+RainAngel111 Ur projecting impossibly far into the future. The world is severely overpopulated today and from what we can actually project the population is estimated to reach 9 billion by 2050 & 11 billion by 2100 according to the economist (even with rising levels of education.) Claiming everyone has to have 3 kids to replace the dying population simply is not correct with the global population numbers today. The Earth has already reached carrying capacity and from how I see it abstaining from adding more people to the equation is neither sinful nor selfish.
RainAngel111 First of all, we are already overpopulated. People are living too long and too many children are being born. The birth rate should slow down until the death rte rises, then i the birth rate can go up. Women are not obligated to give birth. Men are not obligated to father children. If ypu want to have 6 kids, go ahead. Us child free people will enjoy our lives the way we want to.
As a mom I can tell you that kids can be the worst thing that ever happen to you. Unfortunately I can't bring back time and make a different decision. I'm stuck with this boring lifestyle of working hard, changing poop spending my money and worry all the time about a human being that I created and he never asked to be born. I Remember when I was childless the old good days where I use to have free time where I had a modeling body and I was a fun and social person. I'm no longer the same I feel like an old, unattractive, boring woman. For all of you who are considering having kids but you aren't sure don't do it. It's not rainbows it's not worth it
If you have kids & regret it, that`s really hard on you, but if you don`t have kids & regret it, you can console yourself with the fact that you have so much more free time & disposable income. Then there`s the peace & quiet.
Also adoption is always an option if you don't have kids and regret it . Unlike having them if you regret you can't return them and get a refund. It's stuck with you for 18 years
Hahahaha, not necessarily. I'm single and most of my free time and disposable income goes to other people's kids. (Since I was 13, really) I know nothing of this free time and disposable income of which you speak.
+Em A. I have a large extended family and have been tasked with childcare since I was a child myself. Over the years it became a sort of responsibility/expectation snowball. I never went to parties in high school or college as I prioritized their needs above mine. I picked my current career in information services because the flexible hours and decent pay allow me to attend to a lot of those responsibilities.
This isn't just one person being effected by this my guy. If you have kids and regret them both you and a innocent child are effected because kids can tell when they are not wanted (take it from me, an accidental child). However if you don't have kids and regret not doing so you are the only one who suffers and besides, there are millions of children waiting to be adopted if you so desire.
We *all* die alone. No one goes with you. The spouse or child holding your hand? Not coming with you. The starcrossed lover you're about to jump off that bridge with? Not coming with you. The other scared creatures in that bathroom with you waiting for the gunman to reload, hoping God will *do* something? Not coming with you. You're going out the exact same way you came in. You'll return to the void alone. Your comment also presupposes that everyone who's ever reproduced had one of their copies present at the time of their demise. In some instances that was all too true, because it was the copy who ended the original. Humans are the only species that live in two worlds, the one we make up for comfort and the *real* one that exists without pity.
leviathanmg Its a comfort thing you moron. Ask any hospice nurse. Dying people sometimes chose to die when love ones are present and some die as soon as they get to be by theirselves. Whos said anything about bring anyone with you. You were loved when you came in this world and want to feel some love when you leave. Except probably you and you cold Mother whom birth you.
Maybe never, kids don't make your life happier they make it more interesting. Your kids aren't there to make you happy, you're there for them and then they decide they hate you and bugger off, they may come back when they start the whole shambles again and want a babysitter. Then you get to give out the sweet stuff because your poor kid has to put up with the sugar high.
+Kæla Brown or, maybe he is just intelligent enough to realize that. most idiots just operate on instinct. sex and reproduction is just a biological thing
Kæla Brown You don't know a single thing about me. I had a very happy childhood and my parents did a good job raising me and my sister. Get lost, you ignorant bitch.
Goodness, I'm starting to feel like the only person on this planet that actually adores every second with their kid. lol. Although, to be fair, my kid was easy from the beginning and he's only 7, so I guess I'll come back to this when he's 17 and let you know if I still feel the same.
I'm actually not even a big fan of kids of any age. I have a shit ton of nieces and nephews that are brats to say the least so when I found out I was pregnant I wasn't in the least bit ready. However, loving that kid came so naturally and I have never had a problem with him acting out, discipline, being crazy, or bratty... I'm hoping his good spirit sticks. He's a great guy. lol
+Dawnna Lynne Good luck - think good and it will be good. How we look at others pulls them to be so. It's thanks to wise, loving mothers like yourself that humanity continues.
Regretting having kids is WAY worse than regretting not having them. Not only are you now having to look after another human being, now this child will grow up realizing their parents didn't want them.
yes because every parent in existence doesnt understand that thank u for the insight could u please accept this nobel prize for this outstanding discovery????
If the parent is a better parent than their parents were, maybe the expectations are warranted. Maybe they learned from the mistakes their parents made with them.
delphina joseph I don’t have the patience and I had 6 siblings. I know I can’t raise children. I’m the type to pull out a frying pan every time I hear loud noises
+PrograzBeatz Just because someone doesnt have a relationship, kids or debts, doesnt mean they don't have purpose in life. There is more to life than those three things. ;)
I remember when I was growing up, while I was an only child, I saw a lot of angry peers growing up. I kept hearing children talk back to their parents saying things: "I didn't ask to be born" "Why did you bring me into this world" The most jarring one I remember though was when I was at a sleep over : "If I'm such an annoyance ,then throw me in an orphanage so I can be someone else's problem." Emphasis on problem. - Maybe I'm being existential again, but "bad" Adults seem to be no different from child's themselves; I want a pet = I want a baby. It's almost selfish in a way, granting life and soul to another sentient existence regardless of context or circumstance outside of rape and failed protection.
A little off from yours, but I remember really vividly once when I was in middle school, this rich girl broke down crying in the corner of a classroom. She wasn't doing it for attention, she was just having a full on meltdown she couldn't control. I couldn't help but overhear her sobbing to the friend trying to comfort her that she was miserable because her parents didn't know how to pay her any attention. When she acted out, she wanted to be reined in and be shown that her parents cared about her well-being. Instead, they just showered her with more money in hopes of being forgiven for something they didn't even know the cause behind. It kind of sounded like they were both ambitious with their careers and kind of sacrificed their child to succeed. A kid is a lot of work. Maybe don't have any if you don't think you can commit your life to raising one no matter what.
"They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had And add some extra, just for you. But they were fucked up in their turn By fools in old-style hats and coats, Who half the time were soppy-stern And half at one another's throats. Man hands on misery to man. It deepens like a coastal shelf. Get out as early as you can, And don't have any kids yourself." -Philip Larkin
I believe parents have children just because they want something, another human being, to push their ideas onto. For the first ten years, they have complete control and innately have the complete respect of another human being. If not all, then at least some parents. This is probably the reason for Pageant Moms and moms who always push their child to be every they weren't. Parents push the idea of unquestioning respect. For many, the response is not a deep and thorough explanation of the potential consequences of actions, it is 'because I said so." Many parents seem very much like dictators in their approach to their children. This is only worsened by the fact that many parents don't respect their children, even though they expect respect in return for their behaviour towards them. This might be some of the reason people have children. Another might be society's push for the ideal life of children. I haven't fully formed this idea, it sort of just came to my mind while watching the video, so this probably isn't fully true.
@@zacharyp10 to u maybe theres million people in poor country fell into poverty circle the moment theyd born and never coming out of it due social and religious pressure about marriage made thier parents just fulfilling their social duty to married and raising kids instead doing it in the right manner
That literally sums up what I always thought... People think I'm pessimistic but I always wondered why no one ever wants to talk about this!!!! It's always such a positive thing having kids or just something everyone does. I always wonder how people just don't think things like this through. If you're not ready to be #2 in your life forever then you shouldn't be a parent. I remember thinking when I was a kid, why the hell would anyone CHOOSE to be a parent??? When I was informed that whole point of life was to reproduce, I went through quite an existential crisis. Was that all there was? Life seemed dismal at best, I didn't look forward to getting married or having kids. Then I hit adolescence and realized that I could live my life however I wanted, screw what everyone said because I was going to decide what gave my life meaning!
After 20 years I still don't want kids. I guess I am just not "wired" to reproduce. I never loved a child. People always say that if it is yours, you will love "it". No, bro. I don't even love myself, how could I love and care for something that need a permanent presensce and lifetime commitment?! No, thank you. Maybe in next life.
I'm 31, glad I ain't never got anyone pregnant, I hope it stays that way. My sister is now divorced at 27 and is raising a 2 year old on her own. That seems like a really great time...
@@lr8786 Explain please, why is he a asshole. so i wouldnt the wrong idea "btw just you ...i only need youre point, but someone else want to answer fine by me" btw im bias im no team which.
As a mother of one child, I'll state my experience very honestly. At infancy, it was most intimidating because you're forced to wake up in a reality where a loud creature is fully dependent on you. After a brief three months, motherhood got a lot easier for me, I was blessed with a mostly happy and sleeping child. Years later I didn't expect to still handle things this well. All my years before my adult hood, I was a suicidal child, then a suicidal teen, then a *still* mentally recovering adult with PTSD. Most of my life was complete hell up until I ran away and got married to a secret lover. We are both emotionally insightful and we've managed to go past relationship thresholds over the last several years that we've reached a high sense of refuge and security in each other. After having a kid, it further sealed the feeling of being meaningful and needed in our place in the world. Raising her also in a sense, repaired the memories of my own damaged childhood. I found the inner child I had previously lost early in my years by learning to love and play with my own kid. I'd suppose if you had a proper upbringing, being a parent is less pleasant. You are forced to change your self-sustained lifestyle. I'm not saying miserable people can't be miserable parents either. My point is everyone will have a different outcome out of parenthood. Negative or positive. It's all about how you learn to manage from the beginning, and how emotionally well off you are with your partner. I don't see how children become a burden to a 'once perfect' relationship unless you have absolutely no control of your children. My suggestion, seek professional advice. At night I put the kid to bed early and when the husband comes home, it's all about us. And the sex had only gotten better over the years being we've had so much time to practice and we both nearly have the same high drive. Failed relationships are normally found within the source of the parent and not the children themselves. They are born to be guided. If you can't put yourself together, you won't in a small human being either. I've encouraged couples I knew that simply not wanting children is perfectly okay in that of itself. Because I know every experience is different, and I can never guarantee everything will turn out fine like it did for me. I know the feeling, I wasn't emotionally able to care for myself and I never saw myself wanting a child until I fell in love and found the will to repair myself. I've once met a woman over 70 years old and she was a wealthy accountant, never had children. She began having a meltdown over not having children and finally reaching the end of her years. I rationed; "You did exactly everything you wanted to do, that is something to be very proud of. If you had children, who's to say you would of been as happy as you were throughout your life? Did you see yourself as happy as those sitcom families? Or did you see yourself as miserable as your sister with three kids and no degree?" Bottom line, If you're an adult and you want a kid, have one. If you don't want a kid, then don't. If you want a dog instead, get a dog. You will never know what each experience is like until you make the decision. Being completely free of dependents is an experience too, not a waste. If you choose the last two options, just be sure you are emotionally willing to be a nurturing person. Because dogs need love and care too.
This is amazing. You must be an incredible human. Thank you. (I think I'll write these words down and read them whenever I will feel pressured, doubtful and anxious, that I should follow everyones advice instead of my own instinct of staying childfree because of possible regret or loneliness.)
Yes, it can be a positive experience for a mother of one child if she doesn't work full time and not caring if she has a carrier or not. I am a mother of one but I worked full time building my carrier (still working). My child is now an amazing adult, we have really good relationship and love each other a lot. Balancing carrier and caring for my child was a real struggle I wouldnt repeat. But if I decided to give up my carrier I would be really unhappy too. On the other hand there was also a constant fear my child would feel we are not spending enough time together. I consider myself really lucky that everything went well altogether.
I just want to tell every young parent I know: You're average. Your children will grow up and be average like you and live a similarly average life, repeating the cycle. They'll have children who'll be just as average, and on and on it goes. You are not raising The One.
There are times to give your child a boost in terms of confidence and there are times to have them lower their ball. You can't always raise a kid to be a star, but giving the proper motivation to do it can get great results. I've never had any motivation for a career or lifestyle and was often told to "do whatever you want", leaving me confused as to what to do with my life. Even being average is difficult since I'm very irresponsible.
Thank you!! When I tell my family I don't want children they say " You don't know, you might have a little einstein". They sound so ridiculous it irritates me
Actually, no one is "the one" but everyone's definitions are different. Your Average might be my best or vice versa. The fundamental problem with us is quantization and standardisation of the emotions and other stuff like intelligence or success we know little about.
I adopted two kids from foster care and I 💯 regret it. I wanted to make a difference and help them feel loved / change the trajectory of their lives and none of the promises foster care made me were true. As soon as the paperwork was signed - the support vanished. Now I’m stuck with the crap job of teaching these incredibly damaged teens how to be decent people with ZERO support.
It's still better than forcing new people to exist in this horrible world. Those kids already existed and needed care and support. You are a kind person. I hope things are going alright for you and your kids. I'm sure you'll do a much better job than the people who have biological children. Sending all my best wishes to you and your kids.
@Average Joe The same can be said for parents and the derogatory statements they make to childfree people, especially women who don't want kids. Nor do most parents make having children look remotely fulfilling.
you can sweeten it as you want with the photo of the happy family in the cereals but HAVING A CHILD MAKES YOU A SLAVE !! Whatever you see if you want to evade reality by forming a Disney hairpiece on your head is another thing!
i still dont understand what you guys are talking about [teaching sympathy to your kids so they wont grow up to automatically hate you?]. 1. But, anyways, ill just say i have a feeling most of us dont really make the choice to live without having kids. its a social thing and people dont wanna be left out being 30-40 years old without a family as their friends already have one [you get secluded]. 2. Also, if youre a person who views life a bit deeper, then you realize even with all the shit that kids bring, it should be a very philosophical & deep experience to bring a kid to this world. A little minime that you see yourself in. Maybe you may regret it later..i know..but there's a feeling you gotta try. 3. p.s- i just came back from my parent's house. I dont think their perfect at all, and i resent a lot of things regarding how they grew me up, but I just painted their apartment for 3 frikkin hard days. So, I guess i may be an example for a kid who still loves & respects his old folks. Still, i admit to fight with them about stupid things..that's natural when you grow old..
***** Wow..dat quote: "Its not the kids that arent good enough. It's you". Pretty deep :] And I can understand..its a fuckin challenge to raise kids. Real challenge. And with the spoiled brats of today's generation - its even harder. But, maybe if we give up beforehand- it means we dont believe were tough enough for that challenge. I sometimes just look at my parents and I really dont take it for granted..that these two people gave all their lives to raise me and my sister. I think its amazing and fucked up at the same time, and im so grateful to them [again, despite all of the arguments we may have]. I dont know what they did to raise me to be a descent kid..but they somehow did something right. Most of my friends around me dont give a shit about their parents. Not in a bad way..but just in a passive way. Theyre passive about their love/appreciation to them. They will only come for friday dinners, but im not sure how much they will help them day to day and in general. Actually, they tell me that I'm weird for helping them out and the toll it takes from me sometimes [driving them to places..painting their house..etc]. Weird situation...
41, never wanted children until I became a step-mom and did absolutely everything the kids wanted/needed. PTA, sports, medical, shopping, cleaning, graduation pictures, parties... and yet in all these years they still call their alcoholic mother for mother's day and I've never received a hug, a conversation, rarely a thank you, and have become that punching bag they blame for everything, but if I discipline them by taking away the phone I pay for, I'm an evil step-mom.
Can't stop watching the video, it makes me feel good about my final decision at 39 after years of umming and ahhhing trying to decide whether to "kid up" or not. 41 now and biological alarm is going off, I care not.. My husband and I actually drew up a table of pros and cons, the only Pro was *they can (might) look after us when we're old.* Pretty selfish Pro, IMO and _no guarantees_
Inika Inika Other pros include a sense of fulfilment and happiness + being able to make the world a better place by bringing up a good child. Though I'm happy you're happy about your decision ! Wish you a lot of happiness ♡
Charts like that doesn’t really work because having kids is such an emotional bond that you can’t actually describe it. It’s like making a chart about how much easier it would be without your husband. On paper I’m sure it would look pretty enticing 😂 It is hard sometimes but then life is sometimes as well. Just enjoy your life now and don’t think about old age too much I guess.
DipsyMum29 you are right. You should only have kids if you want to. Too many people have kids just because it is what is expected in the circle of life. It is what society does. That is why there are so many psychologically damaged kids. Having kids should be a selfless act where you are ready to give everything you got to give the kid a good life within your means. If not then don't do it. Its not for everyone. If you love having kids because you want to care and dedicate yourself for another person then you should have kids and society should even find a way to support such people to have more.
The biological clock means nothing with modern medicine...there are plenty of ways to still get you pregnant or at least fertilize your eggs artificially.
"Pretty selfish pro", precisely because you're so selfish you could only think of a selfish one... It's not the "pro" that's selfish, it's you. Having happy children and knowing they're happy, regardless of whether or not they look after you when you're old, that's what being a parent is about, that's the selfless "pro", that you obviously missed because you're a self-absorbed human being.
A lot of parents are upset because you said their children weren't special little miracles. Well they have no idea what it is like for those of us who don't want kids. People tell you you are selfish. That you are immature. That you will grow out of it. That you'll regret it when it's too late. All this without knowing you. At every turn you are faced with the idea that you HAVE to have kids to be a real human being. You have to give up on your dreams and stay home and mind a crying baby that is just like a million other babies and will grow up to broken dreams and a mediocre baby like you did and your mother did. The world is running out of water and we won't have antibiotics soon. There is nothing selfish about not having kids. The world doesn't need more humans. You are not doing the world a favour if you have them. You don't get more mature when you have kids, it's just a care-free, fun-loving part of you is crushed to death by worry and anxiety and sleep deprivation. You won't spend your life regretting having lived your life for you and for whoever you share your life with. As the video says, you'll probably wonder "what if" . But you'll also wonder "What if I'd got my PHD in chemistry instead of marine biology?" or "what if I'd travelled around Asia instead of travelling around Europe?" not "What if I made a packed lunch for my kid instead of school dinners". YOU HAVE A CHOICE. Nobody tells you guys that you shouldn't have kids. People tell us all the time that we MUST.
I hadn't thought about that, but it does make sense. I know kids and teenagers always ask me within 10 minutes of meeting me (I teach them sometimes) "Do you have children?" "Do you want children?". I wonder if they do the same with my male colleges, I hadn't thought to ask. Although, I have read about study where hundreds identical CVs were sent to different businesses. 1/4 a father. 1/4 a childless man. 1/4 a mother. 1/4 a childless woman. Fathers were hired over non-fathers. Non-mothers were hired over mothers. I think people make crazy assumptions about you based on your attitude towards having children. For example a parent is probably someone warm and caring and patient while a person who doesn't want kids is probably cold, serious, business like. I don't think these stereotypes are fair as there are so many reasons to choose to have or not have children.
Well said. I have told a few people that I don't want kids and all their reactions were negative. The notion that if I ever have one, it'd be through adoption didn't ring well either. Having kids wasn't my 'life goals' - why would I want to create more kids, knowing that there are still millions of orphans out there struggling to live and waiting for love that might never come to them? Even with that, people would tell you having your OWN kid is different. Although I grew with with a loving family and well cared for, I still ended up a cynical adult. I'd hate to think I'd force an innocent life into this world, not raised them well and see them grew up with broken dreams. Also, I've read something similar to you about the CVs - fathers are viewed as more likely to aim to achieve higher when they have family, whereas if it's mothers, employers felt they would be more family-oriented and would care less about the business world. Also maternity leave, which kinda make sense a bit, but then why wouldn't a mother work harder for their family too? I love kids and is a fan of all cute things, but I'm all for not having children.
I agree. so many people are shamed for not wanting to have kids and called selfish etc. when in fact it's the dicks who go out of their way to have a bunch of kids that are the most selfish. they don't care about over population or more natural resources being used up for these people to live, thus making it more difficult for the people already here. nope! it's even worse when you have this welfare state helping people who shouldnt even have kids half the time, because they cant afford to and would more than likely not, if they knew they would have to do it entirely on their own. and what's really crazy is when you ask some of these parents why they decided to have kids, half of them don't even have a real good reason. they'll give you some bullshit like "i dunno" or "it just happened" or "it just felt like the right time". FOH
@@swatisaini6447 It really wasn't painful. I was asleep, woke up, went home, and rested. Went to work two days after my surgery. Not sure what's hard to understand here.
@@swatisaini6447 for me, tubal ligation had a difficult and painful recovery but it was so worth it for a lifetime of relief. i never have to stress about potential pregnancy again. it's nice that kara had such an easy recovery, but that's not really the norm for surgeries.
+Legions and legends Maybe not knowledge per se, but wisdom. There is a big shortage of calm, philosophical and mature views on reality in our world. I'm so glad, that this channel exists.
I'm not falling into the delusional trap of parent hood, I'm male 27 and I'm getting a vasectomy. I value my life and I won't let a child have control over me for the next 18 + years
Watching this as a 21 year old college kid, I'm both laughing and in tears about how accurate this is. I don't know how my parents managed to not box me up and ship me to Timbuktu, but I'm glad that they didn't. Thanks, School of Life!
ion plan on marrying ever ong, my lifes set with this girl i just mentioned, my girl be outta town most times so she leaves twins at my place for weeks lmaO
My homie is married for 3 years with no children, yet im unmarried with 2 cute children, living in my crib smoking 10g everyday this the best life i coulda asked for
The difference between regretting having children and regretting not having them is that you can't go back on having them... I really feel like I dodged a bullet.
Exactly! Society needs to do a better job of teaching this and not pressuring by assuming that people will have kids. Especially women, and most especially young women.
@@theultimatereductionist7592 It comes down to how your kids turn out. If all the stars align and you have a kid who is super talented in some area, you'll probably think that kids are a blessing. If you have a kid who has behavioral issues, or a physical disability of some sort, you'll probably wonder why God or some other deity hates you. The longer you wait to have kids, the greater the likelihood of having a kid with mental or physical disabilities.
@@victuz I disagree. Even if a man can have kids into his 50.s 60,s and beyond, the chances of the kid being born with some kind of defect increases with age.
People that are child-free by choice (which is basically all child-free couples these days with the invention of IVF and the prevalence of adoption), are not miserable because they don't have kids or feel like they are missing out. If you felt that way, you would have or adopt a kid. They made choices that suit their lives. Being child-free and knowing many child-free people, I've never met one that regretted it, even in the short term. Meanwhile, I have met lots of parents that regretted parenthood in the short term during the difficult first few years and a few that regretted become parents their entire lives. Instead of being unbelievably fatalistic, maybe it would be better to approach the choice to have or not to have children as a personal choice that needs deep consideration and realistic expectations. We shouldn't discourage people's choices or present an idealized front to the world. At the same time it is kind of ridiculous to present all of adult life as a misery with or without children.
Agreed you got it facts 🙏🙏🙏🙏😊 😘 as a person with mental disability autism spectrum disorder, and on top of that I have childhood trauma. Why the hell would I wanna bring that onto another human being? People gets so mean on us child free people but yet I’ve met so many parents that regret it society makes no sense, and we wonder why there are so many broken children like me out there, knowing I’m not alone and the only one. 🤔🫡
thank you school of life for expressing the unspeakable. most of my friends who have had kids REGRET it, particularly with the slow decline in the quality of life here in the usa.
My wife and I are 46. We live relatively stress free lives, we have our wonderfully mundane routines, we eat what we want when we want; we want for nothing. I am in the best shape of my life, I am pursuing interests and hobbies I only dreamed about in my youth and I have to credit ALL of this to not having children. Meanwhile I see my overweight collegues struggling with their teenagers, having to work more than one job or pick up overtime in order to feed them, put them through college, or buy them the newest video game console just so they can end up letting them rot in a nursing home.
Exactly. I am 40 and everybody things I am 30 max. I am fit, learning 6th language, reading, running, mountain climbing, paragliding, skiing, hanging out with my (childfree) friends. I have no debt. I work 4 days a week. My flat is always clean... No regrets 😁
We have enough money to feed our children plus extra disposable income to do things we want. We are not overweight and very happy, doing lots of activities together as a family. We have lots of love in our home. There are positives and negatives to both but having a family does not automatically make you overweight, stressed and left with nothing. If I had nothing I’d still have all the love of my family which would be worth more to me than money and physical stuff any day of the week.
@@truthonwheels8652 You are lucky. Most aren't so lucky. I know many who regret, a few who don't. Will it last? Perhaps. I'm mid 50s and once thought I wanted kids. I am now VERY VERY glad I do not, and my 79 year old mother, who has me caring for her and we are absolutely BEST friends (but no, do not live together, or even mostly in the same country) agrees, despite her multiple grandchildren with whom she was very involved in their growing up. I look around and see the stunted lives of many friends who have children, and some of them are happy, but many are not, and many have secretly confided in me that they regret their circumstances. Others who were formerly happy now have no communication with their children, despite having been loving and excellent parents, post divorce, and feel nothing but rage and shame, and a yearning they cannot fulfil. I wish you well, and perhaps you will continue to beat the odds, but recognise that your circumstances make you unusual, and the exception, not the rule.
So true! Having children is massively idealized in many cultures. Raising children is really hard and though work. Yes, might feel occasionally somewhat happy. But what remains is the constant, neverending work and stress raising children and surviving in this world.
List of things you'll experience when you're a parent: Overwhelming crying that won't stop for days, paying for diapers, losing sleep, dealing with hyperactivity, POTTY TRAINING (which I think is the hardest part other than the teen years), repetitive habits, going to school and helping your child with his/her homework everyday, trying to fight you and annoy you purposefully, and then the teen years. Please find yourself a better lifestyle than being a parent.
@Low Bro I'm boring too, I am in bed very night at 10 pm, even on a Friday night, I had to iron my sons school uniform, make his meals. He's 16 now and I still don't go out anymore, you get used to it.
Yea you should also be handcuffed and put in jail for bringing a need machine that never asked to be here into life because two people made the conscious choice to think it was a great idea. Now that need machine is stuck plunging through all of life’s bullshit and for no apparent reason.
+Christopher McDonnell I don't think the video is cynic at all, just brings new views to the topic of parenthood. A topic nowadays considered sacred and every try for discussion is smothered underneath either over joyous remarks on how children are the ultimate happiness/goal of life, or disregarded by condescending parents by the notion, that you are not a parent yourself. We, as a culture, are obsessed with our children, blocking different opinions or views on the subject.
+Jessica Cerullo I don't think their aim was to be realistic. I think they were trying to provide a counterbalance to our society's tendency to over-glorify parenting. In doing so, they went too far the other way, imo.
***** Taking a nuanced view of parenting and having children seems pretty realistic to me. People often don't want to admit these things because we've made procreation sacrosanct. Denying these facts because people don't want to regret having children is simply not healthy and breeds resentment for those who have chosen otherwise.
Why do you care about that!? You will be dead that moment, does it matter if anyone around you or anyone there to burry you!!! That’s because the fear that society brainwashed people to fear the nonsense
Im just ..too much of an asshole to have kids.. I ll do way more things alone and right now all I want is to do things. This world is full of immature people.. why make more?
Nayr747 I feel bad watching people that cant provide their kids with a stable healthy enviroment having 3-4.. It reminds me pre ww2 era In their minds successful parenting is when the kids live long enough to be 18
Bobby They're also killing each other too. Who cares? You're not gonna be around in 100 years to see them take over. Relax, I'll tell you something that will ease your mind.. one day the sun will engulf the earth.
+Em183 Yes you are gonna see them outbreed you in a 100 years the european population is decreasing while the foreigners are quickly making babies like 5 per man and his property
My daughtet is lovely. She was adorable as a child. She wants no kids. At first I thought she wasn't as happy as I thought in her childhood and this is why she doesn't want kids. It seems she just hates the idea. But she was happy as a kid. Now that I got this clarified I'm happy with her decision. I never regretted having her, but all people are different and it's best to choose what it fits you
+Obvious Turtle That mostly affect pregnant women and the fetus, and only if they have direct contact with the feces. Old people have cats without any problem.
+Obvious Turtle Well, kids are parasites if you think about it a while. Grows inside you... you need to provide food for it... and you get nothing in return.
The question of having children or not is like a double edge sword. You’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t. I’d rather be damned for not having children.
Same here. If you regret having no children, it's not the end of the world. At least you haven't hurt anyone- and you can always adopt a child if it's too late to reproduce. But having a child and regretting it is just.. awful. It gives you 18+ years of hell, it can make your child hate you if they realise they were an accident
I bit the bullet. I told my kids don't have kids. At some point in your life you'll think it's a good idea. it's not! don't have kids. "So you don't love me Daddy? "No, it's not that. I love you so much I'm willing to let you know that it's a bad idea to have kids.
My mom ranted to me when I was little about how life got worse since she became a mother, just to somehow rant again 20 years about me not wanting to have children.
Great video. VERY well put. I never understood people's urge to breed, breed, breed... it's such a self-absorbed robot way to be in this already overpopulated world... not to mention how dumb and cruel most people are. Stop breeding... we don't need more dumb parents raising idiots.
Not robots. Just animals. The basic instinct for every organism is to survive long enough to reproduce and pass on their genetic material. It's the same with just about everything else that lives here.
The world isn't overpopulated you just want an excuse to hate people. Also idiot no one has the urge to breed and breed again, not to mention without breeding there would be no human race.
I'm guessing you're one of the brainless morons who decided to breed and can't conceive doing something for the greater good ... cuz the human race is so awesome.
Britt P. I couldn't have put it better my self. It's so true and people say that it's normal to want to have kids because of the basic instinct of gene propagation. I say that we as humans can rise above our basic instincts. Just do what makes you happy.
I am an anti-natalist, although environment is the second most important reason for my anti-natalism. Actually, I believe that the birth-rates are declining globally and have plunged even in very poor countries (watch Dr Hans Rosling's "Don't panic"). A little bit of medical insurance and education can do wonders. Still, I agree with you. There is already too many of us. And even if could somehow bypass that, I am certain genocide, murders, war, domestic violence, health issues and the mother of them all - death, will never be cured. Not to mention the overall human as*hole-ness.
For anybody who is told "WOOH You'll regret not having kids when you're on your deathbed! You're going to die alone!" DO NOT BELIEVE THEIR CRAP. Being childless does NOT stop you from forming another loving family. Focus on cultivating deep and important friendships, join a community, care for other people, get to know your other relatives like your nieces, nephews, brothers and sisters, etc. I repeat, you can have a family and die loved and happy WITHOUT effing kids!
I feel that way but then by the time you've saved enough in life to really retire comfortably, your body is not in the same state it was when you were young and full of energy....I feel like we're going to be able to retire comfortably in our 60's but there isn't much fun you can have in a 60 yr old body by yourself...you're more likely to be a homebody which means you're more likely to spend a lot of lonely time at your home with no kids to come by and bring grandkids.
@@jawant6039 how is kids bringing grandkids a means of happiness? It seems selfish to me. And no, if you don't have kids, you already have way more money than breeders and can spend it in any way you like. Do anything you want. Go anywhere you want! Gotta love that freedom!
What's really tough is spending your best years sacrificing for your kids, putting yourself last, and then have them turn their backs on you and walk away. The more you give a child the more ungrateful they become. This video is spot on!!!
decided long time ago, that I am not having kids. After seeing my parents suffer and be trapped with what they want to do in life because of kids, just made me see that having kids will lead to suffering Anything you attach yourself to will cause suffering anyway...
Not every kid goes through a "jerkass teenage phase", jeez. I think I was a great teen who was good to my parents, and still am as an adult. That's not to say I didn't have some shitty times in my late teen/early adult life, but I never blamed them for it or took it out on them. I've always dealt with my angst quite privately and don't make much of a fuss about things I KNOW are not other people's problems.
Lisa Zoria Yeah I went through a jerkass early adult phase (I was an excellent adolescent) but my Mum abused me and I felt like she had really fucked me over. My pre frontal cortex took longer than most to settle down. I really don't think I could've done anything different. I was in a super vulnerable state. In the long run its all worked out. My Mum has had a diagnosis of the mental health type and she's really improved. Would she have taken the steps necessary to sort herself out if I hadn't have been such a fucktard? No, probably not. I don't blame her anymore and we are on good terms.
I'm happily child free. The older I get, the happier I am with my decision not to breed. Best decision I ever made in my life was choosing to be child free. I can sleep in, travel, do whatever I want without the responsibility of taking care of another human being. If I had kids, I would have been so miserable. Fur-babies are the kinda babies I wanna take care of.
Having decided, at a young age never to have children, and having appreciated that decision throughout my life, I do not agree with the summation of this video. When my mother (who had five children) neared the end of her life she said, "If I had it to do all over again I don't think I would have children."
Well maybe if she had had no children, she would have said she wished she had had had children. Does this grammar make any sense by the way? had had had? wtf.
I seriously ponder how people find the money to raise children. I am barely surviving on my own. I won't do it. Society places too much emphasis on the rewarding part and not enough on the hardships. The hardships win for me. While I do love kids and love to see their personal growth, I do not want to sacrifice my time and energy 24/7. That is an incredibly demanding and unfair job. No thanks lol. Not to mention kids get sick. Very sick. Dying sick. I am not emotionally equipped (at any age) to ever have to deal with the strong possibility of my child dying from a disease that cannot be cured. Kids require so much physical and emotional labor that I cannot even provide for myself. The type of labor you need to visit a mental health professional regularly for. Once again, no thanks lol. But, thank you for this video. I think people need to be aware of what they're getting themselves into. Like, seriously.
The only reason why I would tell someone not to have kids is because if anything happens to them - it’s almost impossible to recover. When it’s your kid that dies, the only relief - it feel sometimes is to just die. It’s so frightening to love someone so much and then to lose them.
I knew I didn't want kids since I was 12. I'm 17 now and I still don't like or want kids in my future. If you want or like kids, good for you. I won't destroy my body, my peace, and my bank account because people think that everyone should have kids. Parenthood is not for everyone. I will enjoy my freedom and money in my childfree adulthood. And I will fight to get my tubes tied and I pray I am infertile!
+khoa tran what joy of children, they suck the joy out yer relationship, make you think about them souly or societty says your selfish if you decide to not bother with the parasites. Have the seen the upsurge of kids who hit there parents, some joy that, and thats down to a society that is so child centered its sickening
I agree I have generalised anxiety disorder and panic attacks. I decided not to have any children most people said to me 'you are so stupid children would have given you something to take your mind off your anxiety'. I thought if I can't take care of myself I certainly will not be able to take care of a vulnerable little baby.
Everyone need to just accept the reality and get over it, one of the reasons i personally am not into having kids tbh. I totally agree to what has been said, life isnt heaven.
I disagree that the child free and parents are equally miserable. Children will rob you of the one thing that's truly important, your freedom. You can get love from spouses and lovers, family and friends, even pets, but you can never get your freedom out of parenthood. Your life will be theirs for 20 years at least.
Emma Cox freedom may be the most important thing to YOU right NOW but come talk to me when your 70 and alone. I bet your not in a committed relationship either. Are you?
Myles Johnson I guess you wouldn't mind living in North Korea PERMANENTLY along with your progeny and other family member. Freedom doesn't matter, right?
Having kids or marrying somebody because you're afraid of ending up alone is the stupidest reason to have kids or marry anybody. Children are their own sentient beings, not something you created just so you can have somebody to force to talk to you when you're old and dying...
Shooting Range Productions that has literally nothing to do with this conversation. I'm a lot for freedom from the government. Ironic enough I'm typing this while sitting in my car with a Glock 19 carried appendix and a knife in my pocket and on my hip. I'm all for freedom. But you should voluntarily give some freedoms up, like being single and eating how you want all the time, for a better healthier future.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't a parent but every time I ask myself "If you could go back in time would you not get a baby?" and everytime I answer "Yes, I would". I will never regret my child even if it sometimes is difficult.
I'm 16 and I've never experienced that hateful phase of adolescence. Even though I have developed my own beliefs and goals, I still feel close to my mother. And father, though he passed away tragically in 2014. I was very close to him, and although it's sad that he's gone, I'm very glad I was so close to him during his time on earth.
No silly! People have kids so they can continue their family tree....so they can pass their genes on... and so they can have a bit of true fun in life! Kids can be really fun you know! It's not that kids are not fun, it's just that adults become boring over time...
Maybe for someone who doesn't have dreams of a white picket fence, kids, loving husband and a meaningful career. But for many people, that's a very real dream. Not everyone wants to go to the moon or own a Ferrari as a destination of success.
People have different types of dreams. You may dream of doing something like being a pilot or writing a book, but some people have a dream of starting a family and settling down.
Lol, trust me, I am wayyy less miserable not having kids. Nothing for me to envy here~ Plus the world is overpopulated, so the childfree are doing the environment a favor!
Stop with the whole “overpopulation” shit. It’s stupid. It just shows your either scared of kids (if so, really dude?) Or your scared of having them. I don’t know why you can’t just say your opinion.
Great video! Admittedly, I've had some thoughts about starting my own little gargoyle assembly line. But then, I consider the bleak outlook for the future (environmentally and quite possibly economically speaking) and that's enough deterrent for me. Besides, I'm not so sure I would like to impose on another being the burden of existence, or the ordeal that must be for some innocent creature to call me 'dad'...
+jaggo84 One of the few who actually THINK about the decision as one which would affect the child. Hats off to you! So few people can think of it outside of "I'm so cool I want more things like me in the world! I have my shit perfectly together and can definitely raise a good human or five." and they're wrong, technically and ethically.
+Jonathan Smith I seriously doubt I want to have kids, but if I would, I would adopt. I've been really shocked at the negative reactions to my resolution, like my mom saying "Whaaat, why wouldn't you have your own real kids?!" and my mother-in-law saying "I wouldn't be able to love them as if they were my own grandchildren" and my sister-in-law saying "If you have asian kids, I won't be babysitting". Why does adoption raise such abhorrent thoughts?
mig5l Valid question, I've asked myself that sometimes (although not with the same boorish eloquence of yours, I have to admit). In my case is a mere act of courtesy to those who have grown somewhat attached to my dumb cynical self. Also, there's an element of morbid curiosity about what's going to happen in the near future. It's that plus some other personal reasons that are none of your fucking business.
Well Boorish Eloquence is a luxury many people can't afford. I am find refreshing that at least you admit you are a cynic. Why would I care for fucking your business? Did I insult you by calling you cynic? You clearly know what you are...It just seems the profanity was uncalled for. As I genuinely don't know If you understand it, This video is a worst case, and wildly unrealistic, scenario. It is by no means fair or accurate in its representations of even "The horrors of children". Happy 2016!
Pls do "The Horrors of Children II - The Financial Destruction." Make a list of all the cool things you could do or buy instead of spending all that time and money on kids.
@@elisch1871 It is about yourself. Oftentimes when people accidentally make children, they're thinking about themselves. When people purposefully make children, they're thinking about themselves. When someone wants something, they're thinking about themselves. You need to think about yourself to determine if you really want them. If I didn't care about myself, I would have a child. And then probably end up abusing them because I would find them so annoying. So to a large extent, it is about the parents.
My mom said “I love you guys but honestly I don’t know if I’d have kids if I did my life all over again.” She explained how much of a commitment is and you never stop worrying about them the second you find our you’re pregnant, and it continues for life, not to mention how expensive kids are. My brother and I are 29&30 & he has 3 kids I have none. After babysitting I thought for sure I’d have kids before 25 but working now Im leaning to the other side of none..🤷🏼♀️
My mom said the same thing. She said for her it was the thanklessness of it all - it's the world's most thankless job. So much sacrifice for which there is absolutely no compensation, just a bunch of time spent on other people who don't seem to appreciate it no matter how good you are to them. Of course she loves us, and we had the most wonderful childhood, but the way I see it, I'm going to die one day whether I have kids or not. The question is how enjoyable do I want my life to be between now and then... Kids seem so enormously stressful.
When I was in my early 20’s, I told an older friend that I never wanted to have kids. He said I would regret not having kids when I got old because I’d have no one to come visit me. To which, I said, I hate when people come to visit me because they don’t know when to leave and overstay their welcome so I’m cool with no one coming to visit me.
I used to think like this before I had my children. All those people raving about having kids, I thought it was a desperate attempt to make some kind of meaning out their shitty situation. But now that I have become a mother, I have experienced the true joy and anger and sadness, not to mention a sense of helplessness as I watch my children go through so much pain and suffering just to grow up. You will never know pain like a mother watching your child suffer. And knowing that I might be the one who is hurting the one I love the most, makes me weep at night. But there is so much joy so much love that I have never felt or received before. I no longer fear anything because I can and will do anything for my children. I will welcome any punch and rebellion from my children and still give everything I got just because they showed me the most sincere smile and gave me the closest hugs. I know a child is not for everyone nor should it be. But know that there are many parents who love their child more than themselves but never quite learn the art of showing it the right way. Don't hate your parents too much thinking that you are just a pet project. No pet peoject takes a life time to finish.
+Betty G Until you experience what *I* have experiences (a math PhD, an A.S. in Biotechnology) YOU will never understand/know the enormous highs and lows of emotions that *I* have had. That is what you sound like. EVERYBODY can play that game. "You will never know pain like a mother watching your child suffer. " If your breeding were so "hard", then you wouldn't have done it. If you really cared about your kids not suffering, you would not have forced them into existence, without their permission, without their consent. Show me the signed & notarized paperwork your kids gave you BEFORE you popped them into existence, breeder.
This video is in such contrast to other ones which supposedly teach compassion, love and understanding. To such an extent it's different that it brought together the most toxic, militant anti "breeders", nihilists and cynics, people who make this issue their whole identity, their life call.
+gatorrulers "You don't need to be a mom or dad to know pain (or exhaustion). Life does that for you. Parents really should stop trying to one-up everyone. It's not a competition and parents choose to deal with the hardships that mother/fatherhood entails." Worth repeating (so I did)!!
i love how offended ppl get when anyone suggests children may not be the Best Thing That Can Ever Happen To U
+RainAngel111 well im not stopping /you/ from having all the kids u want...,,...........go ahead
+RainAngel111 Ur projecting impossibly far into the future. The world is severely overpopulated today and from what we can actually project the population is estimated to reach 9 billion by 2050 & 11 billion by 2100 according to the economist (even with rising levels of education.) Claiming everyone has to have 3 kids to replace the dying population simply is not correct with the global population numbers today. The Earth has already reached carrying capacity and from how I see it abstaining from adding more people to the equation is neither sinful nor selfish.
RainAngel111 First of all, we are already overpopulated. People are living too long and too many children are being born. The birth rate should slow down until the death rte rises, then i
the birth rate can go up. Women are not obligated to give birth. Men are not obligated to father children. If ypu want to have 6 kids, go ahead. Us child free people will enjoy our lives the way we want to.
As a mom I can tell you that kids can be the worst thing that ever happen to you. Unfortunately I can't bring back time and make a different decision. I'm stuck with this boring lifestyle of working hard, changing poop spending my money and worry all the time about a human being that I created and he never asked to be born. I Remember when I was childless the old good days where I use to have free time where I had a modeling body and I was a fun and social person. I'm no longer the same I feel like an old, unattractive, boring woman. For all of you who are considering having kids but you aren't sure don't do it. It's not rainbows it's not worth it
i have no children and i feel the same. it's not the child that makes you unhappy. it's you.
If you have kids & regret it, that`s really hard on you, but if you don`t have kids & regret it, you can console yourself with the fact that you have so much more free time & disposable income. Then there`s the peace & quiet.
Also adoption is always an option if you don't have kids and regret it . Unlike having them if you regret you can't return them and get a refund. It's stuck with you for 18 years
Steph V I don't have kids and I don't get peace and quiet lol.
Hahahaha, not necessarily. I'm single and most of my free time and disposable income goes to other people's kids. (Since I was 13, really) I know nothing of this free time and disposable income of which you speak.
@@epb9000 Why does most of your time and money go to kids? Are you a teacher?
+Em A. I have a large extended family and have been tasked with childcare since I was a child myself. Over the years it became a sort of responsibility/expectation snowball. I never went to parties in high school or college as I prioritized their needs above mine. I picked my current career in information services because the flexible hours and decent pay allow me to attend to a lot of those responsibilities.
I rather regret something I never had than to regret something I permanently have ANY DAY
But would you not rather regret something you did than something you didn't do?
This isn't just one person being effected by this my guy. If you have kids and regret them both you and a innocent child are effected because kids can tell when they are not wanted (take it from me, an accidental child). However if you don't have kids and regret not doing so you are the only one who suffers and besides, there are millions of children waiting to be adopted if you so desire.
Me too dude, especially as a woman
It's just like the saying, "You can't miss something you've never had."
👏👏👏
It may sound weird, but the somewhat pessimistic tone of these videos makes me feel so much more optimistic about my life.
Micah Buzan Ikr
Micah Buzan Same here hahaha
I second that!
Micah Buzan me too
I just want the truth no sugar coating
I'm now approaching 50. When will I regret not having children?
We *all* die alone. No one goes with you. The spouse or child holding your hand? Not coming with you. The starcrossed lover you're about to jump off that bridge with? Not coming with you. The other scared creatures in that bathroom with you waiting for the gunman to reload, hoping God will *do* something? Not coming with you. You're going out the exact same way you came in. You'll return to the void alone. Your comment also presupposes that everyone who's ever reproduced had one of their copies present at the time of their demise. In some instances that was all too true, because it was the copy who ended the original. Humans are the only species that live in two worlds, the one we make up for comfort and the *real* one that exists without pity.
leviathanmg Its a comfort thing you moron. Ask any hospice nurse. Dying people sometimes chose to die when love ones are present and some die as soon as they get to be by theirselves. Whos said anything about bring anyone with you. You were loved when you came in this world and want to feel some love when you leave. Except probably you and you cold Mother whom birth you.
I apologize if I hurt your feelings. Reality is a heavy thing to carry.
I hope I'll never regret it too... and if I do, it's infinitely better to regret not having them than regret having them.
Maybe never, kids don't make your life happier they make it more interesting. Your kids aren't there to make you happy, you're there for them and then they decide they hate you and bugger off, they may come back when they start the whole shambles again and want a babysitter. Then you get to give out the sweet stuff because your poor kid has to put up with the sugar high.
The real life-hack is to play and have fun with your sibling's or friend's kids, that way you never need kids of your own.
Maestro Manifesto LOL you my friend have hacked the system. That's the solution to the end of this video.
Maestro Manifesto Yes! You would be the fun aunt\uncle! You can have all the joys of kids without the responsibility! Whoo-hoo!
No thank you
Manuel I can totally agree with that.
See the problem is, I have no siblings (till now) so I NEED TO HAVE A KID TO CARRY ON THE TREE
"You can't regret what you didn't want in the first place"
Amen
Childfree for life. Parenthood looks like absolute misery.
Probably because you were a miserable child :/
+Kæla Brown Yes, having a bad childhood *can* be one of the reasons someone chooses not to have children. Your argument is...?
+Kæla Brown or, maybe he is just intelligent enough to realize that. most idiots just operate on instinct. sex and reproduction is just a biological thing
Kæla Brown You don't know a single thing about me. I had a very happy childhood and my parents did a good job raising me and my sister. Get lost, you ignorant bitch.
Balon Greyjoy Thanks for proving my point :)
Raise the kid in yourself, the world needs our consciousness. Rescue a cat/dog it will delight you.
Great point. 100%
Rightly said
Goodness, I'm starting to feel like the only person on this planet that actually adores every second with their kid. lol.
Although, to be fair, my kid was easy from the beginning and he's only 7, so I guess I'll come back to this when he's 17 and let you know if I still feel the same.
+Dawnna Lynne dont worry, watch their own video: "Wisdom" the trick is not worrying much about them ;)
I can only say good luck to you and see you in ten years!
you are hard wired to enjoy it.
I'm actually not even a big fan of kids of any age. I have a shit ton of nieces and nephews that are brats to say the least so when I found out I was pregnant I wasn't in the least bit ready. However, loving that kid came so naturally and I have never had a problem with him acting out, discipline, being crazy, or bratty... I'm hoping his good spirit sticks. He's a great guy. lol
+Dawnna Lynne
Good luck - think good and it will be good.
How we look at others pulls them to be so.
It's thanks to wise, loving mothers like yourself that humanity continues.
Baby = Flap Jack
+Stayback Rotmg chewy?
Flap jack flap jack come with me a place to see a place called candy island
+Richexrich Who needs Candied Island? It's safer at the dock?! :D
+Stayback Rotmg "do you see, do you see seaweed? makin babies for mee and my familyy.."
lol
Regretting having kids is WAY worse than regretting not having them. Not only are you now having to look after another human being, now this child will grow up realizing their parents didn't want them.
This video is the best kind of birth control.
It's funny how parents expect their kids to be a saint,while they weren't when they were young.
Kami Braveheart well you hope for the best
yes because every parent in existence doesnt understand that thank u for the insight could u please accept this nobel prize for this outstanding discovery????
Well said, Kami.
Nobody is perfect...
If the parent is a better parent than their parents were, maybe the expectations are warranted. Maybe they learned from the mistakes their parents made with them.
I've always said I never wanted kids. I'm an adult now. And still no kids, my life is awesome!
delphina joseph I don’t have the patience and I had 6 siblings. I know I can’t raise children. I’m the type to pull out a frying pan every time I hear loud noises
I envy you.
I'm so confuesed
I so wish mine was too.
@@mutemidorianimations8745 thats rude u hate ur child if u told ur child u hate him u will break his heart
I have no relationship, no children and no debts, i am a god among men!
+fish and banana Cheers to that!
+fish and banana No, just lucky.
+fish and banana That would be hell to me.. No purpose in life
+PrograzBeatz Just because someone doesnt have a relationship, kids or debts, doesnt mean they don't have purpose in life. There is more to life than those three things. ;)
+PrograzBeatz
I would hate it if my purpose/meaning in life depended on other people than myself...
My animations are my children, and they are a lot of work, and i hate and love them at the same time.
please watch my children.
Pikapetey Animations K
WHY DO I SEE YOU EVERYWHERE
ARE WE THE SAME PERSON
ARE YOU THE FBI
WHAT ARE YOU
Ur here? My goodness xD
your children are beautiful
Well said! Never once have I wanted children. Remember, you don't have to breed if you don't want to. Don't let others tell you how to live your life.
I remember when I was growing up, while I was an only child, I saw a lot of angry peers growing up. I kept hearing children talk back to their parents saying things:
"I didn't ask to be born"
"Why did you bring me into this world"
The most jarring one I remember though was when I was at a sleep over : "If I'm such an annoyance ,then throw me in an orphanage so I can be someone else's problem." Emphasis on problem.
-
Maybe I'm being existential again, but "bad" Adults seem to be no different from child's themselves; I want a pet = I want a baby.
It's almost selfish in a way, granting life and soul to another sentient existence regardless of context or circumstance outside of rape and failed protection.
A little off from yours, but I remember really vividly once when I was in middle school, this rich girl broke down crying in the corner of a classroom. She wasn't doing it for attention, she was just having a full on meltdown she couldn't control. I couldn't help but overhear her sobbing to the friend trying to comfort her that she was miserable because her parents didn't know how to pay her any attention. When she acted out, she wanted to be reined in and be shown that her parents cared about her well-being. Instead, they just showered her with more money in hopes of being forgiven for something they didn't even know the cause behind.
It kind of sounded like they were both ambitious with their careers and kind of sacrificed their child to succeed. A kid is a lot of work. Maybe don't have any if you don't think you can commit your life to raising one no matter what.
So we should all just die? Where's the logic in that? Also moron we don't grant life to anyone, it just happens.
illusion756 This isn't a game dumbass, try again. And you called giving birth selfish so you do want us to all die.
"They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself."
-Philip Larkin
I believe parents have children just because they want something, another human being, to push their ideas onto. For the first ten years, they have complete control and innately have the complete respect of another human being. If not all, then at least some parents. This is probably the reason for Pageant Moms and moms who always push their child to be every they weren't.
Parents push the idea of unquestioning respect. For many, the response is not a deep and thorough explanation of the potential consequences of actions, it is 'because I said so." Many parents seem very much like dictators in their approach to their children. This is only worsened by the fact that many parents don't respect their children, even though they expect respect in return for their behaviour towards them. This might be some of the reason people have children.
Another might be society's push for the ideal life of children.
I haven't fully formed this idea, it sort of just came to my mind while watching the video, so this probably isn't fully true.
Never wanted kids. Got my tubes tied. No regrets! I'm certainly NOT miserable or envious of people with kids...I often pity them! Lol
I could tell by your profile...
The Childfree Curly Girl same
Congrats! And Amen to that!!
I bet she brings this up at every party and has a t-shirt mocking parents lol
Guess you pity your parents too.
The horror of children 👶🏽 is that they are too expensive.
They are expensive, but the joy of them far outweighs anything you could buy. Even as someone who does not have money to enjoy
and loud and you have to watch them way more closely then animals
also someone sooner or later has to bury them and it might be you.
@@zacharyp10 to u maybe theres million people in poor country fell into poverty circle the moment theyd born and never coming out of it due social and religious pressure about marriage made thier parents just fulfilling their social duty to married and raising kids instead doing it in the right manner
@@releasemindssecondlast1802 lol wtf are you even trying to say? Your English is terrible
That literally sums up what I always thought... People think I'm pessimistic but I always wondered why no one ever wants to talk about this!!!! It's always such a positive thing having kids or just something everyone does. I always wonder how people just don't think things like this through. If you're not ready to be #2 in your life forever then you shouldn't be a parent. I remember thinking when I was a kid, why the hell would anyone CHOOSE to be a parent???
When I was informed that whole point of life was to reproduce, I went through quite an existential crisis. Was that all there was? Life seemed dismal at best, I didn't look forward to getting married or having kids. Then I hit adolescence and realized that I could live my life however I wanted, screw what everyone said because I was going to decide what gave my life meaning!
Handshake of ultimate respect.*
Same here. Took a while for me to get where I am now on this matter, and be okay and happy about it
Sometimes we feel obligated to not share the realities of life for those still in somewhat of a blissful state of ig.
After 20 years I still don't want kids. I guess I am just not "wired" to reproduce. I never loved a child. People always say that if it is yours, you will love "it". No, bro. I don't even love myself, how could I love and care for something that need a permanent presensce and lifetime commitment?! No, thank you. Maybe in next life.
The point of animal life is to reproduce. Animals live normal lives in balance with the world. We are a cancer.
Amen
I'm 31, glad I ain't never got anyone pregnant, I hope it stays that way. My sister is now divorced at 27 and is raising a 2 year old on her own. That seems like a really great time...
You sound like an asshole
Yep, many people who were in a hurry to get married and have children get divorced. And vice versa. It's just a fact.
@@lr8786 Explain please, why is he a asshole. so i wouldnt the wrong idea "btw just you ...i only need youre point, but someone else want to answer fine by me" btw im bias im no team which.
@Insert Redletter Media Meme Here maybe she is having a good time. Too bad you’ll never know since you *hate* children so much 🙄
@Hartono not everyone is poor like you.
"Both side are just interesting and differently miserable but neither side has very much to envy from the other" I love this sentence so much
As a mother of one child, I'll state my experience very honestly. At infancy, it was most intimidating because you're forced to wake up in a reality where a loud creature is fully dependent on you. After a brief three months, motherhood got a lot easier for me, I was blessed with a mostly happy and sleeping child. Years later I didn't expect to still handle things this well. All my years before my adult hood, I was a suicidal child, then a suicidal teen, then a *still* mentally recovering adult with PTSD. Most of my life was complete hell up until I ran away and got married to a secret lover. We are both emotionally insightful and we've managed to go past relationship thresholds over the last several years that we've reached a high sense of refuge and security in each other. After having a kid, it further sealed the feeling of being meaningful and needed in our place in the world. Raising her also in a sense, repaired the memories of my own damaged childhood. I found the inner child I had previously lost early in my years by learning to love and play with my own kid. I'd suppose if you had a proper upbringing, being a parent is less pleasant. You are forced to change your self-sustained lifestyle. I'm not saying miserable people can't be miserable parents either. My point is everyone will have a different outcome out of parenthood. Negative or positive. It's all about how you learn to manage from the beginning, and how emotionally well off you are with your partner. I don't see how children become a burden to a 'once perfect' relationship unless you have absolutely no control of your children. My suggestion, seek professional advice. At night I put the kid to bed early and when the husband comes home, it's all about us. And the sex had only gotten better over the years being we've had so much time to practice and we both nearly have the same high drive. Failed relationships are normally found within the source of the parent and not the children themselves. They are born to be guided. If you can't put yourself together, you won't in a small human being either. I've encouraged couples I knew that simply not wanting children is perfectly okay in that of itself. Because I know every experience is different, and I can never guarantee everything will turn out fine like it did for me. I know the feeling, I wasn't emotionally able to care for myself and I never saw myself wanting a child until I fell in love and found the will to repair myself. I've once met a woman over 70 years old and she was a wealthy accountant, never had children. She began having a meltdown over not having children and finally reaching the end of her years. I rationed; "You did exactly everything you wanted to do, that is something to be very proud of. If you had children, who's to say you would of been as happy as you were throughout your life? Did you see yourself as happy as those sitcom families? Or did you see yourself as miserable as your sister with three kids and no degree?" Bottom line, If you're an adult and you want a kid, have one. If you don't want a kid, then don't. If you want a dog instead, get a dog. You will never know what each experience is like until you make the decision. Being completely free of dependents is an experience too, not a waste. If you choose the last two options, just be sure you are emotionally willing to be a nurturing person. Because dogs need love and care too.
very wise and right comment! thank you!
I love your comment.... thanks for sharing your experience... ..!!
This is amazing. You must be an incredible human. Thank you.
(I think I'll write these words down and read them whenever I will feel pressured, doubtful and anxious, that I should follow everyones advice instead of my own instinct of staying childfree because of possible regret or loneliness.)
You know what I didn't read the whole comment.. But i am damn sure this is a positive message.. Enjoy your family life.
Yes, it can be a positive experience for a mother of one child if she doesn't work full time and not caring if she has a carrier or not. I am a mother of one but I worked full time building my carrier (still working). My child is now an amazing adult, we have really good relationship and love each other a lot. Balancing carrier and caring for my child was a real struggle I wouldnt repeat. But if I decided to give up my carrier I would be really unhappy too. On the other hand there was also a constant fear my child would feel we are not spending enough time together. I consider myself really lucky that everything went well altogether.
I just want to tell every young parent I know: You're average. Your children will grow up and be average like you and live a similarly average life, repeating the cycle. They'll have children who'll be just as average, and on and on it goes. You are not raising The One.
There are times to give your child a boost in terms of confidence and there are times to have them lower their ball. You can't always raise a kid to be a star, but giving the proper motivation to do it can get great results. I've never had any motivation for a career or lifestyle and was often told to "do whatever you want", leaving me confused as to what to do with my life. Even being average is difficult since I'm very irresponsible.
Dragon 9 No, you will get a stressed and anxious perfectionist working machine.
Thank you!! When I tell my family I don't want children they say " You don't know, you might have a little einstein". They sound so ridiculous it irritates me
Actually, no one is "the one" but everyone's definitions are different. Your Average might be my best or vice versa. The fundamental problem with us is quantization and standardisation of the emotions and other stuff like intelligence or success we know little about.
leviathanmg If you even consider not being a prodigy average.
I adopted two kids from foster care and I 💯 regret it. I wanted to make a difference and help them feel loved / change the trajectory of their lives and none of the promises foster care made me were true. As soon as the paperwork was signed - the support vanished. Now I’m stuck with the crap job of teaching these incredibly damaged teens how to be decent people with ZERO support.
It's still better than forcing new people to exist in this horrible world. Those kids already existed and needed care and support. You are a kind person. I hope things are going alright for you and your kids. I'm sure you'll do a much better job than the people who have biological children. Sending all my best wishes to you and your kids.
This is not good to watch when your pregnant
So you tell your kids "having you was like taking shit".
Jayden Colour you're*
Yuur* Preganananant*
Jayden Colour lmao
Jayden Colour KILL IF I HAVE KIDS
This is too much truth for people to handle. This video says everything parents are thinking, but will never say.
@Average Joe The same can be said for parents and the derogatory statements they make to childfree people, especially women who don't want kids.
Nor do most parents make having children look remotely fulfilling.
@Eaxl What is inaccurate about it?
you can sweeten it as you want with the photo of the happy family in the cereals but HAVING A CHILD MAKES YOU A SLAVE !! Whatever you see if you want to evade reality by forming a Disney hairpiece on your head is another thing!
My parents must have screwed up badly because I am way above average. I know this because they tell me.
Uh.. I know ...duh!
+Ali Can Metan I've been told many times that I am the best humble person in the world.
+El. Mejor Your modesty is erm.....crushing.
+Alvslife i have birthmark that spells el mejor..what are the odds.
+Philip Jones if i had a millionth of a penny for every time i heard that.
In my eyes kids are just added on endless debt.
+xJerzakHD Endless debt personified, AND it grows to resent you! Woohoo!
+Jaja okay så What do you mean?
+Jaja okay så If you're lucky enough to have one with the capacity to learn sympathy.
i still dont understand what you guys are talking about [teaching sympathy to your kids so they wont grow up to automatically hate you?].
1. But, anyways, ill just say i have a feeling most of us dont really make the choice to live without having kids. its a social thing and people dont wanna be left out being 30-40 years old without a family as their friends already have one [you get secluded].
2. Also, if youre a person who views life a bit deeper, then you realize even with all the shit that kids bring, it should be a very philosophical & deep experience to bring a kid to this world. A little minime that you see yourself in. Maybe you may regret it later..i know..but there's a feeling you gotta try.
3. p.s- i just came back from my parent's house. I dont think their perfect at all, and i resent a lot of things regarding how they grew me up, but I just painted their apartment for 3 frikkin hard days. So, I guess i may be an example for a kid who still loves & respects his old folks. Still, i admit to fight with them about stupid things..that's natural when you grow old..
***** Wow..dat quote: "Its not the kids that arent good enough. It's you". Pretty deep :] And I can understand..its a fuckin challenge to raise kids. Real challenge. And with the spoiled brats of today's generation - its even harder. But, maybe if we give up beforehand- it means we dont believe were tough enough for that challenge.
I sometimes just look at my parents and I really dont take it for granted..that these two people gave all their lives to raise me and my sister. I think its amazing and fucked up at the same time, and im so grateful to them [again, despite all of the arguments we may have]. I dont know what they did to raise me to be a descent kid..but they somehow did something right. Most of my friends around me dont give a shit about their parents. Not in a bad way..but just in a passive way. Theyre passive about their love/appreciation to them. They will only come for friday dinners, but im not sure how much they will help them day to day and in general. Actually, they tell me that I'm weird for helping them out and the toll it takes from me sometimes [driving them to places..painting their house..etc]. Weird situation...
41, never wanted children until I became a step-mom and did absolutely everything the kids wanted/needed. PTA, sports, medical, shopping, cleaning, graduation pictures, parties... and yet in all these years they still call their alcoholic mother for mother's day and I've never received a hug, a conversation, rarely a thank you, and have become that punching bag they blame for everything, but if I discipline them by taking away the phone I pay for, I'm an evil step-mom.
Sorry to hear that
Can't stop watching the video, it makes me feel good about my final decision at 39 after years of umming and ahhhing trying to decide whether to "kid up" or not. 41 now and biological alarm is going off, I care not..
My husband and I actually drew up a table of pros and cons, the only Pro was *they can (might) look after us when we're old.* Pretty selfish Pro, IMO and _no guarantees_
Inika Inika Other pros include a sense of fulfilment and happiness + being able to make the world a better place by bringing up a good child.
Though I'm happy you're happy about your decision ! Wish you a lot of happiness ♡
Charts like that doesn’t really work because having kids is such an emotional bond that you can’t actually describe it. It’s like making a chart about how much easier it would be without your husband. On paper I’m sure it would look pretty enticing 😂
It is hard sometimes but then life is sometimes as well.
Just enjoy your life now and don’t think about old age too much I guess.
DipsyMum29 you are right. You should only have kids if you want to. Too many people have kids just because it is what is expected in the circle of life. It is what society does. That is why there are so many psychologically damaged kids. Having kids should be a selfless act where you are ready to give everything you got to give the kid a good life within your means. If not then don't do it. Its not for everyone. If you love having kids because you want to care and dedicate yourself for another person then you should have kids and society should even find a way to support such people to have more.
The biological clock means nothing with modern medicine...there are plenty of ways to still get you pregnant or at least fertilize your eggs artificially.
"Pretty selfish pro", precisely because you're so selfish you could only think of a selfish one... It's not the "pro" that's selfish, it's you.
Having happy children and knowing they're happy, regardless of whether or not they look after you when you're old, that's what being a parent is about, that's the selfless "pro", that you obviously missed because you're a self-absorbed human being.
A lot of parents are upset because you said their children weren't special little miracles. Well they have no idea what it is like for those of us who don't want kids. People tell you you are selfish. That you are immature. That you will grow out of it. That you'll regret it when it's too late. All this without knowing you.
At every turn you are faced with the idea that you HAVE to have kids to be a real human being. You have to give up on your dreams and stay home and mind a crying baby that is just like a million other babies and will grow up to broken dreams and a mediocre baby like you did and your mother did.
The world is running out of water and we won't have antibiotics soon. There is nothing selfish about not having kids.
The world doesn't need more humans. You are not doing the world a favour if you have them.
You don't get more mature when you have kids, it's just a care-free, fun-loving part of you is crushed to death by worry and anxiety and sleep deprivation.
You won't spend your life regretting having lived your life for you and for whoever you share your life with. As the video says, you'll probably wonder "what if" . But you'll also wonder "What if I'd got my PHD in chemistry instead of marine biology?" or "what if I'd travelled around Asia instead of travelling around Europe?" not "What if I made a packed lunch for my kid instead of school dinners".
YOU HAVE A CHOICE. Nobody tells you guys that you shouldn't have kids. People tell us all the time that we MUST.
I hadn't thought about that, but it does make sense. I know kids and teenagers always ask me within 10 minutes of meeting me (I teach them sometimes) "Do you have children?" "Do you want children?". I wonder if they do the same with my male colleges, I hadn't thought to ask.
Although, I have read about study where hundreds identical CVs were sent to different businesses. 1/4 a father. 1/4 a childless man. 1/4 a mother. 1/4 a childless woman.
Fathers were hired over non-fathers.
Non-mothers were hired over mothers.
I think people make crazy assumptions about you based on your attitude towards having children. For example a parent is probably someone warm and caring and patient while a person who doesn't want kids is probably cold, serious, business like.
I don't think these stereotypes are fair as there are so many reasons to choose to have or not have children.
Well said. I have told a few people that I don't want kids and all their reactions were negative. The notion that if I ever have one, it'd be through adoption didn't ring well either. Having kids wasn't my 'life goals' - why would I want to create more kids, knowing that there are still millions of orphans out there struggling to live and waiting for love that might never come to them? Even with that, people would tell you having your OWN kid is different. Although I grew with with a loving family and well cared for, I still ended up a cynical adult. I'd hate to think I'd force an innocent life into this world, not raised them well and see them grew up with broken dreams.
Also, I've read something similar to you about the CVs - fathers are viewed as more likely to aim to achieve higher when they have family, whereas if it's mothers, employers felt they would be more family-oriented and would care less about the business world. Also maternity leave, which kinda make sense a bit, but then why wouldn't a mother work harder for their family too?
I love kids and is a fan of all cute things, but I'm all for not having children.
It is extremely irresponsible to have children these days. There are 7 billion people on this marble. If you want a kid go adopt one.
and only 1% of the earth's water is or can be converted to drinkable water. ONE PERCENT
I agree. so many people are shamed for not wanting to have kids and called selfish etc. when in fact it's the dicks who go out of their way to have a bunch of kids that are the most selfish. they don't care about over population or more natural resources being used up for these people to live, thus making it more difficult for the people already here. nope! it's even worse when you have this welfare state helping people who shouldnt even have kids half the time, because they cant afford to and would more than likely not, if they knew they would have to do it entirely on their own. and what's really crazy is when you ask some of these parents why they decided to have kids, half of them don't even have a real good reason. they'll give you some bullshit like "i dunno" or "it just happened" or "it just felt like the right time". FOH
Tied my tubes when I was 25! I’m turning 29 this year and still have no regrets! Being child free is the best thing I could have done for myself!
That must have been a painful procedure 😰 how did u find courage to put your body through pains of tubectomy?😭
@@swatisaini6447 It wasn't painful at all. I was put under anesthesia and went to work two days after surgery. No pain.
@@Colette_Leroux surely any surgery itself is a painful procedure 😭
@@swatisaini6447 It really wasn't painful. I was asleep, woke up, went home, and rested. Went to work two days after my surgery. Not sure what's hard to understand here.
@@swatisaini6447 for me, tubal ligation had a difficult and painful recovery but it was so worth it for a lifetime of relief. i never have to stress about potential pregnancy again. it's nice that kara had such an easy recovery, but that's not really the norm for surgeries.
I'm a long time lover of this channel. bringing knowledge back to society.
+Legions and legends Not knowledge. Rather opinions and information
+Pythagoras K I consider philosophy higher thinking and a science.
+Legions and legends Maybe not knowledge per se, but wisdom. There is a big shortage of calm, philosophical and mature views on reality in our world. I'm so glad, that this channel exists.
+Hermes Wyrz I can agree with that.
+Legions and legends And you think this is knowledge?
I'll deliberately not have children to proudly show off my freedom to whoever was dumb enough to
I'm not falling into the delusional trap of parent hood, I'm male 27 and I'm getting a vasectomy. I value my life and I won't let a child have control over me for the next 18 + years
Good dection.
Good for you 👍
gooooo🥳KING👑
Great decision!!
I had one at 35, best 500€ ever spent.
Watching this as a 21 year old college kid, I'm both laughing and in tears about how accurate this is. I don't know how my parents managed to not box me up and ship me to Timbuktu, but I'm glad that they didn't. Thanks, School of Life!
same here. drafting up a "thank you for raising me, mom, even though I'm an oblivious shit head" email as we speak.
fam im 22 years old now, not even married but in a 8 month relathionship with a girl who's the mom of the 2 sweetest adopted twins
ion plan on marrying ever ong, my lifes set with this girl i just mentioned, my girl be outta town most times so she leaves twins at my place for weeks lmaO
My homie is married for 3 years with no children, yet im unmarried with 2 cute children, living in my crib smoking 10g everyday this the best life i coulda asked for
The difference between regretting having children and regretting not having them is that you can't go back on having them...
I really feel like I dodged a bullet.
Well, there's always murder. (grin)
Exactly! Society needs to do a better job of teaching this and not pressuring by assuming that people will have kids. Especially women, and most especially young women.
@@theultimatereductionist7592 It comes down to how your kids turn out. If all the stars align and you have a kid who is super talented in some area, you'll probably think that kids are a blessing. If you have a kid who has behavioral issues, or a physical disability of some sort, you'll probably wonder why God or some other deity hates you. The longer you wait to have kids, the greater the likelihood of having a kid with mental or physical disabilities.
Men are generally free of this problem, as they can have kids since their teenages until they die from old age.
@@victuz I disagree. Even if a man can have kids into his 50.s 60,s and beyond, the chances of the kid being born with some kind of defect increases with age.
I could never get past the crying. Like nails on a chalkboard. I’m thrilled to be childfree.
Yep!
People that are child-free by choice (which is basically all child-free couples these days with the invention of IVF and the prevalence of adoption), are not miserable because they don't have kids or feel like they are missing out. If you felt that way, you would have or adopt a kid. They made choices that suit their lives. Being child-free and knowing many child-free people, I've never met one that regretted it, even in the short term. Meanwhile, I have met lots of parents that regretted parenthood in the short term during the difficult first few years and a few that regretted become parents their entire lives. Instead of being unbelievably fatalistic, maybe it would be better to approach the choice to have or not to have children as a personal choice that needs deep consideration and realistic expectations. We shouldn't discourage people's choices or present an idealized front to the world. At the same time it is kind of ridiculous to present all of adult life as a misery with or without children.
Agreed you got it facts 🙏🙏🙏🙏😊 😘 as a person with mental disability autism spectrum disorder, and on top of that I have childhood trauma. Why the hell would I wanna bring that onto another human being? People gets so mean on us child free people but yet I’ve met so many parents that regret it society makes no sense, and we wonder why there are so many broken children like me out there, knowing I’m not alone and the only one. 🤔🫡
thank you school of life for expressing the unspeakable. most of my friends who have had kids REGRET it, particularly with the slow decline in the quality of life here in the usa.
My wife and I are 46. We live relatively stress free lives, we have our wonderfully mundane routines, we eat what we want when we want; we want for nothing. I am in the best shape of my life, I am pursuing interests and hobbies I only dreamed about in my youth and I have to credit ALL of this to not having children. Meanwhile I see my overweight collegues struggling with their teenagers, having to work more than one job or pick up overtime in order to feed them, put them through college, or buy them the newest video game console just so they can end up letting them rot in a nursing home.
Exactly. I am 40 and everybody things I am 30 max. I am fit, learning 6th language, reading, running, mountain climbing, paragliding, skiing, hanging out with my (childfree) friends. I have no debt. I work 4 days a week. My flat is always clean... No regrets 😁
We have enough money to feed our children plus extra disposable income to do things we want. We are not overweight and very happy, doing lots of activities together as a family. We have lots of love in our home. There are positives and negatives to both but having a family does not automatically make you overweight, stressed and left with nothing. If I had nothing I’d still have all the love of my family which would be worth more to me than money and physical stuff any day of the week.
@@truthonwheels8652 You are lucky. Most aren't so lucky. I know many who regret, a few who don't. Will it last? Perhaps. I'm mid 50s and once thought I wanted kids. I am now VERY VERY glad I do not, and my 79 year old mother, who has me caring for her and we are absolutely BEST friends (but no, do not live together, or even mostly in the same country) agrees, despite her multiple grandchildren with whom she was very involved in their growing up. I look around and see the stunted lives of many friends who have children, and some of them are happy, but many are not, and many have secretly confided in me that they regret their circumstances. Others who were formerly happy now have no communication with their children, despite having been loving and excellent parents, post divorce, and feel nothing but rage and shame, and a yearning they cannot fulfil. I wish you well, and perhaps you will continue to beat the odds, but recognise that your circumstances make you unusual, and the exception, not the rule.
I do regret having kids. I remember how happy I was without them. Of course I love them deeply, but I feel like I have no life of my own.
I feel the same
I can't deal with the noise, mess and expense children bring. Also, not having any time or money for myself will undoubtedly drive me insane.
I have autism and very noise sensitive having kids and I will remain helpless when they release their dumb noises
So true! Having children is massively idealized in many cultures. Raising children is really hard and though work. Yes, might feel occasionally somewhat happy. But what remains is the constant, neverending work and stress raising children and surviving in this world.
Yup
List of things you'll experience when you're a parent:
Overwhelming crying that won't stop for days, paying for diapers, losing sleep, dealing with hyperactivity, POTTY TRAINING (which I think is the hardest part other than the teen years), repetitive habits, going to school and helping your child with his/her homework everyday, trying to fight you and annoy you purposefully, and then the teen years.
Please find yourself a better lifestyle than being a parent.
Thank you for this!
I'd hate to be your kid. Since you think I'm such a burden.
@Low Bro have fun with no money :D
@Low Bro I'm boring too, I am in bed very night at 10 pm, even on a Friday night, I had to iron my sons school uniform, make his meals. He's 16 now and I still don't go out anymore, you get used to it.
Yea you should also be handcuffed and put in jail for bringing a need machine that never asked to be here into life because two people made the conscious choice to think it was a great idea. Now that need machine is stuck plunging through all of life’s bullshit and for no apparent reason.
Holy shit if this isn't pessimism, I don't know what is lol
+David Y (dyash32) They made some intelligent points, but yes, the cynicism went too far.
Nah, it's just realistic.
+Christopher McDonnell I don't think the video is cynic at all, just brings new views to the topic of parenthood. A topic nowadays considered sacred and every try for discussion is smothered underneath either over joyous remarks on how children are the ultimate happiness/goal of life, or disregarded by condescending parents by the notion, that you are not a parent yourself. We, as a culture, are obsessed with our children, blocking different opinions or views on the subject.
+Jessica Cerullo I don't think their aim was to be realistic. I think they were trying to provide a counterbalance to our society's tendency to over-glorify parenting. In doing so, they went too far the other way, imo.
***** Taking a nuanced view of parenting and having children seems pretty realistic to me. People often don't want to admit these things because we've made procreation sacrosanct. Denying these facts because people don't want to regret having children is simply not healthy and breeds resentment for those who have chosen otherwise.
"We desperately want our children to grow mature, but without going through awful things." - Well said.
Having kids is passing on misery and suffering on to someone else just so you can have someone to burry you
Why do you care about that!? You will be dead that moment, does it matter if anyone around you or anyone there to burry you!!! That’s because the fear that society brainwashed people to fear the nonsense
Im just ..too much of an asshole to have kids.. I ll do way more things alone and right now all I want is to do things.
This world is full of immature people.. why make more?
Ironically, this mature and responsible statement makes you better qualified to have children than the vast majority of people.
Nayr747 I feel bad watching people that cant provide their kids with a stable healthy enviroment having
3-4..
It reminds me pre ww2 era
In their minds successful parenting is when the kids live long enough to be 18
+MeLexdy Haha that's so true. It's because there was a time when having your children make it to 18 WAS an actual sign of success.
Bobby They're also killing each other too. Who cares? You're not gonna be around in 100 years to see them take over. Relax, I'll tell you something that will ease your mind.. one day the sun will engulf the earth.
+Em183 Yes you are gonna see them outbreed you in a 100 years the european population is decreasing while the foreigners are quickly making babies like 5 per man and his property
My daughtet is lovely. She was adorable as a child. She wants no kids. At first I thought she wasn't as happy as I thought in her childhood and this is why she doesn't want kids. It seems she just hates the idea. But she was happy as a kid. Now that I got this clarified I'm happy with her decision. I never regretted having her, but all people are different and it's best to choose what it fits you
Agreed
Cats make childless couples not one bit miserable. Problem solved.
+phenababitol +1 for cats.
+Obvious Turtle That mostly affect pregnant women and the fetus, and only if they have direct contact with the feces.
Old people have cats without any problem.
+phenababitol YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :3
+Obvious Turtle Well, kids are parasites if you think about it a while. Grows inside you... you need to provide food for it... and you get nothing in return.
*****
I guess this feeling is very subjective.
I don't want to have kids. But that is probably because I had a bad childhood.
Decision not to have kids : reinforced !
shodanxx I became abstinent because I’m tired of not getting pregnant. I hate hate hate when men try to have sex with me and don’t want children.
The question of having children or not is like a double edge sword. You’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t. I’d rather be damned for not having children.
Same here. If you regret having no children, it's not the end of the world. At least you haven't hurt anyone- and you can always adopt a child if it's too late to reproduce.
But having a child and regretting it is just.. awful. It gives you 18+ years of hell, it can make your child hate you if they realise they were an accident
The idea of having kids puts me in a state of anxiety. I hate them.
Your not a happy wanderer. Your a grumpy wanderer and screw you.
You people make me want to commit multiple war crimes
I bit the bullet. I told my kids don't have kids. At some point in your life you'll think it's a good idea. it's not! don't have kids. "So you don't love me Daddy? "No, it's not that. I love you so much I'm willing to let you know that it's a bad idea to have kids.
Not having kids is one of the best decisions I've ever made! I'm over 50 & do not regret it one little bit. 😊
Thank you for solidifying my decision to not have annoying, soul sucking, children.
thank god I'm never having kids. I see my friends who have them and although they love their kids..you can see how exhausted they are. makes me sad.
My mom ranted to me when I was little about how life got worse since she became a mother, just to somehow rant again 20 years about me not wanting to have children.
The lack of money and sleep are the only reasons I regret having my children. I have 4, I love them dearly but do envy people my age without them
Don't forget freedom. That's what I really envy. Time being mine and mine alone. Like going on a two hour walk or reading a book all day.
What about the constant worry?I dont regret having a kid. But I feel my life would have been more interesting.
@@TheMemoryPolice It's the worrying that I find the most stressful too
Great video. VERY well put. I never understood people's urge to breed, breed, breed... it's such a self-absorbed robot way to be in this already overpopulated world... not to mention how dumb and cruel most people are. Stop breeding... we don't need more dumb parents raising idiots.
Not robots. Just animals. The basic instinct for every organism is to survive long enough to reproduce and pass on their genetic material. It's the same with just about everything else that lives here.
The world isn't overpopulated you just want an excuse to hate people. Also idiot no one has the urge to breed and breed again, not to mention without breeding there would be no human race.
I'm guessing you're one of the brainless morons who decided to breed and can't conceive doing something for the greater good ... cuz the human race is so awesome.
Britt P. I couldn't have put it better my self. It's so true and people say that it's normal to want to have kids because of the basic instinct of gene propagation. I say that we as humans can rise above our basic instincts. Just do what makes you happy.
I am an anti-natalist, although environment is the second most important reason for my anti-natalism. Actually, I believe that the birth-rates are declining globally and have plunged even in very poor countries (watch Dr Hans Rosling's "Don't panic"). A little bit of medical insurance and education can do wonders. Still, I agree with you. There is already too many of us. And even if could somehow bypass that, I am certain genocide, murders, war, domestic violence, health issues and the mother of them all - death, will never be cured. Not to mention the overall human as*hole-ness.
I'd rather be free to do what I want when I want than to take care of a another human being in place of living my own life.
INFINITY LOGIC!
For sure 👍
For anybody who is told "WOOH You'll regret not having kids when you're on your deathbed! You're going to die alone!" DO NOT BELIEVE THEIR CRAP. Being childless does NOT stop you from forming another loving family.
Focus on cultivating deep and important friendships, join a community, care for other people, get to know your other relatives like your nieces, nephews, brothers and sisters, etc. I repeat, you can have a family and die loved and happy WITHOUT effing kids!
Who gives a shit, I still want kids
I give shit ._.
No children: SAVING MONEY FOR THE FUTURE AND BE HAPPY
I feel that way but then by the time you've saved enough in life to really retire comfortably, your body is not in the same state it was when you were young and full of energy....I feel like we're going to be able to retire comfortably in our 60's but there isn't much fun you can have in a 60 yr old body by yourself...you're more likely to be a homebody which means you're more likely to spend a lot of lonely time at your home with no kids to come by and bring grandkids.
@@jawant6039 how is kids bringing grandkids a means of happiness? It seems selfish to me.
And no, if you don't have kids, you already have way more money than breeders and can spend it in any way you like. Do anything you want. Go anywhere you want! Gotta love that freedom!
@@jungoo3486 because social interaction is vital to humans' life and because if you don't you're probably gonna go crazy
@sla cker you will when you're older and have nothing to do
@sla cker my uncle is only 59 and his wife died so my cousins always visit him on weekends to check on him and chat together
Finally someone saying the truth....i will live a child FREE life... Looking forward to keep my freedom forever
What's really tough is spending your best years sacrificing for your kids, putting yourself last, and then have them turn their backs on you and walk away. The more you give a child the more ungrateful they become. This video is spot on!!!
decided long time ago, that I am not having kids. After seeing my parents suffer and be trapped with what they want to do in life because of kids, just made me see that having kids will lead to suffering
Anything you attach yourself to will cause suffering anyway...
If you’re not attached to anything and have no feelings are you even really alive?
Not every kid goes through a "jerkass teenage phase", jeez. I think I was a great teen who was good to my parents, and still am as an adult. That's not to say I didn't have some shitty times in my late teen/early adult life, but I never blamed them for it or took it out on them. I've always dealt with my angst quite privately and don't make much of a fuss about things I KNOW are not other people's problems.
Lisa Zoria Yeah I went through a jerkass early adult phase (I was an excellent adolescent) but my Mum abused me and I felt like she had really fucked me over. My pre frontal cortex took longer than most to settle down. I really don't think I could've done anything different. I was in a super vulnerable state. In the long run its all worked out. My Mum has had a diagnosis of the mental health type and she's really improved. Would she have taken the steps necessary to sort herself out if I hadn't have been such a fucktard? No, probably not. I don't blame her anymore and we are on good terms.
I hate to say I have less respect for my dad now than as a teen.
MetaKnight964 I can relate to that. :(
It's not all about you. Look at you all using "I". The worlds bigger than your egos.
KERZ Exactly.
I'm happily child free. The older I get, the happier I am with my decision not to breed. Best decision I ever made in my life was choosing to be child free. I can sleep in, travel, do whatever I want without the responsibility of taking care of another human being. If I had kids, I would have been so miserable.
Fur-babies are the kinda babies I wanna take care of.
Having decided, at a young age never to have children, and having appreciated that decision throughout my life, I do not agree with the summation of this video.
When my mother (who had five children) neared the end of her life she said, "If I had it to do all over again I don't think I would have children."
+Bonobo3D I like your mother.
Well maybe if she had had no children, she would have said she wished she had had had children.
Does this grammar make any sense by the way? had had had? wtf.
You only need 2 "hads". The point makes sense though. :-)
English is a disgusting language tbh
Bonobo3D So you do agree with the video...
This video made me respect my parents 10times more. Thank you.
Hearing someone say this in a brutally honest fashion, really helps me get over the hatred I have been harbouring for so long. I needed this.
I seriously ponder how people find the money to raise children. I am barely surviving on my own. I won't do it. Society places too much emphasis on the rewarding part and not enough on the hardships. The hardships win for me. While I do love kids and love to see their personal growth, I do not want to sacrifice my time and energy 24/7. That is an incredibly demanding and unfair job. No thanks lol. Not to mention kids get sick. Very sick. Dying sick. I am not emotionally equipped (at any age) to ever have to deal with the strong possibility of my child dying from a disease that cannot be cured. Kids require so much physical and emotional labor that I cannot even provide for myself. The type of labor you need to visit a mental health professional regularly for. Once again, no thanks lol. But, thank you for this video. I think people need to be aware of what they're getting themselves into. Like, seriously.
The only reason why I would tell someone not to have kids is because if anything happens to them - it’s almost impossible to recover. When it’s your kid that dies, the only relief - it feel sometimes is to just die. It’s so frightening to love someone so much and then to lose them.
I knew I didn't want kids since I was 12. I'm 17 now and I still don't like or want kids in my future. If you want or like kids, good for you. I won't destroy my body, my peace, and my bank account because people think that everyone should have kids. Parenthood is not for everyone. I will enjoy my freedom and money in my childfree adulthood. And I will fight to get my tubes tied and I pray I am infertile!
So would you guys at the school of life release a video named "the joy of children" or smt like that? You know...just to balance things out?
+The School of Life well that is rewarding lol ... love you
+The School of Life good enough :))
+khoa tran what joy of children, they suck the joy out yer relationship, make you think about them souly or societty says your selfish if you decide to not bother with the parasites. Have the seen the upsurge of kids who hit there parents, some joy that, and thats down to a society that is so child centered its sickening
+DMorlio18 They're realistic optimist!
+richard knox maybe the joy of knowing that a part of us will live on for a while after we died?? A bit vain,but still,it's something
I am a 12 year old and never realized how hard parenting was. Thank you for showing me. Also, Sorry Mom and Dad!!!
You’re adult now, has this affected your perspective?
Hii
What are you sorry for? They signed up for it, you didn't ask to be born. They owe you everything, you owe them nothing.
I'm not passing down mental illness to tiny sad blobs, thank you very much.
I agree I have generalised anxiety disorder and panic attacks. I decided not to have any children most people said to me 'you are so stupid children would have given you something to take your mind off your anxiety'. I thought if I can't take care of myself I certainly will not be able to take care of a vulnerable little baby.
Everyone need to just accept the reality and get over it, one of the reasons i personally am not into having kids tbh. I totally agree to what has been said, life isnt heaven.
Just get a dog, never screams, never rebels, always loves you
rollipolioli
Bullshit
Well said, rollipolioli!
Average Joe they’re sure as hell less expensive Joe
Or a cat. They dont bother you and they will give you occasional validation
A dog screams when you're away, pissing off your neighbors.
Holy shit. I think this is the only honest conversation I've ever seen on the topic. Thank you so much.
I disagree that the child free and parents are equally miserable. Children will rob you of the one thing that's truly important, your freedom. You can get love from spouses and lovers, family and friends, even pets, but you can never get your freedom out of parenthood. Your life will be theirs for 20 years at least.
Emma Cox also the forgot the teenage period where the kids will hate you. No one ever said I wanna have a teenager they just say I want a baby.
Emma Cox freedom may be the most important thing to YOU right NOW but come talk to me when your 70 and alone. I bet your not in a committed relationship either. Are you?
Myles Johnson I guess you wouldn't mind living in North Korea PERMANENTLY along with your progeny and other family member. Freedom doesn't matter, right?
Having kids or marrying somebody because you're afraid of ending up alone is the stupidest reason to have kids or marry anybody. Children are their own sentient beings, not something you created just so you can have somebody to force to talk to you when you're old and dying...
Shooting Range Productions that has literally nothing to do with this conversation. I'm a lot for freedom from the government. Ironic enough I'm typing this while sitting in my car with a Glock 19 carried appendix and a knife in my pocket and on my hip. I'm all for freedom. But you should voluntarily give some freedoms up, like being single and eating how you want all the time, for a better healthier future.
Childfree guy here! I will not, under any circumstances, date a woman with children. This makes my dating pool essentially nonexistent.
millenniumdragn so you’re a loser?
Yes, very small. I hear ya, brother
@@zaczourbang4454 what's wrong with losers?
@yooo711 that question answers itself 😂
@@GymGyp
Women who don’t have children exist hun bun.
Sometimes I wish I wasn't a parent but every time I ask myself "If you could go back in time would you not get a baby?" and everytime I answer "Yes, I would". I will never regret my child even if it sometimes is difficult.
I’m with you. 🙏👍
I'm 16 and I've never experienced that hateful phase of adolescence. Even though I have developed my own beliefs and goals, I still feel close to my mother. And father, though he passed away tragically in 2014. I was very close to him, and although it's sad that he's gone, I'm very glad I was so close to him during his time on earth.
No you're 22.
@@Leon.Stanicr/technicallythetruth
But seriously, I'm very sorry for your loss 😢
@@cutepuddleslime8201 lmao took me a bit to remember what I was saying, it was a while ago
I never want children. I feel like many times, they are for people who have given up on their own dreams.
No silly! People have kids so they can continue their family tree....so they can pass their genes on... and so they can have a bit of true fun in life! Kids can be really fun you know! It's not that kids are not fun, it's just that adults become boring over time...
Like your parents?
Depends on what your dreams were.
Maybe for someone who doesn't have dreams of a white picket fence, kids, loving husband and a meaningful career. But for many people, that's a very real dream. Not everyone wants to go to the moon or own a Ferrari as a destination of success.
People have different types of dreams. You may dream of doing something like being a pilot or writing a book, but some people have a dream of starting a family and settling down.
Lol, trust me, I am wayyy less miserable not having kids. Nothing for me to envy here~
Plus the world is overpopulated, so the childfree are doing the environment a favor!
JupiMeow if the whole world was like you; there would be no population
Strawberries Blueberries And in that very unlikely case who would give a shit?
Stop with the whole “overpopulation” shit. It’s stupid. It just shows your either scared of kids (if so, really dude?) Or your scared of having them. I don’t know why you can’t just say your opinion.
@TNMountain Couple Why do you care about my opinion? Mind your own business for once
@@rudyreviewsandmore7532 overpopulation is a very serious problem not for us but for the next generation
Great video!
Admittedly, I've had some thoughts about starting my own little gargoyle assembly line. But then, I consider the bleak outlook for the future (environmentally and quite possibly economically speaking) and that's enough deterrent for me. Besides, I'm not so sure I would like to impose on another being the burden of existence, or the ordeal that must be for some innocent creature to call me 'dad'...
+jaggo84 One of the few who actually THINK about the decision as one which would affect the child. Hats off to you!
So few people can think of it outside of "I'm so cool I want more things like me in the world! I have my shit perfectly together and can definitely raise a good human or five." and they're wrong, technically and ethically.
+Jonathan Smith I seriously doubt I want to have kids, but if I would, I would adopt. I've been really shocked at the negative reactions to my resolution, like my mom saying "Whaaat, why wouldn't you have your own real kids?!" and my mother-in-law saying "I wouldn't be able to love them as if they were my own grandchildren" and my sister-in-law saying "If you have asian kids, I won't be babysitting". Why does adoption raise such abhorrent thoughts?
+jaggo84 I completely agree. Though I am too young to comment on these stuff but I feel that you are completely right Sir!
mig5l
Valid question, I've asked myself that sometimes (although not with the same boorish eloquence of yours, I have to admit).
In my case is a mere act of courtesy to those who have grown somewhat attached to my dumb cynical self. Also, there's an element of morbid curiosity about what's going to happen in the near future. It's that plus some other personal reasons that are none of your fucking business.
Well Boorish Eloquence is a luxury many people can't afford. I am find refreshing that at least you admit you are a cynic.
Why would I care for fucking your business? Did I insult you by calling you cynic? You clearly know what you are...It just seems the profanity was uncalled for.
As I genuinely don't know If you understand it, This video is a worst case, and wildly unrealistic, scenario. It is by no means fair or accurate in its representations of even "The horrors of children". Happy 2016!
I wonder how many people will never be born because of this video :X
They will be spared from the miserable experience.
InYurEye91 so sad. I LOVE children
InYurEye91 none because by definition a person never conceived isn’t a person.
@@Colddirector *a person never "born" isn't a person at all. You can't count a stillborn,aborted or miscarried Parasitic mass as a person.
As if the already born are such a gift to this world. LOL
Person: My child won't eat fish. What can I replace it with?
Me: A cat. Cats love fish.
Pls do "The Horrors of Children II - The Financial Destruction."
Make a list of all the cool things you could do or buy instead of spending all that time and money on kids.
having children isnt about yourself, thats why if you think like you presumably do you shouldn't have kids to neglect in the first place.
@@elisch1871 It is about yourself. Oftentimes when people accidentally make children, they're thinking about themselves. When people purposefully make children, they're thinking about themselves. When someone wants something, they're thinking about themselves. You need to think about yourself to determine if you really want them. If I didn't care about myself, I would have a child. And then probably end up abusing them because I would find them so annoying. So to a large extent, it is about the parents.
Definitely, you said it. 👍
My mom said “I love you guys but honestly I don’t know if I’d have kids if I did my life all over again.” She explained how much of a commitment is and you never stop worrying about them the second you find our you’re pregnant, and it continues for life, not to mention how expensive kids are. My brother and I are 29&30 & he has 3 kids I have none. After babysitting I thought for sure I’d have kids before 25 but working now Im leaning to the other side of none..🤷🏼♀️
My mom said the same thing. She said for her it was the thanklessness of it all - it's the world's most thankless job. So much sacrifice for which there is absolutely no compensation, just a bunch of time spent on other people who don't seem to appreciate it no matter how good you are to them. Of course she loves us, and we had the most wonderful childhood, but the way I see it, I'm going to die one day whether I have kids or not. The question is how enjoyable do I want my life to be between now and then... Kids seem so enormously stressful.
When I was in my early 20’s, I told an older friend that I never wanted to have kids. He said I would regret not having kids when I got old because I’d have no one to come visit me. To which, I said, I hate when people come to visit me because they don’t know when to leave and overstay their welcome so I’m cool with no one coming to visit me.
I used to think like this before I had my children. All those people raving about having kids, I thought it was a desperate attempt to make some kind of meaning out their shitty situation. But now that I have become a mother, I have experienced the true joy and anger and sadness, not to mention a sense of helplessness as I watch my children go through so much pain and suffering just to grow up.
You will never know pain like a mother watching your child suffer. And knowing that I might be the one who is hurting the one I love the most, makes me weep at night.
But there is so much joy so much love that I have never felt or received before. I no longer fear anything because I can and will do anything for my children. I will welcome any punch and rebellion from my children and still give everything I got just because they showed me the most sincere smile and gave me the closest hugs.
I know a child is not for everyone nor should it be. But know that there are many parents who love their child more than themselves but never quite learn the art of showing it the right way. Don't hate your parents too much thinking that you are just a pet project. No pet peoject takes a life time to finish.
if you're telling the truth, your children are really lucky to have you as a mother
+Betty G Until you experience what *I* have experiences (a math PhD, an A.S. in Biotechnology) YOU will never understand/know the enormous highs and lows of emotions that *I* have had.
That is what you sound like. EVERYBODY can play that game.
"You will never know pain like a mother watching your child suffer. "
If your breeding were so "hard", then you wouldn't have done it. If you really cared about your kids not suffering,
you would not have forced them into existence, without their permission, without their consent.
Show me the signed & notarized paperwork your kids gave you BEFORE you popped them into existence,
breeder.
This video is in such contrast to other ones which supposedly teach compassion, love and understanding. To such an extent it's different that it brought together the most toxic, militant anti "breeders", nihilists and cynics, people who make this issue their whole identity, their life call.
+gatorrulers "You don't need to be a mom or dad to know pain (or exhaustion). Life does that for you. Parents really should stop trying to one-up everyone. It's not a competition and parents choose to deal with the hardships that mother/fatherhood entails."
Worth repeating (so I did)!!
let's break this down into two possibilities:
- have kids, feel regret
- don't have kids, feel regret
which result creates more harm?
I've never regretted not having children. that's a weird allegation
PG Plays Video Games have kids , feel regret
I wish never had kids, being on your own time is always is priceless.If you don't have kids and love YOUR freedom don't have any.
as a 12 y/o, i feel like i can terrorize my mother by being alive.
Simo Braiths there are internet bills
what