12 THINGS I LEARNED WHEN I BECAME A WIDOW | Life, Love, and Laughter after Loss One Happy Widow
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 20 ก.ค. 2024
- 12 things I learned when I became a widow- Life, Love, and Laughter after Loss. I learned so much when I became widowed. When my husband died, my life changed and things happened that I never expected. After the funeral, the changes began. In this video, I cover twelve of the many things I learned after I became a widow. Watch and listen as I cover the following changes:
1) There's never enough time
2) You're never prepared enough
3) Forgetting the funeral
4) Sadness may be delayed
5) Death brings out the worst in people
6) The world may leave you behind
7) People say dumb things
8) Weird triggers
9) A new identity
10) Before/After death
11) I no longer fear death
12) There's no "right" way to grieve
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What have you learned when you became widowed?
I learned that there will come a time where everybody will be sick of seeing you sad or hearing about your sad/bad days......you must walk this journey alone. Its YOUR better half thats gone....❤💔❤ For me prayer and my best friend have pulled me through❤
Before he died....OR... after he died.... A TRUE DEMARCATION OF TIME😔
Yes, my children have experienced this too from their friends. That's when you know you are doing this on your own...when the world starts moving again and we get left behind!
Thank you for sharing this and you are so right, but with the Lord's help I am moving forward God bless you and your family
I have learned that you are alone grieving. I learned that there should be a will, thank God my husband left a will, although he made it long time ago but a will is a will. It's easier to transition life. But now, I worried, that when the dust of life settled down I get anxiety coz, I need to figure out the income and to figure out whether I need to go back to work or not. It could be a daunting situation.
What I didn't realize when my husband died of a heart attack, is how MUCH I was going to have to toughen up to survive in this world without him. I expected others to be there for me, instead they acted "uncomfortable " talking about it. I was shocked after him only being gone not quite a month my neighbor came over and was telling me "now I can start a new chapter in my life". Even my doctor was not sympathetic and acted annoyed when I told her I was having anxiety & trouble sleeping since his death. I felt like there was no where to turn. I felt angry inside at people and I started isolating myself from them. It was a Big wake up call of how cold & cruel and insensitive people can be.
This is something that unfortunately happens to many of us- people truly don’t know how to support widows! #widfam
My husband of 44 years also died suddenly a couple of month ago in my arms I still cant believe today I just think he is away ! I dont have family so I though his family was mine and we did a lot for them after he died I called they came took care about everything but I never had a call or saw them anymore just a couple of days ago I knew they got upset because we didnt offer to feed them as they culture says I'm not from here u know me for 44 years i was more then your mother i took from my mouth to give to u all i could be rich but i always agree to help u all today that's how u pay i dont want to see any any more in my life thank God i have 2 good daughters and a more or less good retirement money and lots of animals trying not to be lonely thank God I think he knew his family that's why he always put everything in our names have to be strong and learn how to go on in life
Sorry for your lost but can be your friend
@@mariadefatima6469👍🙏
I experienced this same thing. My husband died from cardiac arrest. One minute he was here the next he was gone. I still cant believe it. He died Nov 2021 and I still can't believe it. I keep thinking I must be in a coma and dreaming all this. And I will wake up in minute and everything will be the way it was. I just keep praying I will wake up and none of this will be real.
My husbands last words to me were “I will love you forever and ever and ever”. How beautiful for me.
Beautiful last words! #WIDFAM
You are so fortunate! Treasure them forever in your heart! ❤ Peace and blessings!+
They're so beautiful word's 😞❤️
hello,how are you doing??
i lost my wife 4 years ago on her birthday, she was knocked over by a moving vehicle on her way back from the mall on her birthday. I have a son and he is 13 years old
After my husband died I realized how wonderful it is, and how much I appreciate it, when someone mentions him to me. So many people are afraid to even say his name that, in a way, it is as though he never lived--that part of my life never happened. I love to be reminded of him and that he was important and known and appreciated by others.
I agree, we need to mention our lost loves and others do too! I think people might be afraid they will remind us of the loss (as if we forget?) or they might make us cry, and then they don't know how to handle it. We need to normalize grief. #widfam
Im so there with you. I thank people when they say my husband's name or share a story about him. Its very comforting to know that other people want to remember him too and it gives u a beautiful gift of "permission" to talk about him ... which is such a rare opportunity. I feel like smiling with you x
So true! I love it when people share their memories of my husband. It would have meant so much if, at the church service, people would have written down a special memory of my husband and then put their written memories inside of a box for me to read and cherish.
Exactly- sometimes I feel like, it was just a dream that I was once married ( 25 yrs) I love it when people talk about him- I always try to- I want him to always be remembered.
Absolutely! My grandson is 3, he brings up my husband has passed away that he is gone, each visit. We hug and smile. It feels great he remembers him with me.
My husband died this morning. It hasn't even been a full day. We were married almost 51 years & I don't know how I'm going to get through this without my best friend. I appreciate your thoughts on this and will be following along.
God bless you Bettie. 🙏
Oh, Bettie I'm so sorry! Take care of yourself and get some rest. Reach out if you need to. Prayers being sent up for you tonight! #WIDFAM
I am so sorry! When my husband passed away 7 years ago my sister gave me a sign that said YOUR WINGS WERE READY BUT MY HEART WAS NOT! It is so fitting. Just take one day at a time.
Oh I’m so sorry. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Just hold on Bettie. No matter what, just hold on. You'll walk this road inch by inch. Some days we walk and sometimes we crawl. I'm so sorry you lost him and that you are experiencing that kind of pain.
I learned that it’s not the “big” things you will miss as much as the million little things that you did everyday that you didn’t realize you did until there was no one to share them with. I have been widowed two years now.
Yes!!! I'm so glad you mentioned this, I didn't think about it, but it's so true!
This is so true. I lost my husband of 30 plus years 3weeks ago, and every day I realize all the many, many, little things that we did. I miss those things so much! I forced myself to go to the grocery store several days ago, and I could hardly finish shopping. It seemed surreal. Now I buy for one person, not two. That impacted me in a way that I didn't expect and I shopped in tears. I live a whole new way of life now without my Sweetie, it's my "new normal," - (I hate those words!) and most days, I don't know how I'm going to get through the day. It's hard to get out of bed every morning and face another long day and night without my Sweetie. I have nothing to look forward to anymore. I feel terrible even saying that, because my children and friends have been a Godsend and have gotten me through this far, but there is no more joy for me. Every day, I ask God "Why?!" It hurts sooooo much and I don't know what to do. I just want my Sweetie back!!! 😭😭😭😭😭
I hated the phrase "new normal" too, but I think it was because I was resisting it. I still don't love it, but I have accepted the fact that this life actually IS becoming my new normal, whether I like it or not. And for me to process through my grief, I would need to realize this and try to make the best of it. I am so sad when I read bout fellow wids struggling just to get through day-to-day life! I want to say that perhaps you could think of a way that you could be a blessing to others, even if you aren't seeing the joy in life for yourself. I asked God why he took my husband at such a young age too...but I realized that I would never get an answer on this side of Heaven. I know you are hurting, and nothing anyone can say will make that hurt go away, so I won't even pretend to try. But I would like to offer encouragement for you to think of one way you could make someone else smile this week, even if you can't bring yourself to smile. If you would accept that challenge, please update me and let me know how it went. God bless you and I'll be praying for you today! #widfam
Even the little annoying things..
I miss so much that reminders make me cry.. his chewed fingernails on the lamp table 😳😬😆
Yes the hardest part is when I get home from work in the evening and he wasn't there to talk to me
I am broken I am lost, I still want to just be with him!
I can relate to that feeing...hugs! #WIDFAM
Hi kym... Stay strong it's always hard. May God bless you and guide you through a new lovable new relationship 🙏😞
hello,how are you doing?
Me too
Theres nothing "wrong" with feeling that way,... its actually wonderful to actuallly "see" some other people that honestly "loved" their mate in a way that is completely "loyal" years beyond the death. You dont get to see it much these days,.. sadly, Ive been 100% alone since 5/1999. No children, no roommates,
No relationships really, ( tried 2ce,but moone could come close to a blessed relationship, so, i decided, why try... i can still see him in my mind and even smell his wonderful scent, anytime i want, ( noone can steal that kind of beautiful real love) just wanted tp say, be proud of your loyal love, its very rare, and honorable. 💝
I lost my husband 5 yrs ago. He was 61 yrs old. I still miss him, but God truly is my anchor & strength. I pray daily, read scripture. I need a purpose in life, so I regularly visit nursing home residents, stay involved with my 2 daughters, 2 grandsons & 1 grandchildren. I stay faithful to church attendance. I get out visit friends, shop (of course). Talk on phone with my sisters. I realize God is in control of my steps , i accept that & try to be thankful for it all. Yes, I still have a lonley day- but I dont allow it to control me. God is good❤
0ne granddaughter!
Sounds very healthy. Thanks for sharing
Lost my husband to cancer. It’s hard to explain to someone that your grieving the months while he’s dying and then have to grieve again after they physically pass. Working through both stages are hard. ♥️
Anticipatory grief, I had to learn about it after the fact because I had know idea that's what I was doing. That's why my actual grief upon his death was less than what I expected...I thought something was wrong with me that I wasn't grieving the right way!
@@OneHappyWidow I have not heard of that. I will look that up. Thank you for taking your time out to respond. I appreciate it very much 💕
I'm 13 years into my journey of being a widow. I never realized how strong I am,until I had no other choice.
Yes, people talk about how they admire our strength...as if we had a choice? I just get up every day and put one foot in front of the other. And in the process, realized I was stronger than I had ever imagined myself to be!
Yes, after I lost my husband suddenly last summer I heard that alot....you are so strong. I didn't have a choice you just survive and go on. Sometimes especially now things are calming down it sorta feels like the movie Groundhog Day , its always the same wake up, go to bed, over n over!
@@mrs.z4370 Yes I get that. Covid hasn't helped because I can't even see my closest family like I'd want too. The world has become a survival zone and my house feels like a prison where all the days are the same.
@@mrs.z4370 I know the feeling. My husband passed away almost 4 years ago. I know it seems like a million years away, but eventually you will start having more good days than sad ones. I don't know if that deep down sadness goes away, but it will eventually be better than it is now. Hugs to you
Me too!💪
I remember wishing I could find someone to miss him with me. I still don’t understand why, but his siblings immediately started to distance themselves from me. I could sense that so I didn’t pursue after them. His parents were already gone and the rest of the family had “the stiff upper lip” mindset. His friends had their own lives. I remember just wanting SOMEONE to miss him with me because that would have been such a comfort.
Family dynamics can change so much after our loved one is gone! #WIDFAM
I am so sad to read this as my late husband’s family and I are as close as we were before his death., his sister and I grieve together. It must be difficult for you.
@@OneHappyWidow Family dynamics are changing for us as well now. My husband is 83, one of his sisters has passed and the other is in a nursing home. My husband's long-time friends are gradually casting themselves adrift because of the inevitability of my husband's passing. His sister remaining in a nursing home doesn't want anything to do with us, nor does our sister-in-law and nephew (the wife and son of my husband's deceased brother). All very strange seeing that we used to get along so well.
I understand how you feel and I'm sorry that you didn't have the comfort of that shared connection with his siblings. I was lucky in that a number of my friends knew my husband well enough (and know me well enough) to understand what a great loss it was for me. He only had one sibling (a lovely person) and she and I have become even closer since he passed (it's been 5 years now). Our connection has really deepened because we both know we are the two that truly feel the ongoing depth of the loss. When we're together, we often laugh about his shenanigans and we feel his presence around us.
So talk to him. He's listening you know. He knows what you're feeling, how the loss feels from your side. My husband and I were up to our eyeballs in Metaphysics for 30 years prior to his passing, so when he crossed over he was able to make himself an obvious part of my life, especially during the first year after he passed. He pulled off some astonishing methodologies for letting me know he's still with me and always will be till I join him. They're closer than most people realize.
I am sorry to hear that your late spouse family distanced themselves from you, I don't think we can always count on family which is sad to say. My sister which I was close with doesn't have the patience for me to allow me the grace that I need to cry around her so I just don't hang out with her. My work has been a good environment though I hope that you find a friend or colleague that can empathize and sympathize with you in your grief journey. Don't forget God is always there to listen also.
In a good marriage 2 people are like 2 trees growing side by side and your roots naturally become entangled together deep down. When one tree is uprooted it leaves the tree left behind in a weakened condition. It’s not so much the loneliness that is difficult but the feeling of being alone without a partner by your side through thick and thin. I live with mental illness. My husband was my gatekeeper. He sheltered me when I was suffering and made me feel protected. He fed me positive thoughts about myself when I hated myself. His reassurance was everything. I don’t know how I’ve survived over 7 years without him. To me the world feels like a chicken yard where if a chicken has a blemish the other chickens will peck at the blemish until they peck him to death. I have lots of blemishes. So I live isolated and alone to avoid all the peckers. But I have my memories of the days he would tuck me under his chin and hold me and tell me I was made perfect just for him.
Awww what a beautiful story, thanks for sharing! #WIDFAM
I feel the same. And no one believes my husband was as good as he was. They think I idealize him, so I quit talking about him for the most part. It's sad. There's a part of me now that doesn't open up to the criticism of others.
Thank you for this site. Women just need to TALK w one another, not professional therapy. Just understanding and listening. A standing along side, an intended hug. Thank you again
All true.
I feel like this… I don’t know how I am going to do this life without him…. We were married 23 beautiful years. 2 kids. We’re devastated.its been 3 months
I have been a widow for 6 years after being married for 51 years. It took me awhile to realize I was suffering from post traumatic stress disorder the first two years, based on watching my husband suffer from cancer. I began accepting my situation after I healed from the trauma of watching him die. Thank you for your wise words.
Thanks for watching #widfam
Yes. This was my experience as well. First I had to begin to heal from the trauma of watching him die. I’m so glad someone said this.
I am an ex-wife widow. He died about 18 months ago. We had been divorced 15 years but married 29 years. My intense feeling of loss was shocking to me!! Our children removed themselves to grieve alone and that REALLY hurt. I was grieving too but without them, the family we created. He was in my thoughts a lot. I have dreamt more about him in the past 18 months than I ever have. He had moved to another state and I didn’t know he was sick. So much I would’ve loved to talk to him about ...that never happened. Even ex’s grieve.
I'm sorry for your loss...being divorced probably makes the grief more complicated, especially to others who might not understand. Just because we divorce someone doesn't mean we want them dead...and we still want our kids to have their dad! I was married years ago, for a short time, and he is the father to my oldest child. After we divorced, he ended up getting cancer at age 41. He survived it, but I can remember still being upset and worried for both him and my daughter, because although I didn't want to be married to him, I never wanted him to die! I remember thinking if I had stayed married to him, I could have been widowed.
Ironically, my second husband also develop cancer at age 41...but this one died from it, and I was still married to him. Its so weird how life throws us for a loop! Grieve however you need to, you still lost a person that was a part of your life, and you are still allowed to grieve that loss! Maybe your kids stay away because they aren't sure how you are feeling about it. Maybe you can talk to them about how you feel? Prayers sent to you! #WIDFAM
I too was surprised how the death of my ex-husband affected me.
Oh my. I I was meant to read this. I was married 8 years to my former husband. We just divorced last October but we stayed very close. In December he got sick and passed away in January of double pneumonia and covid. People do not understand that yes you can grieve the death of your former spouse and grieve hard. I miss him daily aha the memories are so strong. Also the father of my children and I were married over 20 years and we've been divorced for 23 years. He left 23 years ago for his mistress but I have forgiven him. He is now sick with cancer and it breaks my heart. If he passes away I will grieve terribly again. I've heard of something called "grief shaming." I think it is where people make you feel ashamed because you are grieving someone you are divorced from. I was greif shamed by a few for my second husband. They just didn't understand. I was already hurting deeply.
I, too, am an “ex-wife widow.” We were only married five years but we had two children so we had that connection for many years after the divorce. He was only 58 years old and, like you, I was shocked at how devastated I was. It was actually kind of odd because my ex-husband was a real jerk. I think when you have children with somebody you are always connected at a very profound level. Even years later when they die it is devastating.
My first husband divorced me after 14 years of marriage - then, he died a few years later...I was told by my children not to come to the funeral or graveside service, they didn't need or want me there. I had remarried 4.5 years after the divorce but felt that it was betraying my new husband if I openly mourned...now I am mourning for both my husbands. Thank you for sharing about your grief. It lets me know it's OK for me to grieve my first as well as my second marriage. God bless!
What I miss the most is the laughter.
I wish I could describe how wonderful and special those moments were.
So many of us get that! #WIDFAM
Hello Barbara 😊
Sorry about your lost Dear, I’m also a widower hope we can be good friends and keep in touch..
Than you for popping up on my youtube! I'm grieving 2 months now; it's getting worse not easier. I lost my significant other to an aggressive brain cancer. We received the news on christmas eve the cancer spread across his brain and treatments ended. I can relate to EVERYTHING you said; it's good to know I'm not crazy. God Bless all Widows ❤
Linda, you are in our prayers today...I know what kind of struggle it is this early in the grieving process! And my husband (fellow widower) is marking the 2nd year milestone of his late wife's death today, so we go through the process x2 in our house. Reach out if you ever need to, and join our FB page if you haven't already, just search One Happy Widow. #widfam
Hello Linda 😊
My husbands died Jan 23 from brain cancer so I'm with you. Its so hard x
It does get worse. But then it will change again.
My husband died 1/26/24 from brain cancer. I understand and I'm so sorry❤
Ovarian cancer stage 3-C took my honey after battling the disease for 5 years and 20 days. We would have celebrated our 44th wedding anniversary a week ago. My new angel was an amazing mother, spouse, and friend to many. I celebrate her life knowing how blessed i have been. No matter how bad she felt during those 100+ chemo treatments, she was always so positive, often saying "it will be ok". I live by her words.
God bless all widows and widowers.
Thanks for watching, and for sharing part of your story with us. Prayers to you, #widfam
My husband died 9 years ago. This Saturday is our 50th wedding anniversary. The sense of grief is just as great now as when I lost him. But I’m learning to deal with it.
June, I'm so sorry that you are struggling, and will be praying for you this Saturday as you pass this tough milestone. JP (my current husband) is facing the 2-year anniversary of his late wife's death on April 17, and he has been really struggling this month too. We all have to support each other through the low moments when we spend a little extra time in our grief, and then help lift each other up and back o our feet so we can keep walking this road. Thanks for watching! #WIDFAM
Sorry about the death of your husband dear. I’m also a widower, hope we can be good friends and keep in touch with each other?
I’ve been a widow for almost 9 years and l remember how all your late spouse’s friends stop calling you to see how you’re doing. I think they’re afraid you’re going to ask them for something or do something for you.
The dynamics of family and friendships surely change when we lose a loved one!
They're probably afraid you'll steal their husband's I've seen it happen
@@cherilewis2899 I had very close friends with my husband. The husband of the friend always gave me a hug hello and goodbye. After my husband passed I went for a visit. The husband gave me my usual hug, then the wife said very stern,y ‘hey he is my husband’, nothing was the same after that. I don’t see them now.
@@judithhogan453 How sad! I always felt the women thought the death of a husband was something they could catch from me, like it was contagious. They withdrew, no one called, or answered my calls. It was a very lonely and hard time. BUT, you do find out who your true friends are! Hugs and prayers for you.
Hi Robin.... If everyone else forgets to show up, Remember our creator always makes a way for us all
Stay strong dear❤️
Even tho it's been 26 years since my husband died I can still relate to nearly everything you said. I've offered support to other new widows and it feels like we are in a secret club that others don't know until they have experienced it. I learned how strong I am now and also how pampered I was when married. After all these years there are moments I just melt down and cry missing him, even tho I have made a new life for myself. Thank you for sharing your experience with us.
Thanks for sharing your feedback #widfam
Yes! Our secret club. God bless you
I did discover one thing that was a huge comfort to me. I started sleeping on his side of the bed. I would no longer gaze over to where he would be sleeping. I felt sort of like sleeping on his side was my holding him. It has been very comforting.
Interesting! I'm glad you found something that brought you comfort. #WIDFAM
I threw the bed away. Actually I threw alot of stuff away. I felt like everything we had built together was destroyed. I wasnt angry, I just felt let down. My happy place was gone. It's been 9 years since the accident now, even though I have moments of joy, I still haven't found my happy place. My heart is absolutely broken.
@@proletarian2560 So sorry! 😭 Does it ever get any easier? My husband passed 2 weeks ago and the pain is never ending. 💔 He's all I think about. He's all I want. How do I go on? God please grant us peace. +
@@TheRapnep for me? No, it has not gotten easier. It still feels like yesterday. You do learn how to live with it, because you have to. I still have good times and bad times, I am missing him terribly lately (it's almost his birthday, so maybe that is why). I am sorry to hear of your loss. It is a journey I dont wish on anyone.
I have started doing this too, so I understand this. And I use his fave, worn out jacket as a pillow. I may be imagining it, but it still has his sent. It took months before I could wash his coffee cup. It's been a year this week since the ambulance took him away - and I still have not found the strength to move his shoes and ball cap from where he left them by the dresser. I miss him so much.
It felt so good to hear you say you’re not grieving right. I had years before my husband passed from Parkinson’s. Once someone said to me “Well you don’t sound sad.” I told her I was very sad at times but I had a long time of grieving already. I joined a grief support group. There were 3 women who cried through their stories of their husband’s death. I was the first one to tell my story and I was dry eyed through the whole thing. In came the doubts again. I’ve done a lot of thinking and convinced myself again that I am grieving right for me at this time.
We all have our own journey…and when we are a caregiver for our spouse, our grief starts and releases a little bit of pressure each day so it never feels like it explodes like it might with a sudden/unexpected death. Thanks for sharing #widfam
My friend, whatever you are feeling is just right for you. Long-term spousal caregiving is something different. My husband had MS for decades, I mourned losses along the way: the expected future, living a different life than your friends and peers, continence, a spouse who could walk alongside you, someone to share responsibilities with... Too many losses to count. It is still a loss when they die, especially when you consider how isolated you were together. It is a year now, and while I would never want to go back to the way things were, I certainly miss him at times and feel sad for both of us for having had to live that way. . For better or worse we had a life in common and there is no one else who shared all of that.
There is an organization of fellow Well Spouses (long term caregiving) that you might was to join. They have some virtual formers groups.
It is soooo weird Judy. You prepare mentally and emotionally for all that time, thinking that when it happens, the pain and the tears will have already been cryed and felt. You can prepare for the EVENT but not the absense.
Hi Judy. I sure can relate to what you are saying. My husband had heart disease for over 20 years before he passed. There were many trips to the ER by ambulance for heart attacks, a TIA, open heart surgery, carotid surgery and each one was traumatic for me (and for him of course) because each time I drove to the hospital I was afraid of what I would find when I got there or sat in that waiting room while he was in surgery wondering if he would be ok. Then in 2021 a trip to the hospital discovered a tumor in his lung and esophageal cancer. He went through the radiation and chemo and was declared cancer free. But in 2022 he got Covid and he was never the same after that. His heart just couldn't take any more and then we found out he had end stage liver disease so he passed in Oct 2023. I don't cry at all because I think all those years took a toll on my body. I did cry at the funeral but haven't since. I know people think I'm crazy but I can't help it.
I found the same thing after my Mom died with dementia. I think it’s natural to react differently when you’ve already grieved ahead of time. And of course each person grieves in their own way.
My husband passed away last August, we we're married 40 yrs, have 1 daughter. I feel better knowing someone is also feeling the same way. What you said about having people arou d you at first, then you stop getting calls and visits really resonates with me. He loved our cat and she still lays on his side of the bed. I am slowly getting a little better, but miss him terribly. Please accept my sympathy for your loss.
Thanks for sharing #widfam
I am nearly 8 months into my loss. I just want my husband back and the life we shared. I cry everyday I miss him so much.
I know it is hard to accept this new life that we never wanted and certainly didn't ask for! I try to think of it as living in my late husband's honor, living FOR him since he can't do it himself. He would want me to do that! #WIDFAM
8 months into my journey as well. Your sentiments are mine exactly! I just want our life back. I lost him to COVID 19.
9 months here, the worst part because he went to work and never came home ( heart attack) I had so much to say to him. I hope he knows how much I love him and miss him.
Me too.
My heart aches for you, I hope you have people around you to lean on and talk to you must have had an awesome loving life with him and all the memories all the best to you, go do something you've always wanted to do but didn't get the time to much love from NZ
I lost my husband in 2007. I still miss him every.single.day. Everything you shared has been part of my own experience - I’m a pastor- What really was hurtful was the congregation’s impatience. I was constantly asked “when was I going to get back to my “usual smiling self”. ‘
People are uncomfortable with our grief and after that initial few weeks, they aren't sure what to do with us anymore, so they would rather see us "back to normal" but they don't understand that will never happen! #WIDFAM
I still miss making up parodies of songs we made together, his teaching our daughter about manual work skills and telling me about his day as an Electrical Engineer and telling him about mine, his goofy jokes, his knowledge of things totally not related to his field of study, but in mine, and interest in learning more, as I was interested in learning about his.
I just found ur channel. I lost my husband on March 23rd 2019. He wasn't 40 yet. One of the things I learned- I didn't realize that your not married anymore in the eyes of the law & that devastated me. I've loved him since we were 15. I don't know any widows. Its so nice 2 hear u talk. Thank you- I kno it must be hard.
Thanks for sharing! I am learning now that people can be "married" in tons of different ways. Many widows still think of themselves as married in their heart/mind, even though the law sees it differently That is a tough transition to make. I think it comes later down the road when we get to the acceptance stage of grief, as we finally accept that they are gone and we are still here. In order to move forward, we need some sort of acceptance of that, which doesn't mean we have to be happy about it, just ready to see it and know in our hearts that it is what it is.
It's a huge mental dilemma, and Ive seen it across many types of grieving. When I lost one of my babies during a pregnancy, the doctor said I could have them do a D&C right then, or I could wait for nature to take its course. I decided to wait, just in case they were mistaken (denial). I didn't actually miscarry on my own for 2 more months. I remember wondering during that time- am I pregnant? Do I tell people I'm pregnant? It was so confusing! Or I have hearda bout mothers who lose thier only child/chilren. They struggle with their identity...are they still a mom? (Of course, I believe they are!) And if so, then how do they relate to other mothers with living children? I have 4 kids- 2 of them have attempted suicide more than once. I sometimes wonder if I lost even one of my children- would I tell people I have 3 kids, or 4? And does it relly matter what we say???
Sorry, I went off on a rant, lol...but the bottom line is that we all here can understand how you are feeling about still being married and not understanding how to view yourself and your status. Your mind will slowly shift about that over time, and whether you decide to move on in love, friendship, or stay by yourself, you'll be in good company no matter what. Do what makes YOU happy, because you are responsible for yourself now...you did you duty by caring for your husband, ad you probably put your own needs on the back burner. Now it's time to love yourself, and take care of your own needs! Welcome to the #WIDFAM
I experienced that realization rather abruptly. My auto insurance agent said, well you'll lose your married discount now.
I can't help but notice your fabric behind you. Are you a quilter? It's a great therapy.
I tried quilting and did not enjoy it. I do sew, though...and love it!
I had a widow’s brain.I couldn’t remember things ,I had a hard time recalling names from the past.I would be talking and the word I wanted to use would not come to mind. The harder I pressed my brain the worst it would become.I would be writing and unable to spell a simple word.A couple of hours later it would come right to mind.I was fearful that my mind would stay that way.I had a hard time with decisions,and then I didn’t care where or not I even made any .
Even now five years later my time gets away from me.I still have sad days,some longer than others.I want everything around me to be in order,then I I go to organize something and the next thing I know I made a mess,and become overwhelmed with the task and it takes me several days to fix it.Maybe the next day I will be like I don’t care if it gets done or not.I always wind -up getting it reorganized, but who knows when.When the notion hits me.
Life changing is saying the least.I don’t recognize my life anymore.Some night I am up to the wee hours of the morning and other nights I sleep and get up at the crack of dawn.There seems to be no rime or reason to what the outcome will be for a given day or week.I miss him everyday.I try to stay busy,I love being outside so now that the weather is getting warmer I look forward to the day so I can dig in the dirt,and try to assist something to grow. I have two sons they call me everyday and I love them .I don’t want to burden them.I say I am fine.I don’t want them to worry over me.
I just feel lost most of the time.My life as I knew it ,is lost forever here on this side of eternity.My prayers for everyone that has lost someone they loved especially their spouse or child.
You are so lucky that your sons keep tabs on you! And I suffered from Widow's Brain a lot especially in the 2nd year! It is still there, but not as bad. I truly thought I was getting dementia or alzheimers!
I lost my husband of 40 yrs. Back in 2021. I am still having to struggle through everyday. Thank you for the video. God bless.
I’m so sorry for your grief. Thanks for sharing with us.
@@OneHappyWidow Thank you. I lost my mom 9 days before my husband died. It was all too much to bear. I am retired. My neighbors all speak Spanish. And my friends, well I don't have any. My children have been and are here for me. However, they are not coping very well either.
It’s a club you never wanted to join. Married 23 years and it is going on 7 since he went home. Alone now but not lonely. Enjoying each day knowing how precious life is. Truly seeing the sun come up in the morn and a smile to start my day. ❣️🌺
Sounds like a healthy mindset! Thanks for sharing. #WIDFAM
Im finally getting there. ❤💔❤❤❤❤
You can do it Lin!
@@robbiefromabq2400 I truly love learning from the experiences of others...it is helpful to keep me from ruminating in my own head...only seeing things from only one perspective🤗
Was married for 25 years, a widow for 20 years... drew strength from my faith and trusting in His guidance
My children was the force for me to forge ahead... though part of me left with him.... Being strong and positive is the only way to overcome the grieve.....And I wish that for all who have lost a spouse or loved ones
My husband had been hospitalized with a five way bypass and was recovering well. We were married for 53 1/2 years, but I thought we had a few years more. He was two years in recovery when he had a severe migraine with aphasia and seizures. Still we made it through. On the day of his release from the hospital, he had an MRI and was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer stage four. He lived two weeks and two days. The night he died we we’re watching a baseball game. I held his hand and told him he should go, I’d be ok. You never get over the missing, but you can move forward. Bless all of the widows in this world, they could use your prayers.
Thanks for watching and sharing your story with us #widfam
I lost my husband on January 3rd of 2024....along with all the pointers you mentioned, I'm feeling anger. I'm mad at God for doing this to me 😢I lost my parents, and now my husband. Never had kids, have no brothers and sisters....now I'm just here alone with no purpose.
I have made some videos about the anger as well. It is normal to feel this anger, especially in early grief. You will go through many phases over time. Praying for you #widfam
My husband of 50 years died January 8,2024…. I am so grateful for feeding the birds ,the critters around the house and I am happiest working to help our pets. When I take a break I think too much. This is hard to know I am a widow now. One hour at a time. 🙏🏻
The first thing I learned was I had been so ignorant about the pain my friends that were widowed were living with and I felt really devastated that I didn’t understand or give them the attention and support that I could have given had I known. But widowhood is unknowable if you’ve not experienced it. Now I do and it has deepened my drive to show compassion to people in all sorts of circumstances that I may not have experienced myself. I didn’t know what I didn’t know but now I do so I feel an obligation to TRY HARDER to understand and to provide comfort to others, something I have desperately needed myself and have found so difficult to find.
I feel like I'm in the same position. I'm still grieving and have my struggles, but I also feel like I have a calling to share my experiences with others and help them in this process! #WIDFAM
@@OneHappyWidow
I think what you’re doing is not only providing insights you have learned from your own experience regarding widowhood, but you’re also creating a forum for people to express themselves without criticism or censure. Not all widows or widowers are alone bc of children or others who share their lives. I am alone and the chance to express my thoughts is extremely limited and I am wary of social media bc it has bred short attention spans in people and few are willing to give their attention or, heaven forbid, actually read more than 5 sentences at a time to consider someone else’s thoughts. There is a built in sense of safety on your channel that people’s expressions will be treated kindly. It is very nice of you to give your time and make yourself available to help others.
That is so kind of you to say, and I really needed to read this today! #widfam
Glad you have said this! I can’t believe how insensitive I was to friends that lost their spouse but I had not a clue of the pain and think that had to be done by them!
My boyfriend and I met when we were in high school at age 16. We married at 22 had two beautiful girls. He passed away at 47 from a heart attack. I never remarried. I’m 63 now and I still miss him and I still cry!! He passed away at home in the early morning on the couch and sending my daughter off to school waiting on the bus. I knew he had passed but I still tryed to revive him. I remember every single thing and I remember the viewing at funeral home and the burial. He was in the army and received a flag and still in a flag frame on the front windowsill!! I will always and still love and miss him every day!!!🇺🇸💖🙏
I have a flag on the bookshelf too. I don't remember much of the funeral at all! Funny how our brains work with different people and situations! #WIDFAM
💕❤️🌹💐
Darlene, I lost the love of my life 4 months ago (he was 44, we've been together for 17 years), the exact same way you lost your husband and I did the same thing as you (trying to revive him). This is so strange, I could have written the exact same message, all your words resonate so much. One thing I'm sure is that, I've no idea how long I'm going to live but I will always love and miss him every second of every day.
Yes. Love is unending and eternal❤
Just found your channel and watched 12 things I learned. Just lost my wife and best friend in February. We were married thirty years. She had terminal cancer. It was like you were telling my story. I had all of our children watch it. They all understand much better what I’m going through and why I act the way I do. Thank you so much!
I’m so sorry for your fresh loss. I hope your children understand your grief a little more now. #widfam
My husband died suddenly. Two of our children have autism. We were a team in advocating for them and raising them to their greatest potential. They are adults and will always live with me. I feel so overwhelmed with the current grief of losing my husband and the worry of leaving them when I die. We prepared for their financial future. I worry about who will love them when I'm gone. C.
Carolyn,
I also have an autistic son. He was homeschooled from 2nd-6th grade and his dad was his teacher during that time. When he died, Carter had to go to public school at age 12...the worst time for an Aspie to try to transition! He is home doing Penn Foster online now, but he struggles being at home so much while I work. He is high functioning, but almost too self-aware for his own good and it is causing him a lot of anxiety and depression, along with some psychotic type thinking...so needless to say, I struggle with raising him as well! I am remarried, and my new husband is very caring, but knows nothing about autism and can't seem to connect with my son. He thinks Carter just needs to "try harder" to be normal...oh if it were only that easy, right? So sometimes I feel like the only person advocating for him is me. His sisters are great with him, but the 2 older ones who really looked out for him are now adults and living out of the house.
I think Carter will be capable of living on his own one day, but I'm not sure that he will want to try to do it. I'm sure one day, but I can't see him venturing out anytime soon. Maybe if he ever meets that special girl who is maybe an Aspie herself, or was raised around it so she can understand him.
My heart is with you, and just know that even if you feel alone, there is always someone out there who cares, and can relate at least in some way! Feel free to email or message me whenever you need to vent! I have a FB group called One Happy Widow that you can join as well. Take care, and thanks for sharing! #WIDFAM
Also in the same position. The pain is unbelievable.
I am in a similar situation. My husband and I had a blended family with his disabled daughter who has a severe brain injury, and my daughter who is blind and autistic. We were so happy taking care of them together. Now I am on my own with them. The logistics are nearly impossible for one person. But, that constant awareness of my own mortality and their future is very challenging.
I too am raising an adult with Down syndrome and sever OCD alone. I too was fearful of death and what would happen to him. I came to believe (with lots of prayers) that our Lord is so merciful and He will take care of everything. I have made my worries known to Him and requested that He does not take me when I am alone with my boy. I have put my trust in Him who loves me. I will pray for you.
Precious soul....I am so, so sorry.
Wow. So many of the things are on my list too. My wife of 39 years died 6 years ago after 4 years of torture as she declined with dementia. We were very close since children so we both knew every nook and cranny of each other’s personality. (We met in primary school when she was 5. And I was 7) We used to finish each other’s sentences a lot. When her dementia meant she was only mumbling and the nurses thought she was uncommunicative we were still knowing what each other was thinking and feeling. That comforted me as I visited her in the nursing home each day. I would tell the nurses that she wanted something or other and they humoured me but in her way she had told me. Now she’s been gone 6 years I still feel her telling me things. I don’t usually tell anyone that because they look at me like I’m off my rocker or something. But I find it comforting I know it’s just my brain processes at work but the feeling she’s telling me “you can’t wear that -it’s got a mark on the front. Wear the white shirt instead” makes me feel like I’m not so alone. Thank you for sharing your experiences. I can see it’s not easy for you. I hope doing the videos helps you I expect it does. Thank you again
What a beautiful love story that you knew each other since you were children! She was lucky to have you taking care of her all the way to the end. And yes, just doing these videos and hoping that I can help other is part of my own healing process. Thanks for sharing! #WIDFAM
Wow, what a lovely hurt story, I can feel your emotions when writing this...
Mike K, your story touched me. I just lost my Husband 15 days ago, and I would describe the last years as torture, Atypical Parkinson's Disease. Even when his mind went with dementia, he was still there inside, and I could understand him too. I feel the language of love transcends words. His Soul still communicated with me.
@@summertakacs-michaelsonch8842 Thank you Summer. If i can offer you some advice, can i say by all means listen to what people tell you but in the end you do what you think, not what anyone else tells you you should do. For example, everyone seems to have an opinion on whether you should throw your his clothes out or not. Dont let anyone push you into doing it. I still have most of Francie's clothes after 8 years now. Maybe I'm lazy, maybe Im' trying ot have her still around. I dont know but i"ll get around to sorting her things out eventually. Other people want to go trough the anguish of throwing out all that stuff straight away Only you know what's right for you. But dont let anyone rush you. Another one is "have you thought about getting another partner yet?" The answer is "yes i have thought about it and no i'm not going to." I never cheated on Francie when she was alive and i would feel like i'm cheating on her if i had another partner now at 72. Other people come to different choices about that, and i wouldn't criticise anyone for whatever they do regarding a partner. All i'm saying to you is - dont let anyone push you into things like that. There'll be plenty of people wanting to tell you whst you should do They're trying to help, but you make your own decisions and you are not wrong, whatever you choose to do.
Mike K, thank you. Francie was your soulmate, as my Erik was mine. We met young as well, and were together for 29 years. I've told my friends they can still call me Mrs. because we are still married in my eyes. We knew we were meant for each other, the very first time we went on a date, absolutely knew. We loved each other, through all good times and bad times, no matter what. I have the sense that love doesn't stop, and I will see him again. I am not going to let his clothes go either. Thank you for the encouragement to say no to people. I know I have to go on with my life, but I am hoping it will go forward with him, even if I can't see him any longer. I am still his wife.
When my husband died suddenly 10 years ago, I remember being numb for about 3 months, cried alot, felt out of place in groups of other married couples even though they were my friends I felt like I didn't belong anymore and was angry that they all still had each other and I was left with no one, I think life is so unfair
This is so accurate! #WIDFAM
Married 38 years, Pancreatic cancer took him in three months, June , 2018 AND everything you’ve said is 100% true! Our husbands may die, but the love never does! ❤️
One thing that I might add that happened to me was.......the next week the house had three gas leaks( I had no money, he didn’t have insurance ), the week after that his cat died, then our two year old Jeep completely feel apart and I was forced to buy a new car, every week or so there was something big I had to cope with, a family of opossums died under the sun porch( do you have any idea how bad that smell was? )
I was in a constant state of overwhelm. This year I found a mouse in the house! 😳 If he was looking down from heaven he was laughing at my reaction. ( he knew I detest any kind of creepy crawly critter ). This year all the appliances fell apart. Life has been difficult at best. We had no children so I’ve felt very lonely like you said, and I wondered how I would survive. Everyone does goes on with their lives. But, God has blessed me with the most beautiful neighbors that got me this far and if I lived to be 100, I could never repay their kindness and generosity. I will miss him until the day I die, he was a good good man. We are never alone when we
have the Lord in our hearts. God Bless you sweet friend. We belong to a club that no one wants to join.
So glad that you have nice neighbors to help you! And it does seem like when it rains, it pours as far as things falling apart and everything needing to be replaced at the same time! Thanks for sharing your story!
Dawn: this is happening to my stepmother. I lost my dad in January, she has had one dilemma after another since.
Same here 44years marriage 15 months I had extra after she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer too she passed in January 2022 so I am in the middle of the grieving process. I have friends who have been there and they had a loss. A loss is a loss no matter how you look at it,however I do rely on God and have a greater sensitivity to loss.
I’m so glad this video popped up. I lost my husband of 48 years in January 2020, his service was in February and then the world shut down! Not only was I grieving, but also isolated alone. Your 12 items are so right on, describing my last year. Thank goodness my children are grown so I didn’t have to worry about supporting them and they have been a Godsend to me. For several months,I’d think he was coming back. People have thought I’m very strong because I haven’t crumbled, but like you the triggers are there but others don’t want to see you break down. This video was such a comfort to me...thank you
Thanks for your comments! I'm so sorry for your loss, and then having to be isolated for a pandemic, that's a double whammy! I hope this channel helps you know that you are not alone in this journey. #WIDFAM
Sometimes small traditions seem more meaningful. We have lemon pie on his birthday in memory since it was his favourite.
DEBBIE it get tougher. God Help you hes with you i know mine is my Angel too one DAY every DAY at a Time
Hello
So sorry can we be friends
Just found your channel. My husband passed away 2 months and 17 days ago. It's the end of the year and I feel like I can't leave him in 2021. Man down, so I take him with me and figure it all out later. Thank you for commenting on that, wow! What makes this even harder is my dad passed just 36 days after my husband. It's been a HARD year. Thank you for your words.
You’ve suffer a double loss in such a short time. Prayers to you! #widfam
Sorry for your loss@Leslie Thomas
I know how you feel, my Mother went to heaven and 7 months later my husband went to Heaven, my heart has been broken, Jesus has been helping me
Same thing w me. Husband passed then father 4 months later. After 2 yrs i almost feel normal but my kids were my salvation
@@shirleyallen1418 you do have me too honey
I learned that I KNOW : HE is waiting for ME, when my transition time comes, that WE will then continue OUR ETERNAL Marriage. This KNOWLEDGE has allowed me to; NOT FEAR DEATH SO MUCH ANYMORE !! A HUGE POSITIVE OUT OF A HUGE NEGATIVE !!!!🥰
Hugs to you! Finding the positive, such a healthy trait! #WIDFAM
One thing I especially remember about a month after he died...I was in a big box store after work and when I glanced at my watch I realized It was late and I HAD to get home & fix supper for us!! Then it hit me that I didn’t have to get home at all, he wasn’t there. What a mix of emotions came with that thought! Sadness, concern, guilt and a realization in that moment that my whole life had changed and I was free to do anything I wanted to that night. I stopped and had dinner out before I went back to my lonely home!!
I believe we all have these "AHA" moments when things suddenly become more real for us. I can remember something funny happening to me at work, and I thought "I need to text him, he will get a kick out of this!" and then realizing that I would never be able to text him again (well, not text with a hope of a response, anyway). These are moments that push us into the acceptance stage of grief. We don't want to accept that harsh reality, but it's necessary for us to be able to move forward. I wish none of us was in this situation!
The same thing happened to me. It’s been 4 1/2 years that he’s been gone and I still find myself stopping to remind myself that I can do anything I want to. It’s sad, but I’m getting there
My husband died suddenly 12 yrs ago. It was one of the hardest things I ever went through. I am a different person now, it has made me a very strong person.
We do find out that we are stronger than we know, when we HAVE to be! #WIDFAM
Hello Alison 😊
My husband died unexpectedly in September. I went to a Lenten retreat in our church where we had held his funeral. I was desperate for a sense of peace, relief from the sadness. The priest put up a prayer by St. Francis de Sales. It was like my husband had sent it for me.
BE AT PEACE
Do not look forward in fear to the changes in life; rather, look to them with full hope that as they arise, God, Whose very own you are, will lead you safely through all things; and when you cannot stand it, God will carry you in His arms. Do not fear what may happen tomorrow; the same understanding Father, Who cares for you today, will take care of you then and every day. He will either shield you from suffering or will give you the unfailing strength to bear it. Be at peace, and put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginations. Amen
Amen!! Thanks for sharing! #WIDFAM
Thank you... I needed that. My husband (somewhat unexpectedly) passed away 2 weeks ago and the pain is relentless and never ending. I can't seem to escape! I feel such guilt. 😭
I wish I could have just one more hour with my Sweetie to say all the things I didn't say when I could have and should have, and to take back all the things I did say that I shouldn't have. He knew I loved him more than my own life and I know that he loved me more than his, but if I could ask God for just one more thing, it would be just one more hour. 😞
@@TheRapnep I hope you have found peace since you posted. It will be two years on the 29th this month for me. I am finding more peace every day. God bless you and keep you. ❤️
Thank you for being so honest. You hit it right on the head. My husband was murdered so it was totally unexpected and I was definitely not prepared. It was surreal to see the news reports because you never think it will happen to you. That was 6 1/2 years ago and you are so right about odd things triggering sadness. My daughter just had her first child and I have had so many of the thoughts of all the things my husband would miss with this sweet little boy.
I believe they can see us and I know love does not end, when you can't see your loved one I lost my first born son Dec 16 2020 he was 51.i couldn't change him but I still loved him.he overdosed,he still had his hospital bracelet on,he was in emergency 2 days before.xmas was a blur.i pray every day for him.i know God loved him.i believe he's with family. Love doesn't end
Thanks for watching! #WIDFAM
Sorry about your lost Ellen. I’m also a widower, hope we can be good friends and keep in touch with each other..
I'm watching this presentation for future reference. I will likely become a widow in the fairly near future. We have "been together" since we were 14 and 15 years old. We have four wonderful kids, 13 grandchildren and 2 greats. We have been married for 45 years this past November. I can't seem to wrap my head around this whole nightmare. i appreciate your no nonsense guide to what I can expect to come.
I'm so sorry...I did go through this as well, and nothing can really prepare you. You are already grieving, so the transition of grief won't be as jarring. Feel free to join our FB group for more support: facebook.com/groups/onehappywidow
My husband died last Sunday. Thank you for this video. I needed to hear it
Prayers to you, Debby! You are in the toughest stage of your grief, so don't worry too much about what's "right" or whatever, just do what you need to do, let yourself feel everything, even though it hurts, and get rest when you can. Accept any help that is offered while it is still abundant. And reach out if you need to! #WIDFAM
God bless and God's peace be with you! 🙏
Hello Debby😊
My husband passed away in September 2017, I’m besides myself with grief, we were together 49 years, we rowed on his last day, I never kissed him good night as I did every night, he slept in another room, I went to his aid when I heard him calling out. The look of fear in his eyes with stay with me forever, he passed that night. I’m drowning in guilt and sadness. I’ve had counselling but I’m still stuck where I am, I truly don’t know what to do, I cry at every thought.
I'm so sorry! Thanks for sharing, feel free to reach out anytime. #WIDFAM
I was so sad to read this. He may have had fear in his eyes when he was in the throes of passing, but rest assured he is well and happy on the other side. He would not want you to drown in guilt and sadness. I've heard it said that those who have passed may not have the necessary skills to let the still-living know that they are ok, but so much research has gone into this death and dying business that I am certain to my core that he is happy and thriving in his new life. Jacki, time to let go and be at peace.
Hi Jacki, your words touched me. I pray that you have peace, the kind of peace that passes all understanding. Our life here is so brief in the span of time. What has helped me the most is to read scripture; usually the psalms and New Testament. Sometimes I read out loud. It has been a great source of strength and comfort. The Love of God will sustain you.
Jacki, ask God to give you a sustaining peace. Only He can do that. It's how I get through my days since losing my husband.
You Dont have to let go It makes me sick when people say hurt words they aren’t going through the same I fell your Pain its real unbearable suffocating i cried reading yours cause I KNOW 42 years very Happy Marriage these 20 months for me are HELL My Husband amazing Pianist i Miss the music sooo much i will pray for you each Day. I Know my David is my Guardian angel and YOU. Have one too. Mine helps me to survive every single Day God Bless You i hope we can find peace
My husband died suddenly 6/16, he was 61 and very active, he essentially looked and acted 10 years younger. After he passed I had a difficult time going out to eat, to church or to any other social events because there would be couples my age and older and I felt so upset that they still had each other. It almost felt like I was being punished. Loneliness has been the hardest thing to deal with. I graduated from art school in the 70’s, and now, with all the time on my hands, I have created a beautiful studio that I go into and draw and paint everyday. I just finished illustrating a 5 book children’s series for an author. I still miss Keith everyday, but I’m filling my life with color and creativity, it makes me happy. I’m also not afraid of death now either, I know when God finally takes me home and see Keith again, it will be forever. So glad I stumbled upon your channel.
I'd love to see some of your beautiful creations! I think it is one of the best therapies, is to create in some way. This channel is a creation, of sorts, and it has helped me so much! #WIDFAM
My husband was also called Keith. Went by the nick name of Monty. He was heck of a ride. Do it all again even the hard times. Beautiful souls don't always come in neet packaging.
Rachel, my husband also went by Monty sometimes! #WIDFAM
I just lost my fiancé 2 months ago and I've realized my biggest fear is forgetting one minute with him. I'm so terrified of when my memories of him will start to fade. As that's natural and expected. Every day I write down notes about him, memories, phrases, and funny moments in my phones notes. I feel like this has been really cathartic and I will love scrolling through these as time goes by.
What a great idea! Not only does it help you process your feelings, but is sure to preserve your memories as well. Thanks for watching, and sharing your feedback #widfam
Sorry but he would want you to move forward in life and need someone to make you happy and am here for you
Yes, you are doing the right thing to write about your fiancé every day. I think this will have a therapeutic effect as well as keeping your own memories as a comfort to refer back to in coming years. I lost my husband of almost 29 years, in April. I am so glad I can retrieve our relationship through our letters/birthday cards and daily notes.
I wish you strength and please keep writing.
My hardest thing has been that I cannot believe he is gone. I was with him when he died, gave him CPR and watched them put him in a body bag. It was devastating. It has been only 2 months. Thank you for your points. I feel that I love my husband and I want to talk about him. It is just SAD. We did not have kids we were married 42 years.
I’m so sorry for your fresh loss! Feel free to join our FB group for more support at www.Facebook.com/groups/onehappywidow
When my husband died Aug of 21, he was 58...I found myself telling anyone and everyone about, him, I just want to scream ,don't you know he is gone ..and of course life just goes on for everyone else ..I think one of the hardest parts was that 1st month, I had a broken ankle at a same time ,and I never got to say good bye, last time I saw him was walking out the door, I said I'll see ya when you get back ,l love you..he had covid bad,and was, I would say a little delirious..well after he died ,my friends all got together and made wonderful food and freezer meals it was so wonderful..but at the end of a month, they all of course had their own lives to get back to, and well ,I see now we just don't talk all that much like we used to ,which is weird cause all my friends are in my church ,my hubby did not go to church or affiliate, so they all knew and liked him alot and it's just like, well we got our own lives now, and at some point I think people thought it would rub off on them.just was weird..There just isn't a handbook for all this.and it's so much..But I do remember being mad and wanting the world to know my husband died and he was special..but in reality only to those who really knew him..I am sorry for your loss. I pray you have strength and wisdom and come through gloriusly!!
OMG. My husband passed 10 weeks ago, I too can't believe he's gone. We were together for 45 years, no kids. I'm stunned at how badly I'm handling this. I thought I was going to be 'fine'.
@@KathyAlone2023sending you best wishes, be strong.
it’s never fine, it’s never ok but you will move forward one step at a time. I’m there too & it hurts I’m
Learning how to deal with this. Grief is stress for the body & it’s important to eat a little every four hours especially if you aren’t hungry & feel numb. Our bodies release the hormone cortisol due to the stress of grief. Drink lots of water to keep from getting dehydrated which causes the release of even more cortisol. Our bodies are in a fight or flight condition. Pamper yourself & be well.
Life & death, the story of humanity but nobody talks about it.
@@KathyAlone2023 I understand completely what despair you must be feeling. I lost my husband to a heart attack last November. We were married nearly 53 years. He was the love of my life.
It is a gut punch that leaves one gasping for air. Don’t try to go it alone. Surround yourself with those who love you and those who care about your well being.
My heart goes out to you. Take care of yourself. The person who responded above is absolutely right. Grief taxes our bodies endurance both mentally and physically. Try to get plenty of sleep, try to eat even when you aren’t hungry and don’t be afraid to let friends and family help in every way they can.
It's been nearly 5 years since my husband died from cancer, and it's been quite a while since I've searched on TH-cam about grief. Your video was a nice "trip down memory lane". It is fascinating how experiences can be so similar. I could relate to what you were saying and it was a nice reflection to remind myself how far I've come. I still grieve him, but am more accepting of the situation. Life DOES more forward. I learned that if you look for misery, you will find it, so I choose to look to for happiness...and I find it. In the early days, that was sometimes a very difficult thing and I'd think "well, the cats are cute and fluffy" and accept that that was all I was going to find that day....but still it was better than looking for misery. God bless. xx
Sounds like you have the right attitude for healing! It has been over 5 years for me, too and I feel like I’m in that same place as you…more quiet reflection and acceptance now. I still tear up and have my crying moments when things remind me of what was lost, but I have a blessed life now, and I try to focus on that. Thanks for watching, and sharing your feedback! #widfam
Hello Helen how are you doing?
Can I be there for you honey
I lost my first husband when he was 38 and I was 39. I remarried and am now the caregiver for my second husband who has later stage dementia. The information posted is very beneficial. We can do this extremely hard task even more than once!
I lost my beautiful husband 6 and a half years ago. We had 2 adult children and a 10 year old. My grief still follows me wherever I go but i try to be strong for my children. I live my life how I know he would want me to. I cry for him still every single day because he was my best friend. We just learn to live with the aching heartache that's all.
Hugs to you! #WIDFAM
It's been almost a year. I still expect to hear his voice or come home and see him there. I don't think I will ever get past this loss. I find some comfort in quilting...I see you may be a quilter also. It's comforting to know I am not alone in my grief. Thank you
Thank you for sharing your feedback. I do sew, but I don't quilt (I have tried it, but I prefer to sew clothes and bags, etc). But I do have somewhat of a fabric addiction! #widfam
Locking the inner door won't make him happy but your beautiful smile will make him happy knowing you are happy wherever you might find yourself honey
I've been widowed for 19 years and had my first grandchild this year. I felt so sad that my husband wasn't here to enjoy this moment.
I have a 2-year-old grandson, and it was so sad to know he would never see his Pappy...except in pictures! #WIDFAM
Michele McGill I went through that very same thing. ❤️
I believe he WAS there in spirit and felt the love and joy. 💫
He’s here. He knows everything about your beautiful grandchild.
I learned that my entire world was broken and would never, ever be the same..."before" and "after".
Hugs to you! #WIDFAM
I was a wife, widow and mother when I was 17, 53 years ago. I agree with all of your points! I am a retired teacher, and I do think we all have lessons to learn in life!
Thanks for watching #widfam
I I
I lost my husband Feb. 2023 to pancreatic cancer. Even though I knew he was terminal, the actual moment of death was surreal. I relive that moment over and over. I wish he had offered me a final “Good-by, I love you”, but he did not. He was so weak. I have to rely on the happier memories from a 44-year marriage. Oh well. Thank you all for your “shares”.
I know, with cancer they just sort of fade away…and you never know when it’s going to actually happen. I’m sorry #widfam
Hello be lady ny 💜 is with you I'm sincerely sorry for your husband no longer with us 😢
I don't like to use the word loss anymore so excuse me if it makes you feel uncomfortable
I say no longer with us because it sounds better 😌 I don't feel like I lost him his spirit is still present in my opinion he just doesn't have a physical body I can touch.
I'll pray for strength lady Its been one year n 3 months for me and whoooooo!!!! We would need to call on another for me to really communicate my experience so far
If you practice prayer please talk to God all the time you will be stronger 🙏🏽 going through the journey
Blessings lady
People grieve their own deaths… it’s not about you, it’s about the person leaving, you are just there for support… my husband was exhausted, scared, exhausted, busy dying… you need to tell yourself you are loved and let the one dying do their journey… all we’re doing is walking each other home… I KNOW my husband loved me and it’s not up to him to make me ok…
My Scott died suddenly at home just 7-1/2 weeks ago. What has surprised me is the feeling of utter helplessness and feeling as if I have become “stupid” when I used to be capable of so much before. Now I’m drowning in tasks and all these decisions to make that can have irrevocable consequences if you decide poorly. And all the folks who were there on days 1 to 7 or so are gone and I wonder if any are the real friends I thought they were. This is the time I feel panicky about being alone and this is the time when people aren’t wanting to return calls. This really speaks to how our culture and society has not learned how to deal with death and grief in group settings. And I was like that too! I’m so sorry to hear about the reactions you got from some of the family after your husband died. I’ve been lucky in that respect.
I'm so sorry for your loss! Don't stress too much about the "stupid" feeling, it's common and it's called Widow Brain, or Widow Fog. Your brain is working so hard on all of this grieving and thinking of new things that need to be taken care of, that it doesn't have much energy left to think of regular daily tasks that used to seem mundane. It might last a while, but it does get better (I thought I was getting dementia or something, couldn't even think of common words in conversation). This culture doesn't handle death and grief very well, it seems like no one wants to think about it for too long, so they want to allow us time to grieve, and then they want to see us get back to regular life ASAP. And they don't want to be reminded of it later, or even really speak of it. We need to normalize grief so that it is not so hard to do, and maybe we can feel comfortable showing our grief in front of others, even after so many months when people think we should be "finished" with it! Thanks for sharing. #WIDFAM
My husband passed 9 months ago, and I can say for me it seems harder. At first, like you said, you have to make alot of decisions and its hard for me to know if I'm making the right ones. Also I can relate to friends and family constantly calling at first when I needed time alone now its too quiet. We had 40yrs together and I feel blessed to have had that. God Bless.
@@mrs.z4370 I have made quite a few mistakes since I lost my hubby 10 years ago, some cost me money others not. I put it behind me and learnt how to survive and how to cope. I now try to go slow on decision making, but hard when salesman know you are widowed and push you to sign on the dotted line. I am now going to have someone with me for big decisions
What you said about feeling "stupid" hit a chord with me. I don't know how many times I have felt "stupid" and had anxiety and fear about being able to just make ordinary decisions. It's all the little chores that my husband used to take care of that seem to be so much more and really hard for me to cope with.
Shannon, my husband died 7 months ago and only recently has that helpless feeling started to go away.
I recently have been going to a class called “Grief Share” once a week. These classes are given in many places all over the country. Everyone in the class is there because of the death of someone close to them, and we all can talk, share, and cry together knowing others understand. I actually found my class through Google.
I admit it took courage for me to make the phone call to register, and even more when I had to get ready to attend the first meeting....it is so much easier to stay home and avoid others right now.
It has been really helpful; Now I look forward to that time once a week. I do understand, Shannon.
Shortly after my spouse died, somebody gave me a little book on thankfulness. Reading it helped a little. Developing thankfulness n focusing on being thankful for things that I still have helped a lot to take me out of the depressing mood of grief.
2) accepting that my marriage was over but my life will forever be impacted by my spouse was a help to accept, let go and move on.
3) Rom. 15:4 ... patience (time heals all wounds) and comfort of the scriptures is giving me hope. 1 Pet. 1:13 I'm setting my hope fully on the grace that is to be brought to me at the revelation of J.C.
My faith has also helped carry me through some of the lowest points. #widfam
That's a beautiful decision to make am here honey
She is absolutely right when she said she felt relief after he died the same came over me .Many of us felt the same & the guilt also .
Thanks for watching #widfam
Yes
My husband had 3 requests before he died,; that I didn't let his parents run the funeral bill up, that make sure I had all our finances figured out, and that I start nursing school ( I had a BS ED) When each was done, I would go to him and tell him, they day he died, he was in a coma and his parents were sitting there watching the Price is Right full blast. They left and a nurse came in. I told her I always spend the night with him. she said that it wouldn't be long and doubled that would be needed. As soon as she walked out the door his hand shot up and he started calling out. I told him that if it was up to me, I would take care of him the rest of my life ( I did nearly all his nursing care) but that he needed to go. I loved him with all my heart. He looked me in the eye with a look of wonder and then died. I couldn't leave th room for 3 hours because I knew as soon as I walked out that door, my life would never be the same.
My first thought was I don't have to listen to sports this afternoon!!😢
@@roxanewolff7373 Sports no but war movies galore .
Losing a child is the #1 most stressful event you’ll ever go through. I’ve lost both my spouse and my 27 year old daughter. The death of my daughter completely devastated me…..and don’t get me wrong…..my husband was the absolute best.
I’m sure this is very devastating! Thank you for your feedback #widfam
It really hurts when you know the one's you love are no longer around you but I believe they're proud of you wherever they are up there and am sorry for your lost I also lost my elder daughter during the COVID-19 pandemic then
Lost my youngest daughter 19 years ago. I gave birth to two wonderful daughters. When I held them for the first time, I felt an absolute pure love. I can say they are the loves of my life. I now have 3 grandchildren & love them the same way. There are different kinds of love.
😊@@g.flesch9731
I feel for you all. I have never felt such physical pain. I don't think I will ever get to grips with my husband's death. Each day seems to be worse than the last. I don't think of myself as a widow strangely. I just feel like a tippy toy bouncing around trying to find a way to some kind of stability.
Thank you for sharing your experiences. Losing a spouse is mind boggling. Grief isn't something you get over. It's something that you live in. Over time the sharpness of the pain does dull a little but there will always be times when it comes back and takes a seat by you. Bless you.
I can relate to your description! #widfam
Very strange feeling being SINGLE! My goodness after so many decades of holding hands now i walk alone. But i do like to believe he is watching over me… thank you for sharing your story..
Thanks for watching! #widfam
@user-ed1eh9fh2h This is a very difficult time of the year but I just keep trying to keep moving and finding silver linings. My children and grandchildren give me support, love and joy. Thank you for asking
I never realized that grief hurts physically.
I haven't experienced this, thankfully, but I have heard of many others who have. Just complicates grief even more!
My husband of 43 years passed 5 years ago. Last month I felt the physical pain of grief and I couldn't move for hours.
It's actually called broken heart syndrome. Has been studied. The cells in your heart swell. It can be very serious. If you have unrelenting pain, see a cardiologist. They can help.
sheila-- it does. now I know why Granny died almost a year to the day of Papa's death. Broken heart syndrome. I'm 5 years alone as a widow. but it is like groundhog's day--- over and over. it is still day one.
Oooooh yeah. It’s physical pain. Horrible. But it gets better.
I'm so glad I just discovered your video. I SO relate to so much you said. My husband David died unexpectedly and needlessly April 25, 2021. We had been married 43 years with 2 children. It's been 18 months now. SO many things are surfacing now. The emotional pain is like a dark cloud that leaves every now and then; but, seem to hover. Two weeks after he died the hard drive on our business computer crashed and the company responsible for the cloud backup didn't backup the vital files! Even though I was grieving, I had to keep "my head about me" to keep our business/income surviving...to no avail. After 45 years of hard work there was nothing for me to sell with all the vital information of our business gone. 2021 was a year from hell. 2022 challenging. I am now starting to feel like I'm really grieving. Heart pain is unbelievable. Fear, uncertainty without my cheerleader encouraging me I'm doing a good job with everything. So much self doubt. I tell myself, "This day--take each moment...one at a time! I do my best; but.... Thank you for this video. It is REAL!
In the past 18 months, there has been one big thing after another for me to deal with. I am a strong believer/Christian. I believe satan has been pulling out all his tricks to get my faith to waiver. NOT FOR ONE SECOND HAS MY FAITH WEAKENED. I know it is God that has CARRIED ME THROUGH THIS WHOLE TIME. Without my faith in Christ, I would not be standing today. There's no promise life would be easy. I pray for my heart to heal. I pray for relief and assurance. THIS VIDEO gives me some of that. THANK YOU!
Thanks so much for watching, and for sharing your feedback. Feel free to join our FB group for more support: www.Facebook.com/groups/onehappywidow
If you have other topic suggestions, feel free to share!
Sorry for your lost but can we be friends
Thank you. I ran across your channel accidentally. You’re so right - you don’t know how it feels until it happens to you.
I’ve learned that I wasn’t a very nice person. I remember complaining, I remember not listening completely to his stories, not fully appreciating all the things he did for me. Examples pop into my head randomly. I do my best to push these thoughts away. There are happier times to remember. But after 41years I have a lot of bad behavior to regret. I’m afraid he didn’t know how much I love him.
I have many of these same regrets. I complained a lot about little things that didn't really matter. I expected him to be perfect a lot of the time, and held it against him when he was human. I can't go back and be a better wife to him, but I can try my best to remember this now, and be a better wife to my current husband. I'm sure that your husband knew that you loved him, so I wouldn't dwell on that too much. And forgive yourself...we are often our own worst critics!
Hello Jacqui😊
My husbands last words were "You are my souls-mate" .
What a beautiful memory!
I'm happy to see you are wearing your wedding rings. I'm widowed, an author of grief books, and was blogging about it. One of the things that I and many others heard was "When are you going to take off your rings?" Why is this ANYbody else's business? It's a personal choice, and it used to be a very common practice. Both my grandmothers and my Mom continued to wear them. Their entire purpose is to convey status. "I'm not available for a relationship". "I'm open to a new relationship". It's all so very personal, and....NOBODY else's business.
Mary,
I'd love to read your books, can you tell me where to find them? As for the wedding rings, I took them off within a few weeks and put them on my right hand. Then I got a widow's ring and put. it there. The rings I am wearing in this video are actually my wedding rings now- I am remarried to a fellow widower! But your message is still correct, it is no one's business what we decide to do with our rings, it is whatever we feel is right for each of us. I did talk about my ring saga in my video about Weird Ways Widows Grieve if you'd like to check that one out. Thanks for sharing! #WIDFAM
Never will my rings leave my finger
I have questioned whether or not to keep wearing my wedding rings. I do still wear them because I love them. I also still feel married. It will be 6 years in June since my husband died unexpectedly.
I still wear my wedding ring . It’s never been off my finger since we married . We were together 11 years before we married and married for 6 . He died 31 st January 2018 . I think it’s something you never get over it but with time you learn to live with it . My ring will remain on my finger unless i find someone who I love as much as I did him .
When I realized I wasn’t dealing very well I went to a faith based grief group. I really objected when it was suggested that we need to stop thinking of ourselves as married. He’s been gone almost 9 years and I am still his wife and always will be.
One thing I can add about people saying the wrong thing. When they try and tell you that they know what you are going through because it has been so hard since they divorced or how horrible it has been since their son left home to get married. I want to scream that its not the same! They are still here. You probably will see your former spouse and have holidays with your son. I will never see my wonderful beautiful soul mate again.
This is so true, and I think every widowed person has heard at LEAST one stupid thing from someone who didn't think before speaking! I am working on a video about this as well!
It’s not the same ...I am actually waiting to hear this one but I’m sorry that someone did say that to you. And no it’s not the same 😔
No, it isn't th same. But they're sharing with you what their worst pain has been in an effort to relate to you.
I'm not a widow but I felt so much comfort with this video. My dad died in October and my mom is lost. She had him for 54 yrs. Im a daddys girl and I didnt understand the difference in grief and her thinking at the time. She is 80 and Im sure she would love to see this content. SHe doesn't do computers so Im hoping she will like this, It may help for her to know she's not alone. Thank you for this channel. Blessings to everyone !
Thanks for sharing, and for supporting your mom. She is lucky to have you! #WIDFAM
My husband died this year.
I have a rollercoaster of emotions.
Thank you so much for sharing your story.
Thanks for watching #widfam
Ever need someone to talk to am here for you
I’m a subscriber and have shared my story on another video, so I won’t repeat it here other than to say I have been a widow since 2014. I actually prefer the term widow to single and refuse to refer to myself as single. I’m proud of the fact that I was the wife of a wonderful husband and had a very successful marriage for 18 years. And I also refer to him as my late husband because I don’t want anyone to think he’s still alive and ask questions and have to explain that he’s no longer living. Dumbest thing anyone said to me happened 8 months after he died...”You’ve changed!” And it was not intended as a compliment. I was too much in shock to come up with the reply, “Ya think??!!” I have changed. I’m a stronger, wiser, more confident person as a result of what I’ve been through. I also believe I’m a better person because of Bill’s influence on my life and all he taught me. That influence and those lessons live on in and through me.
I agree, going through this has definitely made me stronger! #WIDFAM
Hello Jackie 😊
I understand friend where are you chating from
beautifully said.......bravo for you. Yes 6 weeks since husband of 59 years passed and I've changed and why people have to remind me of that I will never understand.
I lost my husband unexpectedly and suddenly nearly 2 years ago. He was 58 and we had been married 30 years, and he was truly my soulmate. It's been absolutely devastating. 😥
I'm so sorry! Thank you for sharing! #WIDFAM
My husband passed away in 2015 and then my oldest daughter died on May 1, 2020 and all of these are true for being a widow and losing a child. Everything for me now is before my daughter passed away and after she passed away. I still have bad days more bad than good.
Patti, I'm so sorry for your losses. I cannot speak to how it must feel to lose a child, although I have thought about how it might be when my children have threatened and attempted suicide. The thought of it makes me have so much anxiety, I can't dwell on it too much. I even worry abut my new husband leaving me a widow a second time. But I try not to dwell on those thoughts. My prayers are with you. #WIDFAM
My husband died May 8th, 2020. Followed by my brother in July, my adopted dad in Oct (on my birthday) my adopted mom and my son in Dec... and a dear cousin about 2 weeks ago. I fully understand your pain. God bless.
😢😥
@@wandagreer9144 Prayers 🙏 and God's peace 🕊 be with you. ❤
😔🤗🌻
I just lost my husband a little over 2 months ago from cancer. We have 2 teen boys, we were married 20years . I'm so glad I heard ur story. Holidays have got to be the worst time of year during these troubled times. But I pray all the time for strength and comfort. People call me a warrior, because I don't show emotions infront of people. The strongest woman they know. But I don't feel so strong inside. Dealing with anxiety, feeling lost and Noone sees that.
People who haven’t lost a spouse have a hard time understanding what we are going through. Feel free to join our FB group for more support- www.Facebook.com/groups/onehappywidow
You don't need to put up a strong face try to be happy cos he would want you to be happy honey
My fiancé passed away 7/27/23, I am 32 years old and I thought how I was feeling was wrong but wow everything you’ve said is how I’m feeling, down to the people getting ugly and taking all his property. I’ve learned I am stronger then what I thought and that I have to keep being strong for my children.
I love how empowered you sound now. Thanks for sharing your feedback #widfam
The first thing I noticed, was the deadly quietness after he was gone. He had been on oxygen and the
Loss of the sound of the oxygen machine just brought a deadly quietness. It’s been9 years, and I still miss the “chit chat” in the afternoons and evenings, the preparing of our daily dinner beginning every afternoon around 4pm. To this very day, the late afternoons and early evenings are the loneliest. I go out to eat with friends, play cards with them, and this really helps. I stay busy, take trips with family and friends. He had lived his last years with a devastating head injury, and I had lived with this man with a new personality. His last few years, he was almost total care, and it was very hard to manage his care. After he died, I missed him terribly, but gradually began to enjoy my time on this earth, with family and friends. I stay busy and keep myself involved. It also helps to live in a 55 plus Condo where you have so much in common with a band of beautiful, caring and fun gals. This makes you feel loved and you always have a lot of fun and caring friends. I’m happy and content now, I still miss him and it is so much fun remembering all the funny things that happened to us, with family and friends. He is gone, but not forgotten❤️❤️
A beautiful story of love and hope, thank you for sharing!
I'm so glad I found this channel. I lost my husband May of this year. Our last day together I was upset with him. He had been sick on and off for over a year with gall bladder issues and he didn't want to have the surgery. He was very sick and I begged him to get the surgery and he agreed that day when he got through this round of sickness he would. He never did and I feel so bad that I didn't say I love you or just put him in the car and drive him to the hospital.
I understand how those feelings can eat at you...but of course we cannot change the past. We can only learn from it. I know there were many things I could have been nicer about before, so I try to remember that now and hope that it makes me a better wife today. Thans for watching and sharing your story #widfam
Thank you so much for sharing this. My husband passed December 5, 2021 I’m still a mess. It was unexpected he had Covid pneumonia and went on life-support. I was preparing to bring him home never imagining that he would be gone. We don’t have any kids we were married 28 years and together 31 1/2 years. I went from home to my husband who was the absolute light of my life, my whole reason for being, and I’m completely devastated. I miss him so bad in every single way. I am home alone but I do have family scattered around. The phone calls and texts are coming to a halt. I hear from people only because I call or text them. But the check in’s and the offers to help have pretty much gone away. So many things to deal with so everything from Do I stay in my house or sell it, but then there’s a loss of everything we had together. And the list goes on as you know.
Thank you so much for sharing.
God bless you all.
Thanks for watching #widfam
Am so sorry about that,I lost my wife six years ago.
God Bless🙏🏼🙏🏼
@@DJSuzieQ Am Frank by name
From United states
I just happened to stumble on to your channel...I went through everything you said. It's been 25 years since he passed, and I still miss him very much. I was 39 with 3 kids to raise by myself. The kids suffered with depression. My youngest was only 5 and has little memories of his Dad. I never remarried....
I'm so sorry to hear that! Thanks for watching #WIDFAM
I don’t think this is coincidence that this channel came up in my feed. My husband was recently diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. I feel my grieving started the day we received the diagnosis. God Bless you and your channel. I know I will be tuning in often.
Prayers being sent up for you and your family. I will probably do some videos about handling a terminal illness, even before the loss, since that was my experience. It might not speak to everyone, but I think it would have helped me when I was going through it! #WIDFAM
I hope you do! I appreciate your insight.
I have been widowed twice. My first husband after 25 years of marriage and suddenly died of a brain aneurysm. This was in 2002. I stayed where I lived after 8 months, I-had to moved to get better. I remarried a widower and was married 12 years. He died of cancer. I understand those feelings. I have been alone 8 years. The first one was worse to me. When my second husband was dying, I knew he was dying. My first husband was very hard to get over, never can forget as it took my first love. ❤
I’m so sorry that you had to endure this twice. Thanks for watching, and sharing with us.
I am so glad that I watched this. I am not a widow, but my sister is. This has helped me to understand what she is going through
That's so nice of you to learn how you can support her. What an awesome sister you are!
My husband is still alive, but he has dementia. He was so sweet and kind, but his personality became mean and abusive. He can’t live with us because of his violent behaviors. I relate to so many of these. I feel like a widow-in-waiting. It’s horrible! He has been gone almost two years. His body is still alive, but our husband and dad is gone.
Sounds like you are already experiencing anticipatory grief. I did too when Dewey was diagnosed with terminal cancer. It is very different than grieving someone you lost suddenly. Neither is better or worse, just vastly different!
I understand your pre-grieving. After having had a major stroke that was misdiagnosed as brain cancer, we were told my husband needed to get his affairs in order, they would do surgery but since it was so diffuse, they could not get it all and it would come back and that would be the end...well, turns out it wasn't cancer but a stroke. The shock then, the grieving then didn't really stop, because each stroke, concussion from falling, I've wondered: "will this be our last night together?? "Will I wake up and find him gone?" It turned out I was with him at home, awake when he died...but I could see him going downhill day by day slowly and sometimes, especially since his last fall on New Year's Eve, 2020, I knew it was coming, but I never realized how soon it would be...and his dad had dementia and he couldn't live at home the last few months of his life for the same reasons. He too, was abusive to my mother-in-law and thought their son was her lover - punched him out badly. He passed away 12 days after our wedding. Dementia is doubly hard, they are living but dead to who they truly are.
Thank you. Abusive spouse is probably a whole lot different process.
I am so sorry. My husband is wasting away from copd and I feel disappointed that there are no sweet moments, just him demanding and asking for me to do this or that. He sleeps in his bedroom, and I have my own. I am just the nurse and attendant now.
I'm so glad I saw your video today. My husband passed away 3 weeks and 3 days ago. He fought his cancer for 7 years. We were married for 48 years and I feel like a big part of me has died as well. As much as I tried to prepare for his death I was still not ready for it. I will continue to follow your videos. Thank you so much for your insight.
Thanks for watching! Feel free to join our FB group at www.Facebook.com/groups/onehappywidow
The Scriptures say
We become one flesh,
Husband and wife ,
The two become one flesh,,
This is spiritual,
you’re spirit becomes one with you’re wife or husband,,
That is why you fill empty inside,
Like a whole in the middle of you’re heart.
Like half of you is missing.
My wife passed away 2 years this April 18,
still hurts so much I lie myself that we are just apart for a while and she we be home soon..
I learned how strong I am. At first I was annoyed with others saying "Oh your so strong" But when I really think about it... I so freaking am.
Amen, sister! #widfam
Thank you for your videos. I have been “widowed” for 6 weeks now. I hate the word widow. One day at a time is literally all I can do right now. Get up, take care of my kids, eat, sleep repeat. Over and over and over hoping for some sort of relief that will hopefully eventually come.
Yes, that word does bring about some sadness, but you are not alone, and there are so many of us here who know what it feels like to be widowed as well. Mostly, I don't like how it makes people pity me, because I don't want that.
Keeping busy is a great way to visit your grief in small increments so that the sadness does not overwhelm you. It will never go away, but when you are busy, you can allow your mind to focus o SOMETHING other than our raw emotion of that loss all the time, which wears us down. Keep dong what you are doing, and even though it doesn't technically get "easier," we just get better at handling it over time. Thanks for sharing with us!
Fem Bot, it s not early.. there is no right time but you should start seeing other people and spend time w them; no obligation; just for yourself. It helps. My beloved one passed 13 months ago . I remember going to the beach w my son and granddaughter for July 4 helped alot; i came back and decided to go ahead otherwise i will get more and more depressed and end up in mental institution or stuff like that. I started to change my life and added new friends who did not know me as a married woman and even did not know my diseased husband. So conversations about past were avoided and it really helped .. you cannot change your past but can make your future; just go ahead and change your life for good.
I used to envy y’all because seeing happy couples is so touching. And my 40 year marriage was a nightmare and now I am alone and happy. After being widowed you are alone but miserable. Be cautious about finding someone if you’re lonely. If that person doesn’t compare to your spouse it will be sad. My sympathies to everyone trying to heal.
Well I think the secret is to not compare a new person to your spouse. If you are trying to “replace” them, you will set yourself up for heartbreak. I was not trying to replace Dewey. My current husband is nothing like my late husband. Not physically, and not personality-wise. This marriage now is a completely different one from the one I had before. Not better or worse, just different in many ways. And that is one thing I love about it. #widfam
I lost my husband of 30 years to a sudden heart attack. I also lost my son from gastric bypass surgery. Grief doesn't end
You learn to live with it .I am blessed to have my friends and my grandchildren .They help with the pain
Not a day goes by without thinking of of my husband and my son .It has been a long time without them.Take one day at a time.
My husband died 4 months ago. We were together 49 years, you’re so right it’s never enough. I was already losing him to Alzheimer’s but he died unexpectedly early do to complications. I miss him so very much. You’re so right most people are very fickle.
I can relate to the missing. Praying for you! #widfam
I lost my husband of 11 years ,4 months ago...I cry everyday for him,he was the kindest man I know,treated me with soo much love and respect. No one would ever love me like my late husband.
I understand this feeling, #widfam. Thanks for your feedback.
My husband passed away in 2005. It was very difficult because of a doctors mistake. The first grandchild’s birthday party was very difficult. My grandson got a battery powered all terrain vehicle. My oldest spoke up & said papa promised him one for his birthday but he died. That just broke my heart. I went right out to toys r us &/found the toy purchased it. Bought a card. &/on his birthday told my daughter to read the card to him out loud. It read “when papa makes a promise, Happy birthday from papa from heaven. 🙏🥰. He was so happy.
Awww what a bittersweet message! My husband went out in the Spring and bought Christmas presents for all the kids in case he didn't make it to Christmas that year. But he never told me, so when we moved a year later, I found these totes and opened them up to find the new gifts he had purchased, one tote for each kid. I gave them to them for the second Christmas after he died, so it was also bittersweet. Poor kids just don't understand things the same way, and it's heartbreaking to see them grieving!
This made me cry. I would have done the same.
You are a WONDERFUL grandmother.
I lost my husband almost 2 years ago, I have good days more than bad, I accepted the fact he was going to die and I'd be a widow. I keep myself busy with work for the most part, but today I realized that I dont have any idea what I'm supposed to do with my life. Besides work and every day life, I just feel like I have no purpose.
I used to be so busy with life, just have no desire today to do much more than stay in bed.
I guess today I'm realizing that his 2 year anniversary is around the corner and I'm really missing him. But at least I'm finding ways to cope with my loss. I'm glad I found your site. I belong to a few others also. I need the support to keep moving forward. Thanks for the videos, it helps so much.❤
Thanks for sharing with us! I think we can all relate to having those valleys in between the peaks. As for me, I find that my moods fluctuate along with my monthly cycle, so sometimes hormones affect my mood (not that they cause it, but make us more likely to fall into negative thinking some days more than others). I also try to remind myself that this bad day shall pass, and in order to not fall into a slump, I forgive myself and allow a down day or two, and then try to get back out of it. I know it's not as easy as all that, but you sound like you have the right mindset for finding happiness in your life. You WANT it, and know its the best for you...but you struggle with the setbacks. We will always have them, as you know! Reach out for support, and keep seeking out the help you need. I'm no expert, and when I'm down I feel like a hypocrite for trying to encourage others to keep their chin up lol. We are all in this struggle together!
And if you re struggling with finding your purpose, I am creating a program that will address that very issue! Stay tuned for the launch soon!
You will see him again when you pass away,I have heard many stories in my family, my husband's grandmother said her husband came to visit,she passed soon after. I believe love doesn't end.my son died Dec 16 from overdose in2020.i believe we will meet again, he wasn't the same person. I pray everyday for him it's ok to cry,but I think that holds them back from being with God.
I wAs told that I was felling sorry for my self yes I lost my husband I was. He’s been gone 15 years and this comment from a family member still hurts.
People are uncomfortable with our grief, and they put a timeline in their head of when they think we should be "over it" and until they experience this type of loss, they will not understand.
Your family need to get the idea that you aren’t going to “get over it” You will manage to get your life into shape and bring the grief under control, but for the rest of your life memories of your husband and the life you had together are going to pop up again from time to time without warning. And that’s normal AND A GOOD THING! Sometimes it will make you smile, other times you might want to curl up into a ball and sob your heart out. I am told these moments are more likely to happen in years 1,2,5,10,15,20 and that’s how it’s happened so far for me. But don’t let your family tell you how you should feel. You and your husband gave your lives to each other on your wedding day and that’s nothing trivial
My husband passed away in May 2020 from cancer. We’d been married for over 20 years and you’re right, it is never long enough and I do feel robbed. There are several things I learned when I became a widow but the one that I think the most is that he did so much more to take care of “us” and our home than I was aware of. Things he never mentioned or brought to my attention, but I’ve found out about over the past few months. Another thing I’ve learned is that irregardless of how many people are around me, I’m still always going to feel lonely. Oddly, I don’t feel lonely when I’m home by myself. Thank you for doing your videos and sharing your journey, it takes bravery to do that and it’s appreciated.
Interesting that you feel more lonely around people than by yourself. Maybe it's because when people are around, you are aware of the disconnect with them? My feelings switch depending on the day/mood. Sometimes I can feel quite alone in a huge crowd of people, and other times I feel like a part of the group. Hugs and prayers sent up! #WIDFAM
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My husband died in January. Thank you for this video to know others go through this. Your list your great. Thanks
Thanks for watching!
Hello friend
So many words of truth! My biggest lesson was how helpful it was to attend a long-term grief support group. Not a class that took you through the steps of grief, but a room full of others who shared what I was experiencing. What a comfort that was. That was the one place where I didn't feel lonely because we were all in the same boat. After the meetings, we all went out to lunch together. It wa so helpful to have others to do that with, and it didn't feel awkward the way it did with other people at that time.
It is nice to talk about this with others who have shared the same type of loss. It helps take away some awkwardness, I think. That is one good thing about my current marriage, my husband is also widowed and he can relate to my issues, and I can to his. It definitely takes some of the uncomfortable conversations away.
Oh yes, until you go through a loss like this, you truly have no idea what these precious folks go through 😔
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences. My husband of 52 years died in February after being sick for 18 days, so I am new to being a widow. Being alone, I find the days so long and I'm not good to reaching out and "bothering" others who have a spouse and a life of their own. It helped me so much to hear you talk about so many of the things I'm feeling. I try to brush off the things people say when try are trying to be helpful, but the one that bothers me do much is "you're so strong." Not I'm not, and I don't want to be right now. I'm just good at faking it until I make it. I cried all the way through your video, but it did help a lot. I look forward to your next one. Thank you.💓
Thanks for watching, and sharing your story! #WIDFAM
Hello Linda 😊
the 'your so strong' and the 'you will get through this' are about the worst things anyone can say...
I experienced every single one of those. So refreshing to hear someone talk so candidly about it. My trigger was/is the grocery store that we shopped at together. He died five years ago and I still can’t step foot in that store.
Yes, i get those triggers! Locations are some of the worst! #WIDFAM
I lost my partner 5mo ago. I get triggers also in the grocery store. Looking at certain foods I bought for him seeing them in the store would make me cry.
I love this so much! My dad passed away in 2019 from cancer. He was diagnosed in Jan and died in May. It was hard, painful and watching my mom become a caretaker and then widow has been such a rollercoaster. You're 100% right on about when you need people they aren't there. While my mom's kids are all adults my dad was the one that really carried us so my mom taking on being our support has been a huge change. I relate to so many things you're going through even though it was my dad not my husband and it's super helpful to know how to support my mom to listen to you! Thank you for sharing this hard stuff of life. You are a blessing.
Thank you for sharing! It helps to hear from another perspective. I have learned the hard way that children grieve way differently than spouses do! I think it's really nice that you are thinking of your mom during this time of loss in your life. I'm praying for you and your family. Check out my video about widowed parenting where I talk about my kids' journey...see if you can relate to any of that.
Thank you!