she's after my money! r/AITA 1 800 Drama Podcast
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 7 ก.พ. 2025
- 1 800 Drama Episode 21 is live! In this week's r/AITA deep dive, we talk wills, property, and greedy kids, a mum whose WAY too close to her client, and a lego addiction taking over the house... grab a cuppa and let’s go fishing 🎣🍑✨
Share your own Am I The Drama story here: / 1800drama
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HEY LET'S BE INTERNET FRIENDS:
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Be kind and have a great day (:
My grandma had her first tattoo at 60. I went with her. She got the poop 💩 emoji with a little pink bow on it 🤣 When my uncle told her “Mom, you’ll regret that” she answered “At my age, I won’t have the time to regret it”
I love her so much, she was secluded her whole life (DV) but now that she’s free, she’s taking every opportunity to do whatever the hell SHE wants to do!
Wow, good for her! That kind of mindset may see her through quite a few more years, here's hoping, for it seems very healthy!
Yessssss good for herrrr!!!! Does she have piercings? Would she want them if not? Tell her about all the things she can do! Dye her hair, wear stupid stuff, whatevvveerrrr! I strive to have the same attitude as your grandmother and I am so sorry she had to go through that
@ She did dye her hair for a while when she got free, even purple. And yes she got her ears pierced, 3 holes each sides (she had non previously) and also got a nose piercing. Let’s say the “conservative” people in the family got slightly uncomfortable 🤣 At first (when she got her freedom) she would wear leather and high heels. She’s now 69 and her health declined slightly in the past year so she had to stop dying her hair and couldn’t go out as much, but I am so happy for her that she got a good 10 years of being “wild”
Shaaba you did it! 150k subs on this channel!
woooo 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉
Ayy! 🎉
Yyaaayyy!!! :D
Consultations on the 150k
heck yeah wahoo!! 🎉🎉
"I have many thoughts and lots of them are angry"
I'm pinching that one. Jamie 😂
I still can't get over the fact that Jamie, a man with lots of tattoos and piercings, asked his wife if she thinks tattoos and piercings are a red or green flag 😂
Story two: ESH. This story is insane and the mother sounds like a terrible lawyer. So many boundaries crossed professionally.
YTD for considering selling it.
Yep, IMO even if the owner is a massive piece of drama that doesn't make selling his stuff morally okay. It'd still be stealing even if he DOESN'T have criminal buddies who might come after OP for doing it. Two wrongs don't make a right.
I know some lawyers from Mexico and it’s like their profession is a joke 😬. They try to do the right thing but operate on survival instinct- this is super scary.
There’s a real danger that’s unavoidable when you’re a legal representative. Shabba & Jaime are right to make sure client has access to his belongings and OP’s mom should disengage if she could afford it.
Downplaying the mom’s position is def coming from a place of privilege. Sometimes you do what they say or risk limb/life.
Lego Story: I absolutely love pigs, and like Ops wife I had them everywhere, literally every room of my house was filled with at least 50% pig stuff (cups, cuddly toys, microwavable beanies, pillows, figurines, etc). Its just me and my cat, but my pig collection took up so much space.
Due to health issues I only go out once a month, and any cute pig thing I saw and could afford I "treated myself" to it because I go out so rarely, other than to docs / hospital appointments which I usually went straight to and straight home from.
My pig collection got super out of hand, so me and my mum had a chat and we agreed that I could only buy 1 pig item each trip out (so 1 a month) and any other pigs I really wanted I could ask for for birthday or christmas prezzies from family members.
Mum usually takes me shopping once a month (for meds, food shop, and a look around the shops in one day) due to me being disabled and needing help, so it felt right to talk to her about it, and we came to that decision together so I 1 don't blow through my money on pigs lol and 2 I don't fill up my house with pigs.
This little rule we made has helped keep my collection manageable. We moved everything into one room and got rid of / donated some to make space.
I have loved pigs all my life but my collection was getting out of control and they were everywhere, now things are manageable and I have a designated space for them which helps keep my house looking tidier / better.
Honestly I think OP needs to sit down with his wife and share his feelings on the Lego issue as she may not even realise its becoming an issue. Maybe designating her one room of the house or one wall for her collection could really help. It's definitely worth just having a calm respectful chat about it tho and see where she stands on this.
Fingers cross everything goes well and we get an update about how they've worked through this and everything is good again :)
Oh my gosh, I love pigs! I can't understand how people can fathom eating them. 😕 I think that is a really good rule you set. It is very easy to go overboard when you love something. ❤️
This is all great, but what in the world are microwaveable beanies? Why would you need to put them in a microwave? I'm so confused?
@@F00L_Of_A_Took I have heard of microwaveable plushies before. They have materials inside of them that retain the heat from the microwave, so they're nice and warm to snuggle up with when it's cold.
My assumption is that the beanies are similar to that :d
Thanks for sharing your story, and I fully agree that would be the best approach.
10:45 the phrase "sperm donor" has been used to describe a neglectful father since its such a clinical and distant sort of connection.
I think the difference in this case is that OP actually wanted to be a dad but wasn't allowed to (even though they happily took his money)
I used this term to describe my birth father for years. Now that we are on slightly better terms he has been upgraded to father but not dad. Dad is reserved for my step-dad who treated me like I was his own when he met me at like 11 or 12 ish. I moved in with my mom when I was 14 and we became super close. I asked to take his last name when I was 17 and it was the first time I saw him cry. Part of my 18th bday gift was the money to change my name and my mom helped me with the process. I hyphenated it so I still had my fathers name because I didn't want to upset him too much despite me hating him, I still loved him in a small way. I'm now 24 and I don't regret hyphenating my name so I could have my dads last name too. My name is now like 40smth characters long if you take first middle and both last (middle is only 5 letters). I already struggled to fit my first name on documents but I love the look of confusion, awe, and horror people get when I say my full name. I got by a 4 letter version of my name but my full name sounds magestic with a long first and two last names.
I sympathise with Arthur. My partner loves Magic The Gathering. We had to have this discussion when we were planning for a baby, because I was like "where is the baby going to go, my love?".
I can't complain too much because I sew and crochet and hoard yarn and fabric😅
But it is a discussion that needs to happen and can happen with love and respect
100% agreed. I have a million hobbies and my husband has just like one. And he’s a very neat person, like clutter makes him feel stressed and unsafe. It’s been interesting having to manage the spillage from my hobbies. We finally designated a room that’s mine. As long as I keep it tidy enough, I can fill it with paint materials and sewing. It helps that we also have babies, and I can’t just have supplies lying around. “Where is the baby going to go my love” lmao. I feel that.
For the Lego one, maybe they could start a scrapbook or callage of pictures of the final builds before dismantling it back into a box for the sake of storage. Dismantling requires some effort of organizing the pieces but might be satisfying as well. But that's a big difference between dismantling a puzzle compared to Legos: you should not just throw all the pieces mixed in a box, as that would be a headache for whoever builds next to find the right piece. Keep the instruction booklet or print a copy offline so that you always have a hard copy in your possession and then you can always rebuild or sell to someone else to build from there.
Fellow Lego Fan here and I do exactly that.
The space in my room is getting less and less the more Lego I buy, so what I do is leave the big sets on my shelves and dismantle some of my smaller sets and put them in boxes. My shelves look much tidier and whenever I feel like building a set I can get the box out, build it and dismantle it again.
I would not dismantle bigger sets (with over a thousand pieces) as I bought them to "look at" (and build a city :) ) but smaller sets are fine because it's so fast to build them again if I wanted to.
For all the people who don't trust the first story here's how I perceived the order of events that I think shows OP's actions in a more reasonable light:
1. OP finds out about kid, paternity is proven, so he files for paternal rights
2. He is granted rights, so he has to pay child support and is entitled to however many days a week with his kid
3. Mother prevents op from seeing kid, which is illegal and would be considered kidnapping on the mother's part (in the US at least, and because he said CPS I'm assuming this is in the US)
4. OP tries to contact CPS and authorities, but they don't do their job in enforcing his rights (op specifically mentioned this happening)
5. OP goes shows up at mother's apartment to confront her about kid, she freaks out and calls police on him (i can see how this could be a point where he's omitting info, but I can also see how a mother who prevented him his rights would also lie to the police)
6. OP tries to pick child up from school directly to avoid going through mother (i think this would only be reasonable if it was legally his day with her and this was his last resort)
I can also 100% see a mother who would take all these steps to keep her child's father away would lie to the child about the father abandoning her, hence the daughter refusing contact. In my opinion, this is the most believable scenario, as OP gave up on contact for decades, continued to pay child support, and the mother/daughter immediately came to him when they heard there was money they could get (implying they aren't actually afraid of him)
My husband's (M 46) daughter (12) is living with us for four years after a long fight with her birth mother (F 45). Officials were talked into believing her narcissistic mother and it needed an inappropriate physical approach by mother's ex boyfriend to scare the kid out of her mother's house when she let him move in. Birth mother still claims our daughter is lying about this incident, because my husband told her to. The longer child is living with us the more terrible lies she remembers being told about my husband and myself (F 41). She regrets that she was too afraid of us to move in earlier. Fortunately it was impossible here in Germany to keep my husband from seeing his daughter regularly (every second week's weekend). If it hadn't been for this contact, I can absolutely see her birth mother wanting to get more money out of him for her playing addiction. Please remember that not only cis men can be bad dads, but also cis mums can be awful and abusive with their children! There are at least two people loving a child before birth: mum AND dad or however the parents might relate to themselves❤ loads of love to everyone
So...the first story is pinging my "information is being held back" dar. I won't conclude that there's definitely something shady on OP's part, but I'd need a more complete story to come to any conclusion at all.
I'm glad I'm not the only one. I have a whole list of theories, since it feels like a lot of important context was left out.
I'm curious about why OP called CPS when he found out that he had a daughter.
How did he never see her when custody and child support were adjudicated in court?
If OP got weekend custody per a court order, then the mother could have been charged with something like kidnapping or parental estrangement. Why didn't OP get a lawyer and pursue charges?
If, as Shaaba and Jamie posited, the mom could have hacked the daughter's account to ask about the inheritance, then she could have also been the one who wrote from the daughter's account earlier, when OP was to stop trying to contact the daughter. We don't have any actual proof that the daughter knows that her father knows of her existence.
The message from the daughter said that she knows what kind of man OP is. I wonder if the daughter was told that the sexual encounter wasn't consensual. Considering the daughter was conceived at a party, after which the mother ghosted OP, it could have _actually been_ non-consensual.
🤷🏻♀️
There’s definitely something shady about this story. It rarely happens that only one person is in the wrong; from OP’s perspective, Angela is the AH obviously, only asking for money, etc. I can’t help but think that OP is shady af. It’s so easy to appear like a good parent in court, when you have money (which OP’s family seems to have), have a nice job, etc. It wouldn’t have been hard to get week-end visitation rights.
BUT as a child who was abused by both my parents, my siblings were too, I can tell you that NO ONE around us ever suspected anything. To this day, even after having gone to the police, pressed charges etc, my parents are still living their best life. They’re well loved in their community whilst one of my siblings khs and the rest of are still living through the consequences of growing up in an abusive household (emotional neglect, manipulation, i*cest, etc). My parents, however, have always provided for us financially. I took it as damages and got out asap.
The thing I don’t get is, if that’s the case, if OP did r*pe Angela, why on earth would she come back and ask for the apartment??? Child support is understandable, but after that, I would have wanted nothing to do with OP or his family.
I felt this too. It's odd that he was granted weekend dad right but never got to execute them. He blames the legal system but as far as I know, if the legal system grants you access to your child, they usually help you enforce it. But then again, OP says English isn't his first language, so it's "possible" he's from a different country with a legal system that isn't helpful to fathers in seeing their children and enforcing any custody laws for fathers. But I feel that's unlikely.
@@NyxBluebell I kinda wanna know what Angela had been telling the daughter growing up? Maybe a small convo in person or over text with the daughter, she could've felt abandoned growing up by him or something like that
I'm wondering about something that was said in the first story, by the daughter of the OP.
She sent him a message/letter one day and said something like: "I know what you did and what kind of person you are, I don't consider you my father and stop contacting me", and it seems weird to me that the daughter thinks he did something bad ("I know what you did"), but it wasn't explained what she was talking about, especially because they had almost zero contact?
At first I thought that maybe the mother said something about OP, maybe even lied to the daughter, because it seems so weird that she would say that out of the blue. I thought maybe the mom misrepresented OP, maybe she said that he didn't want to be in his daughter's life or, I know it's a stretch but this is the first thing I thought of, maybe she even said that OP took advantage of her when they had a one night stand and she became pregnant. I mean it had to be some horrible lie (or truth) because the daughter's message seemed too extreme for someone who's been nice to her and wanted to be involved in her life.
Maybe the mom lied because she didn't want her daughter to know that she kept her father away from her for no apparent reason when he wanted to be involved, so she made something up? Or was it something true that OP is purposely leaving out?
Idk that part just stood out to me and confused me, but maybe I'm overthinking it
i totally agree! if it's a scenario where OP did take advantage of the mother, then the daughter was right to feel unsafe around OP, so at that point it does kinda become his fault that they can't be family.
I feel like OP wouldn't mention that if he was hiding something.
@@osheridan
You're maybe right but it could be that the mother lied about him, maybe she told the daughter that he did something bad, although he didn't.
But either way I think that he sort of had to tell us in the Reddit post about the message the daughter sent him, because he had to explain to us that she still doesn't want to see him (unless when it comes to inheritance), because otherwise everyone would ask him something like: "So if your daughter's mom prevented you from meeting your daughter when she was little, she's now an adult and can make her own decisions(she's like 22?), so why haven't you met her yet, if you both want to?". I don't think the story would make sense if he didn't tell us that the daughter said she "doesn't consider him a father and wants no contact with him", but he purposely left out the reason.
I think we should find the original post on Reddit, maybe someone had the same question and OP responded to it (maybe Shaaba and Jammie haven't read all of the comments in this video), or we should ask this ourselves, but I don't have a reddit account anymore.
Either way I'm very curious, I have a feeling something is missing
@@osheridan Maybe he thinks it was entirely consensual but she doesn’t.
The first defense in cases of unclear consent is always to claim it was consensual (“just a bit of fun”) and here is the thing, most of them actually believe it. People generally don’t want to believe they took advantage of someone.
@@mikaylaeager7942in some cases, they know what they're doing to the other person and are doing it all on purpose. But in some cases, indeed, they really think they did nothing wrong. The "it was just us having a little fun" reminds me of drunk guys (personal experience), or people who somehow think there is no possible way someone didn't want to do.. _a certain thing_ with them because they're so full of themselves. Then when confronted, they cannot accept or cope with the fact that they did hurt someone else very badly.
The first OP is definitely not the drama but I do wonder if the mom Angela is holding something like housing or money over Marilyn's head to make her contact OP. The reason I'm thinking this is because Marilyn is 23, and she could still be living with her mom, so mom could be saying "contact your father about his inheritance or I will kick you out of the house" and maybe she doesn't want to get want to get caught in the middle. The mom could have also been the one who sent mail to OP saying to stop sending birthday cards because she thought Marilyn would start wanting a relationship, so I would encourage OP to meet with Marilyn without Angela there to see what she has to say in person.
Interesting. My theory is that the mother (Angela) lied. Idk about what, but either that the father did know about the pregnancy but didn't care and then idk tried to use CPS to "steal" the child (something that is common rhetoric about CPS where I am, that they are "stealing children"). Or maybe something even darker, she might have claimed OP impregnated Angela without consent. I know false claims are very uncommon (between 3-8% iirc, The right to Sex by Amia Srinivasan) but it does happen, unfortunately.
Or another scenario is that OP is not telling the full story. But as both Shaba and Jamie says, we just have to trust the narrator in these stories.
Might be a combination? The mon lying to the daughter AND then pretending to be her to make sure the daughter doesn't contact the father and find out the truth.
There is so much we do not know to the story. Why did the mother never want OP to meet his daughter? Did OP do something bad to warrant that? Does Marilyn even know that her father paid child support and sent cards or did the mom intercept them and tell Marilyn another version of the story? How did they know OP’s mom died if they are completely no contact?
I don’t think it is right to demand money or inheritance from someone you have never wanted any contact with, so I think not the drama on OP’s part for not inheriting Marilyn one of the grandmother’s houses, but maybe there is drama on other fronts. There are definitely pieces missing in the story and the other person’s version of what happened.
Honestly, it reads to me less that the mom might be blackmailing her daughter into initiating contact with the OP and more that the mom is the one initiating the contact and pretending to be the OP.
It doesn't sound like he's ever seen her in person or even heard her voice on the phone. Frankly, any contact he thinks he has had with Marilyn is potentially just the mom.
@@s.a.4358 I feel like the mom may have lied about the circumstances of her conception- and OP's character which is why Marilyn believes OP is such a bad person, she's been told lies with no proof stating otherwise, really (I don't count child-support as enough since it's legally required, though his attempts to see her I do count, but it seems she's not fully aware of that), ever since she was a baby. It's all she knows, and if her mom's told her friends similar lies than all the adults she knows are going to be co-operating that story without knowing.
Mondays are mentally really overwhelming for me, but I listen to this on my train to work and you guys always make me feel a little better ☀️
I like to listen right when I get home to reset my mood
The Lego situation reminds me of my brother. He's loved Lego since he was a kid, and ended up giving a lot of it to an ex-girlfriend's nephew or cousin because the kid didn't have a lot of toys. He's since been rebuilding (pun intended) his Lego collection, and has had to be careful about what's out in his space and what is in bags, because he and his family have moved to a smaller place, and the family has grown (he and his fiancé have two kids under 2 right now, along with a dog and several cats). He has built every set he currently owns at least once, but packed them all back up to move at the start of the year. I think he has one or two smaller builds out and up high where he can see them, but the rest are packed away until they move to a bigger place in a few years. He's looking forward to building them again (especially his Millennium Falcon - the big one), and excited to have his kids get to an age where he can share his hobby with them. His partner still plans to buy him sets, but they both know he won't be able to do much with them for a few years. And he's cool with that.
My husband had quite a lot of lego, we recently used Lego's Replay program to donate two large boxes worth. You get a free shipping label online from Lego Replay, and then you just have to drop it off at any drop point near you that accepts that carrier's shipments. Here in Canada, these are then mainly distributed to children in Northern communities, Lego is also very transparent about which organizations in your region will be receiving the donations which I love.
WE ARE AT 150K !!! happy monday shaaba and jamie
Story 1 - what on earth happened for him to get no contact and the court not to enforce visitation? That's the hard part for me. It would help us understand what the daughter heard. I don't think OP is the AH but it might understand if he should try and have a relationship or consider helping the daughter with a small inheritance.
Yeah everyone is focusing on what the daughter said to op, but that was the more confusing part to me. Tbf, I'm assuming this takes place in the US because he said CPS, and CPS is notoriously bad at actually doing what's right for children. Our police are also known for not being the best, plus people tend to be biased towards mothers in these types of situations
SHAABA YOU'VE DONE IT!! 150K!!!!!!
38:27 YTD not for op's request, but because he asks "would I be the drama for TELLING my wife to stop buying it."
Op uses this phrase over and over and its almost never a good idea to straight up TELL someone "you need to stop doing x". Op should think about how he wants to phrase this question, because there would be NDH if he phrased it more like "hey, I am a little concerned about the amount of money spent on lego every month. And I'm feeling a little crowded by literally almost all of our shared spaces being covered in them. Can we maybe have a talk about it and see if we can work something out?"
Like maybe wife is budgeting for her lego sets and money really isn't an issue. Or maybe it is and she hasnt realized it yet and having a non-confrontational sit down discussion would be best? Maybe she would be fine with putting a few of her less favorite sets in storage? I just imagine if Op comes into this situation with a tone that comes off as condescending or ordering wife to stop indulging in her hobby (might be more of a special interest if she's this into it. And especially if this is the case, ordering her to stop is absolutely not a good idea.) That using that kind of ordering language is going to make this otherwise minimal issue into a big blowout argument or wife cowering and feeling shamed for a hobby that clearly brings her so much joy.
So yeah YTA if he TELLS her to stop/cut back. But NDH if he asks to discuss it and is open to compromise.
Edit 41:27 Yep. Hard agree. This is it.
He seems very kind and considerate otherwise, so possibly it was just a bad turn of phrase.
I grew up with that book about the Hen making bread. Loved it
Re the lawyer: there is probably corruption and bribery going on in the situation.
I just want to say that I just celebrated having a Shaaba and Jamie video to watch, and my partner said "ooh, Shabby-dodger?"
Omfg I love him😂 and I love you guys ❤
As an Lego enthusiast, I only keep my Lego sets in my personal room, and if anyone wants to display a set like a flowers set i built, then that's totally fine! It's probably best to maybe put some away, or at least make sure it isn't overwhelming the entire house so that way you have more room. It's also really fun to take some older ones apart and revisit them at a later date! But if it's affecting your life that much it means you need to have a discussion with your partner.
I’m sorry but I’m crying laughing at the fraud couch story. It’s just so absurd 😭😭😭
If you're here, hi Arthur!
Big fans of lego in my house too! We have found the best thing is to keep some sets on display and keep others dismantled to save space as quite often the constructed set takes up much more space than the box it arrived it! Keeping sets safely together in strong zip lock bags and storage boxes along with instructions to rebuild can really help, and you can swap out the display pieces as often as you can dismantle one and rebuild another. Just an idea that works for us!
Definitely not the ahole in the first story. Regardless of the mother’s influence, this person told OP she didn’t want a relationship with him, and she only called to see what she was left in the will-apartment and anything else. She can kick rocks. She didn’t water the relationship despite OP’s efforts, she doesn’t get rewarded for existing.
We have no idea of the other side of the story. Also, himself and his other kids are literally being rewarded just for existing. None of them earned that money or the properties lol.
@@faithpearlgenied-a5517 - If you're going to play the "we need the other side first" card, then there can't be meaningful discussion of the issue right now. Also, if OP's mother wants to will assets to her son, that's her right. A granddaughter she's never met or has a relationship with has no right to her stuff.
@@faithpearlgenied-a5517I mean they choose to exist in his life and got award for it, unlike the other daughter who choose to not exist in his life. Simple outcome really. 🤷♀️
My husband and I plan to buy the Gotham City set and hang it in the bathroom. And, in the future, the lighthouse, which would look awesome on the windowsil. But we opted out of Rivendel set, even though we both like it a lot, because it takes a lot of space and can't be displayed on a regular shelf.
As someone who wasn't raised by my biological father (first because he didn't want me, but later on because he just wanted to be able to claim he was involved in my life and I wasn't having that bs), I don't expect to inherit anything from him - and he almost never paid child support for me or my siblings who he also didn't help raise. We've all accepted it. I can't imagine the insane amount of entitlement that goes into turning down having a dad who actually wants to get to know you, still taking the child support he gives you, and then expecting him to give you an apartment. OP was NTA.
Story 3: the smallest YTD. Only because he used the phrase “telling her to stop buying Lego”. OP is clearly considering wife’s feelings. It’s his house too and he’s entitled to address how he wants to share the space. A conversation is required, not dictating.
The first OP is definitely not the AH, I will say though if you don't have any legal custody of the child it is completely normal to not be let into her kindergarten since the employees don't know you and it wouldn't be safe. Most child abductions happen by bio parents
Didn't he say he was granted weekend rights though? I can see him showing up there as a last resort being so desperate to see his child, and i can also see the school not letting him take her even if he showed documentation (as someone who was in elementary school around the same time as the daughter, I know there were a lot of forms adults had to fill out to even be on school grounds, let alone take a child)
Story 3 is one of the reasons I believe in having partially separate bank accounts and spending money. My partner and I both have hobbies and interests that are separate and it’s nice to be able to spend money without needing to worry about what the other thinks (and also that we can still treat each other, but presents, etc). Most of the time we still discuss it with the other person before making a larger purchase, but it’s more for advice and also in case it will impact the other in terms of time and/or space. My answer is usually my opinion and then “but it is your money so if you want it, buy it”.
Massive Lego fan here, there is a Lego library service called brick borrow in the UK. I use this as I cannot afford the sets I like, and have run out of shelves in my office. For just fifteen pounds a month I can borrow a set, bulld it, keep it on display for a bit, then dismantle, send back and borrow another! I would definitely recommend Arthur and their wife look into it!
I was talking to my mum a while ago about my dad's hobbies (he's a multitalented craftsman, but doesn't have a lot of free time or attention span). She said her rule is that as long as he's not spending a bunch of money (he makes 99% of the money) then she doesn't care what he does as long as it's not making a huge mess.
This year he built himself a blacksmithing forge in the yard. He used scraps from his job and slavaged stuff, and all it ended up costing was the $40 that the on-sale e-z-up cost.
That’s pretty much my take on my partner’s hobbies. When he tells me about something he wants to do or buy, my two main questions are “when will you find the time for it” or “where will we put it”. If there is an answer to those 2 things I’m cool with almost anything. Although the “when will you find the time” question usually means he realises he doesn’t have the time unless he drop something else, which is a 50/50 on then going ahead with it or not. And something it sounds fun and I also want to do the thing 😃
34:10 *slowly hides away my dusty legos*
in that last story - op''s wife is a......LEGO lass! and not just when she does LOTR kits. lol
Yes there are Lego clubs! It'll vary by city of course but my dad has been part of a local group for like 20+ years or so. They do things like trade sets/pieces between each other and sometimes build huge temporary displays (that are a mix of sets and their own original creations) that hotels show off.
Also to help Arthur and partner with storage specifically: what my dad does is dismantle sets he doesn't want to/have room to display and they go in the Lego closet. You can make a storage system of drawers/bins or varying sizes from larger ones to little tiny bead sorting bins so you know where each type of piece is. You can also keep the instructions (or find them online, the instructions for many sets are free online) so you can build the set again if you wish.
This system allows my dad to keep what I assume is possibly hundreds of sets in a small closet and still be able to find all the pieces he needs.
I don't trust the first story. I would very much like to know the other side to this, because I don't trust it at all. I just don't believe most people ghost anyone without a reason, and I also strongly have doubts that the daughter would really be so opposed to any involvement with him unless she's been told some really bad stuff. There's no way this is enough information.
Yeah. I’m suspicious of this story as well. Does OP really not know why the mother doesn’t want him in her life even after a full custody battle? Could there have been consent issues involved when they “had fun” all those years ago? He doesn’t even attempt to give her side of the story at all which makes be lift my eyebrow ever so slightly.
I might be a bit overly suspicious here, but I feel like Shabba and Jamie may have been a little too trusting of OPs story on this one.
I also left a comment similar to what you said.
I was particularly confused with the part where the daughter out of the blue send OP(the father) a message, it went something like: "I know what you did and I know what kind of person you are, I don't consider you a father and don't contact me".
I thought of two things while reading that. The first is that maybe the mom lied about something, maybe she said OP did something bad to her, or that he refused to be involved in their daughter's life or something similar, and that's what made the daughter upset so she said "I know what you did". Maybe the mom didn't want her daughter to know that her father was trying to reach her and be involved and that she prevented him, so she feels guilty for denying a father to her daughter, so she decided to just lie.
The other thing that I thought of is that maybe the mom was telling the truth to her daughter. I know this is a stretch but at first I thought that maybe the father took advantage of the mother when they first met, and she became pregnant. Maybe that's why the mother ignored his requests to see the daughter and went so far to even call the police on him. So maybe the mom told the daughter (when she was a little older) that her father assaulted her, and that's why the daughter said: "I know what you did, I know what kind of person you are", but OP didn't want to write that in his reddit post.
That's just the first thing I thought of, but it could be that the father did something else that was really horrible and the daughter found out what he did. (Another thing is that he was just too pushy with seeing the daughter but I don't think his daughter would send such an emotional and angry message if he just wanted to see her?).
So my two ideas are both that the mother said something to the daughter about OP, she either said something truthful or she lied, but there's something missing.
Maybe we should find the original reddit post, maybe Jammie and Shaaba haven't read all of the comments, so perhaps someone also asked this question and OP responded?
i also immediately had the thought of how old the mother was, i may have missed that in the post but what if she was too young or drunk to fully consent?
@@MayaMickaMicak Yeah, there are just so many possible things that could be going on. Like, first, maybe the OP is 100% a good person and completely blameless. But IDK. Was the "fun" they had totally consensual? Why was there an implication that OP is a bad person? Mom could be dishonest, yes, but so could OP. And if mom is the one who is dishonest, I'm also not even sure if it is the daughter who told OP to stop reaching out. What if that was mom and the daughter is completely blameless and in the dark?
I just don't know what's going on. I don't want to assume OP is a bad person, but I'm also not prepared to assume that the estranged ex and daughter are bad people either.
@@mikaylaeager7942 I was worried people would be mad at me lol. I just feel really wary of this story. I also feel like Jamie and Shaaba are usually a little bit more skeptical, which does have me wondering if I'm being unreasonable here, but in my anecdotal experience, when one person sounds so completely innocent, we're missing something.
Lego Story: I think it’s important to emphasize that implementing boundaries on space isn’t a criticism, but an observation that comes from a caring place. Unless you want it to be a criticism, then you do you. But it is helpful in these types of conversations to be clear about what is a criticism and what is a concern so that the other person doesn’t feel the need to overly apologize or become defensive. I wish the couple all the best!
The last story reminds me of my husband. He "collects" electronics, and unfortunately is not very particular in what kinds. Laptops, desktops, smaller devices, audio equipment (huge speakers), DJ lighting, projectors, monitors, TVs, fil and digital cameras, microphones, video game consoles, game and software discs, even user manuals... You name it, he's got it. Very old stuff he collects for historical purposes, and of course the older a piece of technology is, the bigger and bulkier it tends to be as well. Newer or more common things he gets because it might be "useful" for the single convention we help with for 2 days a year, or to fix up and sell on eBay (except he accumulates faster than he sells). He's good at fixing electronics so he always gets given a lot of broken things by other people too. Since he was always potentially selling things, we had to keep a large (and space-using) collection of shipping boxes on hand as well.
The last house we lived in always felt very claustrophobic to me because it wasn't a large house to begin with and he filled the attic and basement first, then the edges of the dining and living room, on the dining room table, then started storing stuff in the spare bedroom... Stuff was everywhere and I hated it. I would come home and scream to myself because I wouldn't even have any place to out down my work bag or a flat surface to eat dinner on. I would get into one-sided fights with him about it because he never denied it was a problem, but also never stopped the behavior either. It was pretty much the only thing we ever "fought" about, but it was a big issue.
Things finally turned around last year when we needed to move to another state. I think packing everything up and trying to fit it into a storage unit opened his eyes on just how bad things were.
In our new house, he has definitely slowed down accumulating items and ramped up efforts to actually list everything on eBay that he doesn't want to keep. We have a baby on the way, so he still needs to empty out the nursery closet, but he is actively trying to sell everything before the baby arrives or get enough room in the garage to move whatever is left. I'm hoping that this trend continues because I really enjoy having an uncluttered house that looks like a home and not a warehouse.
8:25 the reason we do these videos is to broaden our horizons and learn. that being said...
shaaba some people were raised in different circumstances and might have neurodevelopmental conditions that make being an independent adult harder at the age of 22.
I know it's normal to assume people know better but for someone on the spectrum and having issues with making a choice in their life I felt hurt.
now I know this wasn't referring to me. but some people just go into the mentality of adulthood at a different pace. not to mention the way they were raised has a big part to play in that development.
I just wanted to point that out. that just because someone is 22 or seemingly the age of an adult. they may not have developed the mental capacity to make their own choices just yet.
thank you for making these videos I wish everyone a nice day :3 positive vibes ✨
@lilibane81 I feel you and while doing so I realize how difficult it is to comment on anything regarding everything all the time. I understand your reasoning concerning spectrum and different backgrounds. In the context given Shabaa and Jamie judged and I'm sure if it was said that daughter had any of your mentioned issues they would have commented differently.
Thanks a lot for your mind opening comment.
I'm improving my mindset and get counselling to differentiate between reactions coming from my background and inner child and appropriate reactions to actual events. I hope you understand, what I mean, English is my second language. Have a blessed day❤
Re the last story, the Lego obsession. I am left wondering if the OP's wife has a dedicated space of her own in their house/apartment. He mentions the kitchen and his office are Lego-free, but not the other rooms, which Shaaba and Jamie assume are shared spaces. But nowhere is any mention made of a dedicated space for the OP's wife, so she might not have any other option than spread out through the living room and bedroom.
I thought about this too. I'd really love to hear the wife's side of this Lego story, just to know if Arthur really needs his own office (does he work from home and the wife doesn't?), and whether he's collecting anything else that's for example filling all the cupboard space or some of his office. If he really needs a home office for work and isn't using any of the office space for his hobbies, and honestly doesn't have anything taking excessive space from elsewhere in the apartment and it's really just her filling up the place with legos I can accept asking (not telling!) her to reduce the collection. But if he's even partially guilty of something similar, and the only reason it's not showing in the house is because he has the office or has filled most of the other possible storage space, they need to really talk about it openly and make some kind of a compromise. Find a solution that creates a reasonable storage space for her legos too so she doesn't need to fill all the current surfaces. Only then is it fine to ask her to tone it down a bit and stick to that agreed storage in the future.
This is your regular reminder that you're all awesome, beautiful and valid little peaches, just the way you are ❤🧡💛💚💙💜 Love you all ❤🧡💛💚💙💜
Congrats on 150k!!!!!
Happy 150K!!! 🎉🎉❤❤✨✨
27:00 Alright it's decided Shaaba needs to have art of her imagined as half owl! Very cute art ty ty
Congrats on 150K! You deserved all of it, keep up the good work! ❤
This Lego story is reminding me to go buy the typewriter set lol I have a collection of real ones and thought the Lego typewriter would be fun to put next to the real ones
I understood him going to the school and stuff as something that happened after he wasn't allowed to see his kid despite the ruling. I totally get why someone would do stuff like that in that instance if you were legally determined to have the right but still denied
I get why someone would do stuff like that but it doesn’t make it okay. There was no ruling that he had a right to be in the kid’s life, just that he’s legally her dad.
You can’t show up at a kid’s school and expect to be allowed to take them home when you’re a total stranger. You also can’t expect to show up at someone’s apartment when you’re clearly not welcome and not have the cops called.
Of course the Mum is wrong for not allowing him access to the child but he had no legal grounds for this behaviour and no matter who’s right or wrong, it would be really scary and come across as threatening, regardless of his intentions.
@@leggyegg2890 yeah he shouldn’t have but he did have a ruling declaring he had a right to see the kid. He was given weekends
@@HonorWillow he said “weekend dad” in quotations and clarified it meant he was simply the biological father on paper
37:26 don't think he should ask her to quit getting LEGOs, just if she could dial it back a bit and spread out her spending like maybe every other month.
Congrats on reaching the 150k! ❤ from NZ, here's to 150k more!
Also watching from AoNZ. I’m a huge fan of this series, also called Amy irl.
@twinning1944 .... I literally went to respond "omg twinning" (as in twin names)... and then saw your name. So fucking appropriate haha
i get so excited to listen in on this every monday!!! 💗 love you guys
I just started catching up on these today and now I have another one I get to watch!!!🎉
5 minute club! Sending greetings and Thanksgiving greetings from Canada 🇨🇦
I wait for this all day! Love listening as I work. Thank you! ❤
I love the podcast so much I always look forward to it!
Girl you got the 150K already ❤ woooo!
I love watching these episodes, because I just love the way you guys talk to each other. You're very respectful and understanding and it just warms my heart to see. Also y'all have great and thoughtful takes on all the drama!!
Shaaba congratulations on the milestone of 150k subscribers,so well deserved.I love the drama podcasts with both you and Jamie because you both bring such different perspectives and really nuanced insights and thoughts.(Matt) You both give us learning and teaching moments in these podcasts too that are so relatable and down to earth
Thinking about Arthur and the lego story -- the exact message that he sent in could be what to say to his wife! :)
Not me playing with my lego while listening to this!! 😂
Congratulations on 150 k
Depending on what the tattoos are. Don't care for vulgar or racist tattoos.
In a lot of countries, if you pay child support, you must (in some capacity) be able to see your child.
Whether it be supervised or every other weekend, etc.
Obviously they won't be able to see their child or have very strict supervised visits rarely if there are criminal or dangerous issues with said parent.
However, if you choose not to pay child support, the primary caregiver/parent, is permitted to not allow you contact with your child in person whatsoever.
I know this as my friend, to protect her disabled child who's ex husband judged very cruelly, chose to kick him out and he chose not to pay child support for both his children, so mum had full custody and was allowed to decide that he couldn't be apart of the kids lives. He was fine with that arrangement also as he wanted nothing to do with them, especially the disabled child.
It's a very sad case but the kids didn't lack for positive male role models and their maternal grandparents lived a short walk away a few streets over.
Maybe I'm just jaded but it occurs to me that a situation the that would explain the behavior of the first story would be if the "fun" that resulted in Marilyn's existence was one sided and not entirely consensual on Angela's part. Considering that she ghosted him after the encounter and the resulting pregnancy makes it more likely that protection wasn't used
Yep. We have absolutely no idea of her side of it.
@@A2LauraI'm not saying whether anything was or wasn't consensual but I'm not sure why protection is relevant in this discussion? I agree it's highly unlikely protection was used but I don't see how that relates to the topic of consent in this case (because it's highly unlikely this dude was trying to baby trap this woman)/gen
@@leobeboop4944 The conversation required to ensure that an encounter like this is in fact completely consensual also tend to include talking about protection. A drunken one night stand is much less likely to involve protection.
But in that case, would you seriously want to received an apartment from your mom's rapist? It would explain the rest of the no-contact, but to tuen around and want the apartment still makes no sense.
@@mikaylaeager7942 I’m a bit confused. You’re acknowledging a drunken one night stand is a lot less likely to include protection, so why make the assumption consent wasn’t given? Of course there should always be a chat beforehand about consent, protection etc and I’m very strict about this, but we don’t live in a perfect world and most people just aren’t doing that, especially not back then. Two people both choosing to be irresponsible is so common that I wouldn’t even give it a second thought. I’m definitely not saying consent was given, but I also wouldn’t assume it wasn’t just because protection wasn’t used.
15OK OF US!!!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤ LETS GOO
I'm a collector myself, & on several collector forums & Discords. Most people who live in shared homes of the collector community have a room (small, but decent enough) solely dedicated to the collection. I'd suggest this to the Lego story peeps. (I'm typing this & Shaaba says the same thing!!! Nice)
ETA congrats on 150k subs!!!
First one is tricky, on the surface definitely NTA.
I will say though even with good intentions, OP has boundary issues. Showing up to the school or apartment building is totally unacceptable and I see why police were called. He’s not looking at this in hindsight and realising it was inappropriate and could’ve made them feel unsafe.
It’s a very good thing that the school wouldn’t let a child go home with a complete stranger, regardless of what documentation they have. I’m really confused why he’d think that would ever be an option and why he’s surprised it wasn’t allowed. Since he didn’t have custody, that would’ve quite literally been kidnapping.
Based on the info given I don’t think he’s a bad person and the word ‘kidnapping’ is loaded, I’m not trying to put a sinister spin on it that isn’t there. I’m just saying he clearly has very little understanding of how these laws work and how someone would feel hearing that a guy you barely know tried to pick your child up from school against your wishes, then showed up at your home. He’s honestly lucky she didn’t get a restraining order.
I think (based purely on his side of the story) he’s a good guy and wanted to be a good dad. He just can’t see the situation from anyone else’s perspective and doesn’t get that as a woman with a young daughter, this behaviour could come across the wrong way and would be genuinely terrifying.
0:51 ROLYSHWEA doesn’t beat about the BUSHWHATTLEAH
There are also Lego Robot competitions for children (First Lego League). You can get involved in coaching or judging. One of my summer jobs when I was at uni was building lego for the obstacle courses they have to run at the competitions.
Love you Shaaba!!🩷🩷🍑🍑 Love you Jamie!!💛💛🥔🥔
My mother moved me in the middle of the night after a week in one city, because my father arrived at my school. I was in second grade, about 8 years old. My parents were married until I was 7. There was no history of DV. My mother was just narcissistic and controlling. When I was a preteen, my mother convinced me to tell my father I didn't want to have a relationship with him. When I met my husband at 21, I decided to contact my father. He's not great, but not nearly as bad as my mother told me. I'm 36 now.
People who are estranged from their bio-parents, or have been neglected/abused by their bio-parents, frequently refer to them as "sperm donors" or "egg donors" as way to illustrate the lack of an actual parental relationship. So no worries, Jamie. It's a completely standard and reasonable metaphor.
I always look forward to these uploads! I’m going to save the episode for listening to on my shift - 3ams are made better when listening to you 😊
34:06 My husband and I own our own home, but we are limited on our own spaces because my brother, SIL and their kid are living with us and have taken over the main area (i don't want to talk about it.) So, I have my own office, and my husband's office is attached to our room. My husband gets to decorate our room/his office with all his decore (usually stuff I like too, but he is the bigger fan of: mostly horror movie and batman stuff). I get to decroate my office with things I love (most of stuff he wouldn't really like because it's "girly" or it's my arts and crafts. If we run out of space in our areas, we have to make a choice: what gets put away for a while or for good if it's something that we realized was just a fad for us (example: when we used to try to collect every Funko when they first came out.) Sometimes, I put stuff away for a year and then pull it back out. Realisticly, you can't just keep adding and adding and adding unless you want to keep buying a bigger and bigger home.
I love the by Halloween and we got it 17 days before happy 150K
happy spoopy season!!!
My poor dusty lego recoils in shame.
that's not dust, that's house sprinkles of HONOUR.
@@shaaba definitely!
Leaving a comment for the algorithm, can't wait to listen
That first one goes to show how horrible "Angela" is. Not only did she not tell OP about her pregnancy, she didn't let him see his child AND she's clearly been LYING to her daughter about the situation.
As someone who didn't grow up with my dad (because he was abusive), who never paid child support and gave up on birthday cards at age 6, I STILL gave him the chance for a chat on FB, TWICE, which he fucked up both times lol. I would never expect inheritance nor would I want. I don't consider him my dad, so why would I expect anything. The fact that OP's daughter feels entitled is WILD to me.
Also, my mum never bad mouthed my dad, and only told me history as I got older, and I only learned the full story as an adult. And this man threatened to kill her. So my opinion of "Angela" is low low low
We only know his side of it though don't we. I'd love to hear the other side.
@@faithpearlgenied-a5517 still wild to expect anything from someone you've had no contact with and never met.
@@faithpearlgenied-a5517 that's what i'm thinking too, especially after he said he showed up at her kindergarten and their apartment
There's a few details in the story that make it stink of missing info...
It's the third time in a row that I'm first lol love your videos x
I relate to the wife in the last one honestly but with dolls; I'm a fashion doll collector (and I'm also autistic and dolls are very much one of my special interests so I'm definitely like. More Into Them than a lot of other people are about things.) I don't know if this applies, but one factor to her buying so much might be trying to keep up with new releases or something; that's a constant thing I'm juggling with my dolls bc I collect multiple different active brands and the releases from each of them that I want build up REALLY fast plus fashion dolls are only on shelves for so long and most resellers charge WAY too much. Not saying that therefore it can't be a problem or don't have a conversation with her, just adding a bit of possible insight into her thought process maybe. I still live with my mom and her partner is really creeped out by dolls, so I have to keep all of mine in my own space and not the rest of the house, but once I'm in a place of my own I look forward to displaying them more widely, and honestly I could see a future roommate or partner having to have this conversation with me. Though maybe the fact I'm thinking about this now will make me a bit more aware of it and actually prevent that. ...Anyway I, don't really know what point I'm making here ^^;
Yeah! Shaaba & Jamie time!!!!!!🎉❤🎉❤
Congrats on your 150K!!!!
For the lego, one good way to go about it would be a display, and then some sort of careful storage for the rest, rotate them out. Then you only have to deal with the storage portion growing, rather than the display.
Edit: I should have finished listening lol
The first story leaves a bad taste in my mouth, why did the mum wait until daughter was 3 before contacting OP about child support. Why didn’t she let OP have contact?
Like I look at my work offsider who is a single mum, the father of her daughter is a deadbeat but she has still never stopped him having contact with his child
congrats on the 150
I love how non-sketchy and wholesome you guys are ❤
38:53 you have an office - does she? What if legos were contained to one room (at least for like 80%) and that was her room where she can do whatever she wants? Since you have your own space, she should too
In the second story, the guy in jail wanting stuff he can't have has big "No take, only throw" energy. I agree that they should put his stuff in storage where he can have someone get it, pay for three months if possible, and then tell him he has that long to get it. Super messy situation that they never should have gotten into. I wonder if the mom was additionally threatened and is sparing her daughter the details.
First story, i wonder if momma r*ped at the party resulting in the pregnancy? That would explain both why she’d ghost OP and why she wouldn’t want her daughter around him. This strongly impacts how I feel about him guarding wealth. I don’t know how to feel about it, but mom’s behavior makes MUCH more sense as does all the “I know what type of man you are” comments
This could be true but respectfully, it’s pretty weird to jump to this conclusion based on the info we’re given. I’m not saying it’s impossible but it’s a strange assumption to make.
The possibility occurred to me, too. If Andrea were pressured into sex (it sucks but a lot of men don't even recognize when they're doing it), then it could explain some of her behavior. What I don't get is Marilyn wanting this guy's money and assets if that were the case. We straight up just don't have enough information.
So glad it’s AITD day. I’ve had a rough day at work so I’m feeling spicy, looking forward to judging some OP’s stories
I have a suggestion for the wife with a lot of Lego. Maybe you could ask her if she couldn't evaluate her sets on a regular basis and just keep her favorites. Maybe a specific number? The others could be sold or something. Maybe she's holding onto some sets that don't really give her joy but she feels guilt about getting rid of.
If I was the first OP, I would have no initial plans to give Eldest Daughter an apartment, but have an agreement with my wife that if my relationship with Daughter changes in the future because she decides she truly wants to get to know me, the ownership of the apartment might be reconsidered.
Because, maybe when she's older and has lived life as an adult for some time (or gets some distance from her mom who might be poisoning her against the OP), she might have a desire to actually connect. Or maybe she comes to OP and explains that she has no knowledge of most of this and all contact he previously though he had with her has been with the Mom.
But, as of now, NTA for not gifting the person who you have never seen in person or heard their voice a whole ass passive income.
First OP is not the drama... but if he thinks there may come a day when he will want to welcome Marilyn into his life, he might want to dedicate a fourth apartment and associated account that is in his name but can be easily transferred to her if she gets to the point where she realizes that her mother doesn't give most people the benefit of the doubt and realizes that maybe she misjudged you. Not remotely a requirement, but if she does genuinely want to establish a relationship with you someday, having it at the ready to present a year or two in could go a long way toward underscoring for her that you were always willing to be a father... though never interested in being a bank.
He DID want Marilyn in his life though but never got the chance. At the end of the day, yes Marilyn is OP’s child but in the biological sense only. He never was even allowed to meet his child once. And there may be valid reasons that we do not know, as we only know OP’s version of the story and not why mom refused contact, but that still doesn’t change the fact that OP is only someone who shares DNA with Marilyn and paid money to raise her. The fact that he never even met her is significant.
1:47 nah see this is a red flag to me. The vulgar tats is fair, but bad tats or no meaning tats is just, tats. That’s like saying because you don’t get someone’s style you’re red flagging them you know?
A friend of mine is married, and her husband has a passion for wrestling. They have a room where he can keep all of his collectible items without it spilling into the rest of the house. I know not everyone has a room available for collections, but that could be an option.
For the last one. I say NAH, but depending on how convos go.
There are lego clubs, out local library has a lego club to make lego. I've also heard of people volunteering to make lego sets that are donated to charity shops to check it has all the pieces, then it can get sold.
Also for budgeting my husband and I each get so much money each month for whatever we want. My husband often saves his up for a board game he wants, without harming our joint budget and finances. With lego sets being expensives it might take a couple of months to save up for a set she wants.
19:21 Also, the showing up to school with paperwork that he's the father is just completely moot. If you're not on the list, you're not getting that kid. Probably especially if you're a parent who isn't on the list because the school is going to assume all kinds of extreme things, including legal issues, and protect their asses, and that's a good thing.
İ wanna see this lego cabinet now!😊