My sister is so much like this woman's mother and breaks my heart. My brother in law is in jail thankfully but it disgusts me the amount of people support her and she stood by a molester
Actually, what is the most evil is that men sexually abuse children with impunity, I agree this woman is vile, But it’s just patriarchy talking that you think the true villain is always the woman not the men who do this type of thing And yes, I know maybe one percent of women have sexually abused someone so please know “what Abouts”
Her mother is disgusting. She never got rid of that predator in order to protect her daughter. But I bet if her predator husband ends up on one of these predator-catching channels, she'd try to protect HIM. This young lady deserved better.
i tend to think that it's less about the sex and romance side and more that the man is the breadwinner so therefore holds a modicum of power over his spouse. of course, there's nothing stopping a woman from working herself. i imagine back in the day, there would've been more barriers to women getting into the workplace and being able to make a decent living. some men know they've got the financial power and take advantage of the situation more, like this 'stepdad' did.
I love when Delony goes into protective dad mode. It makes people feel so seen and heard. My heart goes out to this woman and I hope she finds some healing after being exposed to evil for so long. ❤️
If it were a guy on the line, he would have said "now hold up, what happened to foster an environment to where your parents felt it was OK to diddle you? Real men set boundaries so man up!"
Absolutely. Everything he said was so right and so important. As a survivor myself I'm so thankful that he uses his platform to speak into these sorts of issues that are so often hushed up in communities, causing children to grow up feeling violated, betrayed, and alone. NO MORE. Abuse must never be tolerated and this culture of protecting offenders should end with us.
I actually feel the opposite when he constantly brings up his own daughter. I'm a middle aged woman who was never married n had no kids n nothing like this ever happened to me but even I know what evil looks like. Certain things parents can appreciate more but some things go far beyond that.
School officials, even counselors are mandated reporters they should have immediately called the cops they don’t need her permission to charge him the text was enough. He tried to sexually solicit a minor. The fact that any family member is still wanting to interact with him and welcome him back into the fold and act as if he didnt do what he did is absolutely disgusting and they don’t have a issue with that. They have no morals and theirs values are nonexistent.
I know of a man that was jailed for abusing a young girl - she was around 13/14, was in my year at school but I never knew anything about it. She told me about a year ago and was shocked I hadn't heard. She told me that her abusers son who was also in our year at school, and his friends beat her younger brother because of what happened. The man plead guilty "to save her from going through a trial" and even him pleading guilty , his family still stood by him. It absolutely sickens me that he has access to his little grandchildren, who knows what he's doing! Worst thing is ,he lives just down the road from my friend. My abuser is dead but I left home and moved abroad at 21, couldn't be around any longer seeing him
I wish this kind of story wasn't as common as it is. Sickening. I pray for your recovery from what happened to you and your brother and that you both find joy for the rest of your lives.@@Iamhome365
More than likely the school did exactly whatever their state requires of them. I know of a situation going on at this moment (in Arkansas) where multiple teachers have crossed every T and dotted every i for THREE SOLID YEARS over ONE student who is clearly being sexually abused by a step parent and for three years CPS has not one time even looked into the claim. The teachers and admin can only do so much before they lose their licenses so now they just consistently file their reports (I'm talking multiple reports a month) and do the BEST they can to show that child all the love and support the child needs at school. Going as far as to get him on the bus the earliest, after school activities, anything they can legally do to keep the child out of the home. We live in a messed up society.
Why people are so worried about sex predators boggles my mind. The sister is like "well he won't be alone with the kids". IS IT WORTH THE RISK??? And who wants to hang out with the weirdo sex predators anyway?
Right?! Wtf ! You hear this a lot; where they care more about the offenders. And also school counselors are mandated reporters. They should have stepped in.
It was briefly mentioned that he was using cameras to secretly record. It's quite possible he doesn't even need to be around kids to continue his abuse if he has access to a camera.
My husband’s family does this too. Even to the point where some of the family knows and some others with young kids do not. We do not associate with the whole family anymore, so much toxicity and the secret pedophile was just a symptom of the disfunction, and yet utterly devastating for the children he hurt
100%. These people will never truly change no matter how much they pretend. For whatever reason, they're sexually attracted to children. Which isn't normal and is something messed up in the psyche.
I will NEVER understand why women put men above protecting their own children! It’s VILE!! He belongs in prison! Her mom also abused her by failing to protect her! 😢
@@philwill0123it should still be reported. Im a healthcare worker and whenever a patient reports abuse, i am compelled to report. The police shoukd investigate but any institution should report
I knew it... when the abuser was allowed to go to ONE family event, he took that as his "in" for ALL ONGOING family events... and it's like this poor lady's boundary never existed at all. DISGUSTING mother and family for sticking with him!!!
Absolutely, because then mother can weaponise that. By saying "she had no issue with him attending, so obviously what she said she exaggerated because someone genuinely SAed wouldn't have him around, so she was lying"
John is right. Your family system is toxic beyond repair and will continue to destroy you by making you question if you were worth protecting (of course you were). Your mother chose a predator as a partner likely because of her own abuse history. She chose a man like that because covering for him and "caring" for him makes her feel in control in some delusional way, rather than to admit she was once vulnerable and abused herself. Some women have a bizarre sympathy for their abusers like a Stockholm syndrome. They are the same types to write prison inmates romantic letters. She may even feel that it is some form of justice for you to be abused like she was as it normalizes her own sense of brokenness or makes her feel less alone. She did not protect you and neither did your father, who was apparently so disconnected and absent that the stepfather sensed he could get away with that behavior. Please do not let these people harm you anymore. Concentrate on building a good life with your husband and children, and banish those cowards out of it.
I was abused as a child and not a chance would I stand up for a man like that!! Anyone like that shouldn't walk this earth. I'm highly protective of my children
Yep, some mothers are jealous of the attention their partners have in the abuse victims. Next it would be that she was aware of the cameras and performed for them. Those mothers are upset perverts are attracted to their kids than them.
I’ve been a member for 10 years for the same reason as caller. After counseling and no contact life has been better. Still with me. Sadly don’t think scars heal. Thankfully wounds do.
I called the school of my nephew and cps, cops when my nephew came forward that his step dad was physically abusing him, sexually abusing girls. His mother was aware. Nothing was done. No one cared
@@notinkansas4885 I think the parents of abused children should start going to the media nore often, shaming the police and the cps and calling for investigations into their failure to protect the children and prosecute the abusers.
@@notinkansas4885 Exactly. For people that have never had to deal with DHS/CPS (or whatever it's called in your state), they are pretty much worthless. Without any physical proof of a crime being committed, there isn't much they can do anyways. Texting "send me a video" isn't a crime. And this scumbag would just deny he meant anything sexual anyways. So until he actually gets caught with pedo material, nothing is likely to happen to him. We have a reactive system, not a proactive one. The really sad part is the Mother stuck around this POS after knowing what trash he was. That's honestly what bothers me more than anything (including my situation)- these family members that watch abuse and yet they stand by and do nothing. Whether it's because they don't want to "tarnish the family name", the "embarrassment", or to "protect their family".....it's garbage. And they watch it happen and pretend to "not know anything". All of those people are only one small notch below the perpetrator themselves. In my opinion.
One thing as a mother, I will ALWAYS take my daughter's side over a boyfriend, a man I'm dating, or even her dad. No child should EVER feel unsafe at home or with the men in their lives. It's our job as parents to protect them. My daughter can come to me with anything, and I will never judge her. This type of abuse makes girls distrust their instincts. Parents who neglect their children and ignore red flags makes me sick.
This was awesome to listen to. Thank you John for your words. Thank you to the woman who opened up. I went through 18 years of physical abuse and my brothers, mother, grandma, and uncles all looked the other way. I cut them all out and I have so much more self respect and happiness now.
This was a powerful call with excellent advice from Dr. Delony. The only thing I would add is that sexual innuendo and/or comments from an adult parental figure (male or female) is NOT harassment, it is flat out sexual abuse. Touching doesn’t need to occur to meet the standard for abuse. I hope for her sake and for the safety of her children that she cuts ties with her mother and sister(s) who have dismissed or minimized the actions of the abuser. They’re not supportive and sound toxic.
Thank you for saying that. My stepfather would talk about sexually inappropriate things to me and it has destroyed any chance of me being in romantic relationships
The most common abuser of a child is a step parent. This man is a pile of garbage and that mother is more of a pile of garbage. It’s scary the women in her life that stand up for an abuser.
@@abarktechnically this is true. However if you compare lone mothers vs lone fathers, that’s when the real statistics represent the more realistic figure “1,704 were killed by a mother acting alone. That represents only 0.12% of the1,452,099 children who are neglected by their mother alone. For fathers, who by themselves neglected 661,129 children, they killed 0.13% (859). So in terms of parents acting alone, fathers kill MORE children than mothers.” The figure you talk of are just the volumes, not taking into the fact the vast differences in men raising their kids vs the woman. Raising children alone (single fathers) vs the woman (single mothers) of course the latter is significantly higher so the numbers will be higher. However if you based it on percentages; if it was a 50/50 split of children in the care of each respective parent for example. Its the father
@@leabeauty837 women perpetrate more domestic violence, more incestuous sexual abuse of children, more sexual abuse of children, and instigate more divorce. Not to mention more sexual exploitation of students!
why would a single man want to marry a woman with children or "baggage"? i'm not saying all men think like this but it's probably to gain access to the woman's children. i get there there are brady bunch families where each spouse has children of their own from their earlier marriages and when they newly marry, it becomes a mixed family but it's a bit suss when the man has no children of his own and wants to look after another man's children.
Thank you, Dr. John, for giving this woman permission to honor what she already knew she needed to do, while those around her were trying to guilt her into silence again. The silence about sexual abuse has to stop, and your words to this woman will give courage to every other woman who has dealt with the same %$#@! their entire life, sometimes even for more than a half a century!
What a heartbreaking interaction. Dr. John obviously knows exactly what to say and how to address Heather's trauma. I'm grateful to him (thought I never experienced anything like this) that others can hear his concern and explanation that Heather needs to cut these people out of her life AND get trauma therapy. God bless you, Dr. John. Now Heather get to work on healing and thriving!
This story, unfortunately, is about as common as it gets. The only anomaly was the courage she had to tell her school counselor. And even then, her entire family did nothing. Completely disgusting and completely common.
In these cases of child predators, it ends up as the victim being in the wrong. The family accepting that jerk over her the victim is wrong. John is so right, go no contact with that family.
Dude. This just made my stomach churn, listening. It's way too relatable even though the sexual abuse in my home wasn't directed at me. There was plenty of OTHER abuse directed at me in my home, and the sexual abuse I experienced was outside the home, but...the "Well, he won't ever be alone..." Suuuure he won't: if they don't believe it's a big enough deal...they WILL NOT BE the kind of vigilant that is needed. Those GPS pins about men being scary and dangerous? That's literally me ALL THE TIME...that ALL men are untrustworthy unless proven otherwise, that none of them can be trusted to be safe in any environment...and the sense of it is STRONG. Even worse, when I trust one and then they don't stand up for me when I need it (no matter how small an issue)? I can't get that trust back.
31 Seconds into the vidoe: Trauma survivor: “Should I move past my trauma for the comfort of others” Delony: “I don’t even know what the trauma is and the answer is ‘no’” 31 Seconds is all it takes! This simple response to trauma survivors is so powerful and rightfully validating. Thank you for standing up for those of us who have found you because we are constantly questioning if we made the right choices - to leave, to stand up and fight, to heal, to sing the songs of our survival - we need to know we are worth it - so thank you for that!
I cried throughout this call. I have immense empathy for the caller and found listening to her and Dr. Delony to be healing for me. I'm glad I listened. I'm also glad he introduced her to the concept of "fawn." It is real and terrifying and suffocating. I tend to alternate between freeze and fawn and both responses are things I'll be working on probably for the rest of my life. I hope this caller will have the strength to follow Dr. Delony's guidance.
NOTE TO CALLER - Listen to John. Listen, and listen again. Your call is so warped in that we are all sitting here screaming why on earth would this be on you?!? LISTEN TO JOHN. And get some counseling.
This happened to me, but instead of texting me (since cell phones weren't really a thing then), he followed me into my room and slid his hand under my covers as I cried and screamed for him to stop. I was told it wasn't assault because I blacked out and don't remember anything else that happened. My mother then because very jealous of me. It hurt because I didn't understand what happened to me and why she hated me now. My husband and I have had to navigate our time together because some things still make me physically ill and cry, like when my husband put his hand on my thigh the first time or went to caress my face I have my own daughter now and I cannot comprehend how my mother and step father could've been they way they were. I trusted them. Thankfully, I can keep my daughter safe from my stepfather at least.
@the_review_lady_channel thank you ❤️ Yes, I found one a few months ago. There is a lot in my life that they're helping me work through. It's slow and hard work, but it's worth it so I can best the best mom I can be for my kids. I'm also lucky my husband is so supportive and understanding, especially when I have a panic or shutdown moment.
@show_me_your_kitties we are not in any contact with either of them. When my daughter turned 5, she was getting out of kindergarten and he was there. He stopped her from coming to me and kept trying to get her to give him a hug and kiss. The look he gave her sent me into alarm mode. That's when I decided we were officially done. I kept thinking why the look made me react that way, and that's when memories started coming back. All of the sudden, everything made sense with the getting sick and panicking. I realized I had to do something and not just stand there letting him be in my daughter's life. Either of them! That's what gave me the final strength and push I needed to go no contact. I protect my children. Until that point I'd been hesitating because I'd been told for so long that the little feelings and nightmares I had were just my imagination and I didn't want to upset my mother and break up the family, that it was my job to keep them all happy and comfortable even if I wasn't. My children and I are safe ❤️ it's been about 5ish years now
@@cookiegamesfamily I am so proud of you for stepping up and protecting your kids. Your other family does not deserve to have you in their lives. I am so sorry that no one ever stood up for you and protected you. You deserved to be cherished and protected, and that monster deserved to be in jail. It’s sickening that you were treated that way. I am glad that you are getting help. It’s going to be hard and painful, and at times you’ll want to quit. Don’t. You are worth the effort and so are your husband and kids. You deserve peace, joy, and to enjoy your life and your beautiful family that you now have. ❤
Do not cave into your mom and stepdad. Your mother should have protected you. When I was young, my stepmother was a drunk and she came into my room one night and threatened to kill me. It scared the hell out of me. I went to my father and he didn't believe me. Then my stepmother threw her luggage on their bed and she said she was leaving. So she was making my Dad choose between the two of us. So I ran away and went to a friend's house and I called my Dad to tell him where I was so he wouldn't worry about me and he told me "I don't care if you ever come home." Game over. I moved out completely when I was 15. I reunited with my father in my 50's after my stepmother died, but my father told me he had never seen his wife drunk. (She bought Scotch by the case and she drank and got drunk every day). My point is that Heather's mom is in complete denial. It happens and it hurts, but you have to walk away when the family home is toxic and dangerous.
It takes seconds to sexually abuse a child, saying he would be watched like a hawk is bull$h!p!! None of these people are safe. Protect yourself and your kids and listen to your husband, please!
Sweet girl, I'm so sorry you are experiencing this & have in the past! You are such a precious woman. As a Grandma, I'm broken hearted your Mom & family didn't respect you more. I wish the best for you❤️
I am going through a similar situation. I have cut off ties with my mother. The best analogy I gave to her was “If you had a dog that bit a neighborhood child I wouldn’t want it around my kids.”. To which my mother replied “Well you never liked the dog.”. It’s been over two years since I talked to her. One of the best decision I’ve ever made because that reply was indicative of her whole personality and how she treated me my whole life. Love, The Scapegoat
My mom. I still keep communication with her but im considering telling her everything i felt and still feel and stop talking to her for good. Me as a mom of a 14 year myself i cannot comprehend how she did that to me. I am the best mom i can be to my son and daughter and they always be my priority. No matter what.
I usually, but not always agree with Dr. John. I am a fan in general. To me Dr. John shines in crisis situation phone call (to me that falls into that category). I have never seen him not be spot on regarding a crisis situation telephone call, and I know he is trained in many fields, but crisis management is really his major area. It shows for sure.
That's the problem with women getting divorced when they have little daughters. The woman finds a new boyfriend and now these girls are living in the same household with a strange man that is not related to them. I hope I don't have to further explain how dangerous that situation is.
Absolutely!! I was a single mom of a son and decided not to date until he was grown best decision I ever made. With a daughter it should be a no brainer. I even told my friend who’s a single father of a 9 yr old daughter to not even allow her to sleep over other single dads houses or moms with boyfriends or stepdads better to be overly cautious and protect her instead of risking her whole life being traumatized and no longer trusting men including him for a single incident. He never even thought about it before I brought it up.
@@dpborn2721 Kudos to you. It's really baffling that some women are perfectly reasonable and responsible and other women apparently have close to no mother instinct and love their relationships with random men more than they love their own children.
I went through the same things when I was younger that this young woman went through and I still can't forgive my mother. I am 56 and I can only tolerate her, I want to move on and forgive her for being with this man, but I still have nightmares about things that happened to me when I was a child
Just remember that forgiveness is for you and nobody else. You forgive to let go of the pain, but this does not mean condoning what happened or putting yourself in situations that make you feel unsafe.
She doesn’t deserve your forgiveness. Hopefully you’ve not become bitter but I don’t think you need to forgive someone when they’ve done something unforgivable. You deserved better than her. She is the problem, not you. I don’t believe you really want to forgive her. I think you just want to have a different relationship with her. You want for her to have been different so you could have a good mother. Unfortunately she is not worthy of you. I’m so sorry she didn’t cherish and protect you like the blessing you were to her.
I was never sexually abused, but I know both men and women who have. I have five boys, and through example I am teaching them all about consent, and self defense. 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused as children, and I promise to teach them, that they do not need to tolerate abuse in any way.
Wow! I really feel for her. I can’t imagine finding out about abuse to my biological kid 8 years after it started. Why didn’t the school call him. Stepdad’s disappearance would probably still be an unsolved mystery.
This is a gem of an episode. I will save this in a very safe space. So validating and eye-opening for each of us who’s gone through similar things. One of the evil tricks of the predators is to make us feel like we somehow deserved what happened to us. And as we deserved that we must somehow be bad people that have to be grateful to find acceptance in the family circle. And of course they are right at at least one level: the truth we experienced- if brought to the open - would forever destroy the family fantasy. The rest of these families- they’re usually enablers, even worse if the predator is the one who wields the family wealth - the health and sanity of the victims are sacrificed so they can play nice family. Utterly disgusting and sadly what is going on A LOT. This is how power and narcissism work. It was right to empower her to cut herself off from all this. They have sacrificed her long ago. She would’ve deserved so much better - she’s been robbed at so many fronts.
Yeah, I would have to say I don't think I could deal with the rest of my family if they were okay with inviting my predator to special occasions. This is beyond creepy, even if I wasn't the vicitim just having the knowledge someone like that is around me thats done something like would pretty much do it for me, I wouldn't want anything to do with them. The fact her sister made that comment, tells me they probably don't believe her or thought she was making a big deal out of nothing and they were just humoring her by not inviting stepdad to family functions.
THROW THE ENTIRE FAMILY AWAY!! HOW DISGUSTING....... I am so sorry that you went through that. It sounds like nobody protected you or cared. And the crazy part is that you're still going through it..... Just be done with your family..... You have your own family now and I'm glad that you are protecting your girls
Heather, I went through something similar and the end result is I stepped out of my family. It was painful but not difficult. The answer was SUPER clear, protect my girls as the main job I have in this life, and it was liberating and powerful. Please reach out if you want to talk. Supporting you ALL the way 🩵 Dr John, you are the BEST and the way you fiercely protect our lovely children is a gift to all of us 👏🏽 So many people are misled on this issue and the way you share clarity and strength to us all is exactly what is needed. 😊
Sadly this doesn't surprise me. The call may be extreme (i.e. sexual abuse or inappropriate behavior toward children) BUT I have often seen parents put their own selfish needs ahead of their children. It's horrible and pathetic and no parent should put their own selfish needs ahead of the welfare of their children!
This just makes me cringe. I'm actually getting ready to go back home to California for a memorial service for my younger sister who died from heart problems because she became an alcoholic as a teenager because we had a stepdad just like this and it angers me so much my mom passed away I don't know exactly how much she knew while she was still with him but she eventually left him when he started talking dirty to my daughter when she was in high school and then my mom from the divorce chain-smoked herself to death as well. I lost my two closest family members because of someone like this! Keep men like this away from your children! Its easier to be single even if you may have to work two jobs to pay the bills
It sickens me that animals have more developed protective instincts for their little ones than some humans. Her mother deserves to be in jail as much as her stepfather. He is a disgusting person but she is absolute garbage.
My mom is similar. She even took it a step further and admitted to catching him once and did absolutely nothing. When we went to court she never supported me. It wasn't until he went to prison that she divorsed him and she has been confused ever since by our strained relationship. She is very mentally ill and skews what happened all the time and flips things. I've started to distance myself from her again since I've had my son. He is 3 and she has hardly shown any interest in him and I can't understand her for it. I just can't anymore.
I think everyone that has been abused should live their truth. Never feel ashamed to share all the information you have on the perpetrator . I would never want to have someone tell me later they wish they knew. I have lost a lot of family members just for this reason and they have chosen him, however I live in peace knowing I followed my heart and did what I felt was right. Their comfort is not important yours is.
The predator lives next door! The call is coming from inside the house. People are obsessed with Hollyweird, meanwhile they will excuse the troop leader down the street or an uncle or aunt. It all starts locally.
Girl, f them family members. Let your husband be your guide and lead. Sounds like he’s trying to protect you. Let him. Let him have this burden. He wants it. He wants to stand in front of you and take these hits from your family.
Also, if anyone has it in their hearts to throw 5 bucks to Chevy Burroughs fundraiser, please do so. Dad’s name is Kevin Burroughs. Please google it. God bless.
What makes the family feel comfortable is to pretend nothing happened while you are in pain and anguish behind the sick stuff your Stepfather had done to you. No excuses for Mom. She should have protected you above all! Sad to say, he could be trying to do this to another female child in the family as well as take it to the next horrible level. They have taken this pervert's side. If I never get invited to family events anymore, so be it!!
I hear you on that. I was "only" abused emotionally, but my mum also stood by and let it happen, even helped. Told me outright she knew I was suffering, but that was okay as long as everyone else was happy. She now regrets it, but it took her almost twenty years to get to that point. And it doesn't take away the hurt. Like you say, it's a horrible betrayal from the person (s) that should have your best interest at heart.
Being SAd at 11 yrs old by my mothers ex boyfriend and no adult believing me, this hit hard. I recognize myself in the caller so much since we were in a similar situation. It really sticks to you for a lifetime. I recently turned 28 and not until now have I been able to get help for it from a therapist. Mainly because I was so ashamed for it all. I dont wish this even for my worst enemy.
Heather, I can relate. My mom married a man when I was in 6th grade who turned out to be a MAJOR sex offender. Luckily he never touched me but oh boy did he make a lot of comments to me and about me. My mom ended up divorcing him and later found out he was molesting his stepchildren from his marriage after my mom. This was about 25 years ago. He was in prison up until a couple years ago. I wouldn't be surprised if your stepdad ends up in prison too. Things always get found out. I have a son who is 5, and I still freak out inside if he is in another room with an adult and the door is closed, or closes on its own. All because of my mom's ex husband from so long ago. I think John is spot on with this one. I hope you can get the help & support you need as you navigate this awful situation.
The part that infuriates me the most, is that the family or step-father, are all green-light with him attending family events from grandmother's funeral onwards. John's impromptu letter to those family members was spot on. You cannot change them, only yourself, and perhaps removing yourself from those toxic people is far better anyway.
At some level this teenager knew her mother needed that men (alcoholic, mental illness) so that is why she likely did not go to her father for help. She defended her mother, when the mother did not defend her at all.
That’s just a whole other level of sad. No child should be responsible for their parent. The tide of obligation runs the other way. 😢 I just can’t even imagine not protecting my child in a situation like this.
I felt this one to be honest. Given that I was once in a situation somewhat similar. I have a brother who was actually verbally and emotionally abusive towards me and mom. After he noticed he had an army "willing" to stand up to him he changed gears and went full on "Best older brother ever" made an apology scene towards mom (which she and the rest of the family bought). For 8yrs I was in a state of panic that I just couldn't be under the same roof as him, i couldn't see a car like his without going on full on panic mode. 2yrs ago, I saw myself in a position where he showed up to a family dinner, I was gonna be there for a week, and the second I saw him coming into the house I just froze and hardly spoke. I sucked it up for that night because I thought he was leaving the next day, but he he stock around for the same time. In front of my family he was all nice, but behind their back he was the same guy towards me. The night before I had to comeback one of my sisters called me out for not "making an effort" to be close to him. For not being nice to him. I made it home and the second I closed the door behind me I collapsed on the kitchen floor crying my eyeballs out. For months I hardly spoke with my sister or my mom. He's even more involved now with the family and everyone expects me to "get over it, forgive and forget". They don't even understand that I have nightmares of him showing up at my place (he's never been since I live like 8hrs away from everyone in a different state Thank God) that take my sleep away for weeks at a time. My mom's birthday is coming up and the family is planning a big get together and I keep being asked if I'm going, but the thought of seeing him freaks me the heck out. But I'm expected to act like that never happened. And your advice to her felt very tailored towards me too 'cuz I constantly hear the same things as she does.
Don't assume the predator limits his victims to family members! Very very unlikely. Make sure that people with kids know who they are dealing with. Make yourself a new family that lives in purity. Godspeed.
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Mothers who do not reflexively defend their children with the ferocity of a mother lion are absolute evil.
My sister is so much like this woman's mother and breaks my heart. My brother in law is in jail thankfully but it disgusts me the amount of people support her and she stood by a molester
Actually, what is the most evil is that men sexually abuse children with impunity, I agree this woman is vile, But it’s just patriarchy talking that you think the true villain is always the woman not the men who do this type of thing
And yes, I know maybe one percent of women have sexually abused someone so please know “what Abouts”
Absolutely 💯
Fully Agree!!
@@notinkansas4885 uh oh spagghettio sounds like you're the problem
Her mother is disgusting. She never got rid of that predator in order to protect her daughter. But I bet if her predator husband ends up on one of these predator-catching channels, she'd try to protect HIM.
This young lady deserved better.
Parents not taking their kid’s side just so they can get sex and for their own issues is NOT uncommon, sadly.
Not being alone too, refusing to leave the comfort. It’s unfortunate
Disgusting
Also financial compensation if he's the breadwinner
Well said.
i tend to think that it's less about the sex and romance side and more that the man is the breadwinner so therefore holds a modicum of power over his spouse. of course, there's nothing stopping a woman from working herself.
i imagine back in the day, there would've been more barriers to women getting into the workplace and being able to make a decent living.
some men know they've got the financial power and take advantage of the situation more, like this 'stepdad' did.
I love when Delony goes into protective dad mode. It makes people feel so seen and heard. My heart goes out to this woman and I hope she finds some healing after being exposed to evil for so long. ❤️
He says the things we all needed to hear sometimes
Totally agree. It’s so validating.
If it were a guy on the line, he would have said "now hold up, what happened to foster an environment to where your parents felt it was OK to diddle you? Real men set boundaries so man up!"
Absolutely. Everything he said was so right and so important. As a survivor myself I'm so thankful that he uses his platform to speak into these sorts of issues that are so often hushed up in communities, causing children to grow up feeling violated, betrayed, and alone.
NO MORE. Abuse must never be tolerated and this culture of protecting offenders should end with us.
I actually feel the opposite when he constantly brings up his own daughter. I'm a middle aged woman who was never married n had no kids n nothing like this ever happened to me but even I know what evil looks like. Certain things parents can appreciate more but some things go far beyond that.
School officials, even counselors are mandated reporters they should have immediately called the cops they don’t need her permission to charge him the text was enough. He tried to sexually solicit a minor. The fact that any family member is still wanting to interact with him and welcome him back into the fold and act as if he didnt do what he did is absolutely disgusting and they don’t have a issue with that. They have no morals and theirs values are nonexistent.
Maybe they are like him
I know of a man that was jailed for abusing a young girl - she was around 13/14, was in my year at school but I never knew anything about it. She told me about a year ago and was shocked I hadn't heard. She told me that her abusers son who was also in our year at school, and his friends beat her younger brother because of what happened. The man plead guilty "to save her from going through a trial" and even him pleading guilty , his family still stood by him. It absolutely sickens me that he has access to his little grandchildren, who knows what he's doing! Worst thing is ,he lives just down the road from my friend. My abuser is dead but I left home and moved abroad at 21, couldn't be around any longer seeing him
I wish this kind of story wasn't as common as it is. Sickening. I pray for your recovery from what happened to you and your brother and that you both find joy for the rest of your lives.@@Iamhome365
More than likely the school did exactly whatever their state requires of them.
I know of a situation going on at this moment (in Arkansas) where multiple teachers have crossed every T and dotted every i for THREE SOLID YEARS over ONE student who is clearly being sexually abused by a step parent and for three years CPS has not one time even looked into the claim. The teachers and admin can only do so much before they lose their licenses so now they just consistently file their reports (I'm talking multiple reports a month) and do the BEST they can to show that child all the love and support the child needs at school. Going as far as to get him on the bus the earliest, after school activities, anything they can legally do to keep the child out of the home.
We live in a messed up society.
@@SavannahSedai It's strange that they weren't required to report it to the police, too.
Why people are so worried about sex predators boggles my mind. The sister is like "well he won't be alone with the kids". IS IT WORTH THE RISK??? And who wants to hang out with the weirdo sex predators anyway?
Right?! Wtf ! You hear this a lot; where they care more about the offenders. And also school counselors are mandated reporters. They should have stepped in.
They are too cowardly and toxic to rock the boat and to tow a line of ethics.
How could you even be intimate emotionally or sexually with a freak like this? That's what I'm wondering.
It was briefly mentioned that he was using cameras to secretly record. It's quite possible he doesn't even need to be around kids to continue his abuse if he has access to a camera.
My husband’s family does this too. Even to the point where some of the family knows and some others with young kids do not. We do not associate with the whole family anymore, so much toxicity and the secret pedophile was just a symptom of the disfunction, and yet utterly devastating for the children he hurt
When the mom asked if the predator could come to the service she was emotional hijacked. 100%
The mom asked her because he should be in jail. The fact she had to ask ….
I feel so bad for this lady.
I hate the old “I’ll get counseling” line. Counseling isn’t like taking antibiotics. You can’t get “counseled” out of being a child predator.
💯 %
100%. These people will never truly change no matter how much they pretend. For whatever reason, they're sexually attracted to children. Which isn't normal and is something messed up in the psyche.
And he didn't even do it.
I will NEVER understand why women put men above protecting their own children! It’s VILE!! He belongs in prison! Her mom also abused her by failing to protect her! 😢
Men do the same . It’s called willful blindness.
Why did school officials not report to the police ?
Depends on laws. I'm betting she didn't want to break up the family and authorities realised they couldn't pursue a case without evidence.
@@philwill0123it should still be reported. Im a healthcare worker and whenever a patient reports abuse, i am compelled to report. The police shoukd investigate but any institution should report
Lord this poor girl has been failed.
It's extremely frustrating how many mothers will make excuses for a man's illegal behavior against their kids.
Her kids, it is generally a step parent.
@@pamelalieghThe used plural mothers, so it's plural their kids
The ultimate betrayal
It sucks that she has to lose her family too. She was victimized twice.
That is a good word.
She never had a family in my opinion.
The Pain!!!
Right - she could not undress in that house or sit and not assume she would be filmed. Disgusting. What a _home._
If we can call it a home.🤬😔
I knew it... when the abuser was allowed to go to ONE family event, he took that as his "in" for ALL ONGOING family events... and it's like this poor lady's boundary never existed at all. DISGUSTING mother and family for sticking with him!!!
Absolutely, because then mother can weaponise that. By saying "she had no issue with him attending, so obviously what she said she exaggerated because someone genuinely SAed wouldn't have him around, so she was lying"
Wow this poor girl . The gaslighting by the predator, her mother and her family is just vile . Go no contact .
John is right. Your family system is toxic beyond repair and will continue to destroy you by making you question if you were worth protecting (of course you were). Your mother chose a predator as a partner likely because of her own abuse history. She chose a man like that because covering for him and "caring" for him makes her feel in control in some delusional way, rather than to admit she was once vulnerable and abused herself. Some women have a bizarre sympathy for their abusers like a Stockholm syndrome. They are the same types to write prison inmates romantic letters. She may even feel that it is some form of justice for you to be abused like she was as it normalizes her own sense of brokenness or makes her feel less alone. She did not protect you and neither did your father, who was apparently so disconnected and absent that the stepfather sensed he could get away with that behavior. Please do not let these people harm you anymore. Concentrate on building a good life with your husband and children, and banish those cowards out of it.
I was abused as a child and not a chance would I stand up for a man like that!! Anyone like that shouldn't walk this earth. I'm highly protective of my children
Wow, you are so articulately right. I could never figured this flaw out in humanity until reading this
Yep, some mothers are jealous of the attention their partners have in the abuse victims. Next it would be that she was aware of the cameras and performed for them. Those mothers are upset perverts are attracted to their kids than them.
Right.❤
Welcome to the no contact club! 🥰
I’ve been a member for 10 years for the same reason as caller. After counseling and no contact life has been better. Still with me. Sadly don’t think scars heal. Thankfully wounds do.
Just wondering why the school officials didn’t report this. I thought they’re required to at least tell law enforcement or parents about it.
I called the school of my nephew and cps, cops when my nephew came forward that his step dad was physically abusing him, sexually abusing girls. His mother was aware. Nothing was done. No one cared
@@notinkansas4885😮
@@notinkansas4885 I think the parents of abused children should start going to the media nore often, shaming the police and the cps and calling for investigations into their failure to protect the children and prosecute the abusers.
@@notinkansas4885 Exactly. For people that have never had to deal with DHS/CPS (or whatever it's called in your state), they are pretty much worthless. Without any physical proof of a crime being committed, there isn't much they can do anyways. Texting "send me a video" isn't a crime. And this scumbag would just deny he meant anything sexual anyways. So until he actually gets caught with pedo material, nothing is likely to happen to him. We have a reactive system, not a proactive one. The really sad part is the Mother stuck around this POS after knowing what trash he was. That's honestly what bothers me more than anything (including my situation)- these family members that watch abuse and yet they stand by and do nothing. Whether it's because they don't want to "tarnish the family name", the "embarrassment", or to "protect their family".....it's garbage. And they watch it happen and pretend to "not know anything". All of those people are only one small notch below the perpetrator themselves. In my opinion.
Heathers family doesn’t serve such a precious gift as she is. Appalling. What her sisters are saying is truly unreal
You’re changing lives Dr. John. Thank you for what you do.
Man, this one was heavy. Thank You John for your brutal honesty and reassurance to her
What a revolting excuse for a mother and for a family!! Revolting!!
This call broke my heart. This exact situation happened to my best friend growing up. Prayers and hugs to you, sweet Heather! ❤
One thing as a mother, I will ALWAYS take my daughter's side over a boyfriend, a man I'm dating, or even her dad. No child should EVER feel unsafe at home or with the men in their lives. It's our job as parents to protect them. My daughter can come to me with anything, and I will never judge her. This type of abuse makes girls distrust their instincts. Parents who neglect their children and ignore red flags makes me sick.
As a mother if you actually took your daughter's side in anything you wouldn't be dating. Single mothers are the world's greatest incubator of crime.
Protective Dad Delony is my favorite Dr. Delony
For sure!
😙 adorable comment. True
This was awesome to listen to. Thank you John for your words. Thank you to the woman who opened up. I went through 18 years of physical abuse and my brothers, mother, grandma, and uncles all looked the other way. I cut them all out and I have so much more self respect and happiness now.
🩵 I also cut out almost everyone and the self respect and peace I have is tremendous! Glad you did it and so so sorry for what you went through 💔
Proud of us 🤗
This was a powerful call with excellent advice from Dr. Delony. The only thing I would add is that sexual innuendo and/or comments from an adult parental figure (male or female) is NOT harassment, it is flat out sexual abuse. Touching doesn’t need to occur to meet the standard for abuse. I hope for her sake and for the safety of her children that she cuts ties with her mother and sister(s) who have dismissed or minimized the actions of the abuser. They’re not supportive and sound toxic.
Thank you for saying that. My stepfather would talk about sexually inappropriate things to me and it has destroyed any chance of me being in romantic relationships
What is wrong with the mom….? That is sick and perverted. How can you be attracted to and protect a creep how actively tried your daughter..?
She's alcoholic and bipolar and won't change by getting help
Unbelievable. Praying for you, your husband and your kids, Heather. Wish you had a mom who saw you for the gift that you were💕
One of Delonys best calls.
The most common abuser of a child is a step parent. This man is a pile of garbage and that mother is more of a pile of garbage. It’s scary the women in her life that stand up for an abuser.
No, the most common is a mother.
@@abarktechnically this is true. However if you compare lone mothers vs lone fathers, that’s when the real statistics represent the more realistic figure “1,704 were killed by a mother acting alone. That represents only 0.12% of the1,452,099 children who are neglected by their mother alone. For fathers, who by themselves neglected 661,129 children, they killed 0.13% (859). So in terms of parents acting alone, fathers kill MORE children than mothers.” The figure you talk of are just the volumes, not taking into the fact the vast differences in men raising their kids vs the woman. Raising children alone (single fathers) vs the woman (single mothers) of course the latter is significantly higher so the numbers will be higher. However if you based it on percentages; if it was a 50/50 split of children in the care of each respective parent for example. Its the father
@@leabeauty837 women perpetrate more domestic violence, more incestuous sexual abuse of children, more sexual abuse of children, and instigate more divorce. Not to mention more sexual exploitation of students!
why would a single man want to marry a woman with children or "baggage"? i'm not saying all men think like this but it's probably to gain access to the woman's children.
i get there there are brady bunch families where each spouse has children of their own from their earlier marriages and when they newly marry, it becomes a mixed family but it's a bit suss when the man has no children of his own and wants to look after another man's children.
@@lowkeyconvert8971 why would a single mother want to marry a man who isn't the father of her children? Probably for access to his money.
Thank you, Dr. John, for giving this woman permission to honor what she already knew she needed to do, while those around her were trying to guilt her into silence again. The silence about sexual abuse has to stop, and your words to this woman will give courage to every other woman who has dealt with the same %$#@! their entire life, sometimes even for more than a half a century!
What a heartbreaking interaction. Dr. John obviously knows exactly what to say and how to address Heather's trauma. I'm grateful to him (thought I never experienced anything like this) that others can hear his concern and explanation that Heather needs to cut these people out of her life AND get trauma therapy. God bless you, Dr. John. Now Heather get to work on healing and thriving!
This story, unfortunately, is about as common as it gets. The only anomaly was the courage she had to tell her school counselor. And even then, her entire family did nothing. Completely disgusting and completely common.
Dr John this is the best advice I have ever heard given to a victim. Thank you.
Thank you Dr John.. we need more men like you❤
In these cases of child predators, it ends up as the victim being in the wrong. The family accepting that jerk over her the victim is wrong. John is so right, go no contact with that family.
Thank you for telling the truth about what is going on here. I deeply relate to this woman's story. I feel deeply validated by your response to her.
This is very sad. I’m so sorry this happened to her and happens actually far more often than many people realize
Mom would no longer exist to me.
Wow.. disown your mother immediately. This is not a mother
Dude. This just made my stomach churn, listening. It's way too relatable even though the sexual abuse in my home wasn't directed at me. There was plenty of OTHER abuse directed at me in my home, and the sexual abuse I experienced was outside the home, but...the "Well, he won't ever be alone..." Suuuure he won't: if they don't believe it's a big enough deal...they WILL NOT BE the kind of vigilant that is needed.
Those GPS pins about men being scary and dangerous? That's literally me ALL THE TIME...that ALL men are untrustworthy unless proven otherwise, that none of them can be trusted to be safe in any environment...and the sense of it is STRONG. Even worse, when I trust one and then they don't stand up for me when I need it (no matter how small an issue)? I can't get that trust back.
31 Seconds into the vidoe:
Trauma survivor: “Should I move past my trauma for the comfort of others”
Delony: “I don’t even know what the trauma is and the answer is ‘no’”
31 Seconds is all it takes!
This simple response to trauma survivors is so powerful and rightfully validating.
Thank you for standing up for those of us who have found you because we are constantly questioning if we made the right choices - to leave, to stand up and fight, to heal, to sing the songs of our survival - we need to know we are worth it - so thank you for that!
I cried throughout this call. I have immense empathy for the caller and found listening to her and Dr. Delony to be healing for me. I'm glad I listened.
I'm also glad he introduced her to the concept of "fawn." It is real and terrifying and suffocating. I tend to alternate between freeze and fawn and both responses are things I'll be working on probably for the rest of my life. I hope this caller will have the strength to follow Dr. Delony's guidance.
NOTE TO CALLER - Listen to John. Listen, and listen again. Your call is so warped in that we are all sitting here screaming why on earth would this be on you?!? LISTEN TO JOHN. And get some counseling.
Absolutely disgusting. The ultimate betrayal from an enabling family. I can't even fathom what she's gone through.
This happened to me, but instead of texting me (since cell phones weren't really a thing then), he followed me into my room and slid his hand under my covers as I cried and screamed for him to stop. I was told it wasn't assault because I blacked out and don't remember anything else that happened. My mother then because very jealous of me. It hurt because I didn't understand what happened to me and why she hated me now. My husband and I have had to navigate our time together because some things still make me physically ill and cry, like when my husband put his hand on my thigh the first time or went to caress my face
I have my own daughter now and I cannot comprehend how my mother and step father could've been they way they were. I trusted them. Thankfully, I can keep my daughter safe from my stepfather at least.
Have you been through trauma counseling? If not, I would suggest it. Good job being a protective parent!
@the_review_lady_channel thank you ❤️
Yes, I found one a few months ago. There is a lot in my life that they're helping me work through. It's slow and hard work, but it's worth it so I can best the best mom I can be for my kids. I'm also lucky my husband is so supportive and understanding, especially when I have a panic or shutdown moment.
I sure hope you aren't in contact with your monster and step monster.
@show_me_your_kitties we are not in any contact with either of them. When my daughter turned 5, she was getting out of kindergarten and he was there. He stopped her from coming to me and kept trying to get her to give him a hug and kiss. The look he gave her sent me into alarm mode. That's when I decided we were officially done. I kept thinking why the look made me react that way, and that's when memories started coming back. All of the sudden, everything made sense with the getting sick and panicking. I realized I had to do something and not just stand there letting him be in my daughter's life. Either of them! That's what gave me the final strength and push I needed to go no contact. I protect my children. Until that point I'd been hesitating because I'd been told for so long that the little feelings and nightmares I had were just my imagination and I didn't want to upset my mother and break up the family, that it was my job to keep them all happy and comfortable even if I wasn't.
My children and I are safe ❤️ it's been about 5ish years now
@@cookiegamesfamily I am so proud of you for stepping up and protecting your kids. Your other family does not deserve to have you in their lives. I am so sorry that no one ever stood up for you and protected you. You deserved to be cherished and protected, and that monster deserved to be in jail. It’s sickening that you were treated that way.
I am glad that you are getting help. It’s going to be hard and painful, and at times you’ll want to quit. Don’t. You are worth the effort and so are your husband and kids. You deserve peace, joy, and to enjoy your life and your beautiful family that you now have. ❤
Do not cave into your mom and stepdad. Your mother should have protected you. When I was young, my stepmother was a drunk and she came into my room one night and threatened to kill me. It scared the hell out of me. I went to my father and he didn't believe me. Then my stepmother threw her luggage on their bed and she said she was leaving. So she was making my Dad choose between the two of us. So I ran away and went to a friend's house and I called my Dad to tell him where I was so he wouldn't worry about me and he told me "I don't care if you ever come home." Game over. I moved out completely when I was 15. I reunited with my father in my 50's after my stepmother died, but my father told me he had never seen his wife drunk. (She bought Scotch by the case and she drank and got drunk every day). My point is that Heather's mom is in complete denial. It happens and it hurts, but you have to walk away when the family home is toxic and dangerous.
Thank you Dr John for your strong, powerful, correct and loving response to this precious young lady. Bless you.❤
She is so brave.
That “mother” is *Disgusting* !
How dear her not protect her child. Disgusting behavior from the sick step dad and sick mom.
Omg...Block him and your mother for staying with him.
It takes seconds to sexually abuse a child, saying he would be watched like a hawk is bull$h!p!!
None of these people are safe. Protect yourself and your kids and listen to your husband, please!
Sadly it is common. I could have been the caller here. Almost the exact scenario.
me too.
This was very healing for me.
Me too 😊 sending love to you, random stranger on the internet!
@@Bethy_annethanks Beth Ann, I needed that today 🤍
Curious if her siblings were abused by this sicko, too. They may not be ready to deal.
Sweet girl, I'm so sorry you are experiencing this & have in the past! You are such a precious woman. As a Grandma, I'm broken hearted your Mom & family didn't respect you more. I wish the best for you❤️
I am going through a similar situation. I have cut off ties with my mother. The best analogy I gave to her was “If you had a dog that bit a neighborhood child I wouldn’t want it around my kids.”. To which my mother replied “Well you never liked the dog.”. It’s been over two years since I talked to her. One of the best decision I’ve ever made because that reply was indicative of her whole personality and how she treated me my whole life.
Love, The Scapegoat
I'm so sorry 🙏🏿 ❤️
Great Point John!!!
My mom. I still keep communication with her but im considering telling her everything i felt and still feel and stop talking to her for good. Me as a mom of a 14 year myself i cannot comprehend how she did that to me. I am the best mom i can be to my son and daughter and they always be my priority. No matter what.
This is a heartbreakingly common scenario.
I usually, but not always agree with Dr. John. I am a fan in general. To me Dr. John shines in crisis situation phone call (to me that falls into that category). I have never seen him not be spot on regarding a crisis situation telephone call, and I know he is trained in many fields, but crisis management is really his major area. It shows for sure.
That's the problem with women getting divorced when they have little daughters. The woman finds a new boyfriend and now these girls are living in the same household with a strange man that is not related to them. I hope I don't have to further explain how dangerous that situation is.
Yup
Absolutely!! I was a single mom of a son and decided not to date until he was grown best decision I ever made. With a daughter it should be a no brainer. I even told my friend who’s a single father of a 9 yr old daughter to not even allow her to sleep over other single dads houses or moms with boyfriends or stepdads better to be overly cautious and protect her instead of risking her whole life being traumatized and no longer trusting men including him for a single incident. He never even thought about it before I brought it up.
@@dpborn2721 Kudos to you. It's really baffling that some women are perfectly reasonable and responsible and other women apparently have close to no mother instinct and love their relationships with random men more than they love their own children.
@@dpborn2721 100%. Same with my kids. No sleep overs
My stepdad never hurt me. My own biological relative did.
I went through the same things when I was younger that this young woman went through and I still can't forgive my mother. I am 56 and I can only tolerate her, I want to move on and forgive her for being with this man, but I still have nightmares about things that happened to me when I was a child
Just remember that forgiveness is for you and nobody else. You forgive to let go of the pain, but this does not mean condoning what happened or putting yourself in situations that make you feel unsafe.
She doesn’t deserve your forgiveness. Hopefully you’ve not become bitter but I don’t think you need to forgive someone when they’ve done something unforgivable. You deserved better than her. She is the problem, not you. I don’t believe you really want to forgive her. I think you just want to have a different relationship with her. You want for her to have been different so you could have a good mother. Unfortunately she is not worthy of you. I’m so sorry she didn’t cherish and protect you like the blessing you were to her.
I was never sexually abused, but I know both men and women who have. I have five boys, and through example I am teaching them all about consent, and self defense. 1 in 6 boys are sexually abused as children, and I promise to teach them, that they do not need to tolerate abuse in any way.
God bless you 🙏🏿 ❤️
Wow! I really feel for her. I can’t imagine finding out about abuse to my biological kid 8 years after it started. Why didn’t the school call him. Stepdad’s disappearance would probably still be an unsolved mystery.
This is a gem of an episode. I will save this in a very safe space. So validating and eye-opening for each of us who’s gone through similar things. One of the evil tricks of the predators is to make us feel like we somehow deserved what happened to us. And as we deserved that we must somehow be bad people that have to be grateful to find acceptance in the family circle. And of course they are right at at least one level: the truth we experienced- if brought to the open - would forever destroy the family fantasy. The rest of these families- they’re usually enablers, even worse if the predator is the one who wields the family wealth - the health and sanity of the victims are sacrificed so they can play nice family. Utterly disgusting and sadly what is going on A LOT. This is how power and narcissism work. It was right to empower her to cut herself off from all this. They have sacrificed her long ago. She would’ve deserved so much better - she’s been robbed at so many fronts.
Yeah, I would have to say I don't think I could deal with the rest of my family if they were okay with inviting my predator to special occasions. This is beyond creepy, even if I wasn't the vicitim just having the knowledge someone like that is around me thats done something like would pretty much do it for me, I wouldn't want anything to do with them. The fact her sister made that comment, tells me they probably don't believe her or thought she was making a big deal out of nothing and they were just humoring her by not inviting stepdad to family functions.
THROW THE ENTIRE FAMILY AWAY!! HOW DISGUSTING....... I am so sorry that you went through that. It sounds like nobody protected you or cared. And the crazy part is that you're still going through it..... Just be done with your family..... You have your own family now and I'm glad that you are protecting your girls
Heather, I went through something similar and the end result is I stepped out of my family. It was painful but not difficult. The answer was SUPER clear, protect my girls as the main job I have in this life, and it was liberating and powerful. Please reach out if you want to talk. Supporting you ALL the way 🩵
Dr John, you are the BEST and the way you fiercely protect our lovely children is a gift to all of us 👏🏽 So many people are misled on this issue and the way you share clarity and strength to us all is exactly what is needed. 😊
Sadly this doesn't surprise me. The call may be extreme (i.e. sexual abuse or inappropriate behavior toward children) BUT I have often seen parents put their own selfish needs ahead of their children. It's horrible and pathetic and no parent should put their own selfish needs ahead of the welfare of their children!
Why didn’t the school report it to police or cops if they are mandatory reporters
This broke me, realizing I’m a fawn to my own father. My heart breaks but our children will all know better
I am so sorry. Please be good to yourself and heal!
This just makes me cringe. I'm actually getting ready to go back home to California for a memorial service for my younger sister who died from heart problems because she became an alcoholic as a teenager because we had a stepdad just like this and it angers me so much my mom passed away I don't know exactly how much she knew while she was still with him but she eventually left him when he started talking dirty to my daughter when she was in high school and then my mom from the divorce chain-smoked herself to death as well. I lost my two closest family members because of someone like this! Keep men like this away from your children! Its easier to be single even if you may have to work two jobs to pay the bills
Her family sounds very uneducated and uncaring. Mom is disgusting. I hope this young woman is strong enough to stand up against ALL of them.
It sickens me that animals have more developed protective instincts for their little ones than some humans. Her mother deserves to be in jail as much as her stepfather. He is a disgusting person but she is absolute garbage.
My mom is similar. She even took it a step further and admitted to catching him once and did absolutely nothing. When we went to court she never supported me. It wasn't until he went to prison that she divorsed him and she has been confused ever since by our strained relationship. She is very mentally ill and skews what happened all the time and flips things. I've started to distance myself from her again since I've had my son. He is 3 and she has hardly shown any interest in him and I can't understand her for it. I just can't anymore.
Go no contact. It will help you, enormously.
@abigailloar956 I'm so sorry 🙏🏿 ❤️
I like you and your wisdom Dr. Deloney. You are the best!
Say in the letter…if anyone asks where I am, show them an image of this letter. If you don’t show them this letter you are as evil as the perpetrator.
I think everyone that has been abused should live their truth. Never feel ashamed to share all the information you have on the perpetrator . I would never want to have someone tell me later they wish they knew. I have lost a lot of family members just for this reason and they have chosen him, however I live in peace knowing I followed my heart and did what I felt was right. Their comfort is not important yours is.
The predator lives next door! The call is coming from inside the house. People are obsessed with Hollyweird, meanwhile they will excuse the troop leader down the street or an uncle or aunt. It all starts locally.
Girl, f them family members. Let your husband be your guide and lead. Sounds like he’s trying to protect you. Let him. Let him have this burden. He wants it. He wants to stand in front of you and take these hits from your family.
Also, if anyone has it in their hearts to throw 5 bucks to Chevy Burroughs fundraiser, please do so. Dad’s name is Kevin Burroughs. Please google it. God bless.
What makes the family feel comfortable is to pretend nothing happened while you are in pain and anguish behind the sick stuff your Stepfather had done to you. No excuses for Mom. She should have protected you above all! Sad to say, he could be trying to do this to another female child in the family as well as take it to the next horrible level. They have taken this pervert's side. If I never get invited to family events anymore, so be it!!
My Mom did not protect me. And my extended family did not, either. A great conversation. Dealing with a Mother's/family betrayal is tough.
I'm sorry you had no one to believe and protect you. Your family failed you. Utterly. I feel for everyone who's been through such a thing.
@@vaska1999 Thank you so much. Thank you very much.
@@jessiejoseph1093 I'm so sorry 🙏🏿 ❤️
@@reneeantwi-boasiako3974 thank you for showing compassion to a stranger. People can be pretty icky to kids.
I hear you on that. I was "only" abused emotionally, but my mum also stood by and let it happen, even helped. Told me outright she knew I was suffering, but that was okay as long as everyone else was happy. She now regrets it, but it took her almost twenty years to get to that point. And it doesn't take away the hurt. Like you say, it's a horrible betrayal from the person (s) that should have your best interest at heart.
This young lady needs to let her husband protect her and the kids. Listen to your husband. Put your faith in him.
I wonder if her sister(s) were also included in his advances? Why would he just stop with her? What a life! 😡
Being SAd at 11 yrs old by my mothers ex boyfriend and no adult believing me, this hit hard. I recognize myself in the caller so much since we were in a similar situation. It really sticks to you for a lifetime. I recently turned 28 and not until now have I been able to get help for it from a therapist. Mainly because I was so ashamed for it all. I dont wish this even for my worst enemy.
Heather, I can relate. My mom married a man when I was in 6th grade who turned out to be a MAJOR sex offender. Luckily he never touched me but oh boy did he make a lot of comments to me and about me. My mom ended up divorcing him and later found out he was molesting his stepchildren from his marriage after my mom. This was about 25 years ago. He was in prison up until a couple years ago. I wouldn't be surprised if your stepdad ends up in prison too. Things always get found out.
I have a son who is 5, and I still freak out inside if he is in another room with an adult and the door is closed, or closes on its own. All because of my mom's ex husband from so long ago.
I think John is spot on with this one. I hope you can get the help & support you need as you navigate this awful situation.
I'm so sorry 🙏🏿 ❤️
I'm sad for this young lady. Her mother may have her own issues but there's no excuse for not siding with her daughter.
Get him in jail that’s where he should be
The part that infuriates me the most, is that the family or step-father, are all green-light with him attending family events from grandmother's funeral onwards.
John's impromptu letter to those family members was spot on. You cannot change them, only yourself, and perhaps removing yourself from those toxic people is far better anyway.
At some level this teenager knew her mother needed that men (alcoholic, mental illness) so that is why she likely did not go to her father for help. She defended her mother, when the mother did not defend her at all.
That’s just a whole other level of sad. No child should be responsible for their parent. The tide of obligation runs the other way. 😢 I just can’t even imagine not protecting my child in a situation like this.
Her familyl is disgusting for thinking it is okay to invite her abuser to family events.
I felt this one to be honest. Given that I was once in a situation somewhat similar. I have a brother who was actually verbally and emotionally abusive towards me and mom. After he noticed he had an army "willing" to stand up to him he changed gears and went full on "Best older brother ever" made an apology scene towards mom (which she and the rest of the family bought). For 8yrs I was in a state of panic that I just couldn't be under the same roof as him, i couldn't see a car like his without going on full on panic mode. 2yrs ago, I saw myself in a position where he showed up to a family dinner, I was gonna be there for a week, and the second I saw him coming into the house I just froze and hardly spoke. I sucked it up for that night because I thought he was leaving the next day, but he he stock around for the same time. In front of my family he was all nice, but behind their back he was the same guy towards me. The night before I had to comeback one of my sisters called me out for not "making an effort" to be close to him. For not being nice to him. I made it home and the second I closed the door behind me I collapsed on the kitchen floor crying my eyeballs out. For months I hardly spoke with my sister or my mom. He's even more involved now with the family and everyone expects me to "get over it, forgive and forget". They don't even understand that I have nightmares of him showing up at my place (he's never been since I live like 8hrs away from everyone in a different state Thank God) that take my sleep away for weeks at a time.
My mom's birthday is coming up and the family is planning a big get together and I keep being asked if I'm going, but the thought of seeing him freaks me the heck out. But I'm expected to act like that never happened.
And your advice to her felt very tailored towards me too 'cuz I constantly hear the same things as she does.
I'm so sorry 🙏🏿 ❤️
Don't assume the predator limits his victims to family members! Very very unlikely. Make sure that people with kids know who they are dealing with. Make yourself a new family that lives in purity. Godspeed.
He needs locked up!!!
If she allows her kids to be around these perverts, her husband needs to divorce and get custody.
Too many stories like this it’s sickening.. single moms with nonadult kids should just stop letting a new man live with them..
What makes this so horrible is when a parent does not protect their child. Shame on her.