Sailing solo by choice. That`s how I started out but is it what I still want?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 15 ก.ย. 2024
- Back to solo sailing. I love the autonomy that comes with it but is it what I still want? | Untie The Lines S7E10
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Ahoy everyone!
My name is Nike and I have been living and sailing on my sailboat Karl since 2013. After a massive refit marathon, I finally cast off the lines and learnt to solo sail my 37-foot Reinke Super 10 that I called "Karl". I am publishing videos (at the moment every two weeks) about the ups and downs of living, repairing and sailing my boat.
Since January 2022, I have a new permanent crew member: my furry friend Boga. When I started out, I did not know much about boat repair or solo sailing. Since I am still out there, I hope that my story inspires others, to chase their dreams, even if they might think they are not cut out for it. There is always a way, so I'll see you out there!
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Thanks to everybody who has supported the creation of these video and has shared this epic adventure with me so far. It would not have been the same without you!
Lots of ocean love, Nike🧜♀, Boga 🐾 and KARL ⛵
#solotravel #solosailing #soloboatlife #solosailorgirl
From the bottom of my heart, thank you for all your thoughtful messages and for sharing such personal insights on solo sailing versus sharing the experience. Your words gave me so much valuable food for thought, and once again, I’m reminded of what a special community we have here on this channel. In a time when many comment sections are filled with negativity, I feel truly grateful that this space remains so friendly, supportive, and thoughtful. I hope you all know how much I deeply value this.
Sending much ocean love to you,
Nike
I'm 65yrs old and suddenly alone for the last two years. Getting older by yourself is not something I recommend. Find yourself someone you like as a friend (friendship is everything). Find someone you can talk to, share the good and bad, and allows you plenty of space when needed.
I can relate to what you and the guys are saying. It would be nice to have someone to share the good times with! Like when you see something special , I always say...wow! I wish I had someone to share this with! Also getting older, I find myself more cautious, because I know that, I have a bigger chance of getting hurt!
Thanks for the video...!
Wish I could be there!
Stay safe from the east coast of Canada 🇨🇦 🙏
I’m 66 and can totally relate been living alone for 10 years
I think the right person or crew mate will understand that you are an introvert and need your personal time/ space. A good relationship/friendship is about compromise, but it’s also about understanding. If personal space is something that you need and is important to you, then that should be part of the conversation.
I've followed you longer than almost every other sailing channel. Right from the beginning finding out just how bad off your boat was when you first saw it in Panama and enjoyed it a lot. But, I must say, I've followed probably 30 other sailors, some solo, some partners, some huge groups. I know your challenged with sailing solo, worried somehow re what if something happens I can't handle, and that may be why your still here on the "left coast". I've watched sailors actually sail WITH YOU who have ventured out into the unknown and done really well. And a few who you may just have heard of. I wouldn't want you to be "fairly happy" but rather I'd like to see you as one of the happiest ladies on the planet. I really do believe to be that person you'd have to seriously "untie the lines" and leave this coast. I hope your not unhappy for me to say that. But, I think it would pay off in a huge way. For one reason, your from the EU ! You could stay in French Polynesia for at least a year, maybe longer, for less money than most, because of your lucky status ! Bon Voyage !
Solo liveaboard here. I'm right there with you on everything you've said. I love my alone time and truly need that in my life. While I have felt closed in after a wile with someone in my space, I also crave intimate companionship and friendship, and feel that as I get older, I am happier overall with people in my life. While I have not met my forever cruising partner yet, I am confident they are out there and have the same need for closeness and independence. I think having the same life goals and outlook on life and values, and true communication and mutual respect are the keys to a successful cruising relationship. Boat size also matters. You need to have your own space that is uniquely yours. That can be done on a 50'+ boat, but more difficult the smaller the boat. Center cockpit designs also give you a more broken up space that allows you to find space away from the other person. Alone space should be one of the key requirements when looking at a boat as a couple. Also space on deck to chill. Like having enough flat space to workout. The more you are on top of each other, the more you are likely to feel that need to be alone over time.
SOLO MUSINGS - (long winded - sorry):
1. As a wanna-be live-aboard sailor I have always envisioned sharing that experience with some one very special person. However i have always been single and lived alone. Humm......
2. I have followed the videos of "Sailing Miss Lonestar" since her beginning as a sailor with her then husband. Over the years she has had several "special men" in her life, and I believe her choices have become better and more mature over the years. Her last one, "Squirrel" ended somewhat abruptly but it seemed to have all of the makings of something lasting for them both. There are other sailing channel folks which have struggled with these same issues over time, and then there are the successes like the Matt & Jess, Wynns, and Riley & Elaina to name but three.
3. Sailing partners like we are speaking about do not grow on palm trees! They are rare folks and thus the choices are a bit more limited.
4. Is "solo" really an EGO trip to perhaps apologize for? I believe this can be answered either way. There is certainly much to be said for making your daily or hourly timetable, your own daily itinerary, and your own choices. Too often I have seen myself and others in relationships where the other person was insecure enough to desperately NEED someone to "complete" them and be there to do THEIR things, bend to their desires. NO!
5. Your solo sailing friend is probably right to wait for a "right" person (1 of many) before committing to anything long term, but long journeys do begin with a single step, and sticking one toe in the water, then another just might eventually lead to total immersion. Exploring with a toe or two might not be a bad thing, even "enjoying each other" in physical intimacy without mistaking that for a lifelong commitment of "true love" should be healthy and possible.
6. It seems to me that perhaps the key might be in a concept of living your semi-separate lives, together but with serious respect for each others' "space" and privacy, with loose rules of what it is you really enjoy sharing together.
7. Waaaaay back in my misspent youth the gossip columnist "Ask Abby" was asked, "What is love?" I saved and have never forgotten the bones of what she wrote. "Love is Friendship on Fire." Much is to be said for that concept.
8. But we each need to ask our personal angels or spirit guides for that person to enter. Then we have to be aware enough to recognize the gift that is on offer before our eyes.
Carpe Deim. Joy. Thankfulness.
I have to say, a lot of good things in this post. But, I also need to point out that the right person is just that, and cannot be denied. My wife (4th) is my everything, best friend, mate, lover, litterally the world to me. We enjoy each others presence to the point that we have more fun doing bad or even sad things together than most couples seem to have on a great date! We think and feel so much alike that we are inseperable. We can both see and we are both keenly aware of just how rare this relationship is. I know, no matter how much time I get to share with her on this earth, it will never be enough. So, the perfect person is out there for you and Niki and everyone, the trick is to be open. Find yourself, then do what you love, and see who is out there doing what you like, when you like to do it and you will have a great start.
Arnie, thanks for sharing your thoughts. Enough here to spend a whole week philosophying (is there such verb in English?). "Love is Friendship on Fire" - just that phrase alone makes me want to dive deeper into what that analogy. I will ponder about this a bit with my next morning coffee, thanks for the food of thought
@@WhiteSpotPirates Love Lady, YOU are so very very welcome. Soar Free while holding hands !!! I'd love to be that lucky man in your future.... but alas.
@@arniestuboud Dear Abbey?
@@WhiteSpotPirates Niki, If there is anything else you wish to share as you ponder, feel free.
Blessings, Peace and Joy, Barney "Arrnie"
Watching this while at anchor in the most solitude spot of the usually overcrowded Grvelingemeer in Holland. I love the solitude.
Sounds like what you need is someone with the same needs for space/time alone. My husband and I are both like that and can sit beside each other all day never saying a word, but still feel the closeness while having our mind/space to ourselves. We are each other's best friend, but neither of us needs to be entertained by the other. Also, neither of us have controlling personalities. We get along very well in the tiny space of our boat full time.
This sounds much like Tara (my wife) and I's relationship. We tease that we share a brain, but it is really like we do. We do and think and feel the same things at the same time, to the point that a song might be playing on the radio and we might sing one line or phrase of the song together simultaniously. Even though it would seem to be a random part of the song, it just hits us at the same time in the same way, and we somehow naturally react the same... Yes unique and weird from our perpective....
thanks so much for sharing this insight about you and your partner. It`s great to hear that you two are managing the balance between space and companionship so well 💗
Hold on, don’t despair! I’ve been watching your videos for years and found you to be a strong, independent woman. My gosh, to find a mate that could help me use power tools and refinish my interior and exterior wood!!! And Hot Dog, a German girl!!! I wanted to sail away with my wife, but had to come to realize I was too old, at that point, and unable to handle all the rigors of the sail life. Wow, everything I wanted to do at that point. I also know what it’s like to share the comforts of a mate who enjoyed the same adventure as my own. It’s tough to find someone who can let go from the supposed “normal life” and embrace the dream. Please enjoy the rambling of an old man and enjoy a life that many will never be able to live and be true to yourself.
I don't believe " perfect balance" is a reality. You can still achieve something close to that over and over again.... and cherish those moments. Smile.... Peace in every breath. 🌞⛵🌴
And, I will continue to live vicariously through your endeavors!!!
If you ever wanted crew for a couple of weeks, I'd hop the jet asap. Love your energy and spirit. [Seattle]
I think the best way to get both, company, independence, safety, is the buddy boat system, a number of solo sailors sail together for awhile on passage or to new places together you have another boat in case something happens beach cook BBQ, you go home to your own boat when you need your space if you want to solo again your off the next morning, there is a great cruising community that operates this way.
"When the individual does not become aware of his inner contradictions, the world will necessarily represent the conflict." 🤔
I’ve been doing full time cruising, living aboard, and generally boat bound for 7 years with my wife. About 4 years ago my wife almost died from cancer and then got MS like symptoms. So, I found myself in a position where I have to be able to single hand and do 90% of the stuff. My adult twins came cruising with us so that helped but now they’re cruising the ABC islands on their own and may not come back (that’s a good thing). I’ve single handed, had large crews, and grew up on boats. I’m somewhere around 30 years living aboard in total. Everything you said rings true. My situation is the love of my life is here and she is scrappy. It’s just really rough when you’re looking at all the tasks between cruising seasons, the long watches, the grind. It’s great because she does help and is doing everything to get her strength back. Life is unique as seen through each persons eyes. Life is ever changing. Embrace the new is what I would say.
Well you know we have managed to sail for almost six years together now, but not without a lot of work and a bit of counselling. We have our morning ritual of coffee and the news, followed by a video to cheer us up from the news, (WhiteSpotPirates is definitely on the agenda every Saturday. So glad to see your face every week.). I think a big enough boat and separate activities is definitely needed to keep captain and crew happy.
In terms of solo sailing I think one factor you didn't mention is the stage of life you are in. If you are young for most people there are still a lot of choices to be negotiated: have a long terms relationship, perhaps children, save money for when you are older etc. When you are older, these choices are behind you. If you then decide to go solo sailing, there are fewer dilemmas because for good or bad, you have dealt with that, and it is very unlikely you will do those things again. Hence this is another form of "coming up for air": if you decide to go solo sailing, this is the only thing still in front of you, and there is very little else to negiotiate in your own life.
What you are going through is a natural progression of getting older. Our priorities change and so do our life choices.
My thoughts exactly. When young, you take risks in traffic, sports (diving, sky diving, etc) and when years accumulate, you stop feeling like immortal.
That hike reminded me of a hike you and Maria did where you said something like Germans never go back on the same trail we forge a new path, and you made it just like that last hike up a steep hillside only this time it was a rocky shoreline. Those small things like that inspire me to continue forging my own path, never turn back keep going
😂 yeah it was definitely one of those. When Vinny said: “we have to turn around, we cannot go past those rocks”…that defo triggered me 🙈 and 3/4 through I thought “oh-ohhhhhh” but then it was too late - as usual. But we made it out unharmed and super happy. And there was cold beer at the other end. So I would definitely do it again.
I'm available Nike!! Just don't tell the wife and I'll have to bring two dogs and my Elvis records! :)
🤭🤭🤭
At 51 I’m currently refitting my 1980 Morgan to start this solo journey! Been looking forward to this for years. Hope it’s as self reflecting as it has been with you and other solo sailors🙂
Hey Nike,
Thanks for posting.
Being honest with fellow crew makes time together better for me... That sometimes, maybe always, scares me very much! Every time it turns out beautiful with honesty.
Length of time becomes less important.
Started helping a friend and then receiving help...
Sometimes go on my own still and now she's a commercial Capt... We work/ collaborate on deliveries... Together , individually as shore support for passages. Half dozen of us share... When share we call ourselves a cooperative and when we compete we're a syndicate.
Cheers SV Good Karma as Grins.
Travis and I have been on a sailboat together since meeting and have been doing such hard projects together! We do communicate our need for solo time apart and it helps a lot. Being with one person on a sailboat can be a lot. Structure in your life is good and you expressing your individual needs is super important too! 😊
Thanks for sharing that, Ashley. Sounds like you found a good way to keep a healthy balance. I am happy for you and Travis and hope you will have a lot more sailing adventures together.
I have been doing dishes since I was 8 years old, by hand, so that is about 48 years. I don't mind that. On my old Hunter 376 that had 2 sinks in the galley, I washed in one and put the dishes in the other to dry. I rarely took dishes out of the locker as I just re-used them from the sink. I got into a habit of washing right after using and it was easy and kept things neat.
After getting married I had my wife do the cooking and cleaning. Well, she was used to letting dishes pile up and do them once a day. That really bugged me. Now we are in a house like I said in the other post and she goes to work so I do the cooking and cleaning and I have gotten into the habit of letting them pile up and doing them just before she gets home. If it's a lot I break down and use the dish washer. At least in the house though we have the room for it.
We want to finish our around the world trip, actually, we have to start over as our boat is back in Texas where I started in 2012. I do worry about what it will do to our relationships. Will my boy like it. We quit cruising when he was 2.5 years old so we don't know. He will be about 9 when we start again. Will my wife get off the boat or will we get on each other's nerves again? Can we handle being on the boat together for 20 days at sea? The longest we did before was 12 days and after that leg we had our worst fight ever.
I think space and time apart is great for relationships but sometimes it just doesn't work well with cruising. At times I miss my single, solo cruising days but for the most part, I wouldn't go back at all. My wife is great. My boy drives me nuts but he too is great and they are the center of my universe now where as before, cruising was the center of my universe. If I never get to go again I am cool with that. I have large pictures all over the house of places I've been like Bora Bora, Tonga, Bahamas, Grenada, Panama and so on to remind me that I am a lucky guy to have lived so free for a while.
Wow! You and your friends are spot-on with those feelings for and against going solo. I love my solo time, but I recognize, for me, it is not an either-or situation -- I also enjoy having my wife aboard cruising and I like having crew on longer passages. I feel very fortunate I can sail all 3 ways. What's kinda funny is that I find my self looking forward to being solo when I have crew aboard, looking forward to my wife flying in after being solo for a while, and then at some point pining for solo time again. But I also enjoy all 3 modes. I guess you need to mix it up a bit and find the right balance.
I am not offering an answer to the question you are presenting, however, I will say that you should be mindful of the “echo chamber” that is social media. It is all to easy to get caught in it. Be as honest with yourself as you can possibly be, and make adjustments slowly, that is my best offering. It isn’t easy to establish what you have, while it is easy for others to catch a ride. Or said another way, you are your only obstacle to your dreams, until you introduce another person. You have done well, don’t give up without a lot of thought. I wish you fair winds and following seas which ever way you chose!
I like how you accepted the blogger's criticism. Life is better when mirrors don't offend.
I know what you mean. I cruised for 6 years solo. A few times I had guest/friend over and it was great but the best part of the dinghy ride back to the boat after dropping them off. I felt so free and relaxed.
On year 5 when I spent 30 days solo sailing from Panama City to Marquesas Islands I had a lot of time to think. I had decided since Filipino women liked me and they don't get seasick that I was going to go there and find a wife who likes to sail and live on a sailboat. I had tried that in America but failed but was sure I would succeed in the Philippines. Well, I never made it there because I met a woman in Tonga and got married there, had a little boy and Well, because of the virus, we are living in the mountains of Colorado now.
I had met maybe a hundred women who wanted to tame me; get me to settle down, buy a house and raise a family. Figured the one I thought I would cruise the world with for decades is the one who got me to buy a house. Here is the kicker...we moved in 2.5 years ago. We are itching to get back out on the water. With rushing things, it seems it's going to take another 2 more years but we will get back out there.
When we were still cruising, even after upgrading from a 37' to a 55' sailboat, I still needed my space at times. It was hard to get her off the boat without me. That caused problems. Now she goes to work while I work from home and our boy is now in 1st grade, so I get my free time and feel good. I have warned her that if we go cruising again she will have to get off the boat with our boy and go do stuff while I sit on the boat and work (mostly just wait for work).
I am the type who needs my alone time and can handle being alone for a long time, but I know I don't want to be alone forever and I doubt anybody does. My wife is not an outgoing person. I love her but it would make things easier on us if she was so she could go out and hang with others at times. So my advice is to find an outgoing person.
Before I started sailing, and bought my boat, I watched many TH-cam channels. I was searching for a channel which would inspire me to achieve my dream. One of those channel is your channel. You have been an inspiration and thanks to you I made the jump, sold everything in 2020, and started to live my dream. To my surprise I met you and Boga, last year at marina Chiapas only for a short time because I was leaving the next day. Fortunately our paths crossed again and spending time with you and Boga was a treat.
Thanks Nike for making me part of your journey (WhiteSpotPirates) and hope our paths crosses again.
Vinny
Hey Vinny, it was a great pleasure running into you and Dean again. I very much enjoyed you guys`s company and the chats that we had. Hasta la promxima, amigo 😘
The “ego trip” thing isn’t always the explanation for why we do things. I’ve always had strong drive to do this or that, like my life depended on it, then for 5 years or so there wasn’t anything. Just day to day stuff. When the next “I have to do this” feeing came around I was alive again with direction and purpose and now it’s a matter of keeping it contained so some of the mundane still has space to happen. I believe that not everyone feels the need to do something so powerfully that it dominates their life so decisions like yours to sail off alone do look like ego trips, but ego is in the mind. There’s a big difference in feeling compelled rather than thinking compulsively, people who set out and succeed as you have seem to always be of the former, naysayers more so the latter. Follow your heart, it’s led you on a wonderful journey this far…..
That`s some interesting food for thought, thanks for sharing that and also for sharing your personal thoughts on the topic. I very much relate to what you wrote about the "I have to do this" feeeling and then being so filled up with it that it`s difficult to see left and right and that it`s kind of dominating everything. Have you ever dived into understanding why this strong drive comes up and what it gives you?
One is for many a beautiful number, perhaps the only number. Me, myself and I.
I'm glad you're contemplating sharing your life with someone. Balance is not an opportunity but for a happy living sailing or not. We need to share our thoughts, our joy's 🎉. Good luck & I think you already have... ❤
You are always happier around people, sailing/ living with a partner is not always the answer. You are very strong and therefore control these situations…when you figure it out please let me know as I am very much like you navigating life!!!
Hopefully you will find a consistent message with encouragement you share your passages in fairest winds and foul. Thumbs Up 🎉
It`s called maturing , it can be a struggle!
I “solo” sail each winter. But it isn’t solo living. So many friends on the oceans. Dig deeper, what are you missing in your friendships? Intimacy? Continuity? I am always sad at the parting, and have faith that a new friend will fill the void. I still hang out with couples sometimes, great people out here.
This is a perfect example for the old german saying: "Jede Medaille hat zwei Seiten" I guess 😉. You take the good with the bad, and vice versa.
I'am not a liveaboard right now, but I'am solo and travel by my self in my vacations. I agree with all what you said.
yes, very true, everything is a two-sided sword for sure! That`s probably what makes life so interesting and keeps us on our toes questioning if what we opted for is still what we want.
Nike, you are smart and determined. There is no doubt you will make the correct decision.
I sold everything in 2020, bought a sailboat in Virginia and took off for Florida. I had a dream of hauling out, doing what the boat needed, and taking a trip back to Philadelphia before heading south again. I had dreams of the crystal clear waters of the Bahamas and destinations further away. I was going to do it all solo. I've been in a marina for the last 3 years because I finally realized I don't want to do it alone. Finding someone who can put up with me and wants to live on a sailboat full-time is dang near impossible. I can't complain though, There are a whole lot of awesome people here at the marina and quite a few liveaboards. It wasn't the plan, but I feel like I belong here for a reason that hasn't manifested yet.
The hardest part is leaving the Dock, deep breath and just do it 😊
Is she waiting for you on the other side of the sea?
@@secretsquirrel6124 I did that twice. The day I bought the boat, 10 months later when I left Florida and I sincerely doubt there is anyone compatible waiting for me in some far off land. Even though I have a lot of friends and I'm liked by most people who meet me, I'm very hard to live with, especially on a 37' sailboat. I haven't dated since 2007 and at my age, there isn't a good reason to start now. Maybe one day, when I have an autopilot and every possible line rigged to the cockpit, I'll give it another shot
Just go and do it! You can't live your sailing dreams, tied up at a Marina! Just do short day trips first. Always keep an eye on the weather and have a emergency port, in case you don't reach your destination! I am also a solo sailor, on the east coast of Canada! Two years ago I sailed my Mirage 27 from Toronto Ontario to Fogo Island, Newfoundland. A trip of about 2000 NM! A great adventure and experience!
@@lloydbrown9327Lloyd, reading comprehension is key. A little background on me. I've been boating since the age of three and I'm now in my mid 50's. I've already done the day trips, weekend trips, and the 2 months it took to get to Florida from Kinsale, VA waiting out storms and hanging out in particular places for a week or so. As far as my "sailing dreams", when I sit back and really process it, a lot of it was fueled by watching multiple sailing channels. In a way, I really don't need to go to the Bahamas. I've already been there courtesy of TH-cam. Sure, I'd like to experience it first hand, but if I get there, I do and if I don't, no dying regrets
Sounds like you need a relationship with a solo sailor/buddy boat situationship. Best of both worlds . Have your own space plus you have the added safety of another boat close by all the time .
I'm often a loner and like it. But, having a partner Is something I really value in my later years.
You are set to the free spirit life style, a Sea Gypsy that loves to roam. Suggest you have a part time temporary crew mate for the long journeys.
Thanks Nike for sharing so openly and honestly. Just reading below, it seems that there is nothing new about your situation, and while I am in the same 'boat', I'm not sure that I have much to add.
Seems like a part of you is warming to the idea of having a companion on board for a while. Might as well give in to that and enjoy all that this mode of travel has to offer. It may not be forever - but as you know, all we ever really have is now.
Love you Nike! Life is certainly ever changing and we're ever evolving. Hope you can find your sweet spot. Safe travels. ❤
Wow I remember watching your videos when you were first starting out. Glad to see you are still out there doing what you love.
Thank you once again for this video. I think solo versus crew might pair down to falling in love and what we do, and love about doing, with a partner that we are in love with. All the obstacles mentioned before regarding solo vs. companion may have more to do with how much we are in love with our partner, and how that love turns into the joy of compromise and collaboration. If the joy is lacking then we need to search deeper within ourselves and also our relationship.
Just my two cents as a single solo Sailor… L O L
Nike, you do not need to prove anything to anyone. You are as hard core a sailor as there is. As for solo or with crew it’s your choice and you will make the right decision for you.
I’m simply a single handing coastal cruiser, living full time on my sailboat, here in British Columbia. Being old enough to be your grandfather, after decades of living on my own I’m pretty set in my ways. I would love to share these experiences with someone, but as you alluded to, sailboats are small. Everyone needs their personal time and I don’t know how to accommodate that on a small sailboat.
Ok, having said all that I’ll watch with interest how you sort out some of these same issues.
BC is a wonderful cruising ground, I hope you are enjoying your coastal cruising adventures up there!
I'd go your a amazing person and inspire meany people with your amazing journey
How about taking a crew aboard for that 1200 mile northbound journey you have coming up. See how long you can hold your breath free diving.
As for when sailing, yeah, I think it was great for me to cruise first solo. It allowed me to concentrate on it. Now I don't need that anymore and I do enjoy having 'crew' with me, especially if that crew is capable and helps with things like cleaning the hull before a leg or provisioning. I like being a traditional captain who oversees and delegates choirs and doing the planning instead of having to do it all.
I found a pretty good balance last cruising season, sailed from Guaymas (San Carlos) to Yalapa and back again over 4 months. I had a few different crew join me for various parts and alternated single handing. I'm like you I think, Nike - I need my alone time but I also value companionship. I had a girlfriend fly down for some of the nice parts (good weather in beautiful cruising grounds, no hard crossings and no major boat projects, so she has a one-sided view of cruising where everything is perfect) and I had space to "come up for air" as you put it, and recharge my self by solo sailing. I also had some young hands aboard to help with boat projects in exchange for sailing and cruising instruction... wow, what a huge help some of them were! Launching the boat and putting her up on the hard are just lists of jobs big and small as you well know, and having the help and company made it easier. As with some of the longer crossings, like mainland back to baja northbound, we had wind in our face the whole time and it took three days of beating and bashing - really appreciated have crew then as well. I also met a great girl on the beach who sailed with me for a month, and felt extremely lucky to have someone so eager to learn and had the same OCD organizing habits as me, kept the boat so neat! I loved cycling through crew, but teaching each one how the boat works and how to sail her is draining too. it takes a week at least before they become really helpful, so having someone stay for 2-3 weeks is a good amount of time for them to get acquainted with the boat and my ways of running her, and then be helpful. I also love connecting with new people, finding out their story, getting to eat their recipes, finding out what they are good at, and sharing lots of laughs and adventures without becoming bored of them...or them of me! I think 2-4 weeks is ideal to have a cruising companion. Nike - I recommend San Carlos over Guaymas - it costs just a bit more than Guaymas but it's so much nicer in san carlos! very chill and you can walk or bike to everything, and a sweet protected anchorage. And I'll be there! I'll buy you a beer if we run into each other and we can swap some salty tales...
Hi Nike. I've been a subsciber since your early days and still watch every episode. I'm in my late 50's and was only married for a few years in my 30's. I've been living onboard solo for the last 7 years or so and I have never wanted or even considered having somene else onboard. I enjoy my freedom, independance and peace far too much.
I guess in a perfect world there is someone out there who could make my life better or at least add something positive to it, but it's hard to imagine how. My life feels pretty darn good to me the way it is. Not to mention the chances of finding that one in a million person seems pretty slim even in an ideal world let alone one in which we live such an isolated existence.
thanks for sharing your experience with this topic. I don`t believe there is a one in a million but I do believe that it is possible to share life in one way or another. This sharing looks different to each individual and finding someone that matches your ideas of that and that you can commuicate well with...that is a challenge. And then making it work...keeping it working...it`s not so much about perfection but also dedication, patience, compromises, empathy, vulnerability...haha, the list could go on.
I am happy for you that your life feels pretty darn good to you! 😘
It’s not easy to find the balance to able to be alone without feeling guilty (as you so elegantly put it) and still not have to be lonely. As so many other things in life, it’s about liking yourself, I guess, and to be able to distinguish what is really important for you.
And, unfortunately, money is usually a factor ;)
From the man perspective. This video resonates a lot with my own thoughts so I thought I will share what I think. I am going towards sailing and probably solo as I do not have someone to share this yet. Although even on shore I am spending huge amounts of time alone and mostly enjoying it and always happy be with myself after being in company.
Can you imagine and appreciate the degree of freedom you have right know on everything as well as the internal power needed to handle it? Do you know for how many people this is a distant dream and fear…?
Independence is strong financial situation as well because it allows us to choose different options. Then there is only need to communicate and share expectations. Look how many couples on shore are living together only because of practicality…
On ego trip - I understand your point of view up to the point. But look without that ego you might have never untight the lines and would be sitting in Gemany doing office work. Would be that a better option. Ego is power and is needed to move forward this is fuel as fear might be. Ego is very much mistakenly accused nowadays.
For myself I do wish an independent freedom appreciating independent person then there is only communication and doing and adjusting down the road.
So many great comments under this video! Enjoyed video and comments!
Smile & enjoy both.
Still love you and your channel.
You are so true, so authentic. I am like you, I think.
If I was living on my boat I would need my time-off, by myself.
I think the first few days or weeks you need to acclimatize living 24/7 with someone else. Then it could work well for awhile but that is because you made and are continuously making compromises. Finally after a bit longer I would need my space, both physical and mental space.
Cheers,
a.
thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. I believe there are compromises to be made with each decision. Also deciding to go the solo route comes with compromises. You just have to pick which ones you want to make, I guess
Loving your emotional honesty
I can't speak for sailing solo, but I do travel solo. And I absolutely love it! The autonomy of doing what I want when I want (or doing nothing) is wonderful. My last trip I met my brother after a month in Spain and we traveled together for a few weeks. But we both agreed to go do things on our own and didn't get upset about it. I'm sure that being underway sailing is a bit different when you have someone else there. And if you want someone to sail with you, I'm 100% sure that you would have plenty of volunteers! I've stated before that I'd be honored to be crew for Karl! Only thing I'd need is a little time to settle a few things at home! Hugs from Texas!
thanks for sharing your experience traveling with your brother. It`s nice to have the possibility to venture together for a while and then do some solo stuff without hard feelings. That`s what I really enjoy aout buddy boating. Greetings to Texas!
I always say the ocean will find your weakness and then your head will do the rest.
Sailing alone is freedom with no one to tell about it, if one likes the alone time and finds the tedious tasks ok to not share, then it’s not as hard to do.
If one needs confirmation or the security of having someone there then sailing alone might just be a part time endeavor. And in the end it most of the time comes down to cost.
The cost of sailing
The cost of being alone
The cost of managing supply runs
The cost of safety
The cost of being alone
The cost of mental health
The cost of love or absence of it
Sailing solo is only good for people that have grown to get to know themselves a lot, have peace with themselves, love to be around themselves, enjoying their solitude. They are able and know how to depend on their abilities to handle situations. That said, doesn't mean that they are antisocial. They enjoy being with people, but the best time they have, is when they are alone with their boat. They talk to her loud and often they hear what she says and they can actually have a conversation with her and the elements around her. Something that probably would never happen sailing with company/crew. There may come a point though, that one begin to feel the need not to sail solo anymore. That might happen after one has been solo sailing and living aboard for years and suddenly has began to get the taste now and then sailing with crew. I have been sailing singlehanded for years. Now and then I will have company and I will enjoy it. But the moment they leave the boat, I will breath deep and speak to my boat and say: you and me alone again baby.
very well done, some good points to consider... thanks
happy to hear that you enjoyed the episode!
The confines of a small boat with has many challenges. No space or privacy is extremely limited. If it’s a relationship or friend or crew person. I sailed has a crew person on a small 32 foot sailboat from San Diego to La Paz. Having common interest is important. When I met the owner who just purchased the sailboat in the Bay Area who wanted a crew person to sail to South Africa. He told me he interviewed somebody else and the person expressed he practiced yoga. WELL I’ve been practicing yoga for 20 plus years so that comment didn’t go well with me. I didn’t tell him I was a devoted yogi and let it go. We were together for a month and it was very challenging time. I have no regrets and had many beautiful sunrises and sunsets. Stopped at Turtles bay. Bahía Santa Maria Ensanada Cabo . I’m in the process of purchasing my own sailboat and like you and your friends on other boats I will be a single sailer Someone to share my life with would be ideal but I’m not going to wait for that special someone.
Thanks for sharing your experience. Common interest can for sure be helpful. Having a similar idea of your lifestyle / preferences, too. And then again, it can also be very inspiring to have your differences.
Hey, good luck with purchasing your own sailboat, that sounds very exciting! I wish you many fun adventures ahead - and of course some of those shared sunsets ;P
I think the space is not a limitation to a relationship. Personally, girlfriends I had in the past were claiming me. That's what I felt. Around 50 I found that I needed to live alone. Breaking up is always hard, for both. Right now at 66 I do have a lovely girlfriend, 54, we met 10 years ago, and we both have our own houses, 2 hours driving away from each other. We will never live together in the same house permanently as that, for the two of us, feels like a restriction. We can be together for weeks on end, have a great time but at some point one of us will say: "I'm going home" or "I want you to go home". Without getting in a crisis or a debate. So, it's a matter of choice. Do you want to share a dwelling place with an other person or not? One of the guys mentioned: "If the right comes along, fine. If not OK as well." But in case the right one comes along it may not feel that "right" anymore after several months or years. Anyway, Nike. Noone can give you advice on this one. Either way you might miss extreme happiness or end up in a relationshipcrisis. On the bright side: You are young and smart.......you will figure it out. Lessons in life.
hi Nike I know exactly what you mean. After more than 3 years solo sailing and crossing the Atlantic I have seen that socially it is getting too lonely for me. Of course it depends on your personality but I am so far now that I cannot hear the word lonely bay anymore......And a dog will never be able to fully compensate a human....ah and you can feel the loneliness also when you are sailing as a couple.....Since my desire to sail is limited now I will be selling my boat soon and will have a life closer to civilisation...... good luck
thanks for sharing your thougths about this. I wish you all the best for your boat salee and for moving back to civilisation!
You'll find someone as you go Best of wishes Just go a little at a time -
It's a tough nut to Crack, back and forth some days it works and someday it doesn't . Maybe it's not a full time gig and it's in the moment kinda gig . Yup in the same boat , wish you well and enjoy more than anything .
sounds like life in general ;)
I’ve sailed as a couple & also alone. As a female single hander, discovered along the journey that I really don’t like anyone in my personal space day in/out, friends or lovers. But it would be grand if there was a robot to help sail the boat as I get older! As for dishes, let the dog clean the one pot when you’re done eating from it; quick rinse/wipe & done. 😂
When you're back in Germany you could go for a drink with me :)
Hi Nike, Interesting Insight into the psychology of a lone sailor. You can't have total freedom and independence AND share the pleasure and stress of sailing with someone you really want to be with. As you get older companionship gradually becomes much more important to add meaning to our lives. Something has to give. Perhaps companionship will outweigh the desire to go it alone at some time in your future? You have my greatest respect in that you have achieved so much in the direction you took at the beginning of this solo adventure. There may come a point when it feels right to share you life. Changes in feelings come slowly but decisions are always a step change. Good timing of changes in your life is the essence of a contented lifetime. You are a good thinker. You will know when everything slots into place. Meanwhile enjoy your solo freedom.
thank you for your kind words. I like what you said about the changes in feelings coming slowly ut decisions always being a step towards change. Something to think about, thank you!
That was the most powerful video that I have ever watched of yours. First off, you are one of those who inspired me to go for it, now 5 years into it, I am feeling pangs of continuing solo. It is an incredible life and I do put value on every day. every moment that I have been solo and every moment that I have been able to share with another. As I look forward I am facing a choice of where to go. Across the Pacific means that I will want crew to help and to share the experience. North towards Mexico I can do solo but I am not thrilled with doing it alone. These next few months are a challenge, and I hope that you talk more about your thoughts in upcoming videos. Glad to compare notes, and really I dont mind doing dishes. The biggest question for me is; does the need for adventure and personal achievement, compare to the need for companionship?
love your story...
I agree with you that doing the dishes all the time by yourself sucks.
Great episode
thanks Mike
This is a great episode, one of your best!
thanks Jeff, happy you enjoyed this one. It was interesting to ponder about this topic for myself and I am really happy to see that it seems to be something that some of the people here have also been pondering about.
Hello Nike, thanks for the vid. I also sail alone and it is nice to sail with others. But as skipper owner I find it sometimes difficult because as (more or less autistic)skipper you have to show clearness and some leadership of course.. I am better in being part of a team with a designed task, but not as a skipper. But as I have my own boat I also want to use that.. I am member of a Sailing Verein and all the boat there are owned/sailed by couples. I think in that case it is far easier to take 1 or 2 crew because with a skipper/coskipper/couple configuration it is better to widstand some doubts because sometimes you have crew who take over in a way. Die werden ja sehr Anwesend sag mal.. But in the end it is important everybody is /stays happy and wenn you have your anchorbeer you can look back together on a good trip. But I agree with you it can be like breathing after the diving! Alles gute fuer dich und Maria, Paul und deine Kollegen! Liebe und Gruesse Casper
Hi Caspar, thanks for sharing your thoughts about being a skipper / boat owner and the difficulties of having crew. It can be challenging if one is used to sail solo to then work with crew. I found it helpful to sail with other skippers and see how they do it to get a better understanding of how I want to be (and how not to). I am still far away from the skipper I would hope to be...
I wish you all the best with your future boat adventures!
Ahh, navigating our world solo is quite the challenge with all of society's social pressures prevalent today. As we age we seem to ponder them more, asking if it is the correct path we are on, especially for someone fiercely independent as you seem to be. Not everyone is a " group animal" . Just look at nature , there are all kinds of animals - none is wrong, they are just different. I too am one of those that are comfortable with solitude. Seems to run in the family , l have a number of relatives that never married through the generations. I have been following your journey for quite some time and admire your confidence in taking on challenges . I prefer to solo sail also, I find it satisfying to be able to make the decisions , be they right or wrong, without having to committee it before taking action. There are times though when another hand is a definite asset. Finding that " special" crew will happen if it is meant to be. Took me a while to learn that. The confines of a boat break things down to basics rather quickly. Stay your course, you seem to be doing just fine.
I agree with you on the Dishes issue , I' d rather scrape a bottom than scrub a pan!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I do agree that no decision per se is wrong or right. To be alone, couple, family, partial companionship, friends with benefits, multiple partners...whatever suits the needs of the indivudual and as long as everyone involved is content and things run with mutual consent.
On another note: I am thinking some t-shirt with "I`d rather scrape a bottom than scrub a pan" are in order. Although this might get some people`s head in the gutter, hahahahaha.
@@WhiteSpotPirates 😆 flattered you would consider that worthy of a T shirt. But you are right. The double entendre could be misleading. No need to clutter the world with more fuel. You have excellent communication skills which I admire and envy. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings.
Fair winds and calm seas.
L.
Great vid, thanks.
happy to hear you enjoyed it!
Hi Niki, I would say go it alone, together. Meaning, you know yourself, I know the perfect person is out there. God's timing is perfect. You just need to keep doing what you love. When you least expect it, they will find you and you will find them. I wish I could explain better the relationship that my wife and I have, it's like no other couples I've seen. We think and feel and react, and everything alike. We can step into an art gallery and if something catches my eye, she has seen and felt it too. We fit together so well, that we can't hardly bear to spend time apart. I so wish this enjoyment for everyone. I pray you find your person!
It matters not a bit what we are doing. Changing the cats litter box becomes a wonderful thing with the right person.
@@markayers5397 it sounds like you and ur partner have found a wonderful relationship for yourselves, I am very happy for you. Thanks for sharing this positive insight 🫶🏽
SALUDOS DESDE ARGENTINA QUERIDA NIKE Y BOGA !!!!!
Saludos a ti hacía Argentina!
I'm not a sailor. I'm a full-time RVer. Our little RV is our home, that we travel in. I think that while RVing does not provide the extreme loneliness (autonomy) that sailing must do, they are kinda similar. I often wonder about these same questions, but the diffeence for me is that I'm happily married to my partner for 37 years and we live and do everything together as a couple, in our very small space.
For me, while I could understand the desire to be completely free of having to please someone else, this freedom is a double-edged sword, as I think it must take a very special type of person to NOT miss the camaraderie, love and togetherness of having a life partner with you to share the sights, places, friendships, events, struggles, good times with. I'm an introvert at heart but I can't honestly imagine myself being happy being completely alone and not being able to share the experiences with my soulmate. Being together certainly brings its challenges, for the reasons you mentioned and others, but for me, it's a small price to pay for the positives it brings to my life.
I wish you well in your contemplation, and while I'm not always the most sensitive of people (my wife would say I'm not the smartest LOL), I have sensed a change in your outlook over the years, and can understand you questioning your own direction for your future sailing and life. Wishing you much happiness, whatever your choice....
Thanks for sharing this precious insight, Barry. I agree about the double-edged sword...and I believe any decision really comes with that...there is pretty much ALWAYS a downside, something you have to give up to have what you prioritize. There is no "perfect" solution without any compromise to be made. So in the end, it`s a question of what we prioritize. And well, if we do prioritize relationship, that comes with the tricky part that you have to find a person that the companionship works with and it`s not controllable because there is another indivudual involved. But yeah, in the end, it`s about picking what gives you the overall more valubale experience. And as you have very sensitively sensed (you may tell your wife I said this ;)), my priorities seem to be shifting a bit ;).
Having two strong personalities aboard is always a balance. If you are committed to the choice you will find a way just like anything else in life. We both take time alone off the boat and respect time alone on the boat. But I’d much rather have a partner aboard then not. It’s way more fun, safer and not as much work. Pro tip: we use pool noodles to hash out frustrations. 😂
haha, thanks for that pro tip ;P made me giggle. I think there is a lot of truth in what you wrote about the commitment part. Thanks for sharing your experience with this topic.
Very interesting topic for me and something I have contemplated for a very long time. I have made the decision to go by myself, but would have preferred to have found someone to share the experience with. Highs are higher for me if there is someone else there to share them with. The catch in that is you have to both be in tune with each other, otherwise a boat is a very small place and getting smaller. I ultimately decided the autumn of 2025 will be my time to untie the lines because regardless, I would rather be alone out there then alone in the grind. I am open to meeting someone on my travels, but suspect there is about a 10% or less chance that will happen--the nature of travel and the leap of faith it would take for both to give it a try would be too much for many.
Thanks for sharing that insight. It`s all about preferences, I guess. As you mentioned, you would rather be on your jounrey, even if it means doing it alone for now. To me, doing what I like and living a life that I want to live is the first step to even being able to have a relationship. Otherwise, the relationship might have to fill a void of general happiness and that`s usually not such a sustainable route to take. So congratulations on deciding to untie the lines, I hope it will be a great adventure for you.
@@WhiteSpotPirates Thanks for the wishes Nike. I think your approach is a good one. You are much more likely to have a happy life following your dreams and on that path you will have the opportunity to meet people that are like minded. I sometimes wonder how my life would been different had I followed a different path during those cross road moments--I suspect you spend much less time contemplating such things. Cheers and thank you for sharing your journey with us.
@@lonnychs779I certainly contemplate on certain crossroads decisions that I took in my life and wonder what if. But then I catch myself and say “if that “if” had been the right path for you, then you would have taken that road”. Contemplating with hindsight usually cannot really reveal much helpful insight because u are looking at a past decision with hindsight that u did not have back then…so I usually conclude that “hey, all is good the way it came” and readjust where I feel I would like to readjust for the future.
The part about you going on a ego trip was quite amusing Nike. I did a fast rewind to episode 2, which is where I started following your channel and it was amusing to see the much younger version of you. That was the introduction and there have been many chapters of your life written during the past 11 years and many videos documenting your experiences. I have always wondered if at some point you would become tired of the "solo" part. Perhaps you are nearing the "fork-in-the-road" or perhaps simply approaching another chapter - whichever it is, only you can choose Nike. You are a pretty level-headed and calm woman but I do agree about the bloody dishes .......... I do them every day ....... and maybe, just maybe, that is part of the price for sailing and living solo for us sailing people and since I'm from the dinosaur era, perhaps that's the way it's going to stay 🤣🤣🤣
I left a comment last year (or maybe the year before) about how glowing you looked arriving back from a break in Germany .......... it's good to take a break now and again. I'm feeling you are going to be getting many offers coming your way .............
haha, I am happy to hear you got some amusement out of my "ego trip" 🤣. It was a great time and I would not want to miss it. It was hugely important to where I am today and I have no regrets - except for some of my behavior towards other people in my life but that`s a whole other story. It definitely feels like a transition into a new chapter...and I am very much looking forward to it.
muy interesante
Stay beautiful and well, your easy job. And your friends are everywhere.
genau: du hast dir einen Traum erfüllt, bewiesen, dass du es alleine machen kannst, hast bisher viel gestemmt, und viel erreicht. Und dies nur weil du es alleine gemacht, hast. Und du hast es geschafft.
Nun kommt der zweite Teil: und der Richtige kommt schon irgendwann. Genauso wie du dich mit deinem Hund gefunden habt. Ein Herz und eine Sele.
I totally understand this. I am a sailor, and trying to find someone that will give up their metro life and sail around the world, is a hard find.
I wish you that you find what you are looking for 😘
Don't overthink it.
Loud thinking, knowing that she can't do it since she lives on a boat.
Wait for me, wait for me!! My kitty cat has late stage kidney failure and I'm stuck planning my escape to SoC and beyond! Figured I'd fly down to Guaymas and look for a nice HR42/43 or cm440 or... asap. My little c34-2 isn't going to cut it down there, but great for Vancouver Island. Keep your eyes peeled :)
good luck with that boat search! And I am sorry to hear about your cat, poor thing 😢.
You are who you are. Try not to compare yourself to what others want you to be (as long as you are not harming others). And by the way, you have Boga. Boga would probably be very happy to do the dishes...with her tongue of course 🙂
🤣🤣 I should give that dish washer a chance maybe
Thank you for your channel
you are very welcome, thank you for being here!
Balance always depends on the two people and we are all so different it’s hard to mesh
yes, very true. It`s a lot of work for sure...
100%
You are an amazing human, you should be sharing that with another amazing human. Both would benefit. That said... I imagine finding such a human could prove difficult.
well, I would not use the word "should" maybe ;) and it`s surely not always benificial to share but I am definitely more open to the thought than before.
Sound like we need a new reality show… Sailor Needs a Partner!
Et oui. toujours le meme probleme. il vaut mieux etre seul que mal accompagné.
Bien accompagné c'est le mieux, mais finalement tellement compliqué à trouver.
I have had great company in the past as well, but I guess there was always a strong urge to venture solo as well...Which can be hard to combine.
Such a vicious paradox . When we're alone we think of being with someone. When we're with someone we think about being alone. We have very high expectations.
the grass is always greener on the other side, hey? ;) It`s definitely something to be aware of and to question oneself about.
Hello Nike, I also follow Sailing Sea Dream of Clyde very nice blog it is about a Canadian couple, and they are in Baja California, so maybe you meet them?
And in the UK I follow Vanessa she is cruising on a narrowboat; her blog is Mindfull Narrowboat, beautifull blog also.
Thanks for receommending Vanessa, I just checked out her videos and really like her style. I wanted to do some collabs in the future with some canalboat / narrowboat ladies, so this is a great find, thank you!
I don't sail but live oceanfront along the bay of Banderas in Mismaloya, Vallarta, Jalisco but I must have solitude alone with my rescue mascota Nala. The occasional temporary roommate is fine but lately not into that either.
"Me time" is essential and difficult enough to manage under "normal" circumstances. When two people are forced into a confined space with no escape from each other it becomes infinitely more challenging. The juice needs to be worth the squeeze... For me the scale tipped toward solo, but not by as much of a margin as it once was, but at the end of the day everything is just easier to manage when I am in charge of everything. Sure I miss the "help", but I also like knowing that there's nobody to blame but myself if something isn't right. Rather than force someone else to deal with my (generally) poor demeanor, I think being alone is ultimately the better option for me personally.
or maybe the small / confined space just speeds up things that would otherwise just take longer to figure out, hahaha. I am not sure getting along is a general physical space topic but more about communication, self-reflection, empathy, willingness to commit to each other and so on. So due to all of that, I do agree that the juice needs to be worth the squeeze ;)
A boat is a compromise. In everything. So is a relationship. But with the right partner it's easy to compromise. And then it works well.