Full podcast episode: th-cam.com/video/qtOKrG_wK5A/w-d-xo.html Lex Fridman podcast channel: th-cam.com/users/lexfridman Guest bio: Dr. Shannon Curry is a clinical and forensic psychologist who conducts research, therapy, and clinical evaluation pertaining to trauma, violence, and relationships. She testified in the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard trial.
That is not right. Its is not hormonal, its hardwired in a man's brain. The evolutionary purpose is to protect the female. That is why we are selfless when we are in love. It does not benefit the man in terms of survival I would argue that it harms him however gives rise to creativity art music and motivation
That is not right. Its is not hormonal, its hardwired in a man's brain. The evolutionary purpose is to protect the female. That is why we are selfless when we are in love. It does not benefit the man in terms of survival I would argue that it harms him however gives rise to creativity art music and motivation
It's quite refreshing and warms my cold heart to see so many of the wonderful, long relationships in the comments. I hope I can earn & have what you do. Best wishes to all of you.
Been with my wife now for 22 years. And all of my grandparents, parents aunts and uncles have never been divorced. Want to know the secret of staying together for so long? Have gratitude for one another. Gratitude for your partner is number one. … Number two is a good sense of humor
Yeah that's fantastic most can relate... The difference is our uncles and perhaps even yourself never had to deal with social media and the cameraphone while in a relationship it's a nightmare
@@clarkymann social media had an affect on cheating but not divorce. The divorce rate spiked in the 70s and 80s after women got more rights and the whole "independent woman" theme took off. But for the last 20 years divorce has been on a decline bcz more women are rejecting the bullshit of having to be breadwinners and being "independent" over happy
Intent & sense of humor is also important. We dated 5 years before marriage & together 33 years. I heard someone said the first 20 years of marriage is the hardest.
"Partner's bids" in my opinion equals love language. It's key to know your own love language as well as your partner's and vice versa. It makes a world a difference to achieve more positive interactions.
It's important, but I've noticed that it is difficult to "practice it" when they are different. That is, neither one truly understands the value it holds to the other. My girlfriend would often remark how she thought it was "weird" that I would simply enjoy walking and talking to friends (or her). And to me, gifts like flowers or whatever seem silly and pointless: they just die in a week; why does someone need another bracelet? ...it does nothing!?
It is our 28th wedding anniversary today. When people asks what our secret is we say. Believe your spouse is giving everything they can to the relationship and in doing so it will encourage you to put 100% into the relationship. We both have disabilities. When I ask her to do something for me and she says she can’t because her symptoms are elevated right know I never question that. I never think “ O she just didn’t want to do that” that never enters my thoughts. I have not taken out the garbage in over a year because it elevates my symptoms for a couple hours. But when she was in the hospital and during recovery I made sure things like that got done by doing it my self or hiring someone else to do it.
She’s so cool, I love these short videos definitely makes me want to go see the whole interview. Lex asks great questions, I guess he’s looking for answer’s himself. I myself struggle in relationships, I can’t point out which category I fit in, anxious yes, avoidant yes, but there’s more to it, listing to her gives me more understanding of myself and my expectations of myself and others. I see you blushing Lex 😏
"If love does not know how to give and take without restrictions, it is not love, but a transaction that never fails to lay stress on a plus and a minus." ~ Emma Goldman
People believe love needs to involve constant intense feelings but it's actually the opposite. Love is give and take without knowing you're giving and taking because no one is keeping score since joy is felt either way. It's not based on materialism but in the joy of just knowing the other person or life form exists. Keeping score is transactional and that isn't love. It's a form of control and control isn't love.
@@coolbreeze5683 true, my parents have been married for 2 decades, their purest form of love isnt gifts and dinner dates and acting like their on a honeymoon, it's them cackling all night with each other
In my experience, maintaining a healthy like in a partner for years is most difficult. I can only speak for myself but I’ve found often in my experience and talking with many others, it seems most fall out of like not love. In the beginning “I like you.” Then “I love you.” In the end “I love you, but I don’t like you anymore.” Unconditional love is obtainable, unconditional like is impossible. Then again, maybe it’s just me
I don't get it. If you suddenly don't like someone, then doesn't that mean you never did? How often do you suddenly stop liking one of your long term friends. Something serious has to have happened
Love can fade but friendship and sharing common interests, while being funny and good intentioned goes a long way . Everyone’s been through bumps in the road myself included , but working through issues and making it through year 3,5,7 is really important…. The wife and I are now going through our newborn baby adjustment . Just trying to make my wife feel appreciated and not forgotten while the babies our main focus together
And by having babies you've attained the actual purpose of marriage...and she no needs to realize that when she is feeling "sad" and getting dumb ass advice from her friends telling her that she needs to find her own happiness...uh no. It's not about you and your happiness in a marriage. It's about collectively enjoying your family and raising good children to better society.
As a social but generally solitary person, I finally found someone who’s company I genuinely prefer to my own. That is my only bar and she’s the only one to have met it. The fact that she’s hot is just a bonus
Lol. My friend is 36 and she met a guy a month ago and the first week in said “We know people think we’re crazy and we don’t care, he’s my person, we’ve been waiting for each other, we’re in love” and then says she’s moving across the country with him. I was like dude, people don’t think you’re crazy, they think you’re experiencing what every single other person experiences at the beginning of a new relationship. But yeah that is why we think you’re crazy for believing you’re the exceptions and that no you really have met the person you’re spending your life with, and it’s not just the excitement of a new relationship. I don’t get people like that. For better and for worse my mom raised me to be extremely head over heart. I’ve never felt in love like that.. but I’ve loved a lot of people
I like how you just shared and didn’t try to make a definitive statement on how things are or “ought to be”. Sure she’s crazy but plenty of people fall in love right away, it’s all about keepin it in check. Verify that that’s what it is before you move across the country. Maybe she’s right though, who are we to judge?
My husband and I knew we were meant to be together as soon as we met and we met in a romantic way too (met him while I was on holiday). I thought it was too good to be true and forced myself to be skeptical lol Eventhough I knew he was it for me, we did long distance for over a year, we went back and forth visiting between our countries for a little while until he came to my country and we lived together for a year before getting married. It's been over 14 years now and it's still great! It's surprising how accurate your gut instinct can be, even when your brain says be cautious. My gut was giving me greenlights the whole time. Hopefully your friend's choice is what's right for her. Atleast it'll be an experience either way.
I worked with an older lady who was so desperate she went on many dates online. She finally met a guy and he moved in with her within a month! They were heads over heels in love with each other. 2 years later they broke up for what reason she didn’t tell me. But he passed away shortly after that. Accidental od is what I was told. Last I heard of her the other coworkers said she met another man online and moved to the island to be with her leaving her 20 year old daughter behind… yikes
This doesn't exactly have to do with this topic, but when she mentioned people wanting to be seen and cared about by someone, I had a woman come up to me and ask for my number (that never happens to me) and it felt amazing to have someone have enough interest that she came to me for my info. But I told her early on, after the first date, that it wouldn't be right to continue with where I am with myself right now. A part of me wishes I didn't do that, but overall I do not regret my decision because I know it was the right thing to do.
She's absolutely right. I been divorced for 17 years and have 2 boys, one of which is Autistic. So far, there isn't a man that I've met who wants that responsibility because it's just too hard to deal with. Meaning, that person never loved me enough to work it through. I've always said love is a journey to self love so that you can truly love someone and they would do the same for you. That kind of love isn't easy. It takes work and patience.
Men and women in general don't want to care for someone else's children. Let alone a child with special needs. We are wired to procreate. Not care for other people's kids.
You already failed at your task. The man with whom you had these kids is the man you were supposed to lock in a marriage. By having his kids you have already rejected all other men and they therefore have no obligation to raise the bastard kids of a post prime hag
So you think that love has degrees? He never loved you enough... Well, maybe you never gave them a chance to get to love you because you started off with demands to take responsibility for your special kid. Remember that men have enough responsibility of their own to cater for someone who is exclusively YOUR responsibility. And it has nothing to do with love, which you seem to vehemently demand from men.
@Roman O no. I didn't introduce them to my kids. Sorry but I'm a hardworking independent woman who isn't codependent on a man. My ex husband was rich and he threw money at me like I was some beggar. Besides that, it was just sex that men wanted from me. Nothing more. So I give everyone a chance that I date.
@@h0lezee he has a bad haircut for sure but I wouldn’t bash him like that. All-in-all he seems like a decent guy so there’s no need to be disrespectful towards him
@@vinceocratic not bashing or being disrespectful. If he was my friend, I would say it to his face. Maybe he cut it himself and didn't notice. I shaved my head last week and missed a huge spot. Nobody said anything and I looked like an idiot all day.
Together with my lady since 1991. Raised 2 wonderful ladies. Long lasting love is the only real type. The rest is called lust and stupidity posing as love because we are bad at defining things. Real love doesn't care about the studies. It exists, but hides behind commitment, persistence, and grace so most people today can't find it.
The love of my life passed away. We had that crazy in love relationship. People based their lives around ours. Behind the scenes now I realize I compromised a lot. But the love was always there. He also compromised a lot I’m sure. I’m dramatic and feel everything. After his death I thought I would die if it wasn’t for our 3 children. I never thought I could love another person at the level I loved him. Jump 3 years later and I’m in a wonderful, solid, compassionate, loving and funny relationship with a man I would’ve never saw myself with. He makes it easy to love him because of his loving nature and patience with me and my 3 sons. I feel blessed to have learned what she is talking about because if not I would’ve been looking for the love my husband and I had and not the stability and happiness I have now.
@@johnbags2525 a more practical, respectful one. My first husband was great but he was a big kid that his Mother spoiled. Only child thing and she was still doing his laundry when I met him at 24. At 37, my partner now does his own laundry, has a 401k and doesn’t need his Mama to help clean his house.
This advice is not just for couples but for healthy relationships in general. It works with close friends, children, parents and humans in general. The only hurdle is finding an emotionally mature person to partner with and finding emotionally mature friends. Because, emotional intelligence is useless if your partner is a narcissist, sociopath or a borderline all of whom are emotionally childlike.
same. its always confusing to watch friends and family who seemingly hate their wife/husband and it almost becomes a joke. constant bickering, general lack of understanding, and unwillingness to communicate and transform over time. I got lucky, my best friend is my wife and we are extremely close after several years navigating life and hardships.
Also in nature we're not all meant to be hook up, some are happy as loners. Yet until we know who we really are, we'll search for this pie in the sky over & over & over. My favorite things about a relationship has been the beginning & the end.
The romantic high is strong in the beginning. But the love and understanding gets stronger and deeper over time. Children help bond you together. I'm Catholic, and I am in it forever. People need to understand that there are highs and lows BUT you should both be committed to improving the relationship.
@@wread1982 I don't believe I have ever met a predator priest. They do exist. It is evil. But I won't throw away Christ's teachings because some people are evil. That's on them. They will answer for it eventually.
@@apointonacurve What are the selfish immoral reasons? My parents loved each other and me and my brother. Why would I think they are selfish in loving me? I'm very grateful for my family. Do you not love your parents?
@@hopefulforhumanity5625 Support in old age, Emotional support, Sense of purpose, Trap spouse into marriage, house work, farm work, physical and mental abuse, accidental from using another person for pleasure, Support from the State through welfare. Rarely does someone have children to just give to the child with nothing in return. Children are like pets that can take care of the owner in old age age. YES. Children are born for immoral reasons.
Married 25 years. You have to move from romantic love to unconditional love and also appreciation. All while allowing the person to change and be themselves. It takes intentional work.
This is a weird time in the dating scene right now. A lot of people pretend they do want love and a serious relationship but it always comes with a list of requirements since there are so many options to choose from. So they move on early on. I always approached relationships with the mindset that I chose that particular person and I will try to make it work with her. I've went through cheating, tons of emotional and even physical abuse, narcissists and more but stayed loyal while in the relationships. And it always has been that, no matter how much I change for the better, it is never enough to the other person. But it makes me happy to see couples where both care and I'm glad that they exist even though I myself might never get there. Hopefully times change for the better without wars and such.
Hey man stay strong, I've stayed loyal with a cheater for almost 3 years and even with all the pain and trauma I still was on the right side trying to figure things out and all, besides she was in more pain than me then and now too so that tells you a lot. God is good and you see the truth that He build, stay in it and everything's going to be a-okay!
@@whatsupbudbud it was in my teens so yea, I would only believe someone if there was true repentance, back then girl didn't repent of anything she had done and still was claiming to love me, but yea, if you're not sacrificing those things that's not love for sure, thank God I knew this even back then.
@@johnbags2525 I'm of the opinion that neither are perfect so both should grow in each other's company though I am guilty of being the only one who tries, so dust it is.
not settling is a big one for me. i just got engaged to young lady who i absolutely admire for her smarts and sense of humor. it doesn’t hurt that shes an absolute smoke show 😊
The fist part of the conversation is not “love”. That’s lust, desire and infatuation. Love is the second part. The things you do to make your partner feel loved. That’s actually love, love is a verb not a feeling. That’s why arranged marriages work, because they know they have to actively love each other.
Bukowski lived in a certain place with a certain culture and he was very introspective about himself and others. He was right about what he saw.. but so are the others who manage to achieve their lifelong loves.
Erotic love lasts at most about 2 years, assuming you're both strongly attracted. Filial love is different. That takes time, commitment, earned trust and standards.
Very interesting segment, I am now going to seek out the remainder of the interview! Thanks for the continued assortment of of amazing guests! Love you LEX!
Who don't love himself / herself, Can not do love with other person. Who can not stay with himself / herself can not stay with other person. In the riligon they have all the answers about love and life.
You take something pure. Then you superimpose other things, marriage contract, kids, house, in-laws, money, expectations. Stop having sex and besides most married people treat their partner terribly. This has to fail in most cases. We need to prioritize the love relationship over everything else.
First of all When you Love ....like LOVE someone....that feeling is very very different than having a crush or a physical attraction, lust , and other things. Many people get confused, but it's okay young people haven't experienced those things.
Based on drugs? So her point is, find someone that you are not in love with, so you can make an emotionless decision on whether to sign the contract on whether you want to spend your life with them. Sounds like a boring corporate meeting. Most of the best couples I know were deeply in love when they met.
Informed decision based on brain, binding oneself with a reasonable person, one you can negotiate with, what works for you based on belief system and values, love grows as a process. It is not allowing attraction, spark, chemistry cloud ones judgement when taking one of the most important decisions of one's life. It does not necessarily mean this is the only way. The other way as you said works around as well if it does, falling and staying in love.
@@Ffar2578 Pure emotions and intuition should not be ignored in decision like this. Not all things can be put on a spreadsheet. There is an eternity of evolutionary logic in how your feelings work. Emotions can also be "deepened" by exploring things like poetry, creativity and art in general, so your responses are not "shallow" and based only on sexual attraction.
This is very interesting as always with a lex guest. But I can’t ignore the obvious bender lex has been on prior to this interview. I figure he slept in his suit, didn’t shower, then did 8 hours work, ate a chip, and then did an interview. ❤ Lex.
@@howdarethee Referring to *arranged marriages* -- I'm not Indian but I understand the logic. You know and care about the people in your family enough to pick a viable match for them, lest they be betrayed by their feelings and end up in a failed marriage like most marriages do in the west these days.
Love lasts as long as joy and true friendship lasts in a relationship. The moment that joy dwindles or the friendship breaks down for whatever reason, love ceases. Joy is the stuff of friendship, friendship makes happy marriages, and love is just the feeling that true joy is being shared and enjoyed together. Some couples are bonded by joy others are bonded by shared suffering, only the former are capable of true love.
I’m 26 right now and I met a girl in early 2017. We only got to be close for less than 2 months and then split apart because of many reasons. We bumped into one another last week out of nowhere and admitted to one another that we both were in love and still are. I’ve thought about her every day for 6 years and she told me the exact same thing. She just recently had twins with a man that treats her like shit and with the way I feel deep down inside, I’m going to be s fucking step father within the next few years.
@@atuvera9021 the same feeling you have is the same feeling most of us have, men & women, and even more so for women therefore there are most definitely a ton of good women out there looking for genuine love
@@rambojambo588 I didn't say majority, but there are a ton. Everyone will encounter multiple people who would be good partners for them within their lifetime as long as they themselves are good people and good partners. The divorce rate has been going down every year for the past 2 decades. Trust me, people know how hard real love is and that's why more people are trying harder to be the good partners they want. Don't believe the narratives social media tell you, there are large population of women who despise the cheating culture and are really seeking out the men who despise it as well.
Love is vanity for some, lust for others and just another word for commitment for most. I think it comes down to "are they good for your life journey". And that could be for any duration of time.
Maybe marriage as an institution of the state is the wrong way to go about expressing love. The severance of long term relationships are hard enough without circuit courts getting involved. Does the idea of long term, loving, fulfilling, supportive relationships really need to be attached to such harsh societal consequences?
I used to think this way and told myself I would never get married, and just have a life partner. However, when you look at history, societies where children are raised in two parent married monogamous households have the best success. Marriage is a contract yes, but an important one if you have children. You have to go into it knowing no matter what you’ve got to work things out and make it work because it’s not just about the feelings of romantic love. It’s commitment, family, etc. I’ve actually changed my mind about marriage and I do want it now because I want someone to take that kind of commitment seriously, I just have to make sure I choose my person wisely.
I wish that was true. But sadly most marriages end in divorce and thats only the people who have the guts to leave (think about all the people that stay because of kids, co-dependance, abandonment issues etc...). So statistically it doesn't work for most people. Unfortunately.
@@georgemartin4354 That doesn't disprove that love can be infinite, only that those people failed to find true love. I've known literally dozens of romances that have gone the distance for 50+ years, until someone dies. Maybe its different in the US, where the capitalist mindset sees everything as a transaction, but where I come from, long-term relationships are the norm.
@@conorowens8382 Love is biological too. Its pushes people together to make the next generation, thats its purpose. Every animal on this planet eat, sleeps, defecates and reproduces. We're programmed to think that way. Granted some people are more emotionally needy and less independent than others, so it works for them.
@@georgemartin4354 People used to be happier. More people used to stay in love. Been nearly 20 years for me. Have to keep working at it (learning to stop being a selfish bastard). And let it flow.
I see a lot of modern western philosophers and psychologists glorifying arranged marriages and that's because they have just not experienced that yet. I come from a society where most marriages are arranged and let me tell you even tho people don't divorce like the west (because of culture and its considered taboo) most couples are extremely unhappy in their relationships. I personally know that most couples I saw around me (my cousins, elders, friends' parents etc) were mostly extremely unhappy. Your elders picking a spouse for you based on "strong traits" is mostly bullshit because they don't know that person either, they can only see surface level stuff. Also arranged marriage culture naturally leads to high rates of Consanguineous marriages and you can understand why. So just because of low divorce rates stop assuming that arranged marriages are more successful.
What you describe in the beginning is not love it’s called lust. It’s a psychological construct of what your brain thinks the other person is because you don’t know them very well. With time that imaginary version of your partner gets replaced with actual data on who they are and what their characteristics are.
If you choose to stay with the individual, knowing you can get out at any time through divorce is true love. It shows that you're committed to that person and willing to work through the good and the bad. If things are bad, there's the door. In arranged marriage, it is frowned upon to get divorced. The family and their society will disown the individual who got divorced. Thus, the individual doesn't really have a choice in whether to stay married or not. Either stay married or be shunned.
Authentic true love in nature is/ should be unconditional & everlasting through out life, death & other. Last/highest level of love is the above stated.... then you have all the different levels of love that can range from forever- fleeting & all in between. personally for myself actual higher level loves deepens & grows mentally, spiritually & if present...physically too.
Going on 13 years since she left and I’m still in love with her. When I told her I’d love her forever, I wasn’t joking. During the day I’m fine but she is always in my dreams and even there she hates me. You’d think because it’s my dream it be different but nope, she’s distant and uncaring. I pray I can find a love to replace hers but so far no luck and there isn’t any in sight. Something tell me I’ll die with this hole in my heart. I deserve it…..
I think she completely misunderstands arranged marriage. It's all about 1)the girl is in the same community 2)Your parent's wealth 3)Your personal wealth and future economic prospects.
Your typical love lasts just long enough to create a child and protect them until it can walk, talk, and safely be left alone for reasonable periods of time. Coincidence? 7 year itch?
I dunno, call me a crusty fucking old romantic but I just don’t buy this. Love is more than chemicals and Darwinian logic. We've all felt it. It defies all rules. It challenges all assumptions and traverses all times and distances. In an indifferent eternal universe governed by brutal laws of nature, love is the greatest act of rebellion; brief glimpse into our higher selves. it's an order that transcends the universe itself whether it’s love for a person, a child, a friend, a painting, a mountain, a book, an animal, whatever. I’ve taken every drug under the sun and love is beyond all these things. Capable of empowering all and with no dominion. Love is the best of mankind and all scientific logic be damned.
“Bids” sound like a lack of emotional well-being in a codependency. Why aren’t people already glowing with love before they find someone to give love to? Why aren’t people maintaining their glowing loving emotional state in or out of relationships? Who asks “How can I keep this love flowing in my soul, regardless of what I encounter in my day, and without relying on others?”
The "love" that you feel for that quote, will burn away with the first daylight of reality, the reality of TRUE LOVE. I hope you will some day see for yourself that what I said is true, Lex.
I think if you took your self merely as a physical entity or an object you’d be subject to the regulation of these chemicals but they are there you can’t refute that I feel nervous around people that I’m physically attracted to ;sweaty palms, clumsiness etc. But in my case that doesn’t make me surrender under complete control of those chemicals rather I observe those changes in behavior and those physical manifestations from a higher place like a passing cloud. I wouldn’t call those feelings love I think people just give too much credit for bodily sensations and miss the mark completely when it comes to true love. True love isn’t even sexual or a mere magnetic attraction I’d say true love is beyond all of these white noise recognition of one self in another, so I decided to rest in love. Too tired from these lower vibrations.
I was thinking the same thing. Pretty much everything she said applied to women. "I wouldn't sign a 50 year contract based on feelings.". Exactly. That's men sign the contract based on everything BUT feelings. Women are basing it on a feeling...men are saying this will be a good woman to have children with, raise children, take care of things while I am working, nice to look at and will make me look good to my friends, will make me feel appreciated for sacrifices I make for the family etc.". Women are like...He's 6'3 and has muscles, calls me sexy and makes $100,000. Uh...ok...that will last a very short time...then what?
Now that I’m older & despite being lucky enough to have found the love of my life as a teenager, I DO think there’s merit to having parents select… not necessarily a spouse, but someone for you to date. I lucked out with my hubby, but honestly it could’ve gone so so wrong considering we were relying on our teenage hormonal brains to make choices for us. Parents understand what it takes to make a marriage work more than most of us do and they know us, sometimes better than we know ourselves. I however do NOT agree with FORCED marriages, we all obviously should have first and final say in who we marry. But yeah, arrange meetings and dates, just not marriages.
Depends on what your parents were like. My mother was a narcissist, and her attempts at arranging a date for me were so disjointed and unreal - a study in the bizarre. It was one of the defining moments of my understanding that we didn't live in the same world, and never would in this lifetime.
I am not sure why she brings up other cultures and arranged marriages. People stay married longer or forever in non-western cultures and they may even point this out to you, but the truth is a lot of them compensate by having a gf or bf on the side, in some cases partners even are aware that they exist and don't care. The point of marriage was having kids and satisfying their obligations to the family, and moving on. The difference is they understand such things aren't appropriate to talk about publicly.
Literally what i have been saying the whole time ...yet my friends don't like a reality check...but sooner or later some of em will find out hopefully not the hard way.
Arranged marriage under full consent of both partners is the way to go. It is not ok if someone is forced into marriage but arranging does not necessarily mean forcing. So many eastern societies live this concept and we westerners should learn from them. True love has almost cost me my sanity and I know far more examples where everything went south because of true love, than instances where it lead to eternal happiness.
Why would her religion matter? Or the fact she cares about truth? Religion doesn’t make you a good person, just like not following a religion doesn’t make you a bad person. Let people’s words and actions allow you to make an opinion on them. It’s just as ridiculous as having preconceived ideas about someone because of their race, stop judging people before you know them.
Full podcast episode: th-cam.com/video/qtOKrG_wK5A/w-d-xo.html
Lex Fridman podcast channel: th-cam.com/users/lexfridman
Guest bio: Dr. Shannon Curry is a clinical and forensic psychologist who conducts research, therapy, and clinical evaluation pertaining to trauma, violence, and relationships. She testified in the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard trial.
That is not right. Its is not hormonal, its hardwired in a man's brain. The evolutionary purpose is to protect the female. That is why we are selfless when we are in love. It does not benefit the man in terms of survival I would argue that it harms him however gives rise to creativity art music and motivation
Six months
0000⁰
Been with my wife since we were 14, tmrw it will be 25 years!! She’s amazing and we make each other laugh which is #1 in my opinion
What would be your one advice for us newbies?
@@LittleMopeHead too late for you mate
That is not right. Its is not hormonal, its hardwired in a man's brain. The evolutionary purpose is to protect the female. That is why we are selfless when we are in love. It does not benefit the man in terms of survival I would argue that it harms him however gives rise to creativity art music and motivation
What's the secret? Letting her fuk other guys on vegas trips?
That's awesome mate, I've been with my wife since 15 and it's coming on 18 years for us to. There's nothing slowing us down we are completely in love
17 yrs and my love for my wife has only gotten stronger. She feels the same. We're lucky to have each other.
happy for you
I'm glad true love still survives in this day and age❤
That is what she SAYS to you.
^ people like this are so sad and lonely that they can't fathom that woman can be happily married to a man
@@mikefun7482 So you decide to shame then instead? Lol
It's quite refreshing and warms my cold heart to see so many of the wonderful, long relationships in the comments. I hope I can earn & have what you do.
Best wishes to all of you.
Just so you know it's not easy. It's a lot of work in communication, forgiveness and keeping the flame going. Best of luck to you! It can be done!
@@101kidnplay nothing worth having doesn't require effort
Been with my wife now for 22 years. And all of my grandparents, parents aunts and uncles have never been divorced.
Want to know the secret of staying together for so long? Have gratitude for one another. Gratitude for your partner is number one.
… Number two is a good sense of humor
Happy for you
Gratitude and compromise!
Yeah that's fantastic most can relate... The difference is our uncles and perhaps even yourself never had to deal with social media and the cameraphone while in a relationship it's a nightmare
@@clarkymann social media had an affect on cheating but not divorce. The divorce rate spiked in the 70s and 80s after women got more rights and the whole "independent woman" theme took off. But for the last 20 years divorce has been on a decline bcz more women are rejecting the bullshit of having to be breadwinners and being "independent" over happy
No, that is largely genetic. Divorce runs in families. So the solution is, choose the right genes.
Intent & sense of humor is also important. We dated 5 years before marriage & together 33 years. I heard someone said the first 20 years of marriage is the hardest.
"Partner's bids" in my opinion equals love language. It's key to know your own love language as well as your partner's and vice versa. It makes a world a difference to achieve more positive interactions.
It's important, but I've noticed that it is difficult to "practice it" when they are different. That is, neither one truly understands the value it holds to the other. My girlfriend would often remark how she thought it was "weird" that I would simply enjoy walking and talking to friends (or her). And to me, gifts like flowers or whatever seem silly and pointless: they just die in a week; why does someone need another bracelet? ...it does nothing!?
Ther@@jlushefski as
It is our 28th wedding anniversary today. When people asks what our secret is we say. Believe your spouse is giving everything they can to the relationship and in doing so it will encourage you to put 100% into the relationship.
We both have disabilities. When I ask her to do something for me and she says she can’t because her symptoms are elevated right know I never question that. I never think “ O she just didn’t want to do that” that never enters my thoughts. I have not taken out the garbage in over a year because it elevates my symptoms for a couple hours. But when she was in the hospital and during recovery I made sure things like that got done by doing it my self or hiring someone else to do it.
She’s so cool, I love these short videos definitely makes me want to go see the whole interview.
Lex asks great questions, I guess he’s looking for answer’s himself. I myself struggle in relationships, I can’t point out which category I fit in, anxious yes, avoidant yes, but there’s more to it, listing to her gives me more understanding of myself and my expectations of myself and others.
I see you blushing Lex 😏
"If love does not know how to give and take without restrictions, it is not love, but a transaction that never fails to lay stress on a plus and a minus." ~ Emma Goldman
Not seeing the wisdom in your quote there. Everything is transactional when you get all the way down to it.
never thought I'd see an emma goldman quote in here somewhere
@@ibmor7674 That's what the quote said. Love is a transaction without restrictions.
People believe love needs to involve constant intense feelings but it's actually the opposite. Love is give and take without knowing you're giving and taking because no one is keeping score since joy is felt either way. It's not based on materialism but in the joy of just knowing the other person or life form exists. Keeping score is transactional and that isn't love. It's a form of control and control isn't love.
@@coolbreeze5683 true, my parents have been married for 2 decades, their purest form of love isnt gifts and dinner dates and acting like their on a honeymoon, it's them cackling all night with each other
Love is confused with lust now. Love is seeing the truth of another. Commitment means to be brave enough to share that truth through time and change.
Well said!
Like when I realized my 15 yo son wasn't mine!
@@ixxgxxthat’s beautiful! Thank you for sharing your big heart with the closed world.
@@ixxgxx wow your wife is such a lovely person to spread the love around
Trauma bonds are confused with love bonds
In my experience, maintaining a healthy like in a partner for years is most difficult. I can only speak for myself but I’ve found often in my experience and talking with many others, it seems most fall out of like not love. In the beginning “I like you.” Then “I love you.” In the end “I love you, but I don’t like you anymore.” Unconditional love is obtainable, unconditional like is impossible. Then again, maybe it’s just me
This is a fair view
Thanks. In my head it’s fair but not in love and war
If it gets to that point, wouldn't prioritising a little space (not a break) and cooking for each other or doing dates regain love+like?
I’ve been saying this! Haha I tell my partner yeah you love me but do you like me??
I don't get it. If you suddenly don't like someone, then doesn't that mean you never did? How often do you suddenly stop liking one of your long term friends. Something serious has to have happened
Love can fade but friendship and sharing common interests, while being funny and good intentioned goes a long way . Everyone’s been through bumps in the road myself included , but working through issues and making it through year 3,5,7 is really important…. The wife and I are now going through our newborn baby adjustment . Just trying to make my wife feel appreciated and not forgotten while the babies our main focus together
And by having babies you've attained the actual purpose of marriage...and she no needs to realize that when she is feeling "sad" and getting dumb ass advice from her friends telling her that she needs to find her own happiness...uh no. It's not about you and your happiness in a marriage. It's about collectively enjoying your family and raising good children to better society.
Baby look like u??
@@johnbags2525 Not so much. That is a good thing. I am hideous.
As a social but generally solitary person, I finally found someone who’s company I genuinely prefer to my own. That is my only bar and she’s the only one to have met it. The fact that she’s hot is just a bonus
congrats man! My wife hit that same bar for me and my life has changed so much for the better as a result! Best of luck to you and your partner!
Lol. My friend is 36 and she met a guy a month ago and the first week in said “We know people think we’re crazy and we don’t care, he’s my person, we’ve been waiting for each other, we’re in love” and then says she’s moving across the country with him. I was like dude, people don’t think you’re crazy, they think you’re experiencing what every single other person experiences at the beginning of a new relationship. But yeah that is why we think you’re crazy for believing you’re the exceptions and that no you really have met the person you’re spending your life with, and it’s not just the excitement of a new relationship.
I don’t get people like that. For better and for worse my mom raised me to be extremely head over heart. I’ve never felt in love like that.. but I’ve loved a lot of people
I like how you just shared and didn’t try to make a definitive statement on how things are or “ought to be”. Sure she’s crazy but plenty of people fall in love right away, it’s all about keepin it in check. Verify that that’s what it is before you move across the country. Maybe she’s right though, who are we to judge?
My husband and I knew we were meant to be together as soon as we met and we met in a romantic way too (met him while I was on holiday). I thought it was too good to be true and forced myself to be skeptical lol Eventhough I knew he was it for me, we did long distance for over a year, we went back and forth visiting between our countries for a little while until he came to my country and we lived together for a year before getting married. It's been over 14 years now and it's still great! It's surprising how accurate your gut instinct can be, even when your brain says be cautious. My gut was giving me greenlights the whole time. Hopefully your friend's choice is what's right for her. Atleast it'll be an experience either way.
To be fair when you're 36 and want kids time is running out
I worked with an older lady who was so desperate she went on many dates online. She finally met a guy and he moved in with her within a month! They were heads over heels in love with each other. 2 years later they broke up for what reason she didn’t tell me. But he passed away shortly after that. Accidental od is what I was told. Last I heard of her the other coworkers said she met another man online and moved to the island to be with her leaving her 20 year old daughter behind… yikes
This is exactly how I love
This doesn't exactly have to do with this topic, but when she mentioned people wanting to be seen and cared about by someone, I had a woman come up to me and ask for my number (that never happens to me) and it felt amazing to have someone have enough interest that she came to me for my info. But I told her early on, after the first date, that it wouldn't be right to continue with where I am with myself right now. A part of me wishes I didn't do that, but overall I do not regret my decision because I know it was the right thing to do.
Respect
She's absolutely right. I been divorced for 17 years and have 2 boys, one of which is Autistic. So far, there isn't a man that I've met who wants that responsibility because it's just too hard to deal with. Meaning, that person never loved me enough to work it through. I've always said love is a journey to self love so that you can truly love someone and they would do the same for you. That kind of love isn't easy. It takes work and patience.
You are doing nothing but bargaining. And it doesn't work out like that
Men and women in general don't want to care for someone else's children. Let alone a child with special needs. We are wired to procreate. Not care for other people's kids.
You already failed at your task. The man with whom you had these kids is the man you were supposed to lock in a marriage. By having his kids you have already rejected all other men and they therefore have no obligation to raise the bastard kids of a post prime hag
So you think that love has degrees? He never loved you enough... Well, maybe you never gave them a chance to get to love you because you started off with demands to take responsibility for your special kid. Remember that men have enough responsibility of their own to cater for someone who is exclusively YOUR responsibility. And it has nothing to do with love, which you seem to vehemently demand from men.
@Roman O no. I didn't introduce them to my kids. Sorry but I'm a hardworking independent woman who isn't codependent on a man. My ex husband was rich and he threw money at me like I was some beggar. Besides that, it was just sex that men wanted from me. Nothing more. So I give everyone a chance that I date.
One day long ago a man told me there is three steps in a relationship step one is excitement step two is love step three is habit
pretty smart
how do you instill excitement when in nature we are calm and cool?
U guys make it to step 2?
I don't know what is distracting me more, her good looks or Lex's bad haircut?
I was thinking the same 2 things! What’s up with Lex’s haircut?
He looks like the fourth stooge.
@@h0lezee he has a bad haircut for sure but I wouldn’t bash him like that. All-in-all he seems like a decent guy so there’s no need to be disrespectful towards him
It looks like when my aunt who isn't a hairdresser gave me a haircut when I was 10 and I cried because of how bad it looked
@@vinceocratic not bashing or being disrespectful. If he was my friend, I would say it to his face. Maybe he cut it himself and didn't notice. I shaved my head last week and missed a huge spot. Nobody said anything and I looked like an idiot all day.
As a marital and family therapist, I’m so here for this pod and seeing Dr. Curry talk about relationships.💓💓
I reckon this lady looks nuts, and I reckon she came to her job because she was actually psychologically nuts
Oh please
You're so here for it?
You don't have to mention what you are professionally to have an interest or strong feeling about something. "As a-" please, stop saying that.
The blind leading the blind. Make it up as you go!
Together with my lady since 1991. Raised 2 wonderful ladies. Long lasting love is the only real type. The rest is called lust and stupidity posing as love because we are bad at defining things. Real love doesn't care about the studies. It exists, but hides behind commitment, persistence, and grace so most people today can't find it.
The love of my life passed away. We had that crazy in love relationship. People based their lives around ours. Behind the scenes now I realize I compromised a lot. But the love was always there. He also compromised a lot I’m sure. I’m dramatic and feel everything. After his death I thought I would die if it wasn’t for our 3 children. I never thought I could love another person at the level I loved him. Jump 3 years later and I’m in a wonderful, solid, compassionate, loving and funny relationship with a man I would’ve never saw myself with. He makes it easy to love him because of his loving nature and patience with me and my 3 sons. I feel blessed to have learned what she is talking about because if not I would’ve been looking for the love my husband and I had and not the stability and happiness I have now.
“Solid, compassionate, funny”. Yeaaaaa. Them some 2nd
Marriage adjectives if I’ve ever seen ‘em.
@@johnbags2525 a more practical, respectful one. My first husband was great but he was a big kid that his Mother spoiled. Only child thing and she was still doing his laundry when I met him at 24. At 37, my partner now does his own laundry, has a 401k and doesn’t need his Mama to help clean his house.
This advice is not just for couples but for healthy relationships in general. It works with close friends, children, parents and humans in general. The only hurdle is finding an emotionally mature person to partner with and finding emotionally mature friends. Because, emotional intelligence is useless if your partner is a narcissist, sociopath or a borderline all of whom are emotionally childlike.
I’ve been with my wife for ten years I’m definitely high with love I love my best friend
Hopefully she feels the same!
same. its always confusing to watch friends and family who seemingly hate their wife/husband and it almost becomes a joke. constant bickering, general lack of understanding, and unwillingness to communicate and transform over time. I got lucky, my best friend is my wife and we are extremely close after several years navigating life and hardships.
@@ibmor7674 Heh, heh. There's the rub.
@@moldyzucchinis3251 If you admit that you’re lucky for the wife you chose. What’s confusing to you about those who didn’t?
The love that you have for a best friend isn't romantic.
Also in nature we're not all meant to be hook up, some are happy as loners. Yet until we know who we really are, we'll search for this pie in the sky over & over & over. My favorite things about a relationship has been the beginning & the end.
The romantic high is strong in the beginning. But the love and understanding gets stronger and deeper over time. Children help bond you together. I'm Catholic, and I am in it forever. People need to understand that there are highs and lows BUT you should both be committed to improving the relationship.
Why support the Preditor priests that the church protects?
@@wread1982 I don't believe I have ever met a predator priest. They do exist. It is evil. But I won't throw away Christ's teachings because some people are evil. That's on them. They will answer for it eventually.
Yep, children are always born for selfish immoral reasons. Sad.
@@apointonacurve What are the selfish immoral reasons? My parents loved each other and me and my brother. Why would I think they are selfish in loving me? I'm very grateful for my family. Do you not love your parents?
@@hopefulforhumanity5625 Support in old age, Emotional support, Sense of purpose, Trap spouse into marriage, house work, farm work, physical and mental abuse, accidental from using another person for pleasure, Support from the State through welfare. Rarely does someone have children to just give to the child with nothing in return. Children are like pets that can take care of the owner in old age age. YES. Children are born for immoral reasons.
Married 25 years. You have to move from romantic love to unconditional love and also appreciation. All while allowing the person to change and be themselves. It takes intentional work.
18 years for my wife and I, been together since we were 15 in school, we have 3 children married and are still completely in love
This is a weird time in the dating scene right now. A lot of people pretend they do want love and a serious relationship but it always comes with a list of requirements since there are so many options to choose from. So they move on early on. I always approached relationships with the mindset that I chose that particular person and I will try to make it work with her. I've went through cheating, tons of emotional and even physical abuse, narcissists and more but stayed loyal while in the relationships. And it always has been that, no matter how much I change for the better, it is never enough to the other person. But it makes me happy to see couples where both care and I'm glad that they exist even though I myself might never get there. Hopefully times change for the better without wars and such.
Hey man stay strong, I've stayed loyal with a cheater for almost 3 years and even with all the pain and trauma I still was on the right side trying to figure things out and all, besides she was in more pain than me then and now too so that tells you a lot. God is good and you see the truth that He build, stay in it and everything's going to be a-okay!
@@FreemanBBFQ I tolerated cheaters only in my early 20's, no more. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
@@whatsupbudbud it was in my teens so yea, I would only believe someone if there was true repentance, back then girl didn't repent of anything she had done and still was claiming to love me, but yea, if you're not sacrificing those things that's not love for sure, thank God I knew this even back then.
Be a MAN bud. YOU don’t change for a broad, a broad better change for you. If the broad don’t change or cheats, leave her in the dust.
@@johnbags2525 I'm of the opinion that neither are perfect so both should grow in each other's company though I am guilty of being the only one who tries, so dust it is.
not settling is a big one for me. i just got engaged to young lady who i absolutely admire for her smarts and sense of humor. it doesn’t hurt that shes an absolute smoke show 😊
The fist part of the conversation is not “love”. That’s lust, desire and infatuation. Love is the second part. The things you do to make your partner feel loved. That’s actually love, love is a verb not a feeling. That’s why arranged marriages work, because they know they have to actively love each other.
Bukowski was such a cynic. I always felt so bad for him. We can stay present and not lose it. Being lustful ends. Love can last and grow.
Bukowski lived in a certain place with a certain culture and he was very introspective about himself and others. He was right about what he saw.. but so are the others who manage to achieve their lifelong loves.
Erotic love lasts at most about 2 years, assuming you're both strongly attracted.
Filial love is different. That takes time, commitment, earned trust and standards.
How long will I love you? As long as stars are above you. Longer if I can.
Lex has tried one of those Vacuum cleaner hair cutting attachments.
The suck n cut. It sucks..while it cuts.
Very interesting segment, I am now going to seek out the remainder of the interview! Thanks for the continued assortment of of amazing guests! Love you LEX!
Who don't love himself / herself,
Can not do love with other person.
Who can not stay with
himself / herself can not stay with other person.
In the riligon they have all the answers about love and life.
This is true
You take something pure. Then you superimpose other things, marriage contract, kids, house, in-laws, money, expectations. Stop having sex and besides most married people treat their partner terribly. This has to fail in most cases. We need to prioritize the love relationship over everything else.
The stopping having sex is probably the biggest issue there tbh. Sex is very important to a relationship lasting.
JP talks about this ratio of good interactions to bad being an indication of relationship health
"Love lasts for 30 days.. then you have to like the person" - sweet grandma type at my local coffee shop
First of all When you Love ....like LOVE someone....that feeling is very very different than having a crush or a physical attraction, lust , and other things.
Many people get confused, but it's okay young people haven't experienced those things.
Love doesn't fade, feelings do.
Love is either given or kept. Whether that is a conscious or subconscious choice. 👍
Based on drugs? So her point is, find someone that you are not in love with, so you can make an emotionless decision on whether to sign the contract on whether you want to spend your life with them. Sounds like a boring corporate meeting. Most of the best couples I know were deeply in love when they met.
Informed decision based on brain, binding oneself with a reasonable person, one you can negotiate with, what works for you based on belief system and values, love grows as a process. It is not allowing attraction, spark, chemistry cloud ones judgement when taking one of the most important decisions of one's life. It does not necessarily mean this is the only way. The other way as you said works around as well if it does, falling and staying in love.
@@Ffar2578 Pure emotions and intuition should not be ignored in decision like this. Not all things can be put on a spreadsheet. There is an eternity of evolutionary logic in how your feelings work.
Emotions can also be "deepened" by exploring things like poetry, creativity and art in general, so your responses are not "shallow" and based only on sexual attraction.
This is very interesting as always with a lex guest. But I can’t ignore the obvious bender lex has been on prior to this interview. I figure he slept in his suit, didn’t shower, then did 8 hours work, ate a chip, and then did an interview. ❤ Lex.
The best kind of interview follows a night on the town.
Indian people after hearing this: "we were right all along"
I think it’s the amazing weddings that really make the relationships stick 😁
American and agreed. I see it all the time here w Indian couples in the states.
What about it? Can someone explain why indians are right?
@@howdarethee Referring to *arranged marriages* -- I'm not Indian but I understand the logic. You know and care about the people in your family enough to pick a viable match for them, lest they be betrayed by their feelings and end up in a failed marriage like most marriages do in the west these days.
Understood thanks, I didn't make the association with indians and arranged marriages.
Love lasts as long as joy and true friendship lasts in a relationship. The moment that joy dwindles or the friendship breaks down for whatever reason, love ceases. Joy is the stuff of friendship, friendship makes happy marriages, and love is just the feeling that true joy is being shared and enjoyed together. Some couples are bonded by joy others are bonded by shared suffering, only the former are capable of true love.
Love can last a lifetime, but longing never dies
If you think Love is always getting what you want or "need" without being willing to work sacrifice and compromise than you will never find it.
I’m 26 right now and I met a girl in early 2017. We only got to be close for less than 2 months and then split apart because of many reasons. We bumped into one another last week out of nowhere and admitted to one another that we both were in love and still are. I’ve thought about her every day for 6 years and she told me the exact same thing. She just recently had twins with a man that treats her like shit and with the way I feel deep down inside, I’m going to be s fucking step father within the next few years.
Don’t just dont just dont please just dint do that to urself
@@anshsharma7341 if you’ve ever felt that way before you would know what I mean. I’ve been with over 40 women in my life and she’s like no other.
@@nathanlovins4121 sounds like a dangerous move brother
@@samsheehan5298 we will see how it goes.
Brudda ready to risk it all. Is she prepared to give her all to you?
Doing something good for someone else lasts forever. It's better to give than to receive.
Been married 30 years... still hasn't "died down"
happy for you
Consider yourself lucky. Love is getting harder to build it seems... At leastit feels that way for me
@@atuvera9021 the same feeling you have is the same feeling most of us have, men & women, and even more so for women therefore there are most definitely a ton of good women out there looking for genuine love
@@mikefun7482 there definitely is not a ton of good women out there, they are rare
@@rambojambo588 I didn't say majority, but there are a ton. Everyone will encounter multiple people who would be good partners for them within their lifetime as long as they themselves are good people and good partners. The divorce rate has been going down every year for the past 2 decades. Trust me, people know how hard real love is and that's why more people are trying harder to be the good partners they want. Don't believe the narratives social media tell you, there are large population of women who despise the cheating culture and are really seeking out the men who despise it as well.
Love is vanity for some, lust for others and just another word for commitment for most. I think it comes down to "are they good for your life journey". And that could be for any duration of time.
Love the feeling: a few years
Love the choice: eternal
I like that
Safety is more important than endorphins, to feel safe with someone is the treasure hardest to find
28 years and my love and I are still going strong 💪 it’s crazy that after 28 years my right hand still knows how to get me off.
Lmaooooo
Maybe marriage as an institution of the state is the wrong way to go about expressing love.
The severance of long term relationships are hard enough without circuit courts getting involved.
Does the idea of long term, loving, fulfilling, supportive relationships really need to be attached to such harsh societal consequences?
I agree, being married in the church and the church alone is my dream
I used to think this way and told myself I would never get married, and just have a life partner. However, when you look at history, societies where children are raised in two parent married monogamous households have the best success. Marriage is a contract yes, but an important one if you have children. You have to go into it knowing no matter what you’ve got to work things out and make it work because it’s not just about the feelings of romantic love. It’s commitment, family, etc. I’ve actually changed my mind about marriage and I do want it now because I want someone to take that kind of commitment seriously, I just have to make sure I choose my person wisely.
Love is infinite. Tap it, and let it flow.
I wish that was true. But sadly most marriages end in divorce and thats only the people who have the guts to leave (think about all the people that stay because of kids, co-dependance, abandonment issues etc...). So statistically it doesn't work for most people. Unfortunately.
@@georgemartin4354 That doesn't disprove that love can be infinite, only that those people failed to find true love. I've known literally dozens of romances that have gone the distance for 50+ years, until someone dies. Maybe its different in the US, where the capitalist mindset sees everything as a transaction, but where I come from, long-term relationships are the norm.
@@conorowens8382 Love is biological too. Its pushes people together to make the next generation, thats its purpose. Every animal on this planet eat, sleeps, defecates and reproduces. We're programmed to think that way. Granted some people are more emotionally needy and less independent than others, so it works for them.
@@georgemartin4354 People used to be happier. More people used to stay in love. Been nearly 20 years for me. Have to keep working at it (learning to stop being a selfish bastard). And let it flow.
True love lasts forever.
Love lasts as long as you love yourself, and nowadays. People really need to love who they are and stop trying to change what they got.
No, that’s just wrong. I know so many people who detest themselves but would die for someone else out of love.
Lex's little wheeze after suggesting microdosing heroin gave me a good chuckle.
It's cute that she thinks she can make a robot learn how to love
Lol
She's administering a Voight-Kampff test.
She's not wrong
Why is it not possible? with AI nowadays, its definitely possible as we learn more and more about ourselves as people.
Intelligent, exceptionally educated, humble, beautiful. She is the deffinition of "rare as a white raven".
I have been high on drugs. I totally appreciate this point of view.
I see a lot of modern western philosophers and psychologists glorifying arranged marriages and that's because they have just not experienced that yet. I come from a society where most marriages are arranged and let me tell you even tho people don't divorce like the west (because of culture and its considered taboo) most couples are extremely unhappy in their relationships. I personally know that most couples I saw around me (my cousins, elders, friends' parents etc) were mostly extremely unhappy. Your elders picking a spouse for you based on "strong traits" is mostly bullshit because they don't know that person either, they can only see surface level stuff. Also arranged marriage culture naturally leads to high rates of Consanguineous marriages and you can understand why.
So just because of low divorce rates stop assuming that arranged marriages are more successful.
What you describe in the beginning is not love it’s called lust. It’s a psychological construct of what your brain thinks the other person is because you don’t know them very well. With time that imaginary version of your partner gets replaced with actual data on who they are and what their characteristics are.
Beauty, brains, knowledge, passion and a lot of charisma. This woman is just WOW
Is she married?
She is married
If you choose to stay with the individual, knowing you can get out at any time through divorce is true love. It shows that you're committed to that person and willing to work through the good and the bad. If things are bad, there's the door. In arranged marriage, it is frowned upon to get divorced. The family and their society will disown the individual who got divorced. Thus, the individual doesn't really have a choice in whether to stay married or not. Either stay married or be shunned.
Authentic true love in nature is/ should be unconditional & everlasting through out life, death & other. Last/highest level of love is the above stated.... then you have all the different levels of love that can range from forever- fleeting & all in between. personally for myself actual higher level loves deepens & grows mentally, spiritually & if present...physically too.
Real love doesn’t end. Infatuation does
Going on 13 years since she left and I’m still in love with her. When I told her I’d love her forever, I wasn’t joking.
During the day I’m fine but she is always in my dreams and even there she hates me. You’d think because it’s my dream it be different but nope, she’s distant and uncaring. I pray I can find a love to replace hers but so far no luck and there isn’t any in sight.
Something tell me I’ll die with this hole in my heart.
I deserve it…..
Lol cringe
As long as you're willing to keep working for love.
I think she completely misunderstands arranged marriage.
It's all about
1)the girl is in the same community
2)Your parent's wealth
3)Your personal wealth and future economic prospects.
Your typical love lasts just long enough to create a child and protect them until it can walk, talk, and safely be left alone for reasonable periods of time.
Coincidence? 7 year itch?
I dunno, call me a crusty fucking old romantic but I just don’t buy this. Love is more than chemicals and Darwinian logic. We've all felt it. It defies all rules. It challenges all assumptions and traverses all times and distances. In an indifferent eternal universe governed by brutal laws of nature, love is the greatest act of rebellion; brief glimpse into our higher selves. it's an order that transcends the universe itself whether it’s love for a person, a child, a friend, a painting, a mountain, a book, an animal, whatever. I’ve taken every drug under the sun and love is beyond all these things. Capable of empowering all and with no dominion. Love is the best of mankind and all scientific logic be damned.
Love,the consequence of needing.
“Bids” sound like a lack of emotional well-being in a codependency.
Why aren’t people already glowing with love before they find someone to give love to?
Why aren’t people maintaining their glowing loving emotional state in or out of relationships?
Who asks “How can I keep this love flowing in my soul, regardless of what I encounter in my day, and without relying on others?”
maintaining intimacy is key
The "love" that you feel for that quote, will burn away with the first daylight of reality, the reality of TRUE LOVE. I hope you will some day see for yourself that what I said is true, Lex.
I think if you took your self merely as a physical entity or an object you’d be subject to the regulation of these chemicals but they are there you can’t refute that I feel nervous around people that I’m physically attracted to ;sweaty palms, clumsiness etc. But in my case that doesn’t make me surrender under complete control of those chemicals rather I observe those changes in behavior and those physical manifestations from a higher place like a passing cloud. I wouldn’t call those feelings love I think people just give too much credit for bodily sensations and miss the mark completely when it comes to true love. True love isn’t even sexual or a mere magnetic attraction I’d say true love is beyond all of these white noise recognition of one self in another, so I decided to rest in love. Too tired from these lower vibrations.
Lex missed the "you're a really brilliant guy" bid hehe.
Thank you for that conversation!
PEACE
Marriage should be a max 5 year contract that needs to be renegotiated at the end of its term. It can either be renewed or canceled by either party.
That sounds like a terrible idea. Gotta love the American, capitalist mindset, everything is reduced to a transaction.
This is one of the dumbest ideas I have ever heard.
@@conorowens8382 It is a terrible idea but has nothing to do with capitalism. Spoken like a true communist lover 🙄
@@conorowens8382 Im glad I wasn't the only one thinking he was degrading something special into nothing but a limited term transaction.
I'm loving this talk cuts.
Love is a verb
Just here to point out the obvious, the comparison between heroin and love is no real comparison at all. At least in terms of effect.
I think she just meant it as an analogy, but even so, I agree that its a bad one. They aren't similar at all.
Once you've had it you're an addict for life?
@chungang7037 also not true necessarily but heroin is much more powerful than love.
When she says we, she’s only talking about women as, she knows nothing about men.
A man ain’t on drugs when he loves.
I was thinking the same thing. Pretty much everything she said applied to women. "I wouldn't sign a 50 year contract based on feelings.". Exactly. That's men sign the contract based on everything BUT feelings. Women are basing it on a feeling...men are saying this will be a good woman to have children with, raise children, take care of things while I am working, nice to look at and will make me look good to my friends, will make me feel appreciated for sacrifices I make for the family etc.". Women are like...He's 6'3 and has muscles, calls me sexy and makes $100,000. Uh...ok...that will last a very short time...then what?
Now that I’m older & despite being lucky enough to have found the love of my life as a teenager, I DO think there’s merit to having parents select… not necessarily a spouse, but someone for you to date. I lucked out with my hubby, but honestly it could’ve gone so so wrong considering we were relying on our teenage hormonal brains to make choices for us. Parents understand what it takes to make a marriage work more than most of us do and they know us, sometimes better than we know ourselves. I however do NOT agree with FORCED marriages, we all obviously should have first and final say in who we marry. But yeah, arrange meetings and dates, just not marriages.
Depends on what your parents were like. My mother was a narcissist, and her attempts at arranging a date for me were so disjointed and unreal - a study in the bizarre. It was one of the defining moments of my understanding that we didn't live in the same world, and never would in this lifetime.
@@julieolson1402 Obviously my comment doesn’t pertain to everyone, nothing in life does.
....these days from my experience its 3-6 months IF you get lucky, then she leaves you because 10 other guys are constantly giving her attention
I am not sure why she brings up other cultures and arranged marriages. People stay married longer or forever in non-western cultures and they may even point this out to you, but the truth is a lot of them compensate by having a gf or bf on the side, in some cases partners even are aware that they exist and don't care. The point of marriage was having kids and satisfying their obligations to the family, and moving on. The difference is they understand such things aren't appropriate to talk about publicly.
I wish I heard this before getting divorced 😢
Why is that?
Literally what i have been saying the whole time ...yet my friends don't like a reality check...but sooner or later some of em will find out hopefully not the hard way.
Very hard to get a divorce in a culture that has arranged marriages. I get her point but it still sounds very ill thought out.
“Love” or Love? Depends on what we’re talking about here. Most people conflate lust with love.
Arranged marriage under full consent of both partners is the way to go. It is not ok if someone is forced into marriage but arranging does not necessarily mean forcing. So many eastern societies live this concept and we westerners should learn from them. True love has almost cost me my sanity and I know far more examples where everything went south because of true love, than instances where it lead to eternal happiness.
BTW Could someone arrange a marriage for me with this intelligent and beautiful woman. ❤
The doctor is a follower of of the scientific method and probably an atheist, but nonetheless is one of the most compassionate and attractive people.
Why would her religion matter? Or the fact she cares about truth? Religion doesn’t make you a good person, just like not following a religion doesn’t make you a bad person. Let people’s words and actions allow you to make an opinion on them. It’s just as ridiculous as having preconceived ideas about someone because of their race, stop judging people before you know them.
2:26 in the video, is exactly correct. Ding Ding Ding
Love doesn't exists towards a partner, it's a concept made by society, you can love your family though.
Some of us i don't think are ready for that type of relationship. Also some people just don't jive after a while. Then it's ok to call it quits.
This was weirdly insightful.. thank you
I want to know her skin care routine, its so smooth.
This strong willed woman is quite the catch. She’s got a lucky guy! She did amazing during the amber heard trial
1000%
No thanks, you can have her.
gettin horny now?