💞 Top 5 Signs Of Anxious Attachment You Need To Know About
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 22 ต.ค. 2022
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WHO AM I:
I'm a clinical psychologist. I am here to share insights from therapy and psychology research so that you can make use of it in your daily life to understand how your mind works and optimise your own mental health. I cover all things from confidence and motivation to mood and anxiety. I look forward to chatting with you in the comments.
Hi I'm Dr. Julie subscribe & follow me for lots more videos on mental health and psychology.
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What to do then???
Go on Dr.Julie, punching me right in the feels! 😳🥺
Nahh I'm kidding of course, the way you've worded this is very helpful, thank you! 👌
Mam I am also become a psychologist now I am studying what you give me some tips
This also applies somewhat to teacher attachment... can you do a video on that pls?
This also applies to friendships
And work - employee and boss
You ain't dumb btw
Exactly
@@SieDomysl yes so true
@aimlesslyfloating7 I know but I wanted to make sure everybody knew:)
You explained 6 years my life in 60 secs. It has been one and a half year of treatment and truly things have changed now. I don't feel worthless anymore and it's not about how I feel , it is like I have truly become worthy.
I hope you are better now:)
8 year of my life, and still in this loop.. how much I wish to leave that person I can see he is not strong enough to stand , to tell his family about us , after 8 years
I feel lost
@@dalitlifematter8141 just go to a psychiatrist man. Believe me it is worth it.
@@himanijaruhar1268 better than ever 😁
@@souravbarai7256 May I ask what treatment you received that helped heal your anxious attachment style?
I relate to all of this, but mainly with friendships. Why has nobody told me this before?
Man, you should read her book "why has nobody told me this before" and you'll ask yourself the same question ton of times
@@lachibolala3578 yeah ik. I was actually referring to it lol. I have her book and it's really good
@@amye0715 im currently reading anxiously attached and its how i feel with best friends, i feel ya sister, we’ll get ourselves into a better place someday❤️
I was like that with my husband but not anymore
@@aklev5745 how did you overcome that anxiety
I'm so lucky my partner is understanding and loving. He could very well take advantage of these things, but instead he pushes me to love myself and remember how much I'm worth just being me. I wish I could express how grateful I am to him.
the worst fear in some cases, when it ends, only you feel pain, the other part take it easy or as he is relieved of your drama, like you meant nothing and he was actually tolerating your behavior, it is truly heartaching
Yes it is
That’s because these people (anxious empaths with low self esteem) attract narcissistic persons who have no empathy. Narcissistics use people and are incapable of manifesting true love and intimacy, whatever the person they share the relationship with.
That’s what I often feel 😔
My entire situation explained in a few sentences
I have never felt *this much* called out before. Thank you Dr. Julie. Please do make a video on how to deal with this, thank you!
Seconded!
Agree
Yes
Agree
And I took that personally 😢
#facts me too hard
Don't
Everything is an opportunity to learn
Listen and apply if applicable
I'm happy to say that even though my relationship started this way, with my partners help, I overcame these hindrances and became really secure and sure of myself around this person. Although there's still a long way to go, I'm really proud of us both :)
Glad to hear it’s possible.
A healthy partner doesn’t trigger all these feelings
It’s when you come across the avoidant or a narcissist or other disordered personalities all of our emotions and lack self love surfaces
I’m an Anxious, and she is 101% correct.
I literally am going through this now . Idk how to snap out of it . I do t even want to be there friend . I have other friends . I just feel stuck and rejected.
Hello hello! As a person who has been through a lot with an ex friend (I won’t go too deep into it but they were really toxic but my anxiety kept me attached to them for years) just know it gets easier, communicate with them how uncomfy they make you feel and rhat they better snap out of it or you’re leaving them, if you feel it’d be physically unsafe for you to leave call the police or reach out to a trusted person for help. It gets easier and even after I left them a few months ago it still hurts but it does get easier and you’ll learn to heal. But you can’t live in a toxic environment forever, you’ll live a sad life and die a sad death. It’s always hard, and trust me I’ve been there, but it does get easier. And maybe you don’t have the most confidence; realize confidence doesn’t just come to you, you have to build it up. And maybe you aren’t confident when you tell them you want to end that relationship; but you know it’ll be better for you in the end. Maybe they’ll understand, maybe they won’t, maybe they’ll yell and scream and shout but you must stay firm with your boundaries. You don’t deserve to be treated like garbage, and if you feel like someone is making your life worse in any way it is your right to step back. I imagine it’s like we all have our own little ecosystems, and someone is pouring toxic chemicals into the water. Maybe it started out fine, but over time they grew toxic and it’s hurting the plants in your ecosystem. And even if it’s scary, you need to tell them to move out, because their hurting your health and you don’t deserve that. Or maybe your friends ecosystem is crumbling and you offer to help. It’s okay to help, sure, but you can’t pour all your time into helping them. Because then who will take care of your ecosystem? …Nobody. I’m still trying to teach that to myself, and I don’t know your situation so maybe this advice helped and maybe it didn’t but either way I hope you’re okay and I hope you figure it out. God Bless you💙💙💙
@@lipstickkiller798 genuinely, thanks for this comment.
@@lipstickkiller798 thanks . It’s annoying cuz I have to see them . Unfortunately but there not mean . They have just decided they don’t want to say more than hi . Lol 😂 and I need to just be ok with it . It’s there choice .
You need to change your core beliefs about
yourself. It takes some attention, awareness, looking for resources and introspection. Then it requires self-validation, self-approval, self-love and eventually you overcome it.
You just described my husband. He grew up with a Mom who one moment would boast him as her favorite child and love on him. Then without warning, in a snap of a finger would be completely rejecting him, physically and verbally abusing him and refuse to even so much as look at him. She had untreated mental issues that caused this behavior. So understand why he would have anxiety in regards to attachment and relationships.
now that we know the signs, I think we need to know what should we do in this case:(
You may need to work on your self esteem, your self value, your self respect. Eventually with the help of a professional. Need to think about your childhood, your relationship with your parents, your history and so forth that may explain behaviors that are not serving you.
@@comentadoraification well said... A person can change their core beliefs about themselves, themself. It takes some attention, awareness, looking for resources and introspection. Then it requires self-validation, self-approval, self-love and eventually you overcome it.
I was in a toxic relationship for years and dealt with all of this so deeply. I'm in a new relationship and trying to deal with my feelings and explain to them, but its hard. It does however get easier. Just communicate.
Going through this right now, but my partner couldn't be better. He's always making sure I'm taking care of myself, and he's very understanding and kind.
Update: said partner simply disappeared, ignored my texts when my friend died and appeared with another girl out of the blue
Nice
@@barbarabeatriz6504 I am so sorry for you! I wish you all the best and the strength to move on and find someone who values you
@@barbarabeatriz6504 shit I'm sorry :(
I'm sorry. But also glad that, someone who's not good is no longer there in your life, making space for good to come in. Tc baby, you deserve everything beautiful, just beautiful, nothing else.
Oh
I relate to all this heavily with the relationships between my boyfriend and friends. Now I'm slowly figuring out what I can do to change this way of thinking and improve my relationships with my friends and boyfriend.
That last one actually made me tear up but sometimes we have to hear these things.
I had that relationship for three years in my fifties…when I finally was able to get away it nearly killed me and I was unable to function. I had panic attacks constantly and finally had to go on medication in order to survive. Unfortunately they were benzos and now 13 years later and at the age of 69 I was destroyed by a very evil man. I have a husband now, 7 years and I will never allow that kind of person nor those type of feelings ever to brew again.
I am so happy for you ❤️ I hope I am strong like you!
@@solaceyes7767
I only was able to leave because of literally becoming so physically ill from the stress…I was weak and should have left two years earlier. Ask God for help and the strength to do what is best for you. If you do not leave, the stress will eat you alive. I love my husband but it’s a different kind of love. The days of great passion and adoring anyone ever again is gone and my age has nothing to do with it. Please stay strong…..if it’s an unhealthy relationship you know and hopefully you will be able to get help. I suffered so bad mentally that I couldn’t stand ten minutes of being away from him….it was SICK!
I’m experiencing the same exact situation right now. The stress is eating me alive and what I thought was a great partner, turned out that he enjoys seeing me suffer because of him. He now ghosted me and I’ve never felt so stressed before. We’ve been two years together and I stayed a year longer than I should have. It felt like we had a perfect relationship, but his horrible emotionally manipulative behavior came out and it’s so destructive on me
@@amaliadiaz314 you poor girl. Pray that he never returns and that you have the strength to move on. Do whatever you have to do to keep yourself busy and distracted. If you can see the evil you will be able to stay away should he return. Do not take medication because the body becomes dependent on it and it is not good for you. Please know that over time you will get better and you will have saved your own life. Pray and ask God for help. Love should not hurt. Love should be easy and fun. Love should be mutually respectful. I hope that he never returns because he will never love you like you deserve. Be safe. 🤗
This couldn’t have been a more closer explanation of everything that I am and how I feel than if I tried. It relates to me perfectly as sad as it sounds, I truly wish I could stop feeling this way but without the reassurance/the contact and support from them I feel unworthy and like I can’t continue with life. It’s difficult to not think this way but it’s terrifying and so draining to constantly feel like this.
You need to learn self care and self love When we love ourselves we don’t look for others to fill us up. Speak a year alone and learn what you need and don’t need you will be a much healthier you in the end of the year.
seek professional care
I’m in a relationship exactly like what you have explained should I end it? Thank you for these videos this is giving me soo much more confidence in myself then ever.
What about “I’m too anxious and fearful of commitment to even get into a relationship and I either ghost or friend zone the very few people who show interest in me”?
I relate to this in my friendships
I wasn't like this before but 9 years of bullying affected my mental health badly and made me into this person and changed my attachment style I recently lost a few friends who were highly toxic but I can't shake away the feeling that I'm unworthy of having any friends and I'm unlovable because this isn't the first time it's happening to me
Yup, I’m now realizing I have anxious attachment. 31 years and just starting to deal with this shit.
probably has to do with music in the background but it made me cry hearing the reasons behind everything i feel
Your warmth and responsiveness, and most of all your classic British pronunciation, really draws me in. Thumbs up.
Yes, these are trauma responses created by wounded attachment, but when it’s presented as an attachment style it implies we can’t heal it. Many helping professionals believe that attachment styles are permanent and that’s just how we are, but I have had different experiences personally and with the people I work with. When things are viewed as responses to trauma and we have radical self awareness anything can be healed, including attachment styles ❤
that's hopeful. I'd like to know more
Not at all, attachment styles are learned patterns and can be changed and healed by awareness and love
do a vedio about how to ovecome these behaviors
I was in such a relationship then he broke up but good for me now i am what i want to be
i have that, but not with a partner- a best friend. i always feel jealous or sad when he's spending time with someone else when i want to spend time with me bc a lot of the time it's my only source of happiness
Worst part about it i feel like is to make them understand, u need someone understanding! Wish everyone knew
Yes
Yes you've uploaded again! I bought your book and I'm obsessed
it's hard to be this way. we r always misunderstood n pushed away.
I saw this video for the first time last year and today I saw it again. I started crying because it showed me how much I changed during the last year. I was this kind of person most of the time in my last relationship, which ended after seven years. I ignored so many bad behaviours from my ex and myself during that time. It hurts to look back but I know now that the breakup was the best decision for both of us. I hope i can leave this behaviour behind me and be more self aware in the future. Thank you for all your great videos!
I went from having attachment issues to having detachment issues I don’t try to make new friends and I distance myself from everyone around me now it’s because all people did around me was tell me never to rely on other people around me and that it made me weak and that “you should not give yourself all to one person it’s not healthy” but now I can barely even talk to people because of it
Ah what a lovely explanation of my relationship with my mother.
Can you do avoidant attachment?
Indeed, that's spot on for me in my friendships.
The last one is defo the others around her I truly hope, I can hear her in this video it make everything I thought have meaning and line up to make the world some what normal again. Together we can work on getting better but right now we need to work on getting together. Videos like this are a blessing just like you, I can't thank you enough for the upload. It helps me understand her so well 🙏👊
I appreciate all your “shorts” making us aware of the problems but you rarely offer solutions.
Yeah I when I used to call anyone and they didn’t pick up I would have a panic attack
Its not always you. That man is simply not for you.
I hear you & think, how did I not see these things in myself? Yet, every toxic, narcissistic man has picked up on these things & mentally and emotionally abused me, in personal & work relationships, for most of my life. Children need to be educated on these issues so we raise independent, self confident, self loving adults & hopefully stop the cycle.
Your videos touch me so deeply. The issues themselves, are one thing but then to be taken advantage of, instead of loved and cared for, is a real danger. You do an amazing job presenting these subjects and issues. Thank you 🙏
This is an aha moment!! I've been doing a lot of work on myself and learning to love myself and while I used to feel these ways, it's awesome to see I've grown past that and don't display these behaviours anymore! 🎉
It's such a revelation when you realize... this is me..
i thought this was me, but nah. my partner is mentally healthy and REALLY supportive. i was starting to worry by the third point, but i noticed i don't seek for my partner's approval, they're always giving me complete reassurance and telling me i'm enough and great the way i am.
so yeah, even if i'm working on myself, my partner turns out to be there every step of the way and support me no matter what. i hope everyone here can find the light in themselves back, and i really hope for those in problematic environments to be able to leave them and build a new, fresh place to be :)
I'm happy to say that ive healed my anxious attachment to the point where only 1 out of these 5 points affects me any more. It took 3 years and a lof of therapy, but im very happy now!
I have this kind of relationship with my parents and i keep projecting this on every other possible relationship i have.
This is also what some friendships are like
Guilty.. I’m on step one of being aware of it and knowing it will be a lifelong work.
Wow! This is me hands down. Definitely working on it though.
you really applied psychology to this video by using that prop, because I just stayed to watch this full short to just watch you fill that prop.
I tolerate and accept the toxic relationship for five years and at the end she cheated me twice...now I'm picking up the pieces of me..
No doubt..whatever you say is true. Thank you for giving us hope and an opportunity to improve ourselves.
Please do anxious avoidant I need to know
I relate to this at this moment. I am struggling with all these points that were named and I feel absolutely exhausted.
All thosse signs are om my best friend. You help me realize so much. Thank you❤️
It makes more sense about my feelings now...
Could you do some videos regarding ADHD? I've seen almost all of your videos and they truly are comforting.Thanks!
This should be renamed “ Top 5 reasons you shouldn’t be in a relationship “
:(
Everyone is on their own journey and as long as you are working on these tendencies you can still be a wonderful and loyal relationship partner. It’s not fair to say that just because a person is struggling that they should avoid relationships all together.
@@Sarah-tq7wk exactly like I was fine when I met my partner but then I saw some behavior in them that broke my trust down quite a bit..and well ppl that are lustful I don't like lol like there were things he did that eventually led me to feel insecure about my place in the relationship and his ex got involved. So there are factors that make a person this way too. It's not just there for no reason fuck this label
Whoa
mostly everyone would be single then
Thank you for all your clips, this one is huge for me, wow. I'm in my 60s and out (about 7 yrs ago) of a very long marriage to a narc, still feel that I have to have a man to make myself whole, which is totally crazy and haven't gone there. Am really trying to build myself up and make better boundaries.
Its so relatable.. like everything has happened with me. We broke up and even though my partner told not to blame myself, I can't help but blame myself for the break up and i feel useless and bad for making my partner go through all those rough things because of my selfishness.. but then again i feel happy that he no longer has to bear with me
As an ADHDer your little visuals and props are exceptional
She is beautiful
Wow, hit the nail right on the head!
Nice, every single one is true for me...
i've only learned about this when i had a mental breakdown more than a year ago & i went to a point of depression. then from there, i was able to know more about my mental illness. it really helps.
Number 5 and 4. I dealt with that to a very high level due to how he presented his title/status at his job. He always put work over me and made me pushed to the side. For example, we sometimes wouldn't really see each other for days and when we did get opportunities to talk and communicate, he was always more interested in talking about work and the people there. But as soon as I would ask questions about the people there or what was going on there--there was a big issue and it was my fault!
We never really talked about us, what we were doing, making plans for us, etc. His idea of work was obsessive and honestly crazy! He only sought validation from work and it seemed like nothing else mattered more.
The way you just unwrapped in under 1 minute the things I've been trying to put into words for years is incredible. I know that's what psychology actually meant to do, and still it makes me feel positively weird. It was 'the core belief' for me. Reminded me of all the times when my brain acknowledged that some thought or actions were irrational and illogical, but my heart just felt differently. The simplest example: I know I am loved; I just don't feel it. It's like being in a constant war with yourself. You just can't win. I really hope I can turn that war into peace one day. I hardly trust people in general and have a bad history with therapists, so even a thought of going through all the inept specialists until finally finding a therapist that's right for me is honestly terrifying. This channel helps in the meanwhile. Thank you.
I have a lotta issues with my self esteem and I can def relate to this
18 yrs of confusing... cleared in 60 second .. much light
This is relatable. Not all of it but I do see myself in some of these. Thank you for sharing.
The arrangement of the books in background is amazing and so calming to me! 💖
Why does this match so much with me
You summed it up so well!!
Thank you so much for the type of content you make that actually adds value and assist people such as myself
My goal is to become a psychologist and your videos have really helped me on realizing what needs to be done how to connect with our patients etc. You deserve a sub from me
I love the new blocks ❤️
I only watch this to watch her put the puzzle together because it reminded me of one I had when I was a kid. I’m sure it’s good advice though.
Thank you for such an enlightening video ❤
And so many of us have had parents that created these dynamics in us, as we developed our sense of self in relation to others...
Thank you Dr Julie
You never too old to learn ❤😊
I feel this way with one of my friends because i see myself negatively but see her in a brighter light, cannot seem to be properly happy without her and sometimes feel like she doesn’t care about me even though she does a lot for me and comforts me when i get bullied
I relate to this when it comes to friendships
Thank you for sharing such great content! ♥️
Me so many months ago
This just hits so hard
Thanks Ma'am.. I'm "Resting In Peace" Nw That I've Nt Any Kind Of Anxious Attachment (Specially Unhealthy & Toxics) Issues With Anyone In My Lyf.. 🙏🏻
I feel really called out right now.
My partner is truly an amazing person and I love them so much. They are there for me and we have talked about my feelings and I know they are from experiences from when I was younger with my parents, I really see myself in what you are talking about in this video, I just don’t know where to go from here
This is so true!
... I'm utterly speechless. this is literally what is happening rn. :,) w the person in whom I have unexpected in-depth feelings for
I finally snapped out of it, realizing most of these things, and ending the friendship with my best friend. It helped to write down my feelings when I couldn't get out of my own head and I knew the reason had to do with them. Then, eventually, I came to the realization that I didn't feel joy around them and I was just miserable. I miss them everyday, and I'm still working through some issues, but I know it's better for me in the long run.
I was wondering if it is only about "couple"relationships or it can be about families,relatives ..etc until I saw the comments down , on that thanks for helping me figuring it out 😅
All 5 of them are me I always try to be this confident and smart girl but in reality I am this terrified and self conscious person I am scared to do anything but your videos help so thank you so much it would mean so much to me if you could do a video to help me cope better
Omg so relatable … but now I feel like I need a video that shows how to deal with this /how to change
I've been consistently struggling in relationships because of this anxious avoidant thing.
You’re helping me :,)
Damn.. this explains everything
I’ve been like that forever, cling anxious and jelous. But I had a narcacistic mum, a controlling husband and five family bereavements in the space of five years, my mum dad and three brothers. Since meeting my new partner I’m so scared of loosing him.