We should remember: Not everyone likes to be hugged or touched in the same way. 🚩 But generally, positive physical contact can effectively reduce your stress level and boost your mood. 💙
"Not everyone likes to be hugged or touched in the same way." Some just downright don't want you to touch them at all. Not because they don't want *you* to tought them, but the feeling of being touched is simply unpleasant. Now imagine living in a body that sees everybody around you hugging and touching eachother and having your instinct say "I want that!" and then physically recoiling in semi-horror when somebody actually touches you. Now imagine that happening with the that one person you kind of really like.
@@vinny142 Absolutely, setting healthy boundaries is crucial. Respecting others' comfort levels when it comes to physical contact, like hugging, is a sign of consideration and understanding. 👍
✋ me. Usually my friends' gfs when meeting the second time just hugged me for greeting. Found that literally physically disgusting. We didn't have the relation required for that. Told them several times, was called weird, unfriendly, negative, ... a completely different thing, just keep your hands off me. And decades later, pandemic came, and folks don't even want to shake hands. Woohoo! Oh, btw. I'm not completely against hugs, but people need to be _very_ special first.
From my own experience, being touch starved can actually have a reversed effect when left alone for long periods of time. It can make you feel uncomfortable or nervous around other human contact, cause the need for physical interaction to change to emotional attention, or even help you feel more comfortable when alone. All hardships have a good resolution if you fight it strong enough so don’t let the idea of being touch starved bother you. Though be careful not to do anything impulsive 😅
Food starvation has a backlash that people get when they eat again called Refeeding Syndrome As odd as it sounds, the person will get very sick if they eat their fill, so they need to ease into it with broth, then something light akin to rice porridge, and so on. Small, easy to digest, but fairly often, to ease the body back into being able to handle it again. I think there's a similar thing in touch hunger, if its been a while you have to ease into it. Just sitting beside someone, having light pressure and feeling the warmth can be a lot to process.
I feel this way 100%. I feel guilty about it sometimes, I do love my bf and want to be close to him, but I have a hard time with proximity and contact.
There was a year in highschool where i was completely lonely and nobody wanted to give me company. I was always viewed as "strange" or "different" because of my mannerisms and social behaviours, even my appearance but this was the time i felt the loneliest. No friends, people wanting to distance from me as far as possible (from sitting to even talking to me) and i remember feeling incredibly hurt when someone who had to sit next to me as part of a seating plan, everyone would tell that person how unlucky they are to be sitting next to me, laughing about it or telling me that I'm creepy or a problem, or people looking like they were getting uncomfortable just by my mere existence. Although i do remember the only things people were nice about to me was my artistic ability and cooking/baking. I would always try my best to be the nicest i could be and be friendly with others (kinda ironic because no one wanted to be my friend) Anyways I would be sat with many empty seats next to me in class. i felt horrible about myself. I eventually had moments where the tears couldn't be held back and i would burst into tesrs out of nowhere. It was a truly embarrassing time. and i was still being mistreated. Even teachers never cared to help, even when i asked for mental health support. No one cared that i felt unwanted and isolated. I resorted to emotional eating so i could cry less and not show my sadness. I still put on a smile. Then the next school year, i finally made friends! I tried my best to put myself out there. It was painful but worth it! I felt like an alien though, because i had such a long time of loneliness that having that void being filled with a better mood and increased self esteem made me feel like someone new. And the first friendly tap i got on my shoulder, i felt this shock of surprise. At first i didn't really like it because i wasn't used to it and i couldn't acknowledge that there were people who actually liked to hang out with me, then with some time and patience, it all felt normal and i didn't feel like an outcast. I'm much healthier and happier now!
@@bradxn00how did I overcome it? Or how did I make friends? Not sure what you mean or what you're trying to ask, please let me know when you can! Also wow i'm surprised! Nice to know there's others that share the same experience and know how I feel! I hope you get better! Just be patient, you'll have good days eventually!
@@bradxn00oh i see. Well I don't have much of an explanation besides being exposed to friendly touch. Once you make friends, in private you can let them know. Or sometimes they'll give you a friendly tap here and there without you asking. To make friends, you HAVE to step out of your comfort zone. It can feel horrible and make you wanna throw up because it might be unlike what you would usually go for, but it can be all worth it in the long run. But like many things in life, rewards won't come easy or appear right in front of you.
As an introvert with depression and touch starvation I can confirm that skin hunger is an accurate term. Sometimes I yearn for something as simple as a hug to such a degree that it hurts like hunger pangs.
I also suffer from depression! I lost my vision at age of 46! I’m left with prefer! So yes I have strong starvation for any kind of affection! Intimacy! I try to tell my wife but I feel she’s just not any of affection
For nearly 20 years I was married to the most wonderful woman I've ever met and had completely forgotten what loneliness was like, then cancer took her from me almost 4 years ago. After seeing this, I can say for a fact that I'm suffering from every aspect of what you describe. I have tried to possibly meet someone else to share my life with, but the dating scene isn't what it used to be. I'm beginning to lose hope that I will ever find her.
I have had a few instances where I know she was with me, mostly out of concern and during hard times. One particular time about 2 years ago, I saw a couple signs that day and that night, she came to me in a very vivid dream. A song she loved started playing in the dream and I dreamt I started crying. When I woke up, I was actually crying, which has never happened before. I got up, immediately picked up a guitar and learned that song. I play it quite often for her and it makes me warm inside. I even wrote another song for her called "Angel", so yes, she's watching over me and I'm thankful. That being said, she told me shortly before it was over, that I needed to move on afterwards. I just never thought it would be so difficult.@@sonofthebearking3335
I developed terrible coping mechanisms throughout my life and this is one of them. I react negatively to touch in order to discourage anyone from touching me, even though I know that I'm touch starved, and even though I deeply appreciate touch whenever it occurs. I believe this developed for a combination of reasons. Firstly, it helps me not break down and cry. Secondly, it makes me feel like I have some sort of control over the problem. Like in a "it's MY choice that I never get hugged" kind of way. It sucks because I'm internally struggling hard with a lot of things, but all of my coping mechanisms scream "leave me tf alone"
What an endless dilemma. To ask for help, to display emotions is to be perceived as weak. But when you bottle it up and play at stoicism, nobody will want to or know to help you. And so we will never be hugged, take a kiss on the cheek, or even hold a hand, even if we want to, because we choose not to.
Kinda sucks having the heightened sensitivity to touch, combine that with just general low self esteem and ignorance of whether someone likes you or not is disastrous. I had mistakenly interpreted a touchy person liked me because of how constant their contact was. I had to set my boundaries, but at the same time their affection was so addicting. I'm almost out of it, but I've been sorting through these feelings for a while now.
Try having low self esteem while also being a simultaneous extreme narcissist "Oh nobody could love me, I'm not good enough. There is nothing good about you. When people look at you, it's because there is something is off with your appearance or you're the butt of their joke." - Low self esteem "But I'm above everyone else as well, they're little bugs proven to have the same patterns every time I do something. Why do i keep judging myself so poorly for other people when a single glance from a woman without shields over her eyes will make her desire me" - Narcissist
All of these are sooo true! I remember getting my first haircut after the lockdowns. Whilst I was having my hair washed, I started crying. I felt overwhelming happiness just being touched by another person. I explained to my hairdresser, and she couldn't have been kinder about it
Jim Butcher wrote the following in one of The Dresden Files books (I can't recall which one off the top of my head), and as a former massage therapist and someone whose primary Love Language is Physical Touch, it resonated so profoundly with me that I saved the whole section and read it often: "There’s power in the touch of another person’s hand. We acknowledge it in little ways, all the time. There’s a reason human beings shake hands, hold hands, slap hands, bump hands. “It comes from our very earliest memories, when we all come into the world blinded by light and color, deafened by riotous sound, flailing in a suddenly cavernous space without any way of orienting ourselves, shuddering with cold, emptied with hunger, and justifiably frightened and confused. And what changes that first horror, that original state of terror? “The touch of another person’s hands. “Hands that wrap us in warmth, that hold us close. Hands that guide us to shelter, to comfort, to food. Hands that hold and touch and reassure us through our very first crisis, and guide us into our very first shelter from pain. The first thing we ever learn is that the touch of someone else’s hand can ease pain and make things better. “That’s power. That’s power so fundamental that most people never even realize it exists."
I know I’m touch starved, and all of this is true. My family has never been the touchy type. So, growing up, we never hugged, cuddled, or any kind of touch. The only hugs I ever remember was at funerals. Any kind of touch is weird and awkward for me, but I crave it. My partner and I hug when we see each other and when we part. I’m trying to be better at asking them for more touches, like hand holding and snuggling. It’s just very difficult and embarrassing for me to ask.
Thats how me and my fiance used to be. Eventually you’ll get more comfortable expressing physical affection. Try watching a movie and cuddling together.
I always had to ask for hugs from my ex & she made me feel “stupid” bcuz I felt lonely!! I masked my pain for decades with drugs & now that I’m sober, all I want is a hug!! I don’t even know if this helps or not - I guess I just want you to know you’re not alone
Maybe just try it with little gestures like brushing the hand a little bit. Just natural what feels right in this particular moment. Of yourself you can also talk about it and you can ask if it feels right. Indeed I would also say: talk about this whole thing with your partner. So you get to know each other and your feelings better. It sounds like you're at the beginning of your relationship, is that right? If so than just cherish this beginning phase. It's so pure and you sound so cautious..that's nice just take it slow. You got this! Your feelings are valid. Always remind yourself about that.
Holy shit this is my relationship to touch explained perfectly. The first time I got to snuggle watching a movie, it was like an instant flashback happened where I could not remember ever seeing my parents doing that, and I just emotionally melted there and then.
Timestamps 1). Increased feelings of loneliness and isolation 0:34 2). Heightened sensitivity to touch 1:23 3). Emotional imbalance and mood swings 2:11 4). Craving non-intimate touch 2:53 Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. 💙💙💙💙💙💙
I will never forget the first touch after over a decade of not being touched affectionally. It was just a casual brushing of a hand on my shoulder, and I felt like my whole body was warmed and electrified. I was so in shock that I couldn’t even look to see who it was, so I’ll never know who that was. But I thank them, all the same.
I remember the first time someone hugged me while I was touch starved. The same way I don't always know I'm hungry, I don't always know I feel alone or isolated. I felt really really happy the whole day. Is this what it's like for couples every day? They just have a person they can hug anytime they want? That's awesome. I wish relationships made me feel that way. All relationships give me is stress. I want the opposite feeling.
This actually makes a lot of sense to me. When I was a child I was always very clingy to people, as in always hugging them or any other positive physical interactions but then they started scolding me because of how clingy and needy I was so I tried stopping. No one ever really gave me hugs or that until 8th grade where I met my absolute best friends who always cared about me. Although I knew they cared for me and I did too, I always felt like I could somehow be more connected in the group, only one person noticed that who is considered ‘the mother’ of the group and she always hugged me and gave me pats on the back regularly and that just made me feel special in some type of way. I felt sensitive on parts of my body, like ears, neck, arms and legs so it felt unusual for someone to just give me a positive physical interaction. And actuality, it’s hard for me to sleep unless I know I am near an animal or a person so I’ll only rest if I’m near one of my friends or my cat sleeps with me.
it's to have a friend like that with attentiveness to your needs and feelings your story has given me the concluaion that it's time for me to get a cat lol
I already know im touch starved, i just like to really rub it in my face watching videos like this so i can keep reassuring myself that im desperate for human connection
@@zUltra3D it's not like I'll be able to fix the issue anytime soon, so I'm just making myself more miserable about the fact I crave contact, and say to myself "you get no love lol"
Whenever I’m with my family, because we have a very hugging and cuddling relationship with one another I don’t actually feel any problems I’ve noticed, however whenever I’m in public with friends I notice I have most of the symptoms listed here, I never understand why I so badly wanted to be touched, sometimes just randomly patting there shoulder because of it, so I'm glad for this video so I understand why! :DD
See, I have a similar thing, but my family isn’t very close. Though with my friends, I have this strange absence of feeling. Like I need them to hug me.
With your situation, if it's a habit you and your family do, it's the craving of being touched because it's a normal behavior with socialization and interaction with others. Like an addiction, we want more of it the more we do/get it, thus giving a stronger craving for it. Most of the time addiction isn't at all a good thing, but craving constant interaction is okay. This may not be the case, but it's important to know the difference between certain addictions and whether or not they can be consumed/given/had. I hope this helps!
i was writing a short story between two characters where they climb on top of a building together. i originally had zero plans for any kind of physical affection, hadn't even crossed my mind. but, as i was writing it, i was naturally putting in moments of emotional tension where it felt right. when they reached the top of the building, watched the sunset, and spoke together, this longing inside me peaked, and while talking about the world she sees, it naturally came that she leaned her head on the narrator's shoulder, taking their hand. the feeling, the "hunger" was so natural, that now, i can not see the short story any differently. it was a very telling reflection of myself. my longings, my aesthetics, my ideals. i was both of these characters. I was the one who talked about the world she saw, desperate to be understood, to feel touch. i was also the other character, who longed for someone to be so comforted around them, that they could open up such a vulnerable part of themselves. to be trusted so intimately. in a way, i think it's something cardinal to humanity. i like to think they're both all of us.
I also started writing an unfinished story where the characters were just projections of myself at different times in my life. When I realized this, I stopped writing it, but it was interesting reflecting on it and it helped my learn a bit about myself from a new perspective.
Touch starved is part of being love starved and companionship starved. Family doesn't do the job. I finally found someone I want to touch and be touched by and just be close to. I think she wants the same. I hope it works out.
Okay, but can we just normalise platonic snuggles? :P I absolutely LOVE snuggling with a close friend, or even being a part of a non-sexual, non-romantic cuddle pile.. ^^ At one school I went to (called an "efterskole" in Denmark), it was a normal occourance for people to form cuddle chains, and it was absolutely amazing! :D
Oh that sounds great,here where I live try to do that with someone and they might call you gay/lesbian and look at you weird (if you do it with same gender friends),I feel like it happens more with the boys anyways (because girls can even hold hands like friends at least). And also if it's a boy and girl situation,some people might assume you're a couple just because... (although that would not be the worst except from maybe a bit of jokes about it,but overall they would be ok with it, it's the "homosexual" part I worry for the most,for other people or whoever it is who has to potentially suffer that)
This video made me rethink almost my entire past and realize that it was indeed my craving for affection. I'd always assume it was just how i was wired, and it was abnormal to feel so lonely. Id rarely received hugs from family growing up, and the ones from my friends felt overwhelmingly strong. It wasnt until i finally my online partner and hugged him. It was like waves of relief. I cant explain it otherwise. Thank you for this it makes me feel more justified and less confused. ❤
This might literally explain my bipolar disorder and BPD as a whole. It developed as a child in my chaotic, emotionally unavailable home, and it was at it's worst back then. I had the worst mood swings, and then later on as an adult, I developed depression and anxiety that I'm still battling to this day, and my access to touch from loved ones has only decreased as the years passed. I'm pretty desperate for an intimate relationship at this point, too, and it always returns to touch whenever I think about it, being in contact with someone and physically near them is the #1 priority when I think of relationships and what they mean to me, so like... Yeah, thank you for putting this one out, I needed it.
I've never liked being touched by anyone other than someone I get into a relationship with. Most likely it is because my mom was emotionally neglected me & treated me like a ghost until I was in my 20s. But I've had many friends comment on how weird it is that I don't hug them. I was also left isolated alot as a kid because my mom would be in her room with her boyfriends, using, or sleeping. So I turned out to be very socially awkward, self conscious, & insecure. It's truly tragic how much our childhood and bad parenting affects us as adults & yet people love to criticize our place in life never caring or considering how we got here and that maybe we're just desperately in need of some help to deal with our traumas.
That’s terrible and my mother was the same way, just know nobody knows the whole story and sadly most people don’t care unless it affects them, I hope for us and we can choose who’s a part of ours
Very interesting phrase! This video caught my attention because I go for long periods of time without having any physical contact with someone. I’ll occasionally randomly get a hug from a child family member and realize I actually do want to be touched. I realize how sensitive I am. Even when someone puts their hand on my shoulder, my body becomes a bit “shocked” from not having had someone touch me in a long time. Great video.
Same here. It's rare for me and always shocks me when it happens. I like it, but I think I've gotten so used to being without it that I can't get used to it or expect it.
This video poignantly highlights a personal struggle I face: the lack of genuine, unprompted physical touch in my life. While options like dance classes or massages offer a form of physical contact, they don't address the core issue. Such interactions are transactional and lack the emotional component that comes from someone choosing to connect with you. Even after experiencing these paid forms of touch, the unsettling reality persists no one made an effort to reach out to you.
This is one of the most painful feelings possible. To feel like you won't ever get a loving touch from someone is awful, especially at the age where everyone is expecting you to have had experience. Most songs, most films, loads of conversations and the main pursuit of most people's lives is about having a partner. Being surrounded by all that makes you feel defective and incredibly lonely for not ever having had one.
Very relatable. I’ve had only one relationship when I was 13 and I just turned 20 and I feel so left behind compared to my peers and wish I was able to experience the touch of someone that actually loves me but idk seems like it’s almost not destined for me.
I'm in a weird situation where I'm definitely touched starved but also I hate being touched by most everyone. I only crave the physical touch of someone I would be very close to, a.k.a a significant other or a very close friend. That being said, I current have none of those, and anyone who would touch me, especially without warning, will make me cringe internally and feel awful. This video felt strangely relatable and alien to me at the same time.
@@amiapsychopat I felt like that my whole life. There are probably some psychoanalysies that could be done to explain it but it doesn't really matter to me. It's not like my life is ruined because I don't touch people, just leads to some very rare awkward situations.
So, here’s a reminder how impactful words and actions are on a person’s psyche: TW: Eating disorder Early 2020 we moved countries. I didn’t speak the language well and became really depressed after losing physical contact to my friends. The school I went to I hated. Then came Corona and lockdown. I developed an ED, becoming obsessed with sports and controlling my meals, cause it helped me feel better. I in turn, lost a lot of weight. So one day, after my parents voiced their concerns for my rapid weight loss I became paranoid, not wanting to lose or gain more fearing what they’d say. But my ED just got worse. My depression kept getting worse and I sought comfort in hugs from my parents. Then one day, after my dad called me terrible names (due to my rapid weight loss) and threatening to send me away to a mental hospital, saying that they’d force feed me and I’d never be able to see them again until I’m better, I wanted to hug my mum to comfort me. So I did just that. But suddenly her hug became awkward and she started grasping my back, feeling my ribs, shoulder blades and spine. I immediately realised what she was doing and I wanted to get away. She hugged me tighter and continued feeling my body, my arms and shoulders. I lost it and started crying hysterically. She looked at me with an expression of disgust and told me I changed and should eat a burger (I also went vegetarian during this phase). Not knowing where to seek comfort, I ran to my room and occupied myself with fanfiction (as I have done before, but this time, it kinda was the only thing that gave me a break from everything around me). When I started crying about something again the next day, my mum wanted to hug me but I physically couldn’t, as it made me feel sick and anxious. From that day, I never hugged my parents again and still don’t. Not only that, but I make a conscious effort not to touch them or have them touch me. This behaviour carried on with my new found friends and I flinch whenever they want to even just pat me or something like that. I also haven’t shook or held anyone’s hand in ages now too. I realised a while ago how dearly I want to be held, be told that everything is fine and that they love me as I am. I’m slowly recovering from my ED now, but only due to the help of some online friends, yet the fear of being touched still very much present. I fear what they will say or think. I know that I was unhealthy, but I needed comfort in a time where my mental health was very much broken. I always loved hugs but I now avoid it like the plague. They once asked me why I don’t like hugs and I couldn’t bring myself to tell them, that it was their actions that led me to hate them. Instead, I read fanfictions almost everyday, imagining what it would be like to be embraced lovingly again without being afraid of them checking my body. I sometimes feel as if my heart hurts, yearning for such intimate actions. ….and the thing is, once with my friends, as she went to pull me closer to her, she grabbed my wrist. She immediately stated how small it was and that it could break if she tried hard enough. This was another blow to my crippling body image. Anyways yeah, just please think carefully how you interact with others… And sorry for this long ass rant lmao
Hey, thanks for sharing a piece of your life. The easiest way to say this is... Love yourself, not the opinions of others. It's scary as hell, but don't be afraid to let others see your vulnerability; their reactions will let you know if they are meant to be in your life or not. You'll find them but it'll take time. If I could give you a hug, I would. For now, take a digital hug and be kind to yourself. 🌞✌
@@absolutelynot6546 aw thank you so much 😭 I'm gonna write this on a sticky note and put it up on my mirror, so I can be reminded of this every day ^-^ You are a kind soul 🥰
You do not have to apologize. That actually really helped me. As a smaller person I also get told similar things about being skinny, but I can't control the way God made me! That is another reason touch is uncomfortable for me, and thinking about it also gives me heartache. I'm glad you're recovering and that it's not forcefully rushed. Hopefully we'll gradually get more comfortable and find people who will treat us with respect in all ways especially through physical touch.
@@serenity1641aw, I'm glad it could help a lil^^ But I always get sad knowing others experience this too ;-; Just know, you are perfect the way you are, cause just as you have said, God created you ^^ I'm terrible with words, but I'm sending a virtual hug ❤❤ We'll definitely find people one day, somewhere~
As someone who has considerable anxiety and depression, it was only recently I found out about touch starvation. It resonates so strongly with me and my experiences. Everything in this video was 100 % accurate. I'm barely touched. I get maybe...3 hugs a year. It's been this way most of my life. The craving is so bad...but so is the recoil of the prospect of being touched. I feel... undeserving. It's a vicious cycle.
I don't want to be touched, but at the same time I do, I want to be in a relationship, but at the same time I don't, I want to be loved but at the same time I'm scared. And when these opportunities come my way I retreat and run the other way. No wonder why I'm a loner. The thought of love and intimacy sounds lovely but it freaks me out im such a weirdo...
I said this before but I am definitely touch starved. I haven't had a genuine, loving hug in ages. I don't think I should ask for it because then it may not be genuine (and it may come off as disturbing). My family aren't really huggers, either.
A strange example of me being touch starved was from Junior year of highschool. There was this person whom of which I was friends with. They had this joke where they'd rub your shoulder or carress your arm because people usually reacted with shock and confusion. It warrented a funny reaction, basically. They did this to me a few times, and I played along with the bit, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't get butterflies when it happened. Being touch starved can be so dangerous, its easy to catch feelings for someone over something as small as a hand bump.
About to cry. I've experienced all of these symptoms nearly my whole life and I've never known why. This explains why I cry harder if someone hugs me to comfort me, and why I jerk whenever someone grazes my side accidentally, and why I can't take holding hands with my friends when they're taking me somewhere. I'm not even sure what this emotion is, but I'm kind of glad that I found this video. Thank you.
Funny, how my family is refusing to give me a hug or even a comfort pat on the back i just asked them for it. Its the first time i asked in years. Quoted was told to get the hell out of there face. No wonder i am touch starved. Vedio was perfectly timed.
@@valeska6786 thanks alot. Really needed a hug tbh. Despite how awful people can be. Still humans are social beings. Update: hug a pillow if your going to sleep it can sometimes help.
I wish I knew all of this sooner, I always thought that I was being needy, even if my love language is touch, turns out now that I know and I'm looking back, I can relate to all of these signs. Thanks a lot for the informations and amazing video in general, as always! Lots of love to the team!
I think this is a big reason pets are beneficial to our emotional health too, they often provide the physical touch we either aren't getting or don't feel comfortable giving or receiving from people at times.
So thats why i feel so overwhelmed when i even think of even getting a hug- which i havent had for ages.. this intense feeling of loneliness is terrible.
Honestly this explains so much..once I had to do a dance with a partner for Spanish class and he held my hands for it like we were supposed to but just that honestly made me feel so many things afterwards my hands literally felt so warm for a few hours after and my skin felt tingly..and at first I thought I liked the guy but I had never felt anything when I looked at him..but just strangely wanted that same warm tingly feeling I got just from simple hand holding..
I'm touch starved myself! 😥 And my Autism makes accepting touch even harder because I'm SOOO sensitive. Physical contact is my love language, and if someone does not at least want to give me a high five, I feel unloved. Touch starvation is a problem almost nobody is talking about!
I've been touch starved for over two decades. Didn't realize it until about a year ago. It's been such a struggle to not be ready to start dating again but to really need physical touch and not having friends who like touch
Depending on where you live, you might be able to find groups created for people in your situation, for the purpose of casual, friendly physical touch. Groups will have get togethers to get to know each other and build trust with new people, and "cuddle parties" where they will gather at a person's house in comfy clothes with pillows and blankets and just lay down and cuddle with each other in a big group. There are very strict rules about anything sexually intimate being forbidden and how to address accidental arousal in men, so that nobody feels uncomfortable. I also recommend scheduling a Swedish massage regularly. I was a massage therapist for a decade and helped a lot of people who were touch starved to relax and feel cared for in a friendly but professional, non-intimate, non-sexual way. It can be very healing, both for the physical body and muscles, and emotionally because humans are evolutionarily wired as extremely social animals, and one of the ways social bonds are reinforced is through touch.
@mystictempt763 I may try to reach out or look out for such groups soon. That's something I didn't know and the massage thing sounds like a really good idea. Living in Maine it's a fairly difficult time finding people or new friends but not impossible. Just gotta take the time. Thanks again for the insight
yeah, that sucks. And then you specifically avoid dating because you KNOW the associated rush of emotion/ struggle to avoid being clingy will be too much to handle well. At least, I do.
I have this weird thing where I'm either touch-starved or "touch-shy" depending on the situation. If I'm in a room with other people, I'll sometimes sit alone so as to avoid anyone cutting into my personal space. But other times, especially when I'm excited or nervous (which I very frequently am), I'll wish that I had someone to hold on to and help me calm down. I think physical touch is my favorite love language, though. An easy way to make my day would be for a close friend to randomly come up to me and give me a hug.
My mom recently apologized to me for not being very physically affectionate to me and my siblings when we were little. She's not a very touchy person, she never has been, whereas I'm an extremely physically affectionate person. She was watching the people at her church interact with each other and their families and she realized that she never acted that way with us. She said she wants to try and make up for it now though. I legit cried. I always knew that it had bothered me, but I didn't realize how much I needed to hear her say that, especially without me bringing it up. In the past when I tried to bring up how certainly things she did affected me, I could tell she was genuinely sorry, but she would get a little exasperated and say, "I was just trying me best." But I already knew that. That wasn't why I had brought up with her. I just wanted to be listened to and acknowledged and not be given excuses or reasons, because I already knew what they were and had already accepted and forgiven them. This was the first time that I can remember that I got that.
I used to be very very touch starved a few years ago but fortunately I finally found friends who like physical touch as much as I do :D I spent my childhood in loneliness since my parents were always at work and i didn't have any sibilings/pets or friends. Gladly I have more people in my life right now and I'm grateful for it
Time stamps: 0:00 Intro 0:34 Increased Feeling of Loneliness and Isolation 1:24 Hightened Sensitivity to Touch 2:11 Emotional Imbalanced Mood Swings 2:53 Craving Non-Intimate Touch 3:42 outro I think 2nd timestamp in this video
It got so bad for me as a child that I decided to just train the touch starvation away. I rejected what little touch I got, hoping that I would forget how it feels to be touched and would stop missing it. TLDR: don't do that. Put yourself out there and find friends, and then be honest with them about the way you express love. Wanting to be touched isn't sad or pathetic, it's human.
lmao why did that first part perfectly describe me. i cant tho lol, i always push them away. its one girl that touches me and i always pushed her away bc i kind of got a shock, but i do want to be touched
Mine went the opposite direction. I went years without much (if any) positive physical contact. I became extremely averse to touch. I associated it too strongly with intimate love and could not stand to have just anyone touch me. After 6+ years, I became convinced that touch must not be one of my love languages. Then I met my partner, and touch isn’t high on her list, but holding hands is one touch she is big on, and holy crap did a deluge of different feelings and realization hit me. Touch is actually my main love language, and when I felt unloved and unloveable, I basically touch-starved myself and then gaslit myself into believing that I was touch averse.
My parents always said I was just moody and needed a lover. This started a string of bad decisions trying to not feel lonely. I'm so glad that its normal and nothing is wrong with me.
Thank you so much Psych2go. Because of your channel I was able to realize I have depression early enough that its not very severe, and I can start to help myself and work towards overcoming it. You help so many people. Thank you!!!!
I was shocked at the age of 24 when a friend group used hugs to see me off to another state. I knew then that I was touch starved. I also knew that my visceral reation to any form of touch was to pull away in confusion. It took way too long to change that imprinted reaction; yet I was eventually successful. Now, instead of dreading touch, I invite it!
Incredible. Deffinitely me. Recall clearly lying with my ex in her bed, and trying to word out to her that I feel sad and worried over how badly her touch is meaningful to me, it felt wrong, unhealthy, and now I underatand perfectly the feeling, it was a feeling of skin hunger, flesh hunger, touch starvation. Comforting, deeply, to know its a well established condition. Thank you for this awareness and language.
It's not only that I'm touch starved but also that I've become numb to all these so called human things. Depression strengthened me in a way where suffering comforts me more than comfort ever can.
You sound as though you are a step away from becoming a nihilist. You should join us, we have no care about anyone or anything. I haven't felt any kind of emotion in 10 years.
I want to cry, I relate to this so much! It is a huge struggle in my life right now because I have been cutting out unhealthy people from my life & I am estranged from my family. Starting over is not easy, but necessary. Thank you!
I quote, > "I have been cutting out unhealthy people from my life & I am estranged from my family" /// reply, > I'm 80 years of age and am writing a book on the subject which others have assured me is too complex (it isn't), you'll find the "I walk all over people brigade" both within the family and without, given not that much time you'll see them quite differently: and find yourself amused that you didn't see through their manipulations and games much earlier. Because they can no longer control you of course they will drop you as well, and they will only re-accept you (if at all) if you allow them to again dominate your life., every success, changes of this order hurt: but not changing hurts much more.....Best wishes :)
As a licensed massage therapist, I get a lot of touch-starved people on my table. Also, as a massage therapist, I love being able to help every single client that lays on my table (or sits in my chair) to be able to relax and feel cared for (I do care for them). As a touch-starved person I also cried watching this, as it hit pretty deep. Massage does help. It's also ok to cry on the able, don't be afraid of that-just ask for a tissue if you need one. Manicures/pedicures, facials, hair appointments can also give a little bit of touch and are great if you also like having more active conversations (as many massages are pretty quiet).
I have that but only concerning romantic touch. I haven't even held hands with someone I was romantically interested in, let alone kissed or touched them sensually, and I'm well into my 20s. I especially noticed that when I had a car accident and a young, good-looking doctor examined me, touching my naked belly to feel for fractures, firmly grabbing my hips to see if anything was out of the usual, and it was a doctor in training who took longer, and boy... I never felt so desired in my entire life. It was only my hips and belly, but it was skin to skin, and the thought of a man I love actually holding me by the hips like that makes my heart skip a beat ever since. It's embarrassing how desperate for sensual touch I am, but I can't help it. I'm not single by choice, but circumstance. I wasn't lucky enough to click with someone and I'm scared that once I do, I'll mess it up or overwhelm them with my neediness
i like your comment because it helps reassure me (as a 16 year old) that there are also people out there who yearn for actual love rather than short-term meaningless activity, but one part really threw me off "good looking" ? if this doctor wasnt that, would you have felt the same? i dont mean this in some kind of "HAH! gotcha!" way, im just curious as to whether or not you felt desired due to the physical touch, OR because he was just simply good-looking. hope you understand!
Don't worry about your neediness- just try to balance being measured with outpourings of emotion and being authentic. There are so many different people out there that are attracted by different things. Neediness doesn't turn off everyone
Yeah, people say hug family members but it just isn't the same. My immediate family is not touchy whatsoever anyway. I'm 22 but I've been wanting a girlfriend seriously since I was about 18. I've run out of excuses for why I haven't even dated yet. Honestly it pisses me off just as much as it depresses me how I am. I feel exactly the same, I just want affection. Social anxiety is essentially a "dying alone" sentence. Can't complain though because I just get told to stop and to "get on with it". Isn't that easy...
It's generally hard for me to be touched by a person of the opposite sex. I cannot explain well how it feels, but when a leg accidentally hits mine and the awkwardness of it all, the nervousness consumes my brain and gives me many thoughts. There are only a few individuals whom have the opposite sex that I'm friends with, so is it a lack, a feeling, a phase, or a misunderstanding? It's tough being in a crowd or just about any public area that makes you tense and raises negative awareness, for, example, body shaming or a way of worrying about appearances, especially if don't have a lot of friends and, most of the time, you don't speak to them, unless you meet up during scheduled events like school, work, etc. I understand that. It's the way you've been raised. Do you care about others views about you? Do you let people trample you? Do you respond almost always with a negative comment for everything? Are you easily offended or are you hard as stone? Many things drive us to think the way we think and act the way we act. The point being is traumatic or terrible situations drive us look down ourselves, others, or have us afraid of the world. Life isn't perfect, but we can have it great! One of the most important overall aspects of living is: Don't expect to be perfect because so and so told you have to be. It's none of their concern, nor you have to work your ass off just to please them. You work your ass off only for YOUR please and YOUR pleasure only. Live, Laugh, Love Live life, laugh moments, love others! -GeekedHoopoe
I feel I am most of the time touch-starved. I can really relate to this video. My love language is actually words of affirmation. But in a time when I am alone, I always crave to be touched. What I meant was ever since I was a kid, my parents hardly or almost NEVER hold my hand especially when crossing the street. But my younger sister had my parents holding her hand which I don't understand why?!?! So of course I felt jealous and angry. Why do my parents treat me differently?? When my best friend (who is a female) hold my hand when we walk outside it felt really nice. I needed that. My best friend in a way fill that void that I lost during my childhood days. Thanks Fadeela! 🦄💐
I wonder if its possible to be so touch starved for so long that now it feels too personal being touched (even hugs) leading to a loop in which you wont allow and/or dont feel comfortable with people you trust or consider super close to you to touch you even casually, only making the starvation worse because you dont feel comfortable receiving touches unless under these ultra specific circumstances
I have become hyper aware of the slightest bit of touch, even if its on accident. Something as simple as cuddling, a hug or even held, is too much to ask for.
"By becoming more aware of these signs, you can take the necessary steps to address your need for touch". Like it's all normal, and not just a complete failure by society.
I experienced extreme touch starvation for at least 2 years, to the point where I no longer wanted to interact with anyone and emotionally snap at people with sudden anger. I would cry when my family was fast asleep in the dark furiously. I felt so dead and alone. I felt like my heart was slowly being consumed and crunched with a desire for the affectionate warmth of a person I felt close to. I wanted to stop living because I was so miserable and alone. I felt a sick dull never ending ache in my soul. Then I went to a summer camp and heard about how Jesus cares about us all and I gave my life to Christ. Now I have god’s love in my heart and all the affection I need. God is good!
I love this video and the other one as they did help me realise that I'm touch starved, I wish I could get someone to diagnose me, but I can't so I'll just have to deal with hugging others until I can reach out to someone.
Yes, I've been feeling really lonely lately, like the song 'Home' says "May be surrounded by a million people, I still feel all alone." And I feel like I really need a hug, and my family and friends don't really hug all that often, maybe they don't like hugs, but I love hugs. And because of that, all of a sudden, I've been really wanting a boyfriend, and I knew I wanted one in the future, but I wasn't really bothered by not having one yet, But now, I've been crying out of loneliness, and nobody there when I need comfort, my family and friends aren't that good when it comes to comforting, (at least me anyway) and I feel like if I had a boyfriend, he might actually understand, hug, and comfort me when I need it, and cuddle me. And sometimes, I'm not even necessarily sad or anything in the moment, but I really need a hug, and I feel like I can't ask anyone for a hug, because they would probably ask why, and I wouldn't even know why, they just wouldn't be very supportive. Sorry for the long ramble.
This is fascinating to me. Because I don’t like being touched and I generally stay away from everyone and keep to myself. I used to love hugs and all that. Now I couldn’t care less and am happy in my little bubble.
I relate..... hard..... It's funny though to look back on things I said/did as a teenager and realize this was what was happening. I thought I was so weird.... I thought I was some creep or something. I remember when I had to go to a skin doctor for a rash I'd been having. And feeling her rub my arm to figure out what it was felt so good.... I couldn't tell the difference and thought liking ANY touch was s3xual in nature and thought I was such a creep for wanting more. All I really wanted was some cuddles though..... Or hand holding. Anything really. Still feel it as an adult. It's frustrating. But It's nice to know what it is now.
The more intimate touches I get from my family. Right now, I'm living with my parents, and they're basically the only family I have. I have the congregation, where many brothers and sisters care for me and have different forms of physical bonding. It's safe to say that what I crave the most is the touch of a woman, one that has an interest in knowing me as a friend and possibly becoming a romantic and sexual partner. Non-intimate touches I've been getting a lot since last Saturday, when abdominal pain that started on Thursday landed me on hospitalization due to pancreatitis. Already had a gall bladder stone removal surgery this past Tuesday, with the gall bladder removal surgery scheduled for tomorrow Friday. The medical crew and hospital staff have been wonderful with me so far, and many family, friends and acquaintances have wished for an overall speedy recovery. These past days have been ones that I haven't experienced the levels of anxiety I have these past months.
I very much resonate with this topic. Unfortunately, I find myself hugging my pillow to replicate a hug and feel comforted when I am upset/having a rough day.
I have most of the symptoms of touch starvation because I am autistic and don’t usually like to be touched. Never have and probably never will. What makes this worse is I was touched without my consent at 15 years old by someone who had an obvious crush on me, which made my distain for touching even worse.
I'm autistic as well and totally understand what you mean. Don't say that you never will like it, though. For about nine months, I was in a light relationship with someone who respected my space. They always sat on the opposite of the table until I invited them to come and sit beside myself to get them out of a cold draft. Our way of shaking hands when saying hello was a pinkie finger grasp, which eventually evolved into holding hands when walking together. I still was reserved in public, but when it was just the two of us, I was okay with letting them put their big arm over my shoulders. Things have broken off, but I feel that experience helped desensitise me to physical contact, which has been wonderful for my mother. She has been respecting my need for space for so long that it has hurt her in a way, so myself being okay with allowing her to give me a hug is good for us both.
Ah god I feel that whole touched without consent thing I didn't know personal space was exclusive to people with autism???? (I am now just realising you may have meant sexually, I'm such a dumbass lol)
I don’t think I feel some of the symptoms of heightened responses to touches but I definitely feel increased loneliness when there is a lack of touch, especially during my last relationship which ended up being long distance for over a year
When my best friend died a few years ago, life just wasn't the same. I'm just existing, not really living. I have got noone to blame. My pain, a gift that keeps on giving. I've roamed the corners of my mind, for an answer to my pain. I've imagined the unimaginable and thought up the unfathomable. Yet, there was nothing for me to gain. There was no light to be found inside of me. A void stretching out to infinity. A pit without walls to climb, and nothing but pain to find. Yet, I searched for a way out of this reality. The void seemed never ending, yet, when I hit my lowest point, I understood. This void was not infinite, it had an end. My pain and my suffering were not endless. As I imagined what possibilities await me, the wonders of the world and all that might come after this life, the void, instead, became a storage place for all the things and sights I could imagine. Like a beautiful dream, I kept imagining all kinds of places, all kinds of people, animals, plants, scenarios and so much more. I felt like a stranger in my own mind, like a traveler, searching for the light. I can't exist in my dreams forever, dreams always have an end. But at the end of a dream, a new day awaits.
oh how I love it when food starvation and physical starvation combine for 26 fucking years into being completely and utterly shattered inside and out, truly a combination from the heavens.
I missed "Heightened sensitivity to touch 1:23" when I watched the video :( As a then 75-year-old "introvert" I had/have no contact with anyone other than the checkout people in supermarkets once a week but on one occasion chance brought me into contact with a couple of wonderful/helpful young men in the car park: and after a few words one of them put his arm on my shoulder as a way of saying you're not alone in this difficulty mate, but such was the sense of shock and intrusion I very nearly fell to the ground: and I really do mean that in a very physical sense, so a heightened sensitivity to touch, I hold to be very real...............
Does anyone want a video on love language? If so, let us know.
Sure do, would be a great addition to our knowledge here.
Absolutely yes, please
Yess pleasee
Yes please
yes, would be thankful 🙌🏻
I’ve been trying to figure out why i cry when i get a hug, this made me realize what’s going on
Same-
I have no. Physical
connection. I miss it.
❤ 🙏
Here have my hugs,
Try hugging a pillow while going to sleep it can sometimes help
I wouldn't want huggs now might sound strange but never had any family do that growing up that's probably why I icealate myself
We should remember: Not everyone likes to be hugged or touched in the same way. 🚩
But generally, positive physical contact can effectively reduce your stress level and boost your mood. 💙
"Not everyone likes to be hugged or touched in the same way."
Some just downright don't want you to touch them at all. Not because they don't want *you* to tought them, but the feeling of being touched is simply unpleasant.
Now imagine living in a body that sees everybody around you hugging and touching eachother and having your instinct say "I want that!" and then physically recoiling in semi-horror when somebody actually touches you. Now imagine that happening with the that one person you kind of really like.
@@vinny142 relatable
@@vinny142 Absolutely, setting healthy boundaries is crucial. Respecting others' comfort levels when it comes to physical contact, like hugging, is a sign of consideration and understanding. 👍
✋ me. Usually my friends' gfs when meeting the second time just hugged me for greeting. Found that literally physically disgusting. We didn't have the relation required for that. Told them several times, was called weird, unfriendly, negative, ... a completely different thing, just keep your hands off me.
And decades later, pandemic came, and folks don't even want to shake hands. Woohoo!
Oh, btw. I'm not completely against hugs, but people need to be _very_ special first.
@@karoshi2 Yeah, first at all: ask. Respecting other's comfort levels 🙋♀️
From my own experience, being touch starved can actually have a reversed effect when left alone for long periods of time. It can make you feel uncomfortable or nervous around other human contact, cause the need for physical interaction to change to emotional attention, or even help you feel more comfortable when alone. All hardships have a good resolution if you fight it strong enough so don’t let the idea of being touch starved bother you. Though be careful not to do anything impulsive 😅
I am touch starved and it bothers me though I am trying to not let it so.😢
Although it's sad to say, I definitely agree with this. It's like a double edged sword.
Food starvation has a backlash that people get when they eat again called Refeeding Syndrome
As odd as it sounds, the person will get very sick if they eat their fill, so they need to ease into it with broth, then something light akin to rice porridge, and so on.
Small, easy to digest, but fairly often, to ease the body back into being able to handle it again.
I think there's a similar thing in touch hunger, if its been a while you have to ease into it.
Just sitting beside someone, having light pressure and feeling the warmth can be a lot to process.
@@BliffleSplickThanks for the info. This is useful research for writing.
I feel this way 100%. I feel guilty about it sometimes, I do love my bf and want to be close to him, but I have a hard time with proximity and contact.
There was a year in highschool where i was completely lonely and nobody wanted to give me company. I was always viewed as "strange" or "different" because of my mannerisms and social behaviours, even my appearance but this was the time i felt the loneliest. No friends, people wanting to distance from me as far as possible (from sitting to even talking to me) and i remember feeling incredibly hurt when someone who had to sit next to me as part of a seating plan, everyone would tell that person how unlucky they are to be sitting next to me, laughing about it or telling me that I'm creepy or a problem, or people looking like they were getting uncomfortable just by my mere existence. Although i do remember the only things people were nice about to me was my artistic ability and cooking/baking. I would always try my best to be the nicest i could be and be friendly with others (kinda ironic because no one wanted to be my friend) Anyways I would be sat with many empty seats next to me in class. i felt horrible about myself. I eventually had moments where the tears couldn't be held back and i would burst into tesrs out of nowhere. It was a truly embarrassing time. and i was still being mistreated. Even teachers never cared to help, even when i asked for mental health support. No one cared that i felt unwanted and isolated. I resorted to emotional eating so i could cry less and not show my sadness. I still put on a smile. Then the next school year, i finally made friends! I tried my best to put myself out there. It was painful but worth it! I felt like an alien though, because i had such a long time of loneliness that having that void being filled with a better mood and increased self esteem made me feel like someone new. And the first friendly tap i got on my shoulder, i felt this shock of surprise. At first i didn't really like it because i wasn't used to it and i couldn't acknowledge that there were people who actually liked to hang out with me, then with some time and patience, it all felt normal and i didn't feel like an outcast. I'm much healthier and happier now!
how did you do it i know exactly how u feel bro i been in this for over a year and i have no hope that it will get better
@@bradxn00how did I overcome it? Or how did I make friends? Not sure what you mean or what you're trying to ask, please let me know when you can! Also wow i'm surprised! Nice to know there's others that share the same experience and know how I feel! I hope you get better! Just be patient, you'll have good days eventually!
@@mahdireza5695 yeah what did you do to get out of it and make friends
@@bradxn00oh i see. Well I don't have much of an explanation besides being exposed to friendly touch. Once you make friends, in private you can let them know. Or sometimes they'll give you a friendly tap here and there without you asking. To make friends, you HAVE to step out of your comfort zone. It can feel horrible and make you wanna throw up because it might be unlike what you would usually go for, but it can be all worth it in the long run. But like many things in life, rewards won't come easy or appear right in front of you.
@@mahdireza5695 yeah you right i need to get out more
As an introvert with depression and touch starvation I can confirm that skin hunger is an accurate term. Sometimes I yearn for something as simple as a hug to such a degree that it hurts like hunger pangs.
Can relate, for me it's like a prickly claw squeezing my heart
Yeah same here. For me it feels like a burning sensation sensation around my heart.
Hugs don't even seem simple to me. For me, it feels like a kind of itchiness from inside.
I also suffer from depression! I lost my vision at age of 46! I’m left with prefer! So yes I have strong starvation for any kind of affection! Intimacy! I try to tell my wife but I feel she’s just not any of affection
For nearly 20 years I was married to the most wonderful woman I've ever met and had completely forgotten what loneliness was like, then cancer took her from me almost 4 years ago.
After seeing this, I can say for a fact that I'm suffering from every aspect of what you describe.
I have tried to possibly meet someone else to share my life with, but the dating scene isn't what it used to be. I'm beginning to lose hope that I will ever find her.
That's a tough situation.
Don't give up, never loose hope.
i’m so sorry for your loss. dating is difficult but i know you will find the right one
Do you ever feel occasionally close to your deceased partner even though they are gone? A sensation like this comforts me from time to time.
I have had a few instances where I know she was with me, mostly out of concern and during hard times. One particular time about 2 years ago, I saw a couple signs that day and that night, she came to me in a very vivid dream. A song she loved started playing in the dream and I dreamt I started crying. When I woke up, I was actually crying, which has never happened before.
I got up, immediately picked up a guitar and learned that song.
I play it quite often for her and it makes me warm inside. I even wrote another song for her called "Angel", so yes, she's watching over me and I'm thankful. That being said, she told me shortly before it was over, that I needed to move on afterwards. I just never thought it would be so difficult.@@sonofthebearking3335
Sounds like You want to replace an object
I developed terrible coping mechanisms throughout my life and this is one of them. I react negatively to touch in order to discourage anyone from touching me, even though I know that I'm touch starved, and even though I deeply appreciate touch whenever it occurs. I believe this developed for a combination of reasons. Firstly, it helps me not break down and cry. Secondly, it makes me feel like I have some sort of control over the problem. Like in a "it's MY choice that I never get hugged" kind of way.
It sucks because I'm internally struggling hard with a lot of things, but all of my coping mechanisms scream "leave me tf alone"
What an endless dilemma. To ask for help, to display emotions is to be perceived as weak. But when you bottle it up and play at stoicism, nobody will want to or know to help you. And so we will never be hugged, take a kiss on the cheek, or even hold a hand, even if we want to, because we choose not to.
Feelings are complicated
so real...
Real
You literally just described me... Let's hope we can improve though cause it's certainly not healthy lol
Kinda sucks having the heightened sensitivity to touch, combine that with just general low self esteem and ignorance of whether someone likes you or not is disastrous. I had mistakenly interpreted a touchy person liked me because of how constant their contact was. I had to set my boundaries, but at the same time their affection was so addicting. I'm almost out of it, but I've been sorting through these feelings for a while now.
Yep. I also have had a similar experience
yall a buncha lady bugs lol😂
@@firerams_and_arisinglion??
Try having low self esteem while also being a simultaneous extreme narcissist
"Oh nobody could love me, I'm not good enough. There is nothing good about you. When people look at you, it's because there is something is off with your appearance or you're the butt of their joke." - Low self esteem
"But I'm above everyone else as well, they're little bugs proven to have the same patterns every time I do something. Why do i keep judging myself so poorly for other people when a single glance from a woman without shields over her eyes will make her desire me" - Narcissist
I hate mixed signal people.
All of these are sooo true! I remember getting my first haircut after the lockdowns. Whilst I was having my hair washed, I started crying. I felt overwhelming happiness just being touched by another person. I explained to my hairdresser, and she couldn't have been kinder about it
I had the same reaction at a hairdresser but it wasn't due to lockdown I just don't go outside 💀
Aww,that's so sweet!
Jim Butcher wrote the following in one of The Dresden Files books (I can't recall which one off the top of my head), and as a former massage therapist and someone whose primary Love Language is Physical Touch, it resonated so profoundly with me that I saved the whole section and read it often:
"There’s power in the touch of another person’s hand. We acknowledge it in little ways, all the time. There’s a reason human beings shake hands, hold hands, slap hands, bump hands.
“It comes from our very earliest memories, when we all come into the world blinded by light and color, deafened by riotous sound, flailing in a suddenly cavernous space without any way of orienting ourselves, shuddering with cold, emptied with hunger, and justifiably frightened and confused. And what changes that first horror, that original state of terror?
“The touch of another person’s hands.
“Hands that wrap us in warmth, that hold us close. Hands that guide us to shelter, to comfort, to food. Hands that hold and touch and reassure us through our very first crisis, and guide us into our very first shelter from pain. The first thing we ever learn is that the touch of someone else’s hand can ease pain and make things better.
“That’s power. That’s power so fundamental that most people never even realize it exists."
Very poetic and accurate
How does this have 20+ likes and no reply as of yet?
I'll fix that!
Beautifully said. Thank you 😊
Poor Bob...
this was not a place I thought I'd ever see a Dresden Files reference, and I couldn't have enjoyed it more!
That is amazing!
I know I’m touch starved, and all of this is true. My family has never been the touchy type. So, growing up, we never hugged, cuddled, or any kind of touch. The only hugs I ever remember was at funerals. Any kind of touch is weird and awkward for me, but I crave it. My partner and I hug when we see each other and when we part. I’m trying to be better at asking them for more touches, like hand holding and snuggling. It’s just very difficult and embarrassing for me to ask.
Thats how me and my fiance used to be. Eventually you’ll get more comfortable expressing physical affection. Try watching a movie and cuddling together.
I always had to ask for hugs from my ex & she made me feel “stupid” bcuz I felt lonely!! I masked my pain for decades with drugs & now that I’m sober, all I want is a hug!!
I don’t even know if this helps or not - I guess I just want you to know you’re not alone
I have kind of the same, except i grew up being a big mama's boy, so i long for that feeling i don't get anymore
Maybe just try it with little gestures like brushing the hand a little bit. Just natural what feels right in this particular moment. Of yourself you can also talk about it and you can ask if it feels right. Indeed I would also say: talk about this whole thing with your partner. So you get to know each other and your feelings better. It sounds like you're at the beginning of your relationship, is that right? If so than just cherish this beginning phase. It's so pure and you sound so cautious..that's nice just take it slow. You got this! Your feelings are valid. Always remind yourself about that.
Holy shit this is my relationship to touch explained perfectly. The first time I got to snuggle watching a movie, it was like an instant flashback happened where I could not remember ever seeing my parents doing that, and I just emotionally melted there and then.
Timestamps
1). Increased feelings of loneliness and isolation 0:34
2). Heightened sensitivity to touch 1:23
3). Emotional imbalance and mood swings 2:11
4). Craving non-intimate touch 2:53
Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. 💙💙💙💙💙💙
I noticed you have 1k+ comments on this channel
@@ErdemtugsCyes why you ask
Thanks for the time stamps
@@crystalfire5564 not a problem happy to help
I love you
I will never forget the first touch after over a decade of not being touched affectionally. It was just a casual brushing of a hand on my shoulder, and I felt like my whole body was warmed and electrified. I was so in shock that I couldn’t even look to see who it was, so I’ll never know who that was. But I thank them, all the same.
I remember the first time someone hugged me while I was touch starved.
The same way I don't always know I'm hungry, I don't always know I feel alone or isolated.
I felt really really happy the whole day. Is this what it's like for couples every day? They just have a person they can hug anytime they want? That's awesome.
I wish relationships made me feel that way. All relationships give me is stress. I want the opposite feeling.
This actually makes a lot of sense to me. When I was a child I was always very clingy to people, as in always hugging them or any other positive physical interactions but then they started scolding me because of how clingy and needy I was so I tried stopping. No one ever really gave me hugs or that until 8th grade where I met my absolute best friends who always cared about me. Although I knew they cared for me and I did too, I always felt like I could somehow be more connected in the group, only one person noticed that who is considered ‘the mother’ of the group and she always hugged me and gave me pats on the back regularly and that just made me feel special in some type of way. I felt sensitive on parts of my body, like ears, neck, arms and legs so it felt unusual for someone to just give me a positive physical interaction. And actuality, it’s hard for me to sleep unless I know I am near an animal or a person so I’ll only rest if I’m near one of my friends or my cat sleeps with me.
it's to have a friend like that with attentiveness to your needs and feelings your story has given me the concluaion that it's time for me to get a cat lol
I already know im touch starved, i just like to really rub it in my face watching videos like this so i can keep reassuring myself that im desperate for human connection
this is kinda sad, funny and relatable at the same time
@@zUltra3D it's not like I'll be able to fix the issue anytime soon, so I'm just making myself more miserable about the fact I crave contact, and say to myself "you get no love lol"
This comment got me lol, I laughed, yet this is sad and VERY relatable...
This is so relatable I want to cry
why are yall so soft lol😂
Whenever I’m with my family, because we have a very hugging and cuddling relationship with one another I don’t actually feel any problems I’ve noticed, however whenever I’m in public with friends I notice I have most of the symptoms listed here, I never understand why I so badly wanted to be touched, sometimes just randomly patting there shoulder because of it, so I'm glad for this video so I understand why! :DD
See, I have a similar thing, but my family isn’t very close. Though with my friends, I have this strange absence of feeling. Like I need them to hug me.
With your situation, if it's a habit you and your family do, it's the craving of being touched because it's a normal behavior with socialization and interaction with others.
Like an addiction, we want more of it the more we do/get it, thus giving a stronger craving for it.
Most of the time addiction isn't at all a good thing, but craving constant interaction is okay.
This may not be the case, but it's important to know the difference between certain addictions and whether or not they can be consumed/given/had.
I hope this helps!
@@geekedhoopoe6371 Oo that makes a lot of since! Thanks so much! ❤️
You’re addicted lol
i was writing a short story between two characters where they climb on top of a building together. i originally had zero plans for any kind of physical affection, hadn't even crossed my mind. but, as i was writing it, i was naturally putting in moments of emotional tension where it felt right.
when they reached the top of the building, watched the sunset, and spoke together, this longing inside me peaked, and while talking about the world she sees, it naturally came that she leaned her head on the narrator's shoulder, taking their hand.
the feeling, the "hunger" was so natural, that now, i can not see the short story any differently. it was a very telling reflection of myself. my longings, my aesthetics, my ideals. i was both of these characters. I was the one who talked about the world she saw, desperate to be understood, to feel touch. i was also the other character, who longed for someone to be so comforted around them, that they could open up such a vulnerable part of themselves. to be trusted so intimately.
in a way, i think it's something cardinal to humanity. i like to think they're both all of us.
I also started writing an unfinished story where the characters were just projections of myself at different times in my life. When I realized this, I stopped writing it, but it was interesting reflecting on it and it helped my learn a bit about myself from a new perspective.
Touch starved is part of being love starved and companionship starved. Family doesn't do the job. I finally found someone I want to touch and be touched by and just be close to. I think she wants the same. I hope it works out.
I hope it does too. Good luck!!
It worked?
These videos make me realize everyday just how many issues I have at a young age.
Same lol
Me too
Seriously! My childhood and school experiences were bad. I wasn't treated very well, and I'm trying to fix these issues as an adult.
Okay, but can we just normalise platonic snuggles? :P I absolutely LOVE snuggling with a close friend, or even being a part of a non-sexual, non-romantic cuddle pile.. ^^ At one school I went to (called an "efterskole" in Denmark), it was a normal occourance for people to form cuddle chains, and it was absolutely amazing! :D
Det er ikke engang løgn, men alligevel er idéen om at have en putteven for meget at bede livet om.
Underskrevet
ABT
24-08-2023
Oh that sounds great,here where I live try to do that with someone and they might call you gay/lesbian and look at you weird (if you do it with same gender friends),I feel like it happens more with the boys anyways (because girls can even hold hands like friends at least). And also if it's a boy and girl situation,some people might assume you're a couple just because... (although that would not be the worst except from maybe a bit of jokes about it,but overall they would be ok with it, it's the "homosexual" part I worry for the most,for other people or whoever it is who has to potentially suffer that)
Having been a part of that and adjacent things, its never totally platonic.
Yes please. Sometimes if the setting is right, and people are feeling goofy, I yell out "dog pile" just for an excuse for cuddles :)
I would be in eternal bliss 🫂
This video made me rethink almost my entire past and realize that it was indeed my craving for affection. I'd always assume it was just how i was wired, and it was abnormal to feel so lonely. Id rarely received hugs from family growing up, and the ones from my friends felt overwhelmingly strong. It wasnt until i finally my online partner
and hugged him. It was like
waves of relief. I cant explain it otherwise. Thank you for this it makes me feel more justified and less confused. ❤
This might literally explain my bipolar disorder and BPD as a whole. It developed as a child in my chaotic, emotionally unavailable home, and it was at it's worst back then. I had the worst mood swings, and then later on as an adult, I developed depression and anxiety that I'm still battling to this day, and my access to touch from loved ones has only decreased as the years passed.
I'm pretty desperate for an intimate relationship at this point, too, and it always returns to touch whenever I think about it, being in contact with someone and physically near them is the #1 priority when I think of relationships and what they mean to me, so like... Yeah, thank you for putting this one out, I needed it.
Skin hunger just feels wrong after watching a wendigo movie, but a hug would be appreciated
Here ya go pal you can hug me
Antlers?
I've never liked being touched by anyone other than someone I get into a relationship with. Most likely it is because my mom was emotionally neglected me & treated me like a ghost until I was in my 20s. But I've had many friends comment on how weird it is that I don't hug them.
I was also left isolated alot as a kid because my mom would be in her room with her boyfriends, using, or sleeping. So I turned out to be very socially awkward, self conscious, & insecure.
It's truly tragic how much our childhood and bad parenting affects us as adults & yet people love to criticize our place in life never caring or considering how we got here and that maybe we're just desperately in need of some help to deal with our traumas.
That’s terrible and my mother was the same way, just know nobody knows the whole story and sadly most people don’t care unless it affects them, I hope for us and we can choose who’s a part of ours
Very interesting phrase! This video caught my attention because I go for long periods of time without having any physical contact with someone. I’ll occasionally randomly get a hug from a child family member and realize I actually do want to be touched. I realize how sensitive I am. Even when someone puts their hand on my shoulder, my body becomes a bit “shocked” from not having had someone touch me in a long time. Great video.
Same here. It's rare for me and always shocks me when it happens. I like it, but I think I've gotten so used to being without it that I can't get used to it or expect it.
This video poignantly highlights a personal struggle I face: the lack of genuine, unprompted physical touch in my life. While options like dance classes or massages offer a form of physical contact, they don't address the core issue. Such interactions are transactional and lack the emotional component that comes from someone choosing to connect with you. Even after experiencing these paid forms of touch, the unsettling reality persists no one made an effort to reach out to you.
This is one of the most painful feelings possible. To feel like you won't ever get a loving touch from someone is awful, especially at the age where everyone is expecting you to have had experience. Most songs, most films, loads of conversations and the main pursuit of most people's lives is about having a partner. Being surrounded by all that makes you feel defective and incredibly lonely for not ever having had one.
Very relatable. I’ve had only one relationship when I was 13 and I just turned 20 and I feel so left behind compared to my peers and wish I was able to experience the touch of someone that actually loves me but idk seems like it’s almost not destined for me.
I'm in a weird situation where I'm definitely touched starved but also I hate being touched by most everyone. I only crave the physical touch of someone I would be very close to, a.k.a a significant other or a very close friend. That being said, I current have none of those, and anyone who would touch me, especially without warning, will make me cringe internally and feel awful. This video felt strangely relatable and alien to me at the same time.
i used to be like that during the pandemic but slowly began getting used to be touched by others again more frequently
Same. I've never enjoyed hugging anyone. Not my family, friends, or anyone else. I want to hug someone I'm close to, but I'm not close to anyone.
@@amiapsychopat I felt like that my whole life. There are probably some psychoanalysies that could be done to explain it but it doesn't really matter to me. It's not like my life is ruined because I don't touch people, just leads to some very rare awkward situations.
@@biofreak03 yup. sounds familiar.
This comment describes me really well
So, here’s a reminder how impactful words and actions are on a person’s psyche:
TW: Eating disorder
Early 2020 we moved countries. I didn’t speak the language well and became really depressed after losing physical contact to my friends. The school I went to I hated. Then came Corona and lockdown. I developed an ED, becoming obsessed with sports and controlling my meals, cause it helped me feel better. I in turn, lost a lot of weight.
So one day, after my parents voiced their concerns for my rapid weight loss I became paranoid, not wanting to lose or gain more fearing what they’d say. But my ED just got worse. My depression kept getting worse and I sought comfort in hugs from my parents.
Then one day, after my dad called me terrible names (due to my rapid weight loss) and threatening to send me away to a mental hospital, saying that they’d force feed me and I’d never be able to see them again until I’m better, I wanted to hug my mum to comfort me.
So I did just that. But suddenly her hug became awkward and she started grasping my back, feeling my ribs, shoulder blades and spine. I immediately realised what she was doing and I wanted to get away. She hugged me tighter and continued feeling my body, my arms and shoulders. I lost it and started crying hysterically. She looked at me with an expression of disgust and told me I changed and should eat a burger (I also went vegetarian during this phase). Not knowing where to seek comfort, I ran to my room and occupied myself with fanfiction (as I have done before, but this time, it kinda was the only thing that gave me a break from everything around me).
When I started crying about something again the next day, my mum wanted to hug me but I physically couldn’t, as it made me feel sick and anxious. From that day, I never hugged my parents again and still don’t. Not only that, but I make a conscious effort not to touch them or have them touch me. This behaviour carried on with my new found friends and I flinch whenever they want to even just pat me or something like that. I also haven’t shook or held anyone’s hand in ages now too.
I realised a while ago how dearly I want to be held, be told that everything is fine and that they love me as I am. I’m slowly recovering from my ED now, but only due to the help of some online friends, yet the fear of being touched still very much present. I fear what they will say or think. I know that I was unhealthy, but I needed comfort in a time where my mental health was very much broken. I always loved hugs but I now avoid it like the plague.
They once asked me why I don’t like hugs and I couldn’t bring myself to tell them, that it was their actions that led me to hate them.
Instead, I read fanfictions almost everyday, imagining what it would be like to be embraced lovingly again without being afraid of them checking my body. I sometimes feel as if my heart hurts, yearning for such intimate actions.
….and the thing is, once with my friends, as she went to pull me closer to her, she grabbed my wrist. She immediately stated how small it was and that it could break if she tried hard enough. This was another blow to my crippling body image.
Anyways yeah, just please think carefully how you interact with others…
And sorry for this long ass rant lmao
Very interesting story, thanks for sharing your experience with us!
Hey, thanks for sharing a piece of your life. The easiest way to say this is... Love yourself, not the opinions of others. It's scary as hell, but don't be afraid to let others see your vulnerability; their reactions will let you know if they are meant to be in your life or not. You'll find them but it'll take time. If I could give you a hug, I would. For now, take a digital hug and be kind to yourself. 🌞✌
@@absolutelynot6546 aw thank you so much 😭 I'm gonna write this on a sticky note and put it up on my mirror, so I can be reminded of this every day ^-^ You are a kind soul 🥰
You do not have to apologize. That actually really helped me. As a smaller person I also get told similar things about being skinny, but I can't control the way God made me! That is another reason touch is uncomfortable for me, and thinking about it also gives me heartache. I'm glad you're recovering and that it's not forcefully rushed. Hopefully we'll gradually get more comfortable and find people who will treat us with respect in all ways especially through physical touch.
@@serenity1641aw, I'm glad it could help a lil^^ But I always get sad knowing others experience this too ;-; Just know, you are perfect the way you are, cause just as you have said, God created you ^^ I'm terrible with words, but I'm sending a virtual hug ❤❤ We'll definitely find people one day, somewhere~
As someone who has considerable anxiety and depression, it was only recently I found out about touch starvation. It resonates so strongly with me and my experiences. Everything in this video was 100 % accurate. I'm barely touched. I get maybe...3 hugs a year. It's been this way most of my life. The craving is so bad...but so is the recoil of the prospect of being touched. I feel... undeserving. It's a vicious cycle.
I don't want to be touched, but at the same time I do, I want to be in a relationship, but at the same time I don't, I want to be loved but at the same time I'm scared. And when these opportunities come my way I retreat and run the other way. No wonder why I'm a loner. The thought of love and intimacy sounds lovely but it freaks me out im such a weirdo...
I said this before but I am definitely touch starved. I haven't had a genuine, loving hug in ages. I don't think I should ask for it because then it may not be genuine (and it may come off as disturbing). My family aren't really huggers, either.
Touch yourself then. Just take your hand and rub your arm or face or something. Ta da! then you cannot be touch starved!
@@maozedong8370Funny, I laughed.
A strange example of me being touch starved was from Junior year of highschool. There was this person whom of which I was friends with. They had this joke where they'd rub your shoulder or carress your arm because people usually reacted with shock and confusion. It warrented a funny reaction, basically. They did this to me a few times, and I played along with the bit, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't get butterflies when it happened. Being touch starved can be so dangerous, its easy to catch feelings for someone over something as small as a hand bump.
To this day, a pat on the back will make me almost catch my breath. And I was raised in a loving family with regular hugging.
That last part is so insanely true. Being touch starved was the main cause I was stuck in a toxic relationship for almost a year
About to cry. I've experienced all of these symptoms nearly my whole life and I've never known why. This explains why I cry harder if someone hugs me to comfort me, and why I jerk whenever someone grazes my side accidentally, and why I can't take holding hands with my friends when they're taking me somewhere. I'm not even sure what this emotion is, but I'm kind of glad that I found this video. Thank you.
You hit the jack pot on this one .. I'm dying for it ❤
Here have my hug, don't die yet
How deep sleep and deep throat similar? Its been a mystery to me for many decades!
Funny, how my family is refusing to give me a hug or even a comfort pat on the back i just asked them for it.
Its the first time i asked in years. Quoted was told to get the hell out of there face.
No wonder i am touch starved.
Vedio was perfectly timed.
Feel that. My parents are the same. Sending you lots of hugs, hope you can find somebody you can trust and hug as much as you want❤
i am not alone
@@valeska6786 thanks alot.
Really needed a hug tbh. Despite how awful people can be. Still humans are social beings.
Update: hug a pillow if your going to sleep it can sometimes help.
I wish I knew all of this sooner, I always thought that I was being needy, even if my love language is touch, turns out now that I know and I'm looking back, I can relate to all of these signs. Thanks a lot for the informations and amazing video in general, as always! Lots of love to the team!
I think this is a big reason pets are beneficial to our emotional health too, they often provide the physical touch we either aren't getting or don't feel comfortable giving or receiving from people at times.
So thats why i feel so overwhelmed when i even think of even getting a hug- which i havent had for ages.. this intense feeling of loneliness is terrible.
Sure I need one badly, been on edge lately due to so much.
Update: try hugging a pillow while going to sleep it's no physical touch but it might help.
@@thecorrupted3217 i can related to y'all so much lol... sad reality this is...
Oh my gosh that's why every night I just wanna hug someone, pillows aren't enough
Was gonna just suggest a pillow,
But here have a virtual hug
Honestly this explains so much..once I had to do a dance with a partner for Spanish class and he held my hands for it like we were supposed to but just that honestly made me feel so many things afterwards my hands literally felt so warm for a few hours after and my skin felt tingly..and at first I thought I liked the guy but I had never felt anything when I looked at him..but just strangely wanted that same warm tingly feeling I got just from simple hand holding..
I'm touch starved myself! 😥
And my Autism makes accepting touch even harder because I'm SOOO sensitive.
Physical contact is my love language, and if someone does not at least want to give me a high five, I feel unloved.
Touch starvation is a problem almost nobody is talking about!
I've been touch starved for over two decades. Didn't realize it until about a year ago. It's been such a struggle to not be ready to start dating again but to really need physical touch and not having friends who like touch
Depending on where you live, you might be able to find groups created for people in your situation, for the purpose of casual, friendly physical touch. Groups will have get togethers to get to know each other and build trust with new people, and "cuddle parties" where they will gather at a person's house in comfy clothes with pillows and blankets and just lay down and cuddle with each other in a big group. There are very strict rules about anything sexually intimate being forbidden and how to address accidental arousal in men, so that nobody feels uncomfortable.
I also recommend scheduling a Swedish massage regularly. I was a massage therapist for a decade and helped a lot of people who were touch starved to relax and feel cared for in a friendly but professional, non-intimate, non-sexual way. It can be very healing, both for the physical body and muscles, and emotionally because humans are evolutionarily wired as extremely social animals, and one of the ways social bonds are reinforced is through touch.
@mystictempt763 I may try to reach out or look out for such groups soon. That's something I didn't know and the massage thing sounds like a really good idea.
Living in Maine it's a fairly difficult time finding people or new friends but not impossible. Just gotta take the time. Thanks again for the insight
yeah, that sucks. And then you specifically avoid dating because you KNOW the associated rush of emotion/ struggle to avoid being clingy will be too much to handle well. At least, I do.
@@mystictempt763I just would add that women can be accidently sexually aroused too.😅😅😅
@@mystictempt763 "Cuddle parties" makes it sound like a ped0phile sex club.
I have this weird thing where I'm either touch-starved or "touch-shy" depending on the situation.
If I'm in a room with other people, I'll sometimes sit alone so as to avoid anyone cutting into my personal space. But other times, especially when I'm excited or nervous (which I very frequently am), I'll wish that I had someone to hold on to and help me calm down.
I think physical touch is my favorite love language, though. An easy way to make my day would be for a close friend to randomly come up to me and give me a hug.
My mom recently apologized to me for not being very physically affectionate to me and my siblings when we were little. She's not a very touchy person, she never has been, whereas I'm an extremely physically affectionate person. She was watching the people at her church interact with each other and their families and she realized that she never acted that way with us. She said she wants to try and make up for it now though. I legit cried. I always knew that it had bothered me, but I didn't realize how much I needed to hear her say that, especially without me bringing it up.
In the past when I tried to bring up how certainly things she did affected me, I could tell she was genuinely sorry, but she would get a little exasperated and say, "I was just trying me best." But I already knew that. That wasn't why I had brought up with her. I just wanted to be listened to and acknowledged and not be given excuses or reasons, because I already knew what they were and had already accepted and forgiven them. This was the first time that I can remember that I got that.
I used to be very very touch starved a few years ago but fortunately I finally found friends who like physical touch as much as I do :D
I spent my childhood in loneliness since my parents were always at work and i didn't have any sibilings/pets or friends.
Gladly I have more people in my life right now and I'm grateful for it
This video (at 6 am Eastern time) is very appropriate for me. I'm only comfortable with people who really know me very well, touching me.
Time stamps:
0:00 Intro
0:34 Increased Feeling of Loneliness and Isolation
1:24 Hightened Sensitivity to Touch
2:11 Emotional Imbalanced Mood Swings
2:53 Craving Non-Intimate Touch
3:42 outro I think
2nd timestamp in this video
This is a much needed video for me. The last time I was hugged my a friend for a few seconds , I didn’t want to let her go.
It got so bad for me as a child that I decided to just train the touch starvation away. I rejected what little touch I got, hoping that I would forget how it feels to be touched and would stop missing it.
TLDR: don't do that. Put yourself out there and find friends, and then be honest with them about the way you express love. Wanting to be touched isn't sad or pathetic, it's human.
lmao why did that first part perfectly describe me. i cant tho lol, i always push them away. its one girl that touches me and i always pushed her away bc i kind of got a shock, but i do want to be touched
I am very much aware and I don't need to be reminded of how touch starved I am 😞😞
🫂
Long distance relationships be like :(
fr :((
Yeah... I see my gf around a week total every 10 months
Just if you both can commit to it, it will be worth in the end.
I know it's tough guys but hang in there I know u all got this.
True
Fr
Mine went the opposite direction. I went years without much (if any) positive physical contact. I became extremely averse to touch. I associated it too strongly with intimate love and could not stand to have just anyone touch me.
After 6+ years, I became convinced that touch must not be one of my love languages. Then I met my partner, and touch isn’t high on her list, but holding hands is one touch she is big on, and holy crap did a deluge of different feelings and realization hit me.
Touch is actually my main love language, and when I felt unloved and unloveable, I basically touch-starved myself and then gaslit myself into believing that I was touch averse.
My parents always said I was just moody and needed a lover. This started a string of bad decisions trying to not feel lonely. I'm so glad that its normal and nothing is wrong with me.
Thank you so much Psych2go. Because of your channel I was able to realize I have depression early enough that its not very severe, and I can start to help myself and work towards overcoming it. You help so many people. Thank you!!!!
Don't believe a word of this bull.
@@tommac21I'm sure they didn't get diagnosed based on the video alone.
🎶...'When I think about you, I touch myself'
I was shocked at the age of 24 when a friend group used hugs to see me off to another state. I knew then that I was touch starved. I also knew that my visceral reation to any form of touch was to pull away in confusion. It took way too long to change that imprinted reaction; yet I was eventually successful. Now, instead of dreading touch, I invite it!
Incredible.
Deffinitely me.
Recall clearly lying with my ex in her bed, and trying to word out to her that I feel sad and worried over how badly her touch is meaningful to me, it felt wrong, unhealthy, and now I underatand perfectly the feeling, it was a feeling of skin hunger, flesh hunger, touch starvation.
Comforting, deeply, to know its a well established condition.
Thank you for this awareness and language.
The phrase “skin hunger” is way too lovecraftian for what it is
It's not only that I'm touch starved but also that I've become numb to all these so called human things. Depression strengthened me in a way where suffering comforts me more than comfort ever can.
You sound as though you are a step away from becoming a nihilist. You should join us, we have no care about anyone or anything. I haven't felt any kind of emotion in 10 years.
@@maozedong8370 I've already been absurdist. Idk if nihilism is any healthy for me.
I want to cry, I relate to this so much! It is a huge struggle in my life right now because I have been cutting out unhealthy people from my life & I am estranged from my family. Starting over is not easy, but necessary.
Thank you!
I quote, > "I have been cutting out unhealthy people from my life & I am estranged from my family" /// reply, > I'm 80 years of age and am writing a book on the subject which others have assured me is too complex (it isn't), you'll find the "I walk all over people brigade" both within the family and without, given not that much time you'll see them quite differently: and find yourself amused that you didn't see through their manipulations and games much earlier. Because they can no longer control you of course they will drop you as well, and they will only re-accept you (if at all) if you allow them to again dominate your life., every success, changes of this order hurt: but not changing hurts much more.....Best wishes :)
As a licensed massage therapist, I get a lot of touch-starved people on my table. Also, as a massage therapist, I love being able to help every single client that lays on my table (or sits in my chair) to be able to relax and feel cared for (I do care for them).
As a touch-starved person I also cried watching this, as it hit pretty deep. Massage does help. It's also ok to cry on the able, don't be afraid of that-just ask for a tissue if you need one. Manicures/pedicures, facials, hair appointments can also give a little bit of touch and are great if you also like having more active conversations (as many massages are pretty quiet).
The more I watch this channel , the more I realize what a broken human being I am💀💀
ikr💀
ikr
Ikr
Ikr
Ikr
I have that but only concerning romantic touch. I haven't even held hands with someone I was romantically interested in, let alone kissed or touched them sensually, and I'm well into my 20s. I especially noticed that when I had a car accident and a young, good-looking doctor examined me, touching my naked belly to feel for fractures, firmly grabbing my hips to see if anything was out of the usual, and it was a doctor in training who took longer, and boy... I never felt so desired in my entire life. It was only my hips and belly, but it was skin to skin, and the thought of a man I love actually holding me by the hips like that makes my heart skip a beat ever since. It's embarrassing how desperate for sensual touch I am, but I can't help it. I'm not single by choice, but circumstance. I wasn't lucky enough to click with someone and I'm scared that once I do, I'll mess it up or overwhelm them with my neediness
i like your comment because it helps reassure me (as a 16 year old) that there are also people out there who yearn for actual love rather than short-term meaningless activity, but one part really threw me off
"good looking" ? if this doctor wasnt that, would you have felt the same? i dont mean this in some kind of "HAH! gotcha!" way, im just curious as to whether or not you felt desired due to the physical touch, OR because he was just simply good-looking.
hope you understand!
Don't worry about your neediness- just try to balance being measured with outpourings of emotion and being authentic. There are so many different people out there that are attracted by different things. Neediness doesn't turn off everyone
@@celloafterdark4173 thats true! people tend to forget that human beings are vastly different from one another
Yeah, people say hug family members but it just isn't the same. My immediate family is not touchy whatsoever anyway. I'm 22 but I've been wanting a girlfriend seriously since I was about 18. I've run out of excuses for why I haven't even dated yet. Honestly it pisses me off just as much as it depresses me how I am. I feel exactly the same, I just want affection. Social anxiety is essentially a "dying alone" sentence. Can't complain though because I just get told to stop and to "get on with it". Isn't that easy...
It's generally hard for me to be touched by a person of the opposite sex.
I cannot explain well how it feels, but when a leg accidentally hits mine and the awkwardness of it all, the nervousness consumes my brain and gives me many thoughts.
There are only a few individuals whom have the opposite sex that I'm friends with, so is it a lack, a feeling, a phase, or a misunderstanding?
It's tough being in a crowd or just about any public area that makes you tense and raises negative awareness, for, example, body shaming or a way of worrying about appearances, especially if don't have a lot of friends and, most of the time, you don't speak to them, unless you meet up during scheduled events like school, work, etc.
I understand that.
It's the way you've been raised.
Do you care about others views about you?
Do you let people trample you?
Do you respond almost always with a negative comment for everything?
Are you easily offended or are you hard as stone?
Many things drive us to think the way we think and act the way we act.
The point being is traumatic or terrible situations drive us look down ourselves, others, or have us afraid of the world.
Life isn't perfect, but we can have it great!
One of the most important overall aspects of living is:
Don't expect to be perfect because so and so told you have to be. It's none of their concern, nor you have to work your ass off just to please them. You work your ass off only for YOUR please and YOUR pleasure only.
Live, Laugh, Love
Live life, laugh moments, love others!
-GeekedHoopoe
I feel I am most of the time touch-starved. I can really relate to this video. My love language is actually words of affirmation. But in a time when I am alone, I always crave to be touched. What I meant was ever since I was a kid, my parents hardly or almost NEVER hold my hand especially when crossing the street. But my younger sister had my parents holding her hand which I don't understand why?!?!
So of course I felt jealous and angry. Why do my parents treat me differently?? When my best friend (who is a female) hold my hand when we walk outside it felt really nice. I needed that. My best friend in a way fill that void that I lost during my childhood days. Thanks Fadeela! 🦄💐
Hugs 🫂 💙 x
Wow romanticizing the heroes with issues as a child, has made me relate to most of your videos🤕
Im not touch starved! People beat me up often!
I really enjoy massages for this reason. The sense of the therapist touching me, especially my hands, makes me feel really good.
Watching this as a hug my pillow at night
I wonder if its possible to be so touch starved for so long that now it feels too personal being touched (even hugs) leading to a loop in which you wont allow and/or dont feel comfortable with people you trust or consider super close to you to touch you even casually, only making the starvation worse because you dont feel comfortable receiving touches unless under these ultra specific circumstances
Absolut. I've been there and it took years for me to allow my best friends to hug me 'cause beeing touched feelt wrong and weird. 🥲
@@HatsunaYamagi Im very sorry to hear that, I hope its all better now
I have become hyper aware of the slightest bit of touch, even if its on accident. Something as simple as cuddling, a hug or even held, is too much to ask for.
"By becoming more aware of these signs, you can take the necessary steps to address your need for touch". Like it's all normal, and not just a complete failure by society.
I experienced extreme touch starvation for at least 2 years, to the point where I no longer wanted to interact with anyone and emotionally snap at people with sudden anger. I would cry when my family was fast asleep in the dark furiously. I felt so dead and alone. I felt like my heart was slowly being consumed and crunched with a desire for the affectionate warmth of a person I felt close to. I wanted to stop living because I was so miserable and alone. I felt a sick dull never ending ache in my soul. Then I went to a summer camp and heard about how Jesus cares about us all and I gave my life to Christ. Now I have god’s love in my heart and all the affection I need. God is good!
After 25 years of no girlfriend finally feeling touch is like living in heaven 💖💖💖💖 I love her so much!
Aww thats cute, when did she dump and ghost you?
@@anderstermansen130 Bro what? 💀💀
I love this video and the other one as they did help me realise that I'm touch starved, I wish I could get someone to diagnose me, but I can't so I'll just have to deal with hugging others until I can reach out to someone.
Yes, I've been feeling really lonely lately, like the song 'Home' says "May be surrounded by a million people, I still feel all alone." And I feel like I really need a hug, and my family and friends don't really hug all that often, maybe they don't like hugs, but I love hugs. And because of that, all of a sudden, I've been really wanting a boyfriend, and I knew I wanted one in the future, but I wasn't really bothered by not having one yet, But now, I've been crying out of loneliness, and nobody there when I need comfort, my family and friends aren't that good when it comes to comforting, (at least me anyway) and I feel like if I had a boyfriend, he might actually understand, hug, and comfort me when I need it, and cuddle me. And sometimes, I'm not even necessarily sad or anything in the moment, but I really need a hug, and I feel like I can't ask anyone for a hug, because they would probably ask why, and I wouldn't even know why, they just wouldn't be very supportive. Sorry for the long ramble.
This is fascinating to me. Because I don’t like being touched and I generally stay away from everyone and keep to myself. I used to love hugs and all that. Now I couldn’t care less and am happy in my little bubble.
I relate..... hard..... It's funny though to look back on things I said/did as a teenager and realize this was what was happening. I thought I was so weird.... I thought I was some creep or something. I remember when I had to go to a skin doctor for a rash I'd been having. And feeling her rub my arm to figure out what it was felt so good.... I couldn't tell the difference and thought liking ANY touch was s3xual in nature and thought I was such a creep for wanting more. All I really wanted was some cuddles though..... Or hand holding. Anything really. Still feel it as an adult. It's frustrating. But It's nice to know what it is now.
yeah
Touch starved? Here have my hug🤗
Thanks
The more intimate touches I get from my family. Right now, I'm living with my parents, and they're basically the only family I have. I have the congregation, where many brothers and sisters care for me and have different forms of physical bonding.
It's safe to say that what I crave the most is the touch of a woman, one that has an interest in knowing me as a friend and possibly becoming a romantic and sexual partner.
Non-intimate touches I've been getting a lot since last Saturday, when abdominal pain that started on Thursday landed me on hospitalization due to pancreatitis. Already had a gall bladder stone removal surgery this past Tuesday, with the gall bladder removal surgery scheduled for tomorrow Friday. The medical crew and hospital staff have been wonderful with me so far, and many family, friends and acquaintances have wished for an overall speedy recovery.
These past days have been ones that I haven't experienced the levels of anxiety I have these past months.
This is why everyone needs to read The 5 Love Languages. Physical touch is one of the love languages. A book everyone should read.
I haven't been touched in ages.
I miss it so much. I just feel so alone. T_T
Great video
Hi alex!
Some of these signs sound like normal depression or the aftermath of trauma. The overlap is unhelpful but "imagine being hugged" is directly relevant.
I very much resonate with this topic. Unfortunately, I find myself hugging my pillow to replicate a hug and feel comforted when I am upset/having a rough day.
I have most of the symptoms of touch starvation because I am autistic and don’t usually like to be touched. Never have and probably never will. What makes this worse is I was touched without my consent at 15 years old by someone who had an obvious crush on me, which made my distain for touching even worse.
I'm autistic as well and totally understand what you mean. Don't say that you never will like it, though. For about nine months, I was in a light relationship with someone who respected my space. They always sat on the opposite of the table until I invited them to come and sit beside myself to get them out of a cold draft. Our way of shaking hands when saying hello was a pinkie finger grasp, which eventually evolved into holding hands when walking together. I still was reserved in public, but when it was just the two of us, I was okay with letting them put their big arm over my shoulders.
Things have broken off, but I feel that experience helped desensitise me to physical contact, which has been wonderful for my mother. She has been respecting my need for space for so long that it has hurt her in a way, so myself being okay with allowing her to give me a hug is good for us both.
Ah god I feel that whole touched without consent thing
I didn't know personal space was exclusive to people with autism????
(I am now just realising you may have meant sexually, I'm such a dumbass lol)
Dont worry, it only gets worse as you get older.
I don’t think I feel some of the symptoms of heightened responses to touches but I definitely feel increased loneliness when there is a lack of touch, especially during my last relationship which ended up being long distance for over a year
I literally want hugs and cuddles everyday.
When my best friend died a few years ago, life just wasn't the same.
I'm just existing, not really living.
I have got noone to blame.
My pain, a gift that keeps on giving.
I've roamed the corners of my mind, for an answer to my pain.
I've imagined the unimaginable and thought up the unfathomable.
Yet, there was nothing for me to gain.
There was no light to be found inside of me.
A void stretching out to infinity.
A pit without walls to climb, and nothing but pain to find.
Yet, I searched for a way out of this reality.
The void seemed never ending, yet, when I hit my lowest point,
I understood.
This void was not infinite, it had an end.
My pain and my suffering were not endless.
As I imagined what possibilities await me,
the wonders of the world and all that might come after this life,
the void, instead, became a storage place for all the things and sights I could imagine.
Like a beautiful dream, I kept imagining all kinds of places,
all kinds of people, animals, plants, scenarios and so much more.
I felt like a stranger in my own mind, like a traveler, searching for the light.
I can't exist in my dreams forever, dreams always have an end.
But at the end of a dream, a new day awaits.
Can I have a virtual hug?
🫂
🤗
My oxytocin levels are non-existent
oh how I love it when food starvation and physical starvation combine for 26 fucking years into being completely and utterly shattered inside and out, truly a combination from the heavens.
I fell asleep watching this and I had a dream about hugging my crush the whole time
As an autistic person, I am not touched starved. I hate being touched or anyone in my personal space, by the way which is arms length.
I missed "Heightened sensitivity to touch 1:23" when I watched the video :( As a then 75-year-old "introvert" I had/have no contact with anyone other than the checkout people in supermarkets once a week but on one occasion chance brought me into contact with a couple of wonderful/helpful young men in the car park: and after a few words one of them put his arm on my shoulder as a way of saying you're not alone in this difficulty mate, but such was the sense of shock and intrusion I very nearly fell to the ground: and I really do mean that in a very physical sense, so a heightened sensitivity to touch, I hold to be very real...............
As someone who doesn't feel romantic or sexual attraction, platonic cuddles are the best! I learned something new about myself with this video.
"Do you often feel a strong longing for physical affection...?"
Nope. Nobody's touched me in an age, and that's exactly how I like it