Hey, fam. I am with you. My first HRT appointment is tomorrow and I am real nervous. I came out 100% in february, though I have been out with friends for 3 years. It just feels fast, but I know who I am. And like there is way too many reasons why I should move a head then there is to stay where I am
I just had my first T shot today and I sat there with the nurse teaching me how to inject myself, syringe in hand, about to do the injection for like ten minutes, panicking. It was just horrible anxiety, wondering if my hesitance meant I wasn't really trans. I'm 18 and I've known I was trans for maybe 8 years now. I always wanted to go on hormones, but somehow, yeah, it was just too real with that syringe in my hand. A lot of change is happening in my life at the same time and it's hard to talk to anyone about my fears with regards to HRT since I definitely can imagine people saying, "if that's the case then maybe you're not trans." It's scary, but I know I never was a girl, and I always wanted a more masculine body. Thank you for making this video, it is very reassuring knowing I'm not alone. 1.5 year update: I am doing very well :) I started passing pretty early on after starting T (I think in no small part because I had a pretty low voice to begin with and it only got lower, I'm a bass singer now) The one thing that sucks is I have a bunch of acne now, which I didn't really have much of during my first puberty, but other than that I am chilling. Body fat redistribution, higher muscle mass, more masculine face, voice drop- I lucked out and got all of that pretty quickly. Best of luck to all who are just starting on T :) you'll do just fine!
low key convinced kovu is a mind reader. yesterday i was having doubts about if i should follow through with hrt because i’m scared mostly of the unknown. i know the side effects of T but the outcomes are different for everybody so my hopes won’t necessarily be in my end results, if that makes sense.
I'm proud of you! This is a step that feels so far away for me now, but I'm glad you are out in school. I'm sure it'll be great. And if not, that's ok, you've learned sth new.
I'm terrified that after T I'll completely regret it or something dramatic like that. What if I go on T and hate the way it changes my body. And having these thoughts makes me think like maybe I had just somehow convinced myself i'm not trans. I have similar thought about top surgery in the future. I feel like i'm going insane.
Then maybe you really shouldn't be fucking with your body and shit. My fucking God you confused little thinks are the reason why people like us who REALLY feel this way are viewed badly. Ffs if you have doubts then fuck off and stop commenting on videos about this to try to get complete strangers opinions. It's so stupid. And I hope you didn't.
Girl be careful I had a male fall for me and have his spirit soul blessed or cursed too always look the same when he reincarnated he breathed he’s spirit out and possessed me the first day of my life I changed into a real male I grew an actual real penis and testies all he wants too do is attack other males and beat them too death you have too be very careful males are very violent towards other males this guy is even good and he still wants too quite literally kill other males from female side now this is from the male side it is dangerous because most males are woman bashing kid fuckers the problem is this if I didn’t know you where trans and saw you as male and was in attack mode I’d attack it’s dimensional there are literal hell dimensions where we train to kill other males at any cost we can’t help it they torture us and make us extremely violent all we have too do is open our third eye it grants us access here from a hell dimension where I am training to kill all the enemy males it has gotten out of hand somebody please kill me I don’t want too do this anymore
I'm hypersensitive and I have very bad anxiety. I'm very scared that the changes will trigger me/ are uncomfortable. But I'm 19 now and I just can't handle the dysphoria anymore.
@@japercorn8513 Hey! I'm 21 now and my dysphoria got so much better. I took testosterone for a few days but realized I wasn't prepared for the side effects. What really helped me was accepting myself more and focusing on my other problems.
I feel afraid, my head keeps telling me im gonna regret taking T but im very confident in my choice, i go by he/him pronouns around my friends and when i registered for high school i asked if they could use my preferred name and pronouns. And it makes me really happy, i always feel the best when im wearing baggy shirts that make me look flat chested, and i hate being called a girl. I really do believe i am trans, but i always have doubts, and it sucks. I have been denying it for about a year now, but recently i have come to terms with it and i really want to take T, im a little scared but also super excited for the voice drops and height change and body change.
@@monomonito929 oh man i forgot this comment existed- thank u for replying haha, im glad to say im happy as a trans man and i met with gender specialists 2 months ago after being on a year long waiting list, im actually starting hormone blockers this month, they said we need to have more meetings before we can talk about T, but yeah, im super excited, and telling form this comment, its cool to see how far i've come lol
I am a 17 year old ftm pre-t. I have an appointment to start testosterone soon, but lately I’ve been wondering if testosterone is even right for me. I always hear about how trans guys felt a strong need to start T and how they don’t think they could’ve lived without it. However, I don’t exactly feel like that. I want T because I feel like it would transform me more into something that I’ve always felt I’ve been, but I don’t find it absolutely essential. I can easily pass for a guy and I’m also living a happy life. I also feel that if T wasn’t an option for me, I could continue to live a happy life. I just don’t want to never start T and miss out on being something that feels more like me. But I also don’t want to start T and then realize that I shouldn’t have started it and that I was happier before T. I’m just really scared and confused rn ugh plz help
Everyone tells me that it could be a phase and I am a very overthinking person so I'm now very afraid of maybe regretting transition in a few years. I know who I want to be but I feel like I'm never gonna be "sure enough" you know?
Even the thought of taking T as a trans male shakes me to the core. I know it’s something that I want. Something that I really want but I’m still scared. This video helped a lot...as always. Lots of love❤️
i love how real kovu is with this stuff. most of the trans people i watch never really talk about any doubt or nervousness towards transitioning. a lot of people don’t talk about this stuff so it’s really nice to hear someone who had a rather successful transition say that it’s normal to have these thoughts. thank you kovu
I feel so much dysphoria and I‘m struggling with myself so much that the only things I can think about are Testosterone and Top Surgery. That‘s why I‘m not scared at all (at the moment!) also because I just started Therapy and I literally can‘t wait anymore😩
I can't explain how much this video means to me. I am pretty close to starting T. I could start in a month or in a few months. I had so many moments where I'd be in the clinic in another city or at home after the gender therapy session and I'd be freaking out because everything felt so real. Often, I ask myself why I'm doing this. This is why it's important to have your reasons and hold onto them. I don't want to stay this way and if I let doubt and fear hold me back, I will feel stuck until the end of my life. Change is scary for a lot of people and medical transitioning is a very personal and significant change so of course it's normal to think about it a lot. One really has to look inside themselves and make peace with their feelings and needs. Also, I keep reminding myself that the change is gradual. There are many transition videos and it's amazing to see someone pre-T and then one year on T in 5 seconds, but it isn't like that in real life so it's all good, our minds can adjust hahah. I appreciate discussions like this.
I know this is from like 2 years ago but this comment (along with the video) helped me and calmed my nerves, thank you so much. It's hard to remember that the changes are gradual, and I often forget that lol
Dude I completely understand that and truthfully you've made me feel better about binding, I got my first chest binder and I love it to pieces but it's so scary to know that one mess up can really hurt you. I was debating on whether or not I should continue to bind and I've decided that I will but I'm going to keep an open mind about when and how and if I feel like I need a break I'll take it. Thank you so much and I wish the best of luck to you and any other trans peeps that may come across this comment.
I just came out to parents recently and said that they want to help me in the process. This makes me feel so much better. I definitely will show this to my moms. Update: I start transition therapy this Tuesday!! Thank you so much for giving me support, even if you don’t know it. You are an extraordinary person and I hope one day I can can give you a hug and thank you for all you’ve done for me in person.
Hey Kovu, I’m in a similar position with top surgery. Change scares me but I’ve been getting more and more dysphoric over the last two years to the point where this these past two weeks I’ve been the most suicidal I’ve ever been. I’ve written out pros and cons and for me I think pros outweigh the cons (plus there are more of them). While at the same time I still struggle with the idea that it’ll be something I’m voluntarily doing, putting myself through a long recovery, I know I can’t keep living like I am
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TALKING ABOUT THIS It's honestly not okay that doubts or fears are frowned upon in the trans community because it's totally okay to have them!! I felt like I may not he trans or I'm just a trender myself because I feel that way and I thought so until my gender therapist (I have no idea if thats the right term for it, she helps trans people and studied psychology) told me thats perfectly alright and normal and I was blown away bye that, struggling with that kind of feelings seemed so unnormal
I also worried I wouldnt recognize myself, but as the effects grew I felt more and more like my real self. Its very slow anyways so you naturally adjust
Honestly kovu, thank u so much, these are exactly the sort of doubts that i was having and hearing someone that is already in testosterone talking about it is so relieving and so relatable. It's very brave of you, and so helpful for the community. Thank u so so much.
Thank u I really needed this Im currently on the road to starting HRT and have 2 out of 5ish appointments completed. Its weird I definately want the changes and everything else but at the same time im also anxious about the changes
Just started T a couple hours ago, I was terrified and I still am but I’ve always felt this way so I know I made the right choice, glad I’m not alone in feeling this way!
This video is wonderful. The way you spoke about these feelings was very comforting. I was on the path to starting T when I was a teenager and ended up backing out. I’ve continued struggling for over ten years and now I’m back on the path. Everyones journey is different.
Thank you so much for this. It always feels like when people talk about their HRT journey, it seems like they're totally confident about it and don't have any doubts. It's good to know that this is a totally normal thing
Thank you so much for this, I have an hrt apointment coming up in October and I felt really alone in these feelings about it. This video really helped me feel less alone.
I really needed this. Really much. If everything is fine, I'll start Testosterone tomorrow. And right now I'm so scared, because I'm questioning myself so much right now. I don't know if it is the right decision that I made (to start Testosterone at the age of 16. Not being trans!) And I am so anxious and haven't talked to anyone about it, because I'm scared that people would say that I'm not trans or block my HRT. I'm scared of the change, because I'm scared what will happened if I don't like the changes? What if I don't like the ways my voice changes or if I don't like the way I look. But on the other hand I know that it'll help me, because I can't leave my bed atm because I'm so dysphoric. And I recorded 30 Minutes just randomly ranting about my voice dysphoria in english (not my forst language). And even though I'm scared, I think I'm ready for Testosterone. I'm just anxious, because thats something I've worked for nearly 2 1/2 years and I'm scared what would happen if that rwason for living isn't there anymore. Not gonna lie, the last year sometimes only the thought of Testosterone kept me alive. Anyways that was a very long rant about being anxious and so, but yeah. I really needed it Kovi
i’m so close to being on t, i was so adamant about it and suddenly, when i was so close, i started feeling doubtful and scared and questioning everything. this video genuinely helped a lot. thank you so so so much
This is so important!! both for people who end up deciding they don't want/need testo AND for people like me who are well into HRT and I feel much happier and much more comfortable and still, because of other people's opinions, I'm often very anxious regarding How. Many. People. tell you (me) that you'll change your mind. Thank you so much Kovu for reminding me that this hormone isn't making me someone I'm not, it's helping me recognize myself in the mirror.
I really needed this video since I'm starting T tomorrow. I always relate so much to all the topics and experiences you talk about, so I'm very thankful for you posting these vids. Changes in general have always made me anxious even if it wasn't a bad life change. But then I realised that what I truly need is that: a lot of changes. I'm still a bit scared, but that isn't gonna stop me from making my life better
God.. I start T soon and it suddenly feels so surreal. This video and comment section gave me so much comfort. I’m so happy to be apart of this community
This topic truly doesn’t get talked about enough in the trans community, this video really sums up the anxieties and doubts ive been having recently about my identity and going through with hormones. I’m 18 and I now have the ability to start hormones, like you said all of a sudden it became real. It always felt like this faraway and unobtainable thing for me and now I can finally reach it and i can finally feel like my life is mine. This video helped me find a way to put how I’ve been feeling into words, and it’s brought me a lot of reassurance and I feel more confident with what direction I want to go with my transition, thank you for talking about this!
I haven’t started therapy yet but I’m already in doubt. I want a deeper voice but at the same time, I’m scared. I don’t want to regret taking hormones later in life, I reallt don’t know what I should do. I’m also worried about if I won’t identify as trans later in life, I really feel that’s who I am but what if it’s something else?
I’ve been out for about 8 years now, and have had top surgery, but haven’t had T for a lot of the reasons you talked about. It’s a lot, coming to terms with this kind of change- it’s also so scary because you can’t exactly separate yourself from it as its happening. So, I held off for awhile now, but the dysphoria is creeping back in. So I went out looking for a video, and I’m so glad I’ve found yours. I think it’s time, and I think I’m ready. I appreciate the reassurance about taking my time with things, and I’m glad I did. But I just wanted to say thank you for talking about this. ❤️
Thank you so much for this video, this has helped me a lot I really needed to hear this. I'm transmasculine nonbinary and I too don't want to be a huge big muscly hairy man like you described, I felt like that made me a fake, like I was a trender because I don't want to be hypermasculine. I feel all you said so much, I really want T but I am really nervous about it, I too know that I can't stay like this, I feel so incredibly dysphoric about my voice and my fat distribution and all of those things. When reading lists of the effects of T I feel like I really really want this, but then later I feel doubts because I don't want to become this hypermasculine buff mandude, and I'm scared that this means I won't be happy on T or that I don't ... deserve (?) T. So thank you so much for this video.
This was the perfect timing for me rn. I can very often relate to your videos A LOT and this is really helpful, thank you. I'd be interested in how you deal with not being able to describe your feelings (if you ever get that). In my mind, I may know exactly why I'm feeling sad/angry/bad in general, but I just can't find the words, so others can understand it, too. Sometimes it makes me feel invalid, like I'm just copying other people and I'm not ACTUALLY feeling that way. Like I'm just obsessing over sth so much that I start to imagine that I feel like this myself. Like I'm just faking it. Do you think it's possible to fake sth so well, that not even you can decide, if it's real?
i am so glad i found this. i already knew kovu existed but i mean im just considering it really hard. i really wanna go on hrt but like him, im not too good with change and im not "completely" trans, im gender fluid. but i think it would be so much easier being feminine with a more "male" body. though i have just recently had these thoughts. im thinking "aw shit what if i regret it?" but i think everyone thinks that, right? i realy realy want a deeper voice, i want bottom growth... my discomfort isn't as bad as other peoples but that shouldn't matter. everyone is different. also, im worried about what my family will think of me. my mom always calls me her "beautiful little girl" and i feel like if i change my body it'll hurt her... and everyone else... but __i__ want it. but it just feels selfish i guess.
while i do feel really anxious about transitioning, taking hrt and all that jazz, i’m kind of more scared about coming out and transitioning socially?? i want to start transitioning asap but also feel like i need time to think, and i want my family to accept me. i try to make up excuses and tell myself i’m not trans, even though my dysphoria gives me literal panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. i hate it, i wish i wasn’t trans
You can try searching for flat chest subliminals here and start using some to change your chest to start with since it's even done by girls who just want to be flat.
Damn Kovu, I really have to thank you! I am starting testosterone in less than a week and I was litterally freaking out if it would be the right choice and after watching your video, that really helped me to calm down since it is perfectly normal to be anxious about that. I feel less scared now and actually pretty confidend in becoming the man I have always wanted to be! :) Thanks!
Im 36 years old about to be 37 and im about to start T for the first time. Ive known ive been male since birth. And for the very first time i am actually afraid. It comes and goes in spurts.
Thank you for this video it gives me more confidence, I am trans non binary and it has been a rough ride with my parents trying to accept me, and I got in a lot of trouble when I cut my hair. My hair was really long like down to my butt long and I chopped it so about my ear (thank god for taking Cosmotaligy during summer) and my parents are slowly trying to acknowledge that I am me and so thank you for being and amazing person and for just being you
Lmao this is exactly where I am right now. I live in the UK and finally decided to use private healthcare because I'd been waiting 16 months and felt like I needed to get started. Yesterday I got a response saying I could schedule an appointment with them a few weeks from now. WEEKS! After over a year of waiting this almost felt like short notice and suddenly I'm overcome with a wave of fear and dread and anxiety. I got so used to having nothing happen that I kind of stopped expecting anything to happen, which caused me enough distress to go private but now that I've got the offer in front of me I'm almost reluctant to accept it. Most trans people only really want to talk about how excited they are to start medically transitioning so it's a real comfort to hear someone talk about how they were scared too. I'm going to ask for a later appointment to give myself more time to mentally prepare for it and calm down properly. This video has really helped me to feel like it's okay and normal to be scared. A lot of changes come with transitioning and yeah that's scary! I'm sure I'll feel better once I get there and settle into a new normal and realise it's not a bad thing and hopefully even better (and less dysphoric) than the normal I'm living in now. Thank you for sharing your experience :)
"scared of not recognizing myself", damn i feel this so hard! Scared to put something into my body which naturally "shouldn't" be there..something that will probably make me go bald cause my brother already is... Scared it will mess up my organs..scared of the unknown...fuck, nobody should have to make this decision. It's awful.
@@joel4541 as far as you do the tests you need to do, testosterone wont affect you. Of course it affects everyone in a different way, but that's talking about the changes and the speed they appear. The only disease that testosterone can give you is a genetic illness that runs in the men of your family, for example hypertension, but it wont mess up your organs unless you don't treat them as any normal disease.
@@esleanoeoe9922 I'm really worried about needing a Hysterectomy. Not all trans dudes need to get it done, but some do and i do not want to be one of them. And in that case it's one or the other, take it out or stop T.
thank u so much! this helped me kinda calm down and know that it’s normal to think this way..I wasn’t doubting or anything but I was getting kinda scared bc it’s happening so fast now and my mind just went crazy
I just scheduled my first appointment with the UCSF gender clinic in March. Holy crap. I'm terrified. I'm scared that because I have so much anxiety, I might not want to transition. This video helped a lot, thanks.
i'm starting t in about 5 weeks. i'm really excited about it, but i guess the fear of the unknown is scary. idk i feel confident in my choice regardless. i want a deeper voice and my growth plates haven't fused yet, so i'm excited at the possibility of getting taller. regardless of what i want in the future, i know taking t will make me feel a lot more comfortable in myself, and that's ultimately what matters most to me.
This is exactly what i needed and the question feels like they just took my thoughts from my brain. I really want T and I love all the changes I will bring me, but I'm scared that I wont feel like me anymore with how my voice will sound different. i like the other changes and I do want a deeper voice 100%, but I'm scared it will get TOO deep or that I just wont sound the same, even though I've watched and listened to so many other peoples timelines on how their voice changed. I keep on going back and forth to 100% to 50% on board and it scares me. I think maybe that I should wait but it makes me sad to think about having to wait even longer while still having this voice/body. i want to do micro doses for this reason so if I regret it I wouldn't have changed too much. but either way I hope to get T this year or the next!
Kovu thank you so much for all of your videos. You always seem to help me feel confident in myself and to calm my overthinking. Remember to do what’s best for you and love yourself as much as we love you :) 💕💕
Thank you so much for this video, no one else has spoke about this. I start hrt tomorrow and now I can’t really sleep cause I’m conflicted but this made me feel better
im 15 and ive identified as a trans masc person for a little over a year and ive identified within the trans umbrella for almost 2 years now. before i wasnt thinking about it so much but within the past few months especially as i talk about my future transitioning is something i really want to do. i think my biggest concern is my family treating me different. obviously i want to be seen as a boy but what if they start treating me as a different person. some of my family members know im trans even though i havent really talked to them about it directly yet. im worried when i start to actually bring it up things will get awkward or maybe they wont change at all. and also in order for things to actually change i would need all my family members i closely interact with to respect my pronouns and gender identity but im afraid that wont be possible for some of them and it will ruin everything. growing up my life was kinda all over the place because of my parents situation and only recently things started to be kinda ok and i dont want that to get messed up because of me actually talking to them about my transness
Thank you for this video. I've just requested to be seen by gendercare in order to be prescribed testosterone and I'm starting to get anxious about it. Some of my family members have suggested that if I'm anxious I must not be 100% sure so I should hold off. But I've been "holding off" for almost a year and my feeling of being certain about wanting it hasn't changed in that time. It's just that now it's close to becoming a reality of actually starting T the fears are creeping in. Not that I'm scared of regretting it because I'm as sure as I can be that it's the right choice. But more that there are a lot of unknowns. Everyone's body reacts differently to hormones so there really is no certainty on what will happen at what point, and that for me is a bit scary. Thanks for acknowledging that it's OK to be scared 😊
I felt that way about having surgury to go flat chested so I overcame it by starting with using flat chest subliminald from here to begin changing my chest to be more like a boy's chest.I'm doing that because I miss being able to go swimming and wear summer clothing like I used to as a kid.
I'm getting finally my endocrinologist appointment next month. After waiting for 5 years. I am really really excited to finally start t, I cannot wait to not wanna 💀 Everytime I hear my voice or look in the mirror. I have 0 doubts that this is what I need and want because dysphoria for me is unbearable and has had detrimental consequences on my life, specially because I am a bit older than when most people start t. My fear doesn't come from "am I going to regret this" because I know the answer is no. My fear comes from 2 main things: what is my family and coworkers gonna think? I'm not out to anyone except my parents and friends because I have always been around environments hostile to trans people. I'm scared of how am I going to be treated when they notice the changes. My mother is supportive of my identity but she has never really been too happy about the idea of me taking hrt and I'm scared she'll say hurtful things to me. I'm an adult so she cannot stop me but I don't like to feel guilty. 2. I'm scared that my body will not change. I'm scared that even taking t I'll still look like a female because that to me would be the biggest disappointment ever. I'm very afraid of needles so until now I always thought I would go for gel but now I'm really not sure because I want changes and I want them fast. I don't wanna be 1 year on testosterone and still look and sound like a chick but I also am extremely afraid of having to put a needle in my body myself.
This is so great. I met my new therapist who might help me in the future with this sort of thing but after I just got worried I wouldnt be ‘trans enough’ for hrt
I thought I was super ready but my 18th birthdays coming up and that's when im gonna start t and suddenly I feel so anxious I feel sick, what if it turns out I'm not trans and i only realize once its changed everything, or what if it ruins my singing voice, I know I'm a man I just ughh its so scary but i cant handle looking in the mirror and seeing this Ik this video is old but it has really helped, thank you
Thankyou for this, I needed to hear this. Question. How long does one wait to pursue HRT or even binding? I've been questioning my gender for a few months now but I feel so scared to pursue any change because what if it's just a phase? I see so many youtubers who've waited years and years and years before they started binding/HRT/packing, gotten surgery, etc. Right now waiting years feels so so so unbearable even tho I'm not entirely sure about my gender and who I am. Legit makes me internally panic at the thought. I understand it's not smart to move super fast when making these life changing decisions. And at the same time, I really want to start pursuing these things. I'm on my own so it's not like I have parents who need to be on board for the process either. I feel like I'm waiting on society to approve whether I should pursue changes or not and I hate that cuz everyone's experience is different... and just because some people have waited years to start pursuing change, does that also mean I have to wait that long too?
This is just from my personal experience, but I have yet to start HRT, so I cant say much about that, but BINDERS!! Are not permanent, theyre a piece of clothing which you can take off absolutely whenever, i used to never go out, and at school, id wear big hoodies, slouched, crossed my arms, felt super uncomfortable with my chest in general, though, at the time I thought thats just how puberty was or something, if I had to wear anything that showed my chest, I just could not one bit. I recomend getting a binder from gc2b, thats what i started with and thats what i still use, its been a little over a year, and I love them, cant leave the house without them, I have 3 now, I can actually dress how I want and move how I want, though it is super super important to have a fitting one thats comfortable. Also, binders, hrt, top surgery, haircuts, everything thats thought of as an ftm transition, they are genuinely just tools, if binding will make you feel better, then bind! If you want HRT, then go for it, you dont NEED to do any of these things, though they are definitely the narrative thats pushed this stuff usually helps alleviate dysphoria, but thats the entire point, to alleviate dysphoria, you dont need to be like every other ftm
I know about the hair thing, but it really does look good! HRT saved my life! I have never felt better, I got all the estrogen organs out of my body (double mastectomy and hysto with both ovaries removed) I was not worried in the least bit to start T. I've been more level-headed, and I feel so much better in my own body. Like it's how I needed to be from the start. The only bummer is I started later in life, so no voice changes, or the back hair rug that my boyfriend is astounded about (he's jealous actually) so now our inside joke is that I have more back and chest hair than he does lol... :)
I have my appointment in 4 days and I’ve been anxious. A friend sent me this video and god it was so relieving. I don’t want to become a MAN. I want to keep my scrawny.
my biggest issue is that the unsupportive ppl in my life have planted so many doubts since I came out. I've even tried being cis and going back to my old name bc being cis would be easier, but it always ends up upsetting me. I'm happier as Max, pronounwise I've always flipflopped between they, he/they, or just "he". Sometimes I've thought that my dysphoria isn't that bad, but then something happens like my stepmom making me take pictures with "bridesmaid" written across my back which ruined that whole day for me. Moms brought up my SA saying that I'm only this way bc of trauma, even tho I'm pretty dang sure I've been like this my whole life, and there were "signs" long before I found out what transgender was Idk, just doubts that I'm not really this way, mostly bc of things my mom has said. I've tried combating that with "well even if I detransition, I've always prefered being masculine so I think I'd be happy even as a physically masculine woman" I have a lot of voice dysphoria, and then this part is kind of funny but I love having body hair and I tend to relate it to wanting to be a werewolf as a little kid, which isn't necessarily a serious comparison but it's a funny one. I love what body hair I do have, and tho I'm worried about the inconvenience of butt hair I'd love more belly hair and other body hair. And ik I'll be very hairy, my dad is a good reference since I look similar to him
My parents are just waiting for me to change my mind and ive been asking them if i could go to therapy for 2 years now but nothing is happening and my dysphoria is getting even worse ://
![[MV] A leap of faith...ความเชื่อใจครั้งสุดท้าย (From "Petrichor the series")](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/U1piZH2CNXA/mqdefault.jpg)
I really needed this man... thank you so much. I've been struggeling with this since I came out because suddenly it was... real
Hey, fam. I am with you. My first HRT appointment is tomorrow and I am real nervous. I came out 100% in february, though I have been out with friends for 3 years. It just feels fast, but I know who I am. And like there is way too many reasons why I should move a head then there is to stay where I am
Did you have phases where you tried so hard to be a female because you were scared being trans wasn't real?
Staying alive to start on T is a mood
Same tho, or just staying alive to come out, in my situation.
yoo, Leon Bell! I really liked your video about pre-t voice training; and your transition timelines videos kick absolute ass :D
I just had my first T shot today and I sat there with the nurse teaching me how to inject myself, syringe in hand, about to do the injection for like ten minutes, panicking. It was just horrible anxiety, wondering if my hesitance meant I wasn't really trans. I'm 18 and I've known I was trans for maybe 8 years now. I always wanted to go on hormones, but somehow, yeah, it was just too real with that syringe in my hand. A lot of change is happening in my life at the same time and it's hard to talk to anyone about my fears with regards to HRT since I definitely can imagine people saying, "if that's the case then maybe you're not trans." It's scary, but I know I never was a girl, and I always wanted a more masculine body. Thank you for making this video, it is very reassuring knowing I'm not alone.
1.5 year update: I am doing very well :) I started passing pretty early on after starting T (I think in no small part because I had a pretty low voice to begin with and it only got lower, I'm a bass singer now) The one thing that sucks is I have a bunch of acne now, which I didn't really have much of during my first puberty, but other than that I am chilling. Body fat redistribution, higher muscle mass, more masculine face, voice drop- I lucked out and got all of that pretty quickly. Best of luck to all who are just starting on T :) you'll do just fine!
its been 9 months, how do you feel now? :)
It’s been a year, how are you doing?
low key convinced kovu is a mind reader. yesterday i was having doubts about if i should follow through with hrt because i’m scared mostly of the unknown.
i know the side effects of T but the outcomes are different for everybody so my hopes won’t necessarily be in my end results, if that makes sense.
Same with me it was perfect timing
Lmao same
I am now aswell HIGH KEY convinced, I wanted to come out this week and start testosterone but I have WAAAY too much anxiety
Auto-subtitles : Testosterone ? Did you ment "*SAUCE HEROIN*" ???
I'm just gonna start calling T 'masculinity sauce'
@@glum1261 man juice
Manly man juices
*BOY JUICE BOY JUICE*
i laughed way harder than i should've had-
I'm scared af since I'm starting a new school year tomorrow with my name and pronouns and stuff. I don't even know what bathroom to go to
@Jay Music I'm going to see my mentor tomorrow and ask her if she knows what's best, maybe I can use the teachers toilets until I've started T
I'm proud of you! This is a step that feels so far away for me now, but I'm glad you are out in school. I'm sure it'll be great. And if not, that's ok, you've learned sth new.
@@behindthemask2399 people are actually surprisingly more acceptive then they may seems
Oh my fucking god same, started school abt a month ago, starting my transition and I was so so nervous, it's fine no tho
Whichever you're more comfortable with, or gender neutral toilets of possible.
I'm terrified that after T I'll completely regret it or something dramatic like that. What if I go on T and hate the way it changes my body. And having these thoughts makes me think like maybe I had just somehow convinced myself i'm not trans. I have similar thought about top surgery in the future. I feel like i'm going insane.
What did you end up doing? I feel the same way.
@Puddin Pants feeling the same way lately, its quite scary. Hope you're finding your path
Then maybe you really shouldn't be fucking with your body and shit.
My fucking God you confused little thinks are the reason why people like us who REALLY feel this way are viewed badly. Ffs if you have doubts then fuck off and stop commenting on videos about this to try to get complete strangers opinions. It's so stupid. And I hope you didn't.
I feel like this all the time and I’m terrified to start it but I really wanna. Did u ever start it? Did you stop feeling that way?
Girl be careful I had a male fall for me and have his spirit soul blessed or cursed too always look the same when he reincarnated he breathed he’s spirit out and possessed me the first day of my life I changed into a real male I grew an actual real penis and testies all he wants too do is attack other males and beat them too death you have too be very careful males are very violent towards other males this guy is even good and he still wants too quite literally kill other males from female side now this is from the male side it is dangerous because most males are woman bashing kid fuckers the problem is this if I didn’t know you where trans and saw you as male and was in attack mode I’d attack it’s dimensional there are literal hell dimensions where we train to kill other males at any cost we can’t help it they torture us and make us extremely violent all we have too do is open our third eye it grants us access here from a hell dimension where I am training to kill all the enemy males it has gotten out of hand somebody please kill me I don’t want too do this anymore
I'm hypersensitive and I have very bad anxiety. I'm very scared that the changes will trigger me/ are uncomfortable. But I'm 19 now and I just can't handle the dysphoria anymore.
Hey, I know this is old but I relate so much. How are you now?
@@japercorn8513 Hey! I'm 21 now and my dysphoria got so much better. I took testosterone for a few days but realized I wasn't prepared for the side effects. What really helped me was accepting myself more and focusing on my other problems.
@@l.ghosttmiilk6016 Very good to hear!! Thank you for replying and I wish you all the best!
@@l.ghosttmiilk6016it's been some time and I'm curious, how are you now? 😄
@@l.ghosttmiilk6016So did you detransition? I’m curious to hear how this played out for your identity
I feel afraid, my head keeps telling me im gonna regret taking T but im very confident in my choice, i go by he/him pronouns around my friends and when i registered for high school i asked if they could use my preferred name and pronouns. And it makes me really happy, i always feel the best when im wearing baggy shirts that make me look flat chested, and i hate being called a girl. I really do believe i am trans, but i always have doubts, and it sucks. I have been denying it for about a year now, but recently i have come to terms with it and i really want to take T, im a little scared but also super excited for the voice drops and height change and body change.
hello how's it been? did u start t?
@@monomonito929 oh man i forgot this comment existed- thank u for replying haha, im glad to say im happy as a trans man and i met with gender specialists 2 months ago after being on a year long waiting list, im actually starting hormone blockers this month, they said we need to have more meetings before we can talk about T, but yeah, im super excited, and telling form this comment, its cool to see how far i've come lol
@@eyyaye3749 i'm so happy for u! i hope everything goes amazing
@@eyyaye3749 u started them yet?
@@eyyaye3749hey, update about your transition and taking T?
I am a 17 year old ftm pre-t. I have an appointment to start testosterone soon, but lately I’ve been wondering if testosterone is even right for me. I always hear about how trans guys felt a strong need to start T and how they don’t think they could’ve lived without it. However, I don’t exactly feel like that. I want T because I feel like it would transform me more into something that I’ve always felt I’ve been, but I don’t find it absolutely essential. I can easily pass for a guy and I’m also living a happy life. I also feel that if T wasn’t an option for me, I could continue to live a happy life. I just don’t want to never start T and miss out on being something that feels more like me. But I also don’t want to start T and then realize that I shouldn’t have started it and that I was happier before T. I’m just really scared and confused rn ugh plz help
Everyone tells me that it could be a phase and I am a very overthinking person so I'm now very afraid of maybe regretting transition in a few years. I know who I want to be but I feel like I'm never gonna be "sure enough" you know?
daniel uwu omg same I’m having these thoughts right now
Dude this game in such good timing I just came out today and can finally start testosterone in October but now I’m really scared and doubting myself.
Congratz both of you! I came out 6 months or so ago, and will be starting T in October ! Can't wait :)
Congrats!
Jay Music thanks and congrats to you too!
Noah Theys that’s amazing!and thank you!
Rilyn Boii aw dont worry it’ll get better.
my doctor is prescribing me testosterone next week and i’m terrified. this made me feel so much better and way less anxious
Even the thought of taking T as a trans male shakes me to the core. I know it’s something that I want. Something that I really want but I’m still scared. This video helped a lot...as always. Lots of love❤️
Did you take T? How do you feel now?
I struggle with change as well....but i need to do it if I want to look the opposite of my gender
i love how real kovu is with this stuff. most of the trans people i watch never really talk about any doubt or nervousness towards transitioning. a lot of people don’t talk about this stuff so it’s really nice to hear someone who had a rather successful transition say that it’s normal to have these thoughts. thank you kovu
I feel so much dysphoria and I‘m struggling with myself so much that the only things I can think about are Testosterone and Top Surgery. That‘s why I‘m not scared at all (at the moment!) also because I just started Therapy and I literally can‘t wait anymore😩
I can't explain how much this video means to me. I am pretty close to starting T. I could start in a month or in a few months. I had so many moments where I'd be in the clinic in another city or at home after the gender therapy session and I'd be freaking out because everything felt so real. Often, I ask myself why I'm doing this. This is why it's important to have your reasons and hold onto them. I don't want to stay this way and if I let doubt and fear hold me back, I will feel stuck until the end of my life. Change is scary for a lot of people and medical transitioning is a very personal and significant change so of course it's normal to think about it a lot. One really has to look inside themselves and make peace with their feelings and needs. Also, I keep reminding myself that the change is gradual. There are many transition videos and it's amazing to see someone pre-T and then one year on T in 5 seconds, but it isn't like that in real life so it's all good, our minds can adjust hahah. I appreciate discussions like this.
I know this is from like 2 years ago but this comment (along with the video) helped me and calmed my nerves, thank you so much. It's hard to remember that the changes are gradual, and I often forget that lol
Dude I completely understand that and truthfully you've made me feel better about binding, I got my first chest binder and I love it to pieces but it's so scary to know that one mess up can really hurt you. I was debating on whether or not I should continue to bind and I've decided that I will but I'm going to keep an open mind about when and how and if I feel like I need a break I'll take it. Thank you so much and I wish the best of luck to you and any other trans peeps that may come across this comment.
Like your haircut Kovu and hope your doing well! :)
I just came out to parents recently and said that they want to help me in the process. This makes me feel so much better. I definitely will show this to my moms. Update: I start transition therapy this Tuesday!! Thank you so much for giving me support, even if you don’t know it. You are an extraordinary person and I hope one day I can can give you a hug and thank you for all you’ve done for me in person.
What age did you start hrt ?
Hey Kovu, I’m in a similar position with top surgery. Change scares me but I’ve been getting more and more dysphoric over the last two years to the point where this these past two weeks I’ve been the most suicidal I’ve ever been. I’ve written out pros and cons and for me I think pros outweigh the cons (plus there are more of them). While at the same time I still struggle with the idea that it’ll be something I’m voluntarily doing, putting myself through a long recovery, I know I can’t keep living like I am
I’ve put off taking T for almost 5 years because of my anxiety and health issues. Thank you for this. It’s so helpful to know I’m not alone 💓
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR TALKING ABOUT THIS It's honestly not okay that doubts or fears are frowned upon in the trans community because it's totally okay to have them!! I felt like I may not he trans or I'm just a trender myself because I feel that way and I thought so until my gender therapist (I have no idea if thats the right term for it, she helps trans people and studied psychology) told me thats perfectly alright and normal and I was blown away bye that, struggling with that kind of feelings seemed so unnormal
I also worried I wouldnt recognize myself, but as the effects grew I felt more and more like my real self. Its very slow anyways so you naturally adjust
Honestly kovu, thank u so much, these are exactly the sort of doubts that i was having and hearing someone that is already in testosterone talking about it is so relieving and so relatable. It's very brave of you, and so helpful for the community. Thank u so so much.
Thank u I really needed this Im currently on the road to starting HRT and have 2 out of 5ish appointments completed. Its weird I definately want the changes and everything else but at the same time im also anxious about the changes
You really don’t know how much I needed this right now. Thanks.
Just started T a couple hours ago, I was terrified and I still am but I’ve always felt this way so I know I made the right choice, glad I’m not alone in feeling this way!
This video is wonderful. The way you spoke about these feelings was very comforting. I was on the path to starting T when I was a teenager and ended up backing out. I’ve continued struggling for over ten years and now I’m back on the path. Everyones journey is different.
I got my prescription today and I felt so afraid I didn’t understand why I wasn’t overjoyed, this helped me thank you!
Thank you so much for this. It always feels like when people talk about their HRT journey, it seems like they're totally confident about it and don't have any doubts. It's good to know that this is a totally normal thing
Thank you so much for this, I have an hrt apointment coming up in October and I felt really alone in these feelings about it. This video really helped me feel less alone.
I really needed this. Really much.
If everything is fine, I'll start Testosterone tomorrow.
And right now I'm so scared, because I'm questioning myself so much right now. I don't know if it is the right decision that I made (to start Testosterone at the age of 16. Not being trans!) And I am so anxious and haven't talked to anyone about it, because I'm scared that people would say that I'm not trans or block my HRT.
I'm scared of the change, because I'm scared what will happened if I don't like the changes? What if I don't like the ways my voice changes or if I don't like the way I look.
But on the other hand I know that it'll help me, because I can't leave my bed atm because I'm so dysphoric. And I recorded 30 Minutes just randomly ranting about my voice dysphoria in english (not my forst language).
And even though I'm scared, I think I'm ready for Testosterone. I'm just anxious, because thats something I've worked for nearly 2 1/2 years and I'm scared what would happen if that rwason for living isn't there anymore. Not gonna lie, the last year sometimes only the thought of Testosterone kept me alive.
Anyways that was a very long rant about being anxious and so, but yeah. I really needed it Kovi
How did it turn out?:)
i’m so close to being on t, i was so adamant about it and suddenly, when i was so close, i started feeling doubtful and scared and questioning everything. this video genuinely helped a lot. thank you so so so much
a year and seven months? are you for real? it feels like only 6 months ago o.o
This is so important!! both for people who end up deciding they don't want/need testo
AND for people like me who are well into HRT and I feel much happier and much more comfortable and still, because of other people's opinions, I'm often very anxious regarding How. Many. People. tell you (me) that you'll change your mind.
Thank you so much Kovu for reminding me that this hormone isn't making me someone I'm not, it's helping me recognize myself in the mirror.
I'm 37 and start T on thurs and this video really helped me out. Thanks man.
Your hair is so cool. 💓 Love u so much i hope u had amazing day. U give me positive energy in every day. Thank u x
I really needed this video since I'm starting T tomorrow. I always relate so much to all the topics and experiences you talk about, so I'm very thankful for you posting these vids. Changes in general have always made me anxious even if it wasn't a bad life change. But then I realised that what I truly need is that: a lot of changes. I'm still a bit scared, but that isn't gonna stop me from making my life better
God.. I start T soon and it suddenly feels so surreal. This video and comment section gave me so much comfort. I’m so happy to be apart of this community
This topic truly doesn’t get talked about enough in the trans community, this video really sums up the anxieties and doubts ive been having recently about my identity and going through with hormones. I’m 18 and I now have the ability to start hormones, like you said all of a sudden it became real. It always felt like this faraway and unobtainable thing for me and now I can finally reach it and i can finally feel like my life is mine. This video helped me find a way to put how I’ve been feeling into words, and it’s brought me a lot of reassurance and I feel more confident with what direction I want to go with my transition, thank you for talking about this!
I haven’t started therapy yet but I’m already in doubt. I want a deeper voice but at the same time, I’m scared. I don’t want to regret taking hormones later in life, I reallt don’t know what I should do. I’m also worried about if I won’t identify as trans later in life, I really feel that’s who I am but what if it’s something else?
Bro same I’m scared
@@imfizz2775 ahh too bad :/ it’s so frustrating to feel this way
I’ve been out for about 8 years now, and have had top surgery, but haven’t had T for a lot of the reasons you talked about. It’s a lot, coming to terms with this kind of change- it’s also so scary because you can’t exactly separate yourself from it as its happening. So, I held off for awhile now, but the dysphoria is creeping back in. So I went out looking for a video, and I’m so glad I’ve found yours. I think it’s time, and I think I’m ready. I appreciate the reassurance about taking my time with things, and I’m glad I did. But I just wanted to say thank you for talking about this. ❤️
Thank you so much for this video, this has helped me a lot I really needed to hear this. I'm transmasculine nonbinary and I too don't want to be a huge big muscly hairy man like you described, I felt like that made me a fake, like I was a trender because I don't want to be hypermasculine. I feel all you said so much, I really want T but I am really nervous about it, I too know that I can't stay like this, I feel so incredibly dysphoric about my voice and my fat distribution and all of those things. When reading lists of the effects of T I feel like I really really want this, but then later I feel doubts because I don't want to become this hypermasculine buff mandude, and I'm scared that this means I won't be happy on T or that I don't ... deserve (?) T. So thank you so much for this video.
God I felt scared of course! Because I thought that maybe I would regret my decision later but now 2 years on hormones, I'm not afraid any more!
I think the date just clicked over to September 6th in Norway, so happy 18th birthday Kovu!
WHO ELSE LOVES KOVU
BTW I'm a TH-camr too!
This was the perfect timing for me rn. I can very often relate to your videos A LOT and this is really helpful, thank you. I'd be interested in how you deal with not being able to describe your feelings (if you ever get that). In my mind, I may know exactly why I'm feeling sad/angry/bad in general, but I just can't find the words, so others can understand it, too. Sometimes it makes me feel invalid, like I'm just copying other people and I'm not ACTUALLY feeling that way. Like I'm just obsessing over sth so much that I start to imagine that I feel like this myself. Like I'm just faking it. Do you think it's possible to fake sth so well, that not even you can decide, if it's real?
Seriously your comment is so relatable. I'm so scared I'm just faking it so well that I actually believe it's true when it's not actually.
i am so glad i found this. i already knew kovu existed but i mean im just considering it really hard. i really wanna go on hrt but like him, im not too good with change and im not "completely" trans, im gender fluid. but i think it would be so much easier being feminine with a more "male" body. though i have just recently had these thoughts. im thinking "aw shit what if i regret it?" but i think everyone thinks that, right? i realy realy want a deeper voice, i want bottom growth... my discomfort isn't as bad as other peoples but that shouldn't matter. everyone is different. also, im worried about what my family will think of me. my mom always calls me her "beautiful little girl" and i feel like if i change my body it'll hurt her... and everyone else... but __i__ want it. but it just feels selfish i guess.
hey if whoever you are read this and you feel the same id love to hear from you. id like to talk to someone similar to me.
Thank you for addressing this! Im going through this atm!
I’m starting T today! I’m 14 I’m so excited!
Hope it went well!
while i do feel really anxious about transitioning, taking hrt and all that jazz, i’m kind of more scared about coming out and transitioning socially?? i want to start transitioning asap but also feel like i need time to think, and i want my family to accept me. i try to make up excuses and tell myself i’m not trans, even though my dysphoria gives me literal panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. i hate it, i wish i wasn’t trans
You can try searching for flat chest subliminals here and start using some to change your chest to start with since it's even done by girls who just want to be flat.
OMFG BRING ME THE HORIZON ILYSM
Damn Kovu, I really have to thank you! I am starting testosterone in less than a week and I was litterally freaking out if it would be the right choice and after watching your video, that really helped me to calm down since it is perfectly normal to be anxious about that. I feel less scared now and actually pretty confidend in becoming the man I have always wanted to be! :) Thanks!
This one really helped me bro. I was afraid of starting HRT and I thought is it normal to feel this way. Your video is life saving.
Im 36 years old about to be 37 and im about to start T for the first time. Ive known ive been male since birth. And for the very first time i am actually afraid. It comes and goes in spurts.
Thank you for this video it gives me more confidence, I am trans non binary and it has been a rough ride with my parents trying to accept me, and I got in a lot of trouble when I cut my hair. My hair was really long like down to my butt long and I chopped it so about my ear (thank god for taking Cosmotaligy during summer) and my parents are slowly trying to acknowledge that I am me and so thank you for being and amazing person and for just being you
thank you so much for making this video, kovu
Lmao this is exactly where I am right now. I live in the UK and finally decided to use private healthcare because I'd been waiting 16 months and felt like I needed to get started. Yesterday I got a response saying I could schedule an appointment with them a few weeks from now. WEEKS! After over a year of waiting this almost felt like short notice and suddenly I'm overcome with a wave of fear and dread and anxiety. I got so used to having nothing happen that I kind of stopped expecting anything to happen, which caused me enough distress to go private but now that I've got the offer in front of me I'm almost reluctant to accept it. Most trans people only really want to talk about how excited they are to start medically transitioning so it's a real comfort to hear someone talk about how they were scared too. I'm going to ask for a later appointment to give myself more time to mentally prepare for it and calm down properly. This video has really helped me to feel like it's okay and normal to be scared. A lot of changes come with transitioning and yeah that's scary! I'm sure I'll feel better once I get there and settle into a new normal and realise it's not a bad thing and hopefully even better (and less dysphoric) than the normal I'm living in now. Thank you for sharing your experience :)
Leon Boorman we are literally in the same place rn
"scared of not recognizing myself", damn i feel this so hard!
Scared to put something into my body which naturally "shouldn't" be there..something that will probably make me go bald cause my brother already is...
Scared it will mess up my organs..scared of the unknown...fuck, nobody should have to make this decision. It's awful.
Hi! Unless your male side of the family has something with organs and testosterone.. you'll be fine
EsLean Oeoe You sure? Noone can know that. Testosterone has a different affect on each body..
@@joel4541 as far as you do the tests you need to do, testosterone wont affect you. Of course it affects everyone in a different way, but that's talking about the changes and the speed they appear. The only disease that testosterone can give you is a genetic illness that runs in the men of your family, for example hypertension, but it wont mess up your organs unless you don't treat them as any normal disease.
@@esleanoeoe9922 I'm really worried about needing a Hysterectomy. Not all trans dudes need to get it done, but some do and i do not want to be one of them. And in that case it's one or the other, take it out or stop T.
@@joel4541 Pretty sure you'll have it only if you had pre existing diseases in there, like polyquistic disease
I'm just about the start T and feeling a lot of these things right now. Made me feel much more at ease to know others feel the same!
thank u so much! this helped me kinda calm down and know that it’s normal to think this way..I wasn’t doubting or anything but I was getting kinda scared bc it’s happening so fast now and my mind just went crazy
I just scheduled my first appointment with the UCSF gender clinic in March. Holy crap. I'm terrified. I'm scared that because I have so much anxiety, I might not want to transition. This video helped a lot, thanks.
Thank you so much for this. I start t tomorrow and was really freaking out but this made me feel so much better.
Hope it went well:)
Watching these videos really helps so much. Thank you... Really, thank you.
i'm starting t in about 5 weeks. i'm really excited about it, but i guess the fear of the unknown is scary. idk i feel confident in my choice regardless. i want a deeper voice and my growth plates haven't fused yet, so i'm excited at the possibility of getting taller. regardless of what i want in the future, i know taking t will make me feel a lot more comfortable in myself, and that's ultimately what matters most to me.
This is exactly what i needed and the question feels like they just took my thoughts from my brain. I really want T and I love all the changes I will bring me, but I'm scared that I wont feel like me anymore with how my voice will sound different. i like the other changes and I do want a deeper voice 100%, but I'm scared it will get TOO deep or that I just wont sound the same, even though I've watched and listened to so many other peoples timelines on how their voice changed. I keep on going back and forth to 100% to 50% on board and it scares me. I think maybe that I should wait but it makes me sad to think about having to wait even longer while still having this voice/body. i want to do micro doses for this reason so if I regret it I wouldn't have changed too much. but either way I hope to get T this year or the next!
Kovu thank you so much for all of your videos. You always seem to help me feel confident in myself and to calm my overthinking. Remember to do what’s best for you and love yourself as much as we love you :) 💕💕
Thank you so much for this video, no one else has spoke about this. I start hrt tomorrow and now I can’t really sleep cause I’m conflicted but this made me feel better
im 15 and ive identified as a trans masc person for a little over a year and ive identified within the trans umbrella for almost 2 years now. before i wasnt thinking about it so much but within the past few months especially as i talk about my future transitioning is something i really want to do. i think my biggest concern is my family treating me different. obviously i want to be seen as a boy but what if they start treating me as a different person. some of my family members know im trans even though i havent really talked to them about it directly yet. im worried when i start to actually bring it up things will get awkward or maybe they wont change at all. and also in order for things to actually change i would need all my family members i closely interact with to respect my pronouns and gender identity but im afraid that wont be possible for some of them and it will ruin everything. growing up my life was kinda all over the place because of my parents situation and only recently things started to be kinda ok and i dont want that to get messed up because of me actually talking to them about my transness
I'm just gonna say THANK YOU Kovu, I needed this.
Happy birthday kovu!
Thank you so much!😃
It’s like this was made for me. Thank you so much
I haven’t watched your videos in so long your voice is sooo deep now
Thank you for this video. I've just requested to be seen by gendercare in order to be prescribed testosterone and I'm starting to get anxious about it. Some of my family members have suggested that if I'm anxious I must not be 100% sure so I should hold off. But I've been "holding off" for almost a year and my feeling of being certain about wanting it hasn't changed in that time. It's just that now it's close to becoming a reality of actually starting T the fears are creeping in. Not that I'm scared of regretting it because I'm as sure as I can be that it's the right choice. But more that there are a lot of unknowns. Everyone's body reacts differently to hormones so there really is no certainty on what will happen at what point, and that for me is a bit scary. Thanks for acknowledging that it's OK to be scared 😊
I felt that way about having surgury to go flat chested so I overcame it by starting with using flat chest subliminald from here to begin changing my chest to be more like a boy's chest.I'm doing that because I miss being able to go swimming and wear summer clothing like I used to as a kid.
I needed this, been feeling like maybe I’m not really trans but deep down I know I am. So thank you
Love and Peace! Thanks Kovu for all you do!!
this video was much needed, thank you
I havent watched you in a very long time and DANG your voice changed
you’re incredible, i needed this so much
I'm getting finally my endocrinologist appointment next month. After waiting for 5 years. I am really really excited to finally start t, I cannot wait to not wanna 💀 Everytime I hear my voice or look in the mirror. I have 0 doubts that this is what I need and want because dysphoria for me is unbearable and has had detrimental consequences on my life, specially because I am a bit older than when most people start t. My fear doesn't come from "am I going to regret this" because I know the answer is no. My fear comes from 2 main things: what is my family and coworkers gonna think? I'm not out to anyone except my parents and friends because I have always been around environments hostile to trans people. I'm scared of how am I going to be treated when they notice the changes. My mother is supportive of my identity but she has never really been too happy about the idea of me taking hrt and I'm scared she'll say hurtful things to me. I'm an adult so she cannot stop me but I don't like to feel guilty. 2. I'm scared that my body will not change. I'm scared that even taking t I'll still look like a female because that to me would be the biggest disappointment ever. I'm very afraid of needles so until now I always thought I would go for gel but now I'm really not sure because I want changes and I want them fast. I don't wanna be 1 year on testosterone and still look and sound like a chick but I also am extremely afraid of having to put a needle in my body myself.
This is so great. I met my new therapist who might help me in the future with this sort of thing but after I just got worried I wouldnt be ‘trans enough’ for hrt
Thank you for making me understand. Also, great haircut.
I thought I was super ready but my 18th birthdays coming up and that's when im gonna start t and suddenly I feel so anxious I feel sick, what if it turns out I'm not trans and i only realize once its changed everything, or what if it ruins my singing voice, I know I'm a man I just ughh its so scary but i cant handle looking in the mirror and seeing this
Ik this video is old but it has really helped, thank you
i needed this so much, thank you. i have my first t shot tomorrow and am having some doubts
Thankyou for this, I needed to hear this. Question. How long does one wait to pursue HRT or even binding? I've been questioning my gender for a few months now but I feel so scared to pursue any change because what if it's just a phase? I see so many youtubers who've waited years and years and years before they started binding/HRT/packing, gotten surgery, etc. Right now waiting years feels so so so unbearable even tho I'm not entirely sure about my gender and who I am. Legit makes me internally panic at the thought. I understand it's not smart to move super fast when making these life changing decisions. And at the same time, I really want to start pursuing these things. I'm on my own so it's not like I have parents who need to be on board for the process either. I feel like I'm waiting on society to approve whether I should pursue changes or not and I hate that cuz everyone's experience is different... and just because some people have waited years to start pursuing change, does that also mean I have to wait that long too?
This is just from my personal experience, but I have yet to start HRT, so I cant say much about that, but BINDERS!! Are not permanent, theyre a piece of clothing which you can take off absolutely whenever, i used to never go out, and at school, id wear big hoodies, slouched, crossed my arms, felt super uncomfortable with my chest in general, though, at the time I thought thats just how puberty was or something, if I had to wear anything that showed my chest, I just could not one bit. I recomend getting a binder from gc2b, thats what i started with and thats what i still use, its been a little over a year, and I love them, cant leave the house without them, I have 3 now, I can actually dress how I want and move how I want, though it is super super important to have a fitting one thats comfortable. Also, binders, hrt, top surgery, haircuts, everything thats thought of as an ftm transition, they are genuinely just tools, if binding will make you feel better, then bind! If you want HRT, then go for it, you dont NEED to do any of these things, though they are definitely the narrative thats pushed this stuff usually helps alleviate dysphoria, but thats the entire point, to alleviate dysphoria, you dont need to be like every other ftm
I felt the same before starting T! It's okay. :)
This made me feel better as im starting T this week so i have been extremely anxious but this video definitely made me feel better
Thank you this made me feel normal and helped a lot :)
I know about the hair thing, but it really does look good!
HRT saved my life! I have never felt better, I got all the estrogen organs out of my body (double mastectomy and hysto with both ovaries removed) I was not worried in the least bit to start T. I've been more level-headed, and I feel so much better in my own body. Like it's how I needed to be from the start. The only bummer is I started later in life, so no voice changes, or the back hair rug that my boyfriend is astounded about (he's jealous actually) so now our inside joke is that I have more back and chest hair than he does lol... :)
thank you very much for the video... I texted you too so I needed this video so damn much! Thank you so much Kovu! 💙 You help me a lot
I love your hair! It looks so *fluffy* -
I have my appointment in 4 days and I’ve been anxious. A friend sent me this video and god it was so relieving. I don’t want to become a MAN. I want to keep my scrawny.
Omg I reeaaaalllyyy needed to see this. 🙃 thank you.
thank you for sharing it helps to hear your story
my biggest issue is that the unsupportive ppl in my life have planted so many doubts since I came out. I've even tried being cis and going back to my old name bc being cis would be easier, but it always ends up upsetting me.
I'm happier as Max, pronounwise I've always flipflopped between they, he/they, or just "he". Sometimes I've thought that my dysphoria isn't that bad, but then something happens like my stepmom making me take pictures with "bridesmaid" written across my back which ruined that whole day for me. Moms brought up my SA saying that I'm only this way bc of trauma, even tho I'm pretty dang sure I've been like this my whole life, and there were "signs" long before I found out what transgender was
Idk, just doubts that I'm not really this way, mostly bc of things my mom has said. I've tried combating that with "well even if I detransition, I've always prefered being masculine so I think I'd be happy even as a physically masculine woman"
I have a lot of voice dysphoria, and then this part is kind of funny but I love having body hair and I tend to relate it to wanting to be a werewolf as a little kid, which isn't necessarily a serious comparison but it's a funny one. I love what body hair I do have, and tho I'm worried about the inconvenience of butt hair I'd love more belly hair and other body hair. And ik I'll be very hairy, my dad is a good reference since I look similar to him
thank you for this - starting T is so hard
My parents are just waiting for me to change my mind and ive been asking them if i could go to therapy for 2 years now but nothing is happening and my dysphoria is getting even worse ://