How to Spot a Hijackal. Crazy-Making Things Narcissists Do

[@mattbarker2506]

I have been with my hijackal for 30 years! And it is only now that I am even realizing it . Now she is becoming a therapist, and is really turning up the heat on every level.

[@ForRelationshipHelp]

It's tricky to spot sometimes. I hope her behaviors are seen by her supervisors and her trajectory changed. The last thing we need are more narcissistic mental health professionals.

[@jackiep5009]

My BPD (diagnosed) Hi jackal is also in Addiction Medicine Counseling
Through the schooling he got VERY emotionally and psychologically ABUSIVE!! And just recently physically abusive I just left

[@freerobuxcheckmychannel2521]

25 years U believed that it was all my fault.
My jaw dropped when my therapist showed me the power and control wheel.

[@ssym2]

My concern is (and will always be until we change our thinking) continuing to say that ppl who act in these destructive, selfish ways do not know or understand what they're doing. When a child throws a tantrum, they may not have depth of understanding of their behavior because of their age and stage of development. But they do experience the results of their inappropriate behaviors. They see that it's a means to get what they want although in a negative manner. They see the disapproving looks on the faces of ppl standing around and they have the uncomfortable feeling that their behavior is Not positive. They also are well aware of who this behavior is effective with and who it is not. They wiil Not try a tantrum with an adult who is not going for it. People with personality disorders know at the very least by observation that their behaviors are destructive. How can you say that they don't understand what they are doing? Yes, on a spiritual reflective level, I can see that. But how can you continue to say they don't know what they're doing when they act completely different at work, church, social settings, etc. but terrorize those closest to them? Please stop! They know but They Do Not Care! And that is a Huge difference. How will the madness have a chance to stop if we keep making excuses for inexcusable people and their inexcusable behaviors?

[@ForRelationshipHelp]

It's true that they select their behaviors to get what they want. They change those behaviors to suit meeting those needs in different relationships. You're right. They see and experience feedback and they don't care.
Their need to dominate, intimidate, and control is intrinsic...and is most exerted in intimate family relationships.
There are no excuses for their behavior, nor am I suggesting that there are. Their behaviors are ALL in their self-interest. They refuse to be responsible or accountable. When a person operates from self-interest only, everything is a manipulation...even when it doesn't have to be. They lie, betray, cheat, deceive, devalue, discount, discard, and all to keep themselves feeling powerful and in control.

[@ssym2]

@@ForRelationshipHelp Thanks for your feedback Dr. Shaler. I know for myself at times it bothers me when statement/statements may sound like a defense for abusers and their behaviors and I appreciate your clarification. As a survivor of emotional/pschological abuse at the hands of a narcissistic mother, one of the hardest things to comprehend is the blaming of others and the justification from her and other family members for her outrageous behaviors. Empowering myself to take responsibility for my life and not blame her or enablers for the outcome of my life has been especially freeing. Thank you for what you do!

[@tashamunroe1036]

1ef1

[@franksimmons9242]

You are absolutely correct!

[@ting7867]

Hijackal is a perfect term ! It explains exactly the pattern and toxicisity of my previous boss. I used to think he is just passive agressive, but its far more than passive agressive since there is this chess playing mentality and hijack your ego type of manipulation.

[@ForRelationshipHelp]

I'm glad you like my term! You're so right about their strategies.

[@ting7867]

@@ForRelationshipHelp I dreamed of a male plaing chess in my closet, and he was hiding in my bedroom closet playing chess. It was a scary dream.

[@ting7867]

@@ForRelationshipHelp i have several other dreams about my subconsciously revealing this hijackal to me. I didnt know what it means then.

[@ting7867]

Before this dream, i never dreamed of something related to chess. In this dream the male was about 17 years old and his profession in my dream is saling clothes. My friend later hint me that cloth is a representation of social profile. He was totally selling social identity and social profile.

[@kelllykimbrough47]

I am married to one it hurts so much to love him

[@ForRelationshipHelp]

Hi! Do you love him as he is, or who you thought he was in the beginning? That's a good start for realizing what's really happening.

[@kelllykimbrough47]

@@ForRelationshipHelp I love him, though there are some behaviors which are extremely irritating. The always...never....and constant blame I have learned to live with, but the supposedly joking sharp snippets and cutdowns are hard to take, and the throwing an all out tantrum to get sex when he wants is no holes barred nothing is off limits no matter how hurtful....thats the most difficult, if he could only understand, that his behaviors have become a turn off

[@dawnemile7499]

Divorce him and work on increasing your self-esteem.You are just not mature enough and need to grow.

[@Imnotsurewhytis]

Omg this resonates deep

[@ForRelationshipHelp]

Although it's hard to hear, it's good to realize what's really going on, right?

[@janec1489]

I always find these types of people are really popular and everybody flocks round them. Is it because they are frightened of them?!

[@ekaterinasokolova3682]

Dear Dr. Shaler! Could you please make a video about double-binds and how they make people crazy

[@the_esoteric_cryptologist]

Thank you 🙏✨💛

[@Imnotsurewhytis]

Wow

[@rjlacroix3334]

Thank you so much . deep recognition . so grateful . Portsmouth ,NH. USA

[@grahamhoward3462]

Sounds quite familiar, unfortunately.

[@ForRelationshipHelp]

Unfortunate that it's so. Fortunate that you can see it, and make decisions. I wish you well.

[@grahamhoward3462]

@@ForRelationshipHelp Thank you for replying. Yes I agree, it's a family member and it's kind of complicated and quite hard to open up about it to them. I've dealt with narcissist's before but not with a family member that has these qualities about them (narcissism)
But yes I do identify it and can see it, and will find a way to deal with it.
New to your channel I watch many different channels regarding all of this stuff and I enjoy watching. Will subscribe to your channel.
Thank you for the videos.

[@temposhop8739]

The video was helpful in helping me feel more solid after being dumped in a 3 yr relationship. In contrast to another ex i had, this ex wasn't nearly as hurtful or blatantly narcissistic. Is it possible that people display these hijackal behaviors without having high or pathological levels of narcissism?

[@richardmeyer1837]

6:21 Yes

[@adimeter]

Mistake