My Detransition: How it happened
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ย. 2024
- English/German/Portuguese subtitles are available for this video!
What an adventure this has been! In this project my goal was to share with the world my experiences of transitioning from male to female and what motivated me to detransition after two years. While I'm still a bit unsure about where the future leads me, I currently seek stability. I try explaining as best as a 10 minute video allows me to why I did all of this, but if you're curious about something I didn't mention, feel free to comment. This project was originally meant to be some sort of monthly vlog, like a diary. Ultimately it developed into half a documentary!
Also again, don't let me discourage you if you're transitioning :)
Special thanks to:
Peter
Victoria
Gevalo
And a big thank you to Phong for letting me use his Pride Zürich 2017 video footage!
Enormous thank you to Sandra Lopes for translating the entire video into Portuguese, unbelievable!
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My detransition was extremely similar, being trans started off happy but quickly turned into an anxious nightmare. Since detransitioning, i've been happier and learned that I also need to indulge in my interests more instead of hiding. I don't try pass as a male, but I wont stop myself from wearing male clothes
Why anxious . CN u elaborate and how long did it last
You describe exactly what I had to go through. Being trans was miserable for me. I'd rather live a stress free life and go back to boy, I feel better, I am seeing my Dr. to come of meds asap I'm done!! Great video great advice
what do you identify as right now?
You are legit an adorable, super attractive guy. That is, not to devalue you during your transition, you were beautiful regardless. Whether you ever continue your transition in the future, or if this was just a step in your self discovery, I'm glad it helped you in any way to go through this experience. I know it was hard and depressing but you seem to truly know yourself more now and that's beautiful.
Yeah, I was going to say, He is a gorgeous person in general 😄 Couldn't agree more
@yollam Yeah, Couldn't agree more 😀 Now that's talent
I think it's perfectly healthy for sormone to be unsure if their identity and question themselves. There's so much pressure on trans people to seem so sure of themselves they tend to lie about feeling completely sure to not be gatekepted or just rediculed by people that don't understand it. At least, the message I think you're trying to get across is that's it's okay to change your decision as time goes on. Also, for identities other than binary ones; I'm sure they feel that pressure in a much heavier way sort of like bi people compared to gay people.
As a trans girl I'm pretty darn confident in myself, but have had doubts. I've mostly got that your mental health such as anxiety got worse because of the difficulty of transitioning which doesn't necessarily make someone not trans but can kind of point to that and requestioning. I've sort of had the opposite experience that my anxiety has gotten much better since and I couldn't see myself presenting masculine again. Either way thanks for sharing your experience keep being you and questioning your identity if you need to despite what society thinks.
Tbh as a trans woman I'm and was 100% certain but I've had a lot of soul searching, some suicide attempts, lot of self harm and drug use to run away from what I was dealing with. The last 6 years I've been clean from drugs and I took that time with a doc to help me articulate myself and how I felt. For me I never questioned it, I felt that despite how I felt I would end up looking like I should be on the rocky horror picture show. (Tbh that's what threw me off the deep end when I saw it at 18) I did not mind trying to figure out how to be the me I was but once that hope disappeared that maybe I could be the real me I fell into Hell. I think being unsure would have been better than being sure and having the hope ripped away but then again that's the great question is it better to love and loss or to never love at all. Its always greener on the other side. Anyway I think being unsure is a lot more fun, its always exciting lol.
I'm m2f and detransitioned once. I can understand a lot of where you're coming from however I just started transitioning again after thinking about the decision again for 2 years. Great video. Keep being strong!
Hey Bella Cigno thanks a lot! Interestingly enough I noticed that in a lot of the detransition videos I watched (before I actually decided to detransition myself), there were a lot of people who decided to go back to transitioning again. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence and sometimes it takes both perspectives to realise what really makes you happy as yourself. I saw a few of your videos and it's very brave of you to go back. I hope starting hormones again went well :)
Thanks. I haven't started taking them yet.
Bella Cigno You go girl.
What is the impact on your body doing this repeatedly?
You go boys
Wow, very brave, I transitioned kinda late in my life with 34. Altough I kept thinking about transitioning every year of my life, I thought I could never pass. With 19 there was a huge urge to do it. Then I tried as a boy for 15 more years. Maybe I needed to live through these "male-years" to realize it will kill me slowley and I just have one life. Now I am happy and I don´t regret anything. Well some things are harder like getting a job or like you say spending more time for applying makeup just to get to the store. But this is the society that supposedly makes the rules. With time I realized I should make the rules. So I go out without any makeup, just being natural. Sometimes I think I should have done that earlier, but maybe like you I wouldn´t have had the exhausting experience of living in a male body...having all those problems with myself, sex, bodyfeeling, expression, clothes, behaviour... I lived a mask. It is important to decide whats good for you. Living in the right body gives in my opinion the only feeling of being authentic and happy - only one question...from my therapist I heard in Switzerland you have to do one year as a girl without hormones as a test. Have you´ve been taken hormones? Cause they changed my body to the congruent feeling inside...if I had to live one year as a woman without hormones I wouldn´t have passed so good as female. The first 6 months was extremely hard, but every day my passing did better and I don´t have to force myself to be female it comes naturally...I think the hormones help here too (softer skin, breast, female features in face,....)
Hey Verena, your story is very brave, especially at your age, considering there's a lot of "I'm too old" mentality out there - It's never too late to be honest with yourself, very courageous of you! Living by your own rules is an important aspect. You have to live with yourself everyday, but society doesn't. So choose your rules wisely and right, in the end those are the ones that take care of your well being, not those of society. Like you did with makeup and your body, as long as you don't hurt anyone else, choose what makes you happy.
As for living as a girl for a year in Switzerland before hormones; if I remember correctly that 'test' has been abolished. Unfortunately due to my circumstances I couldn't get any hormones either way. I've heard from friends they can help a lot mentally and emotionally as well, but I haven't had the chance to try them. Thank you for sharing your story :)
Thanks for sharing your story, it is a powerful one!
Feel like the best and most honest version of yourself, no matter what you decide. I am also detransitioning. I found that once I got on hormones I felt something change, it was a softer version of me but i didn't care so much about wanting to transition, which took me by surprise and was quite allot to wrap my head around.
interesting story, I hope you find peace with yourself. I'm ftm and for me the anxiety feeling is the other way around. for me being able to live as a boy, and seeing my body change has improved my metal health so much and basically made my social anxiety leave completely. I don't know what I would be if I didn't have the chance to transition
Thank you for posting this. I have trans and non-binary friends and former partners. I feel my best support for them is to be there for them in the best way possible and to make sure that I treat them with respect as a whole person. The packaging on the outside is a small part of what makes a person complete. As long as they are good to me, I am on board.
Sounds like you're doing a really good job of feeling life out and listening to yourself, you make a beautiful woman and a handsome man so whatever turns out to be right for you know that you are a great looking and kind sounding human being
I like that you are so open to others and had made these experimental stuff to yourself. I shows that you are an open person and more people need to accept that we all can wear and look what we want to - with or without hormones!
Welcome back, brother.
He makes me want to try it and not fear detrasition
Update: I'm doing it now, socially transitioned and am now on hrt :0
update #2 the hormones have been amazing :0 day 72 and I don't plan on stopping
Thank you very much for sharing your story! I think this emphasizes the fact that transition is about reaching a truer "you" - wherever that truth may land you. As a transguy, I related so much to this and while I'm finding that transitioning to be a good, though sometimes trippy, decision I find that it is critical to have and share these types of stories too. Because there's not just one trans narrative. I'm happy you've found some comfort in yourself and totally support whatever future you carve out for yourself. Hopefully there will always be cats ;)
Really appreciate your sharing your story. It sounds like you've dealt a lot with depression. Same here, and I'd really recommend trying Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. I've tried a number of different therapists, but I've never had nearly this much improvement in such a short amount of time. I've dealt with not wanting to leave the house, missing appointments, and generally not being motivated to do anything at all. CBT is a way to help you challenge automatic thought patterns that lead to things like depression, anxiety, and body dysmorphia. When you are able to systematically examine your thought patterns in this way, it allows you to see the thinking traps that cause you to go into a spiral, and work on nipping them in the bud. Hang in there, buddy.
Thank you for sharing. I've always felt that neither boy or girl girl is easy. It's an individual decision I'm glad it's working for you at the moment. Some of what you've gone through has resonated with me
You are a striking young man. And no matter how much confusion there is around you know this: You need to stop focusing on yourself and start caring about others. Too much time spent looking at yourself in the mirror will do bad things to your head. Get a job, get a girlfriend, have some sex, go out, do good for others, volunteer, be productive, do exercise. Life is too short to be looking at the mirror all day. Trust me, I know what is like.
I’m glad you’ve found a more peaceful place and that’s seems it’s what you need right now. 💓
I know I should be commenting on your story but, you have some bad ass cinematography skills. Seriously, you're great at it.
I believe that finding oneself is very difficult for a lot, if not most, people. And that what's right for one person, may not be right for another. That's basically how I see that some transition and some detransition.
I started transitioning (from woman to man) 9 years ago and I've never felt or thought that was the wrong decision for me. It always felt very right. Like I'm becoming myself more and more. When I lived as a woman, that was what felt fake for me. Like I was in drag or wore a mask. Living my life as a man I feel much more at ease and relaxed, more genuine.
But sometimes I think "what if I'll change my mind later on?" even though I don't think I ever will. At this point, with hormones and surgery, my body has changed a lot, and most of it wouldn't be possible to change back. At least not convincingly. But don't get me wrong, I love all the changes to maleness my body has gone through so far.
I mean, it's a little scary having to rely on that I just hopefully won't ever change my mind, if that makes sense. Cause the future is uncertain either way. I completely accept those who detransition and think nothing bad of it, but thinking about it in relation to myself scares me a bit. I think maybe I think too much.
I'm glad you can live your life with less anxiety. You tried, and I think you are a lovely person, regardless of how you dress or identify. Transitioning isn't for everyone, and I think it's great to hear you say you would have eventually tried it out. I hope whatever you do and feel, you can be happy and do the things you love :)
I congratulate you!!! You were/are the double of brave!!! Going through all of that is very hard and difficult. I wish you the best, I really do. I hope you are happy and you can find peace. Best wishes.
PS I went through the same. I detransitioned too so I can totally understand you,I relate way too much. Good videy.
He's cute😭
What a journey. You had your ups and downs but being happy is the ultimate goal. Love this video
This video was done so well!! I appreciate your story.
your editing is absolutely amazing
Thanks a lot, I appreciate hearing that! :)
Thanks for sharing your story, A little support does go a long way. Many blessings for your future and future decisions.
Well, I always think that the meaning of transition is to become more yourself, but some people I've known get caught up in just a whole new set of gender role expectations (that don't fit them either) along the way, and forget to just be true to themselves (there's no one set way of being a man or woman, after all - if you're a woman, then you're a woman, no matter what you act or dress like, trans or not). I liked this video, it was very chill, and who knows what the future will bring for you. I'm somebody who doesn't feel they fit into either the male or female box at all (non-binary) so perhaps it could even be something like that? Either way, good luck with your journey. (:
This makes a lot of sense. I hope that you’re happy no matter what!
I like this video a lot. It conveys several important lessons. People need to understand that a) transitioning may not be for them which is okay b) it's okay to be confused about your gender c) even if you are trans, it's okay to not know it until you're older. d) you may end up not being trans at all which is just fine e) it's okay to explore your gender.
I didn't transition with hormones or anything, but I began to present as male, go by he/him pronouns, and choose a different name to go by. While I enjoyed being a male the struggles that came with 'transitioning' and beginning my life anew as a man wasn't for me. It could be because I'm not trans after all, it could be because I'm not strong enough to deal with the difficulties that come with being trans so I'm better off accepting life with gender dysphoria. I don't know what it is and who knows who I'll be in the future, but I'm back to living my life as a female (Although I do still go by the male name I chose for myself) and I'm satisfied with this. I don't like it as much as presenting male, but I'm okay living my life as a female.
Loved your video so much :’o may your goals be made with a lot of success 🙏🏻
Really interesting. Almost exactly what Anne Lawrence describes in ‘Becoming What We Love’.
Good video. Its good to spread awareness of detransitioning. People shouldnt feel pressured to COMMIT to anything. People change. Situations change. Good luck with your future!
Damn I must say I really like the video's editing, t'was a good swiss "liminal spaces" compilation, it really hit me with lots of memories.
I'm glad I decided to watch your video as a trans girl. I was afraid it would make me self doubt a whole deal but on the contrary, it has given me hope. Hope that even if I do a mistake with my transition and all, it'll be part of my journey in the end and I won't regret it.
You looked just like any hot male rockstar with long hair, you never looked like a girl. I'm glad you finally came to your senses. Good job man
this is very well made. good job.
Thank you for your time and making this video. It was amazing to hear about your experience.
This was a awesome video. Not click bait but just amazing to see you are happyxx my transition has been going so slow and sometimes I think to go back but I’m still going to continue xx
Thank you for sharing
Thanks a lot! Transitioning is harsh, but if it's the best way to enable you to be functional and to live up to your own desires, you're going the right way. I wish you all the strength and motivation to keep going :)
You're adorable! I'm glad you're happy.
2:25 Reminded me of the lyrics to the fresh prince of Belair
Finally someone spotted the reference ;D Congratulations!
Yea?
@@martinrei3213 lol Well I found it too but I didn't know if it was on purpose or not. Lol You truly are the Prince of your own life
you are a very intelligent person and I wish you happiness, either way, whether you transition again or not. Plus, you love cats and anybody who loves cats deserves the best. What is really profound and extremely true is when you narrated about realizing you don't have a coke in the house and just getting out of the house to buy a coke. Transsexuals who are not passable are really disabled and crippled since they just can't leave the house and buy a coke. They need to spend 3 hours doing hair, make up and clothes to get out of the house and buy a coke. That was very profound.
2021 I hope you are happy and healthy either presenting as a male or as a female. You are loved and worth good things 🏳️🌈
It's so sad that you were not able to go on HRT :( It helps so much with passing but also with feeling like yourself and less like a fake. From someone who is transitioning in her mid 30's, please do not forget that if you are trans, it never goes away. I have cut my hair short as well and was happy about fitting in for a while but it only delayed the inevitable. I understand that you seek stability and to escape the pain your were in. You can always transition later but do not underestimate the pain of regret. Before starting HRT I went to get some food dressed as me but unshaven. It was a challenge I did to see if I will be able to live as open trans. Because I knew I would need to not care what others think of me. I still fight with this sometimes (did I just pass or not?) but it is getting better. You are so brave for going to that job interview. You do not need to admire trans woman. You can do this as well if you work on your fears. I know, because I thought I would never have the strength to transition.
Those are kind words, thanks for the amazing support! You're totally right about it being inevitable if I'm trans. It definitely makes me curious wondering which direction I will take in the end. So far I've been doing quite well, and I will be making a follow up video on the detransition in a few months or a year to see how I feel about all of this and what route I will take. I'll keep your brave story in mind - Hope your transition is going well now! :)
Um seems like a great thing they didn't go on hormones
@@martinrei3213 Seems like a blessing in disguise that you didn't get the hormones and do irreversible damage. What did you mean that your girlfriend is Trans? Is she a guy that turned into a woman or a woman that turned into a man? All of this is very confusing and seems like a lot of trouble. You're perfect how you are. Love yourself.
I hope you are able to hold on to the parts of being Tina that you loved best going forward.
The mood and imagery of this video is so relaxing
Thank you so much for sharing! Your video is profound and inspiring, and shows a beautiful mind and your humanity. You will have the BEST in your LIFE! xoxo
I detransitioned because that anxiety is not worth it!
this video is so well done, more people should see it!
Thank you for sharing your story.
It was a pleasure to watch and listen to your story. I wish you the best.
Im Mtf trans and now deciding de-trans ibdidnt take my hrt for about 3 months
Im so nervous what i do looks like😢
Your comment about not having to perform was very insightful. The transsexuLs I have met always demanded an audience and positive reaction. It was exhausting being with them.
You are skilled in making videos! 😊 Greetings from Luzern!
This just further illustrates for me the inherent misogyny of this movement. “I didn’t have the strength to act like a girl”. Being a girl is not an act, it’s biology. These men just don’t respect women very much and think “woman” is all about hair, makeup and pretty dresses. I’m shaking my head in disgust
"@anonymousa-uy1hk" you are absolute full of nonsense, not passing is incredibly dangerous, and can easily get you killed, you absolute brainlet. I am trans MtF, and I pass, and I wear masculine/andro clothing, I still pass because I have been on hormones for about a year, I trained my voice and I got face surgery. What are you going to say about me "male in male's clothing but with an artificial female's body," is that acceptable? You are horrible.
@@_vallee_5190 !
I'm mixed about that I mean "passing for safety"
Maybe
This is really complex. Some people start to transition but realise later on, either for a time or for good, that it really isn't the right thing for them. Others grow into their true gender. Both are okay. There's no reason to doubt yourself or to question whether you're right or wrong. We never are, we're always becoming.
I'm so happy that you're finally happier
I had a very similar experience just on the opposite side. noone believes that i had real dysphoria at the time and i really went thought a rough time dealing with it
Thank you for sharing your story it makes me feel less alone
But I don't understand... Did you detransitioned because you couldn't cope with the hardship of being transgender, or because you felt your gender identity changed? As you say, I think it's good to keep the future open, expecially if you still feel your gender identity being female. But no one says you need to have a body that matches your gender, that's up to the person.
The main reason I detransitioned, was that I sought stability in my life. So to get a job, I felt like I'd have better chances as a man, which turned out to be true, as I'm heading towards a potential apprenticeship currently. But as you say, it was also a bit of the hardship of being transgender - without any sort of financial support to keep doing the transition. Either way, with a stable career path I'll be better off no matter the gender.
So it was just to get back on track? And when everything around you is sought out you'll try transitioning again? Or has your gender identity changed? (If it's not to personal to ask...)
Exactly, that's the idea in the long run. If I will transition again, is a question for the future though. Currently I feel alright as a man, so only time can tell whether I will go back or not. I plan on making an update video in a year to talk about and see how the detransition affected me. I'm curious where it'll go :)
Okay, I get it. I'm glad you feel alright now! That's great :-) Also remember that you don't always have to choose living either as woman or as a man, you can identify as both or neither or in between. And as long as you are happy on the inside, it doesn't matter what you present on the outside :-). I wish you good luck!
Indeed. I have at least one good friend who is genderfluid, but not the kind of person who wakes one morning and dresses like a girl and wakes up the next dressed as a boy. My friend can be intensely driven to present as a woman for months and months - and get terribly frustrated if there is no opportunity for doing so - but then, from one day to the next, this feeling disappears and he's content in remaining a male and will not even dress as a woman for fun or for being with friends (he'll just go out with them dressed as a male). But he won't through all his female things out even if the urge to present as female has gone for months and months - sometimes even more than a year - because he knows that the urge will be back sooner or later.
He's lucky that he's quite passable as _either_ male _or_ female. I'm not sure if he really 'identifies' with one or the other. I think he's just... a person, himself or herself, nothing more... a person who sometimes prefers to present as a female, sometimes as a male. That's why he never really started transitioning - although he would be more than willing to do some cosmetic changes to his body to 'pass' even better when presenting as a female. The problem is that he works for the military, and too many questions would be asked (although he has already met at least another colleague who is also trans, but conceals it for fear of getting expelled).
In our society, trans people start to become more accepted (but we're decades away from living in a truly tolerant society!), but only if someone does confirm strictly to one or the other gender. Switching from one to the other is ok so long as it is temporary. In the words of the employer of another trans friend of mine, assigned male at birth and currently transitioning: 'You can present yourself as a woman if you want, so long as you do that from this day on and never come back again as a man - it would be too confusing!'
This is where I feel like people are truly "confused". Transgenders HATE this term but can mean 2 things, one is nasty and condescending. The other just means that at a moment you may know what you want, then you start to doubt it. But that doesn't change who you are on the INSIDE. Boy or girl, the outside reflects almost nothing. No matter what gender you go with, people will always judge. "You looked better when you were a boy" or "I'm glad you changed into a boy. Much cuter." Both are insulting. You need to take time to fully understand who you are before you jump straight into a transition. I don't know your whole story on why you feel as though you're a female but I truly think that every female has a little masculinity in them and males have a little feminine in them. It's natural. It doesn't always mean you were born the wrong gender. You are who you are. I hope anyone who is questioning their gender goes and seeks counseling; maybe there is a deep underlying issue on why you feel the way you do and it can be fixed WITHOUT meds. Not every case is like this, some lead very happy transitional lifestyles. But for others they struggle too much in WANTING to feel like the opposite sex and they get worn out in trying to play the part. As one option to also think about that isn't 100% the answer, but maybe your hormones are out of wack. Having too much testosterone or not enough. Same goes for estrogen. Look into counseling and hormone levels before making super huge jumps. Good luck!
EVERYONE hates the term confused in the gay community, because no body actually is. Gay people know they're gay, trans people know they're trans. Stuff like this happens not because of any internal struggles but because of external acceptance. Some people can handle that, some can not.
Further the outside absolutely reflects inside, and reverse. As men and women use different parts of their brains at different rates, to different extremes. Being gay/trans/bi/ etc can not be "cured" as you suggest. Counseling will not cure any of those things.
He said it was hard for him to force himself to be female. It's something he felt was partof him before but even when majority of the people accepted him, it was hard for him to keep it up. The feminine cloths, hair, and makeup wasn't enough. Doesn't mean it wasn't real to him. And he didn't have the hormones to help. If he 100% felt like a woman, it would have been easier to play the role. He had support even if some people shamed him. It wasn't enough. Maybe later things will work out better
Nicole Smrekar The entire basis of transgender ideology, is that the person is "wrong" and they need to be "fixed". The foundation of gay rights is the exact opposite of that. It is impossible for our brains or our bodies to be "wrong". The transgender program is even worse than conversion therapy because it's based on ridiculous definitions of the words man and woman that don't even exist. It is narcissistic for someone to think they know the "real" definitions of the words man and woman.
1 There is no such thing as "transgender ideology" Stop making shit up. Next they are not fixing their minds, their minds, like gay folks, are not broken. Their body is, and only slightly so. Spare us any further propaganda
Nicole Smrekar Nicole, stop blaming and punishing trans people. They did not do anything wrong. They are not broken. Do not label them and pathologize them. They do not need your labels or your conversion therapy. You do not have the right to make up your own homophobic definitions of the words man and woman. If you are so in love with your antiquated perceptions, you should write a history book about them. That's the only place they belong. If you keep defending and perpetuating homophobia, you will never win. There are too many of us who care about people and want to make the world a better place.
May be you're a crossdresser instead of a trans. There are a lot of trans who would work very hard to save up enough to become their authentic self. I don't think you want it enough and you may just be crossdresser. I'm a crossdresser myself and I also go out with long hair with just light foundation. People do look, but I don't care. It used to make me feel nervous in the beginning but I want to live for myself, not for people on the street I don't even know. If you think it makes you happier being a boy, it's great. But if you're being a boy to please others irrelevant, that's naive. If you're happy with being a boy, you can still crossdress sometime to satisfy the other side of you. I also think before you take any medicine, you should see a psychologist to determine whether you're a crossdresser or a trans. It's nothing taboo, it's just the right procedure. And knowing what you want to do with life would help too. You seem to have a lot to learn as a person. Anyway I think you're a good looking guy and if you decide to be a guy again, you will find someone you like whether you're straight, bisexual or gay. Good luck.
You should be thankful you never ended up on hormones and ruining your life
" There is in every human being a hole in the heart the size of God". (Fiodor Dostoiévski)
Currently I think you are handsome and sensitively-aware, and I wish you the Best!!
Shit blew apart on me at the last stage. I've been back in dude mode since october. As handsome a man I make, I really am not having a good time with it. I can't seem to let it go and go back fully but I don't feel like I have it in me to take it back up again. It's not a case of "I don't want to be female anymore" it's a case of "I lost the resources to keep going". I'm so torn apart by this and I don't know what I am going to end up doing. I'm crawling around youtube and discord seeing what other people have to say about this stuff.
I feel you. When it comes to having a stable career path, financial situation, friend circle and self worth a transition can really mess with your life and motivation. Though I'm a bit unsure what exactly you mean with resources to keep going, I find stability to be the most important aspect. It gives you a sense of security, which personally, I didn't have during the transition. Currently I'm having a better time as a man - with good job opportunities now and catching up with old friends again; while for my girlfriend it helped to just find people who understand and like her the way she is.
I hope you are happy no matter what you decide to do.
Hello,I watched your video again and being honest,I have several questions if you don't mind,could you please help me with them?
-If you had a passable appearance, would you have continued your transition?
-If you had another job and the money to continue your transition, would you have continued transitioning?
-Even though you had support, why did you decide to go back,I mean, out of the hard time you were in?
-Do you still know/see yourself as a woman?
-What do you feel when you presented as a man again?
-Do not you feel dysphoria anymore?
Sorry to ask so many questions but I also detrancisioned and would like to know more about people who have done what I did.If you could answer me I would appreciate it a lot , for no reason I meant to offend you or bother you, it's just for support issues.
Thanks and regards.
Hey Erich, I might have something that's in your interest then :)
First of all, thanks a lot for your questions, they are by no means offensive in any way - They're great and very thought provoking questions and I've decided to integrate a few of them into the script I'm writing for the follow up video to this story! As it all will be explained in better context, I'll have to apologize for not answering to you directly. Hopefully it shouldn't take too long, so please stay tuned :)
Cheers!
Martin Rei Hey,thanks for answering, I'm glad you could read my questions. I'll be definitely tuned,I really do care a lot about your comments and know how you doing so I'll wait for it. Thanks and wish you the best.
Hey Erich, I wanted to inform you, that the video is out now :) Hopefully it will answer your questions!
boys/men can wear thigh highs,make-up and all that, too.
I liked this honest story. Quite refreshing. On a side note, can you link the music you used? It was very entertaining as well.
Thanks :) I'm glad to hear you liked it!
Unfortunately I can't find all the music pieces, but here's the ones I have:
0:00 - Koyö - Stay
???
6:39 - SPZRKT & Sango - The Motive / Used To The Melody
7:10 - Tsundere Labs Inc - Tsundere Jazz
Definatly relate with the part about the pizza n drink!
Most of the time there is an emotional victim in the family. It is depression in a family. There is an exchange of positive and negative energies. In this case the energies of father and son were harmonized in these years.
This video kind of gave me some relief about transitioning. I want to transition because I feel very uncomfortable with how my body is but I was really anxious about what if it was the wrong decision. But I guess if it turns out not to be right it'll just be whatever. Cause I cant live like this forever lol it's the worsssssttttt
Eddy Cunningham you will detransition.
2:11 es ist krass zu hören, dass Menschen, die man selbst als objektiv sehr attraktiv empfindet, solche Gefühle haben.
Beautiful video and storytelling
Thank you for this video, Martin. I will share it around when I get the opportunity to. I believe that people considering transitioning should see both sides of the coin, and not just the positive aspects. Moreover, I believe that no one should take any hormone therapy to transition because this causes many irreversible changes. Medical professionals should assess people with gender issues thoroughly and solve any other problems first. Gatekeeping is important and people should be aware of permanent changes before considering doing something so life-altering. Love yourself. Love body exactly the way it is. Never change
I feel like most cis people don't understand that level of stress or anxiety you are talking about. I also feel like im constantly paranoid about looking passable otherwise i won't be seen/treated as a woman. Also kinda worried about people acting like I'm some kind of freak.
I’m glad you are comfortable in your own skin. I don’t believe anyone can change their gender, I think people just feel trapped in gender roles. As a woman I can say the expectation to perform femininity is exhausting, and I’m sure it can be the same with masculinity. We need to get rid of these gender norms completely instead of trying to opt out of them through transitioning which really only cements them more. I don’t understand why it’s such a taboo to speak out about detransitioning, but I do think we will start to hear many stories like this in the coming years.
Thank you for sharing your story Martin
You're a pretty handsome guy
A needed video. Thank you.
The point is to be happy, satisfied, and content. Which gender makes you feel those feelings?
I got denied hormone replacement therapy because I'm not suicidal. Isnt that fucking dumb. Still not suicidal, still need hormone replacement therapy, still stuck
You are a beautiful person.
I think it's a GREAT desition Martin
Thank you for the videos, I've strongly considered detransitioning myself but I worry annoy the implications.
Good production valure, looks like a pro documentary
Thanks for sharing, this helps me.
Glad to see you as male, handsome guy!👌😍
It's also easier being a man. Much harder then a woman. You are a much better looking man. But you didn;t have hormones. Glad you worked it out. As a woman in her 50s i am jealous of how men get character as the age and woman get surgery or turn invisable. I know being transgender is about who you are inside and if it doesn't match with what you are born with its hard to be happy. Maybe you can play with makeup if you like to feel feminine some days. Sounds like depression is your biggest issue. Good luck and thanks for sharing.
beautiful story.
I live in Eastern Europe in Bulgaria, where we don't even have gender doctors or whatever they are called. There is no law in court or in medical rules that address trans people. It's not existing here in a way of saying it. We have no insurance coverage for the hormones let alone for any surgeries... This made me feel strong and motivated, not to rely on some doctors or therapist to tell me how sick I am, or that I'm mentally ill. I took matters in my own hands, educated myself about the transitioning probably more than most doctors in this homophobic country. I purchase my hormones with a prescription which I get through a friend , plan my dosages and do my blood tests in non appointment labs. After a year and 3 months in, I am being called she 100% of the times, to the point my medical exams required for my new work use female pronouns about me and my results. And I have 3-4 more years to go with the process, so it will continue to get better. I share my story, because I wanted to stress how important motivation and mind set is. Sometimes say screw the doctors and the system and start your own journey. If a company declines you a work position just because of transphobic reasons, you can sue them for real and profit from that. I'm happy you found some happiness by detransitioning , but I feel you are just playing the pretend game so that you fit in society. I honor that and find it brave, as I would rather die , rather than detransition, so maybe I'm not as brave as you. If you want to transition again, sometimes it's best not to rely on doctors , just start it yourself, as hormones will soften up your face , so you can pass easily. It's not as dangerous as some say it to be, in fact smoking and stress are times more dangerous to the health than the hormone pills. Also as an advice, if you get a different hairstyle, one with bangs , pixie cut or side swept, it will look more complimenting for your face shape - speaking if you want to try again without hormones that is. Please stay safe and I hope you are happy no matter how you present. I just hope you'll find the courage to try it again, as society is cruel and if we keep obliging to it, we would never find true happiness. Just as a side note, I also get 0 support from my family, so that I understand can demotivate a lot. All the best to you amazing person !
That's unbelievably courageous of you to do! You're very right about the importance of motivation and a willing mindset. It's what got me to transition in the first place, but the lack thereof was also what got me to detransition in the end. Frustration and the acceptance of a seemingly futile situation stopped me, but you reacted in a completely different way to that environment. You took control into your own hands and made the best of it! If anyone's brave, I'd give you the honor to have that title. I don't see bravery in my decision, nor would I describe it as cowardice. I feel like I acted strategically to my situation. I've got a comfortable life at the moment with a job, a car and monthly income. Though for the price of what I recently started to miss; I do long for the days I was more in touch with my feminine side and I do miss my long hair. But in the end all these decisions shape us into what we are now and influence how we will become tomorrow. I have a lot of respect for the route you've taken and I hope that you keep going strong, staying true to yourself.
Thanks for sharing your story Dianna :)
2:23 I can’t with this text😂
Som hard without family support.
To hard maby without the money, hormons, cergerie and hjelp. Sone can' t not do it.
If people could only accept others no matter how they dressed and was different.
Main thing is that you are happy. Glad you have a boy/girl friend! God luck what ever you decide! Love from me ❤❤❤
You have a very handsome face. No need to cut the hair to feel like a man tho remember the Vikings? They had long as hair and still were the men! Anyway glad you are back and hopefully your mental state is way better at this time
I think you need to write a book.
Gender can be fluid, im happy you're happy now!
I loved your video, yes it’s definitely hard to transition for me it has been worth it if I had to do it all over again I would....btw your handsome as a guy and beautiful as a girl
Being trans is not something people do for fun, or cause they feel like it. A trans person experiences dysphoria as their biological gender, which they cant help, so they pretty much have to transition. Its not possible to just stop being trans because its hard to transition, and for a person who is trans, to stop transitioning would just make things worse.
You have got so many beautiful video-shots, especially 10:44
i’m detransitioning because i know it isn’t me.
Straight the point .
Anti - Detransition