When I first started watching Mr. Dillon, I was 3 credits away from graduating from Johns Hopkins. Now, I own a discount mattress store with my obese brother in law. Thank you Tim!
10 years ago as a 17 year old hearing the statement "the best you can do is work at a Lowe's, be divorced, and have a kid that doesnt hate you" I would've thought that was really bleak and sad. Now hearing that as a 27 year old it sounds better than at least 10 other realistic scenarios that could manifest into reality for me at this very moment, and that's the real tragedy of it all...
Tim is an absolute genius at describing the average American condition. The most common job is retail. 6 in 10 marriages don't work. This scenario is so perfectly described I can envision it in detail.
Divorce rates have actually started decreasing. It’s 37% now. Probably has more to do with the economy more than anything else; it’s too expensive to get divorced.
@@badkarma11b it might be more related to fewer total marriages. The social pressure to get married is lower now than any time in American history. So if you get married these days, it's much more likely to be because you actually want to be married (when compared to previous years).
It's unfortunate. As a schizoid, I really can't work in retail. Being a warehouse worker might be OK (as long as I could rest between loading and unloading), but again, I've never found a job I could do (they always have some sort of requirement that I don't fulfill: energetic, good communication skills, working with customers, having a driver's license, being able to lift 50 lbs and stand on my feet all day, etc.). I majored in Computer Science in college, but they were very open that I wouldn't be able to get a job afterwards.
I literally quit riding my motorcycle because i wasnt going to be killed by a teenage girl making a tik tok. Tim might have convinced me to just embrace it
Someone I went to school was killed by a negligent driver pulling out in front of him 2 weeks ago. An old lady almost killed me once, my front tire locked up and by the grace of God I was able to swerve just in time.
@@Zanthorr I've been clipped twice on mine fortunately both low speed. I got hit twice in my tesla in 3 weeks. I have a video of a guy driving through a stop sign into my lane, hitting me while staring at his phone, dropping his phone, backing up, and then running. Glad you were able to stay up. Zero safety in the streets.
Bro, I work in EMS and every time I start looking at buying a motorcycle we get called to a wreck where the motorcyclist is almost always screwed up horribly. It's an omen lol
I worked in the Home Depot garden center in college to pay my tuition and those folks I worked with don’t deserve chicken nachos. An order of onion rings and a Diet Coke are all they get.
I remember having gargantuan aspirations as a film maker of 20+ years but then I got a job in liquor sales and I'm superbly content. I make enough money to live, have shelter, and go out on the weekends to over drink with people I like surrounding myself with. In 30 years I'll retire and then I'll get a few years to spend all of my money and visit some beaches and then I'll die. That's a good life. Worrying about life is not a good life.
A simple life spending time with friends / loved ones is literally the definition of a good life by epicureans from ancient Greece 2000 years ago. So, you are right sir, keep it real.
Perspective. Tim , I was having a moment, this brought back focus. Even though I've spent 30 plus years in an industry that's failing, I am not bleeding out in another country. Thanks for being you.
The industry of hospitality. The kind that is both a memorable and exceptional one. The most generic bland offerings flourish. The exceptional shrinks and shrinks. I won't forget my 30 plus years of learning a craft and lovingly sharing with people. No big , shit happens.
Tim Dillon's rants border on poetic tragedy. They are bite sized pills of crystallised modern anxiety and nostalgic dreams about to expire. Thank you for the laughs Mr Dillon. :):)
"crystallised modern anxiety and nostalgic dreams about to expire." Wow, very well put. I agree with this sentiment. The dream is almost dead, but it still slugs along toward that ever-setting sun, just over the next rise, hemorrhaging its life-force, with every drag of its body sagging a little closer to the pavement. I know how it goes.
@@RolandPeteur True. But it had to be easier to believe in back when a couple could own a house and raise a family on what would today be considered minimum wage. Nowadays you need a six-figure income to afford an apartment and a car payment.
@@RolandPeteur There was also a dream, that if there was a way to get easy sex from a girl, that would answer all our prayers. Then in 1960 "the Pill" was invented and gave us the free lovin 60's.Then came skyrocketing divorce rates, single parent broken homes, wage competition as more women now had more control over their reproductive organs and felt they could have it all and entered the workforce. In the 2000s young men wished if there was just a way to meet girls without having to leave our basements, that would answer our prayers, then the "dating app", Tinder, was invented and instead gave the option to young women to be even choosier in their selection of potential makes creating an infinite pool of desperate young men competing for their attention, thus decimating the chances of many young men to ever get laid.... Watch for what you wish for gents, because there are always consequences, many of which aren't felt for years.....
@@RolandPeteur oddly enough the post WW2 years was when America was setting itself up to fail with the wide open urban sprawl that's now crumbling. “Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men, and weak men create hard times.”
Me when when I'm driving my golf cart in my really underwhelming master-planned, HOA-ran community when the neighbor's 17 yr old daughter takes one too many adderall's before peeling out of the drive way and it's NIGHT-NIGHT for me.
Don't worry, Adderall doesn't make you hyper and inattentive. It makes you extra vigilant and focused. A driver on Adderall is a way better driver than a drunk or a high driver.
@@johndong7524 Oh, she's focused alright. Unfortunately for her victim, it's on the phone you'd have to surgically remove from her hand and not the road
I'm 47 years old never married and no kid's.. I'm going to put an application at Lowe's as soon as I drop the period on this thought. Tim I love 💝 u I'm a fairly new listener and officially a Tim Dillon Junkie.. Cheers from Las Vegas.
There is somebody out there that lives with all of these exact circumstances mentioned. And he’s wondering how psychic Tim is and how long he’s been watching his life.
Tim Dillon rants should be documented ..translated to every language known to mankind..and kept in a time capsule for the distant future… no history book could be as accurate as this..💯
I wish Tim and some other comedy guys would start making funny movies like we used to have. Tim could write the entire cast and their backstories just by compiling these rants.
I work 60 hours a week in construction making 19hr and i can barely stay afloat. Live balanced, budget well, no frivolous spending, healthy, no kids and i still barely make it.
@@xyzmediaandentertainment8313 here in America the average citizen has zero options, the American dream is dead for anyone who is not a boomer, or a youtuber.
After working at Lowe’s I would not wish that on my worst enemy. Customers are always shitty and they were never adequately staffed. Yes, we always had to hear about how inadequately staffed we were from the a hole customers. For years they complained about not having a self checkout. We finally put four in and now they’re pissed about having to ring themselves up. You honestly could not win in any situation.
My dad works at home depot and is divorced...... ... .. and has a child that kinda hates them but pitys them. Literally this whole rant was talking about my dad it was killing me lol
I left the US 25 years ago, and to see what life has become for most American men, just confirms my premonitions and where my life was heading fast as well until I took the jump. So thankful and glad I did!
@@anon2427 Europe is not all that cracked up to be. They have plenty of issues as well. Many American expats are enjoying the life overseas only because of their American dollars and their American education. Without that their lives would be much less enjoyable. Believe me.
You didn’t come my city hoo cancelled same day and I was excited then cried then played with foam aeroplane to change my attention but then I was sad again.
When I first started watching Mr. Dillon, I was 3 credits away from graduating from Johns Hopkins. Now, I own a discount mattress store with my obese brother in law. Thank you Tim!
Wish you the Best!
we wish you well
You're at the pinnacle.
Life in the big city.
Real life fake business
"You're not bleeding out in the Gaza strip" - The American Dream
Not yet
@@bucknasty69U SIR R A PROPHET
I like waking up alone
Bro how is Tim so good at incapsulating American culture?
That's quality CIA training for you
@@lammypie3561😂😂😂
When there's a big red line under the words you write look it up
Encapsulating*
Because he is at the tip of the snout which is the American pig
“To have a kid that doesn’t hate you.” That is so real.
I’m not Lovin Bidenomics.
Who’s John Galt ?
@@zoobrizztake it easy fed
10 years ago as a 17 year old hearing the statement "the best you can do is work at a Lowe's, be divorced, and have a kid that doesnt hate you" I would've thought that was really bleak and sad. Now hearing that as a 27 year old it sounds better than at least 10 other realistic scenarios that could manifest into reality for me at this very moment, and that's the real tragedy of it all...
The real kicker? Nothing in the world is really all that much different. You're just wiser than you were 10 years ago.
And maybe if you're lucky when youre a 30 year old your kid will be having their first kid and the circle is complete
I’m 30 and right there with you bro lol
Life in the big city
better than fucking working a field
I was already on board but when he said "and you wont see the teenage driver coming" I just about fell out of my chair
I have a friend that is divorced, works at Lowe's, and has a teenage daughter who doesn't hate him. Pretty spot on
How’s he doing
@@thomaspeterson9505 We wish him well
Tim is an absolute genius at describing the average American condition. The most common job is retail. 6 in 10 marriages don't work. This scenario is so perfectly described I can envision it in detail.
He is not just a comedian, he is a social critic with the keenest eye of his generation
Divorce rates have actually started decreasing. It’s 37% now. Probably has more to do with the economy more than anything else; it’s too expensive to get divorced.
@@badkarma11b it might be more related to fewer total marriages. The social pressure to get married is lower now than any time in American history. So if you get married these days, it's much more likely to be because you actually want to be married (when compared to previous years).
@@fernandod3510 good point
It's unfortunate. As a schizoid, I really can't work in retail. Being a warehouse worker might be OK (as long as I could rest between loading and unloading), but again, I've never found a job I could do (they always have some sort of requirement that I don't fulfill: energetic, good communication skills, working with customers, having a driver's license, being able to lift 50 lbs and stand on my feet all day, etc.). I majored in Computer Science in college, but they were very open that I wouldn't be able to get a job afterwards.
I literally quit riding my motorcycle because i wasnt going to be killed by a teenage girl making a tik tok. Tim might have convinced me to just embrace it
Someone I went to school was killed by a negligent driver pulling out in front of him 2 weeks ago. An old lady almost killed me once, my front tire locked up and by the grace of God I was able to swerve just in time.
@@Zanthorr I've been clipped twice on mine fortunately both low speed. I got hit twice in my tesla in 3 weeks. I have a video of a guy driving through a stop sign into my lane, hitting me while staring at his phone, dropping his phone, backing up, and then running.
Glad you were able to stay up. Zero safety in the streets.
Bro, I work in EMS and every time I start looking at buying a motorcycle we get called to a wreck where the motorcyclist is almost always screwed up horribly. It's an omen lol
maybe she can catch your impending death on her tik tok? at least then youll be famous. dead maybe. but definitely famous.
@@SteezySteez2011 definitely not in the cities man
I want to become a high school teacher so I can show this to seniors right before they graduate
The accuracy and intricasy of detail in Tim's rants on events that never even happened to him are mind blowing
As much as it's been done, an instrumental version of America the Beautiful on another tab while listening to this, still hits pretty hard.
@@Good_Horseylmfao
Yep he nailed it
Chicken nachos are reserved for the well paid Home Depot garden center worker
I worked in the Home Depot garden center in college to pay my tuition and those folks I worked with don’t deserve chicken nachos. An order of onion rings and a Diet Coke are all they get.
@@jaredschmidt8013😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I'm 43, divorced, no kids, and I'm in full This-Is-Fine-This-Is-Enough mode. Cruise control set to 60, listening to 70s hits on AM radio.
It is a good life.
I was in Walmart the other day and they played the "Ghostbusters" song. I just stood there still listening to one of my dear childhood memories.
Good while you can still look after yourself i guess.
Sounds pretty good 👍
@@ghenuloyou should TH-cam the word - bustin… or maybe bustin makes me feel good. You’ll have fun
Missed opportunity: call it "The Gaza Strip Mall"
Underrated comment this
And he could call it: Middle East Palestine
This is why we listened to the first 56 mins of this episode. Some classic Timmy
Bro yes
He's 💯 percent correct I have a terrible job that's ok and my daughter doesn't completely hate me
She pittys you, which is worse😂😂😂😂😂
@@ozzythegrouch I'll take what I can get 😂
Congrats man!
Oh my God I am right there exactly
for now.
I remember having gargantuan aspirations as a film maker of 20+ years but then I got a job in liquor sales and I'm superbly content. I make enough money to live, have shelter, and go out on the weekends to over drink with people I like surrounding myself with. In 30 years I'll retire and then I'll get a few years to spend all of my money and visit some beaches and then I'll die. That's a good life. Worrying about life is not a good life.
I know some liquor sales guys out here in Cali and yall make good money. Plus free liquor for life and a take home car.
No take home car, and the money is good when the economy is good, but the free liquor is def a plus!@@bernie3075
Bro take a risk
Oh trust me I did. I freelanced my whole life. @@Part61Pilot
A simple life spending time with friends / loved ones is literally the definition of a good life by epicureans from ancient Greece 2000 years ago. So, you are right sir, keep it real.
“We need a gun that shoots love”
I’d blow my fucking brains out with love.
The next Austin Powers movie
Leggs Friedman "love solves all"
Perspective. Tim , I was having a moment, this brought back focus.
Even though I've spent 30 plus years in an industry that's failing, I am not bleeding out in another country.
Thanks for being you.
What industry(
The industry of hospitality. The kind that is both a memorable and exceptional one.
The most generic bland offerings flourish.
The exceptional shrinks and shrinks.
I won't forget
my 30 plus years of learning a craft and lovingly sharing with people.
No big , shit happens.
As a Lowe’s employee I can confirm this is everyone that’s there after the age of 28
Worked at lowes for over a year it was easy but painful dealing with complete dick heads 🙃
I also work at a Lowe’s and can confirm lmao
I have seen this clip 10 times in a row now, and I still laugh when he says 'this is not so bad'. Man, what a story.
Tim Dillon's rants border on poetic tragedy.
They are bite sized pills of crystallised modern anxiety and nostalgic dreams about to expire.
Thank you for the laughs Mr Dillon. :):)
"crystallised modern anxiety and nostalgic dreams about to expire." Wow, very well put. I agree with this sentiment. The dream is almost dead, but it still slugs along toward that ever-setting sun, just over the next rise, hemorrhaging its life-force, with every drag of its body sagging a little closer to the pavement. I know how it goes.
Knowing Tim, I cracked up at "My final message is love"😂
Emojis are gay
A message of hope from Tim Dillon.
This man is one of the few genuine geniuses available to us today.
This is why Hunter Thompson declared the American Dream dead in the 60's. He saw where we were headed.
There never was an American Dream. Post WW2 there were 20 good years. That was it....
@@RolandPeteur True. But it had to be easier to believe in back when a couple could own a house and raise a family on what would today be considered minimum wage. Nowadays you need a six-figure income to afford an apartment and a car payment.
@@RolandPeteur There was also a dream, that if there was a way to get easy sex from a girl, that would answer all our prayers. Then in 1960 "the Pill" was invented and gave us the free lovin 60's.Then came skyrocketing divorce rates, single parent broken homes, wage competition as more women now had more control over their reproductive organs and felt they could have it all and entered the workforce.
In the 2000s young men wished if there was just a way to meet girls without having to leave our basements, that would answer our prayers, then the "dating app", Tinder, was invented and instead gave the option to young women to be even choosier in their selection of potential makes creating an infinite pool of desperate young men competing for their attention, thus decimating the chances of many young men to ever get laid....
Watch for what you wish for gents, because there are always consequences, many of which aren't felt for years.....
@@RolandPeteur oddly enough the post WW2 years was when America was setting itself up to fail with the wide open urban sprawl that's now crumbling.
“Hard times create strong men, strong men create good times, good times create weak men, and weak men create hard times.”
You don’t get it, the American Dream dies for almost every young person who grows up in America. But to even have a dream is fairly rare in the world.
Me when when I'm driving my golf cart in my really underwhelming master-planned, HOA-ran community when the neighbor's 17 yr old daughter takes one too many adderall's before peeling out of the drive way and it's NIGHT-NIGHT for me.
Don't worry, Adderall doesn't make you hyper and inattentive. It makes you extra vigilant and focused. A driver on Adderall is a way better driver than a drunk or a high driver.
@@johndong7524 Oh, she's focused alright. Unfortunately for her victim, it's on the phone you'd have to surgically remove from her hand and not the road
The worst is to work at Lowe's and struggle to get a 45lb box down from the top shelf with the scissor lift.
I'm 47 years old never married and no kid's.. I'm going to put an application at Lowe's as soon as I drop the period on this thought. Tim I love 💝 u I'm a fairly new listener and officially a Tim Dillon Junkie.. Cheers from Las Vegas.
The point towards the camera at the end elevated this rant to art
they won't call, they'll just think it's one of those nights. 😂
it’s so sick and twisted how beautiful this is
Just got back from Lowe's. I needed this...
There is somebody out there that lives with all of these exact circumstances mentioned. And he’s wondering how psychic Tim is and how long he’s been watching his life.
I worked at Lowe’s for 7 months and all the workers are miserable and hate it
Atleast your not bleeding out on the Gaza Strip
Tim is not the super hero we need but the super hero we deserved.
lmaooooo chicken nachos with some awkward co-workers at YardHouse is what America Means to ME! 🇺🇸
Tim Dillon accurately describes the American Dream.
This man owes it to posterity to write the great American novel
Tim you always help me keep life in perspective.
This is poetry, made me tear up when i heard it on the pod
Never laughed so hard omfg
Damn the wont even see the teenager coming legit put me on the verge of tears not even tears from laughing but tears from beauty
Bravo 👏🏼 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 This performance deserves a standing ovation 🎭
“It’s called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it.” - George Carlin
Tim Dillon rants should be documented ..translated to every language known to mankind..and kept in a time capsule for the distant future… no history book could be as accurate as this..💯
You should do that… your contribution to history!
@@ravenvision222His job at Lowes takes up all his time.
That was Amazing! Tim is a ranting genius!
I was a little hesitant at first but I am all in on the Gaza strip mall
This made me tear up because it's true.
His uncanny ability to describe the American experience even ones he hasnt lived personally is Amazing
Crying laughing and I’ve already heard this before lol 😂
Na he did drop a gem the last few mins of this show. This was straight gold
It's been so long since I've seen him pop up in my feed!👏🏼👏🏼💕
The best reality is to work at a lowest and be divorced LOL
I forgot about the Yard House rant 🤣
"You won't see that teenage driver coming." Is profound gallows humor. "Lowes won't call a few hours later" 😅
I guess I’m doin alright 👌
“You’ll never see the teenage driver coming” 🤣🤣
scary how realistic this sounds to my current situation
Tim is the voice in my head
"But they won't call you" 💀
The precision of the analysis is truly genius. It's a scalpel dissecting American society. Truly unique talent there.
Holy shit how did he know my local Lowe’s is right next to a Yardhouse. Do they plan that?
Gadamn bro this shit had me in tears 😂
I wish Tim and some other comedy guys would start making funny movies like we used to have. Tim could write the entire cast and their backstories just by compiling these rants.
100% would destroy Hollywood's bullshit movies 😂
So true
The ranting off the cuff is funnier than any movie. It's very hard to make a scripted thing funny
Too much work let’s be real
Tim has a way of vividly illustrating an entire lifetime of misery few can match.
I got a Lowe’s ad before the video 😂
I work 60 hours a week in construction making 19hr and i can barely stay afloat. Live balanced, budget well, no frivolous spending, healthy, no kids and i still barely make it.
Welcome to America
Youre gettign ripped off
Here in canada unuinized construction labour starts at $44/hr minnimum
@@xyzmediaandentertainment8313 here in America the average citizen has zero options, the American dream is dead for anyone who is not a boomer, or a youtuber.
@@xyzmediaandentertainment8313Canada doesn't have 30 million illegals driving down wages
How long do you expect to be paid $19 an hour? Overtime?
That wage is not a construction wage. Sounds like you full of S.
Shout out to the real ones not bleeding out 💯
the rants, much like this one, are the greatest thing in the history of podcasting
Died laughing at the "never saw the teenage driver comig"
They need to host a Van Halen concert. The concert that will unite them all.
That South Park episode was hilarious.
Yeah yeah we've all seen south park you're not special
@@martymcfly5528 the joke makes no sense if the people im targeting havent seen south park dummy. it's a call back. smh
Sammy hagar is doing is "final tour" with Michael Anthony on bass and joe satriani playing for EVH. just saw them 2 weeks ago, there's still hope.
Tim is an absolute legend, I love this man. I hope he keeps it going till the day a wreckless teenage driver takes me out.
I feel like the world needs a 20 minute vignette film by Dillon titled "The Lowes Worker".
After working at Lowe’s I would not wish that on my worst enemy. Customers are always shitty and they were never adequately staffed. Yes, we always had to hear about how inadequately staffed we were from the a hole customers.
For years they complained about not having a self checkout. We finally put four in and now they’re pissed about having to ring themselves up. You honestly could not win in any situation.
God this rant was so great.
Needed this today!! 😂
My dad works at home depot and is divorced...... ... .. and has a child that kinda hates them but pitys them.
Literally this whole rant was talking about my dad it was killing me lol
Some woman using her phone going slow in the left lane looked at me in the eye like I was the asshole. God bless America
I hate that this is somewhat relatable
Someone please animate this final scene! Haha
Literal tears in my eyes.
Jesus this is too accurate
That's all I'm hoping for❤
Oh my god. I cried from laughing so hard to this. 😂
I left the US 25 years ago, and to see what life has become for most American men, just confirms my premonitions and where my life was heading fast as well until I took the jump. So thankful and glad I did!
Where did you move?
@@johndong7524 Europe...
@@telluwide5553 That's funny cause I did the exact opposite.
@@johndong7524the grass is greener where you water it. I hope i get to live in Europe for at least part of my life
@@anon2427 Europe is not all that cracked up to be. They have plenty of issues as well. Many American expats are enjoying the life overseas only because of their American dollars and their American education. Without that their lives would be much less enjoyable. Believe me.
Wow this really opened my eyes.
“And you’ll never see the teenage driver coming…”
If I'm being honest, I hope I don't see the teenage driver coming. I'm ready to go out doing OK 👌
The best you can hope for is to die in your sleep - Kenny Rogers "the gambler"
the best modern American poet
I absolutely love this guy. I pray to find a guy whose brain works like this... that's a happy life
Someday, Tim, you too, will have this life. Just keep your head up.
This is my favorite that I’ve seen of Tim’s. So nail on the head true that it made me think of George Carlin (rip).
I absolutely love this story! It made me a dillon fanatic! 😂
i miss ben
This was weirdly encouraging.
Tim should write a book 😂
he did
You didn’t come my city hoo cancelled same day and I was excited then cried then played with foam aeroplane to change my attention but then I was sad again.
You went out nice! You went out good! They’ll wonder…but they won’t call. 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Working at Lowes rn lol