Narcissistic Abuse: 21 Signs You’ve Recovered, Healed, Moved On
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 3 มิ.ย. 2024
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No disparaging introjects traceable back to him (incl. flying monkeys)
No ego dystony or hesitancy in decision-making
Ability to trust restored
No doubting your judgment
Independent reality testing restored (no cognitive distortions)
Sense of agency and self-efficacy restored
Autonomous motivation
No catastrophizing (imminent doom)
No anticipatory anxiety
No addictive cravings or sentimental nostalgia coupled with separation insecurity (abandonment anxiety)
No seeking of same type partner (from narcissistic to anaclitic mate selection)
No maternal or parental impulses (no narcissistic transferences)
No “us”, only “you” (no merger or fusion in a shared fantasy as well as intact boundaries, no enmeshment or engulfment)
No attempts to mind read
No self-sacrificial, people pleasing impulses (no emotional blackmail)
No infantile defenses
No self-idealization or self-devaluation, just realistic introspection and self-awareness
Restored functioning: social, workplace, as a parent, empathy
No emoting by proxy (crying in a movie)
No trust aversion or dread of intimacy
No victimhood stance - assuming personal responsibility
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1. No voices (introjects) of harsh inner critics anymore
2. No self-loathing, no doubts etc.
You are happy with your decisions
3. You have the ability to trust (again)
4. You no longer doubt your judgement; You are congruent with your opinions; This is supporting your authenticity.
5. You are able to see the world directly
6. Your sense of agency has been restored; You are the one, who is directing your life, which feels good
7. You have an autonomous motivation and act for your own goals, reasons etc.because it feels good
8. No more feelings of doom, not expecting the worst anymore but believing in the good. You have taken your life back.
9. Getting rid of generalized anxiety
10. You feel confident and start interacting with people (again)
11. In an intimate relationship you do not behave like a parent but like a mature adult, a grown-up.
12. No more "us against the world",
no cult, no splitting (very sick) but a relationship where you both have the safety to become more of your potential.
13. Not reading your partner's mind
because your own needs are
important.
14. No people pleasing (anymore) because nobody has the right to demand anything from you.
You are freely sharing your emotions, services, goods with others.
15. You regained your empathy and you are socially active.
16. Your beliefs, values etc. are stable.
17. You do not have infantile defense mechanisms anymore.
18. You regained to experience emotions in a direct way.
19. You are seeking intimacy and you are not afraid showing vulnerabilities.
20. You are not a victim (anymore).
21. You are proud of your identity,
which is who you are.
Shalom Prof. Vaknin and thank you for your insightful education 👏👏👏
This quote of who you are related to identity I liked most, "A smile that lights up the room." 🌞
Gosh I’m no where there 🥹 very happy for you 🙏
Arrived...
So true…
“If a narcissist wants your opinion, he’ll give it to you.”
“Show the narcissist two middle fingers” 😂
She sent me a text wishing me a happy 4th after nothing on Father's Day or my birthday. Looked at it and laughed...I'm good!
Block their number
Survivors of narcissism, not victims of narcissism. Great point Professor, great session today and everyday
Indeed :)
@@GVpeace ffcccctt cttfftttt ffcf
I still have a lot of work to do
Mélanie Tonia Evans has a fantastic quantum healing method for recovering after narcissistic abuse.
4 months. How has the journey been?
3 months. I feel like great some days then weak again but im resisting to look back
I have ongoing challenges with self-deprecation and sentimentality. Although I do acknowledge this and I continue to release the baggage
Come a long way but same
Congratulations on the .001 % Dr. Sam! I’m so impressed and grateful for all your hard work!
0.1%. Thank you.
And thank you for the last Point, the icing on the cake…victimhood! “I’m an empath, I’m a (even worse!) SUPER empath.” NO, I am not! I am a beautiful and complicated human being, who made bad choices, and with MY OWN character defects to learn from!
I
not a bad choice if you learned things about yourself and life and other people...and if we did learn, then this is just one more experience we had to go through in order to thrive and go on awakening our conscious.
when you said "you recapture your zest for life - you want to live" I teared up. Having grown up in a house of horrors, i've lived the past few years in a constant dread of living. I've been suicidal my whole life - ive had my ups and downs. I was agonizing "what is the point? theres nothing to look forward too, I don't want to suffer anymore"
I recently went to europe for 2 weeks with my partners family. Being immersed in a safe, loving, welcoming and yes, FRENCH family, gave me much needed rest. I have recaptured my zest for life. I want to live. There IS more to life. It's been a long journey of healing and I'm still going.
I am a proud, strong and resilient survivor 🎉❤
Perfection is a direction not a destination.
I will always tell anyone who cares to listen; "be very careful with therapists." Be ready to WALK-AWAY! Whenever therapy becomes more damaging to you walk away and keep searching until you find safe and satisfactory therapy experiences. Be very discerning of their own behaviour and interests. Keep your expectations reasonable. Understand they're human too.
And one day you'll find a wonderful therapist because they do exist. Continue doing your personal work in the meantime and don't let bad therapy experiences put an end to any progress. I wish everyone only the best as we journey through healing.
Congrats Prof and may you continue soaring!
Adults contract freely and exchange emotions freely 😊
I am a French English teacher (lived 16 years in the UK and was married to a Scot for 39 years ) I am also very impressed by what an excellent English speaker you are: wide range of excellent vocabulary and perfect stress pattern. You also seem to have a good knowledge of French too. You are also an excellent pedagogue / communicator.
Congratulations!
You bring a lot to this audience on all your knowledge about Psychology.
I cannot thank you enough for the knowledge and clairvoyance you bring me and all of us, I think, here. 👏🙏
Thank you Sam Vaknim. I even cried at the end of this video. I smiled widely and he hated it. I haven't laughed out loud yet, but I'll laugh again like I did before I met the idiot.
And the funny thing is that I became a "bullfighter" and I must have a red cloth because I attract narcissists, I can already identify it in the "hello" and say "Olé" 😂
Kiss and a beautiful smile for you.
Congrats Sam!! That is such a great accomplishment and I can see why you made it. Your work is invaluable and made the difference in my healing. I know everyone says get therapy, but I did a couple months of weekly therapy while I was still in "the grip" and it did little to nothing. I needed much deeper education given to me verses just trying to talk myself through understanding the brainwashing. I felt I was such a strong person and that's the feedback I got from friend, so could not wrap my head around why and how I could end up in the same spot as people I thought I'd previously tried to help. Not only did your work get me out, but guided me through healing, and changed everything about my approach to guiding others. I'm no longer in my profession (intensive parole type agent) but an entrepreneur and love my life. Thank you!
This video is very empowering. I feel the healing happening within me. It feels like I’m crawling out of a dark cave. These steps are very helpful when it seems like all joy is gone.
Congratulations, Prof. Sam Vaknin! I’m so grateful for you and all of your work. Binge watching your videos has been the only way to keep me on track and helped me break the shared fantasy. It feels like you’re speaking to me and my exact experience. I’m forever grateful for the brilliant way that you help us make sense of the seemingly senseless. 🙏🏼
I found myself getting sucked into a relationship with old patterns. I had to hit the pause button. It was clear when I exercised my autonomous self and what was right for me and faced a firestorm of attack from this person that I would have to compromise my core values and self sacrifice to conform to this person’s value system which is based on their obsession with rap music(Chicago gangland style), be subject to their criticisms (I say “like” too much) and be asked to change who I am vs being respected for who I am. I am proud of who I am. I’ve worked very hard on myself in years of therapy. I won’t be subjected to the projections of this toxic person with comparisons to the ex. 😢
I started this process in the last year!!! I'm not 100% there yet but I'm on my way.
Thank you Sam, for this re-affirming, supportive video. Therapy and no-contact along with these presentations have given me tremendous freedom. Mine was birth- family programming as scapegoat and took a lifetime to get past. I am 66, and although the loss of family can still leave me sad, I know how much better life is now without them. It is the difference between a torturous life sentence in a dark, dank cell vs standing on a breezy sunlit beach. Many blessings to you for your great contributions.
Thank you for this one. It is indeed possible to go from surviving to thriving. So many others make it sound like you're broken beyond repair after narcissistic abuse. Well done once again Professor!
I’ve been healing after being married to him 33 years. Taking care of my bedridden mother on 10 acres with animals, mowing, I do everything by myself. He’s been gone 4 years. My mother has dementia and it triggers me at times when she gets name calling and mean. But I’m doing my best. She reminds me of him at times, maybe she’s narcissistic too. Probably lol
But I’m getting it done. Getting to know myself all over again and starting to really enjoy my peace. I just wish I could get out and do things again. It’s so hard with no help. I have a caregiver at 20.00 per hr I can’t afford to do much other than, groceries, dr, dds, hair cut a couple times a year. It’s been tough but utube and you Dr. have helped me all along the way.
I am so VERY pleased to hear that you have made it into the top .01%! It’s truly amazing! The help, honesty and brilliance in your own place, and our place, in the world is so very hopeful and fills me with gratitude! Thank you!!!
Thank you for this!! All I see in the NA community is pain.....I needed to hear this!! Next we need more recovery and success stories......Survivors need to hear that thriving is possible....Thank You again Sam for your work!
Anonymous communities are so TOXIC. It kills. Bill W: Narc in chief.
Dear Professor Vaknin, thank you for your work. A video about signs of recovery from abuse through Borderlines would be interesting (if such a thing exists).
Good topic suggestion. Thank you.
Mazel tov! My Rabbi of sanity ✨️💜
I just passed a year that my husband/abusive bully of 33 years has passed away, and am doing so much better. You reminded me of sooo many situations where he would burst through the door screaming about the (whatever) disaster and he would make everyone in the house crazy, while 5 minutes later he was great but left us all shaken
I grew up in a house like that. Dad would blow up over nothing then we al had to go along with whatever BS he came up with to justify that it was justified and someone else's fault or we caught hell for some new made-up things that made even less sense.
@@mrsqueakthecat.8061 must have been scary…yes, all hell broke loose, usually his own making and within 5 minutes the crisis is over and he’s peacefully watching tv while we’re all shaking and upset for hours
My ex was really great at causing a sh*t storm over losing or missing something. It was a daily occurrence....sometimes a few times a day. I realized as I was waking up to his manipulations that this was just a way for him to get everyone to do things for him!! Find his wallet, keys, etc. He would create the Chaos and we all ran around like nuts trying to find his items!! He was so damned lazy and manipulative. Controlling us like marionettes. God help anyone still in narc relationships.
@@michellemiller4742 and starting a fight, an excuse to leave and make his calls…leaving everyone in a bad mood and frazzled. Every time I hear the stories and it reminds me how grateful I am that m free. Good luck
Sam, you make the most complete, interesting and true analyses of the Narcisstic theme I ve ever heard.
I was during decades the most perfect puzzle piece to fit with them (highpotential, hypersensitive, empathic... and hoping healing them as I failed to this with my mother (passive-aggressive) during my childhood 😅). Since over 25 years I try to help people showing them that they are NOT victims but that they do not have enough self-confidence, self-esteem, not enough love and respect with themselves, etc, etc ... and I try to show them how to grow inside, leave their saver syndrom etc. to become uninteresting for abusive people.
This is my heart "business" ( I do it for free most of time).
Thank you so much for all you are doing... this is such an important issue🙏.
Greetings from Switzerland ❤
Since I’ve been separated from the narcissist my BPD is getting better I’m now starting DBT therapy and mentalisation therapy after years I feel clean in a way I can’t explain almost as if I wasn’t me atal, when I was with him I looked drastically different too my skins glowing again I was almost colourless with the narcissist, he literally had my life In his hands it’s crazy how much they change you for the worst when your with them you only notice once your out I’m a better mother to our son I enjoy our son more now he’s not around he always would downplay my parenting even though everyone else tells me I’m a amazing mum it’s what they do make you feel less now I now feel more than again despite the pain it caused me and he’s son great work as usual Sam💯however I still need help because I still act like the parent and have type constancy which I struggle to stop doing.
I’m sure you are an awesome mum! Heart hugs to you on your healing journey! You are on your way and going to survive and thrive! God bless you!
You’re so very brave. I am indeed very grateful for your teachings.
Taking responsibility is a must for any and all relationships.
Please talk about overcoming the fear of complete loss and facing consequences. It is a must I do this and not blame others or make excuses.
That was incredible! Thankyou Prof. I'm healing at suprising speed. No-one else tells it like it is this way. Not sure if I will ever get to intimacy but I can at least stop revelling in my victimhood. Good to hear you are getting the recognition you deserve.
Yes on victimhood!!! Love this one. I have felt healed, but this was a perfect video to give some sort of gage and know what areas I still need to keep in the forefront of awareness.
A genius indeed💛🙏
I felt a huge weight lifted recently once I drew a line in the sand that helped me let go but feel really good and secure. Reading the list, I can now enjoy the true fact that I have really begun to love on 🎉
I have emoted by proxy my entire life…I hate this…crying at sappy movies or other people crying. 😢
Congratulations !!! Happy to see you get the recognition you deserve sir
Professor Vaknin. You have without doubt saved my sanity , my soul and my life. Your work gives incredible support and teaching to people who have suffered narcissistic abuse. Thank you thank you thank you 🙏☺️x
ok let's face it to see if I'm passing the test finally.
A recognise my torments in Sam Vaknin's justifications,(wantning to confront them )but also the collosal apparatus of his total devotion to human condition through the personal to the collective Good of mental Health. What a visionary lion you are doctor.! A charm of bravery and Ethos.Thank you.
Professor Vaknin, thank you
You are a kind man Sam Vaknin
Congratulations 🎉
Génial
Awesome post thank you. I’m 20 out of 21….pretty darned good!!!
I needed this run down on healthy vs unhealthy behaviors! Thank you Sam!
This is the most profound description of recovery available. It is both broad and deep. The force de tour is the last point. There is nothing more to say. This is a gift from the universe I accept with grace. Thank you.
This should be verbatim on a banner in a public place for all to access
Congratulations !
Thank you for journeying with us in healing. In a way, you hold our hands until we spread our wings and fly again. I can’t say thank you enough. Everything you teach makes so much sense and everything connects. I love your humour too!
Congratulations!
The Father of Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse.
such fitting timing
Thank you🎉🎉!
I wish I could give a thousand thumbs up for this video.
Thank you ❤🎉
Thank You
Brilliant- as always!
Thank you.
Thank you🙏🏿💚
Thank you so much from Quebec❤
Congratulations🎉🎉🎉
Thank you Sam. You amazing 💗
This was excellent; thanks so much!
Thank you for your work. I Am so relieved I have found your videos.
This post is so revealing and so clear!
I will became to apply your brilliaant advises
Thank you for the information.
Congratulations Professor. I do follow them.
Really helpful video. Thank you so much.
Thanks for all your videos! Through them, today I was able to attend this one and conclude that I am recovered.
Super!
A very informative talk, so much, still, to work on.
Thank you for the deluge of information for recognizing, studying and healing from narcissistic abuse. Your legacy is set, and over the years I hope many people will recognize, reorganize and recover from this scourge of their lives. Thank you and know that the immortality of your knowledge is forever appreciated. Suvivor and thriver. G
Watching this one twice !!
Thanks for everything Mr Vaknin you have helped me immensely.
Incredible video and perfect timing. Happy Holidays!
Emoting by proxy is a descriptive phrase
You re so poetic!thank you for the encouraging inspiring motivating words!
Bravo! Thank you so much for this video!
Proud survivor, living my best life and thriving 😊
Thank you so much, I totally feel this video. You helped me quite a lot through my healing path. ✨💖
I thoroughly enjoy all your work Professor Sam Vaknin. You are irreplaceable!👏
Saved. Thank You very much Sir for being so clear and the profound science. Time for healing.
Kol HaKavod Sam! Thank you for being #1 teacher!
Thank you Sam! Great video again! It seems I have been healed. It was a very long and hard ride (almost 2 years). During this time your videos helped a lot. I am very grateful for that. Thank you for your work and always useful and meaningful videos.
Bravo Vaknin!
Great achievement, well done. Happy to see my healing process. Still a ways to go but I think some of this is deep-seated and explains continuing to date narcissist people. Thanks for the videos and for sharing your knowledge.
You’ve done great work Dr. Something to be proud of. Thank you for helping me! His bless you❤
What a fantastic list. Thank you. I was wondering if I was "there" yet and I would say I am pretty darn close, but I will take this list to my therapist and check in with her. We've been working together for just about 7 years. It has been the work of my life. I appreciate your videos and I have learned much from them. Ever onward.
Thank you so much Dear Professor Vaknin. All your knowledge interesting for me and it is helping me. One of my goals is learning. I love learning from you.
Thank you Sam Vaknin
Wow ! You melt my soul , the last 5 minutes are so powerfull . Thank you Dr Vaknin .
That is an amazing achievement. Research, citing, putting it all together so that it keeps the reader engaged is far more difficult than many know! Congratulations on such a giant life achievement Doc.!~S 👍🏼👍🏼💞💞✔✔
Damn you are something else in this World. Pardon my french.
Accurate and crude. But not malicious. Thanks Sam
Time heals you but the heel never heals ❤
You are the best Professor Vaknin!
You deserve recognition for So Much including most likely, aiding, objectively in the prevention of Our potential breakdowns&what could have been our no get bk ups..
But i remind myself that i am not exposed to his judgement or his sick freinds judgements .. but the judgements remain in my mind .. even if they are not in my presence ...
❤❤🎉❤❤ Thank you Professor Vaknin, you saved my life..the last 2 years I was listening you hundreds/thousands of hours. ❤
Thanks. I'm not a victim. Amen.
Thank you for your eyes-opening and compassionate videos! I enjoy the fact that conclusions and concepts are all scientific- both psychological and philosophical. I like how you help those who had to face narcissism overcome painful results of those interactions without conveying excessive dramatization or hard feelings, in a very constructive way 👍 I wish you success in your noble endeavors
I am not totally done but due to the last person found out that I had more this kind relationships started with my brother. But due to the study I have recognised a lot and moving on. The memory from the last one is gone. The rest I can look back without bad feelings. So not yet there but on the right path. I even made a document with all kind of links in case when confused and need some information 😁. My way to park information from
The head to outside
That point about feelings projection answered my questions about why Narc crying so often when watching movies, so when they infect you you become like that too 😢
LIFE SAVING MESSAGE 🙏 Infinite gratitude to you, Prof. Vaknin, you have saved my life. No exaggeration. Thank you.
Something to be proud of! Congratulations Dr. Vaknin.
I appreciate you.