Dismissive Avoidant Breakup | Dumped For No Reason? Here's Why!
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Did your dismissive-avoidant breakup with you for no reason? If you were dumped for no reason by a dismissive-avoidant in your early-stage relationship then definitely don’t miss this video. I’ll talk about the 5 reasons a dismissive-avoidant partner leaves suddenly. This is for you if you keep attracting anxious-avoidant relationship and want to avoid another anxious-avoidant breakup.
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0:00 - Intro
2:00 - What course should I make? Take the survey!
2:17 - Reason 1 - Avoidant ex wasn’t honest with you
3:03 - Reason 2 - Dismissive avoidant sexuality
5:02 - Reason 3 - Dismissive avoidant deactivating
7:20 - Reason 4 - Avoidant ex dating someone else
8:08 - Reason 5 - Relationship status with avoidant ex
9:24 - Comment Below
9:46 - Book a breakup assessment session
9:58 - Apply for Recover-Restore-Reconnect
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Well we've been married for 22 years, she didn't break up but just went super cold on me. I didn't even know why
Dating a DA costed me two months of therapy. I'm not doing it again. I don't even wish this experience on my worst enemy.
I'm so sorry, I totally relate. I was doing so much better, and now I've been set back. I hope you can regain ground soon, don't lose hope.
I can completely relate. It's the most devastating experience
I can related 😢😢
It’s the worst feeling I’ve ever felt. Love bombing. Then complete 180.
I agree. It’s not worth it, even ones who claimed to be more evolved or into self work were not anywhere near where it needed to be and didn’t seem to see their side of things at all
So essentially, expecting your partner to be there for you and care about you is too much for a DA? YIKES.
TBH all I care about is learning enough about DAs to understand my shitshow breakup and identify these types so I never let them into my life again. All the stuff about learning how to be in relationships with these people can jump in a lake. I'm done being a victim of other peoples' process. Come to me with your shit together or not at all.
Yep. Feeling that, right now.
Exactley!!! Well said!👏👏👏👏👏👏👏
YASSSSSS!
@Flagirl1985 it's so covert though! No way in those first 6 -10 months did she show me this, she love bombed me hard, and I the same we were nauseatingaly and passionately wrapped up in the thralls of limerence. My trip down twitterpation lane never stopped though, hers did, sooner than mine, and that was her stop. No more fireworks, fuck it, commitment you say? Nah fuck that, your dumped. It wasn't quite as crudely delivered as that, reading through the subtext of bull shit snd the clichéd, " it's not you it's me, my life's too busy for the pressures of a relationship" her life was the same since the day we met, nothings changed in your day to day life, she works 16hr a week. That's alot of time for someone to get stuck in her own head and make up whatever fantasies she wants to believe, and then project them on to me, to create an excuse to end 10 months of initimate, passionate shared stories and memories, all that emotional investment, which I was clear about from the beginning I'm an open heart. I'm very picky usually and choose wisely, hadn't been in fraltionship for 10 years before that, because I'm terrified, relationships suck all the emotional out of me, its exhausting so I have to choose wisely, so i thought, I need genuine connection to be with some one for long periods of time. I just wish I new that FAs are everything you want in a partner, but they have an expiration date for each relationship, turns ou I was dating an incredibly lovable ticking time bomb. And I honestly have no idea how to recognise early, without scanning them for explosives on the first date?!
Sad thing is, I'd take her back, and believe I'll know what to do next time, when the go cold, I have the tendency to start becoming anxious, because when they do, I feel like she's going away, purely to think of the way she's going to work her dumping message when she gets back..
🥺🥺🥺🥺I'm at the end of my tether, but one day at a time eh!
🙏
Asking for better communication ..was to much to ask.
They just need you around when they feel like it...
I was ghosted three days before a major surgery after dating a DA for a year and a half. No arguments preceded this. One of the hardest times in my life. Wouldn’t wish it on anyone
Been a year and didn’t get closure…. Worst painful relationship ever! Lesson learned
I’m sorry to hear that. Sometimes the lessons that stick are learned the hard way. 🙏
@@KatyaMorozova That’s very true…. I will never put myself in a position to give away all of my power again… Thank you so much for this video. DA’s are definitely hard creatures that cannot be conquered. lol 😂
@@ran92801 exactly..do not go back...my x girlfriend..still attracts me...but I have to move on after abuse...imho..u should as well
@@HANZELVANDERLAAY oh no doubt! Definitely had to dig deep to find the biggest part of my self worth to move on from this crap. I’m so sorry you dealt with abuse! Good lord! What is wrong with people out here???? 🤦🏽♀️🥴
@@ran92801 2 months later...I am much much better..I trust u r doing well also..cheers t
3:03 is a perfect way to test if someone is a DA when you're still dating. Don't have sex with them until you're committed. If they have a problem with it, you found yourself a DA and are better off when they ghost you anyway.
Lol, that’s exactly what I did! I waited until he was ready to commit….which was never.
Bravo!!
Ummm...for me no sex = I am breaking up with you lol
I think that is the exact point lol.
My ex was very committed at the beginning which is why I was shocked by the fade out break up.
I don't want anything to do with a DA again.
Same no matter how evolved they claim to be they aren’t. It’s pretty toxic
@@Eg-jd9zt They are pretty toxic.
My DA broke up with me because:
- I didn't clean the windows in a month
- I "stole" his weed (while I was sober for 2 months)
- I said "I love you" and it is a nightmare
He really did not seem in his "right mind" when he broke up with me. He came across as dissociative and confused to me.
My ex da had been looking at houses with me. He spoke about marriage and we had been booking a holiday just before he left me after a small argument. I was totally blind sided by it. It was the second break up with him !
I'm sorry to hear that this happend to you. Thanks for commenting. It sounds like your relationship was well beyond the early stages, and its completely unfair for your part to ditch out on you like that.
Same her, sorry to hear that happened to you also. Did you hear back from him?
@Flagirl1985 mine too!!!! Pricks.
Sounds very similar to my situation. They way they cut you off is mental abuse.
Honey same thing happened to me 😢
As an anxious person I will never date a Dismissive Avoidant every again. It felt like a rollercoaster ride. This is our 3rd breakup.
Dismissive and fearful avoidant are so mind draining, mentally damaging and hard to date. Because it feels like you have to walk on eggshells 24/7 or else the slightest little thing will be the end of the relationship. And they don’t have the balls to open their mouth and say what is wrong. So they just leave you like you meant absolutely nothing to them...
I know and understand that they have a disorder, but oh my God I hate them just as much as narcissists, because the end game is so similar to narcissists.
I will never date one with DA or FA again. Last time it took me 4 month to get back on my feet again, while they are out doing the same shi.t with a new one.
They are the worst partners EVER!
@Flagirl1985 Thank you I really appreciate it. And you are right. One of her excuses was " I don’t know what happened, I’m confused, my feelings are gone"
And I was like huh? Well I’m confused now. Yesterday you loved me because I was so great and considerate, but today you treat me like I’m a complete stranger and freak...
And you are absolutely right, I think I might be what you call an anxious person. I will literally throw everything I have in my hands to make sure my partner is happy in the relationship. I guess that is why I feel depressed and mentally defeated and broken when a person with FA goes from hot to ice cold and then just disappears. Cause all the work I put in to the relationship was for nothing.
How did you get her back? Did she broke up with you?
Funny thing is when I focused on what I wanted in a relationship I found a healthy loving, emotionally stable person. My dismissive avoidant ex tried getting in touch with me. I was only then able to distinguish between a toxic relationship and a healthy relationship. It’s not worth the heartache. Trust me. Find someone that doesn’t go hot and cold on you.
@Flagirl1985 Thank you very much for sharing your story. I agree with you 200%
It really is frustrating so much I wanna punch my hand through the door 😆
Haha thank you your comment made me smile☺️ I’m 38 and turning 39 in 3 months.
The thing is I have never had issues attracting women, they literally swarm me like flies on a turd 😂
I’m tall, in great shape and well my face you have already seen, though I have a beard now 🧔 So that never been an issue getting women’s attention. I don’t have any kids either.
But I want a romantic relationship and not just some kind of summer flirt thing.
But sadly my problem is that I’m spending all my energy to meet my partners needs, that it probably scares them away, or perhaps it gets boring because I’m always friendly and respectful.
Funny thing though my ex actually contacted me today. She told me that she misses me, that she looks at pictures and thinks about all the fun we had.
I haven’t replied her back, because I’m just so tired of this, and I don’t wanna go through all this again now that I’m finally healing. If I really was such a great guy then why leave in the first place. I really don’t get it. I’m sure you can relate to this also.
Glad you brought up the potential DA dating others and suddenly leaving even when things seem to be going great/they said they wanted to have a relationship. It can be so hard to tell whether they had someone else or just dropped you when you got to close (or both!) when they break up so suddenly at the strangest time, and with a nonsensical reason...I think he was cheating on someone else with me, or I was otherwise #2 or worse. He was kind and empathetic during the relationship, never over-complimented or asked for anything inappropriate, yet called it off in a cold text after a week of silence. It was so sudden and after a great last date and a month of dating (about 6 dates). He was closer than ever the next day, but when I asked about why he was silent on weekends and didn't seem to be on the same page as me, he faded/ghosted for a week before telling me suddenly it wouldn't work out, even though he said it would and he wanted to try for a serious relationship. I've never been blindsided like that and I'm not sure when I'll be able trust someone again.
Seriously, believe me when I say this but you've had a very, very lucky escape. You're so right about your confusion over whether he had someone else/you got too close/both. It really could have been any of these with a DA. Most glaring red flag though? Yes, it was his silence on the weekends that speaks enough volumes for me, girl. You called him out on it and so it's looking pretty obvious it was the reason he backed off, isn't it?
My DA and I recently broke up properly after just over 3 years. He did the on/off thing...consistently, for no real reason other than he said he was too busy). It was always so emotionally stressful, I'm only relieved my heart didn't burst a blood vessel.
Honestly, I can guarantee that all Katya's videos and almost all of the comments on here are spot-on about the description of a DA. These people rarely change. They CAN'T. It's not their fault. (For any of you ex DAs can I just say a sincere "Sorry"? If you've had the right therapy then I commend you and wish you all the very best for a more securely attached future).
So even if you're securely attached and dating a DA you can bet your life that the fight/flight system in your brain will be firing off on a constant basis. This ain't no rollercoaster - it's more like one of those Pepsi max rides that shoot up and down at the speed of light and you step off afterwards all dizzy and confused and wondering where your good brain's gone.
It may take a while but please, don't let this one put you off and retain your authentic trust close to your heart. I'd never dated a DA before this one, but I refuse to be a slave to his dysfunction. Hey, and it WASN'T personal. Sending you my best for 2023.
They allways have a back up harem.
...
A year or two from now you will genuinely thank your DA for dumping you 😅 You deserve million times more.. Keep healing ❤️🩹
I was broken up with after 13 years...over a girl he bonded with at his new jobs, over video games. He still tells me it was "something building up", us breaking up. But I was blindsided and confronted him when was started acting cold to me a week prior. Read his texts and he had started texting girl at work the same time he started being distant with me.. I feel so fucking abandoned
@@muhammadmgoni823 dude if you think ppl are actually gonna listen to your shit scam then you're hilarious 😂 get a life
I'm so sorry.
My breakup was really similar.. after 11y together.. :(
He could be not a DA. Any attachment style could cheat this way
I feel ur pain. It sucks and it's really not ur fault.
One argument that was due to tiredness and work stress, after saying we were a team and we would work through our problems = over via a text message. No closure. No discussion. Nothing. Completely blind sided.
I'm sorry to hear that Emma. Being blindsided is a gut wrenching experience.
They are a lost cause sadly.
Yeah, that was me. One argument, 2 months of silence, then, BAM, "I'm staying with my friend for a bit, I'm not in a good headspace", another two weeks and then "I'm moving out". 3 months later, she still won't use the words "breaking up with you", but also confirmed we're never getting back together.
We'd lived together for 3 years. I was looking for engagement rings.
@@ohkay8939 sorry babe, it's awful
@@emmaa4595 Thank you, hope you're doing/getting better. It really is awful.
My ex broke up with me Twice once on my birthday and then we got together again then she broke up with me again in the warm months i did nothing to warrant these break ups then finally i got tired of her crap not giving me sex name calling I finally broke up with her and ive been away from her for awhile. Now im with my true love . And cant be happier.
Could one other reason be that the relationship felt too good to be true and they became afraid? I was seeing a man, 36 yo, whose long time girlfriend died in a car accident 6 years ago. My partner died in an accident 4 years ago. This man was amazing - it was the deepest connection I had since Matt died. We laughed daily - had so much fun - incredible chemistry which he said was "so powerful". He cooked for me morning, evening, took me to dinner...we shared a similar lifestyle and trail ran, rockclimbed almost daily, watched movies at night. We were so comfortable, I let my guards down in the few months we spent together. He lives out of state though and the last visit, he pulled back hard. I have no idea what happened. I'm very independent and a DA at times myself, but I went on a climbing trip and didn't contact him for a week (and same with him) and from there, he just distanced himself until no contact for two weeks. And I dont expect him to contact me. I gave him NO drama, no pressure, no expectations - just pure fun. But he told me here and there...that he felt "fear". And he found it hard to be vulnerable. And he hadn't had a serious relationship with a woman in the 6 years since his partner died. I don't know...this didn't account for something like my situation....or it could be all of the above. I'm incredibly hurt but not pursuing. Thank you for all your great videos...
Going through something very similar
It could be, from my experience. DA might feel you are dangerous because they feel they like you more than you like them. Therefore the connection gives you too much power, and leaves them out of control. They have been seeking control all their lives, so they would cut you off to feel in control.
I think this happened to me too. He didn’t ghost me but directly told me that I was special and amazing but I scared him and he didn’t know why. It’s been almost a year and I’m still heartbroken. We would be very vulnerable with each other and then he would pull away again. Everything about him made me really happy.
My DA was all over the place. Shit was hurtful and I loved her.
Fantastic video..I could not understand why so suddenly and with no real explanation did my ex end our relationship, but now I see completely how selfish and immature she was.. It was all about her and nothing about me....and exactly as you mentioned as one of the reasons she betrayed me and was seeing another man even when we were living together, breaking up with me and moving in with him
. afterwards in a conversation with her she said to me basically that she didn't have to be loyal as we were not married. So in her DA mind it's ok to cheat because boyfriend/girlfriend even living together is not "defined" as a commitment in her mind. This is rationale.
Now that I know about DA's and attachment styles iI am certain if we got back together I would just be setting myself up for more heartaches and misery. I cannot trust her anymore, obviously as she betrayed me. Very selfish and hurtful behavior and I think there is also the element that a DA make sure to end relationship first before they could possibly be dumped which would mean abandonment, their greatest fear
I’m sorry to hear that you went through something so troubling. 🙏 Thank you for stopping by and for commenting.
Went though hell, I called it after 5 months. She had no feelings for me and couldn’t show emotions. She said she wanted a relationship and never warmed up to me. She introduced me to her family and we spent weeks having great experiences. Sex was great but that’s about it. She never really contributed to us. Sad.
Same. Although, I was kept separate from her personal life.
Showing no emotion became very odd, too.
Same sadly.
@@dr5820
Same
Same… Insanely great sex on both sides. One night I did something that made her act up on a old trauma she had. She never been the same since then and I could sense that. This was supposed to be my first serious commitment (since im a very reserved person). I felt like she just suddenly cut the rope and left me standing there.
She gave me such mixed signals since she broke up with me: “I dont hate you”, “You are taking this on a very mature level which I didn’t expect”, “I still want to be friends”, “When I see you out in public ofcourse I’ll hug and kiss you”, “I still want to ask you out for a drink sometime”.
And then closed the door on me. She was heavy crying, and I was just so fucking confused as to what just happend. Felt like shit for 3 days trying to figure out what I’ve done wrong. But remembered that I told her “I respect and accept your decision”. So im moving on at a very quick rate.
If she decides to come back im going to make it very clear to her that this is going on my terms and if she does some shit like this again I’ll cut her off completely (might do it instantly if she shows no signs of regret).
Very very strange creatures they are but also really interesting. But finding out she left me like that for something else is a No-Go for me.
Same exact thing with me. Except, we never even had sex lol.. It had been pushing about six months, my living situation was complicated with taking care of a family member. And she was still living at home, but so many mixed signals. I hung in there because I saw the potential, and things were a lot of fun. But it was a mindfuck of her texting me intimately, but seeming uncomfortable when things were starting to get hot lol. Kind of feels emasculating. Idk if it’s a failure on my part as a man and that’s why she dumped me. Or if she really wasn’t ready as she said at the break up. What a maddening experience.
Great timing for this. Now I understand!
Glad to hear it.
I fall for reason no. 3. He left me. Its been 2mos of crying everyday.
Both my recent exs made me feel they were certain and secure and I was “the one” in the first 6-8 months and then I eventually learned that they weren’t really invested or connected to themselves as much as they professed to be by being cheated on (he denied it despite proof) and the other ex did a slow fade and then blew hot and cold. I’m now going to date multiple people for at least a year to get to know them, before committing to someone. I’m not religious and just not confident a man will go for knowing me for a year without kissing or anything at all-I’m not interested in anything physical at all unless I’m in love and see them in my future. Oh well I guess.
You really opened my eyes!!!
Glad to hear it!
I really enjoy your videos and they've helped me a lot. I'm a mix of secure/anxious attachment styles and believe my ex is FA/DA based on her hot and cold behaviours and inability to go through even the smallest of arguments without threatening breakup over as little as a different view on something stating "incompatibility". She broke up with me 12th of August, and we've been in NC since the 23rd of September, on this day I mentioned her bad behaviours to her and just as expected she didn't take accountability for any of them, not even whilst we were still in a relationship, she stated incompatibility and mentioned things as small as our music tastes being different. I do want her back, especially now that I know more about attachment styles and about her. I intend to carry on no contact, it really did seem like she loved me and the last time we talked in person she did tear up a bit but tried to hide it instantly, and I did make her smile a bit but she also instantly hid that. Is there a chance she may reach out in the future or is it better to give up entirely? She has had patterns of confusing behaviour for a long time during the relationship and I felt like I was at fault most of the time, but now I see that is not the case.
She will probably reach out but it’s always more worth it to work on yourself and get in the spot where you don’t need her to reach out. My da ex reached out at 2 months but is still being hot and cold with me so going no contact again. It doesn’t always work out
@@dextrome6593 I don't know if I want her to reach out anymore. Turns out she was emotionally abusing me whether she was conscious of it or not and its fucked me up.
@@dvaid45 same as my x gfriend....abusive...sad it's quite common nowadays...gluck..t
@@FM-zg5hz she ended up ghosting me too often so I ended contact and we haven’t spoke since. I’ve moved on though and I plan on dating this summer
Sounds more like a true fearful avoidant.
This woman is fantastic at watching other videos, learning from them, and then repackaging them for her own videos. Fantastic parrotting.
They're all pretty much of a much! We frantically search through them until we find one where we hear what we want to believe; then we're loyal to that 'coach'...until they go off piste and contradict what they've said previously. The fundamental issue here is that we don't know whether or not they are DA or FA or Narcissists until it's too late! They're not going to present us with the facts of their condition from the outset, assuming they are actually aware that they can be pigeonholed.
Most promiscuous of all attachment styles.
Excellent! 👍
Thanks Kandice!
The DA I'd been dating for 2 and a half months ended things abruptly while we were on a high note, although it coincided with an unexpected, stressful, long-term life event that he cited as the reason for doing so. The timing and events of it all lined up and, up to that point, he'd been honest about everything with nothing seeming off in his actions, so I gave him the benefit of the doubt. With that, while we never addressed the state of our relationship as being anything beyond dating - and with me knowing he was a DA - I intended to let him set the pace we moved at without any undue pressure.
So, overall it sounds a lot like the first reason you give, but if he was staying silent about any incompatibilities, it strikes me as odd that he'd started becoming vulnerable about his past trauma with me and made plans for me to meet his family after saying he'd told them about me, all happening closer to the end - which as far as I thought are supposed to be signs of a DA becoming ready to commit.
In your video addressing why DAs come back, you mention one of the reasons as being that they genuinely couldn't commit due to other life obligations, so I wonder if that counts among these reasons as well, or if that's just wishful thinking on my part. I know I can't know for sure what the truth was in his reasoning or if he'll ever be back, but I really wish I did as I felt something wildly special about him that I've never experienced with anyone else.
My only bit of solace is that he hasn't unmatched me on the dating app we met on and I don't know if that means anything or not.
Anywho, everything will pan out fine in the end, regardless, so thanks for all the awesome insight!
What happened??
Did he come back?
I would like to hear from the perspective of marriage not dating. Thanks
My guess is very few avoidants end up married
We were friends for a year. I was in a relationship where my partner knew I used to like the da. We went out drinking together, we ended up at my partner’s house & the DA confessed their feelings for ‘us’ my partner then kissed them! I was really upset with my partner & we argued about it a lot. We eventually broke up & the DA shoot their shot with me. We went on a couple casual dates & I was unsure about him. After a particularly good date he asked me to be with him & I said yes. Big mistake. He then adopted a whole new personality & I felt pressured to change with them despite some resistance, overtime. Then we got bonded & I met his parents, friends, church & things were okay. All of a sudden after our first time “together”. He was a virgin, it was bad. After that he said he didn't love me anymore, didn't want to be with me, couldn't see a future with me, never wanted to know of my exitance again basically. He was so hot & cold about it. I knew a bad time isn't a big deal but when I tried to address what it calmly, privately he kept saying he couldn't be with me, it wasn't fate or something & I felt completely used. Then he was ignoring my calls & texts. We are the same age so the immaturity is beyond what I can comprehend.
We hadnt done “it” for months to make sure our feeling were real and as soon as we did he ditched me like trash. It wasn't even good but it could have been worse & more importantly gotten better. All he said was he was glad he lost his virginity to me 😢 wth. I wasn't aware that was his plan all along after months of getting to know each other romantically & a year of being good friends. He told me the day we got together that he is an avoidant. I should have left then but didn't realise how bad these people behave. Not again, in my lifetime will I choose an avoidant. & if they say it AFTER we’re in a relationship, I go IMMEDIATELY.
Edit: In hindsight, I'm sure he lied a lot & who he portrayed himself to be was never who he was. Who I liked especially when we were friends, was never really there when I wasn't there. Fake people.
The worst part is when I met both exes, which I can't help but link as the timeline was too close. Were bad choices. I knew I couldn't be in a relationship and was easily fooled yet somehow guarded. I've got to work on my FA attachment & become secure to be with another secure person. It won't be perfect but should be better than an AP & DA.
As a former AA I saw my DA bs miles away & my walls were just as high as they’d when they left didn’t feel anything
Hi Katya, I had a narrowish question around minute 6 where you were discussing that dating once felt easy and connection and chemistry and we started growing. I would naturally want to talk and have certainty ect ect, i moved to his moves but I only began to push for those things when something felt off. But he put the pressure on himself. And he stopped letting me met his needs
Thank you for speaking at a speed that matches my comprehension. It’s very helpful! My ex DA left me the second time last November 7. The pain is still present of being abandoned with no explanation.
Thanks for your feedback, I'm glad that the tempo is helpful. I'm sorry to hear that your partner left you without reason.
I’ve been away from her for 4 months and I still think about her. I loved her……. Yes, I have moved on, but it’s hard to let go. Time…….
I'm so sorry we all know this pain. But you'll be ok.
@@thomasrussell4674 hope your healing comes soon.
@@drewgilbert9947 how do you define moving on?
8 year relationship to end like this one year and a few months of healing still healing
I had a brief relationship with a DA. The only thing was that we were high school friends for over 20 years and he had a crush on me all those years. The whole span of the relationship he constantly stated that he couldn’t believe I like him and needed constant reassurance as to why. Talked about marriage, brought me around his family, told me he was always in love with me. One day he looked at me and stated that he could tell that My didn’t like him any more. After that, he started to fade out and I wouldn’t hear from him for days. I texted him that we had different ideas of what we need from a relationship and that I wished him the best. I was hurt and confused. Then every so many weeks he would send me flowers or ask me out to eat to explain himself. I did point out that he was an avoidant and should get therapy because he must be miserable and that I wanted someone to be in my life that would not disappear and have communication. Then he would send me random texts about wishing me and my kids well and that he missed us. I blocked him and I think he drives by my house because I constantly see him around. Bottom line, big mistake, tested my deepest insecurities and I’d rather be alone than in unstable company. Unless they are committed to putting the work into themselves, you are in for confusion and heartache. Arrested development and more mature when we in our 20’s.
Deactivating or simply not seeing a future together? What made her wanna leave, when our relationship was going well and had future plans together?
Better yet, he GHOSTED me. We were together over 5 years.
That's is so messed up...5years?? Ghosted? Savage
Mine just ghosted after 2 years 😕
BRO SAME. WHAT THE FUCK...i don't get it. Did you chase them after? are you AP? what's your attachment style.
Just recently discovered this channel. I'm only on week 4 of no contact, he GHOSTED me just 2 days ago. We've been together for 2 years and was GOOD for the most part, it's heartbreaking, gut-wrenching, and mind-blowing how he can just "suddenly" ghost me. How he can come from TELLING me he wants to marry me and couldn't imagine a life without me AND THEN two weeks later, after some persistent...arguments.. him doing shady things...suddenly self-sabotaging..and avoiding to confront the issue I raised properly - - LED to him telling me that "I think maybe I may have fallen out of...." UM LIKE HUH WHAT...where did that come from! our relationship was good for the most part..like for real. I talked with him about our personalities....attachment styles..tendencies...and it leads to this.. It's so crazy..
I'm trying to focus on healing and "accept" that should he ever reach other.. eventually...that I'll be ready.
😱
@Flagirl1985 where is he now? What happened. Mine never came back, after 3 months
Thanks for this Video! Should I block them or not?
100% accurate
You could do a full video series on what I've been though with my dismissive ex...if you EVER are at a loss for content, send me a message. I need my own you tube channel after this one year hell of a relationship
💯 A YEAR OF HELL
Yep, I lost this past year to a DA too. 😪
As a secure leaning AP, my DA partner(girl) with large amounts of trauma used me for filling all her needs, and once the going got tough drop me like nothing. Followed up with texts days after of us kissing… Emotional terrorists
Just recently discovered this channel. I'm only on week 4 of no contact, he GHOSTED me just 2 days ago. We've been together for 2 years and was GOOD for the most part, it's heartbreaking, gut-wrenching, and mind-blowing how he can just "suddenly" ghost me. How he can come from TELLING me he wants to marry me and couldn't imagine a life without me AND THEN two weeks later, after some persistent...arguments.. him doing shady things...suddenly self-sabotaging..and avoiding to confront the issue I raised properly - - LED to him telling me that "I think maybe I may have fallen out of...." UM LIKE HUH WHAT...where did that come from! our relationship was good for the most part..like for real. I talked with him about our personalities....attachment styles..tendencies...and it leads to this.. It's so crazy.. I want to book a session sometime... still cannot afford it yet.. I wish I could.
I'm trying to focus on healing and "accept" that should he ever reach other.. eventually...that I'll be ready.
Thanks for the content..
Thanks for commenting!
Ghosted after three years no contact for three weeks from him
9:58 my DA led me to believe we were possibly building a relationship only to come back from Europe to tell me they want to casually date. It’s long distance so I agreed. Then slowly started pulling away. Came to visit me and said they would be back in two weeks. The ghosted me. Really hard to process or understand
So..the avoidant will avoid tellng you how they feel and what they are looking for... Isnt it knda doomed from the start?
she wanted casual but we planned a trip to mexico and had plans to meet her family i was so lost until i discovered attachment styles it all makes sense now
I am secure, she was DA. She bounced 😂
Mine is about to dump me tomorrow! Got the dreaded text "we need to chat". Shes been distancing the past couple of days. 1.5yrs of my life wasted with someone that was never really there
What happened?
Thank you❤
You're welcome 😊
I have tryed but hes answers would be: idk; you just dont understand; it doesn't matter; I don't own you elucidation. We were in the same place the. Blink something happened then Blink again they would let them selves get closer then blink gone
Three months ago I began casually dating a woman I knew as an acquaintance 37 years ago. Since then we had become friends on social media. Recently we met at an event and agreed to get together for dinner. We really clicked and started dating. The relationship was very physical from the get go. Everything seem to be going great until one night when she was at my place, I said something to her that she thought meant I wanted to move forward in the relationship. I told her that she misunderstood what I said, but it didn't matter. The next day she pulled away hard. She said she was confused and needed space. About a week later she said she wanted to get together and talk but she kicked that can down the road for three more weeks. I backed off and gave her space the whole time. Finally called and said she wanted to get together and talk. So I picked her up and we went to get a bite to eat. She rattled off a few things that I had said that bothered her. One thing was that she said I talked about my ex a lot. I told her I didn't realize that, but she talked about her ex a lot also. On the way home in the car I said "Well, what do you want to do?" and she said "Do you want to start over? We can start over." And I said sure. She grabbed my hand, kissed it and held it all the way home...Since then, she won't take or return my calls and will only respond to my texts. She will rarely initiate contact. But her texts responses are very flirtatious, saying "Can't wait to see you!" and "talk soon!", calling me baby, honey and sweetheart with lots of hearts and kisses emojis. It's the most extreme breadcrumbing you could imagine. I stopped contacting her again. It wasn't until about a week ago that I started finding out about anxious and avoidant attachment styles...Now it's all starting to make sense. This experience has been so shocking, painful and confusing but at least now I know it's not all my fault. And yes...she was definitely cheating and lying.
Almost sounds fearful avoidant with that level of fear of commitment and yet flirtatious text. But then, its important to remember that not every behavior can be explained away by the 4 attachment types. There could be something else entirely going on there. She seems very hesitant to commit, maybe she remembered something that happened in her past that was triggered but one of the things you said (you had no idea of knowing)
@@SangheiliSpecOp Yes, and she's always been very hypersexual and promiscuous. She can't get enough physical intimacy. She craves it! I believe it's because that's what she perceives as feeling "loved", since she cannot allow herself to open up and experience love on an emotional level. Another trait of an avoidant.
My last relationship ended at the end of the summer when I thought everything was going well,we had made plans to meet her folks and her to meet mine but out of nowhere she said that she wanted to end the relationship because “God Revealed to her that it wasn’t the the right choice for her” like I call BS on that,for a while I was struggling to come to terms with I started to second guess myself about what I did wrong!
My DA boyfriend dumped me after 2 months of dating, I really cared about him, we had a beautiful connection until he became more and more distant. He told me several times he had feelings for me but his reason was he couldn't see us succeeding long term. He seemed very sad that day. Still hurts so much and I can't move on.
I think he was scared of you getting to know his true self and not liking it. Give him space and time to process
@@sukiarts yes, I'll do that :( he showed me a vulnerable side when he decided to end everything and we haven't talked since then (for 2 weeks now). I respect him and I'll give him time to figure it out. I think he really has feelings for me but he's deeply scared too, maybe I gave him too much (love, connection, intimacy, etc).
@@Ckyt572 I did those things too! He got the "Ick" and deactivated. It's been almost 2 months since breakup and a bit over a month since NC (I reached out to tell him I could give him some emotional support as friends, because he was feeling anxious and lonely)
I have a question: do they make you feel jealous intentionally? Mine would bring into discution another girls every single time we see each other,but it was so subtle and appearently innocent ! Why?
Yes they do! Mine did the same thing. Would intentionally try to make me jealous just to put you down for trying to catch them. I wanted to say don't flatter yourself, if you're going to act like that only to deny I'm going to try and catch you. Only a couple times though because then you decide you're not going to fall victim to this mind game crap. What happened to just be straight up because I'll get out the way if you want to see someone else. They don't want that though, they like having their ego stroked.
Yes, they do! I did it right back to him.
2 years in, breaks up with no reason-- wants to be alone but says he still has feelings but needs to be alone :/
Run as far away as possible.
Hey there please tell me can a dismissive avoidant makes one feel jealous internationally ?
"intentionally" I think yes and it's insidious.
Yes they often play mind games during the devaluation stage..
Do u mean that DA are not fixers?
Why are they hiding behind a person or why are they behave if I never exist in there live? Just in a view weeks…
What is "AP"? I know A = "anxious", but P?
Anxious preoccupied
Not going thru Google to fill out a survey, none of their business 🙄...
Thanks for the feedback.
Do a video on DA vs FA.
Can you elaborate please?
@@KatyaMorozova most all advice assumes DAs end relationships whereas it seems to be the FAs truly do the break up and most damage.
@@lmart16 Gotcha so basically you want me to make a video on the same topic as this one... just about FA's. I'm coming out with a video about FA's within the hour and why they lost attraction. But I'll keep this one in mind, as well. :)
She acknowledged she wanted a situationship. Started tapping out as soon as I mentioned I might be falling for her after 1.2 years. Didnt like words like dating or girffriend, said she didnt want to make and effort and suddenly and felt 'overwhelmed' and suffocated when we met 2 x a month at best, was always just soo busy, justified it later saying it was 'always going to happen' and we were always going to break up, said she wasn't in love with me, and yet time together was gentle intimate and wonderful and she told me it was always 'amazing' = massive head/ heart fuck. Last day together I helped her look for property rent and we rested, sleeping 90% naked together with her head on my chest. Perfection, then good bye. Go figure...
Does this also apply to FA?
Yes, I think these reasons could also apply to FA's.
Fearful avoidant are really connected to feelings, people pleasing, but can push away and go cold if they have trust issues or fear rejection.
DA's really sound like aliens, I don't think I'll ever really understand😪
They sound like horrible people
Do you mean that DA are not fixers?
what if a DA who broke up with you because he claimed he's not over his ex but showed 0 signs of not being able to let go of his ex at all? He did not bring up about her, would gladly answer if i had questions about their relationship but acted normal and didn't show any extreme feelings at all, no comparison, no hard feelings, not in contact after the break up and he was genuinely attentive and happy when we were together, broke up with his ex 10 months ago and had been keep moving our relationship forward? This guy i had been seeing for about 5 months just broke up with me out of the blue. Just few hours before he decided that, he was still being really attentive and fully invested in our relationship..... next morning he woke up just told me he wasn't ready for a relationship, needed to work on himself and said i deserved better. I was shocked since i did not see that coming at all ( I am the kind of person who carefully filtered out all the possible signs of unavailable guys before I start to invest and let my guards down and obviously he did not show ANY of those signs that he was still hung up on his ex). I am usually pretty rational and takes things at face value but my intuition keeps telling me this is not the reason :( something is very off....is it because the DA is starting to freak out because the relationship is getting serious?
Could be he's still not over his ex, Beacause mostly DA feel the impact of the break up is delayed, maybe when he meet you hes genuinely serious about you but later on when the nostalgia of his ex hit him he dumped you.. Try to watch other videos the stages of dismissive avoidant after the break up.. Sorry you've been through this.
My story: I have and ex Bf to that i suspect he was a DA.. He did not share his emotions doesn't like conflicts because he said He doesn't know how to fix pr face the problem so instead of fixing problem he'll escape.. After 5 yrs of dating he dumped me.after all the memories and love we shared its so hard to let him go. But i cut contact with him totally even social media i unfriended him. 11 months passed now nearly a year i am on better place and i did hear from him again..
Any updates tp your situations dear? Did he reach out? If you did not hear him again its okay, work on yourself to gey better. Dating a DA is like you are dating a Baby when they grow up they just left abruply left you broken and shock.
One more thing DA dont show emotions maybe hes struggling inside and you didn't know that because they're kinda quite and neutral, you see them invested in relationship or put you in pedestal but inside them nobody knows what are they going through..