THE SCAPEGOAT AND THE GOLDEN CHILD: THE DISASTER OF NARCISSISTIC PARENTING
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 26 ธ.ค. 2024
- #narcissisticparent #narcissisticabuse The narcissist's lack of empathy and need for control can lead to disastrous consequences for the children they raise. Understanding how and why narcissists create cruel and unreasonable expectations for their children can help us stop trying to please them.
Follow me on FaceBook: / lookingbehindthemirror
Follow me on instagram: / lookingbehindthemirror
Here is contact information for when immediate help with abuse or self harm is needed. It is recommended that you use a computer or phone that your abuser cannot monitor:
Emergency: 911
National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1- 800-799-7233
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
National Hopeline Network: 1-800-SUICIDE (800-784-2433)
Crisis Text Line: Text "DESERVE" TO 741-741
Lifeline Crisis Chat (Online live messaging): suicideprevent...
Self-Harm Hotline: 1-800-DONT CUT (1-800-366-8288)
www.ywca.org/w...
YWCA - 202-467-0801
Canadian Assaulted Women's Helpline: 1-866-863-0511
UK National Domestic Abuse Hotline: 0808 2000 247
South Africa POWA: 011 642 434/6
Australia: 1-800-RESPECT
"Narcissists make disasterous parents" is absolute, indisputable truth.
Are narcissists born or made? No anwer to that question.
yep. i'm the scapegoat and my twin is the golden child. we used to be the best of friends until i realized i was being backstabbed, manipulated, gaslighted by my entire family. it's difficult when you have no emotional support and you are targeted constantly, every single day of your life. i am so emotionally and physically exhausted. nowhere to run. nowhere to hide.
same here
@@rural_girl555 and when you muster up the courage to confide in others, they don't believe you or simply cannot comprehend the extent and depth of pain you're experiencing.
Good luck. There is some comfort in these TH-cam channels which show that there are many others who have to deal with these issues and most importantly it wasn't your fault.
@cindy7733 omg I could have wrote this myself !! I was devastated to learn that my older sister who I thought always would have my back just discarded me when she no longer needed me after I raised her kids and she no longer needed me for childcare and that my whole family was talking about me behind my back ..they discarded and alienated me and my young kids just as I was going through my divorce it was the worst time of my life and now they want me to just get over it and move on..but I can’t ..
And nor should you just get over it. @@ndl78
I get the idea of the talented, successful golden child. But in my family, it was different. The chosen one was not hardworking or successful, just willing to join in with the narc parent in lies and sneering cynicism.
My chosen one brother isn't successful either, I don't think that matters
Agree 100%. The Golden Child is chosen by the narc parent and elevated to that status. The shitty disgusting behaviour of the Golden Child is ignored, while the other siblings' same or lesser bad behaviour is punished severely. The Golden Child can do nothing wrong. Does not matter their place of birth order, lack of humanity or talent - if they are chosen nothing will change that.
Same for Mr, My sibling was a mess and always in trouble and drama but my narcissistic mum decided from her own hurt that I was the child to take all her gatecand anger. Today I'm independent and a loving mother and grounded. I still have the hurt and sad times not have a mother. My sibling to this day is nasty and selfish and anger and mood is unpredictable and very controlling.
Well their success doesn’t matter, the two golden children in my family I think are just more physically attractive not successful, my other sister and I are supposed to be their scapegoats and serve them.
Same here. Mu brother was essentially a loser . Drug treatments multiple times, adultery etc. he’s my Moms fav. He buys in to what she’s selling. I never do , and never have. Since I was a child.
The scapegoat is the healthiest and if healed can help break the curse..narcs love sibling rivalry to work to please them...golden childs often dont question them too
Big facts 💯
I was the scapegoat in my family and instinctually I waited to have any real relationships until after I left that house. My mom would comment on it all the time - how come you never bring friends around, boyfriends? (bitch, because I know you would try to ruin those relationships 😂😂) asshole. I also wrote a short story around middle school ish called “The Crazy Woman’s Daughter”. I showed it to my mom and did not realize the autobiographical nature of what I had written until much later in life. Ironically, she never did 😂
Agree! I was the scapegoat who broke the cycle! My Golden Child brother still believes he is a God and recreated our family when he married a narc women. His children have continued the cycle. Sad!
@zav1491 yep mine bro married a narc however the family is scattered and not the same since I no longer acknowledge them or attend any events. They feel it.
42 still healing. Broke the cycle. Don't care what happens to anyone in my immediate "family"
39 years nearly died, I escape-goated before being completely destroyed. Golden child sister doesn't even talk to me anymore. Just gobbled up the smear campaign against me. I so hope their illusions crumble and they have to live like a normal person in society.
The Golden child usually become Narcs also
Validation 🎯🎯🎯
Yup, weak Covards
Yep, how dare you not treat me like the princess I am. As they age, they can't figure out why society is not treating them like they're something special. Other grown women are repulsed by them. They make very few friends.
How I really know if I am the scapegoat or golden child???
I am the second child in this family.
When I was a kid I had to do all on my own. I was beaten from my parents and get yelled from the age 8 till 16. Once I get a hit from my dad and I saw my mother from the side how she enjoyed it. Once I get hit only because I forget to bring the mülleimer not outside.
I just want to die this is really my wish.
When I was 11 years old I told to my sister " if I now had a gun I would shoot me in the head" and now I am still saying this but I have still no gun.
My older sister is the hero child.
But I also know why we are scapegoat and golden child.
This is because of the astrology.
My brother has Scorpio over pisces and I am too. And this because of that my brother has this bullshit number mAsTer nR 11 with that you have tousands of disadvantages like chronic fatique and mood swings and deep depression and high sensitivity , shyness, anxiety, insomnia , sleeping disorders , -> the best -> workaholic. -> where are the advantages??
Intention from this shit society.
Did I choose mAsTer nR 11???
No!!!!
Scorpio = need to be perfect
Pisces = flawed
= anxiety , fear , shyness, need to smb for the parent.
-> this is intention from this society -> when I am never born with
Saggitarius sun
Scorpio moon
Pisces rising
-> I would never get this insecruities ->
scorpio moon = fight
In between = freeze modus
Pisces rising= flight
Then I am born on 25 November.
When you born on this day , you have struggle your meaningful carrer because your highly sensetive to your surroundings and your nervous system is fucking sensetive.
My little brother has also
Scorpio sun -> i know
Pisces moon -> i know
Taurus rising -> i think
Scorpio over pisces is the indicator for scapegoat and golden child. And master nr 11 too.
Look at my horoscope
Saggitarius sun
Scorpio moon
Pisces rising
Look at my brother horoscope
Scorpio sun
Pisces moon
Taurus rising
When you never born in this family with scorpio over pisces you didnt become so fucking high sensetive and emotional as fuck ,-> because of master nr 11.
Did I choose master nr 11 ???
No!!
Did I choose scorpio over pisces??
No!!
Did I choose all the disadvantages you have, when you have scorpio over pisces and master nr 11??
Noo!!!
This is pure intention from society.
I am born at 25.11. 2000
and that can be no coincidence that we both grow up with scorpio about pisces in this family and both with master nr 11 and then one by chance becomes scapegoat and the other by chance becomes golden child. This is pure intention of this whorensohngesellschaft Germany. Not to forget that thanks to master nr 11 I have to become a workaholic although master nr has only disadvantages and hardly get sleep and pisces rising so well as does not get sleep and has a fragile health as fuck. And fucking is moody. -> pure intention from the shit germans society.
and then you have something like piss that arises = an actor or chameleon and can accept other personalities. jnf had to play 21 years and I didn't know I was different from others. If sister or friends or other nonsense of my family and show up funny actors for a while, it's different from me. -> why?? Because I pissed and I'm really an actor. And then I read about Tarot and learned that I am like the hanged tarot and that he has a unique or one in his head perspective from the world. -> That hangs, so I see the world of different things all else. -> how should I know I am different. -> I don't even recognize or even recognize when others look like actors -> so -> if others lie, it's also something different than when I lie. and then I had to profile myself at school last year, always wanted to show / show my moon in the scorpion. I wanted to show myself that I'm funny too or that I'm someone -> anyway I wanted to show myself something like because of the moon in the scorpion. -> what does that mean? -> adhs? I needed attention. I wanted attention. -> Another trap that brought me?? -> The combination of pisses rises and combi. ex. I actors funny = piss rise to micj / to profile me = Moon in scorpion. pure intention of the son of whore German -> there is no scapegoat and golden child. It was made so easy on purpose.q
Am i scapegoat or golden child ??
My little sister and my big sister have both no pisces.
They have both life path 9.
You see. -> master nr 11 and scorpio over pisces only to my brother and by me.
And then I want to know if my dad or my mum is the narcisst???
And then I would like to know what job???
My kin is 221 -> illusion
My last hope is now I study dual for a computer science degree and maybee I can then work from home and I doesnt have to work with my fragile and sensetive body and fragile health and chronic fatique and mood swings to be workaholic outside.
Yep...... Because they have no choice. After having one's authentic identity swapped with a pseudo identity, and forced to live up to an identity that's not real ( 🤔💭which is blasphemy last time I checked‼️), by the time they wake up and smell the coffee (if they do) it's too late and their natural life force is almost completely drained.
🎥🍿The best way to describe this is the most recent Joker movie‼️It explains everything to the letter‼️
I woke up this year, at 42, realizing that I was the scapegoat. It’s really evil that I hid my entire life.
I woke up in my early 40s. Now, I look back and feel like I have wasted so much of my time not seeing the chaos that were created by my mother. I guess I was the golden child. The manipulations were so subtle that it's difficult to detect. Basically it's toxic wrapped in sugar.
I'm 43 and just went no contact with my dad. Going low contact with my mom but she may be next. I am definitely the scapegoat of my two sisters.
ESCAPE THE MADNESS THIS YEAR.
DON'T GO, BE YOUR OWN SAVIOR, STOP THE TORTURE AND ANXIETY WITHIN YOURSELF. 😮
HAVE A PEACEFUL HOLIDAY THIS YEAR, YOU DESERVE IT ❤
In my family the Golden child didn't do crap, had no talent etc. She was chosen by default... the eldest, just like I didn't do crap to deserve being the scapegoat, the youngest, it was all by default. My mother didn't care enough to put that much effort in choosing. It just was.
Same here, but vice versa. Little sister was/is the golden child. Mostly because she would never question the toxic behaviour of our parents...😢 Utility is key - so to say. Unfortunately she questions ME... never the parents. Never ever - even nowadays. 😢
I was the SG. Brother the GC. One time in our townhouse - I was around 16-17 at this time - I decided to pretend I was showering then listen in on my mom and brother. I had a feeling she hated me and favored my brother. I heard her say “let’s go!” She started talking about me to my brother, making fun of me, the way I was talking or had said something. The floor creaked under my feet as I was upstairs and they were downstairs, and my mom called my name! I didn’t respond. I just went into the bathroom and took a shower. All of my beliefs were confirmed.
She acted really weird after that, trying to see how much I heard. I acted like I heard nothing. Just kept my intel to myself and devised a plan to escape.
Thank you for this video. ❤ I’ve learned more on TH-cam than I ever learned in therapy.
Is this ever familiar. Both rejoyced in their complicity of abuse....and still do.
This is the absolute most disgusting and abusive parenting I have ever been forced to witness. It makes me sick to see children used and abused and controlled by evil adults and it seems people don't know how to rescue the child victims. It is impossible to point out the wrong to the parents and so it breaks my heart to not be able to comfort the scapegoat child. May God comfort and deliver them out of the demonic stronghold Satan has been holding them in. I pray 🙏 all children of narcissist parents will have someone who can help them in Jesus name amen.
They know how their ego and greed just won’t let them leave their victims they already lost alone it’s human trafficking witn free labor and they greedy narcs that never gave two fucks and the whole place is invested in the lie and the Darvo coverup of human trafficking emotional rApe victims all the victims need is left alone the narcs are lying their asses off on everything greedy evil egos equals terrorists who stalk their victims
Thank you. We need it and appreciate it very much ❤.
It’s because all the adults blame it on the child. No, seriously. I spoke out to every adult in my life about what my father was doing to me. I told my mom, grandparents, friend’s parents, teachers, guidance counselors, and in my teens, my boss and coworkers who were largely adults with kids of their own. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM told me I was lying, I deserved it, or that it was normal. Now, 28 years later the truth comes out any everyone is making excuses for why they didn’t believe a child who was always telling them about things a child that small shouldn’t know about, or that a parent shouldn’t be doing that to a child. They all say “I didn’t know it was that bad.” YES YOU DID! YOU JUST CHOSE TO BELIEVE THE ABUSER AND NOT THE VICTIM!
Well the kids don't know what is going on when it is, so your comment makes no sense at all
If Jesus would care about these children, he would not let to abuse them
My mother is a covert narcissist. When i finally realized what she was i broke all ties. My older brother is the Golden child and she would find ways to manipulate us against each other. She was abusive to me tho. Physicaly abusive when i was a child and mentally abusive when i became a adult. She tells so many lies about me for no reason. Its really a nightmare
The different uses of children is so spot on
I’m the scapegoat because I didn’t CARE to try to do anything they wanted me to do because they never tried to be better parents 😂 stop giving a damn about these people and watch them crumble
💯 cause they will crumble! My abusive birth giver is 80 years old and homeless! And I just bought a brand new home. I was told as a kid that I would “never amount to nothing.” 😂
Scapegoat and golden child is a perfect triangulation
It’s terribly wrong for a parent to ruin their children’s relationship. And enjoy it.
@@jonellis6235Terribly wrong??..It's sick!!
@@LION-on4gdDamn Straight !!!
That was the experience in my family.
💥As is the son-husband and husband-son, or daughter-wife and wife-daughter‼️
MOST PEOPLE HAVE NO BUSINESS HAVING KIDS IN THE FIRST PLACE !!!!!!! PERIOD
💥EXACTLY‼️
I think your right
As a scapegoat I had the good fortune of staying physically away from my narc Mom and overall enabler family..
Just recently my Mom has been falling ill and we are finally trying to grapple with a new reality we may face in the near future...a life without our narc Mom...
So finally we connected..myself the sg and my sis the gc..
It's dawning on me that finally my sis has had second hand trauma just by experiencing the abuse my Mom meted out to me on a regular basis, as a little kid..
She was three, I was six... approximately..
Of course the humiliation and manipulation was done very cunningly by our Mom, so both myself and my sis never had a chance to really communicate one on one...
It's mindless mind**** narcs put people through just to feel they are the stars of the show..
Thanks for this video..
Watching these help me and also at times give me anxiety and I feel I have been damaged for long term...
You are right - despite being favoured the gc(s) have damage of their own. I left my family 22yrs ago but my thoughts are never from how my siblings may be, & both my brother & sister (incidentally both gc - I was the sc) have deep psychological damage like myself, all instigated by our mother with no thought as to what lasting effect it would have on any of us. Years of therapy & counselling are helping me, but my goodness.... You take care; you're a survivor, & I hope your sister sees that & appreciates you for that. You've done brilliantly to come through & be aware of what's been done to you. My brother & sister apparently both still have their heads in the sand, oblivious. Good luck to both of you, that you now have better days without the shadow of the narcissist.
At 5:20, this lady hit the nail on the head. Narcissistic parents already decided what their child's life is going to be like. We see this a lot with religious parents. These type of folks chose the religion for the child and expect them to be in that religion or else the child get disowned.
Yes when my eyes started to be opened to my Mothers Narcissm and i tried to educate my younger sister whom id considered a warm and loving "friend" she suddenly without warning lashed out that i was everything i was "accusing" my Mom to be...i was the Narcissist. I was really SHOCKED, I had No idea or forewarning she would ever even remotely think in that direction and not see my Moms abuse etc but in severing ties and healing i realized for years i was the black sheep and scape goat.
I feel you.
I was the scapegoat in a narcissistic family after doing all the healing and putting in the hard work undoing the damage and improving and bettering myself as an adult it was life changing.
Unlike the golden child in that messed up family as an adult he's a complete mess im glad I wasn't the golden child narcs and demonic 🙏🏾
I been a scapegoat all my life and its painful as hell and i have a younger sibling who is the golden child but i feel like most narcissistic mothers have children to pin their issues on the scapegoat because they dont specifically pin their issues on the golden child its like a one sided thing
I am the scapegoat. My sister is the GC. I actually did become really reactive as a result. It has caused me a lot of maladaptive behaviors in my adult life. It also set me up for having narcissisticly abusive relationships as a result. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy in adulthood.
So I guess in some way their abuse appears justified.
My sister is fake as a 3 dollar bill and doesn't work. Married rich. She has no real skills but she thinks she some kind of princess. It's sickening. I was also cut out of the will so she will be the beneficiary and it will just continue the systematic triangulation. I didn't have children for several reasons. She had 1 child who I suspect will become a narcissist too, having formed in personality around my sister and her financially manipulative husband. Lol what a mess 😂
I think I was the golden child, while my sister was the scapegoat, but I was not a very successful golden child. I was good academically, but I was never good at the things my mother wanted me to be good at. Not attractive, not good at physical activities, not outgoing and dazzling in social situations. In response, I turned myself into the sort of person I wanted my mother to be: devoted to cooking and crafts, loving tradition and old-fashioned values. Once she was gone, I took over the role of mother, preserving her recipes and the family photos. It was as if I'd do her job, but better than she had done it. I finally abandoned this effort when I realized my own family didn't really value it (except for some of the recipes!). My sister ended up developing narcissistic traits, but I think both of us were left damaged by our upbringing.
The invisible child
My brother is golden and does not have to jump through hoops he is a failure and my parents support him
I don’t know him, but I would bet that there is something about him that they have manufactured, cultivated and/or imagined that supports their own egos.
You are spot on
Hey me too :) i was the golden child: they mirrored a fantasy onto me. I've been personless and confused since childhood. Except for the decided outer shell of who i was supposed to be. But that facade shattered. Now i am an underdeveloped human, arrested in development, incapable of relationships thus incapable of holding down a job.
Exactly. My brother is the golden child and has stolen from parents, me , drug rehabs etc. it’s a joke
I was the scapegoat. Was constantly told "Why can't you be more like your brother".
I am 56 and my brother 45 and mum still does it. 😂
The thing is, I'm sure I could have got straight As if I'd been encouraged, and not called stupid and too sensitive if they hurt me. You get brainwashed and don't listen just cut class and escape. You just can't concentrate on homework when your mother is being attacked for no reason.
You're put in a position where you must not make them look bad by failing and you must not make them look bad by exceeding their level of "success" which they judge entirely by money.
You're damned if you do worse than them and damned if you do better.
You have to laugh at them, or else you will be crying forever.
I thought I was really bad at math, thus did not pursue a science degree...getting out of the 'family' I realized I'm actually pretty good at it, and aced Accounting!
exactly.thank you.
Truth
I swear you are more spot on for this topic than Doctors and Therapists. How did you get such wisdom and clarity on this topic?
Because she lived it
Wow! Thank you for this video! I used to be the scapegoat when I was a child and my brother the Golden child but my brother had enough at some point and rebelled while I had an intense healing process. Now our roles with my Narcissistic mother changed: I am the golden child & my brother is the scapegoat 😮 from the beginning I didn’t trust that sudden change and now I know why: is conditional acceptance. At the moment I’ll not do what she fantasize about (which I will not), she will put me back at the scapegoat position. The question is: my brother & me will both be the scapegoats. Who will be the golden child then? 🤔
They punished me constantly because I was not like the elder sister, whom I did not even like and even when everything was going nice...I never understood them nor where this whole ship was going...Thank You l!!:))!!💯%!!
Blessing to you. I totally understand. I was never accepted and sometimes when I tried somethings it got worse. One time I was being nice/nasty to one of my mothers friends who was bothering me. I told her that I wanted to play volleyball like her daughter. She didn't take it as a jab as I intended and I ended up trying out for tge volleyball team. I had no skills and it was my fault for the jab I selected for my mom's friend, but it was no my fault that while my mom made me practice my serve in the middle of or street, she would strike me with a belt for every serve I got wrong....which was all of them. How can I get it right if I'm embarrassed, stressed, scared, and hurt. None of this mattered because I was an embarrassment. Two weeks later, I quit and tried out for the dance team...with zero training...but I was able to keep up and develop skills. My mom smiled and whispered to me " but you still can't dance like the kids on the TV show Fame".
🙄
🇹🇹🇹🇹🇹🇹 It is good if people learn to release narcissistic parents. They choose to be the way they are. Just be thankful that they gave life and the opportunity to experience life both good and bad. Honour them and love them from afar if that becomes necessary. Best wishes to everyone on this chat and the compiler.
Angel/Trinidad W.I
🇹🇹🇹🇹🇹🇹
I don't think there is really such a thing as a Golden child in a narc or dysfunctional family dynamic. Basically what happens is siblings can become antagonistic towards one sibling inparticular which seems to be the case in any peer pressure group situation. What the parents are basically doing is pitting children against one another by not dealing with any of them properly. It's a form of neglect on all sides of the situation and tears families apart. The bully gets rewarded while the scapegoat gets alienated or shunned by all involved. The narc parent will treat the most successful of the siblings the best is all and that doesn't make them golden. If I had to define what it really means I would say it is the child that the narc parent actually likes or gets along with the best is all and that fluctuates as in all relationships. I also don't agree that a scapegoat is the person that they blame all their problems on. A scapegoat is the person they alienate because they don't want to listen to their problems and disregard them in order to avoid dealing with difficult issues in the family. They are usually the one's that are the most emotionally empathic and normally the truth tellers in the family. Good luck moving forward.
There is usually a golden child , but doesn’t necessarily mean most successful. For a narcissist parent , the golden child is the one who complies with them and buys all of their BS.
@@lisabowden402 Yes that's true but this can give them a bit of an advantage going into the transition of full independence. I guess it all depends what you see as success as well. ;)
Well your opinion doesn’t change that those words do have definitions that are exactly what you’re claiming they’re not. There are golden children and scapegoat children in a narcissistic family dynamic. You can have a dysfunctional family without a scapegoat and golden child, but then it’s not a narcissistic type of dysfunction. My brother was the golden child because he was a boy, and I was the scapegoat because I was a girl. My father was a narcissistic misogynist, so of course that’s how it went. I was always smarter than my brother, I was always more talented, and as an adult I have several degrees while he sits at home and plays videos games all day, only showering twice a week at 26 years old. But in my dad’s eyes, he’s still better than me cause he has a dick. My brother has over 50k sitting in a trust fund from him. I have nothing, and I actually have student debt I could pay off with it. He won’t even move out of my mom’s house even though he has a 50k+ head start over me in life, but won’t do anything with it because he’s had everything handed to him on a silver platter and treated as if he’s a god his whole life.
I agree whatever you said above, but the thing is there is not one size fits all here, by the way my experience is similar to yours, and it’s still confusing, sometimes I feel they were good parents too 😅 I still have a lot of empathy I guess, I don’t think there’s any love left though.
@@Power-b6p No one is making the claim that one size fits all. I am speaking from the perspective of the norm in a dyfunctional family is all. I too felt my Mother was a good parent at times, afterall, they did feed me. I can't say the same for Dad who was removed from the family at a very young age. My main objection to their behavior is the unseen trauma that lays inside them as well which is what makes this so generational in nature. They refused to acknowledge what their own upbringing did to them and swept it all under the carpet. What you seem to be lacking is the courage to face them by condoning or accepting their failure to face their own demon's, whatever they may be. That's fear, not empathy, but I understand what you mean all the same.
I think it is a parents responsibility to see that their own children transition into adulthood, fully prepared & independent, as opposed to throwing them to the wolves unprepared, as was the case for me. Thanks for your input.
It’s just absolutely disgusting.
In my family i was always called names while my other sibling was not. I was the one to be physically and verbally abused. My sibling being the golden child has had help from my family while when i asked for help in the past. It was just shrugged upon. Now that I'm in my 30s i still have the horrible memories of the physical and verbal abuse stick in my head. All this was done by only one parent.
Out of dozens and dozens of videos I've watched by professionals, THIS video offers one of the best explanations I've heard. Thank you. Now I understand why my mother refused to ever come to even one of my therapy sessions over many many years. I believe my sister and I switched roles depending on what was going on in our lives at the time.
I love the way you described the scapegoat and golden child. I was the scapegoat while my big sister was the golden child, and my whole family knew that; My husband was the scapegoat while his big brother was the golden child, but the family I married into denies this and sweeps it under the rug.... Sadly I'm highly empathic and a people pleaser, while the other 3 I've mentioned are all narcissistic.
My oldest sister got everything. She was the cheerleader. Home coming princess. She got all the benefits. She will in the end too. I was the shit nothing loser. Someone they could gang up against. I wanted to spend time looking after my grandma and they destroyed the relationship telling me they would sue me! Devastating. The golden child recently offered up one of her antiques! I didn’t want that. I just wanted a relationship with her. 😰. I am crushed by all this bullshit and skipped over. .
I have a golden child and a scapegoat child, but I was co dependent. I came from a very dysfunctional family. I take all the blame. My poor kids! I didn’t even know that I caused this havoc in their lives. Not looking for any sympathy but everybody is not a narcissist. It’s hard to give what you never had. I love both of my kids now in their 30’s if I could fix the mess I created I would!
Children have no choice. Even when grown up, sometimes they cant leave because there is no way they can find separate accommodation.
You really have some profound knowledge on the subject!
Thanks for your efforts, you deserve a much larger subscriber list!
Right?? I can’t tell you how many times I thought…this lady is spying on me with cameras inside my house. How else does she know about the details of my life. 🤣🤣
She is underrated big time.
I come from a family of 5 kids...I being the youngest so when I hear how the scapegoat and golden child are treated it seems that in my household of having a Narc Mother our role all interchanged within these two categories.
I can deeply relate - my narc mother would take turns with my brother, sister & i; at her behest she'd decide one of us was in the doghouse & encouraged the other two to blank that one. When I didn't join in & refused to blank my siblings my mother made my brother &sister blank me instead. This cycle went on for years. I guess it's not too surprising that I've now completely separated from them all & have nothing more to do with them. I miss my siblings despite this but the alternative, to have them back in my life, is too distressing to countenance. Good luck in your life - realise you see the truth of the situation, that it's not natural (it was all an ego/power trip for my mother, & in realising that it freed me from her shackles that I somehow owed her my entire existence. ) & you are the one with power - at the very least you are more circumspect than those who'd contrive to make you their victim. All best wishes
Amen.
There was a female covert narc that I was “doing it” with that had a tattoo on her side that was very cliche. It was in some other language. I asked what it said. She told me that it translates to “everyone has a purpose”.
It took me awhile to realize that she didn’t mean “every human can reach great potential”. She meant “every person has some purpose for serving HER!!!”
She is a pathetic creature.
@Aaron wow !!! Great observation 😊
You're smart ❤
I had a friend of 10 yrs like that she used me as a free nanny and free House keeper for a year she would use her kids to steal My personal belongings and even money.they have 0 boundaries she read My texts talking about her to someone else saying i hope she looses her kids.and she kicked me out now i'm back with narc ex.motherhood is a sick game for them.
Malignant father, Covert mother, Golden child sister who is malignant, me scapegoat for 36 years...My former best friend also covert/benign...In my recovery from cancer i realized all of their narcissism and went NO CONTACT 9 months ago...Best, most peaceful time ever!!! Healing very fast, SO Happy! :):)
I was golden for both the parents, and then when they died the siblings scapegoated me! The siblings perpetuated the narcissistic dynamic. The parents were not my major abusers, it has been my siblings.
You checked ALL my boxes. Thank you.
I failed at ballet. Failed at piano. But was a great singer. What a waste of my talent for a show off who wanted a shirley temple. Ugggh
Narcissists, toxic enablers, and codependent psychologically beat down people all make disastrous parents
Nobody ever mentions the Invisible Child. 👋👻🙈
Excellent video. We must consistently love ourselves unconditionally, the way God loves us. This is the beginning of learning to love others. You don't have to DO anything to prove your love to yourself! Years ago, realizing this got me out of a deep depression in my 20's. It takes time, but I keet at it. Real love is unconditional. There is a whole new world once you see how people are chained to their conditions, which prevent love and joy. Yes, let go of people who have chained you with their limitations. Break free. thank you ❤
A good realalistic video explaining the characteristics of both, I can identify as thescapegoat and my brother definetly the golden child.
The narcissistic parent projects everything they don't like in themselves and their shame onto the scapegoat.
My Mother made me the Scapegoat child. My upbringing was physically abusive and mentally abusive. Now I am an adult male my Mother still abuses me and I have to go "no contact"
Thank you for this explanation. There was two of us. I definitely was the scapegoat, but this explains the role of my older sister as the golden child. I have been exiled and my sister lives at my elderly fathers with her children, so he can be looked after and cared for in old age. She is very miserable and bitter. Getting away from what is left of this dysfunctional family was the start of my healing. Thank you.
We can blame the Golden Child, but they are victims also. Being the Black Sheep is a "blessing" in a way, because there is more chance of awareness and healing. The Golden Child is spoiled into this position, so more than likely won't get out of it. Their trauma bond is highly unbreakable, and will most likely become a Narcissist themselves. All very sad. Whoever has wonderful and caring parents, never take them for granted. Children of Narcissists dream of having great parents, but can never know what that truly feels like.
We can. If we find the right mentor in life. I met a man in my Karate school that was a better father than any of my actual dads (adopted, and each “dad” failed at parenting in different ways). Unfortunately, he passed after three years, and I feel really alone now. But it’s a great feeling, having something like that in life. I can only imagine how great it would’ve been to grow up with him
It’s so true. We as SG are forced to move away sooner and it makes us more resilient.
This is one of the best videos I have found to explain my parents. I haven't been able to fully understand but this made it very clear. Thank you so much.
Thank you thank you thank you... This is one of the best Narcissist vid I've come across. I will listen to this often so that I can study these signs, and awareness you've shared. New subscriber for sure! Stay Golden..🌬️🙏🏾✨✨
Thank you for this. You explain everything so well.
truth concerning your description of scapegoat and golden child..
I've just realized as you were speaking the roles being present in the workplace how I have been auditioning for the role of the golden child in my current position since I got there a little over a year ago and have been beating myself up for failing to achieve it because it is a role I know how to perform in well. I have probably been auditioning for that role in any space just trying to outdo every other person and when I dont succeed, I feel devastated. On the flip side, I didn't realize that the scapegoat may have always been trying to audition for the role of the golden child but they failed and so envy, jealousy may arise on either sides of this coin with none of them realizing that they were both just getting played by the same person and both were not able to access healthy development
That you will never be vindicated or validated is a tough one to swallow. Even if you have an absolutely horrible parent, and manage to go no contact and stay gone more than 2 decades, you still don't get over the fact you are without family. It is the best thing for me, I have a family now, however I am an orphan. Everything in future begins with me as my estrangement is now generational.
ScapeGoat Here! My Older Sister & Older StepSister were the Golden Children! Blamed me for everything!
My brother was the golden child, the longed for son AND heir. He wasn't particularly bright, had no interests or hobbies. But he was a MALE. Something myself and my sisters weren't. He received my father's massive wealth. My father was an entirely different person, yet he couldn't see his daughters had far more capabilities than his mediocre son.
hmmm my family dynamic is different.... i think my mom is an enabler to narcissist and if anything my dad is a narcissist but the true, toxic narcissist in my family is my brother.. who was and is the golden child but the golden child to my mom. my mom was the breadwinner, my dad was disabled/sick most my life so my brother also tried parenting me with my mom. the two of them would gang up on my, he got perfect grades and i could always tell when he wanted something especially from my mom bc he would completely change, being so nice... i ended up basically moving away as far as possible and now.... my older brother hasn't worked in over 9 years (he's 38) my mom completely financially supports, it's disgusting and i could/would careless except i've been facetiming my parents almost daily so they can see their new grand baby but now that i'm pregnant with 2nd baby ..... i just can't continue watching my brother manipulate my mom it brings me too much pain
You are spot on! 👌 this has helped so much.
My little sister had already sewn the seeds of hatred of me. What a tragedy.
Very good, comprehensive video on the roles of GCs and scapegoats.
Thank you, this really helps me ❤
All these years they have done nothing to help me in my life!!
Thank you for keeping your delivery/speech clear of lip smacking and other annoying sounds. I have misophonia, possibly related to PTSD from being, alternately, a golden child and a scapegoat. Best wishes from Tampa, Florida.
Thanks for the feedback! I can see myself accidentally including that kind of thing in my recordings, so it’s nice to hear that I haven’t.
Great video!
Once the golden child.. I became the scapegoat.. then broke free... a book to read DADDY THROWS ME IN THE AIR - memoir/self-help in part 4 are tools and a process that can be used for awareness & healing forever..
I’m so screwed up I have no future and I’m 57 year old widow
I’ve just been pushed from the golden child pedestal to scape goat because I clearly could see that the narc mother just needed a fix and her fake care wasn’t about me at all. When I didn’t play along and set a strong boundary, I became instantly filled with deep shame and self blame. And now I am finding it very difficult to connect with my true self and trust myself. I also feel alienated from my inner Self. I so want to believe that my mom can do it, meaning really connect with me, but she can’t and she won’t.
I don’t care to be in this anymore
My malignant narc mother treated my enabler father as the golden child. Double whammy. I had no protection with an enabler PLUS "golden child" parent.
My mom crazy as hell choosing to be a narcissistics. Like why she choose this road yikes
I grew up with narcissistic parents. As a child I was the golden child and my sister was the scapegoat. As an adult, I was the scapegoat and my sister was the golden child. By the time Dad died, he all but threw me out of the house. I had the good sense not to visit him, so things didn't go that far. But he told my sisters if I come over, not to let me in.
I'm think its particularly a special kind of evil to have one Scspegoat and onr Goldenchild who are twins.
I'm sick of being the scapegoat. It has ruined my life and left me suicidal. I have had therapists, but I don't think they ever really got it. How do I find a therapist that is an expert in scapegoating? I don't really see it listed as a specialty anywhere and I believe it is what I need. I am about to just give up for good. I have good insurance but I really need to find someone good.
Why do they have children at all 😢
1. Children provide them supply
2. To exert control over narc's partner via mutual children
@@helenakurcewiczowna6695 😖 wow that’s awful
@@isobelle.London I know. Its because narcs are awful themselves.
It's all about image & looking like the "Jone'$" family
Can you please do a video on a Gold child in a relationship after leaving home please let me know i really would love hear this
This is a beautiful video. As are you. Thanks
"How does someone become the scapegoat?" ... easy, you make the mistake of being born
This video is so accurate! Very well explained. Do you mind telling me which role you played in your family? I am a 'golden child '. I have read so much & am totally aware of all this, but you have added another dimension. Thank you
S*iittt..what u said is what happen to mee preciselyyy .
Its strange what i feel back at my childhood.i never envy or jealous of anyone.but it always said like i envy otherr.i am very good at that thing
My Golden child Younger brother doesn't talk to me anymore because i didn't attend his Omnipotent father's birthday.
My bro was the Golden Child but i don't think he was interested 😆 he just naturally was good at school.
Excellent
Be careful not to be so filled with hatred that you become a sociopath. In my family it is my two eldest siblings that are the monsters behind the mask..
I'm the scapegoat because my dad only wanted two children and my mom "accidentally" got pregnant with two more and I was the youngest of the four.
Hmm, it could be that a scapegoat ends up becoming a narcissist but to me it's not clear how. Whatever the scapegoat tries it will never be enough for the narcissistic parent so more than building a fake persona we are train to give up before even trying. As a kid I was slightly overweight and my very narcissistic father always mocked me because of that. I went no contact and when I meet him as an adult many years later he was very disappointed for me being too skinny. I couldn't have care less about his opinion at that point but I couldn't help thinking that there were no weight measure that would have been fine for him.
The reason my mother treated me and my brother differently was to divide and conquer.
Whoever makes more money is the golden child
Not at all. Sometimes it is , but in my family it was the one who never questioned and points out the real truth.
My mom’s golden child is basically a loser. Lol
My sister didn't make near the money I did but felt entitled and today I have Zero debt and my sister has serious credit card, mortgage and time share debt,I being the scapegoat!
Nope.
I did tell my mother n sister that they act like sisters n Popular girls in high school picking on me, and I told my mother that turning my sister against me for your personal issues is sadistic, I have no one, n now I don’t have a sister (my dad n I where very very close) it was us “against” them apparently n when the divorce happened I became their “bully” tho I was being abused, I said to my mother that she’s going to die sooner than us and when she goes it would have been nice for me to at least have a sister… I guess I’m just a huge pos that can never get anything right, I HAVE CLIMBED MOUNTAINS TO GET where I am today with barley n e one to help me, so the fact she put me in therapy and me telling my mother about therapy n it don’t fit her narrative then I am wrong even with therapy haha 😂
She told me she hated me once over the phone, cuz the phone tree of talking crap about me ( so eerrrrrrbody in the family including my fathers side because my grandmother is a narc n my mom was closer with his family than him) so my whole entire family don’t like me because of the phone tree she used to talk about stupid shit an average 15 year old stubborn child or whatever, she calls someone up after I said sorry for upsetting her, n she said “ I hate her” I brought it up recently and she goes “ don’t you ever say things you regret “ and I’m baffled because I’m like dude your my mother!!!!!
Ibwas the skapgoat and my younger sister was the golden child. Because she was very tall and beautiful.
It’s my own fault for not trying to keep going to school.
What about if there's only 1 child? Are they all in 1?
There’s no hard and fast rules. An only child could be either or neither. A narcissist could find scapegoats or golden “children” in many places other than their own children. Children are just east targets.
I think a narc parent of 1 child tends to use your cousins, or children of the narc's friends as their 'Golden Child.' They love to extoll all the wonderful successes of those children, and ask "why can't you be more like So-and-So's daughter / son??" I don't know, mom/dad, why can't YOU be more like their parents?!?
I'm an only child and graduated from invisible child to a scapegoat, while my father's gf is the GC.
I'm being heavily gangstalked just so they can debunk my intellectual and spiritual significance and healing arts career
💯%!!:))!! Really GENIOUS!!:))!! Thank You!!👍💯%!!🎁🌷🍀😊💐🌺🌈⚓!!
I have no career no future no way to survive.
CLASSIC EXAMPLES: IsmaEL & Issac
Jacob & Essauv
Narcissist parents pick the truth teller child who tells the Narcissist parents that what they are doing is wrong and they become the target.
The golden child is usually a narcissist who manipulates the parents and sets up the scapegoat child as the bad person.
My narcissist golden child sister once took a picture of me holding a beer and showed it to my mother and lied about what exactly happened.
The back story to that picture was we were teenagers and another teen was joking about drinking the beer and i picked up the beer as a joke and my narcissist golden child immediately took the picture and showed it to my narcissist mother and probably lied and said i was drinking.
My narcissist golden child sister took any opportunity to make me look bad to anybody, there was no love or respect between us, we were enemies and she would trick me with moments of kindness but it was always a plot against me.
The narcissist golden children can be just as wicked as the parents.
Im glad I went no contact with them all.
Lost my narcissistic parents recently and now will be saying goodbye to the golden child shortly. Waiting on estate papers and other legal issues to be resolved which I'm sure will start a firestorm but saying goodbye will not be difficult in that I'm being kept in the dark about things. Did the same goodbye to my narcissist daughter and Ex and my life is so peaceful now!