Am I the only one mind blown by the YEARS that have gone by watching these videos "EVERY, single day" and his daughters age in between stories catches you off guard? Like omg I remeber his father announcement? Now she's already 3! I can't imagine
Ikr?! I remember the announcement and the pic he showed and then a few years later a video of her on a swing and him falling down. I also miss puppy bloopers 😢
Whether mom is in the problem or not, when you go no contact or threaten it should ALWAYS be expected that you will no longer will receive inheritance or funds or anything like that. That's part if the no contact and you have to accept that. I went no contact with my mom and I wouldn't even take a million dollars from here
Right. That’s the whole idea behind “no contact”. I hope the daughter isn’t, like, buying into some TikTok trend about this or something and realizes how serious going NC is.
@Tustin2121 Honestly I feel like mom is leaving out key details. But also daughter seems entitled as well. Going no contact isn't a trend. It's a realization that many of us are having about our own entitled and awful parents and some people are just now gaining the strength to leave. But still, there's a lot missing but it doesn't change the fact that if you go no contact, you have to accept that you won't get anything ever.
Story 1 is really close to a family member in my family. He drank to the point of his brain literally shrinking. His cognitive function deteriorated to the point of about the brain power of a 12 year old. It literally reduced him to a husk who's entire life revolved around him drinking. OP is massively NTA. She should not have to put up with this person and should probably accept "he" is possibly already "dead" inside. Btw the story ends with the family member being the youngest person on the dementia ward.
I have worked in hospitals and I have seen numerous people die from alcoholism. A wellness check was the right move. If OP had gone herself would she have been able to manhandle a sick drunk into her car to take to the hospital? I am a big woman, 5’11”, but I couldn’t manage to move my elderly dad by myself if he were incapacitated, much less actively fighting against me. OP would have needed to call for help anyways, the wellness check saved time that was crucial to saving his life. OP isn’t a psychic, she had no way of knowing all this and the mom needs to accept that she can’t palm off the blame on OP. Personally, I would say the husband doesn’t deserve any buttholes. If he had just stopped drinking cold turkey at home (which he may have, we don’t know) it can cause severe illness (delirium tremens from alcohol withdrawal) that can include nausea and seizures and can lead to death. Alcohol is one of the few drugs where withdrawal can actually kill you. I remember one young man was hospitalized because he was trying to stop drinking on his own and started having seizures. When he was being discharged the doctor had to tell him to keep drinking or check into a withdrawal facility (the young man didn’t want help, he wanted to do it on his own). Alcohol use disorder is a devastating disease, please reach out for help if you feel you need it.
Story 5: I get being upset that he was cheated on and he was really emotional, but don't take it out on the affair baby, who had no idea, and call her "A living reminder of the betrayal" And he never reached out to "make things right" until after almost *10* years when OP's own wedding was approaching. That's way too late at that point
His attempts scream that he only wanted to walk OP down the aisle. Never mind how OP was left in an abusive environment after he left. Granted it wasn’t his situation but as OP said, any reconciliation is too late.
Y’all have no idea the amount of betrayal paternity fraud is to a man. You can say all day “ I wouldn’t take it out on an innocent child.” I’m here to tell you. That you’ll be surprised what you’ll do. If you’re a woman. Then you can’t any idea how a man will feel. The closest thing to this would be the nurse intentionally swapping your baby for another at the hospital. Which is a “unicorn” event compared to how many cases of paternity fraud is committed against men. I’ll give you a charitable view of the “ex father” in this story. He was stone hearted until he heard she was getting married. The hen the memories came back of the good times when he thought she were his daughter. His dream of walking her down the aisle. Then the walls came tumbling down, and he wanted “his little girl” back. Now back to why paternity fraud is so pernicious. A lot of men will continue to be the “father” of an affair child. So, even though the wife will lose her marriage. She still succeeds in cuckolding a good man to raise another man’s child. All blame for OP’s suffering lays at the responsibility of her mother. The mother that denied her a real father because of her selfishness. My suggestion is point your righteous anger at the correct perpetrator.
This happened to my grandmother, aunt, and my mother. Back in the 1950's, my grandmother divorced my grandfather to marry another man. My grandfather suspected that either one or both of the girls weren't his. He completely abandoned them, knowing their stepfather was physically and sexually abusing them. He was just as spiteful towards them, as my grandmother. My step grandfather committed suicide and my grandfather died of a heart attack the year before I was born. Good riddance. I am with the daughter here, blood doesn't matter when you have raised a child. He pushed her out, and she shouldn't let him back in.
One minor correction, OP never says anyone ever told her she was a "living reminder," those were her words, not his. Doesn't make it right or excuse anything, just a minor correction. Still deserves at least a 4 out of 5 BHs, probably a full 5.
In the Play Story, I think OP is staying with his abusive wife because of his son. If OP leaves, then the child might become the target of the mother’s rage, and who knows what she would say and do. OP needs to get evidence of the mother being unfit to be the primary caregiver before he can divorce her, so he can better protect his child.
*5th Story:* OP should've said to her not-dad, "You don't have the right to give me away at my wedding when you gave me away a decade ago." It always sucks that affair kids end up suffering the most for their parents' poor decisions when they're the least deserving of it. At least the bio-dad in this story stepped up when he found out he had a daughter.
You guys are absolutely right. OP already has a family... a grandmother who supports her. A biological father who stepped up when he found out she existed. More than that, she has a husband now. These people are her family. The rest are not. They may be related by blood, but nothing more than that. The mother is a piece of work... she cheated on her husband. That's contemptable enough on its own. But then she didn't tell the biological father and denied him nearly two decades of knowing his own daughter, and that's monstrous, beyond any hope of redemption. To steal the opportunity away from him is unforgiveable. She then let her husband unwittingly raise another man's child. How sick is that? Her husband was nothing more than a tool to her, a babysitter and revenue source, she used him but never respected him on even the most basic level. When OP asked about her actual father, her mother screamed at her instead of answering. Does she think the volume of her voice lends credibility to her argument? Is that the sort of perverse thinking she engages in, or is she just trailer-trash with no control over her emotions at all? Then she hit OP. Absolutely no forgiveness for that. There's no excuse. You don't get to evade accountability by just slapping the other person around. The mother is lower than dog shit. She's sub-human, and unworthy of any second chances, ever. I don't think she even loves her children, as her every decision has been for herself at the expense of those around her. Her kids are just a prop, a way of getting sympathy or experiencing pride vicariously for achievements she herself is incapable of. That's not love, and definitely not the kind of love one should expect from a mother. Her kids are at best a secondary priority to her, behind her own self-interest, and that's simply not good enough. The aunt... I'm all for telling the truth, but the time to do that would have been when OP was still in the womb, not 16 years later. She didn't give a second thought to the collateral damage. This is a bad person. More interested in "being right" than actually "doing right". Nobody needs people like that in their lives. The Father... I'm a little sympathetic here, he was blind-sided by some of the most devastating news a man can receive. I haven't been through that personally, but I know two men who have, and they describe it as "worse than losing a child". It's very much like a death, except you can't even trust the good memories anymore. These people you loved are not who you thought they were, and they never were. You're not even the person you thought you were anymore. But he did not handle this well at all. He abandoned the child he raised purely for the sake of his own pride. But a father's pride is built AFTER conception, in raising the child. All that time raising her wasn't enough for him to accept her as a daughter. I know his head was in a bad place, and understandably so, but 10 years is plenty of time to figure things out. Hell, 10 days would have been a long time to figure out his priorities. His pride is more important to him than his children, which means his children are clearly not a source of pride for him, so why should he care at all? He had his chance to make this right, and he blew it. He did so intentionally, and had all the time in the world to backpedal if he regretted it, but he never did until the wedding. And a wedding is NOT the right time for that drama, proving yet again, this is about his pride, not any actual love for OP. He just wanted to make an appearance to save face. He let his ex wife drag him down to her level. To hell with that. Her siblings... Jury's still out. Much would depend on their ages. All I know is if this had happened in my family, I would have sided with my siblings against either parent or both. We're a package deal, can't have one without the other. If my sister or my brother was thrown out, that's my cue to leave as well, and I'd have done so without a second thought or moment of regret. But if her siblings were toddlers, you can't hold them to that standard. So I can't suggest what to do there. As for the rest of the family, they don't matter. Sorry, but both sets of grandparents succeeded in raising awful children with no dignity, morals or accountability. Their opinions lost all significance when the true quality of their children was revealed. I don't hold them equally to blame, OP's parents made their own decisions, but I just see a really messed up family all around. Can any of them really say they had no idea their kids were pieces of shit? And if they can, they really weren't paying much attention, which is probably a huge part of the problem. They are not beyond redemption, but they need to work for it. At least one grandmother is, and I respect that. Any other aunts, uncles, cousins, etc, you deal with on an individual basis, they are entitled to their own opinion, but have no right to dictate the correct course of action. The moment they start medaling or carrying messages, I'd cut them off. But until then, I would maintain the status quo, whatever that may look like. OP's real family is her Husband. Treat him well, demand to be treated well in return. Don't allow this dysfunction to continue for another generation. Don't bear the burden of your parent's shame, it's not yours to deal with. And don't allow people like this into your real family, where their perversion of thought may corrupt the people who actually care about you. Nobody needs that drama. It may not seem it, but this can be a blessing in disguise. OP knows how families can go off the rails, and now she's equipped to identify and prevent that from happening to her own family, never letting things get out of hand like her parents did. She gets to have her real family, and it can be anything she wants or needs it to be. Don't squander that opportunity in pursuit of building a relationship with those who have been proven unworthy.
@Catherine.Dorian. Literally what I was thinking. He should've reached out to OP before rather than expecting to be included in the wedding, especially to walk her down the isle. I don't know if jealousy towards bio dad played a part in that, but it's a bit odd that after nearly 10 years ex dad wanted that moment for himself. It's difficult to tell if ex dad had a sudden realisation that he wanted OP to be in his life again after hearing about her wedding, but again, he should've reached out, and not expected to give OP away after all of that time had passed.
Not biogical dad is a butthole, simple as that, he is victim blaming the daughter for being the peoduct of an affair. You were decei ed by your spouse, not the children you are raising.
People seem to really confuse what a "grudge" is. OP in the "Bio kid" story isn't holding a grudge, OP just moved on. He burnt that bridge, OP moved on, end of story. He can figure out how to cope with the regrets, then move on as well.
I don't think people ever stop to consider the mental anguish and hurt that comes with finding out you've been living a lie. That you've not only been taking care of someone else's child, but that you've been robbed of the choice to do so. Everyone's always so quick to shit on the parent who was wronged in favor of the child who had to eat the blowback. Blame goes solely to the cheating mother here. Has she kept her legs closed, they'd all still be together. Had she actually kept her vows, the father wouldn't be grieving. This is a story of TWO people going through their own grief and pain, I find it completely gross that no one stops to think about how that man is expected to just suck it up continue on like his life wasn't also thrown sideways. That dude is getting dragged because he's expected to take care of a child that's not his. It's so easy to say he did it for 16 years, that's his kid blah blah blah, except OP ISN'T his kid. Again, he was robbed of the choice. But this also isn't about him. It's about the cheating wife. She gets to keep her kids. She gets to move on with her life. She gets no blowback for her actions, and she destroyed his and robbed both dads of years of their lives over a lie and of course, OP hates her other dad as well. The real PoS is the mom. Full stop
@@Masenkenthey both found out that they had been living a lie. Only one of them lashed out at the other and decided to treat them like they never loved them despite the fact that the person they’re lashing out never did anything to hurt them.
@Nebraska60 see, you're not listening. He didn't lash out. He left. He's a victim, just as much as OP, and no one gave a damn about how he was feeling, only themselves
Story 5: It's one thing to not be in a baby's life after finding out it isn't yours. Babies don't understand what's going on around them. OP was sixteen years old. That dad raised and loved a child for sixteen years and then threw it all away because of something the mother did. That's an asshole in my book.
I always find if funny how people are so quick to jump on the father for being the a**hole but never the mother. She cheated, broke the husband's heart, destroy two side of family. But sure the father is the a**hole for not being the knight in shinning armor who just accepts everything bad that happens and move pass the betrayal.
@@j_castle9893 Literally no one is saying the mother did anything right. The mother is OBVIOUSLY an asshole, there's no need for discussion there. The father was a victim, but then also turned around and made OP a victim as well. That's the difference between the two situations.
In story 5 everyone one wants them to make up because everyone likes to see people forgive and forget. The problem is that there are certain things you can not forgiven. His child BEGGED to stay with him he pushed her away, his child pushed to make contact and mend things for year and he still pushed her away for 9 years, so now that his child has given up hope and moved past him he is upset that she doesn't run into his open arms. He had years to distroy his relationship it cant be fixed in 1 day, if he truly wants his daughter back he needs to take things slow and work twice as hard as his daughter did when she was suffering.
And also how convenient it get he wanted to use OPs wedding to make amends. First no no in the handbook to reconciliation. If he was truly serious about a reconciliation, he would’ve tried for any other time that didn’t fall on a huge life event for OP.
He’s probably only asking “forgiveness” because he wants to walk OP down the aisle or be a grandpa. Otherwise why didn’t he reach out long before the wedding?
Story 4: I'm not one to jump on the divorce bandwagon but these are classic signs of abuse. Not physical ,but definitely emotional and mental abuse. And not only to the husband but embarrassing her son by screaming and yelling at him during a performance is unacceptable. Counseling may help but if it doesn't, it may be time to separate and coparent. Walking out was a bold move
This was verbal and emotional abuse of the kid, OP, and everybody around them. Trust me- bruises, cuts, even broken bones eventually heal, and the pain is forgotten. Emotional scars never completely heal, and it is to easy to open those old wounds.
1st Story: as a child of a parent who was an alcoholic, this triggers me. My father was a hopeless alcoholic who chose booze over everything… his friends, his family, even his health. Sounds like the guy is so far gone into his alcoholism, he cannot and will not change. OP is 0/5, and the alcoholic should be 5/5
I’ve never known anyone with alcoholism so if you don’t mind me asking, it doesn’t sound more like this guy is almost intending to kill himself? Or is this basically par for the course?
@@Catherine.Dorian. unfortunately, yes. It is par for the course. At that point, whether a person dies from alcoholism (describing from the first story) and my own personal experience, it’s a matter of IF that person dies, not WHEN. Unless he does come to his senses before it’s too late. Unlike my father.
My dad drank himself into an early grave, so I can relate. I would have agreed with you 100% back then. Having grown since, fifteen years or so, I see now what my teenage self then couldn’t. He needed help. He was desperate and lost. Maybe this guy does deserve 5/5, OP certainly deserves 0/5, but I can’t confidently get behind condemning someone so strongly who’s clearly suffering immensely. Just my take, likely biased from guilt from abandoning my dad in his darkest moments but who knows
I am so sorry you had to go through that. Both my parents struggled with alcoholism but I am so fortunate that they were able to get help and quit before it took them from me. I work in hospitals and a large number of my patients were suffering from alcoholism (or alcohol use disorder). It’s a horrible disease, and one in which quitting alcohol can kill you too. In fact, we stocked beer in the pharmacy for patients who weren’t ready to quit but we couldn’t risk sending them into withdrawal. Alcohol is one of the only drugs I know of where withdrawal will actually kill you, not just make you wish you were dead. (It’s why all the doctors made sure the liquor stores stayed open during COVID shutdowns). IMO the husband deserves 0 AH in this story alone (I don’t know about his past behavior) and the mom is the only AH here because she is shoving blame where it doesn’t belong. Based on this story it is unclear if he went home and drank as the symptoms and severity of what OP said could be caused by him going cold turkey. Younger People with severe alcohol use disorder are more likely to end up in the ICU on a ventilator from withdrawal (or aspiration of vomit or stomach bleed) than from drinking too much (their tolerance is usually so high that their body shuts down before they overdose on it). But that last part is my speculation based on my experience working in a hospital and everyone is different so it’s totally possible it’s just from drinking too much. But your score is based on your experience and totally valid. I hope this story doesn’t dampen your day and you are able to go out and enjoy a fabulous day full of good vibes!
Story 4: She really needs to seek some counseling because being disruptive in the middle of a play is pretty nasty. It's not cool to tear down your husband and act so loud and rude in the middle of a theater.
And I wonder if OP and the teacher can ban the wife from the premises? He refers her as his wife but not the child’s mom. Maybe I’m reading into something wrong
She needs her Mom and MIL to slap some sense into the Wife for being emotionally and verbally abusive towards OP, because THAT'S what she sounds like. Also, who'd want to stay in a relationship with someone who VERBALLY/MENTALLY/EMOTIONALLY ABUSE you, but gets mad when you walk out for a moment.
*First OP:* This may be a controversial take, but OP's ex shouldn't be OP's responsibility. OP is NTA. *Second OP:* I'm no expert in this field, but I'm _pretty_ sure passionate hugging should be pleasurable to both parties. If OP communicated her concerns to her partner and he hadn't made the changes to improve them, then OP walking away is reasonable. OP is NTA. *Third OP:* Reading this at face value, it's OP's money, and she has the right not to fund her daughter's education if she wants nothing to do with OP. If OP's story is as she stated, then she's NTA. I wouldn't be surprised if there were some "missing missing reasons", and Matt pointed out OP's (possibly) toxic behavior to OP's daughter. *Fourth OP:* I don't think this marriage will last. At least OP waited until his son's part was done. OP is NTA. *Fifth OP:* OP's family is a whole mess. So OP's not dad can kick out a 16-year-old girl that he raised out of his life, but OP can't set boundaries by not allowing him back in her life? At least her bio dad was being an actual dad. OP is NTA. *Sixth OP:* OP is justified in yelling at the parents and filing a complaint. She is _not_ justified in cussing out a little kid. OP is NTA for yelling at the kid and mom. OP is TA for cussing at the kid.
Story one: I agree and ex’s mom is just using OP as a scapegoat. I’m betting the ex understood but everyone else expects him to still be OPs problem. Story two: ultimatum time. Marriage counseling or divorce. Story three: definitely NTA and daughter doesn’t have a leg to stand on if she tries to sue for the fund. Story four: OP isn’t the AH and I hope in the future OP can keep Kevin’s events secret from the wife. I may be speculating, but he calls her his wife but doesn’t refer to her as Kevin’s mom. Story five: it seems like the parent who has been in OPs life the least has been the most of a parent. Story six: I agree. OP thinks they’re the hero for what they did but really they came off as unhinged. Yes it is the parent’s job to look after the kid and the kid is old enough to know not to disturb others. However OPs reaction was over the top
The point of someone being an ex is they are no longer your problem. What is OP doing caring for him? The mom is a huge problem. People need help for addiction but enabling is not the way to go.
Nah, your take on the first one isn't controversial and I'm with you. Someone's ex is never their responsibility; that obligation ended with the relationship.
doubt you'll read this, but rSlash, sometimes these subs get awfully depressing, and it probably weighs on you at least a little. Have you considered doing like, one wholesome sub a week to combat the toxicity? :D i think he listened y'all! not quite my idea, but better i think! he's been putting in more wholesome stories at least!
Story 3: I'm in the camp of BF telling the daughter something and convincing her to feel a certain way. I do agree that there is a lot of info missing from this story, but its possible the daughter told the BF about the fund and BF saw that as a way to get free money. If the daughter was fine before she met the dude, then he was definitely an influence, but we don't know how he was an influence. But the daughter is stupid for thinking no contact means she still gets the money. No contact, no money.
I agree, there is not much to go on. Like you said, the boyfriend seems to be the influence, but It's equally possible that the daughter saw, for the first time, what healthy parents look like and realized how awful her mom is. I don't feel comfortable going either way without more info, though. It reminds me of a recent story where "out of nowhere" a woman who is about to get married started having issues with her mom and the OP(dad) couldn't figure out why. That story was more clear cut because he was "neutral" and the daughter said why, he just dismissed it. We don't have that here. I'd love to see it from the daughter's perspective.
I'd like to hear the daughter's perspective also. However, the fact that OP has been supporting daughter and saving for years for daughter's education says something about OP's character and attempts to be a good mom. Not all parents take the trouble to save up money and many young people have to take out loans to go to college. We're only hearing one side, but before new boyfriend popped up, OP and daughter reportedly had a good relationship. Human nature being what it is, boyfriend would be able to get a slice of the financial pie and more control over daughter without OP being in the mix.
@@lemarch57 The fact OP says "I've been saving money for their college when I could have been going on vacations and getting expensive cars" tells me OP is not as saintly as she's making herself out to be. That's textbook "mom-branded guilt-trip" and anyone from a toxic family gets shivers just reading it.
@@LizBlizzard Whoever the OP in a story is, they're trying to appear the innocent party and of course, no one is a saint. If OP has indeed come out and said that to her daughter's face, yes, that's toxic. If OP is coming to believe that she has saved for her daughter's education and made sacrifices when she could have been spending the money on herself, that is a somewhat bitter observation on her position in her daughter's life, who is supposedly willing to take the money and run.
@@LizBlizzardnot necessarily. She’s frugal in her spending is what she’s saying. She could’ve been like everyone else spending money on useless luxuries.
My stepfather died due to alcoholism. Everyone spent countless times in ER visits, mess cleaning, dealing temper tantrums, etc It’s exhausting both physically and mentally, especially when the person doesn’t want to get better. I don’t blame OP for not going again, she’s the ex and has probably had to deal with this mess constantly.
My grandfather died because of it. He caught an illness that would’ve been fixed with medication, but you can’t drink on the medication. It’ll kill you because it messes with your stomach, and he ended up being found facedown in a pile of his own vomit from drinking himself to death. Nothing hurt me more than the day I found out he died.
Last story: why is the office allowing her to bring the kid anyway? This is a place of business and he is actively being disruptive to everyone. If mom won’t do anything, the boss won’t make her do anything. They do not get to be surprised or upset that someone finally snapped and yelled at the little twerp. But it’s not the kids fault, even though they should know better, he probably doesn’t because he has a crappy mom that won’t teach him some respect.
I lost a friend to liver failure triggered by alcoholism. So many people in our friend circle tried to stop this person from drinking, to see doctors, to get help, but you can’t save someone from their addiction - they have to want to save themselves.
College fund story: speaking from personal experience I wouldn't be surprised if the new bf is the toxic one dripping poison into OP's daughter's ear. My personal recency bias saw my brother get a new gf and she systematically tried to manipulate our whole family against eachother through him, and tried to convince him to move away from us after he asked for our parents college money. I do agree with rslash the other side of the coin where OP isn't sharing the full story is possible, but my bias leans more towards issues starting from when the new bf came in
even though it would be extremely weird for an abusive parent to set up a college fund, let's assume that is the case. If the daughter wants to go no-contact, she goes no-contact with the mother's money as well. She's an idiot even if you try to paint the mother in the worst light possible.
@@David-hw9siIt's not all that weird. My abuser bought me a car. It's done to trick you into staying either because you're reliant on the money or because you think it can't be that bad if they give you stuff. That said, daughter shouldn't be surprised when the college fund disappears after saying she was going to cut OP off. She's absolutely an idiot like you said but the mother being toxic is a possibility.
2nd story: A) boyfriend is being manipulative to separate her from her safety/social net so he can start abusing her. B) You're leaving stuff out to make yourself look good. C) your daughter feels like she's escaping one abuser for a new one because she has no idea what a healthy relationship is.
@@erikagehm2805 this. Children who come from emotionally and mentally abusive and manipulative homes have no idea how to have a healthy relationship and continue to repeat the cycle of abuse.
This is called a logic fallacy. You want to blame the OP for the daughter’s temper tantrum, yet have no evidence that she’s abusive. You would rather believe the teen is a victim rather than a normal rebellious teen who got bad advice from a new boy toy. The absence of evidence is not the confirmation of your straw man argument. The daughter is in for a rude awakening.
@@JB-ew6piPeople don't just change that dramatically out of nowhere. Something is going on and it's either OP is a problem or the boyfriend is a problem. Sure, teens have rebellious phases at times but nobody changes that dramatically without there being something else going on behind the scenes.
Kindergarten play story: Honestly Claire is abusive to OP and the son. Its hard for men to leave emotional abuse just as its hard for women to. Theres probably so much more at home goong ton too. I hope OP gets can leave and get custody of their son. My recent ex was like this too. He completely ruined my grade 7 kiddos year end ceremony just like this guys wife did.
Story one when you are done be completely done. Give back the freaking key and tell everyone you are out. Don’t answer the calls and don’t take him to doctor, don’t clean up their mess. My father was a drunk, it was horrible. As a child I had to help mother clean, went with out food. He was arrested and hospitalized and every holiday was ruined. When mother left I still tried to care for him, then I stopped. I left home at 17 and never cleaned up after him in any way again. Drunks will destroy themselves and your life too, if you let him.
I've seen it happen to my mums late husband. Miserable, horrible man he was, so he made everyone around him miserable. Honestly, life has been better without him. He has always been the worst person I'd ever met. There's no helping anyone who doesn't want to help themselves. They have to want to change. They have to make the change. Nobody can do that for them.
I half expect he intentionally over-did it with the booze that night as a way to pull OP back in. He wouldn't be the first to pull that stunt. He makes his own choices, he face the consequences of those choices, and if the relationship is over, then he face those consequences alone. I had a friend like that. He was wasted. I did my part, I called 911, told them where he was, grabbed a sharpie marker and wrote on his forehead "15 shots of liquor + unknown pills" and left. That is as far as I will go in that situation. And it sends a pretty clear message.
This! It isn’t her responsibility to keep helping him, but holding onto the key means she’s responsible in an emergency, like this one. Either move on, or don’t. No halvzies.
14:11 a lot of AH points. I can understand being mad about infidelity, but abandoning a child you promised to take care of because of something that's not their fault, that they can't control or change, and which ultimately doesn't change the past however many years you've had together? this isn't right.
Yeah I would totally understand throwing the wife out to the wolves the moment he found out but a kid you raised? If blood means that much to him then I doubt he's much of a parent to begin with. And then he tries to "make it right" 10 years later lol, that ain't something you can just walk back and say sorry for.
@@GiordanDiodato I don't deny that it's a hard pill to swallow, but that's not the kid's fault, nor did it change that child fundamentally. And I've heard one thing a lot about parenting, it's that you have to accept to suffer for it. being hurt emotionnaly is not an excuse for being a bad parent
@@nanardeurlambda I'm with the dad on this one. You raised a kid you're whole life thinking he's yours but you find out that that child is a product of infidelity then its only natural to think differently of him/her. If he wants to disown him/her, it's within his right to do so. The asshole here is the mom for cheating and for lying.
@@nanardeurlambda I'm with the dad on this one. You raised a kid you're whole life thinking he's yours but you find out that that child is a product of infidelity then its only natural to think differently of him/her. If he wants to disown him/her, it's within his right to do so. The asshole here is the mom for cheating and for lying.
Story 5: look I don’t like to judge a situation like this because finding out that child you love, isn’t yours and the person who you married has lied to you for so long it’s not something you just get over. Obviously the fairy tail doesn’t matter and he loves the kid no matter what. But that’s not the case, and you don’t have to like it, but it is understandable. Having said that, OP didn’t do anything deserve being kicked out at 16. Ostracize for something that wasn’t her fault and stuck living with abusive parent for 10 years. In the heat of anger, I can understand but not for a whole decade. And OP doesn’t have to let him in now that he’s ready, it’s too late she’s done. She forgot about him the same way he wanted to forget about her. And the family that didn’t have to go through what she did doesn’t get to tell her she’s wrong or mean for not jumping in his arms.
Its so annoying when parents pull tbe "i sacerficed so much for you!" Argument. YOU decided to have kids. YOU chose to be a parent. Your children didn’t ask to be born
@It-is-me...Melsie i agree and never said otherwise but your kids didn't force you to do a damn thing. It a as a choice op made. Besides. All teens go through a phase like that and I garentee there's stuff op is hiding to make herself look innocent
I feel like in the fifth story, OP's ex dad should've gotten a AH score. I get you're hurt but you just abandoned your kid??? And then to try to be upset about not coming to the wedding, like, you abandoned your child, you can't get it both ways?
@@hectormarquez2402 whether or not there is more behind the scene, the fact the daughter expected money while going no contact is idiotic at best. No contact means no contact. That also means you don't get support from said individual. You can't just go "I wanna go no contact with you, but please keep sending me money." Besides IF OP was abusive, why would the daughter want abuser-money?
I mean maybe I wasn't fully paying attention but isn't some of that money from the late husband's life insurance policy. It isn't just OP's money but I think it might be the dad's too.
@@lilmissiamsodonehere_2399 huh, missed that. Yeah that muddies it a bit, but it never stated her husband left a will for it to be left to the children or their college fund. OP wrote it was her idea to start the college fund with it, not the husband's. If it all went to OP, then it is her money. If the dead husband left some for the children, OP is in the wrong to deny that.
Bio kid: kicking out of your house 16 years old girl and letting her taking her of her severely depressed mother is vile. She is not his kid but that doesn't mean he could do that to her.
Story 5 - I don't care how hurt the not dad was, he's a piece of shite. At one time I was worried my dad wasn't my bio dad and he let me know, in no uncertain terms, that I would always be his daughter and he will always love me. He's a good man, unlike the odious little creature in this story.
@@GiordanDiodatoOh good Lord. You can take your professional victimhood and walk out the back door. Ain't nobody want to hear it. The fact that he was betrayed and traumatized is not an excuse, a justification or a reason to abandon neglect and abuse his daughter of 16 years. He is holding her responsible for something she has no responsibility for. And then he thinks because you know the only feelings in this situation that matter or his. He gets to walk in and out of her life when it's convenient for him. No
Last story : Lawyers have to have a certain level of confidentiality so someone barging in randomly is REALLY bad. That is a work place not a daycare, so act like it. If that kid wants to keep eavesdropping on lawyers a couple swears is WAY better than some of the cases he would have otherwise overheard.
story 5: Imma be honest, 3/5 buttholes MINIMUM, Yes he was cheated on but that is no way to act to an innocent party, and he had 9 years to make things right NINE YEARS, but doesn't even fucking try until "Oh no the girl I raised is getting married, it might look bad on me if im not in the wedding"
Bio kid story: forgiveness doesn't mean willingness to let them back into your life. So yes I think op should forgive, more for op's sake then ex(step?)dad's sake.
Story 5 - The dad abandoned OP, but he had every right to do so. The moment he became the bad guy was when he wanted to come back like nothing happened. He could've reached out prior to the wedding, but from what I gather, he didn't
The ex dad is the butt hole, and shoud get a score. I can understand him leaving and needing time because his wife cheated and OP was the product of that cheating. But he completely shunned the daughter for 10 years. He made her live with her psycho mother who OP had to then take care of. After doing that to a girl he had raised for 16 years, he doesn't get to come back into her life and walk her down the aisle. And F his family! OP didn't do anything to her ex father, and he abandoned her for 10 years, and said he didn't want anything to do with her. You have to be some kind of huge a-hole to re-open this wound for OP because of some stupid pride thing like not getting invited to a wedding of a girl you refused to talk to for 10 years.
Your partly correct that he shouldn't be crying on how tiring end but let not forget the father is also a victim. The mother broke the family. Trauma takes a long time to heal. And the father had no right for op. Since op is not legal his. Sure he could have gotten to court but who know his financial situation.
@@j_castle9893 Well he's a doctor, so he probably isn't doing too poorly. But the mom hid OP from him or he might have been able to take legal custody and raise her as his own. So 4/5 for the mom.
@@sourisvoleur4854 the bio dad was a doctor but the non bio dad we dont know, it was not stated. I disagree it would have been very hard for the non father to get custody.
College fund: "She has said *hurtful* things, like how the way I treat her makes *her* feel bad. How could she hurt *me* like that!? I'd better give her an ultimatum, those always work!" 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 OP is definitely leaving out too many details.
Definitely, like R/Slash said something has happened to make the kid want to go no contact and we have no idea if OP is actually a terrible mom or if the daughter is being influenced by a bad egg (or if some 3rd thing is going on) 💀
@@shineyluna1268 yea can't side with OP or the daughter until we get more info, I do hate that people just want to blame only OP though given we don't have that info, it means people are already picking sides & see OP in the wrong without knowing if it is even her, something about telling OP I'm going NC BEFORE going off to college & getting the money is wired here, all the time we've heard stories about going NC it's I'm doing it now or I'm biding my time until I have the money or place, why say it before, somethings not sitting right with me.
5th Story > Raising and love kid for 16 years > Kicking in them out (because they’re not biologically your child), then leaving them in ABUSIVE situation where they have to take care of their alcoholic mother by themselves. > Suddenly after 9,5 years having audacity of thinking that they have right to be in the child’s life Nah, for me it’s clear 4/5 TA for the father. He should accept that his actions have consequences. OP could have died and is suffering the trauma of what happened to this day (u can tell it by the way they wrote the post).
I always find if funny how people are so quick to jump on the father for being the a**hole but never the mother. She cheated, broke the husband's heart, destroy two side of family. But sure the father is the a**hole for not being the knight in shinning armor who just accepts everything back that happens and move pass the betrayal. It clear you don't can about his feelings, he already suffered a lot but sure give the guy who lost his family because a woman dumb mistake. Ps. I'm not saying that op should forgive him but he is not the monster you claim he is. He is also a victim too.
I could have understood the "affair baby" angle if the father knew it at birth, and just didn't want to be reminded of the pain and if they never had a bond, but finding out she's not your daughter after raising her and loving her for sixteen years and blaming her as if she's not your child is complete nonsense. It's not her fault and she's got every right to give him back the same energy he gave her. He's a piece of garbage.
Story 1: A friend of mine went to detox at rehab, so he wouldn’t get fired. Management tried to stress him out so he would relapse so they could fire him. He retired, gave me all his ties and his rather unconventional raid jacket. We spoke on the phone every day. He was getting medicine to handle the physical addiction. It was determined that new hires from INA, like me from the Border Patrol had to go to 6.5 months of Investigations Academy because Customs filled the INA vacuum after 9/11. I told him we could talk on breaks and such. Then there was nothing. It always went to voicemail. I had to find out via Government email he had died. It messed me up for quite awhile.
OP's father rejected her when he found out she's not his child, and yet OP is viewed as the family villain for rejecting him after so many years of him making it abundantly clear he wasn't her father?
I agree with the college fund story. A person doesn't wake up one morning and decide to go no contact with their parents if they had a healthy relationship. Combined with the fact that OP is using a throwaway (and probably spying from her main), tells me all I need to know: There is more to the story here and OP is purposefully omitting details. HOWEVER, If the story is true as written then it boils down to OP's money, OP's choice.
As someone who has considered going no contact, I absolutely believe op 3 is an abuser. if she wants her daughter to have a good life and be happy she should give that money regardless, i think the fact she is willing to have her support for her daughter be conditional is representative of other parts of their relationship we cannot see. the only explanation i can see is that op doesn't care about her daughter having a happy life, she cares about control. if it was the BF, surely the mom would keep giving support to show op how much she cares and how op can always come to her and repair their relationship right?
My thoughts: Story 1: NTA. Your husband gets 3/5 buttholes for his drunken behavior and a 5/5 score to himself for what he's doing to his health. His mom gest 3.5/5 for putting taking care of him on your shoulders. Story 2: NTA. Your husband gets 2/5 buttholes. Never "passionately hugged" before, but even I can tell he is selfish while "making sandwiches." Story 3: ? Way too much info left out for me to judge. Story 4: NTA. Your wife is not only being disruptive, but is verbally abusing you on top of that. She gets 4/5 buttholes. Story 5. NTA. Everyone in your family except your bio dad, grandmother on your mom's and stepbrother has failed you in some way. Your mother gets 5/5 for hitting you and veberally abusing you on top of cheating. Her ex also gets 5/5 since he's acting entitled to your forgiveness and kicked you onto the streets. Your siblings and grandparents on the ex's side get 3.5/5 for cutting out of your life and trying to force you to forgive him. Your grandfather on your mom's side gets 2.5/5 buttholes for not showing up to your graduation and ignoring you when you needed his support without checking to see if things did settle down. Story 6: NTA. The kid gest 1/5 buttholes while his mom gets 2/5 for being your average entitled parent.
Story 5: nah, I'd probably give the mom's ex husband a 4/5. Sure he is an asshole, but very justified given how painful it is knowing one of your kids isn't yours.
That's the one detail in the story that has me questioning things. Hospitals can't force people to stay if they want to leave even if it's AMA. I can't imagine any police officer or attorney that would actually get involved in enforcing this because it sounds like a legal nightmare for them
I think we're dealing with a situation of an unreliable narrator. It's likely unintentional OP probably doesn't have all the details due to the fact that she's actively trying to distance herself and the mother-in-law is mad at her. It sounds like he was placed under some kind of psychiatric hold. That's the most logical conclusion for the fact that the county got involved. Another option, considering police were mentioned, is that he was being detained but in too unstable condition to leave the hospital.
@GrittyTones Hospitals can 100 percent force someone to stay if they are a danger to themselves or others. Sounds like involuntary commitment since that requires a court order. I don't think his mom was being completely honest about where he was found, or there is some damning evidence of drunk driving. I'm betting he was in his car, cause the cops being at the hospital isn't common with a welfare check, but is if he was arrested for drunk driving.
About the wife putting her husband down in public. I'm gonna wonder if the boy's chewing of the string isn't a nervous reaction to how his mother acts. If she's this verbal in front of strangers, imagine how aggressive she is to him in private. If I were OP, I'd be taking my son to a therapist and ask the poor boy if mommy has been especially mean to him when OP wasn't around. OP needs to ask the other parents if they have a recording of her rants at the play so he can use those in court to prove she isn't mentally well enough to have custody of their son. I'm telling you this, as soon as OP divorces and leaves his wife, she's going to use their son as her punching bag.
Was he supposed to celebrate that his woman betrayed him, broke his heart, broke the family. And let say the father to keep op, he couldn't since he doesn't have any right. Men are not saint who going tough it out just because. He is also the victim.
@sourisvoleur4854 of course not I'm not say that the father is a saint but this situation would have never happened if she didn't cheat, even with everything that happened he is still the victim. I feel like the father had even right to leave when he found out she cheated. But The father has to live with the decision he made, he disowned op and he shouldn't expect politeness from her.
@@j_castle9893 Agree 100% that the cheating mother set this all in motion and deserves all the blame for this situation existing. Inside of that, though, the nonbio dad has his own share of blame. Yeah maybe he had a right to leave. Just as we have a right to say he was an arzole for doing so.
@@sourisvoleur4854 your welcome to your own opinions but if I was in a similar situation, I would do the same, I would never want to raise another man kid. To me the only a**hole moves was throwing a tantrum for not being invited to the wedding. He cut op out of his life, that how it should be, he can't pick and choose what moment to be in her life.
6:41 if someone is in a spot where she can brag to you about leaving home without worry about further abuse, then there is no way OP is abusing the daughter. No one who wants to leave home tells their abusers they’re gonna leave home. the boyfriend sounds fishy asf tho
OP's father left her because of something her mom did... OP is remaining gone because of what HE did. The 'dad's' family is 9 years too late and criticising the wrong adult.
I can relate to that last story, I recently moved into an apartment for college and the kids around here have a habit of using the stairs as a play fort. They leave their toys on there, cover it in blankets, put up play tents, etc. After a month of this and no one doing anything I have become the bad guy. I need to use the steps to get to my apartment (there is no elevator, it’s only two stories), and I’m done being nice about it.
Honestly ur better than OP from the last story I’d give her 2/5 buttholes, she should’ve discussed this with the parents of the people from telemarketing but instead she lashes out and cusses in a professional setting. Let’s not talk about her condescending tone cuz she works in a law office and they’re just common telemarketers…
I get that the man who turned out not to be the biological father feels betrayed. But he raised a child for 16 years as his own and then abandoned her when it is not her fault? How is it that she should be punished for the actions of her mother?And how can he give up 16 years of a bond over something that she had no control? He deserves a five out of five.
*Story 5:* While I do feel a bit sorry for the ex-dad, he's still TA here. How can you disown a child you took care of for so long and saw you as a father, then, 9 years later, want to come back into their life like you did nothing wrong to them? I'm with OP on this one and I do not blame her at all for wanting nothing to do with her ex-dad.
First story- Tell your ex's mother that you left her son because he was drinking himself to death. You were tired of cleaning up his piss, shit, and vomit while being treated like crap. Then ask her why she is surprised that her son continued to drink himself to death after the breakup. Alcoholics are adults and make a knowing choice to be like that. They have to be the ones to stop themselves. If they don't want to change, they never will.
#5 The "dad" turning his back on OP then later wanting to reestablish contact reminds me of the stories on here of miserable bosses firing an employee then a week later demanding the ex employee come in and correct some problem.
@@Mooshi_18”Plus Ultra” is a very common phrase used it the show- it’s the motto of My Hero Academia’s… hero academia… lol. It doesn’t necessarily mean he’s an MHA fan, but it’s an interesting reference and a reasonable theory.
RSlash, I definitely appreciate you deciding that a situation is too complex for you to fully weigh in on and not giving the ex dad a definitive bútthole score.
College fund story: it's not really OP's money, it's the dead husband's life insurance policy, and not even all of it at that (OP said she saved some of it), so as long as it goes to pay Ella's college fees, then she should get the money, OP is using it to manipulate her daughter. I agree it feels like OP might be skipping some important info, but even without it, I would still say OP is the bad guy here.
5th story: i will never understand the “not my blood, don’t love them anymore” its understandable to be heartbroken, and devastated, but didn’t you fall in love with the kid that hugged you, and loved you, and thought the world of you? Suddenly, you just don’t care about them? 😳 I can’t fathom that
Story 5: I'd give the dad a 2. Not for his reaction right after he found out, but for trying to walk back into her life 10 years later, and getting butthurt, and whining to family, when she didn't immediately jump at the opportunity to rebuild the relationship.
Story 5: The family to OP going "let go of that grudge"... where was that energy with the dad? Like, yeah they apparently tried to make things right but it didn't worked. OP has a right not to accept her father, just like how the father did when he learned she wasn't his biological child. Big props to the bio dad for stepping up. He didn't knew this girl existed and he still became a part of her life.
Story 5. I'm a little surprised that the mom in that story isn't getting a score at all. I'd give her a 4/5 on the scale. One for being unfaithful and two not even bothering to apologize to op for her actions. I unfortunately understand the dad feelings. Op, i would suggest therapy before anything else is done. You have some issues to deal with. I wish you the best.
They do. It's called financial abuse, they dangle the money over their kids head knowing they may not have any other option but to stay and take the abuse.
It's not too uncommon, similar situations occur when a partner, parent, grandparent look to resolve disagreements through threats of denial of money, it gives them control over the other person. Now maybe the mother is nta, but equally maybe she is, the presence of the financial leverage doesn't prove that there isn't and imo deciding to use it as leverage suggests AH to me. Though hey, maybe it is the daughter being unreasonable and the mother is just showing actions have consequences. The reason I'm up in the air about this is that I could so easily see the daughter giving her pov and it's like wtf THIS is what the mother was arguing about???
They do actually. Financial abuse is a common thing to make sure people can't leave the situation. My toxic family members practice this heavily so the family members that want to flee can't escape them. I'm not saying OP is the problem for sure because it could be the bf being manipulative but it's hard to say. Something else is going on and the post is too vague to get an idea either way.
Unfortunately some do l. It becomes a thing to hold other the kids head. Some will revoke it if you don't do everything they want. Didn't drop all your classes to do what they want revoked. I don't think op is one of those though.
It's not that uncommon, like parents who see themselves as "loving" when they really just want to live through their kids and if the kids don't fit in their molds of what they "should" be they'll get upset. Or parents who hate certain minorities.
I've seen plenty of hospitalizations from over drinking, from Wisconsin, but to get put on a ventilator? That's new to me. Dude is going to k!ll himself and that's not on OP and shouldn't be her burden to carry
Aspirating their own vomit is what kills a lot of drinkers. That has ended more musicians than hard drug$. Even if you don't drown, vomit contains stomach acid. It will burn your lungs, causing chemical pneumonia.
Story 4: I'm a bit iffy on walking out, I hope their son's part really was done or OP made sure that he didn't misunderstand anything. This woman sounds like she'd take any opportunity to turn their son against OP, so you don't want to give her that ammo.
Sure when it comes from the kids perspective the parent is terrible But every time this happens from the adult perspective where the victim adult doesn't care about children that aren't his responsibility he's totally justified purely because they aren't his children regardless of whatever relationship he had with them before
How can you be so hearless towards him and what he has to go thru? Is thats typical sexism? He just should be a real man and step it up and his feelings doesnt matter?
@@lahlybird895 I don't know, if you raise a kid for 16 years and then can just drop them like they're absolutely nothing, I think you're a pretty awful person.
Wow, these idiots not even showing any judgement on how evil that hoe mother of OP is. Not only she cheated, she also lied forced a guy to raise a child that is not his, also that hoe hits OP when she's only asking who her real father is, also, instead of taking accountability and responsibility for her evil acts, she escapes and forced others to do take responsibility of her evil acts... This world really deserve to just burn, when victims gets demonized and evil hoes are allowed to never take any accountability and responsibility for their evil acts...
11:00 : The mother cheated on the dad , the kid did not. Walking away on a 1 year old that is not yours is not the same as walking away on a 16 year old that you raised. The dad deserves the full 5/5 score
Doesnt matter, he is human with his own feelings and a terrible thing he has to go thru. Youre getting 5/5 ah score for being typical sexist, invalidating his feelings just because he is a man.
@@pauliussipavicius4658 As far as I'm concerned, this has absolutely zilch to do with sexism, and no one's invalidating anyone's feelings. Sure, the dude has every right to feel hurt and betrayed, because he had to find out, that a kid he'd been raising for 16 years isn't biologically his. But on the other hand, you don't just kick that kid, who you've raised and loved for the first 16 years of her life, to the curb like that. Even when his family tried to mediate, he was unwilling. And you don't just come out almost 9 years later and act hurt, that the daughter you kicked out no longer wants you in her life...
College fund story: no child is entitled to their parents money. It’s their money that they worked & saved up. - it’s OPs money & she can do whatever tf she wants with it regardless of the situation.
The last story: I think that the kid should only get a 1 butt-hole score, it's not his fault that his mother isn't parenting him properly. The mother should get at least 2 butt-holes, it's her bad parenting that is what in my opinion is the main cause of the kid running around out of control.
I'd give the kid 1/2 butthole at most. He is probably not being taught what is wrong and what is right. You aren't born knowing that; it has to be taught.
And u don’t think the lady that’s screaming in her work place cussing all over the place to a child is maybe a little immature and a little weird. Like her not getting a butthole score is crazy, cuz she didn’t even try talking to the parents like a mature adult? Atleast the kid acting like a kid but she a whole adult acting like a hormonal teenager at work😂😂
Story 5: He had 9 years to make things right, but only tried when a big event was coming up. This isn't him trying to make things right, it's him trying to save face.
3rd story My sister got with a really toxic boy when she was a teen someone who was in trouble with the law and not a good person at all... So I know that's possible. and My step-mother was one of the worst people I've ever met so I know that's possible. The mom could withhold the money if she wants but I think it is probably a mistake.
6:40 - You have no right to things from people you are cutting out of your life. You also have to think about the old phrase, cutting off your nose to spite your face, which applies to both women here that are planning on burning bridges between each other.
First story OP is not a buthole, he's an adult so if he dies from being drunk then it's his fault so that's that. 3rd story OPs daughter acting that way then her daughter can get her own collage fun if she wants to be mean and rude.
Absolutely but it's also perfectly normal to feel really bad if the person you refused to help ends up dying or severely harmed. NTAH but still going to need some therapy or support or something.
Story 1: NTA. My dad is an alcoholic and I’ve tried EVERYTHING that I could to get him help. He still drank. He would tell me he needed help but refused the help. Finally we moved and so far he’s doing better. He’s around both grandkids instead of just my son (both grandkids are toddlers). He’s around finally said that if he falls off the wagon this time we are given the ok to force him into rehab where we all live now. I’ve learned you can’t help them unless they want to truly be helped.
Story 4: when she tries to guilt trip him by self defecating on herself. My immediate response would be yes you are absolutely an embarrassment to the family and it is a pain in the ass to go anywhere with you. OP we’re all due respect need to finally grow a pair and tell his wife to shut up, and learn some manners. The person who had it worse was his son, even if no one could hear her on stage some kids are going to talk about it when they listen to their parents complain about the B word. OP doesn’t even sound like he remotely likes his wife, and if she’s half as bad as depicted, I don’t blame him. Except abusive person who makes everything terrible.
I don't know about the judgement in that last story, maybe i missed it, but couldn't op just have knocked and *TALKED* to the people of that office before exploding on them. I agree the kid running loose unsupervised is bad, but it wouldn't have hurt to 1. Calmly but firmly tell the child to stop 2. Tell the mom that she isn't being responsible and then 3. Give her a warning that if it happens again she'll be reported?
Final story: So because you reported the kid for being a problem by constantly making noises and running all over your the problem and not the kid. You did nothing wrong... nothing hateful has been said TH-cam, i know you read my comments
This would be the correct response if she handled this like an adult… but instead for some reason she went all the way down to the kids level. Screaming and cussing in her own office/workplace and then doing the same thing in someone else’s office. Extremely unprofessional and extremely weird. First time it happened she should’ve went and spoke to the telemarketers office like an adult… not a hormonal teenager
The story about the daughter wanting to go no contact seems suspicious. If a daughter felt this strongly about not having a relationship with her mom, why would she tell her mom this, risking her education? Seems like the daughter is trying to cause worry for the mom, possibly controlling her mother.
I actually have a similar story to the first one. Back in 2019, I got a random message from my ex’s “friend” saying that my ex was in the hospital after a suicide attempt. This ex caused me a lot of trauma and I damn near had a panic attack reading that message. The friend said that he wanted to see me, but I declined. Again I didn’t want that kind of trauma to bubble up. Then the friend blamed me for not seeing him. To this day, I still think my ex was manipulating me.
Sounds like it. If there was actual atonement, he likely would’ve contacted you instead of sending a henchmen. I’m sorry you had to go through that and you made the right call.
@ Thank you so much. Things are a lot better now thanks to therapy. I got married in May of this year and I couldn’t be happier. I hardly think of my ex now unless a story like this reminds me of him. It was his birthday last week and I didn’t feel anxious for the first time in years. Guess that means I’m finally healed from it.
Story 2: I can just hear so many insecure, selfish misogynistic men trying to paint OP as the problem because she won’t orgasm and make him feel like a man. OP did her part in the relationship it’s about time her husband put in some effort. And after 10 years he still refuses. It’s time to be brutally honest, and stop giving him what he won’t give her.
As a man this situation is 100% not her fault. She has put in way more effort than him and has received nothing back from him. He is a selfish man and I wouldn't be surprised to find that this isn't the only problem in the marriage. If he is selfish in sex he is probably selfish in every other aspect of their relationship. As a side note it sounds like he has a cuckold fetish. I for one and I think most other guys don't like to hear about our SO's past exploits, ESPECIALLY during sex.
@@pauliussipavicius4658 if it doesn’t apply to you, why do you care? I’m not even remotely upset, I was just making a joke, it’s on you if you’re taking it seriously.
Nope, I will point out hypocrisy like the 47 year old woman not being called creepy for dating the 22 year old. But this is on the man. Got to satisfy both sides not be selfish, unfortunately op is not getting the same levels of her desire back it’s a two way street
As I often say, If both partners don't go into the bedroom with the attitude that they're walking out with $1,000 in cash if they get their partner across the finish line, why bother?
Yeah, i don't know what's so hard about this warranting a bunch of conspiracy theories about abuse, etc. She doesn't want the relationship, so why does she think she is entitled to that money?
It's her dads money. Usually, kids don't go no contact for no reason. Kids usually accept a lot of abuse to try to please their parents. The fight over a boyfriend makes no sense. You can't have an opinion from one side of a story.
@@David-hw9si First I agree with you. As to why people are wondering about abuse is because it does give context. OP ITAH because she isn't giving the money but as with a lot of these types of stories is that the right question?
@@David-hw9si Well, the question is WHY the daughter wants to suddenly go no-contect, people don't tend to do this for no reason. But at the very least how the story is written I also don't think OP really is the reason here.
Am I the only one mind blown by the YEARS that have gone by watching these videos "EVERY, single day" and his daughters age in between stories catches you off guard? Like omg I remeber his father announcement? Now she's already 3! I can't imagine
Ikr?! I remember the announcement and the pic he showed and then a few years later a video of her on a swing and him falling down. I also miss puppy bloopers 😢
No, it's crazy
We’re basically listening to this child grow. She’s ALREADY THREE BRO? TvT
I know! I remember when Yugo was a puppy and rslash didn't have a little girl yet. Amazing.
Omg I know!!! I thought she was still a baby 😅
Whether mom is in the problem or not, when you go no contact or threaten it should ALWAYS be expected that you will no longer will receive inheritance or funds or anything like that.
That's part if the no contact and you have to accept that.
I went no contact with my mom and I wouldn't even take a million dollars from here
💯
Right. That’s the whole idea behind “no contact”. I hope the daughter isn’t, like, buying into some TikTok trend about this or something and realizes how serious going NC is.
But she said she wouldn't do it till after she goes to college!!! Lol entitled brat.
@Tustin2121 Honestly I feel like mom is leaving out key details. But also daughter seems entitled as well.
Going no contact isn't a trend.
It's a realization that many of us are having about our own entitled and awful parents and some people are just now gaining the strength to leave.
But still, there's a lot missing but it doesn't change the fact that if you go no contact, you have to accept that you won't get anything ever.
This right here. Also, even if OP is leaving out details, I still wouldn’t take/want any money from them.
Story 1:NTA You broke up because you're burnt out from being his caretaker. Drop the key off with his mom and go NC for your mental health.
And block their numbers. Move on.
Story 1 is really close to a family member in my family.
He drank to the point of his brain literally shrinking. His cognitive function deteriorated to the point of about the brain power of a 12 year old. It literally reduced him to a husk who's entire life revolved around him drinking.
OP is massively NTA. She should not have to put up with this person and should probably accept "he" is possibly already "dead" inside.
Btw the story ends with the family member being the youngest person on the dementia ward.
Agree. No matter what OP does, the ex is someday going to drink himself to death.
I'd tell her to come pick it up.
I have worked in hospitals and I have seen numerous people die from alcoholism. A wellness check was the right move. If OP had gone herself would she have been able to manhandle a sick drunk into her car to take to the hospital? I am a big woman, 5’11”, but I couldn’t manage to move my elderly dad by myself if he were incapacitated, much less actively fighting against me. OP would have needed to call for help anyways, the wellness check saved time that was crucial to saving his life. OP isn’t a psychic, she had no way of knowing all this and the mom needs to accept that she can’t palm off the blame on OP. Personally, I would say the husband doesn’t deserve any buttholes. If he had just stopped drinking cold turkey at home (which he may have, we don’t know) it can cause severe illness (delirium tremens from alcohol withdrawal) that can include nausea and seizures and can lead to death. Alcohol is one of the few drugs where withdrawal can actually kill you. I remember one young man was hospitalized because he was trying to stop drinking on his own and started having seizures. When he was being discharged the doctor had to tell him to keep drinking or check into a withdrawal facility (the young man didn’t want help, he wanted to do it on his own). Alcohol use disorder is a devastating disease, please reach out for help if you feel you need it.
Story 5: I get being upset that he was cheated on and he was really emotional, but don't take it out on the affair baby, who had no idea, and call her "A living reminder of the betrayal"
And he never reached out to "make things right" until after almost *10* years when OP's own wedding was approaching. That's way too late at that point
His attempts scream that he only wanted to walk OP down the aisle. Never mind how OP was left in an abusive environment after he left. Granted it wasn’t his situation but as OP said, any reconciliation is too late.
Y’all have no idea the amount of betrayal paternity fraud is to a man. You can say all day “ I wouldn’t take it out on an innocent child.” I’m here to tell you. That you’ll be surprised what you’ll do. If you’re a woman. Then you can’t any idea how a man will feel. The closest thing to this would be the nurse intentionally swapping your baby for another at the hospital. Which is a “unicorn” event compared to how many cases of paternity fraud is committed against men. I’ll give you a charitable view of the “ex father” in this story. He was stone hearted until he heard she was getting married. The hen the memories came back of the good times when he thought she were his daughter. His dream of walking her down the aisle. Then the walls came tumbling down, and he wanted “his little girl” back. Now back to why paternity fraud is so pernicious. A lot of men will continue to be the “father” of an affair child. So, even though the wife will lose her marriage. She still succeeds in cuckolding a good man to raise another man’s child. All blame for OP’s suffering lays at the responsibility of her mother. The mother that denied her a real father because of her selfishness. My suggestion is point your righteous anger at the correct perpetrator.
the mom gets 5/5 BHs from me, she's a monster for cheating in the first place.
This happened to my grandmother, aunt, and my mother. Back in the 1950's, my grandmother divorced my grandfather to marry another man. My grandfather suspected that either one or both of the girls weren't his. He completely abandoned them, knowing their stepfather was physically and sexually abusing them. He was just as spiteful towards them, as my grandmother. My step grandfather committed suicide and my grandfather died of a heart attack the year before I was born. Good riddance. I am with the daughter here, blood doesn't matter when you have raised a child. He pushed her out, and she shouldn't let him back in.
One minor correction, OP never says anyone ever told her she was a "living reminder," those were her words, not his. Doesn't make it right or excuse anything, just a minor correction. Still deserves at least a 4 out of 5 BHs, probably a full 5.
In the Play Story, I think OP is staying with his abusive wife because of his son. If OP leaves, then the child might become the target of the mother’s rage, and who knows what she would say and do. OP needs to get evidence of the mother being unfit to be the primary caregiver before he can divorce her, so he can better protect his child.
Yeah, she exactly like the type of vindictive bitch that would immediate start engaging in parental alienation before the ink has even dried.
I had the same thought
Up!
God I wish OP could get out with the kid. Claire sounds horrible. Best wishes for this man and his son...
*5th Story:* OP should've said to her not-dad, "You don't have the right to give me away at my wedding when you gave me away a decade ago."
It always sucks that affair kids end up suffering the most for their parents' poor decisions when they're the least deserving of it. At least the bio-dad in this story stepped up when he found out he had a daughter.
And you don’t use someone’s wedding to make amends. If he really wants to change things he needs to put in the time to show it
You guys are absolutely right. OP already has a family... a grandmother who supports her. A biological father who stepped up when he found out she existed. More than that, she has a husband now. These people are her family. The rest are not. They may be related by blood, but nothing more than that.
The mother is a piece of work... she cheated on her husband. That's contemptable enough on its own. But then she didn't tell the biological father and denied him nearly two decades of knowing his own daughter, and that's monstrous, beyond any hope of redemption. To steal the opportunity away from him is unforgiveable. She then let her husband unwittingly raise another man's child. How sick is that? Her husband was nothing more than a tool to her, a babysitter and revenue source, she used him but never respected him on even the most basic level. When OP asked about her actual father, her mother screamed at her instead of answering. Does she think the volume of her voice lends credibility to her argument? Is that the sort of perverse thinking she engages in, or is she just trailer-trash with no control over her emotions at all? Then she hit OP. Absolutely no forgiveness for that. There's no excuse. You don't get to evade accountability by just slapping the other person around. The mother is lower than dog shit. She's sub-human, and unworthy of any second chances, ever. I don't think she even loves her children, as her every decision has been for herself at the expense of those around her. Her kids are just a prop, a way of getting sympathy or experiencing pride vicariously for achievements she herself is incapable of. That's not love, and definitely not the kind of love one should expect from a mother. Her kids are at best a secondary priority to her, behind her own self-interest, and that's simply not good enough.
The aunt... I'm all for telling the truth, but the time to do that would have been when OP was still in the womb, not 16 years later. She didn't give a second thought to the collateral damage. This is a bad person. More interested in "being right" than actually "doing right". Nobody needs people like that in their lives.
The Father... I'm a little sympathetic here, he was blind-sided by some of the most devastating news a man can receive. I haven't been through that personally, but I know two men who have, and they describe it as "worse than losing a child". It's very much like a death, except you can't even trust the good memories anymore. These people you loved are not who you thought they were, and they never were. You're not even the person you thought you were anymore. But he did not handle this well at all. He abandoned the child he raised purely for the sake of his own pride. But a father's pride is built AFTER conception, in raising the child. All that time raising her wasn't enough for him to accept her as a daughter. I know his head was in a bad place, and understandably so, but 10 years is plenty of time to figure things out. Hell, 10 days would have been a long time to figure out his priorities. His pride is more important to him than his children, which means his children are clearly not a source of pride for him, so why should he care at all? He had his chance to make this right, and he blew it. He did so intentionally, and had all the time in the world to backpedal if he regretted it, but he never did until the wedding. And a wedding is NOT the right time for that drama, proving yet again, this is about his pride, not any actual love for OP. He just wanted to make an appearance to save face. He let his ex wife drag him down to her level. To hell with that.
Her siblings... Jury's still out. Much would depend on their ages. All I know is if this had happened in my family, I would have sided with my siblings against either parent or both. We're a package deal, can't have one without the other. If my sister or my brother was thrown out, that's my cue to leave as well, and I'd have done so without a second thought or moment of regret. But if her siblings were toddlers, you can't hold them to that standard. So I can't suggest what to do there.
As for the rest of the family, they don't matter. Sorry, but both sets of grandparents succeeded in raising awful children with no dignity, morals or accountability. Their opinions lost all significance when the true quality of their children was revealed. I don't hold them equally to blame, OP's parents made their own decisions, but I just see a really messed up family all around. Can any of them really say they had no idea their kids were pieces of shit? And if they can, they really weren't paying much attention, which is probably a huge part of the problem. They are not beyond redemption, but they need to work for it. At least one grandmother is, and I respect that. Any other aunts, uncles, cousins, etc, you deal with on an individual basis, they are entitled to their own opinion, but have no right to dictate the correct course of action. The moment they start medaling or carrying messages, I'd cut them off. But until then, I would maintain the status quo, whatever that may look like.
OP's real family is her Husband. Treat him well, demand to be treated well in return. Don't allow this dysfunction to continue for another generation. Don't bear the burden of your parent's shame, it's not yours to deal with. And don't allow people like this into your real family, where their perversion of thought may corrupt the people who actually care about you. Nobody needs that drama. It may not seem it, but this can be a blessing in disguise. OP knows how families can go off the rails, and now she's equipped to identify and prevent that from happening to her own family, never letting things get out of hand like her parents did. She gets to have her real family, and it can be anything she wants or needs it to be. Don't squander that opportunity in pursuit of building a relationship with those who have been proven unworthy.
@Catherine.Dorian.
Literally what I was thinking. He should've reached out to OP before rather than expecting to be included in the wedding, especially to walk her down the isle.
I don't know if jealousy towards bio dad played a part in that, but it's a bit odd that after nearly 10 years ex dad wanted that moment for himself.
It's difficult to tell if ex dad had a sudden realisation that he wanted OP to be in his life again after hearing about her wedding, but again, he should've reached out, and not expected to give OP away after all of that time had passed.
Not biogical dad is a butthole, simple as that, he is victim blaming the daughter for being the peoduct of an affair. You were decei ed by your spouse, not the children you are raising.
People seem to really confuse what a "grudge" is. OP in the "Bio kid" story isn't holding a grudge, OP just moved on. He burnt that bridge, OP moved on, end of story. He can figure out how to cope with the regrets, then move on as well.
I don't think people ever stop to consider the mental anguish and hurt that comes with finding out you've been living a lie. That you've not only been taking care of someone else's child, but that you've been robbed of the choice to do so.
Everyone's always so quick to shit on the parent who was wronged in favor of the child who had to eat the blowback.
Blame goes solely to the cheating mother here.
Has she kept her legs closed, they'd all still be together. Had she actually kept her vows, the father wouldn't be grieving.
This is a story of TWO people going through their own grief and pain, I find it completely gross that no one stops to think about how that man is expected to just suck it up continue on like his life wasn't also thrown sideways.
That dude is getting dragged because he's expected to take care of a child that's not his.
It's so easy to say he did it for 16 years, that's his kid blah blah blah, except OP ISN'T his kid. Again, he was robbed of the choice.
But this also isn't about him. It's about the cheating wife. She gets to keep her kids. She gets to move on with her life. She gets no blowback for her actions, and she destroyed his and robbed both dads of years of their lives over a lie and of course, OP hates her other dad as well.
The real PoS is the mom. Full stop
To quote rSlash from another story;
"He burned that bridge, and is now asking why theres no bridge"
@@Masenkenthey both found out that they had been living a lie. Only one of them lashed out at the other and decided to treat them like they never loved them despite the fact that the person they’re lashing out never did anything to hurt them.
@Nebraska60 see, you're not listening. He didn't lash out. He left. He's a victim, just as much as OP, and no one gave a damn about how he was feeling, only themselves
@@Masenken the way he treated his daughter was lashing out.
Story 5: It's one thing to not be in a baby's life after finding out it isn't yours. Babies don't understand what's going on around them. OP was sixteen years old. That dad raised and loved a child for sixteen years and then threw it all away because of something the mother did. That's an asshole in my book.
I don't care how bad the mums cheating was, you NEVER take out that anger on your child
💯
I always find if funny how people are so quick to jump on the father for being the a**hole but never the mother.
She cheated, broke the husband's heart, destroy two side of family.
But sure the father is the a**hole for not being the knight in shinning armor who just accepts everything bad that happens and move pass the betrayal.
@@j_castle9893 Literally no one is saying the mother did anything right. The mother is OBVIOUSLY an asshole, there's no need for discussion there. The father was a victim, but then also turned around and made OP a victim as well. That's the difference between the two situations.
@@j_castle9893 I never said the mom wasn't also an asshole. she is
In story 5 everyone one wants them to make up because everyone likes to see people forgive and forget. The problem is that there are certain things you can not forgiven. His child BEGGED to stay with him he pushed her away, his child pushed to make contact and mend things for year and he still pushed her away for 9 years, so now that his child has given up hope and moved past him he is upset that she doesn't run into his open arms. He had years to distroy his relationship it cant be fixed in 1 day, if he truly wants his daughter back he needs to take things slow and work twice as hard as his daughter did when she was suffering.
And also how convenient it get he wanted to use OPs wedding to make amends. First no no in the handbook to reconciliation. If he was truly serious about a reconciliation, he would’ve tried for any other time that didn’t fall on a huge life event for OP.
He’s probably only asking “forgiveness” because he wants to walk OP down the aisle or be a grandpa. Otherwise why didn’t he reach out long before the wedding?
Story 4: I'm not one to jump on the divorce bandwagon but these are classic signs of abuse. Not physical ,but definitely emotional and mental abuse. And not only to the husband but embarrassing her son by screaming and yelling at him during a performance is unacceptable. Counseling may help but if it doesn't, it may be time to separate and coparent. Walking out was a bold move
This was verbal and emotional abuse of the kid, OP, and everybody around them. Trust me- bruises, cuts, even broken bones eventually heal, and the pain is forgotten. Emotional scars never completely heal, and it is to easy to open those old wounds.
1st Story: as a child of a parent who was an alcoholic, this triggers me. My father was a hopeless alcoholic who chose booze over everything… his friends, his family, even his health. Sounds like the guy is so far gone into his alcoholism, he cannot and will not change. OP is 0/5, and the alcoholic should be 5/5
I’ve never known anyone with alcoholism so if you don’t mind me asking, it doesn’t sound more like this guy is almost intending to kill himself? Or is this basically par for the course?
@@Catherine.Dorian. unfortunately, yes. It is par for the course. At that point, whether a person dies from alcoholism (describing from the first story) and my own personal experience, it’s a matter of IF that person dies, not WHEN. Unless he does come to his senses before it’s too late. Unlike my father.
My dad drank himself into an early grave, so I can relate. I would have agreed with you 100% back then. Having grown since, fifteen years or so, I see now what my teenage self then couldn’t. He needed help. He was desperate and lost. Maybe this guy does deserve 5/5, OP certainly deserves 0/5, but I can’t confidently get behind condemning someone so strongly who’s clearly suffering immensely. Just my take, likely biased from guilt from abandoning my dad in his darkest moments but who knows
Nah, alcoholism is not a moral failure in itself. 3/5 AH at most, he needs therapy.
I am so sorry you had to go through that. Both my parents struggled with alcoholism but I am so fortunate that they were able to get help and quit before it took them from me. I work in hospitals and a large number of my patients were suffering from alcoholism (or alcohol use disorder). It’s a horrible disease, and one in which quitting alcohol can kill you too. In fact, we stocked beer in the pharmacy for patients who weren’t ready to quit but we couldn’t risk sending them into withdrawal. Alcohol is one of the only drugs I know of where withdrawal will actually kill you, not just make you wish you were dead. (It’s why all the doctors made sure the liquor stores stayed open during COVID shutdowns). IMO the husband deserves 0 AH in this story alone (I don’t know about his past behavior) and the mom is the only AH here because she is shoving blame where it doesn’t belong. Based on this story it is unclear if he went home and drank as the symptoms and severity of what OP said could be caused by him going cold turkey. Younger People with severe alcohol use disorder are more likely to end up in the ICU on a ventilator from withdrawal (or aspiration of vomit or stomach bleed) than from drinking too much (their tolerance is usually so high that their body shuts down before they overdose on it). But that last part is my speculation based on my experience working in a hospital and everyone is different so it’s totally possible it’s just from drinking too much. But your score is based on your experience and totally valid. I hope this story doesn’t dampen your day and you are able to go out and enjoy a fabulous day full of good vibes!
Story 4: She really needs to seek some counseling because being disruptive in the middle of a play is pretty nasty. It's not cool to tear down your husband and act so loud and rude in the middle of a theater.
She's abusive.
That's all.
She should be an ex.
And I wonder if OP and the teacher can ban the wife from the premises? He refers her as his wife but not the child’s mom. Maybe I’m reading into something wrong
Shes an abusive asshole theres nothing deep about it. He just needs to run and never look back.
She needs her Mom and MIL to slap some sense into the Wife for being emotionally and verbally abusive towards OP, because THAT'S what she sounds like.
Also, who'd want to stay in a relationship with someone who VERBALLY/MENTALLY/EMOTIONALLY ABUSE you, but gets mad when you walk out for a moment.
I've wondered what being married to a Karen would be like.. I think this is it!
*First OP:* This may be a controversial take, but OP's ex shouldn't be OP's responsibility. OP is NTA.
*Second OP:* I'm no expert in this field, but I'm _pretty_ sure passionate hugging should be pleasurable to both parties. If OP communicated her concerns to her partner and he hadn't made the changes to improve them, then OP walking away is reasonable. OP is NTA.
*Third OP:* Reading this at face value, it's OP's money, and she has the right not to fund her daughter's education if she wants nothing to do with OP. If OP's story is as she stated, then she's NTA. I wouldn't be surprised if there were some "missing missing reasons", and Matt pointed out OP's (possibly) toxic behavior to OP's daughter.
*Fourth OP:* I don't think this marriage will last. At least OP waited until his son's part was done. OP is NTA.
*Fifth OP:* OP's family is a whole mess. So OP's not dad can kick out a 16-year-old girl that he raised out of his life, but OP can't set boundaries by not allowing him back in her life? At least her bio dad was being an actual dad. OP is NTA.
*Sixth OP:* OP is justified in yelling at the parents and filing a complaint. She is _not_ justified in cussing out a little kid. OP is NTA for yelling at the kid and mom. OP is TA for cussing at the kid.
First OP: Not a controversial take AT ALL.
Story one: I agree and ex’s mom is just using OP as a scapegoat. I’m betting the ex understood but everyone else expects him to still be OPs problem.
Story two: ultimatum time. Marriage counseling or divorce.
Story three: definitely NTA and daughter doesn’t have a leg to stand on if she tries to sue for the fund.
Story four: OP isn’t the AH and I hope in the future OP can keep Kevin’s events secret from the wife. I may be speculating, but he calls her his wife but doesn’t refer to her as Kevin’s mom.
Story five: it seems like the parent who has been in OPs life the least has been the most of a parent.
Story six: I agree. OP thinks they’re the hero for what they did but really they came off as unhinged. Yes it is the parent’s job to look after the kid and the kid is old enough to know not to disturb others. However OPs reaction was over the top
The point of someone being an ex is they are no longer your problem. What is OP doing caring for him? The mom is a huge problem. People need help for addiction but enabling is not the way to go.
Nah, your take on the first one isn't controversial and I'm with you. Someone's ex is never their responsibility; that obligation ended with the relationship.
Story one OP needs to step away from her ex. OP is being codependent if she keeps helping. She needs to walk away.
doubt you'll read this, but rSlash, sometimes these subs get awfully depressing, and it probably weighs on you at least a little. Have you considered doing like, one wholesome sub a week to combat the toxicity? :D
i think he listened y'all!
not quite my idea, but better i think!
he's been putting in more wholesome stories at least!
As much as the happy stories always make me cry it's a good cry as opposed to the hate I sometimes feel
Totally. Maybe humansbeingbros or animalsbeingbros?
This. 100% He even said a few videos back how he usually expects the worst of people, so when the story subverts that expectation, he's surprised.
Yeah. He seems to be getting into a bit of a pessimistic but again.
Why do that when he can generate more engagement by recording a bad take on these types of vids?
Story 3: I'm in the camp of BF telling the daughter something and convincing her to feel a certain way. I do agree that there is a lot of info missing from this story, but its possible the daughter told the BF about the fund and BF saw that as a way to get free money. If the daughter was fine before she met the dude, then he was definitely an influence, but we don't know how he was an influence.
But the daughter is stupid for thinking no contact means she still gets the money. No contact, no money.
I agree, there is not much to go on. Like you said, the boyfriend seems to be the influence, but It's equally possible that the daughter saw, for the first time, what healthy parents look like and realized how awful her mom is. I don't feel comfortable going either way without more info, though.
It reminds me of a recent story where "out of nowhere" a woman who is about to get married started having issues with her mom and the OP(dad) couldn't figure out why. That story was more clear cut because he was "neutral" and the daughter said why, he just dismissed it.
We don't have that here. I'd love to see it from the daughter's perspective.
I'd like to hear the daughter's perspective also. However, the fact that OP has been supporting daughter and saving for years for daughter's education says something about OP's character and attempts to be a good mom. Not all parents take the trouble to save up money and many young people have to take out loans to go to college. We're only hearing one side, but before new boyfriend popped up, OP and daughter reportedly had a good relationship. Human nature being what it is, boyfriend would be able to get a slice of the financial pie and more control over daughter without OP being in the mix.
@@lemarch57 The fact OP says "I've been saving money for their college when I could have been going on vacations and getting expensive cars" tells me OP is not as saintly as she's making herself out to be. That's textbook "mom-branded guilt-trip" and anyone from a toxic family gets shivers just reading it.
@@LizBlizzard Whoever the OP in a story is, they're trying to appear the innocent party and of course, no one is a saint. If OP has indeed come out and said that to her daughter's face, yes, that's toxic. If OP is coming to believe that she has saved for her daughter's education and made sacrifices when she could have been spending the money on herself, that is a somewhat bitter observation on her position in her daughter's life, who is supposedly willing to take the money and run.
@@LizBlizzardnot necessarily. She’s frugal in her spending is what she’s saying. She could’ve been like everyone else spending money on useless luxuries.
My stepfather died due to alcoholism. Everyone spent countless times in ER visits, mess cleaning, dealing temper tantrums, etc
It’s exhausting both physically and mentally, especially when the person doesn’t want to get better.
I don’t blame OP for not going again, she’s the ex and has probably had to deal with this mess constantly.
My grandfather died because of it. He caught an illness that would’ve been fixed with medication, but you can’t drink on the medication. It’ll kill you because it messes with your stomach, and he ended up being found facedown in a pile of his own vomit from drinking himself to death. Nothing hurt me more than the day I found out he died.
Last story: why is the office allowing her to bring the kid anyway? This is a place of business and he is actively being disruptive to everyone. If mom won’t do anything, the boss won’t make her do anything. They do not get to be surprised or upset that someone finally snapped and yelled at the little twerp. But it’s not the kids fault, even though they should know better, he probably doesn’t because he has a crappy mom that won’t teach him some respect.
Yep. Kid gets 0/0. Bad mom gets 1.5 or 2/0
I lost a friend to liver failure triggered by alcoholism. So many people in our friend circle tried to stop this person from drinking, to see doctors, to get help, but you can’t save someone from their addiction - they have to want to save themselves.
College fund story: speaking from personal experience I wouldn't be surprised if the new bf is the toxic one dripping poison into OP's daughter's ear.
My personal recency bias saw my brother get a new gf and she systematically tried to manipulate our whole family against eachother through him, and tried to convince him to move away from us after he asked for our parents college money.
I do agree with rslash the other side of the coin where OP isn't sharing the full story is possible, but my bias leans more towards issues starting from when the new bf came in
even though it would be extremely weird for an abusive parent to set up a college fund, let's assume that is the case. If the daughter wants to go no-contact, she goes no-contact with the mother's money as well. She's an idiot even if you try to paint the mother in the worst light possible.
@@David-hw9siIt's not all that weird. My abuser bought me a car. It's done to trick you into staying either because you're reliant on the money or because you think it can't be that bad if they give you stuff.
That said, daughter shouldn't be surprised when the college fund disappears after saying she was going to cut OP off. She's absolutely an idiot like you said but the mother being toxic is a possibility.
@@David-hw9si my abusive parents did it.
2nd story: A) boyfriend is being manipulative to separate her from her safety/social net so he can start abusing her. B) You're leaving stuff out to make yourself look good. C) your daughter feels like she's escaping one abuser for a new one because she has no idea what a healthy relationship is.
💯
@@erikagehm2805 this.
Children who come from emotionally and mentally abusive and manipulative homes have no idea how to have a healthy relationship and continue to repeat the cycle of abuse.
This is called a logic fallacy. You want to blame the OP for the daughter’s temper tantrum, yet have no evidence that she’s abusive. You would rather believe the teen is a victim rather than a normal rebellious teen who got bad advice from a new boy toy. The absence of evidence is not the confirmation of your straw man argument. The daughter is in for a rude awakening.
End of the day. College fund is for a daughter. Not a stranger that wants out of your life
@@JB-ew6piPeople don't just change that dramatically out of nowhere. Something is going on and it's either OP is a problem or the boyfriend is a problem. Sure, teens have rebellious phases at times but nobody changes that dramatically without there being something else going on behind the scenes.
Kindergarten play story: Honestly Claire is abusive to OP and the son. Its hard for men to leave emotional abuse just as its hard for women to. Theres probably so much more at home goong ton too. I hope OP gets can leave and get custody of their son. My recent ex was like this too. He completely ruined my grade 7 kiddos year end ceremony just like this guys wife did.
Any time I read these stories, I keep hoping the comments would be a wake up call to the OP
Story one when you are done be completely done. Give back the freaking key and tell everyone you are out. Don’t answer the calls and don’t take him to doctor, don’t clean up their mess. My father was a drunk, it was horrible. As a child I had to help mother clean, went with out food. He was arrested and hospitalized and every holiday was ruined. When mother left I still tried to care for him, then I stopped. I left home at 17 and never cleaned up after him in any way again. Drunks will destroy themselves and your life too, if you let him.
I've seen it happen to my mums late husband. Miserable, horrible man he was, so he made everyone around him miserable. Honestly, life has been better without him. He has always been the worst person I'd ever met.
There's no helping anyone who doesn't want to help themselves. They have to want to change. They have to make the change. Nobody can do that for them.
I half expect he intentionally over-did it with the booze that night as a way to pull OP back in. He wouldn't be the first to pull that stunt.
He makes his own choices, he face the consequences of those choices, and if the relationship is over, then he face those consequences alone.
I had a friend like that. He was wasted. I did my part, I called 911, told them where he was, grabbed a sharpie marker and wrote on his forehead "15 shots of liquor + unknown pills" and left. That is as far as I will go in that situation. And it sends a pretty clear message.
This! It isn’t her responsibility to keep helping him, but holding onto the key means she’s responsible in an emergency, like this one.
Either move on, or don’t. No halvzies.
14:11 a lot of AH points. I can understand being mad about infidelity, but abandoning a child you promised to take care of because of something that's not their fault, that they can't control or change, and which ultimately doesn't change the past however many years you've had together? this isn't right.
Yeah I would totally understand throwing the wife out to the wolves the moment he found out but a kid you raised? If blood means that much to him then I doubt he's much of a parent to begin with.
And then he tries to "make it right" 10 years later lol, that ain't something you can just walk back and say sorry for.
you really don't care about his feelings?
@@GiordanDiodato I don't deny that it's a hard pill to swallow, but that's not the kid's fault, nor did it change that child fundamentally.
And I've heard one thing a lot about parenting, it's that you have to accept to suffer for it. being hurt emotionnaly is not an excuse for being a bad parent
@@nanardeurlambda I'm with the dad on this one. You raised a kid you're whole life thinking he's yours but you find out that that child is a product of infidelity then its only natural to think differently of him/her. If he wants to disown him/her, it's within his right to do so. The asshole here is the mom for cheating and for lying.
@@nanardeurlambda I'm with the dad on this one. You raised a kid you're whole life thinking he's yours but you find out that that child is a product of infidelity then its only natural to think differently of him/her. If he wants to disown him/her, it's within his right to do so. The asshole here is the mom for cheating and for lying.
Story 3 : "I am cutting you off my life!!!! But give me your money still."
Story 4 : That's.. abuse form her part.
From*
1:45 There's so much you can do for an addict... at the end of the day, no one has control over someone else.
Story 5: look I don’t like to judge a situation like this because finding out that child you love, isn’t yours and the person who you married has lied to you for so long it’s not something you just get over. Obviously the fairy tail doesn’t matter and he loves the kid no matter what. But that’s not the case, and you don’t have to like it, but it is understandable.
Having said that, OP didn’t do anything deserve being kicked out at 16. Ostracize for something that wasn’t her fault and stuck living with abusive parent for 10 years. In the heat of anger, I can understand but not for a whole decade. And OP doesn’t have to let him in now that he’s ready, it’s too late she’s done. She forgot about him the same way he wanted to forget about her. And the family that didn’t have to go through what she did doesn’t get to tell her she’s wrong or mean for not jumping in his arms.
Its so annoying when parents pull tbe "i sacerficed so much for you!" Argument. YOU decided to have kids. YOU chose to be a parent. Your children didn’t ask to be born
Well sure. But OP's partner died when their kids were young. So yes she did choose to have kids, but she didn't choose to raise them alone.
Yeah, but on the other hand because you exist due to your parents decisions is no excuse to behave like an AH to them.
@It-is-me...Melsie i agree and never said otherwise but your kids didn't force you to do a damn thing. It a as a choice op made. Besides. All teens go through a phase like that and I garentee there's stuff op is hiding to make herself look innocent
@@detictivecastielmalfoy4220 maybe, but why tell OP about NC before getting the money & doing so, somethings not right on the daughter's side
@@violet7773 But that doesn't give her the right to guilt her kids for her difficulties.
I feel like in the fifth story, OP's ex dad should've gotten a AH score. I get you're hurt but you just abandoned your kid??? And then to try to be upset about not coming to the wedding, like, you abandoned your child, you can't get it both ways?
Daughter: "I don't want anything to do with you!"
OP: "Fine, no college fund then."
Daughter: **Surprised Pikachu Face**
Right?? Like, what did she *expect* would happen??
But we don't know if it's has simple has that
@@hectormarquez2402 whether or not there is more behind the scene, the fact the daughter expected money while going no contact is idiotic at best.
No contact means no contact. That also means you don't get support from said individual.
You can't just go "I wanna go no contact with you, but please keep sending me money."
Besides IF OP was abusive, why would the daughter want abuser-money?
I mean maybe I wasn't fully paying attention but isn't some of that money from the late husband's life insurance policy. It isn't just OP's money but I think it might be the dad's too.
@@lilmissiamsodonehere_2399 huh, missed that.
Yeah that muddies it a bit, but it never stated her husband left a will for it to be left to the children or their college fund. OP wrote it was her idea to start the college fund with it, not the husband's.
If it all went to OP, then it is her money. If the dead husband left some for the children, OP is in the wrong to deny that.
Bio kid: kicking out of your house 16 years old girl and letting her taking her of her severely depressed mother is vile. She is not his kid but that doesn't mean he could do that to her.
Story 5 - I don't care how hurt the not dad was, he's a piece of shite. At one time I was worried my dad wasn't my bio dad and he let me know, in no uncertain terms, that I would always be his daughter and he will always love me. He's a good man, unlike the odious little creature in this story.
As a good man, its strange, how he raised such a bad woman.
He is a victim who then victimized OP. The bio "mom" is 5/5 for abuse towards OP, all around lies and not tell OP about bio dad.
so basically you don't care about the guy's feelings of betrayal.
@@GiordanDiodato he took out his betrayal on OP rather than the one who actually betrayed him..
@@GiordanDiodatoOh good Lord. You can take your professional victimhood and walk out the back door. Ain't nobody want to hear it.
The fact that he was betrayed and traumatized is not an excuse, a justification or a reason to abandon neglect and abuse his daughter of 16 years. He is holding her responsible for something she has no responsibility for. And then he thinks because you know the only feelings in this situation that matter or his. He gets to walk in and out of her life when it's convenient for him. No
Last story : Lawyers have to have a certain level of confidentiality so someone barging in randomly is REALLY bad. That is a work place not a daycare, so act like it.
If that kid wants to keep eavesdropping on lawyers a couple swears is WAY better than some of the cases he would have otherwise overheard.
Story 4: I don’t even know O.P’s wife but OMFG she sounds like a handful!
She sounds like a mega Karen. Dude leave her since she sounds like the type who won’t seek help to improve herself.
@@lorilancaster5917 I agree
"Handful" is the most polite word one can use here. Honestly, he needs to protect his son from her.
@@THEDubbleHelixx heck! The school and Kevin’s classmates need protection from her
story 5: Imma be honest, 3/5 buttholes MINIMUM, Yes he was cheated on but that is no way to act to an innocent party, and he had 9 years to make things right NINE YEARS, but doesn't even fucking try until "Oh no the girl I raised is getting married, it might look bad on me if im not in the wedding"
Bio kid story: forgiveness doesn't mean willingness to let them back into your life.
So yes I think op should forgive, more for op's sake then ex(step?)dad's sake.
some good advice i was once given is you forgive to heal yourself but that doesn't mean you have to forget what happened
@@amydraycott3338 Yes! And you don't have to re-establish contact if you don't want to.
@amydraycott3338 That's the sentiment I was trying to get across exactly. Thank you for simplifying it for me!
Story 5 - The dad abandoned OP, but he had every right to do so. The moment he became the bad guy was when he wanted to come back like nothing happened. He could've reached out prior to the wedding, but from what I gather, he didn't
The ex dad is the butt hole, and shoud get a score. I can understand him leaving and needing time because his wife cheated and OP was the product of that cheating. But he completely shunned the daughter for 10 years. He made her live with her psycho mother who OP had to then take care of. After doing that to a girl he had raised for 16 years, he doesn't get to come back into her life and walk her down the aisle. And F his family! OP didn't do anything to her ex father, and he abandoned her for 10 years, and said he didn't want anything to do with her. You have to be some kind of huge a-hole to re-open this wound for OP because of some stupid pride thing like not getting invited to a wedding of a girl you refused to talk to for 10 years.
Your partly correct that he shouldn't be crying on how tiring end but let not forget the father is also a victim.
The mother broke the family.
Trauma takes a long time to heal.
And the father had no right for op. Since op is not legal his. Sure he could have gotten to court but who know his financial situation.
@@j_castle9893 Well he's a doctor, so he probably isn't doing too poorly. But the mom hid OP from him or he might have been able to take legal custody and raise her as his own. So 4/5 for the mom.
@@sourisvoleur4854 the bio dad was a doctor but the non bio dad we dont know, it was not stated.
I disagree it would have been very hard for the non father to get custody.
@@j_castle9893 Yeah we don't have all the story.
College fund:
"She has said *hurtful* things, like how the way I treat her makes *her* feel bad. How could she hurt *me* like that!? I'd better give her an ultimatum, those always work!"
🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
OP is definitely leaving out too many details.
First story: OP is NOT his mom, so it is NOT her responsibility to check on him. Don't let other people make their problems your fault.
College money is definitely missing A LOT of info
Definitely, like R/Slash said something has happened to make the kid want to go no contact and we have no idea if OP is actually a terrible mom or if the daughter is being influenced by a bad egg (or if some 3rd thing is going on) 💀
@@shineyluna1268 yea can't side with OP or the daughter until we get more info, I do hate that people just want to blame only OP though given we don't have that info, it means people are already picking sides & see OP in the wrong without knowing if it is even her, something about telling OP I'm going NC BEFORE going off to college & getting the money is wired here, all the time we've heard stories about going NC it's I'm doing it now or I'm biding my time until I have the money or place, why say it before, somethings not sitting right with me.
5th Story
> Raising and love kid for 16 years
> Kicking in them out (because they’re not biologically your child), then leaving them in ABUSIVE situation where they have to take care of their alcoholic mother by themselves.
> Suddenly after 9,5 years having audacity of thinking that they have right to be in the child’s life
Nah, for me it’s clear 4/5 TA for the father.
He should accept that his actions have consequences. OP could have died and is suffering the trauma of what happened to this day (u can tell it by the way they wrote the post).
I always find if funny how people are so quick to jump on the father for being the a**hole but never the mother.
She cheated, broke the husband's heart, destroy two side of family.
But sure the father is the a**hole for not being the knight in shinning armor who just accepts everything back that happens and move pass the betrayal.
It clear you don't can about his feelings, he already suffered a lot but sure give the guy who lost his family because a woman dumb mistake.
Ps. I'm not saying that op should forgive him but he is not the monster you claim he is. He is also a victim too.
I could have understood the "affair baby" angle if the father knew it at birth, and just didn't want to be reminded of the pain and if they never had a bond, but finding out she's not your daughter after raising her and loving her for sixteen years and blaming her as if she's not your child is complete nonsense. It's not her fault and she's got every right to give him back the same energy he gave her. He's a piece of garbage.
Story 1: A friend of mine went to detox at rehab, so he wouldn’t get fired. Management tried to stress him out so he would relapse so they could fire him. He retired, gave me all his ties and his rather unconventional raid jacket.
We spoke on the phone every day. He was getting medicine to handle the physical addiction.
It was determined that new hires from INA, like me from the Border Patrol had to go to 6.5 months of Investigations Academy because Customs filled the INA vacuum after 9/11. I told him we could talk on breaks and such.
Then there was nothing. It always went to voicemail. I had to find out via Government email he had died.
It messed me up for quite awhile.
OP's father rejected her when he found out she's not his child, and yet OP is viewed as the family villain for rejecting him after so many years of him making it abundantly clear he wasn't her father?
I agree with the college fund story. A person doesn't wake up one morning and decide to go no contact with their parents if they had a healthy relationship. Combined with the fact that OP is using a throwaway (and probably spying from her main), tells me all I need to know: There is more to the story here and OP is purposefully omitting details.
HOWEVER, If the story is true as written then it boils down to OP's money, OP's choice.
As someone who has considered going no contact, I absolutely believe op 3 is an abuser. if she wants her daughter to have a good life and be happy she should give that money regardless, i think the fact she is willing to have her support for her daughter be conditional is representative of other parts of their relationship we cannot see. the only explanation i can see is that op doesn't care about her daughter having a happy life, she cares about control. if it was the BF, surely the mom would keep giving support to show op how much she cares and how op can always come to her and repair their relationship right?
My thoughts:
Story 1: NTA. Your husband gets 3/5 buttholes for his drunken behavior and a 5/5 score to himself for what he's doing to his health. His mom gest 3.5/5 for putting taking care of him on your shoulders.
Story 2: NTA. Your husband gets 2/5 buttholes. Never "passionately hugged" before, but even I can tell he is selfish while "making sandwiches."
Story 3: ? Way too much info left out for me to judge.
Story 4: NTA. Your wife is not only being disruptive, but is verbally abusing you on top of that. She gets 4/5 buttholes.
Story 5. NTA. Everyone in your family except your bio dad, grandmother on your mom's and stepbrother has failed you in some way. Your mother gets 5/5 for hitting you and veberally abusing you on top of cheating. Her ex also gets 5/5 since he's acting entitled to your forgiveness and kicked you onto the streets. Your siblings and grandparents on the ex's side get 3.5/5 for cutting out of your life and trying to force you to forgive him. Your grandfather on your mom's side gets 2.5/5 buttholes for not showing up to your graduation and ignoring you when you needed his support without checking to see if things did settle down.
Story 6: NTA. The kid gest 1/5 buttholes while his mom gets 2/5 for being your average entitled parent.
Story 1: it was ex fiancee, not husband, but agreed
Story 5: nah, I'd probably give the mom's ex husband a 4/5. Sure he is an asshole, but very justified given how painful it is knowing one of your kids isn't yours.
"Sir, if you try and leave the hospital, you will be arrested" is about as goofy as thoes places that punish suicide with execution
That's the one detail in the story that has me questioning things. Hospitals can't force people to stay if they want to leave even if it's AMA. I can't imagine any police officer or attorney that would actually get involved in enforcing this because it sounds like a legal nightmare for them
I think we're dealing with a situation of an unreliable narrator. It's likely unintentional OP probably doesn't have all the details due to the fact that she's actively trying to distance herself and the mother-in-law is mad at her. It sounds like he was placed under some kind of psychiatric hold. That's the most logical conclusion for the fact that the county got involved. Another option, considering police were mentioned, is that he was being detained but in too unstable condition to leave the hospital.
Involuntary hospitalization is a thing in the states if a person is such a danger to themselves or others.
@GrittyTones Hospitals can 100 percent force someone to stay if they are a danger to themselves or others. Sounds like involuntary commitment since that requires a court order.
I don't think his mom was being completely honest about where he was found, or there is some damning evidence of drunk driving.
I'm betting he was in his car, cause the cops being at the hospital isn't common with a welfare check, but is if he was arrested for drunk driving.
@@GrittyTonesit happens if the person is not in the right state of mind. Happens a lot when people are suicidal.
About the wife putting her husband down in public. I'm gonna wonder if the boy's chewing of the string isn't a nervous reaction to how his mother acts. If she's this verbal in front of strangers, imagine how aggressive she is to him in private. If I were OP, I'd be taking my son to a therapist and ask the poor boy if mommy has been especially mean to him when OP wasn't around. OP needs to ask the other parents if they have a recording of her rants at the play so he can use those in court to prove she isn't mentally well enough to have custody of their son. I'm telling you this, as soon as OP divorces and leaves his wife, she's going to use their son as her punching bag.
Literally...
5/5 for me leaving a child in the hands of an abusive parent because the mom cheated.
Was he supposed to celebrate that his woman betrayed him, broke his heart, broke the family.
And let say the father to keep op, he couldn't since he doesn't have any right.
Men are not saint who going tough it out just because. He is also the victim.
@@j_castle9893 He is indeed the victim. The mom is a horrible, 5/5 butthole. But that doesn't make what he did right.
@sourisvoleur4854 of course not I'm not say that the father is a saint but this situation would have never happened if she didn't cheat, even with everything that happened he is still the victim.
I feel like the father had even right to leave when he found out she cheated.
But The father has to live with the decision he made, he disowned op and he shouldn't expect politeness from her.
@@j_castle9893 Agree 100% that the cheating mother set this all in motion and deserves all the blame for this situation existing. Inside of that, though, the nonbio dad has his own share of blame. Yeah maybe he had a right to leave. Just as we have a right to say he was an arzole for doing so.
@@sourisvoleur4854 your welcome to your own opinions but if I was in a similar situation, I would do the same, I would never want to raise another man kid.
To me the only a**hole moves was throwing a tantrum for not being invited to the wedding. He cut op out of his life, that how it should be, he can't pick and choose what moment to be in her life.
6:41 if someone is in a spot where she can brag to you about leaving home without worry about further abuse, then there is no way OP is abusing the daughter. No one who wants to leave home tells their abusers they’re gonna leave home. the boyfriend sounds fishy asf tho
Real
How come it's always the CHILDS responsibility to make things better, and not the parent who made things the way they were?
Usually, you shouldn’t parent other people’s kids. But when they refuse to be a parent, sometimes you have to step in.
When I was a kid it was expected to be disciplined by another adult if neither parents were around
Story 4: why are you even with this woman? I wouldn't stand even being in the same room as her!
Yeah. He didn’t even provide any redeeming qualities she may have to justify why he’s with her.
OP's father left her because of something her mom did... OP is remaining gone because of what HE did.
The 'dad's' family is 9 years too late and criticising the wrong adult.
I can relate to that last story, I recently moved into an apartment for college and the kids around here have a habit of using the stairs as a play fort. They leave their toys on there, cover it in blankets, put up play tents, etc. After a month of this and no one doing anything I have become the bad guy. I need to use the steps to get to my apartment (there is no elevator, it’s only two stories), and I’m done being nice about it.
Honestly ur better than OP from the last story I’d give her 2/5 buttholes, she should’ve discussed this with the parents of the people from telemarketing but instead she lashes out and cusses in a professional setting. Let’s not talk about her condescending tone cuz she works in a law office and they’re just common telemarketers…
I get that the man who turned out not to be the biological father feels betrayed. But he raised a child for 16 years as his own and then abandoned her when it is not her fault? How is it that she should be punished for the actions of her mother?And how can he give up 16 years of a bond over something that she had no control? He deserves a five out of five.
*Story 5:* While I do feel a bit sorry for the ex-dad, he's still TA here.
How can you disown a child you took care of for so long and saw you as a father, then, 9 years later, want to come back into their life like you did nothing wrong to them? I'm with OP on this one and I do not blame her at all for wanting nothing to do with her ex-dad.
First story- Tell your ex's mother that you left her son because he was drinking himself to death. You were tired of cleaning up his piss, shit, and vomit while being treated like crap. Then ask her why she is surprised that her son continued to drink himself to death after the breakup. Alcoholics are adults and make a knowing choice to be like that. They have to be the ones to stop themselves. If they don't want to change, they never will.
How much you wanna bet OP’s ex dad in story 5 wouldn’t have reached out if she didn’t get married?
That mother should have been kicked out of the play. Teachers dropped the ball on that one.
Story 1: NTA
If he wants to drink himself to death, let him, not your responsibility. He made his bed, he can lay in it
Last story: just call the police and report an unattended child.
Yes, those types of parents need to learn what are the consequences of their actions.
#5 The "dad" turning his back on OP then later wanting to reestablish contact reminds me of the stories on here of miserable bosses firing an employee then a week later demanding the ex employee come in and correct some problem.
2:10 WAIT RSLASH IS A MHA FAN?!?
How does that make him a mha fan??
@@Mooshi_18”Plus Ultra” is a very common phrase used it the show- it’s the motto of My Hero Academia’s… hero academia… lol.
It doesn’t necessarily mean he’s an MHA fan, but it’s an interesting reference and a reasonable theory.
RSlash, I definitely appreciate you deciding that a situation is too complex for you to fully weigh in on and not giving the ex dad a definitive bútthole score.
College fund story: it's not really OP's money, it's the dead husband's life insurance policy, and not even all of it at that (OP said she saved some of it), so as long as it goes to pay Ella's college fees, then she should get the money, OP is using it to manipulate her daughter. I agree it feels like OP might be skipping some important info, but even without it, I would still say OP is the bad guy here.
5th story: i will never understand the “not my blood, don’t love them anymore” its understandable to be heartbroken, and devastated, but didn’t you fall in love with the kid that hugged you, and loved you, and thought the world of you? Suddenly, you just don’t care about them? 😳 I can’t fathom that
Story 5: I'd give the dad a 2.
Not for his reaction right after he found out, but for trying to walk back into her life 10 years later, and getting butthurt, and whining to family, when she didn't immediately jump at the opportunity to rebuild the relationship.
Story 5: The family to OP going "let go of that grudge"... where was that energy with the dad? Like, yeah they apparently tried to make things right but it didn't worked. OP has a right not to accept her father, just like how the father did when he learned she wasn't his biological child. Big props to the bio dad for stepping up. He didn't knew this girl existed and he still became a part of her life.
Bio dad is a mensch.
4:06 I'm sure it is
Yo brooo
Story 5. I'm a little surprised that the mom in that story isn't getting a score at all. I'd give her a 4/5 on the scale. One for being unfaithful and two not even bothering to apologize to op for her actions. I unfortunately understand the dad feelings. Op, i would suggest therapy before anything else is done. You have some issues to deal with. I wish you the best.
3rd story not the ah because most parents that are treating you bad enough to go no contact usually doesn't have a college fund for that kid
They do. It's called financial abuse, they dangle the money over their kids head knowing they may not have any other option but to stay and take the abuse.
It's not too uncommon, similar situations occur when a partner, parent, grandparent look to resolve disagreements through threats of denial of money, it gives them control over the other person.
Now maybe the mother is nta, but equally maybe she is, the presence of the financial leverage doesn't prove that there isn't and imo deciding to use it as leverage suggests AH to me.
Though hey, maybe it is the daughter being unreasonable and the mother is just showing actions have consequences.
The reason I'm up in the air about this is that I could so easily see the daughter giving her pov and it's like wtf THIS is what the mother was arguing about???
They do actually. Financial abuse is a common thing to make sure people can't leave the situation. My toxic family members practice this heavily so the family members that want to flee can't escape them.
I'm not saying OP is the problem for sure because it could be the bf being manipulative but it's hard to say. Something else is going on and the post is too vague to get an idea either way.
Unfortunately some do l. It becomes a thing to hold other the kids head. Some will revoke it if you don't do everything they want. Didn't drop all your classes to do what they want revoked. I don't think op is one of those though.
It's not that uncommon, like parents who see themselves as "loving" when they really just want to live through their kids and if the kids don't fit in their molds of what they "should" be they'll get upset. Or parents who hate certain minorities.
3rd story
The daughter is in the wrong, if she wants to cut her mother out of her life then she can't expect her to give her money
I've seen plenty of hospitalizations from over drinking, from Wisconsin, but to get put on a ventilator? That's new to me. Dude is going to k!ll himself and that's not on OP and shouldn't be her burden to carry
Aspirating their own vomit is what kills a lot of drinkers. That has ended more musicians than hard drug$. Even if you don't drown, vomit contains stomach acid. It will burn your lungs, causing chemical pneumonia.
Story 4: I'm a bit iffy on walking out, I hope their son's part really was done or OP made sure that he didn't misunderstand anything. This woman sounds like she'd take any opportunity to turn their son against OP, so you don't want to give her that ammo.
The kid was/is not responsible for the terrible decision of the mother. How can you be so heartless as to kick her out? Terrible parents.
Sure when it comes from the kids perspective the parent is terrible
But every time this happens from the adult perspective where the victim adult doesn't care about children that aren't his responsibility he's totally justified purely because they aren't his children regardless of whatever relationship he had with them before
How can you be so hearless towards him and what he has to go thru? Is thats typical sexism? He just should be a real man and step it up and his feelings doesnt matter?
@@pauliussipavicius4658 so his wife being terrible gives him the right to abuse an innocent child? Do you hear yourself?
@@lahlybird895 I don't know, if you raise a kid for 16 years and then can just drop them like they're absolutely nothing, I think you're a pretty awful person.
Wow, these idiots not even showing any judgement on how evil that hoe mother of OP is. Not only she cheated, she also lied forced a guy to raise a child that is not his, also that hoe hits OP when she's only asking who her real father is, also, instead of taking accountability and responsibility for her evil acts, she escapes and forced others to do take responsibility of her evil acts...
This world really deserve to just burn, when victims gets demonized and evil hoes are allowed to never take any accountability and responsibility for their evil acts...
Why does she think it’s okay to cut someone off from her life then expect them to still give her money?
11:00 : The mother cheated on the dad , the kid did not. Walking away on a 1 year old that is not yours is not the same as walking away on a 16 year old that you raised. The dad deserves the full 5/5 score
Exactly what I thought
Yeah. Also, rSlash missed the part where the ex-dad literally kicked OP out of the house...onto the street...
@@lacko623 Because he didnt miss anything, not his kid why she should live in guys house. She got kicked to her mother, where she belongs.
Doesnt matter, he is human with his own feelings and a terrible thing he has to go thru. Youre getting 5/5 ah score for being typical sexist, invalidating his feelings just because he is a man.
@@pauliussipavicius4658 As far as I'm concerned, this has absolutely zilch to do with sexism, and no one's invalidating anyone's feelings.
Sure, the dude has every right to feel hurt and betrayed, because he had to find out, that a kid he'd been raising for 16 years isn't biologically his. But on the other hand, you don't just kick that kid, who you've raised and loved for the first 16 years of her life, to the curb like that.
Even when his family tried to mediate, he was unwilling.
And you don't just come out almost 9 years later and act hurt, that the daughter you kicked out no longer wants you in her life...
Story 3: op THIS. IS. ABUSE. Get a divorce and leave this toxic relationship It'll be better for you and the kid.
College fund story: no child is entitled to their parents money. It’s their money that they worked & saved up. - it’s OPs money & she can do whatever tf she wants with it regardless of the situation.
The last story:
I think that the kid should only get a 1 butt-hole score, it's not his fault that his mother isn't parenting him properly. The mother should get at least 2 butt-holes, it's her bad parenting that is what in my opinion is the main cause of the kid running around out of control.
I'd give the kid 1/2 butthole at most. He is probably not being taught what is wrong and what is right. You aren't born knowing that; it has to be taught.
And u don’t think the lady that’s screaming in her work place cussing all over the place to a child is maybe a little immature and a little weird. Like her not getting a butthole score is crazy, cuz she didn’t even try talking to the parents like a mature adult? Atleast the kid acting like a kid but she a whole adult acting like a hormonal teenager at work😂😂
@@ifoundhisjams4075 Good parenting of the kid would have prevented that.
Story 5: He had 9 years to make things right, but only tried when a big event was coming up. This isn't him trying to make things right, it's him trying to save face.
3rd story My sister got with a really toxic boy when she was a teen someone who was in trouble with the law and not a good person at all... So I know that's possible. and My step-mother was one of the worst people I've ever met so I know that's possible. The mom could withhold the money if she wants but I think it is probably a mistake.
He actually considered the man's feelings in the bio kid story, I'm shocked
6:40 - You have no right to things from people you are cutting out of your life. You also have to think about the old phrase, cutting off your nose to spite your face, which applies to both women here that are planning on burning bridges between each other.
1st story: OP is not his ex, she's still his gf no matter what she says as long as she keeps dealing with him
First story OP is not a buthole, he's an adult so if he dies from being drunk then it's his fault so that's that. 3rd story OPs daughter acting that way then her daughter can get her own collage fun if she wants to be mean and rude.
Absolutely but it's also perfectly normal to feel really bad if the person you refused to help ends up dying or severely harmed. NTAH but still going to need some therapy or support or something.
Story 1: NTA. My dad is an alcoholic and I’ve tried EVERYTHING that I could to get him help. He still drank. He would tell me he needed help but refused the help. Finally we moved and so far he’s doing better. He’s around both grandkids instead of just my son (both grandkids are toddlers). He’s around finally said that if he falls off the wagon this time we are given the ok to force him into rehab where we all live now. I’ve learned you can’t help them unless they want to truly be helped.
Story 4: when she tries to guilt trip him by self defecating on herself. My immediate response would be yes you are absolutely an embarrassment to the family and it is a pain in the ass to go anywhere with you. OP we’re all due respect need to finally grow a pair and tell his wife to shut up, and learn some manners. The person who had it worse was his son, even if no one could hear her on stage some kids are going to talk about it when they listen to their parents complain about the B word.
OP doesn’t even sound like he remotely likes his wife, and if she’s half as bad as depicted, I don’t blame him. Except abusive person who makes everything terrible.
Exactly because if OP won’t step up for at least Kevin’s sake, he’s looking at least 13 more years of this and likely a son who pushes them both away.
I don't know about the judgement in that last story, maybe i missed it, but couldn't op just have knocked and *TALKED* to the people of that office before exploding on them. I agree the kid running loose unsupervised is bad, but it wouldn't have hurt to 1. Calmly but firmly tell the child to stop 2. Tell the mom that she isn't being responsible and then 3. Give her a warning that if it happens again she'll be reported?
15:54 'they're nothing but telemarketers'... that rubs me the wrong way...
Wife talking:
Dude... LEAVE HER! WHY TF ARE YOU WITH THIS WOMAN!?
Final story: So because you reported the kid for being a problem by constantly making noises and running all over your the problem and not the kid. You did nothing wrong... nothing hateful has been said TH-cam, i know you read my comments
This would be the correct response if she handled this like an adult… but instead for some reason she went all the way down to the kids level. Screaming and cussing in her own office/workplace and then doing the same thing in someone else’s office. Extremely unprofessional and extremely weird. First time it happened she should’ve went and spoke to the telemarketers office like an adult… not a hormonal teenager
The story about the daughter wanting to go no contact seems suspicious. If a daughter felt this strongly about not having a relationship with her mom, why would she tell her mom this, risking her education? Seems like the daughter is trying to cause worry for the mom, possibly controlling her mother.
I actually have a similar story to the first one. Back in 2019, I got a random message from my ex’s “friend” saying that my ex was in the hospital after a suicide attempt. This ex caused me a lot of trauma and I damn near had a panic attack reading that message. The friend said that he wanted to see me, but I declined. Again I didn’t want that kind of trauma to bubble up. Then the friend blamed me for not seeing him.
To this day, I still think my ex was manipulating me.
Probably
Sounds like it. If there was actual atonement, he likely would’ve contacted you instead of sending a henchmen. I’m sorry you had to go through that and you made the right call.
@ Thank you so much. Things are a lot better now thanks to therapy. I got married in May of this year and I couldn’t be happier. I hardly think of my ex now unless a story like this reminds me of him. It was his birthday last week and I didn’t feel anxious for the first time in years. Guess that means I’m finally healed from it.
@@kianabrown2865congratulations on your marriage and for moving on
story 6. dude chill, like. get a massage or something. jeez man you're gonna have a stress coronary in your 20s
Story 2: I can just hear so many insecure, selfish misogynistic men trying to paint OP as the problem because she won’t orgasm and make him feel like a man. OP did her part in the relationship it’s about time her husband put in some effort. And after 10 years he still refuses. It’s time to be brutally honest, and stop giving him what he won’t give her.
As a man this situation is 100% not her fault. She has put in way more effort than him and has received nothing back from him. He is a selfish man and I wouldn't be surprised to find that this isn't the only problem in the marriage. If he is selfish in sex he is probably selfish in every other aspect of their relationship.
As a side note it sounds like he has a cuckold fetish. I for one and I think most other guys don't like to hear about our SO's past exploits, ESPECIALLY during sex.
Youre just literally imagining things to get mad over
@@pauliussipavicius4658 if it doesn’t apply to you, why do you care? I’m not even remotely upset, I was just making a joke, it’s on you if you’re taking it seriously.
Nope, I will point out hypocrisy like the 47 year old woman not being called creepy for dating the 22 year old. But this is on the man. Got to satisfy both sides not be selfish, unfortunately op is not getting the same levels of her desire back it’s a two way street
As I often say, If both partners don't go into the bedroom with the attitude that they're walking out with $1,000 in cash if they get their partner across the finish line, why bother?
Story 1: it’s a real life Leaving Las Vegas. Seconding Rslash on turning over the keys and washing your hands of him.
College Fund story : if Ella wants to go no-contact, that means financially, too. 🤡
Yeah, i don't know what's so hard about this warranting a bunch of conspiracy theories about abuse, etc.
She doesn't want the relationship, so why does she think she is entitled to that money?
It's her dads money. Usually, kids don't go no contact for no reason. Kids usually accept a lot of abuse to try to please their parents. The fight over a boyfriend makes no sense. You can't have an opinion from one side of a story.
@David-hw9si a lot of people treat family like they are sovereign citizens (demand all the benefits but take none of the responsibilities).
@@David-hw9si First I agree with you. As to why people are wondering about abuse is because it does give context. OP ITAH because she isn't giving the money but as with a lot of these types of stories is that the right question?
@@David-hw9si Well, the question is WHY the daughter wants to suddenly go no-contect, people don't tend to do this for no reason. But at the very least how the story is written I also don't think OP really is the reason here.