I'm a mom and the first time someone told me something about my son, I'd go straight to my son and be direct. I don't care if God himself was spreading the gossip.
Barret would not have left Bella just over this incident, there is obviously a lot of stuff that is going down that OP does not know about and this was the last straw.
Idk if I agree w/that or not. It's absolutely a possibility. But if I found out my new spouse set up her best friend since they were 5, lying to everyone for months, manipulating everyone in their lives, etc., I would run b/c I could no longer believe a single thing they ever said, and Barrett was friends with OP too, met her before Bella and only met Bella through OP.
Idk, I'd be absolutely done if my spouse turned out to be that vicious and calculated. Bella ruined a friend's reputation because she was jealous over a handful of hook ups, and took *months* to do it, including intentionally causing drama at her own wedding to look like the victim. That's borderline sociopathic. I'd want nothing to do with her after that came out too
If Bella knew about op's psycho boyfriends treatment of her and still believed him over her long time best friend then she was never op's friend to begin with. A true friend would have told op what the ex was trying to do and talked to her about everything.
OP was ashamed + embarrassed about the relationship so maybe OP didn’t tell Bella, who was still in the church that OP wasn’t. So maybe Bella didn’t know those details. Not to defend her, she def should hv trusted her long term friend over any guy. So many stories’ problems start + end about these things.
I mean there evidence here that confirm how good he is at manipulation. Like how managed to convince people she works with that it was a completely normal/reasonable thing to report on her whereabouts to her ex? Like how did he even manage to get multiple, I assume near-strangers, convinced to do that for him? Maybe Bella was just always a shitty friend, but it's also possible her psycho ex is just *that* good at controlling people. Especially if he had Bella actually believing that OP was mentally unstable and/or couldn't be trusted.
@@taylerkolin3075true and those are definitely not good coworkers. We've had incidents where I work and nobody will tell you anything now. And if they do and something happens they get reprimanded. They'll take a message but won't confirm if someone is there or where they are. Big NO.
Definitely NTA! I don't think Bella's bout with COVID caused mental problems, only exasperated them. She may need to get a brain scan because I wonder if she has a brain tumor that's caused her personality change. But whatever her reasons she's gone out of her way to set OP up. UPDATE: Even before you found your ex's email you had learned who your true friends were. I think you did right by letting Barret know what happened and letting him see who Bella truly was. This is not on you OP. Take the promotion and stay safe. I'd consider using a throwaway for that Zoom meeting for the restraining order unless your lawyer has something else set up. Best wishes.
I know I submitted this one dusty, others probably did too. I needed to hear your feedback!! People in the comments talked about how awful “whisper campaigns” can be. This is utterly horrifying to me. That someone can tear someone else’s life apart so hard. It’s like ACOTAR book 3! IYKYK
My mother would never believe anything "Bella" said. No matter what. And I would have called another bridesmaid to make sure the colors. Too many things could go wrong. And evidently it did. 😡🤬
This reminds me of my ex. I finally left him after years of his controlling, manipulative behavior, as well as physical and sexual abuse. During the divorce, i was diagnosed with cancer and needed my health insurance cards. He refused to give them to me unless i came alone, which i refused, but after our first court date he made a social media post about “how sick she looks. I feel so awful for her” just to get people to like him more
Sounds like that job opportunity came at a perfect time. A restraining order is a start, but if your ex is that evil it probably won't stop him. He'll just get sneakier. Get outta Dodge OP!!
My best friend is in the same situation as OP was. Her boyfriend is very controlling and he's not even in the same state. She knows that she needs to get out but is too terrified.
@@jamijenkins3507 She needs to get out of there BEFORE he gets back. Proximity gives him more opportunities to control her. At this point you have to ask her “How bad is he at his worst?” and “How long are you going to let yourself live like this?” Even if asking doesn't change her mind immediately, she'll at least have the smallest seeds of an incentive to get out planted in her mind.
@@SLX__13 oh I've literally yelled those questions at her. He has mentally, emotionally and financially abused you. Her house and car would've been paid off if he didn't keep taking money from her.
@@jamijenkins3507 God, that's rough. I don't know what else you can do except the obvious: being there for her and reassuring her worth so she can gather some amount of courage. And even then, she STILL might want to stay in that shitty relationship if she truly believes being stuck in there is a better outcome than being by herself. Good luck to her, and to you.
Matthew's plan failed because he decided to play a long game of what he though was letting her think she was free, when in fact during the time he thought he was just letting her think that, she was able to find the courage to become a better stronger independent woman who couldn't be pulled back by that deceitful awful tactic.
I honestly think that regardless if Bella knew the details or not, she probably would've done something to ostracize OP from Baret. She sounds like a horrible human to begin with before Baret, and Matthew was her ammunition to hurt OP. So I don't really have any sympathy for Bella, and I'm happy that Baret left her after all this.
What...a...crapshow. First off, Bella was the worst friend ever. She believed her supposed friend's ex without ever talking to OP. She believed her cousin(?) who didn't even know OP, again without talking to OP. She poisoned OP's parents against her, then Went out of the way to embarass OP and dismatle everything positive in her life over hearsay with the help of OP's ex. As for the parents, they failed epically. They basically ostracized OP for exercising autonomy and making her own choices in terms of religion. They did not pry after Bella told them highly concerning things about their daughter. I'm childless, but if I were OP's mother, I still would not have rested until I knew for certain that my daughter was alright. I would have asked real questions until I got real answers. They also automatically took Bella's side after the dress debacle. OP had to PROVE her innocence! In my opinion, people like them don't deserve to be parents.
I would sue "good friend" Bella for defamation... in the thousands of dollars range. She has irrevocably damaged OP's relationships with her friends and family. Only through financial _ruin_ would "good friend" Bella understand that what she did was a crime. Edit: With that e-mail I would add ex to the defamation suit. It's _pure_ gold from an evidentiary PoV, since it's conclusive that they both knew what they were saying was false with the intent to cause OP harm. I would increase the compensatory and damages from the thousands of dollars to the tens-of-thousands of dollars range. Edit 2: This is why there are anti-theist in the world... because of religion harms people. It also strips them from the emotional support they need.
Geez, and I thought my manipulative ex was awful! At least once I was able to break free of him, he didn't try to implode my entire life like this asshole. OP has nothing to be ashamed of, this happens to a lot of people and not because there's something wrong with us. It's the manipulators and abusers who have something wrong with them. They seem to view kind, caring people as convenient targets to use.
If I was OP, the minute Bella accused me of any of that BS at the dressing, I would have balked at her like "WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!" I would have called all kinds of bullshit, because I refuse to let anyone deficate on my character like that!
It sounds like Nathan might have been the source of Bellas whole personality shift instead of Covid. Also, it's pretty extreme of Barrette to leave Bella for what she did when how it was confirmed was that he got the version of the proof that also included how *she'd* been manipulated. Kind of makes me wonder if something else was also going on; like maybe Bella and Mathew had an affair. Or at the very least Bella kept it from Barrette that she was in contact with OPs Ex planning all this if he was that shocked to discover his involvement.
Barrett may have also left for his own safety. He knows what Matthew manipulated his wife into doing, and now that Matthew's used Bella up, who's to say what he'll do to even further ruin *her* life? I'm not saying he's right, but it's worth considering that angle.
OP has a text chain. Tell her husband so he knows what he can expect from Bella. She has mental issues. It is sad to hear that the religious issue plays a large part in this. OP may have to walk away from those who will believe anything bad about OP.
I am so glad i never was a bridesmaid. What i learned about bridesmaid is this. 1 it cost you a LOT of money. 2 brides are shelden nice and easy going. 3 yoy are a target to abuse.. nog my cup of tea.
I would argue that psychological abuse is worse than physical abuse. Damage done to the body heals much faster and easier than damage done to the mind. You can see if someone has a bruise or something, but it’s so much harder to see signs of psychological damage. You have to know what you’re looking for, and since the average person doesn’t have a degree in psychology, any signs would go largely unnoticed. It takes much longer to heal damage done to the mind, and it never fully goes away either. This is one of the reasons we need to teach kids what toxic relationships look like and things to look out for, both in their own lives and for the people around them. Not knowing what to look out for and not seeing signs until it’s too late is why a lot of people get trapped in abusive relationships. The longer you’re trapped, the harder it is to get away and the more danger you’re in. And it may not be common for women to be abusive to their partner, but it does happen.
I don't know the country, but I'd file a defamation lawsuit against the ex and the "friend". They knowingly did what they did to OP and it caused her actual problems in her life.
I feel like I just listening to a crazy awesome audio book…well not awesome that it happened irl but it was great narration and I was on the edge of my seat
Bella’s insecurities allowed Matthew to manipulate her. She should have trusted that her friend wouldn’t do that to her. She made her bed and doesn’t deserve her happy ending, at this point in time. She needs to try and make amends for some of the hurt she’s caused. But for now OP needs to include Bella in that restraining order. That’s not the kind of toxicity you want in your life.
I hope op wins there case and whilst i didn't fisst bump the air i did feel a happy bella got some karma and thank goodness she found the email. Op if you ever see this i hope your safe and happy
Okay OP is killing me. You could tell she had low self-worth because she accepted being a bridesmaid after all that poor treatment. That was a huge red flag. But when she thinks she's being a bigger person because she doesn't feel Happy that Bella got karma? That Bella fell for. Matt and his charm? No baby. She wanted to hurt you. There would have been nothing to be taken in by if she didn't want to hurt you to start with. You have got to pull your head out of your rear end babe
Bella needs to go on that restraining order too. NTA.
Long story short, it's always nice to know who your real friends are. Eff Bella, eff Matt, and eff the stuck-up religious folk who didn't believe OP.
I'm a mom and the first time someone told me something about my son, I'd go straight to my son and be direct. I don't care if God himself was spreading the gossip.
Whoever told her the post was to long, hush!!! We here for it lol
I think I'd include Bella in the restraining order request! NTA
Seriously!
Sue her for defamation
Barret would not have left Bella just over this incident, there is obviously a lot of stuff that is going down that OP does not know about and this was the last straw.
Idk if I agree w/that or not. It's absolutely a possibility. But if I found out my new spouse set up her best friend since they were 5, lying to everyone for months, manipulating everyone in their lives, etc., I would run b/c I could no longer believe a single thing they ever said, and Barrett was friends with OP too, met her before Bella and only met Bella through OP.
Idk, I'd be absolutely done if my spouse turned out to be that vicious and calculated. Bella ruined a friend's reputation because she was jealous over a handful of hook ups, and took *months* to do it, including intentionally causing drama at her own wedding to look like the victim. That's borderline sociopathic. I'd want nothing to do with her after that came out too
If Bella knew about op's psycho boyfriends treatment of her and still believed him over her long time best friend then she was never op's friend to begin with. A true friend would have told op what the ex was trying to do and talked to her about everything.
OP was ashamed + embarrassed about the relationship so maybe OP didn’t tell Bella, who was still in the church that OP wasn’t. So maybe Bella didn’t know those details. Not to defend her, she def should hv trusted her long term friend over any guy. So many stories’ problems start + end about these things.
I think as soon as Bella become interested in Barett, she only saw OP as competition. Then op's ex just confirmed what Bella wanted to believe
I mean there evidence here that confirm how good he is at manipulation. Like how managed to convince people she works with that it was a completely normal/reasonable thing to report on her whereabouts to her ex? Like how did he even manage to get multiple, I assume near-strangers, convinced to do that for him?
Maybe Bella was just always a shitty friend, but it's also possible her psycho ex is just *that* good at controlling people. Especially if he had Bella actually believing that OP was mentally unstable and/or couldn't be trusted.
@@taylerkolin3075 That was the wildest part for me too
@@taylerkolin3075true and those are definitely not good coworkers. We've had incidents where I work and nobody will tell you anything now. And if they do and something happens they get reprimanded. They'll take a message but won't confirm if someone is there or where they are. Big NO.
Proof. _That’s_ the beauty of our cell phones/recording devices. Things are a LOT easier to prove now. 😉
Definitely NTA! I don't think Bella's bout with COVID caused mental problems, only exasperated them. She may need to get a brain scan because I wonder if she has a brain tumor that's caused her personality change. But whatever her reasons she's gone out of her way to set OP up.
UPDATE: Even before you found your ex's email you had learned who your true friends were. I think you did right by letting Barret know what happened and letting him see who Bella truly was. This is not on you OP. Take the promotion and stay safe. I'd consider using a throwaway for that Zoom meeting for the restraining order unless your lawyer has something else set up. Best wishes.
Have the Zoom meeting at the lawyer's office... that way, only the Lawyer's computer is used.
@@aralornwolf3140 great idea- zero clues for the deranged psychopathic ex. Foreign country sounds perfect right now.
This girl is in serious need of a big mama bear hug! I hope she gets the new job and doesn’t tell anyone where she’s going to keep herself safe.
All because Bella was always insecure If she felt that insecure, she should have never entered the relationship
I know I submitted this one dusty, others probably did too. I needed to hear your feedback!!
People in the comments talked about how awful “whisper campaigns” can be. This is utterly horrifying to me. That someone can tear someone else’s life apart so hard.
It’s like ACOTAR book 3! IYKYK
My mother would never believe anything "Bella" said. No matter what. And I would have called another bridesmaid to make sure the colors. Too many things could go wrong. And evidently it did. 😡🤬
This reminds me of my ex. I finally left him after years of his controlling, manipulative behavior, as well as physical and sexual abuse. During the divorce, i was diagnosed with cancer and needed my health insurance cards. He refused to give them to me unless i came alone, which i refused, but after our first court date he made a social media post about “how sick she looks. I feel so awful for her” just to get people to like him more
Ummm why weren't the cops called for her DUI?
They were probably being neighborly, or thought the pain she get from her parents would be worse than calling the police.
Sounds like that job opportunity came at a perfect time. A restraining order is a start, but if your ex is that evil it probably won't stop him. He'll just get sneakier. Get outta Dodge OP!!
My best friend is in the same situation as OP was. Her boyfriend is very controlling and he's not even in the same state. She knows that she needs to get out but is too terrified.
Ugh. All u can so is be there for her and try to gv her the best, safest advice and help u can.
@@LLynneM I have been for the past year. She wants to wait until he's back to break up with him. But I personally think that's a terrible idea.
@@jamijenkins3507 She needs to get out of there BEFORE he gets back. Proximity gives him more opportunities to control her.
At this point you have to ask her “How bad is he at his worst?” and “How long are you going to let yourself live like this?” Even if asking doesn't change her mind immediately, she'll at least have the smallest seeds of an incentive to get out planted in her mind.
@@SLX__13 oh I've literally yelled those questions at her. He has mentally, emotionally and financially abused you. Her house and car would've been paid off if he didn't keep taking money from her.
@@jamijenkins3507 God, that's rough. I don't know what else you can do except the obvious: being there for her and reassuring her worth so she can gather some amount of courage. And even then, she STILL might want to stay in that shitty relationship if she truly believes being stuck in there is a better outcome than being by herself.
Good luck to her, and to you.
Have been there and it takes a lot to get out! I pray she is able to finally be free!!
Matthew's plan failed because he decided to play a long game of what he though was letting her think she was free, when in fact during the time he thought he was just letting her think that, she was able to find the courage to become a better stronger independent woman who couldn't be pulled back by that deceitful awful tactic.
I honestly think that regardless if Bella knew the details or not, she probably would've done something to ostracize OP from Baret. She sounds like a horrible human to begin with before Baret, and Matthew was her ammunition to hurt OP. So I don't really have any sympathy for Bella, and I'm happy that Baret left her after all this.
What...a...crapshow. First off, Bella was the worst friend ever. She believed her supposed friend's ex without ever talking to OP. She believed her cousin(?) who didn't even know OP, again without talking to OP. She poisoned OP's parents against her, then Went out of the way to embarass OP and dismatle everything positive in her life over hearsay with the help of OP's ex. As for the parents, they failed epically. They basically ostracized OP for exercising autonomy and making her own choices in terms of religion. They did not pry after Bella told them highly concerning things about their daughter. I'm childless, but if I were OP's mother, I still would not have rested until I knew for certain that my daughter was alright. I would have asked real questions until I got real answers. They also automatically took Bella's side after the dress debacle. OP had to PROVE her innocence! In my opinion, people like them don't deserve to be parents.
The AUDACITY of the abusive ex. Oh my word. I think I'd leave the country for a new start too.
I would sue "good friend" Bella for defamation... in the thousands of dollars range. She has irrevocably damaged OP's relationships with her friends and family. Only through financial _ruin_ would "good friend" Bella understand that what she did was a crime.
Edit: With that e-mail I would add ex to the defamation suit. It's _pure_ gold from an evidentiary PoV, since it's conclusive that they both knew what they were saying was false with the intent to cause OP harm. I would increase the compensatory and damages from the thousands of dollars to the tens-of-thousands of dollars range.
Edit 2: This is why there are anti-theist in the world... because of religion harms people. It also strips them from the emotional support they need.
I don't understand choosing to believe this woman over your own daughter. Like wtf?! People are too headache
Geez, and I thought my manipulative ex was awful! At least once I was able to break free of him, he didn't try to implode my entire life like this asshole. OP has nothing to be ashamed of, this happens to a lot of people and not because there's something wrong with us. It's the manipulators and abusers who have something wrong with them. They seem to view kind, caring people as convenient targets to use.
It sounds like Barrett is in for a wild ride...
Barrett: "Nope..."
It’s in her cellphone text messages. You can’t “graphics design” that. What the heck is wrong with these people that still believe it.
So cruel. How can evil ppl hide it for so long? Its scary!
Wow! From 5 mins in my jaw was on the floor!!
If I was OP, the minute Bella accused me of any of that BS at the dressing, I would have balked at her like "WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!" I would have called all kinds of bullshit, because I refuse to let anyone deficate on my character like that!
It sounds like Nathan might have been the source of Bellas whole personality shift instead of Covid.
Also, it's pretty extreme of Barrette to leave Bella for what she did when how it was confirmed was that he got the version of the proof that also included how *she'd* been manipulated. Kind of makes me wonder if something else was also going on; like maybe Bella and Mathew had an affair. Or at the very least Bella kept it from Barrette that she was in contact with OPs Ex planning all this if he was that shocked to discover his involvement.
Barrett may have also left for his own safety. He knows what Matthew manipulated his wife into doing, and now that Matthew's used Bella up, who's to say what he'll do to even further ruin *her* life? I'm not saying he's right, but it's worth considering that angle.
OP has a text chain. Tell her husband so he knows what he can expect from Bella. She has mental issues. It is sad to hear that the religious issue plays a large part in this. OP may have to walk away from those who will believe anything bad about OP.
I am so glad i never was a bridesmaid. What i learned about bridesmaid is this. 1 it cost you a LOT of money. 2 brides are shelden nice and easy going. 3 yoy are a target to abuse.. nog my cup of tea.
With all the physical evidence she has, she has got an excellent case for defamation of character and slander and libel or some combination of those
I would argue that psychological abuse is worse than physical abuse. Damage done to the body heals much faster and easier than damage done to the mind. You can see if someone has a bruise or something, but it’s so much harder to see signs of psychological damage. You have to know what you’re looking for, and since the average person doesn’t have a degree in psychology, any signs would go largely unnoticed. It takes much longer to heal damage done to the mind, and it never fully goes away either.
This is one of the reasons we need to teach kids what toxic relationships look like and things to look out for, both in their own lives and for the people around them. Not knowing what to look out for and not seeing signs until it’s too late is why a lot of people get trapped in abusive relationships. The longer you’re trapped, the harder it is to get away and the more danger you’re in. And it may not be common for women to be abusive to their partner, but it does happen.
I don't know the country, but I'd file a defamation lawsuit against the ex and the "friend". They knowingly did what they did to OP and it caused her actual problems in her life.
I feel like I just listening to a crazy awesome audio book…well not awesome that it happened irl but it was great narration and I was on the edge of my seat
Bella’s insecurities allowed Matthew to manipulate her. She should have trusted that her friend wouldn’t do that to her. She made her bed and doesn’t deserve her happy ending, at this point in time. She needs to try and make amends for some of the hurt she’s caused. But for now OP needs to include Bella in that restraining order. That’s not the kind of toxicity you want in your life.
Matthew and Bella should get married
I hope op wins there case and whilst i didn't fisst bump the air i did feel a happy bella got some karma and thank goodness she found the email. Op if you ever see this i hope your safe and happy
💜
What thee f. Smfh.
So fake.
just a little reminder that 'hooking up' 'fwb' not really the best idea.. not always in the way you might think
Okay OP is killing me. You could tell she had low self-worth because she accepted being a bridesmaid after all that poor treatment. That was a huge red flag. But when she thinks she's being a bigger person because she doesn't feel Happy that Bella got karma? That Bella fell for. Matt and his charm? No baby. She wanted to hurt you. There would have been nothing to be taken in by if she didn't want to hurt you to start with. You have got to pull your head out of your rear end babe
Geez! This is more like a bad plot of a teenager book than a real story. You're believing in this B💩️?