Thanks for explaining the need for a logical conclusion. That might explain why one keeps trying to reason on and on in one's head. I'm certainly not inclined to wallow. But I'd like a mathematical conclusion, which will never come.
@@joannageorge7305I think the evidence for a mathematical conclusion wont come (without some serious MRI technology). Massive insecurity in a person is pretty easy to put into an equation. Actually determining that insecurity is there when the veneer is calm, that'll get in the way of actually obtaining the evidence.
I'm only at 4:22, and I'm already so disgusted with all the ridiculous craziness going on with narcissists that my brain keeps saying "narcissists are pathetic." So if I was making this video, it would be really short! I do wonder how you became interested in counseling, Darren. How am I going to know when your live stream is tomorrow? Since I'm subscribed, will it send me a notice on my phone? I've only seen one, the last one you did. And that was the first live stream I've ever seen on my phone.
I think narcissists are threatened by self-esteem in others because they can’t stand the knowledge that they are fundamentally lacking. They will never admit it, and gaslight and manipulate to hide it, but it’s the fear of their own misery that fuels them into attacking others.
They also like have to one-up so they want to make sure your self-esteem as way down there you know if they can disorientate you like cause you to feel ostracize you know turn other people against you these are the tactics that narcissist will use against you. If you can see through all this they get very frustrated because they're trying to figure out new tactics to come up with their like wait a minute you're supposed to be getting weaker and not stronger you're supposed to be more confused not more clear.
They deserve to feel miserable. There are so many ways they could choose to fix themselves. Instead they prefer to destroy others. Their misery is well deserved.
My old narcissist put my looks down all the time and felt entitled to my time. Isolated me by telling me I had no friends when in fact I’m an introvert lol. I’ve always been the person who likes a few friends than many.
Yes, I think people use the word friend far too loosely, lol. I always cringe when someone I have just met recently introduces me to someone as their friend. I'm looking at them thinking, "Friend? You don't even know my last name." I would rather have one, two, or three true friends than a hundred associates.
Welcome to the club dear Colouredgal. Often I ask myself if I'm the one with a narcissistic behaviour by asking too much, but then I realise that I'm asking just one thing over and over and over again for years. But because of that one thing(alcohol addiction) I'm the bad guyin this picture. I think I can identify my flaws and deal with them but when someone who I respect and love is talking down to me, even if it's in an impaired situation, that person is out of my heart forever no matter what they'd do. So, am I a narcissist? I'm confused and tired of trying to find the right answer by myself and probably I'll never know, unless I'll get to speak to a professional. The frustration and depression is transforming my physical health in a bad way being almost disabled (not being able to talk or walk properly).
@@gogoasainfuriata762 You can heal and get out. You are awake now to what is happening. That is the first step. It is not easy but worth it. It’s not really black and white but you and I do deserve to be treated with empathy respect and equality!
Yup. A narc friend that I do not want to talk anymore told me that " going against him is being an enemy to everyone" Duh I have so many calm friends unlike him. Narcissists are angry people by default.
You just described the malignant narcissist I divorced. He is targeting my children alienating and isolating them..breaking their wills and robbing them of their autonomy,self worth, self esteem, drive, and confidence to the point they give up on all of their passions, goals, talents, academics, sports, friendships , girlfriends, and social lives.
I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through I hope you can understand what I'm going to tell you. These people who are narcissists no matter what type of narcissist are all going to hell when they die because they're stubborn willful and refuse to hear the truth from God Jesus Christ himself that upon death they will go to hell to be tortured forever and ever. I too have a covert NARCISSIST (COVERT) second husband which I've learned from the Bible when we divorce or separate we're not allowed to remarry until the first marriage partner has died and only then are we allowed to remarry OTHERWISE WE COMMIT ADULTERY. Since I told my second husband this he has been very upset. Of course as a true born again child of the one and only true Living God Jesus Christ the Holy Ghost speaks through us who are born again in an effort to warn these evil people & OTHERS to give them every opportunity to repent stop sinning the Holy Ghost helps us stop sinning and to OBEY & SERVE GOD Jesus CHRIST. But of course he won't do that. Sometimes I think he's changing and then I realize I was gaslighted again or flat out lied to again. And only God Jesus Christ keeps him at bay & keeps him from hurting me and my child and I'm an old 63 year old woman with a 35 year old Down syndrome son so believe me I know what you're going through. Put God Jesus Christ the one who's not in any organized religion first and he will help open your eyes and help you see and even feel sorry for these wicked ones because they're going to hell and the Lord will use you to give them the warnings and to chastise them when they misbehave and disrespect us and others. The LORD loves us so much that he even allows us to see his power over these evil narcissists how he will DEFEND US HE'LL even let us see how HE hurts their mind, soul & their bodies with sickness illness and disease right in front of our eyes. And often it will be immediatel. So if you become born again and get out of all organized religions and obey and serve the one true Living God Jesus Christ do not be afraid when you see your spouse suffering and do not take pity (but do pray for their salvation) on them because that's punishment directly coming from our God onto their mind soul and body for the disgusting manner in which they treat us and our children. There's more information besides the Bible that was taken out of the Bible or left out of the Bible because of evil men you should check out the Book of Enoch, Ezra, Baruch, Adam and Eve Etc free to listen to on TH-cam also check out a true brother in Christ speaking truth that Jesus himself spoke on "WARNING THE PEOPLE" . Will be praying for you and yours. Always praying more precious Souls be born again into Jesus Christs salvation.
@@ronriaj I am not sure if I got you right . Why did you marry your second husband if you believe that you live in adultery - or is your first partner deceased ? I do not understand your reasoning regarding the bible .
Very insightful. Thank you. (Many narcissists speak badly of victims behind their backs, to people who know the victim; tearing them down when the victim is not around, i.e. they "poison the well" about victim.)
It's a conundrum, isn't it? On one hand we feel empathy when others come to us and share their problems. We want to help and we know how raw a victim can feel, so we try not to dig too much. The closer the relationship, the more likely we are to just believe. On the other hand, at one point or another, we run into bad faith actors who lie and manipulate for attention. When there doesn't seem to be any evidence to support a claim of abusive behavior, are we maybe not dealing with a victim but rather the perpetrator?
Every time you want to assert yourself or your choices, they will be oppositional, no matter what because they want you in robotic mode, waiting for their orders. They will also act like you should "read their minds".
That last statement was so powerful, Darren! 💕 I believe one main reason they target self-esteem is because they know you deserve better and are capable of finding someone far superior to them in every way and they want you to lose sight of that truth.
Darren - very wisely said. I would add when a target loses self estem, self perception - narc will fully control this person and train them to a servant role, a totally different personality type. IT is like wiping out hardrive in a computer now you can put inside whatever you want. The the full process of establishing a slave is finished (killing personality) - narc discards this target and goes to another one. When the target loses himself we can observe a total disdain from narc to the target for allowing this process.
All spot on. They also target empaths. These are people who are extra-empathetic towards their fellow human beings. Called 'over-sensitive' sometimes, and really wanting to help others, really get down to deeper levels of senses and feelings and emotions and communication....Enter The Narc when he sees such a person....and goes AHA! Food for me! Luckily I'm a sigma empath so I'm definitely an empath but also like a tiger.
I only wish I had had your wisdom at my disposal 27 years ago and avoided the misery I have endured for all these years. You absolutely hit the nail on the head. Such absolutely true words, indeed.
After listing to this, I think I am married to a narcissist husband. I'm on 2x anticipation medications and must always hear that I need to do more positive thinking and get out of my depression. We are married for 21 years.
Qualcomm where i worked, bosses are mostly narcissists... They show all these signs you described, they tell something as your weakness and criticise you constantly till you break down... If you ask for clarification for their decisions, criticism you don't get any .. but you are punished for minor mistakes ( most of the times those are not even mistakes) that these bosses have thought as mistake for years... They don't tell you why you are getting punished... They use passive aggressive communication to give you feedback and often use 3rd party as a bridge between you and them so they look good in your eyes, while they can Target you... They operate on frenemies... Their only objective is to get work done by you but look good in your eyes, for that use passive aggressive techniques of communication and holding your progress till you achieve the perfection that they have thought you must achieve before elegible for their approval... This is most pathetic treatment anyone can get...
Darren, that last little bit at the end is so important to be aware of : "take a look at the company you're in." There doesn't appear to be a single thing I can say to my brother to help him see how destructive his wife is to his self esteem. He was beaten down by our father, and has a very emasculating wife. He used to be a creative and free spirit. I believe she felt threatened by this. (and threatened by our relationship, since she knows he and I have an honest affection for each other. ) If I try to build him up, it has no effect. She'll no doubt tell him I'm trying to "drive a wedge" between them, since keeping him on a tight leash is a strong need of hers. In vilifying me to him, it's SHE who is trying to drive the wedge! It almost worked, but he's come back around to me. It's so hard to watch. I dread ever having to be around them. It reminds me of what Meghan Markle is doing in prying Harry away from his family, but then, he is a willing accomplice to her destruction.
Very good video, this is so helpful to people in this horrible relationship with a narcissist. It is definitely predator and prey. Heartbreaking if you didn't know this type of person existed, which we didn't. But it's not based on love it's based on winning. Mine included me as a Target and while he worked his high up boss was a Target. He'd make it an executive boss eventually cry and he was proud of it. He tormented young girl coworkers like he did me. They'd have a party and the poor girl would come up to me and tell me about it. It's so confusing as you say your ruminating a long time to try to figure it out. You can't even imagine. And no one really understands what they're going to do to the kids.
Really good video Darren. Im certainly with a man who has most of the traits you describe, selfish, devaluing, and will walk away if challenged about his actions.
25 years I let myself be controlled by my narcissistic sibling. 25 years of life being absolutely terrible. It's taken me 5 years of being on my own to finally identify the fact he fits every single aspect of narcissism and then some other ones too. I blamed myself for everything he did to me. I blamed myself for feeling miserable. I blamed myself when he blamed me for why things weren't how he wanted. My parents did nothing to protect me growing up. He bullied me, he mentally abused me to no end. Everything of mine was his and nothing of his was shared. I cried watching this video. I'm not a narcissist. I'm the victim of one... I worried for so long I might have narcissistic qualities somewhere within me. I was so scared I might do to others what he did to me ... But I defended my abuser through the abuse... I didn't see him as the problem until I was suicidal and I had to cut him off because I didn't want to hurt him with my death ... Then years later after realizing... He never speaks to me ... He never contacts me. He's.... Not had a real conversation that wasn't about only his interests since he was like 10 years old.. And even then he was pretty self centric... I hope I heal someday, I feel like I lost a quarter of my life to him just leeching everything I am out...
I will not clip my wings for these narcs who pick up on my dreams. Yes you tell a narc, this is what I want for my career, that person will shoot down my ideas. From now on, I will do those stuff in silence. These narcs poison our hearts and minds, kill our dreams. We should not bow down to these criticisms built on lies to undermine us, to doubt our selves and stop us to be our best version. We get our validation from God. I am God's powerful champion. I am blessed.
If only I had known about this thirty years ago..... it all makes sense now ... hopefully in time I can stand up straight and look people in the eye without self criticism brought on by a lifetime of dealing with narcissistic personalities. Darren your videos are a wake-up call, you hit the nail on the head every time, incredible knowledge, please keep up the good work .thank you.
You described my husband of 33 years. Unfortunately I had a lot of of unhelpful therapists over the years & was diagnosed with depression that didn't respond to medication, go figure. It was all barking up the wrong tree. I finally found a Dr that was amazing but sadly he retired after 5 years & I can't find one who understands narcissist abuse. It's a puzzle with lots of pieces & if you only address a few, you're not understanding the whole picture & how it all fits together.
Oh yes, there are a lot of therapists who do not understand and haven't learned enough about personality disorders, especially narcissism. I went to two with PhD's who couldn't help me. We find our help on TH-cam instead from Doctors who do understand it.
It's good that you understand everything now. Yes a lot of therapists might not understand the complexities are the Dynamics of everyone. A lot of times just like doctors they are treating the symptoms rather than the core issues.
If the narcisist breaks your self esteem and self confidence they are on a straight way to break your spirit which means the destruction of a human being. Evil at work.
I was in this type of relationship for decades. You were able to describe what they do and how it affects the survivors very well as I have lived it. Great video. Thank you.
My goodness, you have perfectly described my ex, who I have children with, and the effect it has on both them and myself. I was discarded 8 years ago but the abuse continues. There is no escape.
@mattm3908 .. once the children become adults, you really don't need to have any further contact with the ex .. It gets a lot easier to find peace .. Just remember, these ppl are severely mentally ill & because they got lucky enough to find a partner that's sensitive, kind & caring, for the first 18 years of your children's lives, they will use the children as pawns in their emotional chess game. Just keep ur head up, if u believe in karma, remember what goes around comes around, and somehow someway in this lifetime or the next, it'll come back to haunt them. 💜
Your videos help me enormously. Your straight forward factual presentation without the distracting bells and whistles others use that only distract is presented with the direct delivery I meed. Bam bam bam one fact after another. You mail it. Whenever I start to get said about ending the nightmare of the cycle of abuse I listen to you and it’s a gentle smack in the face to wake up. Move on. Do not endure another episode of verbal abuse which is just around the corner waiting if I don’t submit. Thank you.
Thanks Darren. Your videos have been incredibly useful to me this year. This one articulated a marriage I've escaped very well indeed. Thankyou very much.
Thank you so much for this video Bullseye nailed it exactly exactly exactly exactly thank you you verbalized exactly what I feel trying to make sense of something but when you’re dealing with a person who is not right in the head you can’t make sense of it because it’s all nonsensical it doesn’t make sense it doesn’t add up so trying to use a rational mind to organize it and get some perspective on it is impossible because it’s a convoluted almost like an Asher painting where people are walking up the stairs and down the stairs and there’s a perspective out the window but it’s really into a lake you know what I mean it’s all distorted so the best thing to do is just get back to who you were and start evolving from there take the avatar that they try to put on you the mask that they tried indoctrinate me with and take the roots out of that they try to dig deep into you and just pull them out like a carrot it was a dangling carrot it never was a real value that you held was never your morals it was never your ideas it was never your true identity it was a false illusion that was driven into you and just it Hass to be extracted and it takes time it takes time to heal and your video helps me do just that thank you love and light love and light 💡🙏🖼👍🌈💌🤩
I believe the injustice of it all does build up,I believe it's sooo important most of all for others to know what's going on in the world,people don't know some of the things that go on,whole communities group up to abuse,and torment ,it's very hard to believe this goes on,many targets will be discredited,or think we have a persecutionary disorder,people need to know this goes on,sometimes by authority figures, they get community to shame,and harass targets,sometimes to the point of s*icide,they make people homeless,even when we speak about it in posts some perps does some covert,or vague gaslighting,These people do smear campaigns and say because of those reasons it's OK,they teach all there flying monkeys to gaslight and ridicule,some of these people start really believing because of the smear campaigns that it's OK to ruin people,the supporters do these things to the target and aren't ever accountable, they hide within the group and bond over the harassment,this is going on right now to probably thousands of people and for some reason no one is saying anything,the target realizes this is exactly how the holocaust happened,only this is covertly done but the same methods, we are demonized,discredited and mobs of people believe it's OK to do this, lots of lies are told,we can't defend against anything because your just condemned,ridiculed,behind the back,no one wants to be accountable for the accusations, but they want to spread them.
Yes it means you have been put on a blacklist. The rational solution would be to get a freedom of information act request on yourself but first you have to find out the agency that put you on it most likely the FBI or the feds. The problem with it is anytime you try to go to court get yourself off a list or anything like that a lot of times lawyers won't even touch it because they already know that you're on the list but they're not allowed to tell you that. And other times people have actually went to court and one and gotten off the list and then continue to be targeted by things like citizens on patrol neighborhood watch and it still goes out it's like an amber alert that all these people get like oh the target is in this area or whatever it's not rocket science.
I feel like one sibling is trying to emulate me to the point where- she has such disregard, disrespect for me...and yet, she copies me to where it's creepy.
They say imitation is the highest form of flattery. The thing that's really weird about these people though is do like make it a point to ignore you or not take your advice and then a week later they'll listen to somebody else saying the same thing as you and they'll be like oh my gosh this person is so smart.😂
I resonate with all the videos of this channel, especially with, "Surviving other people's self esteem" I hope and aspire to become as enlightened/ wise as its author, thank you for EVERYTHING!!! Excellent video, channel, etc. 👍
Older sister has bullied mother into complete submission. Mom 94 years old always wanted to live with special needs brother and I. Mom was here with us for 2 years then went to get a lawyer to get narc sister off her finances. As soon as sister received letter from lawyer kidnapped mother haven't seen her in 2 months. This is incredibly painful heartbreaking.
OMG I’m so sorry to hear that!! To lose a child is the worst kind of pain.😢 I worry every day about my six month old grandson who has the most manipulative, cunning, dispicable, covert narc for a father (my daughter has separated from him) I hope my grandson manages to stay strong when around him as he grows up (currently has visitation 2 days a week) when he is a teenager I will worry even more about the effects this narc will have on my grandson’s mental health. The only thing I can hope for is that my daughters loving, caring, empathic nature will show through to her son and he will be able to learn good from EVIL!
One of the best videos I've seen that takes a look at the victim's side of this. I have a lot of years of experience with just the types of behavior you're described and have seen all the symptoms in myself. It was so subtle, but pervasive, that it took decades to realize it wasn't me or even just my childhood that left my self-esteem and confidence in ruins. Thank you.
I am currently trying to leave a familial narcissist (my aunt). Long story short, I’m stuck here living with her and I’m in my 30s now. She spent my whole childhood and early adulthood trying to groom me to move in with her and be her little slave. So I’m here and I’m stuck. It took me about 10 years to mentally understand what was happening because I live in a family full of narcissists and/or alcoholics. The more I try to leave, the harder the narcissist tries to keep me here. At first she would play on my heart strings with children in my family, then herself (faking heart attacks) and now that I’m over her shit she has started attacking me directly (most recently she backed into my car and now refuses to pay for the damage.) I see a therapist but I think all the advice he gives me is for people in normal, healthy relationships because he thinks I’ll feel empowered. For example right now he advices me to talk to my aunt about my car and gave a calm conversation about it. At this point I can’t even have a 2 word conversation with her (yes/no) because I just hate her. If I had a conversation with her she would A. Shame me make me feel guilty B. Rage at me and I’m honestly terrified of her even though she’s 71 she’s scary when she’s angry. She will say anything to break you. C. She will manipulate me feel more in debt to her. There is not healthy outcome . Does anyone have any advise on this issue? Has someone gone through something like this ? Any advice is greatly appreciated. Victims of narcissistic abuse are the only ones who truly “get it”.
@@GGVanilla it is a tactic they all use. Think of your future. I left with nothing. Traumatised. It has been worth that initial pain to be where I now. Try a women's shelter? Get out while you can as you will only get more abused and traumatised as time goes on.
I definitely can’t take it anymore. I hope I can leave really soon. I tried to get some validation from my brother (golden boy/ flying monkey who has shown some kindness in the past), but he actually shamed me for asking my aunt to pay for the damages and actually went on a rampage telling me I should be ashamed of myself, that he thinks I’m going to kill myself because im isolating… it was awful. I was really triggered, no one in my family believes the abuse is even a thing. That’s why I responded to your message so quickly. I’ve been trying to find solace in video here on TH-cam. Thank you for reaching out.
Projection and acting like the victim should shut up. They show upward social comparisons. So w a narc compare them with someone much worse than the narc ( downward social comparison). It hurts them. Oh so and so cooks so well you could say. You use their b.s against them and they feel bad.
I apricate you taking time to educate me on this. it was helpful to me, putting these things into perspective helps me also resist being reactive because their actions defy logic.
Thank you, Darren, for the defined discourse on the subject. You do a great job of using several examples to demonstrate how a person with NPD behaves towards its victims, but also an awareness of how the victim, themselves, would feel in each circumstance. You have a clear style of content delivery and are spot on. ~Thank you from Montana, U.S.A., and by the way, I noticed that we went to the same university in Ulster; however, I was at the Coleraine campus. ~Thanks again, and keep up with the video content; these are well done!
My narc ex was jealous bigtime when our child was born and ever since...especially at Xmas.. if I bought any cute toys for my kid he would become extremely angry and jealous.. any attention to my child and he'd freak out..in the end he started beating on my 3 year old child..red flag for me...I left.i took the gamete of abuses for years but when he started on our child..it was game over... my child and I are out of there for good. So ya Darren a narcissistic can use a child for attacks, and for threatening and be extremely nasty of a child stealing their visions of grandeur and steals the narcs center stage etc. Also I feared when I left my ex that after being exposed to the narcs rages, headgaming etc long term aka for years on end..I was very afraid to become like the ex cos the narc darkened and would try to warp the victim's mindset, logic, ethics and values ... healing of the many wounds can leave the victims with eternal scars...sigh...
9:03 I ruminated why she abused and demeaned me, when staying with me is more beneficial to her. 😢 It’s not a reasonable expectation to have someone stay being abused.
I remember how my father criticize the attire that enlisted personnel wear in U.S. Navy, which I was in at the time. The real attack was upon me because I chose to leave that dead end town that we lived in for the purpose of creating a better life for myself, which I did. I saved money every paycheck for college during my four years, in addition to getting the G.I., and was discharged afterwards and went to college. My response to my father's attack was what I earned bi-weekly for wearing the attire that he criticized. It was met with silence.
Lotsa drama with family and friends for years now. This drama has one thing in common and it's that they are hell bent to make me feel like I'm just a junk.person. According to them at best im useful. Most of the time it's just minor but constant jabs and at worst everything is my fault, I swear they would pin covid on me if at all possible. The scary part is that it's not just one person, it's literally almost everyone I know. Mother, daughter, boyfriend....the list goes on. I actually like being alone because no one hassles or attacks me. Here's a minor example: my mom kept saying she has less luggage than me and she said this several times like it's a point of pride, finally I said, "congratulations you have less luggage" for whatever reason that got her to shut up.
This was an excellent video. Thank you. For some reason, though, there is a lot of cuts in this talk, perhaps to take pauses away. That makes listening to the talk more stressful, as the listeners don't get the necessary and natural pauses to reflect on what is being said. A wall of words without pauses is not useful. It's like a long text without paragraph breaks. Natural pauses are natural because they are actually useful for both the speaker and the listener. They really shouldn't be cut away. And if you are cutting out entire sentences, then make sure that you don't cut the pauses before and after those sentences. Make room for no words. The space between thoughts is important. So please don't cut out the pauses. Let them stay, so it is easier to listen to and so there is a better flow in the talk, and so the listener has time to reflect.
It is hard to fully trust in other people when I still find myself treating them as if they are the same as my abusive and neglectful parents. Hopefully I can stop automatically doing that eventually!
I wish you'd make a video that emphasizes the narcissist's feelings and motives. Often that topic is included in other videos, but it's not the main topic. I suggest this because it remains the thing that's so puzzling. As a child growing up with a narcissist, I devoted a lot of effort to trying to understand her and guess what might make it possible to connect with her. That was totally useless, of course, and it's taken most of my life to understand how badly I was treated. BUT I'm also certain that on some level she was constantly struggling. It was mostly unconscious; there was no reflection whatsoever. Perhaps that's the thing that's most puzzling. How do they avoid self-reflection even in the face of what to most people would be undeniable evidence?
Good grief. I figured out that my mother, my brother, and my sister are narcissists and they team up against me. So, I went no contact. This past month I am realizing that a friend of mine is one as well. I thought that I took great care in picking this friend of 6 1/2 years. I watched him at work and saw that he was always polite, calm, and professional. So, I let him into my inner being. Looking back, I can see how he played me. It all ended when I had the temerity to ask him why he was doing something that I did not understand. He yelled at me, told me to calm down (??? what ???), slammed down the phone, and has ghosted me for nearly 2 weeks. Of course, I do not want to ever hear from him again. I am just afraid that I cannot see narcissism until I have wasted my time for too long. Why bother having friends.
Doing things in their own best interest: How far will a narcissist go in order to keep you doing everything for them and nothing for yourself? Mine bought property. Then, there was always a reason that she needed me to -go bush-hog the new property (acres). Clean, paint, and organize. Most of the time in and around wasps-she knew wasps were there, and never gave warning. “Do this dangerous thing... “ (there are reasons you were conditioned to fearlessness) so the narc can feel alive by causing your misery. “Go, trespass, and check out new neighbor’s fighting hounds (literal)”. “Put your arm down this hole, and pull this electric wire through, possibly snakes. Yes. I am her daughter. Her other golden child daughter? Dead. I’m telling you, there is no other reason that I remain relatively unscathed than Devine intervention. As in, how did it happen that I remain unharmed?
She won’t stop getting jealous over my relationships - I can’t even speak to another woman without her doing something - still after 8 months no contact - she tries to get guys to fight with me, and contacting me on Fb - not sure where all this will end
Hi Darren, great video as always! I am wondering, why do narcissists try to ingratiate themselves with others by buying gifts, etc. but, when called upon to offer an intervention in some way they always seem to be busy with work, covering a shift, etc. Is this something you have come across?
So how do I begin to heal and keep my marriage going. He's also passive aggressive. Just celebrated 23 years. I'm emotional drained. I was very confident never meet a challenge I didn't like. ..now I struggle to exist
I am 45 and the narcist went to criticize my age, that I am a woman, because he is sleeping with a man now. Its been six months it has one of the most painful experience. What an actor.
I honestly believe the main people harassing me wants me to leave the earth,the excuse they give others is that I've done something wrong to them,but the years of harassment, and keeping me from working in peace hasn't been enough,that'd why I've reached this conclusion, that and also when I've been down willing to ( leave earth) they push harder and the harassment becomes more aggressive,many people know of my public persecution,but somehow these people have hired others to smear me,and in turn many believe that because of the said accusations,it's OK for me to live in my vehicle, isolated.All the treatment is ok to surrounding communities, and no one would believe such a thing if they hadn't witnessed this,they even have certain things they do when I walk in certain places,one is they will start laughing immediately, this is to cause some kind of self conscious,if I talk directly to anyone, they will do this mouth thing like hiding there teeth,this is kinda a inside story where I went to a dentist to get work done,and my employer, and employees where this all started felt they would try and make me insecure, they did this anytime I spoke with them, and this has carried on as something to cause self scrutiny, there's nothing wrong with my teeth, but when this first happened, I did get very self conscious,so they continue using this with anyone I come into contact with,these really are evil people, but all this is punishment where u need to learn this person says,they are the teacher,I assume they are perfect,they don't do wrong.
Haha my DIL told me I would never be paid for what I was writing. Her eyes bulged and her temples turned red when I told her I was being paid. I was surprised how angry she acted, despite her trying to hide it.
I have a relative who is malignant narcissist and confessed once with fear in her tone of voice that she would end up alone and that no one would want to be with her 😂 I mean is she wrong?! 🎉 believe me when I tell you that they perfectly know what they’re doing they just don’t care because they have zero empathy. And they know nobody wants to be with them. Nobody enjoys their company. Sometimes all they have is money, and so some people will stay in their lives for the money and these malignant narcissists know that once the money is gone, they are done
![[Part 1] ทารกน้อยถูกทิ้ง👶 หญิงชราเก็บขวดขายเลี้ยงดูเขาจนโต #โลกการละคร](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/nPTDvFCExks/mqdefault.jpg)
Thanks for joining me this evening, sorry I'm new to this and didn't realise the live chat would end as quick.
You did just fine 👍
Thanks for explaining the need for a logical conclusion. That might explain why one keeps trying to reason on and on in one's head. I'm certainly not inclined to wallow. But I'd like a mathematical conclusion, which will never come.
Thank you for that extra message at the end; it’s going to save a life ❤
@@joannageorge7305I think the evidence for a mathematical conclusion wont come (without some serious MRI technology). Massive insecurity in a person is pretty easy to put into an equation. Actually determining that insecurity is there when the veneer is calm, that'll get in the way of actually obtaining the evidence.
I'm only at 4:22, and I'm already so disgusted with all the ridiculous craziness going on with narcissists that my brain keeps saying "narcissists are pathetic." So if I was making this video, it would be really short! I do wonder how you became interested in counseling, Darren. How am I going to know when your live stream is tomorrow? Since I'm subscribed, will it send me a notice on my phone? I've only seen one, the last one you did. And that was the first live stream I've ever seen on my phone.
I think narcissists are threatened by self-esteem in others because they can’t stand the knowledge that they are fundamentally lacking. They will never admit it, and gaslight and manipulate to hide it, but it’s the fear of their own misery that fuels them into attacking others.
They also like have to one-up so they want to make sure your self-esteem as way down there you know if they can disorientate you like cause you to feel ostracize you know turn other people against you these are the tactics that narcissist will use against you. If you can see through all this they get very frustrated because they're trying to figure out new tactics to come up with their like wait a minute you're supposed to be getting weaker and not stronger you're supposed to be more confused not more clear.
They deserve to feel miserable. There are so many ways they could choose to fix themselves. Instead they prefer to destroy others. Their misery is well deserved.
Joan ur right ✅️
Whatever scape to their control would make them mad because their own weakness. They are control freaks.
My old narcissist put my looks down all the time and felt entitled to my time. Isolated me by telling me I had no friends when in fact I’m an introvert lol. I’ve always been the person who likes a few friends than many.
Yes, I think people use the word friend far too loosely, lol. I always cringe when someone I have just met recently introduces me to someone as their friend. I'm looking at them thinking, "Friend? You don't even know my last name." I would rather have one, two, or three true friends than a hundred associates.
Welcome to the club dear Colouredgal. Often I ask myself if I'm the one with a narcissistic behaviour by asking too much, but then I realise that I'm asking just one thing over and over and over again for years. But because of that one thing(alcohol addiction) I'm the bad guyin this picture. I think I can identify my flaws and deal with them but when someone who I respect and love is talking down to me, even if it's in an impaired situation, that person is out of my heart forever no matter what they'd do. So, am I a narcissist? I'm confused and tired of trying to find the right answer by myself and probably I'll never know, unless I'll get to speak to a professional. The frustration and depression is transforming my physical health in a bad way being almost disabled (not being able to talk or walk properly).
@@gogoasainfuriata762
You can heal and get out. You are awake now to what is happening. That is the first step. It is not easy but worth it. It’s not really black and white but you and I do deserve to be treated with empathy respect and equality!
Yup.
A narc friend that I do not want to talk anymore told me that " going against him is being an enemy to everyone"
Duh I have so many calm friends unlike him. Narcissists are angry people by default.
@@beverlystover3987you’ve got to get out first, then heal
You just described the malignant narcissist I divorced. He is targeting my children alienating and isolating them..breaking their wills and robbing them of their autonomy,self worth, self esteem, drive, and confidence to the point they give up on all of their passions, goals, talents, academics, sports, friendships , girlfriends, and social lives.
I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through I hope you can understand what I'm going to tell you. These people who are narcissists no matter what type of narcissist are all going to hell when they die because they're stubborn willful and refuse to hear the truth from God Jesus Christ himself that upon death they will go to hell to be tortured forever and ever. I too have a covert NARCISSIST (COVERT) second husband which I've learned from the Bible when we divorce or separate we're not allowed to remarry until the first marriage partner has died and only then are we allowed to remarry OTHERWISE WE COMMIT ADULTERY. Since I told my second husband this he has been very upset. Of course as a true born again child of the one and only true Living God Jesus Christ the Holy Ghost speaks through us who are born again in an effort to warn these evil people & OTHERS to give them every opportunity to repent stop sinning the Holy Ghost helps us stop sinning and to OBEY & SERVE GOD Jesus CHRIST. But of course he won't do that. Sometimes I think he's changing and then I realize I was gaslighted again or flat out lied to again. And only God Jesus Christ keeps him at bay & keeps him from hurting me and my child and I'm an old 63 year old woman with a 35 year old Down syndrome son so believe me I know what you're going through. Put God Jesus Christ the one who's not in any organized religion first and he will help open your eyes and help you see and even feel sorry for these wicked ones because they're going to hell and the Lord will use you to give them the warnings and to chastise them when they misbehave and disrespect us and others. The LORD loves us so much that he even allows us to see his power over these evil narcissists how he will DEFEND US HE'LL even let us see how HE hurts their mind, soul & their bodies with sickness illness and disease right in front of our eyes. And often it will be immediatel. So if you become born again and get out of all organized religions and obey and serve the one true Living God Jesus Christ do not be afraid when you see your spouse suffering and do not take pity (but do pray for their salvation) on them because that's punishment directly coming from our God onto their mind soul and body for the disgusting manner in which they treat us and our children. There's more information besides the Bible that was taken out of the Bible or left out of the Bible because of evil men you should check out the Book of Enoch, Ezra, Baruch, Adam and Eve Etc free to listen to on TH-cam also check out a true brother in Christ speaking truth that Jesus himself spoke on "WARNING THE PEOPLE" .
Will be praying for you and yours.
Always praying more precious Souls be born again into Jesus Christs salvation.
@@ronriaj Well said my friend.❤
@@ronriaj I am not sure if I got you right . Why did you marry your second husband if you believe that you live in adultery - or is your first partner deceased ? I do not understand your reasoning regarding the bible .
@@ronriaj I love your faith in Christ JESUS. Hallelujah heavenly Father for people like this woman. Thank you for sharing. 🙏🙏🙏
I agreed. My daughter has alienate from my grandchildren.
Finally Someone on the internet that actually understands how a narcissist works!
There are many actually.
Very insightful. Thank you. (Many narcissists speak badly of victims behind their backs, to people who know the victim; tearing them down when the victim is not around, i.e. they "poison the well" about victim.)
It's a conundrum, isn't it?
On one hand we feel empathy when others come to us and share their problems. We want to help and we know how raw a victim can feel, so we try not to dig too much. The closer the relationship, the more likely we are to just believe.
On the other hand, at one point or another, we run into bad faith actors who lie and manipulate for attention. When there doesn't seem to be any evidence to support a claim of abusive behavior, are we maybe not dealing with a victim but rather the perpetrator?
I told a new therapist that I had trust issues. He said, "Ok, who do you have trouble trusting?" I said, "Oh, you know, people who breathe,"
Every time you want to assert yourself or your choices, they will be oppositional, no matter what because they want you in robotic mode, waiting for their orders.
They will also act like you should "read their minds".
That last statement was so powerful, Darren! 💕 I believe one main reason they target self-esteem is because they know you deserve better and are capable of finding someone far superior to them in every way and they want you to lose sight of that truth.
Thanks Darren ⭐️it’s good to have this reminder especially when living with a narcissist. I need to make a plan to leave 🙏
me too
Darren - very wisely said. I would add when a target loses self estem, self perception - narc will fully control this person and train them to a servant role, a totally different personality type. IT is like wiping out hardrive in a computer now you can put inside whatever you want. The the full process of establishing a slave is finished (killing personality) - narc discards this target and goes to another one. When the target loses himself we can observe a total disdain from narc to the target for allowing this process.
This is really the building blocks of having an incredible realisation and powerful healing in a safe environment.
All spot on. They also target empaths. These are people who are extra-empathetic towards their fellow human beings. Called 'over-sensitive' sometimes, and really wanting to help others, really get down to deeper levels of senses and feelings and emotions and communication....Enter The Narc when he sees such a person....and goes AHA! Food for me! Luckily I'm a sigma empath so I'm definitely an empath but also like a tiger.
I only wish I had had your wisdom at my disposal 27 years ago and avoided the misery I have endured for all these years. You absolutely hit the nail on the head. Such absolutely true words, indeed.
I'm done tripping over grown ass people, who temper tant when they don't get their way
Once again, I've experienced all of these from my father. So, thanks for this.
When someone tries to put me down when I say something I will get back at them maybe not straight away but when they least expect it.
Same.
After listing to this, I think I am married to a narcissist husband. I'm on 2x anticipation medications and must always hear that I need to do more positive thinking and get out of my depression. We are married for 21 years.
Qualcomm where i worked, bosses are mostly narcissists... They show all these signs you described, they tell something as your weakness and criticise you constantly till you break down... If you ask for clarification for their decisions, criticism you don't get any .. but you are punished for minor mistakes ( most of the times those are not even mistakes) that these bosses have thought as mistake for years... They don't tell you why you are getting punished... They use passive aggressive communication to give you feedback and often use 3rd party as a bridge between you and them so they look good in your eyes, while they can Target you... They operate on frenemies... Their only objective is to get work done by you but look good in your eyes, for that use passive aggressive techniques of communication and holding your progress till you achieve the perfection that they have thought you must achieve before elegible for their approval... This is most pathetic treatment anyone can get...
Very jealous, cruel people, are narcissists.
One of the most insightful and compassionate channels to be found on the subject is this one.
Darren, that last little bit at the end is so important to be aware of : "take a look at the company you're in." There doesn't appear to be a single thing I can say to my brother to help him see how destructive his wife is to his self esteem. He was beaten down by our father, and has a very emasculating wife. He used to be a creative and free spirit. I believe she felt threatened by this. (and threatened by our relationship, since she knows he and I have an honest affection for each other. ) If I try to build him up, it has no effect. She'll no doubt tell him I'm trying to "drive a wedge" between them, since keeping him on a tight leash is a strong need of hers. In vilifying me to him, it's SHE who is trying to drive the wedge! It almost worked, but he's come back around to me. It's so hard to watch. I dread ever having to be around them. It reminds me of what Meghan Markle is doing in prying Harry away from his family, but then, he is a willing accomplice to her destruction.
Very good video, this is so helpful to people in this horrible relationship with a narcissist. It is definitely predator and prey. Heartbreaking if you didn't know this type of person existed, which we didn't. But it's not based on love it's based on winning. Mine included me as a Target and while he worked his high up boss was a Target. He'd make it an executive boss eventually cry and he was proud of it. He tormented young girl coworkers like he did me. They'd have a party and the poor girl would come up to me and tell me about it. It's so confusing as you say your ruminating a long time to try to figure it out. You can't even imagine. And no one really understands what they're going to do to the kids.
Really good video Darren. Im certainly with a man who has most of the traits you describe, selfish, devaluing, and will walk away if challenged about his actions.
You described my husband narc.,I'm still with him for almost 16 yrs. It's mental and emotionally exhausting
Time to get out. I was with my ex for 24 years. Finally found strength and left. 9 years later,….. thank goodness I did it! Good luck
@@valentinasaikouski1857 congrats and thankyou
25 years I let myself be controlled by my narcissistic sibling. 25 years of life being absolutely terrible. It's taken me 5 years of being on my own to finally identify the fact he fits every single aspect of narcissism and then some other ones too.
I blamed myself for everything he did to me. I blamed myself for feeling miserable. I blamed myself when he blamed me for why things weren't how he wanted.
My parents did nothing to protect me growing up. He bullied me, he mentally abused me to no end. Everything of mine was his and nothing of his was shared.
I cried watching this video. I'm not a narcissist. I'm the victim of one... I worried for so long I might have narcissistic qualities somewhere within me. I was so scared I might do to others what he did to me ... But I defended my abuser through the abuse... I didn't see him as the problem until I was suicidal and I had to cut him off because I didn't want to hurt him with my death ...
Then years later after realizing... He never speaks to me ... He never contacts me. He's.... Not had a real conversation that wasn't about only his interests since he was like 10 years old.. And even then he was pretty self centric...
I hope I heal someday, I feel like I lost a quarter of my life to him just leeching everything I am out...
I will not clip my wings for these narcs who pick up on my dreams.
Yes you tell a narc, this is what I want for my career, that person will shoot down my ideas.
From now on, I will do those stuff in silence. These narcs poison our hearts and minds, kill our dreams.
We should not bow down to these criticisms built on lies to undermine us, to doubt our selves and stop us to be our best version.
We get our validation from God.
I am God's powerful champion. I am blessed.
If only I had known about this thirty years ago..... it all makes sense now ... hopefully in time I can stand up straight and look people in the eye without self criticism brought on by a lifetime of dealing with narcissistic personalities. Darren your videos are a wake-up call, you hit the nail on the head every time, incredible knowledge, please keep up the good work .thank you.
You described my husband of 33 years. Unfortunately I had a lot of of unhelpful therapists over the years & was diagnosed with depression that didn't respond to medication, go figure. It was all barking up the wrong tree. I finally found a Dr that was amazing but sadly he retired after 5 years & I can't find one who understands narcissist abuse. It's a puzzle with lots of pieces & if you only address a few, you're not understanding the whole picture & how it all fits together.
Oh yes, there are a lot of therapists who do not understand and haven't learned enough about personality disorders, especially narcissism. I went to two with PhD's who couldn't help me. We find our help on TH-cam instead from Doctors who do understand it.
It's good that you understand everything now. Yes a lot of therapists might not understand the complexities are the Dynamics of everyone. A lot of times just like doctors they are treating the symptoms rather than the core issues.
Thank you so much Darren. Everything you said is Spot on.
If the narcisist breaks your self esteem and self confidence they are on a straight way to break your spirit which means the destruction of a human being. Evil at work.
@DarrenMagee Absolutely a live talk about recovery would be valuable!
YES
I was in this type of relationship for decades. You were able to describe what they do and how it affects the survivors very well as I have lived it. Great video. Thank you.
My goodness, you have perfectly described my ex, who I have children with, and the effect it has on both them and myself. I was discarded 8 years ago but the abuse continues. There is no escape.
I am totally 100% serious . Yes there is an escape. His name is Lord Jesus Christ. King of Kings Lord of lords. 🙏🙏🙏
Amen! Jesus saves and provides a way out!
@mattm3908 .. once the children become adults, you really don't need to have any further contact with the ex .. It gets a lot easier to find peace .. Just remember, these ppl are severely mentally ill & because they got lucky enough to find a partner that's sensitive, kind & caring, for the first 18 years of your children's lives, they will use the children as pawns in their emotional chess game. Just keep ur head up, if u believe in karma, remember what goes around comes around, and somehow someway in this lifetime or the next, it'll come back to haunt them. 💜
The message at the end is perhaps the most valuable piece of information.
Stellar job on this video. One of the best I’ve ever seen on subject.
Your videos help me enormously. Your straight forward factual presentation without the distracting bells and whistles others use that only distract is presented with the direct delivery I meed. Bam bam bam one fact after another. You mail it. Whenever I start to get said about ending the nightmare of the cycle of abuse I listen to you and it’s a gentle smack in the face to wake up. Move on. Do not endure another episode of verbal abuse which is just around the corner waiting if I don’t submit. Thank you.
Spot on Darren. You always hit the nail on the head. Just the man I married.
The way I look at it, the harder the narc goes in at you,the better you are doing,they can't handle it!!
Thanks Darren. Your videos have been incredibly useful to me this year. This one articulated a marriage I've escaped very well indeed. Thankyou very much.
Thank you so much for that ending "...the company you're in".This video is so precious to me🌸it hit home
Thank you so much for this video Bullseye nailed it exactly exactly exactly exactly thank you you verbalized exactly what I feel trying to make sense of something but when you’re dealing with a person who is not right in the head you can’t make sense of it because it’s all nonsensical it doesn’t make sense it doesn’t add up so trying to use a rational mind to organize it and get some perspective on it is impossible because it’s a convoluted almost like an Asher painting where people are walking up the stairs and down the stairs and there’s a perspective out the window but it’s really into a lake you know what I mean it’s all distorted so the best thing to do is just get back to who you were and start evolving from there take the avatar that they try to put on you the mask that they tried indoctrinate me with and take the roots out of that they try to dig deep into you and just pull them out like a carrot it was a dangling carrot it never was a real value that you held was never your morals it was never your ideas it was never your true identity it was a false illusion that was driven into you and just it Hass to be extracted and it takes time it takes time to heal and your video helps me do just that thank you love and light love and light 💡🙏🖼👍🌈💌🤩
I believe the injustice of it all does build up,I believe it's sooo important most of all for others to know what's going on in the world,people don't know some of the things that go on,whole communities group up to abuse,and torment ,it's very hard to believe this goes on,many targets will be discredited,or think we have a persecutionary disorder,people need to know this goes on,sometimes by authority figures, they get community to shame,and harass targets,sometimes to the point of s*icide,they make people homeless,even when we speak about it in posts some perps does some covert,or vague gaslighting,These people do smear campaigns and say because of those reasons it's OK,they teach all there flying monkeys to gaslight and ridicule,some of these people start really believing because of the smear campaigns that it's OK to ruin people,the supporters do these things to the target and aren't ever accountable, they hide within the group and bond over the harassment,this is going on right now to probably thousands of people and for some reason no one is saying anything,the target realizes this is exactly how the holocaust happened,only this is covertly done but the same methods, we are demonized,discredited and mobs of people believe it's OK to do this, lots of lies are told,we can't defend against anything because your just condemned,ridiculed,behind the back,no one wants to be accountable for the accusations, but they want to spread them.
Yes it means you have been put on a blacklist. The rational solution would be to get a freedom of information act request on yourself but first you have to find out the agency that put you on it most likely the FBI or the feds. The problem with it is anytime you try to go to court get yourself off a list or anything like that a lot of times lawyers won't even touch it because they already know that you're on the list but they're not allowed to tell you that. And other times people have actually went to court and one and gotten off the list and then continue to be targeted by things like citizens on patrol neighborhood watch and it still goes out it's like an amber alert that all these people get like oh the target is in this area or whatever it's not rocket science.
I feel like one sibling is trying to emulate me to the point where- she has such disregard, disrespect for me...and yet, she copies me to where it's creepy.
They say imitation is the highest form of flattery. The thing that's really weird about these people though is do like make it a point to ignore you or not take your advice and then a week later they'll listen to somebody else saying the same thing as you and they'll be like oh my gosh this person is so smart.😂
Wow. That was extremely insightful, accurate, and more than anything, helpful. Thank you.
This was so helpful and validating! Thank you!!
The narcissist made it obvious That I was going to ruin their car even though I had done that specific Service over 1,000 times...😢😢😢😢😢
Powerful message!! Thank you
I resonate with all the videos of this channel, especially with, "Surviving other people's self esteem" I hope and aspire to become as enlightened/ wise as its author, thank you for EVERYTHING!!! Excellent video, channel, etc. 👍
Older sister has bullied mother into complete submission. Mom 94 years old always wanted to live with special needs brother and I. Mom was here with us for 2 years then went to get a lawyer to get narc sister off her finances. As soon as sister received letter from lawyer kidnapped mother haven't seen her in 2 months. This is incredibly painful heartbreaking.
Update, brother and I haven't seen or heard from our mother in 7 months.
My son took his own life when his father destroyed his
Mental health… his own father
OMG I’m so sorry to hear that!!
To lose a child is the worst kind of pain.😢
I worry every day about my six month old grandson who has the most manipulative, cunning, dispicable, covert narc for a father (my daughter has separated from him) I hope my grandson manages to stay strong when around him as he grows up (currently has visitation 2 days a week) when he is a teenager I will worry even more about the effects this narc will have on my grandson’s mental health.
The only thing I can hope for is that my daughters loving, caring, empathic nature will show through to her son and he will be able to learn good from EVIL!
Thank you Darren, this is so helpful. Please keep broadcasting.
We are already vulnerable by past experience.
Thank you Darren Magee, great video:)
Thank you so much, Darren!
Had my first therapy session today, Darren's videos are better.
Thank you.
One of the best videos I've seen that takes a look at the victim's side of this. I have a lot of years of experience with just the types of behavior you're described and have seen all the symptoms in myself. It was so subtle, but pervasive, that it took decades to realize it wasn't me or even just my childhood that left my self-esteem and confidence in ruins. Thank you.
I am currently trying to leave a familial narcissist (my aunt). Long story short, I’m stuck here living with her and I’m in my 30s now. She spent my whole childhood and early adulthood trying to groom me to move in with her and be her little slave. So I’m here and I’m stuck. It took me about 10 years to mentally understand what was happening because I live in a family full of narcissists and/or alcoholics.
The more I try to leave, the harder the narcissist tries to keep me here. At first she would play on my heart strings with children in my family, then herself (faking heart attacks) and now that I’m over her shit she has started attacking me directly (most recently she backed into my car and now refuses to pay for the damage.)
I see a therapist but I think all the advice he gives me is for people in normal, healthy relationships because he thinks I’ll feel empowered. For example right now he advices me to talk to my aunt about my car and gave a calm conversation about it. At this point I can’t even have a 2 word conversation with her (yes/no) because I just hate her.
If I had a conversation with her she would
A. Shame me make me feel guilty
B. Rage at me and I’m honestly terrified of her even though she’s 71 she’s scary when she’s angry. She will say anything to break you.
C. She will manipulate me feel more in debt to her.
There is not healthy outcome .
Does anyone have any advise on this issue? Has someone gone through something like this ? Any advice is greatly appreciated. Victims of narcissistic abuse are the only ones who truly “get it”.
Plan and leave very quietly.
I’m trying… but it’s hard when they’ve isolated you and made you financially dependent.
@@GGVanilla it is a tactic they all use. Think of your future. I left with nothing. Traumatised. It has been worth that initial pain to be where I now. Try a women's shelter? Get out while you can as you will only get more abused and traumatised as time goes on.
I definitely can’t take it anymore. I hope I can leave really soon. I tried to get some validation from my brother (golden boy/ flying monkey who has shown some kindness in the past), but he actually shamed me for asking my aunt to pay for the damages and actually went on a rampage telling me I should be ashamed of myself, that he thinks I’m going to kill myself because im isolating… it was awful. I was really triggered, no one in my family believes the abuse is even a thing. That’s why I responded to your message so quickly. I’ve been trying to find solace in video here on TH-cam. Thank you for reaching out.
@@GGVanilla don't discuss it with anyone in your family then. Just plan quietly or you will be slowly destroyed!!!
This is my mother 101%.
Projection and acting like the victim should shut up. They show upward social comparisons. So w a narc compare them with someone much worse than the narc ( downward social comparison). It hurts them. Oh so and so cooks so well you could say. You use their b.s
against them and they feel bad.
also if you just say I love this actor ... - narcs are hurt- bc target should have only one idol = a stupid narc
@@user-zy8gk2nn7d thanks for the idea.
I apricate you taking time to educate me on this. it was helpful to me, putting these things into perspective helps me also resist being reactive because their actions defy logic.
I'm really getting a lot of good information out of your videos. Thank you so much. Please keep them coming
Omg.....Thank you for this video.....this brought me to tears....someone understands....
Thank you, Darren, for the defined discourse on the subject. You do a great job of using several examples to demonstrate how a person with NPD behaves towards its victims, but also an awareness of how the victim, themselves, would feel in each circumstance. You have a clear style of content delivery and are spot on. ~Thank you from Montana, U.S.A., and by the way, I noticed that we went to the same university in Ulster; however, I was at the Coleraine campus. ~Thanks again, and keep up with the video content; these are well done!
My narc ex was jealous bigtime when our child was born and ever since...especially at Xmas.. if I bought any cute toys for my kid he would become extremely angry and jealous.. any attention to my child and he'd freak out..in the end he started beating on my 3 year old child..red flag for me...I left.i took the gamete of abuses for years but when he started on our child..it was game over... my child and I are out of there for good. So ya Darren a narcissistic can use a child for attacks, and for threatening and be extremely nasty of a child stealing their visions of grandeur and steals the narcs center stage etc. Also I feared when I left my ex that after being exposed to the narcs rages, headgaming etc long term aka for years on end..I was very afraid to become like the ex cos the narc darkened and would try to warp the victim's mindset, logic, ethics and values ... healing of the many wounds can leave the victims with eternal scars...sigh...
Sry...having a very difficult time trying to articulate...rec3ntly had a stroke and still r3covering from it at present.
You’ve explained this so well and I’ve watched so many people on this x
9:03 I ruminated why she abused and demeaned me, when staying with me is more beneficial to her. 😢 It’s not a reasonable expectation to have someone stay being abused.
Loved the last bit ❤️🙏
Thank you! 💯resonate on this explanation mainly in societal situations!
Everything you said of the long term effects I’ve had
I remember how my father criticize the attire that enlisted personnel wear in U.S. Navy, which I was in at the time.
The real attack was upon me because I chose to leave that dead end town that we lived in for the purpose of creating a better life for myself, which I did.
I saved money every paycheck for college during my four years, in addition to getting the G.I., and was discharged afterwards and went to college.
My response to my father's attack was what I earned bi-weekly for wearing the attire that he criticized. It was met with silence.
Lotsa drama with family and friends for years now. This drama has one thing in common and it's that they are hell bent to make me feel like I'm just a junk.person. According to them at best im useful. Most of the time it's just minor but constant jabs and at worst everything is my fault, I swear they would pin covid on me if at all possible. The scary part is that it's not just one person, it's literally almost everyone I know. Mother, daughter, boyfriend....the list goes on. I actually like being alone because no one hassles or attacks me. Here's a minor example: my mom kept saying she has less luggage than me and she said this several times like it's a point of pride, finally I said, "congratulations you have less luggage" for whatever reason that got her to shut up.
This was an excellent video. Thank you.
For some reason, though, there is a lot of cuts in this talk, perhaps to take pauses away. That makes listening to the talk more stressful, as the listeners don't get the necessary and natural pauses to reflect on what is being said. A wall of words without pauses is not useful. It's like a long text without paragraph breaks.
Natural pauses are natural because they are actually useful for both the speaker and the listener. They really shouldn't be cut away.
And if you are cutting out entire sentences, then make sure that you don't cut the pauses before and after those sentences. Make room for no words. The space between thoughts is important.
So please don't cut out the pauses. Let them stay, so it is easier to listen to and so there is a better flow in the talk, and so the listener has time to reflect.
Thank you so much for this. I am exactly in this mindspace.
I dated someone that tried to chip away at my self esteem. She tried to do a strawman fallacy on me I got rid of her.
Wow your videos are so spot on
It is hard to fully trust in other people when I still find myself treating them as if they are the same as my abusive and neglectful parents. Hopefully I can stop automatically doing that eventually!
I wish you'd make a video that emphasizes the narcissist's feelings and motives. Often that topic is included in other videos, but it's not the main topic. I suggest this because it remains the thing that's so puzzling. As a child growing up with a narcissist, I devoted a lot of effort to trying to understand her and guess what might make it possible to connect with her. That was totally useless, of course, and it's taken most of my life to understand how badly I was treated. BUT I'm also certain that on some level she was constantly struggling. It was mostly unconscious; there was no reflection whatsoever. Perhaps that's the thing that's most puzzling. How do they avoid self-reflection even in the face of what to most people would be undeniable evidence?
Thank ~you we LOVE ❤ 💕 💗 you!
Thank you Darren.
Good grief. I figured out that my mother, my brother, and my sister are narcissists and they team up against me. So, I went no contact. This past month I am realizing that a friend of mine is one as well. I thought that I took great care in picking this friend of 6 1/2 years. I watched him at work and saw that he was always polite, calm, and professional. So, I let him into my inner being. Looking back, I can see how he played me. It all ended when I had the temerity to ask him why he was doing something that I did not understand. He yelled at me, told me to calm down (??? what ???), slammed down the phone, and has ghosted me for nearly 2 weeks. Of course, I do not want to ever hear from him again. I am just afraid that I cannot see narcissism until I have wasted my time for too long. Why bother having friends.
Don't overthink your abuse...
RUN.....🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃🏃
You just described past 20 years of my life
Doing things in their own best interest: How far will a narcissist go in order to keep you doing everything for them and nothing for yourself? Mine bought property. Then, there was always a reason that she needed me to -go bush-hog the new property (acres). Clean, paint, and organize. Most of the time in and around wasps-she knew wasps were there, and never gave warning.
“Do this dangerous thing... “ (there are reasons you were conditioned to fearlessness) so the narc can feel alive by causing your misery. “Go, trespass, and check out new neighbor’s fighting hounds (literal)”. “Put your arm down this hole, and pull this electric wire through, possibly snakes. Yes. I am her daughter. Her other golden child daughter? Dead.
I’m telling you, there is no other reason that I remain relatively unscathed than Devine intervention. As in, how did it happen that I remain unharmed?
Thanks
You’re welcome and thank you so much for your support
She won’t stop getting jealous over my relationships - I can’t even speak to another woman without her doing something - still after 8 months no contact - she tries to get guys to fight with me, and contacting me on Fb - not sure where all this will end
Hi Darren, great video as always! I am wondering, why do narcissists try to ingratiate themselves with others by buying gifts, etc. but, when called upon to offer an intervention in some way they always seem to be busy with work, covering a shift, etc. Is this something you have come across?
It is and it’s a topic I’ll be covering in a future video
Thank you, Darren!
I have always been made out to be a worthless socially awkward person around my so called friends.
So how do I begin to heal and keep my marriage going. He's also passive aggressive. Just celebrated 23 years. I'm emotional drained. I was very confident never meet a challenge I didn't like. ..now I struggle to exist
1:09 main reason: They are easier to torment and control
I am 45 and the narcist went to criticize my age, that I am a woman, because he is sleeping with a man now. Its been six months it has one of the most painful experience. What an actor.
I honestly believe the main people harassing me wants me to leave the earth,the excuse they give others is that I've done something wrong to them,but the years of harassment, and keeping me from working in peace hasn't been enough,that'd why I've reached this conclusion, that and also when I've been down willing to ( leave earth) they push harder and the harassment becomes more aggressive,many people know of my public persecution,but somehow these people have hired others to smear me,and in turn many believe that because of the said accusations,it's OK for me to live in my vehicle, isolated.All the treatment is ok to surrounding communities, and no one would believe such a thing if they hadn't witnessed this,they even have certain things they do when I walk in certain places,one is they will start laughing immediately, this is to cause some kind of self conscious,if I talk directly to anyone, they will do this mouth thing like hiding there teeth,this is kinda a inside story where I went to a dentist to get work done,and my employer, and employees where this all started felt they would try and make me insecure, they did this anytime I spoke with them, and this has carried on as something to cause self scrutiny, there's nothing wrong with my teeth, but when this first happened, I did get very self conscious,so they continue using this with anyone I come into contact with,these really are evil people, but all this is punishment where u need to learn this person says,they are the teacher,I assume they are perfect,they don't do wrong.
So accurate.
Haha my DIL told me I would never be paid for what I was writing. Her eyes bulged and her temples turned red when I told her I was being paid. I was surprised how angry she acted, despite her trying to hide it.
What they don't understand is that TRUE confidence can't be broken by some petty narcissist. Darkness always yeilds to light.
Yarp. I call this period “childhood”.
I have a relative who is malignant narcissist and confessed once with fear in her tone of voice that she would end up alone and that no one would want to be with her 😂 I mean is she wrong?! 🎉 believe me when I tell you that they perfectly know what they’re doing they just don’t care because they have zero empathy. And they know nobody wants to be with them. Nobody enjoys their company.
Sometimes all they have is money, and so some people will stay in their lives for the money and these malignant narcissists know that once the money is gone, they are done
Darren, can you please expand on the last 10 seconds on this video?
It's like you've met them! The flying monkeys were their favourite tool, pun not intended!
They want you to be a weak coward like they are.