A NARCISSIST'S "LOVE." HINT: IT'S ANCHORED IN ONE WORD
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 1 ม.ค. 2019
- Because narcissists need to stay in the superior position, their version of love requires admiration and adoration, not a good foundation for good relationships. (This can include marriage, extended family, friendships, and dating.) Psychotherapist Dr. Les Carter compares a narcissist 's approach toward love with a much healthier version of love.
Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist with 38 years experience. He has conducted many workshops and over 60,000 counseling sessions. He lives in Dallas Tx.
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the narc does not want a partner. He/She wants a HOSTAGE
True
They want to be told that they're wonderful without actually having to BE wonderful.
Then just call a spade a spade. They surely cannot handle being told the ugly truth.
If they become abusive in the aftermath, shut down the emotional link and get rid of the narcissist for good.
Nancy L. My goodness...you’re so right! Well said! 💯 correct.
@@Robidu1973 Be sure you have your ducks in a row before you do that.
Nancy,
Absolutely !!!
Galvanizing simplicity !!
Actually they want to be told that they are wonderful with they are terrible
When a narcissist says the word "love," replace it with the word "use."
"I love you." = "I acknowledge you are allowing me to use you, which is exactly what you're supposed to do because I am above you, and am therefore entitled."
Spot on! Dr. C
ugh that makes me so sad. I'll remember it when he says it which is infrequently anyway.
Ioncandi Perfectly stated.
Amen..i can testify 2 that. Married 2 . I . 4 months now or mayb its 4mil months its all so fuzzy..a crazy ungodly rollercoaster ride.
Truth!!
To the narcissist, you are only as good as the last "good" experience they had with you. Say you've been selfless, kind, generous, and compassionate to them for 20 years. All it takes is for you to make one "mistake" (usually petty), and suddenly they find you worthless. Rollercoaster ride.
"A loving person wants to know who you are..." The narc couldn't care less. Excellent synopsis.
Exactly, sometimes when we had a conflict I had the impression that he was talking to someone else, maybe reflecting to some of his previous relationships still where he got hurt by another woman, or because of some childhood trauma (I still wanted to understand him! :D) because his reactions and complaints had simply nothing to do with me or with my actions. But now I know that it was just part of his constant manipulation, he was just playing his games
true they dont care ,
never have nothing to talk about always in a rush to end the conversation
they just don't care what so ever
Just the projection they give to you shows they don’t know who you are...some of the things I’ve been accused of doing by narcissist will be insane to anyone that knows me. They’re the worst
Narcissist love people in the same manner they love their mobile phones or any other appliance. If you function exactly the way they want , they may keep you, malfunction and you are discarded and replaced. Sometimes though you are just fine , they trade you in for a newer model , but may keep you tucked away as backup, just in case the new models screws up.
remember this if they get another supply and it doesn't work well they'll try to get you back by love bombing then the devaluing begins in a few days or weeks..then you have to try to get away again. the old man narc around in my hood is trying now for three months!! he can't find his supply!!!! ha
remember this if they get another supply and it doesn't work well they'll try to get you back by love bombing then the devaluing begins in a few days or weeks..then you have to try to get away again. the old man narc around in my hood is trying now for three months!! he can't find his supply!!!! ha
@@kevinbrislawn5918 Ignore him. No contact whatsoever if possible
Elizabeth Taylor, that analogy is genius! Thank you!
Yep, if we let them. I did not.
Narcissists cannot handle real life. They live in some ideal world where you have to fulfil a role and if you don't then they turn against you. The narcissist's "love" changes you for the worse and in their version of what they want you to be.
I just lost almost my entire family after 20 years of marriage. They will turn every single person against you after being isolated. Listen to this man and hopefully you never have to experience it.
How is it possible one person can, turn your whole family against you? That's diabolical and beyond scary!!!
Darla Long its called a smear campaign. They use the same character they used to trap you, on everybody else, to convince everybody else that you did everything that they did to you. If you try to go to any of these people with the truth, you come across as volatile and delusional, because they put in the time to poison your image. I just lost my career to a narcs smear campaign.
Hello
This is happening to me right now
It is so cruel I’m very nearly buckled
My light is in the Lord
and I choose to live in the light
Lindsey Gordon the rose glasses will never fit you again. You see things differently now, and can never unknow what you have learned. I am sorry, but i welcome you to this dark place of eventual healing.
That happened to me too. My mother never wanted me to marry. She was married younger than me and always reminded me. I was meant to an ugly, slow-witted, dull, frump whilst she was Marilyn Munroe! She never forgave me for eventually eloping (at 25!) and tried to turn all the family against me. I found out who my real friends were! Only once I was free of her could I assess what I had been putting up with. I love these videos because they must help masses of people get themselves free of their oppressors and recover the wounds to their souls. Thank you so much Dr Carter! xx Kat Harvey. Dorset U.K.
PERFECT EXPLANATION:
They CONFORM their behaviour to woo you and hook you. once you're hooked, they reveal their real self gradually,THEN they expect you to CONFORM yourself to be okay with their craziness.
It's classic abuser tactics. Narcissistic or not.
Awuondo L.
You described my situation perfectly!
so darn true
they are great liars as well
Jessi Dawkins Yes they are!!!
Theresza HEALED
I never saw evidence of direct cheating from mine, but from what I’ve been told... if they feel you are not meeting their needs, they will start looking elsewhere. Mine did very quickly.
It’s sad when you’re in love with an narcissistic person.
Agreed, I fell in love with a facade created by a narc. I was recently widowed and lonely and weak. Easy prey for my narc. Now I am losing my mind and everything I own trying to get rid of her. Fortunately I still have ME.
Heartbreaking to say the least
NeverLetGo KojnKuv - Yes...So very, very sad. Because they most likely won’t change, see their serious personality problem honestly, how they hurt others, get the help essential to maintain a relationship with them that doesn’t slowly kill/soul destroy the other person. We can hope, but the reality is, moving on will mean a much, MUCH healthier, happier life. It’ll hurt, take time, & prayer, but move on we will to new things like - joy, friends, kindness, true love, the end of complete control of our lives just mimicking TRUE LOVE!
They lure you in in the beginning during the infatuation.. Then they reveal themselves slowly. You just think you're doing something wrong and try to correct it. You're or not in love with the person that they really are. They will use you abuse you and take away any self-confidence you have. They lie cheat steal you name it. They're not worth it
Chris Blackburn she’s not entitled to ANYTHING you owned before you met her. If you regretfully married her she is only entitled to half of what you got AFTER you were married. Even if you put her name on your house. Check with a good attorney to help protect you!!! Best to you!!!
in the end he lost his temper at anything and everything and he frightened me. When I look at the person I met and the person at the end, I cannot believe it
Em Gov .. YES Indeed it was like living with Jekkyl and Hyde ... smh in disbelief ... the kicker is IF we outright saw their evil side upfront we would never have married or have been in a relationship with them in the first place. They are conniving and very cunning .. hook you in then gradually show you who they really are.. by then you may have been married many years, built a life together and had kids and then that's when IT gets real... it's trying to untangle yourself out of an evil web...and the healing can take many, many years ...
I can believe it because I've experienced it. I've been on the receiving end of explosive violence.
Very true. My NH had a very wise beatnik personality, great guy, played guitar and wrote me songs, knew how to be romantic and had a magnetic way of attracting people with conversations. Now? Idk who that guy is but I thought I married him. The kids are all weapons he uses against me now.
How do we find the courage to start a new relationship? We just cannot see where it will lead. No one shows their real self in the romantic beginning stages. I thought I had finally found the right one who loved and valued me. It turned out he was just one more raging narcissist. I think Ive given up on relationship.
@@carolynmccall7592 You simply start one. And you leave if the bad treatment starts. You need to he aware, alot of behavior is misattributed because of all the contempt that exists between the sexes due to all the rhetoric and rampant irresponsibility. Once you are healthy, you'll meet healthy people. Then it's an issue of not treating eachother badly, which is ultimately a conscious effort on both people's part.
Narcissists put themselves above God and worship themselves. They want others to worship them. We are here to know, love, and serve the Lord, NOT the narcissist.
Amen sister 🙏
Yes and amen! 🙏❤️
Amen!
True words spoken. My ex narc requested obedience and worship. This belongs only to The Almighty God.🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
Sounds like the democrats.
Orlando FL here! Narcissists love is about obeying. When you submit they think it's love, someone who is assertive, bold and outspoken is not someone they like. They prefer someone low self-esteemed and who don't know their self worth
Best nutshell definition of a narc I've seen so far.
They are looking for a foot stool.
I'm so affraid of love/relationships because of this.
Because due self reflecting I know I'd be easy prey for a narcissist 😱
Melisusy21 that’s true. I would submit with my words to “keep the peace,” but would do what I had to in life- care for my children, work, basically NOT centering everything around him. He would then call me a liar who didn’t know how to love. It was a constant war between reality in life and fantasy of how i should be in his head.
Melisusy21 thank you for saying this! I needed to read it. You are 💯 right!
Its also insanely humorous how they will throw in your face that “ you don’t know what love is”. But they demonstrate what “ LOVE “ is By there own definition on you by gaslighting and confused how the hell out of you for amusement . They reflect back on you what’s deep inside of them on you.They point the finger in blame saying your the crazy one that needs medical help🤦🏼♀️they say they love you and are deeply concerned for your health... they paint themselves out to be the good guy and you the a horrible person. Love to Themis conditional . As long as you do as they ask of you, on there time clock, obey them completely and submit to there disgusting abuse. Purely demonically possessed people.
He loves me until I set a boundary, then it’s “maybe we aren’t meant to be together.”
Perhaps not!
The only thing that is real is love.
When a potential partner shifts from wanting to discover who you are,
To wanting to define you,
end the relationship.
This is utterly brilliant.
Absolutely!
Sorry, Farmer, there is more to reality than love. There are things other than love that are real. Check the qualities of the narcissist. I will allow the psychotherapist Dr. Carter tell you what they are. He'll do a good job. Guaranteed.
@@truthseeker1871 I am sorry.
You will learn, though....
I was told by a narcissist that I was “incapable of love.” Biggest projection ever.
I was told the same thing by my narc husband!
just laugh and say goodbye
hahahaha omg, that narc is an idiot.
Yep. I was told that fairytale as well. I was also told that I wouldn't be able to hold a marriage down or have children because I'm so slow to do anything.
May as well laugh and ask the narc if they have any new fairytales because these ones are getting boring.
@@holyspark5438 gosh my narc mum put that onto me....
"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
1 Corinthians 13 v 4-7
Narcs know nothing of love. They use the word much but they don't practice it. Avoid these people.
PS my "here" is Northern Ireland. ❤️
Un a that is my favorite passage in the Bible
I heard that someone posted this to my narcs FB page! Interesting. Not sure he even knows this is in the Bible!
@@RachelSmith-vm2jt He probably thought somebody was giving him a compliment!!
@Un a Agreed, but doesn't this also describe someone codependent/push-around?
Un a this was my wedding vows! I meant them he didn't!
Dealing with a narcissist pretty much reminds me of the fairy tale of the fox and the crow: They use flattery to lull you, and once they've got you hooked, they are showing their true face.
Yep! Dr. C
If your memories of the 'good times' anchor you to them, you are anchored to a sinking ship.
We all should be able to put a photo of our Narcs here. Saves other people a lot of grieve. 😆
Yes like America's Most Wanted.
Call it America's Most Depraved!
Put their pictures on milk cartons!
Great idea . I never let him hear what I learning or listening to because when I leave I want his next victim to be able to see him for what he is right away. He’s so bad now he won’t be able to fool anyone else.
😂 YES!!!
i grew up with a Narcissistic Mother. and as a child i could NOT figure out WHAT THE HECK i was doing so wrong for it to seem like she didn't love me in the way that i saw other friend's mothers loved them. it took me decades until i even heard of this kind of abuse, and i researched it intensely. and sure enough, i could SEE a ''textbook Narcissist" in my mother. a HUGE problem for children raised by Narcissists, which is what you talk about perfectly in this video, is that they leave you TOTALLY unprepared, and totally unable to distinguish other relationships in your life that are not healthy. and you end up being abused by pretty much everyone you let into your life because in some way the Narcissist can cause you to feel like you deserve to be treated that way, or that you don't deserve to be truly loved. thank you for this video.
Good insights! My sister is dealing with this more than me, but yes are unprepared for life.
Same story with me.
This is so true! Trying hard as i can to form a healthy relationship of any kind at age 54. How many years left? Angry at myself for not learning what this is called until 4 years ago. I have Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder & cannot get my blood pressure under control. So much anxiety as soon as I wake up each day.
@@Chasing70 PTSD maybe due to burned out adrenals due to stress that uses up Zn/B vitamins and progesterone. Taking progesterone may help and Vit C/coenyzmated B vitamins. NO gluten/dairy/soy/sugar/GMO/food with a label...taking vitamins/good oils/minerals...probiotic...LDN..detoxing may help the brain/body/moods/glands/depression/stress and more. Progesterone helps thyroid and lowers water weight and helps blood pressure. Vit K2 may help unclog blood vessels from Ca and put the Ca into the bones. Fish oil thins blood. Mg/Zn/evening primrose oil/lecithin (defats the liver)/Krill oil/Nature's plus- Source of life multiple/coenzymated B vitamins/coenzyme Q10/alpha lipoic acid/detoxing heavy metals by sweating and restore the good minerals may help. Hair test shows good minerals/heavy metals..no hair dye when doing the test. HCl and enzymes with meals and Orthobiotic probiotic before a meal may help. Vitalogic- Adrenal formula may help with MACA/licorice/ginseng and more. Walmart site sells it. A chiropractor can help with diet/supplements/hair test/detoxing etc.
We always thought my father was the narc when my 3 siblings and I were growing up. He had a gambling addiction and dragged us around the country based on whatever his next big idea was. Come to find out now after he passed away, my mother is even more of a narc. She always said how much she loved her "babies". I said you do realize we are your babies. We are just grown up now and we even have our own babies. It did not compute with her. She never loved us or gave us a hug once the next baby came along. She locked us out of our house every day all summer when school was out. I have a weird problem now that stems from that abuse. I have to have a bottle of water with me at all times. Even if I never open it or drink it. Probably from being so thirsty and dehydrated locked out all day in the heat.
Of course like a truly damaged person will do, I married the most narcissistic person if all. He appeared so generous and knew exactly what I needed in my life in order to reel me in. It wasn't hard. I just needed a hug and to hear someone say they loved me...and to buy me a bottle of water. Lol I kicked him out of the house 3 months ago with the support of our 31 year old daughter. I have had enough. My body and soul are so tired and I hurt all of the time. I am feeling happy now but he is trying every way possible to suck me back in. I pray to stay strong and stick to my guns. These videos are the best thing because they describe every trait of him. He is a textbook narcissist.
What I hear now when my husband says ‘I love you’ is - ‘I’m feeling loved’. Or, ‘I’m getting from you what I need’.
I feel like he’s battery and I’m a source of energy for him.
Point 1 already says it: the Narc doesn’t care, all his inquiries are about “How can I use you best?”
Control, I believe most narcissists just care about control.
The narcissist that “loved” me didn’t give a toss about how I felt, yet took great delight in angering, frustrating and confusing the heck out of me (their expressions of joy, ecstasy and delight at getting me to finally blow up at them said it all).
They’re SERIOUSLY DANGEROUS - and need to be identified and monitored throughout their lives. The damage they do to others is beyond imagining.
And “Hi” to Gus...
@Russell Hawkins
Exactly this!
Did "your" narc. told you too, you don't understand a joke and reacting ridiculous, when they made a *defaming* one about you?
I feel you bro
Yes they are dangerous
Russell Hawkins. You sound like you’ve had experience with a narc. Did you find it hard to leave or was it easy street? I find it hard to leave because one day their wonderful, the next day their insane. It constantly has me on the fence.
hourglass529m. Thank you for sharing your story.
Conformity - you have to eat like me, dress like me, like and do everything I want to do
You spot on Bryce F
Right on, Bro. You don't mind if I break your nose, do you?
I don't know about 'enjoying' the video - it is horribly painful to realise that your life with the narcissistic person has been a sham all along. A bit like being told suddenly that the person you thought was just 'difficult' to get along with was actually not even properly human! Thank you for showing me the light. X
" The narcissist is always evaluating you with a scorecard... youre on a grading system with them" . Great presentation! (and btw, I always look for Gus in the chair! :-)
My husband actually sent me evaluations 🤣🤣🤣😭😭
I like that idea! I’m going to pretend Gus is there in the chair coaching me.
Brilliant! 💡✨👍🏼
It's a damned shame the narcissist doesn't have the power to evaluate himself/herself.
IOW -- constantly on trial
My stepdad was a narcissist and my mother couldn’t escape him. She died of cancer from all the stress he caused her. He would act out and ruin every single Holiday with the family including my brothers wedding. I said it before but you sir deserve a noble prize for making this channel for everybody.
Nobel is a bit lofty, but thanks nonetheless. Dr. C
I second the motion
Third
My Dad does that “acting out” all the time, especially special days smh. My mom said she’d leave years ago... I’m sure she’ll be riddled with cancer anytime soon, she’s already starting to have ailments. He’s an energy vampire and wouldn’t allow her to cut ties anyway...
Cancer can be due to gluten/GMO/estrogen dominance/chemicals. Stress uses up B vitamins/Zn/progesterone. Progesterone helps the thyroid/immune system etc. Both the narcissist and the codependent maybe hurt by gluten, but in different ways.
Two words: Energy Vampires.
In the truest sense.
Yes
Truth, so true.
Yes they are!
Yes indeed. They SUCK.
The narcissist in my life left me 6 weeks ago because it was the very first time I stood up to his selfish behaviour. I couldnt understand why if he loved me he could cut me off so coldly.. until I watched this video!
I'd spent 3 years of getting the silent treatment for a week at a time over silly things like I didn't call him back straight after eating my sandwich, to more serious things like being shouted at until I'd wet myself .. he would never apologise but my children had invested their hearts to him so I caved in each time.
It still hurts massively that I've been discarded that way, but I now know through your videos (I searched and watched after my therapist told me he was a narcissist) that it was the best thing to ever happen to me as we were to marry this year.
Thank you so much for helping me through this pain x
This is the best thing that could have happened to you! It's a blessing in disguise!
Please realize how lucky you are!
I am waiting for mine to discard me...he is never going to change. I am ignoring him like he ignores me. I'm giving him hardly any interaction. I'm just waiting for him to move out of MY house. Please be soon!
God Bless you and your new brighter chapter ✨
@@lovestolaugh mine just spoke after 5 wks of silent treatment (once again) that I for once did nothing but mirror it back to say he felt we needed to find a way to “end this” (couldn’t even say “divorce “.
I merely said “ok, if that’s what you want” (I’ve been practicing). I’m pretty sure he didn’t think I’d go along because he got all jumpy and said “well I don’t Want to but…”
But couldn’t come up with what he was willing to do to work anything out. Then I waited 8 days for him to speak up about how we were doing it and when I finally asked how he expected me to move out on my salary he kept turning it back on me. Dude! You’re the one that wanted to end it!
No plans no paperwork filed no nothing except arguments that I never made any house pmts so I didn’t deserve 1/2 the house that we built together and lived in for 10 yrs.
Then I’ll have to hire movers while he’s at work cuz he’ll complain about everything I want even if he won’t use it.
Good luck to you!
UPDATE! He moved out! Its been a month of pure peace and serenity. Glad I made it.
“True healthy love changes people for the better!” I’m gonna keep this very close to my heart. My narc, soon-to-be ex-husband literally depleted me of everything. I thought I was on track as far as my healing process until I met someone and realized that I had nothing to give. Narcs strip you of everything while they just move on like it’s nothing.
Yes, after being with a narc, it really does take away your faith in humanity.
They move on but don't get far so no need to worry.😉
Don’t say it will never happen again. take it slow next time.
Kindness to others and steadfast character, is key, seek friendship first before romance in time you will see their true self
Tina, Les won't agree with me and I don't ask him to do so. But I think these people are essentially controlled by demons. That belief has been advanced by others who claim to understand the true narcissist. They have influenced me. I accept their position. I've studied my fair share of psychotherapy so it's no great mystery to me. Some of it is crap and some of it is something less than crap. Dr. Carter knows that. In 1989 there was something like 234 schools of psychotherapy. That's when people were having fun. I never heard of something called "narcissism" at that time. It's a fascinating topic.
Intelligent narcs are greating in covering their true motives. Trust your instincts.
In my experience, it's the eyes that give the sneakier ones away, and their inexplicable interest in a "target" (either you or someone else)
They live with such dishonesty every day of their lives, it's sickening
I’m dealing with a pretty intelligent narc myself. It’s hell because I recently went through a huge breakdown in my mental health, and he’s really good at portraying nurturing and loving qualities when I’m like that (as long as he doesn’t think I’m blaming him for it), and between his gaslighting and my sick brain, it’s hard to tell if it’s actually happening like I think it is or not
Thanks for that. *Need to trust my instincts*
Amen
i don't think narcs are intelligent creatures. but still, gut feelings help a lot
"I love you more than my own life!" He would say 4-5 times daily. When I left, and he found out I was divorcing him, I was "So full of sh&%." I always wondered what he was thinking when he said the former! I was married to him almost 20 years. It took 10 years to recover, but I have recovered. God's peace y'all
Damn, 30 years in total is a very long time.
When I was hospitalized for major depression because of my ex's antics, she told me I couldn't come home until she was done having time without me. Should have been a sign that I wasn't loved at all. Then when I came back home, she told me she wished I would just kill myself and get it over with. Took me 6 months to finally be done, but that was after 10 years together and 7 in marriage. They hook you and because you swallowed the hook, they gut you when you finally do separate from them.
a narcissist would never spend 20 years with the same wife. you ARE full of shit
@@yeetyeetyeet1967 Naaa, that's really harsh and unnecessary and not true. Like said in the video if you're functioning you're good. They wouldn't bother to find a new one to manipulate and train to obey. On the other hand I also doubt that most of these who are talking here about their ex partners were really together with pathological narcissists. Not every asshole on this planet is a psychopath and not every self-infatuation is pathological.
Also, in many comments people talk about their ex narcissists I have more than a strong feeling people don't want to face their own causations in past relationships what is ironically typical for a narcissist.
@@unschuldshascherl i have npd and im not even on the high end of the spectrum. my longest relashionship was 7 months long, and that was a real strech. i would never spend longer than that with a woman, i get bored if i see the same face, same body and same personality every time. i knew some narcissists in the past and none of them would ever commit. like you said, this lady wasnt together with a narcissist.
It’s absolutely draining, I can tell fairly quickly, just an empty feeling and an anxiety that persists when dealing with their toxic vibe. Run/block/and don’t look back!!! 💕
My life was recently almost completely ruined by being in a serious relationship with a narcissist, your videos have helped and explained a lot to me. Thank You.
Same here.
Same here
Me too. Clarity is eye opening. And relieving
Casey, stick with Dr. Carter. He will not fail you.
"If you got your feelings hurt, that's just your perspective..."
Sounds familiar. thanks Jennifer
Leslie I heard that so many times in my 18 year marriage. Finally got divorced, and will be officially single on Feb. 4th.
Yeah, I heard this one sooo many times, along with, you're just too sensitive...
Loll so narcissistic..
It's so sad it's almost funny.....but it's not! They do know how much they hurt our feelings, they just don't care or they actually get sadistic pleasure from it!
Their "love" is really control.
They have to be your purpose
and reason for living or they punish you.
If you focus on anything or anyone else
besides them they feel slighted and
you'll pay for it.
Yes. Dr. C
My husband....... 😔
So true. Thats my mom...
Spot on. The XN resented the time I spent caring for our children. He wouldn't say so out right of course. He's a covert, passive/aggressive to the inth degree. He would pout and withdraw wanting me to ask what was wrong so he could then play victim and complain that things weren't the same, I didn't appreciate him, or some other kind of immature bs. I was being a parent, taking care of our children. It''s pathetic for an adult to expect to be waited on.
@@jackiesalac8981 Everything can be going along
just fine and that's what they won't have. They
have to throw a wrench in things to cause upheaval
as a way to put the attention back on them. They're
jealous of their own kids FFS! I had a covert passive
aggressive narc as well. They're the worst!
I was married for 12 years and it’s finally over now. It’s crazy to think I was married to a wife/family that only believed in conformity. I see it now, but I could’ve been trapped for the rest of my life.
Your channel has helped me validate that I’m not as crazy as they think I am. THANK YOU
Simplistically articulated, the narcissist's "love" is anchored in just one word: ME.
I LIKE when you say, "As your HUMANITY shows up, they have a problem". Which leads me to believe they're, demons. Completely, inhumane.
I agree! I think they have the genes of the fallen Angels.... I mean for real too!
Trying to make that grade forever will wear you out!! Feeling you have to earn acceptance or love is a heavy burden.
When I truly just didn't care any more, it was so freeing! I love Melania's coat! I want one! LOL
This is where making your own narrative and setting your own goals comes in handy.
You couldn't have said that better, that's exactly the way I feel. Continuously having to prove myself for love and acceptance as if I'm not worthy of being loved for who I am. It's so tiring
@topherh33 There's a lot of dudes I've met along the way who demand a woman be a total sycophant and servant to be tolerated.
@topherh33 I think it is very common. I personally think that narcissism has been selected for over the past 60 years because our "progress" is driven by competition rather then co-operative behaviour. Narcissists are ruthless and excell in these environments. However, such parasitic lifestyles are unsustainable because as the narcissists form the majority of the population, they loose their prey base. This leads to system collapse and reset. Don't loose hope!
I managed to find a husband that isn't on the narcissistic spectrum and we are happily married, although the price is poverty.
However, it is essential to understand that if you want to dodge the narcissist as a spouse, you may need to change your search image and look for someone who sits on a different spectrum.
When you finally discover what real love feels like... it’s wonderful and horrible at the same time. Wonderful because it satiates that need you’ve been starved of. Horrible because you understand you have been deceived and used your entire life. All of your memories are now tainted. All of those old wounds you thought had healed are ripped open.
Yes!!! This exactly. I'm dealing with 15 years of wtheck?!
@@angelazimmerman3853 i,m dealing with 50 years with the same narcissist= but i,m getting out asap !
So true, Andrea ! It hurt so much. But all it takes is time, like a year i think, of healing. Finally getting the good love will not trigger pain anymore. Instead, it will grow a warm fuzzy lightball in your chest.💔=>💕
I really like the use of the term “goodness“. That’s exactly why my narc wanted me. He worked hard just suck me dry of any goodness I had in me, but fortunately God intervened and revealed to me the kind of person he was. I’m still recovering, and each day is a new step in the process, But I am so much better now and able to move forward.
@James Smart thanks for asking. Actually I’m doing very well. He tried 2 hoovers through his secretary (so pathetic), but I saw through it. He is in the past and I have moved on. Life is so much happier now.
I always tell my mother nobody gets along around her cause she is constantly stirring the pot wont let anybody just be themselves.
Want to learn? I went to my local library and read every damn book on the shelf. Watch every video you can. NEVER stop educating yourself. This channel in particular is extremely informative. Save the videos in your playlist. Watch them 2, 3 5 times if you must. Keep learning.♥️☘️
Kelly Vaughn Very good advise! Thanks!
Good encouragement! Thanks! I agree!
When my family members (who are plagued with narcissism) tell me they love me, it’s always in response to something I have given them or done for them. When asking them what they love about me, they always respond with superficial examples.
I JUST LEFT A COVERT NARCISSIST MAN. HIS DEFINITION OF "LOVE" WAS DEFINITELY PSEUDOLOVE. NEVER MET ANYONE LIKE THIS BEFORE. ONLY WANTED HIS WAY AND DIDN'T CARE WHAT I WANTED. I'M GLAD IT ONLY LASTED 4 MONTHS. NOT ENOUGH TIME TO HARM ME. YOUR. INFORMATION AND CHANNEL. HELPS ME ALOT TO SEE WHAT MOTIVATED HIM.
Adrian Blakely gurl go read my comment! Same ! His way or NO way! A total self absorbed self obsessed person. It lasted 4 months for me too. I’m so happy mine was short lived as well but fuck they do a number on ya right?? These videos are helping me so much too
Saturn Ivory my narc ex is like this with his flings.. they only last 3 to 4 months. he either gets bored or they don’t put up with his bullshit. he then gets back to me, starts to flirt, tells me he misses me, he says he’s going to change, this time he sounds more believable, and i get back with him. i’ve been kind of dating him since 2017, he wasn’t like this, or maybe he was, he started being a cheater and a liar since october 2018, we got back in april 2019, he cheated on me again and dumped me 7 months later. he then came back again last month with brand new lies! this is the first time he lies like this, i’m actually impressed by how well he did it. we got back together and paradise only lasted 2 WEEKS!!!!, this guy... i swear to god, i love him too much, it is hard to leave him completely, because he doesn’t have any family, so he needs me sometimes, and i’m not an asshole to say no and hurt him deeply. deep down i know he deserves to actually see he’s completely alone, maybe that changes him... but i’m scared he would do something stupid. our entire relationship is/was based on what he wants/wanted and he gets mad on every special day, even on my birthday, he doesn’t get along with my family, he is actually super charming and loving when we’re out, but once inside our/his house, he gets distant and treats me like he is superior and i don’t deserve him or something. i live for those good moments we have, because he is not a bad person, he’s just.. fucked up i think? I obviously deserve better but they are like a drug.
mafe N. B. He’s USEING you... you keep going back with a notion of feeling bad that your the only good person in his life that “ understands” his bs behavior...DONT. Mine threatened to hurt himself/take his life . I still LEFT. NO CONTACT. 3 mints Narc free! Leave hin
My narcissist deals with conflict by shutting it down. If I agree with him, he wants to hear about it. If I don’t, then don’t speak.
Any time I offer a better option, he says it's an argument. He's an idiot.
They will not get into a healthy discussion. Its my way or the highway
Same here when I try to interact I’m being selfish and know it all... but they brought the subject to me... but unless I’m completely quiet I’m rude... go figure
"Quit complaining"
Imagine if I heard THAT at ground ZERO in MY HOME and on MY DIME....
Sound familiar. My narc literally covered his ears, looked other directions or made odd grunting noises when i wanted to talk.
A rating system...well put, they’re always rating your value to them, it’s always about your current value to the narcissist
I have Suffered with Anxiety Disorder for Decades. His response, Go Away, Come Back Better. Didn't involve himself in my psychoanalysis. Again, Over decades, along with PTSD, major depression. "Go Away. Come Back When You're Better!" It's very self-defeating. Thanks, you've helped.
They degrade you because they are emotionally pathetic.
They can't love. They're evil, cowardly, and useless.
Discard them.
Do whatever you can to get away asap.
Your health and well being are at stake!!
Yeah. Brutal assertiveness is required to absolutely rid oneself of these sickos. Nothing short of no contact will be good enough.
i had to tell mine to f his self because i was speaking to him about some feelings about us that i was going through and all he kept saying was anything else about a million times was i wrong to tell him to f his self
@@jessidawkins5245, any kind of contact gives them supply. If your way is clear or can be made clear to leave and get this sicko out of your life, you need to immediately do it. Whatever you do or say with these monsters WILL NOT WORK.
my parents are narcs , wished years ago I coulo had the courage the wack them on their heads ,!! my brother too !! and many around family communities...
@@raccuia1 NO CONTACT EVER !! NEVER, EVER, NEVER, EVER. !!
After a 37 years codependent relation with a narcissistic father, I’m finally starting to realize what happened to me. I can’t tell you how much your videos are helping me. Thanks
Did you escape? I'm almost 27 and fear I'll be trapped for life. Programmed from birth to feel bad for not worshiping him.
@@Rogue.29 I hope you find a way out, there's hope. Hug.
Fabio Bonetta So much relief from these videos!
@@claudettes9697 Thank you. It's not physical or anything and he's gotten too old/tired to rage, but the damage is done, you know? I can't go live. The fear is so strong and he still uses it just enough to keep me. I appreciate the support
@@Rogue.29 I do understand. You can't unring the bell, though. Just as bad as hitting. Huggles, no struggles.
I found out my husband is covert because I got so frustrated one day I actually googled "why would someone say no while you are still talking and then denies it?" Invalidation came up and I've been studying ever since. Thank you Dr. Carter!!!
Dr. Les, you've been such a blessing to me. More than you may ever know.
Such kind words, thank you. Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism My Dad is all and then . Have NEVER met anyone as hardcore cruel as him yet sooooo GIVING as he guts me like a fish . Very educated and went far in his career, could tell u ALL ABOUT HIM HIM HIM....Let me HELP U HOWEVER let me tear ur spirit down always, daily, with every conversation even if i am NOTHING BUT LOVE AND LIGHT trying to show him and Be the Change I want to see attitude.turns into HIM and me not being enough or bringing up sneaking out 45 years ago to explore a pre civil war home at night with a friend... STILL how traumatic that was as I raised 3 children and could write a book after their father killed himself and how I SEE THE BEAUTY in how they turned our REGARDLESS.. thats how I ROLL.... .. I have SLE Lupus. I spent 12 years taking care of my abused Mom with him ( Altz'ers) Now he is almost 85 and drinks at night alot and always has. He has me where I wish I was dead and NO I am NOT suicidal, ironically i'm not really even depressed.I just am losing Hope and am kind of out of body with it as the REALLY hard life is just paying a toll on me but please know I'm not Offing myself. guess i see the sadness in just getting to where u don't care. Not that u would, u just don't care anymore as everyday is a literal battle to be loving and kind.. It AGGRAVATES him however I WILL NOT ARGUE.. I didn't take anything from my marriage because he was SOO selfish I needed to "Prove i wasn't after his $. I am a Beautiful Soul and No one will ever take that from me REGARDLESS of how my story ends . I moved in with my Mom needing 24/7, watching him abuse my Mom my entire life, she was no Angel Spirit either, and I am really at a point i prayed and the "Holy Spirit" I be
liev TOLD ME TO ASK for help and then I immediately went into why I couldn't do that. All the children in the world with Cancer, the vets, homeless, etc and The great spirit told me I HAVE ABUNDANCE, I have enough for ALL , it is mankind's selfishness that keeps people from their needs being met NOT A LACK OF .... A WOW moment. It said ASK as I am doing a work and TRUST that work as if to say, it is really none of ur business HOW I do it, or that he WOULD do it, Never said i will do this just FYI ....but to ASK... I have NEVER shared this with but about 3 people and they were super encouraging HOWEVER no one has offered to help me, feels weird to ask for ur own help but maybe that is Part of this process I am to do ?? When u r a caregiver, ur friend circle gets smaller. Any thoughts out there ??? I will prob never see or meet u so I won't get "Butt Hurt" Ha- over any of it as honestly I feel NUMB... I am really a Happy person but it appears what often feels EVIL wants me down and always seems to interject negative people, thoughts, and main players. I need help and I guess this AM I thought What THE HECK. I can just see what others think.... Here I am asking... What are ur honest thoughts... I have NOTHING TO LOSE. My kids are great however are all just getting by themselves and I am SOOO Thankful they are but can not take me on now. I KNOW they would if they could. If I do a fundraiser, as ALL I want is a Tiny Home ( like 400 Sq Ft ) a few solar panels, compose toilet, grey water as i would only use earth friendly products. Have it eventually on a small piece of land. Anyway if get my Crowdfunding set up, as I also need Major Dental work ( thank GOD Literally, u don't SEE it, YET ) I have them 1/2 done but still need about 8,500 to finish for LIFE ) is really not going to be able to be hidden anymore..
My first husband killed himself ( Vietnam Vet ) My kids were 9,10 and 11, my second husband ( both over 16 years of marriage coming from TWO abusive parents BTW..ALL NARCISSIST HARDCORE... Isn't that CRAZY. I guess I am a magnet for them but the parents I can not take that on or God knows I WOULD... Be ALL MY FAULT, words I have LIVED BY for my entire life..FAULT.... BOTH husbands were beyond abusive, second is almost 70 and just married a man that is younger than all my kids. SURPRISE, knew something was VERY OFF BUT HELLO !!! We lost 2 sons we had together (Twins, IVF ) I have been gang raped at 11, these two parents, alcoholic Narcissist that were UNREAL, These two husbands, SLE Lupus, and all I want is a TINY Home , Peace , in the mountains of Tenn or NC. Would anyone help me as in share the crown funding with others as a little here and there could add up ?? ? I don't care if U want a background check, and $ TO THE things I need. I don't care as I am DYING INSIDE. My Dad waits everyday to abuse me and NO I wouldn't abandon him, however I could build my Tiny home on a Trailer , ( would do stone work around bottom and add a nice porch to add more space when i move it once and FINAL. I wouldn't drag it around. . I could offer him to have one next to me and be away and have help come in as he gets retirement $ . if not, that will be on HIM. We are in Va now anyway ....So ???, not like i would drag him to Alaska. , I have been a nurse for 20 plus years so I am an Em-Path son i can't just Peace out on him. But i can have clear boundaries. I have it all planned in my Heart. which would take a year or so, and then maybe by then the Great Spirit would show me a way i could be FREE without IN THIS as I moved in with my Mom needing 24?7, watching him abuse her my entire life, she was no Angel Spirit either, and I am really at a point i prayed and the "Holy Spirit" I be
liev TOLD ME TO ASK for help and then I immediately went into why I couldn't do that. All the children in the world with Cancer, the vets, homeless, etc and The great spirit told me I HAVE ABUNDANCE, I have enough for ALL , it is mankind's selfishness that keeps people from their needs being met NOT A LACK OF .... WOW moment. It said ASK as I am doing a work and TRUST that work as if to say, it is really none of ur business HOW I do it, or that he WOULD do it, Never said i will do this just FYI ....but to ASK... I have NEVER shared this with but about 3 people and they were super encouraging HOWEVER no one has offered to help me, feels weird to ask for ur own help but maybe that is Part of this process I am to do ?? Any thoughts out there ??? Other then WOW THIS IS WAY TOOO LONG..... I will prob never see or meet u so I won't get "Butt Hurt" Ha- over any of it as honestly I feel NUMB... I am really a Happy person but it appears EVIL wants me down and always seems to interject negative people, thoughts, and main players. I need help and I guess this AM I thought What THE HECK. I can just see what others think.... Here I am asking... What are ur honest thoughts... I have NOTHING TO LOSE. My kids are great however are all just getting by themselves and I am SOOO Thankful they are but can not take me on now. I KNOW they would if they could. Thank u for even reading for the 2 people left XOXO ( i didn't proof read ..... ) OH MY ......
So agree #441 he comes from a wonderful place that you feel he is speaking your truth! Thanks Doc❤️
@@SurvivingNarcissism i feel the same dr. Les ...thankful to you beyond words
Yes he is. 💯👍🏼🙏🏽🌞☮️✨
100% correct! My narc did not know about love....not really....however, he *did* know alot about "approval".
He used giving his approval as a kind of currency.
He "loved" (approved of) me only when I bowed to his demands.
Narcissists are looking for servants -not equal partners.
A narcissist views love as a fraud, an act. No feels.
They don't know any better.
@@lorewebb8980 oh yes they do and that's why they're so dangerous! I was married to one for 10 years!!!!
Cheryl Gecks mine are 2 strangers and it’s taken me a while to realise they know exactly what they are doing and any normal person would be able to talk things through but not these people
Liz McGee : I think they view it as weakness...an opening where someone can take advantage of them.
@@awake9093 I am not saying they don't know they are assholes. They do. What I am saying is that the majority can't help it because it is who they are. That is determined long before you meet them.
Best description of a relationship with a narcissist I've ever heard. Amazing
I wish I knew this 20 years ago. It would have saved me so much frustration and anger.
The really sad thing is that they really don't know love. They're trapped in the cage of their own injury and they don't even know it because each and everything is done in order for that injury and that pain not to come up into the conscious, not to face it.
I feel bad for the little inner children, screaming at them in pain and never getting their attention. But unfortunately compassion only gets used against one in situations with these damaged individuals. So I'm just hoping that God has a way of bringing their consciousness up one day too.
Thank you for your helpful videos!
Exactly exactly exactly!
I wish I were able to feel sorry for the Narc, but I just can’t bring myself to do it as yet.
Very well said!
@@jack727 i feel ya. All the contempt has to be dealt with first for you to grow and have the bigger heart to see the N as a pathetic crying child with unmet needs holding up a glass wall waiting to he shattered
Not on earth is that happening. Well put!
I'm sure Gus knows more about love than my husband.
Sounds like we've all dated the same person. 😆
or been friends with/worked with the same people haha
I just think narc abuse is more common in romantic relationships because the real damage happens once intimacy has been formed, the kind of intimacy that can only exist in romantic relationships, the kind of intimacy the narc is so desperate for, full and total control over another human being that they can keep in their pocket. Like one of the comments here, like a functional device that exists for their use.
Narc friends and coworkers are another kind of hell
Seriously!!!hahaha
Happy Girl yes, jezebel spirit. Sooooo much evil in the world today. The deception is unprecedented!!!
or worked with them. 😰
Viola Gentsch RIGHT!!!!!!!!
This is SO spot on!! The minute you point out anything that isn't positive (Such as when they gaslight and you try to resolve an issue with them) the "I love you" turns to "F you!"
Run!!! But quietly...
Back away very slowly then run when they are not looking
Educate cluster b You’re so right about that.
WISH I SAW THIS EARLIER I GAVE HIM THE HEADS UP
or tell her friends what she's telling you behind their backs, revenge is sweet
I did, then came back for more punishment
Dear God... Sir you saved my life thank you
Pleased! Dr. C
How?
My entire life I’ve dealt with a Narc sister . (I jokingly think “narcissister “
Oh that’s a good one! I have been the target of my narcissister for 60 years! ❤️
You are a very kind man. We would all be so lucky to have someone like you in our life. Keep up the good work! Stay blessed! 💝
Bonita, you're right. I love him too.
I was married to this for 26 years. Thank you for defining the sick twisted love he had for me. He loved himself to death at 64 years of age. You bring me comfort and pain at the same time identifying what I lived through. Thank you! San Andreas California.
I found this information after I had been dealing with a narcissist for years and found myself saying things like “ if you want a specific answer when you ask me a question, give me the answer you want with the question so I can repeat it back to you” or “see, I’m a person and you’re a person. You have ideas and I have ideas...”
At times I really tried hard to be at fault but my conscience was clear towards myself. It was horrible. awful painful stupid disrespectful waste of time.
I have come to realise in a hard way that I will never be perfect enough for my narc mother in law. At first I tried, I really did, but now I actually like not being perfect for her because that makes me a real person , flaws and all... and her knowing that I’m not perfect in her works means she spends less time with me. This is a win win situation for me as I can just be the person that I am without conforming and I get to see this horid narc less ... 👍👍👍
Mississippi here..I have spent the majority of my adult life, in a relationship and then married to a narcissist. The two things that hooked me from the start, was her happy go lucky personality and the confidence she could show no matter the situation. I did not know what a narcissist was at the time, but these are just a few things that I know now: 1)Do not try to make sense of their sense, it will make you question your sanity 2)Their affairs have nothing to do with you, and don’t try to predict when it may happen again. 3)Never ever ever ever ever, try to reason or argue with a narcissist. When you think the facts will support you and whatever you are talking about, a narcissist will make your facts wrong and will make up false facts to support 4) But the most important, DO NOT tell a narcissist deep down feelings, secrets, fears,strengths,wrong doings from others, because they will never forget it and they 100% are already building an argument against you and a situation that has not even happened yet. (Get a pocket recorder also, because if you don’t, you will question what was said a billion times)
You get. There is an old Latin phrase, Experiencia docet. Experience teaches. Dr. C
This guy is a genius
My ex always made fun of me ! I was the butt of his joke .
And my Dad was the same way! And being a Fat kids , I was devalued . So I went to school and was picked on , and got home .. the same.
Then I married at 20 same thing...!
Now I have a Great Boyfriend. . And I have my Eyes Wide open !!
He is very Sweet ❤️.
He complements me. Tells me that I'm his future!
He changes things I don't like, and he is not rushing our relationship!
Don’t say it will not happen again . It may not but take it slowww.
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." [Isaiah 55:8-10,The Holy Bible, KJV]
When I was a child, I would never be confident. The thing is that my mother used to be like "I'm punishing the student you, not my daughter". All because of my grades. She's abandoned me at school, humiliating me in front of my class mates, she's taken off my shirt & threw me out of the house just because I could not get to learn something in history. Need I say more? That she was locking me in the toilet every time she'd find out I did not do go good at school (hopefully I had my snack in my bag so I could eat something).
It's been years, I never changed myself just to meet her standards. Being an artist in her eyes is nothing. Obviously, now I see that she never won. I would always follow my gut & I gained my confidence after leaving my house. I still struggle (& my sister) with the aftermath of finding out the truth about her but I believe I'm healing, I don't rush anything.
I'm glad I did not change myself back then, my true self is more important than a human attachment like this of the family. My only family is my sister, we are together in this knowledge of true self. It's not because we are sisters, it's not the title or the blood, it's because we had to walk the same path together but also enlight each other & so much more nobody has ever taught us, not our narcissistic mother or our jongleur flying monkey father.
Never stop praying to God he is Wonder amazing 🙏
Money. As long as he’s spending your money.
Or, as in my case... the freak sunk the family farm, was in cahoots with a loan officer and borrowed half a mil w/o my signature much less knowledge over 3 years. My divorce is so damn messy it is unreal. Lending institution enabled the jackass to hide what he did to our farm, allowed the loan officer to continue to loan him money and that lending institution is trying to throw me under the bus. Loan officer was fired, the rotten bank has meddled in my divorce proceedings and even threatened me last summer. They continue to enable him to hide income and the jackass is shacked up with a welfare whore, supporting her now. The stupid really burns!
overt ones love money and food and help all the time
@@sister_cattleprod gee whizzers..so glad I'm keeping all the Narcos out of my life..my life got simpler and I'm in control for once
@@kevinbrislawn5918 I am working on it. The system moves like molasses in January. Wait, it IS January. Maybe what is needed is a large dose of a laxative to flush out the clowns.
Sister Cattleprod....I am so sorry to hear that. :-( My brother did the same thing with our family home and squandered all the money. Try to somehow detach from the pain and betrayal so it will not destroy your health also.
BY FAR THE BEST AND LINEAR TEACHER ON THE TUBE, THANX DOC !!!!
I agree...
You're welcome. Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you so much!! Your wisdom is priceless and your videos make me feel less lonely in my struggle to understand myself in this process and how to set/keep boundaries.
Ditto... we can all take heart from this man
Wholeheartedly Agree! ❤
Im finally taking the step of leaving my controller Narcissistic boyfriend after a 6 year relationship, ive tried in the past, but i have a better support system on myself now. And I have been watching these videos which have been so helpful on my decision on making that big step. Please wish me well, the extra support is always welcomed ❤
Tammy
6 years is long enough. Good luck moving forward. Dr. C
When you realize you have never actually been loved. But now I know what it will look like when I come across it. Always growing. Thank you, Dr. C.
At the top of my list is bowing to Jesus Christ, thanking Him continuously for sending the Holy Spirit to help me die to myself. I have concluded that Codependent, Narcissist, or whatever are all a result of a fallen nature so the only way out of that state is through grace. "Less of me; more of You" has not failed me.
Michele Seven BEAUTIFUL !!!!!
For the Christ Followers/Bible Believer, I just heard it’s important to be Spirit Led rather than Purpose Driven. Just a point to ponder.. ❤️ Thanks Dr. Carter!
Absolutely true! The purpose driven comes from a narcissist also. Beware of that one.
Talking about real love....... Makes me sad. I miss my late husband. His love was there through anything. Thick or thin. He was this way with everyone. Most say I haven't gotten over him. Who gets over a real love?? A love that most will never know.
The longer they are gone, the more you miss them. Try and find comfort in the fact that a lot of people never get to experience that type of "real" love.
❤❤❤❤🌷🌷⚘⚘🥀🥀
You have happy memories! That's a good thing. He will want you to pass it on to the kids.
Ontoyou Always my soulmate died three years ago. I will never “ get over” losing her. I never want to “get over” it. Indescribable closeness, deep understanding. A love that will never, can never die. Everlasting treasure to have and to hold for always.
Would give your observation 25 "thumbs up" if possible. Hope you can someday remember him without the pain of loss. May God bless.
To all people here, you're all beautiful and worthy!
Don't let narcissists make you think otherwise!
*Hugs*
We need compassion in this day and age more than ever before :)
I am here on this planet to survive, to experience, to help others when I can, to persistently transcend my own limitations, and to simply live. Accomplishments mean little to me; as long as the needs of my body are met, everything else, good or bad, is as it should be, and I will live to the best of my ability.
Fruit of the Spirit: Love, joy, peace, gentleness, kindness, self control.
Galatians 5:22-23 "22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law." Love your Dog!!!!!!
One needs no rules when they are loving, they have a desire to be all things that demonstrate loving kindness.
Yes to all that. And glad you like Gus. Dr. C
After a few years away from my narcissist, I feel more emotionally healthy. Horses and dogs are a direct connection to a higher-love power.
I wrote this as I healed...
Live in a glass house with
All its facets of brilliance
Look in to see deeply
Look out to see clearly
Walked in kindness
Windowed in goodness
As each year passes
Draw closer to the wisdom of Godly love
Happy New Year all 😁
For their love is conditions, they always say, " if you really love me do this, do that" is crazy
I was totally blindsided by a covert narcissist who professed his undying love for a year and then suddenly ghosted me without any explanation. I was devastated and in shock for a very long time. The lack of closure was so difficult and painful. I am so grateful to you, Dr. Carter, for your videos which have been illuminating and tremendously healing for me. Knowledge is power. I've also come to realize and understand that I come from a family of narcissists, which is why I didn't see this coming. I was the alien in the family, being an empath and scapegoat and eventually a codependent. Now I'm finally waking up and seeing it all and feel so much freer, healthier and empowered. By the way, I live near Boston, Massachusetts. Thanks again Dr. Carter for bringing truth and light to so many. You are doing a superb job. God bless you!!
Thank you, Dr Les, for not only pointing out what unhealthy behavior looks like but also how a very healthy, stable person should behave.
Your voice alone makes me feel better.
Spot On Dr. Carter. I was always a bit surprised how my mother in law would throw the word LOVE around. She could meet friends of ours for the first time and then before she left, would tell them "Love yall" without even knowing anything about them. My wife started doing this about the time the red flags started popping up. Knowing this, I can sub the word USE for LOVE and it applies perfectly.
It really helped me to realize that my ex is a narcissist. I tried for a quarter of a century to make the relationship work. Just before our separation, I asked for some simple changes-- to be treated with respect as a person with my own thoughts and needs. I was told I wasn't worth it, and that this is what I signed up for. If there was a problem, he said, it was exclusively on my end, and what I needed didn't matter. He had clamped down even harder as far as controlling me, and in the end, I had to leave or I would dissolve. I blamed myself for a long time for my marriage falling apart. Now, having been apart from him for 3 years and being in a healthy relationship, I now know that I am worthy of real love, not a duty-driven relationship where I am always the bad guy. I'm still healing.
Asset ? As in a narcissists love is an asset, no feeling attached to it.
Yes, as in someone who is useful...in that moment. Dr. C
Yes, just a tool for themselves.
I'm not so sure if they're really not attached to the asset. Maybe dependant is the better word. Wait for them running into a dry spell on supply.
This guy is so calming, I wish my dad would have had a little of his gentleness.
I recognize so much, one time me and my ex gf was laying in bed, staring romanticly into each others eyes.. I told her, damn you feel like a best friend. To ad, I dont have/need a lot of good friends, she knew this. In that moment I saw something, in her eyes, she turned around instantly. After a year now I understand. I came to close. Guys comes and goes she once said, and thereby she valued friendship slightly higher she told me. Yeah I wonder why the guys came and went, not.
I'm guessing "ME". After all, everything is focused on their needs and wants.
You're in the right ball park. Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism - I learned the hard way. At least I now see my abuser now I need to understand my role. Waiting for your book to arrive! : D
Dear Doctor, I wander if you could talk about DUPING DELIGHT. I found it to be one of the most confusing and hurtful behaviors shown to me by a narcissist. I still find it hard to believe the level of joy gained from inflicting distress on another. It took me years to label this narcissistic behavior. I suffered greatly because of this...being laughed at when in distress...terrible! For someone with empathy, it is difficult to fathom. Thank you.
Thanks for the suggestion. I've made a note of it. Dr. C
I thought duping delight was the term given to liars who can't hide the delight on their face, when you believe their lie - an unconcious smile. No?
@Lisa Boulier Yes, 'unconcious smile' indeed means an action they can't control. Chris Watts boggles my mind - the most extreme version of passive-aggressive. At least you know a narc is toxic.
@Lisa Boulier Who is Chris Watts?
Doctor you r really really good at describing Narc behavior
..can't help wondering who the Narcs were in your life
I have told my husband once that my love for him would turn into resentment if he didn't stop treating me so poorly ...now I just warn him because I do!
It started getting predictable... when my narc came to see my new flat, I just knew it was a matter of time before she would point out what I could do better. That was one of the rare moments I confronted her and explained how it made me feel when she did that. Her response: "you need to not take my criticisms to heart too much" - knowing full well that any time I didn't "take them to heart", there was absolute hell to pay.