A lot of people in the comments are confusing narcissistic rage and a Narcissistic collapse. Narcissistic collapse is something quite specific - it's almost an existential thing for the Narcissist in which their Narcissist self image is damaged and reality intervenes in a truly profound way that cuts through their armour. It usually looks like quite serious depression and is often mistakenly treated as such - their whole world view has been wrecked and they are left unsure who they are, leaving them very debilitated. It can certainly be mixed in with periods of narcissistic rage as they thrash about, but they are distinct things. It very often comes with ageing when they just can't get away with what they used to do when young, or when they finally get seriously caught and can see no way out of it. The dream they have lived in all their lives suddenly starts to appear to them as ridiculous and they are left scared, anxious and lost.
Thank you for identifying the differences. My ex was a great womaniser when he was younger. Now, at 72, that doesn’t work so well for him (plus he’s impotent). When I (and his previous partner) were finally able to get free from him, he raged then tried every love bombing ‘trick’ that used to work for him back in the day, then collapsed…..
And stupid doctors coddle them and persecute their victims for refusing to be a victim. "Facts don't matter. The only thing that matters is you can't be offending people now!"
It's like watching a giant child have a temper tantrum! It's scary that a grown adult can behave this way, but then you learn all about Narcissism, you realize that they aren't mature adults, but adults with arrested development and they are VERY emotionally immature people. The problem is, they like to lash out and hurt others in the middle of their "collapse" or temper tantrum and they are actual adults and can do much damage, even almost kill someone, which was my case. They can be scary people!
@Dans white I was terrorized and beaten for years and i did the same. Took off when he wasn't there. Every day when i woke up i was surprised i was still alive ! Truly evil people ! So sorry you went through it also ! Blessings 🙏🙏❤❤
ME 🙋♀️. I fear for my life on the regular. They are bullies and will stop at NOTHING. A cult of dangerous depraves. I’ve been hiding my toothbrush for years, and will never leave my food or drink unattended. I’ve stayed to protect my child who is nearly grown now. Working my way out and trying to time things as best I can. It’s been a nearly 2 decade NIGHTMARE!!
I saw that in my 84 year old mother, when she had a partner she stopped talking to him, (because he put up a hook without her permission) then he moved out and she wanted me to smash up his furniture so he couldnt have it !!! thats when i realised IM dealing with a child in an adults body. I had to walk away .
@@warriormom5843 Yes, You have to time it perfectly ! So many people don't understand how truly dangerous a narcissist is ! Good luck 🙏🙏 I was poisoned several times and beat to within an inch of my life so many times just for daring to stand up to him. I pray you get away 🙏🙏Make sure nobody knows where you are going. Don't trust any of his family or friends! I will be praying for you 🙏🙏💘💘
I live with 2 toddlers and I can agree with the part of "me is most important here" part of narcissist being like a toddler. Toddlers are amazing loving teachable empathetic helpful obey learn they say sorry narcissist is not lol so I'll defend toddlers in that regards😅😅
My husband is now in Narc collapse. Told me he wanted a divorce and left town. I went no contact and just got the most pathetic email how he's not doing well physically or mentally and needs to come home...vomit.
I appreciate your efforts to bring this problem to the public's attention. I think you failed to mention, however, that in the midst of a crisis, the narcissist may very well lash out, using anything available to them to strike at those around them they perceive as having betrayed them. When I finally left an abusive narcissist, I became the victim of false criminal allegations by my ex-partner and had to appear in court to defend myself against these accusations. Fortunately for me, the judge was clear-headed and quickly ascertained what was going on. Nevertheless, it made for several weeks of extreme anxiety for me, homeless at the time, which was pretty anxiety-provoking in itself. Can't emphasize enough: if you recognize a partner in these videos, run, don't walk, as far and as fast as you can. Sure, maybe they can get help and become healthy, but you don't want to wait around for that to happen. (Five years of counseling and things only got worse in my case.) Live in your car if you have to, give up your possessions, your dog, what physical comforts you might receive from this abuser and flee for your life. You don't want to get old with a narcissist as your caregiver!
Truths!! You can become super sick from them!!! They try to destroy us!!! They will take away your friends and family and people are like how did they do that if you didn’t do something wrong well you take years of somebody slowly choose taking what is vulnerable and you say that you have a mental illness and they’re gonna talk all this wonderful staff and act like they’re so supportive to your parents and friends and then they’re gonna throw in a little thing to make your parents are friends question your sanity!! They will tape record conversations. Once they piss you off and you go off on them because that’s called reactive abuse because you might become verbally assaulted to them after years of bullshit you lose your crap!!!! The reality is when we come out of the relationships we’re not too healthy and we need to get our head straight and back on and get her ground about us. It’s easy to lose ground when somebody’s taking your money, hiding money, gaslighting you, manipulating you, turning your friends away from you, turning your family away from you, turning your children away from you, can, controlling your money, making you feel bad about how you look and what you do and any new interest that you have it’s just you’re an idiot in the list goes on!!!! RUN!!!
ALSO. DON’T TAKE THEM BACK!!!! PLACE STUPID OR GET SICK LIKE ME IN DECEMEBER 2019! 🙏. He got mad that I wouldn’t take him back fast enough! GOD works in mysterious ways, ladies and gentlemen!
My narcissist committed suicide, but not before he wrote a series of letters to friends and relatives blaming me for his actions. He also wrote a letter to me but the police refused to give it to me. The police Sergeant said it was the most vile and obscene letter he had ever seen and no one should have that hanging over their life for ever. The "friends and relatives" never spoke to me again. Me, all I felt was relief and freedom.
I'm afraid that could be the last move of my female progenitore. She's doing everything to stain my name among relatives. I'm no contact with her, and she is pushing harder and harder
They also start freaking out when they’ve gotten away their entire lives without any accountability and suddenly are seeing justice might start being served to them FINALLY.
Yeah my mom's son is doing that she wants me to let it go but I said no he's going to be held accountable now since my parents never done anything to enforce it
"Narcissistic collapse" or decompensation refers to a significant and sudden breakdown in the functioning and self-image of an individual with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or a person with narcissistic traits. It occurs when their inflated sense of self-worth is severely challenged or when they experience a major failure or loss that threatens their ego and self-esteem. Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by an excessive preoccupation with oneself, a grandiose sense of self-importance, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. Individuals with NPD often have fragile self-esteem that is maintained through the constant validation and admiration of others. They may display a sense of entitlement and react strongly to any perceived criticism or threat to their self-image. Narcissistic collapse can occur when the individual encounters a significant life event or a series of failures that expose their vulnerabilities and challenge their idealized self-image. This can include professional failures, relationship difficulties, loss of status or power, or public humiliation. During a narcissistic collapse, individuals may experience intense emotional distress, such as depression, anxiety, shame, or rage. They may become hypersensitive to criticism or rejection and struggle to maintain their previous façade of superiority. They may withdraw socially, exhibit self-destructive behaviors, or engage in impulsive actions to protect their fragile ego. It's important to note that narcissistic collapse does not imply that the individual will seek therapy or change their narcissistic traits. In some cases, it may lead to a temporary reduction in overt narcissistic behaviors as the person retreats or isolates themselves. However, they may eventually reestablish their defensive mechanisms or seek new sources of validation to regain their sense of superiority.
Beautifully clarified & yes, I fully agree. There are important distinctions between narcissistic collapse versus rage/reactive abuse. They withdraw/shrink with the former & lash out at others in the latter. Love that you’ve taken time to educate, thanks very much. 🫶💜🤗
Now that I understand what the collapse is, that's what the narcissist I was married to for 24 years did. Through the years, he would do this childish silent treatment insisted nothing was wrong. He would stop talking, and so did I. I grew up with 5 sisters that would do the same thing. Stop talking stomp around the house, slam doors, and other annoying things. When I didn't respond, he literally lost his mind and drank himself to death! It's still amazing to me how I survived, but I'm so grateful now for the experience cause now I know what kind of creatures they're are in the world.
Narcissism is so common in society today I think we lose our ability to recognize it a lot of the time. We overlook the narcissism of family and friends to protect them and our relationships we have with them. Nobody wants to break down all the narcissists in their life for fear of having nobody left. I've had to remove all narcissists from my life. It was painful and left me with virtually no friends but it was worth it. Loneliness was always there now I don't have to deal with narcissists and be lonely too. I got really sick of the mind games and the compromise we have to make to maintain toxic relationships with toxic people. They expect it of us and it just gets worse and worse over time until we just can't take it anymore. We try to rationalise we say to ourselves maybe if I'm extra nice and forgiving they will change or maybe they will finally realise how sick they are and just stop being that way. The #1 rule with narcissists is they will never change short of absolute catastrophe. I would rather be alone than suffer the toxic poison you have to drink to have narcissistic friends and family. Enforcing boundaries is about making sacrifices.
I hate to say this but................ this is absolutely the truth. NP is an epidemic in the US. I think the old school rules of 'banishment' should apply here. Just sayin' :) We need to come up with a way to trick all the NPs into thinking that there are alot of nice people to abuse on Mars and that they would be good candidates for colonizing the Red Planet.
You totally nailed this, Darren. My mother has been having a meltdown for the last 3 months because, now in my mid-60s, I finally told her of 2 recent events where she'd stomped all over my boundaries. Setting the boundary in the first place had taken all my courage!!!!! She's gone through several stages, trying to convince my husband that she's done nothing wrong and is terribly confused (because she's sooo sweet she could never do anything wrong), and now she's trying to convince hubby that I'm in need of psychiatric help and am crumbling because we don't have a dog any more. I'm actually shocked at how fully she can not concieve that she could have had the least thing to do with the behaviour that caused me to speak with her. I was firm with her, but there was no anger, no blaming, nothing I wouldn't repeat in front in anyone on the planet. In fact I was (and still am) incredibly impressed with how beautifully, patiently and calmly I handled her. She can do whatever she likes, she is never taking that away from me. And after 47 years, she has finally shown my hubby who she truly is. The flying monkey, that he has been all this time, has completely awoken from the spell and the validation to me is like a miracle.
i am 57 and did the same , twice i sat down and tried to have an adult conversation with mum about how she talks to me and that Im not happy with it, she immediatly burst into tears (like a child would) just to deflect me, then she got angry , then they tried to project their issues onto me so i just had to get away for my own mental health.
Oh I have experiencia with my own Mother she is constantly marina up horrible versions of my life....and if I give my point of view of what se is doing...starts to strugle getting agressive angry and afirman that I lose control .... always a Goodyear decisión to remove yourself from these persons
@@NOT_SURE.. wow, they really are like 2 year old children chucking a tantrum aren't they? The best words to me are that you got away. I wish I'd done that years ago. Perhaps, if I'd realised how long mine would live, I would have done. She's 87. Declining now, but not fast enough. Sometimes I don't know how much more I can take. So much better now my husband is seeing the truth though. Run, NOT SURE, never look back, live and love in your own freedom 🥰
@@raquellangjahr2829 I'm very sorry for your experiences, but glad that you can see it all clearly. At least you aren't suffering confusion on top of the abuse.
I’ve witnessed a sibling have a narcissist rage twice. I think she is undergoing/has undergone at least one collapse. She is alone in her life and it is all her doing - that is the piece that is critical for her to understand. But instead, she goes onto social media and posts how awful her family is for not checking in on her. And has begun to engage in character assassination (mine in particular). I do not believe in the commonly held platitude: “blood is thicker than water”. No toxic person is worth ruining your self just to “keep the peace.”
You're correct in not believing that- because it's actually "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb," meaning just the opposite of the chosen words that often-toxic people like to use to manipulate. 😉 Stay strong, you got this!
They think they can do anything they want to us because they’re family. They think we’re weak because we love them and they use that against us. No contact is the only way. They believe we can’t live without them…I’m enjoying providing them wrong. I haven’t seen or spoken to my brother for over 2 years. My mother thought she could amp things up when that happened because I would be more vulnerable without my brother. Haven’t spoken to or seen her in just over a year now. I tell you…it just keeps getting better the farther away you get! Oh, the PEACE! 😁
Having been witness to someone who most likely was in Narcissist collapse, it is an amazing experience to literally feel the intensity of rage, shame, guilt and blame that they have inside of them. It’s like watching a man drowning, thrashing around for dear life begging for help, but willing to drown you if you jump in with a laugh and sneer. Your empathy and kindness will be spit back in your face. As you said, they have maladaptive coping skills that end with the exact opposite of what they ‘say’ they want. It is a heartbreaking thing really. Although I have learned to walk away from these desperate life-negating energies and just say a small prayer for their healing.
When I cut contact with my covert narcissist mother I did it over a 5 month period. She had given me the silent treatment (yet again) and I was going through therapy to deal with it. I’d had enough. When the silent treatment stopped I never responded. I just continued my treatment and self care. You could see the behaviour change from abuser to attempted manipulator, she would message my wife about mundane things and my wife never responded, same with my mother in law. Golden Child flying monkey calls were ignored. Even the family accountant called only to be instantly fired. It was mental, literally. At the end of my treatment and in my own time I eventually messaged her saying she could contact my wife only about issues relating to certain obligations, nothing more. I was blocking her and she was no longer able to contact me, that was all. The messages to my wife became few and far between as she finally realised she had zero control. She mostly certainly had a collapse during and after that.
Trying to recover after years of heartbreak and abuse with a narcissistic husband. Left debt, heartbreak and a lot more. While he’s living his best life with his new mistress, I’m left sorting out the mess and unfinished business he left behind😢
Suzanne Harkin - Having had a similar experience, I can reasure you that in time, and not as much as you think, dealing with the debt, heartbreak and all the shit they leave you with, is worth every day you wake up knowing you have got rid of someone who was killing your soul. You're on a journey to a good place! And by the way, remember the new mistress has got the same with knobs on, to look forward to. And he will go on and on repeating his behaviour on a treadmill going nowhere....
I took care of mom from her age 80- til death96! One sibling made a CIRCUS OF HER DEATH BED- he woke her up from naps ( to say i luv you!) & was A Scene maker at Funeral. GHASTLY..
I've seen this happen, it is kind of sad but effectively we cannot help them, nothing can help them. We can only help ourselves by distancing ourselves from them.
I agree. I had to walk away because I can't fix her. She has to fix herself. It's sad her 7 yr old son is acting just like her. It's discouraging and sad to see.
Hi Dr Darren. Thanks for addressing this topic. I've witnessed a narcissist collapse, and what ensued afterwards was nothing less than terrifying. What I learned was to never threaten to expose a malignant type of person. Because the moment he knew what proof I had to expose him, I ended up fighting for my life w 3 Machiavelli attempts to my life. And... 4 and a half years of stalking and harassment in levels only Life Time TV movies could explain. I am lucky to be alive, but today I also have learned better and safer ways to help survivors w the proper direction in maintaining their rights to safety, protection from law enforcement, the way to file paperwork properly in order to enforce RO's and PFAs better, and... Helping the survivor navigate through the legal system much smarter. Something good came out of something heinous.
What you've survived is exactly what I'm terrified of. 16 years after the divorce, he's now verbally and emotionally torturing our younger son, who still isn't quite strong enough to know what he's doing to him. He so wants his father's love, and his father can't give him anything but small, stingy, conditional bits. I wish he'd die in a boating accident brought on by his own recklessness. Our older son has figured him out, taken all the abuse he's going to, and blocked him. I want to save my younger son, but he's almost 31, and will do as he thinks right. When he's already depressed.
@@biondna7984 I'm so sorry to hear of what you and your beautiful child are struggling with. My only suggestion and advice is to be the best mother you possibly can to your son. Don't say anything negative about his father. Embrace him and ask him about his feelings. Except him for any kind of temper tantrums or anger or expression he might have. And just hold on to your truth inwardly. The little children don't have the comprehension to understand. Let alone, it takes the victim survivor sometimes years to dismantle the cognitive dissonance, the trauma and gaslighting brain. I'm sending you big hugs. Lots of encouragement. And the best advice I could offer, is higher a coach immediately to get daily discipline along with your trauma-informed counselor. You cannot do this through TH-cam videos alone like most survivors think.
@@forensicfaithinprofiling I appreciate your input. Already working with a coach on this and other matters. Just heard, my younger son (31) has already started denying more money to his father. He's broke anyway, but maybe it took this for him to see that there'll be no end to the demands regardless.
I can completely relate to everything you wrote!!! I’m still trying to recover from my ex husband (sociopathic) after exposing him in court, twice. First for divorce (adultery on his part, and second was child’s abuse regarding our Son). He tried to set me up & have people unalive me so I wouldn’t got through with the trial. The state took away his parental rights. So imagine what a injury that was to his EGO. It’s been a nightmare, most people don’t believe what I’ve been through bc it’s SO insane. I never knew these creatures existed before I met my ex. I’m beyond traumatized, I cannot stop the panic attacks & dissociation. My Son was 10 when he begged me for help, he’s now 20. I’m so messed up from this. These people are demons.
100% great post! I’ve dealt with 3 in my life (that I know of)….head on. They’re damaged people….keep them out of your life. It doesn’t get better….ever. Show them you know who they are….and walk away. Any “air” you give them will prolong the pain. Family member, coworker….anyone. Walk away!
I think narcissists collapse when they are exposed for who they truly are. They differ from normal people who collapse because they are adversely impacted by external conditions. It’s scary to watch the implosion though.
Reading through the comments I'd just like to say if you are with a Narc and don't have children or pets, please don't.Get away as safely and as fast as you can.Also,don't eat or drink anything they make.They are not to be trusted and WILL abuse anything you love.
Wow! I was praying to the Lord and talking to him last night about my soon to be ex-husband, and going over in my mind the 18 years of exquisite lies, deception, manipulation and selfishness, I was just floored. How someone can come up with such extraordinary lies and make up people, places and happenings!
Thanks for addressing this topic. After going no contact and then COVID quarantine, my ex went through a collapse. It's not pleasant to watch from the sidelines. He tried to suck his children into the obyss. There was no one willing to stroke his ego or join the fruitless game. It all ended, sadly. Posts like yours bring light to the darkness.
I deliberately induced her collapse after three years of intense research into the disorder, and over a decade of logging her reactions and the patterns which lie therein. I've arrived at a point where I can predict exactly how she will react to the perceived injustices, the very specific mechanisms she'll employ for very specific situations. On paper, the accuracy is nothing short of mind blowing. I am ten steps ahead of her. When I can see it coming, I can produce a pre written note from my pocket and hand it to her, with a frighteningly accurate prediction, as the reaction is actually happening. Believe me, that will nip it right at the bud. Now, when her impulse to resort to type is engaged, I can see her wheels turning, there's apprehension, confusion, doubt. I will say, I've taken no pleasure in this whatsoever, but the self doubt has gone on my part and the bitterness I'd felt towards her is no longer there. I'm preparing to move out, I go out a lot more, I've gotten fit, I'm assertive with her and I do not give her any emotional supply whatsoever. I do not react at all, I am in full control and theres no tactic she can employ that'll swing the power back in her direction. As a result, she has literally malfunctioned and it's actually quite pitiful to witness, I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't placate, pacify or appease her any further. I'm dominating her and something tells me that deep down, even though she won't admit it, there are moments when she feels relieved and is close to relinquishment, although if you're reading this, hopefully you know as well as I do that's not something that would last. People, I can promise you this.. You have to become a monster to get through this, there is no choice, there IS NO other way. I wish all of you the best of luck.
No. None of what you just described makes you a monster! Not even almost, you should be DAMN proud of yourself. You are finally learning to love and protect YOU and there’s nothing monstrous about that. Their predictability would be to the point of humorous if it wasn’t for the fact that NPD iS SO damaging. If you can step away from it though…that’s also what makes it so fascinating. All other mental disorders have a mixture of symptoms and no two people are alike. With narcissism, however, they’re all EXACTLY the same. It’s WILD.
I wouldn't say become a monster but at some point you should mirror them, I did and he ran to the lawyers and hopefully now will stay gone feeling like the victim HE IS NOT. Either way, it is a knowledge is power situation and for me, having the terms to identify what was happening as I had never been in a situation like this before. Never stray to far away from who you are cause their low is lower than a normal person can even fathom.
@@existinginthegray Great job! The only way to get a clean break is to convince them it was their idea. Mirroring them is a great idea so long as you’re safe. Congratulations on your freedom!
Satan won, you lost. Don't you realise that is the whole LONG GAME?! To become as monstrous as them. You lost and satan and the narcissist won. They have demons in them that torture us in the hope we will turn evil in retaliation. The reason she felt relief is because her job was done. She succeeded in evangelising you to the side of evil. She relaxed as her frantic work to break you was over and you succumbed! There is still time for you but not for her. Call out to Jesus and He will save you from all of it. It is no boast to become as sick as a demon.
My nex had various mild to moderate episodes of collapse during our relationship but the complete decompensating and full blown delusions at the end topped everything I could possibly imagine.
I think I am witnessing my N husband experience this. It is tragic. However, he was caught in a situation that blew up his inflated sense of self. I am being stronger and doing my best to escape the 44 year old trauma bond.
When I refused to let my narcissist cousin order me around anymore she began hyperventilating through her teeth! I was completely shocked and chuckle in amazement when remembering the sounds she made on the phone that day.
My ex girlfriend's mom did that in the car when she told me to speed on the highway to get to our destination. I asked her if she will pay for my ticket? She felt offended and started telling me she was getting car-sick and breathing heavy and wanted me to pull over. Lol,😅 Pathetic!!
There is genuine understanding and nuanced insight into a host of… narcissistic dynamics here, impressively condensed and articulated. It’s hard to figure why they behave as they do and lie so much, often so ridiculously, as they do. How the past can be rewritten, and rewritten anew. This video is helpful in trying to get and maintain one’s head around it. I’m sure it helps a lot of people.
I've been in a legal battle with one for over a year and when it came time for us to go do depositions their lies and nonsense got so deep that it became clear to both side's lawyers that they were little more than an arrogant fool talking out their butt the whole way through. What got me was that what they were saying was so outrageous it ended up with us not being able to finish the depositions because now they have to produce a pile of information to go through again due to what they were saying having possibly revealed long-running criminal activity that may have to handled outside of the lawsuit I am a part of.
Yes! Ditto on the past being rewritten. 👍 I remember so much going back to, gosh, I think I was maybe 18 months old, learning to talk. I recounted memories of the house we lived in and described the little blonde haired girl I played with. And my mother was in shock, she couldn't believe I remembered all this, the river behind the house, the two giant fir trees in the front yard....and then I'd tell golden child some traumatic memory and she'd answer "You must have DREAMED it!" 🤬 Nope. It was real. A real living nightmare. She knows the truth, she's just trying to rewrite history.
"find it hard just to get out of bed"- towards the end he said that wished that he could go to sleep and never wake up. I could tell that his guilt and regret were eating him alive. What you're saying is completely accurate. I saw it firsthand.
I am going through this personal hell myself. I recently realized I am a covert vulnerable narcissist. My life is crumbing apart. I can hardly get out of bed. I just want God to take me out of my misery
Yup. That’s what my sister did. Stopped eating , trips to emergency, angry at doctors not finding any diagnose, crying that no one put her first when she needed a favour. She had to do everything herself.
Every single characteristic mentioned is what THEY accuse you of... There's no way to discuss it They just turn it back It's actually amazing to observe But the destruction of my character is well underway with threats of continuing to every person I love I'm content that anyone who takes his crap seriously is not my friend and I'll hold my head high Thanks for all the insight... Now I have a name for what has been happening..
Sorry I pressed the wrong button. And then this morning, I checked my phone and there is your teaching and when a narcissist implodes! I have listened to quite a number of your teachings on this subject and as the others have said, it is spot on. I am kind of waiting and I don't mean in a cruel way whatsoever but I am waiting for that to happen or something like that to happen with my husband who is in an adulterous relationship. When he was served the divorce papers he had to sign, I found out from the lawyers office that he never turned them in after 20 days. I told her I didn't think he would. So it goes into default and I know him, he probably didn't quite understand what he read, even though it was a uncontested, simple divorce. He also skims over reading papers and I'm sure he did not show his girlfriend as he told me he really doesn't want to marry her. He found out the hard way that she is not going to let him get away with all the garbage he did to me and he finds it hard to compete with her for manipulation. She told me herself she has mental issues and is on medication. Great! They can have each other - I don't want to be married to that kind of man anymore! I never wanted bad things for him, but he's done this all to himself and he's paying the consequences. Thank you for your very very helpful information and I know as I read some of the comments - we are all very grateful! 😊😊😊
One of my brothers is clearly a narcissist but I didn’t realise until recent years. I’m an empath (probably too much sometimes) so he found it easy to manipulate me . I always dreaded his phone calls because within minutes he would re hash the same perceived grievances he had against the rest of the family that I had heard many many times. No acknowledgement of what part he may have played, just pure victim speak. After years of this I realised that he never asked how I was or how my husband and kids were doing, just always blathered on about himself. I pointed this out a few years ago and haven’t heard from him since. I guess the truth hurts.
Long story short, you are reminding me of a former, emphasis on former, romantic relationships. I saw her peripherally staring at me from distance while at the grocery store. I never acknowledged that I saw her. She there easily 1-2 minutes before finally walking away. What you are saying about them no longer feeling certain things, the manipulation and the skimming failing, and sense of failure is absolutely correct. The regret was simply sipping from her.
I love hearing that there's a spectrum even within narcissism where some of them can actually go work on themselves if it isn't as engrained. It gives me hope that maybe it can dwindle generationally like trauma.
"Narcissist going to work on themselves" is not the norm. Personally I'd say it's a dichotomy, but I wouldn't argue with a professional such as Darren. A general rule is if you're asking if you are a narcissist, you're not.
@@djhrecordhound4391 I'm thinking maybe they entertain the idea that the problem isn't them and external, seeking therapy for it, and potentially are sniffed out by the therapist who might be better at getting them to work on themselves without the identification tag of 'narcissism' being said out loud. Or the collapse is just so insanely outsized to other collapses they've had before they just can't deal and go (or are forced into) to therapy.
@@lfleia They don't just entertain the idea that it isn't them, they put on full productions to avoid being sniffed out by anyone, especially a therapist. Don't forget how many can dupe professionals into believing them. It's all to avoid any responsibility for their own words or actions.
@@djhrecordhound4391 Oh for sure! I've been watching my father's gears constantly turning regarding his son no longer talking to him for the last 7 years, and he'll start down the realization of 'I really wasn't there as much as I could've been', and 'I could've been more supportive', then right angle into 'but my childhood was worse! And I got over it! (he didn't) And he should just get over it!" and I feel deeply for the people that go to therapy with a narc, not realizing they are with a narc, hoping it'll help and instead of the narc being sniffed out, just get gaslit more. I don't think it's incredibly common by any means, just potentially possible.
I personally think they’re more misunderstood than we think. We always assign bad intentions to narcissists, but if their brains got wired wrong then maybe we shouldn’t be treating it like they’re evil, but rather like they’re complicated and require even more help. Sitting there villainizing someone can make understanding others harder. If we all agree they’re evil and treat them as such then there is 0% chance of them getting better unless they do it alone, which everyone seems to agree they struggle with. Let’s say someone seems narcissistic but they actually have bpd or something. You’re going to misinterpret everything they’re doing to fit it into a narrative that they’re malevolent, rather than just realizing they have issues and you’re not capable of dealing with them. I know it’s easier to see in black and white, especially when you’ve been hurt by someone, but despite our feelings we have to accept the world is grey and also complicated.
You are so spot on!! For me, the best for me was to go no contact. I wish nothing but the best for them. They are still trigger happy sometimes. Whether it be putting signes up petty stuff. It been over two years now. Little things are still on going with them. I hope for happiness for them.
"a shame-based depression"- yes, sir. The admiration that a little boy generally has for his father was destroyed within me as I grew older and there were other men who eventually received it. It is these men to whom I owe my accomplishments. One of these men he would bad-mouth in later years and, of course, I knew why😉 Coupled with this, I was the one child and son of his who no longer visited him. The admiration was gone, I saw what he was and wasn't, and I had to protect myself from his self-esteem attacks.
My ex Narc. was so slick ! He pulls the wool over everyone's eyes time and time again then slowly people figure him out and disappear out of his life. I had kids with him before i knew what he was. I finally got away after twenty four years. I left him twenty years ago Jan. 3, 2003. I have two kids that still live on the property we had bought together and for the last twenty years i would talk to him so he didn't take it out on our kids. Now my youngest is 33 years old and i can't do it anymore. I have just recently gone no contact and i am afraid what he might do to them because i won't talk to him. I hope they are able to hold their own but i am still being controlled by him because i worry about my boys. He has terrified me for 43 years. Don't ever have kids with a narcissist people because he or she will use them to try and control you 😔
Maybe think about how strong your kids are! They know the score. I have been total no contact for 2.5 years. He was a violent, psychopathic, stalker. Just yesterday, emails youngest daughter (16) about how he has done the work on himself and it was me who was the abuser. She discussed it with me and she responded to him to let him know exactly what he was and that he was never to contact her again. He is low on supply and has been exposed by other people. Her understanding of this "disorder" and her strength in this is remarkable. Don't stay a victim living on fear about your grown children. That is a lesson I have just learned...
@@thrivingnow7395 Thank you so much ! You are so right ! My kids are strong and i need to trust they will be okay. My ex was a violent psychopathic stalker also. They always try and make the kids and anyone who will listen think that it wasn't them that it was us that was the problem. I think when my kids were younger they were confused by some of it but they are older and smarter now. I am glad your daughter sees though her father. I am glad you are both okay now and i appreciate what you said 💗Sometimes i guess i just need to hear it from someone else who understands and has been through it. Thank you again 😊Be Blessed and have peace ☮☮🙏🙏
As a child I was very confused by the immature and inconsistent nature of family members with these traits! What I came to realize is they were collapsing inside sometimes on a min. by min. bases. Yet barely keeping it together on the outside. Once I got a handle on the motivation and lack of a core it was a hard pass!
Thank you Darren. Every time I watch one of your videos it's like you were talking about my ex, although you don't know her. She did or say every single thing you suggest a narcissist may do or say.
It's the intent that matters. Do you have empathy for others or do you take pleasure in hurting others for your own gain? If you have empathy you are not a narcissist.
Suicide doesnt fix their bad behaviors in physical reality, theyll reincarnate in another life only to continue the consequences of their own actions..
I think my ex had some kind of narcissistic collapse, we live in a small town she started a business it failed in a year. I think she was ashamed and understandably depressed, for a few years she never went out, Id do her shopping and run errands, get prescriptions groceries etc. Eventually she started venturing out again, and getting her confidence back, I was so pleased. Was she grateful for all I did to support her? No first opportunity she was off and finished with me.
Doesnt sound like narcissist collapse, at least from your description. Narcissism is all the rage on the internet these days and everyone and their dog is pointed at for being a narcissist. Reality is a bit more nuanced though
@@trouaconti7812 I haven't described her personality. She was paranoid aggressive secretive and evasive. She had an over inflated opinion of her intellect and achievements. I've been watching videos and reading books for over a year. She definitely had BPD with some narcissism thrown in for good measure. Thanks for your comment.
its good to understand narcissist, now i could predict the narc's next move, and their 'moves' doesn't hurt me as much anymore because I understand them.
I was subject to this around 5 days ago. and a friendship I was having strong doubts about is over. she went too far. This friend really screamed and shouted and denegrated me in public and was under the false impression I would accept this. I walked away. She has upset me.. but bit by bit i feel better.
I saw this when i spoke up to a narc friend about her behaviour towards me.She cried for 2 whole days, then wouldn't speak to me for 2 years. At the time,i didn't know about narcissism and was really surprised by the extreme nature of her reaction as what i had said was pretty mild.
Looking Healthy & Glowing Darren, Great information very well articulated. Thank you 🙏 Happy New Year, All the best.💜👌✨ go no contact and save yourself.
I wasn't manipulating my ex spouse when I was suffering. He believed I was and severely neglected me to punish me to the point I almost died docs said. He refused me medical care. M arr
Thank you for adding that covert types can actually USE their collapse to try to gain sympathy. That's what seems to be happening (from what I can gather, at a distance) with my mother. She's using the collapse to manipulate my father and my children. Just exhausting.
Congratulations Darren! Ave. over 1600 views per day..... You help so many.....⚘And so kindly. I hope people catch on to thank you with the👍👍👍❤👍❤👍👍 you truly deserve. Peace and blessings to you!
9yrs in family court, gone through all of this with my ex! Even faked a heart attack so he didn't have to attend court ! Our son has a terminal cardiac condition, it was like he was saying " it's me too" Adjournment, but, he had to provide hospital report. Guess what? Exposed! Normal obs, normal ECG, normal bloods! Pathetic! So court thankfully, won't allow him anywhere near our son! 3 emails per yr. He hasn't done the first 2! Just been focused on my sons physical & mental health. Had sessions with a consultant psychologist- really helped! I think it was because he was hearing the same affirmations & support but, from a professional! Made sure psychologist was a man, so he could talk to & have counselling from a healthy minded male, his support & know not all men are bad!
🔥🔥🔥 🙌 “They collapse when they cannot get their narcissistic supply no matter what they do.” I am watching this happen to two people right now and must admit it’s quite sad observing the desperation they go through. It’s interesting to see how both individuals have repeatedly said how sorry they are for their situation yet refuse to believe that they had anything to do with how they got into the situations they’re in. I appreciate Darren’s insight on what ‘sorry’ really means … “If they are the cause of their own misery, they might say they’re sorry… but they’re only sorry for the consequences they face as opposed to being sorry for their own actions.” So right on! My New Year’s wish for anyone in a relationship with an NP is to gain as much insight as you can right here on Darren’s channel and do everything in your power to sever ties with the NPs.
They can also 'get sick' to deflect and get more supply. In my first Narcs case laryngitis (which would get better with sympathy, sometimes within minutes), insomnia and other physical symptoms. And if that didn't work then self harm with a 'see what you made me do'.
My narcissistic husband attacked me in a Narcissistic collapse. His mother kicked us out of the family at his father‘s funeral for a lie she made up about me ! Total lies and that’s when I found out about all his gaslighting and what he’s been really doing to me for 31 years and I found out he was a narcissist, confronted him about it about the gaslighting and the verbal abuse, and he totally uploaded on me and start attacking me. Everything was my fault. They’re very horrible and cruel. Actually got psychotic there for a while. I was afraid of him I thought he was going to murder me you talking to little boy voice was very dangerous. Tried to destroy me destroy my property. Their always the victims !!! Everyone leaves him the poor baby it doesn’t matter they abuse everyone and that why no one wants to be abused by them anymore he traumatized my daughter by screaming at me lies for hours
I lived off grid with one for years and i knew there was something wrong with him "just thought he was plain crazy' He used to beat me all the time for no reason and say everything was my fault, Then he put on the charm in front of his friends. Oh poor him ! It took me 24 years to get away and he used our grown children to try and control me. He would start trouble with them when i wouldn't answer the phone for him. I hope they will be okay because i recently went no contact with him. He is very capable of ending lives. I am very worried but he has controlled me for 44 years! Enough is enough ! He has no friends anymore. Every time he gets one they end up leaving. I hope you got away and are doing well. 🙏🙏❤❤
I resonate with all of this! It’s a family cult system and my golden son NARC spouse and his mother are Hitchcock’s Psycho Norman Bates and MOTHER! I fear for my safety daily and stay to protect my only child until he’s up and out, and I’m leaving with him!
And thank you for sharing my video Richard. I enjoy and learn a lot from your work
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Qualified and helpful insights that are very helpful. Great delivery and free therapy. This content is why I love TH-cam. Positive, authoratative content. Thank you sir.
This is very informative Darren, experience some of these narcissistic people before and it was never fun or easy! Thank you for sharing such information with us, we need to learn about those kind of people and what they really need! ❤
Where have you been all my life? :-) I was raised by violently narcissistic mother. So I ran away in the early 90s to Ireland & married a violently narcissistic husband. Wish I knew you then.
My mother (and most of her family) are narcissists. I definitely have some traits but certainly am not one. My brother is a sociopath though. It definitely can be passed down but it’s almost never all of the children. If they have 3, one will have it on average. I work with families and this is what I’ve observed though I’m no expert. It also seems a lot more likely for it to affect the middle child. Especially if they aren’t the only girl or boy. I’ve seen it be the oldest only once and never the youngest…though the “baby” of the family definitely develops some interesting coping mechanisms! Especially the smart ones.
I actually feel sorry for my ex. This is hitting him now, loss of job, loss of the girl he left me for, legal troubles. I smile a little but it is really sad.
Truly harmed traumatized people get misdiagnosed as narcissistic when they reach out due to the normal human need to be cared about when suffering. M arr
A lot of people in the comments are confusing narcissistic rage and a Narcissistic collapse. Narcissistic collapse is something quite specific - it's almost an existential thing for the Narcissist in which their Narcissist self image is damaged and reality intervenes in a truly profound way that cuts through their armour. It usually looks like quite serious depression and is often mistakenly treated as such - their whole world view has been wrecked and they are left unsure who they are, leaving them very debilitated. It can certainly be mixed in with periods of narcissistic rage as they thrash about, but they are distinct things. It very often comes with ageing when they just can't get away with what they used to do when young, or when they finally get seriously caught and can see no way out of it. The dream they have lived in all their lives suddenly starts to appear to them as ridiculous and they are left scared, anxious and lost.
I agree, I see no rage in my husband just awful delusion, their world falls apart, he is trying to deny it but it will catch them.
Thank you for identifying the differences. My ex was a great womaniser when he was younger. Now, at 72, that doesn’t work so well for him (plus he’s impotent). When I (and his previous partner) were finally able to get free from him, he raged then tried every love bombing ‘trick’ that used to work for him back in the day, then collapsed…..
And stupid doctors coddle them and persecute their victims for refusing to be a victim. "Facts don't matter. The only thing that matters is you can't be offending people now!"
Very true and straight to the point.
Donald J Trump.
It's like watching a giant child have a temper tantrum! It's scary that a grown adult can behave this way, but then you learn all about Narcissism, you realize that they aren't mature adults, but adults with arrested development and they are VERY emotionally immature people. The problem is, they like to lash out and hurt others in the middle of their "collapse" or temper tantrum and they are actual adults and can do much damage, even almost kill someone, which was my case. They can be scary people!
Same happened to me. I was stuck with one for years. I got away finally. I am so sorry you went through it also. I hope you got away ! 🙏🙏❤❤
@Dans white I was terrorized and beaten for years and i did the same. Took off when he wasn't there. Every day when i woke up i was surprised i was still alive ! Truly evil people ! So sorry you went through it also ! Blessings 🙏🙏❤❤
ME 🙋♀️. I fear for my life on the regular. They are bullies and will stop at NOTHING. A cult of dangerous depraves. I’ve been hiding my toothbrush for years, and will never leave my food or drink unattended. I’ve stayed to protect my child who is nearly grown now. Working my way out and trying to time things as best I can. It’s been a nearly 2 decade NIGHTMARE!!
I saw that in my 84 year old mother, when she had a partner she stopped talking to him, (because he put up a hook without her permission) then he moved out and she wanted me to smash up his furniture so he couldnt have it !!! thats when i realised IM dealing with a child in an adults body. I had to walk away .
@@warriormom5843 Yes, You have to time it perfectly ! So many people don't understand how truly dangerous a narcissist is ! Good luck 🙏🙏 I was poisoned several times and beat to within an inch of my life so many times just for daring to stand up to him. I pray you get away 🙏🙏Make sure nobody knows where you are going. Don't trust any of his family or friends! I will be praying for you 🙏🙏💘💘
Once you fully comprehend that these people ARE toddlers, it all clicks into place. It's really *all* you need to know.
You sound like one, right now.
@@griffon129 👆Spoken like a true Narcissist
it's true. all these while I thought why narc's mind are so childish, happy to know that its confirmed by the experts.
I live with 2 toddlers and I can agree with the part of "me is most important here" part of narcissist being like a toddler. Toddlers are amazing loving teachable empathetic helpful obey learn they say sorry narcissist is not lol so I'll defend toddlers in that regards😅😅
- With full blow entire body temper tantrums!
They literally cannot handle the truth.
Yep.
My husband is now in Narc collapse. Told me he wanted a divorce and left town. I went no contact and just got the most pathetic email how he's not doing well physically or mentally and needs to come home...vomit.
I appreciate your efforts to bring this problem to the public's attention. I think you failed to mention, however, that in the midst of a crisis, the narcissist may very well lash out, using anything available to them to strike at those around them they perceive as having betrayed them. When I finally left an abusive narcissist, I became the victim of false criminal allegations by my ex-partner and had to appear in court to defend myself against these accusations. Fortunately for me, the judge was clear-headed and quickly ascertained what was going on. Nevertheless, it made for several weeks of extreme anxiety for me, homeless at the time, which was pretty anxiety-provoking in itself. Can't emphasize enough: if you recognize a partner in these videos, run, don't walk, as far and as fast as you can. Sure, maybe they can get help and become healthy, but you don't want to wait around for that to happen. (Five years of counseling and things only got worse in my case.) Live in your car if you have to, give up your possessions, your dog, what physical comforts you might receive from this abuser and flee for your life. You don't want to get old with a narcissist as your caregiver!
Sage advice. Johnny Depp couldn't have said it any better.
@@djhrecordhound4391 Well, it would have been a lot easier if I'd had his money!
Truths!! You can become super sick from them!!! They try to destroy us!!! They will take away your friends and family and people are like how did they do that if you didn’t do something wrong well you take years of somebody slowly choose taking what is vulnerable and you say that you have a mental illness and they’re gonna talk all this wonderful staff and act like they’re so supportive to your parents and friends and then they’re gonna throw in a little thing to make your parents are friends question your sanity!! They will tape record conversations. Once they piss you off and you go off on them because that’s called reactive abuse because you might become verbally assaulted to them after years of bullshit you lose your crap!!!! The reality is when we come out of the relationships we’re not too healthy and we need to get our head straight and back on and get her ground about us. It’s easy to lose ground when somebody’s taking your money, hiding money, gaslighting you, manipulating you, turning your friends away from you, turning your family away from you, turning your children away from you, can, controlling your money, making you feel bad about how you look and what you do and any new interest that you have it’s just you’re an idiot in the list goes on!!!! RUN!!!
ALSO. DON’T TAKE THEM BACK!!!! PLACE STUPID OR GET SICK LIKE ME IN DECEMEBER 2019! 🙏. He got mad that I wouldn’t take him back fast enough! GOD works in mysterious ways, ladies and gentlemen!
Excellent point 100%. " You don't want to retire and get old with a narcissist as your caregiver or power of attorney.
My narcissist committed suicide, but not before he wrote a series of letters to friends and relatives blaming me for his actions. He also wrote a letter to me but the police refused to give it to me. The police Sergeant said it was the most vile and obscene letter he had ever seen and no one should have that hanging over their life for ever. The "friends and relatives" never spoke to me again. Me, all I felt was relief and freedom.
Your so blessed.. ❤
STAY STRONG.
Good call from the Police Sergeant
I'm afraid that could be the last move of my female progenitore. She's doing everything to stain my name among relatives. I'm no contact with her, and she is pushing harder and harder
Enjoy your freedom
They also start freaking out when they’ve gotten away their entire lives without any accountability and suddenly are seeing justice might start being served to them FINALLY.
Exactly... perfectly describes my current partner
Yeah my mom's son is doing that she wants me to let it go but I said no he's going to be held accountable now since my parents never done anything to enforce it
Trump.
Very smug while being top dog but actually gutless toddlers.
Biden
"Narcissistic collapse" or decompensation refers to a significant and sudden breakdown in the functioning and self-image of an individual with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or a person with narcissistic traits. It occurs when their inflated sense of self-worth is severely challenged or when they experience a major failure or loss that threatens their ego and self-esteem.
Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by an excessive preoccupation with oneself, a grandiose sense of self-importance, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy for others. Individuals with NPD often have fragile self-esteem that is maintained through the constant validation and admiration of others. They may display a sense of entitlement and react strongly to any perceived criticism or threat to their self-image.
Narcissistic collapse can occur when the individual encounters a significant life event or a series of failures that expose their vulnerabilities and challenge their idealized self-image. This can include professional failures, relationship difficulties, loss of status or power, or public humiliation.
During a narcissistic collapse, individuals may experience intense emotional distress, such as depression, anxiety, shame, or rage. They may become hypersensitive to criticism or rejection and struggle to maintain their previous façade of superiority. They may withdraw socially, exhibit self-destructive behaviors, or engage in impulsive actions to protect their fragile ego.
It's important to note that narcissistic collapse does not imply that the individual will seek therapy or change their narcissistic traits. In some cases, it may lead to a temporary reduction in overt narcissistic behaviors as the person retreats or isolates themselves. However, they may eventually reestablish their defensive mechanisms or seek new sources of validation to regain their sense of superiority.
Beautifully clarified & yes, I fully agree. There are important distinctions between narcissistic collapse versus rage/reactive abuse. They withdraw/shrink with the former & lash out at others in the latter. Love that you’ve taken time to educate, thanks very much. 🫶💜🤗
Thanks ChatGPT
@@bboyflute4561 your welcome
Now that I understand what the collapse is, that's what the narcissist I was married to for 24 years did. Through the years, he would do this childish silent treatment insisted nothing was wrong. He would stop talking, and so did I. I grew up with 5 sisters that would do the same thing. Stop talking stomp around the house, slam doors, and other annoying things. When I didn't respond, he literally lost his mind and drank himself to death! It's still amazing to me how I survived, but I'm so grateful now for the experience cause now I know what kind of creatures they're are in the world.
Never let another one back into your life again. Never! Once you are free of them, never let another one in.
Narcissism is so common in society today I think we lose our ability to recognize it a lot of the time. We overlook the narcissism of family and friends to protect them and our relationships we have with them. Nobody wants to break down all the narcissists in their life for fear of having nobody left. I've had to remove all narcissists from my life. It was painful and left me with virtually no friends but it was worth it. Loneliness was always there now I don't have to deal with narcissists and be lonely too. I got really sick of the mind games and the compromise we have to make to maintain toxic relationships with toxic people. They expect it of us and it just gets worse and worse over time until we just can't take it anymore. We try to rationalise we say to ourselves maybe if I'm extra nice and forgiving they will change or maybe they will finally realise how sick they are and just stop being that way. The #1 rule with narcissists is they will never change short of absolute catastrophe. I would rather be alone than suffer the toxic poison you have to drink to have narcissistic friends and family. Enforcing boundaries is about making sacrifices.
I hate to say this but................ this is absolutely the truth. NP is an epidemic in the US. I think the old school rules of 'banishment' should apply here. Just sayin' :) We need to come up with a way to trick all the NPs into thinking that there are alot of nice people to abuse on Mars and that they would be good candidates for colonizing the Red Planet.
MSM, it is planned.... its called divide and conquer and centrally controlled. Expand your thinking.
right , it is common in society . Almost all of them are like that
The only people I allow in my life are my children. I am so happy!!!
I love this. You nailed everything I’ve wanted to articulate.
You totally nailed this, Darren. My mother has been having a meltdown for the last 3 months because, now in my mid-60s, I finally told her of 2 recent events where she'd stomped all over my boundaries. Setting the boundary in the first place had taken all my courage!!!!! She's gone through several stages, trying to convince my husband that she's done nothing wrong and is terribly confused (because she's sooo sweet she could never do anything wrong), and now she's trying to convince hubby that I'm in need of psychiatric help and am crumbling because we don't have a dog any more. I'm actually shocked at how fully she can not concieve that she could have had the least thing to do with the behaviour that caused me to speak with her. I was firm with her, but there was no anger, no blaming, nothing I wouldn't repeat in front in anyone on the planet. In fact I was (and still am) incredibly impressed with how beautifully, patiently and calmly I handled her. She can do whatever she likes, she is never taking that away from me. And after 47 years, she has finally shown my hubby who she truly is. The flying monkey, that he has been all this time, has completely awoken from the spell and the validation to me is like a miracle.
i am 57 and did the same , twice i sat down and tried to have an adult conversation with mum about how she talks to me and that Im not happy with it, she immediatly burst into tears (like a child would) just to deflect me, then she got angry , then they tried to project their issues onto me so i just had to get away for my own mental health.
Oh I have experiencia with my own Mother she is constantly marina up horrible versions of my life....and if I give my point of view of what se is doing...starts to strugle getting agressive angry and afirman that I lose control .... always a Goodyear decisión to remove yourself from these persons
@@NOT_SURE.. wow, they really are like 2 year old children chucking a tantrum aren't they? The best words to me are that you got away. I wish I'd done that years ago. Perhaps, if I'd realised how long mine would live, I would have done. She's 87. Declining now, but not fast enough. Sometimes I don't know how much more I can take. So much better now my husband is seeing the truth though. Run, NOT SURE, never look back, live and love in your own freedom 🥰
@@raquellangjahr2829 I'm very sorry for your experiences, but glad that you can see it all clearly. At least you aren't suffering confusion on top of the abuse.
Sounds like my Mom only she has clinical OCD.
Take your typical spoiled toddler having a meltdown because they didn't get what they want. Now scale that up to the adult level.
Great breakdown, you should be a psychologist.
I am astounded at how accurately you describe Narcissism. Your insight is amazing. Always spot on. Thank you.
Yep--My mother, several other relatives, boyfriends and bosses have had this disorder, and Darren's descriptions are spot-on.
How did you get so wise Darren?
I’ve witnessed a sibling have a narcissist rage twice. I think she is undergoing/has undergone at least one collapse. She is alone in her life and it is all her doing - that is the piece that is critical for her to understand. But instead, she goes onto social media and posts how awful her family is for not checking in on her. And has begun to engage in character assassination (mine in particular). I do not believe in the commonly held platitude: “blood is thicker than water”. No toxic person is worth ruining your self just to “keep the peace.”
You're correct in not believing that- because it's actually "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb," meaning just the opposite of the chosen words that often-toxic people like to use to manipulate. 😉 Stay strong, you got this!
They think they can do anything they want to us because they’re family. They think we’re weak because we love them and they use that against us. No contact is the only way. They believe we can’t live without them…I’m enjoying providing them wrong. I haven’t seen or spoken to my brother for over 2 years. My mother thought she could amp things up when that happened because I would be more vulnerable without my brother. Haven’t spoken to or seen her in just over a year now. I tell you…it just keeps getting better the farther away you get! Oh, the PEACE! 😁
Thank you for your comment, I am sorry your sister will not grow up.
Your words are keepers for me for my similar situation. Cheers.
One cure for a narcissist - run, run fast, and run far away and DON'T LOOK BACK - EVER.
Unless you're Neo - The One
Hhhh ! True
I try but cant lost myself
Best advice ever!😅
Nope that's not the solution
Not being a true, authentic person. Not owning their maladaptive behaviours.
Having been witness to someone who most likely was in Narcissist collapse, it is an amazing experience to literally feel the intensity of rage, shame, guilt and blame that they have inside of them. It’s like watching a man drowning, thrashing around for dear life begging for help, but willing to drown you if you jump in with a laugh and sneer. Your empathy and kindness will be spit back in your face. As you said, they have maladaptive coping skills that end with the exact opposite of what they ‘say’ they want. It is a heartbreaking thing really. Although I have learned to walk away from these desperate life-negating energies and just say a small prayer for their healing.
It IS sad. It’s easy to hate them, especially when they’ve had a hugely negative impact on your life, but truly…they suffer far more than we do.
When I cut contact with my covert narcissist mother I did it over a 5 month period. She had given me the silent treatment (yet again) and I was going through therapy to deal with it. I’d had enough.
When the silent treatment stopped I never responded. I just continued my treatment and self care.
You could see the behaviour change from abuser to attempted manipulator, she would message my wife about mundane things and my wife never responded, same with my mother in law. Golden Child flying monkey calls were ignored. Even the family accountant called only to be instantly fired. It was mental, literally.
At the end of my treatment and in my own time I eventually messaged her saying she could contact my wife only about issues relating to certain obligations, nothing more. I was blocking her and she was no longer able to contact me, that was all.
The messages to my wife became few and far between as she finally realised she had zero control. She mostly certainly had a collapse during and after that.
Trying to recover after years of heartbreak and abuse with a narcissistic husband. Left debt, heartbreak and a lot more. While he’s living his best life with his new mistress, I’m left sorting out the mess and unfinished business he left behind😢
I've said it more than once! I'm not trying to change you,but show you there is another way!!! Tell us more Darren.
Suzanne Harkin - Having had a similar experience, I can reasure you that in time, and not as much as you think, dealing with the debt, heartbreak and all the shit they leave you with, is worth every day you wake up knowing you have got rid of someone who was killing your soul. You're on a journey to a good place!
And by the way, remember the new mistress has got the same with knobs on, to look forward to. And he will go on and on repeating his behaviour on a treadmill going nowhere....
I took care of mom from her age 80- til death96! One sibling made a CIRCUS OF HER DEATH BED- he woke her up from naps ( to say i luv you!) & was A Scene maker at Funeral. GHASTLY..
You actually got the better end...you got away from him. Put him behind you and enjoy the rest of your life.
@@EuphemiaGrubb thank you 🙏 for giving me hope💐
I've seen this happen, it is kind of sad but effectively we cannot help them, nothing can help them. We can only help ourselves by distancing ourselves from them.
I agree. I had to walk away because I can't fix her. She has to fix herself. It's sad her 7 yr old son is acting just like her. It's discouraging and sad to see.
Hi Dr Darren.
Thanks for addressing this topic.
I've witnessed a narcissist collapse, and what ensued afterwards was nothing less than terrifying.
What I learned was to never threaten to expose a malignant type of person.
Because the moment he knew what proof I had to expose him, I ended up fighting for my life w 3 Machiavelli attempts to my life.
And...
4 and a half years of stalking and harassment in levels only Life Time TV movies could explain.
I am lucky to be alive, but today I also have learned better and safer ways to help survivors w the proper direction in maintaining their rights to safety, protection from law enforcement, the way to file paperwork properly in order to enforce RO's and PFAs better, and... Helping the survivor navigate through the legal system much smarter.
Something good came out of something heinous.
What you've survived is exactly what I'm terrified of. 16 years after the divorce, he's now verbally and emotionally torturing our younger son, who still isn't quite strong enough to know what he's doing to him. He so wants his father's love, and his father can't give him anything but small, stingy, conditional bits. I wish he'd die in a boating accident brought on by his own recklessness. Our older son has figured him out, taken all the abuse he's going to, and blocked him. I want to save my younger son, but he's almost 31, and will do as he thinks right. When he's already depressed.
@@biondna7984 I'm so sorry to hear of what you and your beautiful child are struggling with. My only suggestion and advice is to be the best mother you possibly can to your son. Don't say anything negative about his father. Embrace him and ask him about his feelings. Except him for any kind of temper tantrums or anger or expression he might have. And just hold on to your truth inwardly. The little children don't have the comprehension to understand. Let alone, it takes the victim survivor sometimes years to dismantle the cognitive dissonance, the trauma and gaslighting brain. I'm sending you big hugs. Lots of encouragement. And the best advice I could offer, is higher a coach immediately to get daily discipline along with your trauma-informed counselor. You cannot do this through TH-cam videos alone like most survivors think.
@@forensicfaithinprofiling I appreciate your input. Already working with a coach on this and other matters. Just heard, my younger son (31) has already started denying more money to his father. He's broke anyway, but maybe it took this for him to see that there'll be no end to the demands regardless.
I went through very similar, so i know.
I can completely relate to everything you wrote!!! I’m still trying to recover from my ex husband (sociopathic) after exposing him in court, twice. First for divorce (adultery on his part, and second was child’s abuse regarding our Son). He tried to set me up & have people unalive me so I wouldn’t got through with the trial. The state took away his parental rights. So imagine what a injury that was to his EGO. It’s been a nightmare, most people don’t believe what I’ve been through bc it’s SO insane. I never knew these creatures existed before I met my ex. I’m beyond traumatized, I cannot stop the panic attacks & dissociation. My Son was 10 when he begged me for help, he’s now 20. I’m so messed up from this. These people are demons.
100% great post!
I’ve dealt with 3 in my life (that I know of)….head on. They’re damaged people….keep them out of your life. It doesn’t get better….ever. Show them you know who they are….and walk away. Any “air” you give them will prolong the pain. Family member, coworker….anyone. Walk away!
"We Overlook the narcissism of family and friends to protect them and our relationships with them." Wow. Life is tough.
I think narcissists collapse when they are exposed for who they truly are. They differ from normal people who collapse because they are adversely impacted by external conditions. It’s scary to watch the implosion though.
I watched my wife, it was like a scene out of The Exorcist
You have to steer clear from them
@@dontbelongherefromanother yup!
Reading through the comments I'd just like to say if you are with a Narc and don't have children or pets, please don't.Get away as safely and as fast as you can.Also,don't eat or drink anything they make.They are not to be trusted and WILL abuse anything you love.
So true! My narc mom has a habit of smearing her feces around the house.
I NEVER eat or drink anything that she has come into contact with!
Very sound advice. Thank you.
Well, I personally know one reason: when you get up and leave them!
@lesley wall They won't stop! It's horrible.
how can u deal with a narcissist breakdown? Like, as the one with narcissism
Wow! I was praying to the Lord and talking to him last night about my soon to be ex-husband, and going over in my mind the 18 years of exquisite lies, deception, manipulation and selfishness, I was just floored. How someone can come up with such extraordinary lies and make up people, places and happenings!
Thanks for addressing this topic. After going no contact and then COVID quarantine, my ex went through a collapse. It's not pleasant to watch from the sidelines. He tried to suck his children into the obyss. There was no one willing to stroke his ego or join the fruitless game. It all ended, sadly. Posts like yours bring light to the darkness.
I deliberately induced her collapse after three years of intense research into the disorder, and over a decade of logging her reactions and the patterns which lie therein.
I've arrived at a point where I can predict exactly how she will react to the perceived injustices, the very specific mechanisms she'll employ for very specific situations. On paper, the accuracy is nothing short of mind blowing.
I am ten steps ahead of her. When I can see it coming, I can produce a pre written note from my pocket and hand it to her, with a frighteningly accurate prediction, as the reaction is actually happening. Believe me, that will nip it right at the bud.
Now, when her impulse to resort to type is engaged, I can see her wheels turning, there's apprehension, confusion, doubt.
I will say, I've taken no pleasure in this whatsoever, but the self doubt has gone on my part and the bitterness I'd felt towards her is no longer there. I'm preparing to move out, I go out a lot more, I've gotten fit, I'm assertive with her and I do not give her any emotional supply whatsoever. I do not react at all, I am in full control and theres no tactic she can employ that'll swing the power back in her direction.
As a result, she has literally malfunctioned and it's actually quite pitiful to witness, I just couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't placate, pacify or appease her any further. I'm dominating her and something tells me that deep down, even though she won't admit it, there are moments when she feels relieved and is close to relinquishment, although if you're reading this, hopefully you know as well as I do that's not something that would last.
People, I can promise you this.. You have to become a monster to get through this, there is no choice, there IS NO other way.
I wish all of you the best of luck.
No. None of what you just described makes you a monster! Not even almost, you should be DAMN proud of yourself. You are finally learning to love and protect YOU and there’s nothing monstrous about that.
Their predictability would be to the point of humorous if it wasn’t for the fact that NPD iS SO damaging. If you can step away from it though…that’s also what makes it so fascinating. All other mental disorders have a mixture of symptoms and no two people are alike. With narcissism, however, they’re all EXACTLY the same. It’s WILD.
I wouldn't say become a monster but at some point you should mirror them, I did and he ran to the lawyers and hopefully now will stay gone feeling like the victim HE IS NOT. Either way, it is a knowledge is power situation and for me, having the terms to identify what was happening as I had never been in a situation like this before. Never stray to far away from who you are cause their low is lower than a normal person can even fathom.
@@existinginthegray Great job! The only way to get a clean break is to convince them it was their idea. Mirroring them is a great idea so long as you’re safe. Congratulations on your freedom!
Satan won, you lost. Don't you realise that is the whole LONG GAME?! To become as monstrous as them. You lost and satan and the narcissist won. They have demons in them that torture us in the hope we will turn evil in retaliation. The reason she felt relief is because her job was done. She succeeded in evangelising you to the side of evil. She relaxed as her frantic work to break you was over and you succumbed! There is still time for you but not for her. Call out to Jesus and He will save you from all of it. It is no boast to become as sick as a demon.
My nex had various mild to moderate episodes of collapse during our relationship but the complete decompensating and full blown delusions at the end topped everything I could possibly imagine.
Can you explain more?
I just hope I live long enough to see my narc ex collapse
I think I am witnessing my N husband experience this. It is tragic. However, he was caught in a situation that blew up his inflated sense of self. I am being stronger and doing my best to escape the 44 year old trauma bond.
You DO NOT want to see it believe me. It's very scary and dangerous and you will be left feeling sorry for them.
When I refused to let my narcissist cousin order me around anymore she began hyperventilating through her teeth! I was completely shocked and chuckle in amazement when remembering the sounds she made on the phone that day.
My ex girlfriend's mom did that in the car when she told me to speed on the highway to get to our destination. I asked her if she will pay for my ticket? She felt offended and started telling me she was getting car-sick and breathing heavy and wanted me to pull over. Lol,😅 Pathetic!!
My sister left a message on my phone of her spitting-they're real pieces of work.
Yes talking through bared teeth is typically narcissistic behaviour when they experience rage at someone's boundary.
There is genuine understanding and nuanced insight into a host of… narcissistic dynamics here, impressively condensed and articulated. It’s hard to figure why they behave as they do and lie so much, often so ridiculously, as they do. How the past can be rewritten, and rewritten anew. This video is helpful in trying to get and maintain one’s head around it. I’m sure it helps a lot of people.
I've been in a legal battle with one for over a year and when it came time for us to go do depositions their lies and nonsense got so deep that it became clear to both side's lawyers that they were little more than an arrogant fool talking out their butt the whole way through.
What got me was that what they were saying was so outrageous it ended up with us not being able to finish the depositions because now they have to produce a pile of information to go through again due to what they were saying having possibly revealed long-running criminal activity that may have to handled outside of the lawsuit I am a part of.
Yes! Ditto on the past being rewritten. 👍 I remember so much going back to, gosh, I think I was maybe 18 months old, learning to talk. I recounted memories of the house we lived in and described the little blonde haired girl I played with. And my mother was in shock, she couldn't believe I remembered all this, the river behind the house, the two giant fir trees in the front yard....and then I'd tell golden child some traumatic memory and she'd answer "You must have DREAMED it!" 🤬 Nope. It was real. A real living nightmare. She knows the truth, she's just trying to rewrite history.
"find it hard just to get out of bed"- towards the end he said that wished that he could go to sleep and never wake up. I could tell that his guilt and regret were eating him alive.
What you're saying is completely accurate. I saw it firsthand.
I am going through this personal hell myself. I recently realized I am a covert vulnerable narcissist. My life is crumbing apart. I can hardly get out of bed. I just want God to take me out of my misery
Go to sleep and never wake up. My ex said these exact words.
@@keithhowell1590call out to Jesus and trust Him for your salvation and He will give you a new heart
Brilliant,I thought it was me who was losing the plot,an excellent review I'm living with.
No supply. May throw biggest tantrum, stop eating so those around them have to watch their implosion. That gives them supply.
It’s a catch 22 with a toxic individual.
Yup. That’s what my sister did. Stopped eating , trips to emergency, angry at doctors not finding any diagnose, crying that no one put her first when she needed a favour. She had to do everything herself.
Sometimes those on the receiving end react with anger and have trouble eating. It goes both ways.
I’ve left my husband. He is not eating and has told me he is dying. He didn’t die.
Harassment and threats everyday.
Every single characteristic mentioned is what THEY accuse you of...
There's no way to discuss it They just turn it back It's actually amazing to observe
But the destruction of my character is well underway with threats of continuing to every person I love
I'm content that anyone who takes his crap seriously is not my friend and I'll hold my head high
Thanks for all the insight... Now I have a name for what has been happening..
yes public humiliation is the ONLY WAY to get a narcissist cheater to pay attention to you and not ignore you.
Either that or leaving. Then they stalk you.
Thank You, Sir, for sharing your knowledge. It makes a huge difference in a lot of people's lives. To heal is to understand.
Sorry I pressed the wrong button. And then this morning, I checked my phone and there is your teaching and when a narcissist implodes! I have listened to quite a number of your teachings on this subject and as the others have said, it is spot on. I am kind of waiting and I don't mean in a cruel way whatsoever but I am waiting for that to happen or something like that to happen with my husband who is in an adulterous relationship. When he was served the divorce papers he had to sign, I found out from the lawyers office that he never turned them in after 20 days. I told her I didn't think he would. So it goes into default and I know him, he probably didn't quite understand what he read, even though it was a uncontested, simple divorce. He also skims over reading papers and I'm sure he did not show his girlfriend as he told me he really doesn't want to marry her. He found out the hard way that she is not going to let him get away with all the garbage he did to me and he finds it hard to compete with her for manipulation.
She told me herself she has mental issues and is on medication. Great! They can have each other - I don't want to be married to that kind of man anymore! I never wanted bad things for him, but he's done this all to himself and he's paying the consequences.
Thank you for your very very helpful information and I know as I read some of the comments - we are all very grateful! 😊😊😊
One of my brothers is clearly a narcissist but I didn’t realise until recent years. I’m an empath (probably too much sometimes) so he found it easy to manipulate me . I always dreaded his phone calls because within minutes he would re hash the same perceived grievances he had against the rest of the family that I had heard many many times. No acknowledgement of what part he may have played, just pure victim speak. After years of this I realised that he never asked how I was or how my husband and kids were doing, just always blathered on about himself. I pointed this out a few years ago and haven’t heard from him since. I guess the truth hurts.
Long story short, you are reminding me of a former, emphasis on former, romantic relationships. I saw her peripherally staring at me from distance while at the grocery store. I never acknowledged that I saw her. She there easily 1-2 minutes before finally walking away.
What you are saying about them no longer feeling certain things, the manipulation and the skimming failing, and sense of failure is absolutely correct. The regret was simply sipping from her.
I love hearing that there's a spectrum even within narcissism where some of them can actually go work on themselves if it isn't as engrained. It gives me hope that maybe it can dwindle generationally like trauma.
"Narcissist going to work on themselves" is not the norm. Personally I'd say it's a dichotomy, but I wouldn't argue with a professional such as Darren. A general rule is if you're asking if you are a narcissist, you're not.
@@djhrecordhound4391 I'm thinking maybe they entertain the idea that the problem isn't them and external, seeking therapy for it, and potentially are sniffed out by the therapist who might be better at getting them to work on themselves without the identification tag of 'narcissism' being said out loud. Or the collapse is just so insanely outsized to other collapses they've had before they just can't deal and go (or are forced into) to therapy.
@@lfleia They don't just entertain the idea that it isn't them, they put on full productions to avoid being sniffed out by anyone, especially a therapist. Don't forget how many can dupe professionals into believing them. It's all to avoid any responsibility for their own words or actions.
@@djhrecordhound4391 Oh for sure! I've been watching my father's gears constantly turning regarding his son no longer talking to him for the last 7 years, and he'll start down the realization of 'I really wasn't there as much as I could've been', and 'I could've been more supportive', then right angle into 'but my childhood was worse! And I got over it! (he didn't) And he should just get over it!" and I feel deeply for the people that go to therapy with a narc, not realizing they are with a narc, hoping it'll help and instead of the narc being sniffed out, just get gaslit more. I don't think it's incredibly common by any means, just potentially possible.
I personally think they’re more misunderstood than we think. We always assign bad intentions to narcissists, but if their brains got wired wrong then maybe we shouldn’t be treating it like they’re evil, but rather like they’re complicated and require even more help. Sitting there villainizing someone can make understanding others harder. If we all agree they’re evil and treat them as such then there is 0% chance of them getting better unless they do it alone, which everyone seems to agree they struggle with. Let’s say someone seems narcissistic but they actually have bpd or something. You’re going to misinterpret everything they’re doing to fit it into a narrative that they’re malevolent, rather than just realizing they have issues and you’re not capable of dealing with them. I know it’s easier to see in black and white, especially when you’ve been hurt by someone, but despite our feelings we have to accept the world is grey and also complicated.
You keep describing my older siblings!!!
Glad I left. Seen enough, don’t need to see my narc mother implode. My best to the flying monkeys, good luck! 😊
I appreciate your insight. Thank you.
You are so spot on!! For me, the best for me was to go no contact. I wish nothing but the best for them. They are still trigger happy sometimes. Whether it be putting signes up petty stuff. It been over two years now. Little things are still on going with them. I hope for happiness for them.
narc collapse.......when a narc has no supply and sits at home gnawing on its own leg
I like your use of "it!" They do seem less than human.
Not now a days.. Many will just spend their time doing many things wand watching many things online. They move on..
@@yellowdayz1800 you don't know them all.
"a shame-based depression"- yes, sir. The admiration that a little boy generally has for his father was destroyed within me as I grew older and there were other men who eventually received it. It is these men to whom I owe my accomplishments. One of these men he would bad-mouth in later years and, of course, I knew why😉
Coupled with this, I was the one child and son of his who no longer visited him. The admiration was gone, I saw what he was and wasn't, and I had to protect myself from his self-esteem attacks.
Rejection & letting them know you figured them out- this brings stalking, manipulation & vengeance. In other words, evil.
My ex Narc. was so slick ! He pulls the wool over everyone's eyes time and time again then slowly people figure him out and disappear out of his life. I had kids with him before i knew what he was. I finally got away after twenty four years. I left him twenty years ago Jan. 3, 2003. I have two kids that still live on the property we had bought together and for the last twenty years i would talk to him so he didn't take it out on our kids. Now my youngest is 33 years old and i can't do it anymore. I have just recently gone no contact and i am afraid what he might do to them because i won't talk to him. I hope they are able to hold their own but i am still being controlled by him because i worry about my boys. He has terrified me for 43 years. Don't ever have kids with a narcissist people because he or she will use them to try and control you 😔
Maybe think about how strong your kids are! They know the score. I have been total no contact for 2.5 years. He was a violent, psychopathic, stalker. Just yesterday, emails youngest daughter (16) about how he has done the work on himself and it was me who was the abuser. She discussed it with me and she responded to him to let him know exactly what he was and that he was never to contact her again. He is low on supply and has been exposed by other people. Her understanding of this "disorder" and her strength in this is remarkable. Don't stay a victim living on fear about your grown children. That is a lesson I have just learned...
@@thrivingnow7395 Thank you so much ! You are so right ! My kids are strong and i need to trust they will be okay. My ex was a violent psychopathic stalker also. They always try and make the kids and anyone who will listen think that it wasn't them that it was us that was the problem. I think when my kids were younger they were confused by some of it but they are older and smarter now. I am glad your daughter sees though her father. I am glad you are both okay now and i appreciate what you said 💗Sometimes i guess i just need to hear it from someone else who understands and has been through it. Thank you again 😊Be Blessed and have peace ☮☮🙏🙏
@@SunshineDawn7 thanks for your kind words! Keep strong!
@@thrivingnow7395 Absolutely !❤❤You stay strong as well 💪💪🥰🥰🙏🙏💘💘
@@SunshineDawn7 Thanks! I have left the country for a while. Keeping positive and moving forwards.
As a child I was very confused by the immature and inconsistent nature of family members with these traits! What I came to realize is they were collapsing inside sometimes on a min. by min. bases. Yet barely keeping it together on the outside. Once I got a handle on the motivation and lack of a core it was a hard pass!
Thank you for an amazingly insightful answer.
Thank you Darren. Every time I watch one of your videos it's like you were talking about my ex, although you don't know her. She did or say every single thing you suggest a narcissist may do or say.
It's important to learn from other peoples mistakes. It's important to review your part in any situation and adjust your behavior accordingly.
You'd think at some point...like hitting rock bottom...that narcissists would not want to stay in their cycle of self destruction.
Darren your insight into Narcistic behaviour is phenomenal! 👏 💯 Thank you so much. 🙌
Seen this 2 days ago. It's cathartic for a victim.Even when they self reflect, it's too much. They resort to projection to ward off the pain.
Thanks!
You’re welcome, thank you for your kind and generous support.
I don't know if I'm a narcissist, but I do feel entitled to be happy. I've worked hard in my life.
It's the intent that matters. Do you have empathy for others or do you take pleasure in hurting others for your own gain? If you have empathy you are not a narcissist.
When I finally absolutely said I was done, he committed suicide.
Suicide doesnt fix their bad behaviors in physical reality, theyll reincarnate in another life only to continue the consequences of their own actions..
Seriously? How do you feel that he is now dead? That's crazy
That’s crazy 🤯😢
Condolences. Not your fault he had problems he didn’t deal with. please take this in a way kind to you and him.
Mine threatened it all the time. I'm sorry for your loss. I had to detatch. I can't help someone who doesn't want it.
I appreciate you’re nuanced explanations here
I think my ex had some kind of narcissistic collapse, we live in a small town she started a business it failed in a year. I think she was ashamed and understandably depressed, for a few years she never went out, Id do her shopping and run errands, get prescriptions groceries etc. Eventually she started venturing out again, and getting her confidence back, I was so pleased. Was she grateful for all I did to support her? No first opportunity she was off and finished with me.
Well do not be a mug then in the future
She’s someone else’s trouble now … your free
@@IceDogXena thats true.
Doesnt sound like narcissist collapse, at least from your description. Narcissism is all the rage on the internet these days and everyone and their dog is pointed at for being a narcissist. Reality is a bit more nuanced though
@@trouaconti7812 I haven't described her personality. She was paranoid aggressive secretive and evasive. She had an over inflated opinion of her intellect and achievements. I've been watching videos and reading books for over a year. She definitely had BPD with some narcissism thrown in for good measure. Thanks for your comment.
Very insightful. I appreciate your explaination and plain talking. 🙂
Loving the geek memorabilia in the background.
I noticed it too!
its good to understand narcissist, now i could predict the narc's next move, and their 'moves' doesn't hurt me as much anymore because I understand them.
I was subject to this around 5 days ago. and a friendship I was having strong doubts about is over. she went too far. This friend really screamed and shouted and denegrated me in public and was under the false impression I would accept this. I walked away. She has upset me.. but bit by bit i feel better.
I saw this when i spoke up to a narc friend about her behaviour towards me.She cried for 2 whole days, then wouldn't speak to me for 2 years. At the time,i didn't know about narcissism and was really surprised by the extreme nature of her reaction as what i had said was pretty mild.
They know the truth and the truth knows them in their eyes and hearts.
This is such an intuitive observation hmmmm
Looking Healthy & Glowing Darren, Great information very well articulated. Thank you 🙏
Happy New Year, All the best.💜👌✨ go no contact and save yourself.
WOW. What a great summary Darren. Thank you so much for putting this together! It's a keeper!!
Thank you. You have described it extremely well Darren.
I wasn't manipulating my ex spouse when I was suffering. He believed I was and severely neglected me to punish me to the point I almost died docs said. He refused me medical care. M arr
Thank you for adding that covert types can actually USE their collapse to try to gain sympathy. That's what seems to be happening (from what I can gather, at a distance) with my mother. She's using the collapse to manipulate my father and my children. Just exhausting.
Great video! They deserve all the pain they get, at last they feel something... :)
Congratulations Darren!
Ave. over 1600 views per day..... You help so many.....⚘And so kindly.
I hope people catch on to thank you with the👍👍👍❤👍❤👍👍 you truly deserve.
Peace and blessings to you!
9yrs in family court, gone through all of this with my ex! Even faked a heart attack so he didn't have to attend court ! Our son has a terminal cardiac condition, it was like he was saying " it's me too" Adjournment, but, he had to provide hospital report. Guess what? Exposed! Normal obs, normal ECG, normal bloods! Pathetic! So court thankfully, won't allow him anywhere near our son! 3 emails per yr. He hasn't done the first 2! Just been focused on my sons physical & mental health. Had sessions with a consultant psychologist- really helped! I think it was because he was hearing the same affirmations & support but, from a professional! Made sure psychologist was a man, so he could talk to & have counselling from a healthy minded male, his support & know not all men are bad!
🔥🔥🔥 🙌 “They collapse when they cannot get their narcissistic supply no matter what they do.”
I am watching this happen to two people right now and must admit it’s quite sad observing the desperation they go through. It’s interesting to see how both individuals have repeatedly said how sorry they are for their situation yet refuse to believe that they had anything to do with how they got into the situations they’re in.
I appreciate Darren’s insight on what ‘sorry’ really means … “If they are the cause of their own misery, they might say they’re sorry… but they’re only sorry for the consequences they face as opposed to being sorry for their own actions.” So right on!
My New Year’s wish for anyone in a relationship with an NP is to gain as much insight as you can right here on Darren’s channel and do everything in your power to sever ties with the NPs.
They can also 'get sick' to deflect and get more supply. In my first Narcs case laryngitis (which would get better with sympathy, sometimes within minutes), insomnia and other physical symptoms. And if that didn't work then self harm with a 'see what you made me do'.
My narcissistic husband attacked me in a Narcissistic collapse. His mother kicked us out of the family at his father‘s funeral for a lie she made up about me ! Total lies and that’s when I found out about all his gaslighting and what he’s been really doing to me for 31 years and I found out he was a narcissist, confronted him about it about the gaslighting and the verbal abuse, and he totally uploaded on me and start attacking me. Everything was my fault. They’re very horrible and cruel. Actually got psychotic there for a while. I was afraid of him I thought he was going to murder me you talking to little boy voice was very dangerous. Tried to destroy me destroy my property. Their always the victims !!! Everyone leaves him the poor baby it doesn’t matter they abuse everyone and that why no one wants to be abused by them anymore he traumatized my daughter by screaming at me lies for hours
I lived off grid with one for years and i knew there was something wrong with him "just thought he was plain crazy' He used to beat me all the time for no reason and say everything was my fault, Then he put on the charm in front of his friends. Oh poor him ! It took me 24 years to get away and he used our grown children to try and control me. He would start trouble with them when i wouldn't answer the phone for him. I hope they will be okay because i recently went no contact with him. He is very capable of ending lives. I am very worried but he has controlled me for 44 years! Enough is enough ! He has no friends anymore. Every time he gets one they end up leaving. I hope you got away and are doing well. 🙏🙏❤❤
I resonate with all of this! It’s a family cult system and my golden son NARC spouse and his mother are Hitchcock’s Psycho Norman Bates and MOTHER! I fear for my safety daily and stay to protect my only child until he’s up and out, and I’m leaving with him!
Very thorough explanation of Narcissistic collapse & behaviors that come with the personality disorder.
Terrance Howard is a perfect example of narcissistic collapse.
Great video, thanks
Thank you I’m glad you found it interesting 👍
And thank you for sharing my video Richard. I enjoy and learn a lot from your work
Qualified and helpful insights that are very helpful. Great delivery and free therapy. This content is why I love TH-cam. Positive, authoratative content. Thank you sir.
It's a description of the American culture and government
Dear Sir,
Very Constructive thank You.
This is very informative Darren, experience some of these narcissistic people before and it was never fun or easy! Thank you for sharing such information with us, we need to learn about those kind of people and what they really need! ❤
Thank you Trish and happy new year
Where have you been all my life? :-)
I was raised by violently narcissistic mother. So I ran away in the early 90s to Ireland & married a violently narcissistic husband. Wish I knew you then.
Very careful and inclusive analysis. Thank you.
On an unrelated note: I love that paint color on the wall behind you Darren. 👍
This was a brilliant video, thank you so much.
Sooooo Accurate 😮! Thank you!
There are toddlers, when I toddler throws a fit best thing to do is ignore it right?, its that simple "Don't React"
Unregulated emotional implosion.
Narcissists breed more narcissists..if you are not careful, we are all a little..but the good people keep it under control
I learned the hard way. Narcs breed more narcs.
My mother (and most of her family) are narcissists. I definitely have some traits but certainly am not one. My brother is a sociopath though.
It definitely can be passed down but it’s almost never all of the children. If they have 3, one will have it on average. I work with families and this is what I’ve observed though I’m no expert. It also seems a lot more likely for it to affect the middle child. Especially if they aren’t the only girl or boy. I’ve seen it be the oldest only once and never the youngest…though the “baby” of the family definitely develops some interesting coping mechanisms! Especially the smart ones.
Nice and concise 👍🏼
I actually feel sorry for my ex. This is hitting him now, loss of job, loss of the girl he left me for, legal troubles. I smile a little but it is really sad.
Truly harmed traumatized people get misdiagnosed as narcissistic when they reach out due to the normal human need to be cared about when suffering. M arr
Not true.
It's true. M
Thank you.
Darren: Is violent behaviour - like pulling a knife from a kitchen drawer and threatening someone - also part of the lexicon of narcissistic collapse?
I've seen this and it was actually the victim of the narcissist who resorted to pulling the knife after their will would not be trampled on any more.