For me self-disgust and internalized transphobia def delayed my transition, just these "Oh god no ew I can't be this" kind of thoughts. Which sounds really awful to say, but it seems to be a common enough experience that it's worth talking about.
Definitely a common experience. It might sound stupid but 'Ace Ventura' made me think that I wasn't trans because I didn't want to be a joke. People can be like "don't take that film so serious" but I was 5 when I saw that film. It's hard to not internalise shit at an age where you don't even know how to tell the time. Ps your channel is really fucking cool. I'd love to get a chance to talk to you about politics or something. 😊
Look it's like somebody coming up to you and being like, HEY YOU WON THIS AND THAT COMPETITION AND YOU WON A TRIP TO HAWAII, DO YOU WANNA GO? RN!! DECIDE QUICKLY! Like yes obviously, a vacation would be fun. But what if you just can't go because of family? What if you don't like being on the other side of the world completely alone? You have medical issues and simply can't go? You're in a financial crisis? What if you won't be happy because you'll be homesick, even though you know you'll love it there? You love vacation but you're still questioning. And that doesn't make you invalid, that makes you fucking human.
I questioned my gender for years leading up to my transition. And then even after my transition all I could think about was if I was really trans because all you ever hear about are those trans people who knew since they were 3, and that just was not me.
yes! for so long i was like "no i cant be trans because trans people KNOW theyre trans", for YEARS! and i still struggle with it. those people who have always known are really all you ever hear about, but everyone is different, not everyone always knows. like being gay, some people always know, some people it takes awhile to figure out
I wasn't even close to figuring it out till I went to uni, and then I couldn't handle it so I ignored it for another roughly 8 years. In hindsight there were definitely flags, I just couldn't see them.
Jamie Andrews I started thinking a lot about gender stuff around the time i was a junior in high school, i constantly wondered if i would make a cute guy or what it would be like to have a flat chest and a dick and short hair- and even then i was absolutely sure i wasnt anything but cis
For me , it was pretty much fine til puberty hit , then it was NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, and a lot of internal sadness. But I feel more nonbinary/agender and I don't think it's the exact same. But I did go through a mourning process.
honestly I knew I was a boy since I was 3 but still nowadays I don't think I'm "trans enough". Literally I've been questioning myself since I was 3 years old. D=
Hiya Chase (TW: trans-ignorance), I started transition at 25 so I'd say it's clear that I had a period of doubt before then. What I find can be particularly frustrating in regards to this is that the seed of doubt is often planted by others and then those people treat doubt as proof of not being trans. I'm still waiting on HRT/Surgery and some of the most regular phrases I hear when talking about it are;- "You better be certain because that is a permanent decision" "Are you sure you are trans and not just a feminine man" "Oh I could never put myself through something like that. Choosing to go under the knife." "How do you know for sure that you are transgender?" "Couldn't you just dress like a woman. Why should you be putting drugs into yourself?" "Everyone is unhappy with their body. You need to accept yourself not get surgery." They don't understand what they are saying and they are saying things that make me anxious about transition. People shouldn't plant doubts and then use those doubts in an attempt to erase the person's identity. The fact is that some people need surgery/surgeries and/or hormones... Some people don't. We are all valid. 🦄❤️🌸🌼
It's a form of, though often well-meaning, polite transphobia. They're putting their feelings above yours when they do that, and when it's your body, your feelings are the only ones that matter. I hope the people in your life come around to accepting your decisions.
my parents are really against trans people, and their negativity has really impacted me recently into thinking I shouldn't transition because I couldn't "really be trans". this video was something I really needed, thank you.
i come from an understanding family and even with that i still struggle so fucking much, i couldnt imagine having an unsupportive family im so sorry and youre amazing best of luck i believe in you youre awesome
God, I’ve needed this today. Thank you so, so much, finding your channel was one of the best things that could’ve happened to me at this point in my life
I seriously needed this. I haven't allowed myself to even look into transitioning due to doubting and fear. I kept telling myself that I wasn't really trans I was just confused or that I just hated myself. But the more I've ignored it the more my depression and dysphoria worsened. It's been almost a year and I'm just now beginning to accept myself. The doubts are still there, but I'm not allowing myself to hide away like I did before. For the first time I'm reaching out for help (mental health) and looking into transitioning.
Thanks for the video, I really needed this. I think I'm a transboy, because I feel "manly" and I want to be seen as a boy almost all the time. But sometimes I'm ok with being called a girl and I don't know if I really want to live my life as a man. Although this rarely happens and if it does, just for a short period of time (like five minutes), it makes me question my identity so much.
My brain totally does this too! I think it’s because the moments of my brain convincing itself that, “No, I really can keep living as a girl. This is fine.” feel so relieving because I am terrified of transitioning that my brain clings to them for dear life. That’s for me, at least.
I think a good metaphor for this is moving to your dream city after living in a really shitty town for [insert your age here]. Even though the new place is so much better and you’re more comfortable, the old place is still much more familiar and you find yourself missing it sometimes. This happens with gender too and it’s totally normal!
Dysphoria comes and goes, in my experience. I think most trans people would agree with this. You could still be transgender and have moments where you are dysphoria-free.
yeah i have a cis friend i was visiting awhile ago and she didnt understand how you could be trans and not want surgery and i was like ?? it seems like such a simple concept to me i barely even knew how to explain it to her
Thank you Chase! Tomorrow I'll have top surgery. Everyone expects me to be happy and looking forward. But I'm terrified. On the one hand for the mere fact of having major surgery, on the other hand for the fact of giving up what I have known for the last 20 years and jumping into the uncertain. 2,5 years on T now, I definitely thought well about it. Having doubts now is ok. Deep down it's still the right decision.
Thank you so so much for this video, Chase. I’ve delayed my transition for almost 6 years now because of doubts. This emotional aspect of being trans is never talked about and it made me feel so isolated, like I wasn’t trans enough for having a mentally hard time with trusting myself. My parents are super emotionally and financially abusive, I have ptsd, and adhd which all turn into one giant cocktail of my brain constantly refusing to let me go on t because “what if I’m not trans”. I’ve always appreciated the openness and honesty of your videos. They’re what has helped me survive these 6 confusing and painful years in my life. I really want to make my TH-cam channel now and discuss my story because this aspect of doubt and emotions around being trans NEEDS to be discussed more.
Konner THIS! What you just described with your experience and Home life describes mine to a T and I’m sorry you have to go through it. I have severe depression and anxiety as well as ptsd from a past thing in my life and am constantly questioning myself and chase’s channel helps a lot especially videos like this. I really hope you make a TH-cam channel yourself cause best believe I will be one of your first subscribers. You and chase are awesome!
Oof perfect timing I came out to my dad this weekend, I expected an awful reaction but it went pretty well. But after coming out I felt this weird feeling? Like not a good one but an indescribable one. Which of course made doubts, especially as I didn’t find anyone talking about it. - this has been a rant
Was it an anxious feeling? After I came out I was super scared because I was all "oh god what if I'm wrong and now all these people know and I'll have to come out as not trans and everyone will think I'm crazy and I'll have to leave the country". There's also this element of letting people in to this "shameful secret" that you've had, like for me it took (and is still taking) a while to get rid of all the shame and embarrassment I had built up around it while still in the closet. It can be scary and almost embarrassing for other people to be let in to that part of you.
Oh gosh I had that after I wrote a big letter to my mum just before christmas as a re-coming out (i was only questioning when I first brought it up 2 years ago) and I think it's cause you kinda realise that it is real. You expect to be all yay happy to be free but it is kinda like oh crap now I have more people to prove it to. At least that's what it felt like for me and a few people I asked on a trans group said they felt the same.
Buthad I've never come out(I'm still not exactly sure what I would come out as gender-wise) but I have made posts and tweets talking about questioning my gender and my mom came across them and confronted me(not at all in a negative way, she made sure to tell me she was just trying to understand) but it nearly sent me in to an anxiety/panic attack and I haven't really made any posts about it since... I still get super anxious about it now and I think that experience has kind of scared me off from really exploring my gender for a while....
This was so helpful! I really needed this. Do you have any tips on dealing with "What if" thoughts? (Examples: "What if I'll never fit in among other guys?" "What if I regret transitioning?" "What if I feel worse after transitioning?") It sucks, because I'm quite sure of myself right now, but you can't look into the future. So any tips for dealing with this would be great!
i had huge doubts in the beginning specifically because everyone preaches about transtrenders. i recognize that some can exist, but i still hate that word. i still hate the concept. it scares the people who really think they are trans. they're new in the community and extremely doubtful of themselves because they think people will point fingers at them and tell them they are joining a trend. i thought it for months before i realized what dysphoria was and how i constantly have it. so yeah. surprised you didn't mention the fear of being "transtrender" in this vid.
I have so many doubts, it’s scary. I’m stuck between two worlds of “maybe I am a girl lemme just shut out my thoughts,” and “no wtf I am a boy.” It’s such a vicious cycle and sometimes I want to give up entirely.
This video honestly just helped me so much 😭 Chase you got me in tears again! I've been feeling like this for months and hearing that it's normal to doubt and question honestly made me feel less anxious in general about myself ❤️ keep doing what you're doing!
The thing is (I'm pre-t while typing this by the way) I'm not the one in Denial, my family is. They say stuff to me like "oH wElL mAyBe yOuR hOrMoNeS aRe aLl oVeR tHe pLaCe bEcAuSe yOu'Re sO uNhEaLtHy" and other stupid stuff like "yOu sHoUlD hAvE a rEaSoN tO eXpLaIn wHy yOu fEeL tHiS wAy". Once, I'm moderately healthy, and two, it's pretty hard to explain the feeling of not having the right kind of body when you wake up or when you look at yourself in the mirror. I'm glad I found this video because as of recent I've been starting to doubt myself a little, but I try to push it aside and ignore it for the most part. I'm just really glad I'm not alone in this situation and there's other people who make videos like this to help with trans babs such as myself. 💙
This couldn't have been more perfectly timed, I've been overwhelmed for so long with this kind of feelings, and I'm afraid to say something because they probably will invalidate me, and I just am so glad I got to hear you say that its normal, and that I'm not wrong to have doubts. Thank you Chase
I legit thought I was the only one having doubts, I mostly doubt myself because being trans is just so rare I sometimes think there's no way I'm in that small group of people, but at the same time dysphoria is shooting me in the heart with a ak-47 every time I look at my feminine features. Is anyone else like this?
i’m a cis lesbian woman and i’m honestly not sure if i’m trans. i have been thinking about it for the last few years and i just started watching your channel. i’m not sure as i only recently came out as lesbian (i was in denial for years most likely because of internalized homophobia) i bought a packer that you reviewed just to see how i feel about it because sometimes i notice i have top and bottom dysphoria. thank you for making these videos chase i love you and your channel and i’m glad this video has helped so many people including myself :) (sorry for rambling and kinda being everywhere with this comment i just don’t really have anyone to talk to about this and i don’t know anyone who is trans or would understand this sort of thing)
this honestly helped me out a lot, im questioning a part of my transition rn and i was worried that it sort of "invalidated" me as a trans guy to question things or decide i dont need a part of the "process", thank you chase
I’m not 100% sure that I’m trans but ya know most cis girls don’t wear binders, wear men’s clothes, watch a hell of a lot of ftm you tubers and sit up at night making themselves as a guy in the sims and getting sad they don’t look like that
Thank you so much for addressing this topic. I came out to myself about a year ago and have slowly been coming to the people around me since then. Recently, I'v been struggling with accepting myself, and more so, accepting the process of transition. This brought on anxiety and doubt, which made me question my identity all together at times. I haven't told a soul about those doubts because I fear I will lose credibility. All that to say, this topic is important for that exact reason. We need to know its okay to doubt and work through all of these emotions, and still feel and be seen as valid.
CHASE, THANK YOU SO MUCH!! This came at the perfect time in my life. I needed to hear this so bad and listening to you helped me re-affirm my identity as a trans man. I didn’t ever really want bottom surgery, I’ve always appreciated feminine things, and I’m attracted to mostly men; So I doubted being trans very often, and rationalized that I couldn’t be trans if I wasn’t the stereotype of a trans male. But your videos, especially this one, helped me realize who I was. I’m forever grateful to you!! I hope you realize the massive positive impact you’ve had on so many baby trans people finding their way! Thank you much!
I’m in the process of coming out to family right now (my mom already knows) and am currently feeling a lot of doubt as to whether or not I’m “trans enough” or “dysphoric enough” about my body to transition. Thank you for this, Chase. 💕
Thank you Chase! This is the video I needed right now! I’ve known for ever that I was a boy inside, but my family is so closed minded that I just hid it and told myself that it was going to pass, but since a year and a half I just can’t keep up with it and your videos helped me a lot figuring myself and become less and less transphobic towards myself. I came out to my parents last month and since then I had so much doubts! “I might not have to do this, maybe I can still live as is and I don’t have to transition” or “what if I tell everyone that I’m trans, but I finally decide not to do it?” “I am surrounded by close minded people, what if they all reject me?” But that video gave me confidence. I am doubting because it’s one hell of a change and there is a lot of risk, but all of this is normal and shouldn’t make me doubt my identity. Thanks again, you’re awesome, keep up the good work!
Can I just say I love this color shirt on you. It makes your eyes pop. Honestly you are just a glamorous bean and I love you. Thank you for what you do and helping bring education and personal experiences to the topics you talk about.
I've been watching your and other ftm videos for about 2 years now, thinking about my gender more and more, pretty much every day now. I find myself wondering if I could grow a bear if I went on T and if I'd like how it would feel, how I would look if I had top surgery, how my new name would fit with my last name, being euphoric anytime I'm read as male....YET I don't allow myself to say I'm trans. There are so many doubts that keep coming back again and again. That I couldn't possibly be trans because I should have known my whole life that I wasn't a girl. I keep telling myself that I shouldn't have liked wearing dresses when I was in kindergarden . That I should have known when puberty hit that something was wrong and why. That I should have expressed and felt, what I seem to feel so strongly now, at a much younger age, and that I should have had huge amounts of body dysphoria throught my life. But I didn't. I hadn't. It's so exhausting, because there has been this ongoing battle in the back of my mind for 2 years now, and I'm not out to anyone yet...not even myself apparently. Is anybody else struggeling the same thoughts and this back and forth?
Every day. I have doubts every single day. But here’s a metaphor that may help: the tide comes in and the tide goes out, but no one ever says “the water is no longer there”. If feelings and thoughts of being trans are recurring, then more than likely you are trans. It can feel like you’re on a too fast carousel, seeing blurs of pink or blue and wondering which side you’re going to end up on. Or like you’re a floating head spinning in a whirlpool with a rag doll body attached. I know this doesn’t help much (certainly doesn’t put me at ease) but doubt and confusion are completely normal. Your mind just has a mechanism that stops you from jumping right in into a life changing decision, whether good or bad, so you can evaluate all the outcomes, as a means of preserving your life. We all have something to learn from what life throws at us. It’s just our choice whether or not we catch it. Whether it’s choosing to transition or wait a little longer to be sure, we will learn a lesson from our choices as much as we do from our experiences. If you’re having trouble coming out to yourself, try looking in the mirror, completely alone, and ask yourself “am I authentically me?”. If the answer is no, then ask “what can I do to be authentic?”. Take your first, subconscious thought as the answers to these questions. Then ask “what can I do now to be happy?”, then “what can I do tomorrow/in a week/month/3 months/year/etc to be happy?”. I’ve found that fears of unauthenticity and the unknown may contradict each other, but if exploring your truth is what will make you happy now, then do it. Sometimes we have to do things to feel accomplished and happy even when we’re scared, that’s what being brave means. Have faith, courage and love for yourself and hopefully all goes well for you. If you have any questions or want a little advice, I’d be more than happy to help (since I’m trying to figure myself out too). Have a good day (as best you can) 😁✌️
Thank you! I've been putting off transitioning for a year or so, and I've definitely had thoughts like "if I was really trans, I wouldn't be putting this off." Seeing other people think the same thing helps.
Thank you for this video, I’ve mostly transitioned socially at work and with friends. And lately I’ve been looking into starting HRT i want to start so bad but I’ve been letting fear and doubts hold me back. I don’t know any trans people in my real life I also grew up with a homophobic father so a lot of times I’ll tell myself in my head that “I can’t be trans” or “Being trans isn’t real” or “I’m just making all this up” and I know it’s not true it makes me feel sick to my stomach. I’ve felt uncomfortable with my gender since I was 3 years old. I’m just struggling to get past it and move forward. I have my first laser appointment March 1 so I’m hoping once I start that it will make me feel good enough to go make my appointment for Hrt
I have doubts about changing my name legally, even though I've been using it since a long time. I'm someone with anxiety too and this is a lot of paper work that makes me anxious.
You are my spirit animal Chase, and when I watch your videos I feel like I see myself in the future. Love you and all the videos you have helped me so much, keep inspiring others you amazing person.
Hey chase can you please talk about gender fluidity and ways to cope with the dysphoria at times and things I could do to help at times when I’m feeling the opposite of my given gender. Because sometimes I feel male and other times I feel female and it’s hard to cope sometimes
Alli Miller I’m not chase but before I came out as ftm, I was very gender fluid! I think an easy way to deal with that is to have some more traditionally “masculine” clothing in your arsenal for days when you want to pass for male, and the opposite for when you want to pass as female. I’ve found that adopting more neutral pronouns around safe people makes it easier for them to see you as fluid.
Something I also heard some people do is wear something specific for a gender, so that the people around you who know can use the right pronouns. For example if you feel male then wear a specific bracelet and then another one when feeling female and have specific pronouns "attached" to those items (as in male pronouns for that specific bracelet etc). This way you can have gender-specific pronouns (if you want that) without the trouble of telling people on a daily basis. Though of course that doesn't work for everyone ^-^
The first of my friends to come out is 100% a transguy, and he wears heels, makeup, fishnet stockings, skirts, his binder as a shirt, and what the fuck ever he wants. He’s my goddamn inspiration. Live how you want.
@legoduckie this makes me feel better about myself, i always question myself asking if i really am trans because i still want to have some feminine aspects of myself. please thank him for being who he is
Here's how you tell if you're trans gender. You answer this question: Do you wish you were born as a cis male? If yes then you are trans gender. If no (or any other answer) you are not transgender.
Omg, Chase. I’m so glad you made a video about this. I’ve had doubts through my entire transition even though I knew what I needed. No one talked about the emotional side of transition so I thought there was something really wrong with me. The worst time was right before and after my top surgery. I was terrified and felt so alone. Thank you so much for making videos like you do. You’ve helped me so much. It’s like I finally have a friend that understands even if it’s through a video.
Thaaaank you for this! I was back and forth over this for so long with pretty much no one to talk to about it. I am so relieved to know that this is a normal feeling. I think we get sold the whole "I've know I was trans since I was 2" kind of narrative, and while that's totally valid and it's great that some people feel that way and get the help they need I think it's become the default for many people, cis and trans, that it's considered the only "real" way. I only started questioning my gender identity when I was 18 and it's really difficult because I always feel like people aren't taking me seriously. This goes double when your trying to explain non-binary to people too. Im also so glad that you've talked so much about taking time to think about what you really needed for your transition! It's helped me so much in figuring out what I need. Thank you, Chase! Xx
One of my "doubt" is the hair Am i going to loose my hair Or is it the same as like in cis men where if your fathers and mothers side of like males have a good head of hair you probably wont loose hair or theres a bigger chance of you not loosing your hair I literally ponder about this the most when it comes to being trans.
Vaneri - Koala one of the "side effects" is balding, and that might be why you're inclined to think that. But!!! When it says balding it means male pattern baldness, which usually happens later in life and only if it runs in your family. Your hair might thin out a bit bc cis males have thinner hair and your hairline might go back a little. I've been on t for over a year and I've still got a full head of hair!
Same! I love my hair and baldness runs in my family so I am terrified of hair loss! I remember thinking "well if hair is enough to keep you from transitioning, then you can't be trans" which is, obviously bullshit but when those doubts set in its hard to ignore them! I think it's important to decide what you need most to be good about your body and go from there :D
This made me feel so much better. I've personally been having a lot of doubts lately, and I can't tell you the relief this video brought me. Thank you so much, Chase 🖤
I needed this video, it expresses what I can not. I've dealt with internalized transphobia for years. I was raised Christian and I fully expect to lose people but I know I'm not the only one who is going through this. It helps to have trans people with bigger platforms, it personally helps me feel more comfortable with me.
I've never been more comfortable in my own skin since I came out but my family and every one that isn't supportive doubts me so it just plants the seeds of doubt in my mind. I really needed this video, thank you!
Great video! Questioning myself helped me figure things out. I grew up knowing that I was meant to be a girl but I didn’t realize until my 20s that transitioning was even an option. Like whoa, I can live my life as a woman and I don’t have to continue wearing this icky guy costume that doesn’t fit me. So I guess my doubts were not even being trans but more so whether or not being trans was even a thing because I didn’t have the language to describe myself when I was younger. Questioning things more intensely prompted me to dig deeper and deeper but getting to that point of being comfortable questioning wasn’t easy.
Thank you so much for this video. It is exactly what I needed to hear right now. The whole, "am I really this?" argument is throwing me for a loop. So again, thanks for revisiting the topic. You have helped me so much. ❤
this video came at the perfect time for where I’m at. I started hormone blockers a few weeks ago. And even though I have like a year to decide if I wanna go on T or not, I just can’t stop thinking about it. It keeps me up at night. Thank you Chase!! You are amazing!
I find that all of my transition doubts are projected onto me by others (even though I'm not out yet 😋) I doubt myself because I care too much about what the people in my life think and not enough about what I think!
I feel this so much. You really help me feel valid and come to terms with a lot of things. I love your videos and I lowkey wish we could be friends. Keep being awesome, Chase, and thank you!
I waited almost 4 years to start hormones, because I doubted so much and all that. I will have surgery this year, and I had to wait so long for it, that I feel the same that you felt right before your surgery. I want it and I waited long, and now I am sure, that this is what I want.
hey you’ve lowkey saved my life, just throwin that out there. not to pile on pressure or anything. you’ve done amazing work and we all appreciate everything, and i think without you i’d at the very least still be self-closeted and incredibly unhappy right now. take care of yourself ok?
I just wanted to say thank you for making this video. It definitely helped me a lot to cope with all the thoughts I've had. As someone who just accepted that they're trans, this is exactly what I needed to hear.
Transition doubts are normal and part of it all. It is totally okay to have doubts and I believe it is all part of the transition process. I'm 44 and recently started my transition (1st shot of T Apr 24, 2018). I've known since I was 7 that I wanted to be a boy. However, growing up in the era I did and the strongly religious family I was born into, I never had a chance to do anything about the desire to be a boy, or even consider transitioning. Now that I've started my transition, I still have doubts, though I can truly tell you that I have never felt more comfortable with myself than I do now. Doubts are totally normal and we do need to talk more about the emotional side of the transition process.
Hi Chase, thank you so much for this video. It really put my thoughts into words and it was extremely validating. One thing I would like to see talked about is people who haven't known their whole lives that they were trans, but realized it later in life about themselves. It's a really scary thing making a realization at 26 years old that the lifetime of being bullied, having anger issues, eating disorders, drug use, reckless behaviour, all stems from the fact that i couldn't let loose and learn to be me. I know I'm definitely not alone in this experience and if you haven't done a video on this, it would be nice to see this discussion happen.
I just discovered you Chase and I binge watched your videos all night XD This video in particular really helped me, I'm glad to know the doubts are normal and that being trans can be in so many different ways. Thank you!
My parents were the people who caused me to have significant doubts through manipulation. They're currently trying to convince me to not get top surgery, which really messes with my head. Although, I know what's best for me, and I know what I need to do.
Thank you so much for bringing light to this topic. I'm getting top surgery soon and am experiencing so much anxiety and nervousness and doubt. It has honestly had me in a state of constant anxiety because I felt like I wasn't trans enough. I haven't heard many trans guys talk about this so I don't feel as alone
Yes. Not fair!!! I'm 40 and about to start T and yeah... not bladdy fair that we have to go through so much medically in order to be ourselves. I have been having so much sadness when I feel I should be really excited. I love your videos. So helpful! Thank you
I don’t know what to say about that video. The last few minutes really really resonated with me. I’m still trying to figure things out and I have no idea what I’m doing and I am honestly completely and totally terrified to figure it out. I have been pushing my feelings away for so long because they didn’t feel valid or like you said”not trans enough” like I have to fit in a stereotypical box. I’m just so scared that if or when I figure this out, what will change? I’m so scared of change. I’m so scared of this. And I have absolutely no idea why. I just wish it was an easy decision. But thank you so so so so so much for this. This is actually the first video I have watched as I just recently found out about you from my fiancé. But I think this was the perfect one for me to see. Again thank you. You are amazing and you are adorable!
Thank you so much for talking about this it's such an important subject. I'm at the very beginning of my transition and the doubts do come but the scariest part about having doubts, for me, is the thought of listening to them and saying like "oh no I'm not actually trans" and stopping everything and being completely miserable because those doubts are fear based, not truth based. 💚
oh my god, thank you so much for talking about this, Chase! I'm a nonbinary person currently in the process of trying to get booked for top surgery, and I've been having so many doubts about this decision. It's been a back and forth with myself for months. In a way I'm glad that I have this long time to really digest this decision but also anxious because it's not happening fast enough?? Either way, this video really resonated with me so much! Thank you
Thank you for videos like these! I'm not trans, but my partner is, and getting different insight from different people I think helps me understand more of what she goes through and will go through in the future. I know there are things that I will never be able to fully comprehend because I'm not living it and it's just a perspective I can't say I have, but anything that helps me help her is amazing. Thank you thank you thank you for being so open about everything! I'm sure it helps many trans people but it also helps people like me. :P
I love this video. I’m 15 years old and 2 years ago I came out as ftm. I definitely struggle a lot with accepting myself and doubts, but in the end I always get dysphoria and realize I need hormones and surgery to be happy. Ive always felt this pressure that I have to know who i am. But you don’t. Take ur time. You gotta do you what makes u happy and comfortable with yourself
Thank you for this video! I'm going to start physically transitioning in a few months and mentally preparing to go hormones has been a ride. The fact that some of the changes testosterone does are permanent really stresses me out. I know I need to transition but at the same the back of my brain keeps telling me that there's a small change that I'm wrong. Doubting myself has made me feel like I'm not trans enough and this video gave me the language that I needed to deal with those feelings. Thank you for talking about this topic!
I will add that I watched your video about fear of transition so many times just as I was about to get hormones and even when I first started them. You have consistently been my go to person in my transition because I literally had no one. I know I'm trans but having no one to talk about this stuff with is hard because of what you say in this video, I don't want comments from others who may take my fears and concerns as me not really being trans. It's hard enough without those opinions.
For the past year and a half I thought I was non binary because I didn't think I was trans but everything lately has been clicking into place. Like last July my great grandpa was having a party and my cousin kept calling me he and him and it made me so happy. I came out to my parents today and I feel so comfortable with myself now.
I'm currently in a "I have know idea what to do" phase : I'm not on T because I'm not sure that I want to be because I think I don't need it and all this process and all that it brings is stuck in my head so thank you very much ! This video made me so happy while I was watching it because listenning to someone tell that "it is okay to not know what to do and what is needed at the time" is so comforting !
weird how perfect the timing is on this video because i go in for my evaluation for testosterone at the end of this month and i’ve been freaking the fuck out and second guessing everything so thank you for this
This is so important and I'm glad you're bringing light to this! I totally agree that the representation of trans people in the media has a lot to do with self-doubt. Transness is portrayed as something HUGE and as if medical transition were the only goal in the trans person's life. Of course being trans is a big part of our life but we're all complex people so that makes real trans people not be able to relate to the trans characters in the media, so they think they might not be trans. Here's a tip for trans (including trans non-binary) or questioning people: try to actually MEET trans people. Go to a a trans youth group, LGBTQ groups, etc. It's much easier to relate to an actual human being than a trans character whose script was written by a cis screenwriter.
I have been literally losing sleep on and off in turmoil since I was a kid. I’m in my mid-twenties now, but I never even knew that transitioning was an option until I was an adult. You talking about these experiences has made me feel so much better and I didn’t realize how much shame and guilt I was holding in while going back and forth like this. Basically, thank you for being you and for sharing your experiences. I wish that more people talked about this so that people going through things like this knew that they had people they could go to.
The thing for me is that coming to realize that you are trans is fucking huge. I was 19 when I first came to understand that I was trans and it wasn't a very gradual thing. The past couple of years have been so overwhelming with coming out, getting my name changed, getting on hormones. Coming out as trans, people seem to think I know exactly who I am now, I am trans, that is it, its been solidified. I have received so much support and I'm forever grateful for it but I feel a pressure (from myself as well) to not have doubts and be confident. Idk its kind of hard to explain but this video made me feel a lot better about how I've been feeling recently.
Can I just say your videos have had a huge impact on me. I'm not even sure how I found your channel, maybe through Stef Sanjati. Maybe deep down I knew something was off with my identity since I gradually started following trans people on youtube. Thank you for all the information and support.
Thank you Chase. A month on T Blockers and starting to doubt again. My head is like a blender now transitioning and facing diploma exams in less than two weeks.
I needed this video so much. I was researching about going on T yesterday and I can't do shots so I would go on gel and even that seemed so scary to me. And I felt like I was suddenly doubting everything about my nonbinary identity. And with top surgery...I don't even know where to start. It scares me a lot. But I want it. But it scares me xD
Thank you so much for making this video! I am two weeks away from my top surgery and I’m kinda freaking out. But I felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone about my doubts and fears because I thought it meant I wasn’t trans. I feel better and not alone!!❤️❤️
3:35-3:41 was a revelation for me, and you’re completely right. When I had doubts, I didn’t actually doubt my identity; I doubted my judgment that realized my identity. I didn’t trust how I could know if I was trans or not, because it was all just feelings inside my head. I only knew I was trans when I had evidence that took a physical manifestation. Like when I cut my hair.
I started T this week (last Friday, to be precise), got kicked in the mouth by dysphoria yesterday (Wednesday), and clicked this video today (Thursday). Thank you. SIDE NOTE: Having doubts about thr medical aspect of transition is so completely acceptable - these are potentially dramatic processes and procedures. Hesitation on something that could be completely life changing is so incredibly normal.
Really needed this video. I got my first gender clinic appointment date a couple of weeks ago and I got so scared I cancelled it almost as soon as it was offered to me. I have a lot of similar issues with having control and agency over my body and medically transitioning kinda feels like giving up control and that's terrifying to me, but having that immediate fear reaction to something I'd been looking forward to for so long made me start seriously questioning my identity and whether I had just imagined being trans that whole time. I haven't. Our fear doesn't make us less trans, we still deserve to get hormones and surgery (if you want that! not everyone transitions in the same way) even when we're afraid. It's really reassuring to hear other trans people talking about their experiences with self-doubt and fear, to hear that it's okay and that things can get better. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences!! Though this video is already really old haha
![FEAR OF TRANSITIONING [CC]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/TfpPldcFfUQ/mqdefault.jpg)
![FEAR OF TRANSITIONING [CC]](/img/tr.png)
![HOW I KNEW I WAS TRANSGENDER [CC]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/JaP3WFZ3dAk/mqdefault.jpg)
Change is never comfortable y’all. Every change comes with doubt.
Mack0Lantern yeeeeeeeeeees
Sooo. I misread your comment and I read “chase is never comfortable y’all.” Lol 😂
Rory Berg lmao 😂
"den ya not traynsgenda"
FizzyIzzy24 oml
iconic
listen toots~
Scared Sketchy 😂
Oof
For me self-disgust and internalized transphobia def delayed my transition, just these "Oh god no ew I can't be this" kind of thoughts. Which sounds really awful to say, but it seems to be a common enough experience that it's worth talking about.
ContraPoints omg hi! 😁
Wow, didn’t know you were a fan of Chase’s, love your channel!
Definitely a common experience. It might sound stupid but 'Ace Ventura' made me think that I wasn't trans because I didn't want to be a joke. People can be like "don't take that film so serious" but I was 5 when I saw that film. It's hard to not internalise shit at an age where you don't even know how to tell the time.
Ps your channel is really fucking cool. I'd love to get a chance to talk to you about politics or something. 😊
Thanks for being here contra. Glad to see you watch Chase :)
same :( my fear was also "i don't wanna be different."
Wow, I read it as “transition donuts”
Cameron Noel mood
Lex Luther same
Akira Sunstrider lmao, come to the trans side, we have donuts
Are there vegan transition donuts? 😋
Comrade 269 of course, we have vegan and gluten free
Look it's like somebody coming up to you and being like, HEY YOU WON THIS AND THAT COMPETITION AND YOU WON A TRIP TO HAWAII, DO YOU WANNA GO? RN!! DECIDE QUICKLY!
Like yes obviously, a vacation would be fun. But what if you just can't go because of family? What if you don't like being on the other side of the world completely alone? You have medical issues and simply can't go? You're in a financial crisis? What if you won't be happy because you'll be homesick, even though you know you'll love it there? You love vacation but you're still questioning. And that doesn't make you invalid, that makes you fucking human.
I love this!
YYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS BIIIITCH
I questioned my gender for years leading up to my transition. And then even after my transition all I could think about was if I was really trans because all you ever hear about are those trans people who knew since they were 3, and that just was not me.
yes! for so long i was like "no i cant be trans because trans people KNOW theyre trans", for YEARS! and i still struggle with it. those people who have always known are really all you ever hear about, but everyone is different, not everyone always knows. like being gay, some people always know, some people it takes awhile to figure out
I wasn't even close to figuring it out till I went to uni, and then I couldn't handle it so I ignored it for another roughly 8 years. In hindsight there were definitely flags, I just couldn't see them.
Jamie Andrews I started thinking a lot about gender stuff around the time i was a junior in high school, i constantly wondered if i would make a cute guy or what it would be like to have a flat chest and a dick and short hair- and even then i was absolutely sure i wasnt anything but cis
For me , it was pretty much fine til puberty hit , then it was NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, and a lot of internal sadness.
But I feel more nonbinary/agender and I don't think it's the exact same. But I did go through a mourning process.
honestly I knew I was a boy since I was 3 but still nowadays I don't think I'm "trans enough". Literally I've been questioning myself since I was 3 years old. D=
Hiya Chase (TW: trans-ignorance), I started transition at 25 so I'd say it's clear that I had a period of doubt before then. What I find can be particularly frustrating in regards to this is that the seed of doubt is often planted by others and then those people treat doubt as proof of not being trans.
I'm still waiting on HRT/Surgery and some of the most regular phrases I hear when talking about it are;-
"You better be certain because that is a permanent decision"
"Are you sure you are trans and not just a feminine man"
"Oh I could never put myself through something like that. Choosing to go under the knife."
"How do you know for sure that you are transgender?"
"Couldn't you just dress like a woman. Why should you be putting drugs into yourself?"
"Everyone is unhappy with their body. You need to accept yourself not get surgery."
They don't understand what they are saying and they are saying things that make me anxious about transition. People shouldn't plant doubts and then use those doubts in an attempt to erase the person's identity.
The fact is that some people need surgery/surgeries and/or hormones... Some people don't. We are all valid. 🦄❤️🌸🌼
It's a form of, though often well-meaning, polite transphobia. They're putting their feelings above yours when they do that, and when it's your body, your feelings are the only ones that matter. I hope the people in your life come around to accepting your decisions.
What happens if you get married and been together For a long time
my parents are really against trans people, and their negativity has really impacted me recently into thinking I shouldn't transition because I couldn't "really be trans". this video was something I really needed, thank you.
i come from an understanding family and even with that i still struggle so fucking much, i couldnt imagine having an unsupportive family im so sorry and youre amazing best of luck i believe in you youre awesome
God, I’ve needed this today. Thank you so, so much, finding your channel was one of the best things that could’ve happened to me at this point in my life
Same
Same
mood
I seriously needed this.
I haven't allowed myself to even look into transitioning due to doubting and fear. I kept telling myself that I wasn't really trans I was just confused or that I just hated myself. But the more I've ignored it the more my depression and dysphoria worsened.
It's been almost a year and I'm just now beginning to accept myself. The doubts are still there, but I'm not allowing myself to hide away like I did before. For the first time I'm reaching out for help (mental health) and looking into transitioning.
Thanks for the video, I really needed this. I think I'm a transboy, because I feel "manly" and I want to be seen as a boy almost all the time. But sometimes I'm ok with being called a girl and I don't know if I really want to live my life as a man. Although this rarely happens and if it does, just for a short period of time (like five minutes), it makes me question my identity so much.
My brain totally does this too! I think it’s because the moments of my brain convincing itself that, “No, I really can keep living as a girl. This is fine.” feel so relieving because I am terrified of transitioning that my brain clings to them for dear life. That’s for me, at least.
I think a good metaphor for this is moving to your dream city after living in a really shitty town for [insert your age here]. Even though the new place is so much better and you’re more comfortable, the old place is still much more familiar and you find yourself missing it sometimes. This happens with gender too and it’s totally normal!
Nick Kasper
Wow, that’s actually a really fucking good metaphor. I’m stealing that.
Nick Kasper Thank you! I'm reminding myself of this, every time I feel invalid
Dysphoria comes and goes, in my experience. I think most trans people would agree with this. You could still be transgender and have moments where you are dysphoria-free.
So many people don't get bottom surgery and that is completely okay.
yeah i have a cis friend i was visiting awhile ago and she didnt understand how you could be trans and not want surgery and i was like ?? it seems like such a simple concept to me i barely even knew how to explain it to her
Thank you Chase! Tomorrow I'll have top surgery. Everyone expects me to be happy and looking forward. But I'm terrified. On the one hand for the mere fact of having major surgery, on the other hand for the fact of giving up what I have known for the last 20 years and jumping into the uncertain.
2,5 years on T now, I definitely thought well about it. Having doubts now is ok. Deep down it's still the right decision.
Thank you so so much for this video, Chase. I’ve delayed my transition for almost 6 years now because of doubts. This emotional aspect of being trans is never talked about and it made me feel so isolated, like I wasn’t trans enough for having a mentally hard time with trusting myself. My parents are super emotionally and financially abusive, I have ptsd, and adhd which all turn into one giant cocktail of my brain constantly refusing to let me go on t because “what if I’m not trans”. I’ve always appreciated the openness and honesty of your videos. They’re what has helped me survive these 6 confusing and painful years in my life. I really want to make my TH-cam channel now and discuss my story because this aspect of doubt and emotions around being trans NEEDS to be discussed more.
Konner THIS! What you just described with your experience and Home life describes mine to a T and I’m sorry you have to go through it. I have severe depression and anxiety as well as ptsd from a past thing in my life and am constantly questioning myself and chase’s channel helps a lot especially videos like this. I really hope you make a TH-cam channel yourself cause best believe I will be one of your first subscribers. You and chase are awesome!
Thank you for sharing all that! As a community we totally need to talk about this more!
Thanks for this video Chase, I experience such a doubting phase from time to time and now on I am just gonna revisit this video whenever that happens
Oof perfect timing
I came out to my dad this weekend, I expected an awful reaction but it went pretty well. But after coming out I felt this weird feeling? Like not a good one but an indescribable one. Which of course made doubts, especially as I didn’t find anyone talking about it.
- this has been a rant
Was it an anxious feeling? After I came out I was super scared because I was all "oh god what if I'm wrong and now all these people know and I'll have to come out as not trans and everyone will think I'm crazy and I'll have to leave the country". There's also this element of letting people in to this "shameful secret" that you've had, like for me it took (and is still taking) a while to get rid of all the shame and embarrassment I had built up around it while still in the closet. It can be scary and almost embarrassing for other people to be let in to that part of you.
yeah i felt the same way after coming out
Oh gosh I had that after I wrote a big letter to my mum just before christmas as a re-coming out (i was only questioning when I first brought it up 2 years ago) and I think it's cause you kinda realise that it is real. You expect to be all yay happy to be free but it is kinda like oh crap now I have more people to prove it to. At least that's what it felt like for me and a few people I asked on a trans group said they felt the same.
Buthad I've never come out(I'm still not exactly sure what I would come out as gender-wise) but I have made posts and tweets talking about questioning my gender and my mom came across them and confronted me(not at all in a negative way, she made sure to tell me she was just trying to understand) but it nearly sent me in to an anxiety/panic attack and I haven't really made any posts about it since... I still get super anxious about it now and I think that experience has kind of scared me off from really exploring my gender for a while....
I came out at work yesterday and I had this exact feeling.
This was so helpful! I really needed this. Do you have any tips on dealing with "What if" thoughts? (Examples: "What if I'll never fit in among other guys?" "What if I regret transitioning?" "What if I feel worse after transitioning?") It sucks, because I'm quite sure of myself right now, but you can't look into the future. So any tips for dealing with this would be great!
Noah BoV I really want to transition too, but I am quite afraid I'll regret it. T.T I think I'll go into therapy for a while first.
i had huge doubts in the beginning specifically because everyone preaches about transtrenders. i recognize that some can exist, but i still hate that word. i still hate the concept. it scares the people who really think they are trans. they're new in the community and extremely doubtful of themselves because they think people will point fingers at them and tell them they are joining a trend. i thought it for months before i realized what dysphoria was and how i constantly have it. so yeah. surprised you didn't mention the fear of being "transtrender" in this vid.
I can't even put to words, how much you've helped me, with your videos. Thank you
“What you end up doubting is your acceptance of your identity.” Omg thank you for putting this into words! 😭🙌🏻
I have so many doubts, it’s scary. I’m stuck between two worlds of “maybe I am a girl lemme just shut out my thoughts,” and “no wtf I am a boy.” It’s such a vicious cycle and sometimes I want to give up entirely.
This was just as valuable as 10 sessions with my therapist. Thank you for your videos. They are super helpful
This video honestly just helped me so much 😭 Chase you got me in tears again! I've been feeling like this for months and hearing that it's normal to doubt and question honestly made me feel less anxious in general about myself ❤️ keep doing what you're doing!
The thing is (I'm pre-t while typing this by the way) I'm not the one in Denial, my family is. They say stuff to me like "oH wElL mAyBe yOuR hOrMoNeS aRe aLl oVeR tHe pLaCe bEcAuSe yOu'Re sO uNhEaLtHy" and other stupid stuff like "yOu sHoUlD hAvE a rEaSoN tO eXpLaIn wHy yOu fEeL tHiS wAy". Once, I'm moderately healthy, and two, it's pretty hard to explain the feeling of not having the right kind of body when you wake up or when you look at yourself in the mirror. I'm glad I found this video because as of recent I've been starting to doubt myself a little, but I try to push it aside and ignore it for the most part. I'm just really glad I'm not alone in this situation and there's other people who make videos like this to help with trans babs such as myself. 💙
I really needed this video right now, I’ve been SERIOUSLY doubting myself and what I should do, so thank you for this chase!
This couldn't have been more perfectly timed, I've been overwhelmed for so long with this kind of feelings, and I'm afraid to say something because they probably will invalidate me, and I just am so glad I got to hear you say that its normal, and that I'm not wrong to have doubts. Thank you Chase
I legit thought I was the only one having doubts, I mostly doubt myself because being trans is just so rare I sometimes think there's no way I'm in that small group of people, but at the same time dysphoria is shooting me in the heart with a ak-47 every time I look at my feminine features. Is anyone else like this?
Same bro... I can't stand how feminine I look.
i’m a cis lesbian woman and i’m honestly not sure if i’m trans. i have been thinking about it for the last few years and i just started watching your channel. i’m not sure as i only recently came out as lesbian (i was in denial for years most likely because of internalized homophobia) i bought a packer that you reviewed just to see how i feel about it because sometimes i notice i have top and bottom dysphoria. thank you for making these videos chase i love you and your channel and i’m glad this video has helped so many people including myself :) (sorry for rambling and kinda being everywhere with this comment i just don’t really have anyone to talk to about this and i don’t know anyone who is trans or would understand this sort of thing)
this honestly helped me out a lot, im questioning a part of my transition rn and i was worried that it sort of "invalidated" me as a trans guy to question things or decide i dont need a part of the "process", thank you chase
Thank you, tomorrow i get to do blood work and start hrt (mtf). I was kinda in a mindset, thanks you for helping me be able to step foreward
Catalina Grimson Congrats! Good luck with your transition!
I’m not 100% sure that I’m trans but ya know most cis girls don’t wear binders, wear men’s clothes, watch a hell of a lot of ftm you tubers and sit up at night making themselves as a guy in the sims and getting sad they don’t look like that
Thank you so much for addressing this topic. I came out to myself about a year ago and have slowly been coming to the people around me since then. Recently, I'v been struggling with accepting myself, and more so, accepting the process of transition. This brought on anxiety and doubt, which made me question my identity all together at times. I haven't told a soul about those doubts because I fear I will lose credibility. All that to say, this topic is important for that exact reason. We need to know its okay to doubt and work through all of these emotions, and still feel and be seen as valid.
CHASE, THANK YOU SO MUCH!! This came at the perfect time in my life. I needed to hear this so bad and listening to you helped me re-affirm my identity as a trans man. I didn’t ever really want bottom surgery, I’ve always appreciated feminine things, and I’m attracted to mostly men; So I doubted being trans very often, and rationalized that I couldn’t be trans if I wasn’t the stereotype of a trans male. But your videos, especially this one, helped me realize who I was. I’m forever grateful to you!! I hope you realize the massive positive impact you’ve had on so many baby trans people finding their way! Thank you much!
I’m in the process of coming out to family right now (my mom already knows) and am currently feeling a lot of doubt as to whether or not I’m “trans enough” or “dysphoric enough” about my body to transition. Thank you for this, Chase. 💕
Thank you Chase! This is the video I needed right now! I’ve known for ever that I was a boy inside, but my family is so closed minded that I just hid it and told myself that it was going to pass, but since a year and a half I just can’t keep up with it and your videos helped me a lot figuring myself and become less and less transphobic towards myself. I came out to my parents last month and since then I had so much doubts! “I might not have to do this, maybe I can still live as is and I don’t have to transition” or “what if I tell everyone that I’m trans, but I finally decide not to do it?” “I am surrounded by close minded people, what if they all reject me?”
But that video gave me confidence. I am doubting because it’s one hell of a change and there is a lot of risk, but all of this is normal and shouldn’t make me doubt my identity.
Thanks again, you’re awesome, keep up the good work!
Can I just say I love this color shirt on you. It makes your eyes pop. Honestly you are just a glamorous bean and I love you. Thank you for what you do and helping bring education and personal experiences to the topics you talk about.
I've been watching your and other ftm videos for about 2 years now, thinking about my gender more and more, pretty much every day now. I find myself wondering if I could grow a bear if I went on T and if I'd like how it would feel, how I would look if I had top surgery, how my new name would fit with my last name, being euphoric anytime I'm read as male....YET I don't allow myself to say I'm trans. There are so many doubts that keep coming back again and again. That I couldn't possibly be trans because I should have known my whole life that I wasn't a girl. I keep telling myself that I shouldn't have liked wearing dresses when I was in kindergarden . That I should have known when puberty hit that something was wrong and why. That I should have expressed and felt, what I seem to feel so strongly now, at a much younger age, and that I should have had huge amounts of body dysphoria throught my life. But I didn't. I hadn't.
It's so exhausting, because there has been this ongoing battle in the back of my mind for 2 years now, and I'm not out to anyone yet...not even myself apparently. Is anybody else struggeling the same thoughts and this back and forth?
m.a.d. I definitely am. I understand where you’re coming from. Sorry you’re going through this.
I’m dealing with this as well. I’ve had awful dysphoria since the onset of puberty, but as a young kid I was pretty feminine. It causes a lot of doubt
Every day. I have doubts every single day. But here’s a metaphor that may help: the tide comes in and the tide goes out, but no one ever says “the water is no longer there”. If feelings and thoughts of being trans are recurring, then more than likely you are trans. It can feel like you’re on a too fast carousel, seeing blurs of pink or blue and wondering which side you’re going to end up on. Or like you’re a floating head spinning in a whirlpool with a rag doll body attached. I know this doesn’t help much (certainly doesn’t put me at ease) but doubt and confusion are completely normal. Your mind just has a mechanism that stops you from jumping right in into a life changing decision, whether good or bad, so you can evaluate all the outcomes, as a means of preserving your life. We all have something to learn from what life throws at us. It’s just our choice whether or not we catch it. Whether it’s choosing to transition or wait a little longer to be sure, we will learn a lesson from our choices as much as we do from our experiences.
If you’re having trouble coming out to yourself, try looking in the mirror, completely alone, and ask yourself “am I authentically me?”. If the answer is no, then ask “what can I do to be authentic?”. Take your first, subconscious thought as the answers to these questions. Then ask “what can I do now to be happy?”, then “what can I do tomorrow/in a week/month/3 months/year/etc to be happy?”. I’ve found that fears of unauthenticity and the unknown may contradict each other, but if exploring your truth is what will make you happy now, then do it. Sometimes we have to do things to feel accomplished and happy even when we’re scared, that’s what being brave means. Have faith, courage and love for yourself and hopefully all goes well for you. If you have any questions or want a little advice, I’d be more than happy to help (since I’m trying to figure myself out too). Have a good day (as best you can) 😁✌️
Thank you! I've been putting off transitioning for a year or so, and I've definitely had thoughts like "if I was really trans, I wouldn't be putting this off." Seeing other people think the same thing helps.
Thank you for this video, I’ve mostly transitioned socially at work and with friends. And lately I’ve been looking into starting HRT i want to start so bad but I’ve been letting fear and doubts hold me back. I don’t know any trans people in my real life I also grew up with a homophobic father so a lot of times I’ll tell myself in my head that “I can’t be trans” or “Being trans isn’t real” or “I’m just making all this up” and I know it’s not true it makes me feel sick to my stomach. I’ve felt uncomfortable with my gender since I was 3 years old. I’m just struggling to get past it and move forward. I have my first laser appointment March 1 so I’m hoping once I start that it will make me feel good enough to go make my appointment for Hrt
I have doubts about changing my name legally, even though I've been using it since a long time. I'm someone with anxiety too and this is a lot of paper work that makes me anxious.
You are my spirit animal Chase, and when I watch your videos I feel like I see myself in the future. Love you and all the videos you have helped me so much, keep inspiring others you amazing person.
Hey chase can you please talk about gender fluidity and ways to cope with the dysphoria at times and things I could do to help at times when I’m feeling the opposite of my given gender. Because sometimes I feel male and other times I feel female and it’s hard to cope sometimes
😂😂😂
Alli Miller I’m not chase but before I came out as ftm, I was very gender fluid! I think an easy way to deal with that is to have some more traditionally “masculine” clothing in your arsenal for days when you want to pass for male, and the opposite for when you want to pass as female. I’ve found that adopting more neutral pronouns around safe people makes it easier for them to see you as fluid.
Heyla thank you for giving me some pointers I’ll give them a try and see how it goes thank you sooo much ❤️❤️
Alli Miller you have a community that backs you 100%! Take your time to figure things out. It is really difficult, I know, but if I can do it you can!
Something I also heard some people do is wear something specific for a gender, so that the people around you who know can use the right pronouns. For example if you feel male then wear a specific bracelet and then another one when feeling female and have specific pronouns "attached" to those items (as in male pronouns for that specific bracelet etc). This way you can have gender-specific pronouns (if you want that) without the trouble of telling people on a daily basis. Though of course that doesn't work for everyone ^-^
Is it okay if I'm an Ftm and still wear makeup? I just came out btw. My grandma doesn't like it but idfc!
MeganJusticeBoss Of course it is ok to wear make up. Everyone can wear make up.
The first of my friends to come out is 100% a transguy, and he wears heels, makeup, fishnet stockings, skirts, his binder as a shirt, and what the fuck ever he wants. He’s my goddamn inspiration. Live how you want.
@legoduckie this makes me feel better about myself, i always question myself asking if i really am trans because i still want to have some feminine aspects of myself. please thank him for being who he is
Legoduckie more like transtrender
Here's how you tell if you're trans gender. You answer this question: Do you wish you were born as a cis male? If yes then you are trans gender. If no (or any other answer) you are not transgender.
Omg, Chase. I’m so glad you made a video about this. I’ve had doubts through my entire transition even though I knew what I needed. No one talked about the emotional side of transition so I thought there was something really wrong with me. The worst time was right before and after my top surgery. I was terrified and felt so alone. Thank you so much for making videos like you do. You’ve helped me so much. It’s like I finally have a friend that understands even if it’s through a video.
Thaaaank you for this! I was back and forth over this for so long with pretty much no one to talk to about it.
I am so relieved to know that this is a normal feeling. I think we get sold the whole "I've know I was trans since I was 2" kind of narrative, and while that's totally valid and it's great that some people feel that way and get the help they need I think it's become the default for many people, cis and trans, that it's considered the only "real" way.
I only started questioning my gender identity when I was 18 and it's really difficult because I always feel like people aren't taking me seriously. This goes double when your trying to explain non-binary to people too.
Im also so glad that you've talked so much about taking time to think about what you really needed for your transition! It's helped me so much in figuring out what I need.
Thank you, Chase! Xx
One of my "doubt" is the hair
Am i going to loose my hair
Or is it the same as like in cis men where if your fathers and mothers side of like males have a good head of hair you probably wont loose hair or theres a bigger chance of you not loosing your hair
I literally ponder about this the most when it comes to being trans.
Vaneri - Koala one of the "side effects" is balding, and that might be why you're inclined to think that. But!!! When it says balding it means male pattern baldness, which usually happens later in life and only if it runs in your family. Your hair might thin out a bit bc cis males have thinner hair and your hairline might go back a little. I've been on t for over a year and I've still got a full head of hair!
Nathan Hunt Okay, thank you alot! You dont even know how much just knowing that helps to calm my mind
There’s also medications that can help you not go bald. Chase is on one.
Same! I love my hair and baldness runs in my family so I am terrified of hair loss! I remember thinking "well if hair is enough to keep you from transitioning, then you can't be trans" which is, obviously bullshit but when those doubts set in its hard to ignore them!
I think it's important to decide what you need most to be good about your body and go from there :D
This made me feel so much better. I've personally been having a lot of doubts lately, and I can't tell you the relief this video brought me. Thank you so much, Chase 🖤
Chase looks amazing with longer hair. Damn zaddy
I needed this video, it expresses what I can not. I've dealt with internalized transphobia for years. I was raised Christian and I fully expect to lose people but I know I'm not the only one who is going through this. It helps to have trans people with bigger platforms, it personally helps me feel more comfortable with me.
I've never been more comfortable in my own skin since I came out but my family and every one that isn't supportive doubts me so it just plants the seeds of doubt in my mind. I really needed this video, thank you!
Great video! Questioning myself helped me figure things out. I grew up knowing that I was meant to be a girl but I didn’t realize until my 20s that transitioning was even an option. Like whoa, I can live my life as a woman and I don’t have to continue wearing this icky guy costume that doesn’t fit me. So I guess my doubts were not even being trans but more so whether or not being trans was even a thing because I didn’t have the language to describe myself when I was younger. Questioning things more intensely prompted me to dig deeper and deeper but getting to that point of being comfortable questioning wasn’t easy.
Thank you so much for this video. It is exactly what I needed to hear right now. The whole, "am I really this?" argument is throwing me for a loop. So again, thanks for revisiting the topic. You have helped me so much. ❤
this video came at the perfect time for where I’m at. I started hormone blockers a few weeks ago. And even though I have like a year to decide if I wanna go on T or not, I just can’t stop thinking about it. It keeps me up at night. Thank you Chase!! You are amazing!
I find that all of my transition doubts are projected onto me by others (even though I'm not out yet 😋) I doubt myself because I care too much about what the people in my life think and not enough about what I think!
I feel this so much. You really help me feel valid and come to terms with a lot of things. I love your videos and I lowkey wish we could be friends. Keep being awesome, Chase, and thank you!
i know this video isn’t really recent but this is EXACTLY what i needed to hear atm. thank you so much.
I waited almost 4 years to start hormones, because I doubted so much and all that. I will have surgery this year, and I had to wait so long for it, that I feel the same that you felt right before your surgery. I want it and I waited long, and now I am sure, that this is what I want.
hey you’ve lowkey saved my life, just throwin that out there. not to pile on pressure or anything. you’ve done amazing work and we all appreciate everything, and i think without you i’d at the very least still be self-closeted and incredibly unhappy right now. take care of yourself ok?
Thank you, I needed this video right now 🙌 thank you for talking about this! This conversation needs to happen more often.
I just wanted to say thank you for making this video. It definitely helped me a lot to cope with all the thoughts I've had. As someone who just accepted that they're trans, this is exactly what I needed to hear.
thank you so much this is exactly what I needed to watch. it's so good knowing that I'm not alone, really made my day to watch this
Honestly, BLESS. Your videos are always nice and loud and clear and as someone who works in a factory but am too lazy to use ear plugs, THANK YOU
Transition doubts are normal and part of it all. It is totally okay to have doubts and I believe it is all part of the transition process. I'm 44 and recently started my transition (1st shot of T Apr 24, 2018). I've known since I was 7 that I wanted to be a boy. However, growing up in the era I did and the strongly religious family I was born into, I never had a chance to do anything about the desire to be a boy, or even consider transitioning. Now that I've started my transition, I still have doubts, though I can truly tell you that I have never felt more comfortable with myself than I do now. Doubts are totally normal and we do need to talk more about the emotional side of the transition process.
This was so important for me to hear. Thank you so much.
Hi Chase, thank you so much for this video. It really put my thoughts into words and it was extremely validating. One thing I would like to see talked about is people who haven't known their whole lives that they were trans, but realized it later in life about themselves. It's a really scary thing making a realization at 26 years old that the lifetime of being bullied, having anger issues, eating disorders, drug use, reckless behaviour, all stems from the fact that i couldn't let loose and learn to be me. I know I'm definitely not alone in this experience and if you haven't done a video on this, it would be nice to see this discussion happen.
I just discovered you Chase and I binge watched your videos all night XD This video in particular really helped me, I'm glad to know the doubts are normal and that being trans can be in so many different ways. Thank you!
i needed this so much rn, thank you chase 🐝
this video honestly couldn't have come at a better time for me, TYSM CHASE
My parents were the people who caused me to have significant doubts through manipulation. They're currently trying to convince me to not get top surgery, which really messes with my head. Although, I know what's best for me, and I know what I need to do.
Thank you so much for bringing light to this topic. I'm getting top surgery soon and am experiencing so much anxiety and nervousness and doubt. It has honestly had me in a state of constant anxiety because I felt like I wasn't trans enough. I haven't heard many trans guys talk about this so I don't feel as alone
Loved this video so much. Can relate and share my story.. if i wasnt so shy. Thanks for sharing and talking about the emotional side need more of it!
Yes. Not fair!!! I'm 40 and about to start T and yeah... not bladdy fair that we have to go through so much medically in order to be ourselves.
I have been having so much sadness when I feel I should be really excited. I love your videos. So helpful! Thank you
I don’t know what to say about that video. The last few minutes really really resonated with me. I’m still trying to figure things out and I have no idea what I’m doing and I am honestly completely and totally terrified to figure it out. I have been pushing my feelings away for so long because they didn’t feel valid or like you said”not trans enough” like I have to fit in a stereotypical box. I’m just so scared that if or when I figure this out, what will change? I’m so scared of change. I’m so scared of this. And I have absolutely no idea why. I just wish it was an easy decision. But thank you so so so so so much for this. This is actually the first video I have watched as I just recently found out about you from my fiancé. But I think this was the perfect one for me to see. Again thank you. You are amazing and you are adorable!
Thank you so much for talking about this it's such an important subject. I'm at the very beginning of my transition and the doubts do come but the scariest part about having doubts, for me, is the thought of listening to them and saying like "oh no I'm not actually trans" and stopping everything and being completely miserable because those doubts are fear based, not truth based. 💚
oh my god, thank you so much for talking about this, Chase! I'm a nonbinary person currently in the process of trying to get booked for top surgery, and I've been having so many doubts about this decision. It's been a back and forth with myself for months. In a way I'm glad that I have this long time to really digest this decision but also anxious because it's not happening fast enough?? Either way, this video really resonated with me so much! Thank you
Thank you for videos like these! I'm not trans, but my partner is, and getting different insight from different people I think helps me understand more of what she goes through and will go through in the future. I know there are things that I will never be able to fully comprehend because I'm not living it and it's just a perspective I can't say I have, but anything that helps me help her is amazing. Thank you thank you thank you for being so open about everything! I'm sure it helps many trans people but it also helps people like me. :P
Thank you so much for this video I've been doubting myself a lot lately and I'm so glad I'm not the only one
I love this video. I’m 15 years old and 2 years ago I came out as ftm. I definitely struggle a lot with accepting myself and doubts, but in the end I always get dysphoria and realize I need hormones and surgery to be happy. Ive always felt this pressure that I have to know who i am. But you don’t. Take ur time. You gotta do you what makes u happy and comfortable with yourself
I know that the silver is from the purple fading, but Chase, you would look so good with silver hair!
Thank you for this video! I'm going to start physically transitioning in a few months and mentally preparing to go hormones has been a ride. The fact that some of the changes testosterone does are permanent really stresses me out. I know I need to transition but at the same the back of my brain keeps telling me that there's a small change that I'm wrong. Doubting myself has made me feel like I'm not trans enough and this video gave me the language that I needed to deal with those feelings. Thank you for talking about this topic!
I will add that I watched your video about fear of transition so many times just as I was about to get hormones and even when I first started them. You have consistently been my go to person in my transition because I literally had no one. I know I'm trans but having no one to talk about this stuff with is hard because of what you say in this video, I don't want comments from others who may take my fears and concerns as me not really being trans. It's hard enough without those opinions.
For the past year and a half I thought I was non binary because I didn't think I was trans but everything lately has been clicking into place. Like last July my great grandpa was having a party and my cousin kept calling me he and him and it made me so happy. I came out to my parents today and I feel so comfortable with myself now.
I'm currently in a "I have know idea what to do" phase : I'm not on T because I'm not sure that I want to be because I think I don't need it and all this process and all that it brings is stuck in my head so thank you very much ! This video made me so happy while I was watching it because listenning to someone tell that "it is okay to not know what to do and what is needed at the time" is so comforting !
weird how perfect the timing is on this video because i go in for my evaluation for testosterone at the end of this month and i’ve been freaking the fuck out and second guessing everything so thank you for this
I love your videos they've really helped me be able to get to a closure place to self acceptance
This is so important and I'm glad you're bringing light to this! I totally agree that the representation of trans people in the media has a lot to do with self-doubt. Transness is portrayed as something HUGE and as if medical transition were the only goal in the trans person's life. Of course being trans is a big part of our life but we're all complex people so that makes real trans people not be able to relate to the trans characters in the media, so they think they might not be trans.
Here's a tip for trans (including trans non-binary) or questioning people: try to actually MEET trans people. Go to a a trans youth group, LGBTQ groups, etc. It's much easier to relate to an actual human being than a trans character whose script was written by a cis screenwriter.
I have been literally losing sleep on and off in turmoil since I was a kid. I’m in my mid-twenties now, but I never even knew that transitioning was an option until I was an adult. You talking about these experiences has made me feel so much better and I didn’t realize how much shame and guilt I was holding in while going back and forth like this.
Basically, thank you for being you and for sharing your experiences. I wish that more people talked about this so that people going through things like this knew that they had people they could go to.
The thing for me is that coming to realize that you are trans is fucking huge. I was 19 when I first came to understand that I was trans and it wasn't a very gradual thing. The past couple of years have been so overwhelming with coming out, getting my name changed, getting on hormones. Coming out as trans, people seem to think I know exactly who I am now, I am trans, that is it, its been solidified. I have received so much support and I'm forever grateful for it but I feel a pressure (from myself as well) to not have doubts and be confident. Idk its kind of hard to explain but this video made me feel a lot better about how I've been feeling recently.
I needed this sooooo bad today Chase. Thanks!
Can I just say your videos have had a huge impact on me. I'm not even sure how I found your channel, maybe through Stef Sanjati. Maybe deep down I knew something was off with my identity since I gradually started following trans people on youtube. Thank you for all the information and support.
Thank you Chase. A month on T Blockers and starting to doubt again. My head is like a blender now transitioning and facing diploma exams in less than two weeks.
I needed this video so much. I was researching about going on T yesterday and I can't do shots so I would go on gel and even that seemed so scary to me. And I felt like I was suddenly doubting everything about my nonbinary identity. And with top surgery...I don't even know where to start. It scares me a lot. But I want it. But it scares me xD
Thank you so much for making this video! I am two weeks away from my top surgery and I’m kinda freaking out. But I felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone about my doubts and fears because I thought it meant I wasn’t trans. I feel better and not alone!!❤️❤️
3:35-3:41 was a revelation for me, and you’re completely right. When I had doubts, I didn’t actually doubt my identity; I doubted my judgment that realized my identity. I didn’t trust how I could know if I was trans or not, because it was all just feelings inside my head. I only knew I was trans when I had evidence that took a physical manifestation. Like when I cut my hair.
i relate to everything in this video 100% , thank you so much for existing and making videos chase!
I started T this week (last Friday, to be precise), got kicked in the mouth by dysphoria yesterday (Wednesday), and clicked this video today (Thursday). Thank you.
SIDE NOTE: Having doubts about thr medical aspect of transition is so completely acceptable - these are potentially dramatic processes and procedures. Hesitation on something that could be completely life changing is so incredibly normal.
You made so much sense on so many points. Thanks for this video it was really a great one. See you next time
Really needed this exact video today so thank you
Really needed this video. I got my first gender clinic appointment date a couple of weeks ago and I got so scared I cancelled it almost as soon as it was offered to me. I have a lot of similar issues with having control and agency over my body and medically transitioning kinda feels like giving up control and that's terrifying to me, but having that immediate fear reaction to something I'd been looking forward to for so long made me start seriously questioning my identity and whether I had just imagined being trans that whole time. I haven't. Our fear doesn't make us less trans, we still deserve to get hormones and surgery (if you want that! not everyone transitions in the same way) even when we're afraid. It's really reassuring to hear other trans people talking about their experiences with self-doubt and fear, to hear that it's okay and that things can get better. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences!! Though this video is already really old haha
Thank you for this