People commenting "she just didn't want him" have NO IDEA how impossible it is to deal with severe mental illness in a child. This child sounds like a RAD kid or some other severe psychological disorder. No typical/normal parenting can "fix" it. His father was an extremely abusive person and so it is likely an inherited mental disorder. She is a good momma who tried everything she knew to do. She has to protect and care for her other children too. It is a terrible, hard decision that I hope no one making these insensitive comments EVER has to make.
I agree, but violence is not inherited, but probably experienced and the child was present when violent ex-husband was with him. That's the source of the violence.
I beg to differ......violence is a "coping skill" that the mentally ill use to cope; so in that way it is inherited....they inherit the illness and the coping behavior follows. Certain mental illnesses have violence as a symptom; can't say that the mentally ill person is responsible for the violence, just as they are not responsible for inheriting the illness.@@BG-nm5xt
I am the equivalent of her 1 year old child who growing up had a sister 10 years older than me who threatened and attempted to kill my mom and siblings and burned a house down because voices told her to. While I do not know this woman's situation I can only say THANK YOU to her because it sounds she did the best thing for all her children. Those blaming her and "screen time" have the privelege of having no idea what they are talking about. The most qualified therapists and specialty camps in the nation refused my sister because they were afraid of her while police threatened my mother with abandonment if she tried to find another place for my sister to live, essentially forcing making her a ward of the state. Thirty years later my sister is now healthy and safe to be around and a good mother herself due to decades of treatment and therapy, so there can be light at the end of the tunnel but there are no quick fixes here and it sounds like this mother made the right choice for all her children, 11 year old son included.
Wow is she schizophrenic? Sounds like she has a clinical mental disorder. My aunt is like that even after she had a daughter and she doesnt even care, she never loved her. How did she become this good?
I hope the caller reads your comment. Im happy to hear that your sister/ family are better. Could you elaborate on what type of diagnoses causes these behaviors from a child?
I was told by a pediatric nurse that in some states you cannot give up custody of one child without losing custody of the other children in the home. She has taken care of children this extreme and the poor families who have to continue to live in fear.
As a child from a similar situation, I feel for her. Here is a warning to women though, this is THE REASON to never ever have kids with monsters. The hurt will NEVER STOP.
Good advice. However, my son's dad was the worst. Imagine the three worst crimes you can. He's done them. My son is a smart, kind, creative, very ethical man. You aren't necessarily doomed if you fall for a bad guy.
The problem is that they don’t start out that way. These people are extremely convincing and the greatest actors in the beginning. They come across as the sweetest, most gentle people and can play this act for years even. Once they think they have you trapped, that’s when they turn. It affects the victims in unimaginable ways. I wish it was as easy as just staying away from people like that. If they were honest about who they were, everyone would run. Of course, they’re also the least likely people to tell you the truth though. I’m so sorry your sperm doner (guessing he never deserved any other title) was such a terrible person. I hope you’re able to break away from that and find a better path. None of it was your fault and you deserve a peaceful life.
@@supernova11711 Thats exactly it. The lure you in and once you fall for them, they start to change. I had thr exact same experience but reached out to someone early on, and they helped me see exactly where it was headed if I didn't end that relationship! It was scary how manipulated and confused I was.
I had to do this with my oldest daughter. It’s so hard to do but I always was in her life.we went through counseling and I was able to bring her home on weekends she was finally getting the help she needed. This was back in the eighties and not much was known about ADHD and depression and anxiety disorder. My daughter was ten when her father took his own life. It devastated her. I had to make a drastic decision. She was chasing me around the house with a butcher knife and running away from home and her behavior at school was bad. I was a single mother at the time all this was going on. Alone with her and my three year old. Now so many years later she is now here with me. We never lost contact. Mom you must keep in contact with your son. Never lose hope. Find out if you can work things out to be able to remain in his life. He is getting the help he needs but you must never lose hope.
@@zeal4god402 nightmare. No. Helping your child and finding a safe place for myself and my younger daughter is why I did what I did. You see when you have that relief for just a little while from something that took all your body and heart to do it gives you back some strength to move on to the next hard thing that must be done. That is to love and help your family. This did feel like a nightmare but my daughter’s behavior was not the thing that started it. I was going through a bad marriage of an alcoholic husband and his issues. After his suicide my daughter was the one that it affected the most. She was close to her father. Please try to understand that the nightmare never leaves once the situation is better. It stays in the body and memories and yes it has made me strong and wiser. Now my daughter has been on medication a for years and she is high functioning. She lives with me and I love her very much. My husband and I accept her and we rally behind her. She works full time and pays her way through life for what she needs. She is very much her own woman. We are so proud of her. It’s not easy as a muddle aged adult living with ADHD and depression and anxiety disorder but she has a lot of support.
Im so glad things worked out for you guys! Im having a terrible day with my 8 year old son. He only woke up but he fights me in everything (not physically) so i had to leave the house just to vent and calm down. I know its my patience that turns out how this day will end but its so hard to be a superhero sometimes. John just says "dont let your kids get to your emotions " but it is so hard. I mean how do you do it? I dont want to be a boss sterotype emotionless kind of parent. I want my son to be able to cooperate. He just called me and told me he done what i asked of him (wich was cleaning his b*tt). Looks like we are gonna have a good day afterall ❤
As a childfree woman and daycare owner…I can wholeheartedly say a lot of these kids are EXTREMELY rude, violent, and disrespectful. I had a 6yr old boy punch me in the stomach when he couldn’t have his way. That was his first AND LAST time putting his hands on me. For the safety of the other children, myself, and my business that was his last day in my care. I feel for this family because kids will definitely test you! 😮💨
I feel so sorry for this mother! I can imagine she feels so much guilt. Some children have SERIOUS mental illness and not every parent has the tools to handle it on their own... especially with other children in danger of being harmed or even killed. No mother ever wants to give up on their child... I pray he gets the help he needs. I'm sure he suffers too. And I hope they can forgive one another.
MOST parents don't have the skills to deal with this extremely difficult situation. It requires experts. So sorry they had to go through this, but it doesn't help the child by ignoring the issues.💔💖
Oh, my mom had to go through this with her son. This was so tough for her and my sister, because all of the attention was towards him because he was such a problem. It's affected my sister deeply, even as an adult. Eventually my mom did give up custody to the state because he was hurting and trying to kill people. ( he pushed my mom down that stairs when she was pregnant and said the only thing he regrets is that she didn't die and tried to stab my sister) no mom wants to give up their child. :(
I was in special ed and dealt with “Emotionally Disabled” students. They will sucker punch you out of nowhere. I left the profession. You can’t tell me that this is not DNA related as his father was extremely abusive.
My heart goes out to this caller. I also think this is a good example of how well trained Delony is. He knew she was in a fragile emotional state (rightfully so) and was so careful with the questions hence why he didn’t ask a ton of digging questions about all the abuse. ❤️
@@margaretmurray7182 excuse me… speak for yourself! Dr. D is amazing at what he does. You aren’t going to comment under my postive with your negativity. Doesn’t work like that sister!
@@margaretmurray7182Where are your degrees, Margaret? Where is your experience sitting with parents of dying or already gone children? Where’s your experience of sitting with addicts? Where all of your thank yous? Where are the people saying you’ve saved their life? Got sit down somewhere
I completley agree with you. Ive bin to therapy multiple times since i grow up in a house hold with emotional abuse and non physical contact. Ive sufferd from severe depression multiple times in my life since do to isolation cause i can not let people get close to me. I am destened to be forever alone. All the therapists i met just want to hold my hand and say "you doing a good job". But thats not what i need. I dont want someone to feel sorry of me. I want to change and i want to move forward in my life. Deep down i also do want to have what everyone else has. A parner in life. Thats why therapists like dr. Delony must come forward. I think someone like him would be so good for me. Thats why i listen to him 🙏❤👏
She didn’t give up on him. She gave up for him. And for the safety and well being of her other children. She can say, “we have 4 children. Our eldest son isn’t with us today”, when she’s asked. “He’s not here, today. Thanks” is all that’s necessary. Maybe a “You can help us pray for him, his health, and his well being” if she feels comfortable, or “he’s getting alternative support that he needs right now. We’d be grateful for your prayers on his and our behalf. It’s hard not having him with us, and we know you care for him, too. Thank you.”
Someone I know from high school had this situation. Her son from her first marriage became violent before he even turned 10. He tried to harm other kids at school. He was arrested and had to spend time in a mental health facility for children. My friend remarried and had two more kids while her oldest child was in the mental health facility, but that boy ended up coming home when her two younger kids were one and three. Things got bad very quickly and the oldest boy threatened to kill his siblings. They had him arrested again but this time he wasn’t taken out of the home. They had five-day-a-week individual and family counseling, they put him on medication, they even had to lock him in his room at night when everything else didn’t work. Finally, he assaulted a girl at his school and he was locked up for nearly a year in a high-security juvenile facility. They ended up sending him to a military school, with the understanding that he’d be receiving intensive psychological counseling and appropriate medications. The school made it clear to him that misbehavior of any sort would be met with swift and severe consequences. He tested the boundaries, of course, but he eventually got the picture and ended up not getting into further trouble. When he graduated, my friend wouldn’t let him move back home, but she found a program for young adults that was sort of like a halfway house. I don’t know many details about his life after military school, but he does seem to be making an effort and staying out of trouble. He actually wanted to join the military but was turned down. My friend says he’s taking classes at a community college and working a part-time job. I don’t know what got through to him - the discipline at the military school, the counseling, the medication, or all of the above - but he has really improved and seems to be WANTING to become a better person. My friend, of course, felt like the worst mother in the world for many years. She’s needed as much counseling as her son has. She knows that none of this is her fault. The son is mentally ill and nothing she did for him at home could do anything to help him. She had to give up custody of him in order to get him the help he needed, and that was the best thing for everyone. So to the caller - it’s not your fault. You’ve done the right thing.
She did the right thing to protect her and her family. We had a couple of young brothers (teens) in my area that killed their whole family except for a younger sister, years ago. They were tried as adults and have been in prison for years.
I’m 23, no kids or family of my own. but I have learned how to be a good mother, a good wife, overall a good person because of this podcast. it’s helped me navigate my relationship with my boyfriend, that communication is so important. we’ve adapted some things I’ve learned here into our relationship. I’m so grateful John does this show and puts it out for free for us
This episode also got me thinking about something else. I did a little reading up on this topic after watching the episode, and discovered that some states are trying to restructure their mental health systems so that no child has to be relinquished like this (i.e. a child like this still gets the services they need, but the family can stay fully involved from a distance and don't lose legal custody). It sounds to me like KS hasn't quite gotten there yet. In any case, this kid is going to have a long road ahead of him finding love and acceptance in his life if he manages to get "whole", not to mention some serious challenges finding a stable living/work environment with his history. Hopefully, a compassionate person in the system will step up for him to love and support him once his time in the boy's home is finished. Honestly can't even begin to imagine what losing his family has been like for him emotionally at such a young age, especially if he's realized that he might never see them again. Prayers for everyone involved. Apologies for the long-winded comments.
narcissism and psychopathy are heritable traits. they are atypical neurotypes, just like autism or ADHD. it's entirely possible that he was born with a genetic issue that impacts his empathy, impulse control, tolerance for frustration, and experience of pleasure. these could be the same traits that were manifest in her abusive ex, which is why you should pick your sexual partners wisely and be even wiser about who you have kids with. some traits were not meant to be passed on. look at how the child is suffering.
Autism and adhd are not genetic. It's caused by environmental factors if a woman used some meds and it damaged the fetus or something a kid got when he was young.
narcissism is NOT hereditary (see the channel of Dr. Ramani, they are made not born). And it is not clear at all that the child is a psychopath, let alone a narcissist (which is only diagnosed with adults anyway). This woman had an abusive relationship, was abandoned by her abuser during pregnancy (or shortly after giving birth) and went straight for the next relationship. We can savely assume that not all is right with her either. Moreover she might have taken drugs, or been under a lot of stress during pregnancy.
Narcissistic people are not born…they’re made. My degree is Psych with a focus in child studies. It takes an event or a series of events to create a narcissistic personality. Once narcissists, they cannot go back to before.
My middle son was abused by his ex step mom, and it really screwed him up. He was only over there for a few months over the summer and it really caused him a lot of psychological issues. A lot of fear, anger, and aggression. Fortunately he was only 3 at the time so we were able to get him some early intervention, and now at 13 he's a great kid. He only experienced this for two months and it caused issues that lasted years, so i can imagine a kid living with an abusive authority figure long term could really cause some problems. I hope this kid gets the help he needs, and i hope this family can one day heal from this.
My heart breaks for this poor woman. She made maybe the most difficult decision a person could ever make. I hope she gets into really good long term counseling.
My neighbor had to turn her very violent son over to the state to protect herself and her daughter. She had tried everything, just like the caller. So sad.
I bet there’s a mom listening who sees this scary and threatening potential in her family’s future. And I bet that the courage it took to make this call might help her reach out for help sooner rather than later so they can avoid it or worse. Maybe if there are 1 or 2 women, like in children’s ministry at church or something who can help let other grown ups attending know it’s a painful subject but the family is doing all they can to support his well being from afar, and they’d appreciate privacy about his absence at this time. That might help. Get some supportive gatekeepers that don’t have to go gossip about it but could help stop that from going around.
My dear, you did not give up, you did what was best for your son and your family. If your son had harmed someone in the household, he would have a grim future. Now, he has hope that some therapy may in time help him. In the meantime, you have a safe home for your children and you husband. You have not lost your older son, he is living in another location for this time. You can always pray for him. Maybe there will be some correspondence with him in the future. Dr. John is right on.
Poor woman I’ve been in similar situation. No matter how right choices are she will never feel it was right. It is one of those moments when as a parent you feel nothing is right.
Timeline: Her son with her second husband is only a year younger than her son that is no longer in the home. And her first husband left her. So her first husband either left her while she was pregnant or within a couple of months of her first son being born. So her first son was not under the influence of an abusive person. She did state that the son was just like his bio dad but 10x worse. So it appears the issue is either a genetic issue or a traumatic brain injury or issue with development due to Mom being stressed or abused during pregnancy. What is unfortunate is that they don't seem to have an actual diagnosis. Also I think sometimes church influence can be supportive in this situation but in many cases it can be traumatic. The last thing on her mind should be keeping up appearances with, what do I say when people ask about my kids. I am not okay with the line "the health professionals at our church..." Watch John's body language after she says this. I would also say, with Mom doing this poorly mentally due to the trauma, please stop having more kids until you are well. I wish John asked for details on the current marriage because the odds of someone getting out of an abusive marriage (getting left, not leaving) and diving straight into marriage/parenthood in a new healthy relationship without time to heal and deconstruct are quite low. The pastors son impregnanting a newly post partum and probably still legally married woman has a lot of red flags. My conclusion is that this call was very surface level information and there was not anywhere close to enough info to give real advice.
@@wordsalad01 She did say therapy for the child started around 4 years old. The children are all living in the home, no talk of a step mom. I think if they were step children they would have had the kids living with their mom instead of in a dangerous situation. But again, it was such a surface level call so who knows.
kids are violent these days, even murdering their parents. i hope hes not so angry he grows up and come back for them. hope he get the help he needs to be healthy and whole.
No bashing the mom what so ever. I feel like she did the right thing. I always say be careful who you have a child with because those genes will trickle down into the child, and it looks like that’s what happened here.
So real. I think about this all the time. My current partner is amazing, but I feel like I need more time to assess behavioral partners and traits to know for sure if I’ll be having a child with him. I think I’m being picky for the right reason.
@@SharonBurca lot of my mothers side struggles with depression and addiction. I too have an addictive personality and have dealt with depression, OCD, and anxiety since I was young. but I also have many good traits, especially physically. it’s a battle of whether I want to procreate or not.
Some people give more thought to choosing a cellphone plan than they do choosing a person with whom to have a child. I've witnessed people choose to have children with someone who has behavioral/mental/emotional/criminal problems. When bad things then happen, which negatively affects the children, they seem genuinely surprised, when, in fact, the result was inevitable. I hope people learn from this caller's experience.
I just wish the state would give her updates on her son. They should let them write each other once a month or so. At 11 he probably feels like he was abandoned. This mother did the best she knew what to do. I feel sorry for her.
The pain is so real.. I tried for over 12 years to get help for my son. The system failed him and he was getting more and more aggressive and violent especially towards me. I'm from England and the mental health system in this country is broken. I felt every single word this lady said. No one wants to let their child go into the system and I will feel the pain for the rest of my life. Please don't judge people when you have no idea how hard it is to let go of someone you love... It's no joke!
My heart goes out to this woman and her family. Dr. John handled this so professionally. I could see the hurt on his face for her. I pray that the Lord will be with this family in comfort and brings help to there needs. Thank you Dr. John for all you do for people who call in.❤️💕❤️
This one hurt 😢 I felt her pain. I can’t even imagine having to make that decision and my heart just hurts for her. I hope she can find forgiveness for herself and peace ❤ Dr J really handled this so well.
This is the saddest call I have ever ever ever heard . I’m completely heartbroken for this mother . As a mother myself with a daughter that is 11 who has her own issues , I can’t imagine having to do this for the safety of our home and other children .. mom I’m hugging you virtually . I’m sending you all the love I can . I’m so sorry 😞 but listen to me , YOU SAVED YOUR CHILDREN , even him . You saved him from doing something he couldn’t come back from and you saved your other children from possibly being murdered . You saved your family from the unthinkable . You did that momma . You did that ! Good job mom for making the difficult choice to save everyone !
She can still let her son know that she will never give up on him. She will always do everything she can to help him. Taking the step to remove him from the home was a step in helping the son, not giving up on him. If she had left him in the home and he had hurt someone, all of the children would be taken away. Watch "Lorenzo's oil." It just shows how the parents never gave up on their child. If your son knows that someone is in his corner, praying and fighting for him, it will make a big difference in his life.
I agree and I feel they are putting kids with special needs in the mainstream school system with less or no teacher aides. Also, the size of the classrooms are getting bigger with less individualized attention. Scary.
Gotta love the commenters here. The same commenters who tell people to dump a spouse for any reason think they could take care of an 11 year old violent child. I cannot even imagine what this mom and family must have gone through.
The 11 yr old child has demons/generational curses. Most people don't know how to do deliverance. Sadly enough, they will just medicate this child which is not the answer.
@@Mint-kj9kw There's a guy locally that thinks everything is a demon and generational curse. It is nonsense. He has claimed all sorts of demons have left people, but again it is just not true. When you think everything is a demon, you think everything is a demon.
There needs to be more help for parents in this situation. It sounds like that boy was loved and helped - like a lot of 'troubled kids' are - and theres just not enough resources.
I was in a very similar situation and I completely understand how you feel. Especially the bit about how hard it is to talk to people because a lot of them will judge without knowing the details. I hope this gives you some hope - he is now 22 and has become a really good person (though obviously he still has struggles). He also thinks I did the only thing that made sense - both for us but also for him because it made him change ultimately. Good luck and I’m sending hugs. Xx
I have to wonder if the abuse the 11 year old witnessed growing up in the environment of the abusive husband shaped how this 11 yr old came to be this way. I suspect the abusive husband was also abused. Perhaps, unbeknownst to the mother, the father abused the 11 yr old over the years either mentally, physically or sexually.
The abusive father was gone either during pregnancy or within the first year of the 11-year-old's life because her son with the new husband is just a single year younger than the 11 year old
Hell no. She gave him up . She needs to stay the hell out of his life . All she saw was her Ex in that boy and saw a way to get rid of the reminder of the ex .
@@courtneyriley185That boy experienced so much violence and loss. I feel for everyone involved. Is not my place to judge a mum. She must been through hell and back. But he is 11 I hope the family remain in his life and figure this out. Is sad no one has contact with him at all
I feel for this mom so much. Unfortunately, there’s not a lot of help. You have to either be broke or rich to get help. I’m Not poor enough to get help and have no medical insurance. My two oldest sons were never violent, but my 3rd son who’s 17 gets very violent. I have to tip toe around his feelings. It’s not like he’s a little boy I can put in his place anymore. He’s good about listening to his dad, but once he’s gone at work. Tried getting help for his suicidal thoughts they left him on the ER waiting room for 24hrs. I can’t leave him alone with his sisters. He hates that he’s violent and that’s why he gets suicidal. Everyone loves to judge parents, but we are people too and it’s so hard to know what to do unless you’re in the situation. Also judging causes a fear with trying to find help.
god is that true. I make just a pinch above the poverty line, like $1-2K above.. so I make too little too afford anything but “make too much” for assistance especially health insurance from the state
You need to call the police when he's violent or actively suicidal. You're not doing him any favors by protecting him from real life consequences. He's almost an adult. If he's assaulting you he needs to be arrested. If he's actively suicidal he needs to be committed. Sorry but I don't have any empathy for someone who seemingly has at least 5 kids but can't afford health insurance. That's EXTREMELY irresponsible. That boy should have been in therapy and on meds a long time ago. Now he's at a point where arrest or commitment are the only options. Medical professionals who determine someone is a risk to themselves or others are not allowed to send them home. Making fear-based decisions is a luxury you can't afford. You need to do the responsible thing now. Next time he's violent or actively suicidal, call the police. Get on the healthcare marketplace before December 7th and apply for subsidized health insurance. If you don't qualify or the premium is still high, you're gonna have to make some budget cuts or get another job so that you can pay for it. This is your responsibility as a parent.
@@RepentImmediately Firstly, people's financial situations can change, you don't know that she was struggling with money when she had 5 kids so let's not use this as a chance to shame poverty (especially considering the recent huge hikes in cost of living the last couple of years!). Also, budgets only stretch so far, if the money doesn't exist for insurance, then it doesn't exist. Maybe she can tighten her belt, but I know I've lived down to the wire in the past and couldn't find an extra 10 bucks a month, never mind the cost of insurance. Secondly, she said she did take him to the hospital and they left him waiting for 24 hours and then let him go. The idea that you're thrown into involuntary custody for mentioning suicidal thoughts is incorrect, and can even be harmful and put people off reaching out. Or make people like you think you didn't try and get help - I know multiple people who've tried to get help for suicidal thoughts, and got nothing but sent home. Thirdly, you don't know that she didn't try and get therapy and meds years ago, iin fact she says says she's tried to seek help and can't afford it but isn't able to get help designed for low-income people, so we know she did try. It's really damn easy to judge people without knowing their circumstances or really anything about the topic at all, as you've shown. She's tried to get help, she's trying to protect her daughters. Parents have a responsibility, but they're not actually superhuman and they can't magic resources from thin air. Maybe get off your high horse.
I feel like this is the kind of person who would eventually go on to either live a life of crime or commit suicide. Hopefully that's not the case and you can have supervised visits with him one day.
What purpoose are you trying to achieve by making such a loaded comment? You're not adding anything to the conversation by offering up such inflammatory remarks, especially if the grieving mother is reading these comments. Grow up and check yourself
He followed the footsteps of his abusive biological dad. It’s in his genes. That and she left him in the care of strangers. He’s a very angry little boy for a reason
What the heck? She was forced to put him in state custody because he threatened to kill the family. That is not 'leaving him the care of strangers' as if she cast the boy aside. Jeepers. And BTW abuse isn't genetic; it is the result of being abused.
Definitely sounds like RAD - so many stories of similar situations and heartbreaking decisions. I wish we could have more funding for kids with RAD or alike issues.
Adoptive mom of kids from trauma here. At different times I’ve had to send kids for institutionalized care or no contact with a child because of dangerous behaviors. It’s always heartbreaking and impacts the other children in ways you don’t anticipate. When asked how many kids I have I tell them without qualifying the living situation or the relationship. Lastly, a word of encouragement to parents in the struggle, never underestimate the power of the Lord’s hand in your child’s life when they are not in your care.
It is possible for a child like this to become an adult and come back in their adulthood and in their right mind and apologize. I have experienced this. It takes a lot of prayer and patience and a work of the Lord. Don't expect others to understand. And don't feel like you have to defend yourself. It's like teaching calculus to a first grader. Many blessings.
If his father was that way and it very much sounds like it, it is way beyond "right mind". That sounds like church crap teaching of just "getting into the right mind" and they will be OK.....without considering the actual physical & mental barriers & limitations of mental health.
Damn, this was hard to listen to. I really feel for everyone involved. Everyone is going to be ok though, I really feel it. Yes, it’s going to be a difficult road ahead but brighter days are in the future. Much respect to you on taking this call and your advice to her. God Bless you Sir and to the caller & her Family.
People need to put the guilt on a shelf. As parents, there is no rule that we are going to be the answer to all of our kid's issues. Sometimes we don't have the skills. No crime in that. You took the advice of experts and got him the necessary help. Other people's judgements don't count for anything. We can't be all things to all people.
I don’t know about this one…I’ve seen these stories play out and it’s usually way more complex. Moving on to another relationship and quickly having more children with a struggling child is not wise. There is definitely more to this. And didn’t she say that the child has had behavior issues since 3??? So…how did it get to this point? No services or support for 8 years? It just sounds like this child wasn’t given the focus and energy needed to heal his own trauma as a baby. This therapist didn’t give good advice. This child needs his mother even more. But a FOCUSED mother. Not strangers. -Retired clinical social worker🤲🏽
My heart hurts for this mom I just watched our tribe of many interview someone with a similar situation but she got her son help and they said he was not a harm. He ended up killing 2 of her kids while they were all sleeping. You did the right thing
A friend had a girl, then she married a psychopath and got a boy with him. 10 years of abuse she finally fled. Her son seemed to have inherited his fathers psycopathie, he tried to kill his mother when he was 17. 5 years later he stabbed to police officers when they asked him for his ID. Is there a genetic danger for children of a psychopath to become like their fathers or is it learned behavior? TX
Is a combo of both I think. They’ll have the tendency to be violent but a caring environment can turn that around. But often you need two kind parents at home and the child does not go through the system. But often times, these children are already in bad luck department in both genes and poor environment from the get go
Oh my heart reaches out to this woman, my wife and myself. When our daughter was around 10 years old she started threatening suicide and you know claiming how her life was so horrible only child and you know we asked other people what to do and you know we got some advice where we took her to a you know special hospital for troubled kids and she was gone for a week. Luckily we went and grabbed her cuz we realized that was not going to help her or help us. You know we were able to work this out because this was just a child acting out due to the pressures of social media and whatnot. But this lady sounds like her son is got real. Unfortunately issues and I can just only hope the best for her in this young man who's probably going to deal with a life of trouble but a sad, sad story
Having lived this with my oldest son I can’t tell you how hard it is to navigate. When my older set was in high school he went to school and told them he was going burn the house down and kill us all. He needed to be taken out of the house for the safety of my other children then. I was single mother, having had him to doctors and therapy since he was 8. He is doing better now as an adult but it was and has been a long hard road to get here. I pray for this mother and family.
I feel like people don’t realize that CPS will investigate/potentially take her other kids if she keeps her violent son in the same house with them. I support her and my heart hurts for her
The boy was probably around her violent ex-husband for years and that's the source of his anger and violence. That doesn't mean her and her family can manage his behavior, so it was a good thing to keep her family safe. The boy has to be managed in a residential facility, probably.
People, this poor woman needs prayer BIGTIME. Pray that God gives her peace, courage to be the mom her other children need her to be. Pray that He lifts her guilt and replaces it with peace. My heart breaks for this woman, listening to her heart break :( She did the right thing, as hard as it was to do. They both need prayers bigtime. I hope they both get the help they need. She didn't "give up" on her child; she couldn't meet his needs where he was, that's all. If she is reading these comments, I hope she realizes that she didn't give up on him. She just gave him up to God to do a work in him. If she goes to church, she needs to look into deliverance for her son, especially with his background-abuse and trauma opens the door to a number of bad things spiritually in children who suffer it. Not all churches acknowledge it, but some do. I thought Dr. John handled this beautifully.
Longtime listener, but first time commenter, so bear with me. Here's my take. I don't think this mom made the wrong decision with the resources she had at the time. That said, this situation is a symptom of a much bigger problem. We have a broken mental health treatment system that just can't keep up with the demands put on it. Had this family been in another part of the country with better resources and treatment options, he might have gotten the proper diagnostic testing and supports he needed at a much earlier age. A good analogy here is, imagine you own a Mazarati. If you live in a place like Wichita, there probably aren't many certified Mazarati mechanics, but there would probably be more in a place like Miami or LA. If you stay in Wichita with that broken Mazarati, the problem just gets worse and worse even if you find a subpar mechanic to do the job, but in Miami or LA, you might be able to find the right mechanic much faster because there are simply more qualified mechanics around. Not a perfect analogy by any means, but the same basic principle applies here. Better resources=Better Outcomes.
I cried with her I went through the same setuation with my first born who has autism and adhd. Life can be thuf sometimes and it's truely heart breaking.
I believe the child have very early childhood trauma. it is in his subconscious and he doesnt even know why he react how he does. It is so deeply sad for him. He is a victim as well.
I wonder has her son been checked for PTSD? That is what my son who was very similar to this was dealing with. Her son should probably be checked for that and he also needs deliverance.
As hard as this was for her it was the right thing to do. There are kids who kill their parents or entire families or others over something minimal (I.e. privileges being taken away). Definitely take those threats seriously.
To the mom in this, I pray you get peace in this place. I would also say as someone who has family who has been through similar things and who has worked in environments like the one your son is in if possible please visit him. Also, don't put the letters in a box send them to him! Remain connected if possible as much as possible. You are still his mom and you don't know what God will do. Even if your son may not understand why you did what you did now, he may later. You did the right thing! You loved your son enough to get him the help he needs❤️
The letters are a great idea, but as an auntie of someone in care, please SEND the letters! Tell that child how much you love them NOW, because you never know when it's going to be too late. A shoebox of thoughts is just a shoebox, but a monthly letter can mean everything to someone is thought you didn't care.
O my! This is so hard. My mother's heart breaks for this woman. May the God of all comfort and peace, grant her and her family healing and hope. May He bring complete freedom from the bondage of violence to her son. May He bring him true deep peace. May He reunite them in the grace of time. Amen.
This is such a painful story. The only thing I can offer is the story of my childhood babysitter. Her first daughter's birth ended in an emergency delivery leaving the baby bedridden, non-verbal, unable to feed herself and needing 24 hour care. Georgia lived 10 years - frequent admissions to hospital, sicknesses and emergencies - before she finally passed. In that time a baby sister - Dakota - was born healthy. The whole family loved and cared for Georgia, Dakota was the most devoted always making sure her big sister was taken care of first. Dakota missed out on so many normal kid activities because of the needs of her older sister, and after Georgia's death the lifestyle of the whole family naturally shifted. Dakota went to birthday parties, had friends over, played sports, went to dance recitals and went camping with her parents by her side. But for Dakota's mom, my friend, this wasn't joy it was pain. Every time she watched her daughter enjoying life, doing new things she felt hurt and crushing guilt because all of it was only possible because Georgia was no longer there. She said is feeling this happy and grateful betraying Georgia? Is this joy I get in watching my daughter do "normal" family things somehow mean I'm glad Georgia is gone? Learning to uncouple Dakota's experiences with Georgia's memory took many years, it was not an easy road but eventually joy won out. Instead of feeling guilty about all the things Dakota could do, it became about taking Georgia with them. My friend witnessing the experiences of a loving little sister on behalf of a departed big sister. I hope this caller finds a way to do the same.
I remember being in sixth grade and this kid was an issue on the first day of school til the last day of school…..no respect for the teacher and others. I am now in my 40s and I google his unique name and saw his mugshot online….he has been in the state prison since early age 20s. So sad that at that young age….je was down the route already of a troubled life…..we can all agree that a 10-11 year old is still ready a baby mentally…..
Had the same experience with a boy my mother took care of for a while when he was 4. His mother died in a house fire. She was too drugged up to wake up and escape. Looked up his uniquely spelled name and he's in prison for s assault. I remember him as just a sad little boy.
I am taking a leap here, relinquishing parental rights was a financial decision in order for the child to receive state benefits. Long term mental health care is terribly expensive. Due to the emotional state it was difficult to understand at what age the child was placed in care.
It could also be that they kept turning her away. Some places will say they can't handle your kid but if the kid is a ward of the state there are places that HAVE to take them in
Juvenile detention centers are available, if the kid is in that type of trouble, It is not known as to what state/federal resources are available beyond that to structure appropriate behavior in a young child/teen but sure seems necessary for any family experiencing something such as this to be working closely with the authorities/police and government, as with any of the cases of potentially dangerous individuals of possible threat/dangers to society. May God give the family strength and assurance as they try to handle this difficult experience. May God’s love comfort the child and guide their future. 😢
i went through abuse with my older brother for over a decade, he’s living with an aunt while i figure out my escape plan for when he comes back since he’s a bum
Same. He beat me mercilessly and did horrible things my whole childhood, parents never confronted it logically, thought God would heal him and had group prayers overr him, it didn't work. He became a total bum in adulthood, never left home. Took his life in 2019.
@@show_me_your_kitties My mom is of African descent and she is very religious and thinks “god will fix it”. My dad passed when I was 12 so my oldest brother who was 23 at the time dropped out of school so the abuse started in 2012. He didn’t help with bills, rent, wasn’t clean. It felt like living with a roommate. My religious faith immediately plummeted after my dad’s death and the start of the abuse and now I consider myself agnostic. I became precariously for the first time in July 2023 at 22 years old. I was living with my aunt who is my mom’s cousin in February to July 2023 for a bit to get out of the house and avoid my brother in the first place while I was finishing upgrading my university level high school credits for uni applications. I basically struggled in school all my life since the death of my father since my brothers abuse was weighing down on me. Even the police has a record of my brother from years back and honestly the police failed me and my mother. We would call them all the time regarding my brother and my mom was stuck with the fact that she couldn’t kick her own son constantly because the police couldn’t arrest him unless he caused a crime pretty much, so they would let him off the hook anytime they were called. Fast forward to start September 2023, I was overwhelmed with classes, still moving my stuff from my aunts to my moms AND still having to live with my abusive brother while pursuing a undergrad degree so I was sleeping on campus to not come home. I got fed up and used the resources my school provided to get help with my situation. I was offered a bed at a shelter the 2nd week of my classes and I took it. I packed all my stuff in a suitcase and told my mom going to stay at a shelter. She did not want me to go through being precariously housed again so she made the choice to get the police to get my brother to drop him off at a shelter. I was at the point where I didn’t care if he ended up on the street because he’s been homeless twice in 2014 and 2017 due to abuse and disrupting the peace in the home. The police took my brother away so that I could focus on school since I told my mom I did not want to be in the same house as him as it was affecting my mental health. My mom lied to me about my brothers whereabouts (she told me he was staying at the shelter) just for me to find out that he’s staying at my aunts house (the same aunt who kicked me out) He would so much horrible things to us. Physical, emotional and he would verbally abuse me the most since my room was next to his. Anytime I would make the slightest noise he would bang the wall. Or when I would wake up early to get ready for my 8am classes. He would be in his bed insulting me daily yelling through the wall. I would wake up to yelling and plates shattering almost every week since he would also fight my other brother that lived with us. I think my mom is going to bring my brother back eventually since he has nowhere to go and I hope to be fully moved out by then. It sucks that my mom continues to take care of my 34 year old brother and honestly the house has been very peaceful with just myself, my mother and my other brother here so it was my oldest brother causing trouble. She will advocate for him until he’s done using my mom for her kindness.
@@xxhshrebyba Wow. Thank you for sharing that with me. So many parallels in our stories, so many. Unfortunately in my case, my mother never stopped supporting my brother after our father died, he died when I was 23 and my brother 25. My brother used my mother and she used him in her own ways (her need to be needed by someone, her guilt for not getting him help as a child and she used him by having him apply for disability and using it to support the home and he ran errands for her on foot would walk to grocery store). I moved out at 18 and never went back but continued to be sucked in to there toxic patterns until he tool his life. It never got better, it got worse. I also have the toxic aunt that I and my brother lived with at different times and she also kicked me out and used me as a maid and to pay off debt. I went no contact with her as well after he died. You sound driven and strong like myself, you're going to be just fine. I am 42 now and after he died and I went no contact with my mother and aunt I had a very dark period in life for about two years and then the clouds parted. I have a very peaceful, happy and financially successful life now. Best of luck to you.
This child sounds like he is a psychopath. The parents did the right thing. I'm so sad for them, but they will have peace in the house when the dust settles. I'm very proud of them for doing such a hard thing but one that protected their other children and themselves before the worst happened.
Yes, very concerning. I was thinking this child has a burgeoning psychopathy.This child will soon be an adult and who knows the kind of havoc this person will do.
@@santafilipina9020tbh its best not to assume with children my sister got expelled at 6 for chucking a chair at a teacher and punching the swimming instructor. Everyone at the catholic school we went to basically thought she was mental and destined to be crazy. She went to a special school and had the quickest time getting into the padded cell ever 😢. Anyway it turns out that she was being abused by my dad physically and emotionally and being locked in her room all day without love or attention. She was even put on antipsychotics are a child Of 6-7. She went to a nicer public school at 8 and thrived there. As a teen she was docile and kind and did well at school. Shes now 27 in a long term relo, is finishing her third degree and has worked full time since 18. She has gotten diagnosed with adhd and level one autism. But it was the abuse that made her act out. She volunteers and runs a women’s rights group and shes always travelling for that and shes even done courses to get extra diplomas while doing uni. Its easy to write children off but they cannot fully diagnose psychopathy until 18. Conduct disorder is often a sign it could be the case however.
I can relate with this family so much it reminded me of what I went thru and what I put my parents thru. Happened back in ‘98, won’t go into details but even to this day I still feel horrible for what happened that I wouldn’t have blamed them if they put me up for adoption but didn’t. Just makes me cry just thinking about it
I'm just going to say that anybody who watches Dateline like me knows what's going to happen and a few years when he gets out and he's 18 he is going to come harder for them and want revenge he's not going to apologize for being a bad kid he's going to try to take them out I really would recommend that they try to change their name they leave the state and move away he is going to come find them and get his revenge because he's got nothing to lose and the ones who have nothing to lose are the most dangerous
Soooo freaking stupid that they had to give up their kid in order to get the help they needed. Just goes to show the state does not have the child's best interest in mind.
This is the saddest call I’ve ever listen too on this show
People commenting "she just didn't want him" have NO IDEA how impossible it is to deal with severe mental illness in a child. This child sounds like a RAD kid or some other severe psychological disorder. No typical/normal parenting can "fix" it. His father was an extremely abusive person and so it is likely an inherited mental disorder.
She is a good momma who tried everything she knew to do. She has to protect and care for her other children too. It is a terrible, hard decision that I hope no one making these insensitive comments EVER has to make.
And danger is a real thing. You have to consider the safety of the others in the household.
I agree, but violence is not inherited, but probably experienced and the child was present when violent ex-husband was with him. That's the source of the violence.
I beg to differ......violence is a "coping skill" that the mentally ill use to cope; so in that way it is inherited....they inherit the illness and the coping behavior follows. Certain mental illnesses have violence as a symptom; can't say that the mentally ill person is responsible for the violence, just as they are not responsible for inheriting the illness.@@BG-nm5xt
@BG-nm5xt look into RAD, though. Just because it's not hereditary, doesn't mean it can always or easily be fixed.
@@dmalka336Of others in general
The pain in this woman’s voice is so pure. I wish her and her whole family to find peace soon.
I wish I could hug her and tell her that she's doing her best and that she's a good mother
I am the equivalent of her 1 year old child who growing up had a sister 10 years older than me who threatened and attempted to kill my mom and siblings and burned a house down because voices told her to. While I do not know this woman's situation I can only say THANK YOU to her because it sounds she did the best thing for all her children. Those blaming her and "screen time" have the privelege of having no idea what they are talking about. The most qualified therapists and specialty camps in the nation refused my sister because they were afraid of her while police threatened my mother with abandonment if she tried to find another place for my sister to live, essentially forcing making her a ward of the state. Thirty years later my sister is now healthy and safe to be around and a good mother herself due to decades of treatment and therapy, so there can be light at the end of the tunnel but there are no quick fixes here and it sounds like this mother made the right choice for all her children, 11 year old son included.
I'm sorry you experienced that and I hope this caller reads your comment as it is one of the most helpful ones on here!!!
I cannot imagine the amount of stress that caused you and your mother when you younger
Wow is she schizophrenic? Sounds like she has a clinical mental disorder. My aunt is like that even after she had a daughter and she doesnt even care, she never loved her. How did she become this good?
I hope the caller reads your comment. Im happy to hear that your sister/ family are better. Could you elaborate on what type of diagnoses causes these behaviors from a child?
I was told by a pediatric nurse that in some states you cannot give up custody of one child without losing custody of the other children in the home. She has taken care of children this extreme and the poor families who have to continue to live in fear.
As a child from a similar situation, I feel for her.
Here is a warning to women though, this is THE REASON to never ever have kids with monsters. The hurt will NEVER STOP.
Good advice. However, my son's dad was the worst. Imagine the three worst crimes you can. He's done them. My son is a smart, kind, creative, very ethical man. You aren't necessarily doomed if you fall for a bad guy.
The problem is that they don’t start out that way. These people are extremely convincing and the greatest actors in the beginning. They come across as the sweetest, most gentle people and can play this act for years even. Once they think they have you trapped, that’s when they turn. It affects the victims in unimaginable ways.
I wish it was as easy as just staying away from people like that. If they were honest about who they were, everyone would run. Of course, they’re also the least likely people to tell you the truth though.
I’m so sorry your sperm doner (guessing he never deserved any other title) was such a terrible person. I hope you’re able to break away from that and find a better path. None of it was your fault and you deserve a peaceful life.
@@supernova11711 bullshit., there are always signs. She chose her vaginal pleasure over reasoning and logic
@@pixel9548
Every rule comes with its few exceptions.
@@supernova11711 Thats exactly it. The lure you in and once you fall for them, they start to change. I had thr exact same experience but reached out to someone early on, and they helped me see exactly where it was headed if I didn't end that relationship! It was scary how manipulated and confused I was.
“I just feel bad for giving up.” This poor woman 😢
I had to do this with my oldest daughter. It’s so hard to do but I always was in her life.we went through counseling and I was able to bring her home on weekends she was finally getting the help she needed. This was back in the eighties and not much was known about ADHD and depression and anxiety disorder. My daughter was ten when her father took his own life. It devastated her. I had to make a drastic decision. She was chasing me around the house with a butcher knife and running away from home and her behavior at school was bad. I was a single mother at the time all this was going on. Alone with her and my three year old. Now so many years later she is now here with me. We never lost contact. Mom you must keep in contact with your son. Never lose hope. Find out if you can work things out to be able to remain in his life. He is getting the help he needs but you must never lose hope.
Woah I'm so thrilled the nightmare is over!
@@zeal4god402 nightmare. No. Helping your child and finding a safe place for myself and my younger daughter is why I did what I did. You see when you have that relief for just a little while from something that took all your body and heart to do it gives you back some strength to move on to the next hard thing that must be done. That is to love and help your family. This did feel like a nightmare but my daughter’s behavior was not the thing that started it. I was going through a bad marriage of an alcoholic husband and his issues. After his suicide my daughter was the one that it affected the most. She was close to her father. Please try to understand that the nightmare never leaves once the situation is better. It stays in the body and memories and yes it has made me strong and wiser. Now my daughter has been on medication a for years and she is high functioning. She lives with me and I love her very much. My husband and I accept her and we rally behind her. She works full time and pays her way through life for what she needs. She is very much her own woman. We are so proud of her. It’s not easy as a muddle aged adult living with ADHD and depression and anxiety disorder but she has a lot of support.
Im so glad things worked out for you guys! Im having a terrible day with my 8 year old son. He only woke up but he fights me in everything (not physically) so i had to leave the house just to vent and calm down. I know its my patience that turns out how this day will end but its so hard to be a superhero sometimes. John just says "dont let your kids get to your emotions " but it is so hard. I mean how do you do it? I dont want to be a boss sterotype emotionless kind of parent. I want my son to be able to cooperate. He just called me and told me he done what i asked of him (wich was cleaning his b*tt). Looks like we are gonna have a good day afterall ❤
Letting him stay would be giving up on her family. Living with that fear is no way to live, and it's no way for her other children to grow up.
This poor unfortunate mother. This woman needs counseling. My heart goes out to her.
As a childfree woman and daycare owner…I can wholeheartedly say a lot of these kids are EXTREMELY rude, violent, and disrespectful. I had a 6yr old boy punch me in the stomach when he couldn’t have his way. That was his first AND LAST time putting his hands on me. For the safety of the other children, myself, and my business that was his last day in my care. I feel for this family because kids will definitely test you! 😮💨
Good for you for making a decision to protect the safety of the other children, yourself, and your business.
@@dabd8175huh??
The iPad kids are growing to be violent.
@dabd8175 grow up. The 1950s are over. We don't need your approval nor your permission any longer. Cope!
@@youheartmelits not the ipad fault is the person who puts them on the ipad all day
I feel so sorry for this mother! I can imagine she feels so much guilt. Some children have SERIOUS mental illness and not every parent has the tools to handle it on their own... especially with other children in danger of being harmed or even killed. No mother ever wants to give up on their child... I pray he gets the help he needs. I'm sure he suffers too. And I hope they can forgive one another.
Preach!
MOST parents don't have the skills to deal with this extremely difficult situation. It requires experts. So sorry they had to go through this, but it doesn't help the child by ignoring the issues.💔💖
Oh, my mom had to go through this with her son. This was so tough for her and my sister, because all of the attention was towards him because he was such a problem. It's affected my sister deeply, even as an adult. Eventually my mom did give up custody to the state because he was hurting and trying to kill people. ( he pushed my mom down that stairs when she was pregnant and said the only thing he regrets is that she didn't die and tried to stab my sister) no mom wants to give up their child. :(
Your mother's son? Not your brother? Let me guess....
@@abark half brother.
Of course. @@anneshirley95
So he was like that before yet your mom choose to have more kids ?
@@erismana2105what a stupid comment.
I was in special ed and dealt with “Emotionally Disabled” students. They will sucker punch you out of nowhere. I left the profession.
You can’t tell me that this is not DNA related as his father was extremely abusive.
My heart goes out to this caller. I also think this is a good example of how well trained Delony is. He knew she was in a fragile emotional state (rightfully so) and was so careful with the questions hence why he didn’t ask a ton of digging questions about all the abuse. ❤️
he's a joke as a therapist and should not be doing this
@@margaretmurray7182 excuse me… speak for yourself! Dr. D is amazing at what he does. You aren’t going to comment under my postive with your negativity. Doesn’t work like that sister!
@@margaretmurray7182Where are your degrees, Margaret? Where is your experience sitting with parents of dying or already gone children? Where’s your experience of sitting with addicts? Where all of your thank yous? Where are the people saying you’ve saved their life?
Got sit down somewhere
I completley agree with you. Ive bin to therapy multiple times since i grow up in a house hold with emotional abuse and non physical contact. Ive sufferd from severe depression multiple times in my life since do to isolation cause i can not let people get close to me. I am destened to be forever alone. All the therapists i met just want to hold my hand and say "you doing a good job". But thats not what i need. I dont want someone to feel sorry of me. I want to change and i want to move forward in my life. Deep down i also do want to have what everyone else has. A parner in life. Thats why therapists like dr. Delony must come forward. I think someone like him would be so good for me. Thats why i listen to him 🙏❤👏
She didn’t give up on him. She gave up for him.
And for the safety and well being of her other children.
She can say, “we have 4 children. Our eldest son isn’t with us today”, when she’s asked.
“He’s not here, today. Thanks” is all that’s necessary.
Maybe a “You can help us pray for him, his health, and his well being” if she feels comfortable,
or “he’s getting alternative support that he needs right now. We’d be grateful for your prayers on his and our behalf. It’s hard not having him with us, and we know you care for him, too. Thank you.”
Bullshit.
Someone I know from high school had this situation. Her son from her first marriage became violent before he even turned 10. He tried to harm other kids at school. He was arrested and had to spend time in a mental health facility for children. My friend remarried and had two more kids while her oldest child was in the mental health facility, but that boy ended up coming home when her two younger kids were one and three. Things got bad very quickly and the oldest boy threatened to kill his siblings. They had him arrested again but this time he wasn’t taken out of the home. They had five-day-a-week individual and family counseling, they put him on medication, they even had to lock him in his room at night when everything else didn’t work. Finally, he assaulted a girl at his school and he was locked up for nearly a year in a high-security juvenile facility.
They ended up sending him to a military school, with the understanding that he’d be receiving intensive psychological counseling and appropriate medications. The school made it clear to him that misbehavior of any sort would be met with swift and severe consequences. He tested the boundaries, of course, but he eventually got the picture and ended up not getting into further trouble.
When he graduated, my friend wouldn’t let him move back home, but she found a program for young adults that was sort of like a halfway house. I don’t know many details about his life after military school, but he does seem to be making an effort and staying out of trouble. He actually wanted to join the military but was turned down. My friend says he’s taking classes at a community college and working a part-time job.
I don’t know what got through to him - the discipline at the military school, the counseling, the medication, or all of the above - but he has really improved and seems to be WANTING to become a better person. My friend, of course, felt like the worst mother in the world for many years. She’s needed as much counseling as her son has. She knows that none of this is her fault. The son is mentally ill and nothing she did for him at home could do anything to help him. She had to give up custody of him in order to get him the help he needed, and that was the best thing for everyone.
So to the caller - it’s not your fault. You’ve done the right thing.
She did the right thing to protect her and her family. We had a couple of young brothers (teens) in my area that killed their whole family except for a younger sister, years ago. They were tried as adults and have been in prison for years.
Horrible!
This lady really needs to go talk this through with someone. There is a lot of grief to process here.
I can feel her heartbreak. She just wants the best for her kids and her family and she deserves it. It's so unfair.
I love this show a lot. Real people calling in about real problems. Dr. John is stellar!
I agree.
I’m 23, no kids or family of my own. but I have learned how to be a good mother, a good wife, overall a good person because of this podcast. it’s helped me navigate my relationship with my boyfriend, that communication is so important. we’ve adapted some things I’ve learned here into our relationship. I’m so grateful John does this show and puts it out for free for us
Agreed. The callers are gold. Dr. D.'s like a beacon for the suffering and genuinely tries to help them find peace.. Praying for all of them.
This episode also got me thinking about something else. I did a little reading up on this topic after watching the episode, and discovered that some states are trying to restructure their mental health systems so that no child has to be relinquished like this (i.e. a child like this still gets the services they need, but the family can stay fully involved from a distance and don't lose legal custody). It sounds to me like KS hasn't quite gotten there yet. In any case, this kid is going to have a long road ahead of him finding love and acceptance in his life if he manages to get "whole", not to mention some serious challenges finding a stable living/work environment with his history. Hopefully, a compassionate person in the system will step up for him to love and support him once his time in the boy's home is finished. Honestly can't even begin to imagine what losing his family has been like for him emotionally at such a young age, especially if he's realized that he might never see them again. Prayers for everyone involved. Apologies for the long-winded comments.
narcissism and psychopathy are heritable traits. they are atypical neurotypes, just like autism or ADHD. it's entirely possible that he was born with a genetic issue that impacts his empathy, impulse control, tolerance for frustration, and experience of pleasure. these could be the same traits that were manifest in her abusive ex, which is why you should pick your sexual partners wisely and be even wiser about who you have kids with. some traits were not meant to be passed on. look at how the child is suffering.
Autism and adhd are not genetic. It's caused by environmental factors if a woman used some meds and it damaged the fetus or something a kid got when he was young.
The disordered love to pass on their genetic code and then leave the building. Rinse and repeat….
narcissism is NOT hereditary (see the channel of Dr. Ramani, they are made not born). And it is not clear at all that the child is a psychopath, let alone a narcissist (which is only diagnosed with adults anyway). This woman had an abusive relationship, was abandoned by her abuser during pregnancy (or shortly after giving birth) and went straight for the next relationship. We can savely assume that not all is right with her either. Moreover she might have taken drugs, or been under a lot of stress during pregnancy.
Narcissistic people are not born…they’re made. My degree is Psych with a focus in child studies. It takes an event or a series of events to create a narcissistic personality. Once narcissists, they cannot go back to before.
Inheritable.
As a mother, this is heartbreaking. I feel so bad for this mom. Sending prayers and healing to her and her family.
My middle son was abused by his ex step mom, and it really screwed him up. He was only over there for a few months over the summer and it really caused him a lot of psychological issues. A lot of fear, anger, and aggression. Fortunately he was only 3 at the time so we were able to get him some early intervention, and now at 13 he's a great kid. He only experienced this for two months and it caused issues that lasted years, so i can imagine a kid living with an abusive authority figure long term could really cause some problems. I hope this kid gets the help he needs, and i hope this family can one day heal from this.
My heart breaks for this poor woman. She made maybe the most difficult decision a person could ever make. I hope she gets into really good long term counseling.
My neighbor had to turn her very violent son over to the state to protect herself and her daughter. She had tried everything, just like the caller. So sad.
I feel for this mom. My sister in law had to do the same for one of her sons for the safety of the others. It has been really hard on her.
Gosh that letters in the shoe box idea is brilliant!!
This is a heartbreak to listen to.
oh man, I just want to reach out and give this woman a hug.. the pain in her voice is heart wrenching
Not the little boy? Hell with the little boy she GAVE away to the government!
I bet there’s a mom listening who sees this scary and threatening potential in her family’s future.
And I bet that the courage it took to make this call might help her reach out for help sooner rather than later so they can avoid it or worse.
Maybe if there are 1 or 2 women, like in children’s ministry at church or something who can help let other grown ups attending know it’s a painful subject but the family is doing all they can to support his well being from afar, and they’d appreciate privacy about his absence at this time. That might help. Get some supportive gatekeepers that don’t have to go gossip about it but could help stop that from going around.
My dear, you did not give up, you did what was best for your son and your family. If your son had harmed someone in the household, he would have a grim future. Now, he has hope that some therapy may in time help him. In the meantime, you have a safe home for your children and you husband. You have not lost your older son, he is living in another location for this time. You can always pray for him. Maybe there will be some correspondence with him in the future. Dr. John is right on.
Poor woman I’ve been in similar situation. No matter how right choices are she will never feel it was right. It is one of those moments when as a parent you feel nothing is right.
Timeline: Her son with her second husband is only a year younger than her son that is no longer in the home. And her first husband left her. So her first husband either left her while she was pregnant or within a couple of months of her first son being born. So her first son was not under the influence of an abusive person. She did state that the son was just like his bio dad but 10x worse. So it appears the issue is either a genetic issue or a traumatic brain injury or issue with development due to Mom being stressed or abused during pregnancy. What is unfortunate is that they don't seem to have an actual diagnosis. Also I think sometimes church influence can be supportive in this situation but in many cases it can be traumatic. The last thing on her mind should be keeping up appearances with, what do I say when people ask about my kids. I am not okay with the line "the health professionals at our church..." Watch John's body language after she says this. I would also say, with Mom doing this poorly mentally due to the trauma, please stop having more kids until you are well. I wish John asked for details on the current marriage because the odds of someone getting out of an abusive marriage (getting left, not leaving) and diving straight into marriage/parenthood in a new healthy relationship without time to heal and deconstruct are quite low. The pastors son impregnanting a newly post partum and probably still legally married woman has a lot of red flags. My conclusion is that this call was very surface level information and there was not anywhere close to enough info to give real advice.
Best comment and FACTS unlike the advice given.
@@wordsalad01 She did say therapy for the child started around 4 years old. The children are all living in the home, no talk of a step mom. I think if they were step children they would have had the kids living with their mom instead of in a dangerous situation. But again, it was such a surface level call so who knows.
@@wordsalad01She is omitting facts on purpose and that's a red flag
great skills of deduction.
@@erismana2105 Agreed
kids are violent these days, even murdering their parents. i hope hes not so angry he grows up and come back for them. hope he get the help he needs to be healthy and whole.
He probably won't. The state will only make him worse. He's probably being sexually abused right now from a state worker
This happens often in families with mentally disabled children. Other ppeole dont understand that you have to keep your other children safe.
No bashing the mom what so ever. I feel like she did the right thing. I always say be careful who you have a child with because those genes will trickle down into the child, and it looks like that’s what happened here.
Yes it’s her fault because she married a psychopath who gave the child these genes. Very helpful. She wasn’t “careful” who she had kids with. Wow!
@@elyse443 not accusing blame to anyone here. A lot of people don’t think about those types of things. Please don’t put words in my mouth.
So real. I think about this all the time. My current partner is amazing, but I feel like I need more time to assess behavioral partners and traits to know for sure if I’ll be having a child with him. I think I’m being picky for the right reason.
@@SharonBurca lot of my mothers side struggles with depression and addiction. I too have an addictive personality and have dealt with depression, OCD, and anxiety since I was young. but I also have many good traits, especially physically. it’s a battle of whether I want to procreate or not.
Some people give more thought to choosing a cellphone plan than they do choosing a person with whom to have a child. I've witnessed people choose to have children with someone who has behavioral/mental/emotional/criminal problems. When bad things then happen, which negatively affects the children, they seem genuinely surprised, when, in fact, the result was inevitable. I hope people learn from this caller's experience.
I just wish the state would give her updates on her son. They should let them write each other once a month or so. At 11 he probably feels like he was abandoned. This mother did the best she knew what to do. I feel sorry for her.
This is just heartbreaking. I seriously can't think of anything worse because there is no good ending.
The pain is so real.. I tried for over 12 years to get help for my son. The system failed him and he was getting more and more aggressive and violent especially towards me. I'm from England and the mental health system in this country is broken. I felt every single word this lady said. No one wants to let their child go into the system and I will feel the pain for the rest of my life.
Please don't judge people when you have no idea how hard it is to let go of someone you love... It's no joke!
My heart goes out to this woman and her family. Dr. John handled this so professionally. I could see the hurt on his face for her. I pray that the Lord will be with this family in comfort and brings help to there needs. Thank you Dr. John for all you do for people who call in.❤️💕❤️
This one hurt 😢 I felt her pain. I can’t even imagine having to make that decision and my heart just hurts for her. I hope she can find forgiveness for herself and peace ❤ Dr J really handled this so well.
How amazing that these parents had an option to keep themselves safe, because so many families have nowhere to turn.
What a devastating situation. So sad for everyone involved.
This is the saddest call I have ever ever ever heard . I’m completely heartbroken for this mother . As a mother myself with a daughter that is 11 who has her own issues , I can’t imagine having to do this for the safety of our home and other children .. mom I’m hugging you virtually . I’m sending you all the love I can . I’m so sorry 😞 but listen to me , YOU SAVED YOUR CHILDREN , even him . You saved him from doing something he couldn’t come back from and you saved your other children from possibly being murdered . You saved your family from the unthinkable . You did that momma . You did that ! Good job mom for making the difficult choice to save everyone !
She can still let her son know that she will never give up on him. She will always do everything she can to help him. Taking the step to remove him from the home was a step in helping the son, not giving up on him. If she had left him in the home and he had hurt someone, all of the children would be taken away. Watch "Lorenzo's oil." It just shows how the parents never gave up on their child. If your son knows that someone is in his corner, praying and fighting for him, it will make a big difference in his life.
There IS NOT enough help for kids out there especially with severe mental illness.
I agree and I feel they are putting kids with special needs in the mainstream school system with less or no teacher aides. Also, the size of the classrooms are getting bigger with less individualized attention. Scary.
Heartbreaking! John is awesome
I am right there with her. Mamma I know your pain. You are a good mamma and you and your husband have made the best decision yall could for your son.
Gotta love the commenters here. The same commenters who tell people to dump a spouse for any reason think they could take care of an 11 year old violent child. I cannot even imagine what this mom and family must have gone through.
Are you seriously comparing a full grown a** adult with a fully developed frontal lobe, to an 11 year old child ? And a spouse to a son ?
Jeez.
So true.
The 11 yr old child has demons/generational curses. Most people don't know how to do deliverance. Sadly enough, they will just medicate this child which is not the answer.
@@Mint-kj9kw There's a guy locally that thinks everything is a demon and generational curse. It is nonsense. He has claimed all sorts of demons have left people, but again it is just not true. When you think everything is a demon, you think everything is a demon.
There needs to be more help for parents in this situation. It sounds like that boy was loved and helped - like a lot of 'troubled kids' are - and theres just not enough resources.
I was in a very similar situation and I completely understand how you feel. Especially the bit about how hard it is to talk to people because a lot of them will judge without knowing the details. I hope this gives you some hope - he is now 22 and has become a really good person (though obviously he still has struggles). He also thinks I did the only thing that made sense - both for us but also for him because it made him change ultimately. Good luck and I’m sending hugs. Xx
Omg I SOBBED listening to this call and the response John had for this woman.
I have to wonder if the abuse the 11 year old witnessed growing up in the environment of the abusive husband shaped how this 11 yr old came to be this way. I suspect the abusive husband was also abused. Perhaps, unbeknownst to the mother, the father abused the 11 yr old over the years either mentally, physically or sexually.
The abusive father was gone either during pregnancy or within the first year of the 11-year-old's life because her son with the new husband is just a single year younger than the 11 year old
My heart is breaking for this mom and her family. 💔
The most sensitive, empathetic, and complete advice this mom could ever have. (and I don't have kids)
My heart just broke for this mother…the idea of writing letters to her son will be cathartic for her, and God willing for her son someday.🙏🏼❤
Please don’t give up hope. Remain is his life. My heart breaks for all involved including the 11 yr old boy that is hurting
Hell no. She gave him up . She needs to stay the hell out of his life . All she saw was her Ex in that boy and saw a way to get rid of the reminder of the ex .
@@courtneyriley185That boy experienced so much violence and loss. I feel for everyone involved. Is not my place to judge a mum. She must been through hell and back. But he is 11 I hope the family remain in his life and figure this out. Is sad no one has contact with him at all
@@courtneyriley185 Her x was disordered, abusive and violent. The DNA was passed down to the son.
Heart breaks for her and her family and the boy :(. I would think it's either natural mental illness or inflicted by the father, it's so sad.
I feel for this mom so much. Unfortunately, there’s not a lot of help. You have to either be broke or rich to get help. I’m Not poor enough to get help and have no medical insurance. My two oldest sons were never violent, but my 3rd son who’s 17 gets very violent. I have to tip toe around his feelings. It’s not like he’s a little boy I can put in his place anymore. He’s good about listening to his dad, but once he’s gone at work. Tried getting help for his suicidal thoughts they left him on the ER waiting room for 24hrs. I can’t leave him alone with his sisters. He hates that he’s violent and that’s why he gets suicidal. Everyone loves to judge parents, but we are people too and it’s so hard to know what to do unless you’re in the situation. Also judging causes a fear with trying to find help.
god is that true. I make just a pinch above the poverty line, like $1-2K above.. so I make too little too afford anything but “make too much” for assistance especially health insurance from the state
You need to call the police when he's violent or actively suicidal. You're not doing him any favors by protecting him from real life consequences. He's almost an adult. If he's assaulting you he needs to be arrested. If he's actively suicidal he needs to be committed. Sorry but I don't have any empathy for someone who seemingly has at least 5 kids but can't afford health insurance. That's EXTREMELY irresponsible. That boy should have been in therapy and on meds a long time ago. Now he's at a point where arrest or commitment are the only options. Medical professionals who determine someone is a risk to themselves or others are not allowed to send them home. Making fear-based decisions is a luxury you can't afford. You need to do the responsible thing now. Next time he's violent or actively suicidal, call the police. Get on the healthcare marketplace before December 7th and apply for subsidized health insurance. If you don't qualify or the premium is still high, you're gonna have to make some budget cuts or get another job so that you can pay for it. This is your responsibility as a parent.
@@RepentImmediately Firstly, people's financial situations can change, you don't know that she was struggling with money when she had 5 kids so let's not use this as a chance to shame poverty (especially considering the recent huge hikes in cost of living the last couple of years!). Also, budgets only stretch so far, if the money doesn't exist for insurance, then it doesn't exist. Maybe she can tighten her belt, but I know I've lived down to the wire in the past and couldn't find an extra 10 bucks a month, never mind the cost of insurance. Secondly, she said she did take him to the hospital and they left him waiting for 24 hours and then let him go. The idea that you're thrown into involuntary custody for mentioning suicidal thoughts is incorrect, and can even be harmful and put people off reaching out. Or make people like you think you didn't try and get help - I know multiple people who've tried to get help for suicidal thoughts, and got nothing but sent home. Thirdly, you don't know that she didn't try and get therapy and meds years ago, iin fact she says says she's tried to seek help and can't afford it but isn't able to get help designed for low-income people, so we know she did try.
It's really damn easy to judge people without knowing their circumstances or really anything about the topic at all, as you've shown. She's tried to get help, she's trying to protect her daughters. Parents have a responsibility, but they're not actually superhuman and they can't magic resources from thin air. Maybe get off your high horse.
I feel like this is the kind of person who would eventually go on to either live a life of crime or commit suicide. Hopefully that's not the case and you can have supervised visits with him one day.
What purpoose are you trying to achieve by making such a loaded comment? You're not adding anything to the conversation by offering up such inflammatory remarks, especially if the grieving mother is reading these comments. Grow up and check yourself
He followed the footsteps of his abusive biological dad. It’s in his genes. That and she left him in the care of strangers. He’s a very angry little boy for a reason
You’re spot on
What the heck? She was forced to put him in state custody because he threatened to kill the family. That is not 'leaving him the care of strangers' as if she cast the boy aside. Jeepers. And BTW abuse isn't genetic; it is the result of being abused.
Definitely sounds like RAD - so many stories of similar situations and heartbreaking decisions. I wish we could have more funding for kids with RAD or alike issues.
Adoptive mom of kids from trauma here. At different times I’ve had to send kids for institutionalized care or no contact with a child because of dangerous behaviors. It’s always heartbreaking and impacts the other children in ways you don’t anticipate. When asked how many kids I have I tell them without qualifying the living situation or the relationship. Lastly, a word of encouragement to parents in the struggle, never underestimate the power of the Lord’s hand in your child’s life when they are not in your care.
It is possible for a child like this to become an adult and come back in their adulthood and in their right mind and apologize. I have experienced this. It takes a lot of prayer and patience and a work of the Lord. Don't expect others to understand. And don't feel like you have to defend yourself. It's like teaching calculus to a first grader. Many blessings.
If his father was that way and it very much sounds like it, it is way beyond "right mind". That sounds like church crap teaching of just "getting into the right mind" and they will be OK.....without considering the actual physical & mental barriers & limitations of mental health.
She needs to be and stay in therapy. Grief is not linear.
Damn, this was hard to listen to. I really feel for everyone involved. Everyone is going to be ok though, I really feel it. Yes, it’s going to be a difficult road ahead but brighter days are in the future. Much respect to you on taking this call and your advice to her. God Bless you Sir and to the caller & her Family.
People need to put the guilt on a shelf. As parents, there is no rule that we are going to be the answer to all of our kid's issues. Sometimes we don't have the skills. No crime in that. You took the advice of experts and got him the necessary help. Other people's judgements don't count for anything. We can't be all things to all people.
I don’t know about this one…I’ve seen these stories play out and it’s usually way more complex. Moving on to another relationship and quickly having more children with a struggling child is not wise. There is definitely more to this. And didn’t she say that the child has had behavior issues since 3??? So…how did it get to this point? No services or support for 8 years? It just sounds like this child wasn’t given the focus and energy needed to heal his own trauma as a baby.
This therapist didn’t give good advice. This child needs his mother even more. But a FOCUSED mother. Not strangers.
-Retired clinical social worker🤲🏽
My heart hurts for this mom
I just watched our tribe of many interview someone with a similar situation but she got her son help and they said he was not a harm.
He ended up killing 2 of her kids while they were all sleeping.
You did the right thing
I have no faith in the state providing the boy with the help he needs. I can see him at 18, full of rage, coming after the family that rejected him.
The state is forcing this in a way. Look at the school shooters they are now prosecuting parents for the actions of their kids.
A friend had a girl, then she married a psychopath and got a boy with him. 10 years of abuse she finally fled. Her son seemed to have inherited his fathers psycopathie, he tried to kill his mother when he was 17. 5 years later he stabbed to police officers when they asked him for his ID. Is there a genetic danger for children of a psychopath to become like their fathers or is it learned behavior? TX
Is a combo of both I think. They’ll have the tendency to be violent but a caring environment can turn that around. But often you need two kind parents at home and the child does not go through the system. But often times, these children are already in bad luck department in both genes and poor environment from the get go
Oh my heart reaches out to this woman, my wife and myself. When our daughter was around 10 years old she started threatening suicide and you know claiming how her life was so horrible only child and you know we asked other people what to do and you know we got some advice where we took her to a you know special hospital for troubled kids and she was gone for a week. Luckily we went and grabbed her cuz we realized that was not going to help her or help us. You know we were able to work this out because this was just a child acting out due to the pressures of social media and whatnot. But this lady sounds like her son is got real. Unfortunately issues and I can just only hope the best for her in this young man who's probably going to deal with a life of trouble but a sad, sad story
My heart goes out to this caller❤
Having lived this with my oldest son I can’t tell you how hard it is to navigate. When my older set was in high school he went to school and told them he was going burn the house down and kill us all. He needed to be taken out of the house for the safety of my other children then. I was single mother, having had him to doctors and therapy since he was 8. He is doing better now as an adult but it was and has been a long hard road to get here. I pray for this mother and family.
Ugh heavy heavy heavy, my heart goes out to them
I’m sorry for this family. Very sad. This is a rough very rough situation. I feel so bad for these parents 😢😢😢😢
I feel like people don’t realize that CPS will investigate/potentially take her other kids if she keeps her violent son in the same house with them. I support her and my heart hurts for her
The boy was probably around her violent ex-husband for years and that's the source of his anger and violence. That doesn't mean her and her family can manage his behavior, so it was a good thing to keep her family safe. The boy has to be managed in a residential facility, probably.
... and he may have inherited whatever personality disorder his Dad has as well. Mental health can be very much genetic.
People, this poor woman needs prayer BIGTIME. Pray that God gives her peace, courage to be the mom her other children need her to be. Pray that He lifts her guilt and replaces it with peace. My heart breaks for this woman, listening to her heart break :( She did the right thing, as hard as it was to do. They both need prayers bigtime. I hope they both get the help they need. She didn't "give up" on her child; she couldn't meet his needs where he was, that's all. If she is reading these comments, I hope she realizes that she didn't give up on him. She just gave him up to God to do a work in him. If she goes to church, she needs to look into deliverance for her son, especially with his background-abuse and trauma opens the door to a number of bad things spiritually in children who suffer it. Not all churches acknowledge it, but some do. I thought Dr. John handled this beautifully.
Longtime listener, but first time commenter, so bear with me. Here's my take. I don't think this mom made the wrong decision with the resources she had at the time. That said, this situation is a symptom of a much bigger problem. We have a broken mental health treatment system that just can't keep up with the demands put on it. Had this family been in another part of the country with better resources and treatment options, he might have gotten the proper diagnostic testing and supports he needed at a much earlier age. A good analogy here is, imagine you own a Mazarati. If you live in a place like Wichita, there probably aren't many certified Mazarati mechanics, but there would probably be more in a place like Miami or LA. If you stay in Wichita with that broken Mazarati, the problem just gets worse and worse even if you find a subpar mechanic to do the job, but in Miami or LA, you might be able to find the right mechanic much faster because there are simply more qualified mechanics around. Not a perfect analogy by any means, but the same basic principle applies here. Better resources=Better Outcomes.
I cried with her I went through the same setuation with my first born who has autism and adhd. Life can be thuf sometimes and it's truely heart breaking.
He will still feel abandoned at 23-25 age. She did what she had to.
I am so sorry. This is not your fault! You did the best you could. Some people stay in these situations, and they end up dead or in jail!
I believe the child have very early childhood trauma. it is in his subconscious and he doesnt even know why he react how he does. It is so deeply sad for him. He is a victim as well.
I wonder has her son been checked for PTSD? That is what my son who was very similar to this was dealing with. Her son should probably be checked for that and he also needs deliverance.
Yes, Deliverance is usually overlooked but spiritual warfare is real and deliverance is often the answer. Wish more people knew this.
@amiblack8294 As someone who has a child that acted in similar manner, deliverance played a role in his healing.
Agreed 💯
As hard as this was for her it was the right thing to do. There are kids who kill their parents or entire families or others over something minimal (I.e. privileges being taken away). Definitely take those threats seriously.
I substituted at a school where a kindergartener used to flip is off. Bad parenting.
To the mom in this, I pray you get peace in this place. I would also say as someone who has family who has been through similar things and who has worked in environments like the one your son is in if possible please visit him. Also, don't put the letters in a box send them to him! Remain connected if possible as much as possible. You are still his mom and you don't know what God will do. Even if your son may not understand why you did what you did now, he may later. You did the right thing! You loved your son enough to get him the help he needs❤️
The letters are a great idea, but as an auntie of someone in care, please SEND the letters! Tell that child how much you love them NOW, because you never know when it's going to be too late. A shoebox of thoughts is just a shoebox, but a monthly letter can mean everything to someone is thought you didn't care.
O my! This is so hard. My mother's heart breaks for this woman. May the God of all comfort and peace, grant her and her family healing and hope. May He bring complete freedom from the bondage of violence to her son. May He bring him true deep peace. May He reunite them in the grace of time. Amen.
This is such a painful story. The only thing I can offer is the story of my childhood babysitter. Her first daughter's birth ended in an emergency delivery leaving the baby bedridden, non-verbal, unable to feed herself and needing 24 hour care. Georgia lived 10 years - frequent admissions to hospital, sicknesses and emergencies - before she finally passed. In that time a baby sister - Dakota - was born healthy. The whole family loved and cared for Georgia, Dakota was the most devoted always making sure her big sister was taken care of first. Dakota missed out on so many normal kid activities because of the needs of her older sister, and after Georgia's death the lifestyle of the whole family naturally shifted. Dakota went to birthday parties, had friends over, played sports, went to dance recitals and went camping with her parents by her side. But for Dakota's mom, my friend, this wasn't joy it was pain. Every time she watched her daughter enjoying life, doing new things she felt hurt and crushing guilt because all of it was only possible because Georgia was no longer there. She said is feeling this happy and grateful betraying Georgia? Is this joy I get in watching my daughter do "normal" family things somehow mean I'm glad Georgia is gone? Learning to uncouple Dakota's experiences with Georgia's memory took many years, it was not an easy road but eventually joy won out. Instead of feeling guilty about all the things Dakota could do, it became about taking Georgia with them. My friend witnessing the experiences of a loving little sister on behalf of a departed big sister. I hope this caller finds a way to do the same.
I remember being in sixth grade and this kid was an issue on the first day of school til the last day of school…..no respect for the teacher and others. I am now in my 40s and I google his unique name and saw his mugshot online….he has been in the state prison since early age 20s. So sad that at that young age….je was down the route already of a troubled life…..we can all agree that a 10-11 year old is still ready a baby mentally…..
Had the same experience with a boy my mother took care of for a while when he was 4. His mother died in a house fire. She was too drugged up to wake up and escape. Looked up his uniquely spelled name and he's in prison for s assault. I remember him as just a sad little boy.
I am taking a leap here, relinquishing parental rights was a financial decision in order for the child to receive state benefits. Long term mental health care is terribly expensive. Due to the emotional state it was difficult to understand at what age the child was placed in care.
It could also be that they kept turning her away. Some places will say they can't handle your kid but if the kid is a ward of the state there are places that HAVE to take them in
Juvenile detention centers are available, if the kid is in that type of trouble, It is not known as to what state/federal resources are available beyond that to structure appropriate behavior in a young child/teen but sure seems necessary for any family experiencing something such as this to be working closely with the authorities/police and government, as with any of the cases of potentially dangerous individuals of possible threat/dangers to society. May God give the family strength and assurance as they try to handle this difficult experience. May God’s love comfort the child and guide their future. 😢
i went through abuse with my older brother for over a decade, he’s living with an aunt while i figure out my escape plan for when he comes back since he’s a bum
Same. He beat me mercilessly and did horrible things my whole childhood, parents never confronted it logically, thought God would heal him and had group prayers overr him, it didn't work. He became a total bum in adulthood, never left home. Took his life in 2019.
@@show_me_your_kitties My mom is of African descent and she is very religious and thinks “god will fix it”. My dad passed when I was 12 so my oldest brother who was 23 at the time dropped out of school so the abuse started in 2012. He didn’t help with bills, rent, wasn’t clean. It felt like living with a roommate. My religious faith immediately plummeted after my dad’s death and the start of the abuse and now I consider myself agnostic. I became precariously for the first time in July 2023 at 22 years old. I was living with my aunt who is my mom’s cousin in February to July 2023 for a bit to get out of the house and avoid my brother in the first place while I was finishing upgrading my university level high school credits for uni applications. I basically struggled in school all my life since the death of my father since my brothers abuse was weighing down on me. Even the police has a record of my brother from years back and honestly the police failed me and my mother. We would call them all the time regarding my brother and my mom was stuck with the fact that she couldn’t kick her own son constantly because the police couldn’t arrest him unless he caused a crime pretty much, so they would let him off the hook anytime they were called. Fast forward to start September 2023, I was overwhelmed with classes, still moving my stuff from my aunts to my moms AND still having to live with my abusive brother while pursuing a undergrad degree so I was sleeping on campus to not come home. I got fed up and used the resources my school provided to get help with my situation. I was offered a bed at a shelter the 2nd week of my classes and I took it. I packed all my stuff in a suitcase and told my mom going to stay at a shelter. She did not want me to go through being precariously housed again so she made the choice to get the police to get my brother to drop him off at a shelter. I was at the point where I didn’t care if he ended up on the street because he’s been homeless twice in 2014 and 2017 due to abuse and disrupting the peace in the home. The police took my brother away so that I could focus on school since I told my mom I did not want to be in the same house as him as it was affecting my mental health. My mom lied to me about my brothers whereabouts (she told me he was staying at the shelter) just for me to find out that he’s staying at my aunts house (the same aunt who kicked me out) He would so much horrible things to us. Physical, emotional and he would verbally abuse me the most since my room was next to his. Anytime I would make the slightest noise he would bang the wall. Or when I would wake up early to get ready for my 8am classes. He would be in his bed insulting me daily yelling through the wall. I would wake up to yelling and plates shattering almost every week since he would also fight my other brother that lived with us. I think my mom is going to bring my brother back eventually since he has nowhere to go and I hope to be fully moved out by then. It sucks that my mom continues to take care of my 34 year old brother and honestly the house has been very peaceful with just myself, my mother and my other brother here so it was my oldest brother causing trouble. She will advocate for him until he’s done using my mom for her kindness.
@@xxhshrebyba Wow. Thank you for sharing that with me. So many parallels in our stories, so many. Unfortunately in my case, my mother never stopped supporting my brother after our father died, he died when I was 23 and my brother 25. My brother used my mother and she used him in her own ways (her need to be needed by someone, her guilt for not getting him help as a child and she used him by having him apply for disability and using it to support the home and he ran errands for her on foot would walk to grocery store). I moved out at 18 and never went back but continued to be sucked in to there toxic patterns until he tool his life. It never got better, it got worse. I also have the toxic aunt that I and my brother lived with at different times and she also kicked me out and used me as a maid and to pay off debt. I went no contact with her as well after he died. You sound driven and strong like myself, you're going to be just fine. I am 42 now and after he died and I went no contact with my mother and aunt I had a very dark period in life for about two years and then the clouds parted. I have a very peaceful, happy and financially successful life now. Best of luck to you.
This child sounds like he is a psychopath. The parents did the right thing. I'm so sad for them, but they will have peace in the house when the dust settles. I'm very proud of them for doing such a hard thing but one that protected their other children and themselves before the worst happened.
Yes, very concerning. I was thinking this child has a burgeoning psychopathy.This child will soon be an adult and who knows the kind of havoc this person will do.
@@santafilipina9020tbh its best not to assume with children my sister got expelled at 6 for chucking a chair at a teacher and punching the swimming instructor. Everyone at the catholic school we went to basically thought she was mental and destined to be crazy. She went to a special school and had the quickest time getting into the padded cell ever 😢. Anyway it turns out that she was being abused by my dad physically and emotionally and being locked in her room all day without love or attention. She was even put on antipsychotics are a child Of 6-7. She went to a nicer public school at 8 and thrived there. As a teen she was docile and kind and did well at school. Shes now 27 in a long term relo, is finishing her third degree and has worked full time since 18. She has gotten diagnosed with adhd and level one autism. But it was the abuse that made her act out. She volunteers and runs a women’s rights group and shes always travelling for that and shes even done courses to get extra diplomas while doing uni.
Its easy to write children off but they cannot fully diagnose psychopathy until 18. Conduct disorder is often a sign it could be the case however.
I can relate with this family so much it reminded me of what I went thru and what I put my parents thru. Happened back in ‘98, won’t go into details but even to this day I still feel horrible for what happened that I wouldn’t have blamed them if they put me up for adoption but didn’t. Just makes me cry just thinking about it
I'm just going to say that anybody who watches Dateline like me knows what's going to happen and a few years when he gets out and he's 18 he is going to come harder for them and want revenge he's not going to apologize for being a bad kid he's going to try to take them out I really would recommend that they try to change their name they leave the state and move away he is going to come find them and get his revenge because he's got nothing to lose and the ones who have nothing to lose are the most dangerous
They love the revenge emotion. It fuels their disordered life.
Soooo freaking stupid that they had to give up their kid in order to get the help they needed. Just goes to show the state does not have the child's best interest in mind.