this is a really good video. What I have a problem with in therapy is opening up and feeling vulnerable. I feel uncomfortable with eye contact. Therapy is so nerve wracking because I don't open up with anyone really, like half of the appointment is me just sitting there nervous. I'm getting better because I do have a good therapist now but its hard to admit feelings. I feel ashamed almost. Embarrassed?
+Sarah Rivera I know it's been a longer time since you wrote this comment, but I just want to say that I can relate to your described feelings so well. I hope you're doing better meanwhile!
Do not be embarrassed!!! I started the same way and there was so much I held back that I wish I did not. Now I have an amazing relationship with my therapist. Just let them know you are nervous so they can help you find a comfort level for both of you!!! Chin up!!
Yeşim / life is weird. Do what you gotta do to feel better and to improve your life. Say what you want to say. In my opinion, there is no better person to say weird things to than your therapist.
it took me years to find a therapist I truly clicked with and for a long time I thought it just wasn’t for me. I found him when I wasn’t even looking. So grateful
I have the opposite problem.... I don't know what or how to bring things up in therapy and there are often long pauses during my sessions. Since this is the opposite of having too much does this mean I don't need therapy? I do have some issues that I need to express but just can't.
I don't know if this helps but that's what the therapist is for and I'm sure they've heard everything and what does it matter what they think of you I know that's easier to say but you're there to get help if you don't open about your problems you'll never get the help you need that's for sure God bless and if nothing else you can talk to God that's my main therapist and I have overcome a lot of things and I have had to go back for even a couple of generations to figure out things that we're going on in my life because I kept getting into narcissistic relationships and my mother was narcissistic and it took me forever to figure that out because I was naive and trusting but I went back 3 generations and found out that it was part of my generational curse per se
I think witholding it is a clear sign ypu probably need therapy the most and also how to practice vulnerability and put shame aside and share all dark secrets and bad habits and bad stuff that you do and what happened to you or you had gone through. With truthful and transparent approach/ no colorized self glorifying or self deprecating approach. Just say it all. Therapist is there to help you!!!
This is 5 years after the video, but I do have a tip for how to know what to talk about in counseling. I go for a one mile walk before counseling whenever possible. When I do this, I'm able to begin processing my day, and I'm able to sort out what might be pressing issues of the day and what might be the deeper issues that would be good to bring up in a counseling session. Before I started that routine, regularly I'd talk about the struggles or frustrations from that given day but I might neglect to get to the deeper, lasting issues before the session was over. I hope this helps!
Question 2 - At the end of my therapy sessions for the year I gave my psychologist a little wooden plaque that has a quote on it. I added a few beads to give it that personal touch and wrote a thank you note for all the help she had given me. I received a call the following week thanking me for it and it brightened my day so much.
Your videos are so incredibly helpful. You are so real, none of that ego poisoning some professionals have, you share your own struggles which is so helpful. I've been in all kinds of therapy for almost 50 years and I love it when I find a therapist that is truly good at the job they chose. Thanks for sharing. You make a difference. ❤️
At one point, I had therapy for one hour once a month. Didn't work for me at all at the time. My emotions were all over the place so I couldn't remember what I had felt over the past month. I would be desperate one minute and fine the next, and it was hard to explain.
elleoneiram Oh god, I thought no one else felt this on/off pattern. I thought I was alone or making it up!! My first appointment is this Wednesday and I keep doubting if theres even anything wrong with me because my last moment of being desperate and helpless was like a week ago. I feel like I'm not struggling enough to deserve therapy. What did you go to therapy for (only if you're comfortable sharing) and how did you get through that part? Did you ultimately need therapy / did it help you? I'm just trying to figure out if I'm valid, I guess.
When I was in therapy I got stuck talking on one issue. I think that issue is the biggest cause of my mental illness, but I couldn't talk about it in a way that resolved anything. What do you do if you get stuck in therapy?
I am just now re-entering therapy after years of self sabotage. I am excited but knowing my history, I usually sugar coat everything and don’t get down to business. I usually talk about the weather or how my day has been going but never what really is bothering me, mainly because I feel uncomfortable for someone else to see me cry and be emotional.
you could also hand your list to your therapist and have them pick out what looks most concerning to them if you really can't decide. journaling and doing that helps me.
On the topic of gifts, I would caution people. I've had a couple therapists that refused to accept ANY kind of gift, even something as simple as a picture I colored. It was really hurtful to the relationship to be shot down like that and I don't want anyone else to experience that pain. I would always check with your therapist if they are willing to accept a small gift before bringing something in.
I'm the same honestly. Through lots and lots of Therapists, Psychologists, etc. I usually get asked first what brought me in. To which, I have no idea, I just want help. Every single time I go through 4 or 5 sessions, it feels like I'm still leading up to everything and can never find the words so logically the person trying to help me latches on to something that has already been resolved internally through another mental healthcare worker. I've upped therapy to twice a week, sometimes 3, over the years but it's just never enough time and I'm being severely misunderstood because I can never get through my history that gets ASKED ABOUT (I don't volunteer this info) time and again. The problem with this is, it never leads anywhere because I'm 8 sessions in talking about points that are resolved but critical in my story, and even though I express that I'd like to move on. They press on these issues damn near 20 times now when all I want is for them to listen so I can move on to what I really want to talk about which can't be understood without context. Then we can backtrack to my parents getting divorced 25+ years ago and get hung up on that for 2 sessions until they realize I'm not bottling up my emotions or holding any grudges, but in fact have great relationships with both my parents. It's always a 'jump the gun' situation when I mention divorce. And it's exhausting having to go through this process every single time. One man, a Psychologist, cracked me open like an egg, and asked about my parents a single time, realized that wasn't the problem, and moved on to other things he had written down on his legal pad. I mean this thing was FULL of notes. No one else has done that for me. I see a legal pad with some bullet points, hear their misunderstood perspective and feel right back at square 1 to the point where I don't even want to waste my money and energy into this. I go out of network because finding good mental health care is a priority but it doesn't fucking matter in the end. Unless I'm in the ER claiming I'm suicidal, no one gives a shit.
I personally go off track (adhd) and all of the psychiatrist I’ve had don’t know much about it and don’t lead me at all. So when I get out of our time and remember what I wanted to say, I get frustrated. Haven’t been back in a while.
I'm duet anxious... Actually therapy never bothered me, but I think you can find a lot of freedom in practises that help you relax and engage the parasympathetic nervous system. Maybe you like to cycle, walk in nature, go to Hatha yoga classes or play guitar. There are many things which healthily regulate the autonomic nervous system that you can just physically do every day or anytime you want to alleviate feelings of stress and worry.
Gifts; anything small and homemade or something that doesn't have too much material value. Arts and crafts are generally acceptable. Whatever you give, be mindful of the relationship you have with your therapist and the purpose of why you are seeing them. Gifts can be a sign of an unhealthy relationship that you may be forming with your therapist; that you are expecting him/her to give more to you emotionally. I did this with one of my therapists, and I got quite obsessed with that individual, because I felt that my sense of worth was dependent on that individual. Yes, I very mentally unwell at the time.
Hey Kati - thanks for yet another fantastic video. The section on what to bring up in therapy really gave me some good ideas and it's great to know I'm not alone in that issue. I don't celebrate Thanksgiving (I'm from England) but I'm incredibly thankful for your videos and your advice.
This is hard for me. I admire people who always do the right thing, but sometimes I don’t know what the right thing is. 😰 I guess I have my work cut out for me! Thanks so much!
I've been feeling really depressed for the past 6-8 months and I told my parent About 5 months ago but she thought it was just a phase and was telling me all that night that I needed to snap out of it. The following morning she asked me whether I was happier and expected me to say yes, so I just dropped the subject and haven't told anyone how I'm feeling. I know I need to go to a therapist but am too scared to ask my parents for any help cause I'm scared of getting shut down and the outcome if I do go. How can I start the conversation with my parents? How can I convince myself that I need help? ( I feel like I don't need help when really I just don't want help cause I'll feel like a burden)
I had the same situation with mine. My mom kinda took it as a judgement of her parenting and sort of said "Why do YOU need that?" I still feel that guilt years later and have just been watching these videos as, hopefully, motivation to go. I still haven't gone because its been stuck in my head that my life isn't as bad as someone else's, but its getting to me and I will probably be going to one while my family works.
Some parents don't want to take responsibility for their child's feelings. They secretly feel like if you aren't doing well-then they are a failure. They are also too busy to stop and take time to help. They are overwhelmed, and that's their problem, not yours. Good parenting means taking responsibility from the very beginning up until you are fully grown adult. It can't just be expected that, 'you snap out of it' when you are going through something. Regardless, you should take initiative on your own and get to a therapist immediately. Talk to someone at school (they can refer you to someone) about it if your parent is in denial about your depression. There are a lot of people with depression in our country! It's incredible; the demands that are placed on us in the USA, especially young people! If you start treatment now, it will be easier for you when you get older. I wish I had done it sooner. You can learn ways of coping with depression in therapy, and you will have someone to talk to who's objective. At the very least, it will be good for you to vent and perhaps you can work it our through talking. Again, talk to your guidance councilor about this, or another authority at school.
Thanks for reminding me to journal daily to help me prepare for therapy. It is hard changing to another therapist. I am so sad she left the company. This new one is hard because I want to talk about her, so I can get the same care from this new one. So I talk about the former therapist in case I can teach the new one what kind of care I want from him.
Hi Kati, I have a #katifaq for you. I'm sexually attracted to my therapist but I've always respected and understood professional boundaries, never tried to dress differently or alter my input into the therapeutic process to appease him, and have never flirted or acted provocatively. He is also *very* professional with me as well and has done wonders for me and *never* crosses the line. I've heard a lot of people say you *must* confess these things to therapists so you can "work through it" but what if it's not really even a problem for you or for them? Do you absolutely *have* to say something? I think our dynamic and productiveness isn't effected by it so I shouldn't need to bring it up, right?
GlanceofGlory Hey, I'm no expert, and it sounds like you believe that you're able to move forward in therapy even with this attraction, but I do believe that it is something that you should bring up. It may be affecting you in ways you don't realize, and telling this to your therapist will help him make sure that you are not doing things to please him, or to help him address why you might be attracted to him in the first place (ie: is it because of the acceptance he shows, or how he deals with situations, etc.) That's just my opinion, but it also does come from experience. Back when I had a therapist I had a crush on, I never realized how much my attraction to him was affecting my therapy until I was forced to transfer to another therapist due to other reasons. Hope you're doing well and have been able to make the progress you want!
I am experiencing the same with my therapist. I thought I was being inappropriate and going mental. I was fighting the attraction for about a month until one day I couldn’t take it anymore and told him. He was super cool about it and said he had noticed it. We were able to talk about why it was happening, why I was feeling like something was etc. Talking openly about it helped tremendously. Your therapist is trained to read your emotions etc. He already knows. Like mine said, he was waiting for me to feel comfortable enough to bring it up. Remember, it’s a safe space so be honest and open. It will help you in ways you would not even realise initially.
I always used to give my Psychiatrist a box of fancy chocolate from Macy's. He always had it in his office at every appointment. I love chocolate so i always figured who wouldn't. He passed away suddenly a couple years ago and after spending many years in his office, this was so upsetting for me. I believe that I may of finally found a new one i like but it took awhile to do
Great video, as you said if you can't see your therapist more often maybe try emailing them between sessions as a way to get rid of extra thoughts / worries. And it means i don't have to remember important things for up to a month between sessions.
Love all you videos kati!! The journel topic really helped as I'm trying to get someone negative out of my life at the moment and wasn't sure if it was right - but I need to do what's best for me and my recovery! Thankyou!! X
My name is Linda and I can’t just get up out of the house because I’m trying to get better mentally, psychologically and emotionally so I can get a good job to help share the rent in an apartment. That way I don’t have to be abused emotionally but I need to be guided on getting therapist for emotional 😭 abuse and my mental health condition although I have a psychiatrist who gives and prescribes medicine I only have thirty minutes per therapy sessions on Wednesday but like in this video trying to find something to bring up or the first way I could start out talking to my therapist so thanks for this video. I have loved all your videos so please make another one about emotional neglect as an adult daughter.
unbreakable kimmy schmidt show. It’s a comedy and yet she is traumatized by being kidnapped and held in a bunker for 15 years. Though the show does not focus on the tragedy it is more her being positive and her journey to move on. Written by Tina Fey
I can easily pen down my thoughts and my feelings, but I find it really difficult to express it. So, Kati, is it ok to give my therapist the notes I wrote?
Hi Kati :) Thanks for talking about a question that was on my mind too, about giving something small to your therapist. I've been in therapy with my psych for a year and before that, I saw her as a child. We both have a sense of humour in sessions and I found the perfect thing for Christmas for her- it's a stuffed toy doll of Freud and I'm going to leave it on her chair at the end of my last session with her before Christmas, so she'll come back into the room to see a little Freud sitting in her spot. Would you crack up if a client did that to you?
For my college counselor I will write things down on my phone and the night before my session I would email it to my counselor. But I do have a new one this year so I don't know it I will do it again since I have a new one this fall
#katifaq Hey Kati, at my last session my therapist told me she was moving to Montana (I'm from WA). She said she has held back telling me for a while because I really struggle with people leaving & she knew how it would effect me (also had 2 close friends commit suicide in these past 6 months). I didn't realize (until she told me that she was leaving) how much she actually ment to me, and how alone I feel now that she will be leaving. I only trust her & I am on the fence about getting another therapist.. That's just another person that I will open my heart to, to eventually leave as well. I'm so afraid. What do you think? She reminds me a lot of you, I think that's why I love her so much! Thanks, Kati.
Idk how to bring up anything that’s rlly bothering me.I’m dealing with sh,disordered eating,SA flashbacks and conflict with my mom about me being lesbian.but all I talk about with my therapist is my friends and school and stuff like that and I just physically cannot being up anything else and I feel like my therapy sessions are going to waste because I’m not talking about what I’m REALLY feeling.I wish my therapist would just ask questions relating to things I’m struggling with so I could start opening up :(
Hay Kati, I've been in recovery for about a year and a half from psychosis I have been seeing that my symptoms of paranoia and delusions are coming back about my food being poisoned by the government and I get so much anxiety that I end up getting sick. I haven't eaten in about a day and a half. I don't see my therapist till Friday are there anything I cad do to cope with these thoughts? HELP!!!
What if you don't really know what to talk about, like you have lots going on but your afraid they'll think weird of you? The main reason I have therapy is because of my anxiety but idk how it will fix it if I'm to nervous to talk about anything
I was having an issue as well with not knowing what issue or topic would be most important to bring up during my weekly sessions. Having two appointments per week seems like a good idea, however, my therapist works in a clinic within my school, so two sessions weekly wouldn't be possible. In fact, my sessions are sometimes moved because of other patients in crisis.
I’m very depressed and emotionally neglected as an adult and was off and on as a child and I’m also suffering from schizoaffective bipolar chronic depression, anxiety and when I try to go to my parents for emotions and moral support but I end up getting reactions that I don’t feel comfortable with like from my dad.. “I don’t know what to do” and he always says that. My mother has problems of her own but physically. She just ends up pushing the wrong buttons but sometimes I feel it’s not on purpose because of her suffering and it may not be her fault. My dad projects his insecurities onto me by comparing me to someone who now runs his business which he retired but goes into his factory to check up on things, and compares me to her in a negative way. Tells me that I always look like a whore but she doesn’t and I don’t I just can’t take that from him making fun of what I wear or do and it’s hot where I live. I know that sounds trivial but it’s that way about everything. I can’t do anything right to him. It’s either that when we speak and when he just locks his bedroom door and I’m left in my room alone.
Hi happy thanks giving kati, I am very truly thankful for your help and support system. I wanted to ask, I told my mum the other day that in my 20s I had I very bad time with eating food and being sick and lately I was also struggling with the same issue. Although I told her things have settled down at the moment. She didn't look at me, I didn't have her full attention!! This is something that I am aware of not having her attention. Now I accept it I think. Is this normal? XOXOX
We don't celebrate thanksgiving, I'm Dutch and I don't even know what it really stands for. I just know that there is food involved, and being grateful I guess.
I know this video is almost two years old and I probably won't get an answer before my next appointment which is tomorrow, but anyway... I've actually started writing down what's been on my mind each night. Thing is, this week it's almost all about death and suicide. I don't want to talk about it in therapy again and I don't think I will be doing it in the time between tomorrow and my next appointment. Should I still bring it up? Or should I try to tone it down and talk about other, smaller, problems and things that's been on my mind lately?
I guess if someone has too much information to bring to the therapy, just try to trust your process. The most important thing will come up anyway. Sometimes different topics lead to the same underlying process, anyway. Sometimes it's your challenge to choose topics and be responsible for your choice. Sometimes you need to take care of yourself more, establish better contact with your inner parent. And my therapist would always help me if I got confused, she'd help me get into a meditative state of mind where I feel more clearly what my soul needs now. Hope that helps.
Hey! my name is Emilee and I have watched lots of videos on signs and symptoms of depression.I have also heard a lot of people say it may just be hormones, i'm having a really hard time figuring it out. I go 24-48 hours without eating because I just don't have an appetite,I don't like leaving my house to see Friends or family. And not sleeping great and very easily agitated. Maybe I'm being a bit dramatic, or overthinking this but I would appreciate some guidance and advice. Thank you! By the way I love you and your videos! 💕
yeah number three hit home.. in the beginning that's how i felt but was never offered the option of having more appts. and i've done the journaling and tried letting her read or emailing them but she tells me that they "very meaty" so i guess too much or overwhelming to her.. lol oh well. right now i think therapy is pointless..
I have random urges for violence and then I feel really sad and worried about evreything I don't know what to do or who to talk to something terrible is happening inside me and I don't know why
One problem i have is i have plenty going on and i dont feel like i tell my therapist any of it, i feel like in going to dissapoint her, and i regret going cuz im wasting her time, does anyone have some tips
I have tried journaling I have tried lists I just have so meany issues as others have said we don't even make it through my list and by the time I come back I have a hole new list. I wont to go every week but despite being asked how often I wont to come in I only get 2 appointments a month.I feel so frustrated and unwanted I don't know how to get what I need.
!!TW!! Hi! I have a question, i’m going to therapy in a week or so, and there is something i wanna talk with them about. Sometimes when i’m mad/frustrated i stab pens or other non sharp objects into my thighs until i get bruises, I don’t know if its worth telling my therapist. Since its not really putting me in danger like cutting or other methods do, plus i’m really really scared they’re gonna tell my parents about it, I don’t wanna make them worry even more about me. Do you think it’s worth mentioning? And how do I bring it up?
Hi Kati, is there any chance you could talk about schizotypal personality disorder (I'm fairly sure that's the name of it) in any of your next videos? Thanks :)
Can I see my therapist more than twice a month if I have Borderline Personality Disorder? I thought the point to treatment was for me to get away from my therapist.
I see a counselor twice a month but I haven't been diagnosed with any illness. I think it would be perfectly reasonable for your to see someone every week or so.
I think I’ve been deflecting and talking about literally anything else other than myself. Cuz my therapist and I always end up gossiping about my mom or anime or something. Which isn’t productive. But I shut down when we try talking about me. Which is funny cuz idk what my issue is I just know I’m struggling. Actually I’m pretty sure I’m autistic but my therapist doesn’t think so. I think I’ll tell him I disagree w him and that I really think I’m autistic and maybe he’ll believe me idk.
Question, my therapist borough up that if I can get to stop self harming then I won't have to see her every week, she said it like its a good thing and I know it should be but I've started to look forward to seeing her every week and don't feel like I'm ready to start spacing out my sessions. We haven't even talked about why or where it started and I don't wanna space out my sessions. I want to open up more but I get scared. Should I tell her I don't feel ready to space out our sessions? I'm scared I might be getting dependent on seeing her every week and don't know how to take a step back from therapy. I'm scared to when I do get better and we come to that moment, it almost makes me want to not get better, because I'm worried I won't have someone to talk to as often. Help from all kinions, or Kati too ☺️
+carlyyanne8 Oh my God. I so know how you feel. I haven't wanted to skip time with my therapist but I'm going to have a month away from her really soon. I got super scared and yeah I did think Whoa maybe I don't want to get better or I'm too dependent. So I stopped and decided that I'm going to agree with her that I probably am better. So, I'm going to really use all the coping skills that I have learned. This is my experiment in the improved ME. So, I have a list of Kati's videos that I'm going to rewatch and write a page in my recovery journal on. Next I have two friends that I asked if we could talk everyday and I know that I can be honest with them and they say great uplifting things to me. Then, I'm going to make sure that I go swimming or do yoga and go outside for a hike as those two things really, really help me. Let's trust and believe that we can do this!
I think I might be depressed but I'm not sure, I watched ur video about it but I still can't tell, I lay In Bed all the time but I'm usually just in my iPad, which is normal I think cause I'm a teenager, but I have notice that I'm eating less but I don't do that on purpose I kinda just forget that I have to eat cause I'll be on my iPad and be like oops I didn't eat anything yet and I'll go get some food
Hey Kati my question is what would a therapist do if they saw one of their clients who is under 18 smoking drinking doing drugs ect... in public? #katiFAQ
I am surprised that you suggest meeting twice a week if a client feels that their needs can not be met otherwise. Because... What therapist would offer sessions that often? Here in Sweden the usual thing is one time each second week nowadays because they don't have time more often. One solution would be to see several therapists, but than it becomes very expensive.
Didn't you breach confidentiality by revealing that this one client of yours gave a gift they made? I think the only appropriate present for a therapist is your presence.
Go to 6:28 for the question in the title
Lifesaver
Thank you!!
Thank You
this is a really good video. What I have a problem with in therapy is opening up and feeling vulnerable. I feel uncomfortable with eye contact. Therapy is so nerve wracking because I don't open up with anyone really, like half of the appointment is me just sitting there nervous. I'm getting better because I do have a good therapist now but its hard to admit feelings. I feel ashamed almost. Embarrassed?
+Sarah Rivera I know it's been a longer time since you wrote this comment, but I just want to say that I can relate to your described feelings so well.
I hope you're doing better meanwhile!
This is exactly me in therapy
Do not be embarrassed!!! I started the same way and there was so much I held back that I wish I did not. Now I have an amazing relationship with my therapist. Just let them know you are nervous so they can help you find a comfort level for both of you!!! Chin up!!
I just had my first therapy session today and i just feel stupid. Like everything i said was weird or just an overreaction...
Yeşim / life is weird. Do what you gotta do to feel better and to improve your life. Say what you want to say. In my opinion, there is no better person to say weird things to than your therapist.
it took me years to find a therapist I truly clicked with and for a long time I thought it just wasn’t for me. I found him when I wasn’t even looking. So grateful
I wish you were my counsellor..
I have the opposite problem.... I don't know what or how to bring things up in therapy and there are often long pauses during my sessions. Since this is the opposite of having too much does this mean I don't need therapy? I do have some issues that I need to express but just can't.
Blue Green holy cow, are we the same person?
I don't know if this helps but that's what the therapist is for and I'm sure they've heard everything and what does it matter what they think of you I know that's easier to say but you're there to get help if you don't open about your problems you'll never get the help you need that's for sure God bless and if nothing else you can talk to God that's my main therapist and I have overcome a lot of things and I have had to go back for even a couple of generations to figure out things that we're going on in my life because I kept getting into narcissistic relationships and my mother was narcissistic and it took me forever to figure that out because I was naive and trusting but I went back 3 generations and found out that it was part of my generational curse per se
For me it’s like I know what the issue is but I don’t know how to really bring it up or even lead into it.
Try keeping a journal around and write your thoughts out and then share this with your therapist!!!
I think witholding it is a clear sign ypu probably need therapy the most and also how to practice vulnerability and put shame aside and share all dark secrets and bad habits and bad stuff that you do and what happened to you or you had gone through. With truthful and transparent approach/ no colorized self glorifying or self deprecating approach. Just say it all. Therapist is there to help you!!!
This is 5 years after the video, but I do have a tip for how to know what to talk about in counseling. I go for a one mile walk before counseling whenever possible. When I do this, I'm able to begin processing my day, and I'm able to sort out what might be pressing issues of the day and what might be the deeper issues that would be good to bring up in a counseling session. Before I started that routine, regularly I'd talk about the struggles or frustrations from that given day but I might neglect to get to the deeper, lasting issues before the session was over. I hope this helps!
Question 2 - At the end of my therapy sessions for the year I gave my psychologist a little wooden plaque that has a quote on it. I added a few beads to give it that personal touch and wrote a thank you note for all the help she had given me. I received a call the following week thanking me for it and it brightened my day so much.
OMG I love to hear that I am normal for having peaks and valleys. Emotional immune system. yes.
Me to that was really good to hear that it’s normal to have ups and downs
Your videos are so incredibly helpful. You are so real, none of that ego poisoning some professionals have, you share your own struggles which is so helpful. I've been in all kinds of therapy for almost 50 years and I love it when I find a therapist that is truly good at the job they chose. Thanks for sharing. You make a difference. ❤️
At one point, I had therapy for one hour once a month. Didn't work for me at all at the time. My emotions were all over the place so I couldn't remember what I had felt over the past month. I would be desperate one minute and fine the next, and it was hard to explain.
elleoneiram Oh god, I thought no one else felt this on/off pattern. I thought I was alone or making it up!! My first appointment is this Wednesday and I keep doubting if theres even anything wrong with me because my last moment of being desperate and helpless was like a week ago. I feel like I'm not struggling enough to deserve therapy. What did you go to therapy for (only if you're comfortable sharing) and how did you get through that part? Did you ultimately need therapy / did it help you? I'm just trying to figure out if I'm valid, I guess.
you are always valid enough to receive therapy.
i have gone from once every two weeks to once a week to alliveate that problem
@@alix8503 im trying to figure that out too. ive been on and off and i dont even know what im feeling most of the time.
When I was in therapy I got stuck talking on one issue. I think that issue is the biggest cause of my mental illness, but I couldn't talk about it in a way that resolved anything. What do you do if you get stuck in therapy?
6:27 Answer to Title Question: What to bring up in Therapy
I am just now re-entering therapy after years of self sabotage. I am excited but knowing my history, I usually sugar coat everything and don’t get down to business. I usually talk about the weather or how my day has been going but never what really is bothering me, mainly because I feel uncomfortable for someone else to see me cry and be emotional.
you could also hand your list to your therapist and have them pick out what looks most concerning to them if you really can't decide. journaling and doing that helps me.
On the topic of gifts, I would caution people. I've had a couple therapists that refused to accept ANY kind of gift, even something as simple as a picture I colored. It was really hurtful to the relationship to be shot down like that and I don't want anyone else to experience that pain. I would always check with your therapist if they are willing to accept a small gift before bringing something in.
My greatest tool is keeping my house clean and having a really relaxing night routine
I'm the same honestly. Through lots and lots of Therapists, Psychologists, etc. I usually get asked first what brought me in. To which, I have no idea, I just want help. Every single time I go through 4 or 5 sessions, it feels like I'm still leading up to everything and can never find the words so logically the person trying to help me latches on to something that has already been resolved internally through another mental healthcare worker.
I've upped therapy to twice a week, sometimes 3, over the years but it's just never enough time and I'm being severely misunderstood because I can never get through my history that gets ASKED ABOUT (I don't volunteer this info) time and again. The problem with this is, it never leads anywhere because I'm 8 sessions in talking about points that are resolved but critical in my story, and even though I express that I'd like to move on.
They press on these issues damn near 20 times now when all I want is for them to listen so I can move on to what I really want to talk about which can't be understood without context. Then we can backtrack to my parents getting divorced 25+ years ago and get hung up on that for 2 sessions until they realize I'm not bottling up my emotions or holding any grudges, but in fact have great relationships with both my parents. It's always a 'jump the gun' situation when I mention divorce. And it's exhausting having to go through this process every single time.
One man, a Psychologist, cracked me open like an egg, and asked about my parents a single time, realized that wasn't the problem, and moved on to other things he had written down on his legal pad. I mean this thing was FULL of notes. No one else has done that for me. I see a legal pad with some bullet points, hear their misunderstood perspective and feel right back at square 1 to the point where I don't even want to waste my money and energy into this. I go out of network because finding good mental health care is a priority but it doesn't fucking matter in the end. Unless I'm in the ER claiming I'm suicidal, no one gives a shit.
I personally go off track (adhd) and all of the psychiatrist I’ve had don’t know much about it and don’t lead me at all. So when I get out of our time and remember what I wanted to say, I get frustrated. Haven’t been back in a while.
Ugghh I have therapy tomorrow and I'm solo anxious!!
Ugghh I meant soooo
Phoenix Jade how was it? :)
I'm duet anxious...
Actually therapy never bothered me, but I think you can find a lot of freedom in practises that help you relax and engage the parasympathetic nervous system. Maybe you like to cycle, walk in nature, go to Hatha yoga classes or play guitar. There are many things which healthily regulate the autonomic nervous system that you can just physically do every day or anytime you want to alleviate feelings of stress and worry.
Same ;-;
I wish that you were my therapist
Gifts; anything small and homemade or something that doesn't have too much material value. Arts and crafts are generally acceptable. Whatever you give, be mindful of the relationship you have with your therapist and the purpose of why you are seeing them. Gifts can be a sign of an unhealthy relationship that you may be forming with your therapist; that you are expecting him/her to give more to you emotionally. I did this with one of my therapists, and I got quite obsessed with that individual, because I felt that my sense of worth was dependent on that individual. Yes, I very mentally unwell at the time.
2:03 is when it starts
I got my therapist a Thank you for helping me so much
I journal I just never reread what I have written. I suppose that should be something I make a practice of.
Hey Kati - thanks for yet another fantastic video. The section on what to bring up in therapy really gave me some good ideas and it's great to know I'm not alone in that issue. I don't celebrate Thanksgiving (I'm from England) but I'm incredibly thankful for your videos and your advice.
Thank you for all your support Kati
This is hard for me. I admire people who always do the right thing, but sometimes I don’t know what the right thing is. 😰 I guess I have my work cut out for me! Thanks so much!
5:52 For gifts, one time I brought my therapist a Frappuccino. And another time I think I gave her a card and a magnet that both had the same artwork.
I've been feeling really depressed for the past 6-8 months and I told my parent About 5 months ago but she thought it was just a phase and was telling me all that night that I needed to snap out of it. The following morning she asked me whether I was happier and expected me to say yes, so I just dropped the subject and haven't told anyone how I'm feeling. I know I need to go to a therapist but am too scared to ask my parents for any help cause I'm scared of getting shut down and the outcome if I do go. How can I start the conversation with my parents? How can I convince myself that I need help? ( I feel like I don't need help when really I just don't want help cause I'll feel like a burden)
I had the same situation with mine. My mom kinda took it as a judgement of her parenting and sort of said "Why do YOU need that?"
I still feel that guilt years later and have just been watching these videos as, hopefully, motivation to go. I still haven't gone because its been stuck in my head that my life isn't as bad as someone else's, but its getting to me and I will probably be going to one while my family works.
Some parents don't want to take responsibility for their child's feelings. They secretly feel like if you aren't doing well-then they are a failure. They are also too busy to stop and take time to help. They are overwhelmed, and that's their problem, not yours. Good parenting means taking responsibility from the very beginning up until you are fully grown adult. It can't just be expected that, 'you snap out of it' when you are going through something. Regardless, you should take initiative on your own and get to a therapist immediately. Talk to someone at school (they can refer you to someone) about it if your parent is in denial about your depression. There are a lot of people with depression in our country! It's incredible; the demands that are placed on us in the USA, especially young people! If you start treatment now, it will be easier for you when you get older. I wish I had done it sooner. You can learn ways of coping with depression in therapy, and you will have someone to talk to who's objective. At the very least, it will be good for you to vent and perhaps you can work it our through talking. Again, talk to your guidance councilor about this, or another authority at school.
Just go up to her and be like, "mom, can i please try therapy, I think it will help me and if it doesnt work I cans stop."
how are you today
Thanks for reminding me to journal daily to help me prepare for therapy. It is hard changing to another therapist. I am so sad she left the company. This new one is hard because I want to talk about her, so I can get the same care from this new one. So I talk about the former therapist in case I can teach the new one what kind of care I want from him.
What if the only thing that has helped my anxiety is not going to school and the only thing i do is sit at home and go to the gym
Well, do YOU want to learn other ways of coping? :) Or are you happy as is?
Because you can learn - I believe in you!!
Try to get outside for fresh air and vitamin D! Each day you will start to feel better.. small steps!! Be proud because speaking your mind is a WIN!
Tabita S. Do you have any tips to cope with it?
Here because I have a ton to talk about between my last session and upcoming session
I don't celebrate thanksgiving.. But I hope you and Sean have a wonderful time! Thanks for everything you do 😊 xxx
Hi Kati, I have a #katifaq for you. I'm sexually attracted to my therapist but I've always respected and understood professional boundaries, never tried to dress differently or alter my input into the therapeutic process to appease him, and have never flirted or acted provocatively. He is also *very* professional with me as well and has done wonders for me and *never* crosses the line. I've heard a lot of people say you *must* confess these things to therapists so you can "work through it" but what if it's not really even a problem for you or for them? Do you absolutely *have* to say something? I think our dynamic and productiveness isn't effected by it so I shouldn't need to bring it up, right?
GlanceofGlory Hey, I'm no expert, and it sounds like you believe that you're able to move forward in therapy even with this attraction, but I do believe that it is something that you should bring up.
It may be affecting you in ways you don't realize, and telling this to your therapist will help him make sure that you are not doing things to please him, or to help him address why you might be attracted to him in the first place (ie: is it because of the acceptance he shows, or how he deals with situations, etc.)
That's just my opinion, but it also does come from experience. Back when I had a therapist I had a crush on, I never realized how much my attraction to him was affecting my therapy until I was forced to transfer to another therapist due to other reasons.
Hope you're doing well and have been able to make the progress you want!
I am experiencing the same with my therapist. I thought I was being inappropriate and going mental. I was fighting the attraction for about a month until one day I couldn’t take it anymore and told him. He was super cool about it and said he had noticed it.
We were able to talk about why it was happening, why I was feeling like something was etc.
Talking openly about it helped tremendously.
Your therapist is trained to read your emotions etc. He already knows. Like mine said, he was waiting for me to feel comfortable enough to bring it up.
Remember, it’s a safe space so be honest and open. It will help you in ways you would not even realise initially.
Thank you kati for everything
Thanks for the video!
***** in most of your videos, that newspaper artwork always amazes me. We did you find such an amazing piece of work?
I always used to give my Psychiatrist a box of fancy chocolate from Macy's. He always had it in his office at every appointment. I love chocolate so i always figured who wouldn't. He passed away suddenly a couple years ago and after spending many years in his office, this was so upsetting for me. I believe that I may of finally found a new one i like but it took awhile to do
Great video, as you said if you can't see your therapist more often maybe try emailing them between sessions as a way to get rid of extra thoughts / worries. And it means i don't have to remember important things for up to a month between sessions.
That's and amazing idea, looking at it from a character we respects option
I like the idea about what your favorite character would do!
Love all you videos kati!! The journel topic really helped as I'm trying to get someone negative out of my life at the moment and wasn't sure if it was right - but I need to do what's best for me and my recovery! Thankyou!! X
My name is Linda and I can’t just get up out of the house because I’m trying to get better mentally, psychologically and emotionally so I can get a good job to help share the rent in an apartment. That way I don’t have to be abused emotionally but I need to be guided on getting therapist for emotional 😭 abuse and my mental health condition although I have a psychiatrist who gives and prescribes medicine I only have thirty minutes per therapy sessions on Wednesday but like in this video trying to find something to bring up or the first way I could start out talking to my therapist so thanks for this video. I have loved all your videos so please make another one about emotional neglect as an adult daughter.
unbreakable kimmy schmidt show.
It’s a comedy and yet she is traumatized by being kidnapped and held in a bunker for 15 years.
Though the show does not focus on the tragedy it is more her being positive and her journey to move on.
Written by Tina Fey
I can easily pen down my thoughts and my feelings, but I find it really difficult to express it. So, Kati, is it ok to give my therapist the notes I wrote?
I've done that or sent a text or email with permission if its something I am afraid I'll forget or chicken out telling
Yessss that is what I do
Me: I'm scared of thicc zombies
Therapist: Deadass?
Me: AHHHHHHHGGGG
:(
LMFAO BRUHHH ANAKAKAKALWLS😭
Hi Kati :) Thanks for talking about a question that was on my mind too, about giving something small to your therapist. I've been in therapy with my psych for a year and before that, I saw her as a child. We both have a sense of humour in sessions and I found the perfect thing for Christmas for her- it's a stuffed toy doll of Freud and I'm going to leave it on her chair at the end of my last session with her before Christmas, so she'll come back into the room to see a little Freud sitting in her spot. Would you crack up if a client did that to you?
lmfaooo
Hey Kati! I just wanted you to know that Ashley Elizabeth talked about you in her video today!
I would be so interested in a video analyzing some of Carrie Bradshaw’s behavior lol
What do you do with the gifts if you stop seeing a patient and they gave you one?
For my college counselor I will write things down on my phone and the night before my session I would email it to my counselor. But I do have a new one this year so I don't know it I will do it again since I have a new one this fall
#katifaq
Hey Kati, at my last session my therapist told me she was moving to Montana (I'm from WA). She said she has held back telling me for a while because I really struggle with people leaving & she knew how it would effect me (also had 2 close friends commit suicide in these past 6 months). I didn't realize (until she told me that she was leaving) how much she actually ment to me, and how alone I feel now that she will be leaving. I only trust her & I am on the fence about getting another therapist.. That's just another person that I will open my heart to, to eventually leave as well. I'm so afraid. What do you think? She reminds me a lot of you, I think that's why I love her so much! Thanks, Kati.
Hannah Rae I hope everything turned out well
Read Lise Bourbeau's books. This may can help you.
Idk how to bring up anything that’s rlly bothering me.I’m dealing with sh,disordered eating,SA flashbacks and conflict with my mom about me being lesbian.but all I talk about with my therapist is my friends and school and stuff like that and I just physically cannot being up anything else and I feel like my therapy sessions are going to waste because I’m not talking about what I’m REALLY feeling.I wish my therapist would just ask questions relating to things I’m struggling with so I could start opening up :(
God bless ya girl 👌👍 thanks for the help .
Hay Kati, I've been in recovery for about a year and a half from psychosis I have been seeing that my symptoms of paranoia and delusions are coming back about my food being poisoned by the government and I get so much anxiety that I end up getting sick. I haven't eaten in about a day and a half. I don't see my therapist till Friday are there anything I cad do to cope with these thoughts? HELP!!!
KATIE M hey I know this was 4 years ago but I just wanted to see how you are doing and I hope things got better
Same...
Anyone knows how to write the journal she's talking about?
What if you don't really know what to talk about, like you have lots going on but your afraid they'll think weird of you? The main reason I have therapy is because of my anxiety but idk how it will fix it if I'm to nervous to talk about anything
I was having an issue as well with not knowing what issue or topic would be most important to bring up during my weekly sessions. Having two appointments per week seems like a good idea, however, my therapist works in a clinic within my school, so two sessions weekly wouldn't be possible. In fact, my sessions are sometimes moved because of other patients in crisis.
She said "now that I have a
Real job". It could be just the change/new stress. Even tho a real job is a good thing it's still a stressor and a change.
I’m very depressed and emotionally neglected as an adult and was off and on as a child and I’m also suffering from schizoaffective bipolar chronic depression, anxiety and when I try to go to my parents for emotions and moral support but I end up getting reactions that I don’t feel comfortable with like from my dad.. “I don’t know what to do” and he always says that. My mother has problems of her own but physically. She just ends up pushing the wrong buttons but sometimes I feel it’s not on purpose because of her suffering and it may not be her fault. My dad projects his insecurities onto me by comparing me to someone who now runs his business which he retired but goes into his factory to check up on things, and compares me to her in a negative way. Tells me that I always look like a whore but she doesn’t and I don’t I just can’t take that from him making fun of what I wear or do and it’s hot where I live. I know that sounds trivial but it’s that way about everything. I can’t do anything right to him. It’s either that when we speak and when he just locks his bedroom door and I’m left in my room alone.
Hi happy thanks giving kati, I am very truly thankful for your help and support system. I wanted to ask, I told my mum the other day that in my 20s I had I very bad time with eating food and being sick and lately I was also struggling with the same issue. Although I told her things have settled down at the moment. She didn't look at me, I didn't have her full attention!! This is something that I am aware of not having her attention. Now I accept it I think. Is this normal? XOXOX
We don't celebrate thanksgiving, I'm Dutch and I don't even know what it really stands for. I just know that there is food involved, and being grateful I guess.
It corresponds to Erntedank in Germany (essentially, the idea and symbolism) which you might have in the Netherlands as well? ;)
I know this video is almost two years old and I probably won't get an answer before my next appointment which is tomorrow, but anyway...
I've actually started writing down what's been on my mind each night. Thing is, this week it's almost all about death and suicide. I don't want to talk about it in therapy again and I don't think I will be doing it in the time between tomorrow and my next appointment. Should I still bring it up? Or should I try to tone it down and talk about other, smaller, problems and things that's been on my mind lately?
Hope you had a good Thanksgiving!
I guess if someone has too much information to bring to the therapy, just try to trust your process. The most important thing will come up anyway. Sometimes different topics lead to the same underlying process, anyway. Sometimes it's your challenge to choose topics and be responsible for your choice. Sometimes you need to take care of yourself more, establish better contact with your inner parent. And my therapist would always help me if I got confused, she'd help me get into a meditative state of mind where I feel more clearly what my soul needs now. Hope that helps.
Happy Thxgiving everyone!
My favorite character would go, "Hulk smash!"... Maybe I need a new favorite character...
Hey! my name is Emilee and I have watched lots of videos on signs and symptoms of depression.I have also heard a lot of people say it may just be hormones, i'm having a really hard time figuring it out. I go 24-48 hours without eating because I just don't have an appetite,I don't like leaving my house to see Friends or family. And not sleeping great and very easily agitated. Maybe I'm being a bit dramatic, or overthinking this but I would appreciate some guidance and advice. Thank you! By the way I love you and your videos! 💕
My issue is , what happens when I don’t have any new problem to talk about in therapy so what do I tell her
yeah number three hit home.. in the beginning that's how i felt but was never offered the option of having more appts. and i've done the journaling and tried letting her read or emailing them but she tells me that they "very meaty" so i guess too much or overwhelming to her.. lol oh well. right now i think therapy is pointless..
All very well to have more often sessions, but what if you are poor and you can hardly afford 1 p/month? How do you solve it?
what did she study?
Hahaha. That last idea from the character wouldn't really work for me cause Severus Snape isn't a good role model!
Caitlin van den berg why on earth is snape your favourite character?
Because he's awesome and he lives up to his decisions in live and he knows about guilt and redemption. And he does everything for love. I love him!
I bringed my therapist cake I make. and also I made her a little hat for her baby when she came back from maternal leave. =]
I have random urges for violence and then I feel really sad and worried about evreything I don't know what to do or who to talk to something terrible is happening inside me and I don't know why
One problem i have is i have plenty going on and i dont feel like i tell my therapist any of it, i feel like in going to dissapoint her, and i regret going cuz im wasting her time, does anyone have some tips
Are you the therapist in Shane’s video?
I have tried journaling I have tried lists I just have so meany issues as others have said we don't even make it through my list and by the time I come back I have a hole new list. I wont to go every week but despite being asked how often I wont to come in I only get 2 appointments a month.I feel so frustrated and unwanted I don't know how to get what I need.
!!TW!! Hi! I have a question, i’m going to therapy in a week or so, and there is something i wanna talk with them about. Sometimes when i’m mad/frustrated i stab pens or other non sharp objects into my thighs until i get bruises, I don’t know if its worth telling my therapist. Since its not really putting me in danger like cutting or other methods do, plus i’m really really scared they’re gonna tell my parents about it, I don’t wanna make them worry even more about me. Do you think it’s worth mentioning? And how do I bring it up?
i know im late but this is a form of self harm! i hope you are doing better
Hi Kati, is there any chance you could talk about schizotypal personality disorder (I'm fairly sure that's the name of it) in any of your next videos? Thanks :)
Can I see my therapist more than twice a month if I have Borderline Personality Disorder? I thought the point to treatment was for me to get away from my therapist.
I see a counselor twice a month but I haven't been diagnosed with any illness.
I think it would be perfectly reasonable for your to see someone every week or so.
6:25
I’ve run out of stuff to talk about I’m honestly a little worried
I think I’ve been deflecting and talking about literally anything else other than myself. Cuz my therapist and I always end up gossiping about my mom or anime or something. Which isn’t productive. But I shut down when we try talking about me. Which is funny cuz idk what my issue is I just know I’m struggling. Actually I’m pretty sure I’m autistic but my therapist doesn’t think so. I think I’ll tell him I disagree w him and that I really think I’m autistic and maybe he’ll believe me idk.
Hi Kati I have a problem, I’m in recovery and the voices are coming back. What do I do? Oh and please don’t share this
All i do is just bottle it up
#katifaq - what are your thoughts on EMDR please Kati?
...What would Dexter do???
Question, my therapist borough up that if I can get to stop self harming then I won't have to see her every week, she said it like its a good thing and I know it should be but I've started to look forward to seeing her every week and don't feel like I'm ready to start spacing out my sessions. We haven't even talked about why or where it started and I don't wanna space out my sessions. I want to open up more but I get scared. Should I tell her I don't feel ready to space out our sessions? I'm scared I might be getting dependent on seeing her every week and don't know how to take a step back from therapy. I'm scared to when I do get better and we come to that moment, it almost makes me want to not get better, because I'm worried I won't have someone to talk to as often. Help from all kinions, or Kati too ☺️
+carlyyanne8 Oh my God. I so know how you feel. I haven't wanted to skip time with my therapist but I'm going to have a month away from her really soon. I got super scared and yeah I did think Whoa maybe I don't want to get better or I'm too dependent. So I stopped and decided that I'm going to agree with her that I probably am better. So, I'm going to really use all the coping skills that I have learned. This is my experiment in the improved ME. So, I have a list of Kati's videos that I'm going to rewatch and write a page in my recovery journal on. Next I have two friends that I asked if we could talk everyday and I know that I can be honest with them and they say great uplifting things to me. Then, I'm going to make sure that I go swimming or do yoga and go outside for a hike as those two things really, really help me. Let's trust and believe that we can do this!
I think I might be depressed but I'm not sure, I watched ur video about it but I still can't tell, I lay In Bed all the time but I'm usually just in my iPad, which is normal I think cause I'm a teenager, but I have notice that I'm eating less but I don't do that on purpose I kinda just forget that I have to eat cause I'll be on my iPad and be like oops I didn't eat anything yet and I'll go get some food
Hey Kati my question is what would a therapist do if they saw one of their clients who is under 18 smoking drinking doing drugs ect... in public? #katiFAQ
I will send my therapist A greeting card
I feel uncomfortable talking about things thanks for everything
I am surprised that you suggest meeting twice a week if a client feels that their needs can not be met otherwise. Because... What therapist would offer sessions that often? Here in Sweden the usual thing is one time each second week nowadays because they don't have time more often. One solution would be to see several therapists, but than it becomes very expensive.
Dessert :)
Didn't you breach confidentiality by revealing that this one client of yours gave a gift they made? I think the only appropriate present for a therapist is your presence.
Do you really love me??? Like for real?? I doubt it...
Im scared ill offend the theropist