Narcisists ruin special ocasions by their need to be in control. They create tension and it is impossible to relax in their presence. You feel on edge all the time. It is so Exhausting.
My mother ruined every Holiday since I can remember, no matter what we did was never enough or ever right. I gave up 3 years ago and my Holidays and life in general has been more peaceful and enjoyable
Congratulations, I had a family member who had a birthday the week before Christmas. Life was hell into the new year every single year. After five years of separation, they tried to worm back into my life. When? The week before Christmas. I don't think they ever change.
I didn’t realize until I was an adult that it’s not normal to never have been allowed a birthday celebration or even a simple “happy birthday” because every year, without fail, I had always done something so horribly wrong that my punishment had to be dragged out over the day that should have been special to me. My supposedly ‘evil’ (per the narcissist) step-family were actually the only ones to ever get me a cake. It probably meant little to them but I still think about it every year.
I could write a book on all of the ruined holidays & special occasions. Here’s just a couple: Easter at parents house with a house full of people. I wasn’t agreeing with narc mother on a religion subject. She lunged at me to physically hit me. My son who was about 5-6 at the time jumped in front of me to protect me. My adult cousin jumped in front of my son to protect him. That was all. Nobody said a word to her as usual & the day went on. Another: the morning of the day of my wedding (which turned into my narc mothers wedding, not mine at all) she said to me “I didn’t even shave my legs for THIS!” Sick people. I’m 55 & no contact
Who else loves this channel, not only for Darren’s quality videos as an educator about narcissistic abuse, or for his charming Irish lilt, but also for his HILARIOUS, DRY SENSE OF HUMOR? 🤣 🤚 The LOLs make for such excellent edutainment! 👌 THANKS, DARREN! 👏
@@LightBeing369 , Oh, most definitely. I kept myself at a distance for roughly 10 yrs prior to going full, no contact 4 yrs ago. Enjoy the upcoming Holidays with an abundance of peace! ✌️💗 🙂
I am divorced now but the last Christmas with him, I told him not to by me a gift. I stopped decorating putting up lights. He left my tree with built in lights outside in the elements. I never got the joy of any holiday back, actually.
The golden child, younger brother, got a huge pile of presents for each Christmas. My sister and I were given the Sears catalog and told to choose ONE item. We were so excited Christmas morning, but we'd open our gift and I got my sister's choice and she got mine. Being innocent little kids, we thought our mom just got it mixed up. If we tried to exchange them, she would scream at us and beat us for being "ungrateful" brats. This happened for about five years. It just got worse after that. My sister and I were made to dread all of the holidays.
Every get together included my narc mother saying Grace before the meal. Every single time she said Grace she pity sobbed through the prayer. It did not matter if everything was splendid and perfect. She had to make herself the "poor me, I'm so sad, feel sorry for me". She ruined so many meals and get togethers. One time she was sobbing about three of her children who cut her out of their lives. The rest of us and our spouses just stood there in shock. I had had enough and said to her, "What are we? Chopped liver? We're here." She is now down to one son "The Golden Child" and one daughter "The Other Golden Child" who still remain in contact with her.
Agree. "People get bored out of their skulls." I burst out laughing even though the topic itself is anything but fun Oooops! Apologies: mis-placed comment.
Every year my mom would get into a fight with her oldest brother ... he would say something she didn't agree with and mom would start screeching at him until everyone left. Then we would go home where on the drive she would declare herself the "winner" of their argument. Eventually my one aunt would bring her daughters accordion and have her practice/perform a solo concert whenever she sensed there was an impending storm brewing, at which point mom would leave because she couldn't hijack the holiday.
Yes, a narc in my life takes special delight in ruining my birthday-starting fights, faked illnesses, whatever it takes. Thank you for this, Darren. Blessings from California.
In the state next door, AZ, I remember an ex-girlfriend ruining her own birthday just because I threw a mini brief temper tantrum because I didn't think I cooked the spareribs right for that day before they were finally done that day. Thank God we have not talked for half a year now after 16 years too many in a sense
Yep! You hit the nail on the head! My father is a grandiose narcissist and my mother is the covert type. They've ruined Christmas and other holidays for years! It's just awful. I will never spend another holiday with them!
This Christmas, I am buying myself exactly what I want, other years he got me gifts he knew I would hate, so I do not expect much on Christmas, he is not happy any day, so Christmas is not special, I still enjoy it!
My sister fit into the Covert category during Christmas time. She would use her health to spoil the day (a trick learned from our paternal grandmother) or engage in some passive aggressive behavior.
Oh, thank you thank you Dr Magee. I could fall on the floor weeping in gratitude for your perfect and full understanding of my 30 year marriage to a narcissist. Your comments bring back so many memories of the pain and confusion and heartbreak I experienced. I have full recovery now, and my life is glorious, but you are a witness and a truth teller for me. I finally left him (husband narc) on a holiday-Labor Day weekend 2014-when he was raging and throwing things because of a perceived slight from me. I never have to live like that again❤️❤️
I'm 34 years old , a mom and a wife. I'm still suffering from the after effects of having a narcissist mother. She's still manipulative and manic but I'm learning so much with these videos and i prepare myself mentally when i do see her. Though I actually wish I lived 3k miles away, that would mean giving up being close to other people i love including my dad. She controls him and it makes me sick to my stomach but how else do I see him? I have to deal with her.
My Ex in a nutshell ! Thank you for this video 🙏I was living off grid with a Narcissist for 20 plus years and had no idea what the hell was wrong with him. These videos will save peoples lives ❤
My covert narc mother consistently ruined all special occasions. My birthday had to be all about her, or she would throw a tantrum. Hurl the present out the front door screaming, "Take your present and get out." When my wedding wasn't all about her, she slandered me and my wife to everyone we knew, also bringing it up every single time I saw her and how hurt she was and that she would never forget it. I cut her off completely years back and didn't even find out she had died until a year afterwards. Best thing I ever did.
That was smart of you. They never change. My ex was a narcissist and he is still guilting my grown children and always trying to ruin everything for them including Christmas. I was in touch with him until recently. I was always trying to smooth things over so my kids weren't hurt but i just can't do it anymore. They know how to handle him now. Many Blessings to you and your family 🙏🙏🎄🎄I am very sorry you were a victim also😞❤
You had no choice. It takes courage to cut oneself free from situation like that because those manipulators usually have won to their side almost everyone else so walking away from those may mean "losing" all.others. "Losing" because they anyway belong to the narcissist. This channel is safe sanctuary for people who have learned the hardest way that narcissists should not be forgiven and tolerated forever. Understand his/her position? Come on! How about some understanding for my position? Victim refused to stay victim 💪 Whoever believes that a narcissist deserves more patience and understanding..he he.....step closer.
My parents were made for each other in their own messed up way. My dad enjoyed having any excuse to have violent outbursts and be physically abusive. My mom purposely angered him, so that after he beat her, she'd have an excuse to cry about something so everyone would fuss over her. At a wedding over 20 years ago, my mom literally threw herself down in the middle of the parking lot and began threatening to commit suicide. I was so embarrassed and horrified. Of course everyone not as familiar with my mom as I am was so worried and concerned. No one could understand why I just walked away, shaking my head. That is how my mom is. It wasn't HER wedding. She wasn't the center of attention. So she found a way to become center of attention. Then a few years ago, due to an illness I've been battling for decades, I've reached a point I need a transplant. When my mom found out that the doctors were trying to find a donor match for me, all of a sudden my mom would phone me and cry to me about every headache, sore throat, or tummy ache she's having. Would be all "woe is me" and tell me she felt like she was dying. As if she has to compete with me over which one of us is more ill. Never in all the years I've battled my illness has she ever expressed concern for me or even once ever visited me in the hospital. Even when I was pregnant and was in labor at the hospital, she didn't come to see me. But if she as much as stubbed her toe, she'd immediately phone me and tell me how she is now crippled.
I am so sorry that you have to go through that having your own illness to fight as well. I wish I knew before that this horrible behavior was an illness; at least, I would have stopped hoping foolishly that it would get better. And, of course, it has never gotten better. Every holiday, every get together turned into fight and all I have now are bitter memories of family gatherings. And my parents were a perfect match for each other too. They ruined their lives, our lives … Now, their parents, my grandparents were nothing like that. On the contrary, they were giving, compassionate people. So, how did their children, my parents, turn out to be so narcissistic and selfish without an ounce of empathy?
Nice ways to spend Christmas eve or day: Fishing on an nonfrozen pond. Time in the barn with the animals. Volunteering in the children's hospital or nursing home. Taking a long hike with your dog. Make a campfire and sing. Just go to your church service , that's all. Build a snowman and feed the birds. You don't need to do anything. I can't do crowds .
Last Christmas Day I entered my sister’s house, and my Dad asked me if I wanted some Mulled wine. I said no and he asked why. I responded ‘why would I?’ Bear in mind, I don’t really drink. I certainly don’t drink red wine. I also struggle with anything with a strong smell. He said “why wouldn’t you?” and I said 😡 because I don’t like it and you know I don’t like it! Actually I hate Christmas being an opportunity to have it rubbed in my face that my own parent doesn’t know a thing about me. Anyway, I’m beginning to realise it’s not that he doesn’t know me, it’s that he sees me as an extension of himself and therefore If he likes Mulled wine, I must also like mulled wine. Not wanting any or disliking it doesn’t compute and I am sure it will be offered to me again this year despite the smell making me feel nauseated.
He offered you mulled wine. In all fairness, it is ok to offer. Unless you are an alcoholic. Your response was rude... A better response would have been " ah, no thanks, I'm not a fan of mulled wine. Do you have any white wine?
He offered you mulled wine. In all fairness, it is ok to offer. Unless you are an alcoholic. Your response was rude... A better response would have been " ah, no thanks, I'm not a fan of mulled wine. Do you have any white wine?
He offered you mulled wine. In all fairness, it is ok to offer. Unless you are an alcoholic. Your response was rude... A better response would have been " ah, no thanks, I'm not a fan of mulled wine. Do you have any white wine?
He offered you mulled wine. In all fairness, it is ok to offer. Unless you are an alcoholic. Your response was rude... A better response would have been " ah, no thanks, I'm not a fan of mulled wine. Do you have any white wine?
My Mil just did this yesterday to her son when he was dropping her off after celebrating my graduation from university. She was crying & I don't know exactly what but he told her to get the F out of the car. He's showing amazing signs of healing from her & his dad's also narcissistic abuse raising him. I was so proud of him. We just keep pouring love into him and he's finding self worth and support. She's unfortunately coming back next week & i think she'll cause a scene. Thank you for sharing! I know what to expect & can prepare for it now.
I have lived through this for going on 5 years now and I'm just learning about what a narcissist is. Every special occasion especially Christmas I can always assume something is going to happen. This year she spent the whole Christmas day moody at my daughter for being excited about opening and playing with her gifts while at the same time spending the whole day in bed "sick". Everything I do from keeping the kids quiet, letting her have alone time, cleaning and cooking wasn't enough. I am at my wits end. Damn if I do, damn if I don't.😔
Could never understand how families enjoyed being together at Christmas , it was always a ticking time bomb waiting for him to explode into a violent rage and any presents we got to put on a show for others were sold after Xmas .
Every Christmas with my in-laws is an absolute disaster. This past year we didn't go because we thought it would be uncomfortable due to the fact that my father-in-law fired my husband from the family business. We stayed at home and he said it was the best Christmas he'd ever had. And on the 23rd he found out he got a new job.
I had been training for my first marathon run many years ago and had gone a few months of no contact after my mothers behaviour had gone too far. She called and we connected again, she offered to take me to the marathon and watch me run. I was excited about it, the night before and on the day I kept reminding her that she needed to be on time and I couldn't miss the sign in and start. But this was her opportunity to shine. On the day she arrived with just enough time for me to almost make it , then SHE DROVE THE WRONG WAY ensuring I was going to miss it. The sick thing is she probably looks back at this as a great day. Great video, I do love the way you explain things.
It’s like you were describing my Ex-GF… Craziness. I didn’t stay with her long enough to experience Christmas; but I witnessed chaos, rage, explosiveness and nastiness on a weekend trip and a museum trip. It was odd. Each seemed like a perfect day until later on and something minuscule happened. That’s when the rage, hostility and overdrawn lectures and tantrums started. During her rages, she would breakdown and list all of HER responsibilities and all the good things she has done for everyone and how she tries to make everybody happy and how nobody appreciates it. She then makes her threats, “I should just move into a tiny home in the woods and put a high wall around it to keep everybody out!” Odd… Out of all my girlfriends, she put in the least effort and was empty. I knew more about her dislikes than anything else. Very negative! All of her drama and martyring had nothing to do with me. Ex: I had dropped an almond on the floor of the hotel and I didn’t realize it. She went hostile about how much home responsibility she has and all she does for “everybody”. A lot of the arguments left me with a (what the hell just happened?). I really couldn’t argue or debate random topics that have nothing to do with me. I haven’t had a text from her in 5 weeks. I have a feeling I’ll get a Christmas text. I also have a feeling that I’ll get a text or voice-text about how I missed her birthday (which I’m not going to congratulate her on) in January.
I sincerely envy you: for having realized so soon that she belonged to a category we jokingly call "better lost than found". 🤣 It took me years to recognize the type.
This one hits home. My old life with a covert narc “wife”. Learned to ruin the day then taught kids the act. Any function she’d take over before her narc parents could or in tandem. I walked two yrs ago. Been better since 110%. I can’t mourn to much of what never was, but there are pangs of resentment. Good content, thank you.
Thank you for the reminder. My ex use to ruin everything I wanted. Nice to have a reminder. First time meeting my family, she walked out. The only camping trip I planned she cried the entire time. We were together for more than a decade, gave up everything for myself for her.
Same here, the card comes with a signature no actual words or feelings straight to the shredder. I wanted a skateboard at 12 she got me Barbie. Told me I had to get a job so I got a paper route just so I could get my skateboard! She lied about being divorced when he died just to get extra money and still lies to this day about it! Just like the time she lied to police telling them I assaulted her to get me out of the house for 2 weeks. Never any apologies about anything. I'm over it and won't be giving her any more attention.
When I was 16 I asked for a CD player. A few days before xmas a big box was under the tree (the size of a cd player). When its time to open the gift its an extra large Elmo stuffed animal. I wasnt into Elmo at any time in my life. It wasnt even a joke, no CD player. I knew I had to pretend to be happy and not disappointed otherwise she would rage. She then took a picture of me and asked did you enjoy your xmas? Umm yeah I did, all while holding back humiliation and tears. I didn't think too much about it for many years until I had kids, and its something I wouldnt even think of doing!
The final straw with a narcissistic friend was after she wished me a Happy Birthday on my birthday (in May) before attacking me in the next text message for not coming back to her quickly enough re her previous message (a few days earlier) inviting me out for my birthday. What she didn't care to ask me was if everything was OK. In reality, I was actually trying to put in place new carers for my elderly father who is 87 - that was my priority so responded to the initial happy birthday message to say exactly that as well as a thank you and suggesting a possible venue. The next message from her was a brief acknowledgement of my position and then a passive aggressive tone saying that we might have been able to go out if I had chosen to respond to her! This may not appear much, but I have been on the receiving end of this type of treatment for several years the difference being that I had vowed not to let it happen again. I have now ended the friendship and have never felt more free. It wasn't easy though as I had to maintain my silence over the next several months despite a barrage of texts which attempted to get me to re-enagage. The final text from her was shortly after midnight on New Year's Day informing me that she wouldn't be in contact again. I do hope that's the end of it but I also know that she might start a dirty tricks campaign behind my back in order to discredit me. If it happens, it happens. She did it before so I won't be surprised. Again, the difference this time is that I really don't care and have chosen to move on and to invest in healthy relationships.
My late wife made Christmas a nightmare. On top of that she wrecked our 20th anniversary. I tried to make it like the honeymoon we didn't have but from dinner on she gave me the silent treatment the whole night. After that I didn't do anything for anything. Not birthday, Christmas, anniversary. I had given up
Christmas 2007 my n-mom destroyed all relationships me & my sister had with her family -grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. The crime? My sister, who had come probably 1000 miles wanted to go visit, by herself, briefly, our paternal uncle nearby to say hi on Xmas. All hell broke loose. Nothing like being chewed out by your surviving grandmother on the phone on Xmas eve. Lots of very unpleasant stuff happened to next few days, including having presents thrown at us by our mother, having to step in to prevent my mother from physically attacking my sister, xmas dinner in the garbage and more. Grandparents have since died, can't fix that. All the rest of the family have zero to do with us. Card showed up unwanted from my mom today - straight to the shredder, screw her.
One year when my husband narc. parents came over for thanksgiving.I didn't mind cooking dinner without help,the problem was when dinner was ready.I told them dinner was ready,that's when my husband and his mom decided to smoke a cigarette,I got a nasty remark coming from my husband narc. I thought how rude. as if they couldn't wait or do it way before. My husband always want a center of attention when we went anywhere on a holiday,plus always cutting me down
I fell out with my narc mother a few weeks ago about various issues including Xmas day plans, to the extent that I had to block her from my phone. But I still delivered cards and presents to a sibling 2 weeks ago so that they can distribute them amongst themselves. I haven’t received a single card or present from any of them as I have now been marked as the perpetrator and will spend Xmas day on my own. But I’m actually looking forward to it as I don’t have to make a 100 mile round trip and go through all of the pretence that the aggression and manipulation isn’t happening! And after that I can spend time with my friends! Hope Xmas is good or at least bearable for everyone X
It's absurd getting the christmas hoovering years after no contact. It really is all about them. Why not give an apology any time for the rest of the year? Because then they're not in control. Yes, don't answer it will just feed them.
@@alenagoddess2400 No contact means no contact, refusing it still gives them supply as crazy as it sounds, so are they. I just throw them away until it stops.
Well I was forgotten by my grown son to come by and drop off some food for me at Xmas time when I called and asked where he was he lied and said he didn't say on that day but the next day He didn't come by the next day my grand kids didn't even bother to call me and say thanks for the gifts if me cutting them all out of my life is being a narcissist SO BE IT. It feels good not being around people that don't treat me with love and respect.
My sis is a covert narcissist and two years ago my mum and me went to pick her and her boyfriend up from their home for a nice walk. All the way we were two seperate groups. Mum and I walked in front and she and the boyfriend only had attention for each other. It was embarrassing. The boyfriend tried to talk to us, but this was short. To add insult to injury, when the hike was over, they basically said that I would have a Zoom call with the boyfriends parents, whom I've never seen before. To be done with it I agreed and since I can manoeuver akward situations fairy well, it went well. But all in all it was respectless and akward.
My only sibling, older brother 67 ruined Christmas which l hosted by moaning about my son who had gone to stay with friends, whereas l told him i did not mind, because he thought l should he had a go at me!! Crazy making, he has never had a child so has no insight but insisted my sons absence was WRONG! So all my efforts to make it a pleasant time where stomped on. It was just the two of us and honestly l would have been happier alone. I have had him over for Christmas for the last decade. I think this year was the last. Enough!! Happy new year everyone. Knowledge is power!
You've just described my late brother: any excuse for an argument at my mother's dinner table at Christmas. One example: do rivers flow up mountains or down them? Unbelievable coming from a so-called adult. But the result was achieved: atmosphere at Christmas dinner ruined. Thanks for these videos. It helps myself and others understand what we have lived through.
My husband puts up the real tree every year half ass it fell over again this year so everything all the glass ornaments got smashed it’s all my stuff so it’s big fun for him my mother tries to destroy Christmas. Gives gifts to me that I have asked him not to buy with every little thought. Darren’s right on this one once again I do love this channel! ❤
My husband's mum does some things that seem narcissistic but I'm not completely sure. She always talks about herself and their childhood for hours. I find it very isolating to be in their family events. But sometimes when I finally get to say something she seems to listen. She makes a lot of passive aggressive comments and jokes towards me at events like "you took my son away, now he doesn't call me but if you leave him, I'll kill you". But she also made food for my birthday (she did say she did it so I won't mistreat her son). Everyone says she is just joking but I'm not convinced. We had a lot of their stuff in our shed until they got settled into their new house. But, due to the shed getting damaged, we needed to give it back to them after 3 years of them ignoring our messages, taking stuff once in a while or saying they couldn't come because they were too sick. They do have illnesses, but they were also going out all the time, hosting multiple gatherings and helping his siblings with things. After six months, we finally had no choice but to send them the remainder of their stuff because our stuff was damaged and we need a new shed. My MIL was furious screaming down the phone at my husband how he doesn't care about her and how heartless he is. She tried guilt tripping him. His siblings and father often take her side. I think she sounds like a narcissist but I'm not sure whether it is just sometimes she is selfish but sometimes she isn't. I get the sense that she wants me to like them but doesn't know how to do it. However, I'm not sure if her behaviour is intentional e.g. make me uncomfortable/intimidated but without me being able to say she did anything wrong because she was joking. I just avoid her at the moment because I've had enough and I don't want to end up yelling at her.
My oldest brother called, "did you get our gift"? (shock) I said, "no actually i moved recently so it wouldn't have reached me". He replies, "thanks for letting us know". Why would i want a gift from someone who gets angry because i forgot to tell him my new address- and, it's only been a month. I'm tired of always feeling bad things didn't turn out for my brother.
Thank you for another informative video Darren. I know someone who ruined every occasion possible. It became predictable. Now out of my life thankfully.
Thank You for this video. It will make my Christmas a much better experience. Can't wait for the next part. Have a nice day. And Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. 😄
Its a crazy blur now but maybe our first Xmas she didn't like the card I gave her, another I wasn't allowed in the house, spent the day in my car. I noticed she'd get presents for her neices or friends but wouldn't make the effort to see them so their gifts would still be wrapped months later. After a few years she just stopped buying me a gift, I always got her one. Youre always on edge just waiting for the anger to arrive.
My MIL tried to get attention from our wedding guests by walking around with pieces of cloth and having people write a message to my husband and me. (2011 wedding) She could NOT stand that the day was NOT about her. She claimed she was going to make a quilt with all the pieces. (She is an expert quilter and teaches classes so plausible story.) She NEVER made it and never made the quilt for my sister-in-law who was married 17 years ago when she did the EXACT same thing! No one expects a quilt to ever be created because we are all in agreement that the pieces were tossed out and she never intended to make anything. She is a Covert Narc IMHO and made up a very long winded LIE about the supposed quilt when I asked about it for the first time just 2 years ago. I know it doesn't exist and never will. I honestly don't give a hoot about a quilt. I just wanted to see what TALL TALE she would tell and boy was it detailed in the text back to me. It's funny AND sad at this point. FAB video! Thanks for all that you do to educate the world about narcissism so the more empathetic people like myself can be better prepared when we encounter such devious behavior.
Looking for a rational reason for narcissistic abuse? That is it. That simplistic little answer- as the victim of the abuse, you will never ever come to this conclusion because the suffering is so profound. You are looking for complex solutions to the complex problem, and it’s simply for the narc to feel better by leveling the playing field by bringing you “down”. Its as simple as a game of dominoes. But as the victim you think that can’t possibly be the reason. No one is that shallow. They are.
I was just saying that it might be stresssful amd that maybe i should say ive got a migraine and stay home.But i dont like to lie. My gut is upset just thinking about it all. I do miss seeing all of them its just a strsssful year
When the narcissist ends gift exchanges at Christmas and tells you to take them back to the store. I became the one that did something wrong. They don't acknowledge my birthday. I made a model boat for them for their anniversary, and they rejected it after all the work I put into it. Then I was asked why I couldn't be successful like my sisters. They have been cut out of my life for 7 years and there are good and bad days dealing with them..
She got jealous of my wife’s cookies and mocked my wife and said: your cookies didn’t get ‘dark’ aka burnt, you must have the secret touch. My wife said No secret really… I just watch them bake Thru the oven glass and I don’t leave the room. Her mom said: Now, aren’t you the just the best little baker? Condensing tone identified. We left.
My parents are both gone and all aunts and uncles on both sides. My brother spends every Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve with his wifes family. He invited me one Thanksgiving to go to his wifes sister's house. After dinner HE brought up a story that I told him my mother had told. He never told it until I told him about it.. So he's telling a story to be the center of attention and he's embellishing it by adding more to it. He then claimed he was 6 years old and I just said "No, you were around 3". Well, he yelled "I was there!" "I know how old I was!" Then he BANGS HIS FISTS on the table and walks out of the room! I can here his wifes sister saying to his wife while in the kitchen 'What was that all about?" And she replies "SHE doesn't like when we talk about her mother"! (yes they talk bad of my mother and they call it getting mad if I stand up for her, but this was not the case this time) Well, I never spent another Thanksgiving with them! I have made excuses instead of standing up and saying "I won't go where i am not respected and valued". One day I will get there where I can tell them both off. I'm just not a confrontational person.
I'm sure you'll mention all the attached strings to any and all gifts given by the narcissist. I try to tell people this about my mother but I don't think the flying monkeys want to know about this.
My little sister is so narcisstic she has to be the center of attention even at funerals. You will see her play all these narcissist games at a funeral including playing the victim baiting, use of flying monkeys, smear campaign, triangulation
Has anyone actually considered that all of these holidays were created by narcissists and all these videos and drama they portray on TV also a way to keep us distracted?
does it make me a bad person when i can read the narcissist' next move and .... play along ... until their plan comes to light ... and then let it .. slide off me, without skipping a beat... and enjoy the peace of this beautiful day Merry Christmas 2022.
I hate December in my family. My mom would tell any relative how much she hated me. She actually died Dec 24th to ruin Xmas. Her last words to me were ' I hate you kid and I hope to hell I never see you again ' now my sister ruins it. Makes my mom look like a girl scout. She's a cop. I went no contact. She calls 911 and knows exactly what to say.
In the 10 yrs of dating my partner, I've never actually had a good time with her, ever she ruined just about everything we ever did together, I've finally walked away ,
This could be anyone, or any situation. Looking for answers and all of us, at some time or other, has had a holiday where things didn't go the way we hoped. Does that make me a narcissist?
I think narcs look forward to holidays, only to ruin it …My father loves big parties very much and behaves fine at start, but then soon enough he spoils it all by insulting other people’s opinions, lifestyles …anything just to be unpleasant.
My husband comes from a narcissistic family and he has covert traits. Every Christmas we would spend with his side of the family. If we were late arriving, even by a few minutes, they started without us (we're the black sheep of the family, my husband fits the "invisible child" role). Myself and our kids we be all dressed and ready to go, but my husband would always wait until the last minute to get ready. I would ask him at least 3 times to please get a move on and inevitably we'd end up in a fight, he'd table turn, and it was all my fault I ruined the holiday. I ALWAYS was the one to apologize as he NEVER apologizes, or on the rare occasion that he would, it was sarcastic and absolutely NEVER a sincere apology.
Oh listen there, you're talking about my mother again. Do narcissists know they are narcissist? How can I raise my children to insure they don't become narcissists?
Narcissists have constructed a false sense of self. If you make it a priority to see your children for who they really are and accept them for who they really are, I think that slims the chances of them constructing that false sense of self.
Narcisists ruin special ocasions by their need to be in control. They create tension and it is impossible to relax in their presence. You feel on edge all the time. It is so Exhausting.
Yes
My mother ruined every Holiday since I can remember, no matter what we did was never enough or ever right. I gave up 3 years ago and my Holidays and life in general has been more peaceful and enjoyable
For me it was my sister. Every single holiday for decades
Some people just have to ruin someone else's good time to satisfy their malice. Pitiful.
@@flash_flood_area, sorry to hear that, truly. Just like the Roberta's.
Same
Congratulations, I had a family member who had a birthday the week before Christmas. Life was hell into the new year every single year. After five years of separation, they tried to worm back into my life. When? The week before Christmas. I don't think they ever change.
Every Christmas my mum would get upset about something we’ve done and say ‘great Christmas is ruined’ every year!
I didn’t realize until I was an adult that it’s not normal to never have been allowed a birthday celebration or even a simple “happy birthday” because every year, without fail, I had always done something so horribly wrong that my punishment had to be dragged out over the day that should have been special to me. My supposedly ‘evil’ (per the narcissist) step-family were actually the only ones to ever get me a cake. It probably meant little to them but I still think about it every year.
So sorry.😢 I get it!!
I could write a book on all of the ruined holidays & special occasions. Here’s just a couple: Easter at parents house with a house full of people. I wasn’t agreeing with narc mother on a religion subject. She lunged at me to physically hit me. My son who was about 5-6 at the time jumped in front of me to protect me. My adult cousin jumped in front of my son to protect him. That was all. Nobody said a word to her as usual & the day went on. Another: the morning of the day of my wedding (which turned into my narc mothers wedding, not mine at all) she said to me “I didn’t even shave my legs for THIS!” Sick people. I’m 55 & no contact
Who else loves this channel, not only for Darren’s quality videos as an educator about narcissistic abuse, or for his charming Irish lilt, but also for his HILARIOUS, DRY SENSE OF HUMOR? 🤣 🤚
The LOLs make for such excellent edutainment! 👌 THANKS, DARREN! 👏
✋ I could seriously listen to him talk all day.
His humor is most needed, as narcissism is tragic for all involved with one. Thanks Darren, keep it tongue in cheek.
Irish lilt is good....so is mine!
His videos are awesome!!! Wished he’d put more out, clear, concise and to the point. Yes his accent is nice to listen to also
Christmas was by far,
the most stressful holiday
to spend around the Family...
why I chose peace years ago
and spend it without them... Lol
Same, so much more peaceful and enjoyable isn't it
@@LightBeing369 ,
Oh, most definitely. I kept myself at a distance for roughly 10 yrs prior to going full, no contact 4 yrs ago.
Enjoy the upcoming Holidays with an abundance of peace!
✌️💗 🙂
I am divorced now but the last Christmas with him, I told him not to by me a gift. I stopped decorating putting up lights. He left my tree with built in lights outside in the elements. I never got the joy of any holiday back, actually.
The golden child, younger brother, got a huge pile of presents for each Christmas. My sister and I were given the Sears catalog and told to choose ONE item. We were so excited Christmas morning, but we'd open our gift and I got my sister's choice and she got mine. Being innocent little kids, we thought our mom just got it mixed up. If we tried to exchange them, she would scream at us and beat us for being "ungrateful" brats. This happened for about five years. It just got worse after that. My sister and I were made to dread all of the holidays.
So true. Christmas, birthdays, anything.
Lol "they may turn up late, perhaps not at all" oo oo I like the second one!! 😂
... giggle to self.....
Every get together included my narc mother saying Grace before the meal. Every single time she said Grace she pity sobbed through the prayer. It did not matter if everything was splendid and perfect. She had to make herself the "poor me, I'm so sad, feel sorry for me". She ruined so many meals and get togethers. One time she was sobbing about three of her children who cut her out of their lives. The rest of us and our spouses just stood there in shock. I had had enough and said to her, "What are we? Chopped liver? We're here." She is now down to one son "The Golden Child" and one daughter "The Other Golden Child" who still remain in contact with her.
Agree.
"People get bored out of their skulls."
I burst out laughing even though the topic itself is anything but fun
Oooops!
Apologies: mis-placed comment.
Every year my mom would get into a fight with her oldest brother ... he would say something she didn't agree with and mom would start screeching at him until everyone left. Then we would go home where on the drive she would declare herself the "winner" of their argument. Eventually my one aunt would bring her daughters accordion and have her practice/perform a solo concert whenever she sensed there was an impending storm brewing, at which point mom would leave because she couldn't hijack the holiday.
Brilliant!! 😂
Yes, a narc in my life takes special delight in ruining my birthday-starting fights, faked illnesses, whatever it takes. Thank you for this, Darren. Blessings from California.
In the state next door, AZ, I remember an ex-girlfriend ruining her own birthday just because I threw a mini brief temper tantrum because I didn't think I cooked the spareribs right for that day before they were finally done that day. Thank God we have not talked for half a year now after 16 years too many in a sense
@OkieDokie-ft5pm Wow, pathetic. Glad you got away.
Faked illnesses! I've had the exact experience on several occasions. Wow.
Yep! You hit the nail on the head! My father is a grandiose narcissist and my mother is the covert type. They've ruined Christmas and other holidays for years! It's just awful. I will never spend another holiday with them!
This Christmas, I am buying myself exactly what I want, other years he got me gifts he knew I would hate, so I do not expect much on Christmas, he is not happy any day, so Christmas is not special, I still enjoy it!
Good for you!
Yes. They will more than likely display their talent of creating dysturbia in family gatherings. I am no stranger to seeing that happen.
My sister fit into the Covert category during Christmas time. She would use her health to spoil the day (a trick learned from our paternal grandmother) or engage in some passive aggressive behavior.
Oh, thank you thank you Dr Magee. I could fall on the floor weeping in gratitude for your perfect and full understanding of my 30 year marriage to a narcissist. Your comments bring back so many memories of the pain and confusion and heartbreak I experienced. I have full recovery now, and my life is glorious, but you are a witness and a truth teller for me. I finally left him (husband narc) on a holiday-Labor Day weekend 2014-when he was raging and throwing things because of a perceived slight from me. I never have to live like that again❤️❤️
I'm 34 years old , a mom and a wife. I'm still suffering from the after effects of having a narcissist mother. She's still manipulative and manic but I'm learning so much with these videos and i prepare myself mentally when i do see her. Though I actually wish I lived 3k miles away, that would mean giving up being close to other people i love including my dad. She controls him and it makes me sick to my stomach but how else do I see him? I have to deal with her.
Darren, time can never erase or lessen the tragedy of the time the cat choked on some turkey! 😰
Or when Santa looked at you funny...lol...it really gets that ridiculous!
My Ex in a nutshell ! Thank you for this video 🙏I was living off grid with a Narcissist for 20 plus years and had no idea what the hell was wrong with him. These videos will save peoples lives ❤
My covert narc mother consistently ruined all special occasions. My birthday had to be all about her, or she would throw a tantrum. Hurl the present out the front door screaming, "Take your present and get out." When my wedding wasn't all about her, she slandered me and my wife to everyone we knew, also bringing it up every single time I saw her and how hurt she was and that she would never forget it. I cut her off completely years back and didn't even find out she had died until a year afterwards. Best thing I ever did.
I'm so sorry that you never had the love from a mother that you deserve.
@@TC-gx3qn Thank you. That’s very kind of you.
@@josiah5776 God bless you 🙏🏽
That was smart of you. They never change. My ex was a narcissist and he is still guilting my grown children and always trying to ruin everything for them including Christmas. I was in touch with him until recently. I was always trying to smooth things over so my kids weren't hurt but i just can't do it anymore. They know how to handle him now. Many Blessings to you and your family 🙏🙏🎄🎄I am very sorry you were a victim also😞❤
You had no choice.
It takes courage to cut oneself free from situation like that because those manipulators usually have won to their side almost everyone else so walking away from those may mean "losing" all.others.
"Losing" because they anyway belong to the narcissist.
This channel is safe sanctuary for people who have learned the hardest way that narcissists should not be forgiven and tolerated forever. Understand his/her position?
Come on!
How about some understanding for my position?
Victim refused to stay victim 💪
Whoever believes that a narcissist deserves more patience and understanding..he he.....step closer.
"It might have been their last Christmas for the last 20 years"
I laughed out loud, your delivery is so accurate but pleasant 😁
My ex-husband always went to the hospital with fictitious symptoms. It ruined every religious holiday. His family was in the ministry.
My parents were made for each other in their own messed up way. My dad enjoyed having any excuse to have violent outbursts and be physically abusive. My mom purposely angered him, so that after he beat her, she'd have an excuse to cry about something so everyone would fuss over her. At a wedding over 20 years ago, my mom literally threw herself down in the middle of the parking lot and began threatening to commit suicide. I was so embarrassed and horrified. Of course everyone not as familiar with my mom as I am was so worried and concerned. No one could understand why I just walked away, shaking my head. That is how my mom is. It wasn't HER wedding. She wasn't the center of attention. So she found a way to become center of attention. Then a few years ago, due to an illness I've been battling for decades, I've reached a point I need a transplant. When my mom found out that the doctors were trying to find a donor match for me, all of a sudden my mom would phone me and cry to me about every headache, sore throat, or tummy ache she's having. Would be all "woe is me" and tell me she felt like she was dying. As if she has to compete with me over which one of us is more ill. Never in all the years I've battled my illness has she ever expressed concern for me or even once ever visited me in the hospital. Even when I was pregnant and was in labor at the hospital, she didn't come to see me. But if she as much as stubbed her toe, she'd immediately phone me and tell me how she is now crippled.
I am so sorry that you have to go through that having your own illness to fight as well. I wish I knew before that this horrible behavior was an illness; at least, I would have stopped hoping foolishly that it would get better. And, of course, it has never gotten better. Every holiday, every get together turned into fight and all I have now are bitter memories of family gatherings. And my parents were a perfect match for each other too. They ruined their lives, our lives … Now, their parents, my grandparents were nothing like that. On the contrary, they were giving, compassionate people. So, how did their children, my parents, turn out to be so narcissistic and selfish without an ounce of empathy?
"Center of attention" and "Woe is me", UGH, way too familiar. They just suck all the energy and life put of everything and everyone, don't they
Nice ways to spend Christmas eve or day:
Fishing on an nonfrozen pond.
Time in the barn with the animals.
Volunteering in the children's hospital or nursing home.
Taking a long hike with your dog.
Make a campfire and sing.
Just go to your church service , that's all.
Build a snowman and feed the birds.
You don't need to do anything. I can't do crowds .
Sounds like my brother. He tried to ruin every birthday or holiday. He even tried to make our mother’s funeral about him.
Yes , mine did exactly the same, sickening.
Last Christmas Day I entered my sister’s house, and my Dad asked me if I wanted some Mulled wine.
I said no and he asked why. I responded ‘why would I?’
Bear in mind, I don’t really drink. I certainly don’t drink red wine. I also struggle with anything with a strong smell. He said “why wouldn’t you?” and I said 😡 because I don’t like it and you know I don’t like it!
Actually I hate Christmas being an opportunity to have it rubbed in my face that my own parent doesn’t know a thing about me.
Anyway, I’m beginning to realise it’s not that he doesn’t know me, it’s that he sees me as an extension of himself and therefore If he likes Mulled wine, I must also like mulled wine. Not wanting any or disliking it doesn’t compute and I am sure it will be offered to me again this year despite the smell making me feel nauseated.
He offered you mulled wine. In all fairness, it is ok to offer. Unless you are an alcoholic. Your response was rude... A better response would have been " ah, no thanks, I'm not a fan of mulled wine. Do you have any white wine?
He offered you mulled wine. In all fairness, it is ok to offer. Unless you are an alcoholic. Your response was rude... A better response would have been " ah, no thanks, I'm not a fan of mulled wine. Do you have any white wine?
He offered you mulled wine. In all fairness, it is ok to offer. Unless you are an alcoholic. Your response was rude... A better response would have been " ah, no thanks, I'm not a fan of mulled wine. Do you have any white wine?
He offered you mulled wine. In all fairness, it is ok to offer. Unless you are an alcoholic. Your response was rude... A better response would have been " ah, no thanks, I'm not a fan of mulled wine. Do you have any white wine?
My Mil just did this yesterday to her son when he was dropping her off after celebrating my graduation from university. She was crying & I don't know exactly what but he told her to get the F out of the car. He's showing amazing signs of healing from her & his dad's also narcissistic abuse raising him. I was so proud of him. We just keep pouring love into him and he's finding self worth and support. She's unfortunately coming back next week & i think she'll cause a scene. Thank you for sharing! I know what to expect & can prepare for it now.
That is great: pouring love into a person in the process of healing from a lifetime of emotional manipulation.
Great family ❤️
I have lived through this for going on 5 years now and I'm just learning about what a narcissist is. Every special occasion especially Christmas I can always assume something is going to happen. This year she spent the whole Christmas day moody at my daughter for being excited about opening and playing with her gifts while at the same time spending the whole day in bed "sick". Everything I do from keeping the kids quiet, letting her have alone time, cleaning and cooking wasn't enough. I am at my wits end. Damn if I do, damn if I don't.😔
Laughing and crying 😅😢 My older sister has been using every single tactic on the list, for decades!
Could never understand how families enjoyed being together at Christmas , it was always a ticking time bomb waiting for him to explode into a violent rage and any presents we got to put on a show for others were sold after Xmas .
Yes, it's awful. I always dreaded as holy days approached. I knew something bad was going to happen. Never failed.
Every Christmas with my in-laws is an absolute disaster. This past year we didn't go because we thought it would be uncomfortable due to the fact that my father-in-law fired my husband from the family business. We stayed at home and he said it was the best Christmas he'd ever had. And on the 23rd he found out he got a new job.
I had been training for my first marathon run many years ago and had gone a few months of no contact after my mothers behaviour had gone too far. She called and we connected again, she offered to take me to the marathon and watch me run. I was excited about it, the night before and on the day I kept reminding her that she needed to be on time and I couldn't miss the sign in and start.
But this was her opportunity to shine. On the day she arrived with just enough time for me to almost make it , then SHE DROVE THE WRONG WAY ensuring I was going to miss it. The sick thing is she probably looks back at this as a great day.
Great video, I do love the way you explain things.
It’s like you were describing my Ex-GF… Craziness. I didn’t stay with her long enough to experience Christmas; but I witnessed chaos, rage, explosiveness and nastiness on a weekend trip and a museum trip.
It was odd. Each seemed like a perfect day until later on and something minuscule happened. That’s when the rage, hostility and overdrawn lectures and tantrums started.
During her rages, she would breakdown and list all of HER responsibilities and all the good things she has done for everyone and how she tries to make everybody happy and how nobody appreciates it. She then makes her threats, “I should just move into a tiny home in the woods and put a high wall around it to keep everybody out!”
Odd…
Out of all my girlfriends, she put in the least effort and was empty. I knew more about her dislikes than anything else. Very negative!
All of her drama and martyring had nothing to do with me. Ex: I had dropped an almond on the floor of the hotel and I didn’t realize it. She went hostile about how much home responsibility she has and all she does for “everybody”.
A lot of the arguments left me with a (what the hell just happened?). I really couldn’t argue or debate random topics that have nothing to do with me.
I haven’t had a text from her in 5 weeks. I have a feeling I’ll get a Christmas text. I also have a feeling that I’ll get a text or voice-text about how I missed her birthday (which I’m not going to congratulate her on) in January.
OMG…good riddance! 😅 She sounds like a covert narc borderline.
I sincerely envy you: for having realized so soon that she belonged to a category we jokingly call "better lost than found". 🤣
It took me years to recognize the type.
Is there a reason you haven’t blocked her from texting you? Might make the holiday even better lol
Head for the hills!
This explains a lot about my eldest sister. Any happy event for me, or my family, she was angry and disagreeable.
Very validating. Thank you for your ongoing presentations.
They ruin special occasions because they enjoy feeding off your misery and trauma. Truly evil people.
You must have a witness to my life since I met my ex-husband and the father of my daughters and the fact I have spent the last two days in tears.
This one hits home. My old life with a covert narc “wife”. Learned to ruin the day then taught kids the act. Any function she’d take over before her narc parents could or in tandem.
I walked two yrs ago. Been better since 110%. I can’t mourn to much of what never was, but there are pangs of resentment. Good content, thank you.
Thank you for the reminder.
My ex use to ruin everything I wanted. Nice to have a reminder.
First time meeting my family, she walked out. The only camping trip I planned she cried the entire time. We were together for more than a decade, gave up everything for myself for her.
Same here, the card comes with a signature no actual words or feelings straight to the shredder. I wanted a skateboard at 12 she got me Barbie. Told me I had to get a job so I got a paper route just so I could get my skateboard! She lied about being divorced when he died just to get extra money and still lies to this day about it! Just like the time she lied to police telling them I assaulted her to get me out of the house for 2 weeks. Never any apologies about anything. I'm over it and won't be giving her any more attention.
When I was 16 I asked for a CD player. A few days before xmas a big box was under the tree (the size of a cd player). When its time to open the gift its an extra large Elmo stuffed animal. I wasnt into Elmo at any time in my life. It wasnt even a joke, no CD player. I knew I had to pretend to be happy and not disappointed otherwise she would rage. She then took a picture of me and asked did you enjoy your xmas? Umm yeah I did, all while holding back humiliation and tears. I didn't think too much about it for many years until I had kids, and its something I wouldnt even think of doing!
Omg. They ruin Christmas in ways that make you never want to hear the word again.
The final straw with a narcissistic friend was after she wished me a Happy Birthday on my birthday (in May) before attacking me in the next text message for not coming back to her quickly enough re her previous message (a few days earlier) inviting me out for my birthday. What she didn't care to ask me was if everything was OK. In reality, I was actually trying to put in place new carers for my elderly father who is 87 - that was my priority so responded to the initial happy birthday message to say exactly that as well as a thank you and suggesting a possible venue. The next message from her was a brief acknowledgement of my position and then a passive aggressive tone saying that we might have been able to go out if I had chosen to respond to her!
This may not appear much, but I have been on the receiving end of this type of treatment for several years the difference being that I had vowed not to let it happen again. I have now ended the friendship and have never felt more free. It wasn't easy though as I had to maintain my silence over the next several months despite a barrage of texts which attempted to get me to re-enagage. The final text from her was shortly after midnight on New Year's Day informing me that she wouldn't be in contact again. I do hope that's the end of it but I also know that she might start a dirty tricks campaign behind my back in order to discredit me. If it happens, it happens. She did it before so I won't be surprised. Again, the difference this time is that I really don't care and have chosen to move on and to invest in healthy relationships.
My late wife made Christmas a nightmare. On top of that she wrecked our 20th anniversary. I tried to make it like the honeymoon we didn't have but from dinner on she gave me the silent treatment the whole night. After that I didn't do anything for anything. Not birthday, Christmas, anniversary. I had given up
I was put through this for 13 years before my eyes were opened and I got out of there.
You can not be happy unless the narcissist caused it. So they destroy your happiness if they are not the cause
Oooh! Makes sense
Everything you have just said perfectly describes my ex
Mine also ! 😞😞❤❤
Christmas 2007 my n-mom destroyed all relationships me & my sister had with her family -grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. The crime? My sister, who had come probably 1000 miles wanted to go visit, by herself, briefly, our paternal uncle nearby to say hi on Xmas. All hell broke loose. Nothing like being chewed out by your surviving grandmother on the phone on Xmas eve. Lots of very unpleasant stuff happened to next few days, including having presents thrown at us by our mother, having to step in to prevent my mother from physically attacking my sister, xmas dinner in the garbage and more. Grandparents have since died, can't fix that. All the rest of the family have zero to do with us. Card showed up unwanted from my mom today - straight to the shredder, screw her.
Burn it
Literally: use the fire 🔥 to destroy messages from people like that
Narc brother raged at my Mother on her 90th birthday because she didnt want a slice of pizza.
One year when my husband narc. parents came over for thanksgiving.I didn't mind cooking dinner without help,the problem was when dinner was ready.I told them dinner was ready,that's when my husband and his mom decided to smoke a cigarette,I got a nasty remark coming from my husband narc. I thought how rude. as if they couldn't wait or do it way before. My husband always want a center of attention when we went anywhere on a holiday,plus always cutting me down
I fell out with my narc mother a few weeks ago about various issues including Xmas day plans, to the extent that I had to block her from my phone. But I still delivered cards and presents to a sibling 2 weeks ago so that they can distribute them amongst themselves. I haven’t received a single card or present from any of them as I have now been marked as the perpetrator and will spend Xmas day on my own. But I’m actually looking forward to it as I don’t have to make a 100 mile round trip and go through all of the pretence that the aggression and manipulation isn’t happening! And after that I can spend time with my friends! Hope Xmas is good or at least bearable for everyone X
Jealous! I hope it was lovely !
Thanks for your video. It's very good 👍
It's absurd getting the christmas hoovering years after no contact. It really is all about them. Why not give an apology any time for the rest of the year? Because then they're not in control. Yes, don't answer it will just feed them.
I realized if you write refused on the envelope unopened it will send right back!
@@alenagoddess2400 No contact means no contact, refusing it still gives them supply as crazy as it sounds, so are they. I just throw them away until it stops.
Omg. This is my Mother at Christmas 😳
Well I was forgotten by my grown son to come by and drop off some food for me at Xmas time when I called and asked where he was he lied and said he didn't say on that day but the next day He didn't come by the next day my grand kids didn't even bother to call me and say thanks for the gifts if me cutting them all out of my life is being a narcissist SO BE IT. It feels good not being around people that don't treat me with love and respect.
My older brother is like that and I get confused even as a adult how to behave.
Yes it is confusing, as the behaviour is wierd and bizaar
My sis is a covert narcissist and two years ago my mum and me went to pick her and her boyfriend up from their home for a nice walk. All the way we were two seperate groups. Mum and I walked in front and she and the boyfriend only had attention for each other. It was embarrassing. The boyfriend tried to talk to us, but this was short. To add insult to injury, when the hike was over, they basically said that I would have a Zoom call with the boyfriends parents, whom I've never seen before. To be done with it I agreed and since I can manoeuver akward situations fairy well, it went well.
But all in all it was respectless and akward.
My only sibling, older brother 67 ruined Christmas which l hosted by moaning about my son who had gone to stay with friends, whereas l told him i did not mind, because he thought l should he had a go at me!! Crazy making, he has never had a child so has no insight but insisted my sons absence was WRONG! So all my efforts to make it a pleasant time where stomped on. It was just the two of us and honestly l would have been happier alone. I have had him over for Christmas for the last decade. I think this year was the last. Enough!! Happy new year everyone. Knowledge is power!
Take a small trip as an excuse this year to avoid him. You can treat yourself to something special!
I just love the title of this video!! I know it's going to be bang on just from that 🤣
Very good video, well done and happy holidays 👍👍💡💡
You've just described my late brother: any excuse for an argument at my mother's dinner table at Christmas. One example: do rivers flow up mountains or down them? Unbelievable coming from a so-called adult. But the result was achieved: atmosphere at Christmas dinner ruined. Thanks for these videos. It helps myself and others understand what we have lived through.
Birthdays are a favorite of my narcs🙄
Yup !
I’ve had one birthday he didn’t try to ruin. But he’s getting better. Thank God
Your a funny guy,. Thanks for the cheer😗👍
My husband puts up the real tree every year half ass it fell over again this year so everything all the glass ornaments got smashed it’s all my stuff so it’s big fun for him my mother tries to destroy Christmas. Gives gifts to me that I have asked him not to buy with every little thought. Darren’s right on this one once again I do love this channel! ❤
My husband's mum does some things that seem narcissistic but I'm not completely sure.
She always talks about herself and their childhood for hours. I find it very isolating to be in their family events. But sometimes when I finally get to say something she seems to listen.
She makes a lot of passive aggressive comments and jokes towards me at events like "you took my son away, now he doesn't call me but if you leave him, I'll kill you". But she also made food for my birthday (she did say she did it so I won't mistreat her son).
Everyone says she is just joking but I'm not convinced.
We had a lot of their stuff in our shed until they got settled into their new house. But, due to the shed getting damaged, we needed to give it back to them after 3 years of them ignoring our messages, taking stuff once in a while or saying they couldn't come because they were too sick. They do have illnesses, but they were also going out all the time, hosting multiple gatherings and helping his siblings with things.
After six months, we finally had no choice but to send them the remainder of their stuff because our stuff was damaged and we need a new shed. My MIL was furious screaming down the phone at my husband how he doesn't care about her and how heartless he is. She tried guilt tripping him. His siblings and father often take her side.
I think she sounds like a narcissist but I'm not sure whether it is just sometimes she is selfish but sometimes she isn't. I get the sense that she wants me to like them but doesn't know how to do it. However, I'm not sure if her behaviour is intentional e.g. make me uncomfortable/intimidated but without me being able to say she did anything wrong because she was joking.
I just avoid her at the moment because I've had enough and I don't want to end up yelling at her.
She definitely sounds like a covert narcissist.
My oldest brother called, "did you get our gift"? (shock) I said, "no actually i moved recently so it wouldn't have reached me". He replies, "thanks for letting us know". Why would i want a gift from someone who gets angry because i forgot to tell him my new address- and, it's only been a month. I'm tired of always feeling bad things didn't turn out for my brother.
Thank you for another informative video Darren. I know someone who ruined every occasion possible. It became predictable. Now out of my life thankfully.
Thank You for this video. It will make my Christmas a much better experience. Can't wait for the next part. Have a nice day. And Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. 😄
Its a crazy blur now but maybe our first Xmas she didn't like the card I gave her, another I wasn't allowed in the house, spent the day in my car. I noticed she'd get presents for her neices or friends but wouldn't make the effort to see them so their gifts would still be wrapped months later. After a few years she just stopped buying me a gift, I always got her one. Youre always on edge just waiting for the anger to arrive.
to be evil is to be strong by making others weak.
My MIL tried to get attention from our wedding guests by walking around with pieces of cloth and having people write a message to my husband and me. (2011 wedding) She could NOT stand that the day was NOT about her. She claimed she was going to make a quilt with all the pieces. (She is an expert quilter and teaches classes so plausible story.) She NEVER made it and never made the quilt for my sister-in-law who was married 17 years ago when she did the EXACT same thing! No one expects a quilt to ever be created because we are all in agreement that the pieces were tossed out and she never intended to make anything. She is a Covert Narc IMHO and made up a very long winded LIE about the supposed quilt when I asked about it for the first time just 2 years ago. I know it doesn't exist and never will. I honestly don't give a hoot about a quilt. I just wanted to see what TALL TALE she would tell and boy was it detailed in the text back to me. It's funny AND sad at this point. FAB video! Thanks for all that you do to educate the world about narcissism so the more empathetic people like myself can be better prepared when we encounter such devious behavior.
Looking for a rational reason for narcissistic abuse? That is it. That simplistic little answer- as the victim of the abuse, you will never ever come to this conclusion because the suffering is so profound. You are looking for complex solutions to the complex problem, and it’s simply for the narc to feel better by leveling the playing field by bringing you “down”. Its as simple as a game of dominoes.
But as the victim you think that can’t possibly be the reason. No one is that shallow.
They are.
I was just saying that it might be stresssful amd that maybe i should say ive got a migraine and stay home.But i dont like to lie. My gut is upset just thinking about it all. I do miss seeing all of them its just a strsssful year
The only way is to completely ignore those text or messages from the narcissist.
When the narcissist ends gift exchanges at Christmas and tells you to take them back to the store. I became the one that did something wrong. They don't acknowledge my birthday. I made a model boat for them for their anniversary, and they rejected it after all the work I put into it. Then I was asked why I couldn't be successful like my sisters. They have been cut out of my life for 7 years and there are good and bad days dealing with them..
I didn't notice this pattern of ruining occasions until she discarded me. Miserable woman.
She got jealous of my wife’s cookies and mocked my wife and said: your cookies didn’t get ‘dark’ aka burnt, you must have the secret touch. My wife said No secret really… I just watch them bake Thru the oven glass and I don’t leave the room. Her mom said: Now, aren’t you the just the best little baker? Condensing tone identified. We left.
You have made my day. 😂
They announce their engagement or pregnancy at other peoples weddings.
My parents are both gone and all aunts and uncles on both sides. My brother spends every Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve with his wifes family. He invited me one Thanksgiving to go to his wifes sister's house. After dinner HE brought up a story that I told him my mother had told. He never told it until I told him about it.. So he's telling a story to be the center of attention and he's embellishing it by adding more to it. He then claimed he was 6 years old and I just said "No, you were around 3". Well, he yelled "I was there!" "I know how old I was!" Then he BANGS HIS FISTS on the table and walks out of the room! I can here his wifes sister saying to his wife while in the kitchen 'What was that all about?" And she replies "SHE doesn't like when we talk about her mother"! (yes they talk bad of my mother and they call it getting mad if I stand up for her, but this was not the case this time) Well, I never spent another Thanksgiving with them! I have made excuses instead of standing up and saying "I won't go where i am not respected and valued". One day I will get there where I can tell them both off. I'm just not a confrontational person.
I'm sure you'll mention all the attached strings to any and all gifts given by the narcissist. I try to tell people this about my mother but I don't think the flying monkeys want to know about this.
I wonder how many people are married to a narcissist.
I was but escaped. It's the only way because there's no cure.
So true 👍
My little sister is so narcisstic she has to be the center of attention even at funerals. You will see her play all these narcissist games at a funeral including playing the victim baiting, use of flying monkeys, smear campaign, triangulation
Has anyone actually considered that all of these holidays were created by narcissists and all these videos and drama they portray on TV also a way to keep us distracted?
I don't celebrate it, its a racket
Many holidays were around before tv and mean something very special to people who don’t have narcissists in their lives to ruin it.
does it make me a bad person when i can read the narcissist' next move and .... play along ... until their plan comes to light ...
and then let it .. slide off me, without skipping a beat... and enjoy the peace of this beautiful day
Merry Christmas 2022.
The answer to all of this is sadism, it’s all SADISM
I hate December in my family. My mom would tell any relative how much she hated me. She actually died Dec 24th to ruin Xmas. Her last words to me were ' I hate you kid and I hope to hell I never see you again ' now my sister ruins it. Makes my mom look like a girl scout. She's a cop. I went no contact. She calls 911 and knows exactly what to say.
The spotlight must be on them.
In the 10 yrs of dating my partner, I've never actually had a good time with her, ever she ruined just about everything we ever did together, I've finally walked away ,
Do they do this intentionally?
hi there, thank you, you can describe them as if you knew them....do you have some suggestions on how we can respond?
MIstletoe and Whining. I love it! Bwah-hahahaha!
I know a narc who people won't invite to funerals!
🎯🎯🎯
This could be anyone, or any situation. Looking for answers and all of us, at some time or other, has had a holiday where things didn't go the way we hoped. Does that make me a narcissist?
I think narcs look forward to holidays, only to ruin it …My father loves big parties very much and behaves fine at start, but then soon enough he spoils it all by insulting other people’s opinions, lifestyles …anything just to be unpleasant.
… depends …
@@solobano570 YUP !
I don't know you but i sure as hell know my ex and he did it everyday, every Birthday, Christmas, Every Holiday ! He was a Narcissist !
My husband comes from a narcissistic family and he has covert traits. Every Christmas we would spend with his side of the family. If we were late arriving, even by a few minutes, they started without us (we're the black sheep of the family, my husband fits the "invisible child" role). Myself and our kids we be all dressed and ready to go, but my husband would always wait until the last minute to get ready. I would ask him at least 3 times to please get a move on and inevitably we'd end up in a fight, he'd table turn, and it was all my fault I ruined the holiday. I ALWAYS was the one to apologize as he NEVER apologizes, or on the rare occasion that he would, it was sarcastic and absolutely NEVER a sincere apology.
Oh listen there, you're talking about my mother again.
Do narcissists know they are narcissist?
How can I raise my children to insure they don't become narcissists?
Narcissists have constructed a false sense of self. If you make it a priority to see your children for who they really are and accept them for who they really are, I think that slims the chances of them constructing that false sense of self.