How often do I tell my therapist or my friends "LOGICALLY I KNOW xyz, but in practice I just can't make myself do/feel/react/whatever." This is right on the money for me.
I walked into my first therapist's office and said something like that, and she said, "Well, why don't you just do it?" ARRRRRGH. Not one of my 5 therapists EVER helped me identify much less feel much less process my emotions. What the hell
@@jennw6809that sounds like a terrible therapist? Or were they trying to ask you what is stopping you? Either way badly done! Have you found something to help now? I like Tara brach RAIN meditation and the app called "how we feel" for noticing & learning to distinguish emotions.
Ikr! I can plan out my day to an accuracy of about 2.5 minutes, everything planned and intentional, and even succeeding at one of those days would be revolutionizing. But while it's plausible, while each task is easy and 100% physically doable, I have never been successful at following through. Rarely, I'll do some of the work, but never as planned. It's not even setbacks or surprises. If there were setbacks or surprises, which there 100% shouldn't be, I never make it that far. Something in my head makes what should be easy become impossible, and it sucks so bad.
This might sound dumb, but last night ive understood that i really hated myself. For not being able to do anything that i tell myself to do (i do, but it doesnt turn out to be the way i want it to be, for example ive been studying for 3 years and been giving tests and have been failing most of them. Ive tried changing my ways, ive tried everything and i still dont get why so many people get high scores so easily) I really wanna become a pscychatrist, i wanna learn music, acting, voice-acting, singing, story-writing. (All of these goals, ive finally understood what i liked, after i put my pc, my phone, etc aside and actually tried hard to change) But i still dont understand many things, i was really stressed last night, and seeing this is like a gift, or something. I really hope i can attend this course, because im living in iran, and as you might know, everything is blocked, youtube, discord, etc. (Vpns barely work) Wish me luck, if you read this, i know im just a random person out of all the millions of fans you have but..
I'm speechless I was literally looking up videos on emotional intelligence last night. I wake up this morning and bam there goes Dr. K with another perfectly timed video.
Good for you! Im happy this video could help you friend! I had the same experience about 3 weeks ago with a Dr K video. That video definitely helped me get out of my slump.
You have helped me and so many others so much. I've learned to love myself and others and even managed to turn my life around for the better. Thank you.
@Anu I don't know If this answers your question. I don't love my self, that went a away a time ago. However I like certain parts of my self and I would like to believe that if I find small things that I actually like about myself however silly or arbitrary they may be, I think I will at some point start loving my self.
This sounds "just in time". I just journaled about my emotional dysregulation from the stresses of this past week. Thank you for being timely. I've always been so "proud" of being smart/intelligent, but then hate myself for not being able to "handle" life. :(
I'm getting really good at the awareness part. I'm very bad at regulating them. I'm good at doing things I don't want to do, in the sense of, "I don't feel like exercising, but I will anyway." My problem is, I will do all these healthy things until I'm exhausted and need to just take a break, but then I'm just in pain and numb.
Same-ish. I would like to think I'm pretty aware of my emotions, though of course it's hard to say since I might just be unaware and not aware of my unaware-ness, if you will. But regardless I have no idea how to regulate my emotions; it seems like it requires some level of self-compassion to do that and I only have self-loathing. Nowadays the self-loathing doesn't even help me do things in spite of feelings, I just don't care anymore and do whatever I feel like doing, which is usually various distractions and addictions.
@@孤独の観測者-o7e This hits home, but let's say same-ish, I get you can't compare 2 lives. There's not much I can be aware of tho. I feel like dying all the time since I quit antidepressants and tranquilizers on my own. I'm struggling for almost a year now, took them for 4, my brain is ripped out of my skull, I want to feel things, and rarely I can cry, but mostly I don't even bother. Doing things by emotional drive never worked for me, I was always too depressed to care. The self-loathing is non stop, because I know my life would be better if I made a left turn somewhere specific. So yeah, thank you for sharing your mental state, I was happy I could share mine. I appreciate you, and hope, really badly, that you find a way out. This is not the end of my replies, I just wanted to tell.
@@jsunn315 Damn, honestly sounds like you have it way worse than me! If anytime you become aware of your emotions you just notice that you feel like dying, that's pretty awful. I hope that you, too, can find a way out!
As someone who was repressing emotions for the better part of 15 years but has recently come out of it, this would have been invaluable. I hope others are able to learn from these videos as I have.
This is a phenomenal concepts for a positive use of social media. Crowd-sourcing emotional growth and self improvement in a collaborative way is really innovative and interesting!
I am very excited for this Dr. K! I did your coaching program about a year ago and I think it did help me a lot because it was the first time in my life that I had multiple and more stable friends. However I think that emotional dysregulation is still affecting my studies that I have been unable to graduate from severely. I often feel too ashamed to go to class, don't know what to do about it, can't follow directions, can't focus to do homework or study effectively, etc.
bruh, i watched a bunch of your videos over the past 2 weeks and you literally made me want to set up an appointment. this is one of the things i was hoping to work on. perfect timing thank you
This video and your other video about you can’t logic your way out of depression… ironically, your the first person to make logical sense about my depression 😅. I do consider myself to be intelligent and logical, I am really tired of my negative emotions and do everything I can to make them go away so I can get some relief from the pain. I’m so tired and sad and I’ve been that way unfairly for longer than I deserve. That I don’t deserve to experience these painful emotions anymore. Not even for one month for one day or for on breath. I’m trying to process this idea of enjoying almost, feeling these sad emotions will make them fade. But what you’ve said about logic not working in depression, and I’ve been in the depressive state for over half my life I’m sure that’s impacted my brain in some way. I’ve sorta started journaling in this comment section on accident 🤣
I will really need to listen to this. I understand exactly what I need to do to make my issues go away, but I'm so deep in my own shit, that I don't know where the escape rope is, even though it's always there. I've been journaling for a thousand days in a row now, which has been absolutely fundamental to me understanding things
I'm not sure how you time all of your videos as well as you do, but it always seems that it's right on time for a lot of people, including myself. I just started coaching earlier this week and I'm still in the early stages of self discovery for emotions and ideals, I am PUMPED for this!
Will definitely be tuning in on youtube and probably try some of the things that will be recomended. I'm in that middle where I'm watching and absorbing information but also want to put some of what I see and hear into action.
This is so amazing Dr K! You and your team are so inspiring, and you are changing so many peoples lives for the better every day. We can’t thank you enough. Please just keep doing what you’re doing. I’m excited for this!!! P.S. I think perhaps another name for this video could help more people get involved. I think this is so valuable for everyone, so probably changing the name of this video would be a good idea. This is some awesome, general EQ stuff that I'm confident everyone can benefit from. Including people who aren't "emotionally unavailable".
I have noticed that emotions seem to be devalued in some parts of culture(s) today. Not everywhere but there are trends, and it's getting extreme. As if human beings shouldn't have any emotions at all and simply be robots, part of the machine of society. And when emotions do come up, a lot of people have no idea what to DO with them or how to simply be with the emotion as it is. You can practice being with the emotion, and bob along like the waves of the ocean. Human beings can also do some great stuff using emotions as energy, though some are more motivational than others- anger is VERY motivating, depression tends to be like an anti-emotion and anti-motivating. I don't even know if I'd call it an emotion but numbness, cut off from emotion, unlike grief or despair, that is alive and active. People make some of the most amazing and beautiful things in the world when they can channel emotional energy towards creation. They could also do some of the most evil and horrific stuff if they channel it towards destroying something. Really depends on the context and what the person really wants to reach towards. Instead of lamenting and hating our own emotions, perhaps when a strong emotion arrives we can see it as a gift and opportunity to fuel towards action and creation.
I’m aware of my emotions. My problem comes with keeping them under control. I am incredibly sensitive, and sometimes I can be pretty obnoxious and weird. I’d like to grow to be more stable and self reliant.
How do you manage negatively projecting / awefulizing emotions in others when it comes to EQ? For instance I feel like I most often see other people as being more stressed, angry, sad or hopeless than they are. Even when I’m in a great mood or things are going well on my end, I feel like I view others in this way by default and Usually do some sort of mental gymnastics and think about how I would feel if I was them and this can make me act in ways I wouldn’t normally or do extra (whether that’s being more distant, or giving more attention/care, sharing personal stuff, etc). Often times I’ve been wrong about their emotional state and my actions have left people confused, uncomfortable or surprised. I know this is a projection because most my life I struggled with negative emotions but I don’t know what to do about this even knowing it’s just my own mind. It’s caused me to distance myself from others more and more and feel as though I don’t know how to to relate to others. The worst part is if you met me you might not even be able to tell because I’m an overall friendly guy and hide behind witty humor and comedic gestures. Anything helps. Tyty
Stop trying to manipulate people. That might help. Changing your behavior to get a certain response out of them based on your perceptions of what needs to be done is controlling and dishonest.
I also struggle with this. Something small that won’t completely fix this, but did help me is just learning to identify that and being honest with others like “I’m feeling myself feel compelled to “cape up” because my brain is telling me you’re in a similar emotional place that I find myself in alot. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or feel burdened. I want you to know that these are my own personal issues and don’t really have much to do with you. What does have to do with you is just my desire to show up as a good friend. What I’m trying to say is I want to show up authentically while also leaving space for the possibility that if there is some stuff you’ve been having a difficult time with I want to offer support along that line. I am also wondering if you had some ideas on how you would prefer to be supported?” Obviously this is just like a loose script. I did use therapist-y language, which some people can be uncomfortable with. The main goal is to recognize and honor your triggers while still allowing yourself to show up for those around you. Ask them how they are feeling or what they might want from you. It’s okay to be honest about your current assumptions. It’s okay to tell them you struggle to find the perfect wording or are worried about how you may come across. I know it’s scary but it gets slightly easier each time you try.
Its hard to say i can say what i know from my own experience. It may be emotions or some core believe with it's rules and assumptions. If emotions, you may be in emotional state where you see world thought the lenses, sad lens, fearful lens. Your mind produce thoughts about others that are colored by your internal state. Recognize that you feel "angry" and when you will direct your mind on others it will produce angry thoughts about others or interpret others actions and judge others state as angry. Than look for that state and see that process. If assumptions from core believe you will interpret world by that understandings that you gain thorough your life. It seems like you see in other person stress and you make in your mind more serious that it is. See if that's true and maybe look why would you do this? In general, when you see others in some way, without even hearing what they have to say to you, it's just your mind judge other person without reason. You said that you were mistaken. Give others chance to say how they feel.
@@godspeedhero3671 What the hell are you on about? In no way shape or form did OP indicate that he is a manipulative person. How did you get that impression? >Changing your behavior to get a certain response out of them based on your perceptions of what needs to be done is controlling and dishonest. Bullshit. You do realize OP's entire post is centered around his perceptions of other's emotions, right? He has nothing to gain from acting the way he describes, unlike someone who manipulates people. Changing your behavior in response to someone's emotional state is exactly how a good person should act, it's how you demonstrate care and empathy for others. If you really care then you analyze the situation and use both logic and empathy to figure out what needs to be done and do it, so long as the other person is open to accepting your input/help/advice/whatever. Not changing your behaviour would be tantamount to saying "I don't care what you're experiencing, I'm just gonna keep doing me". When people close to you are are sad, angry, or feeling hopeless, the general response of good person is to act in such a way to help the other person out. AKA giving them space, giving them extra attention, sharing with them, etc. Basically the stuff OP said. Do you disagree with this? OP has an issue with involuntarily perceiving exaggerated negative emotions in others, and thus often finds himself acting "extra" with people. I see this as him trying to be a good person, but taken beyond the point of appropriateness and into the realm of social self-detriment. Basically, it would be like living in a world where everyone you meet looks extremely stressed, angry, sad, or hopeless - causing you to feel this compulsion to try and help everyone but in reality they are fine and you're acting a fool. It's one trait that codependants struggle with constantly. I know because I empathize greatly with OP's comment. You apparently just see it as him trying to manipulate people. Next time, try to add more nuance into your thought process and really think about what someone else is telling you before responding in way that paints them in a negative light.
ask if they need help before you try doing anything. you have a default viewpoint that is more likely to find ways to help. the good in this is hearing cries for help that are sometimes very quiet. it’s okay to be known as the person who always asks how others are doing. it’s not okay to be the person who has made many things worse by trying to help without understanding. I’m speaking from experience.
This is amazing! It is so awesome that so many people have acces to becoming kinder, happier, healthier through this channel. The internet can be used for such beautiful things.
Thankyou for making these videos It helped me to realize that study habits are actually useful and school has a purpose even if it's not actually for learning stuff (in my case)
Being able to communicate emotions effectively sounds so useful for personal relationships and professional success. I'd love to improve my EQ in that area.
Can you be very empathetic with low EQ? I tend to feel generally numb to my own emotions but whenever I see someone expressing or experiencing some emotion I find myself sharing it with them very easily and will experience bursts of that emotion.
I was looking up stuff on EQ for the billionth time (as someone who's long said that EQ is a meme) and just now realized I had that viewpoint because everyone I've heard/read definitions that defined EQ as not only recognizing/regulating your own emotions, but doing so IN OTHER PEOPLE! (Which I'm sure most people in this community would agree is not possible)
Metacognition is the big thing that has pushed me through the issues like motivation and focus but dealing with others ofg. I count on one hand the number of names I don't want to punch in the face
The only emotions that I struggle with is anger and dispare. Because these are not "adult" feelings. Even though adults have them. Would love a video on how to show anger as an adult in a healthy way.
Say someone treats you badly, disrespects you, uses you, rips you off, etc. These things make you angry. But rather than becoming violent verbally or physically you could learn from that anger that you need to break up with the abusive partner, quit the job, stop hanging out with certain people, or be more alert in business dealings.
@@zoobiewa that's not easy. I can't quit the stuff I'm going through. My toxic mom has died and got a woman to help destroy the estate of both mom and dad.
I think this is something that a lot of people struggle with. It took for me almost quitting my job on the spot for me to lower my hours first instead to realize that i was just overworked and stressed. Now that I'm working lower hours things that used to get to me at work dont anymore.
I’m excited to participate in this course as it’s something I’m currently working on in therapy. Hopefully I can this helps me more quickly move past this and start doing some trauma work and other important work in therapy.
This is everything I have been needing. Cant really afford therapy or coaching right now, definitely been awarethe last few months how hard it is for me be emotionally present and feel good, something that was coming naturally
I think the empathy labs will really help us because we have to reflect and look back on ourself and not think negative things but try to be more understanding. like a lot of us deal with self confidence issues and self loathing so taking steps to be like kinder or even just sort of neutral will help. Instead of being like 'God this guy sucks at his job what a loser' be like 'Okay well they had a lot going on that day so it makes sense they felt that way' yknow?
The one of 5 pillars of EQ that Dr K missed in this video (though not in another one, from which I learned them) is *ability to empathize*, i.e. set aside what you're feeling and see a situation from someone else's perspective.
Remembering the advice in this video helped me through my first ever psychotic episode. I focused on the feelings and not the “logic”. May have saved my life. Thank you.
Will the ask-a-coach sessions be recorded for those who don't have the time availability to participate? I'm always interested in listening to other's stories to relate to myself. If it is appropriate to record those sessions they would be of great benefit.
Is there a way instead of the workshops and stuff, (which is good to) that you could share these on your channel? Could you teach us on TH-cam videos how to fix emotional awareness, to get better from depression. I don’t feel ready or comfortable to join these groups but I do want to work on myself to get better.
Okay so I was listening to this and maybe, for the sort of event going out or meditating or finishing one of the tasks you could maybe add some sort of leveling or reward system in that sort of thing but idk just for those who lack actual motivation it'd sort of gamify it in a way. But eh, even still the concept itself is nice even as it is
The 10% being huge can be viewed this way to those that are doubtful. You have a group of 10 people. If it's a 50-50 split it's even, 5 people aside. A 10% increase to a 60-40 split on one side, 6 people one, 4 the other is actually a 20% increase over the other. This is because you have an additional person and they are down a person. So the 10% is actually a 20% improvement. If you increase your ability to regulate your emotions an additional 10% where it would be a coin toss most of the time, you are 20% more likely to regulate your emotions than not.
I think one of the big peoblems with EQ as opposed to IQ is it's harder to measure and thus harder to manage. With IQ, you get a number and can tell a lot about yourself and society based on that number, but there isn't an equivalent of that for EQ that I'm aware of. So it tends to be more nebulous and wishy washy, and thus people claim it's not real science or even a real thing.
I really miss that one when I was supposed to had listen (kind like, I realize it too late). There is any prospects that something like this event would happen again?
@@Dimitris_Half not really - most of what you need to know to be successful and happy in life doesn't come from a classroom. It comes from interacting with people and experiencing a range of experiences. Grad school is different, of course, because you're learning for a specific role, but even then, you will never be GOOD at what you're studying for until you've experienced it and learned all the non-academic pieces.
School still has its place. Much of what you learn in school isn't specifically what they teach. You learn a whole number of other things without even knowing you are learning them.
every time I watch a video about psychology I see many people saying it was inspirational, it helped them seeing different, helped them overcoming problems and such. I never feel like this and I wish there was a video that would help me like this. is there something wrong with me?
Can we send this to me 42 years ago so I can share it with all the men/male authority figures who have influenced my life path in profoundly awful ways, as I sit here and sit with the hurt and trauma years and years later. (The females who harmed me, e.g. my mother, put my father before me, every time, adulating and idolising the monster. Didn't matter how much the assault hurt, he was never to be seen at fault - getting him to be more human, would have transformed my mother).
@@Idk_bro12340 As the years pass, the rage is turning to a quiet poised silent menacing rage toward what happened and to anyone displaying similar qualities to those in my past. I'm very ok with this. Feels right, feels appropriate and feels like my genuine response to life with my personality (i.e. not what a book / practitioner suggested / advised). Hope you're doing ok too.
Waking up at 7 am... excercise for ONE HOUR... and then, fasting for 16 hours?... As an MMA and Street Workout athlete, with all due respect but, Dr. K.. are you trying to kill me? Also, Oatmeal? God no lol... I know how to cook. Besides that, excellent video as usual.
Mr. MMA, Street Workout Athlete and Good Cook the Bragger, you do know he was giving an extreme example, right? Totally didn't mean someone should do it... But hey, now we know you're a good cook, practice mixed martial arts and like to workout outdoors.
Do you know a term for or that accurately describes the feeling of wanting to feel a certain emotion? Regarding myself, I think the thought process comes from being in an unwanted state and "magical thinking" into another but it appears as physical symptoms (tightness in chest, stomach drop, muscle tension).
NO😢!!!! i can't feel my emotions , unable to express or explain, symptoms of depression .... my cousin calls me "STUPOR" wtf does that even mean....!??
I'm sad I didn't know about Right In The Feels when it was happening. Is there any way to do it on our own? Or what about data from it, is it available somewhere?
I was thinking about this as well. But I'll give it a try. I have alexithymia, so it might be harder. It's not that I don't experience emotions. I just have a hard time labeling them properly. As if I lack the vocabulary for other people to understand me. But I can regognize and name them when I have a list with different emotions. It works kind of like a dictionary. Interesting experiment I guess.
But I need someone to teach me how to go through these emotions , and be okay with them before I try to do it by myself and just suffer more. Is it possible you can teach us just over TH-cam videos?
Dr k, im doing terrible this semester. This might be the first semester I'll make anything lower than an A (might make 2 Ds or 1 D 2 Cs and an A) still an undergrad I noticed you said you would play 14 hours of video games instead of going to class... tell me, did you ever have a failing semester? Because this is hitting me so hard I just want to drop out
It seems like you've been measuring your success by the grades you get in school. But let me tell you, your grades are a small part of your entire life story. They're a means to an end (your dream career), not the end-all. It's okay if you get a couple of bad grades. When you graduate and get the job you wanted, your grades (good or bad) will be the last thing on your mind like they were for me. Don't give up.
It seems that your saddened more about the letter grade than the insufficient skills you obtained that semester. Personally, I think not gaining knowledge is far worse than getting a F letter grade because having knowledge is key to everything. How does this relate to your situation? If you focus on knowledge, you will realize that a permeant letter grade has no say on the person that you truly are, and that knowledge should be your prioritization. Knowledge isn't permenant, it can only go up. You will gain what you failed to obtain next semester.
I failed my first year of community college, I failed the first semester of 2nd year. My dream university would probably not accept me. I should have dropped right? I got the help I needed and the reason for me not dropping earlier was the pursuit of gaining knowledge. Im doing fine now.
@@shortydrew6349 i was able to adopt a healthier outlook. At the time, I was overwhelmed with life. Pretty much accepted the outcome, whatever it may be and will keep chugging along
@@shortydrew6349 sort of. Im still a junior, so still pretty much learning the same things I during my associates again, or that I learned before even going to college. Tedious and boring. A lot of the things you learn in psychology/counseling the Buddha already taught. Still haven't been taught or trained in any of the counseling skills or techniques, just frameworks that have already been built. Tl;dr I want to be at z when I have the knowledge of m, but academically im at H or L. Im just impatient with school and have other things going on in life lol
Could you release a video that deals with the fear of not having free time or as much from working yet can spend 16+ hours on the computer? I’m a computer programmer who fears working because of not being free.
I'm very skeptical of the concept of "emotional intelligence". Doesn't seem like a sensible way of conceptualizing/framing the underlying stuff dr k describes that admittedly is clearly very real.
high iq discovers the sience and understanding behind it what makes things and things to makes(tools physics and so on). high eq discovers the emotion and sience that is you. giving you the view or way too feel and see yourself (only you can truly see yourself and feel yourself) a road to understanding of yourself showing you the diffrence so its like emotional tools/roadmaps/binoculairs (for lack of better terms) both of them high iq and eq creates extrodinairs having the capability to truly grasp both aspects not treu absultions but reflection of them self the physical making links betweent the abstract and literal. aware about the mental and physical aware of the exsistence of abstract and emotional and literal. the "tools"they can make are society changing and usauly the have extrodnairy lives(not always shared with other human or a few depending on the own personality) and perspective that can baffle both iq and eq
How often do I tell my therapist or my friends "LOGICALLY I KNOW xyz, but in practice I just can't make myself do/feel/react/whatever." This is right on the money for me.
Yeah
fr
I walked into my first therapist's office and said something like that, and she said, "Well, why don't you just do it?"
ARRRRRGH. Not one of my 5 therapists EVER helped me identify much less feel much less process my emotions. What the hell
@@jennw6809that sounds like a terrible therapist? Or were they trying to ask you what is stopping you? Either way badly done! Have you found something to help now? I like Tara brach RAIN meditation and the app called "how we feel" for noticing & learning to distinguish emotions.
Ikr! I can plan out my day to an accuracy of about 2.5 minutes, everything planned and intentional, and even succeeding at one of those days would be revolutionizing.
But while it's plausible, while each task is easy and 100% physically doable, I have never been successful at following through. Rarely, I'll do some of the work, but never as planned.
It's not even setbacks or surprises. If there were setbacks or surprises, which there 100% shouldn't be, I never make it that far.
Something in my head makes what should be easy become impossible, and it sucks so bad.
This might sound dumb, but last night ive understood that i really hated myself. For not being able to do anything that i tell myself to do (i do, but it doesnt turn out to be the way i want it to be, for example ive been studying for 3 years and been giving tests and have been failing most of them. Ive tried changing my ways, ive tried everything and i still dont get why so many people get high scores so easily)
I really wanna become a pscychatrist, i wanna learn music, acting, voice-acting, singing, story-writing. (All of these goals, ive finally understood what i liked, after i put my pc, my phone, etc aside and actually tried hard to change)
But i still dont understand many things, i was really stressed last night, and seeing this is like a gift, or something.
I really hope i can attend this course, because im living in iran, and as you might know, everything is blocked, youtube, discord, etc. (Vpns barely work)
Wish me luck, if you read this, i know im just a random person out of all the millions of fans you have but..
Im really scared for my own life, and for that ive barely empathized for others. ive been cruel, to others and myself.
@@r3i960 how are you a month later friend?
@@TheKoloradoShow nothing changed, im just living on. idk if i should belive in miracles.
Sending you kind thoughts and emotions ❤ hugs
Good luck mate!
I'm speechless I was literally looking up videos on emotional intelligence last night. I wake up this morning and bam there goes Dr. K with another perfectly timed video.
He´s spying on us. I knew it.
He is a witch.
They should teach it at school
Good for you! Im happy this video could help you friend! I had the same experience about 3 weeks ago with a Dr K video. That video definitely helped me get out of my slump.
@@thisisntallowed9560 nah they're too busy labeling students by their grades and giving them mental issues
I just started trying to identify with my feelings last month after years of dissociation. Really grateful for you covering this.
what did it feel like to come out of it? like how do you know you were repressing emotions? and how did you actually come out of it?
You have helped me and so many others so much. I've learned to love myself and others and even managed to turn my life around for the better. Thank you.
how do you love yourself?
wow, gg
@Anu I don't know If this answers your question. I don't love my self, that went a away a time ago. However I like certain parts of my self and I would like to believe that if I find small things that I actually like about myself however silly or arbitrary they may be, I think I will at some point start loving my self.
This sounds "just in time". I just journaled about my emotional dysregulation from the stresses of this past week. Thank you for being timely.
I've always been so "proud" of being smart/intelligent, but then hate myself for not being able to "handle" life. :(
Hi, how are you doing now?
I'm getting really good at the awareness part. I'm very bad at regulating them.
I'm good at doing things I don't want to do, in the sense of, "I don't feel like exercising, but I will anyway."
My problem is, I will do all these healthy things until I'm exhausted and need to just take a break, but then I'm just in pain and numb.
Same, I think we get burnt out. Still didn't figured out a solution after 9 years of therapy.
Maybe stop before being exhausted. This is a marathon, nor a sprint
Same-ish. I would like to think I'm pretty aware of my emotions, though of course it's hard to say since I might just be unaware and not aware of my unaware-ness, if you will. But regardless I have no idea how to regulate my emotions; it seems like it requires some level of self-compassion to do that and I only have self-loathing. Nowadays the self-loathing doesn't even help me do things in spite of feelings, I just don't care anymore and do whatever I feel like doing, which is usually various distractions and addictions.
@@孤独の観測者-o7e This hits home, but let's say same-ish, I get you can't compare 2 lives. There's not much I can be aware of tho. I feel like dying all the time since I quit antidepressants and tranquilizers on my own. I'm struggling for almost a year now, took them for 4, my brain is ripped out of my skull, I want to feel things, and rarely I can cry, but mostly I don't even bother. Doing things by emotional drive never worked for me, I was always too depressed to care. The self-loathing is non stop, because I know my life would be better if I made a left turn somewhere specific. So yeah, thank you for sharing your mental state, I was happy I could share mine. I appreciate you, and hope, really badly, that you find a way out. This is not the end of my replies, I just wanted to tell.
@@jsunn315 Damn, honestly sounds like you have it way worse than me! If anytime you become aware of your emotions you just notice that you feel like dying, that's pretty awful. I hope that you, too, can find a way out!
As someone who was repressing emotions for the better part of 15 years but has recently come out of it, this would have been invaluable. I hope others are able to learn from these videos as I have.
This is a phenomenal concepts for a positive use of social media. Crowd-sourcing emotional growth and self improvement in a collaborative way is really innovative and interesting!
I am very excited for this Dr. K! I did your coaching program about a year ago and I think it did help me a lot because it was the first time in my life that I had multiple and more stable friends. However I think that emotional dysregulation is still affecting my studies that I have been unable to graduate from severely. I often feel too ashamed to go to class, don't know what to do about it, can't follow directions, can't focus to do homework or study effectively, etc.
bruh, i watched a bunch of your videos over the past 2 weeks and you literally made me want to set up an appointment. this is one of the things i was hoping to work on. perfect timing thank you
This video and your other video about you can’t logic your way out of depression… ironically, your the first person to make logical sense about my depression 😅. I do consider myself to be intelligent and logical, I am really tired of my negative emotions and do everything I can to make them go away so I can get some relief from the pain. I’m so tired and sad and I’ve been that way unfairly for longer than I deserve. That I don’t deserve to experience these painful emotions anymore. Not even for one month for one day or for on breath.
I’m trying to process this idea of enjoying almost, feeling these sad emotions will make them fade. But what you’ve said about logic not working in depression, and I’ve been in the depressive state for over half my life I’m sure that’s impacted my brain in some way.
I’ve sorta started journaling in this comment section on accident 🤣
I needed this like stars aligned. I have alexithymia/autism/executive dysfunction and this was my current theory. I should journal today.
Enjoy the journaling! You deserve your comfort and your own way to live life
How did it go, did you find it helpful?
I wish these didn’t end so you could still go it yourself after everyone else did.
I will really need to listen to this. I understand exactly what I need to do to make my issues go away, but I'm so deep in my own shit, that I don't know where the escape rope is, even though it's always there.
I've been journaling for a thousand days in a row now, which has been absolutely fundamental to me understanding things
I'm not sure how you time all of your videos as well as you do, but it always seems that it's right on time for a lot of people, including myself. I just started coaching earlier this week and I'm still in the early stages of self discovery for emotions and ideals, I am PUMPED for this!
Will definitely be tuning in on youtube and probably try some of the things that will be recomended. I'm in that middle where I'm watching and absorbing information but also want to put some of what I see and hear into action.
This is so amazing Dr K! You and your team are so inspiring, and you are changing so many peoples lives for the better every day. We can’t thank you enough. Please just keep doing what you’re doing.
I’m excited for this!!!
P.S. I think perhaps another name for this video could help more people get involved. I think this is so valuable for everyone, so probably changing the name of this video would be a good idea. This is some awesome, general EQ stuff that I'm confident everyone can benefit from. Including people who aren't "emotionally unavailable".
I have noticed that emotions seem to be devalued in some parts of culture(s) today. Not everywhere but there are trends, and it's getting extreme. As if human beings shouldn't have any emotions at all and simply be robots, part of the machine of society. And when emotions do come up, a lot of people have no idea what to DO with them or how to simply be with the emotion as it is. You can practice being with the emotion, and bob along like the waves of the ocean.
Human beings can also do some great stuff using emotions as energy, though some are more motivational than others- anger is VERY motivating, depression tends to be like an anti-emotion and anti-motivating. I don't even know if I'd call it an emotion but numbness, cut off from emotion, unlike grief or despair, that is alive and active. People make some of the most amazing and beautiful things in the world when they can channel emotional energy towards creation. They could also do some of the most evil and horrific stuff if they channel it towards destroying something. Really depends on the context and what the person really wants to reach towards. Instead of lamenting and hating our own emotions, perhaps when a strong emotion arrives we can see it as a gift and opportunity to fuel towards action and creation.
Much Respect To You, Your Support, and Those Choosing to Authentically Level Us Up Together.
Usually for me I’m aware of my emotions and how things affect me it’s more that it’s hard for me to not let it affect my behavior
The title made me think that the thing you made was emotionally unavailable.
😂😂
I’m aware of my emotions. My problem comes with keeping them under control. I am incredibly sensitive, and sometimes I can be pretty obnoxious and weird. I’d like to grow to be more stable and self reliant.
How do you manage negatively projecting / awefulizing emotions in others when it comes to EQ? For instance I feel like I most often see other people as being more stressed, angry, sad or hopeless than they are. Even when I’m in a great mood or things are going well on my end, I feel like I view others in this way by default and Usually do some sort of mental gymnastics and think about how I would feel if I was them and this can make me act in ways I wouldn’t normally or do extra (whether that’s being more distant, or giving more attention/care, sharing personal stuff, etc). Often times I’ve been wrong about their emotional state and my actions have left people confused, uncomfortable or surprised. I know this is a projection because most my life I struggled with negative emotions but I don’t know what to do about this even knowing it’s just my own mind. It’s caused me to distance myself from others more and more and feel as though I don’t know how to to relate to others. The worst part is if you met me you might not even be able to tell because I’m an overall friendly guy and hide behind witty humor and comedic gestures.
Anything helps. Tyty
Stop trying to manipulate people. That might help. Changing your behavior to get a certain response out of them based on your perceptions of what needs to be done is controlling and dishonest.
I also struggle with this. Something small that won’t completely fix this, but did help me is just learning to identify that and being honest with others like
“I’m feeling myself feel compelled to “cape up” because my brain is telling me you’re in a similar emotional place that I find myself in alot. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable or feel burdened. I want you to know that these are my own personal issues and don’t really have much to do with you. What does have to do with you is just my desire to show up as a good friend. What I’m trying to say is I want to show up authentically while also leaving space for the possibility that if there is some stuff you’ve been having a difficult time with I want to offer support along that line. I am also wondering if you had some ideas on how you would prefer to be supported?”
Obviously this is just like a loose script. I did use therapist-y language, which some people can be uncomfortable with. The main goal is to recognize and honor your triggers while still allowing yourself to show up for those around you. Ask them how they are feeling or what they might want from you. It’s okay to be honest about your current assumptions. It’s okay to tell them you struggle to find the perfect wording or are worried about how you may come across. I know it’s scary but it gets slightly easier each time you try.
Its hard to say i can say what i know from my own experience. It may be emotions or some core believe with it's rules and assumptions.
If emotions, you may be in emotional state where you see world thought the lenses, sad lens, fearful lens. Your mind produce thoughts about others that are colored by your internal state. Recognize that you feel "angry" and when you will direct your mind on others it will produce angry thoughts about others or interpret others actions and judge others state as angry. Than look for that state and see that process.
If assumptions from core believe you will interpret world by that understandings that you gain thorough your life. It seems like you see in other person stress and you make in your mind more serious that it is. See if that's true and maybe look why would you do this?
In general, when you see others in some way, without even hearing what they have to say to you, it's just your mind judge other person without reason. You said that you were mistaken. Give others chance to say how they feel.
@@godspeedhero3671 What the hell are you on about? In no way shape or form did OP indicate that he is a manipulative person. How did you get that impression?
>Changing your behavior to get a certain response out of them based on your perceptions of what needs to be done is controlling and dishonest.
Bullshit. You do realize OP's entire post is centered around his perceptions of other's emotions, right? He has nothing to gain from acting the way he describes, unlike someone who manipulates people. Changing your behavior in response to someone's emotional state is exactly how a good person should act, it's how you demonstrate care and empathy for others. If you really care then you analyze the situation and use both logic and empathy to figure out what needs to be done and do it, so long as the other person is open to accepting your input/help/advice/whatever. Not changing your behaviour would be tantamount to saying "I don't care what you're experiencing, I'm just gonna keep doing me".
When people close to you are are sad, angry, or feeling hopeless, the general response of good person is to act in such a way to help the other person out. AKA giving them space, giving them extra attention, sharing with them, etc. Basically the stuff OP said. Do you disagree with this?
OP has an issue with involuntarily perceiving exaggerated negative emotions in others, and thus often finds himself acting "extra" with people. I see this as him trying to be a good person, but taken beyond the point of appropriateness and into the realm of social self-detriment. Basically, it would be like living in a world where everyone you meet looks extremely stressed, angry, sad, or hopeless - causing you to feel this compulsion to try and help everyone but in reality they are fine and you're acting a fool. It's one trait that codependants struggle with constantly. I know because I empathize greatly with OP's comment.
You apparently just see it as him trying to manipulate people. Next time, try to add more nuance into your thought process and really think about what someone else is telling you before responding in way that paints them in a negative light.
ask if they need help before you try doing anything.
you have a default viewpoint that is more likely to find ways to help.
the good in this is hearing cries for help that are sometimes very quiet.
it’s okay to be known as the person who always asks how others are doing.
it’s not okay to be the person who has made many things worse by trying to help without understanding.
I’m speaking from experience.
that 10 percent improvement is true because its true for the other way around, if i even feel slightly bad then it affects my overall mood as well
This is amazing! It is so awesome that so many people have acces to becoming kinder, happier, healthier through this channel.
The internet can be used for such beautiful things.
First time I'm actually excited for a HG Event. Really great Idea just what I needed.
Thankyou for making these videos
It helped me to realize that study habits are actually useful and school has a purpose even if it's not actually for learning stuff (in my case)
Being able to communicate emotions effectively sounds so useful for personal relationships and professional success. I'd love to improve my EQ in that area.
Can you be very empathetic with low EQ? I tend to feel generally numb to my own emotions but whenever I see someone expressing or experiencing some emotion I find myself sharing it with them very easily and will experience bursts of that emotion.
I was looking up stuff on EQ for the billionth time (as someone who's long said that EQ is a meme) and just now realized I had that viewpoint because everyone I've heard/read definitions that defined EQ as not only recognizing/regulating your own emotions, but doing so IN OTHER PEOPLE! (Which I'm sure most people in this community would agree is not possible)
Is this event going to run again this year? And curious if people who took part gained lots from it? Looks really good.
Metacognition is the big thing that has pushed me through the issues like motivation and focus but dealing with others ofg. I count on one hand the number of names I don't want to punch in the face
The only emotions that I struggle with is anger and dispare. Because these are not "adult" feelings. Even though adults have them. Would love a video on how to show anger as an adult in a healthy way.
Say someone treats you badly, disrespects you, uses you, rips you off, etc. These things make you angry. But rather than becoming violent verbally or physically you could learn from that anger that you need to break up with the abusive partner, quit the job, stop hanging out with certain people, or be more alert in business dealings.
@@zoobiewa that's not easy. I can't quit the stuff I'm going through. My toxic mom has died and got a woman to help destroy the estate of both mom and dad.
I think this is something that a lot of people struggle with.
It took for me almost quitting my job on the spot for me to lower my hours first instead to realize that i was just overworked and stressed.
Now that I'm working lower hours things that used to get to me at work dont anymore.
I’m excited to participate in this course as it’s something I’m currently working on in therapy. Hopefully I can this helps me more quickly move past this and start doing some trauma work and other important work in therapy.
This is everything I have been needing. Cant really afford therapy or coaching right now, definitely been awarethe last few months how hard it is for me be emotionally present and feel good, something that was coming naturally
I'm already a HG YT member but this enticed me to join on Discord, which I'm new to.
I think the empathy labs will really help us because we have to reflect and look back on ourself and not think negative things but try to be more understanding. like a lot of us deal with self confidence issues and self loathing so taking steps to be like kinder or even just sort of neutral will help. Instead of being like 'God this guy sucks at his job what a loser' be like 'Okay well they had a lot going on that day so it makes sense they felt that way' yknow?
Me: Today I'm going to take a short walk outside in the Springtime
Aussie Magpies: So you've chosen death...
Will this event happen again? I'm really interested!
Aaaaaaannnndddd now, there is no event. No checklist of goals, or data from it, either. Great.
I struggle to recognize other people’s emotions and sometimes mine, never thought I would get this recommended to me but alright
The one of 5 pillars of EQ that Dr K missed in this video (though not in another one, from which I learned them) is *ability to empathize*, i.e. set aside what you're feeling and see a situation from someone else's perspective.
Remembering the advice in this video helped me through my first ever psychotic episode. I focused on the feelings and not the “logic”. May have saved my life. Thank you.
Will the ask-a-coach sessions be recorded for those who don't have the time availability to participate? I'm always interested in listening to other's stories to relate to myself. If it is appropriate to record those sessions they would be of great benefit.
Is there a way instead of the workshops and stuff, (which is good to) that you could share these on your channel? Could you teach us on TH-cam videos how to fix emotional awareness, to get better from depression. I don’t feel ready or comfortable to join these groups but I do want to work on myself to get better.
Okay so I was listening to this and maybe, for the sort of event going out or meditating or finishing one of the tasks you could maybe add some sort of leveling or reward system in that sort of thing but idk just for those who lack actual motivation it'd sort of gamify it in a way. But eh, even still the concept itself is nice even as it is
Can you do another one of these disappointed I missed this one
The 10% being huge can be viewed this way to those that are doubtful.
You have a group of 10 people.
If it's a 50-50 split it's even, 5 people aside.
A 10% increase to a 60-40 split on one side, 6 people one, 4 the other is actually a 20% increase over the other.
This is because you have an additional person and they are down a person. So the 10% is actually a 20% improvement.
If you increase your ability to regulate your emotions an additional 10% where it would be a coin toss most of the time, you are 20% more likely to regulate your emotions than not.
Oh man I am here for this. This is exactly what I need in my life.
I think one of the big peoblems with EQ as opposed to IQ is it's harder to measure and thus harder to manage. With IQ, you get a number and can tell a lot about yourself and society based on that number, but there isn't an equivalent of that for EQ that I'm aware of. So it tends to be more nebulous and wishy washy, and thus people claim it's not real science or even a real thing.
I love your videos soooo match! Your videos helped me a lot!
Which module of the Dr. K's guide would be most useful for someone who's looking to learn more about alexithymia/(lack of) emotional awareness?
Is there anything that works like the program? It's over :/ I need it
I really miss that one when I was supposed to had listen (kind like, I realize it too late). There is any prospects that something like this event would happen again?
Perfect timing as always Dr.K 😭
Hate that I'm a year too late for this program. Any chance you turned it into a self-paced thing with recordings?
Pretty sure I'm alexathymic. Oddly enough I'm an addict too. Wrote the first sentence of this comment as soon as I clicked on the video.
Some people feel like the best place to learn is at school. Those people haven't figured out how the world actually works yet. This is absolute gold.
@@Dimitris_Half not really - most of what you need to know to be successful and happy in life doesn't come from a classroom. It comes from interacting with people and experiencing a range of experiences. Grad school is different, of course, because you're learning for a specific role, but even then, you will never be GOOD at what you're studying for until you've experienced it and learned all the non-academic pieces.
School still has its place. Much of what you learn in school isn't specifically what they teach. You learn a whole number of other things without even knowing you are learning them.
I'm so excited to participate in this! Just submitted my body map
I got some of it out today. Thanks Dr k.
Thank you! Great video!
every time I watch a video about psychology I see many people saying it was inspirational, it helped them seeing different, helped them overcoming problems and such. I never feel like this and I wish there was a video that would help me like this. is there something wrong with me?
amazing. youre just amazing dr. k and your family. much love
Thanks!
Can we send this to me 42 years ago so I can share it with all the men/male authority figures who have influenced my life path in profoundly awful ways, as I sit here and sit with the hurt and trauma years and years later.
(The females who harmed me, e.g. my mother, put my father before me, every time, adulating and idolising the monster. Didn't matter how much the assault hurt, he was never to be seen at fault - getting him to be more human, would have transformed my mother).
My mother is on the same ship as you, hope you are doing okay
@@Idk_bro12340 As the years pass, the rage is turning to a quiet poised silent menacing rage toward what happened and to anyone displaying similar qualities to those in my past. I'm very ok with this. Feels right, feels appropriate and feels like my genuine response to life with my personality (i.e. not what a book / practitioner suggested / advised).
Hope you're doing ok too.
4:25, yes but also based
used not to understand them and I still dont, on a serious note I kinda get them we are now kinda like work friends
Power word: Alexithymia gave me the healing crit I needed.
Waking up at 7 am... excercise for ONE HOUR... and then, fasting for 16 hours?...
As an MMA and Street Workout athlete, with all due respect but, Dr. K.. are you trying to kill me? Also, Oatmeal? God no lol... I know how to cook. Besides that, excellent video as usual.
Imma try that. My fat will keep me alive for several months before I'll even begin feeling like shit. 😛
well hes a mental health not physical health expert :D
@@Terepin64 Then turn into a skeleton lmao
@@julz6077 Yea I know lol just joking, but when I heard "fasting" and especially for 16 hours I was like wuuuut
Mr. MMA, Street Workout Athlete and Good Cook the Bragger, you do know he was giving an extreme example, right?
Totally didn't mean someone should do it... But hey, now we know you're a good cook, practice mixed martial arts and like to workout outdoors.
what happens when are becoming more aware but don't do much about it like im taking small steps but i always seems to go back to where i was
I'm so excited about this challenge :D
Sheeeeet, I didn't know stresser could transfer into something else emotionally
Make sense why everything in the end would likely make me angry
This needs to be in children shows. Not 24/7 smiles because parents think kids should be happy. That just promotes Alexithymia.
oh wait, I feel that I'm late here. How can I get access to these 6-week content?
Honestly really hope my ex sees this. Not in a malicious way but hope she gets help
Great vid, thanks man.
Do you know a term for or that accurately describes the feeling of wanting to feel a certain emotion? Regarding myself, I think the thought process comes from being in an unwanted state and "magical thinking" into another but it appears as physical symptoms (tightness in chest, stomach drop, muscle tension).
If the journal entries are completely anonymous, then how does the system give you a previous journal entry?
NO😢!!!! i can't feel my emotions , unable to express
or explain, symptoms of depression .... my cousin calls
me "STUPOR" wtf does that
even mean....!??
Let's keep the train going
Healthy ssri boyz unite ( and girls)
Will this program be coming back?
I'm sad I didn't know about Right In The Feels when it was happening. Is there any way to do it on our own? Or what about data from it, is it available somewhere?
It makes zero sense that they would only make it available for 6 weeks and leave the rest of us who are new here completely screwed. Really sucks.
Will this be something that an autistic person can learn something from? Or, is this geared mostly towards neurotypicals?
I was thinking about this as well. But I'll give it a try. I have alexithymia, so it might be harder.
It's not that I don't experience emotions. I just have a hard time labeling them properly. As if I lack the vocabulary for other people to understand me. But I can regognize and name them when I have a list with different emotions. It works kind of like a dictionary. Interesting experiment I guess.
Exactly what I could use👏
Will Dr. Ks lectures in the "Right in the Feels" program be uploaded to YT? I'm not active on Discord, but very interessted in the topic.
But I need someone to teach me how to go through these emotions , and be okay with them before I try to do it by myself and just suffer more. Is it possible you can teach us just over TH-cam videos?
Going by the title I first thought "emotionally unavailable" was describing the something you made...
Dr k, im doing terrible this semester. This might be the first semester I'll make anything lower than an A (might make 2 Ds or 1 D 2 Cs and an A) still an undergrad
I noticed you said you would play 14 hours of video games instead of going to class... tell me, did you ever have a failing semester? Because this is hitting me so hard I just want to drop out
It seems like you've been measuring your success by the grades you get in school. But let me tell you, your grades are a small part of your entire life story. They're a means to an end (your dream career), not the end-all. It's okay if you get a couple of bad grades. When you graduate and get the job you wanted, your grades (good or bad) will be the last thing on your mind like they were for me. Don't give up.
It seems that your saddened more about the letter grade than the insufficient skills you obtained that semester. Personally, I think not gaining knowledge is far worse than getting a F letter grade because having knowledge is key to everything. How does this relate to your situation? If you focus on knowledge, you will realize that a permeant letter grade has no say on the person that you truly are, and that knowledge should be your prioritization. Knowledge isn't permenant, it can only go up. You will gain what you failed to obtain next semester.
I failed my first year of community college, I failed the first semester of 2nd year. My dream university would probably not accept me. I should have dropped right? I got the help I needed and the reason for me not dropping earlier was the pursuit of gaining knowledge. Im doing fine now.
@@shortydrew6349 i was able to adopt a healthier outlook. At the time, I was overwhelmed with life. Pretty much accepted the outcome, whatever it may be and will keep chugging along
@@shortydrew6349 sort of. Im still a junior, so still pretty much learning the same things I during my associates again, or that I learned before even going to college. Tedious and boring. A lot of the things you learn in psychology/counseling the Buddha already taught. Still haven't been taught or trained in any of the counseling skills or techniques, just frameworks that have already been built.
Tl;dr I want to be at z when I have the knowledge of m, but academically im at H or L. Im just impatient with school and have other things going on in life lol
Could you release a video that deals with the fear of not having free time or as much from working yet can spend 16+ hours on the computer? I’m a computer programmer who fears working because of not being free.
Intellect does have things to do with motivation.
*Helps you think of ways of achieving stuff
* Learn ways to be morivated
Oh, you made my dad.
Gamer daddy juice ADHD superpower pog
I think Dr K is a good person
I'm from Europe. Does proper participation require being present at certain times (at night)?
I'm very skeptical of the concept of "emotional intelligence". Doesn't seem like a sensible way of conceptualizing/framing the underlying stuff dr k describes that admittedly is clearly very real.
high iq discovers the sience and understanding behind it what makes things and things to makes(tools physics and so on).
high eq discovers the emotion and sience that is you.
giving you the view or way too feel and see yourself (only you can truly see yourself and feel yourself) a road to understanding of yourself showing you the diffrence so its like emotional tools/roadmaps/binoculairs (for lack of better terms)
both of them high iq and eq creates extrodinairs having the capability to truly grasp both aspects not treu absultions but reflection of them self the physical making links betweent the abstract and literal. aware about the mental and physical aware of the exsistence of abstract and emotional and literal. the "tools"they can make are society changing and usauly the have extrodnairy lives(not always shared with other human or a few depending on the own personality) and perspective that can baffle both iq and eq
I know I should do something but I don't feel like doing something