1st story: it sounds like OP has been made the emotional scapegoat for her brothers, and as adults there's no excuse for that. If anything, OP is being more mature and empathetic than any of them seem to be capable of.
The thing that pisses me off the most with the first story is that *all* of those brothers are adults. Are they still young in the grand scheme of life? Yeah. But they aren't *children*. They way they're acting is horrendous. That poor kid. I hope the rest of her support network is very loving and welcoming to her.
For the food allergy one: as someone with a food allergy, I can say with confidence that it is 100% the parent’s fault. If a child is young enough that they don’t understand the concept of their own allergy, they’re not old enough to be left unattended. Or even if the kid is old enough to know better and chose to do it anyway, it’s still the parent’s fault for not reminding them. Sometimes I want to eat food that I’m allergic to because it looks and smells delicious, but my mom never fails to tell me absolutely not and remind me of the consequences.
It's basic Darwinism. The animal that doesn't teach it's babies which berries are safe and which aren't, doesn't have a surviving litter. If a kid can understand not to drink bleach or lick rusty nails, it should be able to understand not to take food that it knows could kill it.
I wish you good luck with avoiding your allergy! Your mom is absolutely correct. It's definitely not worth the risk, though, I know it can feel like torture to have to pass up great food. My partner has an allergy to chocolate. He's accidentally eaten some four times in the twenty-four years we've been together. His neck swells up--not his throat, tongue, or face, just his neck. It's incredibly scary each time, but he knows what the earliest sign feels like before he starts swelling. Per doctor's orders, I give him Benadryl and watch him for what feels like eternity until the swelling starts going down. We've been lucky that he hasn't gone into anaphylactic shock. People put chocolate into things that just don't make sense, like Dairy Queen's Snickerdoodle Blizzard, or cocoa butter in a lemon-flavored drizzle over lemon cake. 🤷🏻♀️
I never understood wanting to eat the food you're allergic to honestly. Because I've always hated grapes and kiwi for making my throat itchy. And I didn't know it was an allergy, I just thought everyone around me is weird for eating food that makes them miserable until it turned around I was the only one who was miserable. I haven't eaten grapes or kiwi since I found out I was allergic and life has been a bit better honestly. At the same time I have some stomach issues and can't eat apples because I will be in pain, but I liked apples before those issues and now I miss them so I guess that's a similar experience.
@@snowkr3580 satay is just so good though. I was a bit careless about my allergies in my teens and so I ate some chicken skewers at a school function. Turned out they were satay. I didn't even notice that I was having an allergic reaction at first because my friend was talking about them being spicy so I thought the tingling in my mouth/throat was just the spice lol I haven't had satay since because it absolutely wasn't worth it, but as someone who used to be able to eat peanuts and later developed an allergy and who also accidentally ate satay once, I can appreciate what I'm missing
Ikr? If your child isn't old or responsible enough to look out for their own allergies (assuming OP had what it contained written on the paper that was with the food) you shouldn't be leaving them unattended. And even if the allergen wasn't written there specifically, the parent is still responsible for teaching the child not to eat random food without checking if they can safely eat it.
I don't agree with that perfectly. As a parent, you can't monitor your child 24/7, and if their main problem is a food allergy, you may let them in spaces, which you think are safe. If you don't know about this baked goodies sharing stuff, you wouldn't think that your kid will find food in the hall, which could include allergens. And if you find out something got your kid an allergic reaction, you will be angry. I think the parent's anger is ok, and it seems OP thought so too. IMO, Lilly stirred 💩 by telling people that the family was the cause of the tradition dying. OP specifically didn't say this so she won't cause conflict between the neighbours.
@@EleanorfromNeverland feeling angry isn't the issue. What's entitled is holding OP liable for what happened by demanding $$. OP feeling responsible and paying is nice but not warranted. I don't think I implied that parents have to monitor their kids 24/7; only that it's sooner the mom's fault than OP's, especially since leaving food in the hall has been going on for some time so it is expected for food to be there. I agree that Lily is a big ol gossip who made the situation so much worse than it already was
@@EleanorfromNeverland sure, you can’t always monitor them 24/7 but that doesn’t mean it’s someone else’s fault if that goes badly. If you leave your young kid alone and they run in front of a car, it’s not the fault of the person driving. I think the main issue is that if the kid is old/responsible enough to be left totally unattended, he should have been taught not to eat random food when he has a life threatening allergy. If he’s too young/has a disability and can’t comprehend that, it’s not safe to leave him unattended. Big difference between letting your 12 year old walk around the building when you’re close by and leaving a small child totally unsupervised.
@@EleanorfromNeverlandthe mum being upset the first time is valid (although demanding compensation is not). OP stopping the tradition to prevent this kind of incident happening again is also valid. The mum throwing a tantrum because OP did something to protect both themselves and the child is beyond stupid. She is a grown adult and needs to get over it. If any of the neighbours comfront her, she can quite easily tell them her kid was really sick and it was scary for everyone involved including OP. She's just using OP to vent her frustration at this point because she knows they won't fight back.
Wow. OP: I feel like you're excluding me and I'm not included, so I don't want to come around anymore. Brothers: you're not included and we don't really want you around, but you're over-reacting and should keep coming around so that we don't have to look or feel like asshats for treating you as an outsider. Like, seriously? They agreed with her interpretation of how they're treating her but are saying she's the drama? Really? They're not worth her time, and she should avoid them and let them deal with the flack that they get when other people find out why she's not coming around anymore.
💯, if they know people are going to take her side, they know they're in the wrong. And instead of doing better they want her to cover it up for them. No way, wrong on many levels. Poor OP :(
i dont really like the name “john” but that doesn’t mean when i meet a “john” i’m gonna call him “anthony” or something, that’s stupid. the grandparents are wild in the last one
When my niece was born my brother and sister-in-law were considering 2 names and asked the family’s opinion. I do not really like one of the 2 names but really like the other, so I said my preference. I didn’t say I do not like the other name, which is the one they ended up picking. Now my niece has that name and I don’t really spend time thinking about it and call her by her name. I also call her nicknames, but I’d do so regardless of names because it’s more to express affection. If she expresses that she is too old for cute nicknames or doesn’t like it, I will stop.
I've jokingly "forced" the name change of my friend's cat (it started as a joke and became a running gag, now the cat responds to both names) but I'd NEVER do that to a person...
@@KiboSanti I call my cat all kinds of names, including mousey, and she responds to it 😺 I also call my partner a nickname that has nothing to do with his name. I think nicknames are cute as long as the person (or cat) is also into it.
@@s.a.4358 My partner and I have the same nickname for each other. It actually feels weird to me when I have to call him by his name. My full, legal first name is Katie because my father mostly goes by his middle name. It's caused issues for him to be known by a different name from what's on his identification and other legal documents. Unfortunately, I run into trouble, too, because people don't believe that my full name is Katie. They demand to know what my "real" name is, since _Katie_ is just a nickname. I've had a few full-blown arguments about my name. People are weird. 🤷🏻♀️
@@katie6731 that’s so weird to me because Katie definitely can be a full name. It’s like Tom instead of Thomas of Alex instead of Alexander - they can be nicknames but also full names. Also the cheek of people to demand being told a different name! Unless it’s the policy or a judge or something, just call people by the name they tell you!
For the peanut allergy one, it’s definitely the mums fault, OP shouldn’t have had to pay for any of it. My brother ALWAYS asks my mum or someone else before he eats something because he has a nut allergy. Kid should have known better BECAUSE the mum should have taught them.
Yup. I have a range of food allergies that are never printed in allergy advisories etc. - tomatoes, kiwi, avocado, banana. The tomato allergy is the most disruptive. I don't even bother to check if random pre-made food is safe for me to eat, because it probably isn't. Has been that way since I was a small child. This child's caregivers definitely looking for someone else to blame for their negligence
Right? Like if the kid is old enough to wander over, get himself a brownie, and eat it, he’s old enough to know he can’t put random food in his face. He’s not a baby who’s teething!
Agreed! I had a bunch of allergies as a kid, and would NEVER take food unless I was sure it was safe. Like, I needed extra help with reading in primary school, something I generally struggled with when I was little, yet I could read some pretty complicated ingredients from an early age, and would not touch something unless I knew what was in it. I perhaps took it a little too far, because I was frequently mocked for stating that this or that food would make me ill, but at least I knew what to do to stay safe - my parents made certain of it.
@@YourQueerGreatAuntieOh, I never heard of anyone else having a tomato allergy before - it’s in so much, and was hard to deal with. That was one I thankfully grew out of, but I get it completely.
The first story makes me think the older brothers are taking any unresolved feelings they have about their mother remarrying out on OP. OP definitely isn't the AH in this for expressing her emotions after being hurt like that
With the food one, I personally think if the child is not old enough to go ‘I have a peanut allergy so I should check if this random food has peanuts before I eat it’, they’re probably not old enough to be left alone outside their apartment
As a person with nut allergies I can't fathom ever 1) eating random food without knowing whats in it 2)expecting people to not put out food because I can't eat it. Even in elementary school I knew not to eat random food. that mom is wild
I'm vegetarian. Sometimes people put out sausage rolls or bacon rolls or things with suet or gelatine in them, & I know to avoid them. Allergies are that x50, but if you have the issue with the food, you are the one who avoids eating it & seeks out alternatives. I don't stop people providing sausage rolls & bacon; I just ask that alternative diets are also considered. I recall one birthday I had when I was asked what cake I wanted. I immediately said chocolate, but within seconds the shock of "oh this friend is gluten-free!!!" came out, so I insisted on fresh fruit as well for us all to enjoy, while others bought GF cupcakes for the friend in question.
The name thing makes me mad; the grandparents have a hang-up, maybe cultural/religious, maybe because they're taking parental responsibility and have issues that they didn't finish having kids or their daughter had granddaughter really young and they implied name childish. Possibly classist, they need to be ignored to learn names are important.
Oh come on you people. The world is full of food lying around, you have samples in stores and bakeries, candy in jars on reception areas, buffets and potlucks, a random chocholate left on the park bench and many, many others. And kids WILL eat it (they will also eat small rocks, batteries or insects, it's just what kids do). OP wasn't selling anything and therefore didn't have to present an ingridients list. There was her apartment number, so if anyone wanted to know what's inside they could ask. A child with an alergy who doesn't know yet what to avoid should be supervised. And it doesn't seem like the kid ate a cupcake on the very first day - people were aware the baked goods are in the lobby. That includes the mother of this child. OP is not the AH.
The mother sounds extremely entitled . Supervise your child and don’t let them eat unknown food, especially when peanuts are not an uncommon ingredient of baked goods . And to then be annoyed at OP for telling people that the reason she no longer leaves baked goods out is because she doesn’t want someone to have an allergic reaction?! OP is being considerate and worried about allergies and still gets blamed. For doing / not doing something that is just a kind gesture (leave treats for people) and in no way an obligation. I also don’t think Lily is the drama. Even if she did go to the lady and told her point blank that she is the reason for no more baked goods, that’s factual. Supervise your child better when eating baked good that may often contain nuts!
I agree. But I am wondering if it's right and ok that we have so much food lying around in our culture. I certainly don't think OP was wrong, but I am aware that there's a handful of reasons why people might not want cake in a lobby where they have no choice but to walk past. I'm aware there are some people who have such a sensitivity to peanuts they can react to airborne particles. And aside from allergies, there's people with eating disorders that might not want to have to face into cake as they arrive/leave their home. I dunno. I guess there's probably good reasons why there's no much regulation around food safety.
@@Sarah.H5 that is a good point in the case of the lobby of one’s home, but the reality is that someone with a food allergy, eating disorder, who is on a diet, etc will be confronted with a world where others do not share the same difficulties. So the child in this case needs to be learn to check food before consuming it, or if they are too small still the mother needs to keep an eye on it. If the mother had asked for OP to add a sign regarding peanuts or even if different people in the building wanted not to have food in the lobby, that would be a fair request. OP did ask for permission from the doorman (who is a kind of authority / controlling what is going on) before putting the baked goods in the lobby, so from her side she did respect others and didn’t just dump food. It also seems like others in the building are appreciating it and even sometimes also contribute, so it is becoming a kind of building tradition.
@@shaaba Legit I was saying that out loud at that moment in the video. What horrible brothers! I hope the mom gets them to act proper and they probably need therapy, but at 27 I would have hoped people knew better than to be that way... jikes and ew.
Hi all, I'm the mom of a (now adult) child with extremely severe peanut allergies here. Shaba is on point with the parental responsibility ... I was hyper-vigilant with teaching my child not to eat anything until I had cleared it being safe when he was very young, and teaching how to read labels to be sure that foods were nut free prior to eating. Love your videos, thank you for sharing your thoughts on the AITA posts. 💜
“Why are you being so dramatic? Let me harm you!” Gotta be one of the weirdest things for another person to ask of you. Like. No. Lmao no never no thank you
it's always the most normal titles that turn out to be written by the biggest a**holes. and then we have crazy titles that turn out to be totally normal situations. I swear people do this intentionally to divert our expectations
I think the reason for this is that the assholes are trying to play down what they so the subreddit will be on their side, and people who are not the assholes are doubting themselves and writing the post with the fact that other people think they are the asshole in mind, causing them to be harder on themselves and using harsher language in their post when talking about their actions.
@@kw-os3kwyeah. The nta posts also happen usually due to familial backlash and they're probably using what they've been accused of as the title to in an attempt to be objective
I'm named for a greek goddess (but the french version) and a greek nymph and a latin goddess (i have three names) and i wouldn't have it any other way. It's amazing to feel connected to several powerful mythical women
As someone who's had allergies since I was a kid, that second one was absolutely not OP's fault. If you have food allergies, you simply don't eat something when you don't know what it's made of. Basic safety rule that the kid's mom should teach them.
“We want you to have a classical name” definition of classical: “relating to Ancient Greek or Roman literature, art or culture”. Aestrea seems perfect!! ❤
Also she has a middle name, which might be more tradition / common, so she can use that too if she wants. I have a friend who has a very ethnic name, but she goes by Sonia. I knew her for 2-3 years before I even found out that is not het official name. She uses Sonia at work too.
I've heard the name but spelled as Estrella. I believe it means star in Spanish. I didn't know there was a different way to spell the name or that it came from a classic greek name. I wondered if maybe them saying a "classic name" was there way of saying a white sounding name. I knew someone who's parents refused to call there child by her given name of Estrella, claiming it was "hard to pronounce" but I forget what they tried to call her instead.
@@shirleymarie2288it's not a different spelling of the same name. Estrella is a twist on Estella / Stella which has a Latin root: stella, meaning star. Astraia is a Greek name with the Greek root aster- meaning star. Both star related, but with different origins.
The little sister not being accepted breaks my heart. I’m the oldest and have 4 half siblings (as well as full blood siblings) I wish I could be a part of their lives! Our dad stopped being interested in my life or my children so for my sanity I had to go no contact. That meant I was never close with them, but if they called tomorrow I’d be there. The brothers were definitely holding a grudge.
Astrea is such a beautiful name! I love that! Those grandparents are major red flags and I hope op got to speak to a counsellor or their social worker or someone because that is not OK
@Lucifersfursona Adults think they're funny and seem to not recall how it hurts to be the butt of a joke. I had a teacher who decided to change my first name because this new one made a "cute" pairing with my last name. As if I'd never heard it before, he thought he was being clever by calling out this first name every day at attendance, to which I would reply "my name is Cathy." This went on for over a week until one day I got so pissed that as soon as he called out this new name, I stood up and loudly stated "I am not a Candy Cane." He never did it again.
Yeah my grandparents gave me a rhyming nickname which was absolutely horrible and inappropriate too (involved the word pussy and not talking about a cat) from when I was very young. I grew up hearing them say it all the time and it was very degrading and just felt mean to hear. Obviously even when I was little I wasn’t comfortable with it and asked them to stop (my other family members were picking up on it and saying it too) and they still call me that even though I’m almost 30 and have explained to them why I don’t like it and how it hurts me - which just by the words used is highly inappropriate and derogatory. They still continue to do it - even in front of new people like my siblings partners or mine… some people just don’t actually care about your feeling or how things may be perceived negatively and just continue to do what they want to do even if it’s hurting you.
My advice to the first OP is that you cannot force a relationship if the other party doesnt want it. You have been shown how your brothers' consider you, don't go out of your way for them in the future. You're also what 16? How would they NOT expect you to be upset given you're a teenager?? But as Shaaba said, find your support network and the people who do cherish you, there will always be people who cherish you and having you near and those are the people you should spend your time with.
I think that's a good idea, but probably only for people with minor allergies. If I was the parent I don't think I'd let my kid eat it without talking to OP first. A cooking/baking hobbyist without allergies might not think about food safety/allergen contamination prevention. Using ingredients that are processed in factories that also process nuts or not cross contaminating while cooking. OP left their apartment number. If the mom wants to be a good parent of a child with severe allergies she should go talk to the OP before allowing her kid to eat it anyway.
The problem with peanuts is kind of that they're hypoallergenic. For some, even just being in the same room as them can be fatal. So in regards to peanuts specifically, but perhaps even nuts in general, it would probably be better not to include them at all when you don't know who's going to be in the same room as them.
As someone wirh celiac disease (cant eat wheat/barley/rye) its MY job to avoid foods that arent safe. its the moms job to make sue the kid knows what is safe and what isnt.
Hey there! I also have celiac disease. Since it’s never heard of but is on the market since four years now - there are tablets with an enzyme on the market that helps the body break down gluten without harming the colon. I can now eat gluten occasionally with those tablets - which is helpful for work events/parties and when I’m out somewhere or a guest somewhere and I’m not sure if the food contains gluten. So… you might want to look into it! 😊
@@madamemelone4947 Thanks for the info. My partner has celiac and just had it fully kick in, could u possibly find out the name of the tablets. So my partner could learn about them?
The food allergies... we had a kid in my daughter's class when she was like 5 who had severe allergies... the 5 year old all got it, understood they couldn't take certain things in, teacher had to check anything offered (like birthday cakes). 5yo kids understood, every one of them- the woman needs to keep an eye on her kid and actually explain their allergy to them, then they wouldn't eat the damn peanuts
8:13 as someone who's an older sister with a 9 and 12 years gap, younger siblings even if only sharing 1 parent ARE siblings, especially when you spend years living in the same household. I think the brothers banded up together and closed ranks when they didn't like the situation initially, but it's childish that they keep it up even now
I feel bad for the OP in the brownie story. They're just here, they like to bake. They make a small mistake of not labeling a thing and this happened. I wanna hug them because they don't deserve that anxiety to the point they don't bake anything for people anymore. (Simply because they enjoyed doing it, not because they should have to or anything)
It is a shame. Though they didn't say it was unlabeled. I can't help but label things I make for reunions and such even though nobody else does. So I kinda assume they would. That would also keep people who don't like coconut from taking a coconut cupcake, taking one bite and then throwing it away.
@@busterbeast999yes, that's what I do as well, even though I rarely see other folks do this at potlucks or community events. On the other hand, if I had severe allergies, would I really trust a strangers sign and knowledge about food safety? They might mean well and do their best and it still could be unsafe or cross contaminated, despite best efforts. Idk.
I don't blame them for not wanting to leave food out anymore in case it happens again, it's insane that the mother decided to have a go at them for that too. They're literally just trying to protect HER kid.
The allergy one, coming from someone with severe allergies, it’s not on OP to manage. I genuinely don’t eat baking if I can’t confirm the contents and cooking environment. As a child it is on the parent to teach the child and manage it for them until they have learned to be safe with food.
My brother is 5 years older than me. When we were little he was a great older brother. My Mom had a chronic illness so I have lots of memories of my brother entertaining me, making us snacks and just generally being around. We grew apart in our teen years and during our twenties. But we came back together after that. We are super close now. We are in our fifties and we talk or see each other practically every day.
My stephson actually got into a fight at school because someone said his (half)sister was not a real sister. Completely the other way around. So sad that some people react that way.
I feel bad for the child but as someone who's vegetarian and i don't eat eggs, i don't go out and eat food left out if I don't know what's in it. The mom should have either asked OP about the ingredients, or told her kid not to eat it.
My nan decided when I was a few days old she wasn't a fan of my full name. Angelika-Elisabeth and shortened it to Angel. 43 years later it's still my everyday name
Angel is somehow connected to your official name though. And it’s also a cute name for a grandparent to call their grandchild, not a completely different adult name. And if the person themself, or the parents in the case of a baby, don’t mind, it’s fine.
Hey! Another one with Elisabeth as a middle name! Not a 'z', a 's'. I love it now, but I hated it growing up. I had to learn that it was good to be different and unique.
As someone who grew up EXTREMELY allergic to nuts, I knew to never take any sort of dessert (or any food really) that was not labeled or from someone if we didn’t know they used extra safety precautions. Definitely not OPs fault at all.
All of us but my mom have a walnut allergy. My mom solved this by replacing walnuts with pecans. It worked perfectly. Banana bread with walnuts, no pecans, instead. Growing up, I never realized how many things have walnuts in them. I don't blame my mom, what she did was awesome. To this day, I forget that some things have walnuts in them, and I will accidentally order them and start eating them. Fortunately, my allergy is not severe; I just get blisters on the roof of my mouth. When I make that mistake, I don't blame anyone; it is on me to make sure that I don't eat things with walnuts. If I bought something with walnuts on accident, I just give my husband my treat and buy something else to eat. I try to remember to ask if something has walnuts in it, but I still can mess up. I understand that sometimes kids don't think about things, but yeah mom should have been watching for that. Poor little kiddo.
The nickname story: First and foremost, how utterly disrespectful to Op's mom. She chose the name, and just because the grandparents "dont like it" they want to change it to suit their tastes? What entitlement! For me, personally, I had a nickname when I was young; and for many years I answered to it without question; but when I was older (in my mid-20s) I began to feel very uncomfortable about it. My mindset shifted, from being content with it to feeling like I was still being treated like a child. It felt very infantilizing. When I finally summoned up enough courage to tell my mom about it, and asked her to start calling me by legal first name instead, I was super worried that she would be upset. But, I was pleasantly surprised. She understood. It took her more than a year to get out of the habit, but in the last 20 years she has never used it again. Funnily enough, when my youngest came out and told my mom that they were trans, they expected the very same thing I did way back when; that grandma would be upset and refuse to call them by their chosen name; and, once again, my mom surprised us, by just going with the flow. She will never know how much that reaction increased my kids confidence and made them truly feel seen.
my older brother is 13 years older than me and he’s one of my best friends. he helped me moved across the country to live away from our homophobic and religious family. i’ll always see him as my hero
That first story is so frustrating to me, because I was literally in a very similar situation growing up. My two brothers are from my mom's first marriage and I'm from the current one. My brothers were 8 and 11 when I was born. And while we were all well aware that we have different dads, they have never treated me like I wasn't their "real sibling". I mean I'm literally half blood ken to them, we share the same mom. And even if I was adopted or something, like I'm still their sibling and we grew up together. I feel really sorry for OP that her siblings have some kinda hang up about her not being from the same dad. That's really sad.
My husband has poor body awareness due to trauma. He broke all 12 glasses we were given when we were married fast enough that we were able to replace them with the SAME design... and then those were all broken. We have been saving and using the bottles from the iced coffee drinks his mother gets since then. I have inherited some of the antique glassware from my grandparents: we are not using them except on holidays. I firmly believe in using the nice stuff every day, but am making an exception because seriously the man managed to kick a glass off a table while sitting up from a lying down position on a couch at least 18 inches from the table. Also, his mother now lives with us, and her body awareness is far worse. Last night, she broke the 6th toilet seat in 10 years. It never occurred to me that one COULD break a toilet seat.
@@marieugorek5917 Speaking from personal experience, you just flop on with your full weight and don't think about how hard you're sitting down. It's a bad idea, because even for the 99.9% of the time you don't break the seat, you can still end up with pain and bruising. For me at least, the flopping happens when I'm distracted or daydreaming, so the time it broke was extra unexpected and mildly terrifying.
@@PrimroseFrost that would be par for the course. However, the first time it happens, I asked, and she started with, " You know how you're rocking back and forth to get the poop out?" And I am like, okay this is a conversation that needs to happen with your doctor...
Though I can see that the brothers in the first case are still hurting from the loss of their dad, they have to find a better way dealing with it than excluding parts of their family. Love is not a one way street, you can still love a person who has died and still fall in love with people after. Often we don't speak about loved ones we lost and then it seem they are forgotten but they are not. They can share and embrace the stories they had with their dad, it might help to open up their hard to new experiences. I am blessed with two older brother (and two younger sisters) - my oldest brother didn't grew up with us and I only got to know him when we were invited to his wedding. He knew about us but his mum preferred that we had no contact. I love him and his family dearly and I am glad that he welcomed us in his life.
Never have i ever heard of older brothers being anything but nuisance; that being said, for 26 yo to act that childish is just shameful. Op N°1 really did dodjed a bullet
I feel like my older brothers are exactly the steryotype. We would fight, call names, they even threw my beanie babies out the window and I broke their legos. But if they saw me crying, they would be the first ones to fight for me. We live in different states now so we aren't as close, but I love them very much
As a mother of a child with food allergies, it is not op's fault. The most i would do (if i even brought the issue to their attention) would be too ask for an ingredient list. There is no reason to ask op to pay for any of that. It's entirely on the mom, even if it was just a bad moment when he took it while she was turned around for a moment. My son is autistic and is constantly trying to take food he's allergic to because he doesn't completely understand, but i don't blame the cook for that. Lily is definitely nta either.
I think that the reason they all turned against the mom isn’t even due to Lilly or OP, but that they all had their own reasons but now something affects them all together so they banded together against the mom. The fact that the mom blames OP for telling the truth when directly asked, rather than examining their own behavior is bonkers.
My three middle siblings refuse to meet me or have anything to do with me because their father had an affair with my mom. I don't blame them for that. But their mom then told their dad that the only way he'd ever see me was if my mom gave me up and THEY raised me. "You lose him how you got him" comes to mind when I think of their mom. But I also don't think what my own mother did was right. Honestly, one day I just need to write a book about it.
you missed the best little comment thread on the motorbike story: - When y'all dust, do you just like.. stick the duster on the shelf and shake it around like your life depends on it? - - Of course not. You put the duster in, you take the duster out. You put the duster in, then you shake it all about. - - - You knock it off the shelf and it breaks on the ground... - - - - Cash is what it's all about
My name is in Spanish and kinda obscure, so it isn't something people who speak English would find normal to pronounce, especially from writing. I try to be understanding, but if people continually get it wrong after countless corrections, I do totally ignore them because it is just rude.
My name is Greek (I am not but my mother was learning Greek while pregnant with me and really liked the meaning of it) and not very common so people often mispronounce it. I even had someone in the USA tell me “this is how we pronounce it here”! I am German and Belgian (French speaking) so I will accept both the French or German pronunciation but hate the American way of pronunciation it. People need to AT LEAST TRY!
story 1: I would like more context of the brothers' history before OP was old enough to recognize what was happening. I've never been in this type of family dynamic, but I've heard so many stories of the parents trying to force new relationships so hard that they just turn the kids completely against each other with resentment. But there's a huge difference between "we're not close" and "You may as well not exist".
I had an older brother and I loved him to bits. I always idolized him and liked what he liked (music, sports teams etc). We weren't super close, but that was mostly from the dysfunctional family dynamics and mental health issues. We did play together a lot when we were little - and occasionally got into little fights over toys and such, nothing major.. I don't have many childhood memories, but I have a few videos from back then and one of them was from his birthday and he did step in once when I was overlooked in one of the children's games my mom did with him and his friends. I also feel like he was protective over me, but I don't have the memories to support that feeling. Sadly he ended his life 12 Years ago (aged 25) and I miss him. I wish I could've gotten closer with him again in my adult life - we lost contact when my mental health tanked and I eventually moved into a foster family, though I did reach out and we met up a few times in the years before he passed. I really wish I still had my big brother..
The last story reminds me of a scene from Star Trek TNG (maybe not exact) Dr. Pulaski: Dahta, come take a look at this. Data: Data. Dr. P: I’m sorry? Data: you said “dahta”, my name is “Data”. Dr. P: Dahta, Data, what’s the difference? Data: one is my name. The other is not. (Yes, I know it is the same spelling, I didn’t know how else to show the pronunciation🙃)
Having a big brother is such a strange experience. In my experience he never really supports me and even belittles me for sharing some of my concerns and things that are bothering my mind. He is also not a self sacrificing person at all he only cares about himself.
My older brother is 10 years older and has a different dad…he has never treated me like I’m not his sister. I also have a younger stepbrother (no bio parents shared) who is 6 years younger and I have never treated him like he isn’t my brother (though I don’t ever treat his mum like she’s my mum). I also share parents with a third brother, he’s also the one I’ve lived with the most, but I don’t see him as any more my brother than the others. Basically, I have 3 brothers, I share different biological relationships with each but they’re all my brothers. I cannot imagine having treated any of them differently, especially my littlest brother, he was 18 months old when he came into my life, he doesn’t know anything else, why would I resent him as an adult? That girl’s adult brothers are being really cruel.
I'm adopted and my older brother and younger sister aren't. My brother is 15 years older than me and my sister is 7.5 years younger. When i was a kid i idolized him and didn't care much for her. Now she and I are very close and our older brother has essentially disowned me as his sibling because I was a troubled teen who acted out. For reference, im turning 50 and he just turned 65.
I have an older brother and older sister, and I love it!! Eventhough in puberty they thought they had to raise me, which I hated at that time, they were and are incredible protectors and I wouldn’t have it any other way ❤
The last story definitely sounds like the good old-fashioned "respect your elders" attitude, where everyone else is wrong, so using the term "disrespect" is a way to not be responsible.
I have an older brother! Though our dynamic is probably “brother-protects-younger-sister/sibling” vibes because he’s 11 years older than me, making him 14-15 years older than the youngest of us. He’s cool. :3
story 3: OMG! My Dad collects these exact types of things and I've knocked them off the shelves so many times and I feel terrible every single time, but if he billed or blamed me for every accident, I don't want to know how much I'd owe him. I mean, the ones on the shelves are the cheaper ones and usually able to be glued back together. If it's that rare and precious to you, and YOU already have a history of breaking one, why on earth wasn't the replacement in a protective case? And hipocrits are my worst enemy, OP who literally admitted to making the same mistake.
If you have allergies, certainly do not consume inidentified food~! That said, any time I host or provide for a community event, I like to check in with everyone who could be potentially involved. Air-borne allergic response is a thing, esp with peanuts, and I know two people who are so sensitive they can't be in the same room so ofc I'm gonna be mega-paranoid about that. Otherwise, I just check in with folks (esp I don't know) and make sure to label anything I make with unobvious or alternative ingredients, just in case. I like to use yoghurt in my devilled eggs, that's not going to agree with everyone. But the paprika is plain to see. It also depends on the size of the group, ofc. You can be _generous_ whilst also extending _courtesy._ You can be protective, whilst also _watching your own dang child!?_ Poor kiddo. I remember what it was like to get sick a lot as a kid.
I have an older brother, and while our relationship is more strained now (he's very religious, I'm very openly queer and nonbinary, and while I know his mentality is 'hate the sin love the sinner' and thus he has chosen his love for me as his family over his religion, I can't view him as I once did.) growing up we were close-ish, but not in any way different to how I am with my younger sister as her former-older-sister. Mostly a mix of fierce protection with a desire to commit casual violence during gaming sessions.
That first story, with the brother’s wedding and the 16 yo OP…those brothers are incredibly rude and cold. I know it hurts, but OP is probably better off knowing where she stands and just getting on with her life. Some day when one of them approaches you for a living donor kidney, just remind them that you’re not that close…sorry, I don’t really mean that, but I hurt inside for this poor young woman.
That story about the 16 year old and the older siblings really hit me hard. I was the youngest born in my whole family. The youngest of my elder siblings was 16 (mum's daughter) when I was born, and my other three siblings (da's children, two daughters and one son) were well into adulthood, each with teenage to 20-something year old children of their own (one of my nephews was in his last year of med school when I was a toddler). My siblings hated my very existence. I can still remember being six years old, overhearing a conversation between my da and my two oldest sisters. They told him he was too old to have had anymore children (he was three months from 60 when I was born), and that I should never have been born. They went on to say they would never consider me a sister, or even family. This upset my da quite badly, but he still told them if they refused to treat me as a sibling, they needn't bother coming round to visit again. I am now in my late 40's. My siblings have all passed away. I spent the vast majority of my life waiting and hoping they would one day come around and see me as a sister, or at least as family. They never did, and now it's too late for any reconciliation. I feel so much for OP and her struggle. I know exactly how that feels, and I empathize with them so very much. I sincerely hope they find within themselves the closure they need, in time, and learn as I had to that blood or no blood, some people aren't worth grieving for and are certainly not worth making space for. As for the one with the peanut allergy: if a person doesn't want to be responsible for another person, they shouldn't have children. The parent is entirely responsible for what their child does or does not eat. I get that kids can squirm out from under a parent's eyes, but that is still on the parent if the child gets into something they shouldn't. OP is not the drama, and definitely should not have had to pay for a single thing to do with that child. Lily is not the drama because she had every right to make others aware of the situation so that the entitled mother couldn't pull the same stunt on anyone else. And I firmly believe OP should be going to the landlord as well and explaining the entirety of the situation so that the landlord has the whole story, not just one biased part of it.
I’m an older sister. I have a little sister and have never wanted to have anyone else. I like being the oldest, and in many ways I’ve filled the “older protective sibling” role. Sure, sometimes she fills the younger sister sibling annoyance role, but we are so close. She’s truly my best friend. I’m leaving to do my Masters and I’m going to miss her so much these next two years.
First Story: older brother here. No longer include the brother. The mom needs to tell her sons to grow up. Brothers in the bin. The disrespect is not okay or cute. Mom needs to give the sons consequences for their actions.
I’ve got an older brother and can not for the life of me imagine him ever “looking out for me.” 🤷🏻♀️ As for these stories, yikes across the board but especially the two teenagers. Getting ignored like that by someone you thought was a close friend/family member is one of the hardest things I can imagine. And the grandparents using the wrong name? Rude and weird. (My grandmother sometimes used to call me by a different name but that was a silly nickname and I never objected to it. The whole “Elizabeth” thing tho-big nope.)
The first story very much sounds like the oldest brother didn't deal with losing his father very well (which is fine and normal) and then told the others that OP wasn't their real sibling, until they adopted that as the truth (which is not at all fine and not normal). The youngest one was definitely too young for that mentality to be their own. I feel for OP. It absolutely sucks to be excluded from your own family.
There is sooooo much AITA reaction content on YT and this is probably the channel that does it best that I've seen. There's actual thought and insight and learning that happens, rather than just outrage. I'd be interested if anyone has any other channel recommendations that do this content to a similar calibre (aside from Jamie, ofc)
I think that can be fair but I also think that some grace should be given in situations where a spouse accidentally breaks something in the house you share. Especially when you live together, I would be expecting him to find a replacement, but it wouldn’t have to be immediately. I definitely replace things I break but sometimes it may take a bit of time to find the item or save the money. It seems weird to me to just hand over 100$ when the item can’t be found that second. It takes away a bit of the sentimentality in my mind and reduces it to only money verses replacing the item is more about the item.
@@rebeccajesse4604 that's true, but I really do hope he finds a replacement as soon as one is available, it's only fair. I don't understand the notion that OP should just, forget about it? At least that's what I thought shabaa was implying. She shouldn't ask for money, currently there's not replacement available so, what now? You know?
My siblings and I grew up with food intolerances from very young and we were always taught that you NEVER eat anything unless you know it's safe. And my advice to the 3rd OP is to tell them that you have decided that as the house rule is that if you don't like someone's name you can just call them something else, you will now be calling them names you like better than their current ones. Not only that, start doing it to any of their friends that come over. Just hey 'Hi, my grandparents have taught me that if you don't think a person's name suits them you can call them something else, so I'm going to call you Dave'.
My older brother and I are close in age, so we always got along very well. He has some social disabilities so it was much less him looking out for me and much more me trying to protect him, haha. Not that we didn't have our disagreements and sibling fights, but we've always gotten along and are still close as adults :)
I have an older brother (8 years older) and sister (13 years older) and a younger brother (10 years younger) and sister (8 years younger). I love them all in their own ways but everyone's personalities are vastly different. Sometimes my older brother was a pain and some times he was awesome, but I feel the same about all my siblings lol. I will also say our age gaps was pretty big so that also contributed to it.
My grandma hated my sister’s name, Melissa, because it’s Greek, and we’re Irish; she wanted her to be named Molly, but she still called her by her real name! Those grandparents are so weird!
"This is a communal space, and obviously, my standards are the 'normal' ones, so that's the standard everyone is applying to the communal space. Anyone who isn't meeting those standards is lazy!" Too many people in my life.
Soooooo, as someone who is deathly allergic to pineapples, I don't go around mowing down on treats and beverages that are unmarked because this tropical fruit can KILL ME. So WHY is this mother letting her kid in the common area where random food can be, unsupervised, as he must be young enough to not understand this key important survival skill. And if he isn't that young, that's some bs.
That first story hurts my heart. I was raised as an only child because my half siblings and step siblings were already moved out of my dad's house by the time I was making memories. But when my half sister got married, she made sure that I was still included in family photos and that she spent time with me. I was never close to any of them, but my half and step siblings are still my siblings! Those brothers sound like jerks.
Ever since my little brother's nursery teacher gave him chocolate (despite knowing he's extremely allergic to dairy), we were taught to be responsible for our own allergies. Our mum also takes responsibility for them when we go out, even though we're adults now, because people seem to take it more seriously coming from her (we look young for our ages). The mum and the child should know not to take food without ingredients listed. It sucks but it's their lives that will be affected!
I can’t believe the first story. I have an older half brother he is seven years older than me. Yes he had no other siblings from both his parents and he isn’t incredibly close from the kids on his dad’s side (his parents got divorced and both remarried and had more kids) but still from a very young age he was excited and happy to be a big brother. He’s always been a caring brother and he is one of the most important people in my life. The idea of brothers who have been around you your entire life saying you aren’t their little sister is heartbreaking and I wish OP all the love
I have a brother! He's two years older than me and I ADORE him- I think the same goes for him too. It probably helped that I'm pretty antisocial and he was probably my best friend till I was like 7. He's now an adult and we send eachother yt videos, play videogames together and are super close. It also helps that despite being more mature and sensible he's never told me what to do. Anyway I love him :)
I have three older brothers, we fought, we laughed till our stomachs hurt, we annoyed eachother to pieces, we loved eachother, it's just like other kind of siblings I guess?
I grew up in south georgia with my first name being Chyna. My family, around my moms decision, changed what they called me to Katie, and she didn't fight them. So I didn't find out I had a different first name till I went to school and had to correct the teachers without knowing why. They still refuse to call me anything else even in adulthood. My mom goes back and forth, but still calls me Katie in front of the family and Chyna when we are alone. I'm so glad i'm at a point in my life that I can distance myself from those types of people. I love the story she used to come up with my name, it means something to me.
My siblings were 7 and 10 when I was born - both were adopted and look nothing like me or our parents (darker skin). I was the late happy accident. I've never been close with my brother (oldest) and he had a LOT of resentment towards me when we were young. But he would NEVER EVER consider me not a "real" sibling. Those brothers (ALL 3) should be absolutely ashamed of their awful behavior. My heart breaks for that poor sister. I hope she finds herself some real siblings.
For the allergy one, I agree completely with the verdict. I wonder if OP could just leave a list of ingredients used with whatever they put out, and/or a sign saying "If you have an allergy, please ask for an ingredient list before eating". It won't stop unattended kids from grabbing something, but they shouldn't be doing that anyway, and it will definitely keep it from being possible to blame OP if something goes wrong
This is your regular reminder that you're all awesome, beautiful and valid little peaches, just the way you are ❤🧡💛💚💙💜Love you all ❤🧡💛💚💙💜
🥹🍑✨
@@shaaba 💜😊 Oh my gosh, I just noticed I got pinned, thank you so much, I don't feel like I deserve it lol
@@nathryl03 You do deserve it, though! 🤗
@@thatotherted3555 Thank you ☺
You included :) I don't know you but this is a lovely post. Peaches unite 🥰
I had an older brother. They are now my older sister. Still just as annoying as any sibling would be lol
Hey, the same thing happened to me XD! But we actually didn't have huge problems with each other growing up, and now we are much closer ❤.
I was the baby sister. Now I'm the baby sibling!
You always had an older sister, but they used to cosplay as a boy
I was the older brother who's now the older sister! Me and my sibling get along super well both before and after though!❤
I have a big sister and a little sister. No brothers. I do occasionally wonder what having a brother would be like....
1st story: it sounds like OP has been made the emotional scapegoat for her brothers, and as adults there's no excuse for that.
If anything, OP is being more mature and empathetic than any of them seem to be capable of.
The thing that pisses me off the most with the first story is that *all* of those brothers are adults. Are they still young in the grand scheme of life? Yeah. But they aren't *children*. They way they're acting is horrendous. That poor kid. I hope the rest of her support network is very loving and welcoming to her.
For the food allergy one: as someone with a food allergy, I can say with confidence that it is 100% the parent’s fault. If a child is young enough that they don’t understand the concept of their own allergy, they’re not old enough to be left unattended. Or even if the kid is old enough to know better and chose to do it anyway, it’s still the parent’s fault for not reminding them. Sometimes I want to eat food that I’m allergic to because it looks and smells delicious, but my mom never fails to tell me absolutely not and remind me of the consequences.
That mum gives off Karen vibes to me.
It's basic Darwinism. The animal that doesn't teach it's babies which berries are safe and which aren't, doesn't have a surviving litter. If a kid can understand not to drink bleach or lick rusty nails, it should be able to understand not to take food that it knows could kill it.
I wish you good luck with avoiding your allergy! Your mom is absolutely correct. It's definitely not worth the risk, though, I know it can feel like torture to have to pass up great food.
My partner has an allergy to chocolate. He's accidentally eaten some four times in the twenty-four years we've been together. His neck swells up--not his throat, tongue, or face, just his neck. It's incredibly scary each time, but he knows what the earliest sign feels like before he starts swelling. Per doctor's orders, I give him Benadryl and watch him for what feels like eternity until the swelling starts going down. We've been lucky that he hasn't gone into anaphylactic shock. People put chocolate into things that just don't make sense, like Dairy Queen's Snickerdoodle Blizzard, or cocoa butter in a lemon-flavored drizzle over lemon cake. 🤷🏻♀️
I never understood wanting to eat the food you're allergic to honestly. Because I've always hated grapes and kiwi for making my throat itchy. And I didn't know it was an allergy, I just thought everyone around me is weird for eating food that makes them miserable until it turned around I was the only one who was miserable. I haven't eaten grapes or kiwi since I found out I was allergic and life has been a bit better honestly.
At the same time I have some stomach issues and can't eat apples because I will be in pain, but I liked apples before those issues and now I miss them so I guess that's a similar experience.
@@snowkr3580 satay is just so good though. I was a bit careless about my allergies in my teens and so I ate some chicken skewers at a school function. Turned out they were satay. I didn't even notice that I was having an allergic reaction at first because my friend was talking about them being spicy so I thought the tingling in my mouth/throat was just the spice lol
I haven't had satay since because it absolutely wasn't worth it, but as someone who used to be able to eat peanuts and later developed an allergy and who also accidentally ate satay once, I can appreciate what I'm missing
That mother of the kid with allergies is so entitled!! Teach or monitor your kid better instead of putting the blame on someone else.
Ikr? If your child isn't old or responsible enough to look out for their own allergies (assuming OP had what it contained written on the paper that was with the food) you shouldn't be leaving them unattended. And even if the allergen wasn't written there specifically, the parent is still responsible for teaching the child not to eat random food without checking if they can safely eat it.
I don't agree with that perfectly. As a parent, you can't monitor your child 24/7, and if their main problem is a food allergy, you may let them in spaces, which you think are safe. If you don't know about this baked goodies sharing stuff, you wouldn't think that your kid will find food in the hall, which could include allergens. And if you find out something got your kid an allergic reaction, you will be angry. I think the parent's anger is ok, and it seems OP thought so too. IMO, Lilly stirred 💩 by telling people that the family was the cause of the tradition dying. OP specifically didn't say this so she won't cause conflict between the neighbours.
@@EleanorfromNeverland feeling angry isn't the issue. What's entitled is holding OP liable for what happened by demanding $$. OP feeling responsible and paying is nice but not warranted.
I don't think I implied that parents have to monitor their kids 24/7; only that it's sooner the mom's fault than OP's, especially since leaving food in the hall has been going on for some time so it is expected for food to be there.
I agree that Lily is a big ol gossip who made the situation so much worse than it already was
@@EleanorfromNeverland sure, you can’t always monitor them 24/7 but that doesn’t mean it’s someone else’s fault if that goes badly. If you leave your young kid alone and they run in front of a car, it’s not the fault of the person driving.
I think the main issue is that if the kid is old/responsible enough to be left totally unattended, he should have been taught not to eat random food when he has a life threatening allergy. If he’s too young/has a disability and can’t comprehend that, it’s not safe to leave him unattended. Big difference between letting your 12 year old walk around the building when you’re close by and leaving a small child totally unsupervised.
@@EleanorfromNeverlandthe mum being upset the first time is valid (although demanding compensation is not). OP stopping the tradition to prevent this kind of incident happening again is also valid. The mum throwing a tantrum because OP did something to protect both themselves and the child is beyond stupid. She is a grown adult and needs to get over it. If any of the neighbours comfront her, she can quite easily tell them her kid was really sick and it was scary for everyone involved including OP. She's just using OP to vent her frustration at this point because she knows they won't fight back.
Wow.
OP: I feel like you're excluding me and I'm not included, so I don't want to come around anymore.
Brothers: you're not included and we don't really want you around, but you're over-reacting and should keep coming around so that we don't have to look or feel like asshats for treating you as an outsider.
Like, seriously? They agreed with her interpretation of how they're treating her but are saying she's the drama? Really? They're not worth her time, and she should avoid them and let them deal with the flack that they get when other people find out why she's not coming around anymore.
💯, if they know people are going to take her side, they know they're in the wrong. And instead of doing better they want her to cover it up for them. No way, wrong on many levels. Poor OP :(
"We don't see you as a real sister, but you knew that, so why are you getting so upset?" These dudes don't deserve that family.
i dont really like the name “john” but that doesn’t mean when i meet a “john” i’m gonna call him “anthony” or something, that’s stupid. the grandparents are wild in the last one
When my niece was born my brother and sister-in-law were considering 2 names and asked the family’s opinion. I do not really like one of the 2 names but really like the other, so I said my preference. I didn’t say I do not like the other name, which is the one they ended up picking. Now my niece has that name and I don’t really spend time thinking about it and call her by her name. I also call her nicknames, but I’d do so regardless of names because it’s more to express affection. If she expresses that she is too old for cute nicknames or doesn’t like it, I will stop.
I've jokingly "forced" the name change of my friend's cat (it started as a joke and became a running gag, now the cat responds to both names) but I'd NEVER do that to a person...
@@KiboSanti I call my cat all kinds of names, including mousey, and she responds to it 😺 I also call my partner a nickname that has nothing to do with his name. I think nicknames are cute as long as the person (or cat) is also into it.
@@s.a.4358 My partner and I have the same nickname for each other. It actually feels weird to me when I have to call him by his name.
My full, legal first name is Katie because my father mostly goes by his middle name. It's caused issues for him to be known by a different name from what's on his identification and other legal documents. Unfortunately, I run into trouble, too, because people don't believe that my full name is Katie. They demand to know what my "real" name is, since _Katie_ is just a nickname. I've had a few full-blown arguments about my name.
People are weird. 🤷🏻♀️
@@katie6731 that’s so weird to me because Katie definitely can be a full name. It’s like Tom instead of Thomas of Alex instead of Alexander - they can be nicknames but also full names. Also the cheek of people to demand being told a different name! Unless it’s the policy or a judge or something, just call people by the name they tell you!
For the peanut allergy one, it’s definitely the mums fault, OP shouldn’t have had to pay for any of it. My brother ALWAYS asks my mum or someone else before he eats something because he has a nut allergy. Kid should have known better BECAUSE the mum should have taught them.
Yup. I have a range of food allergies that are never printed in allergy advisories etc. - tomatoes, kiwi, avocado, banana. The tomato allergy is the most disruptive. I don't even bother to check if random pre-made food is safe for me to eat, because it probably isn't. Has been that way since I was a small child. This child's caregivers definitely looking for someone else to blame for their negligence
Right? Like if the kid is old enough to wander over, get himself a brownie, and eat it, he’s old enough to know he can’t put random food in his face. He’s not a baby who’s teething!
Hard agree
Agreed! I had a bunch of allergies as a kid, and would NEVER take food unless I was sure it was safe. Like, I needed extra help with reading in primary school, something I generally struggled with when I was little, yet I could read some pretty complicated ingredients from an early age, and would not touch something unless I knew what was in it. I perhaps took it a little too far, because I was frequently mocked for stating that this or that food would make me ill, but at least I knew what to do to stay safe - my parents made certain of it.
@@YourQueerGreatAuntieOh, I never heard of anyone else having a tomato allergy before - it’s in so much, and was hard to deal with. That was one I thankfully grew out of, but I get it completely.
The first story makes me think the older brothers are taking any unresolved feelings they have about their mother remarrying out on OP.
OP definitely isn't the AH in this for expressing her emotions after being hurt like that
With the food one, I personally think if the child is not old enough to go ‘I have a peanut allergy so I should check if this random food has peanuts before I eat it’, they’re probably not old enough to be left alone outside their apartment
As a person with nut allergies I can't fathom ever 1) eating random food without knowing whats in it 2)expecting people to not put out food because I can't eat it. Even in elementary school I knew not to eat random food. that mom is wild
I'm vegetarian. Sometimes people put out sausage rolls or bacon rolls or things with suet or gelatine in them, & I know to avoid them. Allergies are that x50, but if you have the issue with the food, you are the one who avoids eating it & seeks out alternatives. I don't stop people providing sausage rolls & bacon; I just ask that alternative diets are also considered. I recall one birthday I had when I was asked what cake I wanted. I immediately said chocolate, but within seconds the shock of "oh this friend is gluten-free!!!" came out, so I insisted on fresh fruit as well for us all to enjoy, while others bought GF cupcakes for the friend in question.
In a perfect world, ideally every food would be labeled, but I learned long ago not to expect perfection.
The name thing makes me mad; the grandparents have a hang-up, maybe cultural/religious, maybe because they're taking parental responsibility and have issues that they didn't finish having kids or their daughter had granddaughter really young and they implied name childish. Possibly classist, they need to be ignored to learn names are important.
Oh come on you people. The world is full of food lying around, you have samples in stores and bakeries, candy in jars on reception areas, buffets and potlucks, a random chocholate left on the park bench and many, many others. And kids WILL eat it (they will also eat small rocks, batteries or insects, it's just what kids do). OP wasn't selling anything and therefore didn't have to present an ingridients list. There was her apartment number, so if anyone wanted to know what's inside they could ask. A child with an alergy who doesn't know yet what to avoid should be supervised. And it doesn't seem like the kid ate a cupcake on the very first day - people were aware the baked goods are in the lobby. That includes the mother of this child. OP is not the AH.
The mother sounds extremely entitled . Supervise your child and don’t let them eat unknown food, especially when peanuts are not an uncommon ingredient of baked goods . And to then be annoyed at OP for telling people that the reason she no longer leaves baked goods out is because she doesn’t want someone to have an allergic reaction?! OP is being considerate and worried about allergies and still gets blamed. For doing / not doing something that is just a kind gesture (leave treats for people) and in no way an obligation.
I also don’t think Lily is the drama. Even if she did go to the lady and told her point blank that she is the reason for no more baked goods, that’s factual. Supervise your child better when eating baked good that may often contain nuts!
I agree. But I am wondering if it's right and ok that we have so much food lying around in our culture. I certainly don't think OP was wrong, but I am aware that there's a handful of reasons why people might not want cake in a lobby where they have no choice but to walk past. I'm aware there are some people who have such a sensitivity to peanuts they can react to airborne particles. And aside from allergies, there's people with eating disorders that might not want to have to face into cake as they arrive/leave their home. I dunno. I guess there's probably good reasons why there's no much regulation around food safety.
@@Sarah.H5 that is a good point in the case of the lobby of one’s home, but the reality is that someone with a food allergy, eating disorder, who is on a diet, etc will be confronted with a world where others do not share the same difficulties. So the child in this case needs to be learn to check food before consuming it, or if they are too small still the mother needs to keep an eye on it. If the mother had asked for OP to add a sign regarding peanuts or even if different people in the building wanted not to have food in the lobby, that would be a fair request. OP did ask for permission from the doorman (who is a kind of authority / controlling what is going on) before putting the baked goods in the lobby, so from her side she did respect others and didn’t just dump food. It also seems like others in the building are appreciating it and even sometimes also contribute, so it is becoming a kind of building tradition.
Shabba with the first story : “where are they?? I just wanna talk. * I just wanna talk * ”
If u put a space in between the * and “ it’ll bold ur sentence
@@fifteendozenalleyroses or put the * after the "
I JUST WANNA TALK 👀
@@shaaba lol this was an oddly menacing notification to recieve, especially with my device glitching to blur the name and pfp
@@shaaba Legit I was saying that out loud at that moment in the video. What horrible brothers! I hope the mom gets them to act proper and they probably need therapy, but at 27 I would have hoped people knew better than to be that way... jikes and ew.
Hi all, I'm the mom of a (now adult) child with extremely severe peanut allergies here. Shaba is on point with the parental responsibility ... I was hyper-vigilant with teaching my child not to eat anything until I had cleared it being safe when he was very young, and teaching how to read labels to be sure that foods were nut free prior to eating.
Love your videos, thank you for sharing your thoughts on the AITA posts. 💜
Especially with a nut allergy, which is pretty common in baked goods.
"Why are you being so dramatic? It's just a name!" so why can't you use the correct one?
“Why are you being so dramatic? Let me harm you!” Gotta be one of the weirdest things for another person to ask of you. Like. No. Lmao no never no thank you
Communal baking story: my faith-in-humanity meter went all the way up at the start of the story and all the way down after the allergy incident 😩
it's always the most normal titles that turn out to be written by the biggest a**holes. and then we have crazy titles that turn out to be totally normal situations. I swear people do this intentionally to divert our expectations
I think the reason for this is that the assholes are trying to play down what they so the subreddit will be on their side, and people who are not the assholes are doubting themselves and writing the post with the fact that other people think they are the asshole in mind, causing them to be harder on themselves and using harsher language in their post when talking about their actions.
@@kw-os3kwyeah. The nta posts also happen usually due to familial backlash and they're probably using what they've been accused of as the title to in an attempt to be objective
I don't think that you could get a more classic name than an a Greek goddess name.
Nobody asked but my half-sister is on the way and she's going to be named for a Greek Goddess :)
I'm named for a greek goddess (but the french version) and a greek nymph and a latin goddess (i have three names) and i wouldn't have it any other way. It's amazing to feel connected to several powerful mythical women
I also have a Greek name - not a goddess but an oracle. I love my name. My partner also has an uncommon name and I like that.
I had the exact same thought!
As someone who's had allergies since I was a kid, that second one was absolutely not OP's fault. If you have food allergies, you simply don't eat something when you don't know what it's made of. Basic safety rule that the kid's mom should teach them.
“We want you to have a classical name” definition of classical: “relating to Ancient Greek or Roman literature, art or culture”. Aestrea seems perfect!! ❤
Astraea is a very normal name that no employer would judge in these modern times. It's not like her name is Stardancer, lol
I was thinking of Jammi's vid too xxx
I saw that video!
Also she has a middle name, which might be more tradition / common, so she can use that too if she wants.
I have a friend who has a very ethnic name, but she goes by Sonia. I knew her for 2-3 years before I even found out that is not het official name. She uses Sonia at work too.
I've heard the name but spelled as Estrella. I believe it means star in Spanish. I didn't know there was a different way to spell the name or that it came from a classic greek name. I wondered if maybe them saying a "classic name" was there way of saying a white sounding name. I knew someone who's parents refused to call there child by her given name of Estrella, claiming it was "hard to pronounce" but I forget what they tried to call her instead.
@@shirleymarie2288it's not a different spelling of the same name. Estrella is a twist on Estella / Stella which has a Latin root: stella, meaning star. Astraia is a Greek name with the Greek root aster- meaning star. Both star related, but with different origins.
The little sister not being accepted breaks my heart. I’m the oldest and have 4 half siblings (as well as full blood siblings) I wish I could be a part of their lives! Our dad stopped being interested in my life or my children so for my sanity I had to go no contact. That meant I was never close with them, but if they called tomorrow I’d be there. The brothers were definitely holding a grudge.
It is in no way rude not to answer to something that is Not your Name. That one blew my mind a little
Astrea is such a beautiful name! I love that! Those grandparents are major red flags and I hope op got to speak to a counsellor or their social worker or someone because that is not OK
I agree, I love the name!
Very pretty but also very easy to say human name
I've had people call me by nicknames even after I asked them not to, and I find it incredibly rude and annoying. What awful grandparents.
My deadname rhymed with a lot of things and as a kid I got so sick of adults rhyming my name I made a hard rule about don’t
@Lucifersfursona Adults think they're funny and seem to not recall how it hurts to be the butt of a joke. I had a teacher who decided to change my first name because this new one made a "cute" pairing with my last name. As if I'd never heard it before, he thought he was being clever by calling out this first name every day at attendance, to which I would reply "my name is Cathy." This went on for over a week until one day I got so pissed that as soon as he called out this new name, I stood up and loudly stated "I am not a Candy Cane."
He never did it again.
@@Lucifersfursona understandable then for you pick your new name as "orange" :P
Yeah my grandparents gave me a rhyming nickname which was absolutely horrible and inappropriate too (involved the word pussy and not talking about a cat) from when I was very young. I grew up hearing them say it all the time and it was very degrading and just felt mean to hear. Obviously even when I was little I wasn’t comfortable with it and asked them to stop (my other family members were picking up on it and saying it too) and they still call me that even though I’m almost 30 and have explained to them why I don’t like it and how it hurts me - which just by the words used is highly inappropriate and derogatory. They still continue to do it - even in front of new people like my siblings partners or mine… some people just don’t actually care about your feeling or how things may be perceived negatively and just continue to do what they want to do even if it’s hurting you.
@katrinadaly1755 that's terrible. I'd probably stop going around them.
My advice to the first OP is that you cannot force a relationship if the other party doesnt want it. You have been shown how your brothers' consider you, don't go out of your way for them in the future. You're also what 16? How would they NOT expect you to be upset given you're a teenager?? But as Shaaba said, find your support network and the people who do cherish you, there will always be people who cherish you and having you near and those are the people you should spend your time with.
Hard agree on not being able to force a relationship if the other person(s) is not into it.
For story two, i don't think OP was in the wrong, but it is probably smart to label any common allergens like you said
I think that's a good idea, but probably only for people with minor allergies. If I was the parent I don't think I'd let my kid eat it without talking to OP first. A cooking/baking hobbyist without allergies might not think about food safety/allergen contamination prevention. Using ingredients that are processed in factories that also process nuts or not cross contaminating while cooking. OP left their apartment number. If the mom wants to be a good parent of a child with severe allergies she should go talk to the OP before allowing her kid to eat it anyway.
Problem is if they do that then people may blame them if they forget to list one
The problem with peanuts is kind of that they're hypoallergenic. For some, even just being in the same room as them can be fatal. So in regards to peanuts specifically, but perhaps even nuts in general, it would probably be better not to include them at all when you don't know who's going to be in the same room as them.
@@winchesterfamilyforeveri mean if they just list all the ingredients it will cover everything
@@Gladissimshypoallergenic means non allergenic
As someone wirh celiac disease (cant eat wheat/barley/rye) its MY job to avoid foods that arent safe. its the moms job to make sue the kid knows what is safe and what isnt.
Hey there!
I also have celiac disease. Since it’s never heard of but is on the market since four years now - there are tablets with an enzyme on the market that helps the body break down gluten without harming the colon. I can now eat gluten occasionally with those tablets - which is helpful for work events/parties and when I’m out somewhere or a guest somewhere and I’m not sure if the food contains gluten.
So… you might want to look into it! 😊
@@madamemelone4947 Thanks for the info. My partner has celiac and just had it fully kick in, could u possibly find out the name of the tablets. So my partner could learn about them?
The food allergies... we had a kid in my daughter's class when she was like 5 who had severe allergies... the 5 year old all got it, understood they couldn't take certain things in, teacher had to check anything offered (like birthday cakes). 5yo kids understood, every one of them- the woman needs to keep an eye on her kid and actually explain their allergy to them, then they wouldn't eat the damn peanuts
8:13 as someone who's an older sister with a 9 and 12 years gap, younger siblings even if only sharing 1 parent ARE siblings, especially when you spend years living in the same household. I think the brothers banded up together and closed ranks when they didn't like the situation initially, but it's childish that they keep it up even now
I feel bad for the OP in the brownie story. They're just here, they like to bake. They make a small mistake of not labeling a thing and this happened. I wanna hug them because they don't deserve that anxiety to the point they don't bake anything for people anymore. (Simply because they enjoyed doing it, not because they should have to or anything)
It is a shame. Though they didn't say it was unlabeled. I can't help but label things I make for reunions and such even though nobody else does. So I kinda assume they would. That would also keep people who don't like coconut from taking a coconut cupcake, taking one bite and then throwing it away.
@@busterbeast999yes, that's what I do as well, even though I rarely see other folks do this at potlucks or community events. On the other hand, if I had severe allergies, would I really trust a strangers sign and knowledge about food safety? They might mean well and do their best and it still could be unsafe or cross contaminated, despite best efforts. Idk.
I don't blame them for not wanting to leave food out anymore in case it happens again, it's insane that the mother decided to have a go at them for that too. They're literally just trying to protect HER kid.
The allergy one, coming from someone with severe allergies, it’s not on OP to manage. I genuinely don’t eat baking if I can’t confirm the contents and cooking environment. As a child it is on the parent to teach the child and manage it for them until they have learned to be safe with food.
how much more classic do you want the name to be than ancient greek? "any name thats not from the stone age is forbidden in this house"
My brother is 5 years older than me. When we were little he was a great older brother. My Mom had a chronic illness so I have lots of memories of my brother entertaining me, making us snacks and just generally being around. We grew apart in our teen years and during our twenties. But we came back together after that. We are super close now. We are in our fifties and we talk or see each other practically every day.
this is super sweet, thanks for sharing x
My stephson actually got into a fight at school because someone said his (half)sister was not a real sister. Completely the other way around. So sad that some people react that way.
I feel bad for the child but as someone who's vegetarian and i don't eat eggs, i don't go out and eat food left out if I don't know what's in it. The mom should have either asked OP about the ingredients, or told her kid not to eat it.
My nan decided when I was a few days old she wasn't a fan of my full name. Angelika-Elisabeth and shortened it to Angel. 43 years later it's still my everyday name
My aunt named her daughter Elizabeth and when I was a kid she would scold me for calling her Liz, but 20 years later even her mom calls her Liz.
But that makes sense, here it's the common knickname. She didn't decide to start calling you Astrid.
Angel is somehow connected to your official name though. And it’s also a cute name for a grandparent to call their grandchild, not a completely different adult name. And if the person themself, or the parents in the case of a baby, don’t mind, it’s fine.
Hey! Another one with Elisabeth as a middle name! Not a 'z', a 's'. I love it now, but I hated it growing up. I had to learn that it was good to be different and unique.
As someone who grew up EXTREMELY allergic to nuts, I knew to never take any sort of dessert (or any food really) that was not labeled or from someone if we didn’t know they used extra safety precautions. Definitely not OPs fault at all.
Greek is even more classical.
When they say “classical” and they just mean white
@@Lucifersfursona ethnic Greeks are white.
What they _really_ mean is "what I want, with a random plausible label to make me look good"
All of us but my mom have a walnut allergy. My mom solved this by replacing walnuts with pecans. It worked perfectly. Banana bread with walnuts, no pecans, instead. Growing up, I never realized how many things have walnuts in them. I don't blame my mom, what she did was awesome. To this day, I forget that some things have walnuts in them, and I will accidentally order them and start eating them. Fortunately, my allergy is not severe; I just get blisters on the roof of my mouth. When I make that mistake, I don't blame anyone; it is on me to make sure that I don't eat things with walnuts. If I bought something with walnuts on accident, I just give my husband my treat and buy something else to eat. I try to remember to ask if something has walnuts in it, but I still can mess up. I understand that sometimes kids don't think about things, but yeah mom should have been watching for that. Poor little kiddo.
The nickname story: First and foremost, how utterly disrespectful to Op's mom. She chose the name, and just because the grandparents "dont like it" they want to change it to suit their tastes? What entitlement! For me, personally, I had a nickname when I was young; and for many years I answered to it without question; but when I was older (in my mid-20s) I began to feel very uncomfortable about it. My mindset shifted, from being content with it to feeling like I was still being treated like a child. It felt very infantilizing. When I finally summoned up enough courage to tell my mom about it, and asked her to start calling me by legal first name instead, I was super worried that she would be upset. But, I was pleasantly surprised. She understood. It took her more than a year to get out of the habit, but in the last 20 years she has never used it again.
Funnily enough, when my youngest came out and told my mom that they were trans, they expected the very same thing I did way back when; that grandma would be upset and refuse to call them by their chosen name; and, once again, my mom surprised us, by just going with the flow. She will never know how much that reaction increased my kids confidence and made them truly feel seen.
my older brother is 13 years older than me and he’s one of my best friends. he helped me moved across the country to live away from our homophobic and religious family. i’ll always see him as my hero
That first story is so frustrating to me, because I was literally in a very similar situation growing up. My two brothers are from my mom's first marriage and I'm from the current one. My brothers were 8 and 11 when I was born. And while we were all well aware that we have different dads, they have never treated me like I wasn't their "real sibling". I mean I'm literally half blood ken to them, we share the same mom. And even if I was adopted or something, like I'm still their sibling and we grew up together. I feel really sorry for OP that her siblings have some kinda hang up about her not being from the same dad. That's really sad.
My husband has poor body awareness due to trauma. He broke all 12 glasses we were given when we were married fast enough that we were able to replace them with the SAME design... and then those were all broken.
We have been saving and using the bottles from the iced coffee drinks his mother gets since then.
I have inherited some of the antique glassware from my grandparents: we are not using them except on holidays. I firmly believe in using the nice stuff every day, but am making an exception because seriously the man managed to kick a glass off a table while sitting up from a lying down position on a couch at least 18 inches from the table. Also, his mother now lives with us, and her body awareness is far worse. Last night, she broke the 6th toilet seat in 10 years. It never occurred to me that one COULD break a toilet seat.
how the hell do you break a toilet seat
@@ferninthehouse I have decided I am better off not knowing.
@@marieugorek5917 Speaking from personal experience, you just flop on with your full weight and don't think about how hard you're sitting down. It's a bad idea, because even for the 99.9% of the time you don't break the seat, you can still end up with pain and bruising. For me at least, the flopping happens when I'm distracted or daydreaming, so the time it broke was extra unexpected and mildly terrifying.
@@PrimroseFrost that would be par for the course. However, the first time it happens, I asked, and she started with, " You know how you're rocking back and forth to get the poop out?" And I am like, okay this is a conversation that needs to happen with your doctor...
Though I can see that the brothers in the first case are still hurting from the loss of their dad, they have to find a better way dealing with it than excluding parts of their family. Love is not a one way street, you can still love a person who has died and still fall in love with people after. Often we don't speak about loved ones we lost and then it seem they are forgotten but they are not. They can share and embrace the stories they had with their dad, it might help to open up their hard to new experiences. I am blessed with two older brother (and two younger sisters) - my oldest brother didn't grew up with us and I only got to know him when we were invited to his wedding. He knew about us but his mum preferred that we had no contact. I love him and his family dearly and I am glad that he welcomed us in his life.
Grandparents story: NTD. They are the ones being rude. Tell them that.
Never have i ever heard of older brothers being anything but nuisance; that being said, for 26 yo to act that childish is just shameful. Op N°1 really did dodjed a bullet
I feel like my older brothers are exactly the steryotype. We would fight, call names, they even threw my beanie babies out the window and I broke their legos. But if they saw me crying, they would be the first ones to fight for me. We live in different states now so we aren't as close, but I love them very much
Same! My brother and I fought a lot but we also defended each other all the time .
As a mother of a child with food allergies, it is not op's fault. The most i would do (if i even brought the issue to their attention) would be too ask for an ingredient list. There is no reason to ask op to pay for any of that. It's entirely on the mom, even if it was just a bad moment when he took it while she was turned around for a moment. My son is autistic and is constantly trying to take food he's allergic to because he doesn't completely understand, but i don't blame the cook for that. Lily is definitely nta either.
I think that the reason they all turned against the mom isn’t even due to Lilly or OP, but that they all had their own reasons but now something affects them all together so they banded together against the mom. The fact that the mom blames OP for telling the truth when directly asked, rather than examining their own behavior is bonkers.
My three middle siblings refuse to meet me or have anything to do with me because their father had an affair with my mom. I don't blame them for that. But their mom then told their dad that the only way he'd ever see me was if my mom gave me up and THEY raised me. "You lose him how you got him" comes to mind when I think of their mom. But I also don't think what my own mother did was right. Honestly, one day I just need to write a book about it.
you missed the best little comment thread on the motorbike story:
- When y'all dust, do you just like.. stick the duster on the shelf and shake it around like your life depends on it?
- - Of course not. You put the duster in, you take the duster out. You put the duster in, then you shake it all about.
- - - You knock it off the shelf and it breaks on the ground...
- - - - Cash is what it's all about
My name is in Spanish and kinda obscure, so it isn't something people who speak English would find normal to pronounce, especially from writing. I try to be understanding, but if people continually get it wrong after countless corrections, I do totally ignore them because it is just rude.
My name is Greek (I am not but my mother was learning Greek while pregnant with me and really liked the meaning of it) and not very common so people often mispronounce it. I even had someone in the USA tell me “this is how we pronounce it here”! I am German and Belgian (French speaking) so I will accept both the French or German pronunciation but hate the American way of pronunciation it. People need to AT LEAST TRY!
@@s.a.4358now I'm curious, do you mind sharing your name?
story 1: I would like more context of the brothers' history before OP was old enough to recognize what was happening. I've never been in this type of family dynamic, but I've heard so many stories of the parents trying to force new relationships so hard that they just turn the kids completely against each other with resentment. But there's a huge difference between "we're not close" and "You may as well not exist".
I had an older brother and I loved him to bits. I always idolized him and liked what he liked (music, sports teams etc). We weren't super close, but that was mostly from the dysfunctional family dynamics and mental health issues.
We did play together a lot when we were little - and occasionally got into little fights over toys and such, nothing major.. I don't have many childhood memories, but I have a few videos from back then and one of them was from his birthday and he did step in once when I was overlooked in one of the children's games my mom did with him and his friends. I also feel like he was protective over me, but I don't have the memories to support that feeling.
Sadly he ended his life 12 Years ago (aged 25) and I miss him. I wish I could've gotten closer with him again in my adult life - we lost contact when my mental health tanked and I eventually moved into a foster family, though I did reach out and we met up a few times in the years before he passed. I really wish I still had my big brother..
I'm so sorry to hear that. Sounds like you've had a tough time of it, but thank you for sharing the moments of love you do have.
The last story reminds me of a scene from Star Trek TNG (maybe not exact)
Dr. Pulaski: Dahta, come take a look at this.
Data: Data.
Dr. P: I’m sorry?
Data: you said “dahta”, my name is “Data”.
Dr. P: Dahta, Data, what’s the difference?
Data: one is my name. The other is not.
(Yes, I know it is the same spelling, I didn’t know how else to show the pronunciation🙃)
Having a big brother is such a strange experience. In my experience he never really supports me and even belittles me for sharing some of my concerns and things that are bothering my mind. He is also not a self sacrificing person at all he only cares about himself.
❤
… yeah. He wasn’t too happy to go from being an only child to having me around, trying to follow him around.
@@mRSDiabolical not exactly. He wanted me🤣
My older brother is 10 years older and has a different dad…he has never treated me like I’m not his sister. I also have a younger stepbrother (no bio parents shared) who is 6 years younger and I have never treated him like he isn’t my brother (though I don’t ever treat his mum like she’s my mum). I also share parents with a third brother, he’s also the one I’ve lived with the most, but I don’t see him as any more my brother than the others. Basically, I have 3 brothers, I share different biological relationships with each but they’re all my brothers. I cannot imagine having treated any of them differently, especially my littlest brother, he was 18 months old when he came into my life, he doesn’t know anything else, why would I resent him as an adult? That girl’s adult brothers are being really cruel.
I'm adopted and my older brother and younger sister aren't. My brother is 15 years older than me and my sister is 7.5 years younger. When i was a kid i idolized him and didn't care much for her. Now she and I are very close and our older brother has essentially disowned me as his sibling because I was a troubled teen who acted out. For reference, im turning 50 and he just turned 65.
I have a much older brother. We didn’t get along until I was 13.
Thank you to op of the last one. Love your name so much it's being added to my list of potential baby names for my future child. I love it so much.
I have an older brother and older sister, and I love it!! Eventhough in puberty they thought they had to raise me, which I hated at that time, they were and are incredible protectors and I wouldn’t have it any other way ❤
24:18 I keep singing that one song whenever OP says “That’s not my name”
The last story definitely sounds like the good old-fashioned "respect your elders" attitude, where everyone else is wrong, so using the term "disrespect" is a way to not be responsible.
25:07 Did anyone else just burst out laughing at the “HOO” owl moment? 😂 I was not prepared…
I have an older brother! Though our dynamic is probably “brother-protects-younger-sister/sibling” vibes because he’s 11 years older than me, making him 14-15 years older than the youngest of us. He’s cool. :3
Astraea is a gorgeous name!!
story 3: OMG! My Dad collects these exact types of things and I've knocked them off the shelves so many times and I feel terrible every single time, but if he billed or blamed me for every accident, I don't want to know how much I'd owe him. I mean, the ones on the shelves are the cheaper ones and usually able to be glued back together. If it's that rare and precious to you, and YOU already have a history of breaking one, why on earth wasn't the replacement in a protective case? And hipocrits are my worst enemy, OP who literally admitted to making the same mistake.
A more classic name? What's more classic than ancient Greece?!
If you have allergies, certainly do not consume inidentified food~! That said, any time I host or provide for a community event, I like to check in with everyone who could be potentially involved. Air-borne allergic response is a thing, esp with peanuts, and I know two people who are so sensitive they can't be in the same room so ofc I'm gonna be mega-paranoid about that. Otherwise, I just check in with folks (esp I don't know) and make sure to label anything I make with unobvious or alternative ingredients, just in case. I like to use yoghurt in my devilled eggs, that's not going to agree with everyone. But the paprika is plain to see. It also depends on the size of the group, ofc. You can be _generous_ whilst also extending _courtesy._ You can be protective, whilst also _watching your own dang child!?_ Poor kiddo. I remember what it was like to get sick a lot as a kid.
I have an older brother, and while our relationship is more strained now (he's very religious, I'm very openly queer and nonbinary, and while I know his mentality is 'hate the sin love the sinner' and thus he has chosen his love for me as his family over his religion, I can't view him as I once did.) growing up we were close-ish, but not in any way different to how I am with my younger sister as her former-older-sister. Mostly a mix of fierce protection with a desire to commit casual violence during gaming sessions.
That first story, with the brother’s wedding and the 16 yo OP…those brothers are incredibly rude and cold. I know it hurts, but OP is probably better off knowing where she stands and just getting on with her life. Some day when one of them approaches you for a living donor kidney, just remind them that you’re not that close…sorry, I don’t really mean that, but I hurt inside for this poor young woman.
That story about the 16 year old and the older siblings really hit me hard. I was the youngest born in my whole family. The youngest of my elder siblings was 16 (mum's daughter) when I was born, and my other three siblings (da's children, two daughters and one son) were well into adulthood, each with teenage to 20-something year old children of their own (one of my nephews was in his last year of med school when I was a toddler). My siblings hated my very existence. I can still remember being six years old, overhearing a conversation between my da and my two oldest sisters. They told him he was too old to have had anymore children (he was three months from 60 when I was born), and that I should never have been born. They went on to say they would never consider me a sister, or even family. This upset my da quite badly, but he still told them if they refused to treat me as a sibling, they needn't bother coming round to visit again. I am now in my late 40's. My siblings have all passed away. I spent the vast majority of my life waiting and hoping they would one day come around and see me as a sister, or at least as family. They never did, and now it's too late for any reconciliation. I feel so much for OP and her struggle. I know exactly how that feels, and I empathize with them so very much. I sincerely hope they find within themselves the closure they need, in time, and learn as I had to that blood or no blood, some people aren't worth grieving for and are certainly not worth making space for.
As for the one with the peanut allergy: if a person doesn't want to be responsible for another person, they shouldn't have children. The parent is entirely responsible for what their child does or does not eat. I get that kids can squirm out from under a parent's eyes, but that is still on the parent if the child gets into something they shouldn't. OP is not the drama, and definitely should not have had to pay for a single thing to do with that child. Lily is not the drama because she had every right to make others aware of the situation so that the entitled mother couldn't pull the same stunt on anyone else. And I firmly believe OP should be going to the landlord as well and explaining the entirety of the situation so that the landlord has the whole story, not just one biased part of it.
I’m an older sister. I have a little sister and have never wanted to have anyone else. I like being the oldest, and in many ways I’ve filled the “older protective sibling” role. Sure, sometimes she fills the younger sister sibling annoyance role, but we are so close. She’s truly my best friend. I’m leaving to do my Masters and I’m going to miss her so much these next two years.
First Story: older brother here. No longer include the brother. The mom needs to tell her sons to grow up. Brothers in the bin. The disrespect is not okay or cute. Mom needs to give the sons consequences for their actions.
The mother should have addressed the situation way earlier, not after 16 years.
I’ve got an older brother and can not for the life of me imagine him ever “looking out for me.” 🤷🏻♀️ As for these stories, yikes across the board but especially the two teenagers. Getting ignored like that by someone you thought was a close friend/family member is one of the hardest things I can imagine. And the grandparents using the wrong name? Rude and weird. (My grandmother sometimes used to call me by a different name but that was a silly nickname and I never objected to it. The whole “Elizabeth” thing tho-big nope.)
The first story very much sounds like the oldest brother didn't deal with losing his father very well (which is fine and normal) and then told the others that OP wasn't their real sibling, until they adopted that as the truth (which is not at all fine and not normal). The youngest one was definitely too young for that mentality to be their own. I feel for OP. It absolutely sucks to be excluded from your own family.
Random stranger on the internet
"Hi"
Shaaba:
*Giddy and excited* "Hehe HI! 😊 👋"
Shaaba gets it, i do the same pfff
My big brother is amazing. I love him so much and he protected me a lot and still does now that we are older
There is sooooo much AITA reaction content on YT and this is probably the channel that does it best that I've seen. There's actual thought and insight and learning that happens, rather than just outrage.
I'd be interested if anyone has any other channel recommendations that do this content to a similar calibre (aside from Jamie, ofc)
I think the Queer Kiwi also does a good job of this
I'm an older brother, it's a bit hard sometimes to be honest, it is a lot of responsibility, especially when you have useless parents.
You break it you buy it, also goes for things you break that belong to loved ones. Unless they insist you don't have to
I think that can be fair but I also think that some grace should be given in situations where a spouse accidentally breaks something in the house you share. Especially when you live together, I would be expecting him to find a replacement, but it wouldn’t have to be immediately. I definitely replace things I break but sometimes it may take a bit of time to find the item or save the money. It seems weird to me to just hand over 100$ when the item can’t be found that second. It takes away a bit of the sentimentality in my mind and reduces it to only money verses replacing the item is more about the item.
@@rebeccajesse4604 that's true, but I really do hope he finds a replacement as soon as one is available, it's only fair. I don't understand the notion that OP should just, forget about it? At least that's what I thought shabaa was implying. She shouldn't ask for money, currently there's not replacement available so, what now? You know?
I respectfully disagree, but I'm too tired to explain so I'm just replying so I can return when I'm coherent lol
My siblings and I grew up with food intolerances from very young and we were always taught that you NEVER eat anything unless you know it's safe.
And my advice to the 3rd OP is to tell them that you have decided that as the house rule is that if you don't like someone's name you can just call them something else, you will now be calling them names you like better than their current ones. Not only that, start doing it to any of their friends that come over. Just hey 'Hi, my grandparents have taught me that if you don't think a person's name suits them you can call them something else, so I'm going to call you Dave'.
My older brother and I are close in age, so we always got along very well. He has some social disabilities so it was much less him looking out for me and much more me trying to protect him, haha. Not that we didn't have our disagreements and sibling fights, but we've always gotten along and are still close as adults :)
I have an older brother (8 years older) and sister (13 years older) and a younger brother (10 years younger) and sister (8 years younger). I love them all in their own ways but everyone's personalities are vastly different. Sometimes my older brother was a pain and some times he was awesome, but I feel the same about all my siblings lol. I will also say our age gaps was pretty big so that also contributed to it.
My grandma hated my sister’s name, Melissa, because it’s Greek, and we’re Irish; she wanted her to be named Molly, but she still called her by her real name! Those grandparents are so weird!
"This is a communal space, and obviously, my standards are the 'normal' ones, so that's the standard everyone is applying to the communal space. Anyone who isn't meeting those standards is lazy!" Too many people in my life.
Soooooo, as someone who is deathly allergic to pineapples, I don't go around mowing down on treats and beverages that are unmarked because this tropical fruit can KILL ME. So WHY is this mother letting her kid in the common area where random food can be, unsupervised, as he must be young enough to not understand this key important survival skill. And if he isn't that young, that's some bs.
That first story hurts my heart. I was raised as an only child because my half siblings and step siblings were already moved out of my dad's house by the time I was making memories. But when my half sister got married, she made sure that I was still included in family photos and that she spent time with me. I was never close to any of them, but my half and step siblings are still my siblings! Those brothers sound like jerks.
My mom had (some have passed unfortunately) 5 brothers I have one brother & one Skylander, Roller Brawl, also has 5 brothers 💜
Ever since my little brother's nursery teacher gave him chocolate (despite knowing he's extremely allergic to dairy), we were taught to be responsible for our own allergies. Our mum also takes responsibility for them when we go out, even though we're adults now, because people seem to take it more seriously coming from her (we look young for our ages). The mum and the child should know not to take food without ingredients listed. It sucks but it's their lives that will be affected!
I can’t believe the first story. I have an older half brother he is seven years older than me. Yes he had no other siblings from both his parents and he isn’t incredibly close from the kids on his dad’s side (his parents got divorced and both remarried and had more kids) but still from a very young age he was excited and happy to be a big brother. He’s always been a caring brother and he is one of the most important people in my life. The idea of brothers who have been around you your entire life saying you aren’t their little sister is heartbreaking and I wish OP all the love
I have a brother! He's two years older than me and I ADORE him- I think the same goes for him too. It probably helped that I'm pretty antisocial and he was probably my best friend till I was like 7. He's now an adult and we send eachother yt videos, play videogames together and are super close. It also helps that despite being more mature and sensible he's never told me what to do. Anyway I love him :)
Whooo! New Shaaba video to start off my week *and* a new month? 🎉
has the… asshole fairy… blessed us, this fine beginning? 😅
I have three older brothers, we fought, we laughed till our stomachs hurt, we annoyed eachother to pieces, we loved eachother, it's just like other kind of siblings I guess?
I grew up in south georgia with my first name being Chyna. My family, around my moms decision, changed what they called me to Katie, and she didn't fight them. So I didn't find out I had a different first name till I went to school and had to correct the teachers without knowing why. They still refuse to call me anything else even in adulthood. My mom goes back and forth, but still calls me Katie in front of the family and Chyna when we are alone. I'm so glad i'm at a point in my life that I can distance myself from those types of people. I love the story she used to come up with my name, it means something to me.
My big brother ended up becoming my father figure and walked me down the isle. I am thankfull for him. I survived thanks to him.
My siblings were 7 and 10 when I was born - both were adopted and look nothing like me or our parents (darker skin). I was the late happy accident. I've never been close with my brother (oldest) and he had a LOT of resentment towards me when we were young. But he would NEVER EVER consider me not a "real" sibling. Those brothers (ALL 3) should be absolutely ashamed of their awful behavior. My heart breaks for that poor sister. I hope she finds herself some real siblings.
For the allergy one, I agree completely with the verdict. I wonder if OP could just leave a list of ingredients used with whatever they put out, and/or a sign saying "If you have an allergy, please ask for an ingredient list before eating". It won't stop unattended kids from grabbing something, but they shouldn't be doing that anyway, and it will definitely keep it from being possible to blame OP if something goes wrong