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You really describe my ex gf so well. I was blindsided after 13 months of what I felt was an awesome connection. I really do love her. The day she ended us, it was if I didn't know her, she was like a different woman. What I thought we had was an illusion. I was left in a state of confusion. It felt like a death. Thank you for opening my eyes! I've been in solid no contact for 5 months now.
They are similar to narcissists. They love bomb you like crazy at the beginning to get you hooked. They then share traumatic past, childhood or abusive ex to make you admire all the bad things they had to overcome. They give you the best sex you ever experienced. But once the romance phase is over then they start to go cold. They are busy at work always. They hardly ever text you back. Warm text will turn in to short and robotic text. They will lie and say everything is just great and that they love you. They won’t share anything or give anything back. They will only take. Then they ghost you and eventually leave short after. They may text you back giving you guilt, and say something like that you triggered them, they don’t know, they are confused and have no feelings for you. Basically blame you for something that wasn’t your fault because it was something they experienced in the past before you. They won’t give a rats ass about you. Even if you got badly injured or died they could care less. You won’t hear from them for several months. Then when you are finally over them and moving on then they come back hot to trick you again. If you take the bait then they will go cold and leave you again. They are crappy, immature and toxic people. Just like narcissists. Avoid them at all cost. They will mentally break you.
I've noticed that my DA ex used humor a lot as well to defuse any depth of emotion I was showing in our relationship. Instead of being able to bring us closer in moments of deep feeling, he would try to be funny to lighten up the situation and therefore avoid dealing with any sort of heavy emotion.
Wow realising a guy I was seeing was very clown like & the joker . I always thought it was a facade hiding something deeper as he couldn’t do emotions . He was a work aholic too x
@Lily M Schons You have triggers from past this is normal . These people make us more anxious with their laid back type of ways . I get you on this . Been through it all with a guy I was dating. Unfortunately it’s always on their terms . I pray for the day I meet an emotionally available normal guy x
Seems like an awful lot of work trying to deal with a DA. I mean, I don’t want my life’s entire work to be tippy toeing around focusing desperately on how to ensure a DA is comfortable.Sounds like it would never be a 2 way street with a DA :(
Yup same here. Shes making me feel off balance and create unnecessary doubt. Im new to all this, this is the first DA ive met and although she has goof qualities this is not what i want and know i deserve better. Feel sorry for her if this is her reality.
I didn’t have a good childhood yet I’m secure attachment style and sometimes borderline anxious attachment. DA brings the anxious attachment out of me and I know DA men are not for me
Being with a DA is draining. You can give your all and they keep pushing you away. Thi man became so cold towards me at the end. Now he is in a new relationship.
He wasn't even open in the bedroom, felt like he wasn't there, he was completely mute in bed, only talked to give me directions on some things he liked because I asked. I am fun and light hearted and I told him to come with me to a sex shop to get some things (card/dating games) and he was annoyed.
The workaholic sign and excelling in competitions and roles they have to gain respect from others was a big indication aswell as them zoning out when I've shown vulnerability or discussed my emotions too. An excellent video that's very clear with superb detailed content! 👌
All of these resonate with the individual I’m dating. I’d say the biggest 2 are probably being a workaholic and letting go in the bedroom. The only times I’ve ever heard any form of verbal expression towards me has occurred in the bedroom. Also, his blatant avoidance of anything emotional…he’s very open and shares a lot of stories and information about his life…but there’s never any emotions tied to these stories. He keeps things very factual. On the rare occasion I express any sort of feelings towards him, he flat out doesn’t acknowledge it and definitely doesn’t reciprocate. His actions say he cares about me, his words say nothing. I’m fearful avoidant and there’s parts of him that I genuinely admire and make me feel safe and secure….but most of the time I feel completely confused and bewildered.
Mine was the same way in the bedroom but also when he drank. When he drank, I got the best of him. The hugs, kisses, I love you and how he wanted to marry me. Once he sobered up he was still amicable but I craved those loving words that weren’t always linked to sex
What an informational video on this attachment style! Having recently experienced a relationship with this type, I can add they're also notorious for love bombing at the beginning and then pull away when things get too real. It makes one feel dismissed and used.
@@aix83 From my experience, the love bombing is very similar to those having a narcissistic personality. It starts off strong. The individual in question will not wait too long before telling you he or she loves you. Compliments, flattery, and promises for the future quickly follow the declaration of love. You can do no wrong in their eyes. They text and call you constantly. One feels like a priority. Then, out of the blue, everything comes to a stop. The texts and calls are fewer, till they eventually stop all together. This, in my experience, means they've pulled back. Perhaps things got too personal too quickly or you started asking them to define the relationship status. If this is true, you will soon be the victim of stonewalling or the silent treatment. They will sometimes use humor to deflect. If you ask them what's wrong, they will tell you they've been busy. The more you pressure for answers, the less they want to talk about it. And then, everything comes to a standstill. It gives the impression that you've been ghosted. You might hear from them months down the line. They'll tell you they miss you and have been thinking about you. If you're smart, you will have moved on. If not, this is the time to run! Hope this helps.
ive always been dating ppl with DA attachment style.(im anxious),thanks a lot u r saving me from a lot of possible future pain of dating another DA...really appreciate ur works❤
Our relationship breakup resembles multiple styles for both of us. We dated for 6 years. It was intense and for me time for myself was challenging. It would act like a breakup for her when I wanted to be at my home. I felt her emotionally reaching out and would put my life on hold for the good of us. Your videos are a platform to gain the vocabulary for opening up a meaningful conversation. I suggest using visual aids to illustrate the shifting of avoidant styles. My experience makes me believe she can mirror my styles. Im saying relationships flow like water. Your videos relate to them like they are in a box. I do find emotional relief through them. I have gained some insight into how she might be thinking and where Im at on my inner feelings. Thank you so much for putting these videos online.
Your key points about the inability to deal with emotions is true. The work ethic thing is maybe debatable. My DA was not a workaholic though she took her job very serious, but had every day of the week scheduled for something. Clock orientated IMO to a flaw. At times somewhat strange from my viewpoint, noticed compulsive behavoir in everday duties but I do not think was she was OCD. She would get very upset if the order of things was broken. She said I was very "sloppy" but would fail to realize that I would get my projects done including ones for her. She was a doer which I loved about her and very prompt. Would ask for help but under very controlled boundaries. She would get upset with me if I changed up the way I would do something becasue I wanted to try something different. The most difficult issue I had with her was communication. She would drift into what seemed like no man's land where she would stay for a couple of weeks without acknowledging my existence emotionally. It was so bizarre I can't even describe it. Then boom we would be on course again. I after 7 years of starting out as friends with a click between us to being very close to her told her that I loved her. I knew she had strong feelings for me through not just her words but her actions especially in the last two years of our relationship where she activelly fed the relationship with positive input. After expressing my feelings to her, she said she wanted to see me but would not acknowledge our love for each other and said she may never but said its possible one day. She said it was too stressfull and she could not do it. I still want to see you were her last words to me but there is no relationship. I said I did not understand and said what is the point of having of relationship if you feel that way. I ended my side of the relationship. It was not easy. Maybe the closeness was too much based on what I read and have learned since. The irony of the whole story was that when we met and started out as friends she had told me that she could never make relationships work and had given up on them. I payed it no mind.
#5 n everything you said after is huge! Now that we are broken up n I’m able to understand him as well as our relationship better, what you said really resonated with me.
I find they can’t keep still in general. Even if it’s not work they are always busy and can’t just relax. They have tons of hobbies. My ex was freaking exhausting with that . No way. I feel like they are running away from themselves
95% you described me. LOL workoholic umm yeah but also i am addicted to self-education. I feel empty if i dont learn anything today. work as escape? YEP 3rd day after I got married i was running to work. 3 months later i called it quits.i feel a lot secure and opened at work. it is so strange. I can vocalize"hey I dont understand this, please explain" ... i cannot do the same in the relationship. expressing feelings to me is usually by practical analogies.
I came to find out about the guy I was dating and all those signs are me and my own behaviour… in fact this guy def hold a mirror in front of me, it was painful: I realised how much I had been lying to myself. Ans i used to be a highly emotional avoidant woman and by the grace of God I have been changing; but it took a lot of work, and I’m still working on myself and just started therapy. So it is possible: but loads of prayers are needed
Too late for me. He was animated in his chase until he won me. I was reluctant to yield to him as I had been diagnosed with long COVID & I felt really unwell. He begged me to let him love & care for me. All very seductive when feeling at my most vulnerable. We felt like soul mates. He told me I was his mirror image - you know, the whole deal that is limerence. It wasn’t until I finally fell for him and almost immediately- he demonstrated his detached style . It was like dating a ghost. We were together for almost a year. I went from hero to zero and it really hurts as I wasn’t looking for anyone and now I am battling the shock and pain of heartbreak. I suspect it is very difficult to identify their particular type until it is too late because when they’re keen, they tend to fawn all over you. Beware people they camouflage their red flags with stealth!
The excitement. She was a challenge and kept me at arm's length. She used boundaries as this excuse but in retrospect it was trying to rigidly control the pace and parameters of the relationship. I gave in and it led to me losing myself in the relationship.
My interest appears to be a DA. He is a workaholic and very successful. He is also a former Ph.D. and clinical psychologist as well!!! He is now a lawyer in a high government position. I feel he is a lovely man. I notice he prefaces most of our conversations with gratitude by saying thank you all the time. I thought that was a way to keep distance. We talk now and then and he tells me how sweet I am and I must say that I was flattered. I finally told him how much I liked him last week and now I am not hearing too much from him, I will see where this goes and stay emotionally at a safe distance.
Im secure but the DA girlfriend is making me feel off balance and create unnecessary doubt. Im new to all this, this is the first DA ive met and although she has good qualities this is not what i want and know i deserve better. Feel sorry for her if this is her reality.
I've been dating a DA for 3+ years and this video is 100% on! What I learn from our interactions is why do I react in a way that rubs me? I have pieced the DAs past together and they are very honest and somewhat transparent if you read them. For me it is the in and out of emotions and space (wherever they go?). I can only be me and not get lost in them. I have some FA in me but not so much in the persons I lost. Rather the corruption in the legal process. I grew and continue to. Anyway, DAs will share a side of themselves when they come to a level of inner trust. I guess we retain independence while supporting each other. Trick is to balance the voids which again, why is this at a point for me that my internal balance can no longer get the support I need for my journey? Thanks for the long ramble. Guess it needed to come out.
None of these signs are that helpful, in retrospect, for spotting this type early enough. These aren't the signs that were showing up. Where the DA stuff was showing up was in conflict and disagreement. He wasn't a workaholic, he talked about his childhood, and all the other stuff you said, but he still expected me to regulate his emotions for him, shut down if he didn't get what he wanted, and the whole rest of the DA shit show, especially at the end. Another video with some more signs would be great.
Wow, that sounds a lot like a recent ex. She was a bit of a workaholic but in the way you would think is within normal range for a grad student. She was really open, and self aware of her patterns yet seemed really emotionally available to me regardless... ... but could absolutely _not_ do conflict. Shut down casual conversations if I lightly challenged her opinion. I had to walk her through relationship conversations to keep her from spinning out, and she simultaneously admired my ability to do that while resenting that she felt inferior for it. Turned into a real carnival of madness at the end.
yes! they seem so fkn healthy and normal, engaged and interested, well rounded etc in the beginning. What you described is so on point! After honeymoon phase fizzled, big change...
The question you bring up is whether we need to become healthy and then find a healthy partner, or if we consider ourselves as imperfect as all other humans and find another imperfect person with whom we can mutually compensate our failings and work day in day out, towards a healthy relationship The concept of marriage that is an outer social source of security seems absent from your presentations. Here we are opposing two different attitudes towards building secure families that are the bedrock of all secure societies. A traditional attitude where society more or less chose partners for future families and the couple then made efforts to adapt to circumstances so as to make this union successful, and a more modern attitude where couples choose a partner and give up on the project as a mistake as soon as tests appear. There is of course a middle way where a couple chooses each other on the basis of mutual affinity and then accepts to weather the tests of life in unity and collaboration. Perhaps we can remember that procreation and raising of children is not only a source of pleasure and happiness to the couple but also a vital service ti the common weal.
Hi Katya, Just a friendly comment:). I just wanted to give a little feedback from a technical perspective. First of all though…great content 😊. Also the video quality is excellent:). You could really take a step up though by investing in some sound equipment. The sound is the only thing , in my opinion, that is detracting from the overall great quality of the video and content. I think a small investment in a stand microphone or shotgun mic on your camera…or a lavalier style microphone would really make a dramatic improvement in the sound of your videos:)
From my experience. No, although it may seem that way bc of the way they process (or don't) emotion. Mine was genuine while together, but horrible when pushing me away. At least they warned me of some of their issues before which were displayed later.
No, but they can look very similar to covert narcissists. I had almost convinced myself that my husband of 11 years was a CN about a month ago. The fear didn’t last, because so many signs didn’t line up. I’m very grateful that I’ve discovered attachment theory, as I feel much more comfortable knowing I’m married to a DA and not a CN. That would be horrible.
They might as well be. Both cold and callous in their own right. Overall they both lack empathy. Get this: Both would leave you if you if you had cancer: The DA because they cannot bear dealing with others needs and the narc because you arent fullfilling their needs. Run in either scenario
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You really describe my ex gf so well. I was blindsided after 13 months of what I felt was an awesome connection. I really do love her. The day she ended us, it was if I didn't know her, she was like a different woman. What I thought we had was an illusion. I was left in a state of confusion. It felt like a death. Thank you for opening my eyes! I've been in solid no contact for 5 months now.
Being with a DA is like sitting next to a fire, but still feeling cold.
OUCH!
More like a dead body!
Thee ACCURACY!!!!!!!!
They are similar to narcissists.
They love bomb you like crazy at the beginning to get you hooked.
They then share traumatic past, childhood or abusive ex to make you admire all the bad things they had to overcome.
They give you the best sex you ever experienced.
But once the romance phase is over then they start to go cold. They are busy at work always. They hardly ever text you back.
Warm text will turn in to short and robotic text.
They will lie and say everything is just great and that they love you.
They won’t share anything or give anything back. They will only take.
Then they ghost you and eventually leave short after.
They may text you back giving you guilt, and say something like that you triggered them, they don’t know, they are confused and have no feelings for you. Basically blame you for something that wasn’t your fault because it was something they experienced in the past before you.
They won’t give a rats ass about you. Even if you got badly injured or died they could care less.
You won’t hear from them for several months. Then when you are finally over them and moving on then they come back hot to trick you again.
If you take the bait then they will go cold and leave you again.
They are crappy, immature and toxic people. Just like narcissists.
Avoid them at all cost. They will mentally break you.
Wow. That comment hit hard. Thank you.
I've noticed that my DA ex used humor a lot as well to defuse any depth of emotion I was showing in our relationship. Instead of being able to bring us closer in moments of deep feeling, he would try to be funny to lighten up the situation and therefore avoid dealing with any sort of heavy emotion.
Yes yes yes! Really recognise this.
Wow realising a guy I was seeing was very clown like & the joker . I always thought it was a facade hiding something deeper as he couldn’t do emotions . He was a work aholic too x
@Lily M Schons You have triggers from past this is normal . These people make us more anxious with their laid back type of ways . I get you on this . Been through it all with a guy I was dating. Unfortunately it’s always on their terms . I pray for the day I meet an emotionally available normal guy x
@Alice never feel sorry for wanting to feel safe. That is the bare fkn minimum! You deserve to feel safe!
Feels absolutely horrible to the secure partner
Seems like an awful lot of work trying to deal with a DA. I mean, I don’t want my life’s entire work to be tippy toeing around focusing desperately on how to ensure a DA is comfortable.Sounds like it would never be a 2 way street with a DA :(
I'm secure and being with a DA was so awful. I really hope more DAs get help.
Thanks for commenting. Sorry to hear your relationship was so tough for you.
I think being with a DA can make a secure feel anxious.
@@katieandnick4113 they actually do
Yup same here. Shes making me feel off balance and create unnecessary doubt. Im new to all this, this is the first DA ive met and although she has goof qualities this is not what i want and know i deserve better. Feel sorry for her if this is her reality.
I was confused And constantly lonely... He kept saying how much He loved me, set He never had time for me, due to work.obviously...
I didn’t have a good childhood yet I’m secure attachment style and sometimes borderline anxious attachment. DA brings the anxious attachment out of me and I know DA men are not for me
It’s like I’m watching a video describing my ex DA who ghosted me after an 11 month relationship. It’s very validating. Thank you 🙏❤️
Being with a DA is draining. You can give your all and they keep pushing you away. Thi man became so cold towards me at the end. Now he is in a new relationship.
I wonder whether they repeat the same pattern in another relationship
And it will fail too
He wasn't even open in the bedroom, felt like he wasn't there, he was completely mute in bed, only talked to give me directions on some things he liked because I asked. I am fun and light hearted and I told him to come with me to a sex shop to get some things (card/dating games) and he was annoyed.
The workaholic sign and excelling in competitions and roles they have to gain respect from others was a big indication aswell as them zoning out when I've shown vulnerability or discussed my emotions too. An excellent video that's very clear with superb detailed content! 👌
Thank you for the feedback Lisa! I’m glad these points resonated with you. 😌
or escape from the emotions
Yep.
All of these resonate with the individual I’m dating. I’d say the biggest 2 are probably being a workaholic and letting go in the bedroom. The only times I’ve ever heard any form of verbal expression towards me has occurred in the bedroom. Also, his blatant avoidance of anything emotional…he’s very open and shares a lot of stories and information about his life…but there’s never any emotions tied to these stories. He keeps things very factual. On the rare occasion I express any sort of feelings towards him, he flat out doesn’t acknowledge it and definitely doesn’t reciprocate. His actions say he cares about me, his words say nothing. I’m fearful avoidant and there’s parts of him that I genuinely admire and make me feel safe and secure….but most of the time I feel completely confused and bewildered.
Mine was the same way in the bedroom but also when he drank. When he drank, I got the best of him. The hugs, kisses, I love you and how he wanted to marry me. Once he sobered up he was still amicable but I craved those loving words that weren’t always linked to sex
mine was so similar to this - an ex now - and I won't look back
@@catchcourtcourtomg yes! Mine says I love you when drunk and is so affectionate… its sad bc I wish he could be this way all the time
#3...nope, distant and mechanical there too once there was feelings. No real attachment allowed with DA's.
What an informational video on this attachment style! Having recently experienced a relationship with this type, I can add they're also notorious for love bombing at the beginning and then pull away when things get too real. It makes one feel dismissed and used.
Absolutely!!
I'm glad the video resonated for you! ...And thanks for adding your two cents. 🙌
Can you describe the love bombing a little? Is it intense like in a narcissist or more reserved?
@@aix83 From my experience, the love bombing is very similar to those having a narcissistic personality. It starts off strong. The individual in question will not wait too long before telling you he or she loves you. Compliments, flattery, and promises for the future quickly follow the declaration of love. You can do no wrong in their eyes. They text and call you constantly. One feels like a priority. Then, out of the blue, everything comes to a stop. The texts and calls are fewer, till they eventually stop all together. This, in my experience, means they've pulled back. Perhaps things got too personal too quickly or you started asking them to define the relationship status. If this is true, you will soon be the victim of stonewalling or the silent treatment. They will sometimes use humor to deflect. If you ask them what's wrong, they will tell you they've been busy. The more you pressure for answers, the less they want to talk about it. And then, everything comes to a standstill. It gives the impression that you've been ghosted. You might hear from them months down the line. They'll tell you they miss you and have been thinking about you. If you're smart, you will have moved on. If not, this is the time to run! Hope this helps.
@@roxylee9673 excellent, thank you so much!! Great information.
ive always been dating ppl with DA attachment style.(im anxious),thanks a lot u r saving me from a lot of possible future pain of dating another DA...really appreciate ur works❤
I’m glad that you feel that way. Thanks for sharing.
Our relationship breakup resembles multiple styles for both of us. We dated for 6 years. It was intense and for me time for myself was challenging. It would act like a breakup for her when I wanted to be at my home. I felt her emotionally reaching out and would put my life on hold for the good of us. Your videos are a platform to gain the vocabulary for opening up a meaningful conversation. I suggest using visual aids to illustrate the shifting of avoidant styles. My experience makes me believe she can mirror my styles. Im saying relationships flow like water. Your videos relate to them like they are in a box. I do find emotional relief through them. I have gained some insight into how she might be thinking and where Im at on my inner feelings. Thank you so much for putting these videos online.
Literally all of the signs were there. Thank you.
You're welcome!
All the signs mentioned in the video resonated with me the most in regards to my Dismissive Avoidant ex-girlfriend.
Thanks for letting me know!
This is eerie. Every single one of these traits was present.
Thanks for sharing.
Your key points about the inability to deal with emotions is true. The work ethic thing is maybe debatable. My DA was not a workaholic though she took her job very serious, but had every day of the week scheduled for something. Clock orientated IMO to a flaw. At times somewhat strange from my viewpoint, noticed compulsive behavoir in everday duties but I do not think was she was OCD. She would get very upset if the order of things was broken. She said I was very "sloppy" but would fail to realize that I would get my projects done including ones for her. She was a doer which I loved about her and very prompt. Would ask for help but under very controlled boundaries. She would get upset with me if I changed up the way I would do something becasue I wanted to try something different. The most difficult issue I had with her was communication. She would drift into what seemed like no man's land where she would stay for a couple of weeks without acknowledging my existence emotionally. It was so bizarre I can't even describe it. Then boom we would be on course again. I after 7 years of starting out as friends with a click between us to being very close to her told her that I loved her. I knew she had strong feelings for me through not just her words but her actions especially in the last two years of our relationship where she activelly fed the relationship with positive input. After expressing my feelings to her, she said she wanted to see me but would not acknowledge our love for each other and said she may never but said its possible one day. She said it was too stressfull and she could not do it. I still want to see you were her last words to me but there is no relationship. I said I did not understand and said what is the point of having of relationship if you feel that way. I ended my side of the relationship. It was not easy. Maybe the closeness was too much based on what I read and have learned since. The irony of the whole story was that when we met and started out as friends she had told me that she could never make relationships work and had given up on them. I payed it no mind.
Never want to put myself through this again. I am determined to catch the next one on the first sign and walk away.
This is accurate.
#5 n everything you said after is huge! Now that we are broken up n I’m able to understand him as well as our relationship better, what you said really resonated with me.
I find they can’t keep still in general. Even if it’s not work they are always busy and can’t just relax. They have tons of hobbies. My ex was freaking exhausting with that . No way. I feel like they are running away from themselves
Being with a DA is like hugging a cactus. Don't do it, children.
🤣🤣🤣
95% you described me. LOL workoholic umm yeah but also i am addicted to self-education. I feel empty if i dont learn anything today. work as escape? YEP 3rd day after I got married i was running to work.
3 months later i called it quits.i feel a lot secure and opened at work. it is so strange. I can vocalize"hey I dont understand this, please explain" ... i cannot do the same in the relationship. expressing feelings to me is usually by practical analogies.
please work on this....for the sake of those you get involved with that don't deserve to get hurt.
Wish you healing.
All of these signs are spot on from my experience.
Thanks for sharing.
I came to find out about the guy I was dating and all those signs are me and my own behaviour… in fact this guy def hold a mirror in front of me, it was painful: I realised how much I had been lying to myself. Ans i used to be a highly emotional avoidant woman and by the grace of God I have been changing; but it took a lot of work, and I’m still working on myself and just started therapy. So it is possible: but loads of prayers are needed
I’m glad to hear that you’re learning about yourself and growing. That’s the direct way to creating the love we want.
Dating my DA was exactly like looking in a mirror for me..
Eye opening 👀
Prayers to you 🙏🙏
Too late for me. He was animated in his chase until he won me. I was reluctant to yield to him as I had been diagnosed with long COVID & I felt really unwell. He begged me to let him love & care for me. All very seductive when feeling at my most vulnerable. We felt like soul mates. He told me I was his mirror image - you know, the whole deal that is limerence. It wasn’t until I finally fell for him and almost immediately- he demonstrated his detached style . It was like dating a ghost. We were together for almost a year. I went from hero to zero and it really hurts as I wasn’t looking for anyone and now I am battling the shock and pain of heartbreak. I suspect it is very difficult to identify their particular type until it is too late because when they’re keen, they tend to fawn all over you. Beware people they camouflage their red flags with stealth!
Great video. I've been lusting after, and "casually" seeing such a man for a few years.
Thank you.
The excitement. She was a challenge and kept me at arm's length. She used boundaries as this excuse but in retrospect it was trying to rigidly control the pace and parameters of the relationship. I gave in and it led to me losing myself in the relationship.
My interest appears to be a DA. He is a workaholic and very successful. He is also a former Ph.D. and clinical psychologist as well!!! He is now a lawyer in a high government position. I feel he is a lovely man. I notice he prefaces most of our conversations with gratitude by saying thank you all the time. I thought that was a way to keep distance. We talk now and then and he tells me how sweet I am and I must say that I was flattered. I finally told him how much I liked him last week and now I am not hearing too much from him, I will see where this goes and stay emotionally at a safe distance.
Shit... He ticked all signs, avoidant 😔
So true 😓😩 Thank you so much for sharing.
love from Virginia ❤️❤️❤️ looking beautiful love your shirt ❤️
You’re so welcome! And thank you for the sweet compliment. Made my morning! ☺️
Excellent video.....Blessings!
Thank you! Blessings to you.
This was a very good presentstion. Thank you KM.
Glad you enjoyed it!
Anxious attacher here.
hello! ...and human! don't forget that. ; )
Im secure but the DA girlfriend is making me feel off balance and create unnecessary doubt. Im new to all this, this is the first DA ive met and although she has good qualities this is not what i want and know i deserve better. Feel sorry for her if this is her reality.
I've been dating a DA for 3+ years and this video is 100% on! What I learn from our interactions is why do I react in a way that rubs me? I have pieced the DAs past together and they are very honest and somewhat transparent if you read them. For me it is the in and out of emotions and space (wherever they go?). I can only be me and not get lost in them. I have some FA in me but not so much in the persons I lost. Rather the corruption in the legal process. I grew and continue to. Anyway, DAs will share a side of themselves when they come to a level of inner trust. I guess we retain independence while supporting each other. Trick is to balance the voids which again, why is this at a point for me that my internal balance can no longer get the support I need for my journey? Thanks for the long ramble. Guess it needed to come out.
hi.what type of attachment style is when he pulls away and expect me to chase ?
Avoidant, avoid him, there is only pain there
None of these signs are that helpful, in retrospect, for spotting this type early enough. These aren't the signs that were showing up. Where the DA stuff was showing up was in conflict and disagreement. He wasn't a workaholic, he talked about his childhood, and all the other stuff you said, but he still expected me to regulate his emotions for him, shut down if he didn't get what he wanted, and the whole rest of the DA shit show, especially at the end. Another video with some more signs would be great.
DA shit show🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣I guess there is no better name for their behaviour 😂
Wow, that sounds a lot like a recent ex. She was a bit of a workaholic but in the way you would think is within normal range for a grad student. She was really open, and self aware of her patterns yet seemed really emotionally available to me regardless...
... but could absolutely _not_ do conflict. Shut down casual conversations if I lightly challenged her opinion. I had to walk her through relationship conversations to keep her from spinning out, and she simultaneously admired my ability to do that while resenting that she felt inferior for it. Turned into a real carnival of madness at the end.
yes! they seem so fkn healthy and normal, engaged and interested, well rounded etc in the beginning. What you described is so on point! After honeymoon phase fizzled, big change...
Disagree with the bedroom part in my experience
Workaholic sign for the guy im dating now
Great video! Can you do one with fearful avoidant ?
Thank you! Sure can.
The question you bring up is whether we need to become healthy and then find a healthy partner, or if we consider ourselves as imperfect as all other humans and find another imperfect person with whom we can mutually compensate our failings and work day in day out, towards a healthy relationship
The concept of marriage that is an outer social source of security seems absent from your presentations.
Here we are opposing two different attitudes towards building secure families that are the bedrock of all secure societies.
A traditional attitude where society more or less chose partners for future families and the couple then made efforts to adapt to circumstances so as to make this union successful, and a more modern attitude where couples choose a partner and give up on the project as a mistake as soon as tests appear.
There is of course a middle way where a couple chooses each other on the basis of mutual affinity and then accepts to weather the tests of life in unity and collaboration.
Perhaps we can remember that procreation and raising of children is not only a source of pleasure and happiness to the couple but also a vital service ti the common weal.
That itself is a joke. Only way to spot them is at the point of that first conflict.
He's a workaholic
Hi Katya, Just a friendly comment:). I just wanted to give a little feedback from a technical perspective. First of all though…great content 😊. Also the video quality is excellent:). You could really take a step up though by investing in some sound equipment. The sound is the only thing , in my opinion, that is detracting from the overall great quality of the video and content. I think a small investment in a stand microphone or shotgun mic on your camera…or a lavalier style microphone would really make a dramatic improvement in the sound of your videos:)
Hi Doug, thank you for the kudos and for the constructive feedback. I will look into the options that you mentioned and hopefully implement very soon.
Is a Dismissive Avoidant a narcissist?
From my experience. No, although it may seem that way bc of the way they process (or don't) emotion. Mine was genuine while together, but horrible when pushing me away. At least they warned me of some of their issues before which were displayed later.
No, but they can look very similar to covert narcissists. I had almost convinced myself that my husband of 11 years was a CN about a month ago. The fear didn’t last, because so many signs didn’t line up. I’m very grateful that I’ve discovered attachment theory, as I feel much more comfortable knowing I’m married to a DA and not a CN. That would be horrible.
They might as well be. Both cold and callous in their own right. Overall they both lack empathy.
Get this:
Both would leave you if you if you had cancer: The DA because they cannot bear dealing with others needs and the narc because you arent fullfilling their needs.
Run in either scenario
Usually
🌹👍🙏