People Don’t Like You Being Classy… Here’s Why
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 5 ต.ค. 2024
- Have you ever been called out because you're classy? In this video I explain why it's SO common for people to feel offended or annoyed by classiness. Ignore the haters by taking part in my FREE workshop: fabulousfuture...
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⚜️WHO IS ANNA BEY?⚜️
Anna Bey is an elegance expert and educator, teaching women how to transform their lives to enjoy a more refined personal presence and lifestyle. She's been featured in The Times UK, Newsweek, New York Post, Cosmopolitan and many more. For more information about Anna, visit: annabey.com
⚜️Follow Anna on Instagram, where you'll be able to get to know her on a more personal level: / annabey
⚜️Start your transformation with me by taking one of my courses: levelupclass.com/
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#annabey - แนวปฏิบัติและการใช้ชีวิต
People just have the wrong idea about elegance... I hope my tips on how to deal with these naysayers help you!
Find out the 10 Things That Tell You DON'T Have Class here: th-cam.com/video/WDKBbj1OElM/w-d-xo.html
Why not ignore the haters by taking part in my FREE workshop: fabulousfutureformula.com/
As always, thank you for watching
Looking forward to this. Anna, I do think the heading should read: 'Why Elegance Triggers People' or Why Your Elegance Triggers Them'. Or else its suggesting that we who watch your channel are the ones being triggered.
Thanks Anna ❤
Hello my dear elegant ladies, I've a question in my mind for a long time. If you can help me by answering, please do.
I've always strived for financial independence, and today I make very good money (not at all bragging. Let's talk about the problem here)
I'm new to this feminine journey. Anf everywhere I see, a feminine woman should nurture, and be at home. My heart fails to accept this. My thoughts are feminism based.
I dont want to fully, financially depend on a Man. One, because you never know what happens in the future.
And the other is, I've genuinely worked hard to get into this level.
My question is:
1. How can a woman be financially sound as well as try her best to be feminine?
2. Since i work in a corporate where i have to lead people, I'm mostly in my muscular energy. How can i switch easily to the feminine energy when I'm at home?
3. Is it really necessary to be 100% in the feminine energy/zone ALWAYS?
4. Is it hard for a working woman to attract a High value man?
Anna, if you're reading this, people do consider making a video on this topic.
Thank you,
Good day :)
Anna they are just duties 😂 Let them stay where they are The lower class 😁
Amazing as always, so right so classy, thanks por this teachings
Last year I attended a morning wedding with a baby blue dress with boat neck, 3/4 sleeves and the lenght was a bit under my knees. make up no makeup, small pearl earrings and a simple yet elegant updo. Two ladies (one in jeans and sneakers and the other one in a very peculiar animalier bodycon dress) spent the day making shady comments and giggeling about my outfit. At the end of the party the bride and the groom told me and my husband that, besides their parents and sisters, we were the only ones dressed approprately.
Your outfit sounds perfect to me.🙂
@@kimberlyperrotis8962 thankyou for your kindness ❤️
I can imagine the scene in my mind with only reading your comment. And your outfit is my favorite.
Your outfit sounds lovely, do not let small minded ignorant people dictate to you how you should dress.
If they have issues that is their problem. I say always be classy, it shows respect for yourself and others.
I sometime see people coming to doctor’s appointments in not fresh clothes, it looks so strange to me….
I used to avoid dressing classy to not offend people around me. Every time that I dressed more feminine and elegant, I would receive comments like "you are trying too hard/ you think that you are better than everyone / where are you going?"
Now I am finally myself! Elegance is changing my life! I am respecting myself more and people too! Ladies do not let your jealous friends downgrade you! You deserve elegance !
I’ve definitely been accused of thinking I’m better than everyone without saying a single word, just for caring for my appearance and dressing nice. My ex husband used to tell me not to wear makeup or high heels… Clearly it provoked some insecurities for him.
"Trying too hard" at least you try 😂😂😂😂😂 people are triggered by anything nowadays.
@@chelseabunker2391 he was jealous of you!!!! Good he is the EX
This resonates with me. I have dressed down so many times because of how others dressed and I didn’t want to offend or stick out. Family sometimes made comments and well, I got tired of it. So many times I found myself wearing jeans, a cheap tank, and flip flops 😢 The comments like “well you must be doing well with money” are annoying. I mean… there are discount stores… and it is possible to find nice things on sale. Why speculate on private matters like that… it’s rude.
I totally agree with You and absolutely the same situations I have had... But meanwhile I have learnt remaining MYSELF and never care about others opinions... If they have problems with me or my style well these are theirs not MINEi!! So we elegant Ladies just lets keep ourselves exactly how WE ARE, so never give up and keep going on like this!
A wise person told me, "Do not shrink yourself so that others do not feel intimidated; it is not enlightening." So true.
I stand by the quote “it’s better to be overdressed than underdressed” ❤
Amen!
Always!
Depends on the situatop and how extrem it is done.
My grandmother used to say that to me before I left the house!
@@kidaria1333it doesn’t
A couple of weeks ago, I was wearing moderately height pumps because I was on my way to a business casual event. As I was walking to the train platform to wait on the train, a stranger said to me, "This isn't a runway, sweetheart". I calmly ignored them and kept going about my way. It's really odd how carrying yourself with confident elegance can cause people to be so disturbed within themselves.
People offer their opinion so freely these days, they don't understand that: they don't need to say everything they are thinking.
@@edelweissdebergbaldrian7696 Yes! I tried teaching this to my students in school, but somehow they feel everyone is so interested in what they are thinking and feeling all of the time. We are living in a self-obsessed society.
@@edelweissdebergbaldrian7696 Total lack of boundaries as well
Next time someone makes a snatkly remark tell them to mind their fu€king business don’t let anyone push you are fu€k that sh!t
I love your non-response. That was nothing but an attempt to humble you.
"you can't control how others think, but you can control not letting their opinions change you" this is so powerful
Me encanta 😍❤️🇦🇷
I’m 66 and my mom raised me that you dress nice to go out, to the doctors, to go shopping, not just church. I still have a hard time not dressing up when I leave the house. Makeup, hair, nice jewelry, clean and tidy. No scuffed shoes or wrinkled clothes. I think I’m the odd one though….. I just feel better about myself when I take care of myself. Love your videos
Yes! My grandparents made my mother dress up for Christmas and so on and so on! Can't go to the grocery store without dressing. As a result I can coordinate well and for whatever reason it makes others feel less then which leads to telling everyone what a bargain you got. But not anymore ❤🥂
I agree with you.
Cleaning up was expected of me when I was growing up. I spent a lot of time playing outside when I was a kid, so sending me in to "clean up" before going somewhere was pretty normal.
These days, if I'm not too dirty from working in the garden, I may make a quick run to Home Depot as I am.
At least I washed my hands before I went!
My mom too. She was an elegant lady. I’ve been looked at and questioned or criticized about always looking clean, well groomed, makeup, hair clean, smell nice, etc. It’s just me. It’s how I feel best. I like people but I haven’t tried to feel compassionate or kind to those who criticize my appearance. I need to start doing so. Thank you for the suggestion.
That's me too. We loved dressing up to go out (when we lived overseas and later in San Diego, CA.); I also used to wear scrubs all week, so I HAD to dress up on the weekends or I felt grubby.
Some people get offended, because they decide in their mind that you are better than them by simply dressing classy and elegant
This‼️🎯 And will do everything in their power to break you down 😢
It's so sad how little it takes for some people to feel offended. The simplest things send people over the edge.
So true, and it's because they are so miserable and hate themselves, so everything outside them offends them, and the only way they will help themselves is by trying to tear you down
It's because they are insecure and lazy. I started to dress classy years ago and when I got a interview I didn't have to buy interview clothes because the clothes already in my closet were professional. Friends had thrown parties unannounced and I didn't have to worry about my clothes. I am not rich and I take pride in my appearance
"Elegance is a sub culture... it is not classist." This is so well said! I agree! You don't need money to have elegance. And you don't need money to have style or individuality.
I have seen people with money and NO elegance.
yeah but many associate it with it. That is the problem. And many in the elegance sub culture love expensive quality brands.
She’s a goddess speaking the truth!❤
So very true. You either have it or you don’t. It’s akin to a talent.
I once worked with a woman who always showed up to work impeccably dressed. Beautifully tailored suits and dresses she really had style. I later learned that she has studied fashion at college and actually made all her own clothes. Anyway the kind of snide comments and hate I used to overhear from other women in the office was shocking especially considering she was a really nice person to everyone.
A lot of people are not living up to their potential, mediocrity is at an all time high so when a person stand out you can be certain that people will be negatively triggered by it💯 it's a reflexion of what they don't do in their lives.
That is really just so sad. But this video is enlightening in showing that those anysayers are just insecure in themselves. It's just too bad that they had to reflect on this lovely woman. 🤔
Wow what would people say?
They were jealous and felt threatened
@@Stacyalexa888 Oh yes, you could tell that for sure by the kind of conversations being had.
"Why are you so dressed up," is a classic pet peeve of mine. I'm excited to hear you put this into words, Anna!
YUP.
I don't understand what is wrong with that question, as long as it's not said in a mean way.
Mine too
I hate when ppl say that
@Emma Loura because calling unnecessary attention to someone is rude. Saying "that dress is lovely on you!" in private is acceptable. Announcing or even commenting "why are you so dressed up" is calling attention to a perceived misstep. The rules of etiquette are to not call attention to other's lack thereof or missteps, but to help the other person *hide* their mistakes.
Alot of times it's not the clothing. It's your genuine softness and attitude that triggers others. You could have on a paper bag and wear it with elegance. That's why it triggers.
❤
I totally agree! People tell me I dress up all the time, but I really don’t, I just love to look elegant and that’s my lifestyle. It could be a Walmart dress and people will still say I’m dressed. It’s them! They are the problem. There’s nothing wrong in looking good 👍🏽 😊
@@thestyleconcession Same! I had on jeans and boots and was asked " Why are you so dressed up?Where are you going?"
Agree😊
totally agree!
In America people wear sweatpants at the grocery store 😬 Often I wear sundresses because they’re pretty & comfy, however I always get stares as if I’m wearing a ball gown 😂
Don’t ever change! ❤
I grew up in the South. Women back then would not even think of leaving the house without having their hair and make up on point. Wearing sweats anywhere outside of the house or the gym is a big NO. Same for flip flops. They belong on the beach, not on the streets.
Same lol I was asked if I am going to church for wearing a cute, simple summer dress 😂
@@Julia-nl3gq I'm from Quebec City and only saw people from Ontario do that. Like, I took the train from Quebec City to Montreal one morning (it was in 2012) and a young woman, probably a University student, board the train wearing her PJ pants and holding her pillow. She sat next to me so I talked a bit with her and learnt she was from Ontario and was going back to her family for the weekend. I had the window seat, but she was clearly fighting to keep her eyes open, so I switched with her so she can lean on the window to sleep.
Same thing happens in hotel restaurants in Montreal and Toronto during Anime conventions. Quebecers Con-goers are always wearing day clothes to eat their breakfasts at the Hotel restaurant and the people in their PJ are always from Ontario! Is Canadians from the Atlantic or the west doing it as well, I wonder?
Don't ever change I still hope you wear dresses
Don't be afraid to be elegant out there, ladies. I saw a girl about my age coming out of Dollar General the other day with perfect hair, makeup, and a soft feminine, classy dress that was perfectly fitted and colored for her complexion. Although it made me feel dressed down, I found it motivating and validating in a positive way, like 'dang that chick's out here raising the bar showing up to every day life absolutely gorgeous and adding beauty to this world and da gommit so can I.' 🥰💖
Same has happened to me 😭 I dress down a lot to please people it’s so stupid if u think about it
To all my elegant lady friends whom I haven't yet met. Lets ALL start dressing in our beautiful classy clothes. Lets be the ones to start a NEW TREND back to elegance.
Yes sis to this !
Elegance is Not a Trend it’s a lifestyle
Yes dahling!
Agree!
Yes please, we need to dress more elegantly. Americans have become way too slovenly, and it’s repulsive. I never wear jeans and sweatshirts, I always dress nicely and color coordinated, even when vacuuming my car or going to the store!
In short, it's easier to be trashy than classy.
You are correct. It's also lazier, less creative for the most part and often simply disrespectful Projecting that one "doesn't care" is not a positive trait over time.
And nothing worthwhile is ever easy either
Exactly!!!
Yes!!! this!!
Nowadays for some ppl, trashy is the new trend , thats the reason I left social media, too much toxicity around 🙂
My resolution for 2023 was to stop minimizing myself to make others feel good about themselves.
Amen!!! I love it!
Yes, do not shrink yourself so that others feel less intimidated.
This
Sometimes a weed doesn't realize it's a weed until a rose starts growing beside it. Thank you for being beautiful💖
Love it❤
I NEEDED TO HEAR THIS! I get backlash all the time for being too dressed up or too elegant. I really think the general populous dislikes class. I feel like no one "gets" me. Elegance and Class have always been a part of my personality and I am being myself.
Always be yourself! People stare like madness at me all the time as a male who dress properly!
@@TheNomad8899 You are a rarity! I love men who dress classy!
You're not alone!
Danielle we may not know one another but know that you aren’t alone! There are women out here who feel the same as you and yes it’s hard being elegant. We are misunderstood in a world of classlessness!
@@disapphire Yes classlessness is right! But I've always been true to myself, so I'm not stopping now.
"Elegance is the only beauty that never fades". - Audrey Hepburn
EXCELLENT VIDEO! Keep shining your LIGHT!
Thank you for this! I work with 10 women like this. Just having good posture, grammar, and table manners intimidates some people! Reminds me of the saying that you may be the juiciest, freshest, sweetest peach, and there will always be someone who doesn’t like peaches. Let’s embrace elegance without shame. Elegance is achievable by anyone who wants it. It’s mostly about self-respect, healthy habits, kindness.
I think Dita Von Teese said that
Excellent comment.
@@sandybeach123 Thanks!
Wow I love that saying about the peaches. I never heard it before.
Agreed! Good posture is so important. Makes such a difference in how you feel and are perceived.
I have found that women are like this because men appreciate femininity and elegance, and some women don't want to put forth the effort to improve themselves, so they don't want you to, either. And that's a shame. We women are our own worst enemies. I try to say something positive to every woman I have a conversation with, whether it be their hair looks good, the color they are wearing flatters them, that they are smart and interesting to talk to...something truthful. It goes a long way to make women feel more secure around you, and it makes you feel good, too.
You are a wise, compassionate and gracious woman ✨💛✨
@@ladylana3093 Thank you for the kind words. :)
❤️
Yes, I’ve always thought this. They look at you as if to say: Didn’t you get the memo that we’re not supposed to dress up? Lol.
@@suzannegriffin5121you're correct as a guy I appreciate women who dress elegantly whether it's an outfit dress or skirt
People lost the good manners and behaviours, rudeness becomes the basic rule in nowadays unfortunately,
so your topic is a return to the age of innocence when men used to take off hats for ladies all of them well dressed no vulgarity no violence, this is exactly what I wish to see in this time :elegance, kindness and the edges of respect ❤
I think I know why women make take offense to elegant dressing. Not so long ago, women were fundamentally dressing for sex appeal to get a husband. It was because they couldn't work, so had to "get" a husband. I think what we are doing today strikes people as going backwards. I am 65 years young, so I understand the pushback.
Oh I wish I'd lived in a time when men took off their hats for ladies. I'm in my mid-forties, I love to watch old movies from before I was even born, I love the way that people dress so nicely and behave so nicely in these old movies.
I once had a friend, a male friend, who had been taught by his father to always help a lady with her coat on, and every time I was somewhere with him, he would help me into my coat. I haven't seen this person in like...fifteen years. But I still remember that, vividly. Sad that I can't really recall any other men I've known who acted in such a gentlemanly way.
man expect me to say thank you when he opening the door
I told one guy after he did it
Are man suppose to open the door for me as normal??
But I came from country where man always does it and no thank you to him for it
I’ve been called “bougie” most of my life by jealous people. It’s hilarious when they point their pinky to imitate me. I immediately know they aren’t elegant. Classy people don’t call others names, they mind their own business, and they educate themselves. Education proves that pinkies out is not how it’s done. Thank you Anna.
Tell them sis ❤
Bougie didn't exist in the lexicon until two years ago.
@@almark6548 Says who? You?
I and my sister was called bougie as well, only for wanting to improve ourselves and not follow trends we found detrimental or distasteful. I am grateful I no longer allow what others think of me or have their criticisms didacte my thinking.
What is a bougie anyway? I am not a native English speaker, so I am not very familiar with slang.
However, as far as I remember, "bougie" exists in French and it means "candle". So maybe they were subconsciously making you a compliment... 🙂
I was quite the elegant child growing up, and carried myself with grace and confidence, but I got bullied mercilessly for years that I dimmed it all down, then got into a trashier lifestyle, and really lost myself and the natural elegant touch I once had. I have been recently trying to restore that, who I really am. They want us to be ourselves, well that is who I was all along.
Glad to read that you have regained your inner elegance!
❤
You got this. Be you!
I have had the same experience. Sad how many people just want to drag us down to their own level to feel better about themselves.
Elegance is a mindset and a lifestyle. If someone is offended they have interpersonal wounds. Ignore their offense, keep it classy and remain elegant. ❤
I am startled by the people who approach me and say "Why are you so dressed up?" They never say instead "You look great". I always shrug and change the subject, but remain slightly appalled at how rude they are. I am glad Anna has spoken about this aspect of human behavior and glad I am not the only one.
What I've done is when I see a woman of any age looking fabulous and put together, I tell her she looks fabulous! The woman is Always happily surprised😊
Were you simply overdressed? I am asking because I worked in an office where everyone always looked like they rolled out of bed. Since that wasn't my style, co workers would always ask "why are you so dressed up?" Looking back, I should have read the room and toned it down a bit to avoid the "rude" comments. The women in the office might not have been as intimidated by me.
Really? I always get compliments.
@@idivas_Tricia But you shouldn’t have to change the way you like to dress in order to fit in.
Dressing nice gives me self-confidence and something to look forward to everyday. I noticed that dressing like a bum makes me feel like it too.
At a point in time when I was really depressed, putting more effort into my appearance was one of the ways I managed to become happier.
@@AM-vn4cc I'm not suggesting that we should give up on looking good just to please others. I agree with you that when we're well put together, it can lift our spirits even when we're feeling down.What I'm saying is that being too overdressed will only cause others to look you up and down in a negative way.
I think part of the issue is also that society has become extremely relaxed, even to the point of lazy dressing, so that anyone making the slightest effort stands out even more. Years ago I was asked why I was "all dressed up" when I was wearing jeans, simply because I was also wearing a small string of pearls that my grandmother had given me.
Im a goth teenager and I still find so much helpful information from your vids and appreciate them for what they are. Elegance is a mindset! People will find ways to be offended with everything on the internet, so don't take it too personally. Love your vids!!
Morticia Addams was elegant. She didn’t need traditionally girl colors.
I'm a 39 year old goth, keep on being you! It's not a phase🖤 elegant goth is gorgeous, exude confidence in your darkness.
Thanks for the kind replies from the both of you! Happy to hear people who are accepting of the gothic lifestyle
What is wrong with you
@@alexiakelley4245 omg so true
I was once told by my cousin’s wife that I was dressed “too professionally” for a family gathering. I had on a pair of nice trousers and top. This happens to me a lot when I level up. I just keep moving forward and don’t let those comments drag me down to sweats and hoodies. I *want* to be the woman who people look at and say “gosh, I wish I looked as elegant as she does.”
Everybody thinks of me as “stuck up “ because I’m always “dressed up “ & put together even with 3 kids . They think I’m too much hahaha BUT this is me , Im working on being the best version of myself . More classy everyday !
Don't think your children don't notice. My mother was always slim, clean, in handmade dresses. Total class all the way. Also, never swore, kept her own counsel.
When you're being your "bad-self" it makes other people feel good about themselves, "sure I'm bad, but not as much as her." And one of the reasons they dislike classy is because it takes work to look after yourself and control your behavior. They don't want to do it, and so it's easier to dislike you. But, I also think that "likes attract likes" -- I don't want to be in a company of people with bad behavior either. So win-win.
YES! Exactly this!!!
Mom always said "It is better to overdress than to underdress".
yesss
I've lived in six different countries, and I really appreciate this video too. I get called a princess for caring about the way I am dressed. I am not vain; I just like to look nice in public. I don't like overdoing it, but a clean, elegant (somewhat preppy) style suits my personality and makes me comfortable. The only countries where I was not judged for this were Oman and South Korea.
Because they know the importance of dressing up to be at your best. Yet, the whole world calls them superficial lol.
I love the preppy style, It's my style also 🤍 and as I grow older I really don't care about other people's opinions, I just want to feel myself happy 🤗
@@lenavandy I'm exactly the same. I've always liked the preppy style (though I never really pulled it off in school). But as I've grown older, I like it even more, will make the effort to pull it off, and could not care less what people think or say about it. If I get smirked at and called "prissy", "princess-like", or "preppy", I've decided to take these as compliments regardless of how they are intended.
the extrem casual trend is a western thing.
@@kidaria1333 I would agree with you, but I view Italians as western, and I do not see them (at least not the women) as embracing the extreme casual trend. At least, this is not the case for women in Rome. I also noticed that women seemed to dress more elegantly in Stockholm. Perhaps this is more related to the city - but I was on the outskirts of Rome (in Marino) as well, and I found women to be be very nicely dressed. It was a breath of fresh air from where I currently live in Germany.
I once went to an event in an outfit I adored, and the women around me gave me the up and down. One companion insisted I was overdressed and needed to wear a crop top and shorts next time. I felt horrible. I failed to fit in with these people. In retrospect, it was a strong lesson that we can use clothing to connect with people. It also challenged me to consider severing ties with people who placed much more emphasis on my choice of wardrobe than our friendship.
Exactly…get rid of toxic people in your life!
You were perfectly right, and they perfect asses ! You do you.
The only place to wear a crop top and shorts apart from holidays in a hot climate is a wardrobe!!!
I live in an area where politeness, etiquette, being classy, eloquent is highly frowned upon. When I decided to be more classy, I got attacked verbally, digitally and even physically. But this doesn't stop me from wanting to be disciplined and classy. I am still working on not using cuss words bcuz of the annoying people I constantly deal with 😊
Please Tell the Story and situational " reason " for a physically Attack??
That's terrible! Really sorry you have to go through all of that. It's so amazing that you chose to be elegant and follow the things you love. Wishing you the best on your elegance journey❤
@@KrischtelMeff I was once dressed very decently and classy minding my own business running errands and I was attacked with rocks and mud by a group of university students . They were shouting that I was looking down on them and I would soon be poor just like them. I have never met these people in my life and they attacked me for no reason
@@wendynjoki4820 I'm so sorry to hear that. But they did have a reason. A trigger is maybe a better word- and that's their own insecurities and feeling of being threatened by your own self worth. So sad people are so lost and so out of respect for themselves and consequently others that they are being so nasty.
Cuss words are so grating and really hateful. Films have normalised their usage. They pollute the air they are uttered in. Stick to your guns and remain disciplined and classy in the face of those annoying people.
I love Sophia Loren’s quote “Cultivating beauty is a form of respect for those we love.” I feel that lack of respect for others and even for oneself is at the heart of the deplorable and sloppy appearance of many. This can be seen on air travel, churches, and funerals. It may also be partially due to laziness. I am not wealthy or hold any status whatsoever, but our mother taught us to always be clean and presentable. Thank you for your elegance & encouragement. 💝💖
Is it though? I think it's awfully vain to look at the people around me and think they got dressed a particular way because of me. Honestly thiers a difference between having good hygiene and dressing up.
But if my friend wears yoga pants on the plain I'm not gonna get think that they are disrespecting me trying to be comfy.
Love your comment Jana, I'm like you, certainly not wealthy at all, but I think our everyday lives would be so much
more interesting and enjoyable if everybody would make a bit of an effort with their appearance. And for all you
people out there, please: use less foul and bad language!!! Thank you.
I had to comment to let you know that I wrote down your wonderful Sophia Loren quote so I can see it as I work on my computer.
This is so true! whenever I don't care for myself, I certainly am not showing respect for myself
I think being a better version of yourself doesn't mean being someone else or losing one's original identity.
What is wrong with people?!? Frankly, I love seeing ladies in beautiful dresses. Elegance is such a wonderful lost thing in this world. We need more of it.
I do totally agree
Reading a lot of these comments has made me feel understood. My mother is and Image Coach and Life Coach, so growing up I was taught from a young age everything that Anna teaches. In turn this has made me a bit of pariah growing up - often getting those negative comments from my peers growing up. I remember being ten years old in class being asked why I always sit up straight (we wore uniforms most days) and being called the weird girl because of it. Now, I'm 23 and I happen to be the one everyone is running to for advice on how to act in the "adult" world, especially when it comes to company dinners, job interviews, meeting the executives, bringing clients, etc. Because even though elegance is frowned upon in daily life by some in society, that same elegance translates into professional behaviour and helps a person succeed in their career.
Please consider teaching, I'd love to learn from someone who knew this from childhood as well!
The fact that so many people relate you being in your worst situation as "you being yourself" people really are sick.
Thank you so much.
Someone my age told me recently that I have a "bougie" walk but that its cute. I asked what he meant by it and basically he said; walking straight, good posture. 😂 My elderly boss who is retiring and passing the business to his son, told my manager he finds me "elegant and dignified", in other words, I dress well and dont get involved in work drama. Its good to have decorum and dress for the occasion but Id rather be slightly overdressed than underdressed, in all occasions. As for elegance being connected to the upper classes, thats nonsense. I see plenty of upper class ladies look like Stepford Wives, with no originality or elegance. They all shop in the same stores, drive the same cars, and can swap kids and no one would notice. True personal style, elegance and class comes for good manners and having a touch of originality and incorporating it in to your style; a signature perfume, a signature piece of jewelry, etc.. Ive seen wealthy people who dress like eccentric bums and working class ladies who rival ladies who do lunch, when it comes to dress. Wear the best you can afford and wear it well.
@@Julia-nl3gq i want to improve my posture, would you say yoga helps your posture naturally or is it something that I'll have to constantly think about so I can fix it in the moment?
@@Julia-nl3gq I completely agree. "Good carriage" as the British say, goes a long way. It elevates any wardrobe. You dont want to be too stiff or walk with an air of conceit but just pulling the shoulders back, not being afraid to make eye contact, smiling, making sure you arent dragging your feet, etc.. are all good things. On one trip to Paris, I went out with a restaurateur who told me his biggest gripe with staff was foot dragging. It drove him mad. I still remember him saying "If you are too tired to lift your feet, stay home in bed!" 😁 My father used to chastise my siblings and I for dragging our feet too, when we were young. Its not something you hear people point out who have been raised in North America.
@@albacorona2472 Yoga helps. Anything that works your core and back muscles will improve posture. But it also takes conscious effort at first until it's a habit.
What I've noticed here in the USA, if you're elegant, dress well and are classy, you're almost an anomaly, because most people are quite bland, lazy in their dress appearance, not very feminine and don't exude much class in their speech and mannerisms, " being yourself " equates to the excuse of non judgemental, classless behavior, which to me is unacceptable and yes I do look down upon it!😅😮
Yes, it was cultural shock when I moved here from Europe..feels like I don't fit in.
I’m an American and it’s even a culture shock to me 😂 You can be comfortable and still dress nice and presentable. I can never get over seeing people in literal PJ pants while walking around the grocery store 😂 Of course there are exceptions… if someone has a disability or they are an older adult… I’m not going to judge those.
Americans and their love for athleisure wear never fails to confuse me
@@Anonym-pz3mm Lol! So true 👍
It depends, if you live in big cities in the east coast, you can see a lot of very elegant people in the streets.Usually Americans dress well for the work.
Great subject! Thank you for tackling it, and you did a magnificent job! My mother was as elegant as Jacqueline Kennedy, and she grew up on a farm with only horses for transportation and no indoor plumbing. It's about living life with grace. In my mother's generation elegant ladies were everywhere you looked, even among the poor! There can never be too many elegant ladies in this world.
Self respect and dignity is not from money, it’s from choice and effort.
I feel this so much LOL. I live in Ireland where the idea of having "notions about yourself" is very pervasive, and the term is overused to the point that taking basic care of yourself and wearing makeup and dresses means that you're self-obsessed and prideful, regardless of how you actually live your life 🤦🏼♀️ I take care not to be a proud person but I still like to wear lipstick, heels and dresses on a normal day, and a lot of people get seriously upset over it due to their own insecurities! It's quite sad.
They're envious. Take it as a back handed compliment.
I didn't know it was that bad in Ireland but here in London it's not much better. Civilisation has ended long ago.
@@sarahsarah2534 London isn't that great in this respect, despite being an otherwise great city. In Liverpool nobody gives you the side eye for wanting to look your best but in London you have to dress down for sure.
@@KantoCafe715 True! I'm surprised, though: one would think an elegant person would draw attention in Liverpool.
@@sarahahmed113 haha probably so, but at least you are unlikely to get the side eye as people there are so keen on dressing up themselves
When I was in college, my boyfriend invited me to a social hour with the dean of the business school (my bf had recently entered the program). He told me it was formal attire, so I dressed and did my hair accordingly. When we arrived, people were wearing jeans and shorts and I felt incredibly awkward. They definitely thought I was "trying too hard" and I'm sorry to say I didn't hold my head up high and laugh it off. I was withdrawn and miserable. It's kind of an extreme example, but I realize now that being overdressed is not something to be ashamed of! The worst thing of that night was probably that my boyfriend was embarrassed when he saw I was overdressed and hardly said a word to me the entire night. It goes without saying that we did not date for much longer!
i was in similar situstion!!!i can truly relate to this❤
It's better to be overdressed, that way you can loosen up if necessary. Wipe off makeup, take off jewelry, let your hair down, take off a blazer etc. Being underdressed is way more awkward imo. I see it as a show of respect to the host to show up well dressed to an event. I'd be honored if people showed up to an evening I organized looking put together! Sorry you had an experience like that, glad you realized it wasn't a mistake on your part. Also, imo it's only "trying too hard" if you look like a fish out of water. If elegance and being well dressed comes naturally to you, wear it with confidence and people who feel intimidated by that will show themselves.
@@Hamppariranskis Such a good point! And honestly, it seems to me that people were UNDERdressed considering the occasion. I will definitely reframe the experience that I was just showing due respect for my host. 👍
Good you dumped that creep!
I think that is a problem we encounter when we are young and not as confident as our presentation. I've had similar experiences. It can be very uncomfortable...
People who don't like you being classy, probably don't like the attention you are getting for it. They subconsciously worry that people will look at you more favorably than them and are threatened. It's easier when nobody dresses well. If you are the only one in the group who dresses well, others may feel threatened.
I just went to a distant family event. I was told I looked like a cross between Jackie Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe. I loved it!! I plan my outfits at night while falling asleep. I'm always way more dressed than everyone. This is me! I'm not going to conform to be accepted. And I couldn't agree more with Anna, kindness, empathy, respect...that's true class.
I love that! Do you have any advice for a beginner, where to start with fashion?
I plan my outfits too when I fall asleep!! :D
I always check the weather forecast and plan my outfit the night before. Accessories, makeup, colours, the whole head to toe look, with a selection of gorgeous umbrellas to complement my look if rain is expected.
I absolutely LOVE people staring at me. It means I've successfully escaped from herd conformity.
@Joan Arc Hi Arc! Well, I am generations younger than these 2 gorgeous women and had zero to do with their personal lives. I am extremely flattered by the reference. For me both women had a unique beauty that has influenced generations. I really don't need to say any more on this topic. Wishing you a phenomenal weekend!
@Kasey well said, and both women were style icons. Marilyn was so photogenic and some of her most beautiful photos captured her elegant style. Kudos to you for knowing who you are and what works for you. Very few women know how to put themselves together. I’m not particularly fond of Melania Trump, but I appreciate some of her style choices. Your response to this comment shows that you capture the essence of elegance-not in look, but also in how you positively responded to a negative comment. This is precisely what Anna is talking about.
I get this feeling from people too. Mostly because they're jealous or they feel inferior. They also judge you a lot harsher.
Thank you Anna - all excellent points. In addition, the most common reason I've seen is just plain old jealousy... from which emerges resentment. They resent a higher standard as they feel it highlights their shortcomings in comparison. If it creates resentment instead of motivating them to better themselves, then they are just looking for an excuse to justify their laziness and low standards, and taking out their self-disgust on you.
I was trying to explain your channel to my boyfriend and how it has helped me, he didn’t like it one bit. I’m really grateful for your channel, I don’t care what anyone says. It’s inspiring me to change myself inside and outside for the better. I’m tired of sabotaging myself with smoking, drinking, feeling bad and looking bad all the time. Your channel makes me hopeful that life will get better when I take better care of myself.
Thank you, Anna ✨
It makes your boyfriend feel insecure, time for a new one!
@@kimberlyperrotis8962 yes 💯 I agree, thank you 💕
@@sageskrillex Indeed it sounds like you’ve outgrown him! Good for you!
I used to smoke drink, and do drugs I quit 10 or 15 years ago and I know for a fact that my life is so much better my mind and my body is clean I feel and look great. I always want other people to do the same thing because they’re missing out on a great life.
That’s too bad that he doesn’t like it he probably feels threatened by you being your best self why not invite him to be his best self with you? And if he has a problem with that yikes get a new one.
Fantastic topic! Yes, some people pull away when they see a woman level up because they feel uncomfortable and judged, as if me wanting to upgrade my life (progressing in my job/career, changing up my style, changing the type of man that I date, changing my diet, etc.) is somehow condemning them for their choices. In a way it's because they know they could be doing better and are ashamed that they haven't put in the effort. It hurts to loose friends in such a way, but perhaps it is necessary to progress.
How I relate. Powerful comment .
I have experienced this resistance to class and elegance for decades. I simply maintain a classic put together look which most no longer do. I refuse to change.
Me, too.🙂
Where I grew up behaving in a classy way was always perceived as "stuck up". Like, "Look, they think they're better than us!" But the person was usually pretty nice, they were just well groomed/dressed, had good posture, and were well spoken. That's all. I always thought it was something to aspire to. As an adult now, I'm here learning how to be more polished as a person. :)
I love that you own your past and don't try to hide or run from the person you once were. You are such an inspiration and prove that we can reinvent ourselves and become an overall better person physical and mentally.
People can be offended even by elegant behavior, it's hard for them to understand that not everyone farts, burps or even at home I want to look elegant.
😅
I had to tell someone once that we are smarter than animals we should know better
I agree, not every rich person is elegant or classy and not every poor person is antisocial and trashy. And you feel so much better when you dress at least a little bit up and you take care of yourself.
I stand by what you said in an earlier video: elegance and manners and are about being considerate of others. It's about going through life in an uplifting and empathetic manner.
Oh yes! I remember that video-that definition was really helpful, wasn’t it? ✨👌☺️
I grew up hearing, “it’s better to be overdressed than underdressed.” People today get offended by EVERYTHING. Being classy and elegant is both about appearance and behavior.
Had this problem my entire life. I take my son to school and they look at me as if I was an alien. Once they even told me that they don't go to the hairdresser because they are not judgmental people and only judgmental people dress up or look good because they always criticise others 😅
😅
They hate it because elegance requires effort. ,and there are a lot of women who just tell a guy, take me like I am no matter how crude they are behaving. They don't like having to look at you. It's like a mirror being put up, and they don't like what they see.
period! true words!
I admire you for not being afraid to show your less than stellar moments as an example that we can all choose to be better.❤
Choosing to be elegant is a rejection common social norms (to be edgy, self degrading, narcissistic), so it requires a bit of confidence and an independent spirit. 😄
I disagree. You can be edgy and elegant. I loved Vivienne Westwood, God rest her soul.
I would consider myself classy with a bit of an intense edge.
I agree that narcissistic behaviour is in direct conflict with elegance
So correct
Girl, yes. Tbh I think the most elegant thing we can do today is to not post ourselves too sexualized on social media. To me literally everything else is better, just don't post those awkward "sexy" TikToks lol.
Anna Bey! As a straight male, I know most of your content is not for men like me. But, you teach me a lot about class psychology and female/male psychology. I think your content is actually very useful for young men if they would listen. The elegant values cross genders and are very insightful and useful for those who want to be able to interact across social classes. Also, American men are starved for feminine women. Feminine women barely exists in the west these days. The women are all on anti-depressants, and anxiety meds which seems to have made many of them emotionally colder than is attractive or much less affectionate. Anyway, just one guys opinion. Thanks for your hard work.
There’s plenty of women looking for masculine men too, but being elegant or classy is not a sex thing; it’s a choice either sex can make.
A well groomed and put together guy is appreciated just as much as the girl version.
Unfortunately there’s these old ideas that being a trashbag is masculine, it’s not lol, it’s just that men had smaller social consequences for it, boys being boys as an excuse to be a lesser version of self.
It’s not masc or fem to have or not have emotions either; it’s human ;)
Hey I can agree with you on this. Good points.
This is a really good summation.
I hate to say it, but to be completely honest, in my demographic, it's considered bougie, stuck up, or being a race traitor to act classy and elegant, and to be beautiful and feminine. Unfortunately being trashy, loud, and nasty is more acceptable. Really warped thinking.
Also good point on who the medication makes people not as warm and loving. I think birth control might play into that as well.
@@Deanna974 yep, we have it here, you’re a snob if you dress that way or talk without swearing.
I like my denim, don’t get me wrong, but a nice tailored jacket and nice shoes can definitely change the way a person feels looking in the mirror; humans do appreciate beauty, don’t need to be airbrushed perfection but effort has dignity in it.
The meds do affect some, that’s quite true. (I see it at work in community health) but I think there’s a lot of self-absorbed people around too, definitely not helping.
But you do you amiga and amigo, it’s our choice.
@@Deanna974 Lol. I understand totally. The other half of my family is of a similar demographic. I've seen what you are describing for most of my life. However, you may have noticed that thankfully this past truth has been changing for the better. The self confidence, willingness to learn different things, and the variety cross cultural relationships of my cousins is 10x that of our grandparents, Aunts/ Uncles in their time. I also have noticed that over the years, my self improvement has caused me to have less and less in common with old friends. But my friend network of highly motivated, intelligent, wise, and experienced folks of all ages has exploded. Many blessings are disguised and slow to revel themselves. But they are blessings all the same. Thank you for reading.
My dad used to do motor repairs in his shed but I remember him wearing a shirt and tie everyday underneath his overalls. That's elegance. Giving people room to pass you in the street. Being kind to yourself with your thoughts and actions towards yourself and others and having strength of mind in who you are and your own convictions. Elegance is in how you present yourself to yourself and the world around you, non apologetically and without contempt for others. It's something I'm learning all the time. I like how this lady touched on this topic because learning tolerance towards others (however hard sometimes) is crucial in having elegance. Very true It's how you move through life and no amount of smart clothes can give you that without the right mindset
As I've observed for a couple decades, it's a "come-as-you-are" world! Go anywhere wearing whatever you were wearing at home, even pyjama bottoms!! Treat public spaces as though you're in your own living room? 😖 And just like there are non-wealthy people who behave elegantly, there are some wealthy people who DON'T behave elegantly. As a general practice, I think it's better to be overdressed for an occasion than to be under-dressed.
Only in North America. In many parts of the world, come as you are gets you politely told off.
@@susiex6669 It has spread to other parts of the world as well. Last time I was in Paris, so many poorly dressed French citizens there. If time travel existed. someone from the 17th century would be appalled at what they would see today.
@@mtngrl5859 Keep in mind that Western Europe has suffered mass immigration from elsewhere in the last ten years. It will take awhile for everyone to integrate. And I think it also depends on where youre staying in the city. When I went to Paris, I was staying in the 11ieme arrondisement and found the people in that area and next door in Le Marais to be well dressed. On the other hand, when I went to Gallerie Lafayette to ogle the Gaultier purses Ill never own, when I left, I took a wrong turn and was literally like "Holy fxxx, where am I?" I thought I had stepped through a portal to another dimension. I felt so out of place, all the women were foreign, very conservative, casual and everyone was staring at me like I was in the wrong neighborhood. I was wearing heels and light make up. I felt like a giraffe at the zoo. I couldnt leave fast enough! 😂😂😂
@@susiex6669 While what you are say is true, there has been migration even when I visited the first time in the 1970's. While there has always been a difference between the Left and the Right Banks, during my last visit there, I felt it was pretty sad state of affairs.
@@mtngrl5859 You can not compare regulated migration in the 70s to the flood gates being swung wide open with illegal migration swamping Western Europe since Kaddafi's assassination. Already, Paris had a lot of illegals when I first went there twenty years ago, Id hate to see the state of the city now.
Elegance is not just for ourselves, but also for the people in general. Elegance, therefore, is a generous attitude towards ourselves and others. It brings harmony to our lives, and that is a very important thing to be sorrounded of. Saludos from Buenos Aires, Ana. Keep on doing the good job you do.
One time when I went out with my husband to a musical violin event and a lady told us we look so dressed up. I just laughed and said thank you 🤷♀️ I only care to look put together and attractive to my husband.
We must not allow other people's limited perceptions to define us.
This! Thank you for putting it so eloquently. It's not just elegance, the same is true for modesty. As a conservative Christian, when I try to express my opinions on the way women dress today, some of them quickly react that it's none of my business, that it's who they are and that's how they express themselves. I am all for self-expression, but I believe that modesty and elegance really go hand in hand when a woman wants to be treated with respect. I know that there will always be people who will disrespect us no matter how concealed we are in our clothing, but there will also be many people who will appreciate us for not flaunting more than what is appropriate.
That happened to me few years back, pre pandemic. I attended a party and this person came up to me and said the very same thing, "Why are you so dressed up?" I simply smiled and said thank you. Moved on.
If it was me I would compliment you on your outfit
I'm not rich, but I practice elegance. I always have been because that's what Christian women should practice. And I learn a lot from your tips Anna. Thank you & keep going. ❤😮
Hello elegant sister in Christ ❤️🤗
This is true my grandma taught me about being modest and I’ve always stayed this way. Being a church goer you are used to being expected to be a lady. I thank my grandma ❤
I was raised in an upper middle class home by educated parents. Manners were taught at an early age. Unfortunately, this was also an abusive home and I ran away. When I left, I met people from different backgrounds. Often it was working class people that offered me a meal. I remember having dinner at a truck stop. The driver that had bought me the dinner was eating dinner with me. I put my napkin in my lap, as was my habit. I never, ever put my elbows on the table. And I guess even the way I spoke was different. He commented on this. It was not a rude comment, he was just making an observation. My manners made me feel so different. And some people did seem to mistakenly believe that I thought I was better than everyone when I was simply being myself. As an impressionable teenager, the last thing I wanted was to be the odd one out or for people to think such negative things about me. So I started acting like them. No more table manners, and I cursed like a sailor. smh. The be yourself crowd needs to accept differences or else they need to stop claiming to value individuality.
The problem is when people see respectful people they question why they’re not like that so instead they get angry at you instead
Anna thank you so much for the content. I am over 50 and I dress nice everywhere I go. When I am actually going out to a function, I really amped it up even more. I come from a long line of women who do the same, my grandmother, her sisters, my mother and her sisters. I can't help it honestly and I don't want to. I often get asked where am I going. I just respond kindly, never haughty, "I'm going where I am right now." I get called fancy, sassy, classy, perfect even. I just take it in stride. Never ever let it go to your head. I also get jeers, sneers and literal looks of disgust. I literally ignore it as if I don't see it. I have too many people that are kind and loving towards me to care and I think to highly of myself for it to bother me. Being elegant also means being graceful, kind, understanding, setting healthy boundaries, and minding my own business. Stay elegant ladies.
Totally agree, I'm 59 & carry myself with style,wide leg trouser suits & beautiful blouses, & clean trainers, looking good has always given me extra confidence, don't smoke or drink & can dress stylish on a budget.I often get asked where are you going. We live 1 life, & it's a little harder to pull it off after 50, but having pride in one's appearance is a must for me.
Go head! I like your comment.
BEAUTIFULLY said Anna! The comments below also verify what I think is a major reason people are triggered by elegance: jealousy. Someone below said it best: it's easier to be trashy than be elegant. People don't want to make the effort and when someone else obviously HAS made the effort it makes them feel less beautiful, less accomplished, etc. I asked my mother (a perfect example of an elegant lady) whether she would feel better to be overdressed or underdressed for any event. She said overdressed as it expressed care of herself plus respect for other people in the event. Not trying, not making an effort in appearance has become some sort of badge of honor. How did that happen? It wasn't too long ago that if someone DIDN'T make an effort in their appearance they were looked down upon. Now, it's the opposite! When I make the effort to look my best, I feel better. No one can take that away from me. Vive L'elegance!
My parents were not wealthy and lived on a tight budget. But my Mom was great at picking out clothes and accesories. They always looked great. I wish we would go back to dolling up.
LOL jealousy
Most of the time I make the effort because I like to, but then there are days I'm schlepping to the corner store in my flannel jams, fluffy slippers, under a long raincoat, grab what I need, and hope nobody notices! Whew!
I dont think its a question of it being easy, its also upbringing and some people not knowing any better. Quick anecdote, I had a friend in my early 20s who had very bad self esteem and didnt like the way she looked so she just wore oversized sports clothes. I always told her she was pretty and could wear any style but she didnt believe me or anyone else. One day I decided we were all going to have a sleep over at a friends house (we were all summer camp counselors) and I brought lots of my own clothes with me and a camera. I picked outfits for her, she tried them on, I took a picture of each one, had them develloped, gave them to her and said "This is what we see." It completely changed her outlook. She loved the pictures, it inspired her to change her style and to dress more feminine. I try not to judge others unless people are being brazenly vulgar or are judging me. We havent all had the same opportunities in life.
''It wasn't too long ago that if someone DIDN'T make an effort in their appearance they were looked down upon. Now, it's the opposite!'' - This. First we think there is an improvement, but soon the coin is just flipped.
Apparently, humans can't do without degrading others.
And somehow we have to live well in the midst of it.
This just happened to me on the weekend, I went to a house party & "dressed up" wearing a elegant cocktail dress & blazer, everyone else was in jeans & hoodies. People kept on asking me if I finished work or a corporate meeting... Mind you everyone did not put me down for what I was wearing, in fact I got compliments the whole night even though I felt overdressed!
I always say I'd rather be a little overdressed than underdressed! I'm sure you looked fabulous and had a few people wishing they would have put a little extra effort into their outfit!
That's why you have to surround yourself with classy people. Even if they are not elegant, they are classy, polite, and respectful. A lot of people in the comments were unfortunately in less stellar neighborhood/environment populated with uncouth people.
I think an interesting follow up video would be how to deal with these people in an elegant manner. What to say when people ask, "why are you so dressed up?" I feel like this is a common issue for people who live in countries where the clothing is generally casual (or where it's acceptable to go into a store in pajamas 😂)
I use to get this a lot more in my twenties but I never replied. Why go on the defensive when youre doing nothing wrong? Id just smile and ignore the comment.
It depends on how they say it. I've been asked why I'm dressed up and I just said it's bc I like it, it gives me confidence to look well put together. I don't see anything offensive about simply asking why as long as they aren't mean about it.
You just ask them why they are so underdressed.
I just look at them for a longer moment , roll my eyes and walk away. I don’t own explanation to anybody how I live my life. Only totally classes people will ask you that question. Don’t waist your time and energy for that. Enjoy looking beautiful and being different.
yesssssss❤
Anna, I am SO glad that someone is speaking out on this. I think that the perception of elegance and/or class can be VERY triggering. It signals that you are not a typical member of the tribe.
I 1000% agree with this and have said it for years! I'm a glam girl who owns a skin studio and I look like my brand. I have on many occasions gotten misunderstood for being stuck up simply because I was raised with a certain amount of class even in rough areas. People take it as if you're trying to be better than them. It's annoying!
You sound like a woman I used to work with. Beautiful and great facialist. A lot of women at my work didn't take the time to get to know her because they thought she was stuck up but she was one of the warmest people there.
Let’s put a positive spin on it. Whilst I’m also privy to thoughtless comments like ‘why are you so dressed up?’ I also am noticing that younger women in my circle (particularly in the office) are also ‘stepping it up’, making more effort, being more feminine! It’s almost as if I’ve given them ‘permission’ to and they openly tell me that I’ve inspired them.
Yes, some still frown on it, because it’s foreign to them… but ladies, keep shining the gems of elegance, it is what the world needs. Even if you feel alone in this journey sometimes… remember people are always watching!
My life is enhanced with elegance, I wouldn’t have it any other way. Never change ladies!! ❤
A great comparison example of Elegance in the movies is in Pretty Woman in the way the rich ladies in the dress shop treated Julia Roberts when she went to buy clothing on Rodeo for the gala versus the way the older classy lady taught her etiquette and manners. The biggest Hallmark of Elegance is kindness and anybody who behaves in a way that they think is elegant without kindness and acceptance to people is a loser.
I’ve had girls be very nasty to me calling me posh and a snob. Now I’m older I don’t care. I know it’s because they’re threatened because somewhere in life they’ve messed up and my current presence to them is making them think that in the moment so they take it out on me.
Literally this- they are insecure with their own poor life choices so take it out on you. What’s funny is that they could have just asked you for tips instead of judging you 😑
Honestly what is wrong with everyone's circles? I have never been given grief about the way I dress, only compliments. Am I the only one who has never been given a hard time here?
I found I reap the rewards of living right,so I don't care what they think
You are very lucky and blessed my dear. Simple as that. A lot of friendships have imbalances and are thus unsuccessful!
People also no longer seem to have the ability to use SOME information people present and leave the rest- like you said, they can only think in terms of all or nothing.
To Everyone!!! Keep dressing elegant!!! If others don’t like it, That’s their problem not yours!!! Life’s too short to keep those b🥲gorgeous outfits in the closet just to appease those who don’t appreciate or approve! 💜😉
The more women dress up in outfits dresses or skirts the better in my opinion
Oof! I’ve lost track of the times I was attacked for looking classy and sophisticated… Dont stop shining ladies! 💅🏼✨
It's sad that women get attacked just for dressing up.
Great topic Anna. Well presented. I noticed for many years now that there is a war on excellence. It doesn't stop me from being my best daily and dressing well. Thank you. You are fabulous.
Agreed, there is a war on excellence of every kind, people are anti-education, anti-science, anti-behavior within boundaries. These people want yo drag everyone down to their own level of mediocrity so that they no longer feel inferior.
That's exactly what it is. Mediocrity is the new goal for everyone, its seems.
My father was an officer in the Air Force and as his daughter, I was raised to behave a certain way. I don't allow people to abuse me or be rude to me but I don't handle it in the way many others think I should. I have been publicly embarrassed by someone shouting to me in a meeting that I was "too nice!". I thought that this person was one of the most vulgar people I have ever met even though I didn't say that. People interpret elegance as being timid and weak when it isn't. I am very persistent and get to the point when I believe in something. I think Anna can help me deal with this better. Right now I feel very invalidated and alone even to the point of being afraid to go out in public in some cases. I don't think I am better than other people but because of how I was raised I tend to stick out like a sore thumb in today's culture. Can anyone relate?
Check out Universe Guru, you might like her take on the matter
I can definitely relate. However when people are outright rude and vulgar to me I am often too shocked to speak and regret it later. I don’t want to get down to their level but at the same time I really want to defend myself against them…
I know this is hard to believe, but those rude comments say more about themselves than they do about you.
I always dream up these witty responses back to people in my head, but usually, silence is the best response to insensitive comments. It leaves them wondering what you think about them and can put them in the hot seat too.
I worked with the Air Force for years. One of the alumnus's widow told me once she had to attend several classes on how to behave as an officer's wife. It was very interesting.
I completely understand how you feel. I grew up in San Francisco and my father was a doctor. I had to dress up to go out to dinner. Now I am 63 years old, single, and I live in the suburbs of Chicago. I attend a Catholic church in my neighborhood. This is my second church because I ultimately had to leave my last church due to harassment from women ( never men). I now am getting the comments from women at the new church, ‘Why did you wear that red sweater?!’, ‘You should get out of those high heels!’ I refuse to be chased out of another church. I wonder if women perceive femininity as sexual and therefore evil? I definitely experience other women having such a strong reaction to my appearance that they cannot control their hostility. It is a little scary. Is it jealously? Is it fear of sexuality? Is t dominance? What is the hostility about?
Love Anna's honesty. About her past and also straight speaking approach. So true, insecure people don't usually like those who shine elegantly. It makes them feel uncomfortable. Tough! That is their problem. You keep being you and being fabulous. That is all. There will always be jealous haters backbiting. Who cares!
I experienced this a lot during my studies and it made me completely change my style to something that wasn’t true to myself. I wanted to dress a bit more grown up than I had in my teens, and I had always been taught to dress elegantly. But I got so many stares for even doing something as simple as wearing a skirt or a blouse, I resorted to wearing just jeans and T-shirts constantly. Finally I’m finding myself and my style again, and I am usually the most elegantly dressed at work, I’m an engineer and work with a lot of men, but I dress practically and genuine to myself. I don’t get stares or comments and I’m very comfortable in myself again.
I’ve been “called out” for my elegant behavior and aesthetic by a radio host at the beginning of my twenties. I was there speaking about modern artistic expressions, and he literally asked me do I think that I am better than everyone else for looking the certain way (?!). I was shocked. Our audience could not see me, it is a radio show, and yet he had to explain people what I am wearing to ask around is that too much (?!). It is a good thing that I learned behavior and how to react from the young age so I did not do something I would regret. It was always hard to be a lady. No matter if you have always been one or just now pulling one from the depths of your heart. If people feel like you are attacking them by your elegance, those are not your people. Lift your head, show your pearls.
i love this video so much! i’m a college/university student and i constantly get people being like “why are you so dressed up”, “why do you look so fancy”, “you try so hard” and it’s frustrating because sometimes it makes me think well maybe i should try less. and then i say no! this is who i am and i like myself the most when i “try hard” and “look fancy”. so i really appreciate this video topic. it’s very reassuring. one thing i do find though is that the “older” generations really appreciate my outfits more than younger people. and it always makes me smile when i can make their day.
I think some of the best fashion came from the 90s. Just look at the runway shows. Nothing but elegance and femininity.
Those who question the significance of elegance are generally insecure and feeling inadequate. Best to smile and say "thanks for noticing".
Yes indeed ! bring you down to make them the right one . Closed mind , insecurities , dreadful mindset really .
I’ve actually replied with “I’m sorry it bothers you” and noticed they realised it shouldn’t 😉
Oh! Good response!!! Im gonna use it. Thanks!
It’s crazy how some people get upset by it. I have been told that I don’t have to wear dresses and skirts because “everyone else is wearing jeans, so I could too if I wanted.” I said that’s good for them, but I like my style 😊
I never once thought of myself as elegant. But, it makes sense to me now how I’ve been treated by other women my whole life. Just wearing a simple dress, makeup, and earrings will get you hated. I wore pearls in my junior year high school picture. I had my makeup and hair done to leave the house as a single mom even if it was for grocery shopping. And I wore suit dresses and high heels on dates and to job interviews and always walked out with the job. The daggers and snide comments thrown my way have never made sense until now. I now understand why so many women have accused me of thinking I was better than them or that I was intimidating. I’m not intimidating, they are intimidated. Big difference. I’ve not ever thought I was better than anyone else. Thank you for this. I learned a lot.
There seems to be so many people now who live in leggings & jeans, even when they go to dinner. I went to my daughter's college program graduation dinner. People showed up in jeans. I was stunned. It was a formal dinner in a hotel. I'm wondering if they're depressed. I cannot imagine constantly living in jeans. Seems so boring. I think some people seem jealous when you start taking better care of yourself. There's no need for that. Anyone can do it. It definitely can help lift your spirits. Thank you, Anna for all your insight.
Thank you so much for this video, Anna. 💖
I constantly have strangers approaching me asking me why I’m dressed up, how do I find time to do my makeup, no one will care if I’m not put together, etc.
It has been a struggle since I was a teenager. My husband often refers to my style as too conservative. However, I prefer classy sexy over some of the "sexy" clothes of today. People also think that you consider yourself better than them if you carry yourself in an elegant way. 🤷🏽♀️
I’ve been dealing with this lately. Trying to figure out how my mere presence is offending people so much. I now understand
I experienced that all my life. People always judge me because I was different. Always classy and elegant and I love it. I enjoy being different and never cared what other people thought about me. They don’t pay my bills so why would care about them ? As my friend use to say.
...they can have just irrational fears based on previous experiences and associations with such style.
Not very chivalrous of him.
I also prefer classy over some of the so-called 'sexy' clothing of today. And, you know, I guess 'sexy' is all in the eye of the beholder, because I don't think that looking trashy and showing practically everything is actually sexy! I think classy is sexy.
Having manners is not about excluding others or showing that you are better than others. Having good manners is about showing respect, kindness and consideration to someone else. That's the purpose of having good manners.
One word, Anna - jealousy! That's the reason. But we'll keep shinning!!! 👠 🥂 🎉