Lately I just try to be direct. However, my mom being a little personality disorder will complain that I'm being grumpy 😅 small price to pay to keep a call under ten minutes.
Great tips . Thank you . ☺ I have used : So sorry but I have things/shopping/visiting to do .A bit rude but I know this person he doesn't take hints or listen when I am polite . I also try to tell someone in the beginning of a conversation if I have to be somewhere at a specific time .
I always tell whoever stops by & I don't want to listen to the person talk, I always let them know I am just getting ready to leave & I'll be back in a little bit.
The few friends I have, and I, are introverts. So if we're on the phone and either of us want to end the conversation, it's completely acceptable to say, "I'm done talking now."
I love this I'm a introvers and it makes going to see people impossible. And they guilt trip or say act normal. I just get so stressed and they think I'm a good listen, which I am, but i don't want to listen for more than an 1 or 2. I'm tired of being polite
Great video! I am an RN who has worked in a large, busy hospital for over fourteen years. I work on a busy, cardiac floor during the day and have found out a trick to get out of a patients room quickly if needed if they just keep chatting. Where I work all the staff carry work phones that have buttons on the side of it to change the volume of the ringtone so if you already have the volume up and hit the up button it just makes the phone ring as if someone is calling you. If I'm in a patients room for awhile and they just keep chatting on and on I will slowly put my hand in my pocket where the phone is and push the volume up button on it in intervals of few seconds apart and it sounds exactly like someone is calling me. I then will take the phone out of my pocket, turn it on as if to answer it and say into the phone, "This is so and so, can I help you? Oh, you need me now? Ok." I hang up and to the person, "I'm sorry I have to go." I then leave and do whatever else I need to do. Or, if I'm talking to someone in a room and they can't see into the hallway, and they just keep talking. I look out into the hallway as if someone is trying to get my attention. I will even put my pointer finger up in the air toward the hallway as if to tell someone to give me a minute, I then tell the person in the room with me that I'm sorry but I have to go. I know I'm lying put I'm just trying to get what I need to done. I have to make sure I prioritize appropriately. I try to give all my patients at least some individualized attention but some just want you to with them all day, and I could have someone in the very next bed who is so much more sick that I need to tend to. I love my job and my patients. Thank you for sharing! ; )
This is great! Especially for those phone conversations. I love the broken record method for sure. I mean, I REALLY like all the suggestions but I've often dealt with people who don't get the hint. Thank you! I will implement these suggestions and definitely get back. With that said, I used to have a friend (like I said used to) who consistently talked, and talked, and talked and talked. She talked so much it often felt like I was playing double dutch just to jump in the conversation. I'm a great listener but often was left out of sharing with her in conversations because whenever I tried to share about my life, she'd cut me off and tell me she's not finished and then she'd continue to talk about herself, never once asking about me. Because I'm so polite, I'd allow her to finish, hearing ALL about her life and not sharing any of my own. I take full responsibility for allowing that to to happen. Then once when I took control and during an in person conversation, told her about things going on with me, guess what, she cut me off, and told me she had to go and complete what she was doing hahahahahahahaha. It was then that it hit me like a ton of bricks, she only wants to talk about herself. Had I made that conversation about her, she would have had all the time in the world. As much as I like her as a person, I cannot be in a friendship where I have to put myself on the back burner. I have only once spoken to her very briefly since our in person conversation and that wass about ten years ago. I wish things could have turned out better but now I have great friends who actively share with me, as well as me sharing with them.
I find that, if you put your hand on their forearm & say 'Oh! Whats the time?' In a sudden manner, the person suddenly becomes aware of time passing & you can say 'Oh I have to be somewhere, I must go', but usually the person themselves will say, 'Oh gosh, its later than I thought' and leave anyway.
Excellent! Thank goodness for Caller I. D. Depending if I want to take the time for a long conversation, or not, here’s what I say when a chatty friend calls me: I either tell her at the beginning of the call or when I’m weary of listening; “how happy I am to hear from her! I have about 10, 20, 30 minutes to talk (however long I want to talk) before I have to leave for an appt, or get back to work, etc.”. If she says she can call me back, (me knowing the next call will be a 2 hr marathon) I tell her kindly, “no, I love talking with you, just have to watch the clock”. When I tell her I have to go, she keeps talking, so you’re broken record ending is perfect, Julie!! I love your TH-cam channel advice! Thank you!!
Another great way is mentioning the persons name, followed by a short pause and then make your statement. For instance: "Julia..................I really enjoy talking to you but I just have to go now etc." I found this one very effective.
To a certain person who I knew well and didn't like and who talked about herself all the time, I just said "Ok", turned around and walked away. This person was perplexed, but she never complained about me and kept trying to talk to me. I just said "Ok" every time, turned around and walked away. My job was to ignore the guilty conscience and to tell me it was for my protection and against someone without empathy.
@@juliakristinamah Maybe not. I guess she didn't want to admit her assaults to herself. Or she doesn't care. Or she felt guilty and tried again. I found out that she was a malignant narcissist. Such people have no sense of distance and decency.
this was great! I’ve had salespeople come to the house and just talk without looking you in the face (my guess is so they don’t have to feel guilty about it or to purposely miss those gestures/cues?) and don’t allow you a word in edgewise. I put my hand out, touch their forearm gently and quickly and say, “I’m sorry to be rude and interrupt you, but to respect your time as well as my own I need to stop you. I am not interested but I thank you for the time you have spent in coming over to share this with me. I hope you have a great day. You take care and be safe. Thanks again. Bye.” They’re usually in so much shock that they have nothing more to say than to say “bye” back. It’s worked every. single. time.
Thanks Julia they're all really good ways of trying to cue the person that you need to get going. Anyways, I wanted to share what bothers me a lot about some conversations. It is when you're talking with someone and they're going on and on about themselves and then when there's space I interject something such as yes I understand what you're saying and then you're going to say something about yourself and after you do they go right back to themselves again. In other words they have no interest in what's going on with you. They just want to keep the conversation about their world. And they don't ask any questions when you say something. they don't want to understand anything about you. So I'm not that forgiving or gentle when that starts to happen in a conversation. I just normally say you know, we've been having this conversation and I notice any time I say anything you don't have any interest about it, you just want to keep talking to about yourself. and then we go from there. Those are conversations that I dislike with a passion. Thanks
Good for you for being assertive. I think sometimes it's unintentional and an unhelpful habit that some people have - others, it's obliviousness and self-absorption. Regardless, it's absolutely okay to say "Thanks for telling me about you, I'd like to tell you about me now, okay?"
This topic is a little more important than one might think. All manner of ending conversations are very useful to have. It's all preparation for the day when someone thinks they have the authority to keep you in a conversation; on a day when you really can't afford the time and might be in the unenviable position of escalating emotionally with that person.
Omg I needed this, I work in a co-op in a small town and we have a few crazy locals that just talk to talk, they ask obvious questions just to start talking to you.
In situations of working with patients/clients: as soon as I get a minute to insert, I say “do you have anymore questions before I go (you go)?” As soon as they say “no,” then I immediately follow up saying “okay, take care.” If I came to them, it’s a nice departure. If they came to my office, it’s a gentle lead to end contact. In family/social situations: I usually learn what their plans afterwards or for the day during our conversation. I say “I’ll let you go, so you can get moving on...” They usually day “okay.” I immediately follow up with “good bye..take care...”
I have one person who is hard to get off the phone To be honest, she has told me the I have been abrupt when hanging up. These tips would not work for her. I have tried it, and her response is, " Oh, I have to tell you one more thing." I just tell her I have to go, and I hang up.
Once again, excellent talk. I’ve had trouble with how to tactfully respond to offense when setting boundaries in a generalized way (not directed at any one individual). This talk gave me some ideas to use in the future. You’re a talented therapist and I wish you continued success.
Omg i love this thank you SO SO MUCH! There are these 2 people who i will literally hide when i see them coming along the road. And if they "catch" you it's like ok get comfortable because you are not gonna be able to move for like the next 6 hours. I'm actually a little bit looking forward to trying these skills out now!!!
Hi Kristina. I just wanted to thank you for putting these videos together. Some really great pieces of advice on how to deal with people. I also found them really helpful in a lot of emotional struggles after a break up. Big thumbs up!
Great advice. There are a few people that I socialize with that, as a friend put, you don't have a conversation with them, you just listen to them talk. Good topics but it often takes too much time. Sometimes I feel like a tea kettle where as time goes by I am getting close to my boiling point. Usually I will just say "Nice talking to you but I have to go" and politely say bye and skedaddle out. When I really have to leave I will bluntly tell them I have an appt that I need to make it too and say I would like to continue to conversation later. There are a couple of people where I just have to leave because even as I am leaving they will follow me and keep talking the whole time. Yeah, I need to work more on those skills because I am concerned that someday I will really offend them when they really have something important to say.
I use body language by turning my body away from them towards the exit and glancing at my watch on occasion in addition to some of the things you mentioned. :) When we have guests that are lingering a bit longer than we would like, we just start working our way towards the door and eventually are just standing at the door talking. If they still don't get the hint, I place my hand on the door knob. haha It works every time. ;)
Thank you so much! I look forward to trying it out. My question is: Sometimes I’m unsure of when to get out of the conversation. Is timing important or is whenever I’m done and want out is the right time to end?
Sometimes when I’m on the phone with someone I’ll say, “I just want to tell you one more thing and then I’ll let you go because I know your busy.” it makes them feel I’m doing them a favor.
Sometimes I like to use a bit of humor, and especially if I know someone. Phrases I use: “I love speaking to you, but let’s catch up later when I finish my work/chores/project.” (Only use of this is true. Haha) The one you use for your mom, I do the same for mine, and some friends.
I sometimes say "it's great to see you and I hate to cut you short because I'd love to stay catch up more, but I really gotta run. I've got alot I need to get done."
I had a co worker who would come by my office and take up 10 to 15 minutes of my time most every morning. Another co worker would call my phone and pretend to tell me that I had a meeting to go to. Unfortunately, we tried this too many times with her and she caught on. Should probably only use this one sparingly.
Julia Kristina I Loved the last one which is what I am going to use the next time I am on the phone with someone who is taking up too much of my time by talking & that is, oh, look at the time I need to get ready to leave for my appointment but I will call you back later so we can talk then 😊
Hi Julia, thanks so much for sharing these tips. I hope they will come in handy next time I find myself in one of these situations. Very useful insight. All the best!
Thank you! Really helpful. Do you suggest the same when speaking to your boss? Especially one that keeps talking and talking about non work topics before you are leaving for the day.
Thanks a lot Julia. I watch all your videos and have learned from many of them but this one addresses a problem I face often but have not had strategies to handle (without being a jerk). This is really helpful.
Learned this trick many years ago, but when on a cell phone call that you can't get out of, start talking a sentence and half-way through your sentence, hang up, while you are still talking. The person on the other end will think that the call was dropped, because who ends a call in the middle of a sentence? It's a last resort for me, but sometimes you've just got to go.
@@MsJT2222 I disagree. I think the epitome of rudeness is telling someone that you need to get off the phone and they keep on talking because they're so self absorbed that they think their time is more important than yours.
The advice in these videos is so great. I know you've done a video on self sabotage but could you go deeper into it because I am one of those people who keeps myself stuck, broke, depressed and in a miserable job. I know exactly what I want but I won't allow myself to do it or have it. I won't allow myself to have anything good or nice or special.
Ughh thank you so much! I have a phone call with this guy later and he always wants to talk for hours!! He told me that he likes me a few weeks ago, and even before that I always dreaded our conversations, but he's a close family friends, so i cant just tell him to fuck off😂 He just doesn't get the hint, that I like talking to him, but only for an hour every 2 or 3 months. And we literally talked for over an hour 3 weeks ago. I have zero interest in this conversation, so I'll try to get out of it after 45 mins using this😅
One of my other favorites I will use when on the phone is I need to go to the bathroom & I also am going to eat so I will call you back when I am done eating.
I have a hard time with social ques so ty for this video I will try some of these and see how they work. P.S. I didn't know the nod and inhale thing meant someone wanted to say something. That's good to know for the future lol.
Good ideas. But, WHY do I feel so angry with people who can take a ton of my time telling me their problems but could not care less about me? From family to friends. Only have a single friend besides my husband who cares.
Thank you Julia, your videos are excellent. The advice you give is very helpful. What about the long winded phone talker that doesn't let you talk? I extract myself as gently as possible and then I tend to pull away completely from these types as I come away feeling assaulted and very annoyed by the behavior. Arrrrrghhhh!!!!!
Hello my online bestie, lol. While you have natural charisma, I like your sense of humor throughout this video, which is a pleasant surprise. I like the broken record technique that people can use by repeating themselves three times in a row for those who love to chat and socialize. Please take care. Happy Mothers Day. God Bless.
A girlfriend of mine used this on me the other day when I just kept talking and I wasn't getting the hint. She just said: "Man, I love talking to you, but this mama's gotta get to bed." It worked great! We were of the phone in 15 seconds ;-) I share a bunch of different verbal strategies that are great for the phone in my Speak and Feel Heard course - have you had a peek at the info on it yet? Here's the link if you haven't: courses.juliakristina.com/speak-and-feel-heard/
I get stuck all the flipping time! I need to not freeze so much and just pull up my bootstraps and be assertive. I think I’ll try the broken record. :)
Unfortunately for me, I tend to attract people who just go on and on and on and on, who don't even stop for breath it seems sometimes. Just as unfortunate, I found that literally backing up and walking away most times is the only thing that works. I have also observed that at least four of these people, whom I know quite well, fit very well into the category of toxic, and even narcicistic. I have a very recent newfound assertiveness with these kinds of people. Beside cutting them mostly out of my life altogether, I realize that their feelings don't really get hurt when I literally walk away from a conversation because they have very little emotional capacity anyway. This is not a callous and cynical practice, it is just knowing how that person works. Even while walking away several of them just keep talking. They really don't even care if I'm listening as long as they have someone they can see that they can talk AT. These people also overwhelmingly tend to be the kind who tell you the same story 10, 50, 1000 times if you let them. I also have stopped indulging that and let them know they have told me this story before. Ironically, I could go on and on. Be kind, but remember to be kind to yourself too.
Hi...I’m probably more on the other side but f this issue. I enjoy talking on the phone. I know that everyone is different in this area. I try not to be offended when people are not interested in talking. I have some add issues...I space out and lose track of time. So I’m going to try using a timer to keep aware of time on the phone. I know friends care about hearing from me, but I need to respect their time.
If Iv'e got to go, I will interrupt suddenly, saying I need to use the toilet. Being in Britain people are slightly shocked at my directness in saying so. Its usually effective. If not I just run off shouting "Bye, gotta go". People can't argue with the need not to wet yourself!
I 'm able to end cell phone conversations like that by explaining that my cell phone gets really hot after 15 mins and my ear starts burning. That works and it's also true
Thanks for the information. Your presentation was mildly amusing but useful. And some of us are still old enough to know what a record is lol. I like the mildest approaches but understand that their will be times when the “Broken record “ approach would be necessary. Anyway gotta go now lol. Thanks again
I'm going to bring this to the attention of my family. We have a relative who shall remain nameless who is a chatterbox and knows it. We all like this person and wouldn't trade him/her for anything but omg!!! I wonder what the Guinness book of records is for talking endlessly at a family meeting is? There's competition afoot!
I have to talk to people on the phone and help them fill in legal forms and it does require guidance but I find that I am repeating myself and they're still talking even when they get it! I cannot do the finger up in the air or the touch, but I will try being really clear ''I have to get back to my work load now''. I would feel rude repeating the exact same words (broken tap) but I'm wondering if broken tap still works if you repeat almost the same words that have the same meaning. ie, ''I have to get back to my work load now'' and then ''ok, big pile of cases waiting for me and yours is one of them'' and ''going to get going on my cases now, yours included''
If it's someone I don't like talking to me, I just go "mmh..." every 5 secs like 10 times and they stop once they realize I disconnected a few minutes ago. But I only do this with relatives and coworkers I don't like. People I have no choice but to meet occasionally. If it's someone I don't care about that I don't have see, they're not in my circle. If it's someone I DO care about I don't do that cause they could think I don't care what they say.
I do! It's not all that different from other types of anxiety - it's based in uncertainty and a lack of full control and requires that we learn how to quiet our minds and detach from our thoughts to help ease it.
Recently I've had 2 bosses who do this. I feel "trapped" as they just pounce on me at my desk while I'm trying to work. Lately if there is something I need to ask them anyway but is not super-urgent, I save these things at my desk and wait for them to start up a long pointless conversation. Then when they pause a little bit, I pick up the paper or whatever I need to show them and say, "Oh I was going to ask you about this. . ." then they will focus on the work at hand and usually leave. These are people who will change the topic of a conversation 4 times before you have a chance to get a word in edgewise. I'll also just kind of drift my gaze back to my work screen and act like I'm really concentrating on my work.
I only call those "talkers" on the phone when I have a time limit. Like calling my mom when I know my kids are coming home in 15 mins, then saying "oop, the kids are getting off the bus, I gotta run." Another trick is setting the oven timer and then when it goes off, I interject "I need to get dinner ready, we are on a schedule tonight"
Hmmm...how would you apply these if you're at a dinner and the person to your left is talking your ear off with allowing you to interject. You can't say that you've got to go. What you really want to do is to talk with others. Could you say, "I'd love to hear more (which would be a lie, actually), but I would like to talk with other people at the table." Or, what if you're on a walk with someone, half way around the park and that person is going on a tirade/talking without stopping, etc., and you still have a ways to go, it seems to me that I can't very well say that I 'have to go' etc. as suggested. What I end up doing, and not sure that this is entirely right, but I tell him that talking about that subject really brings me down. Can we change the subject? This only works minimally....because the person moves on to another topic, typically.
I just love these videos and I’ll be checking out that link you mentioned. I love all of these techniques. One technique that I’ve used with a couple of ladies who didn’t notice that I was speaking and they rudely interrupted me to say what they wanted to say, I’ve said “excuse me, I’d love to hear your thoughts but I wonder if I might just finish what I’m saying.” I thought this was ok to politely take the conversation back, but one of these ladies told me later she thought I was rude to say that. I was too flabbergasted 😲 to respond. I know what I said was direct but was it rude?
Did it feel rude to you Ruth? You can only take responsibility for your intentions and actions - not someone else's reactions. You can apologize and tell them you weren't intending it to be rude - that you simple wanted to finish what you were saying - but you don't have to.
@@juliakristinamah I think actually it is rude of people to just ramble on & on for more than two or three minutes & not check in with you that it is an appropriate time to talk. So that kinda puts the boot on the other foot.
It sounds most polite to me. Bear in mind that Narcissists sometimes will label what someone is doing as rude in order to make them feel guilty. Just spreading their toxicity wherever they can. Once I was going to catch the bus, which my stepmother knew I had to catch and when going to leave the house, I came across my stepmother & the Vicar standing either side of the front door talking, so that I had to pass between them to get out of the house. I waited politely for several minutes while they chatted on, without pause & they completely ignored me, though clearly aware of my presence, neither giving me an opportunity to speak or moving back a pace so I could exit easily. I really had to leave to get the bus, so eventually I interrupted, saying 'Excuse me.' They ignored that, so I tried again 'Excuse me, I have to get the bus.' They still didn't move so I was forced to brush past them both, which I did as gently as I could. Later I was criticised & told I was rude & that the Vicar was 'so shocked'. Well I had seen the Vicars eyes flicker towards me several times so he knew I was there. How rude of them to ignore me & neither give me opportunity to speak or to use the doorway. What was I meant to do? Stand there quietly waiting for them to finish their conversation at their leisure & miss my bus & wait an hour for the next one, which would mean I could not complete my absolutely essential task in town & get back to the bus station in time to get the last bus home, which would mean a 15 mile walk, taking hours, in the dark, largely on roads with no pedestrian footpath? In other words I would have to risk my life. When things like this happen, it's the other people who are being rude. They are also playing power games. My stepmother & the Vicar assumed that they were of a higher status than me & that therefore anything I had to say or do could be ignored as of no importance at all & it didn't matter how long they kept me waiting. They were treating me as a second class citizen. I have since come across others who block doorways. When people continue standing there, although they are clearly aware that you need to come in or out of the doorway, they are simply being rude. A polite person steps aside. If you say excuse me & they still stand there then unless they are blind & deaf, you know they are are determined to cause trouble. Often they are Narcissists looking for an opportunity to label someone as rude, simply to make them feel guilty. In transactional analysis terms they are giving you the shit brown trading stamp. I have even noticed that these people will, upon seeing someone approaching (& I have noticed they will usually stare at your face, so you know they know they have seen you), quite deliberately step into their path. When you see that you know its a Narcissist out to get you, although they may be a total stranger. I reserve the right to brush past people who do that. I will be sure to do so in a manner that ensures they will not be harmed, but I'm not going to miss my bus for them. (Having said that, you do need to be aware that pickpockets do that too.) If they make a great fuss when you brush past them, despite your having been very careful to be extremely gentle & even if you have barely touched the cuff of their coat, then that confirms their Narcissism. I do not stop to apologise to such people.
Great tips, but I get stuck with talkers in my family’s many, many bridal and baby showers, so much that I dread going. The same people want to talk my ear off or ask me personal questions for up to an hour or more. After a few minutes, what I want is to leave the conversation...but I don’t have “something to do” or “no time to chat right now.” I don’t know how to break off graciously and go to another corner of the room without being followed. Any ideas for this? It’s exhausting for my introverted self. I go to only a few showers a year because of it. :/
At work my collegues are using an expression from an animation, we all watch. It is funny. But it has a little dry taste. It sounds like: Lady, I am gone! and they just leave. It sounds funny, because it brings in the amusement of the animation, so you can only smile. But after being often used, it looses its effect, and it also hints a little “I don’t care”-ness. But it is very effective if someone is sharing something negative, and they expect you to engage, and you would rather stay in a neutral zone, or just pass the ball around. So you don’t want to lie and agree, but you do not want to bring an opposing argument. So you throw in this expression: Well, I don’t know...Lady, I am gone! Actually the lady appelative makes it slightly polite, because you don’t say: I am out, bitches! which would throw off some people, but saying Lady brings up the people and than sits them down. Sometimes I am using my dear lady, when I want to introduce another idea, or just bring them closer to my ideas, so they feel more confortable. And I recognized something else. Sometimes when a grumpy asks me to do something, but in a very military way, like: Do this, or Go there, I am assertive and helping, and I inspire others to stand up for me. So the grumpy collegue says: Go and bring me this and this and this. And I would not say anything. Another collegue would immediatly add Please at the end. So they would realize they were rude, but they cannot be rude at me, because I am assertive, in the same time, they cannot be angry at the other person neither, because they are right, they know a please at the end of the sentence makes a huge difference, because we are not eachothers slaves. So a few of my collegues are using sort of uplifting quotes from movies: Nobody puts Baby in a corner. This means you don’t control me, I am my own queen. This goes very well with the well-known, highly annoying question: Why? To which if your final answer is: Because I do not want to. You are busted. They need agreement. But with the expression you neutralize their control. So my question is: is it O.K. to use this sort of expressions? They are our very short broken records, but is it O.K. to use them?
Am I being awful because my friend wants to speak on the phone but I feel tired all the time so I would rather speak with her via chat and refuse her all the time? I feel a bit bad because all she wants is to speak with her friend, which is me.. And I can only do that via chat, because otherwise I feel more drained after a call, even though I love her. I am telling her I am tired, so I am not lying, but I feel like it's so often that it makes me feel guilty.. Should I leave it like this or should I make a sacrifice and try to speak with her, even though I am very tired and don't really have much time (I work from 10 till 8+ with 2 hours break and I nap and eat meanwhile)
Hope your mom doesn’t listen lol!! My mom talks non stop and constantly interrupts everyone. Do you have a video on people interrupting??ive even told her about it and she still does it!
I don't have a video on interrupting - but if someone interrupts me and I want to finish what I'm saying I just say "Just wait, I'm not quite done" and then I finish, and when I am done I say "Okay, now, what were you wanting to say?"
If it's someone new, reply to their most recent comment then reach out your hand to handshake "Oh really? That's interesting I'll have to look into that; what was your name again? I have to get going but great meeting you!"
Its hard for me to cutt people off and i work retail i hate when people stand in a line with a coupon book and a cart full of food before i clock out they use this as an excuse so i have to stay longer. Or they will only have 2 items and be rambling at me and making assumptions that im a racist white woman that has a problem with black jewish women. If i tried to politely end the conversation she would continue it with another story. So yeah ive met people like that with a lot to talk about they usually hold up the line and it gets me in trouble. They aren't usually good listenors until you talk about them and agree with them. Its like the only way they will leave is when they get their discount and finish their life story. Never mind me i didnt have a life story lol..
Which one of these are you going to try next time you're in a situation like this?
Lately I just try to be direct. However, my mom being a little personality disorder will complain that I'm being grumpy 😅 small price to pay to keep a call under ten minutes.
Great tips . Thank you . ☺ I have used : So sorry but I have things/shopping/visiting to do .A bit rude but I know this person he doesn't take hints or listen when I am polite . I also try to tell someone in the beginning of a conversation if I have to be somewhere at a specific time .
I always tell whoever stops by & I don't want to listen to the person talk, I always let them know I am just getting ready to leave & I'll be back in a little bit.
@@trinity6764 smart to let them know what you're available for beforehand!
The few friends I have, and I, are introverts. So if we're on the phone and either of us want to end the conversation, it's completely acceptable to say, "I'm done talking now."
I looooovvvvve that! Honest and to the point.
Lmao
😂😂😂😂 i love this. it's like you guys understand each other.
I love this I'm a introvers and it makes going to see people impossible. And they guilt trip or say act normal. I just get so stressed and they think I'm a good listen, which I am, but i don't want to listen for more than an 1 or 2. I'm tired of being polite
Great video! I am an RN who has worked in a large, busy hospital for over fourteen years. I work on a busy, cardiac floor during the day and have found out a trick to get out of a patients room quickly if needed if they just keep chatting. Where I work all the staff carry work phones that have buttons on the side of it to change the volume of the ringtone so if you already have the volume up and hit the up button it just makes the phone ring as if someone is calling you. If I'm in a patients room for awhile and they just keep chatting on and on I will slowly put my hand in my pocket where the phone is and push the volume up button on it in intervals of few seconds apart and it sounds exactly like someone is calling me. I then will take the phone out of my pocket, turn it on as if to answer it and say into the phone, "This is so and so, can I help you? Oh, you need me now? Ok." I hang up and to the person, "I'm sorry I have to go." I then leave and do whatever else I need to do. Or, if I'm talking to someone in a room and they can't see into the hallway, and they just keep talking. I look out into the hallway as if someone is trying to get my attention. I will even put my pointer finger up in the air toward the hallway as if to tell someone to give me a minute, I then tell the person in the room with me that I'm sorry but I have to go. I know I'm lying put I'm just trying to get what I need to done. I have to make sure I prioritize appropriately. I try to give all my patients at least some individualized attention but some just want you to with them all day, and I could have someone in the very next bed who is so much more sick that I need to tend to. I love my job and my patients. Thank you for sharing! ; )
This is great! Especially for those phone conversations. I love the broken record method for sure. I mean, I REALLY like all the suggestions but I've often dealt with people who don't get the hint. Thank you! I will implement these suggestions and definitely get back. With that said, I used to have a friend (like I said used to) who consistently talked, and talked, and talked and talked. She talked so much it often felt like I was playing double dutch just to jump in the conversation. I'm a great listener but often was left out of sharing with her in conversations because whenever I tried to share about my life, she'd cut me off and tell me she's not finished and then she'd continue to talk about herself, never once asking about me. Because I'm so polite, I'd allow her to finish, hearing ALL about her life and not sharing any of my own. I take full responsibility for allowing that to to happen. Then once when I took control and during an in person conversation, told her about things going on with me, guess what, she cut me off, and told me she had to go and complete what she was doing hahahahahahahaha. It was then that it hit me like a ton of bricks, she only wants to talk about herself. Had I made that conversation about her, she would have had all the time in the world. As much as I like her as a person, I cannot be in a friendship where I have to put myself on the back burner. I have only once spoken to her very briefly since our in person conversation and that wass about ten years ago. I wish things could have turned out better but now I have great friends who actively share with me, as well as me sharing with them.
I find that, if you put your hand on their forearm & say 'Oh! Whats the time?' In a sudden manner, the person suddenly becomes aware of time passing & you can say 'Oh I have to be somewhere, I must go', but usually the person themselves will say, 'Oh gosh, its later than I thought' and leave anyway.
That's great! I may have to try that one.
Excellent! Thank goodness for Caller I. D. Depending if I want to take the time for a long conversation, or not, here’s what I say when a chatty friend calls me: I either tell her at the beginning of the call or when I’m weary of listening; “how happy I am to hear from her! I have about 10, 20, 30 minutes to talk (however long I want to talk) before I have to leave for an appt, or get back to work, etc.”. If she says she can call me back, (me knowing the next call will be a 2 hr marathon) I tell her kindly, “no, I love talking with you, just have to watch the clock”. When I tell her I have to go, she keeps talking, so you’re broken record ending is perfect, Julie!! I love your TH-cam channel advice! Thank you!!
This is great - super helpful to let people know how long you have and then wrapping up when that time approaches! Such a good suggestion.
Another great way is mentioning the persons name, followed by a short pause and then make your statement. For instance:
"Julia..................I really enjoy talking to you but I just have to go now etc." I found this one very effective.
To a certain person who I knew well and didn't like and who talked about herself all the time, I just said "Ok", turned around and walked away. This person was perplexed, but she never complained about me and kept trying to talk to me. I just said "Ok" every time, turned around and walked away.
My job was to ignore the guilty conscience and to tell me it was for my protection and against someone without empathy.
That's really interesting - did she ever get the hint?
@@juliakristinamah Maybe not. I guess she didn't want to admit her assaults to herself. Or she doesn't care. Or she felt guilty and tried again. I found out that she was a malignant narcissist. Such people have no sense of distance and decency.
this was great! I’ve had salespeople come to the house and just talk without looking you in the face (my guess is so they don’t have to feel guilty about it or to purposely miss those gestures/cues?) and don’t allow you a word in edgewise. I put my hand out, touch their forearm gently and quickly and say, “I’m sorry to be rude and interrupt you, but to respect your time as well as my own I need to stop you. I am not interested but I thank you for the time you have spent in coming over to share this with me. I hope you have a great day. You take care and be safe. Thanks again. Bye.” They’re usually in so much shock that they have nothing more to say than to say “bye” back. It’s worked every. single. time.
Thanks Julia they're all really good ways of trying to cue the person that you need to get going. Anyways, I wanted to share what bothers me a lot about some conversations. It is when you're talking with someone and they're going on and on about themselves and then when there's space I interject something such as yes I understand what you're saying and then you're going to say something about yourself and after you do they go right back to themselves again. In other words they have no interest in what's going on with you. They just want to keep the conversation about their world. And they don't ask any questions when you say something. they don't want to understand anything about you. So I'm not that forgiving or gentle when that starts to happen in a conversation. I just normally say you know, we've been having this conversation and I notice any time I say anything you don't have any interest about it, you just want to keep talking to about yourself. and then we go from there. Those are conversations that I dislike with a passion. Thanks
Good for you for being assertive. I think sometimes it's unintentional and an unhelpful habit that some people have - others, it's obliviousness and self-absorption. Regardless, it's absolutely okay to say "Thanks for telling me about you, I'd like to tell you about me now, okay?"
I've never thought about this before, but with some of the men I find myself around, mention periods and that gets rid of them.
Lol
Lol 😂
Ha! too funny.
go on sounds interesting =)
This almost always works!
This topic is a little more important than one might think. All manner of ending conversations are very useful to have. It's all preparation for the day when someone thinks they have the authority to keep you in a conversation; on a day when you really can't afford the time and might be in the unenviable position of escalating emotionally with that person.
Omg I needed this, I work in a co-op in a small town and we have a few crazy locals that just talk to talk, they ask obvious questions just to start talking to you.
So thoughtful and brilliant Julia.
In situations of working with patients/clients: as soon as I get a minute to insert, I say “do you have anymore questions before I go (you go)?” As soon as they say “no,” then I immediately follow up saying “okay, take care.” If I came to them, it’s a nice departure. If they came to my office, it’s a gentle lead to end contact.
In family/social situations: I usually learn what their plans afterwards or for the day during our conversation. I say “I’ll let you go, so you can get moving on...” They usually day “okay.” I immediately follow up with “good bye..take care...”
I have one person who is hard to get off the phone To be honest, she has told me the I have been abrupt when hanging up. These tips would not work for her. I have tried it, and her response is, " Oh, I have to tell you one more thing." I just tell her I have to go, and I hang up.
yes, with some people we do need to be a bit more ruthless - especially if they are really not respecting our boundary.
I also go an ring my own doorbell several times.
@@CentsibleLivingWithMoneyMom XD
Centsible Living With Money Mom 😂 love the door bell idea!
It works like a charm.
Once again, excellent talk. I’ve had trouble with how to tactfully respond to offense when setting boundaries in a generalized way (not directed at any one individual). This talk gave me some ideas to use in the future. You’re a talented therapist and I wish you continued success.
Hi Julia. I am looking at some of your older videos. What a great topic idea! I really like your suggestions. :) Thank you for covering this.
Omg i love this thank you SO SO MUCH! There are these 2 people who i will literally hide when i see them coming along the road. And if they "catch" you it's like ok get comfortable because you are not gonna be able to move for like the next 6 hours. I'm actually a little bit looking forward to trying these skills out now!!!
Great video, thanks. I will try your suggestions. Do you have any videos on grief? I will check.
Hi Mj, unfortunately I don't at this time.
@@juliakristinamah That would be great.
Hi Kristina. I just wanted to thank you for putting these videos together. Some really great pieces of advice on how to deal with people. I also found them really helpful in a lot of emotional struggles after a break up. Big thumbs up!
Let's wrap it up
Yup! Simple as that. Love it.
Great advice. There are a few people that I socialize with that, as a friend put, you don't have a conversation with them, you just listen to them talk. Good topics but it often takes too much time. Sometimes I feel like a tea kettle where as time goes by I am getting close to my boiling point. Usually I will just say "Nice talking to you but I have to go" and politely say bye and skedaddle out.
When I really have to leave I will bluntly tell them I have an appt that I need to make it too and say I would like to continue to conversation later. There are a couple of people where I just have to leave because even as I am leaving they will follow me and keep talking the whole time.
Yeah, I need to work more on those skills because I am concerned that someday I will really offend them when they really have something important to say.
Love the broken record. I feel that you have to make your self sound firmer when you have to repeat yourself.
Really glad you found that one useful. Thanks for taking the time to say so!
I use body language by turning my body away from them towards the exit and glancing at my watch on occasion in addition to some of the things you mentioned. :) When we have guests that are lingering a bit longer than we would like, we just start working our way towards the door and eventually are just standing at the door talking. If they still don't get the hint, I place my hand on the door knob. haha It works every time. ;)
Thank you so much! I look forward to trying it out. My question is:
Sometimes I’m unsure of when to get out of the conversation. Is timing important or is whenever I’m done and want out is the right time to end?
I say, when you're done you find a graceful way to exit.
I always felt like the broken record could be taken as being rude, but now I feel a little more empowered 👍.
really glad it connected with you!
I always look for an excuse to leave and use that 🔥🔥🔥
Sometimes when I’m on the phone with someone I’ll say, “I just want to tell you one more thing and then I’ll let you go because I know your busy.” it makes them feel I’m doing them a favor.
Sometimes I like to use a bit of humor, and especially if I know someone.
Phrases I use:
“I love speaking to you, but let’s catch up later when I finish my work/chores/project.” (Only use of this is true. Haha)
The one you use for your mom, I do the same for mine, and some friends.
This is so good! thanks for sharing Charysma.
Julia Kristina Counselling My pleasure. Thank you for all the informative videos. 💖
I sometimes say "it's great to see you and I hate to cut you short because I'd love to stay catch up more, but I really gotta run. I've got alot I need to get done."
This is a great one. Thanks for sharing!
I had a co worker who would come by my office and take up 10 to 15 minutes of my time most every morning. Another co worker would call my phone and pretend to tell me that I had a meeting to go to. Unfortunately, we tried this too many times with her and she caught on. Should probably only use this one sparingly.
Julia Kristina I Loved the last one which is what I am going to use the next time I am on the phone with someone who is taking up too much of my time by talking & that is, oh, look at the time I need to get ready to leave for my appointment but I will call you back later so we can talk then 😊
Hi Julia, thanks so much for sharing these tips. I hope they will come in handy next time I find myself in one of these situations. Very useful insight. All the best!
Really glad you found them helpful - thanks for taking the time to say so!
Thank you! Really helpful. Do you suggest the same when speaking to your boss? Especially one that keeps talking and talking about non work topics before you are leaving for the day.
Is there a reason why you wouldn't?
Thanks Julia
Thanks a lot Julia. I watch all your videos and have learned from many of them but this one addresses a problem I face often but have not had strategies to handle (without being a jerk). This is really helpful.
Really glad it helped Michael.
Your videos are epic... addicted! Thank you!
Aw, thank you! So glad they’re connecting.
Thank you🐦
Learned this trick many years ago, but when on a cell phone call that you can't get out of, start talking a sentence and half-way through your sentence, hang up, while you are still talking. The person on the other end will think that the call was dropped, because who ends a call in the middle of a sentence? It's a last resort for me, but sometimes you've just got to go.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do!
Rene Lewis Epitome of rudeness.
@@MsJT2222 I disagree. I think the epitome of rudeness is telling someone that you need to get off the phone and they keep on talking because they're so self absorbed that they think their time is more important than yours.
The advice in these videos is so great.
I know you've done a video on self sabotage but could you go deeper into it because I am one of those people who keeps myself stuck, broke, depressed and in a miserable job. I know exactly what I want but I won't allow myself to do it or have it. I won't allow myself to have anything good or nice or special.
Ughh thank you so much!
I have a phone call with this guy later and he always wants to talk for hours!!
He told me that he likes me a few weeks ago, and even before that I always dreaded our conversations, but he's a close family friends, so i cant just tell him to fuck off😂
He just doesn't get the hint, that I like talking to him, but only for an hour every 2 or 3 months. And we literally talked for over an hour 3 weeks ago. I have zero interest in this conversation, so I'll try to get out of it after 45 mins using this😅
My husband gets upset with me because I’m famous for not being able to get away from people- even strangers! Thanks for this
I hope this will help Amy! Keep me posted on how it goes.
One of my other favorites I will use when on the phone is I need to go to the bathroom & I also am going to eat so I will call you back when I am done eating.
Or you could say you'll call them back from the bathroom and see what they say.
Julia Kristina Counselling I love it Julia Kristina :)
I have a hard time with social ques so ty for this video I will try some of these and see how they work. P.S. I didn't know the nod and inhale thing meant someone wanted to say something. That's good to know for the future lol.
I like the b&w format. Classy! Great advise thank you.
Awesome 👍 video. I like all your Technique's but the Broken Record is a new one to me.
Such a great video! haven't seen much out there on this topic. Thanks for sharing :)
Great suggestions....i so need this for my nosy surfer neighbor
Oh great! Being assertive with people who are being nosey is so empowering!
Thank you! Love this..!
Great advice! What do you do if your on the opposite end and feel like you don’t know how to end a conversation?
I love “the broken record” technique. I’ll try it
I’ve found myself in conversations I really don’t want to have.
Good ideas. But, WHY do I feel so angry with people who can take a ton of my time telling me their problems but could not care less about me? From family to friends. Only have a single friend besides my husband who cares.
I love her videos, very informative and on point. I would like to know though, why are all her videos grey?
Glad you like them! The colour is just for branding - so it's easy to pick them out in a feed ;-)
Thank you Julia, your videos are excellent. The advice you give is very helpful. What about the long winded phone talker that doesn't let you talk? I extract myself as gently as possible and then I tend to pull away completely from these types as I come away feeling assaulted and very annoyed by the behavior. Arrrrrghhhh!!!!!
I will try the last suggestion
let us know how it goes.
Hello my online bestie, lol. While you have natural charisma, I like your sense of humor throughout this video, which is a pleasant surprise. I like the broken record technique that people can use by repeating themselves three times in a row for those who love to chat and socialize. Please take care. Happy Mothers Day. God Bless.
These are the types of videos I love! Thank you!
Appreciate your feedback - thanks Savannah!
Excellent!
Julia can you please share a similar video about ending conversations over the phone when you can't share nonverbal ques?
A girlfriend of mine used this on me the other day when I just kept talking and I wasn't getting the hint. She just said: "Man, I love talking to you, but this mama's gotta get to bed." It worked great! We were of the phone in 15 seconds ;-)
I share a bunch of different verbal strategies that are great for the phone in my Speak and Feel Heard course - have you had a peek at the info on it yet? Here's the link if you haven't: courses.juliakristina.com/speak-and-feel-heard/
@@juliakristinamah Thank you I will check it out!
I get stuck all the flipping time! I need to not freeze so much and just pull up my bootstraps and be assertive. I think I’ll try the broken record. :)
Let me know how it goes!
Unfortunately for me, I tend to attract people who just go on and on and on and on, who don't even stop for breath it seems sometimes. Just as unfortunate, I found that literally backing up and walking away most times is the only thing that works. I have also observed that at least four of these people, whom I know quite well, fit very well into the category of toxic, and even narcicistic. I have a very recent newfound assertiveness with these kinds of people. Beside cutting them mostly out of my life altogether, I realize that their feelings don't really get hurt when I literally walk away from a conversation because they have very little emotional capacity anyway. This is not a callous and cynical practice, it is just knowing how that person works. Even while walking away several of them just keep talking. They really don't even care if I'm listening as long as they have someone they can see that they can talk AT. These people also overwhelmingly tend to be the kind who tell you the same story 10, 50, 1000 times if you let them. I also have stopped indulging that and let them know they have told me this story before. Ironically, I could go on and on. Be kind, but remember to be kind to yourself too.
I needed this video !
Awesome Sandra - grateful it connected. Feel free to pass it along to anyone who would find it helpful.
Thanks, interesting techniques!
Hi...I’m probably more on the other side but f this issue. I enjoy talking on the phone. I know that everyone is different in this area. I try not to be offended when people are not interested in talking. I have some add issues...I space out and lose track of time. So I’m going to try using a timer to keep aware of time on the phone. I know friends care about hearing from me, but I need to respect their time.
Gayle Buster don't be THAT friend. Record yourself on your phone. Go back and listen to yourself talk.
Kara A Thanks for the suggestion...I’m not sure if I’m “that person “ but don’t want to be.
If Iv'e got to go, I will interrupt suddenly, saying I need to use the toilet. Being in Britain people are slightly shocked at my directness in saying so. Its usually effective. If not I just run off shouting "Bye, gotta go". People can't argue with the need not to wet yourself!
This made me giggle!
nice and informative
3:00 is where the actual tips begin.
I have done broken record with my mom. She still takes a average 3-8 skips on the record player tho 😂 she eventually rushes off too. Great video 👍
Ha! Glad we're on the same page with this one ;-)
Really needed this right now. Thank you :)
Awesome Debra - so glad it connected.
I 'm able to end cell phone conversations like that by explaining that my cell phone gets really hot after 15 mins and my ear starts burning. That works and it's also true
If it's true, then that works!
Thank you, I will do the open moulth and finger lift.. and the broken record.
Thanks for the information. Your presentation was mildly amusing but useful. And some of us are still old enough to know what a record is lol. I like the mildest approaches but understand that their will be times when the “Broken record “ approach would be necessary. Anyway gotta go now lol. Thanks again
I'm going to bring this to the attention of my family. We have a relative who shall remain nameless who is a chatterbox and knows it. We all like this person and wouldn't trade him/her for anything but omg!!! I wonder what the Guinness book of records is for talking endlessly at a family meeting is? There's competition afoot!
I have to talk to people on the phone and help them fill in legal forms and it does require guidance but I find that I am repeating myself and they're still talking even when they get it! I cannot do the finger up in the air or the touch, but I will try being really clear ''I have to get back to my work load now''. I would feel rude repeating the exact same words (broken tap) but I'm wondering if broken tap still works if you repeat almost the same words that have the same meaning. ie, ''I have to get back to my work load now'' and then ''ok, big pile of cases waiting for me and yours is one of them'' and ''going to get going on my cases now, yours included''
If it's someone I don't like talking to me, I just go "mmh..." every 5 secs like 10 times and they stop once they realize I disconnected a few minutes ago. But I only do this with relatives and coworkers I don't like. People I have no choice but to meet occasionally.
If it's someone I don't care about that I don't have see, they're not in my circle. If it's someone I DO care about I don't do that cause they could think I don't care what they say.
I’ve used The Broken Record Julia.
Lol 😂 I'll have to pay more attention! In usually the one chatting away!
Hey Julia just wondering if you knew anything about health anxiety
I do! It's not all that different from other types of anxiety - it's based in uncertainty and a lack of full control and requires that we learn how to quiet our minds and detach from our thoughts to help ease it.
Recently I've had 2 bosses who do this. I feel "trapped" as they just pounce on me at my desk while I'm trying to work. Lately if there is something I need to ask them anyway but is not super-urgent, I save these things at my desk and wait for them to start up a long pointless conversation. Then when they pause a little bit, I pick up the paper or whatever I need to show them and say, "Oh I was going to ask you about this. . ." then they will focus on the work at hand and usually leave. These are people who will change the topic of a conversation 4 times before you have a chance to get a word in edgewise. I'll also just kind of drift my gaze back to my work screen and act like I'm really concentrating on my work.
starts at 3:02
I only call those "talkers" on the phone when I have a time limit. Like calling my mom when I know my kids are coming home in 15 mins, then saying "oop, the kids are getting off the bus, I gotta run." Another trick is setting the oven timer and then when it goes off, I interject "I need to get dinner ready, we are on a schedule tonight"
Hmmm...how would you apply these if you're at a dinner and the person to your left is talking your ear off with allowing you to interject. You can't say that you've got to go. What you really want to do is to talk with others. Could you say, "I'd love to hear more (which would be a lie, actually), but I would like to talk with other people at the table."
Or, what if you're on a walk with someone, half way around the park and that person is going on a tirade/talking without stopping, etc., and you still have a ways to go, it seems to me that I can't very well say that I 'have to go' etc. as suggested. What I end up doing, and not sure that this is entirely right, but I tell him that talking about that subject really brings me down. Can we change the subject? This only works minimally....because the person moves on to another topic, typically.
I just love these videos and I’ll be checking out that link you mentioned.
I love all of these techniques.
One technique that I’ve used with a couple of ladies who didn’t notice that I was speaking and they rudely interrupted me to say what they wanted to say, I’ve said “excuse me, I’d love to hear your thoughts but I wonder if I might just finish what I’m saying.” I thought this was ok to politely take the conversation back, but one of these ladies told me later she thought I was rude to say that. I was too flabbergasted 😲 to respond. I know what I said was direct but was it rude?
Did it feel rude to you Ruth? You can only take responsibility for your intentions and actions - not someone else's reactions. You can apologize and tell them you weren't intending it to be rude - that you simple wanted to finish what you were saying - but you don't have to.
@@juliakristinamah I think actually it is rude of people to just ramble on & on for more than two or three minutes & not check in with you that it is an appropriate time to talk. So that kinda puts the boot on the other foot.
It sounds most polite to me. Bear in mind that Narcissists sometimes will label what someone is doing as rude in order to make them feel guilty. Just spreading their toxicity wherever they can.
Once I was going to catch the bus, which my stepmother knew I had to catch and when going to leave the house, I came across my stepmother & the Vicar standing either side of the front door talking, so that I had to pass between them to get out of the house. I waited politely for several minutes while they chatted on, without pause & they completely ignored me, though clearly aware of my presence, neither giving me an opportunity to speak or moving back a pace so I could exit easily. I really had to leave to get the bus, so eventually I interrupted, saying 'Excuse me.' They ignored that, so I tried again 'Excuse me, I have to get the bus.' They still didn't move so I was forced to brush past them both, which I did as gently as I could.
Later I was criticised & told I was rude & that the Vicar was 'so shocked'. Well I had seen the Vicars eyes flicker towards me several times so he knew I was there. How rude of them to ignore me & neither give me opportunity to speak or to use the doorway. What was I meant to do? Stand there quietly waiting for them to finish their conversation at their leisure & miss my bus & wait an hour for the next one, which would mean I could not complete my absolutely essential task in town & get back to the bus station in time to get the last bus home, which would mean a 15 mile walk, taking hours, in the dark, largely on roads with no pedestrian footpath? In other words I would have to risk my life.
When things like this happen, it's the other people who are being rude. They are also playing power games. My stepmother & the Vicar assumed that they were of a higher status than me & that therefore anything I had to say or do could be ignored as of no importance at all & it didn't matter how long they kept me waiting. They were treating me as a second class citizen.
I have since come across others who block doorways. When people continue standing there, although they are clearly aware that you need to come in or out of the doorway, they are simply being rude. A polite person steps aside. If you say excuse me & they still stand there then unless they are blind & deaf, you know they are are determined to cause trouble. Often they are Narcissists looking for an opportunity to label someone as rude, simply to make them feel guilty. In transactional analysis terms they are giving you the shit brown trading stamp.
I have even noticed that these people will, upon seeing someone approaching (& I have noticed they will usually stare at your face, so you know they know they have seen you), quite deliberately step into their path. When you see that you know its a Narcissist out to get you, although they may be a total stranger.
I reserve the right to brush past people who do that. I will be sure to do so in a manner that ensures they will not be harmed, but I'm not going to miss my bus for them. (Having said that, you do need to be aware that pickpockets do that too.)
If they make a great fuss when you brush past them, despite your having been very careful to be extremely gentle & even if you have barely touched the cuff of their coat, then that confirms their Narcissism. I do not stop to apologise to such people.
Great tips, but I get stuck with talkers in my family’s many, many bridal and baby showers, so much that I dread going. The same people want to talk my ear off or ask me personal questions for up to an hour or more. After a few minutes, what I want is to leave the conversation...but I don’t have “something to do” or “no time to chat right now.” I don’t know how to break off graciously and go to another corner of the room without being followed. Any ideas for this? It’s exhausting for my introverted self. I go to only a few showers a year because of it. :/
At work my collegues are using an expression from an animation, we all watch. It is funny. But it has a little dry taste. It sounds like: Lady, I am gone! and they just leave. It sounds funny, because it brings in the amusement of the animation, so you can only smile. But after being often used, it looses its effect, and it also hints a little “I don’t care”-ness. But it is very effective if someone is sharing something negative, and they expect you to engage, and you would rather stay in a neutral zone, or just pass the ball around. So you don’t want to lie and agree, but you do not want to bring an opposing argument. So you throw in this expression: Well, I don’t know...Lady, I am gone! Actually the lady appelative makes it slightly polite, because you don’t say: I am out, bitches! which would throw off some people, but saying Lady brings up the people and than sits them down. Sometimes I am using my dear lady, when I want to introduce another idea, or just bring them closer to my ideas, so they feel more confortable. And I recognized something else. Sometimes when a grumpy asks me to do something, but in a very military way, like: Do this, or Go there, I am assertive and helping, and I inspire others to stand up for me. So the grumpy collegue says: Go and bring me this and this and this. And I would not say anything. Another collegue would immediatly add Please at the end. So they would realize they were rude, but they cannot be rude at me, because I am assertive, in the same time, they cannot be angry at the other person neither, because they are right, they know a please at the end of the sentence makes a huge difference, because we are not eachothers slaves. So a few of my collegues are using sort of uplifting quotes from movies: Nobody puts Baby in a corner. This means you don’t control me, I am my own queen. This goes very well with the well-known, highly annoying question: Why? To which if your final answer is: Because I do not want to. You are busted. They need agreement. But with the expression you neutralize their control. So my question is: is it O.K. to use this sort of expressions? They are our very short broken records, but is it O.K. to use them?
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Well hey girl hey! Another fantastic video!!!!!
Thanks Brittany! So sweet of you.
I’ve dealt with this Julia with my ex-friend Becky Keena, who I felt would never shut up when I wanted her to and had Diarrhea of the mouth.
My husband says everytime, "Look I'm gonna have to have to let you go now." I cringe a little when he says this..but it seems to work.
Amazing the broken recordx
I also have the opposite problem where people interrupt me ALL THE TIME as though I wasn't even speaking. Is there a video for that?
Am I being awful because my friend wants to speak on the phone but I feel tired all the time so I would rather speak with her via chat and refuse her all the time? I feel a bit bad because all she wants is to speak with her friend, which is me.. And I can only do that via chat, because otherwise I feel more drained after a call, even though I love her. I am telling her I am tired, so I am not lying, but I feel like it's so often that it makes me feel guilty.. Should I leave it like this or should I make a sacrifice and try to speak with her, even though I am very tired and don't really have much time (I work from 10 till 8+ with 2 hours break and I nap and eat meanwhile)
What if im in a Call center , And im trying to End the Convo without Being rude ? Will these Work aswell ? on call ?
So I'm guessing that asking my coworker if she needed something to do wasnt exactly the best way to handle the situation!!! lol.
Hope your mom doesn’t listen lol!! My mom talks non stop and constantly interrupts everyone. Do you have a video on people interrupting??ive even told her about it and she still does it!
I don't have a video on interrupting - but if someone interrupts me and I want to finish what I'm saying I just say "Just wait, I'm not quite done" and then I finish, and when I am done I say "Okay, now, what were you wanting to say?"
My mom does that all the time 😩
I will try the finger one next time I need it.
If it's someone new, reply to their most recent comment then reach out your hand to handshake "Oh really? That's interesting I'll have to look into that; what was your name again? I have to get going but great meeting you!"
Its hard for me to cutt people off and i work retail i hate when people stand in a line with a coupon book and a cart full of food before i clock out they use this as an excuse so i have to stay longer. Or they will only have 2 items and be rambling at me and making assumptions that im a racist white woman that has a problem with black jewish women.
If i tried to politely end the conversation she would continue it with another story. So yeah ive met people like that with a lot to talk about they usually hold up the line and it gets me in trouble. They aren't usually good listenors until you talk about them and agree with them. Its like the only way they will leave is when they get their discount and finish their life story. Never mind me i didnt have a life story lol..