How to help a friend with cancer | Christopher Gorelik | TEDxOaksChristianSchool
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 21 มี.ค. 2018
- In the past 15 years, great strides have been made in cancer research. As a result, oncologists say most of their patients will now survive for the vast majority of cancer diagnoses. However, the treatments are still grueling and cancer patients must live both literally and figuratively in an isolated “parallel world”. As multiple cancer survivor Chris Gorelik points out, friends are needed to help someone with cancer stay connected to their "regular world”. Unfortunately, friends disappear when they do not know what to do or say to help. In this talk, Chris Gorelik provides the listener with simple, straightforward ideas about how anyone can make a big difference for a friend with cancer.
G. Christopher Gorelik is a multiple cancer survivor, podcast host and former Wall Street executive.
He worked with Smith Barney from 1989-2010 as a Financial Advisor, a National Training Officer, and a Branch Manager. In 2010, he was diagnosed with the first of his multiple cancers. Over the last eight years, he has received numerous chemotherapy treatments, experimental procedures, a bone marrow transplant and an Onmaya Reservoir (a catheter implanted into the brain for more direct chemotherapy treatment).
He is currently the co-host of a podcast called The Cancer Card, which aims to pull back the dark veil of cancer to reveal a lighter, more hopeful side to the disease.
Mr. Gorelik received his B.A. from the University of Southern California and lives in Westlake Village, CA with his fiancé, Jennifer, and their four children. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
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5 months into chemo, this guy is spittin nothing but facts. Take his advice to heart if your loved one has cancer! He's setting you up to really nail it.
I’m 16 and waiting for results to see if I have leukemia. I’m so terrified. This made me feel a bit better tho 💗
@Megan Finland I have cancer but it’s not severe and for now I don’t have to undergo any treatment. I was instead diagnosed with 3 chronic illnesses, but I am undergoing some treatment and feeling much better! Thanks for caring to ask :)) have a good day
@@amanda_marie1643 hey im 17 and about 3 months ago got diagnosed with a brain tumour, have since had brain surgery and am now waiting on radiotherapy. Its all very time wasting, overbearing, sometimes heartbreaking, but we all just need that little bit of positive energy and a little bit of understanding to keep us going, we can do this!
@@evelinab2966 I am so sorry to hear that, but I’m happy to hear you are able to get the treatment you need! I have a friend with a brain tumor and watching her go through it is terrible, I sympathize with you. I hope your radiotherapy is successful, I will be praying for you! We can get through this together, it is a strong community 💪 and I have full faith you will be able to overcome this. You are loved 🥰 Shabbat Shalom 💙🎗
Jesus name 🙌
Cancer today isn't the death sentence it once was. You'll be fine mate. I'm 33 and in my lifetime, a cancer diagnosis was a death sentence. A friend of mime Tyler beat leukaemia but died later from infection, but that was 18 years ago. This is now with modern medicine. There are things that can be done now that were science fiction when I was your age. Don't give up, you'll be here long after im gone.
This talk is so profoundly underrated, even if there's someone not dealing w/ cancer and is just alone reaching out consistently can change a lot
This also applies to other forms of devastations that a person might go through in life.. she finds the friends disappear - and at the end of a few years she is reluctant to seek out the same friends who disappeared on her. And they wonder why?
Please pray for my friend💙 She was diagnosed with Lymphoma and she is the only friend I have left... and I don’t know how I could live my life without her... 😔
Sending love and prayers, I know she is strong 💪 💖 🎗
My friend was that...he dumped me two days ago.
Dude, i visited every week for 3 years. Brought lunch, went on walks, recalled out mutual childhoods. We have been friends 54 years. Then I had to take a part time job. My friend has dumped me over this. Did the cancer go to his brain????
Telling my dad he can now pull his cancer card and skip lines is really going to make his day 😂🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
The same applies to a senior in a home or a neighbour who lives alone. Great advice!
I just found out someone very dear to me has 19 to 24 months to live...I can't stop crying and I can't imagine how he feels
Be supportive and anything is possible
My father in law was diagnosed with cancer at 20 years of age
He was given 6 months to live
He recently passed on his 83rd birthday
So anything is possible
The friend doing ok-? Hope he is
Hope he is OK now.
I know it's "easy to say" but don't accept it! Don't let them accept it either. Say, "we are going to beat this! You are going to get through this!" and encourage them to fight and keep going! No matter if someone is going to fail or succeed at something, or in this case beat cancer, the ONLY possible way to beat it and to succeed, is to truly believe that they will. And to get them to share that belief. I know it's hard. My best friend was just diagnosed with cancer. But he is going to beat this and he will become better than he ever was and feel better than he ever has! And he is going to fight and I am going to fight with him!
@@dondressel452 plz help me brother
“I’m not crazy, I have cancer.” I know exactly what you mean. And, yes, as time from diagnosis to treatment moves on, friends seem to distance themselves. The isolation is real. People distance themselves from someone they believe is dying. Thank you for sharing your story.
i hope you are ok
I think the reason people disappear is the length of time. My friend has been ill for 2.5 years and as time goes on I think people feel like they have used all their energy. It’s hard when you haven’t got energy left to then gee yourself up again to keep supporting.
The same principals apply to people with dementia and those who have had strokes, and or both. They need you. To dump them and abandon them in a home is the worst you could do to another human being. The messages in this video are universal - they don't exclusively apply to humans with cancer. And for those with things that happen to them with no known current cure such as those with dementia and those who have had strokes, please take on board and act out exactly what Christopher Gorelik describes in this video. If you do that over a period of several months (spend time with the person), you will see (even in the worst cases of stroke and dementia) magic happening before your eyes where the person will come alive.
Very well stated and extremely true.
This guy is 100% spot on
So glad I found you . . am struggling so very hard with my 34-year-old son's recent diagnosis of two cancers; the "prognosis" on one was such a blow and unbearable . . staying positive; I love your positivity. I think you will help very much. Thank you.
How is your son?
Thank you for this. Today I found out my best friend has a secondary cancer and needs surgery to find the original cancer.
Thankyou so much! It helped.
Its one of my friend's colon cancer surgery tomorrow. Hope he gets well soon.
Thank you! Worthy ❤️
Christopher - I want to thank you for this TedTalk. I just had a friend diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer and this talk was incredibly helpful. I actually shared it with my friend and she drew much hope in hearing about your journey. It’s interesting I came across this because we were childhood friends in Castine. (Me and my twin sister). I hope you see this. Thanks so much!
Which doctor or oncologist did this guy went to get better. The doctors I have been through makes me feel it is better to give up and die. They give me treatment because I am literally begging for treatment. Support and positivity from the people surrounding you including your caregivers makes 100 percent difference. Their care makes miracles for the cancer patient. Kindness and compassion goes a long way. Sad to say, it is something missing lately in life.
Same thing happening to my uncle. He switched doctors and they were much more willing to treat him. Good luck!
You need to seek more compassionate doctors. They are not many but they still exist.
I have non Hodgkin’s lymphoma and this resonates with me. Thanks for putting this out there, all so true
I'm flying across the country this week to visit a friend who is terminally ill. It's going to be rough. This video was very helpful.
I had Renal cell carcinoma, I was very lonely. Hearing this was very happy sad to me. Happy for others to hear this, sad it wasn’t part of my healing. I hope more people hear this.
Are you in remission?
I don't know how it feels to be suffering from cancer, but whole heartedly I will support and take care for my elder who is suffering from it. She is one of the most strongest, sweet, bold, Adorable person I've ever met. I want her to know I'm thinking about her, Praying for her to come back to her regular life and smile cheerfully again. She is one of the person I look up to. The way she cherish everyone near her make me happy. Well I'm just a kid, I'm shy to tell her this but I'll surely tell her ☺️.
I also want her to know that we all love her and wish more fun and happy life ahead😁. Thank you for being strong we're proud of you chachi❤️😎
@Flavour jack glad to hear you're safe and sound ❤️😊
Thank you so much for this honest advice !
I’ve sent this on to so many people. Love this video and what this guy has to say ❤️
i've watched this in tears, thank you for the advices.
Thank you so much for helping me help my Auntie with pancreatic cancer. Thank you so much. I appreciate you so much.
Fantastic advice. Thank you.
Brilliant talk. Cheered me up. Thank you
This advice is gold
I love this guy! This applies to anyone with a chronic disease
Thank you for this!!
Thank You, I had bc 3 years ago. This was the best thing i heard and now I am in coronavirus and feel very anxious. I am lookimg for anything to help me calm down. Bless You
Hi dear, have faith ,everything will be okay i will pray for you....get well soon...take care🙂
Yo...love you!! Stay strong yo
It’s very painful and traumatic when you’re seeing them fade and when they are terminal . You’re assuming everyone is going to survive . Most don’t
Thank you for your suggestions 🙏 It helps me a lot to stay connected to my friend with cancer.. Much love 💕
Thanks for sharing your story, very inspiring.
Thank you... Feeling Really motivated to help cancer patients .
This was very helpful to me. I appreciate your great suggestions. May God bless you and your work in the world!
It really helped me to calm my friend.Thankyou sir 🙏🙏🙏for sharing these precious words..
Thankyou for this awesome video and I am 100% with you on this as we walk hand in hand with cancer and it is not contagious - be blessed💜💜💜
Thank you for this! It helps, a lot, A LOT!👍👍👍
Great talk. I messaged my friend who's mom is battling cancer just now. I messaged them both. I will do my best to not leave them alone.
I have a friend who had fought cancer a few years ago when they were in middle school and the beginning of high school. Yesterday they got news from their doctor that they found a tumor on their recent MRI. Im watching this video because im not a person who is good at natural knowledge of conpassion, so im doing my research. I dont want to ruin anything so i want to do this right in case it does prove to be cancerous.
My grandmother she has past yesterday with cancer 😢I am very sad but today I had taken decision to help the peaple how are suffering from it and 17 years old 😢😢
I’ve got 4th stage cancer
Prostate cancer in the bones
I’m in my 20th month of treatment and so far I’m doing great
But now my PSA has started to go up to 4
I’m about to get a CT and bone scan
I’m staying POSITIVE
Thank you for this amazing talk
It has helped me more than you know
Thank you and God Bless
🙏🙏
Please know somebody is thinking of you 🌹
Plz help me🙏
That was what I needed to here thank you for that . I have a vary good friend living that nightmare right now .
I have a friend who battled, and beat, a very rare brain cancer in the past and now only 2 years after being in remission they found out that there is a chance that the cyst on their brain the doctor found last week can have the possibility of being cancerous, but its not determined yetm
Thank you for that.
Thank you so much, it was one of the most helpful videos
Thank you! Now I feel like I can finally understand my closest loved ones and maybe even help them to help me getting through this!
All thanks to Dr martins abul who helped me with a cure to get rid of my Cancer, thank you sir for saving my life
I've been playing an online weekly TTRPG with friends for several years now and now one is currently in the hospital. Doctors suspect leukemia. She just told us this morning. I've been sobbing like a baby for the last couple hours, trying to think of what I can possibly do for her during this rough time, given I'm not physically present. Thank you for sharing.
Sounds like maybe keeping in open communication as always, and keeping up the game nights might help to keep her spirit up? I hope so in any case. I think I'll give her my actual phone number too, in case she wants to contact me IRL. Heh, if I can wrangle her address out of her, I'll try to send her something to cheer her up. Fingers crossed, it's not that serious. And if it *is* that serious, then hopefully she can beat it.
This was so helpful, thank you ❤💯👌🏽
Thankyou for this video,the information really helps,
Very good talk, thank you🌹🌹🌹
This is such a wonderful talk. Really practical and hugely helpful and your lived experience is invaluable. I will use this to continue supporting my friend. I also like the fact that you say that they may recover. Thank you ❤
Hi sir can you share about your friend ?? How is he/she??
Thank you.
This made me smile..thanks :)
thank you very very much I like this advice
Excellent! Thank you. One other idea, before you go home from the visit, do at least one small job for them. It will make a huge difference. Clean their kitchen sink, take out their dog, etc.
Thanks...
I just learned someone I know was just diagnosed with cancer. This seems like solid advice, thank you
@jazzyj2182 yes, thank you for showing an example of what is unhelpful. The thoughts the prayers tribe. Good job.
Wonderful video and insight.
Perfect! ❤️
My brother was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer yesterday. We are devastated and I searched for ways to help. I thought I knew ways to help having had cancer treatments myself. This video is so insightful and helpful, its something I can share with his friends and loved ones. Thank you
Oh my im sorry. I will be praying for them. Im sorry that you all have to go through this.
I like his sense of humor and agree with most of what he said. I laugh at everything so I might just insult a cancer friend. I am lucky in the sense that I do not want to bother others with my problems and when I leave this world, I prefer to leave alone and not bother others. I am one of those who just want to die quietly. If I got so sick, I really do not want to bother others and make them sad. It is also easier to return to normal if nobody knows you went through a life threatening illness. I do not want to be the topic of conversation. If a person visits me, I want to talk and laugh not be sad and talk about disease, treatment hardships etc...in sad way but in a humorous way.
But I know that I am not most people so I agree with his advise on how to treat friends with cancer.
I’m writing this because I’m worried for my friend, I’ve known her since kindergarten. She said cancer runs in her family and she got a knot in her neck, I say it’s something to she with swoleness.
Wish me luck though, she’s going to the doctor today :)
Hey how is she?
She's lucky to have a friend like you. Hope she's Fully recovered and cheerfully smiling again.❤️
I had a blast 🌹🌹🌹
magnifique, merci
Living alone , scared of my next surgeries . Radiation scares me too :(
And chemo is the worst for me . I’m literally petrified of it .
Wonderful
Your a super hero too me
Chris rocks
My boyfriend has been diagnosed with cancer AGAIN, he had testicular cancer, went through all the chemos and after a couple of months of getting his life back, it seems like it metastasized to his lungs. Nobody can see him due to COVID-19 so his isolation will be even worse. My job doesn’t allow me to quarantine properly and I just feel so frustrated and helpless. Can someone please give me some advice on what to do?
Just love him and be supportive and pray for him
Sending love to you both. ♥️
My friend of 54 years( since childhood) became very abusive to me recently and consequently dumped me. I know he is hurting, coming out of mutiple myeloma remission...but it Hurts.
lol I never got that other life with cancer. I was a full time caregiver for my mother with stage 4 lung cancer. lol, so my cancer was put on the back burner, but I'm in full remission.
He was not being truthful saying the person will survive cancer and get back into their life. Some people die.
So true - but maybe it gives some people hope
He give HOPE
I have thymoma b1 stage 4 . Its so hard being alone all the time :(
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
1:41 “I even had to have a hole drilled into my skull” same 😂
👏👏👏
I have agressive cancer stage 3. The catheter is painful. I can’t function.
Praying for you!
Julia Prijatel
Iv lost my sense of personality and lost my will to do anything . I’m hopeless ,
Thymoma b1 cancer is so dam rare ! There is no cure !
There is a cure don't be mislead
My boyfriend was diagnosed with testosterone cancer at 6 months into our relationship. He said the best thing would be to break up. I tried to be there for him because I love him but he only pushed me away. I try to understand him but I don’t know it hurts that he ignores me. Is this normal for him to react that way ? I know he likes me we talked about a future together but he thinks it’s best if I move on with my life :(
If you love him help him heal
@@shaikhkhan1619 how ? when hes so distant with me. I try I really do but hes so cold with me. I try to understand him because Im sure hes going through a lot but it hurts me when he acts like that towards me. I am confused should I stay stick around and be there or leave. Theirs times when I dont hear from him for 1-2 weeks I try to contact him but he doesnt reply so I give him space and then I try again and he talks to me like nothing. I dont' kno how normal all this is :(
Testosterone cancer? I didn't know that existed. Hope you get back together, he doesn't want to be a burden which is common.
💥😊
Hi @everyone, specially under 25 people who has or had blood cancer, please please, requesting you to reply
if you are reading this then please, share about ur treatment how much time it took ? & How were u feeling those times ? & Are you completely cured after chemotherapy ?
I appreciate lists that offer suggestions for "Do's" but it irritates me when they include so many "don'ts." People will react differently in various situations. As long as they are acting with good intention, these lists of "don'ts" only go to make people feel bad for their honest actions and good intent. You may have cancer, but that doesn't mean everyone understands what that's like and it's unreasonable to think the average person will understand what that's like or watch these videos. The onus is on the patient to understand that and not allow messaging like this to cloud their perception of those who are only trying to help. It's also a tricky situation with those who aren't immediate family members when looking for ways to help. When someone is diagnosed with cancer, their world is turned upside down and they usually become less accessible. Because of this, it's easy to feel as though one is intruding at a time when a friend or loved one is focused on other things. Unless you are an immediate family member, it's unreasonable to think someone outside of that bubble would have the information needed to gauge when help was required in order to make suggestions. One reasonable solution to this would be to appoint a family member or close friend to act as a coordinator. When an offer to help is made, the person with cancer can then refer them to the coordinator who can then facilitate that. Again, lists with Do's are appreciated.
07
This talk is so profoundly underrated, even if there's someone not dealing w/ cancer and is just alone reaching out consistently can change a lot