Advice from a Therapist: Attachment Style 2 Dismissive Avoidant
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 18 พ.ย. 2024
- Chantelcohen.com
Chantel Cohen is a therapist/ life coach for individuals; an Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) couples counselor, and an executive communications coach/facilitator. She assists clients with self-improvement and career advancement. Her clients include individuals, couples, and groups in corporate and therapeutic settings.
WONDERFUL VIDEO......I WAS WITH ONE AND IM STILL HEALING FOR ALL THE DAMAGE.....WONDERFUL IN THE BEGINNING....THEN WHEN COMMITMENT GETS REAL THE DISMISSIVENESS AND AVOIDANCE BEGGINS.......THEY EVEN TURN SECURE PEOPLE IN TO ANXIOUS PEOPLE.....I PRAY THE CAN HEAL AND STOP HURTING OTHERS BUT IT TAKES HARD WORK.......ALSO GET CLOSER TO GOD.......IM CATHOLIC AND JESUSCHRIST HAS SAVED AND TRANSFORMED MY LIFE IN EVERY SINGLE WAY.....BLESSINGS
My husband is a DA and I am an FA. HORRIBLE dynamic. He is incredibly dismissive and indifferent to me, and after 30 years I am truly over it. My childhood family were all DAs as well so I’ve felt dismissed, unsupported and belittled my entire life. The only connection my husband wants is the physical one. He did show up as empathetic when we met - or at least maybe I just read that when it wasn’t really there. Looking back it probably really only was ever physical for him. He never would put me first. If we are with other people no matter who, and we are discussing something he will side with them over me and will NEVER back me up. No one in my life ever has had my back.
I don’t know if I can keep living the rest of my life with so little authentic connection any more. I’m tired of feeling lonely and disrespected in my own home. I would be happier alone. It’s difficult to detach now though because of finances and children. But I am seriously contemplating living in a car. It does feel like a slow silent death to me living with him though.
Wow!!!!! You just described my Fiancée she says the exact same things.
It's sad because most avoidants seem to be good friends and pretty kind people but unfortunately they usually make horrible romantic partners for most attachment styles and they have little to no selfawarness or reflection so they usually dont think or dont know that they have a problem, life is usually grand for them they see no need to change no need to heal no real self reflection they often "do them" with no regards to how others may feel,it's just in their nature to self sabotage,but they just dont get it or see that, they lack emotional intelligence its super low if any at all, it's like the trauma they went through stunted their emotional intelligence and growth and it just stopped,its actually really sad because a lot of them dont want to be like this once they start seeing a pattern and being honest with themselves which is really hard for them to do,they peruse connections because they want relationships and love to just like any other human being but avoidants are afraid of real intimacy they are turned off by meaningful connections and conversations genetically and the only people who can change them are them and God
Those are my thoughts too. My heart is breaking thinking what kind of childhood trauma my DA friend must have been through to become like this as an adult. I had the childhood from hell, but my Mum was very loving and luckily I’m securely attached. I’m not sure whether to just run or not and save myself instead of the DA. Coldest person I have ever met. My EQ is super high and to me it seems like he is a retard when it comes to EQ.
This is me. The reason I say I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be in the relationship is because that's true. I can detach and leave a person and never see them again pretty easily. So if I'm there that means something. And all I really want from a partner is for them to be there too. I don't want more than that so I don't understand why the other person does. Just be there and have my back and I'll do the same. What else is there?
Dismiss the avoidant
WOW. I’m mind blown. You literally just described my boyfriend and it all makes sense! I am going to try to schedule us an appointment with you asap
Don’t waste your money and time, dump him. Trust me, was married to one snd my son is one, run 🏃♀️
🙋♀️ having an argument about “love” not being a real thing. Being single for 27+ years (50 👀). Getting annoyed/heart sinking and internally gird my loins/brace for impact when people want to verbally dump their emotions and problems on me. Abruptly pulling away from someone when they hug you unannounced. Cutting announced hugs short because, fu
I think I mostly fall in this category.
However, yes, when I tell my partner go out to a club with her girlfriends, have fun... It's not that I don't care if she meets someone, it's that I DO trust her and I don't sit there imagining them cheating, getting stressed.
I don't know, is that considered not caring? I guess on some level it could be
Have you done a video on fearful avoidant and anxious avoidant yet?
It's not that I don't want to rely on others; its that doing it feels disgusting. "Incestuous" is the only way to describe what it feels like.
Mind blown
I'm such a DA.
Yes my ex was a DA and excused himself from me and the relationship
So what is a way out for a DA? Where is the solution?
There is a solution for every attachment style. Avoidant just never experienced good connections, so they learn to be independent and sufffer inside
One night stands, short relationships, being on ones own. FML lol. I guess when I weigh relationship with all the requisite fights and hard feelings, I picture being alone better. Having gone through the cycle of initial excitement, inevitable desire to run, I don't try anymore because I see the damage it does and I don't like the last part of any relationship. So now, I REALLY have to like someone before I try.
But I do wish I had someone to share my highs with. I've been single about 95% of my adulthood
Anxious attached always forget THEY TOO have work to do. Too many in the comments.
Too many angry Anxious ! I see them blaming others instead on focusing on healing
I don't mind being avoidant. I don't see a problem with it. I have friends and a partner. I don't talk about feelings unless there is a need. And there is rarely a need to do so.
Avoidants are annoying to deal with IMHO.
@@youtubechannel8276 why? we don't ask you for anything
@@sdearing6375 Because the other person feels helpless. You don't know if you should try harder or less when they go from hot to cold constantly.
I appreciate your post but that's the exact reason why dismissive avoidants are terrible partners. They don't care and they aren't self-aware.
A LITTLE low in empathy? A LITTLE indifferent? A LITTLE neglected? A LITTLE detached? I have hope that he will work toward building a secure attachment, but I don't see him stepping out of his avoidant comfort zone.
Thank you for sharing.
I'm totally a DA dude. I hated EFT couples therapy. I don't care about my own feelings. I really don't care about others feelings. I only care about behaving kindly and honorably. If I have behaved well and someone is unhappy with me, screw them. Their feelings are their problem.