Unpopular opinion, but it’s genuine: Why not let your mom be happy in her memories of her childhood? What would it change to dwell in the past "that she was never a kid"? That time isn’t coming back, nothing will change what already was. All you can do is keep doing what you’re doing now- creating happy memories and living a good life along with her. Now of course if she’s sad and depressed because of it, then for sure, therapy can help her release all that, but like I said, it’s just my (very) unpopular opinion.
OK glad I’m not the only one! And don’t get me wrong, I have great parents and had great grandparents but this really got to me. I think the part that I was like a mother to my younger siblings especially my brother! 🙏🏻♥️
i listened in yesterday and this episode made me so seen and emotional. i’m not the oldest, i’m the middle child but i feel as if i’m the oldest. everyone needs me and leans on me and it makes me be such a people pleaser with my family , i’m in therapy for it trying to find myself but i love you guys ❤ thank you for being to aware and helping others
Jonathan, your point was very well delivered. I get that you support your wife but also looking out for her so she doesn’t get taken advantage as the husband and her protector is amazing.
ughh being the oldest is so hard , they expect so much from me and stress me out , i tell them how i feel but it’s always the “ no hay razón para que te sientas así” and it breaks me bc im trying so hard and idk how :( this episode really hit 😢🩷
I agree with Jonathan. Is ok to help the family but sometimes we make the mistake of enabling our family to better themselves. And we may do it with all the good intentions but trying to provide for your Emitiate family and your own family is a lot of pressure. Blanca remember your#1 priority should be and always be your kids and husband. As an older daughter, I get it, but also as a parent, I will Never want to become a burden for kids and the future but my family is a lot like Jonathan, my parents do not like it when we offer to pay for anything. They still want to feel productive and responsible for their expenses. That's a tough topic 😅
You have me crying over here thinking of my 12 year daughter and how she is grown beyond her years, hoping that she can vent to me and feel loved, appreciated, and always protected 😭❤️
Same I have a 13 year old boy and I see so much of me in him being the oldest & taking care of everyone & helping omg I’m crying listening to Jonathan bc all of it’s true im 32 now and still feel this way trying to help & fix everyone but myself I need someone like me for me😞❤️
this might be kind of long and if you disagree, keep scrolling please, i don’t wanna argue about God! Blanca is very blessed because she helps her family regardless of how her childhood was. it’s literally in the Bible, in Efesios 6:2-3 “2 Honra a tu padre y a tu madre, que es el primer mandamiento con promesa; 3 para que te vaya bien, y seas de larga vida sobre la tierra.” and Éxodo 20:12 but i feel like she needs to break that generational curse! i’m nobody to tell you about your life nor am i God to tell you what to do but it’s a repeating cycle, her mom was the first daughter and had a brother before her, she went through what Blanca is going through, Blanca is the first daughter and had a brother before her and look what happened and now Franco is the first son and Belen the first daughter. Thank God you guys are aware of the cycle and see you need to break it and if you really believe in God, you need to break that cycle in the name of Jesus! I’m not saying you need to put up with being used or anything negative. we can’t change our parents childhoods or ours but we CAN change the generations that come after us by taking it back to God, canceling it in the name of Jesus and of course, not continue the cycle :)! i love all your videos on j&j, spill the beans and blanca’s channel
I THINK as much as they want to incorporate “GOD” in their lives they really aren’t, it’s more for appearance and I guess it makes them look or feel better. But are they really living up to God? No. They are living under sin, God is not their priority and it irks me to see people be in aweee Bcus they seen how they’re teaching their son to love God and to pray but have not given their children the right example of getting married through God’s eyes.
@@BMR_1313 yes I definitely understand everything you said and you’re probably right! at the end of day, todos tenemos que pagar cuentas con Dios and that’s just that. hopefully, they realize they need to do it because les nace and not because they want to please others.
The comments about your mom talking about her childhood in a happy way... You have to take into consideration that those little girls back then were raised as if they were born to be someone's wife and someone's mother. They didn't get the opportunity to have a mentality of the independent modern woman that we are so lucky to BE if we chose to be. They grew up listening to things like "when you get married" "when you are a wife" "when You're a mom" "learn how to do this and that for your husband" they didn't get the choices that we have. My mom was trying to raise me to think that I had to learn everything to do it for my "husband" but one day I read that we have a choice to learn to do things for ourselves and be an independent single successful woman or to be someone's wife, someone's mom. That's your mom's normal she grew up to be a responsible, nice, sweet, loving mom and wife. Maybe she thinks that she exceeded her parent's expectations that's why she's proud of the way she talks about her childhood.
I totally agree with this. 😬 Not only that but parents raised how ever they could or with the resources given.. Untill this day there is no manual to raise a human being. Im not in any way saying they are wrong in what they are talking about but things have changed and back then there really wasnt a choice especially if they werent well off. Se tenian que ganar el pan de cada dia a como de lugar. Los tiempos cambian y gracias a Dios por la educacion y enseñansas que recibio su mama de Blanca ahora ella la esta apoyando con sus hijos. ❤🙏 No todas tenemos esa dicha!
I am the youngest one, but I lived the oldest daughter syndrome. I am the youngest of 9 and by the time I grew up all my siblings were moved out, but I still had to be the responsible one. Up to this day I am the one that showed up the one that helped everyone but no one helped me. I always put everyone first but things happened that made me realize that I only got me.
I love the way Jonathan watch every word he say to Blanca . It’s beautiful that Blanca wants to help her family out god bless her ❤ what a beautiful soul . In another note her mom obviously doesn’t ask her for money because she knows she has the bag secure , i get that Jonathan wants you to open your eyes because he loves you not because his upbringing was different maybe he sees the bs .
This podcast really hit home for me. I have a similar situation but also what I understood as I got older that my Mom only knew what she knew. They grew up in a different time, and that's what was normal to them. It's up to us to make the change on our families and teach our daughters and our sons equally. It's ok to help our families, but what we also have to learn is to set boundaries. Blanca, I think the relationship you have with your Mom is so beautiful. I recently lost my Mom in March of this year, and I miss her every single day, and I'll miss her for the rest of my life. I was so close to my Mom, just how you are with your Mom. I'm 41, pregnant with my first baby, and I was lucky enough to let my Mom know I was pregnant- shewas the first person I told I was pregnant. Cherish your Mama every single day. Congratulations to both you and Jonathan on your success and on your beautiful family!
Jonathan its not spoiling ur parents its giving a little back that they gave you. As parents we go out of our way all the time just to give our kids stufff. Why not reward our parents for doing that for us by giving them back. And why would they work a little harder if they worked their ass off their entire life to give us everything they could. To you bit might be giving ur kids a little for what u have, but for your parents they maybe gave u all they had at the time. ....
I feel like an idea to show that you’re helping so many through Therapy is maybe u can create data of what cases have gone & recivedd help? Or also if they’re willing to write a letter & have you read it for them on a video. Idk those are some ideas lol
I got this trauma on when one day my dad push me🥺, because I always get in on every argument my parents of course defend my mom from my dad 😢 and I’m the oldest of my two sisters tbh 😔💔
Thank you for opening a safe space to be vulnerable. I 100% felt seen when it came to the finance aspect. When I started working at my first corporate job. I would spend most of my check on my family. Now, I look back and I don’t have nothing to show for it. I’m struggling to pay off rent & credit card debt. It sounds “selfish” to say, but we need to financially take care of ourselves first before others. Educate ourselves about how to invest our money and make passive income.
I found it crazy how Blanca seems the oldest but has an older brother, Jonathan is the oldest but has a very Hard working and loving sister, and now it’s Franco being the oldest and in a few years it will be Belen taking over . Boy girl boy girl boy girl
Oldest daughter here . Truly felt this , my family and I moved to the states when I was 11 my dad worked two jobs and my mom worked evenings because she couldn’t work mornings because of my baby sister , I would come back from school to care for my two sisters while my parents were at work . I can tell my oldest brother also felt like this and had expectations to fulfill and still does he’s the second dad and I’m the second mom . I would do it all over again though my parents have given us so much
It’s such a beautiful thing you guys are doing with vibing and helping all those people who really need the professional help with therapy .👏🏼🙏🏼❤️ Also respecting their choice to remain private and not exposing their personal business is amazing from your end. You are truly helping out those in need. God bless you both!❤️
Loved this episode, love you guys for being very vulnerable, raw and open with all of us about your personal life, situation and traumas cause every time you bring up these issues we can totally relate. You had had me all teary eyed 😢❤
Catching up on the few episodes I missed and by far this is such a huge topic that a lot of people around the world go through, since I was smaller and I would go through struggles I would always look at others and wonder what they’re lives are like how they are doing and if they went through the things I did. I really appreciate you guys and keep doing what you’re doing! Much love!! Come to Vegas!!! As you guys said a few episodes back!!!
I’m the eldest daughter, both my brothers were in and out of jail. I personally don’t feel the way Blanca does. I feel the way Jonathan does, my husband is the eldest son and he does feel the way Blanca feels about his parents. I think it also has to do with the way your family spend money + how much love is shown. My mom is pretty bitter and blows money. I love my mother but I don’t feel inclined to buy her things because yes she has trauma but in order for me to help she needs to heal that part of herself. My family struggled but always figured it out. And I have my family so I need to prioritize my family above all. My husband was shown so much love and is so grateful of all his parents effort so he does feel inclined to pay for everything however like I said our family comes first before anyone else.
I’m the youngest child but definitely feel like I have to help my parents out because my older brother has caused them a lot of burden. My mom has came to me for advice on how to help/ get him to be more responsible and it just makes me feel like I have to be a perfect daughter, ☹️
If no one has thank you guys today let me just thank you. Coming from another Latino/ Hispanic household this our topics that really need to have light shined on because it lacks so much in the community. I truly believe if more people in society empathized we will be in a better world. Congrats on Belen and wish you all many more blessings to come.
Blanca I am also an oldest daughter and I recently moved 3 hours away from my family because I am going to school. I can relate so much to your perspective, thank you for speaking about this issue on the podcast it makes me feel like we older sisters are not alone and we carry so much on our backs, it is also good to step back and prioritize ourselves once in a while ❤
When people come to me about deep topics and they have to read it through text, I don’t want to hear it Bcus I can tell they are still learning about it and sorry you guys have a platform you should be knowledgeable about whatever topic you guys are bringing to the table. Don’t just grab words or terms that SOUND COOL OR DIFFERENT and just talk for the heck of it. Please inform yourselves.
I would suggest that you explore with your therapist. I’m not the oldest daughter, but I am the youngest and the only daughter. I was raised by my dad and three brothers. Later, I moved with my mom and I had to parent her because of how hurt she was. Did I have to? No, but as a kid I was given that responsibility. I had to speak to my therapist about this. It’s cultural for us to take care of our family or provide, but it’s important to have boundaries and not feel guilt.
Thank you guys for talking about this topic ❤️ I didn’t think that hearing this would move me the way that it did. I’m the oldest daughter with three younger brothers and I also have a dad that was there but didn’t raise us or show us love. The oldest daughter syndrome is something that has now defined so many of us so thank you guys for reminding us that we’re not alone🫶🏼
This really hit home. I don’t think people realize what it is being the first daughter of the family. Especially as family does see what you do and talk about it, even make jokes about it and credit is not given. And as the oldest daughter it is hard to accept the good things that happen. I too feel guilt when I travel. It’s a work in progress for sure learning to cope with it and to grow to be a better person 🤍
I can’t relate to being the oldest sibling or any of that, but I do know that our parents tried their best, and this is their first time doing life like us. 💛
Im the baby of my family, and when I was 7 yrs old my dad had an accident at work. He chopped off his picky, and left his hand you can say paralyzed. I went to school everyday and cried and told my teachers I had to go home and take care of my dad bc he didn’t have anyone. The day before my senior year, my dad got arrested. I didn’t go to school for the first month of school to help my mom pay the bills and worked. I never saw either of my parents at any school events bc they both worked 2 jobs. Even being the baby of the family can cause trauma.
I started crying when you said to envision your dad has a little kid. I never really thought of that. My dad started working in the 3rd grade so he never had a childhood. So I started to cry when thinking of that. Love your podcast guys!❤
They way I can relate to this ……. When I lived me my parents I had to clean and cook for my whole family at 18 but I had my baby and moved out and now when I go to my moms it’s already dirty so I have to go and tell my family like clean up ??!!!!! I have to tell my siblings what to do bc they don’t know ? Lmao but my mom tells them to clean but they don’t but when I get there and tell them in chinga they start cleaning but it can be so stressful
I was also the eldest in my family and I also feel the same as Blanca with my parents. I feel like their generation was expected to not ever have a childhood and help out so much 😢 i have seen my mom has trauma from her childhood and i also feel like why am i still helping them? But both of my parents did all they could to raise me and my sisters, that i grew up thinking I need to help and give them everything they never got as kids. There is so much toxicity and trauma in our Mexican parents it is sad, and unfortunate they raised us the same because that is all they knew. But thank God with my kids I cut that off! My kids are getting raised better and how I wish I was raised. ❤ you and Jonathan are doing amazing with your kids!
As an older daughter I can agree and relate . My mom would tell me to wear stripes bc it made me less fat and wanted me to wear what she liked even though I didn’t like it I still did it to make her happy and I never realized how that actually affects me in the long run .. now I always get worried about what I wear and feel like I need to make my mom happy even though I have my own family now because I will feel judged . Also another thing I agree my brother could do no good and my mom would praise him but if it was me ? My mom would have me grounded for months … I was never allowed to go to friends house or even anywhere until I moved out at 19. I was told if I wanted to go anywhere I had to clean the whole house but my brother ? He was always able to leave when he wants . I don’t know how to bring this up to my mom bc I don’t wanna start “drama” or feel weird bc my mom never showed me much affection until I had my two daughters . Now that I am a mom I’m doing better for my kids
OMG you guys, literally described some exact same things in my family. As you mentioned I can only imagine what their trauma is and how their childhood was, but as you mentioned about the alcoholic dad and two brothers, one is the same but the other is different. I just hope to God maybe one day they might realize and hopefully change. Love you guys so much. Loved and related to this podcast so much. ❤
🤯 when jonathan talked about the oldest marring the youngest omg! I am the oldest and my husband is the youngest in his family. I totally relate to my parents needing me for everything and not letting me venture out because they needed me but my husband as the youngest his parents let him study in a highschool in a completely different city and rent a room as a freaking teenager. Anyways love you guys and the babies!
I am always here with all the topic about parenting and dog parents, I don’t have any but I do have two brothers that I am responsible for. This is what I needed to hear today 🥲💕
“If your depressed your living in the past. If your anxious your living in the future. Be present.” Those words will ALWAYS stick with me. Thank you guys 🙏🏻❣️
I’m the middle child, but when my oldest sister married young and moved out, then my oldest brother moved out for college I became the oldest daughter that had ALL the responsibilities. It was draining but I think it built me to be very independent.
The episodes got me. I go through phases with my parents where we are so close then we stop talking. I try so hard to break the generation curse. They do not understand. They are proud one moment then disappointed the next. The expect a lot from me yet i have my own family. I know im ready for therapy. Im just not ready to open all the doors inside that I've kept shut for so long.
I JUST WANT TO HUGG BLANCAAA ❤❤❤ BECAUSE I KNOW HOW IT FEEL WANTING TO MAKE HIM PROUD AND NEVER BEING ABLE TO. BUT LIKE YOU SAID HE DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO BE A LITTLE KID HE ALSO NEEDS TO HEAL 😢❤❤
Blanca your just like me.....i always help my parents even tho im married now. You go girl..! God will reward you, never stop doing that even tho they dont need it it adds blessing on to ur life. Dont let anyone make you think otherwise....its not if they can make it work like Jonathan said but ur humble good heart.....👏💪 only u know what ur family went thru as u grew up so go for it take care of ur parents once in a while its not wrong. Your family will be blessed because of u being a good daughter. ❤
Hi Blanca, hi Jonathan, I first want to say thank you so much for talking about this topic. I know a lot of people suffer with this situation and feel like they are alone. I myself was part of this cycle. The only thing is that I was the youngest sibling. When my parents first divorced and I was the middleman since the age of 11 I was always back-and-forth. My mom was always talking about my dad. My dad was always talking about my mom. They did share custody of me so I would have to hear this every single weekend and just stressed me out it came to the point that I had really bad anxiety, I would get bumps on my hands since I was so anxious and I would always bite my fingers and my nails. It came to the point that a officer had to get involved to get me out of my toxic household in which I was living with my mother. I then moved with my dad since the age of 12 my dad took the role of mother and father he wasn’t much a present father as I would want to but that’s because he now had to work harder to provide for both of us. but he very much did his best. But that still did not take away the feeling of emptiness and loneliness so That’s when I became really extremely depressed to the point that I would see getaways on anything and everything. I started hanging out with older people. I started sneaking around going to clubs, blacking out, just to get away from the feeling of emptiness. All happening at the age of 16. My dad had a lot of help from my tias and my uncles to help raise me and that went on until I graduated high school. Unfortunately, when I turned a senior, the divorce took a sharp turn, and my dad had to quit his job. Shortly after I went ahead and looked for a job. To provide for myself since we were basically living off disability. I eventually even had a small business that thankfully, Gracias an adios. I was able to sell my product in more than 10 states. My dad seen that I was really pushing forward to a brighter future for myself and him. At that moment I believe that’s when he felt a little bit more relief so he would go to Mexico and which I was totally fine with because he quit his job. He has so much stress because of divorce of going bad. I feel like he really needed that trip to Get away from his Truma. Shortly after high school I then moved out. I moved out to another town. I was ready to let go of the life that my dad was there, but not physically there, I was already raising myself up alone so I might as well be out in the world by myself. I am now 21 years old, and I still live on my own providing for myself, and my partner now providing for me and him as well. yes, I do feel guilty that I left that life but at the same time I feel like I have left all the stress, all the anxiety everything behind, although I still do very much love my father every single time he would come from Mexico I had to financially and emotionally support him, in which at the age of 21 has taken a toll on me since I always always the one to know about the family problems and was expected to solve them. That’s when I contacted my sister and I told her that I couldn’t do this anymore and then she took over the responsibility. I feel like I had to grow up at really young age and always thought that was a flex back in high school but now that I look at it, I feel like something has been ripped out of me that I was never able to grow up in. I now have a full-time job I also have a home that I could say is my safe place. I have a car that I got on my own. I have a loving dog, loving partner. I still look back and I just want to be like the rest of my age which is being taken care of by the parents and I’m not talking about financially but emotionally. But I do know that God chooses our battles and so far I’m surviving mine.
This podcast hit so close to home I’m currently in nursing school, and I’m the oldest. I’ve always helped at home with bills since I got my job in sophomore year and helped my mom with my sister’s but also took care of my mom because she wasn’t working and I wanted to show her till this day how thankful I’m for her. And a girl is currently struggling with paying the bills at home and my school payments 🙁
Don’t ever stop helping your parents even if “they can figure it out” like Jonathan said! Dios te lo está multiplicando por 10 because of the helpful and great daughter you are. Love you both ❤️🫶🏻🥹
I have follow you for so long now I started watching your videos since you and la comadre lulu did a meet up for the first time. I love the content you provide and believe me this is my second comment since I started watching you😬 I am a 30 year old mom of 3 kids and even though I am a little older than both of y'all I enjoy the podcast thank you for that you catch me cooking or cleaning listening to spill the beans. I just wanted to say that I grew up in a Mexican household and most of the parents are kinda similar mostly the dad figure what I want to say is that your putting your dad so much out here you may not do it in a bad way but imagine he sees your videos I understand it wasn't easy on you but it's the past maybe leave it in the past cause this videos are going to stay here and who knows maybe your children will wonder why is my mom saying this about my grandpa, because I see that you say he is the best grandpa it's just my thought I am risking myself I hope I don't get cancel. 😬 God bless you all❤️
As an oldest daughter I relate to Blanca’s trauma with her dad and it’s nice to hear that I’m not the only one dealing with this. I just found out that I’m pregnant and I’ve talked to my partner about parenting and trying to be the parents that we never had. Ending that cycle of trauma is our goal. I can assure you Jonathan that the oldest child dating a youngest child does work lol. In my case as the oldest child I am the one that gets taken care of and my boyfriend provides for me and helps me heal.
I just want to say how proud I am of you both!! I started crying when you said at the end to believe you that you are helping people with vibin' cares. We believe you guys!! You are doing an amazing job!! I have had therapy and it does help! You're both so mature! Franco and Belen are lucky to have you as parents!! May God continue to bless your beautiful family!! ❤
Watched all of your episodes and honestly felt relatable to most but this one. Man oh man. As the oldest on both sides I’ve been the only one who didn’t even get close to enjoying my childhood. The only one who never received one birthday/Christmas/ or day of the kid gifts. The one who cooked/cleaned/took care of, translated and put everything to the side for everyone else. And for your siblings to say I don’t remember you doing that for us. Smh. It was a slap to the face. I’m 7 years apart from my sister after me then 18 and then 21. The one who did it all. And now I try to do everything without asking for help. I was abandoned by my bio mom at 3months and my step mom literally made do it all. Including picking up after her. And as a mom now I can’t ever do that to my daughter. I’m cutting that chain and doing what I wish an adult did for me as a kid. It’s the least we could do, allow our kids to be kids. Adults they will be adults for the remainder of their lives, but kids ? Only until a certain age
I agree with Jonathan but I’m a lot more harsh with it. My bio dad hasn’t ever been in my life & I had kids and he wanted to be part of their life but like really didn’t want to so I said no and I don’t regret it bc he’s nothing to me. With my mom I let her be the grandma she wants to be bc my grandma raised me bc she was a single mom so I get it but I needed my mom. So for my kids I’m breaking chains and curses bc nobody is doing what I had done to me to them. I’m blessed to be the oldest daughter that got away from my entire family bc I see the flaws and a lot isn’t okay so I don’t allow my kids to be around them. My husband loves and takes care of us so I’m blessed to be a sham with a mom and dad household for them. It’s all Iv ever wanted. I used to be like you Blanca and I stopped. It isn’t my responsibility my kids are
I think personality and empathy takes a big part as well. I grew up with one working parent and my mom at home with us 4…. I am the second child and onces i turned 14 (working permit) i was working 30 hours at a grocery store to help out with bills. While my oldest 18 would work but her money was hereer money…. so i think its also the heart of a person… parents never asked for money it just came from me seeing their struggle
I’m the second oldest but being that daughter doing everything the chores , laundry, being there doing more . I feel like I never had childhood I thought it so bad . I feel like family member will treat as an adult. I never know what was playing outside , doing kid things . But I totally agree with Jonathan do spoil our siblings because they take advantage of of you . But love hearing the podcast because it brought memories back when I was child .
I am not the oldest child. I was the fourth child (the forgotten one). I didn't take any responsibilities when I was young, but when I got older, I had my children. I chose to take responsibility after my divorce, which helped me in a way to show how thankful I was for taking me and my daughters after my hard times. But I do come from so much trauma that my family is not the one's to confront situations no matter how hard they are they won't sit and talk to you what you did wrong and if they see you shining will do anything to bring you down. Will never say good things to you if you are doing great or good they will do anything so the sun don't shine on you. I've seen it between my parents and their own siblings, and now I see it between mine. I have step back from everyone in my family, but they have but themselves as victims and made be look like I'm the one reacting unreasonable. Don't want to be in that drama space anymore. Now they are using my daughters to hurt me they hated my ex husband when I was with him now that we are divorced they get long very well. Makes me believe there is more that I don't know about.
Oh my goodness.. I can totally relate. Growing up I've been the youngest but as a female my mom has always relied on me getting her mandados and being her translator. Growing up my mom suffered with my older sibling and told myself I never want to do that to her. I feel that its my responsibility to take care of her. This makes it difficult to really have my own life or one of the reasons I dont have kids bc I feel the need to take care of those around me. Still helping my older sibling too. This week was a crazy week were my anxiety was really feeling overwhelmed. Perfect topic !!
I’m not the oldest but I am the youngest sister, I have a brother 13 years younger than me. I also have trauma from my sisters leaving the house when I was around 5 years old. I had to grow up quickly to help with things, babysitting for my sisters, always being the one to translate for my parents. I am now married and have two kids and I am just now seeing that I do not have to feel bad for not helping my mom with simple tasks or feeling bad for saying no when I have a lot going on myself. My parents figured it out before and they still do now. When I was pregnant with my second I distanced myself from my mom because she overwhelmed me with always needing me to drive her or take over her job so she wouldn’t lose it and could go to Mexico for a month.
this was a very emotional podcast. it was a bit heavy so I decided I could only listen to it to end my day cause it hit home lol. but, Blanca.. now I understand de donde han venido todas tus bendiciones. La biblia dice que al que honra a su padre y a su madre le irá bien y será de larga vida en esta tierra y dice que es el primer mandamiento con promesa y siempre he creído en eso. Thank you both for opening up, los admiro muchísimo.
i think sometimes we have to give our parents credit for the things they did right, we forget in trauma we lived as children. of course there are things some parents do that shouldn't ever be done, but as an oldest daughter my parents tried their best. They were also young parents doing something for the first time.
I’m a 42 year old who totally related to Blanca in every aspect (I’m the eldest) but especially when she said she felt guilt when traveling…..ughhhhhh I know what she feels!!!! But after therapy I’ve learned that I need to stop carrying baggage that’s not mine!!
I am so glad that I grew up with an amazing dad & mom who didn’t put that pressure on me & they let me be a kid. Also, I understand you Blanca but also you have your own family now so I think you should start letting your mom & dad do their own thing unless they need the help.
I loved this podcast so much. I wish I can have a full long conversation with you guys about this because I related so so much!! I hope you all have a wonderful weekend 💗🫶🏼
I am the older sister who fled from the problems but the guilt eats me everyday 🥺 I love my parents and siblings so much and sometimes it makes me sad we will never live together again!
My mom moved back to Mexico (her own decision, not deported). She’s been there for 2 years, has no job and only expects my dad to send her money on a weekly basis. She refuses to work, por que esta vieja and older people dont get hired in Mexico. My mom is one of those people who know how to do so many things such as cooking, sowing, baking but just doesn’t want to do nothing. She has 4 kids, and no one speaks to her, she’s very difficult 😥 and we prefer to keep her away.
My biggest trama is everyone lives a happy live except the “oldest daughter “ having the role to be with my parents and sisters but why they don’t think about me without me asking then the feeling of guilt because you can solve a problem of there’s 🤷♀️🥺
I’m the middle child and yes grew up being pushed to the side always getting treated bad. I’m 33 now but I have dealt with trauma from childhood how I was treated anxiety and depression and being a mom of 2 sometimes it’s hard but I’ve got thru it thanks to yahuha(God) and yahusha(Jesus) but at times I cry 😭 because memories come back to me sucks but I try being the best I can to my kids and show them love and be there for my boys 💕
Hi guys!!! I will love to hear yomis perspective of when Jonathan left home and not having him there. And how was her perspective because she was then seen as the oldest and how did that affect her, and hearing and overseen your guys relationship. As well as Blanca’s sisters and her having Blanca a podcast with her mom ☺️🤍
in my family there’s only two kids, me (25) and my older brother who’s 32. i feel like i don’t get to have older sister syndrome because there’s only two of us but i feel the same exact way and it’s confusing because as the youngest kid i feel privileged but also have a lot of trauma especially because i speak the most english or am more fluent in it because my brother was already a teenager when we came to the states.
You guys are breaking generational curses. This is real but until you find the root of it and speak about and surrender it to God everything will go away. That is right God will break those chains from us. Please listen to the song "break every chain" by Tasha Cobbs
I feel the exact same but with my siblings.. as soon as I could I added them to my credit cards to help them with their credit. I’m in the process of buying a new car & I felt so guilty if I didn’t give my current car to my little sister. Bc I know how it feels to always have wanted something and not having money for it. It something about being a middle child
I cried watching this I’m the oldest child I’m 31 and my siblings are literally 20+ years apart from me and this last December I just moved out and it’s because i finally had my own baby and I had to start my own life it’s been a really difficult journey because I can relate to this sooo much. I feel guilty living my life and starting my own little family because I feel for my brother and sister when they want something like nice shoes or clothes my mom will buy it but she’s always been the type to save money so they won’t always get stuff that often and I used to take care of them like they were my own and buy them a lot of stuff because I wanted to but now I have my own kid and I’m a sahm right now. It’s been tough for me this video was like therapy.
Being the oldest of 5 girls I 100% understand Blanca. Now having a baby girl, I tell my man that I do not want to put her through what I end through. And I never understood when Blanca would say because she help raised her sisters she didn’t want kids. But now I get it. I’m so in loved with baby girl but I just don’t want her to have no traumas like I do and I just don’t know if I can do it.
I listened to this yesterday and being the oldest, and hearing all of this really hit home for me, everything the psychologist said I have in common. Also patiently waiting for 11am . ❤
Omg yes, my brothers who are 9 and 6 years older than me never translated for my mom or anything it always was me helping her and doing thing for the family. I remember when I moved out my house when I got married @ 22, my parents got their water turned off because I was in charge of making sure the bills were paid on time lol that’s when they realized they depended on me so much
I love this topic. There was a lot of trauma growing up that has affected me in my adulthood. My dad was a cheater and alcoholic.. and you look for that love in boyfriends ect and I don't mean in the sexual way bit love affection..even if I was treated like crap as long as I had that love
Blanca’s mom definitely does not take advantage of her. Her mom does so much for her and her family.
Please do a Mother’s Day special with both your moms and you two!!🫶🏼✨
Unpopular opinion, but it’s genuine: Why not let your mom be happy in her memories of her childhood?
What would it change to dwell in the past "that she was never a kid"? That time isn’t coming back, nothing will change what already was. All you can do is keep doing what you’re doing now- creating happy memories and living a good life along with her.
Now of course if she’s sad and depressed because of it, then for sure, therapy can help her release all that, but like I said, it’s just my (very) unpopular opinion.
I agree! It’s almost like pointing it out actually makes it a problem when it wasn’t one before.. social media does that way too much🥲
Did we all oldest daughter cried here🥺cuz I know I did
He started with the meaning none stop crying 😢
OK glad I’m not the only one! And don’t get me wrong, I have great parents and had great grandparents but this really got to me. I think the part that I was like a mother to my younger siblings especially my brother! 🙏🏻♥️
YESSS
i listened in yesterday and this episode made me so seen and emotional. i’m not the oldest, i’m the middle child but i feel as if i’m the oldest. everyone needs me and leans on me and it makes me be such a people pleaser with my family , i’m in therapy for it trying to find myself
but i love you guys ❤ thank you for being to aware and helping others
I was going to say this! As one Of the youngest, my eldest sister doesn’t give oldest daughter syndrome vibes, my middle sister does!
@@rociogonzalez8557 we hold all the trauma bc we see everything 😭
We love and are so proud of you girl! You got this🫶🏻❤️
@@spillthebeanspodcast1760 thank you 😭😭😂
❤️**
Jonathan, your point was very well delivered. I get that you support your wife but also looking out for her so she doesn’t get taken advantage as the husband and her protector is amazing.
ughh being the oldest is so hard , they expect so much from me and stress me out , i tell them how i feel but it’s always the “ no hay razón para que te sientas así” and it breaks me bc im trying so hard and idk how :( this episode really hit 😢🩷
I agree with Jonathan. Is ok to help the family but sometimes we make the mistake of enabling our family to better themselves. And we may do it with all the good intentions but trying to provide for your Emitiate family and your own family is a lot of pressure. Blanca remember your#1 priority should be and always be your kids and husband. As an older daughter, I get it, but also as a parent, I will
Never want to become a burden for kids and the future but my family is a lot like Jonathan, my parents do not like it when we offer to pay for anything. They still want to feel productive and responsible for their expenses. That's a tough topic 😅
Blanca's mom copes with her not having a childhood by being proud of taking on an adult role when she was a child.
You have me crying over here thinking of my 12 year daughter and how she is grown beyond her years, hoping that she can vent to me and feel loved, appreciated, and always protected 😭❤️
Same I have a 13 year old boy and I see so much of me in him being the oldest & taking care of everyone & helping omg I’m crying listening to Jonathan bc all of it’s true im 32 now and still feel this way trying to help & fix everyone but myself I need someone like me for me😞❤️
this might be kind of long and if you disagree, keep scrolling please, i don’t wanna argue about God! Blanca is very blessed because she helps her family regardless of how her childhood was. it’s literally in the Bible, in Efesios 6:2-3 “2 Honra a tu padre y a tu madre, que es el primer mandamiento con promesa; 3 para que te vaya bien, y seas de larga vida sobre la tierra.” and Éxodo 20:12 but i feel like she needs to break that generational curse! i’m nobody to tell you about your life nor am i God to tell you what to do but it’s a repeating cycle, her mom was the first daughter and had a brother before her, she went through what Blanca is going through, Blanca is the first daughter and had a brother before her and look what happened and now Franco is the first son and Belen the first daughter. Thank God you guys are aware of the cycle and see you need to break it and if you really believe in God, you need to break that cycle in the name of Jesus! I’m not saying you need to put up with being used or anything negative. we can’t change our parents childhoods or ours but we CAN change the generations that come after us by taking it back to God, canceling it in the name of Jesus and of course, not continue the cycle :)! i love all your videos on j&j, spill the beans and blanca’s channel
and this is for anyone who relates and believes!
I THINK as much as they want to incorporate “GOD” in their lives they really aren’t, it’s more for appearance and I guess it makes them look or feel better. But are they really living up to God? No. They are living under sin, God is not their priority and it irks me to see people be in aweee Bcus they seen how they’re teaching their son to love God and to pray but have not given their children the right example of getting married through God’s eyes.
@@BMR_1313 yes I definitely understand everything you said and you’re probably right! at the end of day, todos tenemos que pagar cuentas con Dios and that’s just that. hopefully, they realize they need to do it because les nace and not because they want to please others.
The things you guys do with providing free therapy to people is so amazing 🥺 I know we are all so proud of you guys!
The comments about your mom talking about her childhood in a happy way... You have to take into consideration that those little girls back then were raised as if they were born to be someone's wife and someone's mother. They didn't get the opportunity to have a mentality of the independent modern woman that we are so lucky to BE if we chose to be. They grew up listening to things like "when you get married" "when you are a wife" "when You're a mom" "learn how to do this and that for your husband" they didn't get the choices that we have. My mom was trying to raise me to think that I had to learn everything to do it for my "husband" but one day I read that we have a choice to learn to do things for ourselves and be an independent single successful woman or to be someone's wife, someone's mom. That's your mom's normal she grew up to be a responsible, nice, sweet, loving mom and wife. Maybe she thinks that she exceeded her parent's expectations that's why she's proud of the way she talks about her childhood.
I totally agree with this. 😬 Not only that but parents raised how ever they could or with the resources given.. Untill this day there is no manual to raise a human being. Im not in any way saying they are wrong in what they are talking about but things have changed and back then there really wasnt a choice especially if they werent well off. Se tenian que ganar el pan de cada dia a como de lugar. Los tiempos cambian y gracias a Dios por la educacion y enseñansas que recibio su mama de Blanca ahora ella la esta apoyando con sus hijos. ❤🙏 No todas tenemos esa dicha!
I am the youngest one, but I lived the oldest daughter syndrome. I am the youngest of 9 and by the time I grew up all my siblings were moved out, but I still had to be the responsible one. Up to this day I am the one that showed up the one that helped everyone but no one helped me. I always put everyone first but things happened that made me realize that I only got me.
Wow, we just want you to know we are so proud of you!🫶🏻
When it comes to medicine, holistic refers to treating the whole body, not just the symptoms. Physical, emotional, and mental.
Thank you.
Hearing those words “I am so proud of you” makes it all worth it and release the stress I have been holding in.
I love the way Jonathan watch every word he say to Blanca . It’s beautiful that Blanca wants to help her family out god bless her ❤ what a beautiful soul .
In another note her mom obviously doesn’t ask her for money because she knows she has the bag secure , i get that Jonathan wants you to open your eyes because he loves you not because his upbringing was different maybe he sees the bs .
This podcast really hit home for me. I have a similar situation but also what I understood as I got older that my Mom only knew what she knew. They grew up in a different time, and that's what was normal to them. It's up to us to make the change on our families and teach our daughters and our sons equally. It's ok to help our families, but what we also have to learn is to set boundaries. Blanca, I think the relationship you have with your Mom is so beautiful. I recently lost my Mom in March of this year, and I miss her every single day, and I'll miss her for the rest of my life. I was so close to my Mom, just how you are with your Mom. I'm 41, pregnant with my first baby, and I was lucky enough to let my Mom know I was pregnant- shewas the first person I told I was pregnant. Cherish your Mama every single day.
Congratulations to both you and Jonathan on your success and on your beautiful family!
Jonathan its not spoiling ur parents its giving a little back that they gave you. As parents we go out of our way all the time just to give our kids stufff. Why not reward our parents for doing that for us by giving them back. And why would they work a little harder if they worked their ass off their entire life to give us everything they could. To you bit might be giving ur kids a little for what u have, but for your parents they maybe gave u all they had at the time. ....
Agreed!
Blancas face when you said her sister's were ungrateful in the beginning 😂
I feel like an idea to show that you’re helping so many through Therapy is maybe u can create data of what cases have gone & recivedd help? Or also if they’re willing to write a letter & have you read it for them on a video.
Idk those are some ideas lol
I need to se Margarita on the podcast ❤for the first podcast in the office talking about her life if she is okay with it
Daaaang THIS episode 10/10 totally related, growing up in a Mexican family 🫶
I got this trauma on when one day my dad push me🥺, because I always get in on every argument my parents of course defend my mom from my dad 😢 and I’m the oldest of my two sisters tbh 😔💔
Thank you for opening a safe space to be vulnerable. I 100% felt seen when it came to the finance aspect. When I started working at my first corporate job. I would spend most of my check on my family. Now, I look back and I don’t have nothing to show for it. I’m struggling to pay off rent & credit card debt. It sounds “selfish” to say, but we need to financially take care of ourselves first before others. Educate ourselves about how to invest our money and make passive income.
I found it crazy how Blanca seems the oldest but has an older brother, Jonathan is the oldest but has a very Hard working and loving sister, and now it’s Franco being the oldest and in a few years it will be Belen taking over . Boy girl boy girl boy girl
Oldest daughter here . Truly felt this , my family and I moved to the states when I was 11 my dad worked two jobs and my mom worked evenings because she couldn’t work mornings because of my baby sister , I would come back from school to care for my two sisters while my parents were at work . I can tell my oldest brother also felt like this and had expectations to fulfill and still does he’s the second dad and I’m the second mom . I would do it all over again though my parents have given us so much
It’s such a beautiful thing you guys are doing with vibing and helping all those people who really need the professional help with therapy .👏🏼🙏🏼❤️ Also respecting their choice to remain private and not exposing their personal business is amazing from your end. You are truly helping out those in need. God bless you both!❤️
Loved this episode, love you guys for being very vulnerable, raw and open with all of us about your personal life, situation and traumas cause every time you bring up these issues we can totally relate. You had had me all teary eyed 😢❤
Catching up on the few episodes I missed and by far this is such a huge topic that a lot of people around the world go through, since I was smaller and I would go through struggles I would always look at others and wonder what they’re lives are like how they are doing and if they went through the things I did. I really appreciate you guys and keep doing what you’re doing! Much love!! Come to Vegas!!! As you guys said a few episodes back!!!
I’m the eldest daughter, both my brothers were in and out of jail. I personally don’t feel the way Blanca does. I feel the way Jonathan does, my husband is the eldest son and he does feel the way Blanca feels about his parents. I think it also has to do with the way your family spend money + how much love is shown. My mom is pretty bitter and blows money. I love my mother but I don’t feel inclined to buy her things because yes she has trauma but in order for me to help she needs to heal that part of herself. My family struggled but always figured it out. And I have my family so I need to prioritize my family above all.
My husband was shown so much love and is so grateful of all his parents effort so he does feel inclined to pay for everything however like I said our family comes first before anyone else.
I love how Blanca expresses herself about her mom❤her mom sounds like such an angel
“Frontal lobing too hard” 😂
I’m the youngest child but definitely feel like I have to help my parents out because my older brother has caused them a lot of burden. My mom has came to me for advice on how to help/ get him to be more responsible and it just makes me feel like I have to be a perfect daughter, ☹️
If no one has thank you guys today let me just thank you. Coming from another Latino/ Hispanic household this our topics that really need to have light shined on because it lacks so much in the community. I truly believe if more people in society empathized we will be in a better world. Congrats on Belen and wish you all many more blessings to come.
Blanca I am also an oldest daughter and I recently moved 3 hours away from my family because I am going to school. I can relate so much to your perspective, thank you for speaking about this issue on the podcast it makes me feel like we older sisters are not alone and we carry so much on our backs, it is also good to step back and prioritize ourselves once in a while ❤
When people come to me about deep topics and they have to read it through text, I don’t want to hear it Bcus I can tell they are still learning about it and sorry you guys have a platform you should be knowledgeable about whatever topic you guys are bringing to the table. Don’t just grab words or terms that SOUND COOL OR DIFFERENT and just talk for the heck of it. Please inform yourselves.
I would suggest that you explore with your therapist. I’m not the oldest daughter, but I am the youngest and the only daughter. I was raised by my dad and three brothers. Later, I moved with my mom and I had to parent her because of how hurt she was. Did I have to? No, but as a kid I was given that responsibility. I had to speak to my therapist about this. It’s cultural for us to take care of our family or provide, but it’s important to have boundaries and not feel guilt.
It’s just like the song “Surface pressure” in the movie Encanto. Made me cry the first few times 😢
Thank you guys for talking about this topic ❤️
I didn’t think that hearing this would move me the way that it did. I’m the oldest daughter with three younger brothers and I also have a dad that was there but didn’t raise us or show us love. The oldest daughter syndrome is something that has now defined so many of us so thank you guys for reminding us that we’re not alone🫶🏼
Yes my husband is the same way he’s here but not to raise or spend time or show our 3 kids love and it worries me🤦🏻♀️
This really hit home. I don’t think people realize what it is being the first daughter of the family. Especially as family does see what you do and talk about it, even make jokes about it and credit is not given. And as the oldest daughter it is hard to accept the good things that happen. I too feel guilt when I travel. It’s a work in progress for sure learning to cope with it and to grow to be a better person 🤍
Can we get a podcast with your mom about how she grew up her upbringing even if it’s in Spanish
I can’t relate to being the oldest sibling or any of that, but I do know that our parents tried their best, and this is their first time doing life like us. 💛
I get what Jonathan is trying to say with Blanca not taking on too much for her family.
Im the baby of my family, and when I was 7 yrs old my dad had an accident at work. He chopped off his picky, and left his hand you can say paralyzed. I went to school everyday and cried and told my teachers I had to go home and take care of my dad bc he didn’t have anyone.
The day before my senior year, my dad got arrested. I didn’t go to school for the first month of school to help my mom pay the bills and worked.
I never saw either of my parents at any school events bc they both worked 2 jobs.
Even being the baby of the family can cause trauma.
I started crying when you said to envision your dad has a little kid. I never really thought of that. My dad started working in the 3rd grade so he never had a childhood. So I started to cry when thinking of that. Love your podcast guys!❤
They way I can relate to this ……. When I lived me my parents I had to clean and cook for my whole family at 18 but I had my baby and moved out and now when I go to my moms it’s already dirty so I have to go and tell my family like clean up ??!!!!! I have to tell my siblings what to do bc they don’t know ? Lmao but my mom tells them to clean but they don’t but when I get there and tell them in chinga they start cleaning but it can be so stressful
we know exactly how you feel!❤️
I was also the eldest in my family and I also feel the same as Blanca with my parents. I feel like their generation was expected to not ever have a childhood and help out so much 😢 i have seen my mom has trauma from her childhood and i also feel like why am i still helping them? But both of my parents did all they could to raise me and my sisters, that i grew up thinking I need to help and give them everything they never got as kids. There is so much toxicity and trauma in our Mexican parents it is sad, and unfortunate they raised us the same because that is all they knew. But thank God with my kids I cut that off! My kids are getting raised better and how I wish I was raised. ❤ you and Jonathan are doing amazing with your kids!
As an older daughter I can agree and relate . My mom would tell me to wear stripes bc it made me less fat and wanted me to wear what she liked even though I didn’t like it I still did it to make her happy and I never realized how that actually affects me in the long run .. now I always get worried about what I wear and feel like I need to make my mom happy even though I have my own family now because I will feel judged . Also another thing I agree my brother could do no good and my mom would praise him but if it was me ? My mom would have me grounded for months … I was never allowed to go to friends house or even anywhere until I moved out at 19. I was told if I wanted to go anywhere I had to clean the whole house but my brother ? He was always able to leave when he wants . I don’t know how to bring this up to my mom bc I don’t wanna start “drama” or feel weird bc my mom never showed me much affection until I had my two daughters . Now that I am a mom I’m doing better for my kids
OMG you guys, literally described some exact same things in my family. As you mentioned I can only imagine what their trauma is and how their childhood was, but as you mentioned about the alcoholic dad and two brothers, one is the same but the other is different. I just hope to God maybe one day they might realize and hopefully change. Love you guys so much. Loved and related to this podcast so much. ❤
🤯 when jonathan talked about the oldest marring the youngest omg! I am the oldest and my husband is the youngest in his family. I totally relate to my parents needing me for everything and not letting me venture out because they needed me but my husband as the youngest his parents let him study in a highschool in a completely different city and rent a room as a freaking teenager. Anyways love you guys and the babies!
I am always here with all the topic about parenting and dog parents, I don’t have any but I do have two brothers that I am responsible for. This is what I needed to hear today 🥲💕
“If your depressed your living in the past. If your anxious your living in the future. Be present.”
Those words will ALWAYS stick with me. Thank you guys 🙏🏻❣️
I’m the middle child, but when my oldest sister married young and moved out, then my oldest brother moved out for college I became the oldest daughter that had ALL the responsibilities. It was draining but I think it built me to be very independent.
I never miss a podcast but THIS one is very raw and honest 🥺.Very proud of you guys talking about things that can be tough. Very good podcast ❤️
The episodes got me. I go through phases with my parents where we are so close then we stop talking. I try so hard to break the generation curse. They do not understand. They are proud one moment then disappointed the next. The expect a lot from me yet i have my own family. I know im ready for therapy. Im just not ready to open all the doors inside that I've kept shut for so long.
I JUST WANT TO HUGG BLANCAAA ❤❤❤ BECAUSE I KNOW HOW IT FEEL WANTING TO MAKE HIM PROUD AND NEVER BEING ABLE TO. BUT LIKE YOU SAID HE DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO BE A LITTLE KID HE ALSO NEEDS TO HEAL 😢❤❤
Blanca your just like me.....i always help my parents even tho im married now. You go girl..! God will reward you, never stop doing that even tho they dont need it it adds blessing on to ur life. Dont let anyone make you think otherwise....its not if they can make it work like Jonathan said but ur humble good heart.....👏💪 only u know what ur family went thru as u grew up so go for it take care of ur parents once in a while its not wrong. Your family will be blessed because of u being a good daughter. ❤
I listened to this episode yesterday and I started to cry feeling the feelings I did back then as an older sister so I feel exactly how Blanca does 🥺
Me too
Hi Blanca, hi Jonathan, I first want to say thank you so much for talking about this topic. I know a lot of people suffer with this situation and feel like they are alone. I myself was part of this cycle. The only thing is that I was the youngest sibling. When my parents first divorced and I was the middleman since the age of 11 I was always back-and-forth. My mom was always talking about my dad. My dad was always talking about my mom. They did share custody of me so I would have to hear this every single weekend and just stressed me out it came to the point that I had really bad anxiety, I would get bumps on my hands since I was so anxious and I would always bite my fingers and my nails. It came to the point that a officer had to get involved to get me out of my toxic household in which I was living with my mother. I then moved with my dad since the age of 12 my dad took the role of mother and father he wasn’t much a present father as I would want to but that’s because he now had to work harder to provide for both of us. but he very much did his best. But that still did not take away the feeling of emptiness and loneliness so That’s when I became really extremely depressed to the point that I would see getaways on anything and everything. I started hanging out with older people. I started sneaking around going to clubs, blacking out, just to get away from the feeling of emptiness. All happening at the age of 16. My dad had a lot of help from my tias and my uncles to help raise me and that went on until I graduated high school. Unfortunately, when I turned a senior, the divorce took a sharp turn, and my dad had to quit his job. Shortly after I went ahead and looked for a job. To provide for myself since we were basically living off disability. I eventually even had a small business that thankfully, Gracias an adios. I was able to sell my product in more than 10 states. My dad seen that I was really pushing forward to a brighter future for myself and him. At that moment I believe that’s when he felt a little bit more relief so he would go to Mexico and which I was totally fine with because he quit his job. He has so much stress because of divorce of going bad. I feel like he really needed that trip to Get away from his Truma. Shortly after high school I then moved out. I moved out to another town. I was ready to let go of the life that my dad was there, but not physically there, I was already raising myself up alone so I might as well be out in the world by myself. I am now 21 years old, and I still live on my own providing for myself, and my partner now providing for me and him as well. yes, I do feel guilty that I left that life but at the same time I feel like I have left all the stress, all the anxiety everything behind, although I still do very much love my father every single time he would come from Mexico I had to financially and emotionally support him, in which at the age of 21 has taken a toll on me since I always always the one to know about the family problems and was expected to solve them. That’s when I contacted my sister and I told her that I couldn’t do this anymore and then she took over the responsibility. I feel like I had to grow up at really young age and always thought that was a flex back in high school but now that I look at it, I feel like something has been ripped out of me that I was never able to grow up in. I now have a full-time job I also have a home that I could say is my safe place. I have a car that I got on my own. I have a loving dog, loving partner. I still look back and I just want to be like the rest of my age which is being taken care of by the parents and I’m not talking about financially but emotionally. But I do know that God chooses our battles and so far I’m surviving mine.
As the youngest out of 4 and being the only female I feel like this also applies to “only daughter syndrome” regardless of age.
This podcast hit so close to home I’m currently in nursing school, and I’m the oldest. I’ve always helped at home with bills since I got my job in sophomore year and helped my mom with my sister’s but also took care of my mom because she wasn’t working and I wanted to show her till this day how thankful I’m for her. And a girl is currently struggling with paying the bills at home and my school payments 🙁
Don’t ever stop helping your parents even if “they can figure it out” like Jonathan said! Dios te lo está multiplicando por 10 because of the helpful and great daughter you are. Love you both ❤️🫶🏻🥹
Blancas mom and Dodgers live with her? Did her parents seperated? Or her dad also lives with her?
I have follow you for so long now I started watching your videos since you and la comadre lulu did a meet up for the first time. I love the content you provide and believe me this is my second comment since I started watching you😬 I am a 30 year old mom of 3 kids and even though I am a little older than both of y'all I enjoy the podcast thank you for that you catch me cooking or cleaning listening to spill the beans. I just wanted to say that I grew up in a Mexican household and most of the parents are kinda similar mostly the dad figure what I want to say is that your putting your dad so much out here you may not do it in a bad way but imagine he sees your videos I understand it wasn't easy on you but it's the past maybe leave it in the past cause this videos are going to stay here and who knows maybe your children will wonder why is my mom saying this about my grandpa, because I see that you say he is the best grandpa it's just my thought I am risking myself I hope I don't get cancel. 😬 God bless you all❤️
As an oldest daughter I relate to Blanca’s trauma with her dad and it’s nice to hear that I’m not the only one dealing with this. I just found out that I’m pregnant and I’ve talked to my partner about parenting and trying to be the parents that we never had. Ending that cycle of trauma is our goal. I can assure you Jonathan that the oldest child dating a youngest child does work lol. In my case as the oldest child I am the one that gets taken care of and my boyfriend provides for me and helps me heal.
I just want to say how proud I am of you both!! I started crying when you said at the end to believe you that you are helping people with vibin' cares. We believe you guys!! You are doing an amazing job!! I have had therapy and it does help! You're both so mature! Franco and Belen are lucky to have you as parents!! May God continue to bless your beautiful family!! ❤
Watched all of your episodes and honestly felt relatable to most but this one. Man oh man. As the oldest on both sides I’ve been the only one who didn’t even get close to enjoying my childhood. The only one who never received one birthday/Christmas/ or day of the kid gifts. The one who cooked/cleaned/took care of, translated and put everything to the side for everyone else. And for your siblings to say I don’t remember you doing that for us. Smh. It was a slap to the face. I’m 7 years apart from my sister after me then 18 and then 21. The one who did it all. And now I try to do everything without asking for help. I was abandoned by my bio mom at 3months and my step mom literally made do it all. Including picking up after her. And as a mom now I can’t ever do that to my daughter. I’m cutting that chain and doing what I wish an adult did for me as a kid. It’s the least we could do, allow our kids to be kids. Adults they will be adults for the remainder of their lives, but kids ? Only until a certain age
I agree with Jonathan but I’m a lot more harsh with it. My bio dad hasn’t ever been in my life & I had kids and he wanted to be part of their life but like really didn’t want to so I said no and I don’t regret it bc he’s nothing to me. With my mom I let her be the grandma she wants to be bc my grandma raised me bc she was a single mom so I get it but I needed my mom. So for my kids I’m breaking chains and curses bc nobody is doing what I had done to me to them.
I’m blessed to be the oldest daughter that got away from my entire family bc I see the flaws and a lot isn’t okay so I don’t allow my kids to be around them. My husband loves and takes care of us so I’m blessed to be a sham with a mom and dad household for them. It’s all Iv ever wanted. I used to be like you Blanca and I stopped. It isn’t my responsibility my kids are
I love Blanca’s mentality. Although we grew up with oldest daughter syndrome, the way you want to take care of your family is more than admirable.
I think personality and empathy takes a big part as well. I grew up with one working parent and my mom at home with us 4…. I am the second child and onces i turned 14 (working permit) i was working 30 hours at a grocery store to help out with bills. While my oldest 18 would work but her money was hereer money…. so i think its also the heart of a person… parents never asked for money it just came from me seeing their struggle
I’m the second oldest but being that daughter doing everything the chores , laundry, being there doing more . I feel like I never had childhood I thought it so bad . I feel like family member will treat as an adult. I never know what was playing outside , doing kid things . But I totally agree with Jonathan do spoil our siblings because they take advantage of of you . But love hearing the podcast because it brought memories back when I was child .
I am not the oldest child. I was the fourth child (the forgotten one). I didn't take any responsibilities when I was young, but when I got older, I had my children. I chose to take responsibility after my divorce, which helped me in a way to show how thankful I was for taking me and my daughters after my hard times. But I do come from so much trauma that my family is not the one's to confront situations no matter how hard they are they won't sit and talk to you what you did wrong and if they see you shining will do anything to bring you down. Will never say good things to you if you are doing great or good they will do anything so the sun don't shine on you. I've seen it between my parents and their own siblings, and now I see it between mine. I have step back from everyone in my family, but they have but themselves as victims and made be look like I'm the one reacting unreasonable. Don't want to be in that drama space anymore. Now they are using my daughters to hurt me they hated my ex husband when I was with him now that we are divorced they get long very well. Makes me believe there is more that I don't know about.
So obsessed with your hair in this podcast! U always look amazing but the fit & everything chefs kiss 🍓
Oh my goodness.. I can totally relate. Growing up I've been the youngest but as a female my mom has always relied on me getting her mandados and being her translator. Growing up my mom suffered with my older sibling and told myself I never want to do that to her. I feel that its my responsibility to take care of her. This makes it difficult to really have my own life or one of the reasons I dont have kids bc I feel the need to take care of those around me. Still helping my older sibling too. This week was a crazy week were my anxiety was really feeling overwhelmed. Perfect topic !!
Being the oldest daughter and oldest sibling I can really relate to this topic 🥺
I’m not the oldest but I am the youngest sister, I have a brother 13 years younger than me. I also have trauma from my sisters leaving the house when I was around 5 years old. I had to grow up quickly to help with things, babysitting for my sisters, always being the one to translate for my parents. I am now married and have two kids and I am just now seeing that I do not have to feel bad for not helping my mom with simple tasks or feeling bad for saying no when I have a lot going on myself. My parents figured it out before and they still do now. When I was pregnant with my second I distanced myself from my mom because she overwhelmed me with always needing me to drive her or take over her job so she wouldn’t lose it and could go to Mexico for a month.
Good morning guys! I heard you podcast yesterday on Spotify but now I’m here watching it. All my support to you guys.
My mom passed away but she broke a lot of stigmas and we created a beautiful bond and miss her so much
You can always have monthly clips of your mother speaking about it! You can also share data...
this was a very emotional podcast. it was a bit heavy so I decided I could only listen to it to end my day cause it hit home lol.
but, Blanca.. now I understand de donde han venido todas tus bendiciones. La biblia dice que al que honra a su padre y a su madre le irá bien y será de larga vida en esta tierra y dice que es el primer mandamiento con promesa y siempre he creído en eso.
Thank you both for opening up, los admiro muchísimo.
i think sometimes we have to give our parents credit for the things they did right, we forget in trauma we lived as children. of course there are things some parents do that shouldn't ever be done, but as an oldest daughter my parents tried their best. They were also young parents doing something for the first time.
I’m a 42 year old who totally related to Blanca in every aspect (I’m the eldest) but especially when she said she felt guilt when traveling…..ughhhhhh I know what she feels!!!! But after therapy I’ve learned that I need to stop carrying baggage that’s not mine!!
I am so glad that I grew up with an amazing dad & mom who didn’t put that pressure on me & they let me be a kid. Also, I understand you Blanca but also you have your own family now so I think you should start letting your mom & dad do their own thing unless they need the help.
I loved this podcast so much. I wish I can have a full long conversation with you guys about this because I related so so much!! I hope you all have a wonderful weekend 💗🫶🏼
I am the older sister who fled from the problems but the guilt eats me everyday 🥺 I love my parents and siblings so much and sometimes it makes me sad we will never live together again!
My mom moved back to Mexico (her own decision, not deported). She’s been there for 2 years, has no job and only expects my dad to send her money on a weekly basis. She refuses to work, por que esta vieja and older people dont get hired in Mexico. My mom is one of those people who know how to do so many things such as cooking, sowing, baking but just doesn’t want to do nothing. She has 4 kids, and no one speaks to her, she’s very difficult 😥 and we prefer to keep her away.
My biggest trama is everyone lives a happy live except the “oldest daughter “ having the role to be with my parents and sisters but why they don’t think about me without me asking then the feeling of guilt because you can solve a problem of there’s 🤷♀️🥺
I wish I was at the podcast to talk about the topic 🥺🫶🏻
I’m the middle child and yes grew up being pushed to the side always getting treated bad. I’m 33 now but I have dealt with trauma from childhood how I was treated anxiety and depression and being a mom of 2 sometimes it’s hard but I’ve got thru it thanks to yahuha(God) and yahusha(Jesus) but at times I cry 😭 because memories come back to me sucks but I try being the best I can to my kids and show them love and be there for my boys 💕
Hi guys!!! I will love to hear yomis perspective of when Jonathan left home and not having him there. And how was her perspective because she was then seen as the oldest and how did that affect her, and hearing and overseen your guys relationship. As well as Blanca’s sisters and her having Blanca a podcast with her mom ☺️🤍
in my family there’s only two kids, me (25) and my older brother who’s 32. i feel like i don’t get to have older sister syndrome because there’s only two of us but i feel the same exact way and it’s confusing because as the youngest kid i feel privileged but also have a lot of trauma especially because i speak the most english or am more fluent in it because my brother was already a teenager when we came to the states.
You guys are breaking generational curses. This is real but until you find the root of it and speak about and surrender it to God everything will go away. That is right God will break those chains from us. Please listen to the song "break every chain" by Tasha Cobbs
I feel the exact same but with my siblings.. as soon as I could I added them to my credit cards to help them with their credit. I’m in the process of buying a new car & I felt so guilty if I didn’t give my current car to my little sister. Bc I know how it feels to always have wanted something and not having money for it. It something about being a middle child
I cried watching this I’m the oldest child I’m 31 and my siblings are literally 20+ years apart from me and this last December I just moved out and it’s because i finally had my own baby and I had to start my own life it’s been a really difficult journey because I can relate to this sooo much. I feel guilty living my life and starting my own little family because I feel for my brother and sister when they want something like nice shoes or clothes my mom will buy it but she’s always been the type to save money so they won’t always get stuff that often and I used to take care of them like they were my own and buy them a lot of stuff because I wanted to but now I have my own kid and I’m a sahm right now. It’s been tough for me this video was like therapy.
I will always support this channel ❤ thank you guys for what you do. I hope God keeps blessing you guys so you can help more people ❤
Each Spill the Beans Podcast episode is a mini therapy session for me.
I have learned so much from just this podcast from life lessons to my future parent life! I love this so much! Pls keep up much love 💓
Being the oldest of 5 girls I 100% understand Blanca. Now having a baby girl, I tell my man that I do not want to put her through what I end through. And I never understood when Blanca would say because she help raised her sisters she didn’t want kids. But now I get it. I’m so in loved with baby girl but I just don’t want her to have no traumas like I do and I just don’t know if I can do it.
I listened to this yesterday and being the oldest, and hearing all of this really hit home for me, everything the psychologist said I have in common. Also patiently waiting for 11am . ❤
we love you 🥹❤️
Omg yes, my brothers who are 9 and 6 years older than me never translated for my mom or anything it always was me helping her and doing thing for the family. I remember when I moved out my house when I got married @ 22, my parents got their water turned off because I was in charge of making sure the bills were paid on time lol that’s when they realized they depended on me so much
I love this topic. There was a lot of trauma growing up that has affected me in my adulthood. My dad was a cheater and alcoholic.. and you look for that love in boyfriends ect and I don't mean in the sexual way bit love affection..even if I was treated like crap as long as I had that love