I thought the same thing- he’s annoyed by how close they are (jealousy, controlling, both, who knows) so it’s not really about the photo, he just doesn’t want his fiancé to talk to her best friend.
I was thinking an isolating abuse tactic. My best friend ended our relationship due to a comment I made that her fiancée thought was "self-centered". It broke my heart thinking I had ruined my friendship. Later found out that she had also cut ties with her other friends and only was friends with her fiancée's friends after that. It's an isolation tactic, to find small flaws in a partner's friends and blow them up to get your partner to stop talking to or hanging out with them.
That is exactly what happend to my best (girl)friend about 8 years ago... He isolated her from her family and friends, and then from me...I gave up because I was so hurt that she really thought I would do her any harm, after 10 years of friendship! While this fat old man divorced her from her family and friends. I am still worried but gave up on her. She chose this. Not victim blaming, but she kicked me out to be with this man... What should I have done?
@@lemcy1256 I'm sorry that happened to you. It's been about 3 years for me, and I still think about her all the time. For the longest time, I didn't realize it wasn't my fault. I would tell the situation to my other friends and they all told me that I hadn't done anything wrong, but I couldn't believe that she had just ended our friendship for no reason. It's not actually until recently that I realized... It was probably abuse. She met, got engaged to, and married her fiancée within the span of 6 months, and then within a year she had abandoned all of her old friends. I've been thinking of reaching out to her, just to say one last time... "I'm here if you ever want to reconnect." Maybe she feels lonely and wishes she could reach out but doesn't feel like she has the right to... Or maybe she never thinks of me at all. Either way, I think I need to say that one last thing so she knows she hasn't fully destroyed that bridge.
Life hack for packing to move house! Each person should pack a suitcase as if they are going to be traveling for the length of time before the move and then live out of those suitcases for that time. That way, you do not accidentally put any necessities into boxes and you can be sure that everything you do not have in your suitcase is good to be put in boxes/storage. I do this every time I move!
19:21 I may be cynical but there are 2 darker options here too: 1) dude isn't actually that mad and friend looking for an excuse to ditch 2) he is isolating her as preliminary for abusive behaviour later on
I agree, both of those options crossed my mind and OP should definitely try to meet their friend and make sure they are okay. Or figure out if the friendship is actually as strong as it seemed
I've thought about the 1st one, it's very likely unfortunately. The second one can also be the case, or maybe the guy's just generally being possessive - like not straight up abusive but unhealthily jealous.
@@ameliab324 Not trying to be a ‘well actually 🤓’ person here but being possessive and jealous to the point that you control your partner’s relationships IS abuse. We all feel jealous at times, but the way it’s being acted on is coercive control, which is abuse. If this is a one off then it could be argued it’s not abuse since it’s not a pattern, but the friend’s willingness to go along with it when she had no problem with what the friend said initially makes it seem like this is an ongoing thing. Cutting off your friend of a decade because your partner is ‘unhealthily jealous’ isn’t normal and isn’t something that happens in a relationship that’s not abusive.
@@leggyegg2890 Yeah I meant that he might not be isolating her because he's planning to abuse her in some other ways, but that his only toxic behaviour is this jealousy\possessiveness.
In the wedding photo one, the fiance sounds controlling and is trying to isolate OP's friend. Maybe I'm being dramatic but it's such an overreaction to "you don't look good in this photo". It's one thing for the fiance to say he doesn't want to see or talk to OP. It's another to demand his partner limit her interaction with her friend.
OP saying he doesn't look good in that one photo is not at all critical of him, but of the photographer. If he's blowing it that far out of proportion, he's got some kind of problem, and potentially has anger issues.
Yeah, the fact that he isn't just doing things that change his behavior but is trying to get his partner to not talk over the phone is such a push. That's very controlling.
2nd-- NTA it sounds like the engaged friend is in a bad relationship. The fiance seems to be controlling her a lot. She can't talk to her friend because he's mad. What would he do if she talked when he was home? Also, aren't headphones a thing, if he doesn't want to hear her voice? Why does this feel like he's trying to cut her off from her social circle?
I agree, and it seems like the friend / girlfriend is not able to differentiate between what her partner feels and the friendship of 10 years. It does make me wonder if the fiancé is controlling, trying to isolate her from her friends, they are going through a rough patch and the friend is worried about loosing the fiancé. Just throwing out some options and obviously we do not really know, but it sounds like a very drastic reaction that the friends cannot talk anymore. The fiancé can feel what he feels (even if yes, he is being dramatic), but if this is truly a friendship the friend shouldn’t have to drop everything. I don’t like all of my partner’s friends but that doesn’t mean they cannot be friends.
Making a fountain out of teacup makes sense too tbh a bit more cause other people throw coins (their opinions) into fountains which makes it bigger and then a fountain can overflow and it never stops flowing until the tap (first person) turns it off.
I think she is mixing it with the saying “tempest in a teacup” (which Wikipedia says is “storm in a teacup” in the U.K. ) which has a similar meaning to “making a mountain out of a molehill”
The snapchat story... When you get reprimanded for using your phone, THAT is the time to tell your manager that your mom is sick and your sorry. If he doesnt know the circumstances, he will reprimand you... This couldve been avoided
I agree but it also seems like OP might have posted the Snapchat rant while at work, which is not at all the same as texting her mother who is sick (or any other personal situation).
See I'd be really hesitant to give my manager sensitive info like that. I'd go "family emergency" at absolute best, I do not want a boss knowing the details of my mother's health situation. I get that it "could've been avoided" but honestly your boss doesn't have a right to your personal life and information (especially not if they've already shown themself to be a dick) and it sounds like OP was still carrying the brunt of the job so clearly her work wasn't suffering (the boss gets paid to stand there, not help, and yell at her for being on her phone---but of course she's the asshole for not sharing sensitive and scary info with a corporate entity). The real message here is about not letting coworkers have your social medias LMAO what a dick move on the part of the other guy to show the boss that Snapchat rant.
@@Ray-hk1zm your boss doesn’t have a right to know your personal life, but if they do not know there is a personal situation they also cannot be understanding of breaking the rules or not being with your head at work sometimes. It’s not about OP still doing her job or not, if phones are not allowed at work that is the rules. If she explains that she needs her phone because of a family situation and the manager doesn’t allow it, that is AH behaviour, but that wasn’t the case here and OP cannot expect the manager to just know It is an exceptional situation. We also don’t know if the manager is standing around doing nothing or if that is OP’s perception based on the fact she already doesn’t like him.
@@s.a.4358 There are too many managers that take advantage of knowing your personal life. You don't want to put yourself or your job at risk. A good manager will take a good employee at their word with no questions asked. Your work should not be privy to your personal life save for a doctor's note.
The McDonalds OP sounds like one of those "hey Internet, please tell me what I want to hear" people. I wonder if they replied any comments 🤔 Were they really there to get a second opinion or to latch on to the one comment that tells them they aren't in the wrong and to argue everyone else. I can't believe someone wrote that and didn't immediately notice how entitled they sound.
The fiance in the photo story sounds pretty toxic and controlling to react this extreme over someone so small and then to isolate her from her best friend of 10 years. Big red flag Edit: just wanna clarify that I'm not saying that IS why he's doing it, just that it's what came to my mind and what I'd be worried about if my friend was suddenly acting very out of character
The fiance of the friend of 10 years... my instinct is that he's just grabbing the first chance he can to isolate his fiance from her best friend :/ Maybe he's jealous of the friendship, or maybe he just hates that she spends any time with anyone but him, or maybe it's something else entirely, but that's my instinct. Big, big, big red flag to push for your fiance to end a friendship based on a benign non-negative comment... that's just wild to me. Red flags galore.
I agree. I don’t want to assume the fiancé is controlling - maybe he is just insecure or doesn’t like OP - but to me this sounds like a huge over-reaction that now the two friends cannot talk anymore at all. The fiancé can be mad and even if he is being dramatic, that’s okay (we can all be a bit dramatic at times), but that shouldn’t mean the friend can no longer talk to OP.
For the first one, yes you can be a drunk idiot and make mistakes, BUT when you sober up you still need to take accountability for those mistakes. It is SO important that it is even one entire step in recovery programs. I am not satýing OP is in need of that, just emphasizing how important accountability is.
Fiancé story: I would apologise. Now does she need to? Should she? Absolutely no to both … but I’m concerned. He is forbidding her from seeing OP over something so insane… I feel like this is a massive red flag to abuse and staying in her life is more important than defending themselves in over this in my opinion. Yes maybe she explained it poorly but the way this is playing out feels dangerous and a sign of a MUCH bigger issue
Fiancé is a walking red flag, I am genuinely scared for OP's friend. I've seen comments saying he's trying to isolate OP's friend I that was my first thought. Scary af.
"If you have a problem with me, why don't you just say so?" That is one of the biggest lies anyone in a managerial or other positions of power use. As you said, Shaaba, if you give your honest opinion, even if you try to filter it in a more professional manner, they will hold it against you until the end of time.
I’ve definitely had management like this, but I’ve also had managers that are great and if you give feedback they will gladly take it. One of my current managers walked in on a coworker trash talking her. She expressed why that was hurtful, then they had a meeting to discuss their differences and she explained her position on some of the reasons for some of the things she pointed out that she saw as issues. This helped greatly and very much improved their relationship.
This is often true and there’s for sure a power imbalance that can’t be ignored. I do think though that ‘if there’s a problem, tell me first’ is a pretty reasonable expectation in most cases. We have no reason to think OP had come to him with problems in the past and he hadn’t listened or that he wouldn’t be receptive. Anyone would be hurt to know that someone has an issue with you and instead of letting you know they make it known to others, including your colleagues. Like I said there’s a power imbalance and I’m not judging OP, I’ve done similar things and probably will do again, but it’s fair to want someone to tell you they’ve got an issue before voicing it to people you know and work with. In a lot of workplaces the bosses/managers don’t have much more power and don’t earn much more than other employees. Idk if that’s the case here or not but everywhere I’ve worked, my boss has been in a much more similar position to me than they are to the owner or CEO or something. OP didn’t tell her boss she needed accommodations due to her personal situation, got annoyed that he didn’t give her accommodations she never asked for, and vented where their colleagues could see. It’s not horrible behaviour and shit happens, but it’s a fair thing to be called out for.
second story: OPs fiance sounds abusive af. Imagine getting that mad over being mid-conversation in a photo. It sounds to me like he's saying stuff to OPs friend and causing this rift in a 10 year relationship. Could be isolating OPs friend. I hope they get out of that situation before the wedding.
I am genuinely worried about the friend in the fiancee story. If he is that quick to get so intensely fired up about such a small comment and refuses to even hear reason let alone consider it, I'm not sure that's a marriage she should be in. Something that overblown can't possibly be a one-time thing. What happens years down the road when the wife is the one who says something he takes exception to? Not to say "that's awful call off the wedding" because obviously I don't know them and all, but I really hope OP is able to keep in contact just in case.
The second story immediately set off a lot of red flags for me. The fiancé is giving a lot of bad vibes, I don’t think it’s on the friend, I think the fiancé is making her feel a certain way and it makes me worried for op
Altho it might be hurtful to hear "she said I should crop you out of the photo" (ignoring the context of why) there's no reason that that should lead to saying "you can't talk to that person bc they hurt my feelings." The reality is that person can feel hurt and even not have to forgive or whatever, but knowing that person is someone else's best friend in their life still means they shouldn't ask them to choose sides or say "i can't hear that person in my house" or whatever. The other person in your life is still allowed to choose how they want to spend their time and who with. It's up to you how you respond to that but dictating what others do around you isn't something you should do
Ranting about your job on social media isn't the best idea, but managers also just need to have thicker skin and not use emotional manipulation when they get their feelings hurt. Many supervisors respond to criticism with retaliation so addressing it directly isn't really possible.
This! Posting something negative on social media about a job is tricky as is, but OP knew her coworkers were able to see it. That’s just calling for drama.
When moving bathroom and underwear goes last. Always. You can live with little to none kitchen stuff for a bit, all the books and tidbits, vacuum cleaners and sport equipment and what's not can go into boxes for weeks and you will manage, the bathroom stuff and underwear needs to be packed last and unboxed first.
For the snapchat about their manager one, I say a light ESH. OP definitely messed up posting during work where coworkers can see, but I give them some grace because they're in a stressful situation and sometimes we do stupid things when we're stressed. It'd be a different story if OP does this regularly. It makes me roll my eyes when a jerk manager goes on about how nice they try to be and how others should treat them more fairly. While it's good that they had a direct conversation with OP and encouraged more open dialogue, they should have acknowledged that they could have asked OP if anything was wrong instead of assuming and reprimanding them. And if the manager truly thinks they're so "nice", they should self reflect on why others might not see them that way.
I've realised that Shaaba (and Jamie) are my favourite AITA reactors. Sometime I do find that Shaaba thinks too much about the story, but I also like that Shaaba thinks about the story. Some people are quick to make judgements, and give solutions. I like how Shaaba tries to break things down, and also looks at from different views. Love the Video's Shaaba
same, even if i disagree with her sometimes i do appreciate the fact that she tries to see all sides of the story and give people the benefit of the doubt instead of immediately making judgments and interpreting things in bad faith like most other ppl who engage in AITA tend to do
I have an older friend that does not like to swear, but when he feels the need to, he shouts out “Matcha Affogato”. 100% sounds like a cuss word when you are not expecting it…
For the second story, that is absolutely something my emotionally/mentally abusive step-dad would do. As a teenager I’ve made mistakes like being loud when he’s trying to sleep and when I tried to apologize I said “f-you” when he didn’t accept it. Because I said that he refused to talk to me for 13 years and only reached out to me recently to hopefully get me to gang up against my mother when she wanted a divorce. I’m not the first person he has completely cut someone off for a stupid reason.
honestly like not to be That Redditer but in the photo story the husband is just giving major red flag energy. you cannot convince me that a grown man (just any grown person, no matter of gender) who gets that upset about an innocuous comment about a single photo is not a red flag. Like it's just so immature and weird and the fact the friend hasn't been in contact with OP because of this is just?? like it feels like he may be a little controlling
I remember having a pizza-making party at Papa John’s as a teen, so you might be able to ask Domino’s if you could give it a try without having to be employed by them! It is kinda fun, you’re right!
Matcha and green tea does have taste/smell notes of “grassy” or “vegetal” as described on tea websites, but there’s a lot of other notes too. Kinda in the same way that people will say some herbs have a licorice taste-not the same at all, but the next closest thing. When you do try matcha, definitely look up the instructions and go easy on the powder, it can be *very strong* and I’ve put in a bit too much in the past and had it hurt my stomach.
With the manager- you can’t expect someone to support you if you don’t indicate that you need support. And while the way he said it wasn’t ideal, he may have been hurt that you didn’t trust him enough to talk to him about this and was trying (not very well) to tell you that he cares about you and expressing that he wants you to be open in the future.
the story about the manager could’ve been avoided! OP should know better imo 1) Have your socials private/ don’t add coworkers/manager or block them outright if you don’t want a private account 2) anytime I’ve ever had medical stuff, or family things going on, I went directly to my managers and they were always willing to accommodate me within what was reasonable given company policy. They cannot help if they don’t know. 3) If you have to be on your phone be discrete. it seems like it was possible OP wasn’t getting the work done fast enough/wasn’t doing it properly.
In the last story, I agree the husband shouldn't have yelled. At the same time, the way OP worded what they said makes me feel like they came on strong, probably out of frustration over their matcha covered necessities. I think I'll still say NAH because going through a transition period like when you're moving is stressful af
@@alex_blue5802 yeah, I don't think I'd take that "feedback" kindly either though I'd also be very frustrated if I had to unpack and clean a bunch of my things. Just sounds like the stress is getting to them and tension is high all around
for the first story, as someone whos been a closing manager and worked with new closing managers, you ABSOLUTELY need an experienced manager closing with you the first couple nights!! its difficult to practice closing procedures without actually closing the store and is also really stressful. thats for sure OP trying to deflect the blame onto someone else instead of taking accountablility for their own actions (and being ignorant of how customer service and management jobs work which is also *sshole-y of them)
Okay, for the first story, closing for a normal employee and closing for a manager/supervisor is completely different. Usually reg employees are just doing clean up, and shut down. Managers are also supposed take down the days numbers, reorder ingredients, put in any work orders, etc. So there's actually a lot to train for a closing manager. What a way to escape accountability on OP's part.
I’ve worked in many restaurants, and pizza is genuinely my favourite thing to make. Pizza places are usually pretty relaxed, and making pizzas is so satisfying, counting out and placing pepperoni, evenly spreading toppings, pulling a gorgeous cheesey disc out and cutting it into even slices. There is something genuinely rewarding in it, and I’m so intrigued to find out it’s something you are interested in doing. Do it, it will probably be a pretty great experience 😊
I am no longer a professional cook, I'm baking now, but I miss throwing pizza dough SO MUCH. It's so fun! I think imma make pizza at home now for the heck of it lol
I believe the saying is to make a mountain out of a molehill, however, make a mountain out of a teacup is darling and precious and i love it! I'm currently very ill and that was so, so cute and made my day thank you Shaaba!
The second story is screaming an abusive finance and this might be the first warning sign of the finance taking the first opportunity to isolate the woman. The red flags are that the woman is in trouble for something a friend said, he immediately went to you can’t speak to her at all, to the point where the woman has to hide calling her friend from him. If we can the friend from their word, which toss up if we can. But, the fact that the fiancé flip out over something so mundane.
3rd-- ESH she is kinda talking shite. Talking among colleagues is different than putting him on blast on social media. Boss is demonstrating why people don't talk to him-- he doesn't listen and gets worked up. When he and his friend (I assume) don't do their job for hours, who is she supposed to complain to?
The photo fiancé story is a huge red flag of some sort. A person who gets that upset from a minor criticism is going to be a very difficult person to live with. If OP is beibg accurate about how that was said, then he's got way too short of a fuse.
Uh oh. The fiance sounds like he's using an abuser tactic: isolation. He is starting to isolate his fiance from her best friend. He is making a tiny issue into a big deal and making it his fiances problem by having her cut communication from her friend. I've seen this tactic. It's always confusing to friends and family who are starting to be cut out for strange things, until they eventually find out that more into the relationship, after she's trapped in marriage and often rushed into kids right after, she is in a DV situation.
If the fiancé in the 10 year story is expecting friend to ditch OP over this comment and the friend does it, then maybe she was not a friend worth having in the first place
The reason you can't have sauce or extra pieces on flurries (in the uk at least) is because of sugar tax. If it were allowed, the price would have to increase to make up for the increased tax on it. The reason they can't add certain things to certain burgers is the calorie/fat/salt amount. I worked at mcdonald's while in uni, so I know a lot about what goes on. Also, the manager learning how to do the close would probably be learning how to balance the safe, total the waste, put through the clocks, and a couple more boring admin stuff. Crew members aren't allowed to do that stuff, so you don't learn it until you become a manager (not saying crew never do it, just not meant to). Another thing, if you want the freshest food, go during busy times but not jam packed, you will have to wait an extra minute but the food is moving so fast it's almost always fresh. Or in the middle of the night, and it'll be cooked to order (yes, that means your burger will take 5 minutes). Worst time for fresh food is breakfast/main menu switch, the food has been cooked 15-30 mins before the switch to make sure it's cooked properly and sat in the UHC (universal heating cabinet) until orders come in
The wedding photo one is confusing and hard to give judgement on, mostly because there is a middle man (woman). Why was the fiance upset? Did OP literally just say that he looked mid-conversation, or did they say anything else that might have come off as rude? Was he just upset that he was cropped out of one of the photos? Was this particular photo posted on social media with him cropped out? The fact that OP says they only said that he looked mid-sentence but wasn't confused about why he asked "is that how you really feel about me?" gets me to wonder if OP actually said something different. So I say NMI
I keep wondering if either OP has left something out, the bride has explained poorly, or the groom does not know what "mid-conversation" means and is mixing it up with the newer slang term Mid (as Shaaba almost did at the beginning). It's so bizarre.
The photoshoot/fiance story: I agree with Shaaba that something sounds off in this story. It may be, as others have suggested, that the fiance is trying to isolate the best friend from OP. But for some reason my mind leans the other way - that best friend is using fiance as an excuse. As in, fiance isn't really mad and friend is only saying he is as an excuse to cutting OP out. (Maybe fiance complimented OP or OP complimented fiance in pictures and friend got worried/jealous.)
I feel like this is the second most likely scenario, after the fiancé being coercive, but imo there’s a big difference in likelihood. Signs of subtle abuse are a lot harder to catch than signs someone doesn’t want to be your friend anymore, so it makes more sense to me that OP missed the signs of coercive control than she missed hints that her friend is trying to get rid of her. I’d still believe your theory over taking the situation at face value, there’s no way they’re in a healthy relationship AND the friend isn’t trying to get rid of OP AND the fiancé is so upset by this that it’s causing a rift between them.
There's a lot to be said about the pomp and ceremony that can go with it, but most simply, matcha tastes like really intense green tea. It has a slightly vegetal taste (which is why most people say it tastes like grass) but if you like green tea ice cream, you'll probably like it.
As for the first story, sure the friend didn't get fired but that doesn't mean it didn't effect his job, it's completely possible that the manager didn't care enough to fire him but did care enough that when the time comes to promote someone that indecent hurts his chances, which to me is what makes it particularly frustrating that OP is saying he didn't get fired so no harm done, work place issues aren't necessarily so binary as everything's great or you're fired. On another note I'd just like to say I've worked some crappy jobs but the one day I spent working at McDonald's is by far the worst job experience I've ever had and doing anything to make someone working there's shift any more stressful than it needs to be / already is makes you the AH.
Matcha is one of those things that you either like or don't, but can also grow on you. Especially if you try it in different forms and amounts! (like baked goods, lattes, ice cream or mochi 😋) Btw, matcha does contain caffeine, so be mindful of that. 🍵
I love matcha and matcha flavored treats! It's just a certain type of green tea so not that different from other green teas or green tea treats. I think some people run into issues of how they use it. If you use too much, it can be grainy and unpleasant. Just gonna take some trial and error to find what you like
wait hang on, I'm really hung up on the idea that working dominoes can be as enjoyable as cooking mama lol. is the US just THAT BAD with worker's rights? you mean to tell me working food service in other countries can actually be a fun and fulfilling career, not just a dehumanizing nightmare gauntlet for survival?
That overreaction of the fiancee is totally unnecessary. That comment is nothing to get upset about. This guy is just looking for some excuse to ditch the friend. The relationship doesnt seem to be a down to earth equal thing. Shaaba, its "It's a storm in a tea cup" and "Making a mountain out of a mole hill" You're welcome 😁😁
Hard agree with Shaaba's last point that HOW you say something makes a big difference in the kind of reaction you get and whether or not YTA. I think about that a lot in these stories
For the last story: They are both moving so they should both be packing. OP didn’t write how much he is „helping“ them but he is not „helping OP“, he is packing both of their things, like OP does as well. I get that maybe he didn’t pack the best way he could but also he just didn’t think about what items can already be stored away and what do they still need. He could have also noticed the matcha powder being open. All think that maybe he „just didn’t notice“ or „just wanting to help“ but he still added more stress so I think OP is right for calling him out and wanting a bit more thoughtful help
Time and again, I have to push against this whole thing of "The truth Lying somewhere in between two perspectives". Thinking like this is exactly how we end up with the kind of politics we have today. Sometimes there is truth and there is lies. Sometimes one person is being the a******. Sorry, but when you have been living a portion of your teens exploited by a really unpleasant group who did exactly this to you ALL THE TIME It kind of grates to hear people claim There is always lies on both sides.
Get what you’re saying but there’s a massive difference between both sides-ing political/humanitarian beliefs and thinking that interpersonal situations can look different depending on who you’re hearing it from
Hearing the story of fiancé and 10-year friendship reminded me of a friend/boss who ran a business where I met my now fiancé. There was a lot of stuff going on and more people involved, but it came down to her disliking things he did and said in a work context and how she reacted to it, I tried to keep the peace but eventually I was too tired to be kind... it was a tense time where the business went down and she moved away, but this fight really drove us apart. We've talked a few times since, but it's never been the way it was before... :(
I used to work in McDonald's. The mangers at my store allowed customers to request sauces on there ice-cream BUT we had to put though one of the 20p sauces (those bigger pots of dip) to charge them for it. Then obviously inform the ppl giving out the orders about it/do the order ourselves if it was only the ice-cream they ordered. It really wasn't that big of a deal. The only time it was an issue was when it was busy. We even had chiller managers who didn't care about charging them extra for it. So I'm only 2 minutes 30 into the video but I'm gonna say not the arsehole. Especially if it's quite when they asked for it. Edit: Oh f off OP. Definitely the drama. You know it's a thing that could get them in trouble with certain managers. Even if the strict mangers normally aren't there why take the risk? Are you actively trying to get your friend in trouble? Also it's pretty standard - at least in McDonald's - to be "babysat" by an experienced manger until you're comfortable being alone running the shift. Being the person that's solely in charge is a manger-only thing. Of course you aren't going to get experience with it until the actual promotion. Same goes for things like closing and opening. Only a manger is able to do that. That's why the term trainee manger exists. A person who is seen as responsible enough to be manger. So is being trained on the manger responsibilities. Also even they hadn't officially been promoted yet. That training session to teach them how to close would still need to happen. Definitely the arsehole.
Second one, it feels like really big red flag. If what OP relays is actually what happened then I wonder why the fiance is being such a Drama. It doesn't sit right. Is he trying to use this as an excuse to isolate his fiancee from you (her friends)? It might seem like a big leap but I have been in a similar situation as OP, having someone close being isolated from me (and the rest of the family) and it all started with a feather like this (making a hen of a feather you know...) - something rally small that the "victim" could not "get over" and then eventuallty became "afraid of" _me_ so they did not have to be in the same room as me, which made it so that my family member couldn't either. The penny did drop with my family member at some point and now we have a relationship again. At the time I wanted to take accountability and clear it all up and I thought it was just a problem between me and the "victim". But it turned out that they had found a similar issue with every family member of their SA (my family member) and was isolating them from us all. I tell you, keep your antennas up. This is how it can start. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
13:47 is best friend the only one he's done this to if yes he want to end their friendship because he's jealous, if no then he's trying to destroy her network so he can isolated and control her (I worry that it could be the later because not wanting HER to talk her friend seems overly controlling)
4:38 yeesh what a big drama. If yoy order something you know you arent "supposed to" either be secretive about it or dont specifially call someone out ! They could have lost their job. Its one thing if its 3am an your friend just does it for you once in a while but all the time ? Apologize to the friend and the manager Goodness id never have the audacity The way id be like "im sorry add an EXTRA thing on my order or buying something extra" SOMETHING lol to save them and not get them in trouble
Last story - this is why i don't allow workplace colleagues on my socials. As I've had a friend get fired for complaining about her manager online and her "friend" at work showed said manager and she was instantly dismissed. I then realised how catty and unkind some people in the workplace can be and that it's a boundary issue too, etc. So, no work ppl permitted on my socials and the *only* caveat is if it is a public profile e.g. i have a private and a public IG. The public IG doesn't contain anything inappropriate or that could be used against me in a workplace setting.
I find I only like matcha when it has something mixed in with it. Like matcha with a little lemonade (can look awful, but it's so good) or pineapple juice. It just needs a little something to cut the edge of the green flavor and bring out the underlining notes.
3:00 I work at a Pizza Place and while it is fun that's because I have a good boss/good management, having to do my job in a less chill environment at a place that sells crappier pizza sounds very lame. FYI I am the dishwasher so I see most of the back-of-the house stuff, also I get little advantages like free ranch! (But it's a hard rule that these are for the employees, not their family/friends)
In the 2nd story I think this behavior even potentially goes beyond just coercive control. This is a huge red flag for emotional abuse. And before abusers escalate to domestic violence, they start cutting off their partners from friends and family. It’s a way to assure that it’s harder to escape the abuse when it gets bad. Not saying this is definitely what’s happening here, but I think it’s important to specify
The story about the manager with the phone. You need to look at your own relationship with him, not others relationships. I understand that people rant about him, but that is their story. I so many times had a good relationship with a boss, and other people were annoyed with them. But I didn't see it their way. When people start ranting in a group like that, you create a picture of him through the eyes of someone else.
The last couple sounds just like my parents and OP is totally not the drama. Their fiance needs to be 100% less sensitive and open to seeing things from other points of view. As long as OP handled it sensitively, they were being entirely rational and dancing around their fiance's feelings will just lead to an entire marriage of walking on eggshells around his issues and trying to compensate. They are right not to set that precedent. It's good that they are letting their partner know that they expect to be able to have real conversations and offer constructive criticisms without getting an immature reaction.
I found Shaaba using the phrase "bug on a windshield" really interesting because 1) often English people say windscreen instead of windshield, and 2) because in my experience I hardly ever see bugs on a windshield anymore, especially compared to when I was a new driver.
Snapchat story: this is why I don't usually allow coworkers on my social media, and often don't even put the name of my workplace on my social media, so if I say something about a coworker on there, they won't know, and I cant get in trouble for "making the business look bad."
1st story: YTD even if manager wasn't there they revealed her breaking rules to co-workers 2nd story: I have never been offended by having it pointed out I was blinking or talking. I am sensitive about photos bc I hate 90% of photos of me. This comment was pretty harmless. What really concerns me is how controlling and out of control angry this guy is acting. I agree with those saying he wants to destroy the relationship. I am also mad at friend bc his feelings are valid and justified, but OP has to eat her feelings. I would step back from this relationship, but let her know you are there, bc I truly feel this friend is in an abusive relationship. Seen it too many times. They often hide it until they start getting you locked down in commitment. OP is NTD. I hope you are right Shaaba bc I hate the idea of anyone in an abusive relationship, but so many abusive relationships start with small, seemingly ridiculous scenarios. The saying is making a mountain out of a mole hill.
For the second one I have to play devil's advocate for a second (I know, I know) It sounds like the conversation went like this OP: "you look amazing, you should crop him out" *Fiance leaves feeling hurt* OP: "your fiance looks like he was mid conversation" I could see how the fiancé might be feeling like the friend is trying to "get rid of him" especially if he didn't hear the rest of the conversation. Or (if op and friend are anything like me and my friends) OP was doing some ribbing that just went wrong. Who knows, maybe OP was doing tons of passive agressive you-can-do-better comments for months and fiance just had enough. I do think it is a ESH. OP for not trying to see the fiance's side, friend for not standing up for OP/finding a middle ground, and fiance for either taking it too seriously or not communicating with OP.
Fiance story is massive red flags for abuse. He is Super Angry about this? To the point where the friend is saying wait to apologize. To the point where he insists that she cannot call bc he cant "hear her voice"... why does he have to hear her voice at all? Does he listen in on all his fiancees calls? Why would that mean friend has to wait until weekend to sneak a call with OP? This is straight up isolation behavior
That first story, OP is the drama. I would never EVER expect my friend to break rules for me! If they got in trouble because of me I'd feel horrible. I don't know about a teacup, but I think you might be thinking of the phrase "making a mountain out of a mole hill." What does "switched on" mean?
"He had to leave the room so that he wouldn't curse me out" Yo, if he felt like cursing someone out over saying "hey, he looks midsentence in this photo so you oughta crop it," that's an anger issue he _really_ needs to work on. Then his sheer inability to talk to his fiancé's bestie right then and there, directly, responsibly, or at least bring it up later? But instead send his fiancée as his messenger?... This is just layers upon layers of emotional immaturity and possessiveness. In another story, if I were the manager and had a worker texting when they know they shouldn't, I'd probably first ask if everything's okay. As a rule follower, I kind of expect others to be as well (they aren't lol). Most times if I ask if someone's ok they go "Oh yeah everything's fine!" then I'm like well you know you shouldn't do that right? But if things aren't okay usually it turns into a little crying and hugs all around. It's better to come from a place of compassion, even if you don't know what's going on. And I'm gonna put that responsibility mainly on the authority figure.
The fiancé in the 10 year relationship story sounds like he’s jealous of their friendship and has taken the first opportunity to drive a wedge.
I was thinking more that he's potentially abusive (even if not physically YET) and is using this to isolate his soon to be wife...MAJOR RED FLAGS
I thought the same thing- he’s annoyed by how close they are (jealousy, controlling, both, who knows) so it’s not really about the photo, he just doesn’t want his fiancé to talk to her best friend.
I was thinking an isolating abuse tactic. My best friend ended our relationship due to a comment I made that her fiancée thought was "self-centered". It broke my heart thinking I had ruined my friendship. Later found out that she had also cut ties with her other friends and only was friends with her fiancée's friends after that. It's an isolation tactic, to find small flaws in a partner's friends and blow them up to get your partner to stop talking to or hanging out with them.
That is exactly what happend to my best (girl)friend about 8 years ago... He isolated her from her family and friends, and then from me...I gave up because I was so hurt that she really thought I would do her any harm, after 10 years of friendship! While this fat old man divorced her from her family and friends. I am still worried but gave up on her. She chose this. Not victim blaming, but she kicked me out to be with this man... What should I have done?
@@lemcy1256 I'm sorry that happened to you. It's been about 3 years for me, and I still think about her all the time. For the longest time, I didn't realize it wasn't my fault. I would tell the situation to my other friends and they all told me that I hadn't done anything wrong, but I couldn't believe that she had just ended our friendship for no reason. It's not actually until recently that I realized... It was probably abuse. She met, got engaged to, and married her fiancée within the span of 6 months, and then within a year she had abandoned all of her old friends. I've been thinking of reaching out to her, just to say one last time... "I'm here if you ever want to reconnect." Maybe she feels lonely and wishes she could reach out but doesn't feel like she has the right to... Or maybe she never thinks of me at all. Either way, I think I need to say that one last thing so she knows she hasn't fully destroyed that bridge.
Life hack for packing to move house! Each person should pack a suitcase as if they are going to be traveling for the length of time before the move and then live out of those suitcases for that time. That way, you do not accidentally put any necessities into boxes and you can be sure that everything you do not have in your suitcase is good to be put in boxes/storage. I do this every time I move!
19:21 I may be cynical but there are 2 darker options here too: 1) dude isn't actually that mad and friend looking for an excuse to ditch
2) he is isolating her as preliminary for abusive behaviour later on
I agree, both of those options crossed my mind and OP should definitely try to meet their friend and make sure they are okay. Or figure out if the friendship is actually as strong as it seemed
I've thought about the 1st one, it's very likely unfortunately. The second one can also be the case, or maybe the guy's just generally being possessive - like not straight up abusive but unhealthily jealous.
Same thought process here, alarm bells going off.
@@ameliab324 Not trying to be a ‘well actually 🤓’ person here but being possessive and jealous to the point that you control your partner’s relationships IS abuse. We all feel jealous at times, but the way it’s being acted on is coercive control, which is abuse.
If this is a one off then it could be argued it’s not abuse since it’s not a pattern, but the friend’s willingness to go along with it when she had no problem with what the friend said initially makes it seem like this is an ongoing thing.
Cutting off your friend of a decade because your partner is ‘unhealthily jealous’ isn’t normal and isn’t something that happens in a relationship that’s not abusive.
@@leggyegg2890 Yeah I meant that he might not be isolating her because he's planning to abuse her in some other ways, but that his only toxic behaviour is this jealousy\possessiveness.
In the wedding photo one, the fiance sounds controlling and is trying to isolate OP's friend. Maybe I'm being dramatic but it's such an overreaction to "you don't look good in this photo". It's one thing for the fiance to say he doesn't want to see or talk to OP. It's another to demand his partner limit her interaction with her friend.
Not only that, OP's friend said that they had to leave because he wanted to cuss her out. That's unhinged.
OP saying he doesn't look good in that one photo is not at all critical of him, but of the photographer. If he's blowing it that far out of proportion, he's got some kind of problem, and potentially has anger issues.
Yeah, the fact that he isn't just doing things that change his behavior but is trying to get his partner to not talk over the phone is such a push. That's very controlling.
2nd-- NTA it sounds like the engaged friend is in a bad relationship. The fiance seems to be controlling her a lot. She can't talk to her friend because he's mad. What would he do if she talked when he was home?
Also, aren't headphones a thing, if he doesn't want to hear her voice? Why does this feel like he's trying to cut her off from her social circle?
But also, too mad to be hearing appologies, after a week?! Yeah that man is controlling
I agree, and it seems like the friend / girlfriend is not able to differentiate between what her partner feels and the friendship of 10 years. It does make me wonder if the fiancé is controlling, trying to isolate her from her friends, they are going through a rough patch and the friend is worried about loosing the fiancé. Just throwing out some options and obviously we do not really know, but it sounds like a very drastic reaction that the friends cannot talk anymore. The fiancé can feel what he feels (even if yes, he is being dramatic), but if this is truly a friendship the friend shouldn’t have to drop everything. I don’t like all of my partner’s friends but that doesn’t mean they cannot be friends.
"I stole Jamie's chair and he can't do anything about it!" 😂😂
The phrase is making a mountain out of a molehill or ant hill
Making a fountain out of teacup makes sense too tbh a bit more cause other people throw coins (their opinions) into fountains which makes it bigger and then a fountain can overflow and it never stops flowing until the tap (first person) turns it off.
I think she is mixing it with the saying “tempest in a teacup” (which Wikipedia says is “storm in a teacup” in the U.K. ) which has a similar meaning to “making a mountain out of a molehill”
@@MichelleK.B.I thought the same 😸
The snapchat story... When you get reprimanded for using your phone, THAT is the time to tell your manager that your mom is sick and your sorry. If he doesnt know the circumstances, he will reprimand you... This couldve been avoided
I agree but it also seems like OP might have posted the Snapchat rant while at work, which is not at all the same as texting her mother who is sick (or any other personal situation).
See I'd be really hesitant to give my manager sensitive info like that. I'd go "family emergency" at absolute best, I do not want a boss knowing the details of my mother's health situation. I get that it "could've been avoided" but honestly your boss doesn't have a right to your personal life and information (especially not if they've already shown themself to be a dick) and it sounds like OP was still carrying the brunt of the job so clearly her work wasn't suffering (the boss gets paid to stand there, not help, and yell at her for being on her phone---but of course she's the asshole for not sharing sensitive and scary info with a corporate entity). The real message here is about not letting coworkers have your social medias LMAO what a dick move on the part of the other guy to show the boss that Snapchat rant.
@@Ray-hk1zm your boss doesn’t have a right to know your personal life, but if they do not know there is a personal situation they also cannot be understanding of breaking the rules or not being with your head at work sometimes. It’s not about OP still doing her job or not, if phones are not allowed at work that is the rules. If she explains that she needs her phone because of a family situation and the manager doesn’t allow it, that is AH behaviour, but that wasn’t the case here and OP cannot expect the manager to just know
It is an exceptional situation.
We also don’t know if the manager is standing around doing nothing or if that is OP’s perception based on the fact she already doesn’t like him.
@@s.a.4358yeah there’s no other way to determine that someone needs special accommodations without some basic background info on the situation
@@s.a.4358 There are too many managers that take advantage of knowing your personal life. You don't want to put yourself or your job at risk. A good manager will take a good employee at their word with no questions asked. Your work should not be privy to your personal life save for a doctor's note.
Making a molehill into a mountain, tempest in a teacup. Same idea, making something out of nothing.
Yes!! In Brazil we say a tempest in a glass of water!
The McDonalds OP sounds like one of those "hey Internet, please tell me what I want to hear" people. I wonder if they replied any comments 🤔 Were they really there to get a second opinion or to latch on to the one comment that tells them they aren't in the wrong and to argue everyone else. I can't believe someone wrote that and didn't immediately notice how entitled they sound.
Starting with that disingenuous title.
They sound very immature and entitled. Just because the friends often can do a favour doesn’t mean they are entitled to it. It’s a favour!
The fiance in the photo story sounds pretty toxic and controlling to react this extreme over someone so small and then to isolate her from her best friend of 10 years. Big red flag
Edit: just wanna clarify that I'm not saying that IS why he's doing it, just that it's what came to my mind and what I'd be worried about if my friend was suddenly acting very out of character
That was my immediate gut reaction
The fiance of the friend of 10 years... my instinct is that he's just grabbing the first chance he can to isolate his fiance from her best friend :/ Maybe he's jealous of the friendship, or maybe he just hates that she spends any time with anyone but him, or maybe it's something else entirely, but that's my instinct. Big, big, big red flag to push for your fiance to end a friendship based on a benign non-negative comment... that's just wild to me. Red flags galore.
I agree. I don’t want to assume the fiancé is controlling - maybe he is just insecure or doesn’t like OP - but to me this sounds like a huge over-reaction that now the two friends cannot talk anymore at all. The fiancé can be mad and even if he is being dramatic, that’s okay (we can all be a bit dramatic at times), but that shouldn’t mean the friend can no longer talk to OP.
For the first one, yes you can be a drunk idiot and make mistakes, BUT when you sober up you still need to take accountability for those mistakes.
It is SO important that it is even one entire step in recovery programs. I am not satýing OP is in need of that, just emphasizing how important accountability is.
Fiancé story: I would apologise. Now does she need to? Should she? Absolutely no to both … but I’m concerned. He is forbidding her from seeing OP over something so insane… I feel like this is a massive red flag to abuse and staying in her life is more important than defending themselves in over this in my opinion. Yes maybe she explained it poorly but the way this is playing out feels dangerous and a sign of a MUCH bigger issue
Fiancé is a walking red flag, I am genuinely scared for OP's friend. I've seen comments saying he's trying to isolate OP's friend I that was my first thought. Scary af.
"If you have a problem with me, why don't you just say so?" That is one of the biggest lies anyone in a managerial or other positions of power use. As you said, Shaaba, if you give your honest opinion, even if you try to filter it in a more professional manner, they will hold it against you until the end of time.
I’ve definitely had management like this, but I’ve also had managers that are great and if you give feedback they will gladly take it.
One of my current managers walked in on a coworker trash talking her. She expressed why that was hurtful, then they had a meeting to discuss their differences and she explained her position on some of the reasons for some of the things she pointed out that she saw as issues.
This helped greatly and very much improved their relationship.
This is often true and there’s for sure a power imbalance that can’t be ignored. I do think though that ‘if there’s a problem, tell me first’ is a pretty reasonable expectation in most cases.
We have no reason to think OP had come to him with problems in the past and he hadn’t listened or that he wouldn’t be receptive. Anyone would be hurt to know that someone has an issue with you and instead of letting you know they make it known to others, including your colleagues.
Like I said there’s a power imbalance and I’m not judging OP, I’ve done similar things and probably will do again, but it’s fair to want someone to tell you they’ve got an issue before voicing it to people you know and work with.
In a lot of workplaces the bosses/managers don’t have much more power and don’t earn much more than other employees. Idk if that’s the case here or not but everywhere I’ve worked, my boss has been in a much more similar position to me than they are to the owner or CEO or something.
OP didn’t tell her boss she needed accommodations due to her personal situation, got annoyed that he didn’t give her accommodations she never asked for, and vented where their colleagues could see. It’s not horrible behaviour and shit happens, but it’s a fair thing to be called out for.
second story: OPs fiance sounds abusive af. Imagine getting that mad over being mid-conversation in a photo. It sounds to me like he's saying stuff to OPs friend and causing this rift in a 10 year relationship. Could be isolating OPs friend. I hope they get out of that situation before the wedding.
I am genuinely worried about the friend in the fiancee story. If he is that quick to get so intensely fired up about such a small comment and refuses to even hear reason let alone consider it, I'm not sure that's a marriage she should be in. Something that overblown can't possibly be a one-time thing. What happens years down the road when the wife is the one who says something he takes exception to? Not to say "that's awful call off the wedding" because obviously I don't know them and all, but I really hope OP is able to keep in contact just in case.
a) "storm in a teacup"
b) "making a mountain out of a molehill"
The photo situation sounds like he's trying to isolate his fiance for greater power and control.
The second story immediately set off a lot of red flags for me. The fiancé is giving a lot of bad vibes, I don’t think it’s on the friend, I think the fiancé is making her feel a certain way and it makes me worried for op
“Turning a teacup into a mountain” is probably the most British phrase I’ve ever heard. 💚
Altho it might be hurtful to hear "she said I should crop you out of the photo" (ignoring the context of why) there's no reason that that should lead to saying "you can't talk to that person bc they hurt my feelings." The reality is that person can feel hurt and even not have to forgive or whatever, but knowing that person is someone else's best friend in their life still means they shouldn't ask them to choose sides or say "i can't hear that person in my house" or whatever. The other person in your life is still allowed to choose how they want to spend their time and who with. It's up to you how you respond to that but dictating what others do around you isn't something you should do
Very worrying that the solution is to forbid her from talking to her friend, rather than taking any steps himself.
Ranting about your job on social media isn't the best idea, but managers also just need to have thicker skin and not use emotional manipulation when they get their feelings hurt. Many supervisors respond to criticism with retaliation so addressing it directly isn't really possible.
26:26 this is exactly why I have a private story called "I hate my job (don't snitch 😤)" with just some close friends who don't work with me on it
This! Posting something negative on social media about a job is tricky as is, but OP knew her coworkers were able to see it. That’s just calling for drama.
This is the way to go about it lmao nothing wrong with talking shit about your job but there’s a time and place
When moving bathroom and underwear goes last. Always. You can live with little to none kitchen stuff for a bit, all the books and tidbits, vacuum cleaners and sport equipment and what's not can go into boxes for weeks and you will manage, the bathroom stuff and underwear needs to be packed last and unboxed first.
For the snapchat about their manager one, I say a light ESH.
OP definitely messed up posting during work where coworkers can see, but I give them some grace because they're in a stressful situation and sometimes we do stupid things when we're stressed. It'd be a different story if OP does this regularly.
It makes me roll my eyes when a jerk manager goes on about how nice they try to be and how others should treat them more fairly. While it's good that they had a direct conversation with OP and encouraged more open dialogue, they should have acknowledged that they could have asked OP if anything was wrong instead of assuming and reprimanding them. And if the manager truly thinks they're so "nice", they should self reflect on why others might not see them that way.
I've realised that Shaaba (and Jamie) are my favourite AITA reactors. Sometime I do find that Shaaba thinks too much about the story, but I also like that Shaaba thinks about the story. Some people are quick to make judgements, and give solutions. I like how Shaaba tries to break things down, and also looks at from different views. Love the Video's Shaaba
I love them usually too but sometimes shaaba gives people too much grace or generally can't see outside her life experience
@@llynxfyremusic that does happen sometimes
same, even if i disagree with her sometimes i do appreciate the fact that she tries to see all sides of the story and give people the benefit of the doubt instead of immediately making judgments and interpreting things in bad faith like most other ppl who engage in AITA tend to do
"pimp your mcflurry" sounds like a euphemism for something. but it's not in this video. lol not a phrase i would have expected to hear
17:58 i believe you're combining two sayings 1 being 'don't make a mountain out of a mole hill' and 'dont cry over spilt tea'
Or the storm in a teacup, perhaps?
Tempest in a tea cup
@@Rolbell Apparently it's a storm in British English and a tempest in American English 🤷
Isn't it "don't cry over spilt milk", never heard the tea version (which seems odd as a Brit, we would cry over tea 😅)
@@EdibleStars369 I must of miss rememberd it? Or I heard a jokeing version of it
FYI... you're mixing two phrases, someone might be "Making a mountain out of a mole-hill"... or some situation might be a "tempest in a teapot".
I was assuming Shaaba was a combined 'mountain out of a mole hill' with 'don't cry over spilt tea'
Oh thats interesting, we say "storm in a teacup" in the UK, never heard the "tempest in a teapot" variant
IT'S THAT TIME OF THE WEEK AGAIN
you knoooow it! 🎣 🍑 ✨
I have an older friend that does not like to swear, but when he feels the need to, he shouts out “Matcha Affogato”. 100% sounds like a cuss word when you are not expecting it…
For the second story, that is absolutely something my emotionally/mentally abusive step-dad would do. As a teenager I’ve made mistakes like being loud when he’s trying to sleep and when I tried to apologize I said “f-you” when he didn’t accept it. Because I said that he refused to talk to me for 13 years and only reached out to me recently to hopefully get me to gang up against my mother when she wanted a divorce. I’m not the first person he has completely cut someone off for a stupid reason.
honestly like not to be That Redditer but in the photo story the husband is just giving major red flag energy. you cannot convince me that a grown man (just any grown person, no matter of gender) who gets that upset about an innocuous comment about a single photo is not a red flag. Like it's just so immature and weird and the fact the friend hasn't been in contact with OP because of this is just?? like it feels like he may be a little controlling
Literally. What happens if his fiance says something thT upsets him? Is he going to get ridiculously angry and ban her from speaking/worse?
@@leobeboop4944 exactly!
Photo hurt feelings manchild is the biggest baby I've ever heard of. I can't believe that's a grown man. Absolutely insane 😂
“Manchild” was the exact thing that came to mind for me too 😅
I remember having a pizza-making party at Papa John’s as a teen, so you might be able to ask Domino’s if you could give it a try without having to be employed by them! It is kinda fun, you’re right!
I LOVE the phrase you came up with "making a mountain out of a teacup" I'm going to use that from now on
Matcha and green tea does have taste/smell notes of “grassy” or “vegetal” as described on tea websites, but there’s a lot of other notes too. Kinda in the same way that people will say some herbs have a licorice taste-not the same at all, but the next closest thing.
When you do try matcha, definitely look up the instructions and go easy on the powder, it can be *very strong* and I’ve put in a bit too much in the past and had it hurt my stomach.
I find that it tastes like a combination of grass and the ocean (in a good way)
My best way to describe it would be "A warm peppermint tea that is warm instead of minty". It both makes no sense and all the sense.
With the manager- you can’t expect someone to support you if you don’t indicate that you need support.
And while the way he said it wasn’t ideal, he may have been hurt that you didn’t trust him enough to talk to him about this and was trying (not very well) to tell you that he cares about you and expressing that he wants you to be open in the future.
4:41 NO way, no respect at all! It's nice that she wouldn't be impacted by her "friend" losing her job!!! Selfish AF!!!
the story about the manager could’ve been avoided! OP should know better imo
1) Have your socials private/ don’t add coworkers/manager or block them outright if you don’t want a private account
2) anytime I’ve ever had medical stuff, or family things going on, I went directly to my managers and they were always willing to accommodate me within what was reasonable given company policy. They cannot help if they don’t know.
3) If you have to be on your phone be discrete. it seems like it was possible OP wasn’t getting the work done fast enough/wasn’t doing it properly.
In the last story, I agree the husband shouldn't have yelled. At the same time, the way OP worded what they said makes me feel like they came on strong, probably out of frustration over their matcha covered necessities. I think I'll still say NAH because going through a transition period like when you're moving is stressful af
"you need to be more switched on," is not helpful feedback. It really doesn't address the specific problem, and it feels condescending.
@@alex_blue5802 yeah, I don't think I'd take that "feedback" kindly either though I'd also be very frustrated if I had to unpack and clean a bunch of my things. Just sounds like the stress is getting to them and tension is high all around
for the first story, as someone whos been a closing manager and worked with new closing managers, you ABSOLUTELY need an experienced manager closing with you the first couple nights!! its difficult to practice closing procedures without actually closing the store and is also really stressful. thats for sure OP trying to deflect the blame onto someone else instead of taking accountablility for their own actions (and being ignorant of how customer service and management jobs work which is also *sshole-y of them)
Okay, for the first story, closing for a normal employee and closing for a manager/supervisor is completely different. Usually reg employees are just doing clean up, and shut down. Managers are also supposed take down the days numbers, reorder ingredients, put in any work orders, etc. So there's actually a lot to train for a closing manager. What a way to escape accountability on OP's part.
I’ve worked in many restaurants, and pizza is genuinely my favourite thing to make. Pizza places are usually pretty relaxed, and making pizzas is so satisfying, counting out and placing pepperoni, evenly spreading toppings, pulling a gorgeous cheesey disc out and cutting it into even slices. There is something genuinely rewarding in it, and I’m so intrigued to find out it’s something you are interested in doing. Do it, it will probably be a pretty great experience 😊
I am no longer a professional cook, I'm baking now, but I miss throwing pizza dough SO MUCH. It's so fun! I think imma make pizza at home now for the heck of it lol
I believe the saying is to make a mountain out of a molehill, however, make a mountain out of a teacup is darling and precious and i love it! I'm currently very ill and that was so, so cute and made my day thank you Shaaba!
The second story is screaming an abusive finance and this might be the first warning sign of the finance taking the first opportunity to isolate the woman. The red flags are that the woman is in trouble for something a friend said, he immediately went to you can’t speak to her at all, to the point where the woman has to hide calling her friend from him. If we can the friend from their word, which toss up if we can. But, the fact that the fiancé flip out over something so mundane.
3rd-- ESH she is kinda talking shite. Talking among colleagues is different than putting him on blast on social media. Boss is demonstrating why people don't talk to him-- he doesn't listen and gets worked up. When he and his friend (I assume) don't do their job for hours, who is she supposed to complain to?
The photo fiancé story is a huge red flag of some sort.
A person who gets that upset from a minor criticism is going to be a very difficult person to live with. If OP is beibg accurate about how that was said, then he's got way too short of a fuse.
Uh oh. The fiance sounds like he's using an abuser tactic: isolation. He is starting to isolate his fiance from her best friend. He is making a tiny issue into a big deal and making it his fiances problem by having her cut communication from her friend. I've seen this tactic. It's always confusing to friends and family who are starting to be cut out for strange things, until they eventually find out that more into the relationship, after she's trapped in marriage and often rushed into kids right after, she is in a DV situation.
If the fiancé in the 10 year story is expecting friend to ditch OP over this comment and the friend does it, then maybe she was not a friend worth having in the first place
Congratulations on 150K subscribers!
I loved seeing Shaaba do “a round of applause” like I’ve done since I was a kid.
The reason you can't have sauce or extra pieces on flurries (in the uk at least) is because of sugar tax. If it were allowed, the price would have to increase to make up for the increased tax on it. The reason they can't add certain things to certain burgers is the calorie/fat/salt amount. I worked at mcdonald's while in uni, so I know a lot about what goes on. Also, the manager learning how to do the close would probably be learning how to balance the safe, total the waste, put through the clocks, and a couple more boring admin stuff. Crew members aren't allowed to do that stuff, so you don't learn it until you become a manager (not saying crew never do it, just not meant to). Another thing, if you want the freshest food, go during busy times but not jam packed, you will have to wait an extra minute but the food is moving so fast it's almost always fresh. Or in the middle of the night, and it'll be cooked to order (yes, that means your burger will take 5 minutes). Worst time for fresh food is breakfast/main menu switch, the food has been cooked 15-30 mins before the switch to make sure it's cooked properly and sat in the UHC (universal heating cabinet) until orders come in
17:57 "making a mountain out of a molehill" is how I've always heard that phrase, meaning something is being blown out of proportion.
The wedding photo one is confusing and hard to give judgement on, mostly because there is a middle man (woman). Why was the fiance upset? Did OP literally just say that he looked mid-conversation, or did they say anything else that might have come off as rude? Was he just upset that he was cropped out of one of the photos? Was this particular photo posted on social media with him cropped out? The fact that OP says they only said that he looked mid-sentence but wasn't confused about why he asked "is that how you really feel about me?" gets me to wonder if OP actually said something different. So I say NMI
I keep wondering if either OP has left something out, the bride has explained poorly, or the groom does not know what "mid-conversation" means and is mixing it up with the newer slang term Mid (as Shaaba almost did at the beginning). It's so bizarre.
Your plait is so cute with the pink hair! It just works so well!
Not sure It’s the same but “don’t make a mountain out of a mole hill” is the one my dad still uses
The photoshoot/fiance story: I agree with Shaaba that something sounds off in this story. It may be, as others have suggested, that the fiance is trying to isolate the best friend from OP. But for some reason my mind leans the other way - that best friend is using fiance as an excuse. As in, fiance isn't really mad and friend is only saying he is as an excuse to cutting OP out. (Maybe fiance complimented OP or OP complimented fiance in pictures and friend got worried/jealous.)
I feel like this is the second most likely scenario, after the fiancé being coercive, but imo there’s a big difference in likelihood.
Signs of subtle abuse are a lot harder to catch than signs someone doesn’t want to be your friend anymore, so it makes more sense to me that OP missed the signs of coercive control than she missed hints that her friend is trying to get rid of her.
I’d still believe your theory over taking the situation at face value, there’s no way they’re in a healthy relationship AND the friend isn’t trying to get rid of OP AND the fiancé is so upset by this that it’s causing a rift between them.
There's a lot to be said about the pomp and ceremony that can go with it, but most simply, matcha tastes like really intense green tea. It has a slightly vegetal taste (which is why most people say it tastes like grass) but if you like green tea ice cream, you'll probably like it.
Yes girl, get to that pumpkin patch!
As for the first story, sure the friend didn't get fired but that doesn't mean it didn't effect his job, it's completely possible that the manager didn't care enough to fire him but did care enough that when the time comes to promote someone that indecent hurts his chances, which to me is what makes it particularly frustrating that OP is saying he didn't get fired so no harm done, work place issues aren't necessarily so binary as everything's great or you're fired.
On another note I'd just like to say I've worked some crappy jobs but the one day I spent working at McDonald's is by far the worst job experience I've ever had and doing anything to make someone working there's shift any more stressful than it needs to be / already is makes you the AH.
Matcha is one of those things that you either like or don't, but can also grow on you. Especially if you try it in different forms and amounts! (like baked goods, lattes, ice cream or mochi 😋)
Btw, matcha does contain caffeine, so be mindful of that. 🍵
Monday mornings are hard, so I'm glad I have your videos to look forward to
I love matcha and matcha flavored treats! It's just a certain type of green tea so not that different from other green teas or green tea treats. I think some people run into issues of how they use it. If you use too much, it can be grainy and unpleasant. Just gonna take some trial and error to find what you like
wait hang on, I'm really hung up on the idea that working dominoes can be as enjoyable as cooking mama lol. is the US just THAT BAD with worker's rights? you mean to tell me working food service in other countries can actually be a fun and fulfilling career, not just a dehumanizing nightmare gauntlet for survival?
That overreaction of the fiancee is totally unnecessary. That comment is nothing to get upset about. This guy is just looking for some excuse to ditch the friend. The relationship doesnt seem to be a down to earth equal thing.
Shaaba, its "It's a storm in a tea cup" and "Making a mountain out of a mole hill" You're welcome 😁😁
The saying is 'making a mountain out of a mole hill' but I really like 'out of a teacup' 😊
Hard agree with Shaaba's last point that HOW you say something makes a big difference in the kind of reaction you get and whether or not YTA. I think about that a lot in these stories
For the last story:
They are both moving so they should both be packing. OP didn’t write how much he is „helping“ them but he is not „helping OP“, he is packing both of their things, like OP does as well.
I get that maybe he didn’t pack the best way he could but also he just didn’t think about what items can already be stored away and what do they still need. He could have also noticed the matcha powder being open. All think that maybe he „just didn’t notice“ or „just wanting to help“ but he still added more stress so I think OP is right for calling him out and wanting a bit more thoughtful help
2:55 my cousin (who lives in the uk) actually does work at a dominos as a delivery driver and says she really enjoys it.
Time and again, I have to push against this whole thing of "The truth Lying somewhere in between two perspectives".
Thinking like this is exactly how we end up with the kind of politics we have today.
Sometimes there is truth and there is lies. Sometimes one person is being the a******.
Sorry, but when you have been living a portion of your teens exploited by a really unpleasant group who did exactly this to you ALL THE TIME It kind of grates to hear people claim There is always lies on both sides.
Get what you’re saying but there’s a massive difference between both sides-ing political/humanitarian beliefs and thinking that interpersonal situations can look different depending on who you’re hearing it from
Hearing the story of fiancé and 10-year friendship reminded me of a friend/boss who ran a business where I met my now fiancé. There was a lot of stuff going on and more people involved, but it came down to her disliking things he did and said in a work context and how she reacted to it, I tried to keep the peace but eventually I was too tired to be kind... it was a tense time where the business went down and she moved away, but this fight really drove us apart. We've talked a few times since, but it's never been the way it was before... :(
I used to work in McDonald's. The mangers at my store allowed customers to request sauces on there ice-cream BUT we had to put though one of the 20p sauces (those bigger pots of dip) to charge them for it. Then obviously inform the ppl giving out the orders about it/do the order ourselves if it was only the ice-cream they ordered. It really wasn't that big of a deal. The only time it was an issue was when it was busy.
We even had chiller managers who didn't care about charging them extra for it.
So I'm only 2 minutes 30 into the video but I'm gonna say not the arsehole. Especially if it's quite when they asked for it.
Edit: Oh f off OP. Definitely the drama. You know it's a thing that could get them in trouble with certain managers. Even if the strict mangers normally aren't there why take the risk? Are you actively trying to get your friend in trouble?
Also it's pretty standard - at least in McDonald's - to be "babysat" by an experienced manger until you're comfortable being alone running the shift. Being the person that's solely in charge is a manger-only thing. Of course you aren't going to get experience with it until the actual promotion. Same goes for things like closing and opening. Only a manger is able to do that. That's why the term trainee manger exists. A person who is seen as responsible enough to be manger. So is being trained on the manger responsibilities. Also even they hadn't officially been promoted yet. That training session to teach them how to close would still need to happen.
Definitely the arsehole.
Second one, it feels like really big red flag. If what OP relays is actually what happened then I wonder why the fiance is being such a Drama. It doesn't sit right. Is he trying to use this as an excuse to isolate his fiancee from you (her friends)?
It might seem like a big leap but I have been in a similar situation as OP, having someone close being isolated from me (and the rest of the family) and it all started with a feather like this (making a hen of a feather you know...) - something rally small that the "victim" could not "get over" and then eventuallty became "afraid of" _me_ so they did not have to be in the same room as me, which made it so that my family member couldn't either.
The penny did drop with my family member at some point and now we have a relationship again. At the time I wanted to take accountability and clear it all up and I thought it was just a problem between me and the "victim". But it turned out that they had found a similar issue with every family member of their SA (my family member) and was isolating them from us all.
I tell you, keep your antennas up. This is how it can start.
🚩🚩🚩🚩
13:47 is best friend the only one he's done this to if yes he want to end their friendship because he's jealous, if no then he's trying to destroy her network so he can isolated and control her (I worry that it could be the later because not wanting HER to talk her friend seems overly controlling)
4:38 yeesh what a big drama.
If yoy order something you know you arent "supposed to" either be secretive about it or dont specifially call someone out ! They could have lost their job.
Its one thing if its 3am an your friend just does it for you once in a while but all the time ?
Apologize to the friend and the manager
Goodness id never have the audacity
The way id be like "im sorry add an EXTRA thing on my order or buying something extra" SOMETHING lol to save them and not get them in trouble
Second one is just bizarre.
32:53 Macha is made from green tea. It tastes exactly as such, usually it pairs well with vanilla, white chocolate, and/or creamy candies.
seeing this notification every Monday is LITERALLY my FAVOURITE thing on Mondays ‼️‼️‼️
Last story - this is why i don't allow workplace colleagues on my socials. As I've had a friend get fired for complaining about her manager online and her "friend" at work showed said manager and she was instantly dismissed.
I then realised how catty and unkind some people in the workplace can be and that it's a boundary issue too, etc. So, no work ppl permitted on my socials and the *only* caveat is if it is a public profile e.g. i have a private and a public IG. The public IG doesn't contain anything inappropriate or that could be used against me in a workplace setting.
I did kind of hope Jamie was going to come in and try dragging you and the chair out of frame 😂
yeah no if i have to be on my phone for anything important the first thing i do is tell my manager first thing in the morning lol
I find I only like matcha when it has something mixed in with it. Like matcha with a little lemonade (can look awful, but it's so good) or pineapple juice. It just needs a little something to cut the edge of the green flavor and bring out the underlining notes.
It always makes my monday better😍💞
3:00 I work at a Pizza Place and while it is fun that's because I have a good boss/good management, having to do my job in a less chill environment at a place that sells crappier pizza sounds very lame. FYI I am the dishwasher so I see most of the back-of-the house stuff, also I get little advantages like free ranch! (But it's a hard rule that these are for the employees, not their family/friends)
Storm in a teacup is the phrase, Shaaba 😊
In the 2nd story I think this behavior even potentially goes beyond just coercive control. This is a huge red flag for emotional abuse. And before abusers escalate to domestic violence, they start cutting off their partners from friends and family. It’s a way to assure that it’s harder to escape the abuse when it gets bad. Not saying this is definitely what’s happening here, but I think it’s important to specify
The story about the manager with the phone. You need to look at your own relationship with him, not others relationships. I understand that people rant about him, but that is their story. I so many times had a good relationship with a boss, and other people were annoyed with them. But I didn't see it their way. When people start ranting in a group like that, you create a picture of him through the eyes of someone else.
The last couple sounds just like my parents and OP is totally not the drama. Their fiance needs to be 100% less sensitive and open to seeing things from other points of view. As long as OP handled it sensitively, they were being entirely rational and dancing around their fiance's feelings will just lead to an entire marriage of walking on eggshells around his issues and trying to compensate. They are right not to set that precedent. It's good that they are letting their partner know that they expect to be able to have real conversations and offer constructive criticisms without getting an immature reaction.
I found Shaaba using the phrase "bug on a windshield" really interesting because 1) often English people say windscreen instead of windshield, and 2) because in my experience I hardly ever see bugs on a windshield anymore, especially compared to when I was a new driver.
Snapchat story: this is why I don't usually allow coworkers on my social media, and often don't even put the name of my workplace on my social media, so if I say something about a coworker on there, they won't know, and I cant get in trouble for "making the business look bad."
1st story: YTD even if manager wasn't there they revealed her breaking rules to co-workers
2nd story: I have never been offended by having it pointed out I was blinking or talking. I am sensitive about photos bc I hate 90% of photos of me. This comment was pretty harmless.
What really concerns me is how controlling and out of control angry this guy is acting. I agree with those saying he wants to destroy the relationship. I am also mad at friend bc his feelings are valid and justified, but OP has to eat her feelings. I would step back from this relationship, but let her know you are there, bc I truly feel this friend is in an abusive relationship. Seen it too many times. They often hide it until they start getting you locked down in commitment. OP is NTD. I hope you are right Shaaba bc I hate the idea of anyone in an abusive relationship, but so many abusive relationships start with small, seemingly ridiculous scenarios.
The saying is making a mountain out of a mole hill.
For the second one I have to play devil's advocate for a second (I know, I know)
It sounds like the conversation went like this
OP: "you look amazing, you should crop him out"
*Fiance leaves feeling hurt*
OP: "your fiance looks like he was mid conversation"
I could see how the fiancé might be feeling like the friend is trying to "get rid of him" especially if he didn't hear the rest of the conversation. Or (if op and friend are anything like me and my friends) OP was doing some ribbing that just went wrong. Who knows, maybe OP was doing tons of passive agressive you-can-do-better comments for months and fiance just had enough. I do think it is a ESH. OP for not trying to see the fiance's side, friend for not standing up for OP/finding a middle ground, and fiance for either taking it too seriously or not communicating with OP.
Fiance story is massive red flags for abuse. He is Super Angry about this? To the point where the friend is saying wait to apologize. To the point where he insists that she cannot call bc he cant "hear her voice"... why does he have to hear her voice at all? Does he listen in on all his fiancees calls? Why would that mean friend has to wait until weekend to sneak a call with OP? This is straight up isolation behavior
By the time I am watching this, Shaaba has reached 150K congrats!
My side says 150k so 🎉CONGRATULATIONS🎉
That first story, OP is the drama. I would never EVER expect my friend to break rules for me! If they got in trouble because of me I'd feel horrible.
I don't know about a teacup, but I think you might be thinking of the phrase "making a mountain out of a mole hill."
What does "switched on" mean?
1:19 I genuinely could never work in Macdonald's. The smell in there bothers me so much, so kudos to all the people who can
"He had to leave the room so that he wouldn't curse me out"
Yo, if he felt like cursing someone out over saying "hey, he looks midsentence in this photo so you oughta crop it," that's an anger issue he _really_ needs to work on.
Then his sheer inability to talk to his fiancé's bestie right then and there, directly, responsibly, or at least bring it up later? But instead send his fiancée as his messenger?... This is just layers upon layers of emotional immaturity and possessiveness.
In another story, if I were the manager and had a worker texting when they know they shouldn't, I'd probably first ask if everything's okay. As a rule follower, I kind of expect others to be as well (they aren't lol). Most times if I ask if someone's ok they go "Oh yeah everything's fine!" then I'm like well you know you shouldn't do that right? But if things aren't okay usually it turns into a little crying and hugs all around. It's better to come from a place of compassion, even if you don't know what's going on. And I'm gonna put that responsibility mainly on the authority figure.