Agree. If you just shut it out of your system you won’t make a bad mistake. Any issues start small bc people can’t stop and think anymore for themselves they expect society to stop them. It’s on YOU.
Whenever my husband comes across a flirty girl at work, he always responds including me. For example: Co-worker: so what do you like to do for fun? Husband: my wife and I like to go boating Co-worker: what’s your fav restaurant? Husband: my wife and I really like to eat at XYZ This technique has always shut down the flirting.
I agree. I find that mentioning that I'm married early on, displays the trust I have in my marriage, same goes for my husband. Also, I'm not trying to trick anyone into thinking I'm single.
Golden rule to all of this: don’t do or say something to someone you feel attracted to that you would not if your significant other was right there with you.
You know it's true😅. But I will say this.... Women have crushes too. The difference is we on average have better self control. * ON AVERAGE*.....so while he is calling John about it, his wife probably has had a few of her own and never thought twice about it because she knew she would never act on it or let it threaten her love for her husband. This guy on the other hand is already on the EDGE. Pretty sure he down played this exponentially....he is ready to take things further for sure. A crush is fleeting and wouldn't warrant a call imo.
@@CrystalM1917 I agree. I’ve never once had a crush but my experience isn’t the only one out there. We generally do have more self-control because we have to, especially as moms. The guy on this call is way farther down this rabbit hole than he’s letting on. He’s on the verge of making an absolute fool of himself (or already has). Butterflies are LIES.
As someone who just found out of my husband’s year long affair with a coworker, this call is extremely triggering. It’s not worth it. And yes I’m filing for divorce.
So sorry for you Erica. My ex-wife had a 4+ year affair before we separated and divorced. I lost about 6 years of my life when we should have been enjoying our middle ages as our kids grew up. I wouldn't wish this torture on anyone. I pray that God will cover you during this valley of your life, and then also deliver a wonderful faithful husband for the last phase of your life. Blessings!
I think it's perfectly normal to find other women as attractive, but my pledge was to my wife. So to protect myself and my marriage I have appropriate boundaries in place. I don't have secret conversations/inside jokes with co workers, I don't call/text after certain times of the evening, I don't do one on one Lunches with the opposite sex, etc. I think if more people put boundaries in their marriages, things would go a lot smoother. Like John said, feelings don't matter. It's our actions that matter
True. But ppl will gaslight you to death in this world and fight for their right to befriend the opposite sex and *have lack boundaries just because. They’ll fight more so for their individual rights than their martial rights. It’s so weird.
You are right, you do have appropriate boundaries in place. Remember how people gave Mike Pence crap when he said that he wouldn’t go to lunch with a woman not his wife? Stand your ground. You’re an awesome husband.
Amidst my postpartum depression and anxiety, I wanted nothing to do with my husband. I started to “crush” on a coworker. I distanced myself and found a new job. The postpartum struggles finally passed and I love my husband dearly. Those situations must be squashed IMMEDIATELY.
There had been a long unhappy period in my marriage, we had so much conflict and communication not going right, and I also developed a crush on someone. So I distanced myself from that person. A few years later, my marriage is the happiest it's ever been, and I feel so much attachment and love for my husband. So happy I'm with him and not anyone else.
Its werid how this can happen. I never thought I would be someone to have a flirty crush and then it happened. I didnty do anything with this guy thankfully but it did cross my mind. The best thing is to be aware of whats going on and come to our senses.
I think the way forward for this guy is to Find a new job, cut contact with co worker Talk to his wife about what they can do to reboot the marriage, I wouldn’t talk to her about co worker only because nothing has yet happened and I think telling her may hurt her and cause a lot of anxiety and trust issues that may fracture her and the relationship. If he had started acting on it, which I feel he has then I think it does need to be addressed I’d bet money they’ve started texting and divulging life to each other. I think he needs to do some work on himself as well. To find out what is missing and how can he find that within the boundaries of his marriage and safe friendships
Women always have these little excuses and reasons for things happening. Men don’t have that. When a man crushes on a woman he isn’t married to, he’s just trash.
@@Kate-tz4vshow da fck you guys have crushes i dont get it. Do you just know a lot of men and who they are? Like i am single, never tried to get a girlfriend but i dont just have crushes etc. on women i do not know. Is it the looks? You had lust? I want to understand the mindset of people having a crush out of nowhere.
I’m a married man. As much as I’d like to believe I’d never cheat on my wife, I’m not dumb enough to disregard human nature. Therefore, don’t put myself in vulnerable situations with the opposite sex. I don’t hang out in places or situations that could foster inappropriate relationships with women. I don’t befriend other women, period. Our modern society thinks otherwise. How’s it been working out for them?
This 🙌🏻 this is how I am, I don’t put myself in situations that lead to bad outcomes. I’m friendly with male coworkers but they aren’t involved in my life. It’s strictly professional and cordial. My husband is the opposite and has had at least one affair. I’ve been watching him since then and recently started to realise his boundaries around women, his recklessness in general, his default to dishonesty are part of his character and all are part of the lead up to his betrayal/s
I'm bisexual so I'd be friendless with this approach, so my general rule is so long as I don't feel romantic/physical attraction toward a person I want to get to know, it's fine to become their friend. If those feelings develop later in a friendship, I'd take a step back... Fortunately I haven't ever experienced platonic feelings turning romantic though.
Smart man. Kept trying to explain this to my ex. It wasnt that I didnt trust him it was his false sense of confidence that he could turn down any woman in any situation
I’ve been happily married to my husband for 8 years. After work on Friday he went out for a drink with his buddies. When he got home a little later, he told me he got approached by a couple women at the bar. I already knew he was respectful, because that’s the kind of man I married, but I smiled and said “Of course you got approached! You’re very handsome!” And left it at that. But then I got the full story from his friend David when he came over to our house for poker the next night. “Hey you! Have you met my friend Anna?” one of the girls apparently said and pushed her friend forward to my husband. “This legend,” David said as he continued to tell me the story. “He showed the girls the ring on his finger and replied, ‘Nice to meet you Anna. I’m a happily married man with the honor of having the most beautiful wife in the world. Have you met my single friend, David?’” After I heard in detail how my husband honored me and our marriage in that situation, it made me simp for him so hard 😅 I still have butterflies just thinking about it. Such a turn on when a man shows you he’s YOUR man ❤
Why are people never happy with what they have?😩 There are people who wish to have someone by their side as a spouse and who don't get to experience that. Be grateful, you fools.
Because humans are human with human emotions. Regardless of the situation it’s normal to wonder how things could be different. That’s being human. I’ve though about what if I drive my car into a concrete pillar. I’m not suicidal. The thought still happened.
Shut it down and do not share this with you wife. It will be irreversible damage. I would never want to know this. All I need to know is my husband is faithful and if he were to have these feelings he’d shut them down and stay committed to me.
As someone that was in a situation like this and it literally destroyed my life. CHANGE JOBS IMMEDIENTLY. Get away from the person, talk to someone a priest, a close friend, a therapist and DONT tell your wife if nothing has happened. You will crush your spouse with this because she will think you slept with her. This is your struggle and you need to fix your behavior. I've been the other woman and it was the worst feeling in the world. It's all superficial and it's 100% a problem with YOU. YOU ARE INSECURE AND LOOKING FOR ATTENTION. Don't hurt your wife fix yourself. You telling her will transfer your pain to her and it will only destroy your marriage.
I got married super young. We were 17 and 18. About two years into the marriage I worked periodically with a very charismatic interesting older guy. If he was going to be there I would put more effort into how I dressed/hair styles. I looked forward to the day. It hit me one day, oh no! Did I have a crush????? I immediately backed off. Just talked to him less only work talk, not chit chat. So much he noticed and asked if he had offended me in some way. I lied and said no nothing was wrong. Time went on and after acknowledgment of my “feelings” it went away. I’m so thankful. Going on 12 years of marriage and I wouldn’t trade my husband for the world. I never told him, because it was silly and would only hurt him. If the roles were reversed I wouldn’t want him to tell me, unless things got out of hand or it became an ongoing fantasy issue. Good luck man. Hope you make the right choice.
I'm glad you were wise beyond your years. I also agree that announcing attraction is unnecessary and would likely change the dynamic of a marriage. Perhaps sharing with a wise, discrete older woman who has a strong marriage would provide accountability. May you be blessed with many more decades of a joyful marriage.
As a professional who has dealt with situations like this for many years, I pose one question. “Is it any wonder that so many people have trust issues??”
I was getting a little close to a married man in a work relationship. We would talk all the time and talk about everything. However I caught it early and distanced myself. I was single at the time but I knew I would not be ok with it if it was my husband. I just distanced myself and rerouted the relationship to only being professional. He was a little disappointed but he got it after awhile. I don’t want to be too friendly with a married man. Sorry. Now that I’m married I’m still the same. I’m surface level with men. I don’t even see them as sexual beings outside of my husband. My hubby is a gem and I’m not gonna lose him because I have a wondering eye. Also it’s very rare when you cheat and it works out. You ruin your life unnecessarily. No thanks.
It’s very rare now to hear someone say they don’t view anyone else of their partner’s sex as a sexual being. Most of the time you get the advice and affirmation like on this call that it’s ok to look and fantasize but not act on it. I totally disagree and it’s nice to hear someone else actually thinks this way too.
@@kyleconnor2759 yes!! So true, like I get that some people look good but I don’t see others and start thinking about having sex or forming a relationship with them. It’s just weird to me for people to go that far when they are supposedly with someone they love.
@@schokococoa575 totally. Your brain is going to process information automatically, one of those things being physical attractiveness. It’s more of a note that helps you process dealing with them or even in passing, you download the information that oh that person exists in this world as an attractive person. Or maybe a different piece of information. But that’s the extent of it. It’s an intellectual process not emotional or spiritual or even physical other than the subconscious part. I’m sure this is easier for some people than others and also what kind of relationship they’re in, if it’s the right one or not. But yes that part of you should shut down once you’re with the right person.
You can't develop a crush unless you consciously make time to think about it. He's given this woman at work too much time in his mind. It's really simple, accept 100% that you are married and nothing is going to come out of it and change your focus. Look for other things that can bring you a sense of excitement and fun that are healthy to your marriage.
But it doesn't take much time. I've had people smile at me and it produces that "crush" feeling. The important thing is just to acknowledge it for what it really is: it's just an emotion. It doesn't mean anything.
jasonroos4123 nah most men are freedom seekers. You disallow and you get REPRESSION and then RESENTMENT. People pleasers can do it tho, i am just not one of those 🤡s
Telling your spouse every one of your deep, dark, sinful thoughts and desires, especially when they'd hurt them, is more selfish than anything. We all have crazy thoughts. I sometimes talk terribly about my husband in my head. I sometimes want to throw my kids out a window. But then I pray, I turn towards them and find a way to serve them. You're right, this "transparency" is more damaging than anything. Unless you cross the line into action, some things can die in darkness.
so true. i've had men tell me their wife is jealous. i ask are you doing something to make her that way. men that are flirtatious wonder why their wives don't trust them. hmmm if my husband went to the woods looking for an animal , i'd expect him to bring something home for dinner haha. don't go looking for something if you don't want it. i do believe that a happily married man that is satisfied with his marriage and loves his wife is only looking for attention and validation, and a man that is looking to get a piece is very quick to try to get it. i read that men that start an affair sleep with the woman within one month. a man that is just flirting, isn't in a hurry, but that said, it still doesn't feel very good when the man you love dearly is flirting with the cashier right in front of you and thinks it's ok. some men think it's alright if their wife flirt also as along as he knows she's not going anywhere. the harm in that is there might come a day when there IS a man or woman that you CAN"T say no to, then what?
@@leegalloway9508 That is so true! both genders don't realize when you enter the temptation zone, it is hard to get out of there. We just need to be mature enough to realize this and stay away from it, don't get involved and try harder to be a good husband /wife. Temptations will always be there but you have the control of your life and decisions.
In my opinion, men need another MAN to have accountability conversations with. A wife is not there to keep her husband accountable on porn, lust, crushes, urges. It creates an insecure dynamic and then the WIFE has to manage that insecurity. Find a male accountability partner. Share this with him. Develop a plan with him, check in with him. Then tell your wife how you are working on yourself to be a better man for her! Don’t tell her the details. Have boundaries with your wife to keep her secure in the fact that you are willing to do whatever is required to be a man that will fight for her.
I've personally had difficulties finding/seeing men that will do this for each other. From what I've experienced, they usually support the other's dysfunctional behavior, or come to the agreed upon "all women are dumb, emotional, and crazy" conclusions. . . There's a serious lack of mentally strong, emotionally intelligent male role models. I know they're out there, but jeez. . . Men need help from other men, but there's too many of them that aren't taught how to be functional adults.
@@andeddoberubetto If you are in a church, seek an elder or another trusted man. Shared values and concern for a person's soul or witness go a long way.
@@WillIam79-c7f lol, YES. You’re just a mentally weak person trying to play the role of a “man” except you’re doing it wrong. Stop being a coward and do right.
This call makes me so scared, I hope I am never in this wife’s position. I feel so bad for her. He says it’s a great marriage? And he feels like this towards someone. Id want to be told the truth so I can walk away.
Any woman who looks twice at me... I'll talk endlessly about my wife and teenage kids till the interest disappears... then I'll cheerfully wish them a good day and go about my business. Works great on gay men too... start talking about the kids and they can't scamper away fast enough 😂😂😂
I will say I have had temptation to cheat and my relationship was fine at the time. I think most guys cheat out of lust not because they fell in love with someone else or because there relationship is bad
There’s a lot more going on with the co-worker than he’s letting on. “I love my wife but…” tells me that there is heavy, heavy flirting and entertaining ideas. He’s beyond a crush.
Yes, I thought the same. He's already seriously flirting and "navigating" the thought of leaving his wife, otherwise he wouldn't have taken the time out of his day to schedule a televised call with Dr John.
This is exactly why I’m not married yet. My ex was “friends” with a coworker, until by act of God, I found their texts. After I left him, they had a kid together. A few years later they’re broken up and hate each other. It’s not worth it.
The workplace is where most married people have relationships not connected to their marriage. Just a suggestion, get your wife to come to your place of work - show her around, introduce her to all your coworkers. Just seeing your spouse in your workplace can make it more of a shared experience, especially since it's all so new to both of you. Crushes fade, boundaries need to be established in your own mind and not wanting to hurt your spouse should always be paramount for you.
@@GBU61 The point is HE should care and telling a pursuer that he loves his wife and would never pursue a relationship with someone else is normally enough to take a would-be third party out of the equation. A blunt "No thanks" will do the same.
I don’t think it’s gonna bring him peace if he tells his wife about his crush. It’s gonna make her paranoid about the girl at work. He just needs to pull away and let it be done.
He needs to tell his wife or it will become permissable the next time it happens. Or it ends up worse. Good married couples are able to work it out. If he doesn't, he'll realize it's not that hard to keep a secret from his wife and push it further each time. It will eventually turn into physical infidelity and end very badly.
@@michellearseneault_youthstald I don’t think women realize how hard a guy can hide his feelings. One day he’s all loving and kind and the next… I’m just saying, affairs start in the heart first
@@lh1514I think she might be suspicious and that's why he wants to tell her. No sane husband/wife will tell their partner they are crushing on another person especially their coworker that they interact every day. He so wants to cheat, he probably think she might give him the ok to do so.
I tell my husband EVERYTHING. Total honesty and I expect the same. The minute you let little secrets like crushes at work go by with no accountability, you are opening up the door to the psyche of "how much can i get away with". I find other people attractive too. Someone compliments me, hits on me, I tell my husband. I am not a cheater but I don't want to EVER keep something like that from him bc I know the potential for it to become something more. Now that my husband knows, not only does it reinforce his trust in me, but I am now accountable by telling him.
if he tells his wife she’s going to start feeling massive daily anxiety just at the thought of him going to work. he should not tell her if he’s actually being honest that he hasn’t and won’t cheat on her. but who knows if that’s going to happen.
While I am not a big proponent of keeping secrets in a marriage, I agree with you on this. Hearing this would be so painful and forever fill me with doubt.
Exactly. He doesn’t need to tell her but should probably look a different job. He doesn’t seem to have a lot of self control. I nvr think of cheating. I love and like my husband. He has my heart. Keep other relationships casual. Do not overstep. It’s Nt that hard to respect your spouse and marriage
Exactly, why will he tell her and ruin their relationship, ruin their mental state! If he put that on her he is selfish and wants to make it her fault and burden to bear
Stay away! Get away from this woman asap. Don’t go down that road of adultery. Even if you lust with just your eyes you’ve already committed adultery. Don’t do this to her. I wish people would stop taking their spouses for granted.
This is why so many women are refusing to get married nowadays. It's like you're just signing yourself up for pain. I don't care how many boundaries he puts up or how crazy I might seem, I just can't deal with the thought of my man developing feelings or attraction to another woman. I would seriously just prefer being alone 😞
i dont think youve ever been in a relationship then. Other people than your partner still exist, and you still find them attractive. Enjoy being alone.
@@nomadikmind3979 not me. If I'm in love with a man, it's literally impossible for me to be attracted to someone else. There must be something wrong with me. And thanks, I will.
This guy knows what he needs to do. He just wants somebody to give him a free pass to cheat on his wife. Even if he left his wife for this other woman, there’s always going to be that other coworker, the next coworker that he works with.
At work, I say hello to the females when I walk in, and goodbye when I leave. Nothing more. If I must interact I only talk business and move on. That rule has served me well. 100% in love with my wife after 14 years, never had a fight or even an argument. Train your mind on your wife.
My husband thinks it's over the top but I don't have lunch with male coworkers unless he's with me. Or it's a group setting. He's an introvert that doesn't anyway. But I'm an extrovert and some men think it's flirting. Best to have some rules.
Exactly. I’m not having a lunch/dinner ntn with another man if someone else isn’t there. That’s just inappropriate especially in a relationship or marriage.
This guy is totally going to cheat on his wife. The fact that he feels like he’s back in high school, his infatuation is going to get the better of him.
Remember that there needs to be 2 to tango. If the coworker is well educated and knows he is married she would definitely not get involved in this type of romance he is creating in his own mind.
I watched my father as a kid , he was a serial adulterer and the amount of tension and disharmony it brought into the family had lasting effects on the family 40 years down the track .
That feeling of "young love" is playing with fire if you're married/in a committed relationship. It's intoxicating. The feeling of trying to relive youth and the carefree adventurous days. But ask yourself if it's worth undoing what you already have.
Both of their laughs when he says he has a massive crush is nauseating. I hate casual conversations over something that would destroy a person. They have only been married for 4 years and he’s into someone else. Poor woman!
They're men, they have hormones pumping through their bodies that make them attracted to women. It's biological. That's why it's a big deal when men (women too, but not as much in my opinion) commit themselves to not being lustful. As a woman, I've also had a couple of extracurricular crushes, so I see it as a normal human experience. How swiftly and cleanly you nip that bud is really what matters. I think people in this situation have to be honest with their partners and tell them whats going on, and come to an agreement as to how it'll be handled. If it destroys you, professional help is always an option. But I'd personally rather know that my husband will tell me when something is up and therefore I don't have to worry when he goes off to work.
Great video, thanks for sharing. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, Really love her so much, i can’t stop thinking about her. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated because i literally can't envision my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
Your feelings are understandable, It's always difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation when my husband of 12 years left me, i couldn't just let him go. I did all I could to get him back, I had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring him back.
That's what my wife did. She didn't care to look good for me, nor did she care to exercise, but she was more than willing to look good for her boss (at work and in bed).
@@fayejordan175 : Question is...do people work out in order to cheat, or does working out make them more susceptible to cheating? It seems to me that when people start placing a high emphasis on their physical fitness, and their physical appearance, they become more attracted to the physical appearance and sexual allure of others. I'm not an advocate for Couch Potatoes, but there may be something to this.
He should’ve told him to go through the process of cheating and the outcome of his wife finding out, her heartbreak and then divorcing him and or him being fired for inappropriate relationship with a coworker or worse case, she filed sexual harassment on him. People need to think through all the outcomes these “feelings” bc the end result is right where you start if you are lucky.. or sometimes it’s worse.
It's the real outcomes that we never think of in the moment. Or willing to sacrifice for something that will not be great or good. The shame afterwards knowing you are exactly who people despise. It's not worth it. Walk away. If you're pursuing or being pursued by a married person, walk away and never look back. There is nothing fun or exciting about this especially if it involves your job.
"Happily married, but crushing hard"... LMAO.. If he's crushing that hard, he's NOT happily married and his marriage is NOT that great! I DON'T know who he's trying to FOOL
We live in such a fickle society where we just feel like every feeling is something to go after... Of course you will be attracted to people because we are human and we are meant to connect and build relationships that serve different aspects of our lives. When you are in a Marriage this is the ultimate relationship and all other relationships in your life are supposed to affirm that foundation so you and your spouse can freely build and grow on it. So as a married person for all relationships in your life whether it's a "Crush" or "Attraction" for someone (or even friends or family) you need to weigh whether it is countering or stabilizing the foundation...
@@YesYesYesJefft’s not an age thing, it’s a God thing. My grandmother married my grandfather one week after high school graduation. They were married until my grandpa died at 85. My parents and aunts/uncles have been married over 50 years. I am the divorced loser; wishing I leaned on God because my ex and I we’re doing it on our own strength.
@@Mitzi73 i think it's just a lot harder these days, ..as there isn;t as strong a "moral code" as it was many years ago...also with the aspect of social media, temptation and poor decisions are a lot easier to make nowadays... people just aren't as wholesome.
@@YesYesYesJeff i do agree with you, as many of the callers on this show did get married super young... not at all saying that's an "excuse" in any way to cheat ...but it just places a couple in a much risker category and to a bit of a disadvantage if they married before they really got out and dated others beforehand.
definitely true! i think there's just a lot of insecurity amongst individuals and couples alike...marriage is hard work and serious commitment. i'm not sure that everyone sees it that way unfortunately.
He is not a man his a boy. A big boy . The fact he called to "navigate" shows that he cant have control over his thoughts and actions. Big boy energy! It is what it is !!!
I would be pretty sure that if the hubby is calling for advice 1. he’s done more than he admitted and 2. I need out if this guy does not know what to do and needs guidance. .
Well hey, at least he's looking for advice...which shows some consideration for her. A lot of people would just have a secret affair and move on with life without the spouse ever knowing!
Thats why you stay away from becoming friends with people of the opposite sex if your married , my world revolves around my children and Husband they get my full attention and also remember to keep dating each other , and pray that God helps you to only have eyes for your spouse and resist the worlds temptations
This is a great conversation. As a single lady that works in the office . I have seen work relationships develop and have had men try to develop work relationship with me , which makes me uncomfortable. When this happens I keep the relationship with guy very professional. I don’t want to hear about the ins and outs of your relationship, or he trying to spend extra time with me for attention. I just tell them , I’m flattered you like me but out of respect for your marriage ;your flirting behavior makes me feel uncomfortable. I’m not interested in a married man .
I feel like alot of people don't realize how much control they can actually have over their attractions. You cannot help what you find attractive, but you can help feeding into that attraction, you don't have to be constantly checking them out, looking them up and down, being flirtatious, those are all things you do intended to strengthen the crush because it feels good, having someone you are into flirt back is an ego boost and a rush, but it's very disrespectful to your partner.
We moved one year ago to a new suburb and I met my a couple neighbors. One was going through a bad divorce and we haven't spoken a lot during the winter season. One day we were both working outside and she told me that she had re-connected with a guy who had attended the same high school. I was excited for her until she revealed that he was married (28 years) and he has three kids. All I could think of was that God would never send a married man or woman to any of us and that both she and her friend are involved in the destruction of his marriage. Even if the kids are older, it will still bother them.
@@nailahdawkins how do you know it is a happy home??? I Asi as a divorced woman who never cheated or was cheated. And who likes the new partner of my ex much more than him. In fact i despise him.
That married person may give us goose bumps, but they are not showing strength of character by looking outside of their marriage. They are off limits, for the spouse's, kids, and the potential outside partner's sakes.
This is why you create boundaries. I hate that about my generation. They think boundaries are controlling when it's not. You shouldn't be texting opposite sex coworkers too much or about non work things too often. Especially past a certain time at night. Even if it's all completely innocent, it can come across as inappropriate to that person's wife or husband. It's why I don't do that to the married men I work with.
I remember reading where someone was explaining boundaries. I wish I could find it. The gist of it was explained as "boundaries are what protect me and what I will and won't accept from another person. It in no way is supposed to dictate the others actions" or something like that. I just remember really liking the way it sounded
@heathermartinez2954 That's exactly it. It's just about respect and if you respect me enough you won't put yourself in questionable positions. It has nothing to do with jealousy with me. It's all about boundaries and protecting our relationship. Women and I'm sure men too but women are very jealous of other women especially when one is married, has a house and loving husband. If you add in that he's a decent provider then they tend to try to ruin that. It's just my observation as a married women. I've had this problem with one of my husband's coworkers. I've also had men on my end try to ruin myrelationship too because they wanted to see if they can steal me from him. It's insane how people think sometimes.
We can’t always help it if someone catches our eye and we find them attractive. What we CAN help, however, is how we choose to act on it. Set up boundaries, choose faithfulness, and remember the lifelong promise you made to your spouse. Cheaters never prosper.
My question is.... does the coworker even know he exists for this crush to develop to the point of a call in?? She's possibly just being nice and/or professional and he's running off in his imagination
That's my ex-wife did. She was found out to be whoring herself out to one of her subordinates in his parents' house night after night while I was taking care of our two-year-old by myself. It cost her dearly. Naturally, even to this day, she sees nothing wrong with anything she did and blames others for her decisions.
And they always say it’s us spouses who do the cheating. I’ve seen more active duty cheating than spouses, it sickening. I’m sorry you went through that! It’s a well known thing in my husband’s community and he doesn’t go to any work events because he hates being around those people. When deployed he would even walk 100 yards to use a non coed bathroom because those same cheaters cheated…… in the coed bathroom. I know ALLLLL the stories from this community because he talks to me about how disgusting things are. They just don’t care who finds out. It’s such a toxic environment too!
@@cristinap6394 he also cheated on me multiple times with a woman he met at a bar while he was away for training in a different state. They have so many opportunities to cheat. I’ll never marry a military or first responder again!
Don’t tell your wife anything about this!! That is completely selfish, and it’s an act that you are trying to rid your own guilt. Stay silent, woke it out and whatever you do, don’t act on this crush. You will blow up your entire life and your wife will never truly trust you again.
The stage of falling in love is so different from the stage of lasting in love. A lot of men and women are addicted to falling in love but can't last past the honeymoon stage. They're off falling for someone else. If you are single right now, build discipline in yourselves that will enable you to last in love. This may look like getting friends that will hold you accountable or you not flirting with everyone you meet just for fun. Those little habits don't just leave when you're married. You have to practice real sexual/emotional discipline now in order to last in love later.
“The idea that a relationship runs its course is false, people make life changes and decisions” that really stuck with me. My parents have been married since I was born, but my father had an affair for a year and they nearly separated. It’s really harmed my idea of love and commitment, and I sometimes wonder if long term marriage is possible. But this is what I needed to hear. We only lose that connection when we stop putting forth the right effort. My parents stopped doing that because of bad communication. But they got it back through effort.
My wife and I have been married for 36 years. Throughout my marriage I`ve come across a woman on occasions who just done it for me, have been women I`ve seen while out somewhere, female co-workers and even some female neighbours. I have lost count how many women have come on to me and the chances I`ve had to have affairs. But I have learned from experience that women can be trouble and not worth wreaking your marriage for. In romantic relationships the courting period is as good as it gets, after that the marriage evolves into a domestic lifestyle that can over time feel mundane and boring. So a married person may be tempted to have an affair to relive the courting period about but that too will end. Not worth it and best to stay with your partners.
I suppose this is natural But goddamn it scares me. I’d be so hurt if my partner felt this way for other women. Honest question, does it have anything to do with being less interested in your wife, loving her less? Are you more attracted to these new women? A neighbor particularly would just break my heart, you see them all the time.
I have a coworker who makes my heart smile. I am single and he is happily married with 3 great kids and grandkids. I respect him, and myself, enough to never act inappropriately with him. I am enjoying feeling warm and fuzzy, but I am acutely aware that nothing will ever happen.
I loved this call! He LITERALLY pointed out, step by step, the trajectory for the destruction of a marriage! Next call, "my wife is fat and I am not attracted to her any more" 😂😂😂
this reminds me of a talk on youtube i saw called "why you will always marry the wrong person" 😂 there's always more and the very illusive reality of choice is rampant in this world. it's like john says, its all about the choice/decision you made and sticking to that, no take backs!
It is interesting that Dr. John brought up his own struggle. I often feel uncomfortable when Dr. John takes calls from women because he talks like a teenager and gives off that flirtatious energy. Then the women sometimes flirt back and it is really cringy. I wish he would stop trying so hard to be cool and just talk like a mature professional, especially considering the serious nature of the calls. He does give some good advice, but as a woman I would feel uncomfortable having him as a therapist because of his flirtatious demeanor. I am so glad that none of the men I work with act like that.
That’s something i’ve noticed as well. He acts totally different and even complimented a woman caller by calling her beautiful without even seeing her like a simp. I also feel like the women that call know he’s like that so they also speak with a flirtatious tone and play into it and it’s uncomfortable to hear/watch. Can’t believe no one really sees it.
My mother always said that when you find someone knew, you "exchange a headache for a stomach ache." the newness will die down in any relationship. Find your best friend for life or just don't get married.
Good advice by the doctor. When I got married to my wife, I never entered a friendship with another female. No more female friends at all. And she has no male friends. That helps a ton!
My older brother told me once you started to feel something, reject it and pray. At the end of the day your spouse the mosg important thing. Sometimes feelings dont matter, actions always matter. Well Im 27 & still single. These kinds of topics makes me realize tnat its better to be single. Lonely sometimes but Im happy. I have my nieces & nephews who are close to me.
It's only a manipulation tactic 😂 it's a shitty excuse to go away and come back without taking accountability for sleeping and trying to sleep with other girls. My ex wanted a "break", for the same reason. Results : he got badly humiliated and rejected by other girls, and he couldn't get me back as he planned since the beginning, and I replaced him with another man. He was furious, he accused me of cheating, like if we were still a couple.
@@MadMax-cg6gh truth. And wow. I’m glad he got his just deserves and you found better with your life. You deserve quality of life and relationships. Stay blessed.
Man I don’t even wear makeup and if I ever do which is like once every 2 years lmao…you’ll definitely see it with it OFF very soon after. I prefer no make up so if you hate what you see at least you seen it bare lol.
It shouldn't be his wife's responsibility to make sure he doesn't cheat on her. I feel like he wants to tell her because he wants to threaten her into stepping up her game in ways he wants. Maybe he should stop wasting his energy fantasizing about another woman and put his energy into making his relationship with his wife more fulfilling to himself (and probably to her as a side effect)
Bingo. My first thought is there is a bit of subconscious "sabotage" in taking that action. Then if she gets upset or becomes cold toward him he will feel "justified" in giving attention to - or receiving attention from - someone else, in this case the co-worker.
Yes, when the caller said he wants help "navigating" this, that was a big red flag for me. I think he was indirectly trying to ask John how to tell his wife he found someone hotter and is seriously thinking about leaving. If you love your wife and are committed to your marriage, distance yourself from the attractive coworker and stop interacting with them as much as possible. End of story. What else is there to "navigate"?
@Shimmering, I thought the exact same thing when he asked how he should navigate this. What the hell does that even mean?? Lmao! There's nothing to do with the other woman other than keep your distance. He should be working on himself instead. People do dumb stuff when they aren't happy with themselves and haven't actualised.
Stop feeding the crush! Affairs don’t just happen. They are fed baby step by baby step!
It’s time to grow up!!
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Exactly. Or just divorce and date. It’s so unfair for the wife. This guy is a loser. This ain’t love.
Agree. If you just shut it out of your system you won’t make a bad mistake. Any issues start small bc people can’t stop and think anymore for themselves they expect society to stop them. It’s on YOU.
NEVER!
Don’t just divorce. Marriage is a life-long commitment. Period.@@ibabymomx3
Whenever my husband comes across a flirty girl at work, he always responds including me. For example:
Co-worker: so what do you like to do for fun?
Husband: my wife and I like to go boating
Co-worker: what’s your fav restaurant?
Husband: my wife and I really like to eat at XYZ
This technique has always shut down the flirting.
I agree. I find that mentioning that I'm married early on, displays the trust I have in my marriage, same goes for my husband. Also, I'm not trying to trick anyone into thinking I'm single.
Love this…
Same here! It's very effective.
Genius. Love it.
Yes someone I met at the gym would bring up their fiance when I had no idea. I respected it and cut it off.
Do not text. Stay away. No lunches. No drinks. No Facebook or Instagram friends with her. Put up boundaries
yeah because one will lead to another and another thing and boom…
Golden rule to all of this: don’t do or say something to someone you feel attracted to that you would not if your significant other was right there with you.
@@Tgogatorsyep ☝🏼 that’s my rule
Yes RUN!!! Joseph had to RUN out of even the room of Potiphars wife.
Damn this is childish advice
If his wife said the same thing about Chad at her job he wouldn’t be able to breathe.
Right?? 👀
his chest would cave in lol
Absolutely.
You know it's true😅. But I will say this.... Women have crushes too. The difference is we on average have better self control. * ON AVERAGE*.....so while he is calling John about it, his wife probably has had a few of her own and never thought twice about it because she knew she would never act on it or let it threaten her love for her husband. This guy on the other hand is already on the EDGE. Pretty sure he down played this exponentially....he is ready to take things further for sure. A crush is fleeting and wouldn't warrant a call imo.
@@CrystalM1917 I agree. I’ve never once had a crush but my experience isn’t the only one out there. We generally do have more self-control because we have to, especially as moms. The guy on this call is way farther down this rabbit hole than he’s letting on. He’s on the verge of making an absolute fool of himself (or already has). Butterflies are LIES.
As someone who just found out of my husband’s year long affair with a coworker, this call is extremely triggering. It’s not worth it. And yes I’m filing for divorce.
I get it, this one tore me to shreds. Wishing you well. ❤
getting half as well?
@@TheAgentmigsWould you still with a cheater?
@@TheAgentmigs She deserves more than half. If he wanted to keep his stuff he should have kept his attraction within marriage.
So sorry for you Erica. My ex-wife had a 4+ year affair before we separated and divorced. I lost about 6 years of my life when we should have been enjoying our middle ages as our kids grew up. I wouldn't wish this torture on anyone. I pray that God will cover you during this valley of your life, and then also deliver a wonderful faithful husband for the last phase of your life. Blessings!
The grass is greener where you water it.
How have I Not heard this saying before?! I love it! So true! I gotta remember this one.
EXACTLY!!!!!!!!
Spot on!
You mean on the other side lol
@@AmericanAngel21Kim K Kardiasian quote .. it’s a good one but just wanted you to know the source is a bit nuts ..
I think it's perfectly normal to find other women as attractive, but my pledge was to my wife. So to protect myself and my marriage I have appropriate boundaries in place. I don't have secret conversations/inside jokes with co workers, I don't call/text after certain times of the evening, I don't do one on one Lunches with the opposite sex, etc. I think if more people put boundaries in their marriages, things would go a lot smoother. Like John said, feelings don't matter. It's our actions that matter
True. But ppl will gaslight you to death in this world and fight for their right to befriend the opposite sex and *have lack boundaries just because. They’ll fight more so for their individual rights than their martial rights. It’s so weird.
You are right, you do have appropriate boundaries in place. Remember how people gave Mike Pence crap when he said that he wouldn’t go to lunch with a woman not his wife? Stand your ground. You’re an awesome husband.
Oh no. I do all that with a female coworker who is married. She even calls me her work husband
@@grod805 why do you do that? Do you like her? Not criticizing just genuinely wanting to understand your feelings. Do you have feelings for her?
You’re a good man and you’re wife hit the husband lottery with you 👏👏👏
Amidst my postpartum depression and anxiety, I wanted nothing to do with my husband. I started to “crush” on a coworker. I distanced myself and found a new job. The postpartum struggles finally passed and I love my husband dearly. Those situations must be squashed IMMEDIATELY.
There had been a long unhappy period in my marriage, we had so much conflict and communication not going right, and I also developed a crush on someone. So I distanced myself from that person. A few years later, my marriage is the happiest it's ever been, and I feel so much attachment and love for my husband. So happy I'm with him and not anyone else.
Its werid how this can happen. I never thought I would be someone to have a flirty crush and then it happened. I didnty do anything with this guy thankfully but it did cross my mind. The best thing is to be aware of whats going on and come to our senses.
I think the way forward for this guy is to
Find a new job, cut contact with co worker
Talk to his wife about what they can do to reboot the marriage, I wouldn’t talk to her about co worker only because nothing has yet happened and I think telling her may hurt her and cause a lot of anxiety and trust issues that may fracture her and the relationship.
If he had started acting on it, which I feel he has then I think it does need to be addressed
I’d bet money they’ve started texting and divulging life to each other.
I think he needs to do some work on himself as well. To find out what is missing and how can he find that within the boundaries of his marriage and safe friendships
Women always have these little excuses and reasons for things happening. Men don’t have that. When a man crushes on a woman he isn’t married to, he’s just trash.
@@Kate-tz4vshow da fck you guys have crushes i dont get it. Do you just know a lot of men and who they are? Like i am single, never tried to get a girlfriend but i dont just have crushes etc. on women i do not know. Is it the looks? You had lust? I want to understand the mindset of people having a crush out of nowhere.
Put your wife’s photo with the kids on your desk and phone. The garden you water is the one that grows. Stop feeding the relationship at work
There’s nothing to navigate sir, you’re married! This man is playing with fire.
Yep!! Bingo!
Username checks out!
Right? How much fire can I play with without burning this marriage to the ground?
He doesn’t know how to navigate this? You don’t NAVIGATE, you walk away! He’s enjoying the lust he has for this co worker. How disgusting!
Yes! People act like simple things like walking away and saying no are foreign concepts.
I’m a married man. As much as I’d like to believe I’d never cheat on my wife, I’m not dumb enough to disregard human nature. Therefore, don’t put myself in vulnerable situations with the opposite sex.
I don’t hang out in places or situations that could foster inappropriate relationships with women. I don’t befriend other women, period.
Our modern society thinks otherwise. How’s it been working out for them?
This 🙌🏻 this is how I am, I don’t put myself in situations that lead to bad outcomes.
I’m friendly with male coworkers but they aren’t involved in my life. It’s strictly professional and cordial.
My husband is the opposite and has had at least one affair.
I’ve been watching him since then and recently started to realise his boundaries around women, his recklessness in general, his default to dishonesty are part of his character and all are part of the lead up to his betrayal/s
That's very respectable.
@@tthettai Our cultural situation says otherwise.
I'm bisexual so I'd be friendless with this approach, so my general rule is so long as I don't feel romantic/physical attraction toward a person I want to get to know, it's fine to become their friend. If those feelings develop later in a friendship, I'd take a step back... Fortunately I haven't ever experienced platonic feelings turning romantic though.
Smart man. Kept trying to explain this to my ex. It wasnt that I didnt trust him it was his false sense of confidence that he could turn down any woman in any situation
I’ve been happily married to my husband for 8 years. After work on Friday he went out for a drink with his buddies. When he got home a little later, he told me he got approached by a couple women at the bar. I already knew he was respectful, because that’s the kind of man I married, but I smiled and said “Of course you got approached! You’re very handsome!” And left it at that.
But then I got the full story from his friend David when he came over to our house for poker the next night.
“Hey you! Have you met my friend Anna?” one of the girls apparently said and pushed her friend forward to my husband.
“This legend,” David said as he continued to tell me the story. “He showed the girls the ring on his finger and replied, ‘Nice to meet you Anna. I’m a happily married man with the honor of having the most beautiful wife in the world. Have you met my single friend, David?’”
After I heard in detail how my husband honored me and our marriage in that situation, it made me simp for him so hard 😅 I still have butterflies just thinking about it. Such a turn on when a man shows you he’s YOUR man ❤
Yes, it is an amazing feeling. My husband is the same way. We are so blessed.
That's the kinda man I want .. he sounds awesome
This is what I need right here! Happy for you!
My sister's ex had a friend like that. It was all BS.
This awesome!! I am going to be this husband!!
Why are people never happy with what they have?😩 There are people who wish to have someone by their side as a spouse and who don't get to experience that. Be grateful, you fools.
The old expression" the grass is greener "
@@davidmopar8446 To expand on that, grass is greener where you water it.
Didnt you hear him say he is happy? Come on. People catch feelings for other people all the time, we are human. The key thing is never acting on it
Because humans are human with human emotions. Regardless of the situation it’s normal to wonder how things could be different. That’s being human. I’ve though about what if I drive my car into a concrete pillar. I’m not suicidal. The thought still happened.
@@meh_lady 100!!!!! Omg, YES!!!!
Shut it down and do not share this with you wife. It will be irreversible damage. I would never want to know this. All I need to know is my husband is faithful and if he were to have these feelings he’d shut them down and stay committed to me.
My wife never needs to worry about this.
She knows I hate everyone I work with.
😂😅😊
😂😂
Ideal husband 😂❤
😂
😂😂😂
Answer here is simple? 1- get a new job / transfer
2- delete the woman
3- get closer to the wife.
👍Transferred to another department. Friend zoned.
Exactly
Lol the internet does have a different meaning for "delete".
Damn what do you mean with delete? 😳
@@LordMuzhy Delete is the new way to say kill. I've seen some videos use delete as a way to say killed or someone got murdered.
We lose what we take for granted.
100%. The grass is always greener on the other side, until you get to the other side and now you want to go back.
@@roejieksJesus is coming back. Believe He died for your sins and rose again then repent to be saved.
Fact. So very true 💯🔥🔥🔥
@@IloveJesus777j77 No.
Integrity: Doing the right thing, even when your wife isn't looking. Be a man of integrity.
As someone that was in a situation like this and it literally destroyed my life. CHANGE JOBS IMMEDIENTLY. Get away from the person, talk to someone a priest, a close friend, a therapist and DONT tell your wife if nothing has happened. You will crush your spouse with this because she will think you slept with her. This is your struggle and you need to fix your behavior. I've been the other woman and it was the worst feeling in the world. It's all superficial and it's 100% a problem with YOU. YOU ARE INSECURE AND LOOKING FOR ATTENTION. Don't hurt your wife fix yourself. You telling her will transfer your pain to her and it will only destroy your marriage.
Or keep the job and have fun
@@auroramothergoddess Not sure destroying two people's lives is fun but hey
@@auroramothergoddess ew
@@GreekYogurtGranola yes thanks
@@LulaMae21 as long as they don’t act on it …it’s nice to have someone you fancy at work
I got married super young. We were 17 and 18. About two years into the marriage I worked periodically with a very charismatic interesting older guy. If he was going to be there I would put more effort into how I dressed/hair styles. I looked forward to the day. It hit me one day, oh no! Did I have a crush?????
I immediately backed off. Just talked to him less only work talk, not chit chat. So much he noticed and asked if he had offended me in some way. I lied and said no nothing was wrong. Time went on and after acknowledgment of my “feelings” it went away. I’m so thankful.
Going on 12 years of marriage and I wouldn’t trade my husband for the world. I never told him, because it was silly and would only hurt him. If the roles were reversed I wouldn’t want him to tell me, unless things got out of hand or it became an ongoing fantasy issue. Good luck man. Hope you make the right choice.
It's good that you acknowledge how you felt and took action by backing off that risky situation
I wish in future to hv a man I can say this about.
I'm glad you were wise beyond your years. I also agree that announcing attraction is unnecessary and would likely change the dynamic of a marriage. Perhaps sharing with a wise, discrete older woman who has a strong marriage would provide accountability. May you be blessed with many more decades of a joyful marriage.
Love this ❤
Tbh both you and your husband could've waited before getting married so young. The fact that you still remember that random dude at work is telling
As a professional who has dealt with situations like this for many years, I pose one question. “Is it any wonder that so many people have trust issues??”
I was getting a little close to a married man in a work relationship. We would talk all the time and talk about everything. However I caught it early and distanced myself. I was single at the time but I knew I would not be ok with it if it was my husband. I just distanced myself and rerouted the relationship to only being professional. He was a little disappointed but he got it after awhile. I don’t want to be too friendly with a married man. Sorry. Now that I’m married I’m still the same. I’m surface level with men. I don’t even see them as sexual beings outside of my husband. My hubby is a gem and I’m not gonna lose him because I have a wondering eye. Also it’s very rare when you cheat and it works out. You ruin your life unnecessarily. No thanks.
It’s very rare now to hear someone say they don’t view anyone else of their partner’s sex as a sexual being. Most of the time you get the advice and affirmation like on this call that it’s ok to look and fantasize but not act on it.
I totally disagree and it’s nice to hear someone else actually thinks this way too.
@@kyleconnor2759 yes!! So true, like I get that some people look good but I don’t see others and start thinking about having sex or forming a relationship with them. It’s just weird to me for people to go that far when they are supposedly with someone they love.
Proud of you Sis. 👊
@@schokococoa575 totally. Your brain is going to process information automatically, one of those things being physical attractiveness. It’s more of a note that helps you process dealing with them or even in passing, you download the information that oh that person exists in this world as an attractive person. Or maybe a different piece of information. But that’s the extent of it. It’s an intellectual process not emotional or spiritual or even physical other than the subconscious part.
I’m sure this is easier for some people than others and also what kind of relationship they’re in, if it’s the right one or not. But yes that part of you should shut down once you’re with the right person.
KC, you are a person with integrity!
You can't develop a crush unless you consciously make time to think about it. He's given this woman at work too much time in his mind. It's really simple, accept 100% that you are married and nothing is going to come out of it and change your focus. Look for other things that can bring you a sense of excitement and fun that are healthy to your marriage.
You are 100% correct.
I never had the language for it but this is exactly it.
But it doesn't take much time. I've had people smile at me and it produces that "crush" feeling. The important thing is just to acknowledge it for what it really is: it's just an emotion. It doesn't mean anything.
jasonroos4123 nah most men are freedom seekers. You disallow and you get REPRESSION and then RESENTMENT. People pleasers can do it tho, i am just not one of those 🤡s
@@jason_v12345emotions mean a lot. Otherwise you wouldn't respect the feelings and emotions you have for your spouse
Telling your spouse every one of your deep, dark, sinful thoughts and desires, especially when they'd hurt them, is more selfish than anything. We all have crazy thoughts. I sometimes talk terribly about my husband in my head. I sometimes want to throw my kids out a window. But then I pray, I turn towards them and find a way to serve them. You're right, this "transparency" is more damaging than anything. Unless you cross the line into action, some things can die in darkness.
Omg every other week I imagine the steps to divorce and house hunting alone lol. But I love my family to bits haha
@@tessajones9393 really? I wish more people spoke of these thoughts truthfully… it would help others… like me.. to not feel guilty about them..
lots of affairs start out this way
Yep they get physical in no time
so true. i've had men tell me their wife is jealous. i ask are you doing something to make her that way. men that are flirtatious wonder why their wives don't trust them. hmmm if my husband went to the woods looking for an animal , i'd expect him to bring something home for dinner haha. don't go looking for something if you don't want it. i do believe that a happily married man that is satisfied with his marriage and loves his wife is only looking for attention and validation, and a man that is looking to get a piece is very quick to try to get it. i read that men that start an affair sleep with the woman within one month. a man that is just flirting, isn't in a hurry, but that said, it still doesn't feel very good when the man you love dearly is flirting with the cashier right in front of you and thinks it's ok. some men think it's alright if their wife flirt also as along as he knows she's not going anywhere. the harm in that is there might come a day when there IS a man or woman that you CAN"T say no to, then what?
@@leegalloway9508 That is so true! both genders don't realize when you enter the temptation zone, it is hard to get out of there. We just need to be mature enough to realize this and stay away from it, don't get involved and try harder to be a good husband /wife. Temptations will always be there but you have the control of your life and decisions.
There is a huge difference between saying someone is attractive versus saying I am attracted to the person....
It's not because she's special. it's because she's new, and new is fun for a while. A good wife is special.
Cheap thrills don’t fill, they destroy.
LMAO... SERIOUSLY?
@BBAKER 😮😮😮😱😱🤯🤯😮😲😱🤯😮
WOW. You keep posting this under every comment. I don’t care.
So true!
In my opinion, men need another MAN to have accountability conversations with. A wife is not there to keep her husband accountable on porn, lust, crushes, urges. It creates an insecure dynamic and then the WIFE has to manage that insecurity. Find a male accountability partner. Share this with him. Develop a plan with him, check in with him. Then tell your wife how you are working on yourself to be a better man for her! Don’t tell her the details. Have boundaries with your wife to keep her secure in the fact that you are willing to do whatever is required to be a man that will fight for her.
Golden wisdom right here!
I've personally had difficulties finding/seeing men that will do this for each other. From what I've experienced, they usually support the other's dysfunctional behavior, or come to the agreed upon "all women are dumb, emotional, and crazy" conclusions. . . There's a serious lack of mentally strong, emotionally intelligent male role models. I know they're out there, but jeez. . . Men need help from other men, but there's too many of them that aren't taught how to be functional adults.
Agreed.
@@andeddoberubetto If you are in a church, seek an elder or another trusted man. Shared values and concern for a person's soul or witness go a long way.
It’s a big boys club
I’m married. I’ve never had a crush on anyone after marriage. I only have eyes for my husband. I think crushes only form when you allow them to form.
Exactly 💯
"I love my wife but..." theres no accidently. theres only intention.
Lol, no.
@@WillIam79-c7f lol, YES. You’re just a mentally weak person trying to play the role of a “man” except you’re doing it wrong. Stop being a coward and do right.
Yeah he’s a loser.
@@WillIam79-c7fJesus is coming back. Believe He died for your sins and rose again then repent to be saved.
@@WillIam79-c7fLol, yes
This call makes me so scared, I hope I am never in this wife’s position. I feel so bad for her. He says it’s a great marriage? And he feels like this towards someone. Id want to be told the truth so I can walk away.
Same... You can do your best, be great partner, make the other person happy and still have them fantasize about cheating. Gives me anxiety.
Being attracted to other people is inevitable. Feeding the fire is the choice.
Any woman who looks twice at me... I'll talk endlessly about my wife and teenage kids till the interest disappears... then I'll cheerfully wish them a good day and go about my business.
Works great on gay men too... start talking about the kids and they can't scamper away fast enough 😂😂😂
I will say I have had temptation to cheat and my relationship was fine at the time. I think most guys cheat out of lust not because they fell in love with someone else or because there relationship is bad
This man didn’t do anything wrong. He didn’t act on his feelings at all. You would really leave someone because they have a crush?
The bible states ' 'run !!! from temptaition''.
There’s a lot more going on with the co-worker than he’s letting on. “I love my wife but…” tells me that there is heavy, heavy flirting and entertaining ideas. He’s beyond a crush.
Very good point. When is the point that a crush becomes more? It's hard to define.
Yes, I thought the same. He's already seriously flirting and "navigating" the thought of leaving his wife, otherwise he wouldn't have taken the time out of his day to schedule a televised call with Dr John.
It’s a good thing he DID schedule a call so that Dr John can talk some sense into him before he destroyed his marriage.
I think the same
True story
This is exactly why I’m not married yet. My ex was “friends” with a coworker, until by act of God, I found their texts. After I left him, they had a kid together. A few years later they’re broken up and hate each other. It’s not worth it.
Dodged a bullet!
I can’t see the 2 replies. If anyone can see them can they tell me what they say?
@@alexyssaubrie1606I can't see them either
@@alexyssaubrie1606they said they love red heads.
Billion ppl in this world and that don't work with you. Why would anyone need to mess with a co-worker. Never works out.
The workplace is where most married people have relationships not connected to their marriage. Just a suggestion, get your wife to come to your place of work - show her around, introduce her to all your coworkers. Just seeing your spouse in your workplace can make it more of a shared experience, especially since it's all so new to both of you. Crushes fade, boundaries need to be established in your own mind and not wanting to hurt your spouse should always be paramount for you.
I see one problem. Women do not care if he is with her or not. They will stab each other in the back just out of spite.
@@GBU61 The point is HE should care and telling a pursuer that he loves his wife and would never pursue a relationship with someone else is normally enough to take a would-be third party out of the equation. A blunt "No thanks" will do the same.
I don’t think it’s gonna bring him peace if he tells his wife about his crush. It’s gonna make her paranoid about the girl at work. He just needs to pull away and let it be done.
I agree. I think it's his problem. Maybe he should see a therapist so that he can sort out what his priorities are.
I agree with you. He needs to ask for a different shift or office until his lust fades.
He needs to tell his wife or it will become permissable the next time it happens. Or it ends up worse. Good married couples are able to work it out.
If he doesn't, he'll realize it's not that hard to keep a secret from his wife and push it further each time.
It will eventually turn into physical infidelity and end very badly.
@@chocolate.espresso7 I guess If he literally has no self control.
He shouldn’t tell his wife. It will break her heart and ruin the relationship for no reason.
He needs to fix his own problems.
My heart goes out to his wife, SHE knows, he's not fooling her one bit.
Mmmm no she doesn’t. Men are good at hiding it.
I bet she does know. Wives are smarter than they think...
@@mr.j3371 100% she knows.
@@michellearseneault_youthstald I don’t think women realize how hard a guy can hide his feelings. One day he’s all loving and kind and the next… I’m just saying, affairs start in the heart first
@@lh1514I think she might be suspicious and that's why he wants to tell her. No sane husband/wife will tell their partner they are crushing on another person especially their coworker that they interact every day. He so wants to cheat, he probably think she might give him the ok to do so.
I tell my husband EVERYTHING. Total honesty and I expect the same. The minute you let little secrets like crushes at work go by with no accountability, you are opening up the door to the psyche of "how much can i get away with". I find other people attractive too. Someone compliments me, hits on me, I tell my husband. I am not a cheater but I don't want to EVER keep something like that from him bc I know the potential for it to become something more. Now that my husband knows, not only does it reinforce his trust in me, but I am now accountable by telling him.
Regarding the other woman, remember "If they'll do it with you, they'll do it to you".
if he tells his wife she’s going to start feeling massive daily anxiety just at the thought of him going to work. he should not tell her if he’s actually being honest that he hasn’t and won’t cheat on her. but who knows if that’s going to happen.
While I am not a big proponent of keeping secrets in a marriage, I agree with you on this. Hearing this would be so painful and forever fill me with doubt.
Except he just went on a National show with his name, voice and where he lives. This is the same as telling her. Just in front of millions of people.
Exactly. He doesn’t need to tell her but should probably look a different job. He doesn’t seem to have a lot of self control. I nvr think of cheating. I love and like my husband. He has my heart. Keep other relationships casual. Do not overstep. It’s Nt that hard to respect your spouse and marriage
Exactly, why will he tell her and ruin their relationship, ruin their mental state! If he put that on her he is selfish and wants to make it her fault and burden to bear
Exactly I would never trust my husband again
Good for this guy for asking for help BEFORE it turns into an affair.
Stay away! Get away from this woman asap. Don’t go down that road of adultery. Even if you lust with just your eyes you’ve already committed adultery. Don’t do this to her. I wish people would stop taking their spouses for granted.
taking a spouse for granted has nothing to do with it
@@nomadikmind3979no it literally is
Human nature
This is why so many women are refusing to get married nowadays. It's like you're just signing yourself up for pain. I don't care how many boundaries he puts up or how crazy I might seem, I just can't deal with the thought of my man developing feelings or attraction to another woman. I would seriously just prefer being alone 😞
Same cause wtf is this bullshit.
i dont think youve ever been in a relationship then. Other people than your partner still exist, and you still find them attractive. Enjoy being alone.
@@nomadikmind3979 not me. If I'm in love with a man, it's literally impossible for me to be attracted to someone else. There must be something wrong with me. And thanks, I will.
@@AngelBlankets77 there's nothing wrong with you, you have morals in that way ❤
Well that's kind of sad!
This guy knows what he needs to do. He just wants somebody to give him a free pass to cheat on his wife. Even if he left his wife for this other woman, there’s always going to be that other coworker, the next coworker that he works with.
I absolutely love what you say about feelings. Love is a verb- an action word. It’s not a feeling. It’s a choice and an intention.
❤
At work, I say hello to the females when I walk in, and goodbye when I leave. Nothing more. If I must interact I only talk business and move on. That rule has served me well. 100% in love with my wife after 14 years, never had a fight or even an argument. Train your mind on your wife.
Your wife should know how privileged she is to have you. Keep it up 😁
You are a good man.
What an underrated
comment ❤🎉
Yep!🎉
My wife never needs to worry about this because 1.) I’m not married and 2.) I hate everyone I work with.
Lol..
My husband thinks it's over the top but I don't have lunch with male coworkers unless he's with me. Or it's a group setting. He's an introvert that doesn't anyway. But I'm an extrovert and some men think it's flirting. Best to have some rules.
It is called boundaries. It is very rare these days.
It protects your marriage.
I think this is smart. Heck, I would feel uncomfortable having lunch with another man.
Exactly. I’m not having a lunch/dinner ntn with another man if someone else isn’t there. That’s just inappropriate especially in a relationship or marriage.
I think is fantastic
This guy is totally going to cheat on his wife. The fact that he feels like he’s back in high school, his infatuation is going to get the better of him.
He just have to tell him to get his mind off that feeling cause it's gonna hurt him at the end
Remember that there needs to be 2 to tango. If the coworker is well educated and knows he is married she would definitely not get involved in this type of romance he is creating in his own mind.
@@honeybee8989 Not necessarily. It happens all day, every day.
@@honeybee8989 well educated has nothing to do with it. Infidelity does not discriminate.
@@JP-ll8iy education starts at home...
I watched my father as a kid , he was a serial adulterer and the amount of tension and disharmony it brought into the family had lasting effects on the family 40 years down the track .
Good women are hard to find and if you married a good woman cherish her.
💯💯💯
Good women aren't hot. Men want hot more than good. That's how most men are.
That feeling of "young love" is playing with fire if you're married/in a committed relationship. It's intoxicating. The feeling of trying to relive youth and the carefree adventurous days. But ask yourself if it's worth undoing what you already have.
Agreed. Look up "limmerance".
@@brightpage1020lol stop watching relationship radio...
Intoxicating... the clue is in there... "toxic"
I think it’s a fantasy and not real life. All these people that married people have crushes on will get tiresome too at some point.
Both of their laughs when he says he has a massive crush is nauseating. I hate casual conversations over something that would destroy a person. They have only been married for 4 years and he’s into someone else. Poor woman!
They're men, they have hormones pumping through their bodies that make them attracted to women. It's biological. That's why it's a big deal when men (women too, but not as much in my opinion) commit themselves to not being lustful. As a woman, I've also had a couple of extracurricular crushes, so I see it as a normal human experience. How swiftly and cleanly you nip that bud is really what matters. I think people in this situation have to be honest with their partners and tell them whats going on, and come to an agreement as to how it'll be handled. If it destroys you, professional help is always an option. But I'd personally rather know that my husband will tell me when something is up and therefore I don't have to worry when he goes off to work.
I didn’t like it either !
Yeah I instantly said “Ughhh!!” in disgust when he said “Ohhhh yeeeaahhh!!!” As if he was giving him a virtual high five. Just gross!
I can't believe people call in to get advice from this child. People are so lost.
I almost stopped listening when that laugh happened, glad he walked him through a serious reality check.
Great video, thanks for sharing. My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, Really love her so much, i can’t stop thinking about her. I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated because i literally can't envision my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her.
Your feelings are understandable, It's always difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation when my husband of 12 years left me, i couldn't just let him go. I did all I could to get him back, I had to seek the help of a spiritual adviser who helped me bring him back.
@@nikascupcakebar Wow, how did you get a spiritual adviser, and how do i reach him/her?
@@Margart526 her name is MONICA ERLENE MORA, and she is a great spiritual adviser as well as a caster and healer
@@nikascupcakebar Thank you for this valuable information, I just looked her up online. impressive.
Time heals all. Keep yourself busy, do what you can to push through. Sorry to hear this and i wish you the best while you heal
My Ex Husband had an affair with a co worker and I ended our relationship and business immediately. Not playing that game.
I wasnt surprised when he said he's been eorking out in the gym and making an effort... Its like he's preparing for the affair 😬
That's what my wife did. She didn't care to look good for me, nor did she care to exercise, but she was more than willing to look good for her boss (at work and in bed).
@@jacksquat4140That truly sucks and I'm sorry she put you through that. I detest infidelity.
@@jenjen2824: Thanks, Jen. I detest infidelity, too.
Seems like it always starts when people start getting in better shape!
@@fayejordan175 : Question is...do people work out in order to cheat, or does working out make them more susceptible to cheating? It seems to me that when people start placing a high emphasis on their physical fitness, and their physical appearance, they become more attracted to the physical appearance and sexual allure of others. I'm not an advocate for Couch Potatoes, but there may be something to this.
He should’ve told him to go through the process of cheating and the outcome of his wife finding out, her heartbreak and then divorcing him and or him being fired for inappropriate relationship with a coworker or worse case, she filed sexual harassment on him. People need to think through all the outcomes these “feelings” bc the end result is right where you start if you are lucky.. or sometimes it’s worse.
It's the real outcomes that we never think of in the moment. Or willing to sacrifice for something that will not be great or good. The shame afterwards knowing you are exactly who people despise. It's not worth it. Walk away. If you're pursuing or being pursued by a married person, walk away and never look back. There is nothing fun or exciting about this especially if it involves your job.
Very true
Very true
Very true
Very true
"Happily married, but crushing hard"... LMAO.. If he's crushing that hard, he's NOT happily married and his marriage is NOT that great! I DON'T know who he's trying to FOOL
So true.
THAT PART!
Yes sir! Did you hear that long pause before and after he asked if he would cheat? Yah buddy…look a little deeper..
Some people just aren't content with what they have.
No, you can have crushes still.
We live in such a fickle society where we just feel like every feeling is something to go after... Of course you will be attracted to people because we are human and we are meant to connect and build relationships that serve different aspects of our lives.
When you are in a Marriage this is the ultimate relationship and all other relationships in your life are supposed to affirm that foundation so you and your spouse can freely build and grow on it. So as a married person for all relationships in your life whether it's a "Crush" or "Attraction" for someone (or even friends or family) you need to weigh whether it is countering or stabilizing the foundation...
Do NOT tell your wife!!!! It serves NO purpose but to hurt her!
He doesnt deserve her !
There’s always going to be someone more attached, fit, funny and even seemingly a better match. Always.
...and this is why people shouldn't get married so young.
@@YesYesYesJefft’s not an age thing, it’s a God thing. My grandmother married my grandfather one week after high school graduation. They were married until my grandpa died at 85. My parents and aunts/uncles have been married over 50 years.
I am the divorced loser; wishing I leaned on God because my ex and I we’re doing it on our own strength.
@@Mitzi73 i think it's just a lot harder these days, ..as there isn;t as strong a "moral code" as it was many years ago...also with the aspect of social media, temptation and poor decisions are a lot easier to make nowadays... people just aren't as wholesome.
@@YesYesYesJeff i do agree with you, as many of the callers on this show did get married super young... not at all saying that's an "excuse" in any way to cheat ...but it just places a couple in a much risker category and to a bit of a disadvantage if they married before they really got out and dated others beforehand.
definitely true! i think there's just a lot of insecurity amongst individuals and couples alike...marriage is hard work and serious commitment. i'm not sure that everyone sees it that way unfortunately.
He is not a man his a boy. A big boy . The fact he called to "navigate" shows that he cant have control over his thoughts and actions. Big boy energy! It is what it is !!!
Imagine you are the wife listening to this...
I would be looking for another place.
I would be pretty sure that if the hubby is calling for advice 1. he’s done more than he admitted and 2. I need out if this guy does not know what to do and needs guidance. .
Seriously.... can you imagine hearing your husband squeeling that he feels like he's in highschool again over a coworker....... 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️
Betrayal
Well hey, at least he's looking for advice...which shows some consideration for her. A lot of people would just have a secret affair and move on with life without the spouse ever knowing!
John should have suggested imagining the tears running down his wifes face feeling of betrayal hurt that might stop him from having an affair
The grass isn't greener on the other side; the grass is greener where you water it
Thats why you stay away from becoming friends with people of the opposite sex if your married , my world revolves around my children and Husband they get my full attention and also remember to keep dating each other , and pray that God helps you to only have eyes for your spouse and resist the worlds temptations
This is a great conversation. As a single lady that works in the office . I have seen work relationships develop and have had men try to develop work relationship with me , which makes me uncomfortable. When this happens I keep the relationship with guy very professional. I don’t want to hear about the ins and outs of your relationship, or he trying to spend extra time with me for attention. I just tell them , I’m flattered you like me but out of respect for your marriage ;your flirting behavior makes me feel uncomfortable. I’m not interested in a married man .
Thank you. ❤
Thank you!!!! And way to showcase your self respect, Young Lady! You don't need to play leftovers or 2nd fiddle every holiday ;o)
@@brightpage1020😂
I feel like alot of people don't realize how much control they can actually have over their attractions. You cannot help what you find attractive, but you can help feeding into that attraction, you don't have to be constantly checking them out, looking them up and down, being flirtatious, those are all things you do intended to strengthen the crush because it feels good, having someone you are into flirt back is an ego boost and a rush, but it's very disrespectful to your partner.
Thank you, your comment here helped me the most with my own struggles.
Some people getting married have no business in matrimony.
We moved one year ago to a new suburb and I met my a couple neighbors. One was going through a bad divorce and we haven't spoken a lot during the winter season. One day we were both working outside and she told me that she had re-connected with a guy who had attended the same high school. I was excited for her until she revealed that he was married (28 years) and he has three kids. All I could think of was that God would never send a married man or woman to any of us and that both she and her friend are involved in the destruction of his marriage. Even if the kids are older, it will still bother them.
Did you tell her that?
She needs to know that kind of outcome is tearing up a happy home. If not, it doesn't matter! Don't spare her feelings!
@@nailahdawkins how do you know it is a happy home??? I Asi as a divorced woman who never cheated or was cheated. And who likes the new partner of my ex much more than him. In fact i despise him.
@@nailahdawkins Yes. I think I should tell her. It's crazy. She should know this.
That married person may give us goose bumps, but they are not showing strength of character by looking outside of their marriage. They are off limits, for the spouse's, kids, and the potential outside partner's sakes.
@Sonja, Honestly, good for you. Cheaters can go to hell.
This is why you create boundaries. I hate that about my generation. They think boundaries are controlling when it's not. You shouldn't be texting opposite sex coworkers too much or about non work things too often. Especially past a certain time at night. Even if it's all completely innocent, it can come across as inappropriate to that person's wife or husband. It's why I don't do that to the married men I work with.
I remember reading where someone was explaining boundaries. I wish I could find it. The gist of it was explained as "boundaries are what protect me and what I will and won't accept from another person. It in no way is supposed to dictate the others actions" or something like that. I just remember really liking the way it sounded
My husband and his "work wife" would text in the MORNING before I got up for work.
@heathermartinez2954 That's exactly it. It's just about respect and if you respect me enough you won't put yourself in questionable positions. It has nothing to do with jealousy with me. It's all about boundaries and protecting our relationship. Women and I'm sure men too but women are very jealous of other women especially when one is married, has a house and loving husband. If you add in that he's a decent provider then they tend to try to ruin that. It's just my observation as a married women. I've had this problem with one of my husband's coworkers. I've also had men on my end try to ruin myrelationship too because they wanted to see if they can steal me from him. It's insane how people think sometimes.
@@andreabrunkow9314OH hell no! Smh people have some nerve.
@heathermartinez2954 That sounds like Townsend and Cloud or McCloud book "Boundaries." Pretty good book!
If you’re “happily married” you wouldn’t be obsessed enough with a co-worker that you call into a show to ease your guilt.
Attractive people are still going to exist until the day you die but is it worth ruining a marriage? Does your crush even feel the same way?
half of marriages end in divorce. I dont think Americans take marriage that seriously to began with
So sad that some don't respect their vows.
We can’t always help it if someone catches our eye and we find them attractive. What we CAN help, however, is how we choose to act on it. Set up boundaries, choose faithfulness, and remember the lifelong promise you made to your spouse. Cheaters never prosper.
Don’t ruin your marriage for this nonsense. You will regret throwing your marriage away for fleeting feelings
"I was using other people to make myself feel better" man that hits deep
I saw the light hearing this statement... I finally understand the behaviour of my ex😂😂😂
Someone once said some people will trade acres of a good life for a very small patch of "pleasure".
That is great! I’m going to use that one
My question is.... does the coworker even know he exists for this crush to develop to the point of a call in?? She's possibly just being nice and/or professional and he's running off in his imagination
As soon as the coworker shows interest in him, he’s gonna cheat. LEAVE.
🤣🤣🤣
Yup. My ex husband had an affair with his female pilot instructor (he is military.) work relationships can definitely lead to ruining a marriage.
That's my ex-wife did. She was found out to be whoring herself out to one of her subordinates in his parents' house night after night while I was taking care of our two-year-old by myself. It cost her dearly. Naturally, even to this day, she sees nothing wrong with anything she did and blames others for her decisions.
Yes because it’s natural. Naturally men want to have six. Whatever is near them is what they get attached to. You can’t fight biology
Lol he's in the military I'm pretty sure they ALL fck each other
And they always say it’s us spouses who do the cheating. I’ve seen more active duty cheating than spouses, it sickening. I’m sorry you went through that! It’s a well known thing in my husband’s community and he doesn’t go to any work events because he hates being around those people. When deployed he would even walk 100 yards to use a non coed bathroom because those same cheaters cheated…… in the coed bathroom. I know ALLLLL the stories from this community because he talks to me about how disgusting things are. They just don’t care who finds out. It’s such a toxic environment too!
@@cristinap6394 he also cheated on me multiple times with a woman he met at a bar while he was away for training in a different state. They have so many opportunities to cheat. I’ll never marry a military or first responder again!
Don’t tell your wife anything about this!! That is completely selfish, and it’s an act that you are trying to rid your own guilt. Stay silent, woke it out and whatever you do, don’t act on this crush. You will blow up your entire life and your wife will never truly trust you again.
The stage of falling in love is so different from the stage of lasting in love. A lot of men and women are addicted to falling in love but can't last past the honeymoon stage. They're off falling for someone else. If you are single right now, build discipline in yourselves that will enable you to last in love. This may look like getting friends that will hold you accountable or you not flirting with everyone you meet just for fun. Those little habits don't just leave when you're married. You have to practice real sexual/emotional discipline now in order to last in love later.
This guy is too immature to be married. I hope his wife realizes she is worth much more.
He asked for help before it went further. A lot of people don't.
@@rebeccahicks2392a lot of people actually like the thrill.
I wonder if feeling this way speaks on his lack of commitment. I can't imagine feeling or hearing my partner say this about a coworker
“The idea that a relationship runs its course is false, people make life changes and decisions” that really stuck with me. My parents have been married since I was born, but my father had an affair for a year and they nearly separated. It’s really harmed my idea of love and commitment, and I sometimes wonder if long term marriage is possible. But this is what I needed to hear. We only lose that connection when we stop putting forth the right effort. My parents stopped doing that because of bad communication. But they got it back through effort.
Please don’t tell your wife. Nothing good comes out of it. 😢
Yes he can cheat but as long he doesn’t tell her it’s fine
If he's done nothing wrong, there's no reason to go there.
Keeping secrets will eventually destroy the relationship!
@@Nah-ah it will save the relationship have you not heard that new song called “keep it to yourself “
As a woman, I agree.
If he loves his wife and is willing to do what it takes to not entertain the crush… telling his wife only creates problems.
My wife and I have been married for 36 years.
Throughout my marriage I`ve come across a woman on occasions who just done it for me, have been women I`ve seen while out somewhere, female co-workers and even some female neighbours. I have lost count how many women have come on to me and the chances I`ve had to have affairs.
But I have learned from experience that women can be trouble and not worth wreaking your marriage for.
In romantic relationships the courting period is as good as it gets, after that the marriage evolves into a domestic lifestyle that can over time feel mundane and boring.
So a married person may be tempted to have an affair to relive the courting period about but that too will end.
Not worth it and best to stay with your partners.
I suppose this is natural
But goddamn it scares me. I’d be so hurt if my partner felt this way for other women.
Honest question, does it have anything to do with being less interested in your wife, loving her less? Are you more attracted to these new women?
A neighbor particularly would just break my heart, you see them all the time.
I have a coworker who makes my heart smile. I am single and he is happily married with 3 great kids and grandkids. I respect him, and myself, enough to never act inappropriately with him. I am enjoying feeling warm and fuzzy, but I am acutely aware that nothing will ever happen.
I loved this call! He LITERALLY pointed out, step by step, the trajectory for the destruction of a marriage! Next call, "my wife is fat and I am not attracted to her any more" 😂😂😂
🤪😅😂
He sure is following the textbook.
Wells she's prob cranky and fat
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
100%... this is how affairs begin and marriages end... the pursuit of a fantasy...
this reminds me of a talk on youtube i saw called "why you will always marry the wrong person" 😂 there's always more and the very illusive reality of choice is rampant in this world. it's like john says, its all about the choice/decision you made and sticking to that, no take backs!
I don't know if I would ever tell my spouse that I have a crush on someone. I try to avoid anyone I have a crush on when I'm in a relationship.
It is interesting that Dr. John brought up his own struggle. I often feel uncomfortable when Dr. John takes calls from women because he talks like a teenager and gives off that flirtatious energy. Then the women sometimes flirt back and it is really cringy. I wish he would stop trying so hard to be cool and just talk like a mature professional, especially considering the serious nature of the calls. He does give some good advice, but as a woman I would feel uncomfortable having him as a therapist because of his flirtatious demeanor. I am so glad that none of the men I work with act like that.
That’s something i’ve noticed as well. He acts totally different and even complimented a woman caller by calling her beautiful without even seeing her like a simp. I also feel like the women that call know he’s like that so they also speak with a flirtatious tone and play into it and it’s uncomfortable to hear/watch. Can’t believe no one really sees it.
Very interesting comment. I have noticed it too, and it has been gnawing at my subconscious.
I don’t agree - I find him wholly appropriate.
I agree , he sounds super cringey
My mother always said that when you find someone knew, you "exchange a headache for a stomach ache." the newness will die down in any relationship. Find your best friend for life or just don't get married.
Absolutely 💙💙💙💙
I cannot imagine finding this episode and hearing my own husband speak this way… how is he comfortable speaking this into existence on the internet??
Good advice by the doctor. When I got married to my wife, I never entered a friendship with another female. No more female friends at all.
And she has no male friends.
That helps a ton!
My older brother told me once you started to feel something, reject it and pray. At the end of the day your spouse the mosg important thing. Sometimes feelings dont matter, actions always matter. Well Im 27 & still single. These kinds of topics makes me realize tnat its better to be single. Lonely sometimes but Im happy. I have my nieces & nephews who are close to me.
These topics shouldn’t determine your life there are still good people who respect relationships ♥️
Men: wearing make-up is lying.
Also men: I divorced her bc she stopped wearing make up.
It's only a manipulation tactic 😂 it's a shitty excuse to go away and come back without taking accountability for sleeping and trying to sleep with other girls.
My ex wanted a "break", for the same reason.
Results : he got badly humiliated and rejected by other girls, and he couldn't get me back as he planned since the beginning, and I replaced him with another man.
He was furious, he accused me of cheating, like if we were still a couple.
@@MadMax-cg6gh truth. And wow. I’m glad he got his just deserves and you found better with your life. You deserve quality of life and relationships. Stay blessed.
this why we prefer no make up . let me love you for you and you don’t gotta keep up with it or ever worry 😂
Man I don’t even wear makeup and if I ever do which is like once every 2 years lmao…you’ll definitely see it with it OFF very soon after. I prefer no make up so if you hate what you see at least you seen it bare lol.
😂😂😂😂😂
It shouldn't be his wife's responsibility to make sure he doesn't cheat on her. I feel like he wants to tell her because he wants to threaten her into stepping up her game in ways he wants. Maybe he should stop wasting his energy fantasizing about another woman and put his energy into making his relationship with his wife more fulfilling to himself (and probably to her as a side effect)
Bingo. My first thought is there is a bit of subconscious "sabotage" in taking that action. Then if she gets upset or becomes cold toward him he will feel "justified" in giving attention to - or receiving attention from - someone else, in this case the co-worker.
Hmm....nice take!! I didn't originally get that but I do see that as a real motivation for the 'transparency' he wishes to engage in.
Yes, when the caller said he wants help "navigating" this, that was a big red flag for me. I think he was indirectly trying to ask John how to tell his wife he found someone hotter and is seriously thinking about leaving. If you love your wife and are committed to your marriage, distance yourself from the attractive coworker and stop interacting with them as much as possible. End of story. What else is there to "navigate"?
@@shimmeringchimps3842This guy wanted to call and talk about his crush.
@Shimmering, I thought the exact same thing when he asked how he should navigate this. What the hell does that even mean?? Lmao! There's nothing to do with the other woman other than keep your distance. He should be working on
himself instead. People do dumb stuff when they aren't happy with themselves and haven't actualised.