Story 4: So it's okay to verbally abuse Finn in every single aspect, but it's not okay to it to be thrown back a little? Nu-uh, Ella needs to stop this abuse if she doesn't want Finn doing the same. Get some therapy
And at this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if Finn cuts Ella and his mom off when he turns 18. They show no love for him. Where is their father or other parent during all this?
Finn in this case is a lot more civil than I wouldve been. If I find such a chink in the armor, every jab would go that way. Something like -*any snarky remark* --"Wow with that attitude no wonder your friends cut you off" -*cries* --"Go cry to your friends, I mean the ones that haven't cut you off yet"
@@lorilancaster5917 By the story - not around or simply not involved anymore. Wouldn't surprise me if the mother Divorced him because he was actually trying to teach Ella how to grow up.
In the very last story it sounds like the mom is trying to push for that whole step-sister thing, maybe she's planning on marrying her boyfriend and making it a permanent situation.
story 2: It sounds like Mark got himself a gaslighter narcissist that likes to browse reddit for terms they can use against people. Emotional incest is a term used when a Mother effectively attempts to replace the wife/gf in their sons relationship, stuff like trying to wear white to the wedding, have the first wedding dance, go on the honeymoon.... talk about being the "real" mum to any grandchild. 100% seems like she is trying to split him off from the rest of his family. She is likely trying to use the term now, so when OPs mum tries to get involved later to stop any kind of bullshit, Jane can pull the card out to say "not your business what we do in our home, hes my husband not yours" etc.
Um… “emotional incest” is far far uglier than that. It also entails treating a child as an adult not just a replacement for a spouse. By adult I mean telling them about bedroom antics, relationships, problems that they have, etc. also the gender doesn’t matter. Women and men can be guilty of emotional incest. I know because I am a victim of it from my mother AND her first husband.
Yeah the second I heard emotional incest, my first thought was "oh this girl is CHRONICALLY online." I don't know anyone who isnt addicted to social media that has even HEARD that term before!
So the ex nor his AP have any friends? Any option would’ve been better than to drop a child off at their mortal enemy’s place without notice nor have been in contact for years. Also don’t think the child was okay being left at a total strangers all while being told about stranger danger.
@@slayermoon666I’m getting that too. RSLASH commented about potential sexism however OP is also a woman and is being dragged along with Finn. Some day Ella will insult the wrong person and will have no one to back her.
She sounds like quite the cruel person, and thinks calling her attacks "jokes" fools people. She also clearly holds a grudge also because when the OP called her out for her meanness she later turned on OP too and threw that back to her. Not a person I'd want to be around that's for sure.
@@lorilancaster5917I don't think it's necessarily sexism in this case, but it's not uncommon either to see people start to bash on someone for standing up to sexism regardless of if they're male or female. But I don't think this is sexism either, just golden child syndrome
I have a feeling Ella's friend group ditched her for being a jerk. If she acts like this at home to her brother, it wouldn't surprise me if she's like this all the time to other people and her friends finally had enough. If the sentence Finn uttered was something to that effect, I don't think it's a low blow because it's the truth and Ella needs to hear it.
And problem is because Finn apologized and the mom coddles Ella, she didn’t learn anything. She will likely learn by messing with the wrong person and get sent to the hospital for it.
I agree. She's just an all round unpleasant person. Look how quickly she turned on OP when she called her out. In her own mind she can never be wrong about anything and her behaviour should never be called into account. She'd be a dreadful 'friend'.
Story 2: Dude, Mark, why are you even WITH this girl??? She's entitled, vindictive, mean, bullies your family, hates your mom, sounds like she wants to "cure" your sister's autism, etc. Is she like crazy in bed or something, cause I can't think of any reason to stay with someone THAT toxic.
The parents of Adam need to stop his "mistakes" before he "mistakenly" takes a laptop from a store, security sees it and Adam "accidentally" ends up in juvenile hall.
I know OP hated what he did for Christmas since it punished his kids but I’m glad he took a stand. Only thing I would’ve done different would be to give Adam a single gift for Christmas from the whole family. A Tshirt that says THIEF front and back.
The 4th story, I don't blame OP. Ella had been treating Finn like garbage for quite some time and mommy dearest does nothing to stop it but enables the whole thing.
The bullying story. Mom saying its not big sister's place. I beg to differ. As someone who had to use force more than once to protect my little sister from bullies. At 38 years old, I do it again. Maybe mom should be a mom, eh?
Story 3: I mean the shopkeep may have tricked him but he clearly didn't bother to read the label because if he had he would have known it wasn't food. And even then who puts oil in coffee, or doesn't know that essential oils aren't edible. He's basically asking for sympathy for poisoning you, because he couldn't take the two seconds to read a label.
My honest guess? Maybe he mistook it for like, a healthy extract? Like spitballing but if you don't know what essential oils are, odds are you're thinking along the lines of something that would help you. Especially when the thing you picked up has the word essential in it. That's my best guess though.
Nah I'm with rslash The guy is a well-meaning idiot. I've got a couple in my family(my grandfather once stood there in the men's room waving his hand under the soap dispenser for like 3 minutes before realizing it wasn't automatic)
There's no need to Google it; according to OP the bottles state that they're for a humidifier on the label. That's usually followed by instructions to not ingest.
The thing is, there are mint essential oils that absolutely go in candy and you can eat. I use one called China oil, it's the pure stuff. It's actually good for belly upsets and blocked noses. But on the label it says it's safe to ingest though drinking a ton of it would be bad I'm sure. For a while it wsa off the label due to some laws, then it was back on. They didn't always use artificial, you can drink peppermint tea and also cook with the pure essential oils. But the carrying oils etc can be nast.
Story 4: NTA. The real a**hole here is the mom. It clearly shows that she doesn't WANT to be a parent to Ella at all, and was clearly showing favouritism and letting her do as she pleases. OP simply spoke the truth to stand up for Finn, and since mom refuses to parent Ella, then OP DOES have a place since noone stood up to Ella.
I’d tell Ella to shut the hell up and go get some help for being a spoiled brat!!! Just because she had issues with her friends doesn’t mean she needs to bully her brother!
This is a really big problem that's come about as a direct result of mental health awareness. Basically abusers using therapy language to abuse people. It's sadly extremely predicable, because abusers will use anything they can get their hands on to harm others. "insulting people under the guise of concern" is a great way to put it. It can also be used to manipulate and control others. The main way to spot it is that the terms they use aren't being used correctly. However, that requires people to know what those terms mean. I've also noticed similar things happening with popular terms from sociology, like "toxic masculinity" or "micro aggression". If you know what those terms mean, it's immediately obvious, but how many people have even an entry-level understanding of sociology? What's kinda funny is, even if people don't really understand the terms being used, they usually understand that they're being messed with. And then you get situations like this, where the abuser is all surprised that their "clever scheme" doesn't work ^.^
Totally. She's tossing around 'emotional incest' and 'enmeshment' like she knows what she's on about, but it's just an excuse to get away with being a bitch, frankly.
And why didn’t they get the ex in the divorce so he could’ve pawned his kid off on them? Screw those people because they’re the type who love to volunteer others while patting themselves on the back!
How is your affair baby my responsibility? I don’t mind kids as long as they’re not having meltdowns, but I wouldn’t want to be left alone with an ex’s kid, either. How do I know you’re not going to hurl accusations at me later if he falls down and gets a bruise? Not today, Satan.
*First OP:* The _audacity_ of some people, I swear! The kid was abandoned, so OP was right to call the cops. OP is NTA. I do feel bad for the kid. He was abandoned by his dad and dropped off to a woman who reduced him to a product of her ex's affair. She's right to be angry, but don't take it out on the kid. I know she didn't say it to his face, but still. *Second OP:* ... What is up with Jane? Emotional 1nc35t?! OP is NTA. Run, Mark! RUN! *Third OP:* OP's husband sounds like a Kevin. Wouldn't digesting essential oils be harmful, if not lethal? OP is NTA. *Fourth OP:* From the looks of it, OP was doing more to defuse the situation than her mom. And even if Ella and Finn were going at it for a long time, Ella shouldn't have been surprised when Finn retaliated, albeit with a low blow. OP is NTA. *Fifth OP:* What's been going on with Adam for him to constantly make these "mistakes?" His parents need to look into that. OP is justified for their actions. OP is NTA. *Sixth OP:* OP didn't appear hostile toward Trisha. She confided in her mom that she had difficulty sharing a room with Trisha, her mom told her to deal with it, and OP dealt with it by staying with her dad. How was OP being spoiled? OP is NTA.
The essesntial oil story had an update where the husband did it right with (I think) peppermint syrup or oil you can use in foodstuffs. If OP reacted that way it's not that surprising the husband got a bit defensive but it had a cute ending
Digesting essentials can be perfectly fine. It depends on the type and mode of manufacture. If the bottle said it was for use in aromatherapy only, this could suggest manufacture in a less pristine manner, but food-safe peppermint essential is a key flavoring for most peppermint candies. The girlfriend is not wrong to be miffed, but, the reaction is completely disproportionate.
For the sixth story, I feel like removing herself was actually the best thing. Trisha gets extra space, OP gets a good night's sleep...isn't it ideal that now they both have their own rooms?
Fifth OP story: To answer your question, it can be summed up in one word: kleptomania. Another commenter posted that Adam's mother enabled his bad behaviour so she can make a little green on the grey market.
Story 3: usually I would agree with The Golden Child angle but it seems as though mom's not interested in helping Ella either. She doesn't want to fix the issues she wants them to get over the grudge and make up so she doesn't have to deal with it, which is why instead of trying to talk it out she keep telling them they have to apologize to each other. Your mom is clearly no help and she's upset you because you refuse to let them be silently angry with each other and called your sister out instead of staying out of the conflict and forcing them to make piece. She may have touched a nerve but at this point she's been touching nerves all the time and trying to pretend they're jokes.
Bravo 👏 Who else thinks OP won’t return even after John and Trisha move back to their place? Assuming that they actually move? And OPs mom gets extra mad at her because if she lives with her dad full time, she will have to pay child support
If you want help from someone, don't cheat on her. He is the bitthole. The mean sister story reminds me off my childhood. My sister would do nothing but cry insult me and my brother, and play adults off each other. I refused to put up with her crap. So my dear sweet mother told me infront of my sister that I'm a bad brother and when I die no one is going to miss me. Howlovely.
Last story: I think I understand OP's mom's feeling here, though that doesn't mean they're right. She and this guy have been dating for about a year. At her age and in that length of time, she's probably hoping that they'll get married and have one happy family. She probably thinks that this situation is a good opportunity for OP and the daughter to get closer and they all get used to living under one roof. However, OP isn't fitting in to her idea of that family because OP isn't adjusting how she wanted everyone to. In the end, it probably isn't about the hospitality and more about her own vision of what she wants their future to look like.
@@Brigand231 It very well could, but you think she would be trying harder then. I do think it has much less to do with child support and more to do with that family image. I mean, otherwise she would've reached out and fought harder. She rather thinks OP will come crawling back or she's accepting that they don't want to be part of the family she wants to build with this man and his daughter.
I'm guessing it has nothing to do with child support since it's only a few weeks. The kid will be back long before anyone can make an estimate of how much said child support would be. I believe the mother wants to support the victims in their time of stress and turmoil. If the op is such a brat/only child that they can't be mildly uncomfortable for two more weeks it might be for the best for everyone if they stay away. If my house ever burnt down I sure as hell wouldn't want someone that selfish and self centered around.
if that was the case I don't think mom would have been so mad. It definitely seems more like she wants to play house with bf and his daughter before making a more permanent move and she's not happy that her kid isn't happy with the situation. But honestly what kid with their own room and is used to peace by themselves wants to share a room last minute with another kid that disrupts their sleep all night. The kid had apparently said in the comments or an update that it's affecting her schoolwork so I honestly can't blame her.
Story 2: Yeah, I don't know either, it's just an octopus tattoo. Maybe Jane DOES like to pick fights for the sake of picking fights. I hope she gets over this, because the baby does not need to be around that kind of behavior
That's what I was thinking - mom was hoping the situation would turn into a 'move in together situation' and got mad that daughter didn't jump up and down with joy over it.
That or she knows if Trisha doesn’t have OP to talk to at night, she will wake them up instead. I think there were edits of this story which OP said that the limited sleep was hindering her in school.
Last story makes sense to me. Daughter complains to the mum, who dismisses the complaint because there’s nothing that can reasonably be done under her roof without hurting the other girl’s feelings. But she also doesn’t really take the time to explore with her daughter possible ways to manage the stress of sleeping in a shared space - I know for myself, I can’t sleep with other people nearby so I have a lot of sympathy. The ‘going to her dad’ thing IS a good solution - but to the mum it feels like ‘petty complaint’ followed by ‘using dad to get what I want’. The mum, not really giving weight to the initial complaint, feels blindsided and insulted when her kid goes running to daddy.
Also, they could've done something to the kid before dropping him off and try to pin it on you. Daycare workers do not accept sleeping children for a reason. Good deeds don't go unpunished. Don't watch the kids of people you don't trust, especially if you weren't given an option.
It's only a joke when everyone is laughing about it. When the "joke" comes at someone's expense, it becomes harassment/bullying. Ella is a bully and needs to be put in her place. And it seems the mother has a golden child.
Story 1: Idk how viable having a babysitter on call is (because the baby comes when it comes, and that’s not really something you can schedule around easily) and if this was an early delivery (which, given the complications, I find plausible) all the more so That said, still OP is NTA, regardless of if it really was an unexpected medical emergency on the Ex’s part. Ask your neighbor before you ask your ex who you cheated on and hates your guts
Story number five: OP is absolutely NOT the butthole. Adam is clearly being enabled by his mother. 13 is far too old to not know that taking things that don't belong to you is not only ethically and morally wrong but, also, depending on the value of the item, can be a serious crime. Clearly OP’s sister has coddled, made excuses for and completely ignored Adam's behavior. He has no respect for boundaries, zero regard for the word no being a complete sentence and nothing resembling accountability. I'm going to take a guess here that this is all because his mom, no doubt, has a hands-off approach to raising her son. This type of behavior only snowballs and gets worse. I know, because I've seen it with both my older and younger brothers. Adam's mother will rue the day, and wish she'd been firmer with him, when he's an adult with a rap sheet a mile long and/or serving a lengthy sentence incarcerated behind bars. Naturally, she'll wonder “what went wrong” in her life while failing to look in the mirror and see that her inaction as a lazy parent is the root cause of all the problems.
The last story is the mom attempting to do a trial run of a blended family and getting mad that her daughter doesn't want to play along. By (reasonably) having issues with sharing her space with another person, OP burst whatever bubble her mother had about having an idealized life where she and her boyfriend marry and everyone lives together
Story 1: like with 3 years of no contact alone he should have known you weren't an option, the fact that he cheated on you and that's why you got the voice is another dead give away. He had nine months to figure something out, he didn't even call to ask because he knew you'd say no. You did exactly what you're supposed to call the cops for abandonment which is what he did you're not obligated to do anything for him.
Story 4. Who wants to bet that Ella's friends actually went over to her house and saw the actual dynamic of how she is a constant bully to Finn and that's the reason they had a falling out?
In the second story I will be concerned that the girlfriend is manipulating the brother towards the family. Causing himself to be alienated and feeling trapped in the relationship, because the girlfriend thinks the ” family isn’t fit or has unhealthy boundaries.”
Story 2 i heard before im on OP side you don’t just make fun of a family member who has ND and think no one will hate you for it The SIL should be grateful she isn’t kicked out of the family she should
Fourth story: NTA. This is the typical bully, she can and loves to dish it out, but she can't take even the minimum. Also, what went wrong between Ela and her friends? Was it that she is a nasty person that loves to negatively critizise others but she can't take even the possitive critizism? Also, it seems the parents have a favorite.
Story 6: Despite your behaviour towards your mother, she still bought you Christmas presents, and she took the effort to drop them at the house where you and your dad would be celebrating Christmas.
Story 1: Tbh, when Op call her ex "DAN", I he might be the same as the Dan of another story that he, his dad and his mom make his own brother homeless and when the brother finally have his own house, Dan and his family come to the brother house and try to steal it and attemp to make his brother homeless again. The catchphrese of that story is "Do it for Dan!"
I feel conflicted with the last story. OP states that Trish is impossible to live with? She states that Trish has long hair and that it's everywhere. Did she talk to Trish about this? I'm guessing not because she states that she talked to her mom and then her dad later in the story. She also mentioned that Trish talks in her sleep. Yeah, that might be difficult to sleep through, but how is that Trish's fault? She also mentions that Trish tries to talk to her and that she'll turn off the light as a way to say she's going to sleep, instead of telling Trish "hey I'm going to sleep"? Did Trish ever know that OP turning off the light was her sign of wanting to go to bed or is that OP's way of avoiding talking to Trish? Don't get me wrong, OP has every right to decide who she does and doesn't want to interact with and her mom is in the wrong to try and force an unwanted relationship. I just don't think OP is innocent in her reasoning to wanting to live with her dad.
Ella reminds me of my sister, who was constant going at it towards me, telling me all kinds of awful things. Then one day, I had enough and said "Well, at least I can read" (she's dyslexic) and she got furious and started beating me, nearly putting me in a chokehold before my mom stepped in My mom got mad at me, because I played on her insecurities, while lowkey ignoring how she was always putting me down (I have a good relationship with my sister and mom now, we just needed space and understanding for each others struggles)
The third story reminds me of my wife. I've been really stressed so she made me a little winter calendar with small self care treats. In some of them, there were different variations of body butter. She thought that this was the same as massage butter. It says on the package that it is solid body lotion, nothing else. We like to massage one another and the massage butter I brought into the relationship is nearing its end. I chuckled about it when she told me her intention behind the gift and we just planned a date to the store that sells the solid massage oil. They don't have the one I bought anymore but different scents and such, so I wanna choose one with her c: But well.. my gift didn't nearly kill me lol (even tho I use essential oils for smelling because they're nice to smell sometimes and even I made the mistake if buying a wrong one once because I misread the label. The husband was actively deceived by the store clerk and should make up for it but not take any insult. This was dangerous after all. I'd be really concerned and worried about OP, not offended because of the gift. It was a nice idea but surely, you can just chop up some frozen or fresh mint leaves bro (or buy edible aroma / oil online! lol))
There is a perfect solution in the first story. OP: Hey exe, good news! I found a bunch of people willing to babysit for you for free, with no notice, no consideration of their plans, and no need to actually have ever met the child before. Bonus, they don't also hate you. OP: [gives exe a list of the names and contacts of those who called OP a butthole for not babying exe's kid...]
that last story bugs me cause it was such a small issue initially, but her mom chose to ignore it until it grew into a big deal. If her mom really wanted her to stay she could have bought her daughter some $2 ear plugs, and explained the 'no talking after lights out' rule op had, and it probably would have fixed things. Even if it didn't, op was being quite mature by choosing to temporarily give up one of her bedrooms to the toher girl and stay at her dads, so both could have their own space
11 หลายเดือนก่อน +1
I have a feeling the talking at bedtime might of been a sign of the mom and the girls dad pushing the "Hey you will share a bunk bed with your future sister and you two can gossip in bed at night like true sisters do!"
*1st Story:* I'd imagine there's a _long_ list of people the Ex could've asked to look after his affair baby before proverbially dropping them onto OP's lap. Either set of parents aren't an option? There's siblings, friends, cousins, grandparents, neighbours, even _co-workers_ would be better choices than someone you emotionally stabbed you in the back. How many bridges did the Ex burn if none of them wanted to do it? Why didn't I mention a babysitter? Do you really think the Ex was willing to shell out the money if he did what he did?
Story 1: NTA. He should be lucky OP isn’t one of those jealous bitter exes who’d just throw the kid out onto the street Story 2: NTA. Girl, you’re not even married into the family yet you already think you have a say in anything? Seriously and does she not even know what emotional infest is???? She’s absolutely just throwing that phrase around. Mark is a spineless idiot Story 3: NTA. Essential oils are toxic. This moron would send money to the Nigerian Prince Story 4: NTA. How does Ella not realize how she’s just constantly ruining the mood? Imagine if all you ever do is insult your poor brother. If it’s a joke than Ella should be able to handle being insulted as well. Why can she “gang up” on her brother but it can’t happen to her? I wouldn’t be surprised if Ella was the problem in her friendship. OP’s mother needs to stop treating this like a two way issue. Maybe Finn wouldn’t be at Ella if she was a good person. OP’s mother is a peacekeeper who doesn’t want to be a parent. Story 5: NTA. At what point does the family realize this is stealing? Adam is a teenager and needs to learn this lesson now. I wouldn’t say he’s a kleptomaniac as from my research, they steal whatever for the thrill rather than for the value. Story 6: NTA. Your room is your personal space especially to a child without their own house. OP’s mother is choosing her new bf over her daughter
Story 5 5 years later. Adam is now 18. Cop: "Sir, ma'am, your son is under arrest for grand theft auto, and shoplifting." Adam's parents: "But iT WAS a MisTAke!!" Cop: 😑
I’m the mediator between my siblings and when someone takes things too far, I call them out on it in a calm manner. I’m more logical, so my siblings know I don’t favor one side or the other, just more worried about everyone being treated fairly and making their points to come to an amicable compromise. Story 4: that sister needed that reality check since when. The mother failed at being a parent, letting one of her children be the bully to another without any pushback. Don’t have kids if you’re not going to do the work to raise competent adults that are well adjusted for the real world.
Story 6: NTA, OP's mom is the only one who's in the wrong. I wonder if she thought of Trish and her dad staying with them as a "trial run" for when they become a family and live together, and that's why she got so upset at OP for ditching that situation. Not OP's problem. OP handled it well: as far as I can tell, she didn't take the problems out on Trish and did the mature thing by staying with her dad instead. OP's mom is terrible for making her home unwelcome for Christmas and not trying to reach out to OP at all. She is acting like an entitled brat of a parent who, in a few years, will wonder why her daughter doesn't talk to her anymore.
Story 3: according to the Australian consumer law, so if they were in australia, he’d be right. I remember a show called the checkout, which said that an employees word is a garuntee
If the shopkeeper said something that is opposite to what it says on the bottle, unless you have the conversation recorded, any cases where that has been enforced? Happy Australia Day! (26 Jan)
If the shopkeeper said something that is opposite to what it says on the bottle, unless you have the conversation recorded, any cases where that has been enforced? Happy Australia Day! (26 Jan)
Story 5: exactly what R/ said, if you keep calling it a mistake he's going to keep hiding behind it so he never have to face any consequences. He doesn't too often and it's too obvious to keep calling him a mistake he is a thief he is stealing, say it it will set you free. We always we always talk about don't treat your kid like a criminal otherwise it'll act like one well you're not treating him like a criminal and he's still acting like one, or is. At this point all you can do is make sure he doesn't steal any of your kids stuff, and if he feels bad then maybe a time to be direct it's because he is always stealing from you and you don't feel like letting him steal your stuff anymore. Tell your sister you stop when you can trust him.
Abandomed child story: I would send him an invoice for my time at $440/hour with 4 hour minimum, then send it to collections when he refused to pay. But I'm just petty like that. Also, on the last story about sharing rooms, I'll bet anything that the boyfriend didn't have his house burn, but that this is both parents plan to get the two girls to bond, and that's why she blew up.
Story 3: essential oil dude is kind of like my mom with the "sales people don't lie". But my mom is over 70 years old and maybe in some 70's and 80's world it actually was like that, although I doubt it. But even if it was true once upon a time, it sure isn't anymore.
Story 5: my nephew is 5, he knows between taking someone elses things and his own. the type of parent to watch their son rob someones life savings and then say "he was a good boy, never hurt a soul" i despise those failures of parents as they create people who fail to adjust to normal society and just breed criminals or entitled asses
Story 1: NTA. Here's another thing. What would OP's ex have done if OP had left that residence and a total stranger was living there? Try demanding to know where OP relocated to?? Dude is stupid! I mean...he's gotta have some friends that he would've turned to right? I get panic may have set in but OP should not have been the first person to dump the kid on Story 2: I admit, I spit my drink out at the title because I just had a feeling it was gonna be something ridiculous. I was right! When someone acts like their poo smells like roses and everyone else is beneath or whatever, it's OBVIOUS why the family doesn't like them! Jane must've lived in some world where she was coddled and sheltered. I can only imagine how that child will turn out. Doubt Mark will ever take off the rose-tinted glasses. Full NTA Story 3: I remember this story. I still will never understand why people consume/sell essential oils. Most are not for human consumption and could lead to health issues that (shocked pikachu face) will be a "surprise" to the husband when he PUTS HIS WIFE IN THE HOSPITAL. Story 4: Soooooo bully for the sake of being a bully. Ella sounds like a total peach....a rotten one. What kind of "jokes" involves basically constantly belittling your sibling? I mean that's kinda telling how she will treat others in life but still. What the heck in wrong with Ella. But I love how Finn probably did his best to keep the peace but he reached his limit on patience. OP is right, if Ella can't take what she dishes out, then don't do it. No wonder the girl doesn't have any friends. Story 5: Oh boy. Class thriving relative. These aren't mistakes so much as potential Kleptomania and future issues. Is Adam a "rainbow baby" so he can do no wrong? What's wrong with this family? Wonder if Adam going to jail will wake them up to this issue. Story 6: It's good OP has a support network via her family. Because it seems the mom has the delulu glasses glued on. You can't exactly get along with someone who's hard to get along with when the lifestyle is different from your own. So the mom seems to be trying to force OP and Trish to get along and cater to her new partner. I mean I understand the fire was likely traumatic but don't make your mission to make them comfortable and ignore your own child.
First story: In OP's place, I would seriously consider writing down the names and addresses of the two or three people who most loudly accuse me of wrongdoing, giving them to the ex and telling him next time he can leave his child with them. For as I see it, OP has exactly as much to do with this child than they have, so they will gladly take care of the child when it lands on their doorstep, right? Right?
So you mean to tell me that you haven’t spoke to this ex husband in years, and he suddenly thinks he can just drop this kid off at your house? No notice, no asking, no offering to pay you? Oh hell No!
Please correct me if I am wrong, but wasn't it a fairly common practice in WWII and the Korean war that service members would get the iconic heart + mom tattoo on their upper forearm? I have exactly one tattoo, on my upper wrist, which me and my dead wife had in common. It won't mean anything to anyone else, but every time I see that ink, I always remember my wife.
The last story, I bet the mom use this as a way to prepare her daughter for when her boyfriend and daughter will move in. Mom plan was probably in January yo say, oh they already live here and it's so wonderful, why won't they just stay? Now that plan is ruined
For the last story: coming from someone with a mother who acted the exact same way, I have a feeling she is taking OP moving out for a bit unnecessarily personally. My mother reacted to me saying I was moving out for good by saying she got along better with my brother anyway. That's something that sticks with you for life and not in a good way. The mother in this story also felt like a very normal action was instead a personal attack, so she responded by lashing out with actual personal attacks. OP, if you're reading this: as hard as it might be, realize that at the end of the day, she was the immature bully and not you.
Last story: Mom wanted to play "One big happy (new) family" whilst her BF and his daughter were there and her daughter going to dad's house puts the squash on that.
Story 4: Ella is the spoiled rotten Golden Child. She can dish it out; but as soon as someone gives her the verbal beating she deserves, she turns around and calls the person who delivered her some cold harsh reality a bully.
2nd story: I can relate. My step brother's ex and my step sister's current boyfriend are like that. They did/have done nothing but pick fights, cause problems and be assholes. And then they complain that our family dislikes them. Thankfully my step brother finally came to his senses and dumped his girlfriend for good. But my step sister is still stuck with her asshole, probably mostly because he baby trapped her.
Story1: Not your kid, not your Obligation. Absolute Morons. Some people shouldn't breed. Story3: Ops Husband could have potentially poisoned her. Putting something in someones food against their knowledge, in this way, should be considered assault.(if it's not already.) Essential oils for a humidifier are not for human or animal consumption. If I were Op, I would be making sure my finances were separate and I had a backup plan. I'd never trust him again Story4: Ella is a spoiled Brat. Op is Justified. Story5: It's not a mistake, he is actively stealing things from people and gets no punishment for it. If it is a compulsive habit, he might be a kleptomaniac, and if so he needs therapy. His parents are setting him up for failure and possibly jail time. Last story: I know what losing your home due to a house fire feels like. The Mom is wrong for blowing up the way she did. Op seems a bit lacking a of empathy. That's kind of understandable because she obviously has never lost her home, but still. The Mom and the girls dad should have enforced boundaries. Op being an only child probably means she never had to share before either and sees this as an encroachment of her space. But yeah the mom is the main Ahole here.
I actually agree with the mom. Her blowing up is understandable. But she should said she's sorry for that, latest sometime same day. No contact for a week is awful... 0 b holes for daughter
And I think RSlash was off on his score. I know at the end of the day his opinion is his just how mine is mine. OPs mom and John tried to make OP Trisha’s emotional support animal which Op didn’t want nor was equipped for. Trisha was also being a bad roommate. Yes she is going through a hard time but OP isn’t her therapist. If she needs help, it’s on her dad to find help for her. Also, why wasn’t Trisha staying with her mom? Was there something I missed?
@@ivilivo why is the mom's reaction understandable? Sounds like she was very dismissive. While dealing with a fire us traumatic that doesn't mean OPs experience in sharing her room should be ignored.
Story 3: In fairness to the husband, I did just a two-minute cursory search in regards to Peppermint Essential Oils and found very confusing results; some say all oils can be harmful, some say peppermint oil is fine, some say its only fine in very small doses (which oil is a concentrate, you only want to use a very little amount). It sucks that the husband was taken advantage of by a scammer, and didn't know Peppermint Oil and Peppermint Syrup were not the same thing.
A lot of essential oils are completely fine and even good to ingest small amounts of. The issue I'm seeing in the comments and with OP's husband is that people don't know the difference between the ones for your body and for a humidifier. They are not the same thing, one is healthy and one is poison lol
Always always always read the label on essential oils. Most are over 50% synthetic and not safe for consumption or topical applications. My family uses a brand that is pure oil but even still some of those cannot be ingested, applied to skin, or both as they are highly concentrated. And also be careful as most oil sellers are MLMs (including the one we use unfortunately. I didn't know about MLMs at the time because I was newly an adult and never heard of them but grandma and I didn't really get too into selling and mostly just buy them at the discount price for personal use. I use a citrus one a lot as it helps when I'm out of or waiting for my antidepressants to kick in as it's my favorite blend of citrus scents.)
Last story, I think it depends on how OP told her mom that she'd be staying with her dad. Did she say it in a calm and respectful manner, like "Hey mom, I'm going to stay with dad until Trisha returns home."? Or was it in a rude manner like, "Mom, I'm staying with dad until that b**** is gone!"? If it was the first way, then of course OP is going with a solution that accommodates Trisha while not torturing her (OP). But if it was the second way, then it's understandable why her mom blew up at her.
The last story: I don’t think we know enough. Did everyone sit down and lay out ground rules? Did OP say, “Sorry, Trisha. I don’t like to talk when I turn out the light.” Did they address the talking in her sleep? If they did try to work things out somehow, then OP is NTA. If she just bailed without ever saying anything to Trisha, the YTA. Also, if the mom didn’t even ask OP if she was okay with sharing a room, she’s the AH, and she also is for not trying to address OPs concerns. Trisha and her dad are NTA.
Story 4: it's not a joke if nobody's laughing. Hell, it's not a joke if the subject isn't laughing. It's just mean. A joke is something like texting a gif of the typing dots, or rick rolling. Even still, these should be occasional and not constant. Once every blue moon. That also makes them funnier if they are unexpected.
I speak as somebody who has an abusive sibling who was enabled to do this behaviour by everyone in our family: I adamantly refuse to speak to or have anything to do with my sister who spent her entire life abusing and tormenting me and my younger siblings. Due to my mother's constant enabling, I am thinking of going absolutely no contact with her when I am able to leave and go on with my own life, but that's because I have learned that she's potentially allowing the abuser back into the house even though me and my other siblings have told her what will happen when she does. OP in the fourth story needs to stand up for her brother. Ella is an abuser who has tormented him for so long that she's comfortable with what she's doing. There is no therapy in the world that is strong enough to mend that relationship and I'd be very surprised to learn that Finn decides to have anything to do with his family after he leaves home. Also, can I say that I have a feeling what happened between Ella and her friends. Let's be honest here, she's abusive, controlling, manipulative, and she'd probably start drama in an attempt to sabotage the relationships her friends would have with one another. She's the sort of person that the moment people around her have had enough of her shit and lose it on her, she gets upset, but doesn't seem capable of understanding the feelings of other people around her and how they would have felt when she did the same thing. Good on her friends for finally standing up for themselves and dropping her as a friend. Shame on OP for not realising that her sister is an abuser. Shame on OP's parents for not stepping in and kicking Ella out of the house so that they can protect their youngest child from her abuse.
Story 2: She's using therapy-speak she learned from Tiktok and Reddit, but doesn't actually understand said therapy-speak, to criticize and belittle her boyfriend's family. Most likely because she feels second to his mom. Emotional incest is real and, sadly, very normalized for a lot of people, however it's much more nuanced and complicated than "If a mother is in ANY way authoritative figure in her adult son's life, then it's emotional incest" A mother competing with other women for her son's attention and appreciation is emotional incest. Such as her wearing white to his wedding or coming over uninvited to clean, cook, or take care of his kids (aka just fill every stereotypical "female" role is his life that his spouse "fails to do as well as mommy") However ofc, don't go diagnosing anyone if you aren't a professional. It can very easily just be them having empty-nest syndrome and want to dote in their child again, no emotional incest involved. (Unless it's obvious your mom/dad is competing with your spouse lol) Anyways, All this mom did was say her son could get a tattoo, because he feels more comfortable asking her before doing it. I hope she grows up before her kid is born. And I hope it isn't a boy, because outlandish and unfounded claims like this are usually a sign of projection.
Story 2: I'm sorry, but why the hell is he still with her?! If my partner called my younger sister an "entitled brat" when she literally has autism, I would have been done and told them to pack their bags. NTA
Story one: NOT YOUR CIRCUS NOT YOUR CLOWNS Story 2: WHY DID HE GET HER PREGNANT 😭😭 Story 3: absolutely NTA what the hell? Who doesn't read what crap is for????
As for the story with Adam, I think instead of locking all presents in a car, a better solution would be to make a list of all gifts OP and his family get at his parents and then when loading it into car check they have everything.
Story 5: My cousin had an issue with stealing stuff, we noticed and had a talk with her parents, and they got her help/parented better. For a while we had to search her bags for a while, but she now (around 15 years later) doesn’t steal anymore. She was 5 when this happened. OP is NTA, Adam’s parents need to parent.
Story 1: 🙄NTA. If you know you're going to be needed for something, PLAN FOR IT! It's not OP's responsibility. Period. Story 2: NTA. mark seems to have such low self-estem that he lets jane walk all over him. And jane is an oblivious know-it-all with control issues, who doesn't know anything Story 3: NTA. I'm just reminded by this story why the divorce rate continues to go higher and higher, and more often than not, a lot of them are due to the men treating their spouses like replacement mothers, or being so helpless that they become their spouse's surrogate child Story 4: NTA. Sounds like ella has some kind of jealousy of Finn. Just listening to this story I can tell ella is long overdue for a visit to the proctologist, that stick isn't going to remove itself. Story 5: NTA. adam is a result of terrible parenting and needs to learn the hard way since he refuses to stop stealing. The "mistake" in this case is adam Story 6: NTA. OP did the responsible thing and her mother is acting like a child about it.
Sixth story: NTA. Imposing? Is removing yourself to solve a problem Imposing? Imposing would be OP literally kicking them out of the house. She just wants to take her boyfriend's side. I do appreciate that she opened her house to the boyfriend in his time of need, but OP also needs her own space and she can't force her to share, unless she already planned on upgrading the boyfriend to new husband.
Man I feel so bad for that brother That sister is indeed bullying and abusing him I understand how he feels though the genders are swapped in my situation My brother used to corner me every single day screaming in my face And then my mom would scream at me for making him angry Rather than tell him you are responsible for your anger and you need to control yourself Way the mom said they both get at each other I think is a lie and b******* ..... That's just her trying to make her favorite child looked like less of an a****** by saying oh he's being an a****** too No he's not he's being abused I'm bullied and she is not making her daughter take responsibility for her actions and her words Just like my mom never made my brother take responsibility for his anger What did my brother scream at me for every day ..... Random things literally random things and everything could set him off ..... One time it was because a towel looked pink to him but it looked orange to me so he was angry I couldn't force my eyes to see if the same color as him Sometimes I would be having conversation with my sisters and we all could be agreeing on something but he would order me and scream at me he never screamed at them it was just me So yeah I feel really bad for that brother that's really hurtful and wrong what he's going through ..... I hope when he has the ability to let it go 0 contact because trust me it's a lot more peaceful never having to hear their voice again never hearing them blame you or can angry with you again over every tiny random thing .... The other part is the nightmares eventually go away to F*** I did not even realize how much my family was the reason for my nightmares I barely got out of there And so much mentally and emotionally changed for me when I did The nightmares being one of the first changes ..... Now a lot of my dreams are very boring LOL but I'm okay with that I would rather have those boring dreams than any of those nightmares So I hope that kid gets to have a better life
"Ella stormed off crying" my 14 year old ass wouldn't as much as sob if someone treated me like i treated them. if i treat someone badly than i'd deserve backlash for it.
"how could he know a shopkeeper would lie" i have been working in retail for some time now, and in my experience most if a worker doesn't know it, they would just make some believable stuff up on the spot
My nephews don't steal but they destroy everything. And my brother and his soon to be ex wife just sleep and ignore them. So we have to hide my son's toys and new gifts for birthdays and holidays and it's so frustrating. My son's last bday party (turned 6) my nephews destroyed his outside play ground and other things and my husband said they can't come over anymore. I was in agreement. My bro is a bit mad but I think he understands.
Story 1: I would immediately go low/no contact with any friend who sided with the ex in that situation. Child abandonment rules are partially for situations like this. Like, he DID abandon his child. It's not OP's problem just because him and partner have no friends they can turn to in a situation like that. OP simply has zero responsibility for the ex or his children and the dude was seriously out of line for trying to pull that. Not calling the cops would just show him he can get away with pulling that garbage again in the future when he wants a babysitter. Hard no. Anyone who thinks you should put up with that is not your friend.
In Finn's place, I would have been far less kind. My response would be cussing and maybe even a shove or even down-right fist-fights. After months of this, I would have lost my temper a long time ago. Girl or Boy, it makes no difference. If you really want to pick a fight, then I'll give you a fight, and I will be going below the belt. Absolutely disgusting!
Story 4: So it's okay to verbally abuse Finn in every single aspect, but it's not okay to it to be thrown back a little? Nu-uh, Ella needs to stop this abuse if she doesn't want Finn doing the same. Get some therapy
And at this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if Finn cuts Ella and his mom off when he turns 18. They show no love for him. Where is their father or other parent during all this?
Finn in this case is a lot more civil than I wouldve been. If I find such a chink in the armor, every jab would go that way. Something like -*any snarky remark*
--"Wow with that attitude no wonder your friends cut you off"
-*cries*
--"Go cry to your friends, I mean the ones that haven't cut you off yet"
@@lorilancaster5917 By the story - not around or simply not involved anymore. Wouldn't surprise me if the mother Divorced him because he was actually trying to teach Ella how to grow up.
@@nightdrivenen7909or bailed because they didn’t want to parent
In the very last story it sounds like the mom is trying to push for that whole step-sister thing, maybe she's planning on marrying her boyfriend and making it a permanent situation.
A mistake is bumping into someone. Not deliberately taking something that isn’t yours and hiding it. Why are they defending Adam?! He’s a thief.
They want to bury their heads under the sand and hope Adams “mistakes” go away. Parents don’t want to parent.
It'll be harder to parent him when he's in jail. 😒
@@lancerevell5979when did they ever start?
I swear, Adam’s parents could have been my parents dealing with my older and younger brothers. They never want to hear it until it's too late.
story 2: It sounds like Mark got himself a gaslighter narcissist that likes to browse reddit for terms they can use against people. Emotional incest is a term used when a Mother effectively attempts to replace the wife/gf in their sons relationship, stuff like trying to wear white to the wedding, have the first wedding dance, go on the honeymoon.... talk about being the "real" mum to any grandchild.
100% seems like she is trying to split him off from the rest of his family. She is likely trying to use the term now, so when OPs mum tries to get involved later to stop any kind of bullshit, Jane can pull the card out to say "not your business what we do in our home, hes my husband not yours" etc.
I think you nailed it! And looks like phase one is already working out in her favor, as people are starting to cut ties.
Um… “emotional incest” is far far uglier than that. It also entails treating a child as an adult not just a replacement for a spouse. By adult I mean telling them about bedroom antics, relationships, problems that they have, etc. also the gender doesn’t matter. Women and men can be guilty of emotional incest. I know because I am a victim of it from my mother AND her first husband.
Yeah the second I heard emotional incest, my first thought was "oh this girl is CHRONICALLY online."
I don't know anyone who isnt addicted to social media that has even HEARD that term before!
Story 1: We have to at least admire the guy for having such audacity, like I wouldn’t even think of giving my kid to the ex who I cheated on!
I just love the family criticized OP for not being the biggest person and look after the child, WELL THEN YOU DO! WHY DON'T YOU DO IT?!
@@Josh_the_jesterit’s a great way to know who to cut off
I'm more surprised that he'd think she'd be ok with it and not petty. He better be glad op wasn't one of those types
So the ex nor his AP have any friends? Any option would’ve been better than to drop a child off at their mortal enemy’s place without notice nor have been in contact for years. Also don’t think the child was okay being left at a total strangers all while being told about stranger danger.
that’s how you never see your child again
Story 4 : Ella is your usual bully who is never told to correct her behavior and the mother an Enabler.
I feel that there’s a lot of golden child and scapegoat situation going on…
@@slayermoon666I’m getting that too. RSLASH commented about potential sexism however OP is also a woman and is being dragged along with Finn. Some day Ella will insult the wrong person and will have no one to back her.
She sounds like quite the cruel person, and thinks calling her attacks "jokes" fools people.
She also clearly holds a grudge also because when the OP called her out for her meanness she later turned on OP too and threw that back to her. Not a person I'd want to be around that's for sure.
@@lorilancaster5917I don't think it's necessarily sexism in this case, but it's not uncommon either to see people start to bash on someone for standing up to sexism regardless of if they're male or female. But I don't think this is sexism either, just golden child syndrome
It pisses me off to no end when a bully starts crying after getting a taste of their own treatment.
I have a feeling Ella's friend group ditched her for being a jerk. If she acts like this at home to her brother, it wouldn't surprise me if she's like this all the time to other people and her friends finally had enough.
If the sentence Finn uttered was something to that effect, I don't think it's a low blow because it's the truth and Ella needs to hear it.
And problem is because Finn apologized and the mom coddles Ella, she didn’t learn anything. She will likely learn by messing with the wrong person and get sent to the hospital for it.
@@lorilancaster5917at this point OP should be the one to give Ella the well deserved physical discipline since the parents refuse to.
I agree. She's just an all round unpleasant person. Look how quickly she turned on OP when she called her out. In her own mind she can never be wrong about anything and her behaviour should never be called into account.
She'd be a dreadful 'friend'.
Story 2: Dude, Mark, why are you even WITH this girl??? She's entitled, vindictive, mean, bullies your family, hates your mom, sounds like she wants to "cure" your sister's autism, etc. Is she like crazy in bed or something, cause I can't think of any reason to stay with someone THAT toxic.
Yo same, what does Mark see in her?
Maybe (and I’m reaching here) he’s just as toxic but barley understands that he’ll be bashed if he voices any of those thoughts
Controlling people find their victims and drag them along for the ride. Jane is probably keeping Mark's balls in her purse.
Most likely it's the "passionate hugging".
If there's a physical cure to any form of autism, I'll eat my shirt
The parents of Adam need to stop his "mistakes" before he "mistakenly" takes a laptop from a store, security sees it and Adam "accidentally" ends up in juvenile hall.
I know OP hated what he did for Christmas since it punished his kids but I’m glad he took a stand. Only thing I would’ve done different would be to give Adam a single gift for Christmas from the whole family. A Tshirt that says THIEF front and back.
Or worse. If he keeps stealing and getting caught, he could end up stealing from someone you do not want to mess with. Then end up dead
fr its so important to sort this behaviour out before it's too late, and 13 is pushing it.
"Mistakes"? NO! He's an outright THIEF! Eventually this will get him a criminal record and jailtime. I'm sure his Mom will be so proud. 🤨
I'm actually wondering if mom encourages it, maybe resells stuff he steals?
The 4th story, I don't blame OP. Ella had been treating Finn like garbage for quite some time and mommy dearest does nothing to stop it but enables the whole thing.
The bullying story. Mom saying its not big sister's place. I beg to differ. As someone who had to use force more than once to protect my little sister from bullies. At 38 years old, I do it again. Maybe mom should be a mom, eh?
She’s already checked out provided that she ever checked in as a mom.
Story 3: I mean the shopkeep may have tricked him but he clearly didn't bother to read the label because if he had he would have known it wasn't food. And even then who puts oil in coffee, or doesn't know that essential oils aren't edible. He's basically asking for sympathy for poisoning you, because he couldn't take the two seconds to read a label.
My honest guess? Maybe he mistook it for like, a healthy extract? Like spitballing but if you don't know what essential oils are, odds are you're thinking along the lines of something that would help you. Especially when the thing you picked up has the word essential in it.
That's my best guess though.
And we have the internet in our pockets, dude really couldn’t have googled it???
Nah I'm with rslash
The guy is a well-meaning idiot. I've got a couple in my family(my grandfather once stood there in the men's room waving his hand under the soap dispenser for like 3 minutes before realizing it wasn't automatic)
There's no need to Google it; according to OP the bottles state that they're for a humidifier on the label. That's usually followed by instructions to not ingest.
The thing is, there are mint essential oils that absolutely go in candy and you can eat. I use one called China oil, it's the pure stuff. It's actually good for belly upsets and blocked noses. But on the label it says it's safe to ingest though drinking a ton of it would be bad I'm sure. For a while it wsa off the label due to some laws, then it was back on.
They didn't always use artificial, you can drink peppermint tea and also cook with the pure essential oils. But the carrying oils etc can be nast.
Story 4: NTA. The real a**hole here is the mom. It clearly shows that she doesn't WANT to be a parent to Ella at all, and was clearly showing favouritism and letting her do as she pleases. OP simply spoke the truth to stand up for Finn, and since mom refuses to parent Ella, then OP DOES have a place since noone stood up to Ella.
I’d tell Ella to shut the hell up and go get some help for being a spoiled brat!!! Just because she had issues with her friends doesn’t mean she needs to bully her brother!
Story 3 is the peppermint mocha one.
@@spydersoup8447 Edited,
Also the rest of the family for brushing it off, bet that little brat doesn't steal from them, hence why they don't see it as a big deal.
Second story: Jane is just using buzzwords to try to insult the family under the guise of concern
This is a really big problem that's come about as a direct result of mental health awareness.
Basically abusers using therapy language to abuse people.
It's sadly extremely predicable, because abusers will use anything they can get their hands on to harm others.
"insulting people under the guise of concern" is a great way to put it. It can also be used to manipulate and control others.
The main way to spot it is that the terms they use aren't being used correctly. However, that requires people to know what those terms mean.
I've also noticed similar things happening with popular terms from sociology, like "toxic masculinity" or "micro aggression".
If you know what those terms mean, it's immediately obvious, but how many people have even an entry-level understanding of sociology?
What's kinda funny is, even if people don't really understand the terms being used, they usually understand that they're being messed with.
And then you get situations like this, where the abuser is all surprised that their "clever scheme" doesn't work ^.^
Jane's question: why don't you like me? Answer: because you're a bitch! 😅 It's not complicated.
Yes. She is mimicking and keeping herself the victim, when likely what she is spewing, she is doing herself.
She’s abusing therapyspeak
Totally. She's tossing around 'emotional incest' and 'enmeshment' like she knows what she's on about, but it's just an excuse to get away with being a bitch, frankly.
Story 1: What the hell kind of friends does OP have that they think she should have accommodated the ex's affair baby with no notice or agreement?? 🤯
And why didn’t they get the ex in the divorce so he could’ve pawned his kid off on them? Screw those people because they’re the type who love to volunteer others while patting themselves on the back!
How is your affair baby my responsibility? I don’t mind kids as long as they’re not having meltdowns, but I wouldn’t want to be left alone with an ex’s kid, either. How do I know you’re not going to hurl accusations at me later if he falls down and gets a bruise? Not today, Satan.
NTA you are absolutely right to call the police.
*First OP:* The _audacity_ of some people, I swear! The kid was abandoned, so OP was right to call the cops. OP is NTA.
I do feel bad for the kid. He was abandoned by his dad and dropped off to a woman who reduced him to a product of her ex's affair. She's right to be angry, but don't take it out on the kid. I know she didn't say it to his face, but still.
*Second OP:* ... What is up with Jane? Emotional 1nc35t?! OP is NTA. Run, Mark! RUN!
*Third OP:* OP's husband sounds like a Kevin. Wouldn't digesting essential oils be harmful, if not lethal? OP is NTA.
*Fourth OP:* From the looks of it, OP was doing more to defuse the situation than her mom. And even if Ella and Finn were going at it for a long time, Ella shouldn't have been surprised when Finn retaliated, albeit with a low blow. OP is NTA.
*Fifth OP:* What's been going on with Adam for him to constantly make these "mistakes?" His parents need to look into that. OP is justified for their actions. OP is NTA.
*Sixth OP:* OP didn't appear hostile toward Trisha. She confided in her mom that she had difficulty sharing a room with Trisha, her mom told her to deal with it, and OP dealt with it by staying with her dad. How was OP being spoiled? OP is NTA.
The essesntial oil story had an update where the husband did it right with (I think) peppermint syrup or oil you can use in foodstuffs.
If OP reacted that way it's not that surprising the husband got a bit defensive but it had a cute ending
Digesting essentials can be perfectly fine. It depends on the type and mode of manufacture. If the bottle said it was for use in aromatherapy only, this could suggest manufacture in a less pristine manner, but food-safe peppermint essential is a key flavoring for most peppermint candies. The girlfriend is not wrong to be miffed, but, the reaction is completely disproportionate.
Sixth OP story: It's basically like OP did some malicious compliance. Her mom told her to deal with it, so she dealt with it.
For the sixth story, I feel like removing herself was actually the best thing. Trisha gets extra space, OP gets a good night's sleep...isn't it ideal that now they both have their own rooms?
Fifth OP story: To answer your question, it can be summed up in one word: kleptomania. Another commenter posted that Adam's mother enabled his bad behaviour so she can make a little green on the grey market.
12:42 he’s not making a mistake he’s straight up stealing that’s what it is if this isn’t sorted out now he’s going to have a horrible future in jail
Story 3: usually I would agree with The Golden Child angle but it seems as though mom's not interested in helping Ella either. She doesn't want to fix the issues she wants them to get over the grudge and make up so she doesn't have to deal with it, which is why instead of trying to talk it out she keep telling them they have to apologize to each other. Your mom is clearly no help and she's upset you because you refuse to let them be silently angry with each other and called your sister out instead of staying out of the conflict and forcing them to make piece. She may have touched a nerve but at this point she's been touching nerves all the time and trying to pretend they're jokes.
The Mother doesn't want to parent...
She's trying her hardest to make Ella take over a motherly role for Trisha...
Which is disgusting!
Story 3 was the essential oils story
Last story:
Mom: "Deal with it!"
OP: "Ok." **deals with it**
Mom: "NO NOT LIKE THAT!"
Bravo 👏
Who else thinks OP won’t return even after John and Trisha move back to their place? Assuming that they actually move? And OPs mom gets extra mad at her because if she lives with her dad full time, she will have to pay child support
How much you wanna bet that the mom was trying to force the siblings to like each other?
If you want help from someone, don't cheat on her. He is the bitthole.
The mean sister story reminds me off my childhood. My sister would do nothing but cry insult me and my brother, and play adults off each other. I refused to put up with her crap. So my dear sweet mother told me infront of my sister that I'm a bad brother and when I die no one is going to miss me. Howlovely.
Last story: I think I understand OP's mom's feeling here, though that doesn't mean they're right. She and this guy have been dating for about a year. At her age and in that length of time, she's probably hoping that they'll get married and have one happy family. She probably thinks that this situation is a good opportunity for OP and the daughter to get closer and they all get used to living under one roof. However, OP isn't fitting in to her idea of that family because OP isn't adjusting how she wanted everyone to. In the end, it probably isn't about the hospitality and more about her own vision of what she wants their future to look like.
I'm sure it has nothing to do with the possibility of child support being adjusted if OP lives with their dad instead of their mom.
@@Brigand231 It very well could, but you think she would be trying harder then. I do think it has much less to do with child support and more to do with that family image. I mean, otherwise she would've reached out and fought harder. She rather thinks OP will come crawling back or she's accepting that they don't want to be part of the family she wants to build with this man and his daughter.
@@wordsmith6154I guess only she truly knows.
I'm guessing it has nothing to do with child support since it's only a few weeks. The kid will be back long before anyone can make an estimate of how much said child support would be.
I believe the mother wants to support the victims in their time of stress and turmoil. If the op is such a brat/only child that they can't be mildly uncomfortable for two more weeks it might be for the best for everyone if they stay away. If my house ever burnt down I sure as hell wouldn't want someone that selfish and self centered around.
if that was the case I don't think mom would have been so mad. It definitely seems more like she wants to play house with bf and his daughter before making a more permanent move and she's not happy that her kid isn't happy with the situation. But honestly what kid with their own room and is used to peace by themselves wants to share a room last minute with another kid that disrupts their sleep all night. The kid had apparently said in the comments or an update that it's affecting her schoolwork so I honestly can't blame her.
Story 2: Yeah, I don't know either, it's just an octopus tattoo. Maybe Jane DOES like to pick fights for the sake of picking fights. I hope she gets over this, because the baby does not need to be around that kind of behavior
last story - mom prolly blew up and overreacted like that because this was a test run before inviting them to stay permanently if it worked.
Yup, I bet they had it in their minds, "well, we will just say its temporary and when they get used to it, make it a thing!"
That's what I was thinking - mom was hoping the situation would turn into a 'move in together situation' and got mad that daughter didn't jump up and down with joy over it.
Nah, the mom is just pissed that her child support could be reduced if OP lives with their dad.
That or she knows if Trisha doesn’t have OP to talk to at night, she will wake them up instead. I think there were edits of this story which OP said that the limited sleep was hindering her in school.
@@Brigand231 could be as well. one doesnt necessarily exclude the other.
Last story makes sense to me. Daughter complains to the mum, who dismisses the complaint because there’s nothing that can reasonably be done under her roof without hurting the other girl’s feelings. But she also doesn’t really take the time to explore with her daughter possible ways to manage the stress of sleeping in a shared space - I know for myself, I can’t sleep with other people nearby so I have a lot of sympathy. The ‘going to her dad’ thing IS a good solution - but to the mum it feels like ‘petty complaint’ followed by ‘using dad to get what I want’. The mum, not really giving weight to the initial complaint, feels blindsided and insulted when her kid goes running to daddy.
Also, they could've done something to the kid before dropping him off and try to pin it on you. Daycare workers do not accept sleeping children for a reason. Good deeds don't go unpunished. Don't watch the kids of people you don't trust, especially if you weren't given an option.
It's only a joke when everyone is laughing about it. When the "joke" comes at someone's expense, it becomes harassment/bullying.
Ella is a bully and needs to be put in her place. And it seems the mother has a golden child.
I’m sick of people saying “you two need to make up” because it’s just a lazy person’s excuse to ignore the issue
Story 1:
Idk how viable having a babysitter on call is (because the baby comes when it comes, and that’s not really something you can schedule around easily) and if this was an early delivery (which, given the complications, I find plausible) all the more so
That said, still OP is NTA, regardless of if it really was an unexpected medical emergency on the Ex’s part.
Ask your neighbor before you ask your ex who you cheated on and hates your guts
Yeah, I think it was a case of him panicking, and she was the first TRUSTWORTHY person that came to mind
Story number five: OP is absolutely NOT the butthole. Adam is clearly being enabled by his mother. 13 is far too old to not know that taking things that don't belong to you is not only ethically and morally wrong but, also, depending on the value of the item, can be a serious crime. Clearly OP’s sister has coddled, made excuses for and completely ignored Adam's behavior. He has no respect for boundaries, zero regard for the word no being a complete sentence and nothing resembling accountability. I'm going to take a guess here that this is all because his mom, no doubt, has a hands-off approach to raising her son. This type of behavior only snowballs and gets worse. I know, because I've seen it with both my older and younger brothers. Adam's mother will rue the day, and wish she'd been firmer with him, when he's an adult with a rap sheet a mile long and/or serving a lengthy sentence incarcerated behind bars. Naturally, she'll wonder “what went wrong” in her life while failing to look in the mirror and see that her inaction as a lazy parent is the root cause of all the problems.
Agreed!
The last story is the mom attempting to do a trial run of a blended family and getting mad that her daughter doesn't want to play along. By (reasonably) having issues with sharing her space with another person, OP burst whatever bubble her mother had about having an idealized life where she and her boyfriend marry and everyone lives together
Story 1: like with 3 years of no contact alone he should have known you weren't an option, the fact that he cheated on you and that's why you got the voice is another dead give away. He had nine months to figure something out, he didn't even call to ask because he knew you'd say no. You did exactly what you're supposed to call the cops for abandonment which is what he did you're not obligated to do anything for him.
Ella is the reason why she lost her friends.
I’d be thrilled Ella wasn’t taking to me, I’d ignore her completely.
Exactly, don't threaten me with a good time.
Story 4. Who wants to bet that Ella's friends actually went over to her house and saw the actual dynamic of how she is a constant bully to Finn and that's the reason they had a falling out?
In the second story I will be concerned that the girlfriend is manipulating the brother towards the family. Causing himself to be alienated and feeling trapped in the relationship, because the girlfriend thinks the ” family isn’t fit or has unhealthy boundaries.”
Story 2 i heard before im on OP side you don’t just make fun of a family member who has ND and think no one will hate you for it
The SIL should be grateful she isn’t kicked out of the family she should
She probably thought everyone else was thinking the exact same thoughts as herself
Fourth story: NTA. This is the typical bully, she can and loves to dish it out, but she can't take even the minimum. Also, what went wrong between Ela and her friends? Was it that she is a nasty person that loves to negatively critizise others but she can't take even the possitive critizism? Also, it seems the parents have a favorite.
Story 6: Despite your behaviour towards your mother, she still bought you Christmas presents, and she took the effort to drop them at the house where you and your dad would be celebrating Christmas.
Story 1: Tbh, when Op call her ex "DAN", I he might be the same as the Dan of another story that he, his dad and his mom make his own brother homeless and when the brother finally have his own house, Dan and his family come to the brother house and try to steal it and attemp to make his brother homeless again. The catchphrese of that story is "Do it for Dan!"
I don't think it's the same person as Dan has three kids. The fourth was an affair baby.
@@Tom8201 I understand that it not the same DAN but after listen to that DAN saga, the name gave me some kind of mini PTSD.
I feel conflicted with the last story. OP states that Trish is impossible to live with?
She states that Trish has long hair and that it's everywhere. Did she talk to Trish about this? I'm guessing not because she states that she talked to her mom and then her dad later in the story.
She also mentioned that Trish talks in her sleep. Yeah, that might be difficult to sleep through, but how is that Trish's fault?
She also mentions that Trish tries to talk to her and that she'll turn off the light as a way to say she's going to sleep, instead of telling Trish "hey I'm going to sleep"? Did Trish ever know that OP turning off the light was her sign of wanting to go to bed or is that OP's way of avoiding talking to Trish?
Don't get me wrong, OP has every right to decide who she does and doesn't want to interact with and her mom is in the wrong to try and force an unwanted relationship.
I just don't think OP is innocent in her reasoning to wanting to live with her dad.
There isn't really an innocent reason, but she definitely has the right to get out of that situation. Because it will only get worse.
@@fangirl3086 I agree.
2:01 "Then YOU DO IT!!" For real. They wouldn't.
"ive a pretty good sense why you divorced this guy".... I got that same idea why when she said he left her to knock up and be with another woman
And ruined her health during lock down due to his screwing around
Essential oil husband should have gotten together with turpentine mom.
Ella reminds me of my sister, who was constant going at it towards me, telling me all kinds of awful things. Then one day, I had enough and said "Well, at least I can read" (she's dyslexic) and she got furious and started beating me, nearly putting me in a chokehold before my mom stepped in
My mom got mad at me, because I played on her insecurities, while lowkey ignoring how she was always putting me down
(I have a good relationship with my sister and mom now, we just needed space and understanding for each others struggles)
The third story reminds me of my wife.
I've been really stressed so she made me a little winter calendar with small self care treats. In some of them, there were different variations of body butter. She thought that this was the same as massage butter. It says on the package that it is solid body lotion, nothing else.
We like to massage one another and the massage butter I brought into the relationship is nearing its end. I chuckled about it when she told me her intention behind the gift and we just planned a date to the store that sells the solid massage oil. They don't have the one I bought anymore but different scents and such, so I wanna choose one with her c:
But well.. my gift didn't nearly kill me lol
(even tho I use essential oils for smelling because they're nice to smell sometimes and even I made the mistake if buying a wrong one once because I misread the label. The husband was actively deceived by the store clerk and should make up for it but not take any insult. This was dangerous after all. I'd be really concerned and worried about OP, not offended because of the gift. It was a nice idea but surely, you can just chop up some frozen or fresh mint leaves bro (or buy edible aroma / oil online! lol))
There is a perfect solution in the first story.
OP: Hey exe, good news! I found a bunch of people willing to babysit for you for free, with no notice, no consideration of their plans, and no need to actually have ever met the child before. Bonus, they don't also hate you.
OP: [gives exe a list of the names and contacts of those who called OP a butthole for not babying exe's kid...]
that last story bugs me cause it was such a small issue initially, but her mom chose to ignore it until it grew into a big deal. If her mom really wanted her to stay she could have bought her daughter some $2 ear plugs, and explained the 'no talking after lights out' rule op had, and it probably would have fixed things. Even if it didn't, op was being quite mature by choosing to temporarily give up one of her bedrooms to the toher girl and stay at her dads, so both could have their own space
I have a feeling the talking at bedtime might of been a sign of the mom and the girls dad pushing the "Hey you will share a bunk bed with your future sister and you two can gossip in bed at night like true sisters do!"
*1st Story:* I'd imagine there's a _long_ list of people the Ex could've asked to look after his affair baby before proverbially dropping them onto OP's lap. Either set of parents aren't an option? There's siblings, friends, cousins, grandparents, neighbours, even _co-workers_ would be better choices than someone you emotionally stabbed you in the back. How many bridges did the Ex burn if none of them wanted to do it?
Why didn't I mention a babysitter? Do you really think the Ex was willing to shell out the money if he did what he did?
Story 1: NTA. He should be lucky OP isn’t one of those jealous bitter exes who’d just throw the kid out onto the street
Story 2: NTA. Girl, you’re not even married into the family yet you already think you have a say in anything? Seriously and does she not even know what emotional infest is???? She’s absolutely just throwing that phrase around. Mark is a spineless idiot
Story 3: NTA. Essential oils are toxic. This moron would send money to the Nigerian Prince
Story 4: NTA. How does Ella not realize how she’s just constantly ruining the mood? Imagine if all you ever do is insult your poor brother. If it’s a joke than Ella should be able to handle being insulted as well. Why can she “gang up” on her brother but it can’t happen to her? I wouldn’t be surprised if Ella was the problem in her friendship. OP’s mother needs to stop treating this like a two way issue. Maybe Finn wouldn’t be at Ella if she was a good person. OP’s mother is a peacekeeper who doesn’t want to be a parent.
Story 5: NTA. At what point does the family realize this is stealing? Adam is a teenager and needs to learn this lesson now. I wouldn’t say he’s a kleptomaniac as from my research, they steal whatever for the thrill rather than for the value.
Story 6: NTA. Your room is your personal space especially to a child without their own house. OP’s mother is choosing her new bf over her daughter
Story 4: Why would OP care about Ella not talking to her? No contact sounds like a fantastic thing with her!
Story 5
5 years later. Adam is now 18.
Cop: "Sir, ma'am, your son is under arrest for grand theft auto, and shoplifting."
Adam's parents: "But iT WAS a MisTAke!!"
Cop: 😑
I’m the mediator between my siblings and when someone takes things too far, I call them out on it in a calm manner. I’m more logical, so my siblings know I don’t favor one side or the other, just more worried about everyone being treated fairly and making their points to come to an amicable compromise.
Story 4: that sister needed that reality check since when. The mother failed at being a parent, letting one of her children be the bully to another without any pushback.
Don’t have kids if you’re not going to do the work to raise competent adults that are well adjusted for the real world.
9 months seems like plenty of time to get a babysitter
And have a plan b-z that doesn’t involve child abandonment
Story 6: NTA, OP's mom is the only one who's in the wrong. I wonder if she thought of Trish and her dad staying with them as a "trial run" for when they become a family and live together, and that's why she got so upset at OP for ditching that situation. Not OP's problem. OP handled it well: as far as I can tell, she didn't take the problems out on Trish and did the mature thing by staying with her dad instead. OP's mom is terrible for making her home unwelcome for Christmas and not trying to reach out to OP at all. She is acting like an entitled brat of a parent who, in a few years, will wonder why her daughter doesn't talk to her anymore.
Story 3: according to the Australian consumer law, so if they were in australia, he’d be right. I remember a show called the checkout, which said that an employees word is a garuntee
If the shopkeeper said something that is opposite to what it says on the bottle, unless you have the conversation recorded, any cases where that has been enforced? Happy Australia Day! (26 Jan)
If the shopkeeper said something that is opposite to what it says on the bottle, unless you have the conversation recorded, any cases where that has been enforced? Happy Australia Day! (26 Jan)
Story 5: exactly what R/ said, if you keep calling it a mistake he's going to keep hiding behind it so he never have to face any consequences. He doesn't too often and it's too obvious to keep calling him a mistake he is a thief he is stealing, say it it will set you free. We always we always talk about don't treat your kid like a criminal otherwise it'll act like one well you're not treating him like a criminal and he's still acting like one, or is. At this point all you can do is make sure he doesn't steal any of your kids stuff, and if he feels bad then maybe a time to be direct it's because he is always stealing from you and you don't feel like letting him steal your stuff anymore. Tell your sister you stop when you can trust him.
Abandomed child story: I would send him an invoice for my time at $440/hour with 4 hour minimum, then send it to collections when he refused to pay.
But I'm just petty like that.
Also, on the last story about sharing rooms, I'll bet anything that the boyfriend didn't have his house burn, but that this is both parents plan to get the two girls to bond, and that's why she blew up.
Story 3: essential oil dude is kind of like my mom with the "sales people don't lie". But my mom is over 70 years old and maybe in some 70's and 80's world it actually was like that, although I doubt it. But even if it was true once upon a time, it sure isn't anymore.
Story 5: my nephew is 5, he knows between taking someone elses things and his own. the type of parent to watch their son rob someones life savings and then say "he was a good boy, never hurt a soul" i despise those failures of parents as they create people who fail to adjust to normal society and just breed criminals or entitled asses
Story 1: the child must have been terrified as they did not know OP.
Last Story: sleep deprivation is torture according to International Law.
Peppermint mocha story: how is he supposed to know that a shopkeeper would lie? It's easy, the moment they started talking about essential oils
Story 1: NTA. Here's another thing. What would OP's ex have done if OP had left that residence and a total stranger was living there? Try demanding to know where OP relocated to?? Dude is stupid! I mean...he's gotta have some friends that he would've turned to right? I get panic may have set in but OP should not have been the first person to dump the kid on
Story 2: I admit, I spit my drink out at the title because I just had a feeling it was gonna be something ridiculous. I was right! When someone acts like their poo smells like roses and everyone else is beneath or whatever, it's OBVIOUS why the family doesn't like them! Jane must've lived in some world where she was coddled and sheltered. I can only imagine how that child will turn out. Doubt Mark will ever take off the rose-tinted glasses. Full NTA
Story 3: I remember this story. I still will never understand why people consume/sell essential oils. Most are not for human consumption and could lead to health issues that (shocked pikachu face) will be a "surprise" to the husband when he PUTS HIS WIFE IN THE HOSPITAL.
Story 4: Soooooo bully for the sake of being a bully. Ella sounds like a total peach....a rotten one. What kind of "jokes" involves basically constantly belittling your sibling? I mean that's kinda telling how she will treat others in life but still. What the heck in wrong with Ella. But I love how Finn probably did his best to keep the peace but he reached his limit on patience. OP is right, if Ella can't take what she dishes out, then don't do it. No wonder the girl doesn't have any friends.
Story 5: Oh boy. Class thriving relative. These aren't mistakes so much as potential Kleptomania and future issues. Is Adam a "rainbow baby" so he can do no wrong? What's wrong with this family? Wonder if Adam going to jail will wake them up to this issue.
Story 6: It's good OP has a support network via her family. Because it seems the mom has the delulu glasses glued on. You can't exactly get along with someone who's hard to get along with when the lifestyle is different from your own. So the mom seems to be trying to force OP and Trish to get along and cater to her new partner. I mean I understand the fire was likely traumatic but don't make your mission to make them comfortable and ignore your own child.
First story: In OP's place, I would seriously consider writing down the names and addresses of the two or three people who most loudly accuse me of wrongdoing, giving them to the ex and telling him next time he can leave his child with them. For as I see it, OP has exactly as much to do with this child than they have, so they will gladly take care of the child when it lands on their doorstep, right? Right?
So you mean to tell me that you haven’t spoke to this ex husband in years, and he suddenly thinks he can just drop this kid off at your house? No notice, no asking, no offering to pay you? Oh hell No!
And what if OP had moved? For many reasons his logic wasn’t logical.
@@lorilancaster5917 oh shoot I didn’t even think of that.
Please correct me if I am wrong, but wasn't it a fairly common practice in WWII and the Korean war that service members would get the iconic heart + mom tattoo on their upper forearm? I have exactly one tattoo, on my upper wrist, which me and my dead wife had in common. It won't mean anything to anyone else, but every time I see that ink, I always remember my wife.
Lots of soilder have I love mom and dad tats my dad had a tat like that.
Story 2: what the hell had Jane gone through with her own mother to think OP’s mom has an emotional incest dynamic with her kids???
She went through nothing.
She just spend to much time reading shit on the internet.
The last story,
I bet the mom use this as a way to prepare her daughter for when her boyfriend and daughter will move in.
Mom plan was probably in January yo say, oh they already live here and it's so wonderful, why won't they just stay?
Now that plan is ruined
For the last story: coming from someone with a mother who acted the exact same way, I have a feeling she is taking OP moving out for a bit unnecessarily personally. My mother reacted to me saying I was moving out for good by saying she got along better with my brother anyway. That's something that sticks with you for life and not in a good way. The mother in this story also felt like a very normal action was instead a personal attack, so she responded by lashing out with actual personal attacks. OP, if you're reading this: as hard as it might be, realize that at the end of the day, she was the immature bully and not you.
Last story: Mom wanted to play "One big happy (new) family" whilst her BF and his daughter were there and her daughter going to dad's house puts the squash on that.
Story 4: Ella is the spoiled rotten Golden Child. She can dish it out; but as soon as someone gives her the verbal beating she deserves, she turns around and calls the person who delivered her some cold harsh reality a bully.
2nd story: I can relate. My step brother's ex and my step sister's current boyfriend are like that. They did/have done nothing but pick fights, cause problems and be assholes. And then they complain that our family dislikes them.
Thankfully my step brother finally came to his senses and dumped his girlfriend for good. But my step sister is still stuck with her asshole, probably mostly because he baby trapped her.
The first story, brother calls a babysitter, there are pages that offer "Last Minute Babysitters Near Me" and that kind of things.. you have options.
This guy dropped his affair baby at his ex wife's house? Wow.. I can't even some days.
Story1: Not your kid, not your Obligation.
Absolute Morons. Some people shouldn't breed.
Story3: Ops Husband could have potentially poisoned her.
Putting something in someones food against their knowledge, in this way, should be considered assault.(if it's not already.)
Essential oils for a humidifier are not for human or animal consumption.
If I were Op, I would be making sure my finances were separate and I had a backup plan.
I'd never trust him again
Story4: Ella is a spoiled Brat. Op is
Justified.
Story5: It's not a mistake, he is actively stealing things from people and gets no punishment for it.
If it is a compulsive habit, he might be a kleptomaniac, and if so he needs therapy.
His parents are setting him up for failure and possibly jail time.
Last story:
I know what losing your home due to a house fire feels like.
The Mom is wrong for blowing up the way she did.
Op seems a bit lacking a of empathy. That's kind of understandable because she obviously has never lost her home, but still.
The Mom and the girls dad should have enforced boundaries.
Op being an only child probably means she never had to share before either and sees this as an encroachment of her space.
But yeah the mom is the main Ahole here.
Story 1, I would have kept the kid and charged 35 dollars an hour for babysitting.
Last story: NTA OP is in the right for living with their dad until they get a room
Especially given that she took her reasonable concerns to mom and was berated for saying anything. Mom is surprised that the kid left? 🙄
I actually agree with the mom. Her blowing up is understandable. But she should said she's sorry for that, latest sometime same day. No contact for a week is awful...
0 b holes for daughter
And I think RSlash was off on his score. I know at the end of the day his opinion is his just how mine is mine. OPs mom and John tried to make OP Trisha’s emotional support animal which Op didn’t want nor was equipped for. Trisha was also being a bad roommate. Yes she is going through a hard time but OP isn’t her therapist. If she needs help, it’s on her dad to find help for her. Also, why wasn’t Trisha staying with her mom? Was there something I missed?
OP YTA, she was being a spoiled brat. It was what, two months tops? And the father is an enabler of bad behaviour...
@@ivilivo why is the mom's reaction understandable? Sounds like she was very dismissive. While dealing with a fire us traumatic that doesn't mean OPs experience in sharing her room should be ignored.
Story 3: In fairness to the husband, I did just a two-minute cursory search in regards to Peppermint Essential Oils and found very confusing results; some say all oils can be harmful, some say peppermint oil is fine, some say its only fine in very small doses (which oil is a concentrate, you only want to use a very little amount). It sucks that the husband was taken advantage of by a scammer, and didn't know Peppermint Oil and Peppermint Syrup were not the same thing.
A lot of essential oils are completely fine and even good to ingest small amounts of. The issue I'm seeing in the comments and with OP's husband is that people don't know the difference between the ones for your body and for a humidifier. They are not the same thing, one is healthy and one is poison lol
Always always always read the label on essential oils. Most are over 50% synthetic and not safe for consumption or topical applications. My family uses a brand that is pure oil but even still some of those cannot be ingested, applied to skin, or both as they are highly concentrated. And also be careful as most oil sellers are MLMs (including the one we use unfortunately. I didn't know about MLMs at the time because I was newly an adult and never heard of them but grandma and I didn't really get too into selling and mostly just buy them at the discount price for personal use. I use a citrus one a lot as it helps when I'm out of or waiting for my antidepressants to kick in as it's my favorite blend of citrus scents.)
Last story, I think it depends on how OP told her mom that she'd be staying with her dad. Did she say it in a calm and respectful manner, like "Hey mom, I'm going to stay with dad until Trisha returns home."? Or was it in a rude manner like, "Mom, I'm staying with dad until that b**** is gone!"? If it was the first way, then of course OP is going with a solution that accommodates Trisha while not torturing her (OP). But if it was the second way, then it's understandable why her mom blew up at her.
Nothing like listening to Rslash while sick in bed.
Get well soon
Get well soon
The last story: I don’t think we know enough. Did everyone sit down and lay out ground rules? Did OP say, “Sorry, Trisha. I don’t like to talk when I turn out the light.” Did they address the talking in her sleep? If they did try to work things out somehow, then OP is NTA. If she just bailed without ever saying anything to Trisha, the YTA. Also, if the mom didn’t even ask OP if she was okay with sharing a room, she’s the AH, and she also is for not trying to address OPs concerns.
Trisha and her dad are NTA.
Story 4: "It's not your place to tell her" no shit. That's ellas Mom's responsibility but she CLEARLY isn't doing it.
Story 4: it's not a joke if nobody's laughing. Hell, it's not a joke if the subject isn't laughing. It's just mean. A joke is something like texting a gif of the typing dots, or rick rolling. Even still, these should be occasional and not constant. Once every blue moon. That also makes them funnier if they are unexpected.
6:48 Nah, I'd just walk it off🗿
I speak as somebody who has an abusive sibling who was enabled to do this behaviour by everyone in our family: I adamantly refuse to speak to or have anything to do with my sister who spent her entire life abusing and tormenting me and my younger siblings. Due to my mother's constant enabling, I am thinking of going absolutely no contact with her when I am able to leave and go on with my own life, but that's because I have learned that she's potentially allowing the abuser back into the house even though me and my other siblings have told her what will happen when she does.
OP in the fourth story needs to stand up for her brother. Ella is an abuser who has tormented him for so long that she's comfortable with what she's doing. There is no therapy in the world that is strong enough to mend that relationship and I'd be very surprised to learn that Finn decides to have anything to do with his family after he leaves home.
Also, can I say that I have a feeling what happened between Ella and her friends. Let's be honest here, she's abusive, controlling, manipulative, and she'd probably start drama in an attempt to sabotage the relationships her friends would have with one another. She's the sort of person that the moment people around her have had enough of her shit and lose it on her, she gets upset, but doesn't seem capable of understanding the feelings of other people around her and how they would have felt when she did the same thing.
Good on her friends for finally standing up for themselves and dropping her as a friend. Shame on OP for not realising that her sister is an abuser. Shame on OP's parents for not stepping in and kicking Ella out of the house so that they can protect their youngest child from her abuse.
Story 2: She's using therapy-speak she learned from Tiktok and Reddit, but doesn't actually understand said therapy-speak, to criticize and belittle her boyfriend's family. Most likely because she feels second to his mom.
Emotional incest is real and, sadly, very normalized for a lot of people, however it's much more nuanced and complicated than "If a mother is in ANY way authoritative figure in her adult son's life, then it's emotional incest"
A mother competing with other women for her son's attention and appreciation is emotional incest. Such as her wearing white to his wedding or coming over uninvited to clean, cook, or take care of his kids (aka just fill every stereotypical "female" role is his life that his spouse "fails to do as well as mommy") However ofc, don't go diagnosing anyone if you aren't a professional. It can very easily just be them having empty-nest syndrome and want to dote in their child again, no emotional incest involved. (Unless it's obvious your mom/dad is competing with your spouse lol)
Anyways,
All this mom did was say her son could get a tattoo, because he feels more comfortable asking her before doing it. I hope she grows up before her kid is born. And I hope it isn't a boy, because outlandish and unfounded claims like this are usually a sign of projection.
Story 2: I'm sorry, but why the hell is he still with her?! If my partner called my younger sister an "entitled brat" when she literally has autism, I would have been done and told them to pack their bags. NTA
Story one: NOT YOUR CIRCUS NOT YOUR CLOWNS
Story 2: WHY DID HE GET HER PREGNANT 😭😭
Story 3: absolutely NTA what the hell? Who doesn't read what crap is for????
As for the story with Adam, I think instead of locking all presents in a car, a better solution would be to make a list of all gifts OP and his family get at his parents and then when loading it into car check they have everything.
Story 5: My cousin had an issue with stealing stuff, we noticed and had a talk with her parents, and they got her help/parented better. For a while we had to search her bags for a while, but she now (around 15 years later) doesn’t steal anymore. She was 5 when this happened. OP is NTA, Adam’s parents need to parent.
I bet 500 bucks the people who agreed with the ex in story 1 were people with kids
And are the type who just drop them off at their parents or friends without notice.
Story 1: 🙄NTA. If you know you're going to be needed for something, PLAN FOR IT! It's not OP's responsibility. Period.
Story 2: NTA. mark seems to have such low self-estem that he lets jane walk all over him. And jane is an oblivious know-it-all with control issues, who doesn't know anything
Story 3: NTA. I'm just reminded by this story why the divorce rate continues to go higher and higher, and more often than not, a lot of them are due to the men treating their spouses like replacement mothers, or being so helpless that they become their spouse's surrogate child
Story 4: NTA. Sounds like ella has some kind of jealousy of Finn. Just listening to this story I can tell ella is long overdue for a visit to the proctologist, that stick isn't going to remove itself.
Story 5: NTA. adam is a result of terrible parenting and needs to learn the hard way since he refuses to stop stealing. The "mistake" in this case is adam
Story 6: NTA. OP did the responsible thing and her mother is acting like a child about it.
Sixth story: NTA. Imposing? Is removing yourself to solve a problem Imposing? Imposing would be OP literally kicking them out of the house. She just wants to take her boyfriend's side. I do appreciate that she opened her house to the boyfriend in his time of need, but OP also needs her own space and she can't force her to share, unless she already planned on upgrading the boyfriend to new husband.
Man I feel so bad for that brother
That sister is indeed bullying and abusing him
I understand how he feels though the genders are swapped in my situation
My brother used to corner me every single day screaming in my face
And then my mom would scream at me for making him angry Rather than tell him you are responsible for your anger and you need to control yourself
Way the mom said they both get at each other I think is a lie and b******* ..... That's just her trying to make her favorite child looked like less of an a****** by saying oh he's being an a****** too
No he's not he's being abused I'm bullied and she is not making her daughter take responsibility for her actions and her words
Just like my mom never made my brother take responsibility for his anger
What did my brother scream at me for every day ..... Random things literally random things and everything could set him off ..... One time it was because a towel looked pink to him but it looked orange to me so he was angry I couldn't force my eyes to see if the same color as him
Sometimes I would be having conversation with my sisters and we all could be agreeing on something but he would order me and scream at me he never screamed at them it was just me
So yeah I feel really bad for that brother that's really hurtful and wrong what he's going through ..... I hope when he has the ability to let it go 0 contact because trust me it's a lot more peaceful never having to hear their voice again never hearing them blame you or can angry with you again over every tiny random thing .... The other part is the nightmares eventually go away to
F*** I did not even realize how much my family was the reason for my nightmares
I barely got out of there And so much mentally and emotionally changed for me when I did
The nightmares being one of the first changes ..... Now a lot of my dreams are very boring LOL but I'm okay with that I would rather have those boring dreams than any of those nightmares
So I hope that kid gets to have a better life
DO NOT mess with essential oils if you don't know what you're doing!
"Ella stormed off crying" my 14 year old ass wouldn't as much as sob if someone treated me like i treated them. if i treat someone badly than i'd deserve backlash for it.
"how could he know a shopkeeper would lie"
i have been working in retail for some time now, and in my experience most if a worker doesn't know it, they would just make some believable stuff up on the spot
They make peppermint flavoring for food. Why would he think essential oils are the same thing?
The snake oil sales person told him
My nephews don't steal but they destroy everything. And my brother and his soon to be ex wife just sleep and ignore them. So we have to hide my son's toys and new gifts for birthdays and holidays and it's so frustrating. My son's last bday party (turned 6) my nephews destroyed his outside play ground and other things and my husband said they can't come over anymore. I was in agreement. My bro is a bit mad but I think he understands.
Story 1: I would immediately go low/no contact with any friend who sided with the ex in that situation. Child abandonment rules are partially for situations like this. Like, he DID abandon his child. It's not OP's problem just because him and partner have no friends they can turn to in a situation like that. OP simply has zero responsibility for the ex or his children and the dude was seriously out of line for trying to pull that. Not calling the cops would just show him he can get away with pulling that garbage again in the future when he wants a babysitter. Hard no. Anyone who thinks you should put up with that is not your friend.
In Finn's place, I would have been far less kind. My response would be cussing and maybe even a shove or even down-right fist-fights. After months of this, I would have lost my temper a long time ago. Girl or Boy, it makes no difference. If you really want to pick a fight, then I'll give you a fight, and I will be going below the belt. Absolutely disgusting!