My friends! Are you signed up to receive my (free) email newsletter? I don't write them too often, but it's the best way to stay in touch in-between videos and other content 🙂 You can sign up here: grumblefarm.myflodesk.com/email-signup
Spoken and handled like a true warrior. Strength comes from being both hard and soft, and only in the moments where we feel scared do we have the opportunity to be courageous. So much love and respect for you 🩷❤️🧡🩵
That's so true - reminds me of a Brene Brown quote: you can choose courage, or you can choose comfort - you cannot have both. I love that you mentioned strength coming from being both hard and soft, too. Reminds me so much of my other "brand" that I've been secretly developing in the background, Gritty Gracious - my handle before Grumble Farm. I thought of it like 15 years ago after reading The Fire Starter sessions by Danielle LaPorte, where she mentioned getting gritty and gracious "all in one breath" as a way to describe what it takes to cultivate the courage to do hard and scary things. I used the "gritty & gracious" metaphor the entire time I was going through cancer - I love the duality of the two words and how they intertwine, both opposing and complimenting each other in a very masculine/feminine way. Reminds me to flow like water - both so soft, and so strong at the same time. Thank you, as always for watching Donna - so much good stuff coming up too! ❤💙🧡
You absolutely have the personality to shine through the crud of the internet. Your videos are very uplifting. Youre personality alone could light up the darkest corners of the earth. Your description of your depression and being stuck in a rut, sounds EXACTLY 100000% of what im going through. Some days its hard to get out of bed... sorry ibgot derailed in my thought while typing this, because i got really intuned with what youre saying.
I love reading your comments - I still have a few that I plan to respond to! Man, depression seriously comes FLYING around a blind corner sometimes and hits you like a ton of bricks, doesn’t it? Kinda feels like trudging through quickly drying cement or something. Everything feels dull and one-dimensional and listless. It’s so hard to convince yourself that there’s a reason for any of this each day which is so sad because we only get this one short life (at least this version of it) and I know I’m wasting away all of these precious moments, but I literally don’t know how to snap out of it when it happens. It’s also so easy to hide it when we have to sometimes, which makes it even worse because the people around us don’t know we’re struggling and a lot of the time we don’t know how to ask for help. Some days are better than others for sure - I feel ya! I really do ❤️
We love you and every single thing that you share. I know that’s not enough but please know how much we appreciate you. You have an extended family with us and you can’t get rid of us now. I know you will figure it out and we will support you every step of the way ❤
Thank you so much Lisa!! After writing the “letter to myself”, sitting down to film and share this video kinda unlocked a level of “it is now time to share whatever I want, whenever I want” in the name of releasing all expectations and instead, simply showing up as all different parts of myself. Over the past few days Jesse and I had so much fun filming a few vlogs and videos together that I can’t wait to share but I’m also so excited to continue filming, talking, chatting, sharing… and telling all sorts of crazy stories too 😈
Thank you again for sharing your authentic self. The letter to yourself was perfect. I hope it continues to inspire and encourage you. Hopefully your audience will grow. Those of us who know are here for the duration. Love to you and Jesse! ❤
Ahhhhh thank you!!! I printed it off and taped it up on my office window so I didn't forget about my divine "instructions" 🙂 I grew a little audience on Insta by pouring all of myself into that app, so here's hoping the same will happen now that I'm re-focusing my creative energies over here instead. Let's gooooooo!!! (and thank you for watching and listening to this 🥹)
It sure felt like it! It was such a cool experience ✨ I printed and taped the letter up on my office window to re-read every morning, just so I don't forget the connection it felt like I had for a fleeting moment...
Wow, Brandy! You never fail to elicit an emotional response from with your raw honesty. I love all that you share. This life isn't all rainbows and glitter. it's a lot of sh*t and struggle bus riding. I've done kind of what you did with the letter quite a few times. I'm not as eloquent as you though. Sometimes I have to just puke it out on paper to make anything make sense. For a stranger I've never met but have watched do her life for hours and hours on end (jeez that sounds stalker crazy,) you are important, and you are loved and appreciated. I am honored to be coming along as you continue to share and move sideways, forwards, backward, sideways, but always enjoying the journey.
Such is the bizarre nature of TH-cam 😂 the whole parasocial relationship thing is wild to me (both ways) but I feel like for the most part I’ve actually made tangible connections through my sharing, so… less weird I think haha I mean come on, I have oven mitts from you in my kitchen drawer?! LOL. But yeah - 99.9% of my journal entries and “morning pages” are complete and total word vomit too, I have BINS full of notebooks and journals and diaries from over the years and I swear when I die, if anyone goes through them they’re going to be like “what the heck is this bish even going on about 🤨🧐” but the process of doing it is sooooo clarifying (most of the time!) HAHA the way you described my journey at the end there reminds me of that 1950’s era artwork “Relativity” by M.C. Escher 😂🤣🤪
@@grumblefarm I had to look up Relativity. That is such a cool piece of art. I never know which plane of existence I'm on from day to day, things seem so random at times. It's nice knowing the oven mitts have a place, since your calendars, postcards and stickers adorn my home.
Yeah!! I don’t know too much about art history or anything but some just work their way into pop culture and end up being brought to my attention (case in point: I learned about Relativity from a silly Family Guy scene hahahaha). I love that we each have a little piece of eachother’s thoughts/energy in our homes, that’s the cutest thing ever 🥰
Thank you so much for sharing and being so honest and open about it. My fiancée was able to relate and follow along as she too had suffered from depression. Stay strong and keep going! Share your story, it deserves to be heard!
It's honestly so comforting to hear someone else talk about depression, when you are feeling depressed or know what depression feels like. I'm soooo thankful that my "episodes" don't really ever last toooooo too long, even though when I am going through them, it feels like it's going to last for eternity. The downside is I never know when it's going to hit 👀 Anyway, from one sometimes depresso gal to another, tell you finance I said hello!! Hahaha
@@grumblefarm I have learned that by talking and sharing your experiences with depression and anxiety, that helps a bunch. You are so brave and an inspiration to have gone through so much adversity and hardship. She really appreciates and likes your content, we always watch it together and she says Hi back! 😊
Loved seeing you come out on the other side!! It’s like a rebirth or it will be as you finally get to share your story. Hope you know how much we love you and believe in you and all you have inside to share. Love to the girlie goos, you and Jesse…and Jonie always ♥️🧡🦋🖤💙
In a weird way, I kinda love how we will always only be a small core group of us who hold JoneJone close to our hearts, no matter how "big" Grumble Farm or this TH-cam channel or anything grows over the next however many years. He's like our collective sweet little personal memory, only for the OG peeps. 🥹 I'm actually kind of excited to start digging into the cancer stuff. I went through it during a time when TikTok or Reels didn't exist yet, and sharing "personal journey" content on social media wasn't quite the norm, yet. I SOOOOO wish I would have been creating TH-cam videos or vlogs back then to document everything that happened because wholey crap it was a wild ride (I saw a shaman in the Balinese jungle ahaahahaha it was epic) - but now I can reflect on it all in hindsight rather than while going through it first-hand. I also have some kinda crazy mental health stories that I can't wait to share, and the pugs are involved in these weird and magical ways, and it's just a generally fantastical journey all around lol. I'm so excited, THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE FOR THE RIDE KAREN (& John by proxy I'm sure! haha)
It's strange to feel like you're completely alone when asking the question "WHY am I here?!" when it has to be one of the most common and universal human experiences ever ❤
Love this Brandy and love you. So sorry for your struggles and heart ache. I unfortunately understand depression and I hope this new direction will help give you new purpose and focus. Sending love and support from FL and can’t WAIT to see what MAGIC you create sharing your story!
Ooouufff, it hits ya when you’re least expecting it and it’s so incredibly difficult to shake off! It’s the yuckiest feeling. Thankfully I’m feeling much better after the catharsis of journaling, honing in on gratitude practices, sitting down in front of the camera to film and then edit these videos, and maybe…. maaaaaybe a rum & eggnog or two 👀
I love how open and honest you are. takes a lot of courage to be so open and brave. I can honestly say ive never had an Instagram account. I can totally see as to why you'd have one. Your beauty, your incredibly sincere, open, down to earth, PERFECT HUMAN self would use insfagram. I hope you keep the videos coming. Who you are has drawn me in. I csn relate to soo much of what you're saying in this video.... maybe make a snowman. But turns out people can get upset when you put the carrot on the bottom boulder rather than the top for a nose. Nothing wrong with an anatomically correct snowman.... oh BTW beware of the facebook marketplace scam.... someone's selling a snowmans arm (elbow included for free even) when mine arrived it was just a stick.... hehe. Have you heard of a group of female models that all have tattoo's and piercings. Their name is suicidegirls. Theyre very beautiful woman, much like you. That have tattoo's and have their pictures taken to model fkr them. Maybe that would be something for you, i mean youre very beautiful. The only thing about the pictures is that it doesnt have the live video to capture who yoinare on the inside. And who you are on the inside if given the chance will capture anyone that actually sits down and watches and listens to how authentic and hmmm.... infatuated? Trying to think of the proper word. But either way, loved the video it was like a breath of fresh air. You definitely havw a talent for being infront of the camera and it would do the world a great disservice if you were to stop making videos. I hope you pull through the seasonal depression, if you ever need someone to chst with, im here for you. Sometimes its easier to talk to a stranger that genuinely cares than it is to someone you know really well. You can email me here if you ever need someone to talk to. I judt created an alias for my email address so i wasnt posting my actual email. Its doobydoobydoo@duck.com im reachable at that email address in case you need someone that really does care and can relate to almost everything youre going through. Not all of it. But surprisingly a heck of a lot is the same as what i am dealing with as well. Or have dealt with and am still here sober and ready to learn and help each other.
omfg I am a vintage OG Suicide Girl 😂🤣 Definitely a part of my past and not one I’m ashamed of but I’ve definitely evolved beyond that chapter for sure haha. You wouldn’t even recognize me on there, I promise 💀 It was before I even had any tattoos LOL
@grumblefarm id have to check it out. I hope you're aware of just how amazingly beautiful you are ! How easy it is to talk to you, honestly watching and listening to you on TH-cam brightens my day up. Due to relatively recent events I still continue to struggle some days even finding a reason to get my butt outta bed. I was engaged and my ex fell heavily into hard drugs and I held on for as long as I could to try and help pull her out the hole she was digging deeper and deeper into. It ended up taking a huge toll on my mental health seeing someone I cared about so much go down such a self destructive path. I guess I can't really say "self destructive" because it destroyed mine and hers relationship, her relationship with her 3 kids which now all live with their dad's. But I had to take a step away from all of that because i was torturing myself and just allowing her to use me and then put me back on the shelf when she had gotten what she needed which could range from a place to stay for a few nights, to food, water, a safe environment where she knew she didn't need to offer me anything more than who she is to be around me. She also has borderline personality disorder mixed with the drugs made things a lot tougher. But when you care about someone you care about all of them their "bad" and their good. But I've been separated from her for about 1.5yrs or so. Which in part brings me back around to you and your videos. I admire how you seem so soft spoken, kind hearted, how outgoing you are. To be honest you seem like a big sweetheart. I'm the kind of reserved, shy at first and then will open up. You have the personality that has the ability to push through all those walls I have built up. You don't try to or even want to, it's just I don't know, something extra-ordinary, extraordinary. Kind of like when 2 water droplets pass eachother and they get close enough and they just connect.
I hope you know how proud I am of you for writing that letter and of you. Your story needs to be heard because it does have a happy ending now because you are alive and survived cancer, Chloe’s death and Jonas’s death and you have more happy days to come Hugs. You know how I feel about the vlogs. Have a wonderful week in the snow with Jesse and the girls
I do know, Rachel 🥹 And you know what... reading what you just said back to myself, you're right - there isn't just one happy ending, there are multiple. And there will be many more happy endings, too - not just one! MULTIPLE! 🥰 Hope you have a great week with Princess Lola too!
Aside from feeling a little ✨depresso✨ since being home, I am LOVING filming and vlogging with Jesse again 🥹 We've been having so much fun and have so many hilarious couple-y videos coming up that I'm so excited for you to watch hahaha.
I'm.only half way through ur video ..and still very interested...just had a thought , u should write a fiction novel ....u seem very creative...I think u would be a great author. ...I love suspence / thriller books 🫣🤔🙀😉
Oooooh very interesting 👀 I’ve never even played around with the idea of writing something nonfiction before! I really want to write a memoir but there’s TONS from that I could put a spin on as a starting point for creativity that’s for sure haha. Speaking of suspense/thrillers, do you have any favs?! I love reading them too!
@@One_of_a_kind_crochet WHOLEY CRAP I discovered her on Kindle unlimited and went through a huge phase a little while ago where I was binging almost all of her books, it was so addicting 😆
Really?! That’s so exciting!! Yeah her stories are oddly super addicting, she has quite a following for it! I really liked The Inmate, and Never Lie was pretty good too. I figured you were probably into crocheting from your TH-cam handle haha! I’ve never tried it but I always thought it looked like the coziest, most comforting hobby 🥰
Ah Brandy, another video that struck a chord or few. The loss and lack of purpose, the seasonal depression, the anxiety, so happy you have received a direction and directions because i know even pointed in a direction, without directions can end sitting in bed until you have to pee. 😅 your letter had me crying. Haven't heard back from my fingers on my keyboard. But, Friday I am visiting a breeder who is closing after Christmas due to her health issues. She is getting rid of her 4 yr old adults pugs 3 of them and 3 puppies . A friend was going to pick up a puppy for someone else and bring home another adult for himself. Asked if i wanted to go,(he has gotten 4 from her before and only had minor health issues that are normal for any dog.) So i said going to get one but now i am in a total panic. Should i? Should i get 1 or 2 or not go. Thoughts?
Sitting in bed until you have to pee, how true is this 😅 Oh my gosh. Okay, the puggy thing! I feel like the advice around this is similar to trying to decide whether or not to have children - it's like, we know it's a HUGE commitment, and that it's very expensive and that there will be plenty of stress and inevitable heartbreak involved, and sacrifices and compromises too... it's how I felt about Chloe when the opportunity to adopt her was handed to me on a silver platter, and it's how I felt about Fern and Ivy when I first saw their re-homing ad pop up on my phone, too. The panic is COMPLETELY justified - I know it well! But the thing is, just like with kids, there's sort of "no right time", to a degree - if you commit, the panic will evolve into excitement, and excitement to joy, and joy to deep, steady love. I believe that you deserve the love and companionship right now, Lisa. If it weren't for Fern and Ivy, my own depression would be pulling me down into a much deeper pit of despair lately. And what a perfect time of year for a rescue mission - Christmas, the dark season - it might just be the best decision you'll ever make! You are such a reflective and deeply intuitive person and I know both you (and Jimmie) will make the decision that feels right for you (spoiler alert - there are no wrong decisions 😉) LOVE YOU - keep me updated and let me know if you need any help!
My friends! Are you signed up to receive my (free) email newsletter? I don't write them too often, but it's the best way to stay in touch in-between videos and other content 🙂 You can sign up here: grumblefarm.myflodesk.com/email-signup
Spoken and handled like a true warrior. Strength comes from being both hard and soft, and only in the moments where we feel scared do we have the opportunity to be courageous. So much love and respect for you 🩷❤️🧡🩵
That's so true - reminds me of a Brene Brown quote: you can choose courage, or you can choose comfort - you cannot have both. I love that you mentioned strength coming from being both hard and soft, too. Reminds me so much of my other "brand" that I've been secretly developing in the background, Gritty Gracious - my handle before Grumble Farm. I thought of it like 15 years ago after reading The Fire Starter sessions by Danielle LaPorte, where she mentioned getting gritty and gracious "all in one breath" as a way to describe what it takes to cultivate the courage to do hard and scary things. I used the "gritty & gracious" metaphor the entire time I was going through cancer - I love the duality of the two words and how they intertwine, both opposing and complimenting each other in a very masculine/feminine way. Reminds me to flow like water - both so soft, and so strong at the same time. Thank you, as always for watching Donna - so much good stuff coming up too! ❤💙🧡
@@grumblefarm looking forward to being in 2025 and seeing all it has to offer us 🩵🧡❤️🩷
You absolutely have the personality to shine through the crud of the internet. Your videos are very uplifting. Youre personality alone could light up the darkest corners of the earth.
Your description of your depression and being stuck in a rut, sounds EXACTLY 100000% of what im going through. Some days its hard to get out of bed... sorry ibgot derailed in my thought while typing this, because i got really intuned with what youre saying.
I love reading your comments - I still have a few that I plan to respond to! Man, depression seriously comes FLYING around a blind corner sometimes and hits you like a ton of bricks, doesn’t it? Kinda feels like trudging through quickly drying cement or something. Everything feels dull and one-dimensional and listless. It’s so hard to convince yourself that there’s a reason for any of this each day which is so sad because we only get this one short life (at least this version of it) and I know I’m wasting away all of these precious moments, but I literally don’t know how to snap out of it when it happens. It’s also so easy to hide it when we have to sometimes, which makes it even worse because the people around us don’t know we’re struggling and a lot of the time we don’t know how to ask for help. Some days are better than others for sure - I feel ya! I really do ❤️
We love you and every single thing that you share. I know that’s not enough but please know how much we appreciate you. You have an extended family with us and you can’t get rid of us now. I know you will figure it out and we will support you every step of the way ❤
Thank you so much Lisa!! After writing the “letter to myself”, sitting down to film and share this video kinda unlocked a level of “it is now time to share whatever I want, whenever I want” in the name of releasing all expectations and instead, simply showing up as all different parts of myself. Over the past few days Jesse and I had so much fun filming a few vlogs and videos together that I can’t wait to share but I’m also so excited to continue filming, talking, chatting, sharing… and telling all sorts of crazy stories too 😈
Thank you again for sharing your authentic self. The letter to yourself was perfect. I hope it continues to inspire and encourage you. Hopefully your audience will grow. Those of us who know are here for the duration. Love to you and Jesse! ❤
Ahhhhh thank you!!! I printed it off and taped it up on my office window so I didn't forget about my divine "instructions" 🙂 I grew a little audience on Insta by pouring all of myself into that app, so here's hoping the same will happen now that I'm re-focusing my creative energies over here instead. Let's gooooooo!!! (and thank you for watching and listening to this 🥹)
Strike is over , they go back on Tuesday :)
YES I HEARD!!!!! 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Wow this was so amazing and powerful! I truly believe God has spoken to you. Thank you for sharing.❤
It sure felt like it! It was such a cool experience ✨ I printed and taped the letter up on my office window to re-read every morning, just so I don't forget the connection it felt like I had for a fleeting moment...
This makes me so happy. I teared up. This is so powerful!
Wow, Brandy! You never fail to elicit an emotional response from with your raw honesty. I love all that you share. This life isn't all rainbows and glitter. it's a lot of sh*t and struggle bus riding. I've done kind of what you did with the letter quite a few times. I'm not as eloquent as you though. Sometimes I have to just puke it out on paper to make anything make sense. For a stranger I've never met but have watched do her life for hours and hours on end (jeez that sounds stalker crazy,) you are important, and you are loved and appreciated. I am honored to be coming along as you continue to share and move sideways, forwards, backward, sideways, but always enjoying the journey.
Such is the bizarre nature of TH-cam 😂 the whole parasocial relationship thing is wild to me (both ways) but I feel like for the most part I’ve actually made tangible connections through my sharing, so… less weird I think haha I mean come on, I have oven mitts from you in my kitchen drawer?! LOL. But yeah - 99.9% of my journal entries and “morning pages” are complete and total word vomit too, I have BINS full of notebooks and journals and diaries from over the years and I swear when I die, if anyone goes through them they’re going to be like “what the heck is this bish even going on about 🤨🧐” but the process of doing it is sooooo clarifying (most of the time!) HAHA the way you described my journey at the end there reminds me of that 1950’s era artwork “Relativity” by M.C. Escher 😂🤣🤪
@@grumblefarm I had to look up Relativity. That is such a cool piece of art. I never know which plane of existence I'm on from day to day, things seem so random at times. It's nice knowing the oven mitts have a place, since your calendars, postcards and stickers adorn my home.
Yeah!! I don’t know too much about art history or anything but some just work their way into pop culture and end up being brought to my attention (case in point: I learned about Relativity from a silly Family Guy scene hahahaha). I love that we each have a little piece of eachother’s thoughts/energy in our homes, that’s the cutest thing ever 🥰
Thank you so much for sharing and being so honest and open about it. My fiancée was able to relate and follow along as she too had suffered from depression. Stay strong and keep going! Share your story, it deserves to be heard!
It's honestly so comforting to hear someone else talk about depression, when you are feeling depressed or know what depression feels like. I'm soooo thankful that my "episodes" don't really ever last toooooo too long, even though when I am going through them, it feels like it's going to last for eternity. The downside is I never know when it's going to hit 👀 Anyway, from one sometimes depresso gal to another, tell you finance I said hello!! Hahaha
@@grumblefarm I have learned that by talking and sharing your experiences with depression and anxiety, that helps a bunch. You are so brave and an inspiration to have gone through so much adversity and hardship. She really appreciates and likes your content, we always watch it together and she says Hi back! 😊
Loved seeing you come out on the other side!! It’s like a rebirth or it will be as you finally get to share your story. Hope you know how much we love you and believe in you and all you have inside to share. Love to the girlie goos, you and Jesse…and Jonie always ♥️🧡🦋🖤💙
In a weird way, I kinda love how we will always only be a small core group of us who hold JoneJone close to our hearts, no matter how "big" Grumble Farm or this TH-cam channel or anything grows over the next however many years. He's like our collective sweet little personal memory, only for the OG peeps. 🥹 I'm actually kind of excited to start digging into the cancer stuff. I went through it during a time when TikTok or Reels didn't exist yet, and sharing "personal journey" content on social media wasn't quite the norm, yet. I SOOOOO wish I would have been creating TH-cam videos or vlogs back then to document everything that happened because wholey crap it was a wild ride (I saw a shaman in the Balinese jungle ahaahahaha it was epic) - but now I can reflect on it all in hindsight rather than while going through it first-hand. I also have some kinda crazy mental health stories that I can't wait to share, and the pugs are involved in these weird and magical ways, and it's just a generally fantastical journey all around lol. I'm so excited, THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE FOR THE RIDE KAREN (& John by proxy I'm sure! haha)
Your videos are wonderful. Sharing your life and feelings takes alot. We all ask why are we here. Keep going.
It's strange to feel like you're completely alone when asking the question "WHY am I here?!" when it has to be one of the most common and universal human experiences ever ❤
Love this Brandy and love you. So sorry for your struggles and heart ache. I unfortunately understand depression and I hope this new direction will help give you new purpose and focus. Sending love and support from FL and can’t WAIT to see what MAGIC you create sharing your story!
Ooouufff, it hits ya when you’re least expecting it and it’s so incredibly difficult to shake off! It’s the yuckiest feeling. Thankfully I’m feeling much better after the catharsis of journaling, honing in on gratitude practices, sitting down in front of the camera to film and then edit these videos, and maybe…. maaaaaybe a rum & eggnog or two 👀
I love how open and honest you are. takes a lot of courage to be so open and brave. I can honestly say ive never had an Instagram account. I can totally see as to why you'd have one. Your beauty, your incredibly sincere, open, down to earth, PERFECT HUMAN self would use insfagram. I hope you keep the videos coming. Who you are has drawn me in. I csn relate to soo much of what you're saying in this video.... maybe make a snowman. But turns out people can get upset when you put the carrot on the bottom boulder rather than the top for a nose. Nothing wrong with an anatomically correct snowman.... oh BTW beware of the facebook marketplace scam.... someone's selling a snowmans arm (elbow included for free even) when mine arrived it was just a stick.... hehe.
Have you heard of a group of female models that all have tattoo's and piercings. Their name is suicidegirls. Theyre very beautiful woman, much like you. That have tattoo's and have their pictures taken to model fkr them. Maybe that would be something for you, i mean youre very beautiful. The only thing about the pictures is that it doesnt have the live video to capture who yoinare on the inside. And who you are on the inside if given the chance will capture anyone that actually sits down and watches and listens to how authentic and hmmm.... infatuated? Trying to think of the proper word. But either way, loved the video it was like a breath of fresh air. You definitely havw a talent for being infront of the camera and it would do the world a great disservice if you were to stop making videos.
I hope you pull through the seasonal depression, if you ever need someone to chst with, im here for you. Sometimes its easier to talk to a stranger that genuinely cares than it is to someone you know really well. You can email me here if you ever need someone to talk to. I judt created an alias for my email address so i wasnt posting my actual email. Its doobydoobydoo@duck.com im reachable at that email address in case you need someone that really does care and can relate to almost everything youre going through. Not all of it. But surprisingly a heck of a lot is the same as what i am dealing with as well. Or have dealt with and am still here sober and ready to learn and help each other.
omfg I am a vintage OG Suicide Girl 😂🤣 Definitely a part of my past and not one I’m ashamed of but I’ve definitely evolved beyond that chapter for sure haha. You wouldn’t even recognize me on there, I promise 💀 It was before I even had any tattoos LOL
@grumblefarm id have to check it out. I hope you're aware of just how amazingly beautiful you are ! How easy it is to talk to you, honestly watching and listening to you on TH-cam brightens my day up. Due to relatively recent events I still continue to struggle some days even finding a reason to get my butt outta bed. I was engaged and my ex fell heavily into hard drugs and I held on for as long as I could to try and help pull her out the hole she was digging deeper and deeper into. It ended up taking a huge toll on my mental health seeing someone I cared about so much go down such a self destructive path. I guess I can't really say "self destructive" because it destroyed mine and hers relationship, her relationship with her 3 kids which now all live with their dad's. But I had to take a step away from all of that because i was torturing myself and just allowing her to use me and then put me back on the shelf when she had gotten what she needed which could range from a place to stay for a few nights, to food, water, a safe environment where she knew she didn't need to offer me anything more than who she is to be around me. She also has borderline personality disorder mixed with the drugs made things a lot tougher. But when you care about someone you care about all of them their "bad" and their good. But I've been separated from her for about 1.5yrs or so.
Which in part brings me back around to you and your videos. I admire how you seem so soft spoken, kind hearted, how outgoing you are. To be honest you seem like a big sweetheart. I'm the kind of reserved, shy at first and then will open up. You have the personality that has the ability to push through all those walls I have built up. You don't try to or even want to, it's just I don't know, something extra-ordinary, extraordinary. Kind of like when 2 water droplets pass eachother and they get close enough and they just connect.
I hope you know how proud I am of you for writing that letter and of you. Your story needs to be heard because it does have a happy ending now because you are alive and survived cancer, Chloe’s death and Jonas’s death and you have more happy days to come Hugs. You know how I feel about the vlogs. Have a wonderful week in the snow with Jesse and the girls
I do know, Rachel 🥹 And you know what... reading what you just said back to myself, you're right - there isn't just one happy ending, there are multiple. And there will be many more happy endings, too - not just one! MULTIPLE! 🥰 Hope you have a great week with Princess Lola too!
You two are such a cute couple! So adorable!
Aside from feeling a little ✨depresso✨ since being home, I am LOVING filming and vlogging with Jesse again 🥹 We've been having so much fun and have so many hilarious couple-y videos coming up that I'm so excited for you to watch hahaha.
Thank you for this video ❤
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Your vlog really helped me and is giving me hope. I’m looking forward to being a part of your journey. Hug the Pugs for me.
🥹 Thank you so much Yvaine 🙏🏼💙❤️🧡
I'm.only half way through ur video ..and still very interested...just had a thought , u should write a fiction novel ....u seem very creative...I think u would be a great author. ...I love suspence / thriller books 🫣🤔🙀😉
Oooooh very interesting 👀 I’ve never even played around with the idea of writing something nonfiction before! I really want to write a memoir but there’s TONS from that I could put a spin on as a starting point for creativity that’s for sure haha. Speaking of suspense/thrillers, do you have any favs?! I love reading them too!
@grumblefarm give it a try !!! Write a few ideas down , or write a page or 2 ..see how it goes .....I LOVE freida mcfadden
@@One_of_a_kind_crochet WHOLEY CRAP I discovered her on Kindle unlimited and went through a huge phase a little while ago where I was binging almost all of her books, it was so addicting 😆
@@grumblefarm she's got a new one coming out in January !! ..im reading brain damage right now, and I also crochet :)
Really?! That’s so exciting!! Yeah her stories are oddly super addicting, she has quite a following for it! I really liked The Inmate, and Never Lie was pretty good too. I figured you were probably into crocheting from your TH-cam handle haha! I’ve never tried it but I always thought it looked like the coziest, most comforting hobby 🥰
Ah Brandy, another video that struck a chord or few. The loss and lack of purpose, the seasonal depression, the anxiety, so happy you have received a direction and directions because i know even pointed in a direction, without directions can end sitting in bed until you have to pee. 😅 your letter had me crying. Haven't heard back from my fingers on my keyboard. But, Friday I am visiting a breeder who is closing after Christmas due to her health issues. She is getting rid of her 4 yr old adults pugs 3 of them and 3 puppies . A friend was going to pick up a puppy for someone else and bring home another adult for himself. Asked if i wanted to go,(he has gotten 4 from her before and only had minor health issues that are normal for any dog.) So i said going to get one but now i am in a total panic. Should i? Should i get 1 or 2 or not go. Thoughts?
Sitting in bed until you have to pee, how true is this 😅 Oh my gosh. Okay, the puggy thing! I feel like the advice around this is similar to trying to decide whether or not to have children - it's like, we know it's a HUGE commitment, and that it's very expensive and that there will be plenty of stress and inevitable heartbreak involved, and sacrifices and compromises too... it's how I felt about Chloe when the opportunity to adopt her was handed to me on a silver platter, and it's how I felt about Fern and Ivy when I first saw their re-homing ad pop up on my phone, too. The panic is COMPLETELY justified - I know it well! But the thing is, just like with kids, there's sort of "no right time", to a degree - if you commit, the panic will evolve into excitement, and excitement to joy, and joy to deep, steady love. I believe that you deserve the love and companionship right now, Lisa. If it weren't for Fern and Ivy, my own depression would be pulling me down into a much deeper pit of despair lately. And what a perfect time of year for a rescue mission - Christmas, the dark season - it might just be the best decision you'll ever make! You are such a reflective and deeply intuitive person and I know both you (and Jimmie) will make the decision that feels right for you (spoiler alert - there are no wrong decisions 😉) LOVE YOU - keep me updated and let me know if you need any help!