I am so sorry for your loss. You are one beautiful, strong, lady. I felt relief when my Dad died. I miss him terribly. But he was no longer in pain This is totally off subject, I am sorry. Are you sitting in front of bolts of quilting material. If ccx so can you tell me where or the name. I am a quilter. I hope I am not seeing things.
So when he first felt sick you told him to call his mother (who was 2 hrs away) to come take him to the emergency room. Why you just rolled your eyes about it. Then on a day that you knew damn well it could have (and did) you went for a drive. SHAME ON YOU.
The hands and the feet are the first to get cold, even BEFORE death they can get cold and be the first signs someone is going to pass soon. So 3 hours after he died and still warm hands, that's like a little miracle.
Thank you for being so brave to share this part of your story. I walked a similar path many years ago, my husband died 15 months after diagnosis at the age of 41. Left me with a 16 year old, no life insurance & well-meaning but ignorant/judgmental in-laws. I too, had feelings of guilt because I wanted him to die as his body became consumed with pain. But I walked thru the fire, went back to school, finished raising our challenging/grieving son (who is now an awesome adult) and learned to forgive those family members (and myself). Eventually, life became sweet again. I pray someone who is going thru this today will see your videos and be comforted. 🙏💕
Thank you for giving us a glimpse of life farther down this road! I can only hope that my children will find happiness and meaning in their own lives, despite losing a parent at such young ages! #widfam
My heart is breaking. So much courage you have. You are an incredible woman. Sharing your story is a really brave thing and I pray that your pain is lessened and that you have the courage to stay as brave and strong for your family as you can. Shucks. Your story has changed my life.
Im currently watching her videos because I am right now I'm the middle of all of this, feeling like I am going to go crazy with all these emotions and responses. We are at the point of how much time he has left, they did the radiation knodules in liver. The liver cancer was found at Stage 3, with the shrinking of the cancer, could put him on the Transplant list, but because he fell, aftermath of a stroke lost his balance, broke his back and his arm and shoulder, he may not qualify for the transplant because his back is severely damaged, so he already knows whats coming and it hard, watching him. I needed this to help me process my feelings and not feel as quilty or selfish.
Thank you so much for sharing. Now I know why friends and relatives think I am so strong. While my story is not exactly like yours, my grieving began many months before my husband passed. In the end he was on hospice but only for a short time. He finally left us on 9/7/ 2024 but he was now free and I am sad but glad that I told him I supported his wish to die at home. I was glad I could be his caregiver and a loving wife until the very end. My heart is broken, but I know I did the right thing. Thank you for helping me understand that I was grieving all along.
I knew NOTHING about anticipatory grief when my husband had cancer & died. This video will help so many people. Thank you for being brave enough to make this video. God bless you!!!!
Thank you for helping me to normalize my feelings. My husband is terminal and it is so very hard to see him suffer in pain. It is an emotional roller coaster every single day. I feel sad for his pain, I feel guilt in hoping he will pass quietly in his sleep, I feel worry that I am not doing enough to help him, I feel frustrated and overwhelmed that I am now having to take over all the daily chores and responsibilities that we once shared. It's so hard not knowing when the end will come. None of my friends understand how difficult this path is so it is easier for me to walk it alone. But...it is not easy at all. Thank you for letting me know that what I am feeling is normal for my situation.
All of these feelings are familiar and relatable! I guess it is "the process" of watching your spouse at the end of their life...it's so bittersweet! You want to cherish every moment, but every moment is so agonizing and full of sorrow, that it is hard to appreciate the few moments you do have left with them. You are doing the best you can, and that has to be enough. There is no winning this race, we can only help them transition with grace, dignity, and with as little pain as possible. Be his advocate, which he will need more as time passes. Prayers to you! #widfam
Hey...we're here for you. We know you are doing your very best and how difficult it can be. GET THE PAPERWORK DONE!!!! Take care of yourself...even if that's just a 15 minute walk every day. And write to us to let us know how you are doing....we care!!!!
rhondalyn - I am 100% with you in your situation. Mine is exactly the same. The roller coaster of every day - hoping that following the shit day will be a better one. Watching those good days get less and less, watching the pain increase, watching him eat less. At the same time trying to work and keep the house going. Doing jobs around the house I’d never had to do before. Hoping my husband passes in his sleep - no more pain, but equally falling apart thinking about life without him. Feeling guilty for even thinking these things. Friends say they are there for you and they probably mean that, but the truth is they don’t really get it - they are not in your situation. They don’t really fully understand. I want my husband to be pain free. I don’t want it to get any worse but for that to happen, I know I have to lose him, and that’s hard beyond belief.
My husband died suddenly on 2/16/23. This woman's posting her videos really helped me get through the first days of the grieving process. God bless her.
My deepest sympathy. I lost my daughter the 4th Sept 2020 and five months later (18th Feb) my husband. I feel like I am on a rollercoaster but I focused on God every day. It's a storm but I will come through. Thank you for sharing your story. 🙏🏾
Your husband kept his hands warm for you and the kids. When I went to see my mom at 2:45 in the morning after she passed, her hands were cold but when I climbed in the bed next to her her back was still warm. I felt that a part of her soul waited for me to get there.
I’m so sorry about your mother in law. My husband had two siblings that died from cancer before him. Through the five months after diagnosis he didn’t receive a single phone call, text, message from his remaining siblings. I have not spoken to any of them since, nor will I ever. Some things you just can’t get over, this will be one.
Months and months of crying and watching my husband suffer and trying to raise 3 children took its toll on me. I was exhausted... so yes I can relate to being relieved when he passed away. Your so right, watching a loved one suffer and not being able to help them is the worst! RIP babe ❤
I understand everything you said. Because l been there. It's 6 months now .😢😢.l miss my husband so much. I just want him back for 1 last time to tell him how much he meant to me
Oh my. Right when you told us about how his hands were still warm I got chills because he did that fir you and his kids. That’s is not normal. My mom passed and her hands were cold pretty quickly. He did that for you. That is SO special.
You are such a life saver for me. My husband died of cancer 6 days ago. Your words reflected back exactly what I have been going through before his death and after his death. You reassured me that I am normal. I handled his death as best I could as I was there when he passed here at home and kept vigil over him to make him as comfortable as I could with hospice help. He died at home with me kissing him and his family present. He basically just went to sleep. His pain level was so great the last two months that we rarely got him comfortable. My experiences were exactly like yours. He cried in pain. I couldn't touch him. I couldn't help him. I miss him so much but I am so glad he is finally free. Thank you for sharing your experiences. I love you even though I don't know you. May God bless you.
My husband has been diagnosed with three different conditions that are terminal. Right now he is cycling between doctor appointments and stays in the hospital. I do my crying where he can't see me. So I am in anticipatory grief right now. And I have wished at times that his suffering would stop. I don't feel guilty over that, but I found myself nodding in agreement with what you were saying. I know where you are coming from, because that is where I am today. Thank you for summoning up the courage to share your story - and your husband's story. I am sure there are many women here who can empathize with you.
Your story was our story. My husband died three months ago of liver cancer. It was a nightmare, and all I could do watching your video was nod my head and cry. Thank you for posting this, it brought me to a realization about anticipatory grief. It helped me so much. 💚
I lost my husband three months ago to stage 4 colon cancer. He was diagnosed October 2, 2020. That is the day my grief process began. Your story of anticipatory grief is so relatable to my story. Thank you so much for sharing your experience and being so vulnerable. It is so very brave of you.
Hi Laura, I’m Ann-Marie. I’m 51 years old and have 2 daughters and 5 grandchildren whom I love with all my heart. I wanted you to know that I can completely relate to you and your story . I lost my husband of 34 years , 4 months ago on Jan 15, 2021. He also had stage 4 colon cancer / METASTATIC COLON CANCER THAT WENT into his liver, lymph nodes, and at the end it went into his prostate. He was diagnosed in October 2018. At that time they gave him 2 years. So I to understand anticipatory grief. I didn’t know it had a name! We may or may not be in bout the same place as far as mourning but if you need anything or just to talk, just message me. We are all in this together. Before this group, I only knew one widow that I could talk to and relate with. Thankful to the Lord for his blessings!
I cannot believe your mother in law did that. Selfish she was. That's a hard one to forgive. I would have had a few choice words for her. I am so sorry for your loss . He is no longer in pain. Huggs🌻❤
I have been widowed for 12 years. Some of those things seem like yesterday. My husband went through a year long illness. I understand the anticipatory grief quite well. My father-in-law did the exact opposite of your mother in law, he went and visited him and then left town without saying a word to his son, so my husband woke up asking where his dad was I had to tell him he left town. My husband was devastated and felt abandoned by his father, yet again as he had done that to him growing up. What your mother in law did was inexcusable. It's hard to understand that kind of cruelty. You were not wishing for your husband to be dead, you just wanted him out of pain and the suffering he was going through. It's ok to be relieved. There is a huge difference between wanting to be rid of someone and just wanting the horror of pain to be over. My husband suffered terribly and I understand what you are saying. I was relieved when he passed out of this painful life and into the arms of the Lord. Peace to you ❤
My husband passed away from mesothelioma. We were both in denial, I worked in pathology so I know about some types of cancer, but I never dealt with mesothelioma, I just knew it was as bad as pancreatic cancer. I usually would go and research everything about it. The only thing I researched was the surgery options. It turns out surgery was not an option. There are two types, one hits the lining of the lung, the other hits the inner lung. He had both and was already at stage 4. With mesothelioma it spreads easily. He had to have his lungs drained so anytime the needle goes in the cancer cells follow and forms a tumor. Then they put a drain in and another tumor. He had a scan done and the tumor was pushing on his esophagus and another tumor was literally eating away at his rib bones. That was the only time he would sort of yell when he would get a sharp pain. After he passed I literally fell apart, it was like half of me died with him. I was very independent and didn’t expect to fall apart like I did. His family acted like butts after he passed, except his dad.
I wish this wasn’t so common with family, and your way of grieving sounds completely normal- don’t hold yourself to a specific standard, just take things as they come!
My husband was also on A crap load of pain medicine from the post surgical neuropathy from the waist down as soon the nurse's disconnected him I jumped up and hugged him I hadn't been able to touch him for almost 3 years because of all the pain.The first two he refused palliative care medication but he couldn't take it anymore and yes I felt relieved as well but your mother in law sounds like a gem😮
My Dad's last week was so unbearable his doctor suggested giving him a drug that would put him into a deep sleep he said my dad would be out of pain and have great dreams, as my dad asked not to be in pain when he passed away, we gave him the drug. 2.20 am 20th October my dad Michael passed away in my mum's arms pain free.
I thought that’s what they would give Dewey, but he never got there, he just got weaker and weaker until he couldn’t speak anymore. Such a tough thing to watch! #widfam
I find I am incredibly grateful to you. I can’t seem to find the words that would adequately express my appreciation. I think you already know your sharing, your videos, are going to help so, so many people.
I was a young widow at 27 years old. My husband died of cancer as well....so very close to your story. I still now miss him so much, and he has been deceased 27 years. Your story touched me, because I have lived it myself. It's so hard, but we learn to move forward in life, we are braver, and stronger for having gone through it all. Blessings to you, your children, and your new marriage my fellow widowed friend. We do learn in the midst of grief to appreciate life a lot more. Blessings to you.❤
Thank you for sharing. My tears flowed when I listened to your story. I remember my close friend who also passed away after battling with cancer. I also saw how she suffered while she was fighting her illness and it pains me to see her suffering. She has much drive to live but in her last few months, she too said that she can no longer fight it, the pain is too much. I pray that all who suffered and died from cancer be reunited with our loving Father in heaven.
I was told by an old Jewish woman. She always said, when a person's hands that continues to stay warm for a long period of time after death, that the individual always had a warm heart. So when she died at the age of 98, her whole body continued to stay warm for 8 hrs. I laid there by her side the whole entire time. I was working at an assisted living at the time. We both shared the same birthday (Dec 25th). Not even a month her handsome husband left us to be with his beautiful wife because he had a broken heart. I try so hard to understand death, but I just cant grasp it. This is the most difficult challenge that I face every single day. I hate talking about death, but watching your video, I found alittle comfort until the end regarding your ex mother in law, how selfish was that for her to do to you and your children. Thank you so much for sharing your family story.
You seem like such a loving caring person. I am glad that woman had you by her side. I hope you are still in the health care industry, it needs people like you!
I wholeheartedly agree with @LoGo comment. I sure hope you're still in the healthcare industry because it desperately needs loving and genuine people, like you! That was a beautiful story. ❤️
You are wonderful !!! You went through all of this with so much dignity, love and support! Don t feel guilty, celebrate life with your family! I lost my husband, my partner, my soul mate in a sudden way, unexpected,7 years ago. I manage, somehow, to go over the bad days....having our son !!!! You have your kids and your new husband, enjoy it, every single day !!!!
I've been through the sudden death of my husband back in 2001 when he passed suddenly at the age of 42. I remarried in 2004 and my husband now has stage 4 cancer so I'm going through the slow process of his death. No one grieves the same, it's not right or wrong it's yours and yours only.
I’m so sorry you are going through this again. And this time it is a completely different type of grief timeline. The difference is that you already know what it’s like on the other side of the journey and what you will be facing. I pray for you to have the strength to ensure this and for your husband to be pain-free during this transition. #widfam
I am so very sorry for everything you have gone through and all that you are going through now. I pray you have people around you whom you can lean on. Sending you love and prayers. ❤️ 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
I agree. My husband died in my arms last year and his mom blamed me for his death and I couldn't believe she had said that to me. I took care of him till the end. He died from heart failure And kidney failure
@@jomartin6209 she is a very hateful person.no matter what I did for my husband she would tell me how bad of a wife I was..some people are just terrible human beings
My 17 years old sister was diagnosed with leukemia on a Dec 28 and passed away a week later January 3rd. She suffered so much to the point that our mother prayed God to take her to stop her pain, this happened in El Salvador, 3rd world country, she was receiving no pain medication. It was terrible for her and for us to see her suffering. I do understand what you are saying. God bless you.
My heart aches for you. I recently lost my oldest brother to cancer and was with him day and night at hospice, just waiting for him to pass and watching the pain he felt. 😢. I so understand all you’ve said. God Bless you and your family.
So awful that you have all this grief and the mother in law was completely thinking of herself incredibly selfish. So glad you found happiness again.xx
I'm so sorry that MIL didn't call you. That is absolutely the most awful thing I've ever heard. I do not want 2 kno the pain of losing a child, but there is NO reason 4 her 2 do that. I also went thru a quick anticipatory grief after a long illness and my MIL had 2 pay 4 husband's funeral & on the headstone she put that he was a son & dad but wouldn't put that he was a husband. We were together on and off from 15 y/o and married 16 yrs. U are so brave 4 telling us your families story!
Made me so angry, I can't believe people can be this cruel in a moment like this and to even steal the moment from her own grandkids (if they wanted to be there), disgusting behavior. Very sorry for him and his wife and kids. I hope he was too unconscious to notice they were not there holding him 😢
Losing a spouse is incredibly painful, but losing a child - at any age - is far worse. Any mother of a sick child can tell you that. Please give "mom" a little grace and forgiveness.
Awww, I understood every single emotion you had. I'm not a widow, but my brother, Geoff, who was my very best friend, died of cancer too. I hope you don't consider yourself "weak" for having these emotions. You are not weak. You are braver than most that you could share them and do so on TH-cam. I could tell how angry you were/are at your MIL, I would be too. But, I believe people pass over when their time is right. It looked like the kids had said good bye to their daddy. I'm sure you had said hundreds of goodbyes before he went. Your husband is fine now, out of his pain and in heaven. He knew and knows how much you all loved him. He must be so proud of you and your TH-cam channel, especially because it takes so much strength. As you said, " On to happier things." Like all those years you had with your husband when he didn't have cancer. May they come to your mind first. God bless!
Leo - I love your honesty. My husband and his father died together in a plane crash. So my MIL and I lost together. We had lots of ugly moments. I praise you for seeing that we all grieve differently and we can’t expect others to “be a better person “ we can only handle our grief and know they are grieving too . My grief is different and yet so much the same. Bless you and your kids. I hope people are inspired to get their legal affairs in order by this video. God bless you for showing us what “keep going” looks like. I battle wishing for my old life so much! You show me I’m not alone! ❤️
I know you and your MIL must have had some complicated grieving going on together! It probably helped sometimes and became a curse at other times. Dewey’s mom was also a widow...and had been for about 5 years when Dewey died. I realized after that I had sort of dismissed her pain and grief because it wasn’t mine and it was easier to ignore it and pretend it wasn’t there. I see now what she was going through (although she did not have children with him and was not still raising any when he died, but that left her even more alone!). I still consider everything that happened as a learning experience. That is why we are here...to keep learning about ourselves and others! #widfam
Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry. You are an inspiration to me.... I am not a widow but my boyfriend died at age 58 in front of me of covid one year ago. It was so sudden and I didn't know he was dying or had died. It is hard. I loved him with all my heart and I cry often. Hard to believe it's been almost a year. Feels like time has stood still
I am so sorry for anyone who lost a loved one, my mom was in hospice, and when she passed, I held her hand for an hour, her hands was still warm, I also memorized the feeling of.her warm hands. This is the first time I am visiting your channel, I am so sorry that you lost your husband, God Bless you and your children 🙏💔
Thank you for sharing your journey. This takes great courage. I too had to watch my husband die after a stage 4 cancer diagnosis. He fought hard for two years. I can relate to so much of what you have shared, the anticipatory grief, wanting the pain to end, not knowing what to expect. Worst months of my life. Know how much your story is helping others.
I am so sorry for your loss. My husband passed away 9 months ago. He was also a disabled vet. We had an attorney that helped us get his Disability from the VA. The day they put him on hospice I informed the attorney. He worked super fast to get the amount and Disability rating increased. The attorney advised me to get in touch with the medical examiner and make sure that they list at least 1 of his VA disabilities as contributing factors to his death on his death certificate. I did that and it only took about 3 months to start receiving my benefits of which I am very grateful for. It is so unfair that rules ND guidelines are changed and we don't know until we need them. Y husband went through chemo for almost 4 years. He had breast cancer. He fought hard. He went from230 lbs to 110 lbs. I had hospice here at home. The VA offered a nursing facility but I refused it. I was afraid he would die alone. I miss him so very much. My best to you and your family
I have been through a LOT of paperwork and applications for benefits that I haven't shared many details about because it is so specific. I did try to get his death service-related, but was denied multiple times. Ironically, now the PACT Act is activated, if I wasn't remarried I would automatically be approved for benefits. My youngest daughter now qualifies, I just need to get her application filed, it's a few hundred extra a month until she is 18. Better than nothing. 3widfam
Your videos was spot on. I knew my pregrieving was normal. My husband has been gone for almost three years now. Miss him terribly. Thanks for making us widows feel normal!
So important that you talked about a will. At 40 you are not thinking about that. I go in for open heart surgery and I fully expect to live through it and am doing a trust now. Thank you for your heartfelt video and am so glad to hear your husband is with the Lord!
You are right...I know how important it is now! I have increased my life insurance, and will be making my appointment to get my will (and my current husband's) done this summer. Thanks for watching! #widfam
I understand that feeling of relief. I felt that same way when my dad died of cancer. Thankfully he went quickly. It was actually a blessing that he didn't suffer for long.
Very sorry for your loss, this was so real and honest, really felt in my heart. What really was heartbreaking is how cruel and selfish it was of his mother to not follow his wishes, to not even let his kids there, hopefully he was too unconscious to notice.
Just starting my grieving process. Been in anticipatory grief for the last 3 years. My hubby passed end of March 2021. Its is good for me to see you survive and i need that right now . God Bless
I found you today. I lost my husband almost 5 years ago. Things that happened I go over and over in my head. Things that happened that last day of his life. Your story is helping me realize that I have to just forget those things and quit dwelling on them.
Thank you for these videos. My husband has terminal brain cancer, has been fighting for soon to be 2 years. The anticipatiory grief is terrible for family. So sorry you lost him so young.
There's a name for it! Anticipatory grief. My mother passed from lung cancer. Diagnosed may 2003 and passed sept 2003. I never really grieved after she actually passed and I realized I started grieving when she was diagnosed. Thank you for talking about this. Im so sorry for your loss 💜
Thanks for sharing. Yes I agree that not many people understand about anticipatory grief. Normal and understandable to feel relief that our loved one is no longer suffering. I had a daughter who was ill from age 17 till age 24 when she died. That was 2014. I experienced the same relief: that she is no longer suffering and that I don't any longer have to spend my whole life either at the hospital or waiting for a call from the hospital. But many outsiders looking in on my situation ( and most people didn't want to know anything about her being ill ) would find it strange that I wasn't a quivering , weeping jelly , that I didn't totally fall apart. ( My youngest child was 13 so needed me. You have also talked about how we keep it together for our children.) They often said to me of her death '"the worst thing that can happen to a parent." But now, I believe , my daughter is in heaven . The worst thing was seeing her suffer . As you day, we just want them to not suffer more. And at that time everyone else didn't want to know about it . Do you know that many parents who lose a child die within two years? My husband died in 2016. I also relate to what you said about your current husband burying his wife on his birthday. We buried my husband on 7 November 2016. On 7 November 2019 I myself received a cancer diagnosis. I am convinced living with so much stress for so many years contributes. I am having excellent health care now, my latest check ups were excellent results , I know I have to take care of myself. We are looking forward to a family wedding soon as one son ( age 29) is about to get married. So , thank God, life moves on and we can have some happy times. Thanks for your work to build our widows community .
I lost my husband when he was 58 8 years ago this past April. He was sick for about 3 years he was really miserable near the end but he did go unexpectedly from a brain stem aneurysm. It is hard even now. I admire how you are handling yourself and your children. All you can do is go one day at a time. I have to tell you, I was thinking of doing a TH-cam channel about grieving after losing a spouse and then one night your channel popped up out of the blue like I was ment to watch you. So thank you!!!!
I was looking for information on anticipatory grief and came across your 2 part video. My son is dying and bone cancer which has metastasized to his lung. He also is in terrible pain like your husband was. Thank you for your video to help mother’s like me. I don’t want him to die, however the pain that he suffers is unbearable. Losing a child is the worse but I’ll get through it because he wouldn’t have it any other way.
I have lived your nightmare, my 30 year old Son passed away two weeks ago. He had a MPNST tumour that was diagnosed March 2023, he went through chemo, radiation and was always so positive he was going to beat it. It metastasised to his lungs he was told he was terminal the 10th of March and died on the 1st of May in my arms. I slept at the hospital and was with him day and night for the last week, Jackson was still believing he was not dying. Please prepare yourself for the end, it wasn’t peaceful for him struggling to breathe and the sound of his breathing. I wouldn’t have been anywhere else but by his side but I am broken and changed forever. But I felt the same thing wanting him to go to stop the tremendous pain but wanting him not to leave me. I will pray for you and for God to give you the strength through this horrible time.❤
I feel this so to my core. My husband had st.4 colon cancer an this was true for him, but my husband never complained to me I found out from a text to his brother🥺 it broke my heart he tried so hard for me too. I love him endlessly💔
Leo, you are amazing!! You have helped me soooo much with dealing with the death of my husband of 39 years. He had a very unexpected massive heart attack (Sept 2020) and passed, so it was a major shock to me and my 3 grown and married kids and 5 grandkids. He didn't suffer. I know your circumstances have been much different, but I still relate to so much of what you've talked about in your videos. I love your channel and the support we can give each other! Thank you! Hugs!
this is our story too. Thank you for sharing. My husband died July, 2020. I listened all thru this second half. No cancer, heart failure. However our paths, thoughts and actions were the same. Thank you. God Bless You and Yours. Amen.
Wow just come across ur video and it was like me watching myself. My dean was 49 and died 8 weeks after diagnosis. They gave him 12 to 24 months so to lose him in 8 weeks was a huge shock. Thank you for being so brave to do this video. It's good to know ur not the only person having all these feelings. Sending much love from Australia xxx
You're a great story teller. I watched the two parts back to back because the story was so well told. My jaw dropped when I heard what the MIL did. Man! She has a higher power to answer to, and now it sucks to be her. Thanks for telling the story. My sister died at 43 with breast cancer, and she didn't let us in on a lot of the painful details because she didn't want to alarm us. So I find stories like yours sad, but comforting in a way, because it gives me a view into her world at the time. Luckily her husband was a rock solid soldier for her and continues to be for their kids. Godspeed to you, your kids and best wishes for your new marriage. What a ride!
Thanks for posting this. I can only imagine what you went through emotionally to post it. My wife had pancreatic cancer diagnosed October 2020 went through nearly all that you described, she went through treatment lasted 15 months, 15 extra months of time to spend with her we were married 44 years 4 days. Needless to say I’m still worn out she died in January 2022 so I guess I’m still raw and this grief sucks. I just happened upon your channel and had to subscribe your insight and information on the various aspects of grief have helped greatly in this process. The decisions I have had to make were and are heart wrenching. Please continue to do this to help others, thanks
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm sorry your mother-in-law was so selfish. My husband died 3 months ago today and I am grateful he is out of pain, but I still miss him like it was yesterday that he passed. You are doing a great service to those of us trying to navigate being a widow. Thank you so much.💖
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I'm sorry for your loss. My husband has liver cancer. He is on the transplant list. Our lives will never be the same since his diagnosis on Aug.3, 2020. I think about it non stop. I go to the bad place full of worrying what life will be like if he dies, and if he will survive the surgery. A million things go through my mind.
My husband had a stroke a month ago and they found by accident a nodule on his rt lung....i’m scared to death. i don’t know what the future holds, i just want him home with me, your story breaks my heart. i can’t imagine what you went thru.. i’m going to continue to watch your videos... god bless you!!!! much love from North Carolia
I’m so so sorry y’all had to go through that , I remember when my father got colon cancer and he was gone within 6 months of diagnosis and he passed early in the morning and we weren’t told ( similar situation to yours) and in a way I’m kind of glad I wasn’t there as he was passing , I was young ( around 8 ) so I didn’t fully understand , I just remember how my mom reacted , she put on a brave face and one night I remember hearing a weird noise so I got up and I went to her bedroom door and I could hear her sobbing and saying “ why did you leave I don’t know how to do it without you , I don’t know what to do what do I do “ out of everything I remember that moment , my moms pain is embedded into my memory , it’s a pain I wouldn’t want to wish on anyone , i pray you and the kids will find peace within y’all’s hearts and know she may have taken that moment from you but she can never take away the love he had for you all , the memories , the love y’all had for him , ❤️💕 I wish I could give you all a big hug
Absolutely brutal, but thank you so much for sharing such a painful memory. My wife of 33 years just passed away from stage IV breast cancer (earlier this month) and died, at home, under hospice care. Hearing your family's story is triggering. I just wonder how a surviving spouse survives such an event because right now I am just trying to claw my way through each day. The pain suffered by surviving spouses is real and intense. Your story gives me some desperately needed hope this is survivable, so thank you!
You’re video was so authentic, raw and will be helpful to other dealing with life’s challenging situations. May God bless you and your family. I pray for your healing and look forward to you living life with you family.
Thank you for a raw, honest, emotional video. Sharing your feelings will let others know those feelings are normal. Hugs and blessings to you and your family. How cruel and selfish his mother was. I am so very sorry. 😢❤️
So sorry to hear your loss, dear. You and your husband are the greatest parents any children could have. That’s all I can say. Thank you for sharing your story. I know it was so hard to tell but you’re story helps a lot of people.
I had to drive 7 hrs to get to my husband, and he was still warm when I finally got to him...the body cools down slowly for those who wonder....missing him daily after 16 yrs...love lasts till we meet again...
Thank you for sharing this part of your life. I sincerely hope that your grief is more bare able now. I know it will never totally leave your heart but I guess all you can do is cherish the good times you and your children had with him. I lost my little grandson when he was just 3yrs old and I know the pain never totally goes away. My prayers are, of course with you.
I am a recent widow. I can relate to the anticipatory grief. My husband of 46 years passed at home while on hospice. Some days the hurt is so great I try to convince myself that it can’t be real. Our 3 grown daughters were at his bedside round the clock. Although we too wanted him to be free from his battle with cancer, that meant an emptiness that is all consuming. It’s only been 8 weeks but I know this will be a struggle to find “normal” times again. Thank you for the courage to relive the painful memories in an effort to help us “newbies”. Bless you and your family.
I honestly cant believe your mother inlaw did that. What a heartless soul. How could she do that to her son and his babies and his wife. You are an incredible woman hun. So strong and brave. Your husband is smiling on you and your babies and is always wrapping his loving arms and hands around you all🙏💙 Thank you for sharing this. The amount of strength it must of taken to make these i literally cant even comprehend. Iam so sorry for your loss. No one should have to endure this pain or see their loved one go through this. Plz dont ever feel guilty hun. You still have to go on and look after your babies. You were in shock and trying to process everything and then what your MIL did on top if it. Your just an amazing soul and deserve every good thing there is to offer in this life. Enjoy it lady🙏💪🦅❤
This is the most honest, real and helpful video I have seen about the death experience. I watched my longtime partner of 20 years slowly wither away due to liver cancer. He was so strong, but 2 years of the fight did him in. It's all so unfair. We have to help each other through it. There is no other way out of the pain. Thank you Leo!!!
I have lost both parents and a brother to cancer as well as losing 2 more brothers..and I know that grief can take its toll on you..I lost 4 in a period of 6 yrs..and it was as if there wasn't a time to grieve. And out of all ..my mother's has been the hardest..I remember when I was growing up that was my biggest fear,losing my mother, My best friend..but as you said..they're out of pain when God takes them home.❤.May God bless all of you and all that's here .Amen❤
almost every word you said resonated with me! all of it. I can't tell you how much this helps me understand how I'm not the only one who felt that way. My sister passed away from breast cancer just as tragic as your late husband did. it was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. nothing you can do to help. I couldn't hug her for almost two years, and that is still the hardest part. It's been a year now and it is still hard for me to believe it. thank you again for being so incredibly brave to share this. much love to you and your kiddos!
My dad died of cancer in 2016 . he was 90 years old. My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimers 20 years ago, she is 88. I lost the woman that raised me, she died 10 years ago. now i and family are raising her. watching a parent die so slowly and with no understanding, just sucks.
Can I start by congratulating you on your bravery to share all this with us all. I lost my husband Steve on 2nd May 2021 from an aggressive brain tumour, a glioblastoma stage 4 which took 5 months to be diagnosed. So much of your story resonated deeply with our situation. It is still so raw for me and I have the funeral this coming Wednesday, 26th May. We weren’t blessed with children but I have a beautiful sister Wendy and fabulous friends who are helping me through. I also lost my other darling sister Elaine to Covid-19 on 31st March 2020 and I had major surgery 24th February 2021. I could go on forever but don’t have your capacity to share it as you have,. So may I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your story which in so many ways has been similar. Maybe, like you, one day I will have the strength to share the dreadful journey dear Steve travelled before he finally let go. Bless you and may I wish you and your children much happiness in your future life with your new husband. 🙏💞🙏💞🙏💞🙏💞🙏
Hi I lost my husband 2nd Jan 2020, als GBM Grade 4, after 34 years of marriage. I still wear my wedding rings, to me I am still married although I know he is gone. Do not think I will ever get over losing him.
Thank you for sharing your story . Lost my dad to cancer and I agree with you in so much. Mum now has cancer ..... in a lot of pain. Thank you for making me feel normal .. take good care lovely lady x
I'm sole caregiver to my 33 year old daughter, who is terminal and suffering so much. Thank you for this video... I know it's coming... I dont know when. I'm not sure what I'll do and who I'll be after shes gone, and I fear that... I'm just here... day after day...
@@dariahughes5564 she passed away very shortly after this post. Radiation had destroyed so much of her insides trying to kill the cancer, that it ultimately caused her to bleed out and finally kill her. She died peacefully in my arms on August 16... Her name is Emily and she will forever be 33 years old. As for me... I'll learn to breathe again someday... It destroyed my marriage so I'm mid divorce... and that's as it should be. Life goes on,.. vastly different, but she lets me know she's around... I'm ok... and for now, ok is a lot better than I was...
Thanks for sharing your story. My perfectly healthy strong husband died suddenly one morning from a cardiac event, almost 3 months ago. He died at home, paramedics could not do anything. I grieve for the life he is not living every day. It feels like I am in a surreal place, he was here one minute and gone the next. We were so happy, I have no regrets but many times I wished we had time to say our good byes. Listening to you, I think maybe it was for the best. I can’t imagine him going through what your husband went through. This video also helped relate to you more and have some hope. Your otherwise happy disposition seems to be so far out of reach for me. Realizing how bad it was (and still is) for you makes me think that maybe one day I will be able to feel better again.
I hope I can help someone...it helps Me to share my story. I think the grief journey begins so differently between sudden and prolonged deaths...but over the long haul, it levels into more common feelings. I hope that you are able to feel some level of happiness inside yourself, or at least some purpose for why you are still here (because I believe we ALL have purpose, or we wouldn’t still be here!). Reach out if you ever need to, and join our FB group, where we have a wonderful supportive widfam over there!
Thank you for sharing your pain with us. My heart goes out to you and your children. I, too, experienced anticipatory grief and much relief when my husband passed. Thank you for sharing the facts of this type of grief.💜💜💜
once in while you come across a video that leaves you speechless. This is for sure one of those times. All I can even get out is God Bless you and your family.
I walk in your shoes4 years ago ,with exactly same illness of my husband.And I’m still feel terrible.I understand that he doesn’t suffer any more ,but.... I miss him so much .....
Me too Ana. Same, liver & pancreatic cancer. My husband died on June 27th 2018. I don’t think I’ll ever stop missing him. The things that happened to me after his death are just crazy. Everything in our house broke as well as our 2 1/2 year old car. I had no money almost, 70 and yet God in all his mercy made a way where there was absolutely no way! It was the worst time of my life. But, here I am, almost three years later. I’m able to smile and laugh, but I will forever miss him. I have not remarried. I’m so thankful for this channel. I also had anticipatory grief and didn’t know it. The worst part are the days they give you the bad news and the days you watch them suffer and cay help. The end Is relief, they are no longer suffering. I’ll be praying for you Ana. God Bless you.
@@dawnbritt6215 Thank you, Before I was a big believer, but before my husband I lost my youngest Sister and my Mom of breast cancer within 3 weeks apart and then my husband , with salival glandular cancer and at the spread all over , is a rare type of cancer ,was a little to much for me , one next to other . I had to do three grieving st one time and Im still struggling.Is hard with out him , the three of them where my support. Im keep going for my sons. And working to believe again in God. Have a blessed Day .
Oh I know you have heard the I'm sorry for your loss many times. But truly i am sorry. Sharing your story, I'm sure was very hard. But you do it with make grace. I'm sure your children are proud of you for having the strength to share. You have now shared your story with the world. Helping many other who are or will be going through a similar experience. Thank you for that! Bless you and your family!🙏👍❤
Wow. My case is different but this video has answered questions and helped my so much! In my case my Mother has terminal cancer of the kidney. My sister and I take care of her and Hospice has recently started coming. Us sisters talk about how strange it is to feel grief even though our Mother is still here! It’s very sad and very confusing. Thank you for explaining!!! Such a blessing.
Yes, I wish someone had explained this to me during that time, I think it would have helped me then and right after he died, so I wouldn't have felt like I was grieving enough right after his death! #widfam
I just went through with my husband passing 2 months ago everything you say is true May God bless you and family and you will never experience such grave situation again.
I love your honesty and your bluntness. Your videos are helping me as I go through this journey with my husband cancer. I want to say I’m sorry for what you’ve gone through and I thank you for your message.
I watched part one and now this! My dad died of cancer, and so I could relate to sooooo much of what you said! Hugs! 💖 Thank you so much for sharing. I understood exactly what you're saying.. Xx
Wow. You have put words to what so many have felt. Losing a loved one and the grief that goes with it is so complex. Especially with children. You have helped so many with your candor and honesty. I hope that your family heals and that your life brings you joy.
What your mother in law did was inexcusable. I have a son, you have a son too. Imagine watching him die. Hopefully at some point she will realize that wasnt the right thing, because he had a family of his own. I do know that grief makes people do things they normally wouldn't.
Thank you so very much for your post. My husband just died of cancer, and I can relate to everything you said. It is so hard, but being able to listen to people like you, really makes a difference. Thank you, and God bless.❤
Thanks for sharing your story. Cancer is an ugly beast! I think that in some ways it can be harder on the loved ones than the patient. That has been the case for me and some friends who also have cancer. I'm about your age and have been battling colon cancer since 2018. I'm now stage 4. It's such a challenging time and puts life in perspective. I'm glad that you got to make special memories before you lost him. Edit: Wow! I just got to the part about your mother-in-law. What a horrible situation!
Lisa, Im praying for you to have strength and that the medical staff will be able to keep your pain level under control. And I hope that you have a support system in place around you...reach out if you ever need us! #widfam
I admire your honesty with the viewer and yourself. Sorry your family went through that. Hope your current life is filled to the brim with old and new happy memories!! ❤❤❤
Off and on for about three years my son battled throat cancer. It recurred three times. He suffered as your husband did with pain. He didn't die until the day he knew we got custody of his youngest daughter. That signaled his release; she was safe in our care as he had wanted; he could go home. The VA took care of his surgery and subsequent treatment. Home hospice tended to his needs until he passed. His memories sustain us and will until we join him above. Thank you for the courage that allowed you to share your story. God bless you.
It feels so strange to “refeel” so many of the things you talked about today! When I first heard “Pancreatic Cancer/ stage 4/4 and a half” I knew . I knew I was going to lose him. On the way home he looked over at me and said “ Damn, I planed to grow old with you.” I agree- grief starts early on - at least for me. I had lost my first husband when I was still in my 40’s. Heart failure because of lung cancer. Remarried 2 and a half years later to a man who had lost his first wife , remarried Very quickly, and was divorced. Men tend to jump back into the water quickly! So many of the things you talked about ring thru to me, I cried with you. It has been almost 26 yr. for 1st husband ( father of my 3 children) and almost 6 for my 2nd. And it Still hurts! Not the same way, but it does hurt. I often find myself asked questions like you do. My answers sound a lot like some of yours. As must as possible, take your time- don’t let anyone else tell you when to move on- do it in your timing. And know that you are not alone. Widow! I hate the word. Not a club I wanted to join. Thanks for saying the hard things !
Wow! You nailed it! My wife was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 2017 & endured surgery with all possible complications & setbacks & died 1.5 yrs ago in home hospice. I was her caregiver & it was an exhausting & demanding time for me. I was already retired & was with her the entire time. I was with her when she took her last breath & was so relieved for us both afterwards. I've been attending telephonic bereavement support meetings with online therapy. It helps to talk about it since friends & family might think I should've gotten over all of this by now. I won't forget 36 years of marriage. The memories are too indelible. I knew her prognosis would be bleak when she was diagnosed. I didn't not tell her nor the family. I kept it in, even from her, until she was in hospice with moments of sadness to myself. I didn't want anyone to give up hope. Thank you for your story.
What you are saying about the constipation and pain, sounds exactly what my husband went through….it was so sad. I remember him telling me , “please don’t forget me.” I still till this day can’t talk about that with out crying- like I would ever forget him, broke my heart. He also asked to go to hospice- he was there three days and passed. Our stories sound very similar. I am so very sorry what your mother in law did, that is horrible. ❤️
Death is so final no matter how you part ways. I lost two husbands: the first (after 25 happy years) died at 49 from an unexpected mass heart attack: the second after 11 yrs of loss to the first, married the second with cancer. He was in remission. A little more than 2 years later he passed similar to your story. Defecating issues were quite prominent in the latter stage of failing. In BOTH cases the losses were irreversible, painful and so final. But, having experienced a great yet different loving experience with both of them, I became so much stronger and confident in myself that I could see my way through the losses and acceptance of the grief that came. You, like any widow who survives great loss, are a warrior. My faith in God saw me through the roughest of times. He prepared me for what was yet to come in my life. I am now a major caregiver to my elderly parents. One passed 4 years ago and the second is in a balancing act to stay alive (at 96). Although all our stories are unique, the pain is very real. Hang in there. It will get better as time passes. I miss my partners as much today as yesterday. Dying is a part of living no matter when it happens or how. Lean on friends, family and groups like this. I stumbled upon the site today and felt an urgent need to respond. God bless you and your children for what you have endured. Pain has a way of healing through reaching out to others in need. Forgive his mother so you can heal completely without guilt. Anger only opens new wounds if you let it. This is your time to reflect on the good you have done by example for your children and yourself. Thank you for sharing your story to help others see the light through their darkest times 😢👼💖
Don't forget to check out Part 1 first!
I saw part one
It sounds like he had a lot of love around him
I’m sorry for your loss
I am so sorry for your loss. You are one beautiful, strong, lady. I felt relief when my Dad died. I miss him terribly. But he was no longer in pain
This is totally off subject, I am sorry. Are you sitting in front of bolts of quilting material. If ccx so can you tell me where or the name. I am a quilter. I hope I am not seeing things.
Watched it first.
Thank you for your heart wrenching story. I’m sure you have helped others more than you can imagine. Blessings to you pretty lady.
So when he first felt sick you told him to call his mother (who was 2 hrs away) to come take him to the emergency room. Why you just rolled your eyes about it. Then on a day that you knew damn well it could have (and did) you went for a drive. SHAME ON YOU.
His warm hands were for you! After that long my daddies hands were cold. He was waiting for you and his babies to hold his warm hands. ❤️❤️❤️
I guess so, and never thought of it that way, I did think it was so strange! #widfam
@@OneHappyWidow ❤️
Yes I totally agree He wanted you❤
The hands and the feet are the first to get cold, even BEFORE death they can get cold and be the first signs someone is going to pass soon. So 3 hours after he died and still warm hands, that's like a little miracle.
@@nohana2003m
Thank you for being so brave to share this part of your story. I walked a similar path many years ago, my husband died 15 months after diagnosis at the age of 41. Left me with a 16 year old, no life insurance & well-meaning but ignorant/judgmental in-laws. I too, had feelings of guilt because I wanted him to die as his body became consumed with pain. But I walked thru the fire, went back to school, finished raising our challenging/grieving son (who is now an awesome adult) and learned to forgive those family members (and myself). Eventually, life became sweet again. I pray someone who is going thru this today will see your videos and be comforted. 🙏💕
Thank you for giving us a glimpse of life farther down this road! I can only hope that my children will find happiness and meaning in their own lives, despite losing a parent at such young ages! #widfam
@@OneHappyWidow kids respond differently, but you are strong. They'll be better for that fact.
My heart is breaking. So much courage you have. You are an incredible woman. Sharing your story is a really brave thing and I pray that your pain is lessened and that you have the courage to stay as brave and strong for your family as you can. Shucks. Your story has changed my life.
Im currently watching her videos because I am right now I'm the middle of all of this, feeling like I am going to go crazy with all these emotions and responses. We are at the point of how much time he has left, they did the radiation knodules in liver. The liver cancer was found at Stage 3, with the shrinking of the cancer, could put him on the Transplant list, but because he fell, aftermath of a stroke lost his balance, broke his back and his arm and shoulder, he may not qualify for the transplant because his back is severely damaged, so he already knows whats coming and it hard, watching him. I needed this to help me process my feelings and not feel as quilty or selfish.
Thank you so much for sharing. Now I know why friends and relatives think I am so strong. While my story is not exactly like yours, my grieving began many months before my husband passed. In the end he was on hospice but only for a short time. He finally left us on 9/7/ 2024 but he was now free and I am sad but glad that I told him I supported his wish to die at home. I was glad I could be his caregiver and a loving wife until the very end. My heart is broken, but I know I did the right thing. Thank you for helping me understand that I was grieving all along.
I knew NOTHING about anticipatory grief when my husband had cancer & died. This video will help so many people. Thank you for being brave enough to make this video. God bless you!!!!
Tha is for watching! #widfam
Sooo sorry for your pain but God Bless u for your opened and your honesty God Bless All Love, peace and faith❤️🌈❤️
Yes. I had it. 2 years. Before death. Thanks for word for it
Thank you for helping me to normalize my feelings. My husband is terminal and it is so very hard to see him suffer in pain. It is an emotional roller coaster every single day. I feel sad for his pain, I feel guilt in hoping he will pass quietly in his sleep, I feel worry that I am not doing enough to help him, I feel frustrated and overwhelmed that I am now having to take over all the daily chores and responsibilities that we once shared. It's so hard not knowing when the end will come. None of my friends understand how difficult this path is so it is easier for me to walk it alone. But...it is not easy at all. Thank you for letting me know that what I am feeling is normal for my situation.
All of these feelings are familiar and relatable! I guess it is "the process" of watching your spouse at the end of their life...it's so bittersweet! You want to cherish every moment, but every moment is so agonizing and full of sorrow, that it is hard to appreciate the few moments you do have left with them. You are doing the best you can, and that has to be enough. There is no winning this race, we can only help them transition with grace, dignity, and with as little pain as possible. Be his advocate, which he will need more as time passes. Prayers to you! #widfam
Hey...we're here for you. We know you are doing your very best and how difficult it can be. GET THE PAPERWORK DONE!!!! Take care of yourself...even if that's just a 15 minute walk every day. And write to us to let us know how you are doing....we care!!!!
@@OneHappyWidow Thank you...your channel means a lot to me.
@@Molly-eq1ix Thank you so much!
rhondalyn - I am 100% with you in your situation. Mine is exactly the same. The roller coaster of every day - hoping that following the shit day will be a better one. Watching those good days get less and less, watching the pain increase, watching him eat less. At the same time trying to work and keep the house going. Doing jobs around the house I’d never had to do before. Hoping my husband passes in his sleep - no more pain, but equally falling apart thinking about life without him. Feeling guilty for even thinking these things.
Friends say they are there for you and they probably mean that, but the truth is they don’t really get it - they are not in your situation. They don’t really fully understand.
I want my husband to be pain free. I don’t want it to get any worse but for that to happen, I know I have to lose him, and that’s hard beyond belief.
My husband died suddenly on 2/16/23.
This woman's posting her videos really helped me get through the first days of the grieving process.
God bless her.
Thank you for your feedback and support.
My deepest sympathy. I lost my daughter the 4th Sept 2020 and five months later (18th Feb) my husband. I feel like I am on a rollercoaster but I focused on God every day. It's a storm but I will come through. Thank you for sharing your story. 🙏🏾
I am so sorry for your multiple losses! God Bless you! #widfam
Your husband kept his hands warm for you and the kids. When I went to see my mom at 2:45 in the morning after she passed, her hands were cold but when I climbed in the bed next to her her back was still warm. I felt that a part of her soul waited for me to get there.
You could be right! #widfam
I’m so sorry about your mother in law. My husband had two siblings that died from cancer before him. Through the five months after diagnosis he didn’t receive a single phone call, text, message from his remaining siblings. I have not spoken to any of them since, nor will I ever. Some things you just can’t get over, this will be one.
That's so awful!!! Hugs to you! #widfam
I'm so sorry. In laws can be your worse nightmare.
Months and months of crying and watching my husband suffer and trying to raise 3 children took its toll on me. I was exhausted... so yes I can relate to being relieved when he passed away. Your so right, watching a loved one suffer and not being able to help them is the worst! RIP babe ❤
So sorry! #widfam
I have 3 kids & my husband died in 2008 at the age of 40.I want him Back soooo bad !!!!!!! He had colon cancer
@@vernamorales2064 I'm so sorry...my babe was 43 when he passed🙁. Not fair....
@@mymeemawsandiegoca1923 So true
I understand everything you said. Because l been there. It's 6 months now .😢😢.l miss my husband so much. I just want him back for 1 last time to tell him how much he meant to me
Oh my. Right when you told us about how his hands were still warm I got chills because he did that fir you and his kids. That’s is not normal. My mom passed and her hands were cold pretty quickly. He did that for you. That is SO special.
I didn't realize it was unusual, but I did not expect it. Thanks for sharing that! #widfam
Now how does that sound that man ain't kept his hand warm for nobody that man hands was cold.just like your mom's and my moms.
You are such a life saver for me. My husband died of cancer 6 days ago. Your words reflected back exactly what I have been going through before his death and after his death. You reassured me that I am normal. I handled his death as best I could as I was there when he passed here at home and kept vigil over him to make him as comfortable as I could with hospice help. He died at home with me kissing him and his family present. He basically just went to sleep. His pain level was so great the last two months that we rarely got him comfortable. My experiences were exactly like yours. He cried in pain. I couldn't touch him. I couldn't help him. I miss him so much but I am so glad he is finally free. Thank you for sharing your experiences. I love you even though I don't know you. May God bless you.
God Bless you on this difficult journey! #widfam
Praying for you! So sorry for your loss.
good for you being there when you knew his time was close..God bless you
My husband has been diagnosed with three different conditions that are terminal. Right now he is cycling between doctor appointments and stays in the hospital. I do my crying where he can't see me. So I am in anticipatory grief right now. And I have wished at times that his suffering would stop. I don't feel guilty over that, but I found myself nodding in agreement with what you were saying. I know where you are coming from, because that is where I am today.
Thank you for summoning up the courage to share your story - and your husband's story. I am sure there are many women here who can empathize with you.
Thank you for sharing, and my prayers are with you during this tough journey! #widfam
Your story was our story. My husband died three months ago of liver cancer. It was a nightmare, and all I could do watching your video was nod my head and cry. Thank you for posting this, it brought me to a realization about anticipatory grief. It helped me so much. 💚
Thanks for watching, and sharing your feedback. Feel free to join our FB group for more support at www.Facebook.com/groups/onehappywidow
I lost my husband three months ago to stage 4 colon cancer. He was diagnosed October 2, 2020. That is the day my grief process began. Your story of anticipatory grief is so relatable to my story. Thank you so much for sharing your experience and being so vulnerable. It is so very brave of you.
Sorry to hear your in this horrible club, blessing to you. I hope for all of us happiness and joy.
So sorry to hear this, my prayers are with you. Just don't let anyone tell you how long you should grieve, you take as much time as you want and need
Hi Laura, I’m Ann-Marie. I’m 51 years old and have 2 daughters and 5 grandchildren whom I love with all my heart. I wanted you to know that I can completely relate to you and your story . I lost my husband of 34 years , 4 months ago on Jan 15, 2021. He also had stage 4 colon cancer / METASTATIC COLON CANCER THAT WENT into his liver, lymph nodes, and at the end it went into his prostate. He was diagnosed in October 2018. At that time they gave him 2 years. So I to understand anticipatory grief. I didn’t know it had a name! We may or may not be in bout the same place as far as mourning but if you need anything or just to talk, just message me. We are all in this together. Before this group, I only knew one widow that I could talk to and relate with. Thankful to the Lord for his blessings!
Thank you for sharing. #widfam
@@ann-mariebyrd I started attending Grief Share at our church and it has helped a lot!
I cannot believe your mother in law did that. Selfish she was. That's a hard one to forgive. I would have had a few choice words for her. I am so sorry for your loss . He is no longer in pain. Huggs🌻❤
Yes, it has been hard to put that anger aside... #widfam
I have been widowed for 12 years. Some of those things seem like yesterday. My husband went through a year long illness. I understand the anticipatory grief quite well. My father-in-law did the exact opposite of your mother in law, he went and visited him and then left town without saying a word to his son, so my husband woke up asking where his dad was I had to tell him he left town. My husband was devastated and felt abandoned by his father, yet again as he had done that to him growing up. What your mother in law did was inexcusable. It's hard to understand that kind of cruelty. You were not wishing for your husband to be dead, you just wanted him out of pain and the suffering he was going through. It's ok to be relieved. There is a huge difference between wanting to be rid of someone and just wanting the horror of pain to be over. My husband suffered terribly and I understand what you are saying. I was relieved when he passed out of this painful life and into the arms of the Lord. Peace to you ❤
I am glad there are others who understand that feeling of relief. It is so hard to explain to someone who has never felt it! #widfam
My husband passed away from mesothelioma. We were both in denial, I worked in pathology so I know about some types of cancer, but I never dealt with mesothelioma, I just knew it was as bad as pancreatic cancer. I usually would go and research everything about it. The only thing I researched was the surgery options. It turns out surgery was not an option. There are two types, one hits the lining of the lung, the other hits the inner lung. He had both and was already at stage 4. With mesothelioma it spreads easily. He had to have his lungs drained so anytime the needle goes in the cancer cells follow and forms a tumor. Then they put a drain in and another tumor. He had a scan done and the tumor was pushing on his esophagus and another tumor was literally eating away at his rib bones. That was the only time he would sort of yell when he would get a sharp pain.
After he passed I literally fell apart, it was like half of me died with him. I was very independent and didn’t expect to fall apart like I did.
His family acted like butts after he passed, except his dad.
I wish this wasn’t so common with family, and your way of grieving sounds completely normal- don’t hold yourself to a specific standard, just take things as they come!
My husband was also on A crap load of pain medicine from the post surgical neuropathy from the waist down as soon the nurse's disconnected him I jumped up and hugged him I hadn't been able to touch him for almost 3 years because of all the pain.The first two he refused palliative care medication but he couldn't take it anymore and yes I felt relieved as well but your mother in law sounds like a gem😮
Thanks for watching and sharing your feedback
My Dad's last week was so unbearable his doctor suggested giving him a drug that would put him into a deep sleep he said my dad would be out of pain and have great dreams, as my dad asked not to be in pain when he passed away, we gave him the drug. 2.20 am 20th October my dad Michael passed away in my mum's arms pain free.
I thought that’s what they would give Dewey, but he never got there, he just got weaker and weaker until he couldn’t speak anymore. Such a tough thing to watch! #widfam
I find I am incredibly grateful to you. I can’t seem to find the words that would adequately express my appreciation. I think you already know your sharing, your videos, are going to help so, so many people.
My deepest condolences to you and your family ❤️
Thanks for sharing. My sister has cancer and it helps me . We are 13 months apart and best friends. I am not sure what the future holds.
I was present for the deaths of my dad, mom and my husband. I consider it a gift in a way. I'm happy you found love again.
Thank you! #widfam
I was a young widow at 27 years old. My husband died of cancer as well....so very close to your story. I still now miss him so much, and he has been deceased 27 years. Your story touched me, because I have lived it myself. It's so hard, but we learn to move forward in life, we are braver, and stronger for having gone through it all. Blessings to you, your children, and your new marriage my fellow widowed friend. We do learn in the midst of grief to appreciate life a lot more. Blessings to you.❤
Thanks for watching and sharing with us as well! #widfam
@@OneHappyWidow You're welcome. Blessings. 💖
Wow what a beautiful tribute to your husband who passed. I’m happy that you found love again and I wish you all the happiness possible in your future.
Thank you, that is very nice of you to say! #widfam
Thank you for sharing. My tears flowed when I listened to your story. I remember my close friend who also passed away after battling with cancer. I also saw how she suffered while she was fighting her illness and it pains me to see her suffering. She has much drive to live but in her last few months, she too said that she can no longer fight it, the pain is too much. I pray that all who suffered and died from cancer be reunited with our loving Father in heaven.
If they were saved, I know they all are there! #widfam
I was told by an old Jewish woman. She always said, when a person's hands that continues to stay warm for a long period of time after death, that the individual always had a warm heart. So when she died at the age of 98, her whole body continued to stay warm for 8 hrs. I laid there by her side the whole entire time. I was working at an assisted living at the time. We both shared the same birthday (Dec 25th). Not even a month her handsome husband left us to be with his beautiful wife because he had a broken heart. I try so hard to understand death, but I just cant grasp it. This is the most difficult challenge that I face every single day. I hate talking about death, but watching your video, I found alittle comfort until the end regarding your ex mother in law, how selfish was that for her to do to you and your children. Thank you so much for sharing your family story.
Thanks for watching! #widfam
You seem like such a loving caring person. I am glad that woman had you by her side. I hope you are still in the health care industry, it needs people like you!
I wholeheartedly agree with @LoGo comment. I sure hope you're still in the healthcare industry because it desperately needs loving and genuine people, like you! That was a beautiful story. ❤️
You are wonderful !!! You went through all of this with so much dignity, love and support! Don t feel guilty, celebrate life with your family! I lost my husband, my partner, my soul mate in a sudden way, unexpected,7 years ago. I manage, somehow, to go over the bad days....having our son !!!! You have your kids and your new husband, enjoy it, every single day !!!!
I certainly try! #widfam
I've been through the sudden death of my husband back in 2001 when he passed suddenly at the age of 42. I remarried in 2004 and my husband now has stage 4 cancer so I'm going through the slow process of his death. No one grieves the same, it's not right or wrong it's yours and yours only.
I’m so sorry you are going through this again. And this time it is a completely different type of grief timeline. The difference is that you already know what it’s like on the other side of the journey and what you will be facing. I pray for you to have the strength to ensure this and for your husband to be pain-free during this transition. #widfam
I am so very sorry for everything you have gone through and all that you are going through now. I pray you have people around you whom you can lean on. Sending you love and prayers. ❤️ 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
I'm so sorry 🙏
❤ Stay strong
I’m so very sorry. You’re mother-in-law is a piece of work.
Say it louder for the people in the back! lol #widfam
@@OneHappyWidow she is so selfish..
I agree. My husband died in my arms last year and his mom blamed me for his death and I couldn't believe she had said that to me. I took care of him till the end. He died from heart failure And kidney failure
@@youronlybabygirl25 disgusting how awful so sorry to hear she blamed you.
@@jomartin6209 she is a very hateful person.no matter what I did for my husband she would tell me how bad of a wife I was..some people are just terrible human beings
My 17 years old sister was diagnosed with leukemia on a Dec 28 and passed away a week later January 3rd. She suffered so much to the point that our mother prayed God to take her to stop her pain, this happened in El Salvador, 3rd world country, she was receiving no pain medication. It was terrible for her and for us to see her suffering. I do understand what you are saying. God bless you.
I’m so sorry your sister went through that pain. #widfam
My heart aches for you. I recently lost my oldest brother to cancer and was with him day and night at hospice, just waiting for him to pass and watching the pain he felt. 😢. I so understand all you’ve said. God Bless you and your family.
I'm so sorry, it is a terrible thing to watch someone waste away and die... #widfam
I feel your pain, lost my brothers to cancer, was their when they passed hardest time of my Life
So awful that you have all this grief and the mother in law was completely thinking of herself incredibly selfish. So glad you found happiness again.xx
Thank you! #widfam
I'm so sorry that MIL didn't call you. That is absolutely the most awful thing I've ever heard. I do not want 2 kno the pain of losing a child, but there is NO reason 4 her 2 do that. I also went thru a quick anticipatory grief after a long illness and my MIL had 2 pay 4 husband's funeral & on the headstone she put that he was a son & dad but wouldn't put that he was a husband. We were together on and off from 15 y/o and married 16 yrs. U are so brave 4 telling us your families story!
Yes. The mother in law did a horrible thing to you and your children. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive her.
Made me so angry, I can't believe people can be this cruel in a moment like this and to even steal the moment from her own grandkids (if they wanted to be there), disgusting behavior. Very sorry for him and his wife and kids. I hope he was too unconscious to notice they were not there holding him 😢
Losing a spouse is incredibly painful, but losing a child - at any age - is far worse. Any mother of a sick child can tell you that. Please give "mom" a little grace and forgiveness.
Awww, I understood every single emotion you had. I'm not a widow, but my brother, Geoff, who was my very best friend, died of cancer too. I hope you don't consider yourself "weak" for having these emotions. You are not weak. You are braver than most that you could share them and do so on TH-cam. I could tell how angry you were/are at your MIL, I would be too. But, I believe people pass over when their time is right. It looked like the kids had said good bye to their daddy. I'm sure you had said hundreds of goodbyes before he went. Your husband is fine now, out of his pain and in heaven. He knew and knows how much you all loved him. He must be so proud of you and your TH-cam channel, especially because it takes so much strength. As you said, " On to happier things." Like all those years you had with your husband when he didn't have cancer. May they come to your mind first. God bless!
Thank you for sharing so many wise words!!! #widfam
Leo - I love your honesty. My husband and his father died together in a plane crash. So my MIL and I lost together. We had lots of ugly moments. I praise you for seeing that we all grieve differently and we can’t expect others to “be a better person “ we can only handle our grief and know they are grieving too . My grief is different and yet so much the same. Bless you and your kids. I hope people are inspired to get their legal affairs in order by this video. God bless you for showing us what “keep going” looks like. I battle wishing for my old life so much! You show me I’m not alone! ❤️
I know you and your MIL must have had some complicated grieving going on together! It probably helped sometimes and became a curse at other times. Dewey’s mom was also a widow...and had been for about 5 years when Dewey died. I realized after that I had sort of dismissed her pain and grief because it wasn’t mine and it was easier to ignore it and pretend it wasn’t there. I see now what she was going through (although she did not have children with him and was not still raising any when he died, but that left her even more alone!). I still consider everything that happened as a learning experience. That is why we are here...to keep learning about ourselves and others! #widfam
Thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry. You are an inspiration to me.... I am not a widow but my boyfriend died at age 58 in front of me of covid one year ago. It was so sudden and I didn't know he was dying or had died. It is hard. I loved him with all my heart and I cry often. Hard to believe it's been almost a year. Feels like time has stood still
You are experience the widowed journey, even though you weren't married. You are part of our #widfam Hugs to you!
This breaks my heart it still so raw after losing my dad to cancer 😢
I'm so sorry! #widfam
I hope your x mother in law is finding it difficult to live with herself!
Warm hands were for all of you! he was waiting for his family xxxx
Thank you, and I htink yu might be right about him waiting for us! #widfam
My moms hands were warm for a long time. I held her hand against my cheek for over an hour and memorized the feeling.
You can hold that memory with you! #widfam
I am so sorry for anyone who lost a loved one, my mom was in hospice, and when she passed, I held her hand for an hour, her hands was still warm, I also memorized the feeling of.her warm hands.
This is the first time I am visiting your channel, I am so sorry that you lost your husband, God Bless you and your children 🙏💔
Thank you for sharing your journey. This takes great courage. I too had to watch my husband die after a stage 4 cancer diagnosis. He fought hard for two years. I can relate to so much of what you have shared, the anticipatory grief, wanting the pain to end, not knowing what to expect. Worst months of my life. Know how much your story is helping others.
Thanks for your feedback! #widfam
I cried more later because I missed him so much. But I know where he is, he’s with Jesus!
I am so sorry for your loss. My husband passed away 9 months ago. He was also a disabled vet. We had an attorney that helped us get his Disability from the VA. The day they put him on hospice I informed the attorney. He worked super fast to get the amount and Disability rating increased.
The attorney advised me to get in touch with the medical examiner and make sure that they list at least 1 of his VA disabilities as contributing factors to his death on his death certificate. I did that and it only took about 3 months to start receiving my benefits of which I am very grateful for.
It is so unfair that rules ND guidelines are changed and we don't know until we need them.
Y husband went through chemo for almost 4 years. He had breast cancer.
He fought hard. He went from230 lbs to 110 lbs.
I had hospice here at home. The VA offered a nursing facility but I refused it.
I was afraid he would die alone.
I miss him so very much.
My best to you and your family
I have been through a LOT of paperwork and applications for benefits that I haven't shared many details about because it is so specific. I did try to get his death service-related, but was denied multiple times. Ironically, now the PACT Act is activated, if I wasn't remarried I would automatically be approved for benefits. My youngest daughter now qualifies, I just need to get her application filed, it's a few hundred extra a month until she is 18. Better than nothing. 3widfam
Your videos was spot on. I knew my pregrieving was normal. My husband has been gone for almost three years now. Miss him terribly. Thanks for making us widows feel normal!
Thanks for watching! #widfam
So important that you talked about a will. At 40 you are not thinking about that. I go in for open heart surgery and I fully expect to live through it and am doing a trust now. Thank you for your heartfelt video and am so glad to hear your husband is with the Lord!
You are right...I know how important it is now! I have increased my life insurance, and will be making my appointment to get my will (and my current husband's) done this summer. Thanks for watching! #widfam
I understand that feeling of relief. I felt that same way when my dad died of cancer. Thankfully he went quickly. It was actually a blessing that he didn't suffer for long.
This is how I felt also. But it does give mixed feelings! #widfam
Heartbreaking. Sleep in heavenly peace sir.
Amen, and thank you! #widfam
Very sorry for your loss, this was so real and honest, really felt in my heart. What really was heartbreaking is how cruel and selfish it was of his mother to not follow his wishes, to not even let his kids there, hopefully he was too unconscious to notice.
Let’s hope...he was pretty much sleeping most of the time anyway. #widfam
Just starting my grieving process. Been in anticipatory grief for the last 3 years. My hubby passed end of March 2021. Its is good for me to see you survive and i need that right now . God Bless
I'm so sorry you are on this journey with us. #widfam
hello
I found you today. I lost my husband almost 5 years ago. Things that happened I go over and over in my head. Things that happened that last day of his life. Your story is helping me realize that I have to just forget those things and quit dwelling on them.
So glad it helped. #widfam
Thank you for these videos. My husband has terminal brain cancer, has been fighting for soon to be 2 years. The anticipatiory grief is terrible for family. So sorry you lost him so young.
I’m sorry you are going through this as well! #widfam
There's a name for it! Anticipatory grief. My mother passed from lung cancer. Diagnosed may 2003 and passed sept 2003. I never really grieved after she actually passed and I realized I started grieving when she was diagnosed. Thank you for talking about this. Im so sorry for your loss 💜
Thanks for watching! #widfam
Thanks for sharing. Yes I agree that not many people understand about anticipatory grief. Normal and understandable to feel relief that our loved one is no longer suffering. I had a daughter who was ill from age 17 till age 24 when she died. That was 2014. I experienced the same relief: that she is no longer suffering and that I don't any longer have to spend my whole life either at the hospital or waiting for a call from the hospital. But many outsiders looking in on my situation ( and most people didn't want to know anything about her being ill ) would find it strange that I wasn't a quivering , weeping jelly , that I didn't totally fall apart. ( My youngest child was 13 so needed me. You have also talked about how we keep it together for our children.) They often said to me of her death '"the worst thing that can happen to a parent." But now, I believe , my daughter is in heaven . The worst thing was seeing her suffer . As you day, we just want them to not suffer more. And at that time everyone else didn't want to know about it . Do you know that many parents who lose a child die within two years? My husband died in 2016. I also relate to what you said about your current husband burying his wife on his birthday. We buried my husband on 7 November 2016. On 7 November 2019 I myself received a cancer diagnosis. I am convinced living with so much stress for so many years contributes. I am having excellent health care now, my latest check ups were excellent results , I know I have to take care of myself. We are looking forward to a family wedding soon as one son ( age 29) is about to get married. So , thank God, life moves on and we can have some happy times. Thanks for your work to build our widows community .
Thank you for sharing some of your experiences with us, and I'm so sorry for your losses! I also believe my husband is in Heaven. #widfam
I lost my husband when he was 58 8 years ago this past April. He was sick for about 3 years he was really miserable near the end but he did go unexpectedly from a brain stem aneurysm. It is hard even now. I admire how you are handling yourself and your children. All you can do is go one day at a time. I have to tell you, I was thinking of doing a TH-cam channel about grieving after losing a spouse and then one night your channel popped up out of the blue like I was ment to watch you. So thank you!!!!
Thank you for watching and for your feedback! #widfam
I was looking for information on anticipatory grief and came across your 2 part video. My son is dying and bone cancer which has metastasized to his lung. He also is in terrible pain like your husband was. Thank you for your video to help mother’s like me. I don’t want him to die, however the pain that he suffers is unbearable. Losing a child is the worse but I’ll get through it because he wouldn’t have it any other way.
I’m so sorry that you are having to watch your child suffer and in pain. Praying for your family.
I have lived your nightmare, my 30 year old Son passed away two weeks ago. He had a MPNST tumour that was diagnosed March 2023, he went through chemo, radiation and was always so positive he was going to beat it. It metastasised to his lungs he was told he was terminal the 10th of March and died on the 1st of May in my arms. I slept at the hospital and was with him day and night for the last week, Jackson was still believing he was not dying. Please prepare yourself for the end, it wasn’t peaceful for him struggling to breathe and the sound of his breathing. I wouldn’t have been anywhere else but by his side but I am broken and changed forever. But I felt the same thing wanting him to go to stop the tremendous pain but wanting him not to leave me. I will pray for you and for God to give you the strength through this horrible time.❤
I feel this so to my core. My husband had st.4 colon cancer an this was true for him, but my husband never complained to me I found out from a text to his brother🥺 it broke my heart he tried so hard for me too.
I love him endlessly💔
Sending hugs your way! #widfam
I watched both videos. My partner of 10 years passed 2-7-16. Diagnosed 11-29-15. I felt these videos. Love and prayers and Much Appreciation!!!!
Thanks for watching! #widfam
Leo, you are amazing!! You have helped me soooo much with dealing with the death of my husband of 39 years. He had a very unexpected massive heart attack (Sept 2020) and passed, so it was a major shock to me and my 3 grown and married kids and 5 grandkids. He didn't suffer. I know your circumstances have been much different, but I still relate to so much of what you've talked about in your videos. I love your channel and the support we can give each other! Thank you! Hugs!
Thank you, it really helps me to know that others are benefitting from me sharing my experiences. It is my form of therapy. #widfam
this is our story too. Thank you for sharing. My husband died July, 2020. I listened all thru this second half. No cancer, heart failure. However our paths, thoughts and actions were the same. Thank you. God Bless You and Yours. Amen.
Thanks and same to you! #widfam
Wow just come across ur video and it was like me watching myself. My dean was 49 and died 8 weeks after diagnosis. They gave him 12 to 24 months so to lose him in 8 weeks was a huge shock. Thank you for being so brave to do this video. It's good to know ur not the only person having all these feelings.
Sending much love from Australia xxx
That's why I share my experiences, so none of us feels alone in this journey! #widfam
You're a great story teller. I watched the two parts back to back because the story was so well told. My jaw dropped when I heard what the MIL did. Man! She has a higher power to answer to, and now it sucks to be her. Thanks for telling the story. My sister died at 43 with breast cancer, and she didn't let us in on a lot of the painful details because she didn't want to alarm us. So I find stories like yours sad, but comforting in a way, because it gives me a view into her world at the time. Luckily her husband was a rock solid soldier for her and continues to be for their kids. Godspeed to you, your kids and best wishes for your new marriage. What a ride!
Thanks for watching, and for your feedback! #widfam
Thanks for posting this. I can only imagine what you went through emotionally to post it. My wife had pancreatic cancer diagnosed October 2020 went through nearly all that you described, she went through treatment lasted 15 months, 15 extra months of time to spend with her we were married 44 years 4 days. Needless to say I’m still worn out she died in January 2022 so I guess I’m still raw and this grief sucks. I just happened upon your channel and had to subscribe your insight and information on the various aspects of grief have helped greatly in this process. The decisions I have had to make were and are heart wrenching. Please continue to do this to help others, thanks
Thanks for your kind words, and I’m glad the information was helpful for you. Prayers sent your way! -#widfam
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm sorry your mother-in-law was so selfish. My husband died 3 months ago today and I am grateful he is out of pain, but I still miss him like it was yesterday that he passed. You are doing a great service to those of us trying to navigate being a widow. Thank you so much.💖
Thanks for watching. I am sharing so that others won’t feel alone in this journey. #widfam
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I'm sorry for your loss. My husband has liver cancer. He is on the transplant list. Our lives will never be the same since his diagnosis on Aug.3, 2020. I think about it non stop. I go to the bad place full of worrying what life will be like if he dies, and if he will survive the surgery. A million things go through my mind.
I think that's normal for all of us! #widfam
My husband had a stroke a month ago and they found by accident a nodule on his rt lung....i’m scared to death. i don’t know what the future holds, i just want him home with me, your story breaks my heart. i can’t imagine what you went thru.. i’m going to continue to watch your videos... god bless you!!!!
much love from North Carolia
Thanks for watching! #widfam
I’m so so sorry y’all had to go through that , I remember when my father got colon cancer and he was gone within 6 months of diagnosis and he passed early in the morning and we weren’t told ( similar situation to yours) and in a way I’m kind of glad I wasn’t there as he was passing , I was young ( around 8 ) so I didn’t fully understand , I just remember how my mom reacted , she put on a brave face and one night I remember hearing a weird noise so I got up and I went to her bedroom door and I could hear her sobbing and saying “ why did you leave I don’t know how to do it without you , I don’t know what to do what do I do “ out of everything I remember that moment , my moms pain is embedded into my memory , it’s a pain I wouldn’t want to wish on anyone , i pray you and the kids will find peace within y’all’s hearts and know she may have taken that moment from you but she can never take away the love he had for you all , the memories , the love y’all had for him , ❤️💕 I wish I could give you all a big hug
Absolutely brutal, but thank you so much for sharing such a painful memory. My wife of 33 years just passed away from stage IV breast cancer (earlier this month) and died, at home, under hospice care. Hearing your family's story is triggering. I just wonder how a surviving spouse survives such an event because right now I am just trying to claw my way through each day. The pain suffered by surviving spouses is real and intense. Your story gives me some desperately needed hope this is survivable, so thank you!
Thanks for watching and sharing your support
Your video is magnificent.
My husband is battling cancer and I understand your mindset.
I'm so sorry that you are on this journey! #widfam
You’re video was so authentic, raw and will be helpful to other dealing with life’s challenging situations. May God bless you and your family. I pray for your healing and look forward to you living life with you family.
Thank you for watching! #widfam
Thank you for a raw, honest, emotional video. Sharing your feelings will let others know those feelings are normal. Hugs and blessings to you and your family. How cruel and selfish his mother was. I am so very sorry. 😢❤️
Thanks for watching! #widfam
So sorry to hear your loss, dear. You and your husband are the greatest parents any children could have. That’s all I can say. Thank you for sharing your story. I know it was so hard to tell but you’re story helps a lot of people.
Thank you! I don't feel like the best mom most of time, just surviving...but he was an awesome Dad, that's for sure! #widfam
I had to drive 7 hrs to get to my husband, and he was still warm when I finally got to him...the body cools down slowly for those who wonder....missing him daily after 16 yrs...love lasts till we meet again...
I had no idea! Thanks for sharing! #widfam
Thank you for sharing this part of your life. I sincerely hope that your grief is more bare able now. I know it will never totally leave your heart but I guess all you can do is cherish the good times you and your children had with him. I lost my little grandson when he was just 3yrs old and I know the pain never totally goes away. My prayers are, of course with you.
I'm so sorry about your grandson, and will pray for you as well. Thanks for sharing your feedback.
Thank you for sharing your journey. You are helping so many people.
Thanks for watching! #widfam
I am a recent widow. I can relate to the anticipatory grief. My husband of 46 years passed at home while on hospice. Some days the hurt is so great I try to convince myself that it can’t be real. Our 3 grown daughters were at his bedside round the clock. Although we too wanted him to be free from his battle with cancer, that meant an emptiness that is all consuming. It’s only been 8 weeks but I know this will be a struggle to find “normal” times again. Thank you for the courage to relive the painful memories in an effort to help us “newbies”. Bless you and your family.
Thanks for watching...it does get easier to manage on a daily basis! #widfam
I honestly cant believe your mother inlaw did that. What a heartless soul. How could she do that to her son and his babies and his wife.
You are an incredible woman hun. So strong and brave. Your husband is smiling on you and your babies and is always wrapping his loving arms and hands around you all🙏💙 Thank you for sharing this. The amount of strength it must of taken to make these i literally cant even comprehend.
Iam so sorry for your loss. No one should have to endure this pain or see their loved one go through this. Plz dont ever feel guilty hun. You still have to go on and look after your babies. You were in shock and trying to process everything and then what your MIL did on top if it. Your just an amazing soul and deserve every good thing there is to offer in this life. Enjoy it lady🙏💪🦅❤
Thank you! #widfam
This is the most honest, real and helpful video I have seen about the death experience. I watched my longtime partner of 20 years slowly wither away due to liver cancer. He was so strong, but 2 years of the fight did him in. It's all so unfair. We have to help each other through it. There is no other way out of the pain. Thank you Leo!!!
Thanks for watching, and sharing your feedback #widfam
I have lost both parents and a brother to cancer as well as losing 2 more brothers..and I know that grief can take its toll on you..I lost 4 in a period of 6 yrs..and it was as if there wasn't a time to grieve. And out of all ..my mother's has been the hardest..I remember when I was growing up that was my biggest fear,losing my mother, My best friend..but as you said..they're out of pain when God takes them home.❤.May God bless all of you and all that's here .Amen❤
Thanks for watching and for sharing your story as well #widfam
almost every word you said resonated with me! all of it. I can't tell you how much this helps me understand how I'm not the only one who felt that way. My sister passed away from breast cancer just as tragic as your late husband did. it was the hardest thing I have ever had to go through. nothing you can do to help. I couldn't hug her for almost two years, and that is still the hardest part. It's been a year now and it is still hard for me to believe it. thank you again for being so incredibly brave to share this. much love to you and your kiddos!
Thank you for watching, and for sharing your story! #widfam
My dad died of cancer in 2016 . he was 90 years old. My mother was diagnosed with Alzheimers 20 years ago, she is 88. I lost the woman that raised me, she died 10 years ago. now i and family are raising her. watching a parent die so slowly and with no understanding, just sucks.
That's so tough! #widfam
What a wonderful person you are. Your story pulls at my heart strings. Sending you wishes for you and your family to recover from your loss...
Thanks for watching and sharing your feedback
Can I start by congratulating you on your bravery to share all this with us all. I lost my husband Steve on 2nd May 2021 from an aggressive brain tumour, a glioblastoma stage 4 which took 5 months to be diagnosed. So much of your story resonated deeply with our situation. It is still so raw for me and I have the funeral this coming Wednesday, 26th May. We weren’t blessed with children but I have a beautiful sister Wendy and fabulous friends who are helping me through. I also lost my other darling sister Elaine to Covid-19 on 31st March 2020 and I had major surgery 24th February 2021. I could go on forever but don’t have your capacity to share it as you have,. So may I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your story which in so many ways has been similar. Maybe, like you, one day I will have the strength to share the dreadful journey dear Steve travelled before he finally let go. Bless you and may I wish you and your children much happiness in your future life with your new husband. 🙏💞🙏💞🙏💞🙏💞🙏
I'm so sorry for you loss, and your sister also...so many Covid losses and complications! I will be praying for you for tomorrow's funeral. #widfam
Hi I lost my husband 2nd Jan 2020, als GBM Grade 4, after 34 years of marriage. I still wear my wedding rings, to me I am still married although I know he is gone. Do not think I will ever get over losing him.
Thank you for sharing your story . Lost my dad to cancer and I agree with you in so much. Mum now has cancer ..... in a lot of pain. Thank you for making me feel normal .. take good care lovely lady x
Thank you! #widfam
I'm sole caregiver to my 33 year old daughter, who is terminal and suffering so much.
Thank you for this video... I know it's coming... I dont know when. I'm not sure what I'll do and who I'll be after shes gone, and I fear that...
I'm just here... day after day...
That's all you can do right now! #widfam
How is your daughter now my dear? How are you holding up?
@@dariahughes5564 she passed away very shortly after this post. Radiation had destroyed so much of her insides trying to kill the cancer, that it ultimately caused her to bleed out and finally kill her. She died peacefully in my arms on August 16... Her name is Emily and she will forever be 33 years old.
As for me... I'll learn to breathe again someday...
It destroyed my marriage so I'm mid divorce... and that's as it should be.
Life goes on,.. vastly different, but she lets me know she's around... I'm ok... and for now, ok is a lot better than I was...
Thanks for sharing your story. My perfectly healthy strong husband died suddenly one morning from a cardiac event, almost 3 months ago. He died at home, paramedics could not do anything. I grieve for the life he is not living every day. It feels like I am in a surreal place, he was here one minute and gone the next. We were so happy, I have no regrets but many times I wished we had time to say our good byes. Listening to you, I think maybe it was for the best. I can’t imagine him going through what your husband went through. This video also helped relate to you more and have some hope. Your otherwise happy disposition seems to be so far out of reach for me. Realizing how bad it was (and still is) for you makes me think that maybe one day I will be able to feel better again.
I hope I can help someone...it helps
Me to share my story. I think the grief journey begins so differently between sudden and prolonged deaths...but over the long haul, it levels into more common feelings. I hope that you are able to feel some level of happiness inside yourself, or at least some purpose for why you are still here (because I believe we ALL have purpose, or we wouldn’t still be here!). Reach out if you ever need to, and join our FB group, where we have a wonderful supportive widfam over there!
Thank you for sharing your pain with us. My heart goes out to you and your children. I, too, experienced anticipatory grief and much relief when my husband passed. Thank you for sharing the facts of this type of grief.💜💜💜
Thanks for watching! #widfam
once in while you come across a video that leaves you speechless. This is for sure one of those times. All I can even get out is God Bless you and your family.
Thank you for watching ! #widfam
I walk in your shoes4 years ago ,with exactly same illness of my husband.And I’m still feel terrible.I understand that he doesn’t suffer any more ,but.... I miss him so much .....
Me too Ana. Same, liver & pancreatic cancer. My husband died on June 27th 2018. I don’t think I’ll ever stop missing him. The things that happened to me after his death are just crazy. Everything in our house broke as well as our 2 1/2 year old car. I had no money almost, 70 and yet God in all his mercy made a way where there was absolutely no way! It was the worst time of my life. But, here I am, almost three years later.
I’m able to smile and laugh, but I will forever miss him. I have not remarried.
I’m so thankful for this channel. I also had anticipatory grief and didn’t know it. The worst part are the days they give you the bad news and the days you watch them suffer and cay help. The end Is relief, they are no longer suffering.
I’ll be praying for you Ana. God Bless you.
@@dawnbritt6215 Thank you, Before I was a big believer, but before my husband I lost my youngest Sister and my Mom of breast cancer within 3 weeks apart and then my husband , with salival glandular cancer and at the spread all over , is a rare type of cancer ,was a little to much for me , one next to other . I had to do three grieving st one time and Im still struggling.Is hard with out him , the three of them where my support. Im keep going for my sons. And working to believe again in God. Have a blessed Day .
I understand the missing!!! #widfam
Oh I know you have heard the I'm sorry for your loss many times. But truly i am sorry. Sharing your story, I'm sure was very hard. But you do it with make grace. I'm sure your children are proud of you for having the strength to share. You have now shared your story with the world. Helping many other who are or will be going through a similar experience. Thank you for that! Bless you and your family!🙏👍❤
Thanks for watching and sharing your feedback #widfam
Wow. My case is different but this video has answered questions and helped my so much!
In my case my Mother has terminal cancer of the kidney. My sister and I take care of her and Hospice has recently started coming. Us sisters talk about how strange it is to feel grief even though our Mother is still here! It’s very sad and very confusing. Thank you for explaining!!! Such a blessing.
Yes, I wish someone had explained this to me during that time, I think it would have helped me then and right after he died, so I wouldn't have felt like I was grieving enough right after his death! #widfam
I just went through with my husband passing 2 months ago everything you say is true May God bless you and family and you will never experience such grave situation again.
Thanks for watching and God bless you also! #widfam
I lost my dad to adenocarcinoma of the esophagus. No pain... withered away. Husband died of GBM, no physical pain. So grateful for both.
Glad there was no pain, still hard to watch and go through! #widfam
I love your honesty and your bluntness. Your videos are helping me as I go through this journey with my husband cancer. I want to say I’m sorry for what you’ve gone through and I thank you for your message.
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I watched part one and now this! My dad died of cancer, and so I could relate to sooooo much of what you said! Hugs! 💖
Thank you so much for sharing. I understood exactly what you're saying.. Xx
Thank you for watching! #widfam
Wow. You have put words to what so many have felt. Losing a loved one and the grief that goes with it is so complex. Especially with children. You have helped so many with your candor and honesty. I hope that your family heals and that your life brings you joy.
What your mother in law did was inexcusable. I have a son, you have a son too. Imagine watching him die. Hopefully at some point she will realize that wasnt the right thing, because he had a family of his own. I do know that grief makes people do things they normally wouldn't.
Thanks for watching! #widfam
Thank you, thank you, thank you for your courage to share your journey! You rock !
Thanks for watching! #widfam
Thank you so very much for your post. My husband just died of cancer, and I can relate to everything you said. It is so hard, but being able to listen to people like you, really makes a difference. Thank you, and God bless.❤
Thanks for watching and sharing your feedback.
Thanks for sharing your story. Cancer is an ugly beast! I think that in some ways it can be harder on the loved ones than the patient. That has been the case for me and some friends who also have cancer. I'm about your age and have been battling colon cancer since 2018. I'm now stage 4. It's such a challenging time and puts life in perspective. I'm glad that you got to make special memories before you lost him.
Edit: Wow! I just got to the part about your mother-in-law. What a horrible situation!
Lisa, Im praying for you to have strength and that the medical staff will be able to keep your pain level under control. And I hope that you have a support system in place around you...reach out if you ever need us! #widfam
@@OneHappyWidow Thank you so much!
I admire your honesty with the viewer and yourself. Sorry your family went through that. Hope your current life is filled to the brim with old and new happy memories!! ❤❤❤
Thanks for watching
My husband died 7 years ago like yesterday of Cancer . He was diagnosed dead in 2 weeks to the day .
Oh my! 2 weeks??? That is so fast, I'm sorry for your loss. #widfam
hello
how are you doing??
Off and on for about three years my son battled throat cancer. It recurred three times. He suffered as your husband did with pain. He didn't die until the day he knew we got custody of his youngest daughter. That signaled his release; she was safe in our care as he had wanted; he could go home. The VA took care of his surgery and subsequent treatment. Home hospice tended to his needs until he passed. His memories sustain us and will until we join him above.
Thank you for the courage that allowed you to share your story. God bless you.
Thanks for watching and sharing! #widfam
It feels so strange to “refeel” so many of the things you talked about today! When I first heard “Pancreatic Cancer/ stage 4/4 and a half” I knew . I knew I was going to lose him. On the way home he looked over at me and said “ Damn, I planed to grow old with you.” I agree- grief starts early on - at least for me. I had lost my first husband when I was still in my 40’s. Heart failure because of lung cancer. Remarried 2 and a half years later to a man who had lost his first wife , remarried Very quickly, and was divorced.
Men tend to jump back into the water quickly!
So many of the things you talked about ring thru to me, I cried with you. It has been almost 26 yr. for 1st husband ( father of my 3 children) and almost 6 for my 2nd. And it Still hurts! Not the same way, but it does hurt. I often find myself asked questions like you do. My answers sound a lot like some of yours. As must as possible, take your time- don’t let anyone else tell you when to move on- do it in your timing. And know that you are not alone. Widow! I hate the word. Not a club I wanted to join. Thanks for saying the hard things !
Thanks so much for sharing! #widfam
Wow! You nailed it! My wife was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 2017 & endured surgery with all possible complications & setbacks & died 1.5 yrs ago in home hospice. I was her caregiver & it was an exhausting & demanding time for me. I was already retired & was with her the entire time. I was with her when she took her last breath & was so relieved for us both afterwards. I've been attending telephonic bereavement support meetings with online therapy. It helps to talk about it since friends & family might think I should've gotten over all of this by now. I won't forget 36 years of marriage. The memories are too indelible. I knew her prognosis would be bleak when she was diagnosed. I didn't not tell her nor the family. I kept it in, even from her, until she was in hospice with moments of sadness to myself. I didn't want anyone to give up hope. Thank you for your story.
So sorry for your loss! #widfam
What you are saying about the constipation and pain, sounds exactly what my husband went through….it was so sad. I remember him telling me , “please don’t forget me.” I still till this day can’t talk about that with out crying- like I would ever forget him, broke my heart. He also asked to go to hospice- he was there three days and passed. Our stories sound very similar. I am so very sorry what your mother in law did, that is horrible. ❤️
Thanks for watching, and sharing your feedback. I think cancer deaths do tend to have so many similarities. It truly is heartbreaking! #widfam
Death is so final no matter how you part ways. I lost two husbands: the first (after 25 happy years) died at 49 from an unexpected mass heart attack: the second after 11 yrs of loss to the first, married the second with cancer. He was in remission. A little more than 2 years later he passed similar to your story. Defecating issues were quite prominent in the latter stage of failing. In BOTH cases the losses were irreversible, painful and so final. But, having experienced a great yet different loving experience with both of them, I became so much stronger and confident in myself that I could see my way through the losses and acceptance of the grief that came. You, like any widow who survives great loss, are a warrior. My faith in God saw me through the roughest of times. He prepared me for what was yet to come in my life. I am now a major caregiver to my elderly parents. One passed 4 years ago and the second is in a balancing act to stay alive (at 96). Although all our stories are unique, the pain is very real. Hang in there. It will get better as time passes. I miss my partners as much today as yesterday. Dying is a part of living no matter when it happens or how. Lean on friends, family and groups like this. I stumbled upon the site today and felt an urgent need to respond. God bless you and your children for what you have endured. Pain has a way of healing through reaching out to others in need. Forgive his mother so you can heal completely without guilt. Anger only opens new wounds if you let it. This is your time to reflect on the good you have done by example for your children and yourself. Thank you for sharing your story to help others see the light through their darkest times 😢👼💖