That‘s it. You know they are still walking the earth, living their life and it often seems like it‘s so easy for them to move on while you are hurting and missing them so much.
Mel, I am divorced, almost two years now, after a 40 year marriage. My heart is still so shattered and I am so stuck. This video has me sobbing. It seems impossible for me to move on. Thank you and Sawyer!!
Hi, I’m viewing from Melbourne Australia. I too have this headache at 58 after 40 years. It was during COVID. Completely and utterly blindsided, my husband simply uttered the words one Saturday morning in bed….i don’t want to be married anymore, I don’t want to talk about it, you need to accept it. That was it. I was so utterly shocked that I couldn’t respond, it was an out of body experience truly. Once he left , I was alone, couldn’t go anywhere due to strict lockdown restrictions…..his family disconnected. I seriously do not know how I made it to today. He wanted a new life apparently, a new persona, a new older partner . I have only the opportunity to see and talk with him 3 times for no longer than 15 minutes, a time broken , sobbing begging to try and make sense of what he has done. There was No opportunity for closure. No processing as to why. No thank you for 40 years of adoring him. I’m still very broken 3 years later. I will never get over how poorly he treated me, never. Anyway….tomorrow is another day. I wish us both happiness , health, peace . sending you hugs and love ❤
This is why tools like this is a blessing. When you can't talk to someone to support you, you can reach to this. I hope you find support in your life somewhere
After being in a terrible process of not letting go and on and off all in all for 8 years, I met the best man of my life! I met him before, but there my energy was in the old pattern. I met him after I worked on my self love and worthiness. So I could meet him in this energetic field. This was two years ago. And now I am 60 😊…. It is never too late to find the biggest love in your life! Even I am sorry a bit beeing that old, I know I had to understand myself in order to move on. ❤
Thank you for sharing your age. It’s inspirational that one can still find love at any age. As women, we feel that once we get to a certain age that we won’t be able to find love again because our society only values youth.
Im in the same situation, working on self-love and worthiness, because I know I have to fix myself first to find the love that I deserve. Thanks for the inspiration that I can❤❤
@noracurcio7910 how did you find yourself. I just lost my fiance snd futur step son i helped raise for 5 years.. we had life plans that we both wanted..not just one of us followimg the other..our lives aligned. Or so i thought. I was the bad ass that left everyone else..i gave into a vulnerability i never did befor and it got me in ny worst fear...vulnerable and adandoned. ..realizing my bad ass old self was another coping mechanism.. So now what?. How did you learn..or find yourself..like truely.. I know intellectually what shld be but i dont even know what im doing anymore
@@stepht2782I took a formal meditation class bc I didn’t even know how to hear myself think and knew I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t take the class. Also started reading and listening to podcasts about topics that would help me find me again. I like stuff from Dr Kelly Brogan. Maybe revert to your old bad ass ways to recalibrate your energy. Find a lover. Both get tested and stay safe. Not everything needs to end up as a monogamous long term liability 😉
It’s so true-breakups can feel like you’re carrying the weight of the world alone. What most people don’t realize, because heartbreak affects your nervous system the way it does, it doesn’t just hurt-it rewires how we see ourselves, our worth, and even our future. But like Mel and Sawyer so beautifully spoke to, and what is absolutely true: it’s also an invitation to rebuild, to grow stronger than you ever thought possible. I’ve seen it happen over and over, and have absolutely been there myself. Rest assured, healing takes time, and even on the toughest days, brighter days are always ahead.
As an indigenous person from North America I know of some tribes when they lose a loved one. They put away all their photos they have of them, they don’t speak their name either for a year. It allows them to grieve and heal, while allowing that loved one move on also.
The only thing that has helped me is when I made a list of everything he did that upset me and hurt me. I read and reread that very long list when I start missing him or when the sadness or emptiness hits . Reading that list and rethinking the betrayals and the lies, all the other women he chose over me, all the canceled dates, excuses, all the gaslighting, all the nice things he did for other women etc really helped me realize I stayed too long and gave too many chances . That all motivated me to try away from him, to next time see the red flag warnings I ignored, to promise myself to do better next time and that I wasted so much time on him. I was actually mad at myself ! But it’s what I needed to start the healing process. Let another woman have him. I know I deserve so much better. I slept a lot too and watched tv, I was emotionality and physically exhausted. But it’s getting better . Watching you tube like this helps a lot too.
@@amyb1689just remember that everyone’s healing process is different. I’m currently on the same boat and it’s been 9 months for me. Don’t be harsh on yourself
Gosh, Mel, what a world it would be if we all had had mom's that could help us actually get through life mindfully. Amazing mother-daughter connection💖 beautiful! Thank you🌻
totally!!!! That moment was a jolt, that I have never, and will never, know that comfort. Any time anything happened to me, my bio-birther would just yell or worse at me, blaming me for my own suffering or her narcissistic "how this makes her look" LOL obsession... Her BS was not my fault, however learning to support myself with other resources now IS my Response-ability... argh, the words are so easy LOL.
@@llbailey9946 I have a mother like that too. She has zero empathy for me and everything is always negative. I am going through a devastating break up right now and I feel so isolated, so I reached out just to talk and hopefully maybe get some empathy and understanding. But nope. She changed the subject and asked me what kind of Jell-O I made for Thanksgiving. So I called her on it and I said oh, so you’re not able to show any sort of empathy to your grieving daughter? And she replied, well, I know that anything I say will just probably make you mad or hurt your feelings. So I replied, why would you feel the need to go to judgment, rather than empathy? I’m not asking you to solve my problems and I’m not asking you to pass judgment on what you feel like the relationship was like. I’m just wanting you to connect with me as a mother to a daughter and try to feel some compassion for what I’m going through. But what I realized with my mother is it that is never going to happen. And I have to just accept it and let her and I will let myself be distant from her from now on. I am no longer going to reach out to her or call her because it’s pointless.
I second that! Instead when I told my mother I thought I needed to divorce my husband in 2001, her response was: “you can’t do that, he is the father of your children!” No discussion. So I stayed with him….and 11 yrs later he decided he wanted something else.
I am a licensed psychotherapist in CA. I often refer your podcasts to my clients. Your approach and humility is so genuine. This one is great, especially during the holiday season when many advertisements about gifts and rings being exchanged can make one feel so lonely. Thank you for another great podcast. Much appreciated.
I was married for 19 years and the seperation and divorce was one of the hardest things I had to go through, the mourning makes sense after hearing this.
My husband left me for my now ex best friend a few months after we had our baby. 5 years later and they are still together and miserable. I’m still single lonely but incredibly grateful my daughter never witnessed the way her father used to treat me. We are free from something I didn’t quite realize yet was a serious problem.
I am so glad I stumbled on this channel! I am in my 60s and going through what your daughter is going through . Doesn’t matter what age you are!!! Now… it has been 2 months … just starting to feel better . I have done EVERYTHING your daughter did ,30+ days , took golf lessons, etc. Funny hiw life is… thought at my age no one would want me! WOW was I wrong! There is someone who is my age ,met at work , AND lives around the corner from me … taking it slow , but never give up on yourself…
Pivotal: processing it is NOT moving on and it's not closure. I love that. Makes sense why I'm still hurting from it even after a year. I've processed but haven't found full closure yet.
I’m in the exact same position. Almost 5 years together, and she left a year ago. Barely any contact for the first 11 months, but for the past few months, she’s reached out quite a few times. That made things extremely difficult, and behaviors that don’t align with her words didn’t help. That said, I’ve processed all of it, and I understand why she does what she does, and I understand the chances of a relationship working should it be rekindled?
Hey Sawyer. Thank you so much for sharing your story and participating in this interview. It was so very brave of you to share your most raw emotions and struggles you endured in your breakup. I believe it sincerely helped everyone that listened to your story to know that they are not alone when they feel the severe and crushing emotions when experiencing their own breakup (me included). I was moved to tears during many parts of this interview... Thank you again. Take good care.
This pod cast is comforting to me. My husband of 60 years died 30 days ago. I’m grieving and trying to make sense of this process. Thank you for the kind and gentle advice. ❤
I'm so sorry to hear about your husband, Annette, I know that must be tough. I'm glad that you found this episode helpful and I'm sending you so much love and support ❤xo
Single and recovering from a year long rollercoaster ride with a dismissive avoidant man. Thank you for your book and podcast. I'm going no contact for 30 days. Wish me luck.
Good luck dear one you deserve so much better 💓. A dismissive avoidant man is no good for anyone ( reminds me of the quote - " when someone tells you who they are believe them" ) 😊
My break up happened four months ago and I can totally relate to what Sawyer went through. I've been on the floor weeping so hard I didn't think I could stop. But the one thing that has helped me more than anything is something you didn't mention or even hint And that is turning to God for help praying and asking him to heal my broken heart and bring peace back into my life instrumental in helping me to move on. It's saddens me that you don't remind your listeners of their higher power and how he can deliver us through our biggest pain and teach us our greatest lessons.
@lynneMarie32257 i agree and tbh is the one and only way we can heal, repair and or move on. I am struggling with the whys and unanswered reasons,as in my case. Depresson or the intense sadness with anxiety of the unknown is overwhelming to taking me to my knees. I have to pray/talk to God all day. Im ok, pleasw help me, help me move my feet, get out of bed..i walk and have to plead plesse carry me..plesse take my heart
It is because not everybody believes in God, that’s why she doesn’t mention it. What it did to you is that you found a way to express your feelings and have hope. And this helps a lot. I read about the 11 week study after my breakup and it gave me hope as well. I even counted the weeks 🙈 I hope that you feel better now and that you learned that you are more resilient than you thought. 😊
@@stepht2782I wish you a lot of courage. Don’t hesitate to talk to a therapist. What helped me is to exercise (you already feel the pain anyway). It helped me to calm down.
Thank you Mel and Sawyer. I really needed this episode. I'm 43 and just ended a two month relationship where the love bombing was intense. I truly felt as though I'd met the love of my life until their true colors started showing. It's hard to get out of bed these days but I've been pushing through. This episode gave me hope.
I’m 43, too. I was love bombed by someone who I’ve known since we were 14. It broke me. I am stronger now, it’s been 8-9 months and I solidly in my own life I will never let someone play me like that again. Ever again. I deserve respect and so do you. Hang in there !! We Got this
Having being divorced following a 25 year relationship, a few years later I had a 2 year relationship and was completely love bombed! Awful experience and I managed to end it. I met someone a few months ago and I’ve now realised that the love bombing has reared its ugly head - thankfully I saw the signs !
You are going to realize you dodged a huge bullet!! I wish I had dodged one. Instead, I was married to a manipulative, unfaithful, toxic narcissist for 30 horrible years. What a waste! Glad you have avoided it!! 😊
Excellent videos! My five-year relationship came to an end a month ago. The love of my life chose to leave, and I can't stop thinking about him; I love him so deeply. I've done everything I can to win him back, but nothing seems to work. I'm feeling frustrated and can't imagine my life with anyone else. Despite my efforts to move on, I just can't shake the thoughts of him. I don't know why I'm sharing this, but I really miss him)
It's tough to let go of someone you care about. I can relate, my 12year relationship also ended, and I struggled to move on. I tried everything to get him back, even seeking help from a spiritual counselor who ultimately helped me reconnect with him*
THANK YOU MEL AND SAWYER🙏🏾🙏🏾! I NEEDED THIS MESSAGE! I ran straight to the comments because I knew that even though we live in such a chaotic world (and sometimes hateful 💔), there are still BEAUTIFUL and COMPASSIONATE PEOPLE🙏🏾. The evidence is in the comments! I’m sobbing as I type so I’m sorry in advance for any typos.🤦🏾♀️ To everyone that’s hurting from a broken heart 💔 ,or whatever the issue may be, we’re gonna get through it🙌🏾. I can attest to this because even ,when I’m at my loneliest, someone always has the most encouraging words 🗣️that lift me up! It gives me hope! I don’t think people even realize how much their simple gestures can pull you up🙏🏾. Thank you so much 🙏🏾! GOD and the UNIVERSE always seems to align us with caring individuals that encourages us while at our lowest. Healing ❤️🩹 from an 11 year narcissistic relationship is brutal! Thank you so much and may GOD bless you all 🗣️🥰🙏🏾!
well each situation is different but I’m in a very violent situation/community area. I’ve tried moving and came back still violent. My daughter’s dad does not get it. I get threats all the time from my family, his friends he’s part of their gang. It does not change every decade and they just became more violent over time
got broken up with over the phone this Christmas after 4 years and I am heartbroken. my mom and my faith have been getting me through. today is day 1 and ai am struggling but trying to do as much research as possible. thank you both so much cannot wait to binge this
4 years over the phone is dastardly. I am so sorry you're going through this, I recently got broken up with less than a month ago in a fight. This shit is truly the worst. I did not think it was possible to hurt this much. 4.5 years gone in a blink. So heavy man, the worst part is our values and life goals align, I've just been in a depression for the last couple of months... Fucking sucks donkey dick, it's gonna be a while until I'm okay. Sending positive energy your way, you're worthy of love and it always takes 2 to end a relationship. It is not all your fault.
Yes.. making a list of the bad things he did to me helped.. but the one that helped the most is watching videos of other women talking about their break-ups. Knowing that im not alone.. and relating to a lot of what those women were saying in their videos relieved me of a lot of pain. Especially when i found myself rooting for those women.. im like, wait, this applies to me too.
I have a situation that is similar. My friendship of ten years was just ended by her. She said it is not me it is her . What, is this a break up? I thought we would be friends until death. I feel such sadness.
Just gone through this after being love bombed. I am alone and it's over. I am going to take better care of myself, good food, vitamins, and take your time. Sawyer is amazing and so inspiring. Mel you are amazing ❤
There's often such a massive disconnect when people try to advise others that are brokenhearted because the timing is never right. Everyone's break up is different, they process it at different speeds and really just need time to themselves to reflect. Sure, it's nice to have someone to vent to, but at the end of the day, the demon is within you. You have to do the self-realignment and face reality. You have to rebuild yourself and let go of the past. The best thing someone can do for their friend going through a break up is just be present with them, reassure them of the good qualities you see in them that they are struggling to find in self-loathing, guilt, overanalyzing every little interaction they may have messed up. Help them go through all the emotions of their loss and just let them know they're not alone. Can't be all bad if the world ends and there's at least one person in your corner.
I’m at 7 months and feel like the heartache has become worse since October knowing the holidays wouldn’t be the same. I usually love Xmas. I’m just going through the motions. I am speaking with my therapist weekly and my depression is making me feel hopeless. I am not losing hope and really resonated with this. I just don’t know if I will ever find someone again and that terrifies me. The person I love, left.
I have to admit I felt so much better after this podcast. A week ago I broke up with my Ex after a 5 year of a really nice relationship. I am in a state of confusion and hysteria. Thank you guys for the great work. And for everyone going through this, you’re not alone. I wish us all the love and the strength to go through this, and we will eventually. At the end you have to win yourself.
I used this advice about no contact. I finally did it for a year and then another yr. I was the one always calling him. Very empowering controlling your impulses. It does get better!!
He took her on a trip a week ago and lied about it. And it was not the first or third time. 6 years down and the trust is gone. Thank you for this podcast Mel and Sawyer. This is soothing my heart as I pick up my life and move on without him
Listen to me been married for 17 years and yes you will need a good support system! The pain is real and the feeling of embarrassment and anger will be there! I thought I was going to go under! Once I accepted it got out of disbelief I could move forward! And yes counseling helps. Yes you will make it give yourself time to heal. Much ❤to anyone who is dealing with heartbreak
Thank you so much for sharing! I'm on a similar length of time in the relationship and we share 3 kids. I don't have a support system of humans. My family of origin is also toxic and belittling so although they could bring comfort they also bring dysfunction. Do you have any tips on how to help myself? I follow Jesus and do go to church. I create things still. It is just so painful. I appreciate any tips you can share.
My ex had trust issues before I met him, and throughout our entire two year relationship 💔 There was no amount of my effort of loving him that made him see my devotion or value. He kept pushing me away until I finally went away💔 He moved on in 3 days with someone new it broke my heart to no end that we couldn't make it work💔 I have spent the last 10 months processing the let them theory &I don't want to be with somebody who doesn't want to be with me. He was everything I ever wanted but he didn't want me.💔 I appreciate your advice of remembering Love of our lives is just ahead of us not behind us. Thank you both for your time sharing and caring God bless ❤🤤🙏🏼🌹
Mel you have to be so proud of your daughter. I said out loud two or three times, “ how does she know this stuff at 22 years old!” Wow, she’s a smart woman ❤ i needed to hear this podcast 30 years ago! Thanks so much for bringing this topic to all of us!!
Heartbreak Betrayal going trough it and it was a virtual relationship, still it hurts in the same way, your daugther looks like such a good person, she will find someone much better for sure!
I just ended a really difficult relationship with someone who cheated on me and lied to me all the time. I gave him a second chance and I hoped he would change. Despite all the negative, the good memories always remain and that's what hurts terribly. Thank you very much for this podcast which helps me feel less alone. 🙏🏻
Watching Mel look at her daughter so adoringly. I love it. Watching my father, grieve my divorce was the hardest part of my break up. I am still grieving. I was able to give him a son, but I also took it away. I see the pain that has brought him on top of the pain of watching me grieve and he is still my biggest supporter.
im going through this now after 38 years together...beyond devastated. I said to him "Its like you have died but its almost worse" ...cos he is still alive. It is def a grief. It is like a death. We were going to grow old together and be buried together . I bawl my eyes out every day. throughout the day I know his reasons are kosher but emotional part of me is so heart broken. Its this continual logic brain vs emotional brain roller coaster everyday. Thank u ladies !
I am 4 weeks into my break up, I was actually ghosted 😢and working through the acceptance of never getting the closure. I think I am doing better than I anticipated. Thank you for sharing these great tools, I have already been implemented most of them. First time I hear of the “let them” theory and I am going to incorporate it into my healing journey.
Hearing others go through is really healing. My relationship ended just without any valid explanation in silence. He decided to break up because he does not want to commit and that after I had my miscarriage and still grieving about it! I was not prepared for this. We even had our usual cute date together after he dropped hours later that he does not want to go on anymore. It hurts so bad. And everyone reading this: we will eventually move forward and create a better version of ourselves❤ do not give yourself up because someone else did😔
I really needed this. My ex broke up with me after my sister died. Double grief!! It’s been the most challenging yet insightful year of my life! Thank you. ❤
At some point i realized I was the only person who really cared about MY happiness. I began to think about what would make me happy...what gives me joy. Long story short, i moved to Seattle, enjoyed the northwest. I found how to care for my happiness....it was a great thing i did for me. I did not so much love myself....but I did SHOW myself love and kindness.
Mel over the years I've watched and listened to many of your episodes. This one with Sawyer is my favourite at this moment in time. I have so much admiration for Sawyer's vulnerability and your relationship with her. Few weeks ago I have ended my long term relationship and I am a mother of three and with my oldest teen daughter one day I will probably have similar conversation. I will remember this episode and come back to it, share it with my loved ones when it's time. You have truly touched my soul and this is the best way I could have spent the evening in your comforting company. Thank you so much Sawyer and Mel!
It’s also so important to note that when she talked about the on and off again in a previous relationship .. I experienced that too and can say I never let happened again to such a degree. And also deleting the social media helps so much…. Shit is so toxic
Such a great mum.. literally felt like I was Mels daughter and Sawyers sister sat in the living room with them. Needed to hear all of it and feel encouraged and peaceful.
I still remember her in 2022 she looks great healed you learn some things on your self but you are lucky to have a supportive family you’re mother what a beautiful relationship don’t let anyone tell you to start dating until you’re healed emotionally you will feel it.
I'm on the verge of tears. At one point I as sobbing on call with my dad asking him if i'm a weak person for experiencing the breakup the way I was. There was so much pain. Watching this has helped me understand my feelings more and have compassion for myself. Thank you!
I stumbled upon this podcast and I’m glad I did but it also hit me hard in the heart and soul 😢. I’ve been trying to leave my narcissistic boyfriend over and over again for literally years. It’s critical for my physical and mental health to get away from this person. The explanation you ladies gave about the chemical and physiological bond that we have when we’re in relationships really helped me as I start my journey of trying to really break this trauma bond once and for all. Sawyer thank you for sharing your very personal experience and I can relate in so many ways that it brought tears to my eyes. I’m reorganizing my room right at this moment as I finish listening to this. Thanks again Mel and Sawyer
I respect your daughter being honest about her own experiences. I don't underestimate how hard that must be. I'm a very private person and cannot imagine opening up like that. But this was very helpful - and I needed it especially today. TY.
Thank you for this! I'm just passing through this, and I'm so happy that your conversation is so down-to-earth! People don’t understand that it’s not just about saying, 'Don’t think about it,' or 'Just focus on what’s best for you.' Sure, maybe it is the best thing, and I probably know that too, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. I love all the advice, and I hope anyone else going through this pain heals faster than they expect. I’m on my way to moving forward, taking it one day at a time. It’s helping, and every day, I’m feeling a little better.
30 days...60 days and now probably over 120 days. the pain is still there. the desire to wish they are still there still pops up. the wish to tell them how i feel is still there though less often. but yes, over these few months, i learn alot and somethings starts to make sense. Thanks Mel for the talk with Tais Gibson. that really helped. And this video popped up as I was feeling down again today. does it get better, yes it did. let them...let them. the driving force behind my "let them" is i want her to be happy even if it meant without me. i hope whoever is going thru the same feeling will get better with time. learn to unlearn and untangle the lifestyle we had and adopt a new one. it takes time...
Im almost 2 years past my separation and imminent divorce from a 15 years relationship. Im glad this video came out now. 2 years ago i would not have been able to believe a word said in this podcast. I wasn't there yet..now 2 years later with distance,therapy, lots of work on myself, learning to love myself, love and understanding from my support system i can attest that it does get better. The pain may always live within you but each day does get better. One day at a time ❤
I was married 38 yrs, I’m so happy I went to a psychologist, so much help, my worst time was , I dreamt about him every night, cried all day, I was exhausted, it was like I couldn’t get away from him.. What you both said, so so spot on. Was lovely to see mother and daughter talking about this , thank you ❤
I appreciate how honest and raw these ladies were in this video. They were not sugar coding about the phases of a break up as most people do. Everything her daughter felt or was thinking I can say I was too in my break up. And it’s so refreshing to NOT hear “just move on, love yourself, etc” because that is not what we want to hear when going through a loss of someone who is still living. So thank you so much for this ladies ❤
I can’t thank you enough for writing this book and creating this podcast because I’m going through an extremely difficult break up right now. I was dating a narcissist and he loved bombed me for over a year. He consistently brought me on amazing vacations and eight weeks ago it just ended without any warning. I was left so Confused but realized he was cheating on me and is now with that womant. I was triggered when you said you’re in Vermont right now because we were in Killington twice we were in Telluride twice, Sedona etc. I needed to listen to this this and and value your suggestions. Thank you so much because this breakup is so painful.
This is mind blowing, the explanation on why it hurts so much and how embedded they had become in your daily life on such a deeper level then just a heartbreak. I feel like I'm dying every day, woo many questions unanswered, I also know that all the memories I have are not the memories he has. The songs that remind me of him or us, he doesn't have for me, I need to move on, but honestly I don't want to.
I went through a painful breakup in 2024, and exactly one month later, I lost my job. This was the most challenging period of my life, but it was also essential for my growth. Today, I can honestly say that I am grateful for the lessons I learned and the person I have become. I take pride in the progress I've made and the blessings that emerged from this pain. Thank you to your beautiful daughter, Mel, for speaking so openly and gracefully about this subject. ♥️
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I never thought I would go through this feeling in my 50’s and not easy. The guy i need to let go is my colleague so I can’t do 3 months no see him or hear him. But listening your experiences I let myself go easy on me and let him flirt with new girl he likes. Let them! Thank you two for sharing this healing process ❤
Five months can feel like an eternity, but it’s also just a chapter in your journey. Here’s a perspective that might help: this isn’t just about getting over him-it’s about rediscovering you. When a relationship ends, it can feel like a part of your identity is missing, but this is actually an invitation to rebuild your self-concept. Your self-concept is how you see yourself, and it’s the foundation for every relationship in your life-including the one with yourself. Ask yourself: Who am I without this relationship? What version of me do I want to step into now? Start taking small, intentional steps to embody that version of you-the one who feels confident, whole, and radiant. The truth is, you’re not just “getting over” him; you’re stepping into a new season of you. The more you focus on elevating your self-concept, the less space there will be for the pain. You’ve already made it five months, and that’s powerful. Keep going-you’re stronger than you think. ❤
Omg! Our son is about to do this!!! And yes, as parents we are mourning…he is waiting till he’s done with his finals….sigh We so need to hear this, thank you
The best thing you can do with a break up…..once you get past that initial trauma, is to realize it can make you better. You can be better about letting go of control, perhaps, or you can be better at respecting yourself. Because honestly, I think if you can’t get to a place of self respect, you aren’t going to get it from someone else. Take an honest look at what your thought processes have been, you can only guess what theirs were. Change what you can in yourself. There are always two sides, not saying he wasn’t the bad guy, perhaps he was….but there is always something you can learn about yourself and what to look for in others.
I so agree! It helped me the most when I turned my eyes on me and how I attracted this into my life, insted of him and what he is doing. He is who he is, but WHY AM I in this situation, how I unabled it to occur and what is the lesson for me. What do I need to change? In fact there is so much growth un difficult situations but with guidance is easier.
I ran straight to the comments because I knew that even though we live in such a chaotic world (and sometimes hateful 💔), there are still BEAUTIFUL and COMPASSIONATE PEOPLE🙏🏾. The evidence is in the comments! I’m sobbing as I type so I’m sorry in advance for any typos.🤦🏾♀️ To everyone that’s hurting from a broken heart 💔 or whatever the issue may be, we’re gonna get through it🙌🏾. I can attest to this because even ,when I’m at my loneliest, someone always has the encouraging words 🗣️! I don’t think people even realize how much their simple gesture can pull you up🙏🏾. Thank you so much 🙏🏾! GOD and the UNIVERSE always seems to align us with caring individuals that encourages us while at our lowest. Thank you so much and may GOD bless you all 🗣️🥰🙏🏾!
The 30 day rule, still did not help as I still relapse to checking his social profile even though I have had 30 days of no contact. It's been over 2 year after the heartbreak but I still think about him daily (though lesser that before) . What I find helping is to not try force avoiding to thinking about him or feeling bad about still thinking about him or the fantasy of him coming back but accept that He was a part of my life and the heart break is also part of my story that I need to own. I just need to learn from the experience and that is slowly helping me to move on.
It sounds like you’re doing some important inner work by learning to accept your story and give yourself grace-this is a huge step forward. What might help you even more is understanding the concept of self-concept and how it shapes everything, including how you move through heartbreak. Your self-concept is essentially how you see and define yourself: your identity, your worth, and what you believe you deserve. Right now, your thoughts are still tied to him because, in some ways, he’s become part of how you define yourself. But here’s the empowering part: you can shift that. You can rewrite your story to make you the main character, not him. Instead of focusing on "getting over" him, focus on elevating the way you see yourself. Ask yourself: Who am I when I feel worthy, confident, and whole? Start showing up as that version of you every day, even in small ways. The more you build a stronger, higher self-concept, the less you’ll feel the need to check his profile or fantasize about the past-because your energy will be directed toward creating the life and love that align with the best version of you. Your heartbreak can be a catalyst for the most transformative growth in your life. Use it to reconnect with yourself, redefine your worth, and watch how the need to look back begins to fade. You’ve got this! 💖
Mel and Sawyer. I am so grateful for your podcast. I lost my wife to cancer four years ago and now a two year plus relationship that seemed wonderful and then shockingly evaporated. There should be a podcast about breakups and grief for us in the 60 plus years of age. Even though I am a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and have been working with couples and individuals successfully for decades, there was so much that was reassuring and anchoring in your podcast. "Teaching you body how to live without that person" is so profoundly true. Almost everything you said today is knowledge in my mental library. But when grieving a profound loss, it is like you lose access to that library. Thank you so much for you work, the hope and comfort you provide. It gave me reassurance I am on the right path to healing and wholeness. It is a wild roller coaster ride for sure. Again, thank you so much for your work and heart.
I think we all have gone through a heartbreak. There is only one thing to do, go through it. The tools given in this video are awesome support. Thank you Mel and Sawer for featuring this.
I could not have come across this podcast at a better time. Thank you both! My six year long relationship that was toxic/narcissistic recently, and necessarily, ended.. I have been three weeks no contact. Thank you for clarifying the importance of untethering the multifaceted bonds that take place (yes, even in a toxic relationship I have experienced this). Sawyer’s candor and compassion is remarkable, and inspiring beyond words. Experience is our best teacher. Communicating this with compassion, humanity Will no doubt help and encourage others 💜🙏💫
Mel, it's nearly a year since he walked out on me. I got used to no contact or nearly none,but the news that he got married to a woman who he met few months before broke me inside. Like all that hope and imagination of us ending up together some day just burst like a buble 😢💔😭
Greetings from Australia - Wow what a GREAT Podcast. So many of us needed this right now. Everything you say is spot on. We need to grieve regardless of their situation. I believe after grieving the breakup we become stronger for ourself and not only that. We learn what we want in our life. For me that is the freedom to be myself and enjoy life to its fullest. Thank you so much Mel and Sawyer you both are very inspiring. I admit I was teary during the podcast. I had to pause it then go back to it. We all deserve love in our life. But loving ourself first is important.
WOW, I feel this SO DEEPLY. It's only been about 4 months out of a 6 year relationship for me and it hurts, but this is super helpful, thank you! 💜The part about their personality and voice being kind of "wired" into your nervous system made a lot of sense as to why we still hear them in our minds and feel them, etc. It also helps me understand why it's so hard to let go more than just holding onto the fantasy. I believe in energy and if you share that space with someone in an intimate relationship for a long period of time it makes sense your energies will become "entangled or intertwined" as you said. I just never really thought about it before now as to why that would make the break up and letting go all that much more difficult. Thank you for this Mel and Sawyer!
Had to go no contact with my narcissistic family whom I had been extremely close with my entire life at 46. Many of these tools still apply. Many similarities to a divorce.
Goodness. Thank you for bringing this up. Yes, I have gone through a divorce and separation of my toxic family of origin at the same time. So my support system is me, God, and I guess ppl on the internet. My social circle is pretty much gone. Do you have any tips on how you have overcome the pain of distancing from toxic family?
Wow, I wish I had this wonderful tools and knowledge 4 years ago. It would have been much easier to go through all the grieving and pain, but thank God I was able to survive the horror I went through. I pre-order your book, let them I can't wait to read it. 30 days rule is hard to fallow when the person who hurt you kept showing up, but it was up to me to avoid the contact, very soon I realized that, my ex didn't want me to get over her and that all she wanted was to keep me grieving. I changed for myself and I'm sure that I have to become the kind of person I want to attract into my life. And stying single, it's been the most wonderful thing that has happened to me in many years. Thank you.
My daughter went through a break up today year. I wasn’t sure if I handled it correctly. So I just would climb in th bed with her and cry with her. So excited for this video. My heart just broke for her!
Same here. Brutal breakup for my daughter, and I just ached for her. Brought back memories of my own breakups. It has been three months now and she has handled it beautifully. I think the time has given her an understanding that he was not the one for her.
It takes strengh..real strength, dedication..to yourself..thinking about how you keep living..process not emotionally, Know your worth..not easy, doable❤❤
Thank you for this and being so honest. I personally believe that only people who went through the same pain and healed from it, can help others overcome the same trauma. The love of my life broke up 2 months ago after almost 18 years, it was an amazing relationship for 15 years and then it went so wrong, he cheated, lied, got cold to me, we fought every day , yet we still tried to fix it for years after that until he suddenly broke up. The hard thing is we still live together at the time, him minding his own business, me only focusing on him. Having complete closer will be hard for the longest time cause I will have to see him almost everyday. We have too many mutual hobbies and friends. It's even harder letting go when you are confronted with him every day and see how he's going on with his life with my own eyes. I hope in a year I can manage it and feel better.
Ohhh yes. My daughter broke up with a co-worker (lesson learned: don't date a co-worker), and they work together in a small space. Torture. And that was a shorter relationship, but her first. The days without seeing him, she starts to recover; then the pain comes back. It's still two steps forward, one step back, but sometimes it feels like the opposite. She's visiting us now for the holidays, 1-1/2 weeks away, so maybe that will fill her cup enough and give her enough perspective to help.
Thank you for this ladies… I will be 63 next month, I was divorced at age 51. The man I have been with first as friend then as much morefor the past 7 years has decided to move on. At my age I feel extremely hopeless and defeated as well as cheated out of time. I can only blame myself. I try to conquer each day but man this is awful.
You don’t know how much I needed this right now. It’s been three months that I was the one who dumped him not because I wanted to, but because I needed to and he is an amazing man which makes it even harder. Exactly 10 minutes into this when Sawyer Was describing how she feels… That is exactly me. I will continue listening and I know this is going to help me a lot thank you both! Love from Quebec
Mel , I fell in love with a coworker. I had liked for four over 2 years and never said anything until this summer of 2024 that she had told me she felt the same way , we started talking and we realized the love that we had for one another, everything seemed great until it came to us actually hanging out and going on dates after work. We never went on our first date or anything because there’s always an excuse of why she couldn’t bc of school or time, never took me to meet her parents even though her mom had told us both that she wanted us to work out and hopefully become a couple and spend more time with the family. The more I kept trying the more she pushed me away , out of nowhere she would leave me or complain about me being insecure whenever I told her that one of the guys from our job was hitting on her and she would say that his is nothing but a family friend. He would always play in a weird way with her even when I was around and she wouldn’t do anything to stop him. One day at a work event he started touching her hair and shoulders and touching her hand and I told her that I felt uncomfortable and disrespected by her not doing anything to stop it, she basically said that it wasn’t wrong in her side and that I was just insecure. She proceeded to tell me that he never liked her in that “way” Later this month after she broke up with me bc of that situation I find out she knew that the guy liked her because she had told a common friend of ours and that friend told me everything and yeah. Now I am broken knowing because i feel like she got caught and couldn’t deal with the fact that she lied to me and I now know the truth about her. Now I have to see her everyday at work and it’s weird because she’s playing victim and she acts as if she wasn’t the one to hurt me , no matter how much I tried or how loyal I remain she just never showed the same love back. She would say that she wants to get marry within one year and that she wants to have a kid and out of a sudden she’s leaving me and saying she’s now happy. It’s crazy because she felt like the biggest blessing and we both agreed that this was the first time we were both happy with finding love ❤️ But then she left me and said I should’ve left you how I had planned it from along ago We started talking in June and she left me in September and immediately started following a whole list of guys from her school She lied to her mother about the break up and didn’t tell her how horrible she treated me and the worst part is that now I know the horrible person she is and I have to see her everyday at work and see her faking being someone who she’s not. 💔😔I am just heart broken bc she really mistreated myths love I gave her and never valued me. And on top of that I still would choose her if she came back .
Such a wonderful video…I said to my daughter..his not worth it..forget him…you are too good for him He will never get someone like you ever again… same let’s make a photo shoot and put it on social media… What a kind of mother am I....oh my goodness….thank you so much for this..truly appreciated 🙏🏻
Sawyer you made me cry when you said I wish he had reaching out but he didn’t… it is so hard to kill our hope. Thanks for share your vulnerability. Make me feel I am not the only crazy person that I am still can’t accept I will not see him again in my life or he is not going to be the father of my kids. It is so so hard in my case after 8!years of relationship with the love of my life accept I should not reaching out again to him or knowing how he is going. I can accept the breakup but it is so hard accept that you should kill the necessity of knowing that your ex partner is ok. Sometimes you just want to know if he is ok. Still working on it after more than one year without see him and almost 2 years of the original break up. This episode make feel I am not alone. Thanks ❤
I have a serious obsession with Mel! So relatable! By the way, I'm 36 years old divorced 4 years ago, with 2 kids recently broke up with my boyfriend after 2 years, moved in my parents while my mom goes through cancer for the 2nd time! You can't the only one Sawyer don't feel weird about living with your parents. I'm seriously losing my mind! 😅
Heartbreak hurts so much because you have to grieve someone that is still alive
That‘s it. You know they are still walking the earth, living their life and it often seems like it‘s so easy for them to move on while you are hurting and missing them so much.
@@happyhippo4559I'm going through it now
Yes, so true! This is exactly how I feel! Grieving since May after 30 years of marriage and learning of him cheating for 2 or more years 😢
SO SO hard. i said to him ..its like you/ve died but its worse in a lot of ways.
Totally agree,
Mel, I am divorced, almost two years now, after a 40 year marriage. My heart is still so shattered and I am so stuck. This video has me sobbing. It seems impossible for me to move on. Thank you and Sawyer!!
Hi, I’m viewing from Melbourne Australia. I too have this headache at 58 after 40 years. It was during COVID. Completely and utterly blindsided, my husband simply uttered the words one Saturday morning in bed….i don’t want to be married anymore, I don’t want to talk about it, you need to accept it. That was it. I was so utterly shocked that I couldn’t respond, it was an out of body experience truly. Once he left , I was alone, couldn’t go anywhere due to strict lockdown restrictions…..his family disconnected. I seriously do not know how I made it to today. He wanted a new life apparently, a new persona, a new older partner . I have only the opportunity to see and talk with him 3 times for no longer than 15 minutes, a time broken , sobbing begging to try and make sense of what he has done. There was No opportunity for closure. No processing as to why. No thank you for 40 years of adoring him. I’m still very broken 3 years later. I will never get over how poorly he treated me, never. Anyway….tomorrow is another day. I wish us both happiness , health, peace . sending you hugs and love ❤
You got this❤
Live energy to you. We are made to withstand this. 💪
Same.
Sending you love and light. Once you love being on your own, you'll never look back. Get a pet!
Omg! "What if the purpose of dating now is not finding someone, but actually finding myself" ❤
I wish I had a Mom to talk to about heartbreak. You are blessed. Thank you Mel for being our mom.
This is why tools like this is a blessing. When you can't talk to someone to support you, you can reach to this. I hope you find support in your life somewhere
This hits home so much, the fantasy of them coming back in the future has kept me from letting go
@@thebatmom I totally relate!
OMG , I relate so much. I am just glad I am not the only one but atleast I can now work through this fantasy
It’s such a hard fantasy to let go of !!!
@@TWBarb especially when you spent years with them. When you all figure out how to let go, please let me know.
@@xolantlangula422 it sucks so much
After being in a terrible process of not letting go and on and off all in all for 8 years, I met the best man of my life! I met him before, but there my energy was in the old pattern. I met him after I worked on my self love and worthiness. So I could meet him in this energetic field. This was two years ago. And now I am 60 😊…. It is never too late to find the biggest love in your life! Even I am sorry a bit beeing that old, I know I had to understand myself in order to move on. ❤
Thank you for sharing your age. It’s inspirational that one can still find love at any age. As women, we feel that once we get to a certain age that we won’t be able to find love again because our society only values youth.
Im in the same situation, working on self-love and worthiness, because I know I have to fix myself first to find the love that I deserve. Thanks for the inspiration that I can❤❤
@@noracurcio7910 you are an inspiration! Thank you for showing me that there is hope as long as we work on learning to love and value ourselves first.
@noracurcio7910 how did you find yourself. I just lost my fiance snd futur step son i helped raise for 5 years.. we had life plans that we both wanted..not just one of us followimg the other..our lives aligned. Or so i thought. I was the bad ass that left everyone else..i gave into a vulnerability i never did befor and it got me in ny worst fear...vulnerable and adandoned. ..realizing my bad ass old self was another coping mechanism..
So now what?.
How did you learn..or find yourself..like truely..
I know intellectually what shld be but i dont even know what im doing anymore
@@stepht2782I took a formal meditation class bc I didn’t even know how to hear myself think and knew I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t take the class. Also started reading and listening to podcasts about topics that would help me find me again. I like stuff from Dr Kelly Brogan. Maybe revert to your old bad ass ways to recalibrate your energy. Find a lover. Both get tested and stay safe. Not everything needs to end up as a monogamous long term liability 😉
Breakup is the hardest thing to face, especially when there’s no one support you poll through it. Thank you for sharing .
It’s so true-breakups can feel like you’re carrying the weight of the world alone. What most people don’t realize, because heartbreak affects your nervous system the way it does, it doesn’t just hurt-it rewires how we see ourselves, our worth, and even our future. But like Mel and Sawyer so beautifully spoke to, and what is absolutely true: it’s also an invitation to rebuild, to grow stronger than you ever thought possible. I’ve seen it happen over and over, and have absolutely been there myself. Rest assured, healing takes time, and even on the toughest days, brighter days are always ahead.
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤😂😂😂🎉🎉😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😮😮😮😅😅😅😊😊😊😊❤😊🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉😂😂😂😂😊
Acurate conclusion
Agree, people are busy with their own families, esp when your older and circle has diminished
As an indigenous person from North America I know of some tribes when they lose a loved one. They put away all their photos they have of them, they don’t speak their name either for a year. It allows them to grieve and heal, while allowing that loved one move on also.
i love this
The only thing that has helped me is when I made a list of everything he did that upset me and hurt me. I read and reread that very long list when I start missing him or when the sadness or emptiness hits . Reading that list and rethinking the betrayals and the lies, all the other women he chose over me, all the canceled dates, excuses, all the gaslighting, all the nice things he did for other women etc really helped me realize I stayed too long and gave too many chances . That all motivated me to try away from him, to next time see the red flag warnings I ignored, to promise myself to do better next time and that I wasted so much time on him. I was actually mad at myself ! But it’s what I needed to start the healing process. Let another woman have him. I know I deserve so much better. I slept a lot too and watched tv, I was emotionality and physically exhausted. But it’s getting better . Watching you tube like this helps a lot too.
I’ve done that too but my brain still misses him and thinks of all the good times. May I ask how long it’s been? Looking for some hope.
Im in a similar boat, lost fiancé, future step son i helped raise for 5 yrs, our home, family
@@amyb1689just remember that everyone’s healing process is different. I’m currently on the same boat and it’s been 9 months for me. Don’t be harsh on yourself
Thank you , I will list mines down as well. That is smart
I did this too….very helpful for me
1:09:24 "Spark is about attraction. True love is about admiration and consideration."
Thank you Mel Robbins. That was gold.
Gosh, Mel, what a world it would be if we all had had mom's that could help us actually get through life mindfully. Amazing mother-daughter connection💖 beautiful! Thank you🌻
totally!!!! That moment was a jolt, that I have never, and will never, know that comfort. Any time anything happened to me, my bio-birther would just yell or worse at me, blaming me for my own suffering or her narcissistic "how this makes her look" LOL obsession... Her BS was not my fault, however learning to support myself with other resources now IS my Response-ability... argh, the words are so easy LOL.
I echo this so much.
❤❤❤❤
@@llbailey9946 I have a mother like that too. She has zero empathy for me and everything is always negative. I am going through a devastating break up right now and I feel so isolated, so I reached out just to talk and hopefully maybe get some empathy and understanding. But nope. She changed the subject and asked me what kind of Jell-O I made for Thanksgiving. So I called her on it and I said oh, so you’re not able to show any sort of empathy to your grieving daughter? And she replied, well, I know that anything I say will just probably make you mad or hurt your feelings. So I replied, why would you feel the need to go to judgment, rather than empathy? I’m not asking you to solve my problems and I’m not asking you to pass judgment on what you feel like the relationship was like. I’m just wanting you to connect with me as a mother to a daughter and try to feel some compassion for what I’m going through. But what I realized with my mother is it that is never going to happen. And I have to just accept it and let her and I will let myself be distant from her from now on. I am no longer going to reach out to her or call her because it’s pointless.
I second that! Instead when I told my mother I thought I needed to divorce my husband in 2001, her response was: “you can’t do that, he is the father of your children!” No discussion. So I stayed with him….and 11 yrs later he decided he wanted something else.
I am a licensed psychotherapist in CA. I often refer your podcasts to my clients. Your approach and humility is so genuine. This one is great, especially during the holiday season when many advertisements about gifts and rings being exchanged can make one feel so lonely. Thank you for another great podcast. Much appreciated.
I am 3 weeks into a separation from my husband of 17 years. I needed this video.
How do you leave?
Tc
I hope you’ll be ok. 🌷💖
@@SallyBowles5050 She will be.
Go no-contact. It will take time, but you will be great! I promise.
I was married for 19 years and the seperation and divorce was one of the hardest things I had to go through, the mourning makes sense after hearing this.
My husband left me for my now ex best friend a few months after we had our baby. 5 years later and they are still together and miserable. I’m still single lonely but incredibly grateful my daughter never witnessed the way her father used to treat me. We are free from something I didn’t quite realize yet was a serious problem.
So happy for you and your daughter! May God bless you both ❤️❤️
Super valuable episode 💯
“To live is to suffer, but to survive is to find meaning in the suffering”
I am so glad I stumbled on this channel! I am in my 60s and going through what your daughter is going through . Doesn’t matter what age you are!!! Now… it has been 2 months … just starting to feel better . I have done EVERYTHING your daughter did ,30+ days , took golf lessons, etc. Funny hiw life is… thought at my age no one would want me! WOW was I wrong! There is someone who is my age ,met at work , AND lives around the corner from me … taking it slow , but never give up on yourself…
Pivotal: processing it is NOT moving on and it's not closure. I love that. Makes sense why I'm still hurting from it even after a year. I've processed but haven't found full closure yet.
I’m in the exact same position. Almost 5 years together, and she left a year ago. Barely any contact for the first 11 months, but for the past few months, she’s reached out quite a few times. That made things extremely difficult, and behaviors that don’t align with her words didn’t help. That said, I’ve processed all of it, and I understand why she does what she does, and I understand the chances of a relationship working should it be rekindled?
Hold your head high, Gain self respect, pat yourself on the back. drink lots of water, exercise,
eat right,
This too Will Pass.
Love this ❤
Hey Sawyer. Thank you so much for sharing your story and participating in this interview. It was so very brave of you to share your most raw emotions and struggles you endured in your breakup. I believe it sincerely helped everyone that listened to your story to know that they are not alone when they feel the severe and crushing emotions when experiencing their own breakup (me included). I was moved to tears during many parts of this interview... Thank you again. Take good care.
I so agree on all counts❤🙏🏼
This pod cast is comforting to me. My husband of 60 years died 30 days ago. I’m grieving and trying to make sense of this process. Thank you for the kind and gentle advice. ❤
I'm so sorry to hear about your husband, Annette, I know that must be tough. I'm glad that you found this episode helpful and I'm sending you so much love and support ❤xo
A big hug from the UK 🦋🩷
Single and recovering from a year long rollercoaster ride with a dismissive avoidant man. Thank you for your book and podcast. I'm going no contact for 30 days. Wish me luck.
Good luck dear one you deserve so much better 💓. A dismissive avoidant man is no good for anyone ( reminds me of the quote - " when someone tells you who they are believe them" ) 😊
🙌🏾🙌🏾🥰🥰
Go no contact until they reach out and answer if they do and set a date if you want them back
How do you go 30 days no contact when this person goes to your gym?
All the best girl
My break up happened four months ago and I can totally relate to what Sawyer went through. I've been on the floor weeping so hard I didn't think I could stop. But the one thing that has helped me more than anything is something you didn't mention or even hint And that is turning to God for help praying and asking him to heal my broken heart and bring peace back into my life instrumental in helping me to move on. It's saddens me that you don't remind your listeners of their higher power and how he can deliver us through our biggest pain and teach us our greatest lessons.
@lynneMarie32257 i agree and tbh is the one and only way we can heal, repair and or move on. I am struggling with the whys and unanswered reasons,as in my case. Depresson or the intense sadness with anxiety of the unknown is overwhelming to taking me to my knees. I have to pray/talk to God all day.
Im ok, pleasw help me, help me move my feet, get out of bed..i walk and have to plead plesse carry me..plesse take my heart
It is because not everybody believes in God, that’s why she doesn’t mention it.
What it did to you is that you found a way to express your feelings and have hope. And this helps a lot.
I read about the 11 week study after my breakup and it gave me hope as well. I even counted the weeks 🙈
I hope that you feel better now and that you learned that you are more resilient than you thought. 😊
@@stepht2782I wish you a lot of courage. Don’t hesitate to talk to a therapist. What helped me is to exercise (you already feel the pain anyway). It helped me to calm down.
Thank you Mel and Sawyer. I really needed this episode. I'm 43 and just ended a two month relationship where the love bombing was intense. I truly felt as though I'd met the love of my life until their true colors started showing. It's hard to get out of bed these days but I've been pushing through. This episode gave me hope.
I’m 43, too. I was love bombed by someone who I’ve known since we were 14. It broke me. I am stronger now, it’s been 8-9 months and I solidly in my own life I will never let someone play me like that again. Ever again. I deserve respect and so do you. Hang in there !! We Got this
Having being divorced following a 25 year relationship, a few years later I had a 2 year relationship and was completely love bombed! Awful experience and I managed to end it. I met someone a few months ago and I’ve now realised that the love bombing has reared its ugly head - thankfully I saw the signs !
You are going to realize you dodged a huge bullet!! I wish I had dodged one. Instead, I was married to a manipulative, unfaithful, toxic narcissist for 30 horrible years. What a waste! Glad you have avoided it!! 😊
2 months isn't a relationship. It's dating. Get to know a person and take your time.
@@kawanclinton950Are you a Leo? 😂😂😂 This advice was delivered in such a Leo manner.
Excellent videos! My five-year relationship came to an end a month ago. The love of my life chose to leave, and I can't stop thinking about him; I love him so deeply. I've done everything I can to win him back, but nothing seems to work. I'm feeling frustrated and can't imagine my life with anyone else. Despite my efforts to move on, I just can't shake the thoughts of him. I don't know why I'm sharing this, but I really miss him)
It's tough to let go of someone you care about. I can relate, my 12year relationship also ended, and I struggled to move on. I tried everything to get him back, even seeking help from a spiritual counselor who ultimately helped me reconnect with him*
That's incredible! How did you find a spiritual counselor, and how can I contact one?
Fatherabulu, has incredible powers, and he can assist you.
Thank you for sharing this valuable information! I just looked him up online, and I'm impressed
@patriciawhitmore-s7n i am in your same boat..were u given closure? Are you able to?
THANK YOU MEL AND SAWYER🙏🏾🙏🏾! I NEEDED THIS MESSAGE! I ran straight to the comments because I knew that even though we live in such a chaotic world (and sometimes hateful 💔), there are still BEAUTIFUL and COMPASSIONATE PEOPLE🙏🏾. The evidence is in the comments! I’m sobbing as I type so I’m sorry in advance for any typos.🤦🏾♀️ To everyone that’s hurting from a broken heart 💔 ,or whatever the issue may be, we’re gonna get through it🙌🏾. I can attest to this because even ,when I’m at my loneliest, someone always has the most encouraging words 🗣️that lift me up! It gives me hope! I don’t think people even realize how much their simple gestures can pull you up🙏🏾. Thank you so much 🙏🏾! GOD and the UNIVERSE always seems to align us with caring individuals that encourages us while at our lowest. Healing ❤️🩹 from an 11 year narcissistic relationship is brutal! Thank you so much and may GOD bless you all 🗣️🥰🙏🏾!
There’s a lot of peace being alone. It’s so much better
Yes, after healing from the breakup, however long it takes it is peaceful on the other side. I'm fine alone.
well each situation is different but I’m in a very violent situation/community area. I’ve tried moving and came back still violent. My daughter’s dad does not get it. I get threats all the time from my family, his friends he’s part of their gang. It does not change every decade and they just became more violent over time
Why you here at all?
@@marguskiis7711 wtf
got broken up with over the phone this Christmas after 4 years and I am heartbroken. my mom and my faith have been getting me through. today is day 1 and ai am struggling but trying to do as much research as possible. thank you both so much cannot wait to binge this
4 years over the phone is dastardly. I am so sorry you're going through this, I recently got broken up with less than a month ago in a fight. This shit is truly the worst. I did not think it was possible to hurt this much. 4.5 years gone in a blink. So heavy man, the worst part is our values and life goals align, I've just been in a depression for the last couple of months... Fucking sucks donkey dick, it's gonna be a while until I'm okay. Sending positive energy your way, you're worthy of love and it always takes 2 to end a relationship. It is not all your fault.
Yes.. making a list of the bad things he did to me helped.. but the one that helped the most is watching videos of other women talking about their break-ups. Knowing that im not alone.. and relating to a lot of what those women were saying in their videos relieved me of a lot of pain. Especially when i found myself rooting for those women.. im like, wait, this applies to me too.
I have a situation that is similar. My friendship of ten years was just ended by her. She said it is not me it is her . What, is this a break up? I thought we would be friends until death. I feel such sadness.
What a lovely daughter you have, so mature, and reflective. At 55 yo she taught me so much.
Simp
Yes, a beautiful daughter ❤
Just gone through this after being love bombed. I am alone and it's over. I am going to take better care of myself, good food, vitamins, and take your time. Sawyer is amazing and so inspiring. Mel you are amazing ❤
I'm a 54 year old man a month after a breakup, and this had me in tears just minutes in.
There's often such a massive disconnect when people try to advise others that are brokenhearted because the timing is never right. Everyone's break up is different, they process it at different speeds and really just need time to themselves to reflect.
Sure, it's nice to have someone to vent to, but at the end of the day, the demon is within you. You have to do the self-realignment and face reality. You have to rebuild yourself and let go of the past.
The best thing someone can do for their friend going through a break up is just be present with them, reassure them of the good qualities you see in them that they are struggling to find in self-loathing, guilt, overanalyzing every little interaction they may have messed up. Help them go through all the emotions of their loss and just let them know they're not alone. Can't be all bad if the world ends and there's at least one person in your corner.
Let them. ❤
I’m at 7 months and feel like the heartache has become worse since October knowing the holidays wouldn’t be the same. I usually love Xmas. I’m just going through the motions. I am speaking with my therapist weekly and my depression is making me feel hopeless. I am not losing hope and really resonated with this. I just don’t know if I will ever find someone again and that terrifies me. The person I love, left.
I have to admit I felt so much better after this podcast. A week ago I broke up with my Ex after a 5 year of a really nice relationship. I am in a state of confusion and hysteria.
Thank you guys for the great work. And for everyone going through this, you’re not alone. I wish us all the love and the strength to go through this, and we will eventually. At the end you have to win yourself.
I used this advice about no contact. I finally did it for a year and then another yr. I was the one always calling him. Very empowering controlling your impulses.
It does get better!!
He took her on a trip a week ago and lied about it. And it was not the first or third time. 6 years down and the trust is gone. Thank you for this podcast Mel and Sawyer. This is soothing my heart as I pick up my life and move on without him
Listen to me been married for 17 years and yes you will need a good support system! The pain is real and the feeling of embarrassment and anger will be there! I thought I was going to go under! Once I accepted it got out of disbelief I could move forward! And yes counseling helps. Yes you will make it give yourself time to heal. Much ❤to anyone who is dealing with heartbreak
Thank you so much for sharing! I'm on a similar length of time in the relationship and we share 3 kids. I don't have a support system of humans. My family of origin is also toxic and belittling so although they could bring comfort they also bring dysfunction. Do you have any tips on how to help myself? I follow Jesus and do go to church. I create things still. It is just so painful. I appreciate any tips you can share.
My ex had trust issues before I met him, and throughout our entire two year relationship 💔
There was no amount of my effort of loving him that made him see my devotion or value.
He kept pushing me away until I finally went away💔 He moved on in 3 days with someone new it broke my heart to no end that we couldn't make it work💔
I have spent the last 10 months processing the let them theory &I don't want to be with somebody who doesn't want to be with me. He was everything I ever wanted but he didn't want me.💔
I appreciate your advice of remembering Love of our lives is just ahead of us not behind us.
Thank you both for your time sharing and caring God bless ❤🤤🙏🏼🌹
Mel you have to be so proud of your daughter. I said out loud two or three times, “ how does she know this stuff at 22 years old!” Wow, she’s a smart woman ❤ i needed to hear this podcast 30 years ago! Thanks so much for bringing this topic to all of us!!
Heartbreak Betrayal going trough it and it was a virtual relationship, still it hurts in the same way, your daugther looks like such a good person, she will find someone much better for sure!
I’m only 30 mins in and I’m sobbing! This hits home. My heart is broken and I’m lost.
I was crying about 3 minutes in. It's so profound!
I just ended a really difficult relationship with someone who cheated on me and lied to me all the time. I gave him a second chance and I hoped he would change. Despite all the negative, the good memories always remain and that's what hurts terribly. Thank you very much for this podcast which helps me feel less alone. 🙏🏻
Watching Mel look at her daughter so adoringly. I love it. Watching my father, grieve my divorce was the hardest part of my break up. I am still grieving. I was able to give him a son, but I also took it away. I see the pain that has brought him on top of the pain of watching me grieve and he is still my biggest supporter.
im going through this now after 38 years together...beyond devastated. I said to him "Its like you have died but its almost worse" ...cos he is still alive. It is def a grief. It is like a death. We were going to grow old together and be buried together . I bawl my eyes out every day. throughout the day I know his reasons are kosher but emotional part of me is so heart broken. Its this continual logic brain vs emotional brain roller coaster everyday. Thank u ladies !
@@JacquiQ 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽I totally understand but it will get better with time and GOD
How kind and vulnerable of you two to host this episode to help so many during a difficult time. Thank you!
I’m 10 minutes in and I finally feel seen. This is a real conversation, real things we do and not toxic positivity.
I am 4 weeks into my break up, I was actually ghosted 😢and working through the acceptance of never getting the closure. I think I am doing better than I anticipated. Thank you for sharing these great tools, I have already been implemented most of them. First time I hear of the “let them” theory and I am going to incorporate it into my healing journey.
Hearing others go through is really healing. My relationship ended just without any valid explanation in silence. He decided to break up because he does not want to commit and that after I had my miscarriage and still grieving about it! I was not prepared for this. We even had our usual cute date together after he dropped hours later that he does not want to go on anymore. It hurts so bad. And everyone reading this: we will eventually move forward and create a better version of ourselves❤ do not give yourself up because someone else did😔
I really needed this. My ex broke up with me after my sister died. Double grief!! It’s been the most challenging yet insightful year of my life! Thank you. ❤
Wow...I just went through the same experience...
@ my heart goes out to you. ❤️🩹
I'm so sorry for the loss of your sister ❤.
At some point i realized I was the only person who really cared about MY happiness. I began to think about what would make me happy...what gives me joy. Long story short, i moved to Seattle, enjoyed the northwest. I found how to care for my happiness....it was a great thing i did for me. I did not so much love myself....but I did SHOW myself love and kindness.
Mel over the years I've watched and listened to many of your episodes. This one with Sawyer is my favourite at this moment in time. I have so much admiration for Sawyer's vulnerability and your relationship with her. Few weeks ago I have ended my long term relationship and I am a mother of three and with my oldest teen daughter one day I will probably have similar conversation. I will remember this episode and come back to it, share it with my loved ones when it's time. You have truly touched my soul and this is the best way I could have spent the evening in your comforting company. Thank you so much Sawyer and Mel!
It’s also so important to note that when she talked about the on and off again in a previous relationship .. I experienced that too and can say I never let happened again to such a degree. And also deleting the social media helps so much…. Shit is so toxic
Such a great mum.. literally felt like I was Mels daughter and Sawyers sister sat in the living room with them. Needed to hear all of it and feel encouraged and peaceful.
I still remember her in 2022 she looks great healed you learn some things on your self but you are lucky to have a supportive family you’re mother what a beautiful relationship don’t let anyone tell you to start dating until you’re healed emotionally you will feel it.
I'm on the verge of tears. At one point I as sobbing on call with my dad asking him if i'm a weak person for experiencing the breakup the way I was. There was so much pain. Watching this has helped me understand my feelings more and have compassion for myself. Thank you!
I stumbled upon this podcast and I’m glad I did but it also hit me hard in the heart and soul 😢. I’ve been trying to leave my narcissistic boyfriend over and over again for literally years. It’s critical for my physical and mental health to get away from this person. The explanation you ladies gave about the chemical and physiological bond that we have when we’re in relationships really helped me as I start my journey of trying to really break this trauma bond once and for all. Sawyer thank you for sharing your very personal experience and I can relate in so many ways that it brought tears to my eyes. I’m reorganizing my room right at this moment as I finish listening to this. Thanks again Mel and Sawyer
I respect your daughter being honest about her own experiences. I don't underestimate how hard that must be. I'm a very private person and cannot imagine opening up like that. But this was very helpful - and I needed it especially today. TY.
You have to give up hope. Tell yourself it's over and theres no going back.
Thank you for this! I'm just passing through this, and I'm so happy that your conversation is so down-to-earth! People don’t understand that it’s not just about saying, 'Don’t think about it,' or 'Just focus on what’s best for you.' Sure, maybe it is the best thing, and I probably know that too, but it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt. I love all the advice, and I hope anyone else going through this pain heals faster than they expect. I’m on my way to moving forward, taking it one day at a time. It’s helping, and every day, I’m feeling a little better.
30 days...60 days and now probably over 120 days. the pain is still there. the desire to wish they are still there still pops up. the wish to tell them how i feel is still there though less often. but yes, over these few months, i learn alot and somethings starts to make sense. Thanks Mel for the talk with Tais Gibson. that really helped. And this video popped up as I was feeling down again today.
does it get better, yes it did. let them...let them. the driving force behind my "let them" is i want her to be happy even if it meant without me. i hope whoever is going thru the same feeling will get better with time. learn to unlearn and untangle the lifestyle we had and adopt a new one. it takes time...
Im almost 2 years past my separation and imminent divorce from a 15 years relationship.
Im glad this video came out now. 2 years ago i would not have been able to believe a word said in this podcast. I wasn't there yet..now 2 years later with distance,therapy, lots of work on myself, learning to love myself, love and understanding from my support system i can attest that it does get better. The pain may always live within you but each day does get better. One day at a time ❤
I was married 38 yrs, I’m so happy I went to a psychologist, so much help, my worst time was , I dreamt about him every night, cried all day, I was exhausted, it was like I couldn’t get away from him..
What you both said, so so spot on. Was lovely to see mother and daughter talking about this , thank you ❤
I still dream about her 1 year on
I too have dreams
I appreciate how honest and raw these ladies were in this video. They were not sugar coding about the phases of a break up as most people do. Everything her daughter felt or was thinking I can say I was too in my break up. And it’s so refreshing to NOT hear “just move on, love yourself, etc” because that is not what we want to hear when going through a loss of someone who is still living. So thank you so much for this ladies ❤
I can’t thank you enough for writing this book and creating this podcast because I’m going through an extremely difficult break up right now. I was dating a narcissist and he loved bombed me for over a year. He consistently brought me on amazing vacations and eight weeks ago it just ended without any warning. I was left so Confused but realized he was cheating on me and is now with that womant. I was triggered when you said you’re in Vermont right now because we were in Killington twice we were in Telluride twice, Sedona etc. I needed to listen to this this and and value your suggestions. Thank you so much because this breakup is so painful.
This is mind blowing, the explanation on why it hurts so much and how embedded they had become in your daily life on such a deeper level then just a heartbreak.
I feel like I'm dying every day, woo many questions unanswered, I also know that all the memories I have are not the memories he has. The songs that remind me of him or us, he doesn't have for me, I need to move on, but honestly I don't want to.
I went through a painful breakup in 2024, and exactly one month later, I lost my job. This was the most challenging period of my life, but it was also essential for my growth. Today, I can honestly say that I am grateful for the lessons I learned and the person I have become. I take pride in the progress I've made and the blessings that emerged from this pain. Thank you to your beautiful daughter, Mel, for speaking so openly and gracefully about this subject. ♥️
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I never thought I would go through this feeling in my 50’s and not easy. The guy i need to let go is my colleague so I can’t do 3 months no see him or hear him. But listening your experiences I let myself go easy on me and let him flirt with new girl he likes. Let them! Thank you two for sharing this healing process ❤
I needed this so badly. It’s been 5 months since we split and I still haven’t gotten over him. Thank you. This helped. So much. ❤
Five months can feel like an eternity, but it’s also just a chapter in your journey. Here’s a perspective that might help: this isn’t just about getting over him-it’s about rediscovering you.
When a relationship ends, it can feel like a part of your identity is missing, but this is actually an invitation to rebuild your self-concept. Your self-concept is how you see yourself, and it’s the foundation for every relationship in your life-including the one with yourself.
Ask yourself: Who am I without this relationship? What version of me do I want to step into now? Start taking small, intentional steps to embody that version of you-the one who feels confident, whole, and radiant.
The truth is, you’re not just “getting over” him; you’re stepping into a new season of you. The more you focus on elevating your self-concept, the less space there will be for the pain. You’ve already made it five months, and that’s powerful. Keep going-you’re stronger than you think. ❤
It’s grieving for the person and also the hopes and dreams for your future fun and adventures that has died as well .
Omg! Our son is about to do this!!! And yes, as parents we are mourning…he is waiting till he’s done with his finals….sigh
We so need to hear this, thank you
The best thing you can do with a break up…..once you get past that initial trauma, is to realize it can make you better. You can be better about letting go of control, perhaps, or you can be better at respecting yourself. Because honestly, I think if you can’t get to a place of self respect, you aren’t going to get it from someone else. Take an honest look at what your thought processes have been, you can only guess what theirs were. Change what you can in yourself. There are always two sides, not saying he wasn’t the bad guy, perhaps he was….but there is always something you can learn about yourself and what to look for in others.
I so agree! It helped me the most when I turned my eyes on me and how I attracted this into my life, insted of him and what he is doing. He is who he is, but WHY AM I in this situation, how I unabled it to occur and what is the lesson for me. What do I need to change?
In fact there is so much growth un difficult situations but with guidance is easier.
I ran straight to the comments because I knew that even though we live in such a chaotic world (and sometimes hateful 💔), there are still BEAUTIFUL and COMPASSIONATE PEOPLE🙏🏾. The evidence is in the comments! I’m sobbing as I type so I’m sorry in advance for any typos.🤦🏾♀️ To everyone that’s hurting from a broken heart 💔 or whatever the issue may be, we’re gonna get through it🙌🏾. I can attest to this because even ,when I’m at my loneliest, someone always has the encouraging words 🗣️! I don’t think people even realize how much their simple gesture can pull you up🙏🏾. Thank you so much 🙏🏾! GOD and the UNIVERSE always seems to align us with caring individuals that encourages us while at our lowest. Thank you so much and may GOD bless you all 🗣️🥰🙏🏾!
The 30 day rule, still did not help as I still relapse to checking his social profile even though I have had 30 days of no contact. It's been over 2 year after the heartbreak but I still think about him daily (though lesser that before) . What I find helping is to not try force avoiding to thinking about him or feeling bad about still thinking about him or the fantasy of him coming back but accept that He was a part of my life and the heart break is also part of my story that I need to own. I just need to learn from the experience and that is slowly helping me to move on.
It sounds like you’re doing some important inner work by learning to accept your story and give yourself grace-this is a huge step forward. What might help you even more is understanding the concept of self-concept and how it shapes everything, including how you move through heartbreak.
Your self-concept is essentially how you see and define yourself: your identity, your worth, and what you believe you deserve. Right now, your thoughts are still tied to him because, in some ways, he’s become part of how you define yourself. But here’s the empowering part: you can shift that. You can rewrite your story to make you the main character, not him.
Instead of focusing on "getting over" him, focus on elevating the way you see yourself. Ask yourself: Who am I when I feel worthy, confident, and whole? Start showing up as that version of you every day, even in small ways. The more you build a stronger, higher self-concept, the less you’ll feel the need to check his profile or fantasize about the past-because your energy will be directed toward creating the life and love that align with the best version of you.
Your heartbreak can be a catalyst for the most transformative growth in your life. Use it to reconnect with yourself, redefine your worth, and watch how the need to look back begins to fade. You’ve got this! 💖
Mel and Sawyer. I am so grateful for your podcast. I lost my wife to cancer four years ago and now a two year plus relationship that seemed wonderful and then shockingly evaporated. There should be a podcast about breakups and grief for us in the 60 plus years of age. Even though I am a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and have been working with couples and individuals successfully for decades, there was so much that was reassuring and anchoring in your podcast. "Teaching you body how to live without that person" is so profoundly true. Almost everything you said today is knowledge in my mental library. But when grieving a profound loss, it is like you lose access to that library.
Thank you so much for you work, the hope and comfort you provide. It gave me reassurance I am on the right path to healing and wholeness. It is a wild roller coaster ride for sure.
Again, thank you so much for your work and heart.
I think we all have gone through a heartbreak. There is only one thing to do, go through it. The tools given in this video are awesome support. Thank you Mel and Sawer for featuring this.
Very much needed episode. I’m going through the worst break up of my life right now
Sawyer, thank you so much for trusting us enough to share your story!
Same
It’s exactly how it feels. It’s even harder at 43. What other advice will give to us that us older and no kids? Who do want a partner in their lives.
I could not have come across this podcast at a better time. Thank you both! My six year long relationship that was toxic/narcissistic recently, and necessarily, ended.. I have been three weeks no contact. Thank you for clarifying the importance of untethering the multifaceted bonds that take place (yes, even in a toxic relationship I have experienced this). Sawyer’s candor and compassion is remarkable, and inspiring beyond words. Experience is our best teacher. Communicating this with compassion, humanity Will no doubt help and encourage others 💜🙏💫
Mel, it's nearly a year since he walked out on me. I got used to no contact or nearly none,but the news that he got married to a woman who he met few months before broke me inside. Like all that hope and imagination of us ending up together some day just burst like a buble 😢💔😭
I wish I had this last year…I understand now that I was grieving..thank you for this.
Greetings from Australia - Wow what a GREAT Podcast. So many of us needed this right now. Everything you say is spot on. We need to grieve regardless of their situation. I believe after grieving the breakup we become stronger for ourself and not only that. We learn what we want in our life. For me that is the freedom to be myself and enjoy life to its fullest. Thank you so much Mel and Sawyer you both are very inspiring. I admit I was teary during the podcast. I had to pause it then go back to it. We all deserve love in our life. But loving ourself first is important.
WOW, I feel this SO DEEPLY. It's only been about 4 months out of a 6 year relationship for me and it hurts, but this is super helpful, thank you! 💜The part about their personality and voice being kind of "wired" into your nervous system made a lot of sense as to why we still hear them in our minds and feel them, etc. It also helps me understand why it's so hard to let go more than just holding onto the fantasy. I believe in energy and if you share that space with someone in an intimate relationship for a long period of time it makes sense your energies will become "entangled or intertwined" as you said. I just never really thought about it before now as to why that would make the break up and letting go all that much more difficult. Thank you for this Mel and Sawyer!
I just went through a breakup recently. These were great tools. Thanks Mel and Sawyer. Awesome video.
Had to go no contact with my narcissistic family whom I had been extremely close with my entire life at 46. Many of these tools still apply. Many similarities to a divorce.
Yes, same here a bit, the family I was closer too passed away, so the ones left very complicated but they are all I have.
Goodness. Thank you for bringing this up. Yes, I have gone through a divorce and separation of my toxic family of origin at the same time. So my support system is me, God, and I guess ppl on the internet. My social circle is pretty much gone. Do you have any tips on how you have overcome the pain of distancing from toxic family?
Wow, I wish I had this wonderful tools and knowledge 4 years ago. It would have been much easier to go through all the grieving and pain, but thank God I was able to survive the horror I went through. I pre-order your book, let them I can't wait to read it. 30 days rule is hard to fallow when the person who hurt you kept showing up, but it was up to me to avoid the contact, very soon I realized that, my ex didn't want me to get over her and that all she wanted was to keep me grieving. I changed for myself and I'm sure that I have to become the kind of person I want to attract into my life. And stying single, it's been the most wonderful thing that has happened to me in many years. Thank you.
My daughter went through a break up today year. I wasn’t sure if I handled it correctly. So I just would climb in th bed with her and cry with her. So excited for this video. My heart just broke for her!
Same here. Brutal breakup for my daughter, and I just ached for her. Brought back memories of my own breakups. It has been three months now and she has handled it beautifully. I think the time has given her an understanding that he was not the one for her.
It takes strengh..real strength, dedication..to yourself..thinking about how you keep living..process not emotionally, Know your worth..not easy, doable❤❤
Thank you for this and being so honest. I personally believe that only people who went through the same pain and healed from it, can help others overcome the same trauma. The love of my life broke up 2 months ago after almost 18 years, it was an amazing relationship for 15 years and then it went so wrong, he cheated, lied, got cold to me, we fought every day , yet we still tried to fix it for years after that until he suddenly broke up. The hard thing is we still live together at the time, him minding his own business, me only focusing on him. Having complete closer will be hard for the longest time cause I will have to see him almost everyday. We have too many mutual hobbies and friends. It's even harder letting go when you are confronted with him every day and see how he's going on with his life with my own eyes. I hope in a year I can manage it and feel better.
Ohhh yes. My daughter broke up with a co-worker (lesson learned: don't date a co-worker), and they work together in a small space. Torture. And that was a shorter relationship, but her first. The days without seeing him, she starts to recover; then the pain comes back. It's still two steps forward, one step back, but sometimes it feels like the opposite. She's visiting us now for the holidays, 1-1/2 weeks away, so maybe that will fill her cup enough and give her enough perspective to help.
I feel for her. I know heartbreak to well and I’m so happy there is a survival guide on this
Love you both for doing this Sawyer, your soo blessed to have such caring, loving and supportive mother ❤
I have been single for years and have not experienced problems from it. There are benefits like doing what you want when you want.
Thank you for this ladies… I will be 63 next month, I was divorced at age 51. The man I have been with first as friend then as much morefor the past 7 years has decided to move on. At my age I feel extremely hopeless and defeated as well as cheated out of time. I can only blame myself. I try to conquer each day but man this is awful.
You don’t know how much I needed this right now. It’s been three months that I was the one who dumped him not because I wanted to, but because I needed to and he is an amazing man which makes it even harder. Exactly 10 minutes into this when Sawyer Was describing how she feels… That is exactly me. I will continue listening and I know this is going to help me a lot thank you both!
Love from Quebec
Mel , I fell in love with a coworker. I had liked for four over 2 years and never said anything until this summer of 2024 that she had told me she felt the same way , we started talking and we realized the love that we had for one another, everything seemed great until it came to us actually hanging out and going on dates after work. We never went on our first date or anything because there’s always an excuse of why she couldn’t bc of school or time, never took me to meet her parents even though her mom had told us both that she wanted us to work out and hopefully become a couple and spend more time with the family. The more I kept trying the more she pushed me away , out of nowhere she would leave me or complain about me being insecure whenever I told her that one of the guys from our job was hitting on her and she would say that his is nothing but a family friend. He would always play in a weird way with her even when I was around and she wouldn’t do anything to stop him. One day at a work event he started touching her hair and shoulders and touching her hand and I told her that I felt uncomfortable and disrespected by her not doing anything to stop it, she basically said that it wasn’t wrong in her side and that I was just insecure. She proceeded to tell me that he never liked her in that “way”
Later this month after she broke up with me bc of that situation I find out she knew that the guy liked her because she had told a common friend of ours and that friend told me everything and yeah.
Now I am broken knowing because i feel like she got caught and couldn’t deal with the fact that she lied to me and I now know the truth about her.
Now I have to see her everyday at work and it’s weird because she’s playing victim and she acts as if she wasn’t the one to hurt me , no matter how much I tried or how loyal I remain she just never showed the same love back.
She would say that she wants to get marry within one year and that she wants to have a kid and out of a sudden she’s leaving me and saying she’s now happy.
It’s crazy because she felt like the biggest blessing and we both agreed that this was the first time we were both happy with finding love ❤️
But then she left me and said I should’ve left you how I had planned it from along ago
We started talking in June and she left me in September and immediately started following a whole list of guys from her school
She lied to her mother about the break up and didn’t tell her how horrible she treated me and the worst part is that now I know the horrible person she is and I have to see her everyday at work and see her faking being someone who she’s not. 💔😔I am just heart broken bc she really mistreated myths love I gave her and never valued me. And on top of that I still would choose her if she came back .
Such a wonderful video…I said to my daughter..his not worth it..forget him…you are too good for him
He will never get someone like you ever again… same let’s make a photo shoot and put it on social media…
What a kind of mother am I....oh my goodness….thank you so much for this..truly appreciated 🙏🏻
Sawyer is so wise, vulnerable and real. ❤
Sawyer you made me cry when you said I wish he had reaching out but he didn’t… it is so hard to kill our hope. Thanks for share your vulnerability. Make me feel I am not the only crazy person that I am still can’t accept I will not see him again in my life or he is not going to be the father of my kids. It is so so hard in my case after 8!years of relationship with the love of my life accept I should not reaching out again to him or knowing how he is going. I can accept the breakup but it is so hard accept that you should kill the necessity of knowing that your ex partner is ok. Sometimes you just want to know if he is ok. Still working on it after more than one year without see him and almost 2 years of the original break up. This episode make feel I am not alone. Thanks ❤
I have a serious obsession with Mel! So relatable!
By the way, I'm 36 years old divorced 4 years ago, with 2 kids recently broke up with my boyfriend after 2 years, moved in my parents while my mom goes through cancer for the 2nd time! You can't the only one Sawyer don't feel weird about living with your parents. I'm seriously losing my mind! 😅
I’m 38 and after my last breakup, I’m still living in my parent’s house which makes the grieving process way harder. Pure madness.