My great aunt developed early on set Alzheimer's some years ago. My great uncle refused to put her into a care facility. He did constant research, sacrificed time and money he couldn't afford to take her to the best doctors he could find. When she declined, he fed her, bathed her, changed her diapers, put up with her slaps and verbal abuse with a patience and a love I could never begin to describe in words. When she passed away, and he was grieving and asking the doctors if he had overlooked anything, if he somehow could've done anything differently to give her an even better life, they told him that he caught physical symptoms and addressed them quicker than their best cared for patients, and she lived 12 years longer than the average patient because of his care and attention. Make that love story into a movie.
I am so in awe. Your grandfather deserves just the same. The heavy mass of love and affection he implanted in his wife literally saved her for more than a decade. It is a beautiful and strong love story that your grandparents have. With all the hardships they have stuck like glue. I only wish your grandparents happiness. Rest in peace to Grandma, I'm sure she was a beautiful soul that Pa could love even more than words.
My bf at 17 told me that he was in the hospital for attempted suicide after I broke up with him and my response was, "Wow that is awful. I really hope you get better. This is further proof why we shouldn't be together." Now as a 31 yr old I can see what a fantastic response that was. I hope my daughter does the same if she is ever in the same position.
@S.A.M. Art facts. it’s their choice if they do that or not. most likely they are bluffing to get you to do what they want you to do, to control & manipulate you. guilt trip you. if they actually kill themselves it still wouldn’t be your fault. it would be unfortunate but not your doing.
This happened to me too. He was in the hospital after I broke up with him. In another relationship soon after, he went down the same path with less luck. Going to the funeral was hard, to pay respects to the family members I was still close with. But as a teenager it was a constant reminder that how someone deals with things is not our fault. We are all doing our best to make a good life, but if someone is risking their life like that in your name, its not on you. My heart goes out to everyone dealing with this and I hope people can grow past such toxic actions. 😔
It happened to my cousin, his relationship was over and his girlfriend wanted to stay in control of the situation. So she told him that she would kill herself if they didn't continue together, or something like that. My cousin told the girl's parents and tried to get as far away from her as he could. Good decision.
@@painunending4610 uhm… more like manipulative people shouldn’t. someone can be suicidal and not dare say that to someone. so that’s kinda dumb of u to say honestly
I remember my mom and I starting this movie. I was pretty young, but she turned it off pretty early on. I asked her why and her response really stuck with me. “Because I don’t want you thinking that this an acceptable way to act or be treated in a relationship.” Stuff like that was important to my mom. She wasn’t ridiculously strict with media, but if she saw something that was teaching a bad lesson she had us turn it off and would calmly explain to us why what we saw was wrong, especially if what was happening was framed in a way to make look like a good thing. Those words made sure I never accepted being mistreated by romantic partners, and that I in turn treated those partners with love and respect.
I love how more people are starting to rise up and recognize this is not okay behavior for a romance and to start advocating for healthier and more wholesome relationships in media like Morticia and Gomez.
I think it says a lot that a family meant to be satire and comedy is actually a very, very good example of an actual healthy family. Not gonna lie-we pattern ourselves after the Addamses.
Sorry, but you expect the movie to be credible when you show 17 year olds love as mature? This is a MOVIE, not a lecture about a mature relationship. It's great that we have the maturity to see that it's not mature. Not every movie has to show "right" behavior. After all, a good movie provokes discussion.
Her relationship with her Fiancee vs Noah shows that some people prefer a toxic relationship for the "excitement" over a healthy, stable, "boring" relationship.
THANK YOU!!! Like literally what’s so exciting about a toxic relationship?!?? I don’t get it! You can get yourself an amazing, sweet, loving green flag relationship but you chose a messy toxic relationship!?
Yes exactly, because “stable” is viewed as “boring” and the toxic drama is viewed as “excitement” and “oh they must love me so much because of all we’ve been through” even though it was unnecessary bs they went through, lmao.
I have technically seen the Notebook 4 times in one sitting because a girl at a sleepover really wanted to watch it but kept falling asleep and rewinding to the last scene she remembered. It was a strange type of torture
Omg, I’d of lost my damn mind. My mom’s extremely ADD (and won’t admit it), and one thing she does is she gets focused on doing something for a few minutes, realizes she’s missed part of what she was watching, and rewinds to whatever the last part she remembers. When she’s having a really bad ADD day, she will legit rewind to the same scene 10 times in a row. Most of the time it doesn’t bother me, but every once in a while I just have to get up and leave bc otherwise I’ll pitch the remote off the balcony and watch it smash on the pavement below.
Funny story: I had an internet friend who I had only known for a few months threaten suicide if I didn't agree to be his girlfriend. This wasn't even as bad as the carnival scene in the movie, where this was the first time they'd met each other and Noah basically goes "if I can't date you I will literally kill myself and it'll be your fault"; we had known each other for a few months, gotten reasonably close, then he drops the L-word on me and says "if I can't have you as a girlfriend then I'm going to kill myself". I spent the next MONTH worried that he'd go through with it or show up at my door and do something, with the nagging thought that if he did kill himself then it would be my fault. This shit is NOT ROMANTIC
Yeah that's one of the most toxic things a person can do, I remember being with my ex and being afraid to leave because I was worried he'd harm himself. It was awful.
OMG I had the same thing when I was back in high school. I was at a religious weekend (toxic as hell). Met a guy and that same weekend he threatened to kill himself if I didn't date him. We knew each other less than 72 hours. I stopped replying
I had a similar situation, but it was with my father. My parents divorced when I was a tween and my father said to me during one of my and my siblings' visitation with him that if we ever decided not to see him anymore (once a child turns 12 they are able to decide if they see the parent) he wouldn't have anything more to live for and would kill himself. Not a great thing for a kid whose parents are in the middle of a divorce to hear.
I have seen this sort of thing before, and I find it SO DISGUSTING, that I made the decision, decades ago, that if someone pulled that on me, I'd say, "OK. Do that, then." And I wouldn't feel at all guilty, even if they DID go through with it, because THAT is how disgusting I find it. Am I a horrible person? I should probably just call 911, instead. I should probably do that. I hope I never get faced with that. The guy in the chair below them, calling out to just date him, already, really TICKS ME OFF.
I'm so glad they did an episode on this awful movie! I was gifted this movie on DVD by my cousin who told me it was "the BEST MOVIE EVER!" I hated it. Absolutely hated it. He manipulates her into going out with him and after she falls in love, he breaks up with her because he decided he's not good enough for her. WTH? He knew at the beginning that she was from a wealthy family, so where did he think their relationship would go after the first date? I guess he wasn't thinking about that when ruined her date with Ferris wheel guy to get her to go out with him once and then... what? What was the point of that whole outrageous stunt? Then it made me so angry that they both tossed aside people they were seeing (she had her fiancé and I remember he had some woman he was sleeping with, but they didn't show her in this video), but it's romantic because they had this dramatic, passionate kiss in the pouring down rain and that makes it ok! I'm yelling at the screen: "Fiancé and f@$&-buddy have feelings too! Have the decency to end it with them first!" But, we know they were destined to be together because he wrote their "love story" down in a book and it miraculously makes her Alzheimer's disappear for 2 minutes. Plus, they die at the same time! So romantic! 🤮 I have never, and will never, watch another Nicolas Sparks movie!
I cannot WAIT for their inevitably angry analysis of The Kissing Booth, which they said in a recent livestream is one that’s in their ever-growing queue of movies they’re making videos on
THANK YOU!!! Ever since I was 14, I hated this movie because of how abusive the relationship was. Everyone said it was cute, and I always felt like the killjoy for saying this movie demonstrates a toxic relationship.
25:35 "When you're fighting with somebody you don't want to tear each other's clothes off... you're disgusted with each other!" Such a relief to hear literally anyone say this! I've been made to feel over and over like there's something wrong with me because I don't want to have make-up sex. 🤢
yeah, I don't understand make-up sex... After a fight, even if both make peace, you're just sad, and you get emotionally exhausted. You just want to cuddle
Make-up sex after you've patched things up and have calmed down can be a healthy way to reaffirm your love and affection. Do others think make-up sex happens right after a fight?!
"When someone makes you feel cherished, when someone makes you feel loved, and you know that they have integrity, and they tell you the truth... THAT is sexy, and people have better sex that way." DAMN what a truth bomb! We need more movies and more shows about deep relationships built on mutual respect, and love. I've cried on my husbands shoulder about how sad it is to see these movies about couples treating one another like crap, and its heartbreaking that people think its love.
@@Sophie-vw5ol Not treating your significant other like garbage, threatening suicide, pushing emotional abuse and mental abuse as if it's a good thing?
@@Sophie-vw5ol I think love is deep and multi faceted. I think it's seeing someone happy, delighting in their joy, and feeling weightless if you're apart of it. I think its showing someone how much you care and seeing a light in their eyes when they look at you. I think love is something special that, when you're with someone who loves you in the same way, little moments they share with you feel immense. It's deep, and takes years to curate but when it is, it's more grand than you ever imagined. I love a lot of the times is a yin and yang, push and pull, you give and take, and in the process you build each other up. Rambling, but thats how I feel.
I agree. Some people think drama=romance. Intense feelings aren't necessarily love. I have an old friend who never grew out that belief and she's never been in a happy relationship or one that lasted longer than a few months. She's just always chasing intensity over quality of feelings. And things like anger, lust, and insecurity can be really intense feelings but they don't make you feel GOOD or safe.
@@spinthepickle1244 It's hard and again we should be bringing healthy relationships to light. I know some won't like it, and will argue, "it's too perfect that's not realistic." They get "perfection" and healthy mixed up.
The amount of times James Marsden is the guy that doesn’t get chosen blows my mind! Choose him every time! He is gorgeous and sweet and fun and smiley. Like WTH?!! And even in the context of this movie like they go horseback riding and dancing vs geese and poetry and fighting. He was way too good for her.
A silver lining is that those two deserve each other and James Marsden is free to find a partner that won't cheat on him and then not feel the least bit bad about it.
Oof if I walked out and see a handsome charming, respectful man in uniform just waiting for me after being complete vulnerable and harmed in war… I’ll be dumb ass hell to say no to him lol
I saw The Notebook when it was in theaters. Everyone loved it and I walked out pissed off because "that's not how Alzheimer's works". Thank you for stating this in the video because I've had to watch too many grandparents suffer with this disease.
My grandma has Alzheimer's and it's gut wrenching. You can't really understand when she speaks, and she doesn't remember my grandpa anymore. It's tragic...
Same reaction here. My great grandmother had Alzheimer's, my grandfather just started having it, and I've done high school co-op working in the dementia ward of a nursing home where literally on my first day of being there, trigger warning, one of the resident's asked me if they could die. It's a scary disease I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, and their portrayal of it here revolted me.
I once dreamed that my grandma woke up one day and remembered everything again. The fact that this movie makes it this way, even if only for a moment, is a punch in the gut. It would be a kick in the nuts but I don't have those...
I don’t know if you guys read year-old comments but I want to share these thoughts regardless. I faced the reality of infidelity in my romantic relationship under a week ago. I was heartbroken and haven’t felt this much pain in a long time. While watching along, I realized I was smiling for one of the first times since before the betrayal. This is one of my comfort channels, you guys are amazing, and I hope this encourages you to keep making videos. To Alan, my heart goes out to you and your loss. I hope you are doing better.
We see new comments regardless of the video they are from. We're honored to be a comfort during tough times. Sending you a big hug over the internet! 🫂
Alan's passion about how bad this relationship is is utterly hilarious. The "There's poverty in New York" line also made me lose composure and felt so out of left field but perfect of a reply befitting the moment. XD
3 stages of a narcissistic relationship 1. Love bombing - they're everything you ever wanted (but faking it) 2. Devaluation stage - suddenly they're not into you causing you to possibly doubt or blame yourself 3. Discard - they've used you all the way up and leave you like an empty container Don't walk, run
This movie was the first (I think) Nicholas Sparks movie I ever saw (might have seen one more and I’m not sure which was first). I hated it. Probably not the worst movie I’ve ever seen, but it’s up there.
Talking about toxic relationships glorified Just yesterday I was attacked on the comments for criticizing an old soap about a psychiatrist who fell in love with his patient who had a mental age of eight I was just saying he was a monster he should be in prison but because a lot of people had nostalgia for the old show they kept attacking me for criticizing the nice doctor who kept fighting to treat his patient not because it's his job but because he loved her And if I wasn't clear she was in a coma since she was eight so she was at little girl in a woman's body
@@thekatprincess simply pointing out that men who do the bare minimum always get triggered by romance of any kind. Guess when they were teenagers they were only fucking on their girlfriends and straight up telling them they will move on quickly or did not date anyone until they were in their 30s. Imagine being a grown man and bitching on YT with another man, about how you are annoyed by a romance based on a true love story.
Are you familiar with American religious people where they don't allow their kids to live with a significant other or have intimate relationships before marriage? I had three couples as friends who got married right after college in order to be together. Their parents even said "they're too young to get married" and it's like, well if you didn't restrict them so much they probably would've waited a couple more years.
There are trashy and/or hypersexual people in every culture. America just happens to have a larger population this technically more people, but if you look percentage wise it's not that big of a difference.
@@HouseMDaddict I knew couples who got married right out of HIGH SCHOOL for the same reasons. Some of them it was very clearly just "oh, you want to have sex" and not anything to do with actually loving the other person. The saddest part is the people who take no-sex-until-marriage seriously are also the most likely to take no-divorcing-ever seriously.
@DarthRayJ, wouldn't that mean they also have the most reason to make the relationship work though? I don't see a taboo around divorce as a bad thing, especially when children are involved.
@@DarthRayj I am one of those people who take no s*x until marriage seriously and if the "saddest" part about that is I take commitment and responsibility seriously and even when it's tough I will fight to not take an easy road out so that I and my spouse grow as individuals and as a couple and can have someone to utterly trust, respect and love until the day one of us dies... I'm okay with that. Also never have to worry about STDs or pregnancy before I can afford or have time for a child so that's cool. I'm not worried about increased cancer risks or other fun side effects from birth control either. Now I do think divorce is okay in situations like abuse. But our culture uses it far too often as a scapegoat. And choosing marriage just to have s*x is a very unwise decision. I'm sure some people do it and I'm sad they thought that's what marriage is all about. Also sad for the people who feel trapped in abusive relationships. Not okay.
Alan saying, "I am the straightest guy you've met," followed immediately by the editors showing pictures of Johnathan and Oscar Isaac, and playing the John Cena "Are you sure about that?" voice clip had me screaming. Also Alan's later rant about James Marsden did not help his case.
My husband loves geese & I knew immediately I needed to show him the geese tirade. 'They have stolen God's light' 😂 I agree that many geese around my boat in a swamp would feel like a horror movie.
You guys are dead on. If there is ONE piece of advice I could give young people it's this: violence and conflict do NOT equal passion. Someone does not have to bring drama into your life or make you feel bad to make you feel alive. I've been married 14 glorious years to my sweetheart and the passion of a "boring" normal life is vastly underrated.
YUP. 100x over. Yet don't let Hollywood hear you. Overall they think that you should all be screaming and crying then screwing within the span of 5 minutes. Talk about warping the public. I have seen it done differently onscreen ONCE. I don't watch Outlander, so i can't speak for the series as a whole, but i once saw a clip where the main character hadn't seen his...wife? girlfriend...? in years due to some time travel nonsense, and the first thing he did was ask permission to kiss her. Now while i don't think we need to go THAT formal, it was one of the sexiest deliveries of line that i've seen in a while. The actors were selling the crap out of the passion in that scene while still modeling being respectful. Again i don't think we need to do that every time you want a snog, but for a first kiss....that was pretty steamy. Also they seemed like a couple that would equally be happy just having a chat and hanging out. Again, don't watch the show, don't know anything about it. Perhaps 2 episodes later it devolved into the typical hollywood passion screaming sex setup, but for that one scene i thought huh...so it CAN be done.
@@story3877 Nop, that's not the only TRULY romantic moment they have. Outlander's is one of the best couple I have ever watched, I recommend it to everyone!
I think people tend to romanticize anger and confrontation turning into love/lust because it's a transition from a strong emotion to another strong emotion, while happiness and content turning into love or lust is much more subtle of a transition. We love to see the drama played out because it gives our brains a strong kick and makes us excited to see the twists and turns. Fun to watch in a movie, much less fun in real life...
Spot on! The high emotion, the tension is fun to watch. Much like a bad boy, they are a lot of fun to watch on screen and not a lot of fun to interact with in real life.
It’s always a good thing when one can tell the difference between fiction and reality. Reality may not always be what we want, but it’s real and one can have the power to change their life however they wish; so long as they work hard for it.
My ex threatened suicide as a manipulation technique so instead of cowering down I took him home and told his mom and friends to look out for him. I had to leave that situation because he was getting very aggressive and abusive with me but I made his family aware. Never threaten suicide its not something to threaten.
A friend’s ex does that to her as a manipulation technique from time to time. I told her that she should be calling 911 every single time. You never know when someone is serious, but it should be always be taken seriously-even if it’s an inconvenience for the person.
@M Kuti-Childress as a suicide survivor I never take suicide threats lightly, turns out he did that to his previous ex but at the time I didn't know that. Getting people help and leaving if necessary is better then staying and getting abused.
If this happens again, after you drop that person off, call law enforcement and have them do a welfare check saying that the person threatened suicide to get their way. Seriously. That needs to be documented and it STOPS the toxic behavior.
One of my therapists (!!!) said during a session that this was one of her favorite romantic stories, and she'd always cry at the rain scene. I was so taken aback, I couldn't even say anything in protest.
I think the problem is some people are better at compartmentalizing. I LOVE the Notebook, but it also in no way helps make up the picture of what I think a healthy relationship should be. I can understand and appreciate all of the criticisms they’re leveling at it, but it doesn’t detract from my enjoyment at all.
I strongly believe the geese scene actually a hidden metaphor for how deceiving Noah is. Just like geese, he’s adorable and romantic and majestic on the outside, but a literal spawn from hell of a character on the inside! :)
Hey, don't be so mean to geese. They can be very good parents that take good care of their young and unlike Noah, who tries to run around stealing people away from the ones they are dating, swans are monogamous and mate for life. Let's just say Noah is Satanic and leave geese out of it. God made geese and they are good and a gift from Heaven as all animals are. :)
I've never been in a relationship but what I've learned from this channel is that Romance movies are pretty much a guide on what not to do if I do ever find someone.
Hmmm some of them are quite healthy. Also yes take these lessons to heart. The hardest part is catching yourself and checking your emotions, which you can only learn by experience.
I have a similar view with the Phantom of the opera..when I was younger (middle school) I wanted Christine to go with the Phantom. When I was in my late 20s/early 30's, I felt like she was right to go with Raoul..now that I am in my 40's I think, "Girl dump them both and follow your career."
Fun fact! I showed a sort of sheltered male friend from college a fake trailer that set the romance up as a psychological thriller and he agreed to watch it. During the canoe>kissing in the rain> love making sequence he finally paused it and said something to the effect of "wait so is he going to stalk and murder her, or not?"
@@NeggieKnightI also feel remorse when I literally kill, murder, destroy the rest of someone’s life cause I am lonely. I thought about this and if I was in that horrible man’s situation, I would have lived as long as I could until I could not stand the loneliness and then killed myself. There is no Honor or love or joy or romance or anything but selfish, selfish hate in dooming someone to a life of suffering and ever-present, ever-looming death. What can he do to make his horrible purposeful murder better? Nothing.
Lon never got enough credit for how understanding he was with Allie. He’s so ahead of his time in giving her the room to make her own decisions, accepting her choices even when she cheats on him deep into their engagement. He was always a good man, wooing her in a charming way and even mending the bridge between Allie and her parents
Agh! I remember watching this and I honestly felt they had better chemistry than Noah and Allie. I hated how easily she threw it away - and now that I'm older and have a little more experience, I want to shake the crap out of her.
Used to be my favorite romance movie until I realized how incredibly toxic it is. I do think it’s so sweet how an elderly Noah is reading to an elderly Allie who has dementia and can’t remember their love story but how the love story begins is not healthy. I had an opposite side of the tracks relationship, I was rich and he was dirt poor, but I chose to end it because I realized that I would be the main breadwinner as well as cook, housekeeper, errand doer, and I believed that was unfair. He also lacked the maturity and respectability for a happy, healthy relationship, he wasn’t abusive, just not living in reality
You sound like an incredibly emotionally mature and wise person. I thoroughly respect that! I just wanted to compliment you, there are so many people who would've dragged an ex like that through the dirt but you have the empathy and nuance to understand and also say out loud that he wasn't abusive, and enough self-love and respect for yourself to choose to end a relationship like that. So here, take my compliments! ^^
@@MerelvandenHurk Thank you!! It definitely was frustrating at times, especially when I saw his lifestyle in his home, but I knew he was a good guy and he came from a good, loving family. He did have rage issues which made it hard for him to keep a job but he never released them on me and when I ended things he was very understanding and respectful and we both went our separate ways without hurt feelings
I know so many women who get caught in that trap of doing all the domestic labor as well as working outside the home, and it sucks so bad. Good for you for side stepping that
I get that. I literally stayed in mine because socially I was told that if you love someone, you should love them regardless of money. Unfortunately, some man, especially immature man will take that as a opportunity to relax and not do anything. My partner turned literally into a child I had to take care of and no one wants to date a child.
@@GetOfflineGetGood I wouldn’t have minded doing my share of the housekeeping and earning an income, especially in this day and age with rent and food and gas prices going up, but the fact that I would come from my third or fourth job to find the house a complete mess with him watching tv and eating snacks without having done a lick of work would have been upsetting. He had trouble focusing and understanding responsibility, he also didn’t have a degree of any kind, but he was still a good guy. I just didn’t want to take care of him and only get grey hair and wrinkles at age 23 as a result
Reminds me of my best friend from when I was a kid. We had a shared male friend and one day he told her that he liked her and asked her to be his girlfriend. She actually said no at first, but when he guilt-tripped her with "nobody wants me" and "nobody likes me", she ended up saying yes. I remember feeling so bad on her behalf when she told me later. We were just young teenagers so I had no idea how to properly react or try to make her see the problem with it. They aren't together anymore, which I think is a good thing.
I had something similar. I had a break-up from previous relationship. There was less than a year after break-up. I lived in a city with no friends. So I had nobody to speak or go out. I started to go out for a city walks, started to spend more time for myself, do things what I love and then I met my next BF. At the beginning I told him that I don't want to rush into relationship, let's be friends. He totally refused such an idea. I knew him less than a week and he told either we'll be in a relationship or I will not see him again. I ended up too to saying yes. I was afraid to be friendless and alone again. To this day, I regret that I made that choice. He wasn't a good person. In that relationship I felt unlucky and miserable. Rather to be alone and happy than in a miserable relationship.
Yes, Bluey is SO GOOD! It’s rare to find a show with such good relationships, parents engaging with their kids, and not treating the dad like a buffoon.
Bluey is amazing. Some people say that Bandit is treated a bit like a doofus. But it's a good portrayal of the laid back Aussie father figure. We all joke around and most families have 1 joker and 1 traditional parent figure. But both Bandit and Chili swap those roles as needed for their girls.
A close high school friend of mine dated a girl in his freshman year who threatened self harm and suicide to get him to stay in the relationship. There's nothing funny or cute about threatening someone like that, it's scary. That relationship was very toxic and he never liked talking about it after.
Best way to deal with that is to just call for a wellness check on said person. That usually shuts them down cause u know, feeling humiliation cause they know what they’re doing.
As someone who went through the same thing with my ex I understand why he wouldn't and also understand the initial fear and guilt that if you did leave then would they really go through it. I talk about mine so that others know the signs and that no matter what it's ok to leave or else it could turn nasty quick with people like that and to cut ties immediately. Luckily for me i read domestic teen aritcles before even having a relationship just because i didnt want to be in those situations but was still naive. I like to tell people that it's never their fault because at the end of the day the people threating themselves don't love nor care about your well-being and its best to get help quick for both parties sakes. I never told my parents until years later.
When I was a teenager, I thought this movie was so romantic. When I become and adult, I realized how toxic it is. What’s scary is that I saw a lot of teenage toxic relationships around me and they thought it was normal and all that drama made it “fun”.
And it doesn't have to be "boring"! Like, Gomez and Morticia are loving and wholesome, but both of those characters are certainly far from boring! And their passion rings true. If you write interesting characters, then their relationship is going to be interesting. Anyone can make a couple of cardboard cutouts scream and threaten each other and call that "passionate" or "interesting".
True 🥺😢🥺 I ended up feeling loved (sometimes) but *physically unsafe. That's why 10 days ago, covered in bruises, I finally left. It'll take I don't know how long to fully Extricate, dissolve business partnership, etc. McDonald's right that I'm clearly some people will recover from toxic relationships even domestic abuse. you can look it up right here on TH-cam and hear a couple of talk about their recovery. I thought my fiance and I could do that. but he's too mentally ill, to borderline, to narcissistic, two immature, to focused on making money over everything else, to paranoid two secretive to comfortable lying... toxic toxic toxic I saw all the red flags and I forgive them and rationalized them away. I saw all the red flags and I rationalized them away. let me repeat that I saw all the red flags and irrational way. this is what happens when you rationalize the way the red flags. you end up walking away covered in bruises, and even your money is too entangled with the other persons to fully get away without their help.. at least that's what happened to me. it's still happening.
yes, but there's also the point of excitement and variation which often isn't included in the package of the traditional "the good guy" in romantic movies. (I don't watch a lot of romantic movies but ik that this also applies to West Side Story)
Stick with this feeling. I've been married 5 years. I find my husband attractive and he is absolutely the best person I know, but those infatuation feelings aren't there even most of the time. But I love him all the time, and I'm so happy with him, especially compared to living in my parents' home. I don't have to worry about being attacked over my mistakes, and every single day I see how he gives everything he has for me and our kids. Don't fall for the Hollywood hype. I feel happy and safe, and I hope the same for you someday soon!
@@whysosrs5534 lol I never said that there are couples who never argue. And that's not the case for us; we do disagree. Even when he is upset with me, he deals with it calmly and doesn't attack me. And thanks for the prediction, but I've dealt with those before, and in my experience it says more about the person making the prediction than about my relationship. 😄
I am so sick of healthy relationships not being portrayed in movies because they’re “boring“. They are not boring. Have you watched Heartstopper? That is a wonderful, incredibly healthy relationship, which is really amazing considering their age. And it had massive success. Give us more stories like that, where both partners are kind, super caring about each other, very self-aware, and constantly working to make sure that their relationship is better and that they are communicating well. And I know that cinematherapy almost only does movies, but if they ever did a Heartstopper episode I would be absolutely dying happy. Please consider it!!!
Yes! I’d love to see them look at Heartstopper for a more positive example. I just finished it a bit ago and I wish I could watch it for the first time again.
@@erenyeagerist7681 I do watch K-dramas and a lot of them aren’t very healthy either, some of them are but a lot of them aren’t, similar to American. But I’ll check out Marry Me, thanks for the rec!
The idea that good people are boring but horrible people are interesting and exciting is really unhealthy. There's plenty of good interesting people out there. Good people who happen to be boring are boring because they're boring not because they're good.
Our Flag Means Death also has beautiful and adorable couples. It’s a great pick if you’re a fan of Heartstopper, it has excellent queer representation.
I told my therapist the other day that “if someone’s favorite movie is ‘The Notebook,’ it’s a red flag.” What a coincidence that you tackled this movie now! 😁
What about Love Actually? My bf found out her husband loves Love Actually after they got married. She says she never would have married him if she knew, and I 100% believe her.
I never really liked the romance in the Notebook when they were teenagers and young adults, but the idea of an elderly man reading their love story to his wife to help her remember and him not wanting to leave her side and just wanting to be with her despite her being unable to remember who he is just warms my heart and it just breaks my heart for her to remember just to forget again a few minutes later and get scared. They could have picked a better love story and I'd still get that effect, maybe cry over it even more.
The old couple was the only bearable part of the movie. Divorce them from the rest of the story and it is good. Also, Ryan Gosling as a young James Garner? Yeah...nope.
honestly watched this episode of CT to avoid watching the Notebook. I was told it's a beautiful love story by so many people including my husband😂 thank you for this episode! and to recover from this movie may I suggest Superman and Lois❤ their love story is so full of support and trust it'll heal you.
The sad thing is in the book, Noah and Allie were overall a good relationship and didn't fight like they did in the film. Hollywood decided that would be too boring and made them toxic, screaming at each other all the time, because apparently that's passion. Unfortunately, Mr. Sparks always allows Hollywood to make changes as they please to his stuff because he understands that certain things don't transfer well from book to film adaption, or something like that. Also, Noah and Allie are loose inspirations of Sparks's own grandparents, saying this was their story during the 40's (the book version, of course, not the movie)
Another tidbit: in the book, Noah wrote the notebook that he reads to Allie, in the film, she writes it herself to have him read back to her, don’t know why they changed that
Thanks for clearing that up. My sister read the book and loved it. Then she saw the movie and came back super angry (they changed everything!!). It's good to hear this wasn't the original story.
@@CreamIceMs yeah, I recommend listening to Nicholas Spark’s audio commentary to the movie. You can tell he wasn’t thrilled about changing the relationship dynamic to being toxic af but just kinda accepted it? Like “oh well, I understand why they make changes, I’ll let them do their own thing, even if I don’t like it”. He explains that Lon AND Noah are both genuine GOOD guys, Allie has two good men to choose from, which is what makes her decision so difficult to make. One was not necessarily “better” than the other
y'know, I honestly want to have somebody make a movie that *is* legitimately completely true to whatever book it's based on...and then make one that's *not* completely true to the book but is "adapted to film" and then see which one actually turns out better. Because like, it would probably depend on the book, for sure (imagine trying to make a film that 100% follows everything that happens in The Silmarillion, for instance...) but books like Percy Jackson? I distinctly remember thinking when I was reading PJATO that the book practically read like a movie script in and of itself.
Watching it like this I’m realizing that TRULY it’s just the fact that Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams are just amazing actors with insane chemistry that know how to react to make the audience feel like this is romantic. Lesser actors would have exposed the toxicity right away.
I sometimes get so annoyed at how I used to think this was such a romantic movie, but now that I’ve been through toxic relationships I understand how bad this all is. Thank you for this break down. More people need to realize this.
My mom has both alzheimers and dementia. She doesnt remember me at all. The last time we talked, it was like we were friends, two young single ladies 😅. To help with this tragic disease, I tend to think that this is a mercy for someone to be wiped clean of all the bad things that have happened to them, and all the bad things they have done to others, so that their soul is clean and new when they pass on. Yeah, its an ugly disease from our view, but in the end, the load on their hearts and energy will be free. Its like a grand process. I am glad she doesnt remember the bad times, and I hope in her next life, she is extremely happy and abundantly loved. Thats what I believe.
I watched The Notebook at 18 for the first time with burning despise, until they got to the Alzheimer’s part. My grandparents were like that, truly living the “till death do us apart” oath. He developed dementia and she never showed an inkling of frustration. She took care of him lovingly, replied to his incessant repetitive questions with the same respect of their younger years.
I watched the first 10 minutes and was horrified - he asks her out, gets rejected, shows up when she's on a date with someone else and asks again, gets rejected, and proceeds to threaten to kill himself in front of her on her date if she doesn't agree. Absolutely terrifying behaviour, The Notebook is a horror movie.
I saw an Instagram reel of that scene of them at the truck in the notebook and it reminded me of a situationship I had with this guy that I walked away from. The fact that people saw that as a “romantic-they-are-meant-to-be” scene made me think I should’ve dated him and made me doubt myself, the point is thank you for reassuring me that it isn’t a healthy dynamic and I am not crazy for thinking that
My mom and I both watched this movie for the first and only time when I was a teenager. We had heard how fantastic of a romance story it was. When the movie ended we just slowly looked at each other with equally dumbfounded expressions. We agreed that it was actually terrible and we did not understand the hype around it 😂
I enjoyed the hell out of it. But probably not for the reasons I was suppose to. The sets and costumes were outstanding, and it was funny as hell in some parts. Plus James Garner was great, as always, and it was pretty easy to ignore the more horrible “romantic” story lines. Same with Titanic. I mean, it was worth watching even though Rose killing Jack wasn’t really all that fun.
I love how you guys don’t knock anyone for liking the movies you comment on, but do always remind people not to shape their relationships after them. You guys are so respectful
It always bothered me that Noah extorted a date out of Allie and we were supposed to find that romantic. All of my friends thought it was sweet, I thought it was sick.
yeah, it's kind of funny how much they keep nodding to the other side--the chemistry! the acting! the charisma! of course people are going to fall for it!--when some of us watching never liked this movie to begin with. (tbf, I don't know whether the reason I hated it as a preteen girl was that I picked up on the toxicity of the relationship or just that I thought it was schmaltzy and stupid)
exactly. At least wait until the date is over. Interrupting someone's date is a really rude and low blow. He then basically uses emotional abuse to get a date. I mean, putting yourself in danger to get someone to stay or say yes is not romantic. it is not a healthy way to start a relationship.
The most frustrating thing about this movie is that I literally lived this movie through my twenties and it caused so much fucking trauma that I'm still feeling the kickback in my thirties.
I feel ya. I listened to music I lived out, and... Yeah. Hearing some gems from these 2 channels has helped lately: Sam Vaknin and R.E.Dossett Let's be as patient and kind with yourselves as we were to the crazies ☺️🤗
Alan, I'm hugging you, man. Many years have passed since one of the matriarchs of our family got lost on the roads of the dissolving mind. I remember when she stopped talking. It seemed that the person inside was no longer there. No one at all. But when I was struggling with doubts and fears myself, she suddenly came up to me and just put her hands on my shoulders. She hardly remembered me. But she was kind, no matter what.
I loved James Marsden's comment when he read the script for "27 dresses". "Wait a minute, I'm in a love triangle and I get the girl? I don't think I can do that!" 🤣🤣
Me and my then Boyfriend watched The Notebook as it’s always recommended as a must-see romantic movie for a couple and we both hated the guts out of and agreed that it’s just abuse and manipulation labeled as romantic. And that’s why he is not my boyfriend anymore but my husband ❤
They've found that, statistically, one of the most effective forms of couples counseling is actually watching movies together and discussing the relationships in the movie with your partner.
This sounds like a version of the IKEA test! Maybe if you can watch this movie, and both of you hate it for the right reasons, you are at least well equipped for a respectful relationship!
I like what someone called the "Danny DeVito Test". Take any romance movie and replace the male lead with Danny DeVito, if Danny DeVito manages to remain cute and wholesome by the end of the film it's a solid script for genuine romance; many films can't pass this test.
@@simonster-9094 Ok, replace Danny DeVito with his character in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Frank Reynolds. He's intentionally a filthy old cretin of a man who only gets away with his grotesque behavior because he's rich.
I watched this as a teen… my dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s when I was 11, passed when I was 20 (super early onset) anyways it’s so nice to see the similar level of “wtf” to the complete disregard for how the disease actually works. Like what in the 50 first dates is this. As a teen girl it was expected for me to love this movie and that part completely broke the spell for me. Also I Stan Bluey forever. It is peak comfort. Love this commentary thanks for making me feel so seen.
Please, please, PLEASE do a full episode on Bluey. Its portrayal of familial relationships is unlike any TV show that I have ever seen. It has more depth and subtext than any "children's" show has any right to have. And it's just so damn charming, moving, and funny.
Yes, finally! I remember watching this movie with my friend for the first time a couple years ago because it was apparently the greatest romance ever, but the entire time I was like "Am I supposed to be rooting for these two?" I remember yelling at the screen for Allie to marry the other guy because he was so much better. Glad to know I'm not the only one who thought their relationship was awful.
Same! A former friend insisted that I accompany her to watch (then) newly-released movies when they came out in the theaters, this being 1 of them. Sry I'm not sry, but "The Notebook" did *not* impress me as a compelling love story ... but that was nothing compared 2 the last movie we watched together, which caused me to relive emotional trauma so deep (from watching my own father die in the hospital) that I walked out of the theater in a state of devastation. Needless to say, we no longer watch movies ... or *anything* ... together.
Pls do "Meet the Robinsons" next!! Everything about this movie, from the plot to the characters to the soundtrack, have been very therapeutic for me 💜 I'm sure you guys will love this animation as well!!
Yes! Whenever I hear the song Little wonders, I immediately think about how wonderful the world could be, if it was a little bit more like the movie. So beautiful!
20:46: "What do you want? What do you want? What do you want?" No. First, you need to ask "Who are you?" Then you should probably add "Where are you going?" and "Why are you here?" Anyone who gets this, take ten extra awesome points. You earned them.
I don't know if it's a reference to anything, but what I understood was... Who are you?: It's important to know each other in a relationship. Also, the question assumes that the person developed their own sense of identity, which is vital in general. Where are you going?: It is also important to look at the goals and dreams of the other person, as well as the context of their current life and what do they plan to do according to that. Why are you here?: If someone is with you, that means you have something to offer to them. Is that something stable enough for them to stay? Is it worth it to keep trying? I'm not good at expressing myself and I tend to live inside my own head, so I'm sorry if I actually missed the point 😅
@@Vivian2043 Great sci-fi show, Babylon 5, four questions reverberate through all 5 seasons. The first, and most obvious, is "What do you want," asked of a rather shady character to some prominent players, over and over, until he figures out what they *truly* want and if his "associates" can help them with that. . . and if what they want is helpful to his "associates." The second, slightly less obvious, is "Who are you?" asked by an Inquisitor to one of the major players. Two others are more subtle, but even more important in their own ways: "Where are you going?" and "Why are you here?"
Their relationship was healthier in the book; with a way better ending (spoiler alert-- they don't die lol). And the sequel (The Wedding) is a great relationship story-- it's about Noah & Allie's daughter & her husband. After 30 yrs of marriage, the husband realizes the spark has gone out of their marriage because he's been neglectful & taking his wife for granted, and he realizes she's a great woman and doesn't wanna lose her. So the whole book is about how he works to change his life & ways to become a better husband and make her fall in love with him all over again.
I love the mini rant about James Marsden. He's always the good guy in romantic movies, I always love his characters. It's nice when he occasionally gets the girl, I want it to happen more often
ikr? i’m always like, wth was wrong with [james marsden’s character]? especially compared to the lead who usually has some kind of dysfunction he clearly hasn’t worked through and seems to expect the female protagonist to magically cure him of because of how special she is?
He almost always gets cast as the dude who has his girlfriend/wife/fiance stolen. Typecasting? Why does this keep happening? It's low key hilarious though.
Yeah, this was one where the book was a thousand times better than the movie. They did meet at the fair but they fell in love shaking hands not with him threatening to kill himself. The reason the book was so romantic was because it was realistic and simple. They liked each other, they liked spending time together. There was none of the Hollywood drama in it that ruins love stories while trying to make them more interesting. In the book she went to confront him about never writing her after promising he would... I read it years ago and might be remembering wrong, but I think the geese were supposed to be swans and they were only there because it happened to fall on the right month for their migratory path to take them there. He came across them earlier and when she showed up he thought it was fate and wanted her to see them. The only part I didn't like in the book was the fact they cheated. Aside from that the characters were much more down to earth and reasonable.
Ya know what would be AWESOME!? If you guys could team up to write and film a movie that shows us a really strong healthy relationship, that demonstrates all the green flags and includes passion. It may be more challenging to have a story arch with a beginning, middle, and end, but I KNOW many of us would want to see it. Maybe the conflict could be something they are facing together, rather than the obstacle being the relationship itself lol
That’d be great but it’s also not realistic seeing as most relationships DO face conflict from the relationship itself. Why is everyone so afraid of real life and relationships sometimes having toxic moments. It’s doesn’t make the entire relationship toxic.
@Moon Light having fights in a relationship doesn't make it toxic. That's not what a healthy relationship means. What's exhausting is to see cinema where all they do is fight and it's the main point of the story
@@Piecesoftheshadow All the best romance movies are about people who (even if they're disagreeing on something) come together to deal with an outside event that affects them while showing genuine care and compassion toward each other at the same time. If something does happen between them, a healthy couple may struggle for a bit but will find their way to a solution eventually without resorting to the trademarks of what some call "red flag romance". Too many writers don't understand this and make everything a huge blow-up because couples fighting with each other until they end up together is "satisfying" to people who don't know any better. There's a normal amount of arguing about stuff, and then there's physical attacks, targeted personal insults, emotional manipulation... I just don't get why these movies end with those relationships working out and being portrayed in a positive light.
My husband and I watched this when we were newlyweds and both agreed that we wanted those 2 hours of our life back. 😜 I love how you bring everyone's attention to how unhealthy and unrealistic so many relationships in media are. And in a fun way!
Oh gosh, THANK YOU. I was introduced to this movie with the promise that this was "the most touching and romantic film ever made" and I felt honestly gaslighted when everyone told me I was crazy for being downright horrified by this relationship. Lon (Marsden) was the only character I liked in that mess, but let's face it, he dodged a bullet there. Hopefully, he found someone who truly appreciated him. I'm feeling somewhat vindicated now.
accidently had the youtube captions on and realized they are not auto generated and choked on my drink when some of alan's expressions were simply captioned as [such pain] 😂 Nice touch cinema therapy, props to whoever wrote the caption script 😂👍
It is wonderful to come on this page and find that I am not the only one that found this movie disturbing. I get teased for not liking this movie. Yes, I understand that passion makes people do stupid things, but this is insane.
Honestly, the cheating wasn't what bothered me the most. Not that cheating is okay, but sometimes humans do cheat. It happens. It's just something that always has and always will happen in human society because we aren't naturally completely monogamous, nor are we completely promiscuous, we're some where in between. What really disgusted me was the threatened suicide and just how much Allie couldn't make a damned decision! That's why she ended up cheating, because she spent so long not deciding to just go after what she actually wanted.
Honestly, I always felt like a Walk to Remember was a better love story than this one, because it showed how much he loved and respected her, and there relationship was built on mutual love and respect. It was not love at first sight, it actually took time for the relationship to develop.
The doggie at the end being like, "Are you guys okay?" Imagine if Noah had a dog and every time and he and Allie fought he stepped in like, "Hey guys?"
I think why ppl are saying that is bc they always chased each other. In a way they never gave up on each other. But looking back I can see why everyone said it was toxic. They were young and didn't communicate properly, they were both hot heads didn't handle emotion very well, and the hitting isn't okay no matter how upset you are.
Yo. I signed up for BetterHelp through you guys. Best thing ever. Matched with a perfect therapist for my needs. Thank you for using cinema to reach a broader audience. People who love stories, love interpersonal relationships. You guys are so smart to put this together. Again- Thank you.
I'm glad I'm not the only person who never understood how this relationship is romantic and aspirational. I honestly felt like a pod person when I watched this with others and didn't immediately think they were endgame perfection.
I had the same reaction, so you're not alone. I still don't understand why people think of this as romantic and aspirational. Even the Alzheimers bit doesn't save it for me.
Same. I’ve always thought that this was one of the worst movies EVER. And most of my friends at the time, female and male, thought it to be the most “romantic” movie of all time. 🤮😵💫
Actually same! It was his favorite movie 🤮 I can't believe I didn't realize how awful it was at the time, but "we accept the love we think we deserve" and are blind to its faults. I'm so sorry that happened to you, and I'm glad you're out of that situation now!! 💜
@@jessicazimmer1644 omg that’s hilarious that it was his favorite 😅 Thank you, I assume you must know how happy I am not to be involved in this anymore!
I lost my grandfather to Alzheimer’s a few years ago. He was in the Korean War and even until the day he died, he could talk about Korea and all the horrors he saw there. Even when he forgot our faces and our names and would accidentally hurt us (it really was accidental), he could tell you all about Korea. I am convinced some form of ptsd carried those memories further than the other memories. I don’t even want to imagine the horrors that were going on in his mind as he declined.
There is more and more evidence that memories associated with PTSD are not stored in the same parts of the brain as typical memories. Part of the reason why music too lives on in memories much longer than language.
I'm truly sorry that happened to him. I know this wasn't exactly what your comment was about but that is just another example of how Nicolas Sparks got this wrong. In the movie ally can apparently remember the story being read to her day after day but her past is totally blank. ???? Isn't usually the other way around, remembering the past more so then the now?
I really believe that dementia and Alzheimer's can look differently in every individual. I lost my paternal Grandmother to it finally in 2019 and my maternal grandfather in 2018. My grandma's decline was close to 10 years and couldn't recognize her children and husband even in the beginning but she did remember things no one knew about but we had no way to know if it even happened. She didn't know my grandpa had died and didn't understand even when we were having his services. She thought at times she had to go to school or go pluck a chicken for dinner as a child. Same with my Mom's dad. His wasn't as long but he could remember things throughout his life and then no one. It's awful to see your grandpa literally recoil in anger and fear when he doesn't recognize you and yells at you for lying to him. I have severe PTSD from a work accident that literally almost ground my arm off by a conveyor belt and I still have nightmares every single night and some are so awful I wake myself up screaming and sobbing just like I did that fateful Saturday morning. Also, I lost all of my grandparents and an uncle during my recovery and surgery years, almost 7 years now, but my paternal grandfather was like the old Noah and did his best to try to help his wife of 63 years remember him and all of us who loved her so deeply. I genuinely believe a love story is attainable and I am thankful I could see one in real life.
Way way back when I had my first heartbreak, a friend of mine tried to cheer me up by having us watch The Notebook, because that's apparently the movie you watch after breakups. We ended up not watching it because we were trying to stream it and the WiFi quit working. Watching this video now, years later and after learning a thing or two about relationships...I think it's a good thing I never saw it.
It's a good thing if you can't separate fiction from reality. I mean, it's not a documentary about how good relationships are supposed to work. You can watch it, like it or hate it and go on with your life.
As a man whose wife is battling end stage Cystic Fibrosis and is currently in the hospital awaiting a double lung transplant, this episode hit particularly hard today - but it also provided me with some much needed humor and advice. Thank you. I love this channel and what you do here so much.
As unhealthy as this relationship is and even knowing the ending I still bawl my eyes out. It’s a strange phenomenon for me, but if I ever need a good cry all I have to do is watch this
My great aunt developed early on set Alzheimer's some years ago. My great uncle refused to put her into a care facility. He did constant research, sacrificed time and money he couldn't afford to take her to the best doctors he could find. When she declined, he fed her, bathed her, changed her diapers, put up with her slaps and verbal abuse with a patience and a love I could never begin to describe in words. When she passed away, and he was grieving and asking the doctors if he had overlooked anything, if he somehow could've done anything differently to give her an even better life, they told him that he caught physical symptoms and addressed them quicker than their best cared for patients, and she lived 12 years longer than the average patient because of his care and attention. Make that love story into a movie.
It would be a beautiful movie tho, and one that would make you cry multiple times
I am so in awe. Your grandfather deserves just the same. The heavy mass of love and affection he implanted in his wife literally saved her for more than a decade. It is a beautiful and strong love story that your grandparents have. With all the hardships they have stuck like glue. I only wish your grandparents happiness. Rest in peace to Grandma, I'm sure she was a beautiful soul that Pa could love even more than words.
😭
@@arielruby13 ABSOLUTELY!!
@@badadodgen Thank you so much!! She was a beautiful soul, and so full of joy.
Of course he wanted to take Allie to see all the geese, he's literally a GOSLING
This comment deserves all the likes in the world 😂😂😂
@@genevievelussier5608 agreed
Lol
😂😂😂
This made me snort lol
My bf at 17 told me that he was in the hospital for attempted suicide after I broke up with him and my response was, "Wow that is awful. I really hope you get better. This is further proof why we shouldn't be together." Now as a 31 yr old I can see what a fantastic response that was. I hope my daughter does the same if she is ever in the same position.
@S.A.M. Art facts. it’s their choice if they do that or not. most likely they are bluffing to get you to do what they want you to do, to control & manipulate you. guilt trip you. if they actually kill themselves it still wouldn’t be your fault. it would be unfortunate but not your doing.
This happened to me too. He was in the hospital after I broke up with him. In another relationship soon after, he went down the same path with less luck. Going to the funeral was hard, to pay respects to the family members I was still close with. But as a teenager it was a constant reminder that how someone deals with things is not our fault. We are all doing our best to make a good life, but if someone is risking their life like that in your name, its not on you. My heart goes out to everyone dealing with this and I hope people can grow past such toxic actions. 😔
It happened to my cousin, his relationship was over and his girlfriend wanted to stay in control of the situation. So she told him that she would kill herself if they didn't continue together, or something like that.
My cousin told the girl's parents and tried to get as far away from her as he could. Good decision.
Yeah suicidal people shouldn't be allowed to have relationships
@@painunending4610 uhm… more like manipulative people shouldn’t. someone can be suicidal and not dare say that to someone. so that’s kinda dumb of u to say honestly
I remember my mom and I starting this movie. I was pretty young, but she turned it off pretty early on. I asked her why and her response really stuck with me. “Because I don’t want you thinking that this an acceptable way to act or be treated in a relationship.” Stuff like that was important to my mom. She wasn’t ridiculously strict with media, but if she saw something that was teaching a bad lesson she had us turn it off and would calmly explain to us why what we saw was wrong, especially if what was happening was framed in a way to make look like a good thing. Those words made sure I never accepted being mistreated by romantic partners, and that I in turn treated those partners with love and respect.
Amazing
I wish she was my mom too 😂
Your mom is so awesome and I agree with her analysis of this movie too!
My mother did that too, minus the explanation
I probably turned out better for it, but I was so confused why she hated certain movies so much lol
Massive respect to your mom for giving you a reason why, instead of saying it's a bad movie because she says so.
I love how more people are starting to rise up and recognize this is not okay behavior for a romance and to start advocating for healthier and more wholesome relationships in media like Morticia and Gomez.
Morticia and Gomez are Couple Goals
I think it says a lot that a family meant to be satire and comedy is actually a very, very good example of an actual healthy family. Not gonna lie-we pattern ourselves after the Addamses.
100% why is it always the normies that get all the positive reactions when they are so full of toxic bull crap.
Sorry, but you expect the movie to be credible when you show 17 year olds love as mature? This is a MOVIE, not a lecture about a mature relationship. It's great that we have the maturity to see that it's not mature. Not every movie has to show "right" behavior. After all, a good movie provokes discussion.
💯
Alan: THE NOTEBOOK KILLED MY GRANDPARENTS
Me: I'm 100% on board for wherever this episode is going
Death note has enterd the chat
I’m more of a recent regular, but yes, I feel like I can trust their judgment… and I’m careful with who I trust
Same lol
My feelings exactly
Preach, I knew that I would adore this episode as soon as Alan dropped that bombshell! 😂
The doggie at the end is more emotionally supportive and caring than Noah ever was in this movie.
I was about to say that lmao
Preach, get yourself an emotionally supportive doggie instead of a toxic leading man!
Love to the dog !
Go Gandalf!!
you win the comments section.🔥🔥🔥
Her relationship with her Fiancee vs Noah shows that some people prefer a toxic relationship for the "excitement" over a healthy, stable, "boring" relationship.
THANK YOU!!! Like literally what’s so exciting about a toxic relationship?!?? I don’t get it! You can get yourself an amazing, sweet, loving green flag relationship but you chose a messy toxic relationship!?
Happy he dodged a bullet!
💀💀💀
Though it's literally fiction :P
Yes exactly, because “stable” is viewed as “boring” and the toxic drama is viewed as “excitement” and “oh they must love me so much because of all we’ve been through” even though it was unnecessary bs they went through, lmao.
I have technically seen the Notebook 4 times in one sitting because a girl at a sleepover really wanted to watch it but kept falling asleep and rewinding to the last scene she remembered. It was a strange type of torture
hahaha wow that is hilarious
That might be my personal relationship hell. I am so, _so_ sorry for you.
Omg, I’d of lost my damn mind. My mom’s extremely ADD (and won’t admit it), and one thing she does is she gets focused on doing something for a few minutes, realizes she’s missed part of what she was watching, and rewinds to whatever the last part she remembers. When she’s having a really bad ADD day, she will legit rewind to the same scene 10 times in a row. Most of the time it doesn’t bother me, but every once in a while I just have to get up and leave bc otherwise I’ll pitch the remote off the balcony and watch it smash on the pavement below.
That's one of the few things I've ever read that made me laugh out loud. I feel your pain.
And I thought babysitting a 3 year old girl who only wanted to watch The Little Mermaid over and over was Hell. 😅
Funny story: I had an internet friend who I had only known for a few months threaten suicide if I didn't agree to be his girlfriend. This wasn't even as bad as the carnival scene in the movie, where this was the first time they'd met each other and Noah basically goes "if I can't date you I will literally kill myself and it'll be your fault"; we had known each other for a few months, gotten reasonably close, then he drops the L-word on me and says "if I can't have you as a girlfriend then I'm going to kill myself". I spent the next MONTH worried that he'd go through with it or show up at my door and do something, with the nagging thought that if he did kill himself then it would be my fault. This shit is NOT ROMANTIC
Yeah that's one of the most toxic things a person can do, I remember being with my ex and being afraid to leave because I was worried he'd harm himself. It was awful.
Oh my god, I’m so sorry for you that happened!😮 I had a similar situation happen
OMG I had the same thing when I was back in high school. I was at a religious weekend (toxic as hell). Met a guy and that same weekend he threatened to kill himself if I didn't date him. We knew each other less than 72 hours. I stopped replying
I had a similar situation, but it was with my father. My parents divorced when I was a tween and my father said to me during one of my and my siblings' visitation with him that if we ever decided not to see him anymore (once a child turns 12 they are able to decide if they see the parent) he wouldn't have anything more to live for and would kill himself. Not a great thing for a kid whose parents are in the middle of a divorce to hear.
I have seen this sort of thing before, and I find it SO DISGUSTING, that I made the decision, decades ago, that if someone pulled that on me, I'd say, "OK. Do that, then." And I wouldn't feel at all guilty, even if they DID go through with it, because THAT is how disgusting I find it.
Am I a horrible person?
I should probably just call 911, instead. I should probably do that. I hope I never get faced with that.
The guy in the chair below them, calling out to just date him, already, really TICKS ME OFF.
I never thought I’d see these two get so angry at another toxic romance film, and Alan getting angry at geese. I’m all for it
The geese were just the ornamentals on top of this hellcake of romantic doom.
@@jackielinde7568 Mood. 😂
Me too. Watched the film last week and hated it. I love Jonathan and Alan but I've never felt so connected to them until this day 😂
I'm so glad they did an episode on this awful movie!
I was gifted this movie on DVD by my cousin who told me it was "the BEST MOVIE EVER!" I hated it. Absolutely hated it. He manipulates her into going out with him and after she falls in love, he breaks up with her because he decided he's not good enough for her. WTH? He knew at the beginning that she was from a wealthy family, so where did he think their relationship would go after the first date? I guess he wasn't thinking about that when ruined her date with Ferris wheel guy to get her to go out with him once and then... what? What was the point of that whole outrageous stunt? Then it made me so angry that they both tossed aside people they were seeing (she had her fiancé and I remember he had some woman he was sleeping with, but they didn't show her in this video), but it's romantic because they had this dramatic, passionate kiss in the pouring down rain and that makes it ok! I'm yelling at the screen: "Fiancé and f@$&-buddy have feelings too! Have the decency to end it with them first!" But, we know they were destined to be together because he wrote their "love story" down in a book and it miraculously makes her Alzheimer's disappear for 2 minutes. Plus, they die at the same time! So romantic! 🤮 I have never, and will never, watch another Nicolas Sparks movie!
I cannot WAIT for their inevitably angry analysis of The Kissing Booth, which they said in a recent livestream is one that’s in their ever-growing queue of movies they’re making videos on
THANK YOU!!! Ever since I was 14, I hated this movie because of how abusive the relationship was. Everyone said it was cute, and I always felt like the killjoy for saying this movie demonstrates a toxic relationship.
It basically promotes cheating on your man if he's boring
It goes to show you how many people are brought up in abusive family units lol 😆 I bring one of them lol YAY!!!
@@samuraijosh1595not only that but it excuses manipulating the women to feel bad whenever you decide to show up
^^^ This was me too!! Always hated this movie.
Threatening to unalive one’s self if they don’t go on a date with you is sick. And not in a cool way.
Alan's increasing rage at the number of geese had me CRYING 🤣
Even CinemaSins called out the film for having too many birds
It definitely is an irresponsible number of murder birds.
Nobody’s going to talk about how a baby goose is a gosling? Okay…. 😅
@@mistermarkeys OMG I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE LMAOOO
I am freaking cackling at this
25:35 "When you're fighting with somebody you don't want to tear each other's clothes off... you're disgusted with each other!" Such a relief to hear literally anyone say this! I've been made to feel over and over like there's something wrong with me because I don't want to have make-up sex. 🤢
But you have make up sex AFTER you make up. You must still be pissed or something to not want it.
Agree 100%
Lol right.. f**k off is more the answer at that point. There's a place and a time for everything and it is not when you just pissed me off..
yeah, I don't understand make-up sex... After a fight, even if both make peace, you're just sad, and you get emotionally exhausted. You just want to cuddle
Make-up sex after you've patched things up and have calmed down can be a healthy way to reaffirm your love and affection. Do others think make-up sex happens right after a fight?!
"When someone makes you feel cherished, when someone makes you feel loved, and you know that they have integrity, and they tell you the truth... THAT is sexy, and people have better sex that way." DAMN what a truth bomb! We need more movies and more shows about deep relationships built on mutual respect, and love. I've cried on my husbands shoulder about how sad it is to see these movies about couples treating one another like crap, and its heartbreaking that people think its love.
What do you think love is?
@@Sophie-vw5ol Not treating your significant other like garbage, threatening suicide, pushing emotional abuse and mental abuse as if it's a good thing?
@@Sophie-vw5ol I think love is deep and multi faceted. I think it's seeing someone happy, delighting in their joy, and feeling weightless if you're apart of it. I think its showing someone how much you care and seeing a light in their eyes when they look at you. I think love is something special that, when you're with someone who loves you in the same way, little moments they share with you feel immense. It's deep, and takes years to curate but when it is, it's more grand than you ever imagined. I love a lot of the times is a yin and yang, push and pull, you give and take, and in the process you build each other up.
Rambling, but thats how I feel.
I agree. Some people think drama=romance. Intense feelings aren't necessarily love. I have an old friend who never grew out that belief and she's never been in a happy relationship or one that lasted longer than a few months. She's just always chasing intensity over quality of feelings. And things like anger, lust, and insecurity can be really intense feelings but they don't make you feel GOOD or safe.
@@spinthepickle1244 It's hard and again we should be bringing healthy relationships to light. I know some won't like it, and will argue, "it's too perfect that's not realistic." They get "perfection" and healthy mixed up.
The amount of times James Marsden is the guy that doesn’t get chosen blows my mind! Choose him every time! He is gorgeous and sweet and fun and smiley. Like WTH?!! And even in the context of this movie like they go horseback riding and dancing vs geese and poetry and fighting. He was way too good for her.
That's why I like 27 Dresses.
@@starshake8998 i'm happy he finally got the girl but i'm like her? ha
I liked him in Sonic the most. I bought it on dvd, even
For real James Marsden is the man.
James Marsden is the real victim in the Notebook
A silver lining is that those two deserve each other and James Marsden is free to find a partner that won't cheat on him and then not feel the least bit bad about it.
Lord, yes! He was the absolute best part of the movie. I hope he ended up with an amazing life with an amazing woman in the fictional universe!
James Marsden’s character was the ONE good thing about this movie.
True
Oof if I walked out and see a handsome charming, respectful man in uniform just waiting for me after being complete vulnerable and harmed in war… I’ll be dumb ass hell to say no to him lol
James Marsden is also a perfect Corny Collins in Hairspray!
I saw The Notebook when it was in theaters. Everyone loved it and I walked out pissed off because "that's not how Alzheimer's works". Thank you for stating this in the video because I've had to watch too many grandparents suffer with this disease.
I'm a nurse in long-term care, and that was my exact reaction.
My grandma has Alzheimer's and it's gut wrenching. You can't really understand when she speaks, and she doesn't remember my grandpa anymore. It's tragic...
Same reaction here. My great grandmother had Alzheimer's, my grandfather just started having it, and I've done high school co-op working in the dementia ward of a nursing home where literally on my first day of being there, trigger warning, one of the resident's asked me if they could die. It's a scary disease I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, and their portrayal of it here revolted me.
Hey, they didn’t have David Fincher (fight club) telling the story. They got what they got.
I once dreamed that my grandma woke up one day and remembered everything again. The fact that this movie makes it this way, even if only for a moment, is a punch in the gut. It would be a kick in the nuts but I don't have those...
The fact that movies like this are held up as a great relationship is a huge reason as to why so many people can’t have healthy relationships.
NO KIDDING!!!
Urban cowboy 😂
A healthy relationship simply does not exist.
@@5hanuspeak for yourself 😊
No one wants to watch a movie about a boring healthy relationship
I don’t know if you guys read year-old comments but I want to share these thoughts regardless.
I faced the reality of infidelity in my romantic relationship under a week ago. I was heartbroken and haven’t felt this much pain in a long time. While watching along, I realized I was smiling for one of the first times since before the betrayal. This is one of my comfort channels, you guys are amazing, and I hope this encourages you to keep making videos.
To Alan, my heart goes out to you and your loss. I hope you are doing better.
We see new comments regardless of the video they are from. We're honored to be a comfort during tough times. Sending you a big hug over the internet! 🫂
Alan's passion about how bad this relationship is is utterly hilarious. The "There's poverty in New York" line also made me lose composure and felt so out of left field but perfect of a reply befitting the moment. XD
3 stages of a narcissistic relationship
1. Love bombing - they're everything you ever wanted (but faking it)
2. Devaluation stage - suddenly they're not into you causing you to possibly doubt or blame yourself
3. Discard - they've used you all the way up and leave you like an empty container
Don't walk, run
3 red flags
Soooo, just about everything they talked about when they did "Coraline"
That's not the notebook though..
Also holds true for like 99.9% of teen "relationships", let's be real
The D.E.N.N.I.S. system.
As a 37 year old woman, I always felt like an odd-ball for hating this movie. Thank you for helping me feel validated 😄
SAME to the validation
This movie was the first (I think) Nicholas Sparks movie I ever saw (might have seen one more and I’m not sure which was first). I hated it. Probably not the worst movie I’ve ever seen, but it’s up there.
As a fellow 37 year old woman, hard agree! I have never understood why people like this movie so much.
Yesssss! Hate
You're not alone I always thought this movie was full of 💩💩
Animal handler: How many geese do you want?
Director: Yes.
As a recent psychology graduate this is so refreshing! I am also so sick of toxic relationships being glorified
Sounds like you spend all those years of learning psychology only to repeat "toxic this toxic that" over and over again.
Talking about toxic relationships glorified
Just yesterday I was attacked on the comments for criticizing an old soap about a psychiatrist who fell in love with his patient who had a mental age of eight
I was just saying he was a monster he should be in prison but because a lot of people had nostalgia for the old show they kept attacking me for criticizing the nice doctor who kept fighting to treat his patient not because it's his job but because he loved her
And if I wasn't clear she was in a coma since she was eight so she was at little girl in a woman's body
@@pianorelaxingmusics why are you triggered someone is recognizing toxicity?
@@thekatprincess simply pointing out that men who do the bare minimum always get triggered by romance of any kind. Guess when they were teenagers they were only fucking on their girlfriends and straight up telling them they will move on quickly or did not date anyone until they were in their 30s. Imagine being a grown man and bitching on YT with another man, about how you are annoyed by a romance based on a true love story.
@@pianorelaxingmusics you missed the point so hard
The line: "sometimes love is restraint" is something that needs to be started more often in American culture.
Are you familiar with American religious people where they don't allow their kids to live with a significant other or have intimate relationships before marriage? I had three couples as friends who got married right after college in order to be together. Their parents even said "they're too young to get married" and it's like, well if you didn't restrict them so much they probably would've waited a couple more years.
There are trashy and/or hypersexual people in every culture. America just happens to have a larger population this technically more people, but if you look percentage wise it's not that big of a difference.
@@HouseMDaddict I knew couples who got married right out of HIGH SCHOOL for the same reasons. Some of them it was very clearly just "oh, you want to have sex" and not anything to do with actually loving the other person. The saddest part is the people who take no-sex-until-marriage seriously are also the most likely to take no-divorcing-ever seriously.
@DarthRayJ, wouldn't that mean they also have the most reason to make the relationship work though? I don't see a taboo around divorce as a bad thing, especially when children are involved.
@@DarthRayj I am one of those people who take no s*x until marriage seriously and if the "saddest" part about that is I take commitment and responsibility seriously and even when it's tough I will fight to not take an easy road out so that I and my spouse grow as individuals and as a couple and can have someone to utterly trust, respect and love until the day one of us dies... I'm okay with that. Also never have to worry about STDs or pregnancy before I can afford or have time for a child so that's cool. I'm not worried about increased cancer risks or other fun side effects from birth control either. Now I do think divorce is okay in situations like abuse. But our culture uses it far too often as a scapegoat. And choosing marriage just to have s*x is a very unwise decision. I'm sure some people do it and I'm sad they thought that's what marriage is all about. Also sad for the people who feel trapped in abusive relationships. Not okay.
Alan saying, "I am the straightest guy you've met," followed immediately by the editors showing pictures of Johnathan and Oscar Isaac, and playing the John Cena "Are you sure about that?" voice clip had me screaming.
Also Alan's later rant about James Marsden did not help his case.
Yeah, that's not a straight man's reaction to that. I'm also sure it's not the first crush Alan's had on a man 😂
He is ALWAYS the one in these vids to point out how hawt a male character in any given movie is 😂
I mean James Marsden IS hot.
The geese scene of this video got me cracking uppp. “Girl you are in a horror movie” “swamp full of murder birds”. 🤣
😂😂😂
My husband loves geese & I knew immediately I needed to show him the geese tirade. 'They have stolen God's light' 😂 I agree that many geese around my boat in a swamp would feel like a horror movie.
I lost my shit during that part, it was freaking hilarious 😂
SO MANY F***ING GEESE 😂😂
You guys are dead on. If there is ONE piece of advice I could give young people it's this: violence and conflict do NOT equal passion. Someone does not have to bring drama into your life or make you feel bad to make you feel alive. I've been married 14 glorious years to my sweetheart and the passion of a "boring" normal life is vastly underrated.
AMEN.
YUP. 100x over. Yet don't let Hollywood hear you. Overall they think that you should all be screaming and crying then screwing within the span of 5 minutes. Talk about warping the public. I have seen it done differently onscreen ONCE. I don't watch Outlander, so i can't speak for the series as a whole, but i once saw a clip where the main character hadn't seen his...wife? girlfriend...? in years due to some time travel nonsense, and the first thing he did was ask permission to kiss her. Now while i don't think we need to go THAT formal, it was one of the sexiest deliveries of line that i've seen in a while. The actors were selling the crap out of the passion in that scene while still modeling being respectful. Again i don't think we need to do that every time you want a snog, but for a first kiss....that was pretty steamy. Also they seemed like a couple that would equally be happy just having a chat and hanging out. Again, don't watch the show, don't know anything about it. Perhaps 2 episodes later it devolved into the typical hollywood passion screaming sex setup, but for that one scene i thought huh...so it CAN be done.
@@story3877 Nop, that's not the only TRULY romantic moment they have. Outlander's is one of the best couple I have ever watched, I recommend it to everyone!
I think people tend to romanticize anger and confrontation turning into love/lust because it's a transition from a strong emotion to another strong emotion, while happiness and content turning into love or lust is much more subtle of a transition. We love to see the drama played out because it gives our brains a strong kick and makes us excited to see the twists and turns. Fun to watch in a movie, much less fun in real life...
Spot on! The high emotion, the tension is fun to watch. Much like a bad boy, they are a lot of fun to watch on screen and not a lot of fun to interact with in real life.
It’s always a good thing when one can tell the difference between fiction and reality. Reality may not always be what we want, but it’s real and one can have the power to change their life however they wish; so long as they work hard for it.
Or it’s just more relatable. Humans fight and things can be messy but that doesn’t take away from the fact that there is also love and happiness.
But there's ways this trope can be done well, tho. Not in the case of this movie unfortunately 😭
@@Piecesoftheshadow I don't find domestic violence and threatening suicide relatable.
My ex threatened suicide as a manipulation technique so instead of cowering down I took him home and told his mom and friends to look out for him. I had to leave that situation because he was getting very aggressive and abusive with me but I made his family aware. Never threaten suicide its not something to threaten.
That’s so smart and brave of you 👍🏻👍🏻
@@Elisa-006 thank you 😊
A friend’s ex does that to her as a manipulation technique from time to time. I told her that she should be calling 911 every single time. You never know when someone is serious, but it should be always be taken seriously-even if it’s an inconvenience for the person.
@M Kuti-Childress as a suicide survivor I never take suicide threats lightly, turns out he did that to his previous ex but at the time I didn't know that. Getting people help and leaving if necessary is better then staying and getting abused.
If this happens again, after you drop that person off, call law enforcement and have them do a welfare check saying that the person threatened suicide to get their way. Seriously. That needs to be documented and it STOPS the toxic behavior.
One of my therapists (!!!) said during a session that this was one of her favorite romantic stories, and she'd always cry at the rain scene. I was so taken aback, I couldn't even say anything in protest.
Ummm WHAT?! 😭 time to find a smarter therapist
Umm it’s just a movie so who tf actually cares… you a petty little cry baby who needs a therapist 😂😂😂
I think the problem is some people are better at compartmentalizing. I LOVE the Notebook, but it also in no way helps make up the picture of what I think a healthy relationship should be. I can understand and appreciate all of the criticisms they’re leveling at it, but it doesn’t detract from my enjoyment at all.
I strongly believe the geese scene actually a hidden metaphor for how deceiving Noah is. Just like geese, he’s adorable and romantic and majestic on the outside, but a literal spawn from hell of a character on the inside! :)
Hey, don't be so mean to geese. They can be very good parents that take good care of their young and unlike Noah, who tries to run around stealing people away from the ones they are dating, swans are monogamous and mate for life. Let's just say Noah is Satanic and leave geese out of it. God made geese and they are good and a gift from Heaven as all animals are. :)
Geese are cool though, Noah is just bleh
@@chaoticdetectivepeach Geese are the spawn of Satan.
Having worked with and handled geese before, I can definitely second the notion of them being hellspawn 😂
Made me chuckle; need to tell my mum about this since she's had bad experiences with geese
“They’ve got poverty in New York.” I laughed so hard I literally had a coughing fit
i had to pause the entire video and just take a moment to laugh at that lmao
same
Yes! I choked.
My God yes please give this the appreciation it needs it made my day 😂
I cracked myself up too🤣
I've never been in a relationship but what I've learned from this channel is that Romance movies are pretty much a guide on what not to do if I do ever find someone.
Lol! This made me laugh. 😆
Yup!
Hmmm some of them are quite healthy. Also yes take these lessons to heart. The hardest part is catching yourself and checking your emotions, which you can only learn by experience.
Also, if you do find someone, don't eat them. Pro tip.
Yes
As a teenager I loved her and noah together. As an adult I see her choose him and I’m like girl what are you doing 😅
I have a similar view with the Phantom of the opera..when I was younger (middle school) I wanted Christine to go with the Phantom. When I was in my late 20s/early 30's, I felt like she was right to go with Raoul..now that I am in my 40's I think, "Girl dump them both and follow your career."
You know what? I’ve watched this a few times and I thought Noah got her by default. She wanted lan and he turned her down, so she went to Noah.
She physically hit him though, which could be called abusive behavior.
young girls are ruthlessly heartless
Fun fact! I showed a sort of sheltered male friend from college a fake trailer that set the romance up as a psychological thriller and he agreed to watch it. During the canoe>kissing in the rain> love making sequence he finally paused it and said something to the effect of "wait so is he going to stalk and murder her, or not?"
Oh that idea is too good
This is 100% what "Passengers" should have been, a dark sci-fi psychodrama. I'm sure someone's done a short film version edited as such.
@@NeggieKnightI also feel remorse when I literally kill, murder, destroy the rest of someone’s life cause I am lonely.
I thought about this and if I was in that horrible man’s situation, I would have lived as long as I could until I could not stand the loneliness and then killed myself. There is no Honor or love or joy or romance or anything but selfish, selfish hate in dooming someone to a life of suffering and ever-present, ever-looming death. What can he do to make his horrible purposeful murder better? Nothing.
Good assumption tbh
that’s a damn good idea
Lon never got enough credit for how understanding he was with Allie. He’s so ahead of his time in giving her the room to make her own decisions, accepting her choices even when she cheats on him deep into their engagement. He was always a good man, wooing her in a charming way and even mending the bridge between Allie and her parents
Agh! I remember watching this and I honestly felt they had better chemistry than Noah and Allie. I hated how easily she threw it away - and now that I'm older and have a little more experience, I want to shake the crap out of her.
@@dreamsinmonochrome He didn't deserve her. I'm sure he found another woman who appreciated the healthy relationship he brought to the table.
@@starsun6363 u mean she doesn’t deserve him
@CatD *slaps head* yeah. Whoopies
Typo.
@@starsun6363 In a way you’re right though. He didn’t deserve her, he deserved better
Used to be my favorite romance movie until I realized how incredibly toxic it is. I do think it’s so sweet how an elderly Noah is reading to an elderly Allie who has dementia and can’t remember their love story but how the love story begins is not healthy. I had an opposite side of the tracks relationship, I was rich and he was dirt poor, but I chose to end it because I realized that I would be the main breadwinner as well as cook, housekeeper, errand doer, and I believed that was unfair. He also lacked the maturity and respectability for a happy, healthy relationship, he wasn’t abusive, just not living in reality
You sound like an incredibly emotionally mature and wise person. I thoroughly respect that! I just wanted to compliment you, there are so many people who would've dragged an ex like that through the dirt but you have the empathy and nuance to understand and also say out loud that he wasn't abusive, and enough self-love and respect for yourself to choose to end a relationship like that. So here, take my compliments! ^^
@@MerelvandenHurk Thank you!! It definitely was frustrating at times, especially when I saw his lifestyle in his home, but I knew he was a good guy and he came from a good, loving family. He did have rage issues which made it hard for him to keep a job but he never released them on me and when I ended things he was very understanding and respectful and we both went our separate ways without hurt feelings
I know so many women who get caught in that trap of doing all the domestic labor as well as working outside the home, and it sucks so bad. Good for you for side stepping that
I get that. I literally stayed in mine because socially I was told that if you love someone, you should love them regardless of money. Unfortunately, some man, especially immature man will take that as a opportunity to relax and not do anything. My partner turned literally into a child I had to take care of and no one wants to date a child.
@@GetOfflineGetGood I wouldn’t have minded doing my share of the housekeeping and earning an income, especially in this day and age with rent and food and gas prices going up, but the fact that I would come from my third or fourth job to find the house a complete mess with him watching tv and eating snacks without having done a lick of work would have been upsetting. He had trouble focusing and understanding responsibility, he also didn’t have a degree of any kind, but he was still a good guy. I just didn’t want to take care of him and only get grey hair and wrinkles at age 23 as a result
Reminds me of my best friend from when I was a kid. We had a shared male friend and one day he told her that he liked her and asked her to be his girlfriend. She actually said no at first, but when he guilt-tripped her with "nobody wants me" and "nobody likes me", she ended up saying yes. I remember feeling so bad on her behalf when she told me later. We were just young teenagers so I had no idea how to properly react or try to make her see the problem with it. They aren't together anymore, which I think is a good thing.
I had something similar. I had a break-up from previous relationship. There was less than a year after break-up. I lived in a city with no friends. So I had nobody to speak or go out. I started to go out for a city walks, started to spend more time for myself, do things what I love and then I met my next BF. At the beginning I told him that I don't want to rush into relationship, let's be friends. He totally refused such an idea. I knew him less than a week and he told either we'll be in a relationship or I will not see him again. I ended up too to saying yes. I was afraid to be friendless and alone again. To this day, I regret that I made that choice. He wasn't a good person. In that relationship I felt unlucky and miserable. Rather to be alone and happy than in a miserable relationship.
Yes, Bluey is SO GOOD! It’s rare to find a show with such good relationships, parents engaging with their kids, and not treating the dad like a buffoon.
Bluey is a GIFT. My kids are 7 and 5 and watch it non stop and I don't mind. I love watching it along with them it's so Damn good.
Oh my gosh yes, it’s one of the only shows my nephews watch that I don’t mind watching with them
Yes to this comment and the replies made before me. Bluey is my jam... I mean, my son's jam.😉
I saw an ad that was just a clip of Bluey and thought “huh, this is actually nice.” And it was one of the few times i havent skipped a skippable ad
Bluey is amazing. Some people say that Bandit is treated a bit like a doofus. But it's a good portrayal of the laid back Aussie father figure. We all joke around and most families have 1 joker and 1 traditional parent figure. But both Bandit and Chili swap those roles as needed for their girls.
Thank you for doing this! I never understood why people think it’s such a great love story. It was mostly super toxic
I thought I was the ONLY one!!! I’ve seen it once and I was like…hmmm okay, nice movie prob won’t watch it again.
Exactly. I didn't get it either.
In my defense, I didn't know any better.
Yes ! Agreed 🙌🏼
I was 12-13 at the time and I didn't get why people love it so much.
A close high school friend of mine dated a girl in his freshman year who threatened self harm and suicide to get him to stay in the relationship. There's nothing funny or cute about threatening someone like that, it's scary. That relationship was very toxic and he never liked talking about it after.
He must felt so guilty/ scared and that's not love that's feeling responsible for someone. 🤨☹️
Best way to deal with that is to just call for a wellness check on said person. That usually shuts them down cause u know, feeling humiliation cause they know what they’re doing.
Ive had multiple friends who have stayed in abusive relationships because the abuser threatened suicide. It's abuse. Plain and simple
Ex from my ma in her youth actually killed himself. She was 16 and it took lots of therapy to really understand that it wasn't her fault...
As someone who went through the same thing with my ex I understand why he wouldn't and also understand the initial fear and guilt that if you did leave then would they really go through it. I talk about mine so that others know the signs and that no matter what it's ok to leave or else it could turn nasty quick with people like that and to cut ties immediately. Luckily for me i read domestic teen aritcles before even having a relationship just because i didnt want to be in those situations but was still naive. I like to tell people that it's never their fault because at the end of the day the people threating themselves don't love nor care about your well-being and its best to get help quick for both parties sakes.
I never told my parents until years later.
When I was a teenager, I thought this movie was so romantic. When I become and adult, I realized how toxic it is. What’s scary is that I saw a lot of teenage toxic relationships around me and they thought it was normal and all that drama made it “fun”.
it's true, when you feel loved and safe, you feel passion. people think it's "boring" but it's so much better. we're just used to toxicity.
And it doesn't have to be "boring"! Like, Gomez and Morticia are loving and wholesome, but both of those characters are certainly far from boring! And their passion rings true. If you write interesting characters, then their relationship is going to be interesting. Anyone can make a couple of cardboard cutouts scream and threaten each other and call that "passionate" or "interesting".
And what seems boring to others isn't to you, like going grocery shopping or sitting in DMV waiting line because you have each others company
True 🥺😢🥺
I ended up feeling loved (sometimes) but *physically unsafe.
That's why 10 days ago, covered in bruises, I finally left. It'll take I don't know how long to fully Extricate, dissolve business partnership, etc.
McDonald's right that I'm clearly some people will recover from toxic relationships even domestic abuse. you can look it up right here on TH-cam and hear a couple of talk about their recovery. I thought my fiance and I could do that. but he's too mentally ill, to borderline, to narcissistic, two immature, to focused on making money over everything else, to paranoid two secretive to comfortable lying... toxic toxic toxic I saw all the red flags and I forgive them and rationalized them away. I saw all the red flags and I rationalized them away. let me repeat that I saw all the red flags and irrational way. this is what happens when you rationalize the way the red flags. you end up walking away covered in bruises, and even your money is too entangled with the other persons to fully get away without their help.. at least that's what happened to me. it's still happening.
yes, but there's also the point of excitement and variation which often isn't included in the package of the traditional "the good guy" in romantic movies. (I don't watch a lot of romantic movies but ik that this also applies to West Side Story)
@@casy6203 My husband and I were just talking about this!
Thank God I'm too sick of my parents arguing to find drama in a relationship "romantic". I want calm and stability thank you.
Stick with this feeling. I've been married 5 years. I find my husband attractive and he is absolutely the best person I know, but those infatuation feelings aren't there even most of the time. But I love him all the time, and I'm so happy with him, especially compared to living in my parents' home. I don't have to worry about being attacked over my mistakes, and every single day I see how he gives everything he has for me and our kids. Don't fall for the Hollywood hype. I feel happy and safe, and I hope the same for you someday soon!
I doubt there is a married couple who never fought. After 10+ years of marriage, you will argue for the sake of arguing. lol
@@whysosrs5534 lol I never said that there are couples who never argue. And that's not the case for us; we do disagree. Even when he is upset with me, he deals with it calmly and doesn't attack me. And thanks for the prediction, but I've dealt with those before, and in my experience it says more about the person making the prediction than about my relationship. 😄
@@enviritas9498 Unless they're talking about something that's more like a debate. My brother will play devil's advocate just because he's bored.
@@whysosrs5534 my husband and I will not argue something for the sake of not arguing.
I am so sick of healthy relationships not being portrayed in movies because they’re “boring“. They are not boring. Have you watched Heartstopper? That is a wonderful, incredibly healthy relationship, which is really amazing considering their age. And it had massive success. Give us more stories like that, where both partners are kind, super caring about each other, very self-aware, and constantly working to make sure that their relationship is better and that they are communicating well. And I know that cinematherapy almost only does movies, but if they ever did a Heartstopper episode I would be absolutely dying happy. Please consider it!!!
Yes! I’d love to see them look at Heartstopper for a more positive example. I just finished it a bit ago and I wish I could watch it for the first time again.
@@erenyeagerist7681 I do watch K-dramas and a lot of them aren’t very healthy either, some of them are but a lot of them aren’t, similar to American. But I’ll check out Marry Me, thanks for the rec!
The idea that good people are boring but horrible people are interesting and exciting is really unhealthy. There's plenty of good interesting people out there. Good people who happen to be boring are boring because they're boring not because they're good.
@@erenyeagerist7681 Ugh, most Asian dramas are melodramas that are not only toxic, they sometimes portray things that would be criminal as romantic.
Our Flag Means Death also has beautiful and adorable couples. It’s a great pick if you’re a fan of Heartstopper, it has excellent queer representation.
I learned 2 things watching this video. Alan's hatred for geese and his absolute love for James Marsden 💙 ❤️
He is a victim like james?
I love watching you guys “tear apart” unhealthy movies. It’s not mean spirited but soooooo truthful.
Definitely
Exactly.
I told my therapist the other day that “if someone’s favorite movie is ‘The Notebook,’ it’s a red flag.” What a coincidence that you tackled this movie now! 😁
I liked the movie and the book, but not because I think their relationship is super good))
Watching toxic relationship is much more interesting than watching good ones
@@KateeAngel you need therapy
@@KateeAngel there aren't enough healthy movies/tv shows out there to make that statement.
What about Love Actually? My bf found out her husband loves Love Actually after they got married. She says she never would have married him if she knew, and I 100% believe her.
I never really liked the romance in the Notebook when they were teenagers and young adults, but the idea of an elderly man reading their love story to his wife to help her remember and him not wanting to leave her side and just wanting to be with her despite her being unable to remember who he is just warms my heart and it just breaks my heart for her to remember just to forget again a few minutes later and get scared. They could have picked a better love story and I'd still get that effect, maybe cry over it even more.
The old couple was the only bearable part of the movie. Divorce them from the rest of the story and it is good. Also, Ryan Gosling as a young James Garner? Yeah...nope.
My thoughts exactly. I didn't really recall the love story but the one when they are old. I erase bad/uninteresting memories 😂
This would have been a better story if it was Lon reading her book to her
honestly watched this episode of CT to avoid watching the Notebook. I was told it's a beautiful love story by so many people including my husband😂 thank you for this episode! and to recover from this movie may I suggest Superman and Lois❤ their love story is so full of support and trust it'll heal you.
You're welcome! Thanks for watching!
tv program my adventure with superman
The sad thing is in the book, Noah and Allie were overall a good relationship and didn't fight like they did in the film. Hollywood decided that would be too boring and made them toxic, screaming at each other all the time, because apparently that's passion. Unfortunately, Mr. Sparks always allows Hollywood to make changes as they please to his stuff because he understands that certain things don't transfer well from book to film adaption, or something like that. Also, Noah and Allie are loose inspirations of Sparks's own grandparents, saying this was their story during the 40's (the book version, of course, not the movie)
Another tidbit: in the book, Noah wrote the notebook that he reads to Allie, in the film, she writes it herself to have him read back to her, don’t know why they changed that
Thanks for clearing that up. My sister read the book and loved it. Then she saw the movie and came back super angry (they changed everything!!). It's good to hear this wasn't the original story.
@@CreamIceMs yeah, I recommend listening to Nicholas Spark’s audio commentary to the movie. You can tell he wasn’t thrilled about changing the relationship dynamic to being toxic af but just kinda accepted it? Like “oh well, I understand why they make changes, I’ll let them do their own thing, even if I don’t like it”. He explains that Lon AND Noah are both genuine GOOD guys, Allie has two good men to choose from, which is what makes her decision so difficult to make. One was not necessarily “better” than the other
Thank you! I've been saying this for YEARS
y'know, I honestly want to have somebody make a movie that *is* legitimately completely true to whatever book it's based on...and then make one that's *not* completely true to the book but is "adapted to film"
and then see which one actually turns out better.
Because like, it would probably depend on the book, for sure (imagine trying to make a film that 100% follows everything that happens in The Silmarillion, for instance...) but books like Percy Jackson? I distinctly remember thinking when I was reading PJATO that the book practically read like a movie script in and of itself.
Watching it like this I’m realizing that TRULY it’s just the fact that Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams are just amazing actors with insane chemistry that know how to react to make the audience feel like this is romantic. Lesser actors would have exposed the toxicity right away.
That's what happened with After. It was more obvious how toxic and gross it is.
pretty
So true! When they finally “did it” I was like YESSSS GET IT GUYS 😂 Their chemistry blinded us to the toxic parts
I sometimes get so annoyed at how I used to think this was such a romantic movie, but now that I’ve been through toxic relationships I understand how bad this all is. Thank you for this break down. More people need to realize this.
The slapping scene is kind of triggering 😅
Yes I can't watch this anymore after I married my "Noah". It's trauma 😭
My mom has both alzheimers and dementia. She doesnt remember me at all. The last time we talked, it was like we were friends, two young single ladies 😅. To help with this tragic disease, I tend to think that this is a mercy for someone to be wiped clean of all the bad things that have happened to them, and all the bad things they have done to others, so that their soul is clean and new when they pass on. Yeah, its an ugly disease from our view, but in the end, the load on their hearts and energy will be free. Its like a grand process. I am glad she doesnt remember the bad times, and I hope in her next life, she is extremely happy and abundantly loved. Thats what I believe.
Allie and Noah: *surrounded by geese* Awww how pretty.
Me: *sees a goose 10 feet away* Please don't kill me please don't kill me please don't kill me
Are you Canadian? Apparently their geese are violent.
Chicken cobras.
@@Du-Masses all geese are aggressive!
Geese are like the hot psychopath in movies:
Cute through a sreen
_TERRYFING IN REAL LIFE_
Geese are assholes. I agree with your sentiment.
I watched The Notebook at 18 for the first time with burning despise, until they got to the Alzheimer’s part. My grandparents were like that, truly living the “till death do us apart” oath. He developed dementia and she never showed an inkling of frustration. She took care of him lovingly, replied to his incessant repetitive questions with the same respect of their younger years.
I watched the first 10 minutes and was horrified - he asks her out, gets rejected, shows up when she's on a date with someone else and asks again, gets rejected, and proceeds to threaten to kill himself in front of her on her date if she doesn't agree. Absolutely terrifying behaviour, The Notebook is a horror movie.
Only if you are a woman.
But if you are a deranged sociopath and love the twiligh movies ... thats love.
I've never understood why women liked this garbage movie!!
@@luv2charlie Many of us do not.
I would like to see this get re-cut AS a horror movie lol. That would be fantastic.
i always hated their relationshop but i always felt like i was alone since everyone seemed to love this couple. Glad i'm not alone
I saw an Instagram reel of that scene of them at the truck in the notebook and it reminded me of a situationship I had with this guy that I walked away from. The fact that people saw that as a “romantic-they-are-meant-to-be” scene made me think I should’ve dated him and made me doubt myself, the point is thank you for reassuring me that it isn’t a healthy dynamic and I am not crazy for thinking that
allen screaming "THE NOTEBOOK KILLED MY GRANDPARENTS" has the same energy as "SINGING KILLED MY GRANDMA" from trolls
I thought the same thing! 😂
Or that grandma yelling "NO SINGING" from coco
Or the “ i ate my grandma” from Moana
@@fanatomic24 N n I
My mom and I both watched this movie for the first and only time when I was a teenager. We had heard how fantastic of a romance story it was. When the movie ended we just slowly looked at each other with equally dumbfounded expressions. We agreed that it was actually terrible and we did not understand the hype around it 😂
Same!!!!
I enjoyed the hell out of it. But probably not for the reasons I was suppose to. The sets and costumes were outstanding, and it was funny as hell in some parts. Plus James Garner was great, as always, and it was pretty easy to ignore the more horrible “romantic” story lines. Same with Titanic. I mean, it was worth watching even though Rose killing Jack wasn’t really all that fun.
I had de EXSACT reaction you described with my mom! 😵💫😆
I'm sorry, I'm just imagining you two turning to look at each other like dog owners share glances with their dogs 💀 "Wtf was that?"
I watched it, I thought I watched the wrong movie 💀 based on what I've heard, I can't believe it's actually the movie
I love how you guys don’t knock anyone for liking the movies you comment on, but do always remind people not to shape their relationships after them. You guys are so respectful
The number of times he said "the f-ing geese" KILLED me and it was totally how I feel about geese
SO MANY F***ING GEESE 😂😂😂 I lost it
It always bothered me that Noah extorted a date out of Allie and we were supposed to find that romantic. All of my friends thought it was sweet, I thought it was sick.
yeah, it's kind of funny how much they keep nodding to the other side--the chemistry! the acting! the charisma! of course people are going to fall for it!--when some of us watching never liked this movie to begin with. (tbf, I don't know whether the reason I hated it as a preteen girl was that I picked up on the toxicity of the relationship or just that I thought it was schmaltzy and stupid)
exactly. At least wait until the date is over. Interrupting someone's date is a really rude and low blow. He then basically uses emotional abuse to get a date. I mean, putting yourself in danger to get someone to stay or say yes is not romantic. it is not a healthy way to start a relationship.
The relationship in this movie makes twilight look healthy. And that’s not an easy task to accomplish
@@godzillasimpson8357 agreed
That scene turned me instantly against the rest of this movie the first time I saw it.
A baby goose is literally called a gosling so it makes sense to have them react with Ryan in that scene.
Ohhhh man, that didn't even occur to me. The gosling among all the geese.
Lol! Wow👌
'I want you to meet my family.'
His first name should've been Joey lol
💯
The most frustrating thing about this movie is that I literally lived this movie through my twenties and it caused so much fucking trauma that I'm still feeling the kickback in my thirties.
I feel ya. I listened to music I lived out, and... Yeah. Hearing some gems from these 2 channels has helped lately: Sam Vaknin and R.E.Dossett
Let's be as patient and kind with yourselves as we were to the crazies ☺️🤗
Alan, I'm hugging you, man. Many years have passed since one of the matriarchs of our family got lost on the roads of the dissolving mind. I remember when she stopped talking. It seemed that the person inside was no longer there. No one at all. But when I was struggling with doubts and fears myself, she suddenly came up to me and just put her hands on my shoulders. She hardly remembered me. But she was kind, no matter what.
I loved James Marsden's comment when he read the script for "27 dresses". "Wait a minute, I'm in a love triangle and I get the girl? I don't think I can do that!" 🤣🤣
😂😂😂😂😂😂
we stan james marsden
James Marsden is one of my favorite underrated actors. Sonic guy *and* Prince Charming in Enchanted??? THE RANGE!
@Don’t burst my bubble -Hey, don't forget Kovu and Max Goof!-
EDIT: Wrong J. Marsden. Oops! They're both underrated, though.
@Don’t burst my bubble Enchanted is a seriously underrated movie, though.
Me and my then Boyfriend watched The Notebook as it’s always recommended as a must-see romantic movie for a couple and we both hated the guts out of and agreed that it’s just abuse and manipulation labeled as romantic. And that’s why he is not my boyfriend anymore but my husband ❤
Queen shit, wish the best for both of you ❤ Tearing apart bad romances with your partner is peak couple bonding.
Reading the last sentence had me at the first half not gonna lie. I'm happy for you two though! 😄
Yay happy ending
They've found that, statistically, one of the most effective forms of couples counseling is actually watching movies together and discussing the relationships in the movie with your partner.
This sounds like a version of the IKEA test! Maybe if you can watch this movie, and both of you hate it for the right reasons, you are at least well equipped for a respectful relationship!
I like what someone called the "Danny DeVito Test". Take any romance movie and replace the male lead with Danny DeVito, if Danny DeVito manages to remain cute and wholesome by the end of the film it's a solid script for genuine romance; many films can't pass this test.
Well considering the whole internet loves Danny DeVito (and understandably so) I'm not sure this is a foolproof test. 😂
@@simonster-9094 It's not hard to imagine Danny DeVito being a creepy slob like some of the guys in those films.
@@simonster-9094 Ok, replace Danny DeVito with his character in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Frank Reynolds. He's intentionally a filthy old cretin of a man who only gets away with his grotesque behavior because he's rich.
Ok but Danny DeVito is adorable and deserves love.
@@magrathea23 The only movie that comes to mind from the top of my head that passes this test is Shrek.
I watched this as a teen… my dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s when I was 11, passed when I was 20 (super early onset) anyways it’s so nice to see the similar level of “wtf” to the complete disregard for how the disease actually works. Like what in the 50 first dates is this. As a teen girl it was expected for me to love this movie and that part completely broke the spell for me.
Also I Stan Bluey forever. It is peak comfort.
Love this commentary thanks for making me feel so seen.
This movie was terrible on many levels and I remember thinking the way they portrayed her illness was so stupid.
Please, please, PLEASE do a full episode on Bluey. Its portrayal of familial relationships is unlike any TV show that I have ever seen. It has more depth and subtext than any "children's" show has any right to have. And it's just so damn charming, moving, and funny.
Bluey is bomb
Yes! But Bluey also sometimes makes me feel like a bad parent
Even if you don't make an episode about it cause it's TV seriously watch Bluey.
Bluey is the absolute best!
I enjoy Bluey just as much if not more than my kid 😂 the wholesome content for the whole family to actually enjoy is everything
Yes, finally! I remember watching this movie with my friend for the first time a couple years ago because it was apparently the greatest romance ever, but the entire time I was like "Am I supposed to be rooting for these two?" I remember yelling at the screen for Allie to marry the other guy because he was so much better. Glad to know I'm not the only one who thought their relationship was awful.
Same! A former friend insisted that I accompany her to watch (then) newly-released movies when they came out in the theaters, this being 1 of them.
Sry I'm not sry, but "The Notebook" did *not* impress me as a compelling love story ... but that was nothing compared 2 the last movie we watched together, which caused me to relive emotional trauma so deep (from watching my own father die in the hospital) that I walked out of the theater in a state of devastation.
Needless to say, we no longer watch movies ... or *anything* ... together.
No Titanic It’s the superior romance story compared to the Notebook.
Yeah I don't understand why my generation likes this and Titanic. Princess Bride is where it's at.
@@empath9814 do you want a peanut?
@@kitieriwhite7758 No more rhymes now, I mean it!!
Pls do "Meet the Robinsons" next!! Everything about this movie, from the plot to the characters to the soundtrack, have been very therapeutic for me 💜 I'm sure you guys will love this animation as well!!
I think so too! Please do Meet the Robinsons Alan and Jonathan!!
Yes! Whenever I hear the song Little wonders, I immediately think about how wonderful the world could be, if it was a little bit more like the movie. So beautiful!
Omg yes! I’d love to see them do Meet the robinsons
Omg, YES!
That's one of my favourites, hands down. And it's soooo underrated! :(
20:46: "What do you want? What do you want? What do you want?"
No. First, you need to ask "Who are you?" Then you should probably add "Where are you going?" and "Why are you here?"
Anyone who gets this, take ten extra awesome points. You earned them.
I don't know if it's a reference to anything, but what I understood was...
Who are you?: It's important to know each other in a relationship. Also, the question assumes that the person developed their own sense of identity, which is vital in general.
Where are you going?: It is also important to look at the goals and dreams of the other person, as well as the context of their current life and what do they plan to do according to that.
Why are you here?: If someone is with you, that means you have something to offer to them. Is that something stable enough for them to stay? Is it worth it to keep trying?
I'm not good at expressing myself and I tend to live inside my own head, so I'm sorry if I actually missed the point 😅
@@Vivian2043 Great sci-fi show, Babylon 5, four questions reverberate through all 5 seasons. The first, and most obvious, is "What do you want," asked of a rather shady character to some prominent players, over and over, until he figures out what they *truly* want and if his "associates" can help them with that. . . and if what they want is helpful to his "associates." The second, slightly less obvious, is "Who are you?" asked by an Inquisitor to one of the major players. Two others are more subtle, but even more important in their own ways: "Where are you going?" and "Why are you here?"
Their relationship was healthier in the book; with a way better ending (spoiler alert-- they don't die lol). And the sequel (The Wedding) is a great relationship story-- it's about Noah & Allie's daughter & her husband. After 30 yrs of marriage, the husband realizes the spark has gone out of their marriage because he's been neglectful & taking his wife for granted, and he realizes she's a great woman and doesn't wanna lose her. So the whole book is about how he works to change his life & ways to become a better husband and make her fall in love with him all over again.
I am going to have to read them.
Books are always better!!!😊
Sounds interesting, maybe I'll read them.
Just wondering does she get dementia like in the movie.
Bless you for sharing how the book is different! 🙏
I love the mini rant about James Marsden. He's always the good guy in romantic movies, I always love his characters. It's nice when he occasionally gets the girl, I want it to happen more often
ikr? i’m always like, wth was wrong with [james marsden’s character]? especially compared to the lead who usually has some kind of dysfunction he clearly hasn’t worked through and seems to expect the female protagonist to magically cure him of because of how special she is?
@@nurainiarsad7395 oh mt gosh you said It all
My mom, sister and I all agreed James Marsden is much better looking. As you can see by my profile pic (Dean Winchester), I have a certain type. Lol
He plays an asshole in the series, dead to me.
He almost always gets cast as the dude who has his girlfriend/wife/fiance stolen. Typecasting? Why does this keep happening? It's low key hilarious though.
Please do couple's therapy on A Walk to Remember! It'd be fascinating to hear the commentary about a father and son-in-law relationship as a bonus!
Yeeees!!!
Ohhh that’s a great suggestion! I second it!
YES
OH MY GOSH I LOVE THIS MOVIE SO MUCH
I love that movie 😇❤ Sure is the polar opposite of this one as to what's romantic AND healthy.
Yeah, this was one where the book was a thousand times better than the movie. They did meet at the fair but they fell in love shaking hands not with him threatening to kill himself. The reason the book was so romantic was because it was realistic and simple. They liked each other, they liked spending time together. There was none of the Hollywood drama in it that ruins love stories while trying to make them more interesting. In the book she went to confront him about never writing her after promising he would... I read it years ago and might be remembering wrong, but I think the geese were supposed to be swans and they were only there because it happened to fall on the right month for their migratory path to take them there. He came across them earlier and when she showed up he thought it was fate and wanted her to see them. The only part I didn't like in the book was the fact they cheated. Aside from that the characters were much more down to earth and reasonable.
So it is actually different from the film?
Ya know what would be AWESOME!? If you guys could team up to write and film a movie that shows us a really strong healthy relationship, that demonstrates all the green flags and includes passion. It may be more challenging to have a story arch with a beginning, middle, and end, but I KNOW many of us would want to see it. Maybe the conflict could be something they are facing together, rather than the obstacle being the relationship itself lol
That’d be great but it’s also not realistic seeing as most relationships DO face conflict from the relationship itself. Why is everyone so afraid of real life and relationships sometimes having toxic moments. It’s doesn’t make the entire relationship toxic.
@Moon Light having fights in a relationship doesn't make it toxic. That's not what a healthy relationship means. What's exhausting is to see cinema where all they do is fight and it's the main point of the story
Addams family!
So like the 1991 adams family movie?
@@Piecesoftheshadow All the best romance movies are about people who (even if they're disagreeing on something) come together to deal with an outside event that affects them while showing genuine care and compassion toward each other at the same time. If something does happen between them, a healthy couple may struggle for a bit but will find their way to a solution eventually without resorting to the trademarks of what some call "red flag romance".
Too many writers don't understand this and make everything a huge blow-up because couples fighting with each other until they end up together is "satisfying" to people who don't know any better. There's a normal amount of arguing about stuff, and then there's physical attacks, targeted personal insults, emotional manipulation... I just don't get why these movies end with those relationships working out and being portrayed in a positive light.
My husband and I watched this when we were newlyweds and both agreed that we wanted those 2 hours of our life back. 😜 I love how you bring everyone's attention to how unhealthy and unrealistic so many relationships in media are. And in a fun way!
Thanks, we're glad it's fun and educational for y'all!
Movie ends, "Well. Now we know what signs to look out for."
@@nephicus339 chal p
Ty! I was dragged to the theater when this came out and grown women were sobbing talking about how romantic it was at the end. I wanted to puke
Oh gosh, THANK YOU. I was introduced to this movie with the promise that this was "the most touching and romantic film ever made" and I felt honestly gaslighted when everyone told me I was crazy for being downright horrified by this relationship. Lon (Marsden) was the only character I liked in that mess, but let's face it, he dodged a bullet there. Hopefully, he found someone who truly appreciated him. I'm feeling somewhat vindicated now.
Lon was literally SO wonderful, you just know he's bouncin' back.
Yeah, I was like, marry him! Marry him! He' a great guy! Marry h- Oh never mind. He got away.
What is wrong with you girl?
I LOVE the end when your dog comes to you all worried because you've just been slapping the hell out of each other! So touching on the dog's part! ❤
accidently had the youtube captions on and realized they are not auto generated and choked on my drink when some of alan's expressions were simply captioned as [such pain] 😂
Nice touch cinema therapy, props to whoever wrote the caption script 😂👍
Watch the twilight movie reviews from them, the captions are hilarious
Hard concur 🙌🏻
Damm I didn’t know this. Serious props to them!! Now I gotta watch their vids with captions on 😂
I can verify this is accurate and it cracked me up🤣
Our transcriber always does the best job!
I feel so validated for hating this movie now. :D Yay! I was absolutely disgusted by the cheating. Her fiance was such a sweet guy! :(
Oh! I was so bummed when she dumped that man!!
That character _and_ actor deserve their own movie-and happy ending!
It is wonderful to come on this page and find that I am not the only one that found this movie disturbing. I get teased for not liking this movie. Yes, I understand that passion makes people do stupid things, but this is insane.
@@mkuti-childress3625 Oh geez no, I wasn't bummed at all! He certainly deserved MUCH better than her.
Honestly, the cheating wasn't what bothered me the most.
Not that cheating is okay, but sometimes humans do cheat. It happens. It's just something that always has and always will happen in human society because we aren't naturally completely monogamous, nor are we completely promiscuous, we're some where in between.
What really disgusted me was the threatened suicide and just how much Allie couldn't make a damned decision!
That's why she ended up cheating, because she spent so long not deciding to just go after what she actually wanted.
I knew I didn’t like this story already but now that I hear that I like it even less suicidal and murderous not what I call a romantic man
Honestly, I always felt like a Walk to Remember was a better love story than this one, because it showed how much he loved and respected her, and there relationship was built on mutual love and respect. It was not love at first sight, it actually took time for the relationship to develop.
I feel like thats the movie they should review for nicholas sparkes.
Love that movie ♥
A personal favorite of mine.
💯
Yup
"Do you wanna dance with me?"
"No"
*end credits*
That wouldn't have sold
The doggie at the end being like, "Are you guys okay?" Imagine if Noah had a dog and every time and he and Allie fought he stepped in like, "Hey guys?"
Would've made the movie 100x better!
Or maybe have a goose attack them each time. ;)
That dog would have needed therapy
I love Gandalf at the end checking that everything is ok, just made my day!
THANK YOU. I never understood why people felt this was the ultimate love story. I felt creeped out the whole time.
I think why ppl are saying that is bc they always chased each other. In a way they never gave up on each other. But looking back I can see why everyone said it was toxic. They were young and didn't communicate properly, they were both hot heads didn't handle emotion very well, and the hitting isn't okay no matter how upset you are.
Same 😂 finally watched it after all the hype and was weirded out for the rest of the movie after that Ferris wheel scene
The old couple is sweet, that’s the part that I think gets everyone
You're just sensitive which isnt suprising. The book was creepy though.
*"THE NOTEBOOK KILLED MY GRANDPARENTS."*
That's a quote that will live in my head rent free forever, thank you much Alan.
Yo. I signed up for BetterHelp through you guys. Best thing ever. Matched with a perfect therapist for my needs. Thank you for using cinema to reach a broader audience. People who love stories, love interpersonal relationships. You guys are so smart to put this together. Again- Thank you.
I'm glad I'm not the only person who never understood how this relationship is romantic and aspirational. I honestly felt like a pod person when I watched this with others and didn't immediately think they were endgame perfection.
You clearly never watched Twihlight often enough.
I had the same reaction, so you're not alone. I still don't understand why people think of this as romantic and aspirational. Even the Alzheimers bit doesn't save it for me.
You're not alone. I thought this premise was dumb as a teen. Definitely think it's dumb as a 30 year-old.
Same. I watched it once and never again. It was a horrible relationship that started with him forcing himself on her to get a date.
Same. I’ve always thought that this was one of the worst movies EVER. And most of my friends at the time, female and male, thought it to be the most “romantic” movie of all time. 🤮😵💫
Ryan Gosling said in an interview that he didn’t get this movie because he thought it was problematic, more like stalking than love.
The man was perfect from day 01 ❤
My ex-boyfriend who was extremely abusive MADE ME watch this movie. I think just that fact says it all about it lol
Omg he outed himself so hard 😂😬🤦♀️
@@Fingerscrossedout those that think it's normal will not see it as red flags
never been so happy to hear someone say "ex" holy shit you dodged a bullet there
Actually same! It was his favorite movie 🤮
I can't believe I didn't realize how awful it was at the time, but "we accept the love we think we deserve" and are blind to its faults.
I'm so sorry that happened to you, and I'm glad you're out of that situation now!! 💜
@@jessicazimmer1644 omg that’s hilarious that it was his favorite 😅 Thank you, I assume you must know how happy I am not to be involved in this anymore!
The big fat Greek wedding is the most wholesome romcom.
I lost my grandfather to Alzheimer’s a few years ago. He was in the Korean War and even until the day he died, he could talk about Korea and all the horrors he saw there. Even when he forgot our faces and our names and would accidentally hurt us (it really was accidental), he could tell you all about Korea. I am convinced some form of ptsd carried those memories further than the other memories. I don’t even want to imagine the horrors that were going on in his mind as he declined.
There is more and more evidence that memories associated with PTSD are not stored in the same parts of the brain as typical memories. Part of the reason why music too lives on in memories much longer than language.
@@classicambo9781
…well then. That’s comforting. 🥲
I'm truly sorry that happened to him. I know this wasn't exactly what your comment was about but that is just another example of how Nicolas Sparks got this wrong. In the movie ally can apparently remember the story being read to her day after day but her past is totally blank. ???? Isn't usually the other way around, remembering the past more so then the now?
I really believe that dementia and Alzheimer's can look differently in every individual. I lost my paternal Grandmother to it finally in 2019 and my maternal grandfather in 2018. My grandma's decline was close to 10 years and couldn't recognize her children and husband even in the beginning but she did remember things no one knew about but we had no way to know if it even happened. She didn't know my grandpa had died and didn't understand even when we were having his services. She thought at times she had to go to school or go pluck a chicken for dinner as a child. Same with my Mom's dad. His wasn't as long but he could remember things throughout his life and then no one. It's awful to see your grandpa literally recoil in anger and fear when he doesn't recognize you and yells at you for lying to him. I have severe PTSD from a work accident that literally almost ground my arm off by a conveyor belt and I still have nightmares every single night and some are so awful I wake myself up screaming and sobbing just like I did that fateful Saturday morning. Also, I lost all of my grandparents and an uncle during my recovery and surgery years, almost 7 years now, but my paternal grandfather was like the old Noah and did his best to try to help his wife of 63 years remember him and all of us who loved her so deeply. I genuinely believe a love story is attainable and I am thankful I could see one in real life.
Way way back when I had my first heartbreak, a friend of mine tried to cheer me up by having us watch The Notebook, because that's apparently the movie you watch after breakups. We ended up not watching it because we were trying to stream it and the WiFi quit working. Watching this video now, years later and after learning a thing or two about relationships...I think it's a good thing I never saw it.
things really don't just happen for no reason
Never understood why people would want to watch a movie that gives them a false sense of hope like that.
It's a good thing if you can't separate fiction from reality. I mean, it's not a documentary about how good relationships are supposed to work. You can watch it, like it or hate it and go on with your life.
@@Gisechan CAN* lol
As a man whose wife is battling end stage Cystic Fibrosis and is currently in the hospital awaiting a double lung transplant, this episode hit particularly hard today - but it also provided me with some much needed humor and advice. Thank you. I love this channel and what you do here so much.
God bless and the best of luck to ya, mate.
I’m sorry , I hope your wife has a speedy, comfortable recovery. ❤
That is terrible, I hope you and your wife fare well and have many happy years together 🍀
Wishing you and your wife good luck and many many happy years together 🌻🍀
Hugs. I know a similar pain. Take care of yourself too.
As unhealthy as this relationship is and even knowing the ending I still bawl my eyes out. It’s a strange phenomenon for me, but if I ever need a good cry all I have to do is watch this