ไม่สามารถเล่นวิดีโอนี้
ขออภัยในความไม่สะดวก
How to Overcome Shyness
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 มี.ค. 2017
- The secret to overcoming shyness is to remember that others are, beneath the differences, always substantially the same as we are.
Enjoying our TH-cam videos? Get full access to all our audio content, videos, and thousands of thought-provoking articles, conversation cards and more with The School of Life Subscription: t.ly/20E8u
Be more mindful, present and inspired. Get the best of The School of Life delivered straight to your inbox: t.ly/9PmkK
FURTHER READING
“Because shyness can grip us in such powerful ways, it’s tempting to think of it as an immutable part of our emotional make-up, with roots that extend far into our personality and perhaps biology - and that we would be incapable of ever extirpating. But in truth, shyness is based on a set of ideas about the world that are eminently amenable to change through a process of reason because they are founded on some touchingly malleable errors of thought.…”
You can read more on this and other subjects here: goo.gl/nPYbc2
MORE SCHOOL OF LIFE
Watch more films on SELF in our playlist:
bit.ly/TSOLself
SOCIAL MEDIA
Feel free to follow us at the links below:
Facebook: / theschooloflifelondon
X: / theschooloflife
Instagram: / theschooloflifelondon
CREDITS
Produced in collaboration with:
David Horsburgh
www.davidtheanimator.com/ #TheSchoolOfLife
I hate when someone blurts out "How come you're so quiet?" Especially in a crowd. Then everyone looks at you for an answer. Like how am I supposed to answer that, what kind of answer are you expecting? "I was born that way" , or "Im just a good listener" or maybe "How come you're so damn loud?"
Cameron Hathaway I always respond with I'm shy
Cameron Hathaway For real dude, I fucking hate when that happens to me. I just shrug my shoulder whenever i get asked that.
"Geez, way to put me on the spot like that :P !"Saying something like that gets the point across that they made you uncomfortable, but also in a joking "it's all good" way so everyone stays relaxed.
haha my friends girlfriend did that to me and normally I'm like "lol I dunno, *changes topic*" but she's annoying so I literally said nothing in response and everyone looked at her like she was retarded. So if you ever wanna make someone feel awkward for putting you on the spot that's one way lmao
try the last one. Best case scenario, everyone has a laugh. Worst case scenario, they all fuck off. win-win
people told me not to care about what others thinking... Easier said than done, I care too much..
I have no Idea what others think about me, so I can't really care about it :D. I'm kind of afraid of it though, so I don't even want to know it...
Thao Nguyen self centered much?
No, don't let people tell you that. Caring about what your friends, family and your colleagues think about you is really important. It's the whole basis of socializing and means you are a considerate person. Don't let people tell you that you shouldn't care, because you really should!
Thao Nguyen the thing is that you probably don't care about what others think of you, but that you care about what you think others think about you.
why? because you can never know what they think until you ask them or see how they react. until then it's just a fiction you explore in your head. if it wouldn't be a fiction but based on what you surely know abut them, you wouldn't be stressed by it, you wouldn't have to think about it much in the first place.
you create a reality in your head that can't be confirmed until you go into confrontation and that's what stresses you.
the only solution to that is to act and confirm, not to think.
Thao Nguyen It's pointless, at the end of the day people will always just think and do whatever they want. And the thoughts you cared about were just your own.
In caring for their thoughts you are like a dog chasing it's own tail, while believing it to be the tail of another dog.
Don't lie you searched for this
How do you know ? Are you a fortune teller ? If yes, so why don't you go and earn some money from your skill
@@pakistan15172 nigga what??
you thought you ate💀
yuh so sad 💀
@@pakistan15172Stupid response but slayy ✨✨✨
Stupid comment. Brought nothing to the discussion. I’d rather you blew air into my face than waste space in the comment section.
i just searched for the channel to try and recover myself from the brainrot i just watched before this
before this video I couldn't talk to people.. now I'm a male stripper at a karaoke bar
well done you get a cookie or a martini
congrats
Pink Floyd3 Well, do you talk?
Pink Floyd3 For which we are all the less well off...
Pink Floyd3 why are you a stripper?
My problem is that I worry way too much what others think of me or what will they think if I say something stupid or act stupid..combine that with a very low self esteem and self confidence and you get an always quiet 19 year old girl with little to no friends to which a boyfriend is just a mythical creature.
Vanessa Šalamon I have exactly the same problem. The only difference is that I am a guy...
I just have one friend, who will soon move to another country, I am too afraid to go to crowded places because I always feel like I'm being watched and talking to people is an unbearable chore
try to get out of ur comfort zone
I tried but it just made me feel anxious and nothing different happend
I'm sorry to hear that Vlad:(
sometime I wish I would be one of those stupid, overconfident ppl that everyone seems to like..
James Tree as much as I like ur comment,it somehow strike me that may b cz u judge 'popular' fools,u think others will also judge and criticize ur moves....that's why u don't open up and recognize as a shy person!
exactly, that's why I want to be one of those.
Nahh they suck.
fair enough
Same, but then I overthink about it and don't really want to anymore.
My shyness used to cripple me. I couldn't talk to girls, speaking in front of my peers was impossible and my social skills were a fucking mess.
However, I realized that I was letting my youth pass me by, terrified at doing the things I most wanted to experience. What eventually broke my shell was asking my self one simple question, 'what will make me happy right now?'
This is the one thing I care to frequently ask my self, it's obvious. This is my life, I'll do as I please and if X or Y will make me happy, then fuck it, I'll do it. Disregard consequences and deal with the aftermath later. (Be sensible with your actions, of course)
One answer to my question and what started to break my shell for me was learning to play the guitar. I never quite had the money for a decent one so I put it aside and I was embarrassed to walk in a music store and know nothing about it, so I would put it off. Until I said fuck it. I was fucking tired of limiting my self. Trust me, it gets fucking old of never doing the things that will make you happy. I walked in the store and bought me a 1k$ Taylor acoustic guitar and ate Romin noodles for a couple of weeks. I asked a trillion questions and perhaps looked like a fool but I gave no fucks. I came in determined to do the thing I most wanted to do and did.
This later translated to going out clubbing and dancing. Going to Blues clubs and festivals even though I had no one to take with me so everyone was a stranger, to talking to women at the gas station, store, restaurant, not to get their number but just because I felt like saying hi or wonder about something that they were doing. This led to getting women's numbers, going out on dates, (this was the most challenging part, being a good listener and asking good questions is key and being yourself, of course) and getting laid (yes!) 👍. This translated to singing Al Green, Stevie Ray Vaughan at the top of my lungs in the hallways of my job. I did me. I did what made me happy and disregarded everything else.
Now, this is not to say I didn't feel the burning sting when I got/get rejected or the nervous and anxiety feeling of approaching the girls I wanted to take out to dinner. All that shit is still there. Anxiety and nervousness are still there albeit way less. What you have to understand is that they will never go away, ever. You will learn to accept it. You will feel it and will identify it and that's it. You will push your feet and open your mouth and do whatever you most desire to do. This is what and is required of me, to try. The effort and will can only come from you. No one will ever take your hand and guide you to your better self. No one can do it, your brother, sister, mom, dad, friend can only help you so much. It is all down to your effort and willingness to put your self into action.
3 billion years of cellular/mollicular evolution in the greatest fucking planet; you, a silly and foolish up right walking and talking ape is going to let the social construct of a mammal with the genetic makeup closely related to a fucking acorn rid you of all the greatest pleasures life has to offer??? C'mon man! In the great scheme of things, you getting rejected by the cute girl at your job or being paralyzed at a poetry jam you sign up to, will mean nothing.
Live and enjoy the few years we get to experience. It is a worthy endeavor, I promise ☺️
thxs that hit home
someone, give this man a medal!
Too long. didn't read.
I wished I can have that confidence to be able to talk to people and have fun but it is not easy you constantly think of what is is that your going to say to people and then Of what is gonna end up happening next. You start to think a lot and end up getting a headache there is no magic pill to overcome shyness unfortunately
Too many words for morning reading and too many for toilet reading at work. Please shorten.
When people ask me 'Why are you so quiet?' (which I hate) I like to say..' I'm saving my words.'
Exactly.
Two ways to overcome shyness:Realize we're all the same inside or don't give a damn what anyone else thinks.
Jarrett Benning but i do care of what they think
Jarrett Benning now I act with everyone as I'd like people to act with me ,I've been making friends ,still work to do though . Everyone is kinda the same inside
Jarrett Benning jew
or, don't give a damn about what you think, other people think of you.
if you think people are thinking about you doesn't that make you narcissistic ?
actually, as i shy person i think the problem is assuming people think negatively of you, when they probably either don't, or they're not thinking about you at all.
I´d like to write a really cool comment, but I´m too shy...
A really cool comment. There, I did it for you.
batman what you think you are the cool kid here and taking his moment to shine is something good stop it and go home
Nick Bunyun I'm definitely not an xpert on being cool or anything, but I'm pretty sure I'm not taking this guy's spotlight.
loloismydaddy Yeah! Unless your your username is your real life name. (and your name is pretty rare.... and you don't know how to change your username either.)
Okay, real and (totally unrelated) question here: How do I change my TH-cam username?
you click the little photo on the top right of your youtube screen, click it once more at the tab that shows up and you will be navigated to your google account. click the pencil to change your name
i always feel like i'm being annoying or bothersome around other people. most of the time i feel unwanted or unliked. i also kind of get the sense that none of my friends actually like me or enjoy my presence... :I
Rainstorm4444 I feel you
yeah, that's part of having low self esteem. Other people probably aren't even noticing you.
Don't worry, reading my comment won't fix it. It will make you briefly aware, then you will be back surfing the internet and your internal conflictual dialogue will return as loud as before and go on and on and on, until you will be old enough to think it doesn't even matter anymore, and that's when you will stop being lonely, by accepting your being different and starting hanging out with people more like you, people that your super-ego considered "inferior" but you knew you were part of them even if your ego didn't want to accept it for fear of auto-labeling as inferior.
SAME
You are a gift to the world. You are a blessing to all the people you serve in your community. Just for being you. Uniquely you.
i know this is like 4 years old but i feel you. it hurts. i never say anything because i feel like nobody cares about what i say or that i'll just say something wrong.
if you get a notification for this, has it gotten better for you? do i have any hope?
I'm so shy that I don't ask to go to the bathroom during class or ask for help from teachers
Edit: I recently have got in to college where you are forced to do counseling. My counselor is an intern that says that I don’t have social anxiety after I told him what I’m going through. I don’t know what is going on. Lol
DLLO Eiv Your not helping me at all
Ben Bernard Meh I was writing advice but I can't be bothered. LOL to ur comment
Ben Bernard ME TOO!!😱
Guys. It's not my fault that I hate asking people for things or help. When I was little I was loud and always had something to say, even if that meant I would get it trouble. I got in trouble so much that I was forced to go to calm down and pretty much change my entire personality and now I am like this.
Ben Bernard im literally the exact same
I thought I was just shy for a long time, but recently I realized that wasn't my problem; I love connecting with other people and learning more about them, but I have such crippling social anxiety that I often become paralyzed in social situations. My brain becomes a mess of fear responses, and I'm unable to physically say or do anything that I might want to say or do. It's so frustrating every time someone tells me that all I have to do is change my perspective and realize that no one actually cares and we're all the same inside. Because I understand that on a conscious level, but my subconscious and my body don't seem to agree.
Same here. It's not that I can't think of things to say or that I honestly think people will hate me for saying good morning in a louder voice, it's that I'm so overcome by anxiety that I become physically incapable of saying anything. Of course I know there's a much higher chance of people hating me for being awkward and/or not saying anything than for whatever dumb thing I might say, but knowing that doesn't change how it feels. People will give me advice on how to act, but they don't understand that I already know how I'm supposed to act, I just can't get my body to do it when I need it to.
Wow, your words made me actually cry. Cause for the first time ever I've finally become aware of my situation. And it seriously sucks.. I wanna change, I want to meet new people or even make friends , but the anxiety of not being interesting enough or not knowing what to say holds me back. I'm still young, this is the time for me to go out and have fun, yet non of that happens since I've no one to hang around with.
same problem here...
Hello there, there are anti-anxiety medications on the market now that can help with that...If you have a physical issue, there is a physical solution that can change your brain chemistry to help you. And combining that with therapy has shown a lot of success for people with anxiety issues. Good luck
Beatness yea it just takes throwing yourself into uncomfortable situations. Just remember every time you finish talking to someone that nobody really harshly judges. I have a bad blushing problem but the more I talk out loud the fewer shits I give. It just takes a long time.
But is there a difference between being quiet and being shy?
Yes. Being an introvert means that you just want to be left alone and do your thing. Being shy means you want to socialize, but you are not good at it.
Corpus Lamina I'm not disagreeing with you but I technically classify as an introvert but I do enjoy socializing and I'm not particularly bad at it. Like I can hold a conversation and what not but when I'm with a group of people sometimes I just enjoy listening. So where does that put me?
Corpus Lamina. I don't know which one I am. Usually, I want to be left alone to do my own thing and when I do want to socialise, I'm not that good at it.
+NateDizzle312 Well, I was talking about introverts as a whole. You are an introvert, of course there are different types. You're on the median.
As a person who is both, I've recently come to separate the two and finally realize that I have to come out of shyness and embrace my introverted personality. The result: My social interactions have improved, I still enjoy my periods alone, and people have come to accept my "quiet" nature :)
I am really tired to be shy, I just want to be confident with myself and being able to talk with new people without feel anxiety, especially with girls. Otherwise, I am gonna die alone without knowing what love is and feels.
OliverPianoYT experience true love through Jesus Christ
MissImperfection easier said than donr
There is still arrange marriage.
OliverPianoYT ι ғeel тнe ѕaмe way. ι вeen вaѕιcally ѕнy ғor мy wнole lιғe, ι'м 12
OliverPianoYT Am in the same situation as you bro
I hate being called out by a teacher, but when I'm raising my hand they totally ignore me
Crusty Potato teachers like to embarrass students yet they wonder why suicide rate is high among teens
Yeah, such a painful childhood for me. Teachers calling you out for being shy around others. And everyone looking at you. Literally the worst way to deal with a shy kid.
@@leighgrant4721 yeah even my teacher embarrassing everyone from me
@@devvv4616 also idk why the fuck should they look at me , that hurting me i am pissed
Crusty Potatoe 𝕤𝕒𝕞𝕖
I don't think that's it. I think, at least for many people, there is an underlying fear of judgement, a fear of showing your true, maybe awkward, different self and not being accepted as a result. Also, many introverts don't care about how you did in a class test or how your favorite football team did in its last match. As a consequence they themselves might not share these seemingly meaningless details of their lives, which others could find interesting.
Critical Ravi you are right
So basically you're feeling special ;)
the video says that there is an underlying fear of judgement.
^ It’s also these kinds of reactions, Do Za. No offense but there is a certain type of person like yourself who blends well among those who aren’t. Rudeness is too simplistic and of the surface, the psychology behind your choice of reaction goes deeper and shows an innate difference. If people were less like you/this - creating a sense of urgency in the one they’re communicating with, aka anxiety eventually - we wouldn’t be seeing such cases as much.
@@kyalucero7977 how do you know what kind of person i am?
I was just saying, everybody is awkward and weird. if you think people will judge you, then you think your way of being weird is extra special. but it is actually no more special than everybody elses weirdness. this is a fear of judgement. Of course if you grew up with a lot of judgement and pressure to be something or make someone feel in some way or other, than it is difficult to shut up the internalized voices. this can be very difficult and needs long time and a lot of practice.
Critical Ravi i think the video states exactly what you just said. It’s the fear, doubt, and anxiety.
I think breaking the ice is a big part of overcoming shyness.
I've started at a new uni and at first I was pretty social. Everyone was new and no one really had groups or anything so I found it very easy to strike up conversation with anyone around me. The atmosphere also made it much easier with forced ice-breaker introduction in some uni classes. But now in 3rd and 4th week, some groups have started to form and it's much harder to approach people and individuals unless they are clearly by themselves, or I've talked to them before.
I noticed one guy in the first 2 weeks introduced himself to literally everyone he sat near. He just gave a simple, "Hi, I'm Tom". and shook their hand. Now in the 4th week he will walk through a hall and everyone will say Hi to him, and he will still go ahead and sit by himself at the front of the class with a clear intention of learning and not socialising.
That simple act of saying "hi", has meant he's broken the ice with literally everyone, so now he can just walk up to any person or group and they will already have accepted him as a known person. His focus on study also makes it clear that he isn't around to annoy anyone. I'm going to use his example from now on and whenever I find a very short time where I can say Hi to someone I will.
You can literally just say "Hi, what's your name btw? I kind of want to get to know the people around me, otherwise it's a bit awkward just passing them by everyday like strangers"
99% of people would agree with that and it's not a creepy reason or anything. The convo can literally end after learning their name, and say "have a good day".
"Shyness is nice and shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life that you want to." - Morrissey
Does anyones face turn red when you get picked on in class because you're shy or am i just gay
If that's the case, then I'm gay too.
Eddie Perez Respond
all the time. i hate it :-\
lol
It’s actually a disorder which I have too! My fave turns bright red whenever someone calls my name or talks to me. I start sweating and I can feel my face and stomach beating up. The worst part is when people point it out and say “why are u gone bright red” and I’m like how tf am I supposed to answer that? I hate it sm
Sometimes i feel quite confident, i feel i can make conversations with a stranger but sometimes in a group i feel shy to speak up,i just don't feel like draging the attention to myself, i become self concious thinking i might say sth stupid.
Same here. I like one on one conversation more or even groups that is a complete stranger with others too. I began being quiet when people around me has a lot to say and I don't see any opportunity to talk or I don't need to respond.
@@spillthechaa yea right,i know how that feels
@@swapandeepkaur1123 Another thing is it's really hard to go with the current when it seems like they overpowered you. Even I respond, they wouldn't notice because I don't have a loud voice 😅
but i am awkward around everyone, even my own family people i see everyday. i don't know what to say most of the time.
Naz me to. I just can't continue a conversation.
Same here
In my case, sometimes I find myself reciting in my mind first what imma 'bout to say then later I will realized "what am I even doing? They are my family, no need to think deep" 🤣
Whenever I talk to people I have no idra what to say. Or how to start a conversation...
Same. Even when people talk to me I'm always short with my answers or have no response and say I don't know.
golubtrxsh 𝕤𝕒𝕞𝕖, 𝕚𝕥'𝕤 𝕟𝕠𝕥 𝕝𝕚𝕜𝕖 𝕀 𝕕𝕠𝕟'𝕥 𝕨𝕒𝕟𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕥𝕒𝕝𝕜 𝕥𝕠 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕞... 𝕀𝕥'𝕤 𝕛𝕦𝕤𝕥 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕚𝕕𝕜 𝕨𝕙𝕒𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕤𝕒𝕪 😂😅
I always try to avoid socialization and when someone talks to me i either give them a weird look, very short and quiet answers, or i just completely fucking ignore them.
Hi how’s the weather nice day hay. It’s that easy. Or hi there do you know the time. Or if there doing something that’s also a starter point if there gardening and you walk by just ask what there planting boom got a starting point. Or if your waiting to cross a busy crosswalk and there’s a hot girl could say man this cross light takes for ever boom got yourself a starting point and now your talking to the hot girl and both are complaining about a crossing light.
A good exercise another yt commenter taught me to use whenever I had a bout of shyness was to try to think back and remember the most embarrassing thing you saw someone do a week ago or even a few days ago.
You can't. And that's the point.
Whatever embarrassing things you think you'll say or do, people are so caught up in their own bubbles that it will be forgotten. Fast.
So. Why. Be. Shy.
Hope this helps.
You've thoroughly convinced me that shyness comes from a place of flawed logic, but I didn't see you explain "How to Overcome Shyness" unless you're suggesting people simply think their way out of it. In which case, I'm dubious.
"The shy aren't awkward around everyone. They're tongue tied around those who seem most unlike them" You just describe something that I could'nt before, but's *exactly* what i feel
you should absolutely read all the articles and books on overcoming shyness. That will go a long way with helping you adapt to social situations. But at the end of the day, we need to turn these tips into reality for you.
The only way to do that is for you to change the way you think about shyness.
A great way to do this is to familiarize yourself with a concept I call invisible scripts. These are the secret narratives in your head that guide your behavior.
For example, some people I’ve talked to have problems connecting with others because they think of small talk as BS. They want to skip the boring stuff and get to the point. Ironically, thinking of small talk in this way is the reason why they fail at building relationships.
While you may think of small talk as pointless, others think of it as building a relationship.
What you may have scripted for yourself is that you want to get straight to the point of the conversation. But what you’ve failed to realize is that small talk is important filler material.
Think about the process of going to a restaurant. Do you just sit down and get your meal immediately? Of course not. The wait staff greets you, gets you drinks, takes your orders, asks you questions. They slow the process down. This is exactly what you must do in conversations and small talk serves that very purpose.
The 3 WORST Mistakes You Must AVOID If You Want To Eliminate Social Anxiety , click here:hipolink.me/socialanx
I don't think the link works anymore
I JUST WANT TO GET RID OF MY SHYNESS BEFORE I GO TO SCHOOL ...I JUST WANT TO SHOW THE WHOLE WORLD THAT I AM NOT THE PERSON WHO I USED TO BE
I have the Exact same motive.😆
@@sharmilasayeth4143 😸👍🏼 👍🏼 and I’m still shy ughhhhh
@@shazanashamik3978 Lol Same. I have watched like 30 videos On shyness and Making Friends And i dont know what i learnt🤣
@@sharmilasayeth4143 LMAO 🤣🤣TOTALLY ME
@@sharmilasayeth4143 hahaha same
I am too shy to write that I am the first one commenting :(
Gerson love this hypocritical comment because you were confident enough to post that comment
Gerson Praise lord Pepe
Shaggad M :)
Gerson true! even you really need to say something
Gerson I am too shy to thumb you up.
Actually I just wanna have friends😢
Why is it that people think shyness and introversion is something to overcome? Shyness and introversion are actually very good traits that allow for development of empathy, deep thought, greater introspection.
The main issue is that the world seems to deem anything that isn't extroversion as something that needs to be fixed, when perhaps more people should try overcoming their extroversion.
Hanz Azazel Nice comment. I agree with your rundown of the benefits of introversion, and how it doesn't need fixing. But as for shyness, I think the video's trying to deal with that aspect of shyness that stops you from doing what you really want to or ought to be doing. Eg, introvert bookworm and extrovert sportsperson have feelings for the same love interest from a different school but both lack the courage to really start a conversation with said interest due to what we call shyness. (Which could be acquired from repeated actual rejection and embarrassment in their early years). Just a thought.
Hanz Azazel It doesn't need fixing it just needs a bit of improvement. I'm shy and introverted, like you said this has helped me develop empathy, deep thoughts and greater instrospection, but it has also stopped me from ever even trying to go on a date or to flirt with someone I like.
Hanz Azazel the problem with extroversion is that most extroverts have no time for introspection and sometimes unable to think for themselves.
The problem with introversion is that they are reluctant to go outside of their boundaries that they don't get to know others perspectives and often become insufferable stuck-up
There needs to be good balance in both traits for those who want to have a good fulfilling life.
The video is also talking about the kind of shyness that hinders your ability to do what you want to do. While you are right about shyness allowing for development of empathy, deep thought, and greater introspection, people should try to overcome shyness if it stops you from doing things that you like or prevents you from functioning normally. So in many cases people should attempt to overcome shyness. It can make them a much happier person and can result in developing a better self-esteem and idea of self-worth.
Hanz Azazel, yes you right, because of this kind of thinking, people think that it isn't normal to be shy. But I liked this video because I am shy, and I want to overcome it, because I feel like this comes from childhood traumas, like shyness is a jail for me, that prevents me from talking to amazing people I would like to talk to so so much...
The comments section gives way more help than the actual vid.
i would like to make many international freinds.. if only i wasnt shy .
same!
Lovely Brahma Im from Spain xD
Lovely Brahma Hello from Mexico 🇲🇽
+Alvaro Dob Bañ hola 😆
+OA hello appreciate your reply
Is Social Anxiety Phobia related to shyness in any way?
SA is shyness but more
Yes they are linked ... ..No question about it...
TSPiano
I think it is. It makes sense.
If you have social anxiety then ofcourse you will be shy, it seems like many people look at their social anxiety as if its a disease, asking if certain symptoms that you posess means you have it, look, if you can't be in public without becoming super anxious, feeling that you don't know where your attention should be directed at, having your heart pounding as if it is filling up a car, yes, then you have social anxiety, maybe mild, maybe moderate, maybe severe. I would say that mine was pretty severe. There was a certain period where as soon as i stepped out my house the anxiety began. Using public transport was a nightmare, the amount of anxiety i had to push through to get to where i am today, zero social anxiety, i look at who i want and if some cave man refugee wants to challange me, i challange them back and break their thin shell, before i would crunch down and my emotions took over. I didnt know myself. Never used my imagination. Create new pathways, you have the ability to be able to handle every situation without fooling or losing yourself. It will take time, but keep doing something every day and you will get there.
Shyness as a kind of provincialism of the mind is such a brilliant concept. It has genuinely changed the way I think about myself and my interactions with other people. The School of Life is such an excellent resource and I'm so grateful for it!
i hate being shy,it's ruined so much opportunities and chances in my life.i wasted away all my teen years i don't want to waste away my 20s too
Shyness is nice! But shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life you'd like to!
this video is about the origins of shyness and not about how to overcome it
Watch it again. Really think about the concepts and you should see why this helps
I know how it feels to be shy, to slowly die inside, feeling like we are not important, not worth talking to. I used to be like that, but one day i came across a SoL video titled "how to be confident" , i watched that video many many times, and it highlited the fact that we are all stupid and all of us do stupid shit, say stupid shit, yet some manages to have friends and to be able to hold a conversation and some are not. The reality is way simpler than we think, no one knows the tinny little detailes about us like we do, which makes us believe that they are thinking about the stupid stuff we said or we did. I started living with this simple principle"Do what you like, say what you want, you are stupid and so is everyone". The start is harder than staying in your safe coucon but no one can progress without getting out of his comfort zone. Thank you School of Life for putting out such amazing content.(sorry for bad english)
Reading the comment section makes me feels great and not alone anymore, thanks for this video! I am shy and want to overcome it, but sometimes I don't give a fuck. I don't care if people look at me funny, I don't care if people think I am weird. But I am shy because I am afraid what I will say or do, will hurts others. I am shy because I am afraid my questions is dumb and everyone thinks I am such a dumb dumb. I am shy because I am scared. i am scared to show the world what I like and dislike, who I am. But it's okay, this is how it meant to be for now, if I destined to change, I am going to change.
farts are the souls of food
NSITF MCPE genius
Genius
NSITF MCPE genius
WOW
You are worth the heaven , not earth 🌏
I'm sorry but no, no, not at all. Shyness is NOT the same as xenophobia and is certainly not "being unpleasant. It is quite the other way around, shyness is a defence mechanism against a world that is (experienced to be) too demanding, violent, unpleasant, judgemental and overall unwelcoming.
I think these videos should include definitions in the description or something. I didnt know so many of the words that i couldnt understand the videooooo. Especially since one of the words was used so often..
And i loovvvveeeee these videos.
Also, im not a dummy so if the words arent basic enough for me, theres gotta be a few others stuggling.
You're not the only one! I also struggled understanding the video.
it can be like that sometimes, if you've ever read a J.R.R. Tokien Book or one by HP Lovecraft you'll know what i've been going through trying to understand them sometimes lol
It sucks being shy, and this video answered nothing for me. Anyone with social anxiety or shyness will know how awful it is to feel that you are missing out on so much because of how exhausting and stressful it is just trying to navigate your way through social situations. The cruelest thing is that we're all hiding away or willingly pushing ourselves to the side, and yet if other shy people could only approach us, we might be able to find a friend through understanding, instead of having to try and change oneself to fit in. It would be funny if it wasn't so sad.
I was waiting so long for a video like this, and it just so happens to be uploaded on my birthday!
Happy Birthday!!!
The 15th is also my Bday! Ides of March is the best amiright?
ty maine
lol hells yeah!
Happy birthday, kinda late but oh well.
Being a shy girl is pretty difficult. The cycle perpetuates since I always stutter when I speak, so it just causes more embarrassment and shyness in the end. At least my social anxiety disorder has drastically been treated, enabling me to actually go out and talk to people that I *need* to talk to. The only problem is that I can't talk to those that I *want* to talk to. Although, thanks for this video. I'll keep these tips in mind to help me in the future!
are you still shy?
I love how this channel can express some of my thoughts in ways I never could.
Shyness is hard to overcome because often the worst case scenario (doing something awkward) happens if you try to overcome it (and often when you don’t). What helped me is to realize awkwardness can be fine, even hilarious, if you react to it correctly. My brain thinks in a way that makes me socially awkward, but this way of thinking gives me a lot of strengths I am unwilling to give up in exchange for being less awkward. Therefore I will continue to be awkward and just laugh it off. I’m still working on shyness but I’m much better than I used to be.
Important to remember: Don't think about trying to not be shy, because then you will get even more shy. Don't think of whether or not you're shy, just be yourself.
Great comment :-)
Yeah %1000 is true. I used not to talk in online classes. One day ı tried to convince myself that ı am brave, confident, not shy ect. And get up my courage and pushed myself to talk, which ended up with a lot more shyness and embarresment. I remember ı cried for one week after that incident happened😂
I hate it when people tell me to stop being quite, it's not like it's easy to just speak something x3
ikr, it's so awkward coz everyone's then staring at you, waiting for you to say something..
Social anxiety is very powerful. I get nervous in social situations which then makes me mentally flustered, which makes me quiet. I know it's an irrational nervousness but can't seem to do anything about it
I love how the School of Life teaches you to not be ashamed of your psychological struggles. They don't judge you. Instead they provide solid advice based on deep understanding of the situation at hand. This needs to be the model for our behavior towards each other. Don't judge. Love and offer help when needed.
I find my shyness dissipates the moment the other person opens their mouth, making me realize people are just as weird as me.
I’ve been shy all of my life (even now). It was so hard making friends. In middle school i finally made a friend, but then high school came and once again I lost contact with my friend and became shy and lonely to this day. Ive always wanted to be extroverted and confident. Hopefully i will one day.
Your videos are lovely. Sometimes I laugh when you come out with such blunt statements, but they make me think and they’re about what we all care about, which is basically love.
The only reason I am not shy around my friends is because I've known them since first grade or earlier. Now when I see/meet their friends (mostly from other schools or their teams or whatever) I get shy. I also get shy when I have to talk to random strangers like cashiers or employees. I talk to low, and I'm afraid of doing/saying the wrong thing. I also hate it when I'm talking to a stranger and I can't hear what they're saying so I have to ask over and over again until I decide I can't keep asking them so I say ok, even though I did not clearly hear them
"Shyness is...an excessive and unwarranted way of feeling special." Interesting viewpoint, as I am familiar with the idea of being special as positive but here the shy person is special by being negatively exclusionary.
"Shyness" or the way you say it, "Chinese."
I'm researching treating shyness at home and discovered a fantastic resource at Sebs Shyness Tactic (check it out on google)
starpravesh Lmao
starpravesh hi everyone ,if anyone else wants to uncover Anxiety Treatment try Renkarter Anxiety Method Report ( search on google ) ? Ive heard some amazing things about it and my partner got cool results with it.
I thought I was the only one to hear that😂
Lmfao
Oh My!!! The last line 'Shyness is a touching, yet ultimately excessive and unwarranted way of feeling special!' made a very profound realization to me! I'm going to work it STARTING NOW! Thank you!
It is uplifting to see such an intelligent and intriguing comments section that actually relates to the topic of the video, so rare these days to find one which lacks the usual cancerous, argumentative or spam comments begging for likes.
"Being shy basically means being self-absorbed to the point that it makes it difficult to be around other people" - David Foster Wallace
Perhaps not the most sympathetic viewpoint, but it's helped me to work through my own shyness.
Or having underlying issues to address, fear of abandonment, abuse, rejection, etc.
Yes, good point. I suppose shyness has different causes in different people. I have high hopes that we can all work through our own issues and grow into more open and less embarrassed human beings.
I see where you're coming from
lmao, tbh, having this rationale floating around in my head would likely increase my anxiety because I'd feel like other people thought I was narcissistic.
Shyness is nice, and shyness can stop you from doing all the things in life You'd like to... So, if there's something you'd like to try, if there's something you'd like to try... Ask me, I won't say no, how could I?
Jack Attickuzz ask me, ask me, ask me
Jack Attickuzz
It became much easier for me to overcome shyness when I realized that usually people don't care as much as I think they do about what I look like or what I do
thank you, even 7 years later your helping me come to terms on what im going through and making me face my fears more clearly, once again thank you
I'm not gonna lie but if you're gonna title this video as 'How to Overcome Shyness' and simply go through the definition, history and effects of shyness and not ways to deal with it, you probably should stop.
EDIT: Apparently the answer is in the description but looking through the video again, I don't think 'Everyone's shy so there's no need to be shy' isn't something a person can take on as an answer to his/her issues.
😂😂😂😂👍
RedNapalm he did say how though. Did we watch the same video?
I suggest you watching the video again, or reading the description. His point was very clear in the video.
Matthew Lee Yeah under the 95% of information of shyness I admit there was a sliver of an answer but Jesus Christ that's not exactly worthy of a 6 minute 'How to overcome' video.
Luiz Arthur Brito I admit that there's an answer in the description but it's not that clear as it's mushed in there with all the information filler. They could of gone through with different methods or tactics on getting over it or even talking to people about it but they're answer is simply 'Everyone's also shy. So don't worry.'
Spent all my high school years never talking to anyone because I either felt I was ugly, (acne), and/ or because I thought other people were stupid and mean. But when It came to the elderly, I had no issue talking to, or approaching them. Nowadays I just get a bit panicked when talking on the phone...
I loved this video! This really helped me a lot. I look forward to every new video you produce. Great job as always!
You probably get this all the time, but I found this video to be incredibly therapeutic, thank you so much for making it.
My problem is autism... Makes others feel awkward around me.
Rip
marcusrayrosales1 my cousin has autism and he really avoids people but don't worry dude I respect you
It's fine I've got some friends; none of which are autistic. I just think this video was making too big of generalisations, and painting everyone with the same colors. I mean some of us do have a neurological disorders which inhibit social interaction. It's hard for me to mesh with a group even when I try, so often times I don't. I've accepted it though, and realize I have many other strengths because of it.
True words.
I know the feeling, tho mine isn't "too harsh", so to speak. But sometimes I feel like some people treat me different, mostly when I was younger tho
Also, as seen in other comments, the video DOESNT GIVE SOLUTIONS AT ALL.
This is not the video I was expecting but it made way to much sense 😭
THIS WAS UPLOADED ON MY BIRTHDAY AND I NEEDED THIS VIDEO MORE THAN ANYTHING THANK YOU
I'm quiet, shy, reserved, introvert and socially anxious. I'm fucked.
Im both a shy and quiet person, until now. I never got to talk to girls nor make friends with them, cant even properly approach to my peers and talk things--i want them to approach first. The same works with girls but they rarely talk to me. Fine i understand. I myself, hate the fact that im shy. I cant just have the confidence to overcome it like or so. But i feel that sooner or later, i will eventually overcome this endless personality.
I can relate, do you wanna have a chat?
Everything is in our brain and thoughts. We just have to accept it and go on fighting with ourselves. Shyness is not a disease! It's all about the mind. Thanks for video!
I think I learnt a lot more from the comments just because it was so refreshing to see that I'm not the only one. Sometimes I'm so crippled with shyness that I can't even sing or dance around my partner. I just freeze and start overthinking and choking on my voice when I can actually sing. It's been like this since I was a child and my dad used to get mad when I would sing thinking I was singing about a significant other lol.
One thing I hate is when my partner would say " I know you can sing just open your mouth and sing to me now." And I automatically close in and just cannot bring my voice out 😭
As I grew up I started to be able to only open up if I was high, drinking or on medications for pain relief which could make me feel a little too happy. I pray that I can overcome this because its really taken over my life that its stopped me from pursuing so many things and enjoying relationships.
Combine introversion+shyness+anxiety=My life.
Same.... 😓😓😓
A days concoction of posion.
Autism + shyness + anxiety + introversion + low confidence
Guys Im shy and in my experience the BEST conversation starter is
"Hey you wanna have an awkward conversation with me"
it's kinda hard to cough it out but once you do people get the jist that we're shy and are more nicer, if they’re not interested in conversation after that amazing conversation starter just leave them
Or if they used to be your classmate, start a conversation and say "Hey, we are classmates back in the day right?" therefore, the listener would be forced to speak, thus you will eventually be friends.
Yeah I got very inspired by this video
No more shyness
No Humiliation
No more Hesitation
New life
Great vid. On a side note I'd love to know more about how the audio was recorded and processed. It really stands out
I overcome my shyness by not being afraid of showing that I'm indeed shy :)
shyness is major Problem for me
i will always watch a school of life video, especially when it's on relatively common or mainstream topics because i know, unlike most other examinations, this one will truly be insightful and comforting.
ruoweii /r/iamverysmart
This made me realise that I'm not shy but rather that I want to be left alone and be quite. After reading comments I realised I can talk to people I just usually don't because I don't feel like it.
I've been shy my whole life. Being shy (for me) was always based on a fear of being awkward and saying the wrong thing, then one day I had the realization that shyness was the reason for my awkwardness. It's a never ending maze trying to navigate your way out of this.
Also, everyone has something they struggle to overcome, the problem with being shy is it's so obvious to the world that you're struggling with this while most problems are easy to hide.
i disagree that shyness is always about thinking people are different. I know for me at least it has more to do with anxiety over how someone will think of me and whether or not im being creepy or if im an unwanted annoyance to someone whos minding their own business
I’m shy when somebody talks to me I answer it with a short answer and I don’t talk to them very long. I always want to talk but I don’t even if I know what to say I always back out I’m too shy and sometimes I hate and I want to talk more but I can’t.
Or like you wanted to thank them when they helped you on something but nothing comes out of your mouth and its like something is blocking it.
This is the only school in the world that show you why you have the problem but doesn't teach how to solve it. Thanks school of life.
Don't worry about overcoming shyness. You're probably shy because you're worried about what other people will think of you. If you're worrying about your shyness, you're worrying about what other people think of you which will only make you more shy. Don't worry about your shyness. Your shyness is just fine.
I think shyness has to do with a fear of rejection or negative judgement by others. If you don't reach out to other people you don't have to risk feeling either rejected or viewed unfavorably. Finding a way deal with either or those possibilities would then be the key to overcoming shyness.
I think one of the major reasons why I'm shy is because I just have no idea how to socialize
@@crwth001 same😭
I enjoy reading these comments, they make you feel better.
I feel like the way you overcome shyness is finding out who you truly are and what you love doing. After you figure that out mix it all with good habits and exercise and i think you will gain confidence.
In my teens I was very shy, now I'm not and just avoid people.
for those who disliked the video can you please share with us your critics over what the video neglected or whst was wrongly interpret
People often think I'm shy but I'm confident. I'm really just quite thoughtful and prefer to think deeply before I speak.
As both a shy and impulsive person, I think a lot of it is that I notice an awful lot, and I tend to assume everyone else does too, so they'll notice and remember all my flaws just as easily as I notice and remember theirs
I've never clicked on a video faster...ever
How to overcome cockiness?
Shaggad M empathy
Simple: get your arse kicked
Become aware that you are not the best. And if you are the best, be aware that you are still human, and can make mistakes.
why would you want to overcome that?
Alexa Swass Because what shiningmyduggy said will probably happen to you.
An important phrase in this video, " The mature mind". In the process of becoming mature you can expect to experience a rash of different states of confidence and insecurity. The up side of this is, you can build a better evaluation of what you can contribute to certain situations, and those which you cannot. Having a clear and reasonable opinion of ones self is vital for maturity. Beware of isolation, the enemy of personal growth.
You just talked about the problem! We were expecting a solution. I waited 6 minutes of my life
Shyness is such a durable problem for some people. It doesn't go away. I would say maybe schools should screen children for shyness and give them extra support. It's crazy how there is so much public money that goes into schools and yet schools fail over and over again. Schools allow people to slip through the cracks over and over again and nobody ever cares for as much promotion there is etc. People do not care. I believe some people are dealing with something which others really DO NOT understand and probably social media influecers understand least of all.
The hardest thing for me to overcome is to not care what people think. I don't get it, it's just easier said than done. I used to not be shy last year in school, and now I literally can't talk to almost all my old friends. If anyone can give me advice, please do.
Pyro same