I'd say in situations where you're able to socially function without going into those anxiety responses, with friends maybe, or in a calming forest, you could be somewhat comfortably shy about approaching people or talking about certain stuff. But it can be really hard to predict what in a situation makes the difference. Anxiety responses, to me, are where (the anticipation of) social situations get so overwhelming that I do the whole Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn response, and I can't function or easily get out of that response; which could even spin out into a panic attack if the situation persists.
My anxiety comes from the fear of running out of things to say or saying something stupid. Unlike many people with social anxiety, I actually excel at public speaking, but one-on-one conversations stifle me. When public speaking, I can prepare and rehearse. I’m also usually speaking about something I have a lot of knowledge about. In one-on-one conversation, however, things are a lot more spontaneous and random, leaving more room for error.
I struggle with the same thing. My fear is that someone will ask a question, then I’ll take too long to answer because I’m thinking about the question. I’ve had people act like I was just ignoring them or not intelligent enough to respond in the past. If I say something stupid while trying to answer quick, they act like I’m dumb. If I take time to think of a good and truthful answer, they act like I’m dumb. 🙇🏼♀️
I am the same way. Great presenter (I cannot write an essay to save my life, cause not how my brain works; but I can give great speeches on the spot cause my prep is learn all I can about a topic and refreshing the knowledge periodically so I have it all in one spot). I do have social anxiety, but I'm also shy in a lot of things. I am an extrovert, but I'm very interested in other people in a quiet sense. Like, I like helping others, and a small smile or a thanks is enough when I volunteer. Too much more, and I definitely... as the meme goes "retreat into the bushes". I may be a bit all over the place, because I have from birth neurodivergent conditions (ADHD + Dyspraxia) that have exposed me to a lot of discrimination and overcorrection, hence the social anxiety, but I've always weighed the "I'm scared and overwhelmed to try to meet this new person" against my curiosity. And my curiosity always won out in the end. It sometimes took a while though. It's a good example of how personality science is growing to accommodate how people actually are.
When we stop seeking validation we do not worry about what others think about us. You need to detach from the outcome, it does not affect me if the other person does not like me or thinks, this takes away all anxiety from the conversation. Also if you go to an interaction with a high level of endorphins it will reduce the amount of anxiety and negative emotions that show up, I achieved this through meditation.
As a child, my anxiety was so bad I couldnt raise my hand to use the bathroom because everyone would stare, causing me to have accidents almost daily. This wasnt addressed properly (grew up in the 90s, born in 88) because my parents never really believed in that stuff and chalked it up to being lazy. I didn't realize it was anxiety until MUCH later (early 20s) and even now in my 30s its still hard to use the restroom in public places. And my organs are paying the price for the beating i gave it holding it all the time. Made school pretty rough. I dont blame anyone for it though. They (my parents) really didnt know the seriousness of it back then. Just have to keep moving forward. I still have pretty bad anxiety now, with a constant fear of being disliked. I just keep the people that do enjoy my company close and ignore the rest to the best of my ability. Good luck out there guys. Keep your head up.
I'm sorry this happened to you, I find it so relatable as I always could not get myself to excuse myself to go to the bathroom even though I was already soiling myself, which made it worse. it got to the point I almost failed a national exam because I could not raise my hand to get extra paper from the invigilator. hope you're getting treatment now and coping better!
When I was young, I was usually shy and very awkward. I didn’t want to be that way. I wanted to be funny, outgoing, liked, etc. I’m not sure what category that would put me in. I don’t feel extremely anxious about social situations… more avoidant. But I do feel my shyness and awkwardness has been a hinderance in pursuing my dreams. I’m HORRIBLE at networking and self promotion.
I'm the same way. It's a struggle everyday to not be shy. I believe her when she says it's a personality trait. I do believe we can become better if we want to enough.
It wasn’t until college that I really understood my social anxiety. I was able to get along well enough in school until then. I actively avoided going to class because of how fearful I got. It completely wrecked my grades.
I should add that I’m doing much better now. After a LOT of work I was able to manage that overwhelming fear and I actually started looking forward to going to class and interacting with people. One of my personal ways to manage this anxiety was to listen to music. In-between classes and at other times I would simply just distract myself from that fear by listening to a song and singing the words in my head.
When we stop seeking validation we do not worry about what others think about us. You need to detach from the outcome, it does not affect me if the other person does not like me or thinks, this takes away all anxiety from the conversation. Also if you go to an interaction with a high level of endorphins it will reduce the amount of anxiety and negative emotions that show up, I achieved this through meditation.
Shyness is a personality trait. Many people who are shy do not have the negative emotions and feelings that accompany social anxiety disorder. They live a normal life, and do not view shyness as a negative trait.😄😄
"Negative emotions" are not a bad thing. What is meant by the term are ones that are protective which the positive ones are not. Anger, sadness, anxiety, etc are there to help us even if they can be too powerful. Shy people are higher in negative emotions as are neurotic ones. I'm quite neurotic and it helps me being analytical and detail oriented as I double check things and am alert to nuances others are oblivious to. They still nonethless have some with downsides, but so do positive ones. Being too empathetic or happy is an issue. Happy people do stupid things and can hurt people and not care about that fact because they're too busy being happy. Someone who jumps into a lake without looking and breaks their neck is running high on positive emotions, not negative ones.
YES. I hate it cause I had social phobia cause of my parents due to them constantly humiliating me so it felt safer to stay quiet and avoid. I hated being stripped of my personality; I am not shy. I am authentically, innately, am ambivert. But due to trauma more introverted and socially anxious. But I hate it. Cause not shy. I miss people now. My parents robbed me of my personality because I would be abused if I spoke up.
I think I'm a shy person who deals with social anxiety, but I've been unable to separate the two. There are traits that I absolutely love about myself that would be attributed so shyness, but I have dealt with panic attacks and my anxiety getting in the way of work and relationships. I really appreciate this video for explaining the difference between the two. It's helped me put a few things into perspective.
What helped me is understanding that I have developmental trauma. It turns out growing up with bullying parents makes you anxious about interacting with others. Who knew? Also, CBT will only be a bandaid if you have trauma underlying your social anxiety. I’m surprised Kati didn’t touch on that. I spent years doing CBT for social anxiety and other issues. It didn’t actually resolve them. Trauma work has allowed me to make real progress.
I have trauma ( sort of mild - however if I have Sensitive responses, this can derail my career or love life after age 20 ( my story for the last 20 years)
I do believe a shy person will have social anxiety as well. A shy person will be put in situations like presenting for class, go to weddings, and so on and that will bring social anxiety. A shy person will choose to do activities inside the comfort zone and get anxious every time she needs to get out of the comfort zone. I am shy and suffer from social anxiety because both are connected. We tend to get exhausted in social situations because it consumes a lot of our energy up to a point we just have to leaves It is good for us to challenge ourselves and go out of our comfort zone. Meditations helps and seeing a professional definitely will help as well. Experience and time will help us knowing ourselves better and make life easier. Being shy and socially anxious can be a nightmare.
I have social anxiety but I’m shy. I feel like that makes it worse because I want to be around friends and people but it’s exhausting to be so keyed up and anxious when even AROUND them. When I’m at work I’m outgoing but exhausted by the end of my shift.
I was diagnosed with social anxiety 6 months ago and your friends social anxiety sounds eerily similar to how my experience has been since childhood. I used to sweat uncontrollably middle-high school and you can imagine how much worse that makes it when you’re flipped about your sweat stains every moment 😅 after adulthood hit and i had more control over my life i chose to withdraw from social situations entirely and the sweating has stopped haha, but that comes with its own challenges. the intense loneliness is the worst byproduct..
oh my god not to mention the almost daily periods of trembling and feeling unable to breathe. not even panicking, just happens if i’m talking to somebody and i’m nervous. i just stop breathing while i’m talking and can’t seem to empty my lungs enough to take more air in, that’s the best way i can describe it.
I’m like 90% sure I have both. I’ve been at the same k-12 school for 8 years, so when I recently moved to my new school for junior year, I finally had to meet new people for the first time in so long. Making friends as a teen is so much harder than as an 8 year old. I do like getting to know people but I get so scared that I’m going to be ignored, they might think I’m weird, intrusive, or just anything negative. I don’t like being the center of attention all that much, and do stick to people I’ve been friends with for so long.
I get that public speaking is a good skill to have but I think there should be an option to opt out of speeches in school for kids with social anxiety. Other kids could tell I was anxious and would pick on me for it which just made it worse.
I think eventually there will be. Liberal thinking within academia has recognized the triggering affects of clapping or even having a camera on during a zoom lesson. I think formalizing the discomfort felt by the majority of people in public speaking will lead to more progressive innovations in education.
@@zoebells767 this could be done with getting a note from a psychiatrist. even with this there could be some lazy asses but I still think there should be alternative for those who can't do it like a longer written presentation
@@lyreczka That's a good idea but for the kids with parents who can't afford care or don't believe their kids have a mental illness, that would suck for them. If the school has a counsellor, that could work too. An alternative could be for the student to talk to/ email the teacher and tell them about their anxiety. The teachers I've spoken to about this let me present during lunch with just them in the room which I'm very thankful for. Granted, I was a good student and I asked for a 0 instead of presenting and it was their idea of having me present during lunch
I’m pretty sure I have both, mostly shyness- however I never thought about social anxiety being treatable, but rather a personal failing of sorts. Thanks to this video I see it differently now.
For years my parents always said I was "just shy" But as I became an adult I thought '" nope there is more to this then shyness" scrolling through TH-cam one day I found a video with Social Anxiety as the topic, I watched it and I was like "OMG that's me!!" lol it named what you said Kati, also I find another thing people with social anxiety struggle with is the phone, I struggle to answer my phone, I can't stand making phone calls not even to my own family members, ( I do it though, just to try an get myself out of this), but it's hard, everyday is a contsant struggle to do everyday stuff, my Mom just now is just starting to understand what I go through.. I try and explain, but she's far from having either shy or having social anxiety. Anyhow I'm just happy I know what I have and I'm trying to get better from it, and video's like yours do help, so Thank you Kati :)
I'm not so sure I agree with Kati this time, because it all applies to shy introverts only. I'm a shy extrovert, meaning that I love social interactions and being the center of attention, but my shyness impedes me to actively seeking them. At the same time, I don't experience a fear as you described, but instead a feeling of "wasted potential" of getting getting to know people more, have experiences in life and a generalized fomo. For this motive, even though I can function normally in social situations, I still suffer because of my shyness.
If it impacts you from doing something you would like to do, that's considered impairing your functioning. It may not be in a big way, but it might mean it's a little more than shyness.
But that's the thing, being shy won't make you "suffer", which is a strong word by what i understand, most likely you have also some sort of anxiety. When you're shy only, i don't think you feel impeded to do things, you rather just make your decisions and are totally fine with them.
I have social anxiety, generalized anxiety and PTSD. Although these can be hard to deal with at times I have learned breathing techniques that I can do while around others and when I feel too overwhelmed most people know I just say bye and I have to go at times even when I outwardly seem fine.
I think we use such adjectives such as "Shy" and "gregarious" as ways to simplify & make sense of our complex selves. But if ones "shyness" genuinely feels debilitating & is preventing you living more full life then it Def worth seeking professional help like I'm now doing. Thanks for video! ♥️
something i try that works is i think 'i cant know what people think no matter what i do. why bother worry about something i wont know about?' so it helps me relax. also being spiritual and relying on God helps also :)
I was diagnosed with social anxiety a couple years ago while in my 30's. It was a huge weight off my back that explained so much about so many things in my life up to that point. I've become a HUGE advocate for mental health since my diagnosis.
I was diagnosed with selective mutism when I was 4 and still occasionally get serious social anxiety at 22. It’s gotten a lot better though with medication
I share about half the symptoms but mine is definitely more due to overstimulation and being easily overwhelmed. After awhile you just start to avoid certain situations even if you're normally a social person. Still trying to figure out all my diagnosis 🙃
I have both and I'm an introvert but I still ultimately like people it's hard to turn off the shame aspect of social anxiety though. I think that's a common misconception about shy, socially anxious and introverts.
Kati, Thank you so much for this video. Anticipatory anxiety is a problem for me. It seems to run in my family. It stops me from doing a lot of social things, which is okay because I'm an introvert anyway. However, I have learned to plow right through it regarding doctors appointments and other important events, etc. It can be exhausting. Nice biceps btw: I need to work out more. : )
Im pretty sure I have social anxiety. I think it's due to my stutter( that I didn't know it WAS a stutter until I was about 17 or 18). Also I have hyperhydrosis( I ALSO didn't know what this was until I was 19) and was bullied for it in middle through high school, my mean stepbrother spread rumors that I didn't shower and people believed him so I lost friends. I'd NEVER met anyone with either of these until I was done with high school. I only knew I stuttered when I heard Brandon from my favorite band Crown The Empire talk about how he stutters and thought "wait wait wai hold on- I think exactly like this and talk exactly like him! What." And the hyperhydrosis well, apparently you're NOT supposed to sweat through your clinical strength deoderant when doing nothing but sit in one spot all day when the house is like 73 degrees... Health classes in texas are horrible and I do seriously think we should talk about these common mental/ physical illnesses that kids could be bullied for.
Are you me? I have social anxiety and severe hyperhydrosis that I got bullied for relentlessly in middle school for. I think the bullying led to me becoming a lot more socially anxious and their words still affect me to this day. People spread rumors I didn’t shower either and a lot of people wanted to be my friend in secret because they’d get mocked for being friends with me. It really screwed with my head
In my experience shyness and mild social anxiety can be kind of a spectrum. I’ve always been shy, as a character type, but also because I’ve always been unsure about myself and about social situations. I, too, experienced extreme sweating and had several “phases” in my life when thinking about upcoming social situations made me feel anxious, which I could sort of ‘feel in my body’ (stress hormones, I guess) and when I couldn’t participate in hobbies, which involved other and/or new people. At the moment I’m in a very good place and people would call my residual behaviour shyness, but still I can feel an underlying bodily reaction to social situations. That’s why it feels more like a spectrum for me, from shyness to mild social anxiety. Naturally, classic “full-blown” social anxities are another thing and I would never compare my experiences to people with social anxities. But still, I feel that I have a mild form, if that’s something that can exist. :)
These days I see myself as a shy extrovert, or an ambivert maybe, which I think must be a pretty common thing although I don't see many people talking about it. I love going out, seeing friends, going to parties etc, but the idea of having to talk to someone new one on one fills me with fear in case I run out of things to say. I love being around people, but I don't often want to be the centre of attention - I prefer to listen to what other people are talking about and chime in every now and then, when I know what I have to say will be valuable. I try to remember that my listening skills are valuable too, but it would be nice to feel more confident in my ability to consistently entertain the people I meet :)
I used to have the same problem. I used to get sweaty asf just seeing someone else notice me. I have found a way to overcome my social anxiety. People can't worry about you if they're worrying about themselves. So whenever I start to get anxious, I make the other person uncomfortable instead 😂
I'd love to hear these two contrasted with avoidant personality disorder. I was diagnosed with SAD but during group therapy I started seriously questioning that diagnosis. Unfortunately the pandemic brought an end to that group before I was able to address that. My own research leads me to suspect I may have APD instead, but I have yet to see anyone about that.
@@RainRemnant it’s like the 12345 method. Its where name something you can see two thing you can hear and three you can see. You can say it in you head so it does draw attention and it gets your focus off the situation
I was originally diagnosed with Generalized anxiety and Social anxiety, after several years it was figured out that the Generalized was totally dependant on the Social; so the General was officially removed. When Im attending gatherings, my social anxiety monster(its always been a female monster) is only suppressed; if I put myself to work. As long as I have something to focus on, I'm totally fine; but when I have to go back to being a party guest, the fine ends very abruptly. I'm consciously aware that it WILL happen, but I force myself to participate anyway. Anytime its a win for me and not for Anxiety Monster is a good day. I may crash later on, but in the moment I'm there.
I think social anxiety (social phobia) can be hard to deal with. Been seeing a doctor since I was a teen and I used to shake a lot. I found shaking the body releases tension and stress, and thinking more realistic makes me less worried. But let me tell you, you can still achieve anything. I’m studying theatre and plan to be an actress. It can be hard but many actors get nervous. It’s good to start small.❤️
Great video Kati! I think I am more in the shyness spectrum. The one thing I struggle with is job interviews which I get really nervous about, and I sometimes sweat during them
Still unclear about this. I cannot STAND large crowds. It puts me in a horrible mood, I feel like I can't breathe, and my fight or flight instincts kick in. Might even start crying if I'm there long enough. Malls and clubs are a definite NO, but I somewhat recently discovered how lovely live shows are. And there are a bunch of people there. Idk what this means lol
I have.. both 😭 I have a service dog for PTSD and panic attacks, but I struggle with feeling like people will judge me for having a service dog too. We’re about to move back to our small hometown, which means I’ll be even more seen with my service dog. I’m struggling with thinking about people knowing I need a service dog, or doubting that I need one.
Going to a therapist for help with social anxiety sounds absolutely horrific. And who knows how many times you'd have to do it before you found a good therapist.
Annoyingly, I answered yes to only two of those four questions. I've never had panic attacks and I've never called in sick purely because of anxiety. This seems to be the trend with me... I sort-of-but-not-quite fit in to a lot of labels, and it often leaves me devoid of identity. I'm not really sure how to deal with this. It's not a mental illness in itself but it does cause me some distress.
I struggled with both, although it is getting better I still push myself out of my comfort zone. At the start, it was very hard and I struggled to engage people or look them in the eye, but by working on it I have improved a lot and continue to work on it. I think it is important we help each other to improve/ make changes without judgment or insults.
During my 20s, I was unfamiliar with the concept of anxiety. However, while pursuing my associate's degree in college, my anxiety levels escalated to the point where I failed a public speaking course. The intensity of my fear caused me to vomit, and despite my efforts, I was unable to address the class, resulting in my failure. As a consequence, I am approaching the age of 40 without having obtained my degree.
I definitely have social anxiety. I'm 43 and never had a career, or even wanted one, due to my anxiety. I have a whole heap of issues like not being able to talk on the phone in front of anyone, or be observed doing stuff like any kind of work or talking to other people. I'm good at putting on a chatty facade when I'm amongst strangers or certain friends. I go into "hyper mode" and am funny, silly, a bit ditzy. It's not really ME, but it seems to be my default. Then if I get a moment alone, I'm quiet...and so tired. What I'm not sure about is whether I have social anxiety, Avoidant Personality Disorder or both? How can I know?
You referenced the DSM for the definition of social anxiety. Do you trust the DSM? It's hard for me with many psychiatrists making plenty of money off it.
I only have social anxiety around people i can't relate to. Its hard to have a conversation with someone who is different than me. Im gen x and today's younger people get so offended about every little thing. That's why I don't like to go out much. I love the thought of meeting new people but the thought of someone not liking what i say or judging me so quick i get tired of that. Im a pretty easy going person but most others are not. My dog's and cat's at home are my comfort too.
One hears people say they used to be shy but overcame it. Shyness often seems to be a euphemism for problematic things like nervousness, tension, C-PTSD, Imbalanced Attachment styles, fearfulness, anxiety, inhibition, neurosis, or socila inability/ anxiety. Can it still be shyness? Soem proffessionals also say it is a sliding scale.Thanks if you answer!
I am not shy but I’m pretty sure I have social anxiety because I get these thoughts, and feelings that nobody likes me and that everyone thinks bad things about me all the time, but I have a lot of things to share with people and I talk A LOT!!!
Listening to this, I have both shyness and social anxiety. I’m also an extroverted introvert, and social anxiety for me really depends on the situation and the environment and the severity of it varies. Like public speaking, my anxiety gets bad enough that I have to step into another room because my nerves get to me and I start crying (I cry with literally EVERY emotion, even anger🙈 lol). So sometimes I have small but manageable panic attacks and other times I’m fine. And although I hate public speaking, I absolutely love to sing and can do both karaoke and sing “Oh Canada” in public no problem.🤷🏻♀️ Needless to say, I’m complicated.🤷🏻♀️🙈😂🤣Ha
This video made me remember about how much I didn't like going to school since I was a child, and would do anything to stay home. At this time I was bullied a lot, and would do anything to avoid that happening again. The same happened when I was a teenager, and all this time I thought I was just being lazy for avoiding going out, but oh god I was wrong... This still happens now, I've lost a job recently because I just couldn't get out of my house and had a panic attack just to think about going out. Thank you so much for this video, I'll definitely seek help ♥️
Hi Kati! just wanted to say that i just recently found your videos and it has been so helpful to validate my experiences and feelings through your videos. this has helped me look at it in a different perspective and i will be taking this as a sign to find a counsellor to better myself after having a difficult childhood and even a difficult life living under my parents umbrella. so i just wanted to say once again thank you. :)
Thank you for another enlightening and informative video, Kati! I would like to be able to get on a plane alone and travel (barring a pandemic) somewhere just to visit and see the sights and people or whatever. The last two times I did this, I was nervous at the airport, and afraid everyone would know and judge that I was nervous and just about had a panic attack. After arriving, for the whole week I was there, I had a low grade nausea that kept me from even eating or having an appetite or wanting to go anywhere. Oddly, I didn't feel that anxious in my head which made it all the more frustrating to have the nervous digestion symptom. I do consider myself an introvert, but could manage if it were only shyness.
I get nervous about not knowing what to say or running out of conversation topics. But I think that we all naturally will have less things to talk about with certain people. We won’t have chemistry with everyone, and might not have common interests or things to talk about with everybody. Also my wife is a much better natural conversationalist, so she helps me feel more comfortable in social situations. I can lean on her to ease my shyness around groups of people
I have social anxiety. And I’m over 50. I had it since about 1st grade. But was called shy and I hated it. I will never give a speech ever. And I’m not shy.
hello:) im here because i am also confused of my self. Just want to share too I am twenty five now but last year after my heart break ..i met the words anxiety,stress, depression, panick attack and what so ever about mental health. I never realized b4 if they were truly true until i realized now and voice it out . Am I just starting my life now? All my answer to ur questions are Yes. maybe growing up our culture teaches us not to entertain negativity as if they are not true. I dont really remember all memories in my childhood.
honeslty the question "does your anxiety hold you back from doing the things you love" just made me feel anxious because I didn't understand how my anxiety in social situations has anything to do with my ability to research about sharks or make cool bracelets... like I don't think I'm shy I love talking to people and having people like me and talk to me but once I become friends with people I get this intense anxiety of losing them and then judging me and not liking me anymore and I've had panic attacks over stuff like that where people have told me "you're too quiet and weird so we don't want to be your friend anymore" because I was talkative at the beginning but then slowly started getting insecure until I was basically saying nothing which inevitably caused me to cause the thing that I didn't want to happen to me to happen because of my own actions.. so then I proved myself right.. and then I get even more worried about talking to people and making friends.. it doesn't stop me from "doing the things I love" because they aren't related? but it builds up and I just endure it until I break. Idk if it is social anxiety though because I only said yes to one thing on the checklist and even then it was questionable so Idk? I feel like this ramble about myself isn't nice to read but sorry
I still am not sure which one I have. I answered "not really" or "I'm not sure" to all questions at the end but I still feel like if I don't have social anxiety it has to be extreme shyness so I'm kind of between the two things.
That's okay too.. but if it bothers you or gets in the way of what you want to do, it could help to see a therapist and get some tools to help you better manage when you need to :) xoxo
I used to bring my dog to go to the store, but she’s a Rottweiler and lot of people were breedist and it made my anxiety worse. What worked for me, was putting in airpods and paying no attention to those around me. Literally being in my own world.. My social anxiety helped my quit drinking though!! After my friends made me sit alone (for hours) before they would arrive, I started having panic attacks leaving the house like “what if I have to sit alone again” so I stopped going. Avoided it all together! Plus there was a local DJ that almost lost his teeth when he said “ just buy her a drink and she’s all yours “ which was another reason I stopped going… dude was toxic and implied all the girls were whoores
That’s Fine, but she’s not aggressive, nor did she pay anyone mind. You say this like I’m not aware. Fear is one thing, taking shit is another. Sorry I was so vague
Still wonder if that’s what I have. The only thing is I’m very outgoing….so very well at public speaking. However getting a job terrifies me. A new environment with new people and that intense fear of having to perform and constant thoughts telling me I’m stupid and less than leave me going home depressed and defeated 😞
Hey Kati, can you do a video about naming physical symptoms? Recently I've started to track my feelings and the physical symptoms, thoughts and behaviour associated with them. I'm having a hard time naming my physical symptoms. There's plenty of negative physical symptoms on the net like joint ache, headache but there's none about the 'good' physical symptoms. Love you!
be glad that as a woman, you aren't expected to make the first move or be the confident assertive one when it comes to starting a relationship, you must feel its a luxury since your a woman, i assume every guy you dated, he was the one who asked you out or approached you
Hi Katy! Thank you so much the video helped me a lot. I am shy and I was surprised to read that is a personality treat. But many videos say: "How to overcome shyness", is it really something you can overcome? Because your personality will be there, you will always prefer to be with a smaller amount of people I guess.
Thank you so much for this video Kati I had social anxiety for about over 1 year I use to be able to go out alout I use to be comfortable being around as lout of people but now my social anxiety gets triggered when iv been out for to long or I was around people for to long but I have shyness too my social anxiety makes it difficult for me to meet New People or make new friendships it's even been a big down part of any relationship iv been in it's hard to cope when your not just shy but suffering from social anxiety aswell I have no friends in person only online my social anxiety has stopped me doing alout of things going alout of places this video was very helpful just like other videos you do
No, Yes, No, No Long ago (during childhood) I developed a (unhealthy) coping mechanism. My mind shuts down and I "fly on autopilot" I do the minimum of what is expected and exit the situation as soon as possible. I'm trying to not do that but it's hard when that's how you've lived your life for decades. What changed is recently I realized I was alone, depressed and failing at life, I didn't want to live like that anymore.
Hey! I cant understand if i am shy or just anxious. When i feel social acceptnes i am extrovent, but if i not i dont talk. Basically i love being centre of attention but i just cant..
I think I have both and threw in a bit of schizoid personality disorder, depression, low self esteem and bipolar with a episode of psychosis sometimes it can be hard to function
Looking exceptionally beautiful today 😍 -> So many of my friends enjoy Thanksgiving but dread the gift-giving Christmas holiday due to their family being the cause of their anxiety
I sort of overcome my social anxiety after I realized that so many people have individual issues to deal with and that mostly not everyone I met deserve my embarrassment... like why do i need to feel embarrassed when someone give me a trigger look in a public place when i didn't do anything wrong? who is that person to me? and what happens if that person is just a horrible human being himself/herself do i need to feel shy or embarrass with such kind of judgmental people? The thing is that good people in public are the ones that will most likely understand you and not judge you while bad and immature people are mostly the ones that will judge you and therefore, those kind of people does not deserve your time and energy making you feel bad. i don't know if people get it with my limited english but yeah. also, reading book and watching videos about self worth made me realize how a lot of us are lacking of it. we don't truly love ourselves, a lot of us have deep insecurity issues and we tend to project that in a different way, mostly we turned out to be extremely toxic to ourselves and people surround us. after years of social anxiety struggle, I can say that I really sincerely love myself now.. I started to put boundaries, unfollow people in social media that is making me feel bad about myself even if they didn't do anything wrong but is giving me negative emotions, I cut off people that are toxic, i choose to focus on the people that truly care about me too, I surround myself with people that have good mindset.
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Can you be both? Be shy but also have social anxiety?
Yes! You can have both. xoxo
of course you can..
I'm pretty sure I have both but my social anxiety has been around for literally as long as I can remember so I can't tell if I'm also shy or not
I'd say in situations where you're able to socially function without going into those anxiety responses, with friends maybe, or in a calming forest, you could be somewhat comfortably shy about approaching people or talking about certain stuff. But it can be really hard to predict what in a situation makes the difference. Anxiety responses, to me, are where (the anticipation of) social situations get so overwhelming that I do the whole Fight, Flight, Freeze, or Fawn response, and I can't function or easily get out of that response; which could even spin out into a panic attack if the situation persists.
As easily done, as being mental health patient AND therapist.
My anxiety comes from the fear of running out of things to say or saying something stupid. Unlike many people with social anxiety, I actually excel at public speaking, but one-on-one conversations stifle me. When public speaking, I can prepare and rehearse. I’m also usually speaking about something I have a lot of knowledge about. In one-on-one conversation, however, things are a lot more spontaneous and random, leaving more room for error.
That's so interesting!! But I totally get it.. if you can prepare and just say what you planned then it's not scary. Thanks for sharing! xoxo
I struggle with the same thing. My fear is that someone will ask a question, then I’ll take too long to answer because I’m thinking about the question. I’ve had people act like I was just ignoring them or not intelligent enough to respond in the past. If I say something stupid while trying to answer quick, they act like I’m dumb. If I take time to think of a good and truthful answer, they act like I’m dumb. 🙇🏼♀️
I totally get this. When giving a presentation, you're playing a role. Because presenting isn't about _you_ but about what you're presenting.
I am the same way. Great presenter (I cannot write an essay to save my life, cause not how my brain works; but I can give great speeches on the spot cause my prep is learn all I can about a topic and refreshing the knowledge periodically so I have it all in one spot).
I do have social anxiety, but I'm also shy in a lot of things.
I am an extrovert, but I'm very interested in other people in a quiet sense. Like, I like helping others, and a small smile or a thanks is enough when I volunteer. Too much more, and I definitely... as the meme goes "retreat into the bushes".
I may be a bit all over the place, because I have from birth neurodivergent conditions (ADHD + Dyspraxia) that have exposed me to a lot of discrimination and overcorrection, hence the social anxiety, but I've always weighed the "I'm scared and overwhelmed to try to meet this new person" against my curiosity. And my curiosity always won out in the end. It sometimes took a while though.
It's a good example of how personality science is growing to accommodate how people actually are.
When we stop seeking validation we do not worry about what others think about us. You need to detach from the outcome, it does not affect me if the other person does not like me or thinks, this takes away all anxiety from the conversation. Also if you go to an interaction with a high level of endorphins it will reduce the amount of anxiety and negative emotions that show up, I achieved this through meditation.
As a child, my anxiety was so bad I couldnt raise my hand to use the bathroom because everyone would stare, causing me to have accidents almost daily. This wasnt addressed properly (grew up in the 90s, born in 88) because my parents never really believed in that stuff and chalked it up to being lazy. I didn't realize it was anxiety until MUCH later (early 20s) and even now in my 30s its still hard to use the restroom in public places. And my organs are paying the price for the beating i gave it holding it all the time. Made school pretty rough. I dont blame anyone for it though. They (my parents) really didnt know the seriousness of it back then. Just have to keep moving forward.
I still have pretty bad anxiety now, with a constant fear of being disliked. I just keep the people that do enjoy my company close and ignore the rest to the best of my ability.
Good luck out there guys. Keep your head up.
I'm sorry this happened to you, I find it so relatable as I always could not get myself to excuse myself to go to the bathroom even though I was already soiling myself, which made it worse. it got to the point I almost failed a national exam because I could not raise my hand to get extra paper from the invigilator. hope you're getting treatment now and coping better!
Same
When I was young, I was usually shy and very awkward. I didn’t want to be that way. I wanted to be funny, outgoing, liked, etc. I’m not sure what category that would put me in. I don’t feel extremely anxious about social situations… more avoidant. But I do feel my shyness and awkwardness has been a hinderance in pursuing my dreams. I’m HORRIBLE at networking and self promotion.
heredity
I'm the same way. It's a struggle everyday to not be shy. I believe her when she says it's a personality trait. I do believe we can become better if we want to enough.
It wasn’t until college that I really understood my social anxiety. I was able to get along well enough in school until then. I actively avoided going to class because of how fearful I got. It completely wrecked my grades.
I should add that I’m doing much better now. After a LOT of work I was able to manage that overwhelming fear and I actually started looking forward to going to class and interacting with people. One of my personal ways to manage this anxiety was to listen to music. In-between classes and at other times I would simply just distract myself from that fear by listening to a song and singing the words in my head.
That was me too as a senior at college, wrecking my grades. I suppose it was self-sabotage, as I couldn't imagine the next step of graduation.
this is me right now
When we stop seeking validation we do not worry about what others think about us. You need to detach from the outcome, it does not affect me if the other person does not like me or thinks, this takes away all anxiety from the conversation. Also if you go to an interaction with a high level of endorphins it will reduce the amount of anxiety and negative emotions that show up, I achieved this through meditation.
Love this. Thank you so much
Shyness is a personality trait. Many people who are shy do not have the negative emotions and feelings that accompany social anxiety disorder. They live a normal life, and do not view shyness as a negative trait.😄😄
Yes!! xoxoxo
@@Katimorton Thank you Kati 🥰🥰🥰
"Negative emotions" are not a bad thing. What is meant by the term are ones that are protective which the positive ones are not. Anger, sadness, anxiety, etc are there to help us even if they can be too powerful.
Shy people are higher in negative emotions as are neurotic ones. I'm quite neurotic and it helps me being analytical and detail oriented as I double check things and am alert to nuances others are oblivious to.
They still nonethless have some with downsides, but so do positive ones. Being too empathetic or happy is an issue. Happy people do stupid things and can hurt people and not care about that fact because they're too busy being happy. Someone who jumps into a lake without looking and breaks their neck is running high on positive emotions, not negative ones.
Society views it as a negative trait...I was always called shy in a negative way (it was actually severe social anxiety)
YES. I hate it cause I had social phobia cause of my parents due to them constantly humiliating me so it felt safer to stay quiet and avoid. I hated being stripped of my personality; I am not shy. I am authentically, innately, am ambivert. But due to trauma more introverted and socially anxious. But I hate it. Cause not shy. I miss people now. My parents robbed me of my personality because I would be abused if I spoke up.
I think I'm a shy person who deals with social anxiety, but I've been unable to separate the two. There are traits that I absolutely love about myself that would be attributed so shyness, but I have dealt with panic attacks and my anxiety getting in the way of work and relationships. I really appreciate this video for explaining the difference between the two. It's helped me put a few things into perspective.
What helped me is understanding that I have developmental trauma. It turns out growing up with bullying parents makes you anxious about interacting with others. Who knew?
Also, CBT will only be a bandaid if you have trauma underlying your social anxiety. I’m surprised Kati didn’t touch on that. I spent years doing CBT for social anxiety and other issues. It didn’t actually resolve them. Trauma work has allowed me to make real progress.
Yessss, cbt isn't the answer to everything. ❤
Totally agree! Cbt is not for all types of Social Anxiety. It can actually be quite triggering for those with trauma
I have trauma ( sort of mild - however if I have Sensitive responses, this can derail my career or love life after age 20 ( my story for the last 20 years)
What is trauma work?
I do believe a shy person will have social anxiety as well. A shy person will be put in situations like presenting for class, go to weddings, and so on and that will bring social anxiety. A shy person will choose to do activities inside the comfort zone and get anxious every time she needs to get out of the comfort zone. I am shy and suffer from social anxiety because both are connected. We tend to get exhausted in social situations because it consumes a lot of our energy up to a point we just have to leaves It is good for us to challenge ourselves and go out of our comfort zone. Meditations helps and seeing a professional definitely will help as well. Experience and time will help us knowing ourselves better and make life easier. Being shy and socially anxious can be a nightmare.
I have social anxiety but I’m shy. I feel like that makes it worse because I want to be around friends and people but it’s exhausting to be so keyed up and anxious when even AROUND them. When I’m at work I’m outgoing but exhausted by the end of my shift.
I was diagnosed with social anxiety 6 months ago and your friends social anxiety sounds eerily similar to how my experience has been since childhood. I used to sweat uncontrollably middle-high school and you can imagine how much worse that makes it when you’re flipped about your sweat stains every moment 😅 after adulthood hit and i had more control over my life i chose to withdraw from social situations entirely and the sweating has stopped haha, but that comes with its own challenges. the intense loneliness is the worst byproduct..
oh my god not to mention the almost daily periods of trembling and feeling unable to breathe. not even panicking, just happens if i’m talking to somebody and i’m nervous. i just stop breathing while i’m talking and can’t seem to empty my lungs enough to take more air in, that’s the best way i can describe it.
social phobia destroyed my life , no friends in all my life, I live in day dreams day and night I can't live in reality
@@meggo
I have social anxiety and i am a hard core introvert. Life can be so difficult sometimes. People expectations are overwhelming.
I’m like 90% sure I have both. I’ve been at the same k-12 school for 8 years, so when I recently moved to my new school for junior year, I finally had to meet new people for the first time in so long.
Making friends as a teen is so much harder than as an 8 year old. I do like getting to know people but I get so scared that I’m going to be ignored, they might think I’m weird, intrusive, or just anything negative.
I don’t like being the center of attention all that much, and do stick to people I’ve been friends with for so long.
I get that public speaking is a good skill to have but I think there should be an option to opt out of speeches in school for kids with social anxiety. Other kids could tell I was anxious and would pick on me for it which just made it worse.
I think eventually there will be. Liberal thinking within academia has recognized the triggering affects of clapping or even having a camera on during a zoom lesson. I think formalizing the discomfort felt by the majority of people in public speaking will lead to more progressive innovations in education.
But then everyone would pretend they have anxiety just to get out of doing speeches.
@@zoebells767 this could be done with getting a note from a psychiatrist. even with this there could be some lazy asses but I still think there should be alternative for those who can't do it like a longer written presentation
@@lyreczka That's a good idea but for the kids with parents who can't afford care or don't believe their kids have a mental illness, that would suck for them. If the school has a counsellor, that could work too. An alternative could be for the student to talk to/ email the teacher and tell them about their anxiety. The teachers I've spoken to about this let me present during lunch with just them in the room which I'm very thankful for. Granted, I was a good student and I asked for a 0 instead of presenting and it was their idea of having me present during lunch
I’m pretty sure I have both, mostly shyness- however I never thought about social anxiety being treatable, but rather a personal failing of sorts. Thanks to this video I see it differently now.
I remember my first date. I was 24. I was so anxious I nearly threw up a few times
For years my parents always said I was "just shy" But as I became an adult I thought '" nope there is more to this then shyness" scrolling through TH-cam one day I found a video with Social Anxiety as the topic, I watched it and I was like "OMG that's me!!" lol it named what you said Kati, also I find another thing people with social anxiety struggle with is the phone, I struggle to answer my phone, I can't stand making phone calls not even to my own family members, ( I do it though, just to try an get myself out of this), but it's hard, everyday is a contsant struggle to do everyday stuff, my Mom just now is just starting to understand what I go through.. I try and explain, but she's far from having either shy or having social anxiety. Anyhow I'm just happy I know what I have and I'm trying to get better from it, and video's like yours do help, so Thank you Kati :)
I'm not so sure I agree with Kati this time, because it all applies to shy introverts only.
I'm a shy extrovert, meaning that I love social interactions and being the center of attention, but my shyness impedes me to actively seeking them.
At the same time, I don't experience a fear as you described, but instead a feeling of "wasted potential" of getting getting to know people more, have experiences in life and a generalized fomo.
For this motive, even though I can function normally in social situations, I still suffer because of my shyness.
If it impacts you from doing something you would like to do, that's considered impairing your functioning. It may not be in a big way, but it might mean it's a little more than shyness.
But that's the thing, being shy won't make you "suffer", which is a strong word by what i understand, most likely you have also some sort of anxiety. When you're shy only, i don't think you feel impeded to do things, you rather just make your decisions and are totally fine with them.
I have social anxiety, generalized anxiety and PTSD. Although these can be hard to deal with at times I have learned breathing techniques that I can do while around others and when I feel too overwhelmed most people know I just say bye and I have to go at times even when I outwardly seem fine.
I am glad you explained the difference.. I would say I am more so shy
I think we use such adjectives such as "Shy" and "gregarious" as ways to simplify & make sense of our complex selves. But if ones "shyness" genuinely feels debilitating & is preventing you living more full life then it Def worth seeking professional help like I'm now doing. Thanks for video! ♥️
something i try that works is i think 'i cant know what people think no matter what i do. why bother worry about something i wont know about?' so it helps me relax. also being spiritual and relying on God helps also :)
I was diagnosed with social anxiety a couple years ago while in my 30's. It was a huge weight off my back that explained so much about so many things in my life up to that point. I've become a HUGE advocate for mental health since my diagnosis.
I was diagnosed with selective mutism when I was 4 and still occasionally get serious social anxiety at 22. It’s gotten a lot better though with medication
I share about half the symptoms but mine is definitely more due to overstimulation and being easily overwhelmed. After awhile you just start to avoid certain situations even if you're normally a social person. Still trying to figure out all my diagnosis 🙃
I have both and I'm an introvert but I still ultimately like people it's hard to turn off the shame aspect of social anxiety though. I think that's a common misconception about shy, socially anxious and introverts.
for me, having social anxiety has been a blessing in disguise. it acts as a barrier against toxcitiy.
Kati, Thank you so much for this video. Anticipatory anxiety is a problem for me. It seems to run in my family. It stops me from doing a lot of social things, which is okay because I'm an introvert anyway. However, I have learned to plow right through it regarding doctors appointments and other important events, etc. It can be exhausting.
Nice biceps btw: I need to work out more. : )
I am glad you can push through when needed.. but I have no doubt that that's exhausting. Oh, and thanks ;) xoxo
Im pretty sure I have social anxiety. I think it's due to my stutter( that I didn't know it WAS a stutter until I was about 17 or 18). Also I have hyperhydrosis( I ALSO didn't know what this was until I was 19) and was bullied for it in middle through high school, my mean stepbrother spread rumors that I didn't shower and people believed him so I lost friends. I'd NEVER met anyone with either of these until I was done with high school. I only knew I stuttered when I heard Brandon from my favorite band Crown The Empire talk about how he stutters and thought "wait wait wai hold on- I think exactly like this and talk exactly like him! What." And the hyperhydrosis well, apparently you're NOT supposed to sweat through your clinical strength deoderant when doing nothing but sit in one spot all day when the house is like 73 degrees... Health classes in texas are horrible and I do seriously think we should talk about these common mental/ physical illnesses that kids could be bullied for.
Are you me? I have social anxiety and severe hyperhydrosis that I got bullied for relentlessly in middle school for. I think the bullying led to me becoming a lot more socially anxious and their words still affect me to this day. People spread rumors I didn’t shower either and a lot of people wanted to be my friend in secret because they’d get mocked for being friends with me. It really screwed with my head
In my experience shyness and mild social anxiety can be kind of a spectrum. I’ve always been shy, as a character type, but also because I’ve always been unsure about myself and about social situations. I, too, experienced extreme sweating and had several “phases” in my life when thinking about upcoming social situations made me feel anxious, which I could sort of ‘feel in my body’ (stress hormones, I guess) and when I couldn’t participate in hobbies, which involved other and/or new people.
At the moment I’m in a very good place and people would call my residual behaviour shyness, but still I can feel an underlying bodily reaction to social situations. That’s why it feels more like a spectrum for me, from shyness to mild social anxiety. Naturally, classic “full-blown” social anxities are another thing and I would never compare my experiences to people with social anxities. But still, I feel that I have a mild form, if that’s something that can exist. :)
These days I see myself as a shy extrovert, or an ambivert maybe, which I think must be a pretty common thing although I don't see many people talking about it. I love going out, seeing friends, going to parties etc, but the idea of having to talk to someone new one on one fills me with fear in case I run out of things to say. I love being around people, but I don't often want to be the centre of attention - I prefer to listen to what other people are talking about and chime in every now and then, when I know what I have to say will be valuable. I try to remember that my listening skills are valuable too, but it would be nice to feel more confident in my ability to consistently entertain the people I meet :)
I used to have the same problem. I used to get sweaty asf just seeing someone else notice me. I have found a way to overcome my social anxiety. People can't worry about you if they're worrying about themselves. So whenever I start to get anxious, I make the other person uncomfortable instead 😂
I'd love to hear these two contrasted with avoidant personality disorder. I was diagnosed with SAD but during group therapy I started seriously questioning that diagnosis. Unfortunately the pandemic brought an end to that group before I was able to address that. My own research leads me to suspect I may have APD instead, but I have yet to see anyone about that.
For me I just use exposure therapy and tricks my therapist taught me : the 123 method or find my feet. It really helps me overcome the anxiety
Thank you so much for sharing!!! That's so helpful :) xoxo
What is the 123 method? At this point I'm trying anything to overcome it
@@RainRemnant it’s like the 12345 method. Its where name something you can see two thing you can hear and three you can see. You can say it in you head so it does draw attention and it gets your focus off the situation
@@hannahm2749 that sounds very practical and helpful, thanks so much for explaining, I'm sure going to practice that 💖
@@RainRemnant I hope it helps you!
I was originally diagnosed with Generalized anxiety and Social anxiety, after several years it was figured out that the Generalized was totally dependant on the Social; so the General was officially removed. When Im attending gatherings, my social anxiety monster(its always been a female monster) is only suppressed; if I put myself to work. As long as I have something to focus on, I'm totally fine; but when I have to go back to being a party guest, the fine ends very abruptly. I'm consciously aware that it WILL happen, but I force myself to participate anyway. Anytime its a win for me and not for Anxiety Monster is a good day. I may crash later on, but in the moment I'm there.
I think social anxiety (social phobia) can be hard to deal with. Been seeing a doctor since I was a teen and I used to shake a lot. I found shaking the body releases tension and stress, and thinking more realistic makes me less worried.
But let me tell you, you can still achieve anything. I’m studying theatre and plan to be an actress. It can be hard but many actors get nervous. It’s good to start small.❤️
Great video Kati! I think I am more in the shyness spectrum. The one thing I struggle with is job interviews which I get really nervous about, and I sometimes sweat during them
I think maybe being shy as a child grew into social anxiety as an adult.
Still unclear about this. I cannot STAND large crowds. It puts me in a horrible mood, I feel like I can't breathe, and my fight or flight instincts kick in. Might even start crying if I'm there long enough. Malls and clubs are a definite NO, but I somewhat recently discovered how lovely live shows are. And there are a bunch of people there. Idk what this means lol
I have.. both 😭
I have a service dog for PTSD and panic attacks, but I struggle with feeling like people will judge me for having a service dog too. We’re about to move back to our small hometown, which means I’ll be even more seen with my service dog. I’m struggling with thinking about people knowing I need a service dog, or doubting that I need one.
Going to a therapist for help with social anxiety sounds absolutely horrific. And who knows how many times you'd have to do it before you found a good therapist.
been wondering recently THANK YOU
Of course!! I hope it's helpful!! xoxo
Annoyingly, I answered yes to only two of those four questions. I've never had panic attacks and I've never called in sick purely because of anxiety. This seems to be the trend with me... I sort-of-but-not-quite fit in to a lot of labels, and it often leaves me devoid of identity. I'm not really sure how to deal with this. It's not a mental illness in itself but it does cause me some distress.
i feel more confident when i’m with my friends but when i’m not i feel terrified. it feels impossible to talk to people i don’t know.
I struggled with both, although it is getting better I still push myself out of my comfort zone. At the start, it was very hard and I struggled to engage people or look them in the eye, but by working on it I have improved a lot and continue to work on it. I think it is important we help each other to improve/ make changes without judgment or insults.
During my 20s, I was unfamiliar with the concept of anxiety. However, while pursuing my associate's degree in college, my anxiety levels escalated to the point where I failed a public speaking course. The intensity of my fear caused me to vomit, and despite my efforts, I was unable to address the class, resulting in my failure. As a consequence, I am approaching the age of 40 without having obtained my degree.
I needed this. Thank you Kati!!!
Of course!! So glad you liked it :) xoox
Same here
I definitely have social anxiety. I'm 43 and never had a career, or even wanted one, due to my anxiety. I have a whole heap of issues like not being able to talk on the phone in front of anyone, or be observed doing stuff like any kind of work or talking to other people.
I'm good at putting on a chatty facade when I'm amongst strangers or certain friends. I go into "hyper mode" and am funny, silly, a bit ditzy. It's not really ME, but it seems to be my default. Then if I get a moment alone, I'm quiet...and so tired.
What I'm not sure about is whether I have social anxiety, Avoidant Personality Disorder or both? How can I know?
I'm shy. I want to to stop being it so baddd! But whenever I try I can't. That's why I want to take drama in high school 🏫
You referenced the DSM for the definition of social anxiety. Do you trust the DSM?
It's hard for me with many psychiatrists making plenty of money off it.
You are so pretty everytime you explain something
I only have social anxiety around people i can't relate to. Its hard to have a conversation with someone who is different than me. Im gen x and today's younger people get so offended about every little thing. That's why I don't like to go out much. I love the thought of meeting new people but the thought of someone not liking what i say or judging me so quick i get tired of that. Im a pretty easy going person but most others are not. My dog's and cat's at home are my comfort too.
love the 90s reference in the very beginning. tootsee roll turns 30 this year.
One hears people say they used to be shy but overcame it. Shyness often seems to be a euphemism for problematic things like nervousness, tension, C-PTSD, Imbalanced Attachment styles, fearfulness, anxiety, inhibition, neurosis, or socila inability/ anxiety. Can it still be shyness? Soem proffessionals also say it is a sliding scale.Thanks if you answer!
I am not shy but I’m pretty sure I have social anxiety because I get these thoughts, and feelings that nobody likes me and that everyone thinks bad things about me all the time, but I have a lot of things to share with people and I talk A LOT!!!
Thank you for making this video Kati! Hope you and Sean had a great Christmas!! 💕
Of course!! And you too!! xoxo
Listening to this, I have both shyness and social anxiety. I’m also an extroverted introvert, and social anxiety for me really depends on the situation and the environment and the severity of it varies. Like public speaking, my anxiety gets bad enough that I have to step into another room because my nerves get to me and I start crying (I cry with literally EVERY emotion, even anger🙈 lol). So sometimes I have small but manageable panic attacks and other times I’m fine. And although I hate public speaking, I absolutely love to sing and can do both karaoke and sing “Oh Canada” in public no problem.🤷🏻♀️
Needless to say, I’m complicated.🤷🏻♀️🙈😂🤣Ha
And Slide!
Nice to meet you.
Thank you for this. 🙏🏼
Social anxiety vs avoidant personality disorder, please!?
This video made me remember about how much I didn't like going to school since I was a child, and would do anything to stay home. At this time I was bullied a lot, and would do anything to avoid that happening again.
The same happened when I was a teenager, and all this time I thought I was just being lazy for avoiding going out, but oh god I was wrong... This still happens now, I've lost a job recently because I just couldn't get out of my house and had a panic attack just to think about going out. Thank you so much for this video, I'll definitely seek help ♥️
Hi Kati! just wanted to say that i just recently found your videos and it has been so helpful to validate my experiences and feelings through your videos. this has helped me look at it in a different perspective and i will be taking this as a sign to find a counsellor to better myself after having a difficult childhood and even a difficult life living under my parents umbrella. so i just wanted to say once again thank you. :)
Thank you for another enlightening and informative video, Kati! I would like to be able to get on a plane alone and travel (barring a pandemic) somewhere just to visit and see the sights and people or whatever. The last two times I did this, I was nervous at the airport, and afraid everyone would know and judge that I was nervous and just about had a panic attack. After arriving, for the whole week I was there, I had a low grade nausea that kept me from even eating or having an appetite or wanting to go anywhere. Oddly, I didn't feel that anxious in my head which made it all the more frustrating to have the nervous digestion symptom. I do consider myself an introvert, but could manage if it were only shyness.
I get nervous about not knowing what to say or running out of conversation topics. But I think that we all naturally will have less things to talk about with certain people. We won’t have chemistry with everyone, and might not have common interests or things to talk about with everybody.
Also my wife is a much better natural conversationalist, so she helps me feel more comfortable in social situations. I can lean on her to ease my shyness around groups of people
I have social anxiety. And I’m over 50. I had it since about 1st grade. But was called shy and I hated it. I will never give a speech ever. And I’m not shy.
hello:) im here because i am also confused of my self. Just want to share too
I am twenty five now but last year after my heart break ..i met the words anxiety,stress, depression, panick attack and what so ever about mental health. I never realized b4 if they were truly true until i realized now and voice it out . Am I just starting my life now? All my answer to ur questions are Yes.
maybe growing up our culture teaches us not to entertain negativity as if they are not true. I dont really remember all memories in my childhood.
honeslty the question "does your anxiety hold you back from doing the things you love" just made me feel anxious because I didn't understand how my anxiety in social situations has anything to do with my ability to research about sharks or make cool bracelets... like I don't think I'm shy I love talking to people and having people like me and talk to me but once I become friends with people I get this intense anxiety of losing them and then judging me and not liking me anymore and I've had panic attacks over stuff like that where people have told me "you're too quiet and weird so we don't want to be your friend anymore" because I was talkative at the beginning but then slowly started getting insecure until I was basically saying nothing which inevitably caused me to cause the thing that I didn't want to happen to me to happen because of my own actions.. so then I proved myself right.. and then I get even more worried about talking to people and making friends.. it doesn't stop me from "doing the things I love" because they aren't related? but it builds up and I just endure it until I break. Idk if it is social anxiety though because I only said yes to one thing on the checklist and even then it was questionable so Idk? I feel like this ramble about myself isn't nice to read but sorry
I still am not sure which one I have. I answered "not really" or "I'm not sure" to all questions at the end but I still feel like if I don't have social anxiety it has to be extreme shyness so I'm kind of between the two things.
That's okay too.. but if it bothers you or gets in the way of what you want to do, it could help to see a therapist and get some tools to help you better manage when you need to :) xoxo
Same
I used to bring my dog to go to the store, but she’s a Rottweiler and lot of people were breedist and it made my anxiety worse. What worked for me, was putting in airpods and paying no attention to those around me. Literally being in my own world.. My social anxiety helped my quit drinking though!! After my friends made me sit alone (for hours) before they would arrive, I started having panic attacks leaving the house like “what if I have to sit alone again” so I stopped going. Avoided it all together! Plus there was a local DJ that almost lost his teeth when he said “ just buy her a drink and she’s all yours “ which was another reason I stopped going… dude was toxic and implied all the girls were whoores
Some people are legitimately afraid of most dogs.
That’s Fine, but she’s not aggressive, nor did she pay anyone mind. You say this like I’m not aware. Fear is one thing, taking shit is another. Sorry I was so vague
Still wonder if that’s what I have. The only thing is I’m very outgoing….so very well at public speaking. However getting a job terrifies me. A new environment with new people and that intense fear of having to perform and constant thoughts telling me I’m stupid and less than leave me going home depressed and defeated 😞
Great work kati. Merry Christmas
Thanks Daniel!! Merry Christmas to you too!! xoxo
Hey Kati, can you do a video about naming physical symptoms? Recently I've started to track my feelings and the physical symptoms, thoughts and behaviour associated with them. I'm having a hard time naming my physical symptoms. There's plenty of negative physical symptoms on the net like joint ache, headache but there's none about the 'good' physical symptoms. Love you!
be glad that as a woman, you aren't expected to make the first move or be the confident assertive one when it comes to starting a relationship, you must feel its a luxury since your a woman, i assume every guy you dated, he was the one who asked you out or approached you
Hi Katy! Thank you so much the video helped me a lot. I am shy and I was surprised to read that is a personality treat. But many videos say: "How to overcome shyness", is it really something you can overcome? Because your personality will be there, you will always prefer to be with a smaller amount of people I guess.
very direct and well explained, in a time when I most needed, thank you!
I don't like being in big groups, I don't feel comfy, not sure if its shyness or antisocial behaviour lol
I have not had friends because of this thanks for the video.
On time!
woot woot!!! xoxo
I'm as introverted as you can get
Always remember you're not alone and if you feel you need help get it..
💜💜 thank you so much for all your videos they help me so much to learn about my mental health 💗💗
Thank you so much for this video Kati I had social anxiety for about over 1 year I use to be able to go out alout I use to be comfortable being around as lout of people but now my social anxiety gets triggered when iv been out for to long or I was around people for to long but I have shyness too my social anxiety makes it difficult for me to meet New People or make new friendships it's even been a big down part of any relationship iv been in it's hard to cope when your not just shy but suffering from social anxiety aswell I have no friends in person only online my social anxiety has stopped me doing alout of things going alout of places this video was very helpful just like other videos you do
My problem is that I’m really anxious at work , makes me feel panicked but when I leave and get home I’m completely fine.
No, Yes, No, No
Long ago (during childhood) I developed a (unhealthy) coping mechanism. My mind shuts down and I "fly on autopilot" I do the minimum of what is expected and exit the situation as soon as possible. I'm trying to not do that but it's hard when that's how you've lived your life for decades. What changed is recently I realized I was alone, depressed and failing at life, I didn't want to live like that anymore.
Hey! I cant understand if i am shy or just anxious. When i feel social acceptnes i am extrovent, but if i not i dont talk. Basically i love being centre of attention but i just cant..
Thanks
Hi Kati! I love this video. I'm a fellow therapist and just joined youtube! I appreciate your content :)
I often wondered about this! Thank you for clarifying! Now I know I'm just shy! :)
I think I have both and threw in a bit of schizoid personality disorder, depression, low self esteem and bipolar with a episode of psychosis sometimes it can be hard to function
This is a great presentation, I really like your style!
What would be the difference between being shy and being an introvert?
Looking exceptionally beautiful today 😍 -> So many of my friends enjoy Thanksgiving but dread the gift-giving Christmas holiday due to their family being the cause of their anxiety
that intro xD love it !
I sort of overcome my social anxiety after I realized that so many people have individual issues to deal with and that mostly not everyone I met deserve my embarrassment... like why do i need to feel embarrassed when someone give me a trigger look in a public place when i didn't do anything wrong? who is that person to me? and what happens if that person is just a horrible human being himself/herself do i need to feel shy or embarrass with such kind of judgmental people? The thing is that good people in public are the ones that will most likely understand you and not judge you while bad and immature people are mostly the ones that will judge you and therefore, those kind of people does not deserve your time and energy making you feel bad. i don't know if people get it with my limited english but yeah. also, reading book and watching videos about self worth made me realize how a lot of us are lacking of it. we don't truly love ourselves, a lot of us have deep insecurity issues and we tend to project that in a different way, mostly we turned out to be extremely toxic to ourselves and people surround us. after years of social anxiety struggle, I can say that I really sincerely love myself now.. I started to put boundaries, unfollow people in social media that is making me feel bad about myself even if they didn't do anything wrong but is giving me negative emotions, I cut off people that are toxic, i choose to focus on the people that truly care about me too, I surround myself with people that have good mindset.
I do really love your videos!
Thank you for this!
Well based on your video, I'm like emily(shy). When I meet new people I'm more reserved but with my close friends, I'm funny etc.
i have both and deal with both and thanks for sharing this love you kati
Thanks for another informative video.
thanks for this Kati!!!!!
im only 12 and i have all these symptoms when i have to do a presentation i cry before and while im presenting