We're not EMPTY. We've been SIPHONED. With time (and narcissism education), we learn that our body is a barometer of truth that we should TRUST. It takes unimaginable abuse and grief to get there but once we're "there", there can be no going back. Trust that there's another "you" waiting for you at the end of the road. She's waiting for you to find her. Peace and strength to all. ❤
Thank you for your words of encouragement. I went no contact with my narcissistic family 14 years ago but they are obsessed with getting into my life and making trouble. I so want to be free of them.
@@MwithieFor all of us. It's a long recovery but I'm proof there's a way out. 25 years in. 4 years out. Took me 3 years to recover enough to "make it". Full recovery, when you've been raised by another Narc, is a life-long endeavor...
As a child when I'd work with my Dad he'd scream and flip out over me turning a screw with a screwdriver. Naturally, I thought there was something wrong with me and that trade work was something that I was just not suited for. Years later, I ended up working as a crane operator at a scrap yard and when my dad came into to scrap I was up in the crane loading a truck and I shouted out the window, "hey dad check that out." He just ignored me and walked to his truck and drove off. It wasn't until my coworker said, "maybe he's jealous" that it started to dawn on me that he's can't handle anyone succeeding on any level without becoming conscious of his emptiness and insecurity. It was a pivotal moment in realizing just how much I was manipulated growing up.
Let me say what he should have yelled for all to hear, “way to go, handling a crane is big serious business!” Proud of you and anyone who can operate those things and keep everyone on the ground safe. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Sounds like my elder sister. Also, the drained or emptiness feeling i had after her talking to me. Note: "had" - past tence. I feel so free without that weight. So many thanks, Dr., for making things clear.
Narcissists blame you for things that aren’t your fault and project their faults onto you which can stress you out so much it makes you feel even worse. All that pressure can mess with your health and make it harder to deal with being sick.
That is so true, I was always told I’m empty, I’m two faced, I’m hypocrite , I’m a cheater, Fake, no empathy, emotionally inferior, slutshamed, insecure etc etc when all these words applied on the person more than on me. But constantly telling me these hurtful words slowly started to make me question myself. Although I know that I’m a huge empath, huge giver, nurturing, caring … As Dr.Ramani says all my good parts were taken as though they are for him to use. Healthy people always made me feel happy, whole and always acknowledged my warmth. But i never got this acknowledgment from that CN person. The person demeaned my good characteristics as “fake” so often so that all these peoples opinions about me felt false to my mind .Always felt “not enough” always felt like I’m constantly trying , depressed, depleted and hollow. As she says I felt soulless.
@@JoyCuratedSoulless is her. Not you. Limit contact. Eventually, you'll start to considering no contact. Being around that person makes you ill. Love yourself. Your intuition. Your heart. Your brain. Your health. They want everything off you. So they destroy you one by one.
This video got me to thinking about the class I took many years ago to be a lifeguard (I flunked because I wasn’t physically able to do it). The first rule they taught us was that you never go into the water to save someone unless you are sure that you will come out again. If you aren’t sure, you let them drown, because at least then there is only one person drowning instead of two. I think the same applies here: You can never fill up the narcissist’s emptiness, but they can drain you. With a healthy person, you can fill each other and save each other.
Yes. My grandfather has a hard time understanding this. However, it's not my responsibility to make him understand. How sad that boomers are not so educated on narcissism. I'm the only one who picked on that dad and stepmom are narcs. I'm not responsible for their pain. They drown so drown alone.
I was so drained I thought I had chronic fatigue syndrome (nope). Started bleeding in between my periods, which was ultimately diagnosed as stress - which he said was all my fault (but was in fact all down to dealing with him!) He told me incessantly that I was depressed, when actually I think he was the one who was depressed and projecting it all on me. It blows my mind just how deep the physiological impacts of these relationships can be.
I had depression before them and it intensified, like he liked me being down. He would also tell me that if I can't control my depression then he shouldn't have to control his anger. I just felt so small and helpless. I kept thinking I was the problem. :( Thankful to have others who understand
That's true. Stepmom and dad are good at it. I'm not one to entertain. Even the enabler doesn't want to give face. So big me and little you always end in a huff, puff and slaming doors.
So true. They act like they have it all together and that you are the crazy one. But they are broken.....void of true feelings for anyone or anything. They cannot see who they really are when they look into the mirror at themselves.
The answer is yes. Feeling sick, tired, and overwhelmed. It’s like a pile of rotten waste thrown on top of you; you can smell it and feel it, yet forced to carry it and keep walking.🙄
Healthy people I can be myself, narcissists it's just the opposite. I'm refusing to take on their negativity. She's trying to convert me into a dark hole.
@@lastmanstanding7780 You're too strong for them. Are you considering no contact? I'm thinking of that. We all need peace, especially you. You deserve to feel relaxed and pick on more positivity. I hope you the best. For your health, and for your life.
My mom was in constant competition with me growing up. She was even the mean girl with a group of my so called friends and started a smear campaign with them against me. I used to love when she was not home. It felt like the calm before the storm of her return.
That's really sad. I can completely understand. My mother too is narsistic and they compete with their daughters. I healed my CPTSD watching " crappy childhood fairy " videos. Hope you heal too!
I turn 40 this year and my mum turns 60. Only recently I discovered her jealousy and that she throws a tantrum whenever I am in the spotlight and she is not. She was great at lifelong playing a role and being dishonest toward me ( my uncle told me the truth some weeks ago). I never, ever saw that coming. She was great at manipulating me, playing the victim, portraying herself as a ( self proclaimed )"angel" person. She financially abused me far too long. I feel drained in her presence, like I am bleeding out. Fatigued. I am free now😊 and the greatest revenge is this: living a happy joyful life, full of love, prosper and satisfactory, keeping her out of it as much as possible. The happier I am, the more it bothers her. 😊😊😊
They always do that. I'm sure narc stepmom will eagerly join my ex-friend's smear campaign if she knew. It's not your fault. You trusted her, thinking she will act like a real mother. But no, she is still in high school mean girl mode and trying to corner you. You need more space to breathe.
Yes. That's my new friends. Loyal, smart, intuitive, empathetic. My ex friends though have narc tendencies. Smear campaign against me, like the first girl. But now, with real friends I'm more aware that it's all just to corner me. And still, those with light entered my life and this kept me alive.
They always expose themselves. Stepmom told me she is a racist and was a mistress. Dad told me that he's hard-headed and faking his personality. All in projection.
OMG its so the truth. I have everyone telling me I need to communicate with my childs mother, but its exactly as you say and its infuriating. Its like being in a crazy house where nothing makes sense.
One situation I would like Dr. Ramani to cover is when the entire in-law family is narcissistic. I’m married into an Indian Punjabi family. My husband’s umbilical cord is still attached to his mother and sisters. It’s not just my husband that I have to feed narcissistic energy to. My MIL and my SILs Notoriously ruined my daily sanity. They operate like a cult. If you dare stand up for your rights or speak up against the abuse, you get completely shut out by all the other family members. It is a torture. It’s sickening to be around a clan of major narcissistic personalities. Dr. Ramini please cover this topic. Thanks.
While I can't fathom what you're going through. I can feel my shoulders tense when I read your story. I am so sorry! I hope you find a way not to loose yourself. I hope you get to survive these horrible people and enjoy your life even with the tiniest light in your life. My heart aches for your loneliness! I pray for your inner peace ❤
When narcissistic behavior meets cultural expectations it's the perfect storm. This channel has several videos about cultural and generational narcissism. May you have the support and mindset to weather this storm. 🕊️
this was my previous boss. i hated being at work bc my boss made me feel like a piece of trash. the last straw was when he called me a narcissist. and then i knew. he just outed himself and i had to leave asap. i got a new job that is better paying and has a healthy work environment where i'm treated with respect and dignity.
Tell tale sign of a narcissist is them calling you a narcissist. I literally asked my therapist to evaluate me for this. She told me I wasn’t a narcissist and if I was it was not the norm for me to ask to be evaluated or take any responsibility for my shortcomings. All of which I did and the narc in my life refused to do! It so damn exhausting dealing with these people.
Everytime this woman uploads around a time where I'm experiencing confusion, it's always confirmation for something I was tinkering on. It's a bittersweet realization of who was actually for me and who wasn't. (╯︵╰,)
This is interesting. I have only just recognised that every time I start a project the narcissist distracts and does her best to make me feel I will fail, (all the while pretending to be supportive). I used to get so confused and blame myself for failing. Now I see the truth I am much more successful.
I once told a narcissistic person, "You're an energy vampire-you drain others until they have nothing left to give. If you don't believe me, Google it." Their response was dismissive: "Okay, go play with your imaginary friend," as if I were the crazy one. I couldn't help but laugh because I knew they'd eventually face the truth. A few years later, they reached out, apologizing and admitting, "You were right."
Brilliant unpacking. It's no coincidence that in a multi-generational, highly narcissistic family that 3 of my 5 siblings have different auto-immune disorders. This projection takes a toll. Thank you and your amazing Team for this wonderful breakdown, Dr. Ramani.
This concept was finally clear for me. Yet I was still looking for the word that would truly express the feeling. Meager. It is precisely it. Hearing you- in this video has closed the circle for me after 10 Years of being with him. Towards the end I kept telling him that his incapacity or insufficient tools to be there for me the way I needed always led to him accusing me of being toxic when I spoke when I told him he was hurting me Or sabotaging us. He made me feel so empty and many times I questioned if I was being to rigid on my standards. I felt gaslit bcus I knew that settling wouldn’t fix anything. Thank you.
It’s sad when you realize your best friend of 30+ years is high in narcissistic traits, that your FOO doesn’t care, that you never stood a chance. A lifetime of being drawn to toxic abusers and staying in contact with my mom has left me exhausted, alone, and sick. I was the caretaker and fixer for others. Now, I have nothing left to give, not even for myself. If you are young and know that your family is abusive, please, please run away as fast as you can. True healing only comes with separation from the abuser. Staying ensures your destruction.
Sometimes I feel resentment. That I spent so much of my time, my life trying and trying to fix this marriage. And thankfully finding out what was actually going on. I can't fix this. Wasted energy essentially. Reading and listening to you and some other therapists, online is such a blessing. To realize this is a very common disorder and others like me, are struggling to figure this relationship out. That all of my symptoms of being involved with this person are validated. A complete mindf*k....but I still have the choice and guidance to get out. Someday hopefully soon...
I called mine My Soul Killer. It felt like he was slowly killing my soul. At the end to save my soul I had to fight and got him to think the divorce was his idea. It worked. If it was always me wanting a divorce he wouldn't allow it.
This is totally what I need to hear. My soul is hungry for soul filling people rather than depleting ones. Finding those safe people and protecting myself. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
I've been watching Dr Ramani's videos for a few years now. Often times she's managed to hit extremely close to home. To the point where she often repeats things I've said to myself in private. But this, this is the first time she's explained EXACTLY to a T what I've been experiencing. To the point now that I don't know how to respond. I'm both relieved and deeply saddened. Because though I've gained true validation for once. It came at the cost of everything else. I can't help but compare this to making a deal with the devil or making a wish with a monkey's paw. Knowing what narcissistic abuse is and how it effects you honestly feels like knowing hell on earth is real.
After growing up as the scapegoat/truth teller in a family(immediate and extended) of narcissists when I was first around healthy people the only way I felt was confused. It took a while to get past that feeling.
It's hard to recognize healthy behavior when all you know is projection. I remember a really sweet couple making me feel seen, heard, and valid. I caught myself feeling disoriented and scared, and I had to work hard to lean into and accept this healthy behavior.
Before i knew what NPD is, i used to tell my therapist that Whenever I'm with my mother, i feel like she is sucking the life out of me. Now that i understand NPD, I see that she probably was sucking the life out of me.
Excellent. Thank you. It is all around us. It absolutely triggers them when you don't give them supply. Happened at work recently. I'm on the other side of healing, and these videos have been a huge help. I am still learning not to take it personally. They are in the negative, not me!
I never really thought about narcissists being able to make you physically ill, but I lived indirect proof of this a couple of weeks ago, when I sent a message to officially break up completely with the person I'd been datng for a few months after a 3-year friendship. I felt my intestines relax all of a sudden and my whole abdomen expand freely as if it'd been liberated from incredible tension. I must say that intellectually I wasn't quite sure about what I was doing, but my body was clearly thanking me as I did it. I'm still shaken from the whole experience, but things are slowly getting better and I'm glad about that.
I was with ex for 2.5 years. There were massive red flags, but the relationship never took a physical toll on my body. I’m thankful I had the opportunity to get out when I did. To those remarkable people fighting the fight still, and to those who have spent years - my heart goes out to you. I want to commend your resilience, incredible strength and the love you feel. My mom was treated terribly in love, I think it contributed to her early passing. I’ve grieved her more in the past 6 months than I have since she passed in 2019. Dr. Ramani, and this wonderful community… listening and reading these comments have been my greatest comfort. So honored to be part of such an incredibly warm, supportive, but honest community. Thank you ALL!
🥺 7:36 Being subconsciously *brainwashed* that I was not only inherently BAD and less than other people but not ALLOWED/qualified to validate my own worth, feelings, or reality made it _impossible_ for me to fill myself for MANY years. 😰 And of course I saw my inability to "just love myself" as yet another source of shame. As if it's that easy when you've been abused! 🤔😤 smh I'm ❤SO GRATEFUL for Dr. Ramani ❤and the other excellent therapists online who not only render these evil spells we've been under VISIBLE 🧐 but also share the PATH TOWARDS *HEALING* for free where anyone can access it. *THANK YOU, Dr. Ramani!!!* 🌈🌿💖😃💖🍀💐
Dr Hare stare the cluster B goes to church to learn how to a better Cluster B . When you understand their inverted thinking the scriptures take on a whole new meaning.
Yes sometimes I get so upset I feel like I’m going to puke. But the everyday pain of fibromyalgia that turned into heart failure a bladder disease. Now I get migraines. So tired I don’t talk to him . I have my daughter to talk to and she has me she’s the only normal person I have in my life . She saved my life when she was born. I only care about her ,my dog , my cat and my self . I don’t try anymore I take care of my self and my daughter. My hair dresser told me once just take care of yourself.
I hope you find love and connection from others soon. You need love and support from more than your daughter. I'm glad you have a cat and a dog. They are always amazing since their love is absolutely unconditional ❤️ I wish you peace sooner than later!
Currently going through a divorce. But I've been separated from my wife for several months, I am finally spending some time with a healthy person as a romantic interest and it is incredible how different it feels to be around somebody like this
4:03 These relationships are 'designed' to leave us feel incompetent, stupid.... Really? I used to think the narcissist did what made him or herself feel better from a toddler sort of level of emotional competence. The word 'design' adds a whole new level of malice to this, like the narcissist is scheming to hurt you rather than just doing what works for them in a pushy stubborn way.
@mistermobile2615 yes. My husband's constant spewing of Venom has caused me numerous health problems. High blood pressure, rashes. Heart palpitations and auto immune disorders. Now that I have filed for divorce after 25 yrs, I feel my body going into self repair mode. With therapy and a good physician, at age 61, I'm going to be ok.
That's exactly how my father was with me right up until my stepbrother murdered him in 1988. I attracted men who were just like him. Staying single now in my senior years.
OMG! THANK YOU FOR THIS! It was exhausting and it was physically and mentally killing me. People would ask why I was always sick? They didn't understand because if I said "Well, my relationship...." Mine would trauma dump and then suck the life out of me for his needs. I'm still unwinding from that abuse.
Frustrated and hopeless: narcissistic element. Good and momentarily hopeful: healthy element. The above speaks to the frustrating inconsistency of this type of relationship.
It's always so amazing how toxic people can make you wanna cry with in 20 mins of time and all you want to do is run then you try to avoid them they tell others your not coming out anymore
It's so true what you said about giving when you're at the top of your game and your cup is full. Been there it took about 4 months for me to become utterly floored and quite frankly become physically sick
YES!!! YES!!! YES!!! My narc spouse has projected onto me many times. At first, I didn't understand, but now I know about projection. The last projection that he threw at me was " you weren't honest about yourself, before we got married!" I stood there in disbelief that he would say that, when I told him EVERYTHING about my self, before we were married. Then, I remembered projection and I had to laugh, because it was truly he who had not been honest before we were married. He "loved bombed" me and fooled me into a marriage with him. But, not too long after the marriage the facade of kindness, caring and charm went away, and I saw the real miserable creature underneath! So, it was he who hid his anger, hostility and narcissistic personality from me, until after we were married! Total projection!
I always noticed that each time I stood firm in my authentic self he would become withdrawn, as if he realized he had no authentic self. Thus he had no way to "fight back".. his words. He seems to believe everything in life is about winning and losing. Sad perspective.
Most certainly, it can. His projections are a way for him to invert my reality and thereby turn me into him. I'm taking my power back by flipping his false narrative and shining the torch right back at him 😂 Now that I'm not in the same space as him, my hearing, eyesight, and hand - eye coordination are improving. I thought I had permanent brain damage as I was over medicating myself on sleep medication while I was still living with him to avoid his chaos creating behavior. Once one is not in a negative environment anymore, it's only natural to start taking proper care of oneself.
Since I went no contact with my narcissisme mom,I can say I feel whole and re born I discover new feelings,just as if I was absent 53 years and now I am allowed to live I truely understand that emptiness in my relationship with her .I am no longer angry or upset I don’t care I just want to live .thanks to D Ramani who opened my eyes and knowlege ,I am out of the prison and now I am free
This was my family and still is even though my mother died 10 years ago. I brought my damaged self into 2 different marriages and raised 3 daughters. Two of them are now narcissistic. It's so sad.
I feel unhappy with myself or like I'm not really being myself. I'm slowly gaining ground. But it's like my mind developed all kinds of wiring for protection. I can eliminate the situations, but that wiring is more hardware than software. I keep running un needed programs. I haven't completely overcome the manipulation, although I understand it better. Understanding it is a good step. My reactions aren't always emotionally appropriate, although other people don't seem to mind me. I do feel very isolated. My health is improving, although age is a factor.
Thank you for this video Dr. Ramani. I often felt depleted when I was with my ex-boyfriend. It felt like he was sucking the life out of me.. slowly but surely. If we were in 'no contact' my energy level would go up. It took me some time to realise how he was provoking arguments every time I felt happy or just peaceful and content.. and how badly this connection was affecting my mental and physical health.
3:23 My grandpa mentioned that my teacher told us both how well I behaved one time. Narc stepmom looked like she was a vulture, seeing another bird eating food they're about to get. I was confused as to why she looked at me that way, until it was because the attention shifted towards me instead of her. Narc dad undermined my accomplishments. Of course, it's been years he made me feel lesser than, "less religious", " less talented", "less smarter". Now, I feel whatever I do, I'll keep doing it to be more successful. I don't need them to be proud of me. It'll never happen. I'll be in peace, happiness and success with people I allow in my life because they are not empty, but full.
True. Even if you treat them nicely, these spawns of hell will still be a big toddler. So what I do is that I ignore them and they hate me for that. Yes, that's what I need. Leave me or I'll leave on my own.
I was whole and content with myself prior to entering the narcissistic relationship. I just finished rehab and I felt like I did the work to self-reflect on how I made wrong choices that led me to that point in my life. I was so excited when I was accepted to pyv and I thought that I was going to have a fresh start from my past narcissistic relationships. I felt like I was going to be valued and accepted for who I was, but living there made me feel meager. The friend I met there felt meager about herself and wanted to date guys, meanwhile I felt content and healed from my past narcissistic relationship. I felt objectified by her because I confided into her about my previous relationship with my ex and I felt like she didn’t disregarded my feelings about entering another relationship. Moreover, when I did get into that narcissistic relationship it felt like she only cared about getting money and food from my boyfriend at the time. She made me feel confused because she seemed caring and empathetic but then became selfish, cruel and did not care about me being isolated me from my friends, family and my support system. Living at peel youth village was the worst mistake of my adult life.
It wasn’t the shelter it was the Vampire that was there feeding off of you. These beings find our darkness amplify it so they can feast off of your pain. When you get better you will realize this but for now they have made you associate pain with a place that was supposed to be safe but you will get through this and live a good life trust in your self and don’t ignore what your body is saying to you.
I’ve been around narcissists my whole life and I’m so deathly afraid that they’ve rubbed off on me. Like how do you not take on any traits when that’s all you know? I’ve always felt off around them but never had the strength or courage to walk away until it was way too unbearable to stand anymore. But deep down I wonder if I keep attracting them because like attracts like.
I found the more empty I got, and the less he could get from me, the more distant, and then rageful he would become. I should add that he did the final discard when I was completely depleted he blamed me for having no more self-esteem and it was now affecting him. Of course it was, because I didn’t have anything for him to siphon from me anymore.
That's why I'm using grey rock, temporarily. I'll leave in 2 years. It's perfect timing, following my situation. Even my narc stepmom still cannot get anything out of me. I avoid, ignore and repeat. And yes, I don't want them to "love" me. Hate me all they want, because nobody likes them either.
I see the nark is going to trash you because you have something they want. Like the nark will trash another couple than to attend to their own personal problems in their own relationship. We are like chum to sharks to them. A nice person healthy person is like day light compares to a black night! Ty Dr Ramani as usual that a ha moment! It’s Not You!
And they sometimes try to be Like you,like copy cats. I am very funny,my Narrsistic husband is not as funny as me,but lately I see he is changing his sence of humor to be more like mine. I think it's so weird. Yes, I am tired and sick of him,and his energy. But I don't have enough money yet to get away. I do have a plan. It will take a bit of time tho 😢
Well thx to Dr R and others. I have adapted and survive well... I know now to live my life ro the fullest and not hope on anything from the narc who happens to be my wife of 30yrs. Thank you Dr. R
Worst thing is they know no other way - they'll drain you to an inch of your life and when you say "stop" theyll call you weak.... Don't get sucked dry by them - it will take more than a spring rain to fill your tank again... Good luck with your recovery....
The whole expectation to be treated with a sensitivity that they do not have for others is really wearisome. But somehow they seem to resent you for it. That you aren’t magically kinder or more caring to them than they are to you.
Thank you for explaining this. Mine passed. I was with him 4.5 years, he got critically ill about a year in. The more care i provided, the more he expected and the rage was surreal and difficult. The insults cut deep. When I wasn't absolutely exhausted (and especially when I WAS exhausted) ...he'd call me names....(idiot, retard, mental) and if I replied, "...and yet I'm still beside you," he'd say...."ohhh people think you're SO nice, but I know who you REALLY are," and I couldn't understand the spiral that would end up with him calling me cruel. When my thought was...I'm still here trying. You just gave this woman some more peace. Thank you. I'm so tired.
Dr Ramani...you are a genius in explaining these things. Thank you for the education you provide us with. Healing from interacting with NPD individuals is a long journey but recovery is fast tracked with your input. Thank you and may you be blessed.
I knew my ex was projecting when he told me I was a bum living at my mom's house but he didn't know I was financially taking care of her. But it was him who felt like bum bc he was not working at his mom's house. It was really eye opening bc I was never say that to him I would never want to put him down like that unprovoked or to get straight attack him period. I would feel bad if I did. That really made me feel like shit.
Sometimes you make it sound like all narcissists are even cognizant enough to have volition or intent... I get the impression that many dont have that level of self-awareness
We're not EMPTY. We've been SIPHONED. With time (and narcissism education), we learn that our body is a barometer of truth that we should TRUST. It takes unimaginable abuse and grief to get there but once we're "there", there can be no going back. Trust that there's another "you" waiting for you at the end of the road. She's waiting for you to find her. Peace and strength to all. ❤
The road is endless, though. For me, at least.
Thank you for your words of encouragement. I went no contact with my narcissistic family 14 years ago but they are obsessed with getting into my life and making trouble. I so want to be free of them.
@@MwithieFor all of us. It's a long recovery but I'm proof there's a way out. 25 years in. 4 years out. Took me 3 years to recover enough to "make it". Full recovery, when you've been raised by another Narc, is a life-long endeavor...
@@christelleny Yes. Thanks for taking the time to write to me. :)
Well said ❤
As a child when I'd work with my Dad he'd scream and flip out over me turning a screw with a screwdriver. Naturally, I thought there was something wrong with me and that trade work was something that I was just not suited for. Years later, I ended up working as a crane operator at a scrap yard and when my dad came into to scrap I was up in the crane loading a truck and I shouted out the window, "hey dad check that out." He just ignored me and walked to his truck and drove off. It wasn't until my coworker said, "maybe he's jealous" that it started to dawn on me that he's can't handle anyone succeeding on any level without becoming conscious of his emptiness and insecurity. It was a pivotal moment in realizing just how much I was manipulated growing up.
Let me say what he should have yelled for all to hear, “way to go, handling a crane is big serious business!” Proud of you and anyone who can operate those things and keep everyone on the ground safe. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
He was totally jealous. My mom’s jealous I’m a nurse. She could never do what I do. Ever
Sounds like my father and Mother.
Bless you tenfold 🙏
Sounds like my elder sister. Also, the drained or emptiness feeling i had after her talking to me. Note: "had" - past tence. I feel so free without that weight. So many thanks, Dr., for making things clear.
I'm so sorry! How sad to have a parent like this who is not in your corner cheering you on.
Narcissists blame you for things that aren’t your fault and project their faults onto you which can stress you out so much it makes you feel even worse. All that pressure can mess with your health and make it harder to deal with being sick.
That is so true, I was always told I’m empty, I’m two faced, I’m hypocrite , I’m a cheater, Fake, no empathy, emotionally inferior, slutshamed, insecure etc etc when all these words applied on the person more than on me. But constantly telling me these hurtful words slowly started to make me question myself. Although I know that I’m a huge empath, huge giver, nurturing, caring … As Dr.Ramani says all my good parts were taken as though they are for him to use. Healthy people always made me feel happy, whole and always acknowledged my warmth. But i never got this acknowledgment from that CN person. The person demeaned my good characteristics as “fake” so often so that all these peoples opinions about me felt false to my mind .Always felt “not enough” always felt like I’m constantly trying , depressed, depleted and hollow. As she says I felt soulless.
I hope you are a long way from that TOXIC environment, you are worthy.@@JoyCurated
@@JoyCuratedSoulless is her. Not you. Limit contact. Eventually, you'll start to considering no contact. Being around that person makes you ill. Love yourself. Your intuition. Your heart. Your brain. Your health. They want everything off you. So they destroy you one by one.
This video got me to thinking about the class I took many years ago to be a lifeguard (I flunked because I wasn’t physically able to do it). The first rule they taught us was that you never go into the water to save someone unless you are sure that you will come out again. If you aren’t sure, you let them drown, because at least then there is only one person drowning instead of two. I think the same applies here: You can never fill up the narcissist’s emptiness, but they can drain you. With a healthy person, you can fill each other and save each other.
What a great analogy.
You SAID it. Amen.
Good point.
Absolutely
Yes. My grandfather has a hard time understanding this. However, it's not my responsibility to make him understand. How sad that boomers are not so educated on narcissism. I'm the only one who picked on that dad and stepmom are narcs. I'm not responsible for their pain. They drown so drown alone.
I was so drained I thought I had chronic fatigue syndrome (nope). Started bleeding in between my periods, which was ultimately diagnosed as stress - which he said was all my fault (but was in fact all down to dealing with him!) He told me incessantly that I was depressed, when actually I think he was the one who was depressed and projecting it all on me. It blows my mind just how deep the physiological impacts of these relationships can be.
I can totally relate to your situation. Mine is very similar. 😢
I hope you both were able to either leave these people and/or find yourselves and strengthen yourselves in the process@annjohnson8437
I had depression before them and it intensified, like he liked me being down. He would also tell me that if I can't control my depression then he shouldn't have to control his anger. I just felt so small and helpless. I kept thinking I was the problem. :( Thankful to have others who understand
I was told I had M.E/CFS too. I also got an early menopause...now I realised all caused by stress of being in a marriage with a narcissist person x
Amazing this is me too. I never put it all together untill tonight. @rebeccaunasultana6128
They have to be large and in charge. Big me and little you is their end game.
The projections aren't true, of course. It is Big me and Little you. Narcissists have some good acting skills.
That's true. Stepmom and dad are good at it. I'm not one to entertain. Even the enabler doesn't want to give face. So big me and little you always end in a huff, puff and slaming doors.
So true. They act like they have it all together and that you are the crazy one. But they are broken.....void of true feelings for anyone or anything. They cannot see who they really are when they look into the mirror at themselves.
The answer is yes. Feeling sick, tired, and overwhelmed. It’s like a pile of rotten waste thrown on top of you; you can smell it and feel it, yet forced to carry it and keep walking.🙄
Yes! I use the description of being vomited on.
Healthy people I can be myself, narcissists it's just the opposite. I'm refusing to take on their negativity. She's trying to convert me into a dark hole.
That is an excellent description
@@lastmanstanding7780 You're too strong for them. Are you considering no contact? I'm thinking of that. We all need peace, especially you. You deserve to feel relaxed and pick on more positivity. I hope you the best. For your health, and for your life.
My mom was in constant competition with me growing up. She was even the mean girl with a group of my so called friends and started a smear campaign with them against me. I used to love when she was not home. It felt like the calm before the storm of her return.
That's really sad. I can completely understand. My mother too is narsistic and they compete with their daughters. I healed my CPTSD watching " crappy childhood fairy " videos. Hope you heal too!
Same.
I turn 40 this year and my mum turns 60. Only recently I discovered her jealousy and that she throws a tantrum whenever I am in the spotlight and she is not. She was great at lifelong playing a role and being dishonest toward me ( my uncle told me the truth some weeks ago). I never, ever saw that coming. She was great at manipulating me, playing the victim, portraying herself as a ( self proclaimed )"angel" person. She financially abused me far too long. I feel drained in her presence, like I am bleeding out. Fatigued.
I am free now😊 and the greatest revenge is this: living a happy joyful life, full of love, prosper and satisfactory, keeping her out of it as much as possible. The happier I am, the more it bothers her. 😊😊😊
They always do that. I'm sure narc stepmom will eagerly join my ex-friend's smear campaign if she knew. It's not your fault. You trusted her, thinking she will act like a real mother. But no, she is still in high school mean girl mode and trying to corner you. You need more space to breathe.
Real friends lift me up, feel light, joy. Toxic antagonizers make a heavy heart, empty soul, extra work, misery.
Overwhelmed
Yes. That's my new friends. Loyal, smart, intuitive, empathetic. My ex friends though have narc tendencies. Smear campaign against me, like the first girl. But now, with real friends I'm more aware that it's all just to corner me. And still, those with light entered my life and this kept me alive.
Yes, I feel sick. Like something heavy in my stomach.
Their projections make me feel completely flattened and numb
Me too. 😢
Their projections tell me EXACTLY who they are and what they're up to.
You can feel it, as it starts to sour.
They always expose themselves. Stepmom told me she is a racist and was a mistress. Dad told me that he's hard-headed and faking his personality. All in projection.
After a short conversation I feel light headed, dizzy, confused, exhausted, reduced..
Growing up with a narcissistic mother and her family when i got into healthy environments ,it felt like heaven. There was no chaos and hate.
This has to be serious family issues
This!! It felt like I was finally being myself. I felt grateful being around normal. Never the same with miserable adults.
The interactions are unproductive. It's like whatever they say is BS. It's overwhelming.
OMG its so the truth. I have everyone telling me I need to communicate with my childs mother, but its exactly as you say and its infuriating. Its like being in a crazy house where nothing makes sense.
Same here...
It really took a toll and I still feel exhaustion weathering through. I'm hopeful though. Determined!
One situation I would like Dr. Ramani to cover is when the entire in-law family is narcissistic. I’m married into an Indian Punjabi family. My husband’s umbilical cord is still attached to his mother and sisters. It’s not just my husband that I have to feed narcissistic energy to. My MIL and my SILs Notoriously ruined my daily sanity. They operate like a cult. If you dare stand up for your rights or speak up against the abuse, you get completely shut out by all the other family members. It is a torture. It’s sickening to be around a clan of major narcissistic personalities. Dr. Ramini please cover this topic. Thanks.
While I can't fathom what you're going through. I can feel my shoulders tense when I read your story. I am so sorry! I hope you find a way not to loose yourself. I hope you get to survive these horrible people and enjoy your life even with the tiniest light in your life. My heart aches for your loneliness! I pray for your inner peace ❤
When narcissistic behavior meets cultural expectations it's the perfect storm. This channel has several videos about cultural and generational narcissism.
May you have the support and mindset to weather this storm. 🕊️
Healthy people make me feel calm, happy, and free.
this was my previous boss. i hated being at work bc my boss made me feel like a piece of trash. the last straw was when he called me a narcissist. and then i knew. he just outed himself and i had to leave asap. i got a new job that is better paying and has a healthy work environment where i'm treated with respect and dignity.
Tell tale sign of a narcissist is them calling you a narcissist. I literally asked my therapist to evaluate me for this. She told me I wasn’t a narcissist and if I was it was not the norm for me to ask to be evaluated or take any responsibility for my shortcomings. All of which I did and the narc in my life refused to do! It so damn exhausting dealing with these people.
So true. In my last relationship once I felt whole and content without him, it was over.
Everytime this woman uploads around a time where I'm experiencing confusion, it's always confirmation for something I was tinkering on. It's a bittersweet realization of who was actually for me and who wasn't. (╯︵╰,)
This is interesting. I have only just recognised that every time I start a project the narcissist distracts and does her best to make me feel I will fail, (all the while pretending to be supportive). I used to get so confused and blame myself for failing. Now I see the truth I am much more successful.
I feel accepted when I with healthy people. I can relax and my guard isn’t up.
Dr. Ramani is the GOAT for me❤
I once told a narcissistic person, "You're an energy vampire-you drain others until they have nothing left to give. If you don't believe me, Google it." Their response was dismissive: "Okay, go play with your imaginary friend," as if I were the crazy one. I couldn't help but laugh because I knew they'd eventually face the truth. A few years later, they reached out, apologizing and admitting, "You were right."
They must be in a very bad place for them to have been compelled into apologizing; it's not something they'd ever do, otherwise.
@@katnisseverdeen2.016 Yes, you're right.
Brilliant unpacking. It's no coincidence that in a multi-generational, highly narcissistic family that 3 of my 5 siblings have different auto-immune disorders. This projection takes a toll. Thank you and your amazing Team for this wonderful breakdown, Dr. Ramani.
This concept was finally clear for me. Yet I was still looking for the word that would truly express the feeling. Meager. It is precisely it. Hearing you- in this video has closed the circle for me after 10 Years of being with him. Towards the end I kept telling him that his incapacity or insufficient tools to be there for me the way I needed always led to him accusing me of being toxic when I spoke when I told him he was hurting me Or sabotaging us. He made me feel so empty and many times I questioned if I was being to rigid on my standards. I felt gaslit bcus I knew that settling wouldn’t fix anything. Thank you.
Ditto
It’s sad when you realize your best friend of 30+ years is high in narcissistic traits, that your FOO doesn’t care, that you never stood a chance. A lifetime of being drawn to toxic abusers and staying in contact with my mom has left me exhausted, alone, and sick. I was the caretaker and fixer for others. Now, I have nothing left to give, not even for myself. If you are young and know that your family is abusive, please, please run away as fast as you can. True healing only comes with separation from the abuser. Staying ensures your destruction.
This! I feel as if my life has been stolen
Same. Now I'm having a headache in the presence of two narcs alone.
Sometimes I feel resentment. That I spent so much of my time, my life trying and trying to fix this marriage. And thankfully finding out what was actually going on. I can't fix this. Wasted energy essentially. Reading and listening to you and some other therapists, online is such a blessing. To realize this is a very common disorder and others like me, are struggling to figure this relationship out. That all of my symptoms of being involved with this person are validated. A complete mindf*k....but I still have the choice and guidance to get out. Someday hopefully soon...
Same here. Blessings and strength to all going through this
It's such a relief when you do get out. You can be you again. And the peace, wow.
I called mine My Soul Killer. It felt like he was slowly killing my soul. At the end to save my soul I had to fight and got him to think the divorce was his idea. It worked. If it was always me wanting a divorce he wouldn't allow it.
This is totally what I need to hear. My soul is hungry for soul filling people rather than depleting ones. Finding those safe people and protecting myself. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
I've been watching Dr Ramani's videos for a few years now. Often times she's managed to hit extremely close to home. To the point where she often repeats things I've said to myself in private. But this, this is the first time she's explained EXACTLY to a T what I've been experiencing. To the point now that I don't know how to respond. I'm both relieved and deeply saddened. Because though I've gained true validation for once. It came at the cost of everything else. I can't help but compare this to making a deal with the devil or making a wish with a monkey's paw. Knowing what narcissistic abuse is and how it effects you honestly feels like knowing hell on earth is real.
Amen sister ❤
Yes, this left me feeling empty, but realizing the truth. I will not return to have the little I've salvaged of myself.
It is so palpable, it is hard to deflect. It is like a Trojan that's hard to root out. It can affect you for a long time :(
Short answer, YES. And also annoyed alot more than usual.
Thanks Dr Ramani ❤
Thank you Dr Ramini. You give us the way forward. 🪷
After growing up as the scapegoat/truth teller in a family(immediate and extended) of narcissists when I was first around healthy people the only way I felt was confused. It took a while to get past that feeling.
It's hard to recognize healthy behavior when all you know is projection. I remember a really sweet couple making me feel seen, heard, and valid. I caught myself feeling disoriented and scared, and I had to work hard to lean into and accept this healthy behavior.
I no noticed when I started being more authentic and taking care of me, the narcissism got worse.
Before i knew what NPD is, i used to tell my therapist that Whenever I'm with my mother, i feel like she is sucking the life out of me. Now that i understand NPD, I see that she probably was sucking the life out of me.
Excellent. Thank you. It is all around us. It absolutely triggers them when you don't give them supply. Happened at work recently. I'm on the other side of healing, and these videos have been a huge help. I am still learning not to take it personally. They are in the negative, not me!
I never really thought about narcissists being able to make you physically ill, but I lived indirect proof of this a couple of weeks ago, when I sent a message to officially break up completely with the person I'd been datng for a few months after a 3-year friendship. I felt my intestines relax all of a sudden and my whole abdomen expand freely as if it'd been liberated from incredible tension. I must say that intellectually I wasn't quite sure about what I was doing, but my body was clearly thanking me as I did it. I'm still shaken from the whole experience, but things are slowly getting better and I'm glad about that.
I was with ex for 2.5 years. There were massive red flags, but the relationship never took a physical toll on my body. I’m thankful I had the opportunity to get out when I did.
To those remarkable people fighting the fight still, and to those who have spent years - my heart goes out to you.
I want to commend your resilience, incredible strength and the love you feel.
My mom was treated terribly in love, I think it contributed to her early passing. I’ve grieved her more in the past 6 months than I have since she passed in 2019.
Dr. Ramani, and this wonderful community… listening and reading these comments have been my greatest comfort. So honored to be part of such an incredibly warm, supportive, but honest community.
Thank you ALL!
🥺 7:36 Being subconsciously *brainwashed* that I was not only inherently BAD and less than other people but not ALLOWED/qualified to validate my own worth, feelings, or reality made it _impossible_ for me to fill myself for MANY years. 😰 And of course I saw my inability to "just love myself" as yet another source of shame. As if it's that easy when you've been abused! 🤔😤 smh I'm ❤SO GRATEFUL for Dr. Ramani ❤and the other excellent therapists online who not only render these evil spells we've been under VISIBLE 🧐 but also share the PATH TOWARDS *HEALING* for free where anyone can access it. *THANK YOU, Dr. Ramani!!!* 🌈🌿💖😃💖🍀💐
Thank you Dr.Ramani, hope you and yours are safe from the fires. Love and prayers for you and community ❤️ 🙏
I wish more people would talk about the christian covert narcissist.
Dr Hare stare the cluster B goes to church to learn how to a better Cluster B . When you understand their inverted thinking the scriptures take on a whole new meaning.
That's a contradiction.
I personally would not call them “Christian.” They are more like the Pharisees. I think “religious” narcissist is more accurate.
Dad is not Christian, but definitely a self-proclaimed religious. He would manipulate religion to "humble" me.
Yes sometimes I get so upset I feel like I’m going to puke. But the everyday pain of fibromyalgia that turned into heart failure a bladder disease. Now I get migraines. So tired I don’t talk to him . I have my daughter to talk to and she has me she’s the only normal person I have in my life . She saved my life when she was born. I only care about her ,my dog , my cat and my self . I don’t try anymore I take care of my self and my daughter. My hair dresser told me once just take care of yourself.
I hope you find love and connection from others soon. You need love and support from more than your daughter. I'm glad you have a cat and a dog. They are always amazing since their love is absolutely unconditional ❤️
I wish you peace sooner than later!
Currently going through a divorce. But I've been separated from my wife for several months, I am finally spending some time with a healthy person as a romantic interest and it is incredible how different it feels to be around somebody like this
Empty & depressed 😔 to self-love & wholeness 😊 thru NO contact with narcs! Yes, they are vampires! Thank you Dr Ramani!
Every moment feels like time spent in the same room as the Elephant's Foot in Chernobyl.
….i can relate.
Perfect description.
💯....
4:03 These relationships are 'designed' to leave us feel incompetent, stupid.... Really? I used to think the narcissist did what made him or herself feel better from a toddler sort of level of emotional competence. The word 'design' adds a whole new level of malice to this, like the narcissist is scheming to hurt you rather than just doing what works for them in a pushy stubborn way.
They do scheme that’s when you see the darkness in their eyes especially when they are in the middle of a narcissistic injury.
My husband makes me feel repulsed. Plus all of the others you listed.
Me too I feel disgusted and repulsed is a good word too
Figure something out or move on. I lived with contempt for so long with my ex-wife and it cost me my health.
@mistermobile2615 yes. My husband's constant spewing of Venom has caused me numerous health problems. High blood pressure, rashes. Heart palpitations and auto immune disorders. Now that I have filed for divorce after 25 yrs, I feel my body going into self repair mode. With therapy and a good physician, at age 61, I'm going to be ok.
@@mistermobile2615 Easier said than done. Many people don't have options, so please don't tell people to "figure it out".
i do not want to be around empty people..
You’re such a great psychologist, keep up the good work you’ve help me during many difficult time periods in my life and I’m grateful for your channel
Yes, All the above the Narcissist leaves us with. This was my life for 20yrs and I am finally getting freedom. Date of divorce hearing is Jan 20.
Congrats!
Initial thought after reading title... Yeah... I seem to have picked up behaviors and responses that make me wonder if I'm one too 😒
That's exactly how my father was with me right up until my stepbrother murdered him in 1988. I attracted men who were just like him. Staying single now in my senior years.
I was accused of having alters, hearing voices and being a racist😮
That's hardcore projection...
Stepmom is racist too. But said our family are. Hmm. Makes you wonder..
@SarahHill-jh6gs it's projection
Omg literally physically sick when i am with him.
OMG! THANK YOU FOR THIS! It was exhausting and it was physically and mentally killing me. People would ask why I was always sick? They didn't understand because if I said "Well, my relationship...." Mine would trauma dump and then suck the life out of me for his needs. I'm still unwinding from that abuse.
Frustrated and hopeless: narcissistic element.
Good and momentarily hopeful: healthy element.
The above speaks to the frustrating inconsistency of this type of relationship.
It's always so amazing how toxic people can make you wanna cry with in 20 mins of time and all you want to do is run then you try to avoid them they tell others your not coming out anymore
The daily dizziness alone was horrendous. I would like to know why the dizziness is a really physical disability...like the science behind the symptom
It's so true what you said about giving when you're at the top of your game and your cup is full. Been there it took about 4 months for me to become utterly floored and quite frankly become physically sick
YES!!!
YES!!!
YES!!!
My narc spouse has projected onto me many times.
At first, I didn't understand, but now I know about projection.
The last projection that he threw at me was " you weren't honest about yourself, before we got married!"
I stood there in disbelief that he would say that, when I told him EVERYTHING about my self, before we were married.
Then, I remembered projection and I had to laugh, because it was truly he who had not been honest before we were married.
He "loved bombed" me and fooled me into a marriage with him.
But, not too long after the marriage the facade of kindness, caring and charm went away, and I saw the real miserable creature underneath!
So, it was he who hid his anger, hostility and narcissistic personality from me, until after we were married!
Total projection!
This is so spot on. I have been healing for 5 years and this reminds me of what I have been through and how far I have come. Thank you.
I always noticed that each time I stood firm in my authentic self he would become withdrawn, as if he realized he had no authentic self. Thus he had no way to "fight back".. his words. He seems to believe everything in life is about winning and losing. Sad perspective.
Most certainly, it can. His projections are a way for him to invert my reality and thereby turn me into him. I'm taking my power back by flipping his false narrative and shining the torch right back at him 😂 Now that I'm not in the same space as him, my hearing, eyesight, and hand - eye coordination are improving. I thought I had permanent brain damage as I was over medicating myself on sleep medication while I was still living with him to avoid his chaos creating behavior. Once one is not in a negative environment anymore, it's only natural to start taking proper care of oneself.
Since I went no contact with my narcissisme mom,I can say I feel whole and re born I discover new feelings,just as if I was absent 53 years and now I am allowed to live I truely understand that emptiness in my relationship with her .I am no longer angry or upset I don’t care I just want to live .thanks to D Ramani who opened my eyes and knowlege ,I am out of the prison and now I am free
This was my family and still is even though my mother died 10 years ago. I brought my damaged self into 2 different marriages and raised 3 daughters. Two of them are now narcissistic. It's so sad.
You and they will be alright. The anger at one’s self is hard to get over but it subside slowly then quickly.
Anxious.
My answer to the opening question.
Should probably keep watching the video though.
I feel unhappy with myself or like I'm not really being myself. I'm slowly gaining ground. But it's like my mind developed all kinds of wiring for protection. I can eliminate the situations, but that wiring is more hardware than software. I keep running un needed programs. I haven't completely overcome the manipulation, although I understand it better. Understanding it is a good step. My reactions aren't always emotionally appropriate, although other people don't seem to mind me. I do feel very isolated. My health is improving, although age is a factor.
Same here. Much strength and many blessings to you
Why can’t people just leave people alone…it’s so crazy and drama
Thank you Dr.Ramani, hope you and yours are safe from the fires. Love and prayers for you and community.
Thank you for this video Dr. Ramani. I often felt depleted when I was with my ex-boyfriend. It felt like he was sucking the life out of me.. slowly but surely. If we were in 'no contact' my energy level would go up. It took me some time to realise how he was provoking arguments every time I felt happy or just peaceful and content.. and how badly this connection was affecting my mental and physical health.
3:23 My grandpa mentioned that my teacher told us both how well I behaved one time. Narc stepmom looked like she was a vulture, seeing another bird eating food they're about to get. I was confused as to why she looked at me that way, until it was because the attention shifted towards me instead of her. Narc dad undermined my accomplishments. Of course, it's been years he made me feel lesser than, "less religious", " less talented", "less smarter". Now, I feel whatever I do, I'll keep doing it to be more successful. I don't need them to be proud of me. It'll never happen. I'll be in peace, happiness and success with people I allow in my life because they are not empty, but full.
Thank you for articulating answered verbalizing truths of the experience.❤
People who enable these creatures make family sick as well.
True. Even if you treat them nicely, these spawns of hell will still be a big toddler. So what I do is that I ignore them and they hate me for that. Yes, that's what I need. Leave me or I'll leave on my own.
I was whole and content with myself prior to entering the narcissistic relationship. I just finished rehab and I felt like I did the work to self-reflect on how I made wrong choices that led me to that point in my life. I was so excited when I was accepted to pyv and I thought that I was going to have a fresh start from my past narcissistic relationships. I felt like I was going to be valued and accepted for who I was, but living there made me feel meager. The friend I met there felt meager about herself and wanted to date guys, meanwhile I felt content and healed from my past narcissistic relationship. I felt objectified by her because I confided into her about my previous relationship with my ex and I felt like she didn’t disregarded my feelings about entering another relationship. Moreover, when I did get into that narcissistic relationship it felt like she only cared about getting money and food from my boyfriend at the time. She made me feel confused because she seemed caring and empathetic but then became selfish, cruel and did not care about me being isolated me from my friends, family and my support system. Living at peel youth village was the worst mistake of my adult life.
It wasn’t the shelter it was the Vampire that was there feeding off of you. These beings find our darkness amplify it so they can feast off of your pain. When you get better you will realize this but for now they have made you associate pain with a place that was supposed to be safe but you will get through this and live a good life trust in your self and don’t ignore what your body is saying to you.
I’ve been around narcissists my whole life and I’m so deathly afraid that they’ve rubbed off on me. Like how do you not take on any traits when that’s all you know? I’ve always felt off around them but never had the strength or courage to walk away until it was way too unbearable to stand anymore. But deep down I wonder if I keep attracting them because like attracts like.
I’ve wondered this too.
I found the more empty I got, and the less he could get from me, the more distant, and then rageful he would become. I should add that he did the final discard when I was completely depleted he blamed me for having no more self-esteem and it was now affecting him. Of course it was, because I didn’t have anything for him to siphon from me anymore.
Same. 💯
That's why I'm using grey rock, temporarily. I'll leave in 2 years. It's perfect timing, following my situation. Even my narc stepmom still cannot get anything out of me. I avoid, ignore and repeat. And yes, I don't want them to "love" me. Hate me all they want, because nobody likes them either.
Meagre is exactly the word, exactly how they make me feel!!! Thank you, yet again. ❤
I used to feel the need to puke around them. I escaped from Alcatraz. 😅Love to all of you!
How do you feel….
The opening line is an exploration that could be never ending but never done.
Once again thank you 🙏
I see the nark is going to trash you because you have something they want. Like the nark will trash another couple than to attend to their own personal problems in their own relationship. We are like chum to sharks to them. A nice person healthy person is like day light compares to a black night! Ty Dr Ramani as usual that a ha moment! It’s Not You!
Being around a narcissist always feels like your soul is being sucked out of you like the Dementors do in the Harry Potter series.
And they sometimes try to be
Like you,like copy cats. I am very funny,my Narrsistic husband is not as funny as me,but lately I see he is changing his sence of humor to be more like mine.
I think it's so weird.
Yes,
I am tired and sick of him,and his energy. But I don't have enough money yet to get away. I do have a plan. It will take a bit of time tho 😢
Just quit a job under a narc boss being enabled by management. She tried to pressure me via them all to make me knuckle under. I quit. Zero regrets.
Same. I quit last week due to my narcissistic manager . Infeltbso much relief. I'd rather be broke than work with that demon
1/16/25/ thu.. with my ex boyfriend I felt USED AS A TOILET PAPER!!!! Then thrown to TRASHCAN!!!!!
Well thx to Dr R and others. I have adapted and survive well... I know now to live my life ro the fullest and not hope on anything from the narc who happens to be my wife of 30yrs. Thank you Dr. R
Worst thing is they know no other way - they'll drain you to an inch of your life and when you say "stop" theyll call you weak....
Don't get sucked dry by them - it will take more than a spring rain to fill your tank again...
Good luck with your recovery....
The whole expectation to be treated with a sensitivity that they do not have for others is really wearisome.
But somehow they seem to resent you for it. That you aren’t magically kinder or more caring to them than they are to you.
Thank you for explaining this. Mine passed. I was with him 4.5 years, he got critically ill about a year in. The more care i provided, the more he expected and the rage was surreal and difficult. The insults cut deep.
When I wasn't absolutely exhausted (and especially when I WAS exhausted)
...he'd call me names....(idiot, retard, mental)
and if I replied, "...and yet I'm still beside you," he'd say...."ohhh people think you're SO nice, but I know who you REALLY are,"
and I couldn't understand the spiral that would end up with him calling me cruel. When my thought was...I'm still here trying.
You just gave this woman some more peace. Thank you. I'm so tired.
Thanks Dr R for reminders.. protection from the emptieness 👌
I still cant see another purpose and meaning of my life other than for my cat to not be a homeless cat in case Im gone
Hampster wheel from hell.
Exactly. In a blender on a roller coaster
I feel conned, dooped, foolish,
Dr Ramani...you are a genius in explaining these things. Thank you for the education you provide us with. Healing from interacting with NPD individuals is a long journey but recovery is fast tracked with your input. Thank you and may you be blessed.
I knew my ex was projecting when he told me I was a bum living at my mom's house but he didn't know I was financially taking care of her. But it was him who felt like bum bc he was not working at his mom's house. It was really eye opening bc I was never say that to him I would never want to put him down like that unprovoked or to get straight attack him period. I would feel bad if I did. That really made me feel like shit.
Sick to my stomach 😢.
He'd blame me of course
Sometimes you make it sound like all narcissists are even cognizant enough to have volition or intent...
I get the impression that many dont have that level of self-awareness
This. Is. So. Profound.