What stuck out to me was when Natalie was talking about how she was depressed and suicidal and on medication and that she didn't want to anymore and Mike was like "well dont take them". That was so uncaring.
He said it from a place of knowing she left him for a woman, then to Florida with another man. I'd be hard pressed to be polite and caring to her by this point as she spends my money and pouts.
I love how people are using the fact that he works as an out for participating in the relationship. Most people work! Doesn't mean you get to treat your spouse like a piece of furniture, even furniture needs care and maintenance.
@@princesstelevision67 you really need to stop saying others you don't even know what to do. You get so offended because I said to you to give me a f break with your comment. Ooo poor little snowflake. Go take some antidepressants just like Natalie. Who aparently got bored and depressed in the forest even though she new before hand he is linving there. And princess, really? That alone says a lot about you.
@@loredanadincu7930 well the op didn't say he treated her bad. They said he treated her like furniture. It seems like she was just there as a decoration in his house that he could have sex with. She was horrible to him and he was horrible to her.
@@kokolatte825 And what that mean ,really. Doesen't mean the same thing . I just simplyfied what she said. By saying someone is threating someone else like a piece of furniture and what not, you want to say that person threated the other one bad. That's how I saw it. Implaying he used her in that way only doesen't equal he threated her bad? It does to me , sorry.
As one. I have been told many times about my nonchalant personality from my mom especially. She never realized that she caused it. It us definitely a childhood thing that you learn. If untreated it makes all relationships hard. I am in therapy but it is a very hard thing to get over. No many people have the patience. I am not sayibg what mike is doing is justified but he needs his own therapy. Before jumping into a new relationship or even kids because he will carry it over and they will be scarred
I can see how those coming over on a K1 visa would take it personally if they think she is exploiting the program. They are always dealing with suspicion from family and friends of their spouse who think they are just in it for a green card. Real cases of visa fraud give them a bad name.
If she were some sort of master scammer committing fraud then surely she would have sat quietly in the woods until getting her green card. That angle doesn't make any sense. If she were an American woman separated from her husband (with whom she had a tumultuous relationship) but still receiving spousal support, no one would be claiming fraud.
@@imjadealexandria This is a fact that many people ignore. I think she did want to come to the U.S. and would like to stay, but her choices clearly show that a green card isn't a priority
@@imjadealexandria Exactly! If all she wanted was the greencard, she wouldn't have been so deeply hurt by Mike's neglect and hostility in the first place, let alone left before she got her greencard over it. The cast just picks a scapegoat every season to take hear off themselves.
I think people like to trash pill takers. I spent decades not getting treatment bc I thought I could handle my depression on my own and taking a pill was an easy way out. I've taken zoloft for a couple years now and it's amazing how many behaviors I learnt growing up were developed as a direct result of my mood disorder. Lifes better when you arent suffering.
Agreed! I take an SSRI and people always ask me when I'm going off them, even doctors. One time I even tried with horrible consequences...I'm like dude, there's nothing wrong w taking it, it improves my quality of life w no adverse side effects for me, I don't want to ever get off them. I remember what my life was like before, I was suffering and I'm not now. Why would I go back? If anything I'm incredibly lucky and grateful they work for me as well as they do.
@@bashmeesh so glad I have a Dr that says never go off your buproprion...I used to yoyo going off and on till I finally learned to stay on them. my depression is still kinda bad but I can work
I feel the same way about opioids. I've been in chronic pain since I was 14 and the doctors always though I was "just trying to get drugs" no I'm just experiencing insane pain all day everyday and I need to not be in such bad pain. Luckily i found a doctor who understands even if it is $800 a month
Sad how everyone ganged up on Natalie. They were so dismissive to her having her own wants and needs. Acting like they know everything. Just because Mike’s the bread winner she should conform to whatever he needs but Mike doesn’t need to compromise? Also, really weird how Jovi chimed in on every issue the entire tell all and came off as he was superior to the issues the other couples go through. Like Jovi, you are no one to critique these couples issues, worry about your own mess.
Not to mention he and Yara were just in the gossip rags for meeting Charlie and Megan for dinner and posing for pics with them. Sorry, but that speaks volumes of their character, too 😶
It was so sad to see ganging up on Natalie, they were so rude and judgemental. I felt so bad for Natalie, so looked so sad, in the end she just kept quiet because there was no talking to the rest of the cast members, I think she handled it well.
Yeah, Natalie got punished, argued at, and bullied by Mike and his mom. On the "Tell-All" the group bullied her and then they brought her back on stage to bully with Trish.
The Mars comparison got me. I am in love with a man who has epilepsy. He’s the most amazing man I’ve ever met. And everyone now and then, the topic of “the next seizure could be the one that takes me away, are tou sure you want to be apart of that. Can you handle that, I don’t want to hurt you by leaving” and it is something we’ve both cried together about. But I’ve decided to stay, it’s not easy, and it won’t ever be easy, and if he goes, it will be the hardest. But I made my decision
My child has epilepsy. He met a lovely girl. She never told me " I made my decision". They are happy together. If your man can find a right doctor, this problem will be resolve. Believe me. Remember, you never know what kind of problem with your health you can get.
@@myway7285 im beyond happy with him, what I meant by “I made my decision “, is that I reassure him I’m happy being with him and nothing can change my mind. Do you mind if I ask what medication he is using? My fiancé, he is taking some and he feels like he’s getting worse because of it. In the 25th he is seeing his neurologist and asking to change his medication
I feel like every reunion the cast picks someone to gang up on. Probably to take some of the heat off of themselves. But they don’t all have great relationships or pure intentions so..... glass houses
That's exactly what I got from how heated Julia was getting. And they all use that "K1 visa is so hard to get", "people like you make us look bad" excuse. Oh please. If you cared about how authentic you come off you wouldn't be on TLC reality show.
Hey Dr. Kirk, just wanted to say thank you for talking about avoidant people in a compassionate and educational way. I am definitely one and it is nice to hear someone speak less harshly about it, even if it is frustrating personality to be around. I've also learned a lot about myself and how others probably view my actions from your videos.
He was in debt when she arrived, struggling to afford things, but by working hard got her a car, and the ability to go to Seattle when she wanted.....and now a fine life in Florida.
He was an equal part (if not more) of creating this problem. No one forced him to marry her. They weren't doing well at the time and they really never were good the entire 90 days so I'm not understanding why people feel so bad for him. Why did he marry her?
Yeah, Natalie knew Mike lives in the countryside before she came to USA.. but it's one thing to know about something, and another to actually *experience* it. Not only was she in the middle of nowhere, but she was also alone most of the time. The commute alone took 4 hours for Mike each day, plus the work hours.. She must have barely seen Mike during the week? She suggested they'd move to Seattle several times, but Mike refused... I totally *get it* why Natalie has been so depressed and lonely. She flew over to USA and pretty much just became an in-house housekeeper and cook. No wonder she left.
He says Mike was tired from working & then a 4 hour + commute. I bet he wasn't tired when she was naked in bed with him every night! Also Mike knows she is coming & the problems his commute would cause as she would be alone in a tin hut in a forest for 12+ hours a day. Why would he not rent an apartment like a 30 minute drive from Seattle. Because he never cared enough! He has everything he wants, all his needs are taken care of. She cooks & cleans for him & then he beds her every night life is all good for him, what do Natalie's needs matter!
He couldn't move any closer to where he works so his commute would be shorter and Natalie didn't complain about him being tired? And possibly improve their relationship. No he didnt want to put in the work.
Joy Webster He didn't even buy groceries or real plates before she came. He didn't give her a place to put her clothes. A mini-vacation is not a meaningful gesture. It's like men that big you flowers when you asked them to wash the dishes.
He promised her one thing and gave her another. Some people talk a big game online, but in reality he wasn't able to live up to basic human decency. He dismisses every grievance she has, pretends he's a little angel, pretends to be shocked that she's in Florida, but also has been paying all her bills in the meantime. All he had to do was move closer to work, let her have even the slightest impact on the home, and stop bellyaching to his mom for 2 seconds and he could have given the relationship a chance. He should have spent time alone before imparting his issues onto another person. Reminds me of all those fairy tales that start with a princess making friends with animals because she's locked away from the world. Also interesting to see Abusive Angela taking the side of Mike - the woman who treats her husband like a dog.
"He wasn't able to live up to basic human decency" - Totally agree! It's sad that the narrative has been convoluted and turned against Natalie. I suspect there is some sexism involved in that. Sucks to see other women attacking Natalie especially.
Mike wasn’t avoidant in the beginning, he was really kind and considerate towards her in the beginning. Natalie hurt Mike a lot. He wasn’t the man that she had imagined, she constantly tried to control him and when he wouldn’t, she would belittle pick fights with him. It’s Natalie’s attitude that triggered him to be like that.
@@maryjeen1063 he shut down about the I love you and the ring. He was cold from that point. It wasn't fair for him to bring her to America if he was going to treat her so coldly. She also often reacted to his coldness. They reacted to one another.
@@ifjc7216 not just that. Natalie from the very beginning she tried to change him from the weight to drinking, eating non-veg to being an atheist. Even after Natalie came to the US. At the beginning,you can see him trying, took her to a very nice place as soon as she came,she was constantly complaining, he even use to follow her when she gets mad. But who would wanna be with someone who doesn’t even wanna compromise and constantly complain and when she doesn’t get her way, she punishes him by belittling him and hurting him and Mike became cold and distant from there. Mike did horrible things to her after that.
@@maryjeen1063 yes, she made the mistake of a lot of women thinking she could mold someone with "potential" into an ideal man...she had a high estimation of herself and thought a man would change just to be with her.... But that is not realistic or healthy. He said he never forgave her for throwing the ring, when he gave it back to her at the end of her first season in the us. He resented her and it showed. When he was cold to her it made her want to devalue him. Neither of them should have moved forward, but he knew what he was getting into and I question his intentions for bringing ehr. Someone who loves someone cares about their needs. He didn't even care she was cold when she arrived to his small unheated house with snow outside. He has this oh well or it's not cold to me attitude about everything. A girl wants to feel cared for and those little things hurt.
@@ifjc7216 I kind of see that as her trying to take care of him. Mike has lost a lot of weight, she probably thought she was helping by trying to get him to eat healthier, drink less, etc. Experience has taught me that people have to make those decisions on their own, but as someone who has lost someone through an illness caused probably through lifestyle, I'm not mad at her for trying to get him taking better care of himself.
I mean, even if he didn't want to move to Seattle, couldn't he have moved at least to another satellite city? Cut down the commute from 4 hours to 2 or something? That probably could've done wonders
I feel like the comments are treating attachment styles like a lot of people treat astrology. They have one or maybe even a few bad experiences with someone with that style/sign and now everyone of that style/sign is a terrible person. Instead of being judged as an individual, they get judged by their label and others who bear it.
Mike didn’t want to change anything in his lifestyle when Natalie came to America. When you are in a relationship or a marriage often you need to adapt to what the other person is saying or wants. It’s not easy but you cannot live your life as being single and demand from the other person to just deal with it. If Michael moved to Seattle so Natalie had somewhere to go or something to do and genuinely cared about her feelings, she would not complain, she would not resent him and they would still be together
You must not have been watching the same show I was. I remember Natalie demanding Uncle Beau move away from Mikes house and didn’t Mike agree to change his diet to suit Natalies demands?
@@yippeekiyeamfr he agreed before she came about his uncle who has charges against him for assult and domestic violence. He wanted to do the tlc season, but he treated her coldly and wouldn't work through their problems at therapy from the start. The question is why.
@@yippeekiyeamfr he wouldn't give her a drawer without a fight. He wouldn't bring her a blanket when he was cold. They took her to a butcher shop just to get under her skin. I do t know what he claimed he would do, but I don't think he changed a thing in his diet for her.
He didn’t want her to even come there , he was reluctant after visit to Ukraine. Moving to Seattle is not easy because of high prices and a lot of things had to be done. Also maybe he likes living on nature, why that infant Natalie never cared what he wants? She knew where he lives and there was reasons for that. She made him marry her and he did out of guilt, after that she demanded even more from him
@@OksanaOksana1 he had every chance both before she came and every day thereafter to break up with her or try to make it work. He did neither. Why would he bring her if he was unwilling to work on their problems with her? If it's love, he would have tried to figure things out, but he didn't try to figure things out and it was not love.
Can someone please explain how Julia has *no empathy* for Natalie's situation? Julia was "stuck" at the farm too, and wanted desperately to move to the city. She said she'll *leave* Brandon if they don't move away from the farm... Natalie's situation was pretty similar to Julia's, so please tell me how Julia has *zero* empathy for Natalie's situation??
Probably because she has Zero empathy for Anyone, other than herself. But she is a bombshell on criticizing her in-laws and anybody else, we hear her go on and on to her husband. She has not one clue of the economy or what her husband is trying to explain as far as $ and down to earth topics. Plus she WONT listen if there’s something she doesn’t like. She’s just awful!
Very good point. I get the vibe that Julia views most or possibly even all women as competition... especially when they do something to "threaten" her. With Brandon's friend it was the fact that she thinks women and men can't be friends and felt left out when the two of them reminisced about their friendly memories, and therefore she saw the friend as a threat. With Natalie, my best guess is that they're "too" similar? Like, "back off, bitch, the 'Eastern European girly girl who is stuck in rural minutia but longs for a more glamorous life' is **my** niche on this TV show"?? The show isn't a career because they don't get paid a living wage for it, but it is a good supplemental income source and maybe deep down, possibly subconsciously, she feels threatened by the fact that Natalie went through this same storyline on the show at the same time as her? Worth pointing out that Natalie was on the show first, though this particular storyline began for both of them on the same season.
Mike is acting like he doesn't know that Natalie said, "antidepressants." He knew damn well what she was saying. His last name needs to be Hunt, not Youngquist.
I thought the same thing! I’ve watched her on tv long enough to understand her accent so surely the man who’s been with her for years can understand it. He was making fun of her.
Maybe it's just a coincidence, but it was odd that the other Russian speakers in the cast were among the hardest on Natalie. It seems like off-camera they have spoken with her and she's evasive with them and they are frustrated with her - just a guess. Julia asking how Natalie is paying for things is something anyone on a K-1 visa would be curious about. Natalie has likely been asked that before and as Yara suggested, Natalie doesn't answer. I think Mike and Natalie discuss what they will say and not say on camera in advance, then they get angry in interviews and start blurting things out to make the other look bad. My first thought was that Natalie has Mike's credit card because it's illegal for TLC to pay her directly as a cast member. Using Mike's credit card could be the way they split their TLC earnings without violating her visa. Who knows, but I feel like both Mike and Natalie are withholding a lot of information
Yep. I also think TLC tells them not to discuss pay on camera because I think it's at the center if a few stories and yet is always talked around but never directly spoken of.
@@kokolatte825 Agreed. I've also read rumors that Natalie will be on the next season of Single Life. That's another subject which she can't discuss, and compensation will again be an issue
Mike needs therapy because he is not capable of having an healthy relationship with a woman. His relationship with his mother is really strange and it is obvious that the beneficiary of this relationship is the mother. She is controlling his life, when he should be controlling his own life. Natalie needs therapy too. She must have also experienced something growing up who makes it difficult for her to have a good relationship with a man. They both miss a male figure a father in their lives. May be their relationship could have been saved if they went also to couple therapy but I think it would have taken years for them to have a good relationship. They are very similar in their way of behaving, one being agressief, Natalie who looks for arguments, when what she really wants is for Mike to love her, put her first, and Mike who is passief agressief and constantly run away, when he is asked to communicate. They should really take a break from relationships and work on themselves. Andrei giving advice about working is a joke, he hasn’t worked for years that while he could have easily find a job to take care of his family. He is not a kind man, agressief and I don’t trust him. Julia saying to Natalie that she has to go back to Ukraine is really sad and disappointing. She is 5 minutes an American and already she talks like too many who judge foreigners trying to make a life in America. Natalie is not a thing and she should be more respected. You are so right when you say that it would be good to know more about the lives of the people who participate with this show. Why didn’t we never see anything about Natalie working? Then it seems that she comes to America because she has nothing. It is very bad from this show. And I don’t like it.
Love your videos Dr. Honda!! My partner and I love to watch, discuss, and think about how we can incorporate your thoughts into our own lives :) thank you!
I understand how it is to feel like no one has empathy for you and your perspective. I feel bad for the absolute judgement that the other couples are expressing towards Natalie as if they themselves aren’t incredibly flawed. Stop throwing stones from a glass house…
Can you have avoidant attachment with your parents and preoccupied attachment with your spouse? The way you describe the “coldness” and “not thinking of others” to a family like in Mike’s situation is something I’ve been told by my family. I admit, I don’t reach out to them much and do come off as distant to them, but to my husband, I’m very much attached and come off as needy
Honestly, I don't think we can justify everything with personality or attachment styles. There's also circumstance. My family doesn't care about me one bit, they don't even know me or try to (but they will act offended if I don't call) so I have no desire to be in constant contact with them. I can also be avoidant with my partners at first due to previous trauma but when I start to trust people I become much more secure. So I don't think it's written in stone and it can vary depending on how others treat you as well.
@@MariaCosta-qe4wm I agree, but in my position with my family and my family history, the disorganized attachment seems to fit well. It’s gives me a bit of peace knowing it because I felt like something was wrong with me due to my coldness and lack of closeness with my family. My siblings are close to my family but I’m just not.
Dr. Honda thank you a million times over for speaking about the guilt-trips and double rejection avoidants can experience with family. The comments you referenced I've heard for over 20 yrs from my family. This was right on time as I was just home and it was the same treatment. I try to stay differentiated in my responses and its so challenging. Your videos and podcasts help keep me centered and not feeling like a freak. Thank you!!!!
14:14 oh my gosh!! This exact thing happened to my 9 year-old son with grandpa. My son purposely ignored my dad at the breakfast counter and mom and dad suggested I speak to him about it, and also Grandpa's feelings were hurt and he wanted an apology. I asked my son about it, and learned that he felt like his existence didn't matter and that grandma and grandpa acted like the world revolved around them. I was saddened by the former and surprised by the latter - but definitely understood and appreciated that he was giving what he was getting. And I didn't "make him" apologize. Of course, when I relayed parts of the convo to my parents, my mom laughed when I said he felt his existence didn't matter, and they were both defensive. Yeah - I'm Grade A Avoidant Attached. Trying really hard not to do the same to my son. Thankful he feels safe enough to tell me how he feels. He also asked me to not watch so much TH-cam.❤
We’ve seen how Natalie treats Michael when he gets home: “You shouldn’t drink beer” “You shouldn’t eat meat” “You ever been to a museum?” “What’s your IQ? Mines high” “You’re low class. I’m not low class.” Yeah, I can see why he didn’t want to talk to her after 4 hours of driving and working an entire shift.
Just looking at Tiffany's face when Natalie complains that Mike works too much... Still not a fan of Mike, but at least he is working, and for the two of them at that!
It's also not possible to work on a relationship by yourself. So if he works so much that he just wants to come home and have a steak and beer and no conversation ever. And it's a big deal for him to take her anywhere even on the weekends, then like wtf? Honestly. No one faults a man for working but she didn't bargain on being married to his job. You can't be in a marriage by yourself.
@@kokolatte825 exactly. People think doing 1 hard task to sustain a lot of things like basic needs is all it takes for a marriage to survive. It'll just be on life support
The Mars travel hypothetical ... that's a new one, Dr. Honda. 😉 This said, I get it. Another analogy: when people adopt pets, they should make sure they can address all their needs.
Did you just compare Natalie to a pet?! 😅 I have to disagree with that analogy, as Natalie is a human in a human world who was not abandoned or homeless, who is (supposedly) able to think for herself and was presented with ALL the information regarding Mikes job, commute time, town, house, lifestyle and Mikes treatment of her before AND during the 90 days, yet she pushed and begged for that ring. 🤢
@@mariyayanakieva9357 😅 I didn't compare anyone to a pet, just merely observing that it's important to make sure we can make room for what we take on. This said, I don't understand why Natalie and Mike ever got married; they both should have known they weren't a good fit long before marriage. Maybe it was for the show, who knows... this said, other people's relationships usually look a whole lot clearer than our own. This is a show, so I take it all with a grain of salt. 😉
"Dr. Gary Chapman on The Five Love Languages" interview with Hannah D'avanzo. I don't think Mike and Natalie's relationship had much gas in the love tank from the get-go..
I personally think they are so incompatible that they need to be DONE. The moment Nat set foot in Squim, she started complaining and berating Mike as being low class and stupid while she bragged about her non-consequential 110 IQ, which is really pretty average...not outstanding at all. She should have known she would be a country girl before she "forced" herself on Mike and his lifestyle. So, she set out to argue about any and everything, making life a living hell for Mike. She should have been packed up and put on the next plane along with her frizzy hair back to her home with mama.
Oof. I have been a huge Dr. Honda fan for over a year now, but it really hurt to hear this kind of negative talk about medication. I have been in therapy for over a decade and have talked about things, gotten support, worked hard on processing things, let out my emotions, and guess what? I STILL NEED MEDICATION. I have a chemical imbalance in my brain. I really don't appreciate the assertion that "most" people are saying, "Just give me a pill and it will solve all my problems." The STIGMA around medication for mental health is huuuuuge. So many people reject taking medication that would probably really help them because of the stigmas around it. I think that this commentary was more harmful than helpful.
Agreed. I was extremely hesitant about taking medication, even though I was completely non functional- and I KNEW I was non functional. I knew it was bad, that I needed help, that I couldn’t live like that. Medication isn’t a magic pill and most people who take it are well aware of that fact. It’s more like throwing a life ring to someone who’s barely keeping their head above water. No, it does not solve all my problems- but it allows me to be capable of solving a lot more of them than I could. I didn’t take medication to make me a different person, I take it so I can be myself AT ALL.
Maureen, I obviously don't know if I'm correct, but I have the impression that Dr. H's comment was an attempt to precisely contrast people like you, who go to therapy, work at developing coping strategies, build systems and networks of support AND take medication VERSUS those who only want a pill and do not want to otherwise work on improving their health. I'm not close enough to the fields of psychology and psychiatry to be able to ascertain percentages with any reliability, but just from anecdotal observation in my professional and personal circles, there are indeed a significant number of people who heavily rely on drugs (prescribed and otherwise) to be "well" enough to be functional but who refuse to seek any other form of therapy-healing-management of and for their mental health. Maybe he wasn't clear enough, but I felt the doctor was commending people who DO take the medication, along with all other necessary forms of treatment. (I support you and applaud you for engaging in as many healing practices as you have found helpful. Keep it up! You are brave and resilient and a good role model for others.)
On the other end of the spectrum sometimes medication does more harm than good especially when the emotional aspects are not addressed therapeutically. Not to mention that even when it is, sometimes these medications need to be swapped or the dosage needs to be tweaked over time due to developing a tolerance. This is very taxing and can leave some worse off. There’s definitely a stigma around medication. For some it works, and for some it doesn’t. There should be more transparency about that
Poor Natalie tread, I don't buy it, their both flawed individuals. Keep in mind at age 34, this is her third marriage. Natalie can work she's married. The problem is she will only work in broadcasting, see's anything else as beneath her. The other cast members were hard on her, because they can see there's little love there. I may have missed something, but i never seen her show any affection towards Mike. Mike has a lot of the faults that have been brought up, But I do think he has a real affection towards her. If anyone remembers when she first arrived here, she was nasty and cruel towards him. If that was me I would have dumped her right then. I think Mike should have seen earlier this wasn't going to work.
Tom Crone Crone That 'Poor Natalie" theory is B.S.. She lies and is abusive all the time. If a MAN had treated HER the way she treated Mike, there would have been a huge outcry against abuse!
To be honest Natalie knew where Mike lived from the beginning...they should have discussed if a problem before she came to America. This couple has far too many problems..best thing is to separate...which obviously has happened since she lives in Florida.
Are you sure about that, I heard he told he lived near a small town. I seem to recall when they drive up to his tin hut in the forest the first time she mentioned how isolated it was!
Apparently he took over his parent's or a relative's financially failing farm where he lives, and it put him in some debt. He recovered back some money and was supposedly working in a retail environment...I guess he is a manager. He commutes quite a bit each day, not sure of 2hrs there and 2hrs back as not certain he goes to Seattle, but that's what I've seen since he went to Kiev and these past seasons where they went nutty it seems...
Natalie is very easy to dislike. She is rude, and arrogant. Forever tossing her hair, and looking up from under her eyelashes. I wonder how she can stand being around so many stupid people, as she feels she is so superior to those around her. Poor Uncle Beau. Hope he’s back in the house, now.
I LOVE the Mars analogy!! Seriously, none of Mikes situation is news to Natalie! Why was she pushing so hard to get married if she didn’t like or want his house, his job, his work time plus travel to work time, his town, his lifestyle, him, how he treated her in those 90 days... all the while telling Trish she wants an acting career..
Without my medication, not only do I fantasize about S, I make plans. I’m actively being traumatized, and I believe that without medication, I’d be dead.
Dr. Honda love your assessments of the scenarios. I have learned so much! Could you include a newer T.V. reality show Momma's Boys. I am a mother of adult sons who are in relationships and I cannot fathom the intrusiveness of these mothers! What is going on with them?
Mike showed Natalie all the way in the beginning the farm and where they would be living. She knew what she was getting herself into. Maybe he can't afford a fancy place in Seattle to appease her highness
That's me all the way I am an avoidant which makes it difficult to make and hold long term relationship s. We have bad relationship s and bad communication issues.
I do think that Natalie has a language barrier, Mike doesn’t understand what she’s trying to explain. Mike yells at Natalie often in a confrontational way. When Natalie had surgery and he asked if she needed help, she said “no” and he made the comment that she only wanted help when she wanted it... well, yeah, it’s not selfish to not want help
One more thing for Natalie to complain about (Mike's commute). It seems that she does so much complaining. Woman, deal with it for once. Why can she not be understanding that Mike is exhausted when he gets home from work? Perhaps Mike is unable to find a job that he likes in Seattle. I was married to a physician who went through internship, residency, fellowship - plus, I had a newborn. I didn't complain because it wouldn't solve anything. I dealt with the situation and did what had to be done. Did I like it? No. But, it was what it was, and I loved him. Natalie should try and be more supportive and grateful. But, this is just my opinion.
Agreed. Especially the part where the father in law is sick and they get emotional and she says something like “that’s life, it’s tough” like nothing. Easy talking like that when it’s not your own parents. Really cold and unsupportive.
@@helenaj1181 my assumption is she kinda see fathers manipulation and being sceptical. I know dependant people like Brandon’s parents often get sick when their emotional supply abandons them- they unconsciously manipulate the victim to save them from the situation. It’s all sad but I can see how they use the fathers sickness to make Brandon go back to the farm
Encouraging to hear a psychological professional say pills are not always the answer. So sad to watch these two people struggle with fixable problems, and even more grateful for my own relationship
It’s so weird seeing people’s perspectives on Mike and Natalies relationship. People emotionally immature side with Mike and think Natalie was awful while differentiated people see where Natalie has come from and how Mike treats her and his petty ways.
@@ifjc7216 there is a decidedly misogynistic undercurrent among people who defend Mike and buy into his victimhood act. They blame the ~craaaaazy~ and ~irrational~ woman, picking apart everything she says and does, every facial expression she makes, as excuses to mock her and dismiss her completely, just like society has always done to dismiss women's valid feelings and objections. Meanwhile they ignore Mike's cold, dismissive, mean, uncaring, emotionally neglectful behavior toward his (supposed) partner just because society doesn't consider that "crazy" for a man to do. No, no, no, for a man (who, unlike women, are not second class citizens), this is perfectly acceptable. I really couldn't stand Natalie for the first season and a half, but started to really despise Mike and empathize with Natalie the more I saw him act this way while also playing the victim, and while most viewers seemed to fall for it hook, line, and sinker.
@@TheGamingFilly omg! Exactly the same for me. I couldn't stand Natalie, but after the season BEFORE this one I cannot see how anyone could honestly see Mike as a victim. Victim of what? Circumstances he created?
I live in Miami and I just can’t understand how people can live in the woods in the middle of nowhere. That’s just so horrible , no wonder Natalie left.
It's crazy because it sounds like Dr. Kirk Honda has completely emptied this room he is in because there seems to be like the echo when I listen in my headphones.
It’s odd to me that everyone is allowed to ask questions and chime in. Unless producers ask them for their opinions. Everyone should be worried about their own problems because they’re far from perfect.
It's "good TV" unfortunately. I personally like the dynamic of the Tell Alls enabling these couples to come together and opine on each other's problems. At the same time, I wish we could have that while being spared the unfair dog piling, overt judgement, and having to listen to frankly bad opinions (😂) or comments that contribute absolutely fcking nothing to the conversation, like Colt interjecting and raving during Big Ed's segment.
Natalie likes nothing about Mike. I was surprised to see that she still came to America and married him. She called Mike " Low class" I don't think Mike is perfect guy, but Natalie is too much. I can't stand her.
Mike likes nothing about natalie. I was surprised he had her come to america when he never forgave her and only showed he only showed her coldness and resentment, and refused to take the steps like counseling to work through their issues.
@@ifjc7216 They tried counseling, and when they asked Mike what he thought the problem was he said "I don't think we love each other anymore...Right Natalie? " She did not disagree.
Although I don’t like this couple, but I feel so bad for Natalie because I have been through that, when I was visiting my bf’s parents last thanksgiving/Christmas for over a month, I feel I go nuts, I go nowhere and I eat the food not my favorite, and I have no family and friends (both my parents live in China and because of the pandemic I can’t go back and my parents can’t come to the US, to be fair I didn’t go anywhere because I need someone to drive me and I didn’t want to bother them and bf’s mom is a wonderful cook, the dishes her made sont bons, yes she’s French, the family is very nice, but I was in a regular diet and I miss Chinese food a lot. Not long ago I visited them again for two weeks, this time I do keto diet and feel much better for the stay). I feel for Natalie, I know exact how she’s feeling. (The other day I saw a post on IG from the Tampa hashtag which is where I live, I blocked her immediately never followed her before and future, I have this level of not liking her).
And thank you so much for your video Dr., I have been crying these days because some issues me and my bf had. I was still sitting alone in the car crying, crying on the patio thinking my life is meaningless, listening to some heart broken music crying, office crying from Wednesday. I have nobody to talk to, I don’t want to let my parents worry about me, and most of my close friends left Tampa. I have been crying too much and I decide to talk to my bf later, in a non accusatory way:) big big thank you.
I talked to a therapist before, but I feel nothing from the session, I can feel she felt bad for me but she didn’t know how I feel, so I stopped. I am so happy that I found your channel, I am big avoidant before, and I am fixing it little by little)
@@baobao8459 I understand. I'm an American in another country right now... And I know how those situations feel, too...as well as other experiences being a guest. It's hard when you don't have any support...especially if you feel isolated or helpless to get what you need. If you ever just need someone to talk to, let me know.
They are miserable together and should just go seperate ways. I don't how they could get over all the bad blood without counselling which i doubt Mike would do so realistically they should just split.
Dr. Honda, you want more details. Fair enough, but you have to realize that this show is for entertainment purposes and therefore is largely based on sensationalism.
When he first told her he had financial difficulties, she said she would help him. There are plenty of things she could do in that area, with or without a permit.
Was she an actress or smth? Do you think she would just do some "normal" job. I feel sorry for Mike. If you are struggleing financely, at least try to understand him and ask is there something i can do for you.? Where is emphaty????
Idk why you always accuse Mike but don’t see issues behind natalies statements. She can’t be by herself and always needs emotional and practical support like a small child. In spite of quite difficult situation being in new country alone etc she is really demanding ALL THE TIME even in her home country. She is very abusive and dismissive when she doesn’t get what she wants and doesn’t care about you at all but only about what you can give her ( love in child’s way) My mother acts a lot like Natalie and my father is like Mike, in my opinion people with bpd like Natalie are way more abusive, than avoidant- those I just avoid or just don’t get too close to them but having a borderline person nearby meant always encounter humiliation , demands of care and emotional abuse
@@thedudeabides5695 I had to look it up on a map. The countries appear to be touching! So not so far off. Kinda like how Canadians and Americans are similar?
God forbid that Mike has to work for a living!!!. Natalie knew what type job Mike was doing. She knew where he was living and on top of that, as a boss what was Mike supposed to do when all of his employees left? leave as well? No, he had to work triple time... Natalie on the other hand was in Florida flirting with other men and living at Mike's expenses. Yeah, I do not feel bad for her at all as she had the choice to stay in her country or assist Mike by being a good wife. She doesn't love him at all... she didn't like the fact that he ate meat, did not believe in God and likes to drink beer. Natalie knew who she was marrying and when she arrived here, she was antagonistic, called him unintelligent and beneath her. She has to go back home and I hope that Mike files for divorce and cancelled her card.
He knew who he was inviting before she came, but that didn't stop him form being cold and punishing from the time she arrived. She was not in florida until their relationship ended. He had to work more, but that doesn't excuse not showing her any care. she knew they would be in a small town, not out in the middle of no where alone with no car. That would be hard for anyone. He had the money from the show, no one forces him to take all those extra hours...and sometimes he went out to drink after work... Regardless, he is still responsible to be a part of the relationship and meet some of her emotional needs.
@@ifjc7216 I’m kinda perplexed by your comment. The OP pointed out how abusive Natalie was even before she got to the US and your response is “he knew who he was inviting.” Is that supposed to excuse her terrible behavior? I agree that Mike was cold and punishing after she arrived but she has been that way literally since the beginning of their story with death stares, the insults, and the avoidance.
@@21BRATZGIRL the OP said she knew what she was getting into. I'm saying so did he when he brought her to America, instead of ending things when he was emotionally resentful...at least until their issues are worked through. I'm saying he's not a hapless victim he made an educated choice... And honestly I question whether it was for the tlc money, because he had debt and I saw no love in his behavior.
@@ifjc7216 your first comment also applies to Natalie. She is the one complaining and the one who belittled him from the get go. Obviously she never loved him as she couldn't even tell that to the camera man when the question was asked to her. This, when she was still in her country. Only came here for the citizenship.
My last comment....Nat is neither pretty on the inside or the outside. No wonder she is scouting for a third husband! You can't look pretty when you act so hateful.
Natalie knew where he lives... she had 90 days to decide if sequim was for her... She also said that she was person who likes nature but at the end she said she hates vood.
I love nature, but having no transportation and no company all day and still no company when the person who supposed or care about you comes home is psychological torture.
@@ifjc7216 Mike did not tell her that he is living in Seattle and finally brought her in Sequim. She became crazy before their wedding. Its only her problem, not his. She is not in jail. Always can go back at home. I would like to live in Hawaii but we are living in the state where we are working.
@@myway7285 living in a small town is different from being deprived of all human interaction. Being kept alone is psychological torture that has been shown in studies to break people mentally. When he came back he still didn't connect with her. she really was completely alone. Worse than alone, because in Studies where people are emotionally discluded from others it actually makes the pain center light up in the brain. When he didn't care about her basic needs or refused to connect, he was literally causing the pain center in her brain to go off.
@@myway7285 she was trying to make it work so she stayed. She wanted to go to counseling, talk. He wouldn't meet her half way. If he was so determined not to try from the start he shouldn't have agreed for her to come.
@@myway7285 What are the implications for that? Does that mean if they get divorced she gets 50% of his assets and money every month for the rest of her life? He’s screwed.
I am over these two! Natalie has a superiority complex( which points to her feeling inferior) - I am tired of hearing about her acting, journalism etc. Everything is beneath her! Mike is avoidant yes - but be honest -wouldn’t you avoid her? When my hubby travelled- 2 weeks every month it was nuts - the first couple of days after a trip he was wiped out - first I would just let him chill, destress and spoil him - this did not damage our relationship- we just had to find other ways to work things out. The last thing he wanted or needed was me whining - just saying.
Why everybody should do what Natalie wants to do? Because she is victim-diva? Tomorrow she will decide to move to Venus because "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" and what?
![Megan Thee Stallion - Neva Play (feat. RM) [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/TpYTyAaTRts/mqdefault.jpg)
What stuck out to me was when Natalie was talking about how she was depressed and suicidal and on medication and that she didn't want to anymore and Mike was like "well dont take them". That was so uncaring.
Mike has been nonchalant, argumentative, and punishing the whole time.
He got so high of himself by getting all this support from the other cast members.
Extremely invalidating...both of them are incompatible, and maybe it is for the best that they divorce.
@@belladonnabudgets7362 she isn't allowed to work. He has to support her.
He said it from a place of knowing she left him for a woman, then to Florida with another man. I'd be hard pressed to be polite and caring to her by this point as she spends my money and pouts.
I love how people are using the fact that he works as an out for participating in the relationship. Most people work! Doesn't mean you get to treat your spouse like a piece of furniture, even furniture needs care and maintenance.
Who threated who bad. Mike wasn't the one who called her stupid, fat and low class. Give me a f break.
@@loredanadincu7930 you really gotta get your temper under control.
@@princesstelevision67 you really need to stop saying others you don't even know what to do. You get so offended because I said to you to give me a f break with your comment. Ooo poor little snowflake. Go take some antidepressants just like Natalie. Who aparently got bored and depressed in the forest even though she new before hand he is linving there. And princess, really? That alone says a lot about you.
@@loredanadincu7930 well the op didn't say he treated her bad. They said he treated her like furniture. It seems like she was just there as a decoration in his house that he could have sex with.
She was horrible to him and he was horrible to her.
@@kokolatte825 And what that mean ,really. Doesen't mean the same thing . I just simplyfied what she said. By saying someone is threating someone else like a piece of furniture and what not, you want to say that person threated the other one bad. That's how I saw it. Implaying he used her in that way only doesen't equal he threated her bad? It does to me , sorry.
The way Natalie said she felt is how I felt dating an avoidant. I felt completely worthless.
I felt the same. The thing is that all of those people doesnt understand avoidant attachment. It is so painfull.
@@eyleenvargas It is horrible to be with an avoidant. I will NOT stoop that low again
@@acd1168 don’t stoop that low again.
@@sweetmercifulj I got therapy so I was able to heal the issue. I wouldn’t be able to sit with someone like that again.
As one. I have been told many times about my nonchalant personality from my mom especially. She never realized that she caused it. It us definitely a childhood thing that you learn. If untreated it makes all relationships hard. I am in therapy but it is a very hard thing to get over. No many people have the patience. I am not sayibg what mike is doing is justified but he needs his own therapy. Before jumping into a new relationship or even kids because he will carry it over and they will be scarred
I was SO uncomfortable watching the others berate Natalie. Jovi and Julia especially.....it was like they had something personal against her.
I can see how those coming over on a K1 visa would take it personally if they think she is exploiting the program. They are always dealing with suspicion from family and friends of their spouse who think they are just in it for a green card. Real cases of visa fraud give them a bad name.
It's a valid point. If your marriage is over, leave.
If she were some sort of master scammer committing fraud then surely she would have sat quietly in the woods until getting her green card. That angle doesn't make any sense. If she were an American woman separated from her husband (with whom she had a tumultuous relationship) but still receiving spousal support, no one would be claiming fraud.
@@imjadealexandria This is a fact that many people ignore. I think she did want to come to the U.S. and would like to stay, but her choices clearly show that a green card isn't a priority
@@imjadealexandria Exactly! If all she wanted was the greencard, she wouldn't have been so deeply hurt by Mike's neglect and hostility in the first place, let alone left before she got her greencard over it. The cast just picks a scapegoat every season to take hear off themselves.
I think people like to trash pill takers. I spent decades not getting treatment bc I thought I could handle my depression on my own and taking a pill was an easy way out. I've taken zoloft for a couple years now and it's amazing how many behaviors I learnt growing up were developed as a direct result of my mood disorder. Lifes better when you arent suffering.
Agreed! I take an SSRI and people always ask me when I'm going off them, even doctors. One time I even tried with horrible consequences...I'm like dude, there's nothing wrong w taking it, it improves my quality of life w no adverse side effects for me, I don't want to ever get off them. I remember what my life was like before, I was suffering and I'm not now. Why would I go back? If anything I'm incredibly lucky and grateful they work for me as well as they do.
@@bashmeesh so glad I have a Dr that says never go off your buproprion...I used to yoyo going off and on till I finally learned to stay on them. my depression is still kinda bad but I can work
Onto jinn
I feel the same way about opioids. I've been in chronic pain since I was 14 and the doctors always though I was "just trying to get drugs" no I'm just experiencing insane pain all day everyday and I need to not be in such bad pain. Luckily i found a doctor who understands even if it is $800 a month
I take zoloft too. I take the smallest dose but it has huge benefits for me. Best decision ever. My dad takes them too by the way.
moving to the middle of nowhere and being left alone for days and hours...with a partner that ignored and belittled. anyone would go crazy.
FR
Exactly! That shit is terrible
Sad how everyone ganged up on Natalie. They were so dismissive to her having her own wants and needs. Acting like they know everything. Just because Mike’s the bread winner she should conform to whatever he needs but Mike doesn’t need to compromise?
Also, really weird how Jovi chimed in on every issue the entire tell all and came off as he was superior to the issues the other couples go through. Like Jovi, you are no one to critique these couples issues, worry about your own mess.
Not to mention he and Yara were just in the gossip rags for meeting Charlie and Megan for dinner and posing for pics with them. Sorry, but that speaks volumes of their character, too 😶
It was so sad to see ganging up on Natalie, they were so rude and judgemental. I felt so bad for Natalie, so looked so sad, in the end she just kept quiet because there was no talking to the rest of the cast members, I think she handled it well.
She deserved it 100%. She yelled at Mike for two seasons and he finally started yelling back. Most of the issues are because of her.
@@sirmel11 yelling is not the only way people hurt to one another.
Yeah, Natalie got punished, argued at, and bullied by Mike and his mom. On the "Tell-All" the group bullied her and then they brought her back on stage to bully with Trish.
I think she acted like a toddler who got caught lying
Please. She's only upset that her gravy train is over.
The Mars comparison got me. I am in love with a man who has epilepsy. He’s the most amazing man I’ve ever met. And everyone now and then, the topic of “the next seizure could be the one that takes me away, are tou sure you want to be apart of that. Can you handle that, I don’t want to hurt you by leaving” and it is something we’ve both cried together about. But I’ve decided to stay, it’s not easy, and it won’t ever be easy, and if he goes, it will be the hardest. But I made my decision
My child has epilepsy. He met a lovely girl. She never told me " I made my decision". They are happy together. If your man can find a right doctor, this problem will be resolve. Believe me. Remember, you never know what kind of problem with your health you can get.
@@myway7285 im beyond happy with him, what I meant by “I made my decision “, is that I reassure him I’m happy being with him and nothing can change my mind. Do you mind if I ask what medication he is using? My fiancé, he is taking some and he feels like he’s getting worse because of it. In the 25th he is seeing his neurologist and asking to change his medication
@@sophiaramoz we used ospolot. Its hard to find a good doctor, but its possible.
@@myway7285 that’s our struggle, finding a good doctor. Thank you for sharing
Be grateful to have met the man you love ❤️
I feel like every reunion the cast picks someone to gang up on. Probably to take some of the heat off of themselves. But they don’t all have great relationships or pure intentions so..... glass houses
That's exactly what I got from how heated Julia was getting. And they all use that "K1 visa is so hard to get", "people like you make us look bad" excuse. Oh please. If you cared about how authentic you come off you wouldn't be on TLC reality show.
I'm sure they get general directions from producers too, not to sit polite and quiet.
Hey Dr. Kirk, just wanted to say thank you for talking about avoidant people in a compassionate and educational way. I am definitely one and it is nice to hear someone speak less harshly about it, even if it is frustrating personality to be around. I've also learned a lot about myself and how others probably view my actions from your videos.
I always appreciate his person-first language: “people with avoidant attachment style”
All those glass houses on stage throwing stones...
Not sure that's how that goes 😂
Could hardly hear what they were saying over the smashing
@@shivvypoppy Close enough....
@@anarchist_parable I
Mike always plays the victim & genuinely believes he is the victim of every situation
He is the victim.
He was in debt when she arrived, struggling to afford things, but by working hard got her a car, and the ability to go to Seattle when she wanted.....and now a fine life in Florida.
He is her victim
He was an equal part (if not more) of creating this problem. No one forced him to marry her. They weren't doing well at the time and they really never were good the entire 90 days so I'm not understanding why people feel so bad for him. Why did he marry her?
@@kokolatte825 Why are people defending someone who yelled at him all the time? Seems messed up.
My husband used to stay away at work for months and he still found time to talk to me and spend time with me when he came home
If Mike's financial problems are as big as they were in his first season, he never would be able to afford a quality life in Seattle.
That's a good point I didn't consider. He simply couldn't afford living in a big city as well as not wanting too.
Yeah, Natalie knew Mike lives in the countryside before she came to USA.. but it's one thing to know about something, and another to actually *experience* it. Not only was she in the middle of nowhere, but she was also alone most of the time. The commute alone took 4 hours for Mike each day, plus the work hours.. She must have barely seen Mike during the week? She suggested they'd move to Seattle several times, but Mike refused... I totally *get it* why Natalie has been so depressed and lonely. She flew over to USA and pretty much just became an in-house housekeeper and cook. No wonder she left.
She was there for 90 days... she could leave.
According to Uncle Beau and Mikes neighbor Tara, Natalie is a slob who rarely contributed to housecleaning.
He says Mike was tired from working & then a 4 hour + commute. I bet he wasn't tired when she was naked in bed with him every night! Also Mike knows she is coming & the problems his commute would cause as she would be alone in a tin hut in a forest for 12+ hours a day. Why would he not rent an apartment like a 30 minute drive from Seattle. Because he never cared enough! He has everything he wants, all his needs are taken care of. She cooks & cleans for him & then he beds her every night life is all good for him, what do Natalie's needs matter!
One hundred percent.
Exactly!
He couldn't move any closer to where he works so his commute would be shorter and Natalie didn't complain about him being tired? And possibly improve their relationship. No he didnt want to put in the work.
Joy Webster He didn't even buy groceries or real plates before she came. He didn't give her a place to put her clothes. A mini-vacation is not a meaningful gesture. It's like men that big you flowers when you asked them to wash the dishes.
@@anarchist_parable 🎯
He promised her one thing and gave her another. Some people talk a big game online, but in reality he wasn't able to live up to basic human decency. He dismisses every grievance she has, pretends he's a little angel, pretends to be shocked that she's in Florida, but also has been paying all her bills in the meantime. All he had to do was move closer to work, let her have even the slightest impact on the home, and stop bellyaching to his mom for 2 seconds and he could have given the relationship a chance. He should have spent time alone before imparting his issues onto another person. Reminds me of all those fairy tales that start with a princess making friends with animals because she's locked away from the world. Also interesting to see Abusive Angela taking the side of Mike - the woman who treats her husband like a dog.
"He wasn't able to live up to basic human decency" - Totally agree! It's sad that the narrative has been convoluted and turned against Natalie. I suspect there is some sexism involved in that. Sucks to see other women attacking Natalie especially.
I get so sad when I see everybody in the tell all trashing Natalie🥺 when I see Mike super avoidant in the relashionship 😐
Mike wasn’t avoidant in the beginning, he was really kind and considerate towards her in the beginning. Natalie hurt Mike a lot. He wasn’t the man that she had imagined, she constantly tried to control him and when he wouldn’t, she would belittle pick fights with him. It’s Natalie’s attitude that triggered him to be like that.
@@maryjeen1063 he shut down about the I love you and the ring. He was cold from that point. It wasn't fair for him to bring her to America if he was going to treat her so coldly. She also often reacted to his coldness. They reacted to one another.
@@ifjc7216 not just that. Natalie from the very beginning she tried to change him from the weight to drinking, eating non-veg to being an atheist. Even after Natalie came to the US. At the beginning,you can see him trying, took her to a very nice place as soon as she came,she was constantly complaining, he even use to follow her when she gets mad. But who would wanna be with someone who doesn’t even wanna compromise and constantly complain and when she doesn’t get her way, she punishes him by belittling him and hurting him and Mike became cold and distant from there. Mike did horrible things to her after that.
@@maryjeen1063 yes, she made the mistake of a lot of women thinking she could mold someone with "potential" into an ideal man...she had a high estimation of herself and thought a man would change just to be with her.... But that is not realistic or healthy. He said he never forgave her for throwing the ring, when he gave it back to her at the end of her first season in the us. He resented her and it showed. When he was cold to her it made her want to devalue him. Neither of them should have moved forward, but he knew what he was getting into and I question his intentions for bringing ehr. Someone who loves someone cares about their needs. He didn't even care she was cold when she arrived to his small unheated house with snow outside. He has this oh well or it's not cold to me attitude about everything. A girl wants to feel cared for and those little things hurt.
@@ifjc7216 I kind of see that as her trying to take care of him. Mike has lost a lot of weight, she probably thought she was helping by trying to get him to eat healthier, drink less, etc. Experience has taught me that people have to make those decisions on their own, but as someone who has lost someone through an illness caused probably through lifestyle, I'm not mad at her for trying to get him taking better care of himself.
I mean, even if he didn't want to move to Seattle, couldn't he have moved at least to another satellite city? Cut down the commute from 4 hours to 2 or something? That probably could've done wonders
I feel like the comments are treating attachment styles like a lot of people treat astrology. They have one or maybe even a few bad experiences with someone with that style/sign and now everyone of that style/sign is a terrible person. Instead of being judged as an individual, they get judged by their label and others who bear it.
eh
Mike didn’t want to change anything in his lifestyle when Natalie came to America. When you are in a relationship or a marriage often you need to adapt to what the other person is saying or wants. It’s not easy but you cannot live your life as being single and demand from the other person to just deal with it. If Michael moved to Seattle so Natalie had somewhere to go or something to do and genuinely cared about her feelings, she would not complain, she would not resent him and they would still be together
You must not have been watching the same show I was. I remember Natalie demanding Uncle Beau move away from Mikes house and didn’t Mike agree to change his diet to suit Natalies demands?
@@yippeekiyeamfr he agreed before she came about his uncle who has charges against him for assult and domestic violence. He wanted to do the tlc season, but he treated her coldly and wouldn't work through their problems at therapy from the start. The question is why.
@@yippeekiyeamfr he wouldn't give her a drawer without a fight. He wouldn't bring her a blanket when he was cold. They took her to a butcher shop just to get under her skin. I do t know what he claimed he would do, but I don't think he changed a thing in his diet for her.
He didn’t want her to even come there , he was reluctant after visit to Ukraine. Moving to Seattle is not easy because of high prices and a lot of things had to be done. Also maybe he likes living on nature, why that infant Natalie never cared what he wants? She knew where he lives and there was reasons for that. She made him marry her and he did out of guilt, after that she demanded even more from him
@@OksanaOksana1 he had every chance both before she came and every day thereafter to break up with her or try to make it work. He did neither. Why would he bring her if he was unwilling to work on their problems with her? If it's love, he would have tried to figure things out, but he didn't try to figure things out and it was not love.
Can someone please explain how Julia has *no empathy* for Natalie's situation? Julia was "stuck" at the farm too, and wanted desperately to move to the city. She said she'll *leave* Brandon if they don't move away from the farm... Natalie's situation was pretty similar to Julia's, so please tell me how Julia has *zero* empathy for Natalie's situation??
Probably because she has Zero empathy for Anyone, other than herself. But she is a bombshell on criticizing her in-laws and anybody else, we hear her go on and on to her husband. She has not one clue of the economy or
what her husband is trying to explain as far as $ and down to earth topics. Plus she WONT listen if there’s something she doesn’t like. She’s just awful!
She’s a Narcissist!
Very good point. I get the vibe that Julia views most or possibly even all women as competition... especially when they do something to "threaten" her. With Brandon's friend it was the fact that she thinks women and men can't be friends and felt left out when the two of them reminisced about their friendly memories, and therefore she saw the friend as a threat. With Natalie, my best guess is that they're "too" similar? Like, "back off, bitch, the 'Eastern European girly girl who is stuck in rural minutia but longs for a more glamorous life' is **my** niche on this TV show"?? The show isn't a career because they don't get paid a living wage for it, but it is a good supplemental income source and maybe deep down, possibly subconsciously, she feels threatened by the fact that Natalie went through this same storyline on the show at the same time as her? Worth pointing out that Natalie was on the show first, though this particular storyline began for both of them on the same season.
Mike is acting like he doesn't know that Natalie said, "antidepressants." He knew damn well what she was saying. His last name needs to be Hunt, not Youngquist.
Yeah ikr.... what a lowlife.
I thought the same thing! I’ve watched her on tv long enough to understand her accent so surely the man who’s been with her for years can understand it. He was making fun of her.
I can well imagine that he and his mother make fun of Natalie in this way when they talk to each other.
I honestly didn’t get it until the third time she said it and I looked at the subtitles
Playing "dumb" is his schtick
Maybe it's just a coincidence, but it was odd that the other Russian speakers in the cast were among the hardest on Natalie. It seems like off-camera they have spoken with her and she's evasive with them and they are frustrated with her - just a guess. Julia asking how Natalie is paying for things is something anyone on a K-1 visa would be curious about. Natalie has likely been asked that before and as Yara suggested, Natalie doesn't answer.
I think Mike and Natalie discuss what they will say and not say on camera in advance, then they get angry in interviews and start blurting things out to make the other look bad. My first thought was that Natalie has Mike's credit card because it's illegal for TLC to pay her directly as a cast member. Using Mike's credit card could be the way they split their TLC earnings without violating her visa.
Who knows, but I feel like both Mike and Natalie are withholding a lot of information
Yep. I also think TLC tells them not to discuss pay on camera because I think it's at the center if a few stories and yet is always talked around but never directly spoken of.
@@kokolatte825 Agreed. I've also read rumors that Natalie will be on the next season of Single Life. That's another subject which she can't discuss, and compensation will again be an issue
@@diaperdave2680 So is she a citizen now?
Isn't he legally responsible for her for 10 years as part of the K-1 requirements?
@@thedudeabides5695 No, I don't think she's been in the US long enough to even be a permanent resident
I felt like everyone was ganging up Natalie and it was so sad.
Mike needs therapy because he is not capable of having an healthy relationship with a woman. His relationship with his mother is really strange and it is obvious that the beneficiary of this relationship is the mother. She is controlling his life, when he should be controlling his own life.
Natalie needs therapy too. She must have also experienced something growing up who makes it difficult for her to have a good relationship with a man.
They both miss a male figure a father in their lives.
May be their relationship could have been saved if they went also to couple therapy but I think it would have taken years for them to have a good relationship.
They are very similar in their way of behaving, one being agressief, Natalie who looks for arguments, when what she really wants is for Mike to love her, put her first, and Mike who is passief agressief and constantly run away, when he is asked to communicate.
They should really take a break from relationships and work on themselves.
Andrei giving advice about working is a joke, he hasn’t worked for years that while he could have easily find a job to take care of his family. He is not a kind man, agressief and I don’t trust him.
Julia saying to Natalie that she has to go back to Ukraine is really sad and disappointing.
She is 5 minutes an American and already she talks like too many who judge foreigners trying to make a life in America. Natalie is not a thing and she should be more respected.
You are so right when you say that it would be good to know more about the lives of the people who participate with this show. Why didn’t we never see anything about Natalie working?
Then it seems that she comes to America because she has nothing.
It is very bad from this show. And I don’t like it.
Love your videos Dr. Honda!! My partner and I love to watch, discuss, and think about how we can incorporate your thoughts into our own lives :) thank you!
Ditto. I watch his videos with my bf. They are so helpful!
Hi doctor, I am religiously watching you videos almost 2 years now, And I just want to thank you , you changed my life…
Good advise telling people to really think before you start a Longterm relationship.
I understand how it is to feel like no one has empathy for you and your perspective. I feel bad for the absolute judgement that the other couples are expressing towards Natalie as if they themselves aren’t incredibly flawed. Stop throwing stones from a glass house…
It also feels super irrelevant. I don't want to hear Jovi's views on anything, much less someone else's marriage.
Can you have avoidant attachment with your parents and preoccupied attachment with your spouse? The way you describe the “coldness” and “not thinking of others” to a family like in Mike’s situation is something I’ve been told by my family. I admit, I don’t reach out to them much and do come off as distant to them, but to my husband, I’m very much attached and come off as needy
I think so. If I’m not mistaken, it’s called disorganized attachment where you have traits from both. I can relate
@@simplygina7703 thank you!! That makes so much sense and it’s relieving to know you can relate because I felt I was the only one like this lol
Honestly, I don't think we can justify everything with personality or attachment styles. There's also circumstance. My family doesn't care about me one bit, they don't even know me or try to (but they will act offended if I don't call) so I have no desire to be in constant contact with them. I can also be avoidant with my partners at first due to previous trauma but when I start to trust people I become much more secure. So I don't think it's written in stone and it can vary depending on how others treat you as well.
@@MariaCosta-qe4wm I agree, but in my position with my family and my family history, the disorganized attachment seems to fit well. It’s gives me a bit of peace knowing it because I felt like something was wrong with me due to my coldness and lack of closeness with my family. My siblings are close to my family but I’m just not.
Shout out to the dogs barking in the background 🐕🐶
Dr. Honda thank you a million times over for speaking about the guilt-trips and double rejection avoidants can experience with family. The comments you referenced I've heard for over 20 yrs from my family. This was right on time as I was just home and it was the same treatment. I try to stay differentiated in my responses and its so challenging. Your videos and podcasts help keep me centered and not feeling like a freak. Thank you!!!!
Watching your podcast helped me understand i do have a lot of the avoidant traits!!
Yup! Same!
14:14 oh my gosh!! This exact thing happened to my 9 year-old son with grandpa. My son purposely ignored my dad at the breakfast counter and mom and dad suggested I speak to him about it, and also Grandpa's feelings were hurt and he wanted an apology. I asked my son about it, and learned that he felt like his existence didn't matter and that grandma and grandpa acted like the world revolved around them. I was saddened by the former and surprised by the latter - but definitely understood and appreciated that he was giving what he was getting. And I didn't "make him" apologize. Of course, when I relayed parts of the convo to my parents, my mom laughed when I said he felt his existence didn't matter, and they were both defensive. Yeah - I'm Grade A Avoidant Attached. Trying really hard not to do the same to my son. Thankful he feels safe enough to tell me how he feels. He also asked me to not watch so much TH-cam.❤
Are you recording in daylight? The lighting is so flattering!
We’ve seen how Natalie treats Michael when he gets home:
“You shouldn’t drink beer”
“You shouldn’t eat meat”
“You ever been to a museum?”
“What’s your IQ? Mines high”
“You’re low class. I’m not low class.”
Yeah, I can see why he didn’t want to talk to her after 4 hours of driving and working an entire shift.
Just looking at Tiffany's face when Natalie complains that Mike works too much... Still not a fan of Mike, but at least he is working, and for the two of them at that!
Hahaha, so true, Marsu.
It's also not possible to work on a relationship by yourself. So if he works so much that he just wants to come home and have a steak and beer and no conversation ever. And it's a big deal for him to take her anywhere even on the weekends, then like wtf? Honestly. No one faults a man for working but she didn't bargain on being married to his job. You can't be in a marriage by yourself.
@@kokolatte825 exactly. People think doing 1 hard task to sustain a lot of things like basic needs is all it takes for a marriage to survive. It'll just be on life support
The Mars travel hypothetical ... that's a new one, Dr. Honda. 😉 This said, I get it. Another analogy: when people adopt pets, they should make sure they can address all their needs.
Did you just compare Natalie to a pet?! 😅 I have to disagree with that analogy, as Natalie is a human in a human world who was not abandoned or homeless, who is (supposedly) able to think for herself and was presented with ALL the information regarding Mikes job, commute time, town, house, lifestyle and Mikes treatment of her before AND during the 90 days, yet she pushed and begged for that ring. 🤢
@@mariyayanakieva9357 😅 I didn't compare anyone to a pet, just merely observing that it's important to make sure we can make room for what we take on. This said, I don't understand why Natalie and Mike ever got married; they both should have known they weren't a good fit long before marriage. Maybe it was for the show, who knows... this said, other people's relationships usually look a whole lot clearer than our own. This is a show, so I take it all with a grain of salt. 😉
Valid point! They really do seem consumed in their drama.. however, I can’t help but think she had other reasons for getting in that marriage 🤷♀️🙂
"Dr. Gary Chapman on The Five Love Languages" interview with Hannah D'avanzo. I don't think Mike and Natalie's relationship had much gas in the love tank from the get-go..
Can we get a T-shirt that says " 2 seconds is all you need" :P
There are obviously bigger issues here then him being overworked. They both have A LOT they need to work on.
I personally think they are so incompatible that they need to be DONE. The moment Nat set foot in Squim, she started complaining and berating Mike as being low class and stupid while she bragged about her non-consequential 110 IQ, which is really pretty average...not outstanding at all. She should have known she would be a country girl before she "forced" herself on Mike and his lifestyle. So, she set out to argue about any and everything, making life a living hell for Mike. She should have been packed up and put on the next plane along with her frizzy hair back to her home with mama.
Oof. I have been a huge Dr. Honda fan for over a year now, but it really hurt to hear this kind of negative talk about medication. I have been in therapy for over a decade and have talked about things, gotten support, worked hard on processing things, let out my emotions, and guess what? I STILL NEED MEDICATION. I have a chemical imbalance in my brain. I really don't appreciate the assertion that "most" people are saying, "Just give me a pill and it will solve all my problems." The STIGMA around medication for mental health is huuuuuge. So many people reject taking medication that would probably really help them because of the stigmas around it. I think that this commentary was more harmful than helpful.
Agreed. I was extremely hesitant about taking medication, even though I was completely non functional- and I KNEW I was non functional. I knew it was bad, that I needed help, that I couldn’t live like that.
Medication isn’t a magic pill and most people who take it are well aware of that fact. It’s more like throwing a life ring to someone who’s barely keeping their head above water. No, it does not solve all my problems- but it allows me to be capable of solving a lot more of them than I could.
I didn’t take medication to make me a different person, I take it so I can be myself AT ALL.
Maureen, I obviously don't know if I'm correct, but I have the impression that Dr. H's comment was an attempt to precisely contrast people like you, who go to therapy, work at developing coping strategies, build systems and networks of support AND take medication VERSUS those who only want a pill and do not want to otherwise work on improving their health. I'm not close enough to the fields of psychology and psychiatry to be able to ascertain percentages with any reliability, but just from anecdotal observation in my professional and personal circles, there are indeed a significant number of people who heavily rely on drugs (prescribed and otherwise) to be "well" enough to be functional but who refuse to seek any other form of therapy-healing-management of and for their mental health. Maybe he wasn't clear enough, but I felt the doctor was commending people who DO take the medication, along with all other necessary forms of treatment. (I support you and applaud you for engaging in as many healing practices as you have found helpful. Keep it up! You are brave and resilient and a good role model for others.)
On the other end of the spectrum sometimes medication does more harm than good especially when the emotional aspects are not addressed therapeutically. Not to mention that even when it is, sometimes these medications need to be swapped or the dosage needs to be tweaked over time due to developing a tolerance. This is very taxing and can leave some worse off. There’s definitely a stigma around medication. For some it works, and for some it doesn’t. There should be more transparency about that
@@wavesonswim8738 🙏🏼
You literally described the life of my husband and I while having a baby and dogs! Lol.
I think Mike is clearly upset and bothered so he puts it in a way like he doesn't care.
Doctor what are you referring to when you say recharge battery? 🔋 what battery is being recharged? Anyone is welcome to answer….
Poor Natalie tread, I don't buy it, their both flawed individuals. Keep in mind at age 34, this is her third marriage. Natalie can work she's married. The problem is she will only work in broadcasting, see's anything else as beneath her. The other cast members were hard on her, because they can see there's little love there. I may have missed something, but i never seen her show any affection towards Mike. Mike has a lot of the faults that have been brought up, But I do think he has a real affection towards her. If anyone remembers when she first arrived here, she was nasty and cruel towards him. If that was me I would have dumped her right then. I think Mike should have seen earlier this wasn't going to work.
Tom Crone Crone That 'Poor Natalie" theory is B.S.. She lies and is abusive all the time. If a MAN had treated HER the way she treated Mike, there would have been a huge outcry against abuse!
To be honest Natalie knew where Mike lived from the beginning...they should have discussed if a problem before she came to America. This couple has far too many problems..best thing is to separate...which obviously has happened since she lives in Florida.
Are you sure about that, I heard he told he lived near a small town. I seem to recall when they drive up to his tin hut in the forest the first time she mentioned how isolated it was!
Knowing where someone lives is very different from knowing what it's like to live there. Some things you only know after you've experienced them.
@@princesstelevision67 Thank you! You don't really know until you're living it every day!
@@rk24133927 Yes, she knew. In their first season she said she would love to live there.
@@lavinder11 I bet he didn’t mention how long he need to commute to work, only saying how nice the house is.
Apparently he took over his parent's or a relative's financially failing farm where he lives, and it put him in some debt. He recovered back some money and was supposedly working in a retail environment...I guess he is a manager. He commutes quite a bit each day, not sure of 2hrs there and 2hrs back as not certain he goes to Seattle, but that's what I've seen since he went to Kiev and these past seasons where they went nutty it seems...
He payed off his debt with the help of the tlc show.
Natalie is very easy to dislike. She is rude, and arrogant. Forever tossing her hair, and looking up from under her eyelashes. I wonder how she can stand being around so many stupid people, as she feels she is so superior to those around her. Poor Uncle Beau. Hope he’s back in the house, now.
Ur hair looks good 👍🏽
I LOVE the Mars analogy!! Seriously, none of Mikes situation is news to Natalie! Why was she pushing so hard to get married if she didn’t like or want his house, his job, his work time plus travel to work time, his town, his lifestyle, him, how he treated her in those 90 days... all the while telling Trish she wants an acting career..
Yeah, why did Mike marry her? That's my question. If he didn't she would've been sent back home and none of this stuff after would've happened.
So refreshing to hear you vent about a pill for everything mental healthcare model.
Without my medication, not only do I fantasize about S, I make plans. I’m actively being traumatized, and I believe that without medication, I’d be dead.
Thank you so much for this dr Honda. Really.
Dr. Honda love your assessments of the scenarios. I have learned so much!
Could you include a newer T.V. reality show Momma's Boys. I am a mother of adult sons who are in relationships and I cannot fathom the intrusiveness of these mothers! What is going on with them?
Mike showed Natalie all the way in the beginning the farm and where they would be living. She knew what she was getting herself into. Maybe he can't afford a fancy place in Seattle to appease her highness
That's me all the way I am an avoidant which makes it difficult to make and hold long term relationship s. We have bad relationship s and bad communication issues.
I do think that Natalie has a language barrier, Mike doesn’t understand what she’s trying to explain. Mike yells at Natalie often in a confrontational way. When Natalie had surgery and he asked if she needed help, she said “no” and he made the comment that she only wanted help when she wanted it... well, yeah, it’s not selfish to not want help
One more thing for Natalie to complain about (Mike's commute). It seems that she does so much complaining. Woman, deal with it for once. Why can she not be understanding that Mike is exhausted when he gets home from work? Perhaps Mike is unable to find a job that he likes in Seattle. I was married to a physician who went through internship, residency, fellowship - plus, I had a newborn. I didn't complain because it wouldn't solve anything. I dealt with the situation and did what had to be done. Did I like it? No. But, it was what it was, and I loved him. Natalie should try and be more supportive and grateful. But, this is just my opinion.
Before i like julia but now no
The worst of her comes out on these Tell Alls. She was a jerk on the last one too 😕
Agreed. Especially the part where the father in law is sick and they get emotional and she says something like “that’s life, it’s tough” like nothing. Easy talking like that when it’s not your own parents. Really cold and unsupportive.
@@helenaj1181 my assumption is she kinda see fathers manipulation and being sceptical. I know dependant people like Brandon’s parents often get sick when their emotional supply abandons them- they unconsciously manipulate the victim to save them from the situation. It’s all sad but I can see how they use the fathers sickness to make Brandon go back to the farm
Encouraging to hear a psychological professional say pills are not always the answer. So sad to watch these two people struggle with fixable problems, and even more grateful for my own relationship
It’s so weird seeing people’s perspectives on Mike and Natalies relationship. People emotionally immature side with Mike and think Natalie was awful while differentiated people see where Natalie has come from and how Mike treats her and his petty ways.
I've noticed the more vicious comments are from people who defend him. I don't think that's a coincidence.
Natalie WAS awful people forget so quickly 😬 they’re both AWFUL
Lol
@@ifjc7216 there is a decidedly misogynistic undercurrent among people who defend Mike and buy into his victimhood act. They blame the ~craaaaazy~ and ~irrational~ woman, picking apart everything she says and does, every facial expression she makes, as excuses to mock her and dismiss her completely, just like society has always done to dismiss women's valid feelings and objections. Meanwhile they ignore Mike's cold, dismissive, mean, uncaring, emotionally neglectful behavior toward his (supposed) partner just because society doesn't consider that "crazy" for a man to do. No, no, no, for a man (who, unlike women, are not second class citizens), this is perfectly acceptable. I really couldn't stand Natalie for the first season and a half, but started to really despise Mike and empathize with Natalie the more I saw him act this way while also playing the victim, and while most viewers seemed to fall for it hook, line, and sinker.
@@TheGamingFilly omg! Exactly the same for me. I couldn't stand Natalie, but after the season BEFORE this one I cannot see how anyone could honestly see Mike as a victim. Victim of what? Circumstances he created?
What are you talking about Jay Mick. No one is speaking about taking medication. She is just a schemer. Emotionally and financially.
Natalie looks so pretty
I live in Miami and I just can’t understand how people can live in the woods in the middle of nowhere. That’s just so horrible , no wonder Natalie left.
It's crazy because it sounds like Dr. Kirk Honda has completely emptied this room he is in because there seems to be like the echo when I listen in my headphones.
It’s odd to me that everyone is allowed to ask questions and chime in. Unless producers ask them for their opinions. Everyone should be worried about their own problems because they’re far from perfect.
It's "good TV" unfortunately. I personally like the dynamic of the Tell Alls enabling these couples to come together and opine on each other's problems. At the same time, I wish we could have that while being spared the unfair dog piling, overt judgement, and having to listen to frankly bad opinions (😂) or comments that contribute absolutely fcking nothing to the conversation, like Colt interjecting and raving during Big Ed's segment.
Oh, believe me, the Producers WANT fighting! They encourage it.....
heyy that's what happened to me. and after my suicide attempt what I heard was "we wanted to help you but you shut us out for no reason"
i feel so bad for Natalie
Natalie likes nothing about Mike. I was surprised to see that she still came to America and married him. She called Mike " Low class" I don't think Mike is perfect guy, but Natalie is too much. I can't stand her.
Mike likes nothing about natalie. I was surprised he had her come to america when he never forgave her and only showed he only showed her coldness and resentment, and refused to take the steps like counseling to work through their issues.
@@ifjc7216 They tried counseling, and when they asked Mike what he thought the problem was he said "I don't think we love each other anymore...Right Natalie? " She did not disagree.
Why does Angela come off as so differentiated whenever she’s seemingly empathizing with other women yet every other time she speaks…
So, where she came from, is it just party central? We all have to work.
I've been waiting for this reaction!
Natalie's Death stare is quite intense!!
Although I don’t like this couple, but I feel so bad for Natalie because I have been through that, when I was visiting my bf’s parents last thanksgiving/Christmas for over a month, I feel I go nuts, I go nowhere and I eat the food not my favorite, and I have no family and friends (both my parents live in China and because of the pandemic I can’t go back and my parents can’t come to the US, to be fair I didn’t go anywhere because I need someone to drive me and I didn’t want to bother them and bf’s mom is a wonderful cook, the dishes her made sont bons, yes she’s French, the family is very nice, but I was in a regular diet and I miss Chinese food a lot. Not long ago I visited them again for two weeks, this time I do keto diet and feel much better for the stay). I feel for Natalie, I know exact how she’s feeling. (The other day I saw a post on IG from the Tampa hashtag which is where I live, I blocked her immediately never followed her before and future, I have this level of not liking her).
And thank you so much for your video Dr., I have been crying these days because some issues me and my bf had. I was still sitting alone in the car crying, crying on the patio thinking my life is meaningless, listening to some heart broken music crying, office crying from Wednesday. I have nobody to talk to, I don’t want to let my parents worry about me, and most of my close friends left Tampa. I have been crying too much and I decide to talk to my bf later, in a non accusatory way:) big big thank you.
💛💛💛
I talked to a therapist before, but I feel nothing from the session, I can feel she felt bad for me but she didn’t know how I feel, so I stopped. I am so happy that I found your channel, I am big avoidant before, and I am fixing it little by little)
@@ifjc7216 thank you so much for reading my blah blah blah, after typing this essay I feel much much better, I hope you have a wonderful weekend😺
@@baobao8459 I understand. I'm an American in another country right now... And I know how those situations feel, too...as well as other experiences being a guest. It's hard when you don't have any support...especially if you feel isolated or helpless to get what you need. If you ever just need someone to talk to, let me know.
Love it
They are miserable together and should just go seperate ways. I don't how they could get over all the bad blood without counselling which i doubt Mike would do so realistically they should just split.
I can't wait for part 2. There's a lot to discuss here.
Interesting, do you call what you're doing discussion?
@@princesstelevision67 Interesting. Should I care what you think?
@@sirmel11 just like we're supposed to care what all 13 of your threads say? Idk bud, up to you.
@@princesstelevision67 Did I tell you to care?
@@princesstelevision67 I'll comment all I want. Keep crying.
Dr. Honda, you want more details. Fair enough, but you have to realize that this show is for entertainment purposes and therefore is largely based on sensationalism.
They both lack self awareness
Why she didnt help him with the company. No working permit or what?
When he first told her he had financial difficulties, she said she would help him. There are plenty of things she could do in that area, with or without a permit.
Was she an actress or smth? Do you think she would just do some "normal" job. I feel sorry for Mike. If you are struggleing financely, at least try to understand him and ask is there something i can do for you.?
Where is emphaty????
Idk why you always accuse Mike but don’t see issues behind natalies statements. She can’t be by herself and always needs emotional and practical support like a small child. In spite of quite difficult situation being in new country alone etc she is really demanding ALL THE TIME even in her home country. She is very abusive and dismissive when she doesn’t get what she wants and doesn’t care about you at all but only about what you can give her ( love in child’s way) My mother acts a lot like Natalie and my father is like Mike, in my opinion people with bpd like Natalie are way more abusive, than avoidant- those I just avoid or just don’t get too close to them but having a borderline person nearby meant always encounter humiliation , demands of care and emotional abuse
Are Andrei and Natalie from the same area? He can’t empathize with her at all?
No, Andrei is from Moldova....Natalie is from Ukraine. Different countries.
@@thedudeabides5695 I had to look it up on a map. The countries appear to be touching! So not so far off. Kinda like how Canadians and Americans are similar?
@@girlnettles Yeah, probably. Moldovans speak Russian as well as their native Romanian, because the the USSR occupied Moldova for a time....
God forbid that Mike has to work for a living!!!. Natalie knew what type job Mike was doing. She knew where he was living and on top of that, as a boss what was Mike supposed to do when all of his employees left? leave as well? No, he had to work triple time... Natalie on the other hand was in Florida flirting with other men and living at Mike's expenses. Yeah, I do not feel bad for her at all as she had the choice to stay in her country or assist Mike by being a good wife. She doesn't love him at all... she didn't like the fact that he ate meat, did not believe in God and likes to drink beer. Natalie knew who she was marrying and when she arrived here, she was antagonistic, called him unintelligent and beneath her. She has to go back home and I hope that Mike files for divorce and cancelled her card.
He knew who he was inviting before she came, but that didn't stop him form being cold and punishing from the time she arrived. She was not in florida until their relationship ended. He had to work more, but that doesn't excuse not showing her any care. she knew they would be in a small town, not out in the middle of no where alone with no car. That would be hard for anyone. He had the money from the show, no one forces him to take all those extra hours...and sometimes he went out to drink after work... Regardless, he is still responsible to be a part of the relationship and meet some of her emotional needs.
@@ifjc7216 I’m kinda perplexed by your comment. The OP pointed out how abusive Natalie was even before she got to the US and your response is “he knew who he was inviting.” Is that supposed to excuse her terrible behavior? I agree that Mike was cold and punishing after she arrived but she has been that way literally since the beginning of their story with death stares, the insults, and the avoidance.
@@21BRATZGIRL the OP said she knew what she was getting into. I'm saying so did he when he brought her to America, instead of ending things when he was emotionally resentful...at least until their issues are worked through. I'm saying he's not a hapless victim he made an educated choice... And honestly I question whether it was for the tlc money, because he had debt and I saw no love in his behavior.
Mike’s religion is aliens, remember? 😬 lol
@@ifjc7216 your first comment also applies to Natalie. She is the one complaining and the one who belittled him from the get go. Obviously she never loved him as she couldn't even tell that to the camera man when the question was asked to her. This, when she was still in her country. Only came here for the citizenship.
I do feel sympathy with Mike looking down while he shrugs away.
It's not behaviour that someone who feels good about themselves does...
Or it's part of his victim persona.
Natalie has so such baggage she needs 2 857 planes to get her back to Russia
Ukraine
Gross. The bullying of Natalie needs to stop.
Nataly is so lovely 😍 I can’t get over it…
Not to dwell on women's appearances because it's not the point of these videos but yeah, gotta agree she looked gorgeous at the Tell All.
My last comment....Nat is neither pretty on the inside or the outside. No wonder she is scouting for a third husband! You can't look pretty when you act so hateful.
Oh wait, the next husband would be the fourth!
@@TheGamingFilly Her gigantic eyes are scary!
Natalie knew where he lives... she had 90 days to decide if sequim was for her...
She also said that she was person who likes nature but at the end she said she hates vood.
Before wedding she called her mom and complained about her life in Sequim. However, she forced Mike to marry her. Hello Green Card!
I love nature, but having no transportation and no company all day and still no company when the person who supposed or care about you comes home is psychological torture.
@@ifjc7216 Mike did not tell her that he is living in Seattle and finally brought her in Sequim. She became crazy before their wedding. Its only her problem, not his. She is not in jail. Always can go back at home. I would like to live in Hawaii but we are living in the state where we are working.
@@myway7285 living in a small town is different from being deprived of all human interaction. Being kept alone is psychological torture that has been shown in studies to break people mentally. When he came back he still didn't connect with her. she really was completely alone.
Worse than alone, because in Studies where people are emotionally discluded from others it actually makes the pain center light up in the brain. When he didn't care about her basic needs or refused to connect, he was literally causing the pain center in her brain to go off.
@@myway7285 she was trying to make it work so she stayed. She wanted to go to counseling, talk. He wouldn't meet her half way. If he was so determined not to try from the start he shouldn't have agreed for her to come.
So when they get divorced because it’s America Natalie walks away with half his assets and he has to pay her support each month ?
Mike signed affidavit of support.
@@myway7285 What are the implications for that? Does that mean if they get divorced she gets 50% of his assets and money every month for the rest of her life? He’s screwed.
I believe with a K1 visa you are agreeing to support for 10 years (40 quarters of work) or until they become a US citizen.
Something has always been off mentally with Natalie. Her reactions and behavior is weird most of the time.
I am over these two! Natalie has a superiority complex( which points to her feeling inferior) - I am tired of hearing about her acting, journalism etc. Everything is beneath her! Mike is avoidant yes - but be honest -wouldn’t you avoid her?
When my hubby travelled- 2 weeks every month it was nuts - the first couple of days after a trip he was wiped out - first I would just let him chill, destress and spoil him - this did not damage our relationship- we just had to find other ways to work things out. The last thing he wanted or needed was me whining - just saying.
omg first !! hi dr honda
Natalie was mean for a long time and now people suddenly care about her when Mike bites back. Hypocrisy.
He was unkind for a long time. They both did things to hurt one another.
Thank yoy
@@ifjc7216 I don't care.
@@sirmel11 your premise is inaccurate. We have been offended by Mike for a long time.
Lol she can't work but wants him to take everything and move for him.
Let’s be real Natalie totally used him for a green card
And he paid off 30,000 in debt
I don't think that's Mike's fault. If she's effected that much, she already had issues.
By the amount of your comments I can tell that you probably see yourself in Mike.
Why everybody should do what Natalie wants to do? Because she is victim-diva? Tomorrow she will decide to move to Venus because "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" and what?
If he drives two hours there and back, he has every right to not want to do anything.