally had to grieve the death of your children while they are still living. There is no motivation left to work on yourself. I’m in a dark place tonight. But much of what you have said has been uplifting. At the end of the day, it still feels like I am dead to them. I never saw it coming. That has been the hardest part. The only thing that has kept me holding on, is my youngest son who is seven. He loves me dearly just like my first two did before this happened. I could never do to my youngest son what my first two kids and my ex have done to me. So I’m still here. The dark days get more spaced out as time goes by, but when they come back, the darkness has a gravity to it like I have never felt before. In a lot of ways it gets easier, but in those quiet moments, those rare moments… It is more painful than anything that I have ever felt before. It’s like waking up from the most painful nightmare only to realize that it wasn’t a dream at all, it’s your reality now.
This is my story.
This was me for 2 years. I couldn't do anything but medicate. I was in complete despair, hatred and hopeless. My wife of 18 years took my three daughters 10, 13 and 15 and left me and moved 20 hours away to get back at me because I wanted out of our toxic marriage. I lived for my kids and did everything with them. It wasn't about the kids at all and she used them as weapons to hurt me. I quit my career and stopped paying bills. I stopped cleaning and cooking. Four months after she left, I just packed a bag and started walking and became homeless. I did that for a year. I ended up in jail and went to treatment and started the long climb out of the pit. I grieved them so hard every day, I could barely get out of bed. I prayed and walked and prayed and meditated and cried. I went to AA and NA meetings every day for connection and support. 18 months later, I'm on my feet. Back in my career and I'm doing much better. I moved a block away from them so when the kids are ready, they will come. I still send them notes and texts and reach out. It's tough. I had to focus on myself. I had to heal and forgive myself and let go of the anger and sadness. I journal, exercise, meditate, still go to meetings, eat right, walk, hike, kayak, I take care of myself. I'm going to be so healthy body mind and soul when they come back. God help us.
@@ItsMeCaseyLee My thoughts are 100% with you every step of the way. Keep me posted. I have since reunited with my daughter and she will be coming to visit spring break of this year. She stayed for the summer last year as well. Although it is awkward now I can tell she is trying to make up for it. But I still have not spoken to my oldest son since all of this happened.
‘Those moments have gravity to them’ is such a preside way to describe it. It truly feels like there’s no bottom to it.
OMG I SAY THE EXACT SAME THING ALL THE TIME...i dont sleep much because i always dream about my kids & when i wake up i realize my life is a worse nightmare that i cant wake up from and worse than i can ever dream anyway...there are no words
I lost myself. This validates me so much. I tried to do my best and now suddenly it wasn’t enough. I was the more active parent. I did everything. It’s so painful because I did it with so much love.
This is so important. It isn’t just that the narcissist has no empathy and wants to destroy the other parent, but they also have no love for their children because having two loving, reliable parents is great for children, but taking one away and having a tense or non-existent relationship with them is very destabilising and stressful for children. The narcissist doesn’t really want the children to feel supported and happy with the other parent, they want to replicate their own relationship with their parent(s).
So accuratly put same thing happening to me at the present moment
This one 💔
Same thing is happening to me now. I feel powerless against my ex's disorder and her willingness to sacrifice the emotional lives ofnour children so she can feel better. It's horrific.
That last part!!!! WOW
FACTS!!! God knows, though HE and will make all these crooked pathways straight. Amen!!
You could run your business on the subject of Parental Alienation alone. Sad that a lot of the youth going No Contact are destroying themselves further and blaming the most loving parent that is the ONLY one that 'has their back'. These children also become extortionists and as young adults play the 'Perpetual Child" victim role. They were victimized by the pathogenic parent though. Sad how brain scrambled these young adults are...
They never remember the "real stuff"; weak to ego/material goods and easily brainwashed.
Wonderful video...you hit just about everything. It constantly triggers my own family abandonment wound!!
Thank you so much for this! My ex did this with our son and it broke me, shattered me. My son and I are now together and trying to heal. My very vicious, evil narc mother is doing this right now with my daughter. Luckily my daughter is aware of it and disgusted, as I am too. Life is so rough!
My ex and mother are the same as yours! So sorry you are going thru this! My child is now 17 and sees it and is aware. Nice your daughter is aware too. May we all heal and heal our children.
bless your heart
You give me hope. How long was the alienation and how old was your son? Really, you give me hope. My narc mim died last year. I was her care giver and I was told by doctors, nurses and social workers that I should save myself because she wasn't considering what her "stuff" was doing to me. Many times I was told to go home and let them deal with her. Her ugliness wasn't personal with them. I felt I had to be there as a buffer because she got very difficult and nasty toward some of the medical workers. Her mask fell and she lost all her superficial charm. It was surreal; It was pitiful. Narcs are pitiful.
@@jl3268 thank you!💕💕
@@jimanders6666 💕
This literally brought me to tears Lisa 💚💌 My daughter's are now 29 and 31. They are still under his spell. It's 💔.
I feel for you. My ex did the same thing to our son. And now my ex has done the same thing with our grandchildren. Like you said, it's like a "spell". You described it to a tee. My heart is forever broken. I cry a lot but I need to keep going. 💔😭
@@tonawhitaker3416 I completely understand. It's extremely challenging to have real and honest conversations with them about their other parent. They naturally don't want to hear that information. I feel that they as well are experiencing the trauma bond no different than we did. I know that I too tried to defend both of my own parents despite their abusive stuff that never made any sense to me. It's like being caught in a web and there's no exit and yet I can visibly see and hear the damages that have been done. And I so agree that I just have to keep moving forward in my own life... otherwise the pain would consume me. Please know that you are not alone ..💚🙏💌
@@lalani888ARTblue Thank you for your kind words.. My ex put on this show for others and everyone thinks he is this great, kind, and wonderful person until they finally see through the smog. By the time my grandchildren grow up, they will realize that granddad manipulated them just to hurt me. Lots of times I wish I would have chose another man to have a child with.
@@tonawhitaker3416 Amazing that you would say that because many times I wished the same thing. Also... nobody saw what he was really like behind closed doors. Often I wondered that if any of his 'followers' had witnessed the weird stuff he pulled... Would any of them have knocked his light's out? My original support network/friends stopped coming to our house early on. And truthfully I remember being embarrassed when they did come over (long story). Regardless... I'm sending you a massive HUG... You're not alone 🙏💜💌
It never ends. It's like having your children taken over by a cult leader.
I had looked forward to spending time with my two adult daughters (the 2nd time in 10 years). My eldest no longer talks to her father. He is nasty & dismissive to her since our youngest child is doing well and getting media attention. He flaunts the youngest everywhere and even bought her a vacation home.
Spending time with my eldest, she flipped out when I had a difference of opinion. It wasn't even an argument. She asked what I thought about something she was involved with. I said I know she liked it but I don't enough about it yet. She instantly went back to the old script her dad gave her. Yelling "I had to carry you through my whole childhood. You were never there for me." I then pointed out a quick list of times I was there. How I've always been there. I then asked for one example where she needed me and I wasn't there. She couldn't give one. I said don't give a list just pick one time. She couldn't. I then asked her why it was so important to believe that I am unreliable and yet relying on me to come when called. She got angry and stormed off. We haven't spoken since.
This all stays messy even decades later.
We all are harmed by this. This other parent doesn't seem to care what he does to his children. It's all about teaching me a lesson and hurting me thru them. Outrageous.
I’m OUT!!!
Can’t deal with the mental abuse.
Me too. It just becomes too much and you have to put yourself first for a change just to survive .
Hope you regain your strength and can re address in the future maybe.
ATB
@@bradtarrant2752 thank you.
I spoke to a clinical psychologist and he said to move on with my life and avoid the toxic manipulative drama.
Wow 11 years of alienation for me. My girls were also 13 and 15 when we divorced. I chased the dangling carrot for years until I realized my girls had become addicted to 'the game'. Here's a carrot, chase it. Here's a bread crumb, eat it and be satisfied. Here's a rug, let me pull it. Almost literally died trying to reconcile. Recently I requested to visit my.oldest at Christmas, New Years, my birthday, Mother's Day and was told no, not right now. Then I requested to see her on her birthday. No, maybe next month. Texted and asked what she was doing on her birthday...'Showing Dad around town.' That was the last carrot 🥕 I will ever chase. Game is over for me.
Yep. If we aren't wanted and treated with respect. Then walk away. We deserve better.
I never would have imagined that this would get worse as they got older. I (clearly naively) thought their eyes would be open to the truth and that they'd get more understanding and kinder as they got older! Even my therapists in the earlier years of the divorce made me believed that my kids would one day see him for who he really is when they get older. Well, that isn't happening and they're now 21 and 23. I lived with them alone from when they were 12 and 14, including through their father's second marriage and divorce and girlfriends. It really hurts 💔.
Dee: My therapist said that age 45 yrs my son will change ; he is now 52 yrs old and nothing has changed. He believes his son is not going to miss anything if the child had no relationship with his grandmother. As a few people commented here: “… it is unbelievably painful!” Thank you for making this video. This situation is very difficult to explain to others because it sounds such an unbelievable situation. I had a whole narcissistic family, who followed my narcissistic mother. My Counsellor described me as a “… very emotionally abused woman …”. My own mother and siblings turned my child against me. People who knew us before he was exposed to my family had described us a “… two peas in a pod!” My only child who I brought up on my own and sacrificed so much for distorted reality is worse than losing him through death!
@@cynthiaarons9373 you're so right when you say it's difficult to explain this situation to others. The problem is that the abuse is often very 'hidden' and narcs are good at ensuring that everyone believes you're the crazy one.
Yes. 12 & 14. I clearly remember my daughter's at those age's. They are still like sponges at that age. 'Absorbing'... absorbing the never ending gas lighting that you are going through and when you least expect it? They are now doing the same to you. Now they are talking down to you. Speaking disrespectfully to you. Showing signs literally of contempt towards you. If you try to speak with them or defend yourself you are literally now blamed for playing the 'victim'. It's absolutely crazy making. The isolation is real. The narc parent is very competitive with parenting. NO normal, sincere, loving partner does that. I pray constantly for my kid's...💚💌
@@cynthiaarons9373 Sorry....your Therapist she is not God but a deceiver whom was sucking your money
❤Believe God to intervene, Restores the relationship in the name of jesus
❤pray to God almighty, I pray you find the Lord Jesus who alone can change what looks impossible to be possible
I can totally relate and then some. My own family of origin encouraged my alienating spouse too. My young adult children were swayed with clothes, iPhones, cars, jobs and even a house. I held hope that they would see what was happening when they got older but it’s gotten exponentially worse; losing children is the ultimate heartbreak. I am so sorry that so many people are suffering through this.
I am dealing with this now with my 16 yr old Daughter and it is so incredibly hard. Her Father and his Sister have manipulated her with money and material things to turn her against me. I was her primary caregiver for 10 yrs and have handled everything for her. I am heartbroken.
Get a Lawyer while their a minor or you will regret it
I am in this situation and even my lawyer can't stop it, so he continues to take me to court and brain washes the kids they can make up their mind and say they want to live with him.
You are not alone
I am too, mine is 15 🙏❤️
Same here.
My ex-spouse did the exact same thing to my two sons. I’m glad to hear that Lisa has regained a relationship with her kids. I’m still waiting for that to happen for me. 😢
My ex Narcissist used my children as weapons against me.
Of all the narcissistic bologna I have to eat, this is the worst tasting. You never get over this fully. I have one child, a son. He fits everything you are talking about, Lisa. Although I have one child, I have three grandkids that have also been brainwashed about me. They're confused as hell. They know I've played the role of mother for them. I took care of them physically, materially, emotionally and mentally, even spiritually. But they have been taught by their narc grandfather and their narc mother that I'm a rotten human being. Like you said, there is no value in me. I'm bad. I can't describe the pain. Today, I set a small boundary with my adult grandson. My son, grandson and the whole family are just so appalled with me over it. I've given up a lot of comfort for myself so I could help my son and his family. I'm tired of trying to explain that I'm not a bad person to them. They don't hear me anyway. I have set boundaries with the few people left in my family that have anything to do with me. There's a number of narcs in my family. It's pretty crazy. Even though it's painful to set the boundaries, and they get so upset with me, I feel a measure of peace knowing I leave what they do in their own hands. They will all have to come to a conclusion about me on their own. I'm 62. I've been explaining myself all my life. I'm not doing that anymore with the narcs and the brainwashed people in my family. I so wish I could have known what narcissism was in my younger days. But, at least I can take some comfort in knowing I'm not a piece of sh**.
YOU NAILED MY LIFE. I'm 13 yrs post divorce after a 25 yr. marriage and my 2 daughters are 28 & 32. Their Dad turned them against me and it has shattered so many avenues of my being. Oh, I feel like you have been following my life these years of hurt. Thank goodness for my true friends who know me to help me through this and tell me I am and was a good mother. Sooo many hateful words have come from my daughter's mouths- I couldn't wrap my head around WHY????
Do you think it might have helped if you had warned your children ahead of time? In a similar situation.
I couldn't warn them, when I myself didn't realize it was about to happen, so I don't understand your question. Their transforming from their Daddy took time as I've learned narcissistic behavior evolves & the receiver adapts slowly, unknowingly being manipulated.
I'm dealing with this very thing right now with the evil bastard and my 13 yr old daughter. I feel broken, alone, and like I don't want to be here anymore...💔😭
2yrs and I cannot see an end to this living hell.
Everyday is a struggle to live with this pain.
I don't know how many days I can do of this.
@@andreacarr8680 Imafter reading these stories, I said to hell with the high road. I took my kids, gave them an example of how their dad had ruined one of my relationships by lying about me (they’d heard me confronting him several times about this incident, they’d just never heard the entire story), and explained to them that if they are EVER told anything by anyone that makes them doubt my love for them or our relationship, that it’s a sure sign they should come and ask me about it. As I will tell them the truth, no matter the cost.
Thank you everyone! My heart goes out to everyone because I am also the “Targeted“ parent and “Parental Alienation” is real and I am still trying to be in both my son & daughter’s lives even though my ex wife turns them against me. God with us! Our children are also the real victims too from all of this abuse ❤️✝️
It is basically the nail in the coffin for what a narcissist does to you. They do not love their own children and the targets are alone in knowing this. Such a frustrating isolating situation.
Pray for our kids to see the true 🙏
Yes the children are used as pawns so that the narcissist can get at you , they are deceitful, miserable, human beings
Absolutely children are the real victims
Um, yeah. Feeling this today. My husbands kids are being turned against him. It is so heart-wrenching.
It happened to me. My life was literally stolen from me
You NAILED it, Lisa. 👍 VERY difficult topic, SO often misunderstood. Also one that is becoming more common, so much so it is quite frightening. It literally shatters people into bits. There are no easy answers and yet I hope you continue speaking on this topic because it NEEDS attention from a sane and experienced voice. I believe that some therapists or "professionals" who speak to this topic are thwarting it with techniques that only add fuel to the fire by victim blaming, which is the LAST thing a parent in this position needs. I hope you stay focused in this arena, as your voice is NEEDED! A million thanks.
I was in therapy with her for 10 years with different counsellors, I'm alienated from my daughter and son. There is no treatment for narcissism or recognising it as a disorder. Going to therapy only prolonged my misery. My ex knew I would never leave my kids with her so I stayed and endured years of abuse behind closed doors. Worst thing I did was to call out my daughters narcissistic personality. I feel so bad, what else could she do, it's a MH disorder, god love them, they'll never experience true love, empathy, and nurture. I'm so sad today.
My ex husband did this to me and if I could do it all over again I wouldn't have let him be as involved with the kids as much as I did nor his parents. I went above and beyond to support their relationships and I was totally unappreciated for it
This is the best video I have seen on this subject on youtube. ....probably because you have had personal experience with this and really know about it. Adult Children get duped by the manipulation of their personality-disordered parent. Instead of seeing his/her personality disorder, they are impressed by him/her. Narcissists are master manipulators.
This is the best and most accurate description of what really goes down. Of all the experts on the topic, Lisa you have captured and articulated this perfectly.
Very true . Most stay in bad relationships due to the fear of losing kids physically or emotionally specially if spouse has greater financial resources
Hi
I wish I could walk in a court room and say everything you said.
I married a physically and emotionally abusive control freak when I was way too young and immature to be married, much less become a parent myself. When I first became a parent at age 22, all I wanted was for my kids to love me. I was a permissive parent who took my kids to activities, got as involved at school as possible, and wanted my kids to have the opposite kinds of childhood than my solitary one. I invited friends, drove them and their friends to events and activities I wanted to do everything right. It backfired on me, however, when I grew into my own and realized that I had made a big mistake in my choice of husbands. Because of my lack of social skills, I didn’t leave the marriage in the classiest way possible. This has been held against me ever since as my defining characteristic. My kids’ dad made it his life’s mission (as the vindictive, controlling personality that he is) to punish me by taking the only thing I’ve ever cared about away from me … our kids. Although he was barely involved in the kids’ lives when they were children (I’m willing to bet that he can’t even name one of their elementary school teachers) he is now seen as their epitome of the perfect parent. Like the dad that manipulated them so well in their adolescence, they too now trash me to anyone who will listen. After 20+ yrs of hurtful, abusive treatment and being excluded, pushed away, and treated like an outsider,I finally figured out that my adult kids hate me. I have walked away from my former children and moved on with my life. I sometimes feel sad that my kids (now in their late 30s and early 40s) never got to know me as the happy, content person that I am today, but I realize that it’s not in the cards for me and I enjoy my life with a husband who has also grown into his own alongside me and is now my team mate and favorite person. I have a handful of friends who are supportive and happy for me.. I’ve come to terms with my past mistakes and have made a great life for myself, although it wasn’t along the conventional path. That’s why I like watching these videos. It’s very enlightening to learn why a lot of things happened, and it’s comforting to know that it’s not just me. Sometimes we have to cut our losses and switch direction in order to salvage our own souls.
thank you for an positive and inspirational alternative path and outcome...in my 10th year of complete denial of my existence by my 4 now adult children, i have given up the hope of ever having contact or a relationship of any kind with any of them again in my lifetime. I have been processing this transition into finding a solo path for myself and what that looks like and what a future on my own as a single woman, that no longer owns or identifies with the title of mom & who will never have the title of grandma, looks and feels like. its a shitty place, but the resentment and losses of the life that could have/should have been are rarely felt or thought about, so i guess that means i am heading back up to the surface again...also have changed my mindset and no longer making choices or working on issues with the primary focus/preparation on being 100% perfect and everything opposite of what they have been told i am on the day one of them decides to call or show up on my doorstep, searching the truth &/or answers/explinations to the billion things they have been told are facts but they, probably still unconsciously, know make 0 sense or are different than what they remember them to be...i no longer believe that day will come & if it does no amount of prep that i can do will right all the wrongs they have now convinced themselves are their own thoughts and opinions and not the shared persecatory delusion their dad created for them against me, and try to envision my life without that happening or any relationship or aknowledgement of my existence by any of them for the remained if my life and also for a significant number of years after I have passed on, and probably for the rest of their live's as well...and i have moments of peace more and more often living with this new mindset...thank you for the hope that i may attain a state of peaceful and even happy living solo and without being part of, or having anyone i can call my family in my life. 😁...i will have a life and future that i feel content and peaceful with/in one day, & it will be sooner than later i think.
Thank-you for covering this Lisa. It's talked about when the kids are young, mostly. I was married to a covert Narcissist for 30 years and we have five grown children. This happened with my kids and it was devastating. As a codependent my whole world revolved around them. When one by one my daughters shunned and ignored me I wanted to die but when I started planning it, it scared me and I knew I shouldn't do it, so I got help and watching your videos always gave me hope. I started downsizing and preparing to sell the smaller house I got in the divorce. I felt as long as I still lived near him (and three of my five children) I wasn't going to be able to heal. I bought an RV and traveled around the country for a year. I found myself still connecting with other Codependents and Narcissists and getting enmeshed though. I started your course but I didn't finish it. I realized I could not date because I kept connecting with toxic or Narcissistic men. I sold my RV and settled in Denver now, near my younger son. My recovery has been slow but your books, courses and videos have been invaluable. Thank-you again! 🌹 Red
I just wanted to say that I can relate to your pain. Also, I quit dating too because I keep getting the same type of person over and over. Trying to heal with God's help. Missing my son, I don't have any other kids. I pray for him and his narc Dad.. I have an RV and love traveling in it. My son always looked down on me for that, I couldn't do anything I loved without ridicule from him and of course he tells his Dad everything I'm doing, I have no privacy from my ex. I hated it so much. Now I'm free to do whatever I want without guilt or shame. Stay strong 💪 and many blessings.
@@juliamorgan4878 Thank you! 😊
Nailed it, Lisa. My son is in his 40s and still hasn't figured it out.
@Camille Demarais my son is 31 years old and hasn’t figured it out either as well as my other son who is 21 years of age.
Give him time. Same happened with me and my son but he’s coming around, I think. ❤
Wow! Thank you so much for this. I am going through EXACTLY this! My two teenage boys, 16 and 18 just moved out today to go and live with their narcissistic father and his new wife. My ex has totally turned them against me. I have lost myself and eventually after all their threats to go and live with him, being treated like a dog with absolutely no respect for me, swearing at me etc. I asked them to go and live with their father to give me a break and hopefully so they will miss me and realise how much I actually do for them and care about them. My boys have become like their dad. I’m heartbroken, but as you said, I have to accept what I can’t change and focus on my own healing. Thank you so much for your helpful talks.
Yes they use children to give them false stories and lies to keep them in control it’s totally wrong when they are abusive 😞no more I am taking my power back 🙏❤️
💯 I am going through this right now!!
It’s rare to find information on alienation of ADULT children. People don’t think that can happen.
That slowly happens in mild and meek ways with covert type narcissistic people, while making selves look as the right person, who is victimized and divorced by their mother.. making adult kids feel angry, resentful.. basically manipulating their feelings.
Little do they know I did much for them behind the scenes as a mother.
@@macy2355 exactly! When the kids were younger, I didn’t realize how much he was doing this and how severe it was, way worse, by the time they were grown.
My parents have used me as a pawn so many times I became crazy I'm insane I'm literally insane but this is my 3rd mom so I'm in hell right now I still love her but she can be pulled in any direction the family wants it's scary af I'm the black sheep through and through no doubt so yeah I'm in hell right now and being ghosted by my dad fun xs .Family? I hate that word .
I’m so sorry that is happening to you. Please look into help for mental health. You will suffer less, regaining a better quality of life.
Divorced 18 years. My young adult children have been poisoned by my ex and his family 💔💔
Oh my gosh, just reading the comments is heartbreaking realizing this is happening so very much. Truly happened to me but you do need to walk away from the toxicity and learn to love yourself and be happy. Definitely a challenging thing to do.
This was such a godsent video. I have been going through so much with my adult children. Their father has completely destroyed my relationship with both of my daughters.. every single thing that was said in your video resonated it was like my mouth was open the whole time when I watch this I felt like you were talking to me. I’ve been so heartbroken for too long. Now I pray so much for something to come good my way .. my daughters are 28 and 37 years old and I have no saying anything in their life. Their father buys their love and exactly what you said in this video is how he handles things and such a smooth way.
Thank you. This is happening to me and I'm exhausted and destroyed from "losing my adult children and one set of grandchildren." You have confirmed my feelings.
So many people are going through this, more than ever before, it seems. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm so heartbroken about my son, I know I can't fix it, I just had to surrender and give it to God.
I feel for you. I have two grandchildren that I do not see. Thankfully it gets better. The prideful and arrogant will get their reward!
Thank you for your encouraging words. Giving it to God is helping me.
Thanks for encouragement on the grandchildren. I pray it gets better
@@juliamorgan4878 Thanks for your encouraging words. Giving it to God has made me feel better.
Wow, there are so many of us here dealing with this. My story is similar. I raised two boys from 0 to 1213 years old. I divorced their narcissistic mother and continue dealing with the fact they want nothing to do with me. It was her mission to destroy the relationship we had. Remember kids are sometimes not the smartest and easily manipulated. One thing you can do is enjoy the freedom you have of not having parental responsibilities. Work on yourself and your mental fortitude and strength one day they may be back or possibly not but life is a gift and also a struggle, so enjoy it to the best of your ability.
Everything about this is my story. Creepy! Right down to bow being alienated from my grandchildren. There needs to be a level of criminal acts here. These people are despicable. So glad that I have finally begun releasing this.
Each moment of this video is exactly what has happened and still happening 💔
I wish you the best at getting YOU back!
Exactly my life in detail. But came late in life when we have became seniors in life. Have been divorced 30 years. My Counselor called it the “Halo” effect. Late in life, my ex wants to look like the good one. Has decided to make up horrible stories about me completely not true. My children are adults with their own children. They have forgotten my Mothering of them that has meant more to me than anything else in my life. It is devastating and excruciatingly hurtful. Fortunately, my Grandchildren want to spend time with me.
Amen. My kids were in middle/high school when they began betraying me, their mother. Their Dad has passed away and I am still alienated. It is the most wicked harmful sickness that is not seen by most.
💯
Sorry to hear this.
Evil but the Lord will deal a them.
I need a follow up on how to teach them boundaries without calling out the narcissistic spouse. I know it’s delicate ground.
I survived parental alienation. I refused to be intimate with the narcissist in my life and he literally gave up gave the children back and ran away to a different state. Two years worth of damage to my poor children though but will work through it now that we're reunited. It's left my 9-year-old feeling unsafe unless she's in large groups of people. They're both just so glad to be with me.
Nailed it. Sadly I won't tolerate the behavior in my house wich has kept me from having a relationship with my daughter. I refuse to play the game and walk on eggshells waiting for the next conflict. Hopefully she'll see it someday.
What happens if you think the narcissistic parent is manipulation a child who you think could be a narcissist themself? The child is nearly 18yrs and has been in his control for nearly 3yrs. Everything you said is 100% what is happening to my family member. When he talks, it's all his fathers wording.
Came bacc for this! I needed this again! It’s crazy but I’m dealing w it best way I can! God is good!
This really hit home for me. My oldest son was my Best Friend during, and after, our horribly traumatic and abusive divorce. He had witnessed his father’s cheating and years of emotional abuse. Then when he found himself needing financial assistance from his dad, everything changed. Ex completely rewrote history and son swallowed it. After several years of nastiness from the son, our relationship has started to improve. But it will never be what it once was.
👆👆👆👆👆👆👆👆Secret and Lies kills relationships .No matter how careful you are, you will get
caught.What's done in darkness always comes to light I met a Guy with legal & education systems to gain access into your partner calls and texts messages remotely
including deleted message without them been notified. It helped in my divorce and custody cases msg him anytime
Making your son your best friend is emotional incest. Please don’t use him as a confidant. It’s harmful for the child.
I know what you are going through. There is only one son out of four children I would like to have a relationship with. The rest were too abusive for me to trust them.
Me too.
Yes, betrayal is hard to step over. Somehow we just have to forgive and move on. I don't think we forget though, that would be dangerous.
Oh my God!!! My narcissistic mother did the exact same thing to me! Is just horrible... my daughter is currently in therapy precisely for this. So sad.
This hurts the most. Thank you 💝 love from Albuquerque.
So helpful, This is EXACTLY what happened to me. It was so awful, i brought him back home thinking it would help the situation with the adult children. It’s so twisted and sad and I never had the courage to break up the “family”. My middle daughter tells me outright I didn’t protect them. I have three amazing daughters. I but my lack of having a father on him the alcoholic. It’s so hard to forgive myself. Last week he fought with my oldest daughter , nightly occurrence, and I went out back and gave it to God. He moved out that night. The is the Power of God. I am so grateful ❤❤❤
The narc mother still is playing this game, divide & conquer!
This has been going on in my life since my son was born 29 years ago. I have been fighting for a relationship with him all this time. Just trying to ignore what is going on behind my back, thinking love would win in the end. I was soooo wrong. Anytime I would try to defend myself, they call me a victim, wildly oversensitive, immature, selfish etc. I just had enough about two weeks ago. I wrote him a letter that pretty much explained everything. Called his Dad out for brainwashing him and using him as a puppet to destroy me. I told him not to contact me and I blocked him. I can't take the abuse anymore. Also I felt lead to do this by my higher power. I feel much better now and like a weight is lifted off me. I can do as I please without having to worry about the judgement, ridicule and criticism no matter what I do or don't do. It is very liberating. Maybe someday my son will see the light.. I am praying for him. I still love him very much! But as I told him, at this stage I have to love myself more..
Going through the same💔. 22 yr old son has blocked me 💔 You’re very strong. I’m just lost
@@arleneweber7996 I don't feel strong. I feel like a failure for giving up.. but I just can't do it anymore. He told me I was toxic and the only person in his life that he has problems with. I almost feel like he was forcing my hand. I truly believe he wanted me out of his life. No matter what I do or don't do, it's always wrong. I need some peace in my life, I'm not a bad person, I do have some people that let me know this. I hope this gets easier as time goes on..
32 year old daughter here. Told her in her last visit that he has more control on her that she realizes. Nothing more I can do but concentrate on myself now
I am about to do the same thing with my 28 year old daughter. I feel that I just HAVE TO ACCEPT that she is lost to me and let her know that. I have gone through every emotion in the book in the last five years and I can’t do it anymore. I love her too, but every human being has a limit to what they can take before they break. First it was 23 years with my narcissistic husband + 5 years with my daughter = 28 years of abuse. Enough. Wishing you success in this as well💕
@@juliamorgan4878 By listening to the videos gives us a sense of who we are. We are the strong ones that have been put down for so long that we have lost ourselves. I'm to the point that I do not want a relationship with 3 of my 4 children. The 4th one is questionable too. I deserve better from my children. I don't deserve all the heartache and trauma I was put through and all the abuse and neither do you! I wish you the best!
My ex did the parental alienation during the marriage - before the divorce and parental alienation was the reason for the divorce. I stayed in the marriage longer because I saw his ability to turn my children against me and knew it would just get worse after the divorce. After the divorce, he did continue and things got worse. My adult children just had a reunion for our family - without me. It's the most painful thing i have ever experienced. The pain is so deep i feel like i could die sometimes. I know that my ex-husband takes joy in my pain - my pain is narcissistic supply for him.
Same thing, here. Same pain and Im so sorry for what you're going through. ❤
Same here. Sorry for your pain
Same here. Sorry for all our pain.
I absolutely do not have the words to express to you what this video has done for me, you are an angel in my life right now, i am speechless bc my daughter just suddenly accused me of beating her when she was little and she talked to me so bad the other night I’m telling you it came out of no where and I have just been trying to prove that I did not do this where is this coming from? No one could tell me where it was coming from, and I’m trying to tell them I did not ever physically abuse you! It hurt so bad, thank you bc I was feeling like I was crazy ! Thank you more than you know
Please, please talk more about this subject area some more. This is EXACTLY my situation with my 17 & 19 year old and I am struggling. I’m praying, but my heart is bleeding.
we were just showed one of ur videos in my DV group and it changed my life. validated my entire being and history and experiences. absolutely profound.
I am honored to help. What DV group?
Same here. I have for years cultivated a relationship with my kids all the while their mother was destroying it. I was able to save my relationship with my daughter but my relationship with my sons is pretty much over. I will not be disrespected on a constant basis.
Thank you to all the comments, there is healing in shared understanding of the pain we are feeling.
Yep. Happened to me. Even lost contact with my grandchildren. My counselor told me I was lucky to have one of my six children still on my side. Heartbreaking. I went to the darkest despair, but had to pull myself up and move on without them.
My husband dismissed, disrespected, dishonored, demeaned, and disregarded EVERYTHING I said. I was NOTHING! I was there to serve him and his needs.
My 4 children learned how to act from him, doing exactly the same things.
They are absolutely disgusting in how they treat me and speak to me. Just like him, they do it privately so as not to be caught looking bad in front of others.
My husband and children have ripped my heart from my chest and stomped on it.
I don’t see my grown children or my grandchildren, I have paid a high price for staying with him.
gulp...this is my situation. Thank you for your videos about what is going on. It's saved my life. I do feel terrible that I can't protect my teen-young adult kids from their dad doing this to them. His target is me, but this is really hurting all of them.
It’s happening to me as well. My oldest sees through it. My youngest is being conned. Not being able to protect my kid is rough but I need to accept what I cannot control. She will learn someday.
Same here but I cannot allow my children to abuse me any more. It is not good for them and it is not good for me. So sorry you are going through this.
WOW spot on. Ya he NEVER showed up for anything for my children. I was ALWAYS there. Now he and his new wife are showing up to the grandchildrens events. I see what he is doing.. My children don't. I needed this so so much. Thank you. Yup I dont know how to set boundaries and I am constantly trying to adjust. And getting so hurt 💔💔. Yup manipulation of older children with money. Which I do not have. WOW this is so my case.
This is my life. The car, the expensive horse…I can’t come close to affording them, and he’s using them as weapons. After years of these tactics, our teen took the car and left home for good.
This clarity is the beginning of a time to either go down the road of ptsd and I’m
Gonna control.
My experience was so intricately weaved that I didn’t believe the strong warning of my attorney, friend and mother of 3 children. One who is now confined to a wheel chair due to ms.
This woman was so wise. It took me till after the allienation to see how she stood up for my dignity as a woman, wife , professional license holder and believer that Gods will is for me to practise the cardinal virtues. They are deeply rooted in theology and mental health.
Going through this with my daughter. She's with a narcisist guy. Has 2 kids. He has alienated her from all HER family and friends. We were best friends. Now she hates me without any reason. My heart is in pieces.
Thank you for making this video. I found it because this recently happened to me and I have been heartbroken. My family and close friends have witnessed what has gone on and they are on my side, however my child has been brainwashed by his father. It got worse when they moved out of town, and now he is no contact with me. Right now I am just trying to remain calm and understand that his narcissistic father has been brainwashing him for years.
Thank you so much for This message Lisa. It resonates with me so deeply. We need to pray for our kids and believe that the truth always comes out and it has the last word - sometimes after many years.
It is great to have hope but somehow I lost that hope. I guess it was so painful going through the abuse that it was like they died and I grieved so much it is like I've lost my love for them. I know that is hard to understand but I really don't want a relationship with them any more (except may be one). I not only lost love, I lost trust in them that they will change.
I am so happy how you systematically step by step made this nightmare clear! I have spoken to people in the early stages of this happening. I was asked what did I do wrong? I was fortunate to put my pride aside and get therapy. To fix a broken marriage. The therapist danced around the word narcissist. In the early years. It’s a horrible reality. The parent who resented having children now is gold? The parent /narcissist wanted to look good. Everyone was a part in society for this parent to say see it was all me. So sad! Life goes on and sadly I don’t see a reunion. This is a generational pattern w this parent. Let go and let god.
We are not divorced and over the years I have been yelled at, told I am stupid, selfish in front of our daughter. I have never spoke ill of him to her. Daughter now 18, started college, been distant from me for years.
Haven't even listened to this segment..
That's so correct, i haven't seen my two daughters in nearly 3 years.
Nothing in Australia courts could stop a Machiavellian covert narcissistic ex of mine..
I say well played by my ex for being so rapacious and neglecting the child's needs. I only hope in time my children wake from the manipulation caused by a pseudo mutuality family..
Wow, this entire episode floored me. You are talking about my situation exactly. I am seeing a therapist who forwarded your video to me, and I am so grateful. Thank you for the work you are doing, and I'm so sorry for anyone going through alienating brainwashing experiences with their children. It hurts like nothing else I've ever experienced, everyday, all day, years now.
Millions of parents in the same boat I’m afraid
This is exactly what I’ve been experiencing with my adult children and my narcissistic ex-wife . Thanks for bringing more clarity to this horrible reality
This is what my mother did to my dad with me. She left him when i was 14. She completely manipulated me into thinking he was somehow a bad person when he'd always been the parent I could count on. I was completely blind to it until I was an adult.
My mom alienated me and my brother from grandma. At 16, I decided to get to know her for myself. And, I liked her quite a lot. We became closer like besties! Up until then we were so mistrusting of her.
This is exactly my story! Thank you Lisa for bringing this to light. What parent would make children lie on the court stand about things that didn't happen.
This is great information. I literally am now ready to find the solution of how to handle this. I now divorced and the narc had the kids thru parent alienation. Both kids are now adults but I allowed him to rob me of my youngest last few years thru parent alienation.
I’m divorced from a narcissist and I believe my oldest son has married a narcissist. She has systematically turned all 3 of my children against me. I didn’t realize what was happening in the beginning. First my youngest, my daughter, started treating me rude and was mean to me, then my second son cut me out of his life. Now my oldest accused me of being a narcissist! Cut off all contact with him and my only two grandchildren! My heart is broken, I have never been so hurt in my entire life. I have no doubt it was my DIL, she has to be in control. I don’t know what to do, I get conflicting advice from friends. I am a total mess 😢
I’m borderline over this. I cried through the whole thing. I try so hard, I’m using every healing modality but I feel like I’m living a nightmare I can’t wake up from. I teach yoga, I did everything the right way, and my younger daughter turned on a dime. My older one swings back and forth but it’s been two months since she’s answered my text. I feel like dying yet ironically I inspire other women in my life. I’m an imposter and I did nothing wrong. They both knew the divorce was coming. I’m a survivor of two diseases and I swing between living a good life and wanting to die.
What do you mean you're borderline over this?
Sincere and genuine question.
Yes, my mother did this to my sister and I against our father. Every time we had fun with him she destroyed us for it.
This is the best video! This describes my relationship. I nearly did not make it when I had to leave my children because I stayed too long with their dad and was too sick to take them with me. Plus my children were to the point of cursing at me, threatening my life and even assaulting me. My relationship with my children is non-existent. My youngest was 12 and my oldest was 19 when I left. The pain is indescribable.
These is me exactly!! Right down to the ages of my kids. I stayed way to long. I was drinking to cope. This is what he used against me!!! Hugs!!
Lots of love to you ladies. Remember you did your best in those circumstances. Sometimes you need to walk away to survive…it’s hearbreaking and there are no words to even describe the pain. Feels like death.the fact we are still here and moving forwards even if it’s baby steps means we’re bigger then we think. Stay strong❤️❤️❤️
@@jenniferschell5706 I don't know about you but this site has really helped me to understand my relationships more and accept what IS not what I would like it to be. It has taken me a lot of soul searching and work via videos to get to this place. I was so used to take the blame. Now at least I am not blaming myself like I used to. So I guess I am getting a lot better! Thank you for your concern. I wish only the best for you!
Hugs