Kati, your personal vulnerability is so helpful in helping others cope with their own. Please look after yourself. We completely understand and appreciate you. Also, PLEASE know that you are helping many thousands of people trying to work through some very difficult times.
To answer the “miracle question”: I’d be able to pay bills, my hierarchy of needs would be met, I wouldn’t have negative self talk, I wouldn’t have woken up in pain or after a night terror, I wouldn’t have anxious or depressed thoughts, I’d have energy to take on the day (I’d have more spoons), I’d have a comfortable amount of money in the bank and food in the fridge.
You've been here through at least two of the three times I have dropped back into depression... I really appreciate you uploading and giving perspectives to help us through the low times.
I love the idea of "its okay to be jealous sometimes" because I REALLY blame myself when I feel it. Fun fact: my therapist went on vacation and I was in fact feeling kinda jealous of her because of the traveling and relaxing and self care and the way that she always seem so bright, and I thought to myself yeah I could like feeling that someday. But I still didnt Tell her I was jealous because I'm afraid of misundertandings.😅 Thanks Kati, always helpful ♥️ Also, take care y'all. We're in this together.
A while ago, I wasn't feeling the best so I wrote down every single thing that I'm not satisfied with and wrote a possible solution to each problem. Turns out it's just simple things I had to do. I always remind myself that it's better to complain from slow progress than complain about no progress at all. Right now, I'm better than before. In fact, couple of days ago someone acknowledged my effort and said I had a good positive change which made me even more motivated to keep pushing through.
With therapy and A LOT of help from your videos, the past couple of weeks I've been working on being less passive aggressive and more assertive. It's really scary and I've had a few very challenging conversations. At the end of each one, regardless of the outcome, I have been so proud of myself for doing it- standing up for myself - saying what I needed to say - getting my feelings/point across. Thank you Kati.
Most days, journaling is the last thing I want to do. Even when I try, it's like the words just don't flow, like something in my mind is blocking them. However, I will say that I had a terrible day yesterday, and this morning I watched this video and decided to try journaling again. I think because I was so overwhelmed with confusion and pain, I couldn't block myself the way I normally do, I was just so desperate for relief. and I FOUND it. I journaled and for the first time, I didn't think about saying the right thing or wrong thing. I feel amazing, Kati. You're so right about the power of journaling. I finally see it now. It's not that it takes away the pain, but it creates space in our mind so that we're not so tangled up by it. Just wonderful.
A lot to think about here, and your account of journalling rather matches what I have done in the past from time to time, which is reassuring. This emphasis on there being no "one size fits all" answers which you bring to these issues is refreshing. Your videos are knocking it out of the park as far as I am concerned at the moment Kati. Thank you.
I like what you mentioned about your therapy style because it reminds me of teaching. We often pick and choose from each of the main teaching philosophies to form our own teaching philosophy. :)
Recently I started practicing positive self-talk and self-encouragement. I noticed how indirectly this helps my mentality in general, especially in hard times.
I have made a big change recently: I slipped back into depression after a big booze binge which came after a period of high stress and not looking after my health. The binge was part of the wider landscape of my mental health but it was also the thing that catapulted me into the depressive episode. My change is that I have just turned 40 and I am deciding that my mental and physical health is my priority from here on out. Alcohol will not feature as a significant part of my life any longer and I need to make sure I look after my body and brain to make sure it is able to function as well as possible, long into old age!
Recently I started positive self-talk and self-encouraging. I can really tell how this helps my mentality, especially in hard times where I used to be self-blaming and criticizing.
I literally bring my journal into my therapy sessions, that's the only way my counsellor knows that I can talk to her without getting off track of the topic. Journaling is my only way of speaking (I have a hard time verbalizing things), so journaling makes it that much easier. I can just put all the EPIPHANIES, all the INTROSPECT/RETROSPECT ideas (and thoughts) I have on paper and put the book away and not have to look at it again. Then once the problem is down on paper for me it's OUT of sight OUT of mind so it's not nagging me as much. I love journaling.
I appreciate everyone's comments below. We are all on a journey, and it seems like some people may have it harder than others. However, everyone's feelings and experiences are valid. I'm in my first semester of graduate school. My goal is to finish my paper by next Tuesday. I got a bunch of sources, I am trying to find quotes and place them in the paper before I start typing my paper. I would like to send it off to the writing center on Tuesday and turn in my paper on Thursday night. I have a lot of work that needs to be done before now and then. I still have other assignments. I kind of wish I requested off from work this weekend! Wish me the best of luck!
oh my god, I'm so glad you mentioned how jumpy the brain is during journaling because that has been happening to me! (I am trying to do morning pages) and I was frustrated because I was like, my brain just moves too fast through my thoughts!!!
Not to go against your point of not reading your journal entries back, but I find it very useful and rewarding as you get to see how far you have come. Also another point what makes me feel better about myself is scrolling thru my camera roll to remind myself that I can survive and that you can live to fight and survive another day. just cause I disagreed with something u said, doesn’t mean I love your videos any less ❤❤ have a great day/night kati
Oh my this is so relevant to me, I could have written that question. After being diagnosed with (C)PTSD after a lifetime of emotional abuse by my narc mum I cut her off but then found there was no “me”, I have no idea who I am, I don’t enjoy anything and when anyone asks what are my passions in life or goals I have none. Therapy is trying to help but I’m like your question, I don’t know what to say. Your videos are SUCH a help. Thank you! 😊
Jeez, I wish you were my therapist and I wish I had found your channel sooner. I do plan on watching most of your videos. You have a very engaging style; you are very articulate, and your material is extremely well thought out. As a tech writer I can really appreciate the beauty of your whole video package. Also, exceptionally well executed with regards to lighting and sound. Really, really, well done. Kudos.
Personally, I'd say the first step is to lower your expectations. Happy is a really high goal that most people don't achieve even if they look like they have. Many people are good at masking and pretneding to be happy. Set your goals at content. That is achievable by anyone. Setting an achievable goal is important. If you are content with something, you feel good about it. The more things you are content with, the more time you spend in a space where you feel good. It's a shift in perspective. Recognize things that just worked like they should. A smooth drive to work or home. You got everything you ordered and it was what you wanted. Sometimes it's something as simple as you tied your shoes without getting your thumb stuck int he laces. It doesn't take much. What you are really doing is focusing more on the things that are going right. It doesn't have to be anything big and amazing. The more you focus on the things that are working well, the less time you have to focus on the things that aren't. That's where all the little stuff comes in because there are so many of them around us every day. When you get to the point where you are content more than anything else you'll notice a kind of inner peace. That's what you are really looking for, that inner peace. Low stress, living in the moment, grounded. Learn to meditate on problems with the intent to find workable solutions and build step by step plans to achieve those goals. It's entirely possible. This is what I'm working on every day and I've noticed the changes that have come with changing that one thing. All of this came about when I took the time to really think about the old saying "whatever you walk out your door looking for you are bound to find it." I believe it's true. If you walk out your door looking for all the bad things that are going to happen that day, you are going to find bad things. If you go out your door looking for the stuff that happens smoothly, you'll find them. Hope that helps someone.
My parents were very toxic, abusive. So I have to work hard to try to be one happy. Sometimes I over compensate. And also has caused self esteem and confidence issues. These videos are helpful.
Awesome video, thank you! For me, I want to like myself more and be more sure of my boundaries, especially with regards to relationships. I also want to feel like I'm achieving the things I want to and have something in my life I can be proud of.
This is what I don’t like about these sort of questions: most people have this notion that if I do XYZ, I will be happy. If I have kids or a spouse, I would be happy. If I was thinner, I would be happy. If I was more successful, I would be happy. If wasn’t in pain, I would be happy. Well, we end up obtaining those things, and we still aren’t happy! True happiness comes from self awareness. Realizing that we can be happy at any give moment because we are present for the now. Mindfulness has really opened my eyes to excepting that the perfect moment that I so desperately was clinging to, will most likely never be a reality. So why not except that this is my perfect moment, right here. I am whole.
I really needed to hear this. My brain is engaged. For about 20 years I've been addicted to a card game watching my life go by. Depression and low self esteem and being different lead me to think my life isn't good enough to function within society. I found the perfect psychologist for me and have been making monument strides in getting to a better mindset. Asking what my perfect life would look like really has motivated my brain and it's racing trying to think of what it would be. I used to know that all I wanted was a 1 woman to love and a family to raise but now that I'm older I don't think that's the case anymore. What do I want? In my perfect life what would be different? I really don't know... I wouldn't feel lonely, I'd have a job where I'm respected at, and I'd be at a healthy weight, I'd be surrounded by trees instead of desert, and it would rain more.
My birthday is the day after tomorrow, and these past couple of days I’ve been thinking about what I want to change/improve in my life, and what kind of direction I want my life to go in. Also, very recently some family members have given me presents(money), but I have no idea what I want to spend it on. There is just so much negative self talk in my head most of the time. This video is really helpful, Kati, thank you for sharing this. I think I will start journaling more. I will be able to analyze and question the negative thoughts I tend to have so often.
Thank you for another thought provoking video! I intentionally schedule self care activities and practices into my daily routine, and that has changed my life, both professionally and personally. I have made a commitment to myself, that I am worthy and deserving of the kindness, empathy and compassion, that I show and share with others. Xo 🥰
This video was SO helpful for me. The miracle question helped remind me of the things I need to focus on right now. Being able to reframe jealousy as a way to understand my wants and priorities better was really reassuring. I had bad jealousy issues when I was younger because I had an underprivileged life and it felt unfair; now that I'm older, I can more easily use those feelings to develop myself into the kind of person I would like to be. Thanks Kati.
I'm so grateful for your videos Kati, you always explain things in a way I can grasp and relate to and I appreciate the constructive content. Thank you 😊
Thank you so much for what you do for mental health. 😊 every time I watch your videos I feel better and learn a little more about how to deal and cope with my own crazy head space. 🙃 I love your analogy about how journaling is like opening up a closet of stuffed away issues and also tracking what might help us to feel better about one’s self. 🥰
Hi Katie - I think it may be helpful for the person who posed the question at the beginning of the video to also understand the “why” and underlying reason(s) behind why she may not be able to answer these questions. In many cases (most) of us were not taught as kids to express ourselves freely, and instead probably learned to suppress or even betray ourselves and how we felt. Many of us were raised by parents who were emotionally or physically absent (intentionally or not intentionally, the impact is still the same). - think about what brought you to talk to a therapist (she mentions ptsd, anxiety, and “other things”) - how are the above mentioned things currently impacting your life, the ability to connect with those around you? And how would you like to see that be different (solution based as Katie mentioned) - write down one or two things that YOU enjoy (a hobby, interest, belief, etc) When you’re ready, you can work with your therapist to create a positive INTENTION. A goal. This will take time, introspection, and lots of work but it is truly rewarding once you come out on the other end understanding what YOU truly enjoy and then are able to safely connect with others over shared interests, hobbies, beliefs, etc. (very difficult to do that when you’re feeling depressed, anxious, reactive).
Experiencing difficult times at present…and for some time really. I find knowing what I want often very difficult, kind of always have. What I do know more clearly is what I don’t want or not want any more. So rather than to ask What do I want…I ask…What is it I no longer want? That works for me (not all the time though 😕) as a starting point, work it backwards from there and exclude/take out all I don’t want or like and see what is left at the end of that process. It does not provide me all the answers or any specific answer but makes it more manageable in terms of choices and helps to find an overall direction or idea where to go next. To narrow down option and take away some of the surrounding blur is helpful to me. One step on the journey to figure out what I want or need.
Thank you so much for this video, Kati! Somewhat miraculously, it was exactly what I needed right now. I'm at this period in my life currently when I don't exactly have it all together. I kinda know what I want and need in life, but there's just so much of what needs to be done that I don't know where to start and it just kind of piles up making me feel so stressed I end up not doing anything at all and just wishing it would somehow resolve by itself... 😣 The journaling thing does kinda help. I try to write down all that bothers me atm so it doesn't just swarm in my head and takes up my "operational memory", how I like to call it. Only, I prefer to do it in my phone's notes instead of on paper, because I found it easier to write more consistently if I do it with something that I have access to mostly during the day. So I hope that counts? 😄💕
Funny you mention The Artists Way, reading it as we speak ... starting week 4 😊 Thanks for sharing great tips once again. Always look forward to your videos. ❤ 🦋🦋🦋
If I got up and everything was better, all problems solved, believe me, I would know. I used to be able to pop out of bed, go for a run, take a shower and bike to work. Now, ever since I lost my wife Leesa, I can’t get out of bed. It’s so hard. I lost everything. My entire life is gone without her. I want to be able to wake up, feel good, and go for a run. If I could do that, I’d know things are better. I can’t. I’ve tried so many times. I’m miserable when I wake up without her. I hate this feeling. I can’t stand feeling this way. I’d know if I felt better. It just hasn’t happened.I wish it would.
My narcissistic mother & untrustworthy sister ruined journaling for me by reading mine cover to cover when I was a teenager…Now at 44, I know better than to put ANY thoughts in writing!! #TrustNoOne
im so sorry to hear that happened to you❤ i feel the same way...I would never put my true feeling down i writing for anyone else to possibly find. I do a thing now called "expressive writing"....so you open a writingprogram in your computer (word or something like that) and then start to write all and everything...then when you re finished...you DELETE it all! it works so well and you take the whole honest thing to a new level...when yoy know you re gonna delete everyting anywayy!=) Matbe that could be something for you to try..?
This resonates a lot with me! I walked on my dad reading my journal when I was a teenager. I stopped writing then. Now whenever I try to start again (I’m nearly 36), I feel shame afterwards and cross out words or whole sentences to the point that they are not readable or I tear out pages and run them through a shredder 😑 thank you for sharing your experience, I didn’t know why I had that block but this could explain it!
I understand the struggle... I have personally found the solution to keep a journal in my phone's notes where I could put a lock with the password on it if I don't want someone else to see it. You could try it as well! 💕💕
I’ve been working on healing my CPTSD for almost 3 years now. I always wanted peace and happiness. I was screaming for it for a long time, and after years of hard work, I finally got what I’ve been wanting. Now I’m trying to be happy and positive 24/7 with absolutely no struggles in life. I’m working on limiting myself from showing emotions of sadness, anger, or any emotions like that. I’m working on bottling those emotions up to where they never come up. I’m a musician, I play a number of instruments as well as singing. My therapist has said to me if I didn’t have any of those emotions, then how would my music come from my heart? I just love happiness, and I’ve embraced it as well as peace. I feel like I need to limit myself from showing uncomfortable emotions to prove that I really am strong and that I really am healing. I know my worth now, but I feel like I need to limit myself to prove that I’m strong, I’m ok, I’m happy and healing and healthy.
It’s not good to bottle up emotions, because that doesn’t resolve them. They’ll just build up until they explode out when it’s least convenient. There’s no such thing as a “bad” emotion, because we choose how to express them and our emotions tell us what our internal needs are. We need sadness and anger to tell us when we need to slow down or take action to address issues. You’re gonna have a hard time healing if you don’t listen to what your emotions are telling you about what your needs are. Additionally, it’s impossible to be happy all the time, and it’s not healthy. As a visual artist myself, I find that all of my emotions bring beauty and authenticity to my work. To be happy and to be in pain are both human. I hope you find a way to express all your emotions in a way that’s adaptive.
Great video! I find setting big goals and working backwards a recipe for disaster for myself. I do much better when I set my goals super low. For example, instead of training to run a marathon, my goal might be to walk around the block. Then after a week, it might be to walk two blocks. But the big stuff is so intimidating that I quit before I begin.
As well as being an on point video the first thing that jumped out was you question began “I hope you are well”. None of my mum’s texts or calls or emails began with anything about “how are you” and other members of my family are the same, they just launch into all about them. I find that so dismissive, disrespectful and unloving. I just don’t exist to them. I’m just a thing 😢
My miracle question would be easily answered. People would actually want to talk to me and that I would have an actual want to live, seriously to get out of bed and want go do something, not because I have to, but an actual want. I haven't wanted anything for years because I am such a waste of effort.
Hello Kati, how are you keeping? I used to be part of your wonderful community perhaps 15-20 years ago, not sure exactly. I want to thank you and your gorgeous community way back then as I found it sooooo helpful and and a beautiful community to be part of. I am studying towards a psychology degree right now to enable myself to help others. My dream is to help others that have been through the same challenges as me. I am so grateful for all of your support back then when I needed it. Thank you 🙏 😘🥰😀 xx
Hey Katie I recently found your channel. I really have enjoyed your videos. I am also in Austin. Been here around 11yrs with my 22 yr old daughter. Again thanks for your channel 💗
lol one of my therapists hit me with the miracle question this afternoon, apparently my answer impressed her coz she said I was really good at this, my answer was immediate, specific, and positive, which is apparently a good sign ^_^
If I woke up and my skin was perfect, I no longer had bipolar and OCD, and so on....I don't think I would like it. Those struggles have made me a better person. Life without problems is not a good life, IMHO. Accept your lot in life and try to help others with your suffering! My two cents.
Sadly thost things will always be there the only thing that we can change is how we cope with them sometimes we cope with them in positive ways and sometimes we cope with them in negative ways nobody recovers completely from that mental illness from whatever mental illness you are reborn with that illness it will always change you in some way
Could you do a video about levels of treatment for EDs? Such as medical indicators, amount of therapeutic intervention, care team intensity/size, time commitment, etc.
I seem to be having homicidal thoughts, I have the urge or intrusive thought to beat someone senseless and I have never experienced this before. I’m horrified. What do I do?
I’m becoming the most perfect person in the world. I’m going to exercise more and get to my ideal weight of 155. An going to become the wealthiest person in all of the galaxies/universes whatever else occupies the cosmos.
Hi Kati! I've been a subscriber of this channel for about a year. I appreciate your work. I'm a 17 year old. And at this time I'm in a constant loop. First I have a crush on someone and then they leave me alone along with humiliation. And then cycle repeats. Can you suggest some ways so that I can kill off my feelings for others and at same time not feel lonely.
My therapist told me it is never okay to say "I don't know" because it could be used to prevent a person from finding solutions. What do you think about this idea? Thank you for your videos.
Hi Kati! Thank you for another insightful video. I have a question that is off context here but I want to ask anyway 😅 I have been reading your book "Traumatized." As a therapist, it has been enlightening. It is sad that I have not been taught like that in my training. I want to develop that trauma lens though, so that I can help my clients better. Can you refer me specific trauma informed therapies or books I can read? I have begun Trauma-focused ACT. Thank you!❤
Hey Kati. I have a question for you. What kind of advice would you give to someone that has been seeking treatment for their mental health for years, but haven’t seen any improvement in their symptoms? I’m 27. I’ve had symptoms of depression and anxiety since I was around 10. I’ve been seeking treatment since I was 15. Therapy helps a little. But medicine hasn’t helped at all. Makes me wonder if it’s not my brain that’s the problem. Thank you for listening. 😊
I genuinely hate writing after getting my masters lol. I’d prefer to talk about what’s going on in my brain. But I have been trying to write in my notes if I’m feeling really bad.
AH A GOOD QUESTION WHICH ONE WORD ANSWERS are frowned upon - MONEY- LOVE - my WEIGHT - JOURNALING REALLY not for me but sounds like a good grounding technique maybe when i feel like I'm losing my shit or get into the stare where nothing is getting done - oh yes write down a goal then a list of things that you've done which negatively impacted that goal and boom fix those issues AHhh yes a miracle would def. keep me from being assaulted as a kid - hmm as if - we survive with skills that katie explains - THANKS KAtie - lates
How would I know… hmm maybe the negative thought loops would stop. I’d have a clear mind, possibly a good nights rest (those are few and far in between). I personally just think I’m inhibited by trauma and because of that I’m not working as hard as I should and that feeds into the negative thought loops since I just sulk. If I worked harder I’d be in a better place. Time to put the phone down and get to work.
This is a Super-Relevant video! HUGE thanks to Kati. :) This is something can be re-addressed again. Because people need it. Why? Because we've got a whole society of wimps, where everyone-and-their-Dog feels "Traumatized" as if its the latest, hip trend and "Badge-of-Honor". And the more "Traumatized" someone was, the more bad-ass and tough they can say they are now, for "surviving". But it's them BS-ing themselves. How do I know? Because these "survivors" are existing, but where are the SMILES, the laughter, the positive emotional ZEST and energy? Nope... Instead, everybody needs their "safe space" and is "offended" so bad over every little thing as if they are either badly angered or emotionally crushed. But they have no Toughness. How would wimpy pansies ever make it thru todays Army bootcamp? When I was in high school, we had a kid kill themself. The whole school knew. It was sad. But we got over it. We did NOT need endless counseling and hot cocoa. We were still able to concentrate and DID go to our classes and pass our tests. We moved on and still found ways to be happy and have joy in Life. Hurray for us. But today, if folks are not "traumatized" then they arvee "highly sensitive". This should never have become "a thing". I can easily see folks just manipulatively SAYING they are "highly sensitive" as a way to get the rest of the world to: be super-nice and gentle to them get out of work, at work be allowed to procrastinate more, by claiming its all so "overwhelming" and on and on. What all this screams out is: All these people are LACKING RESILIENCE! And Confidence! Badly. And no, they are not happy. Another sad part in all of this is: many of these people might go to therapy, but a year-and-a-half later they still "aren't over it"-- because 96% of them needed some medication for depression, anxiety, or social anxiety and never got it. Psychology should teach more about insight, but also much more about RESILIENCE and Confidence! Badly needed. Then, maybe people can have an easier time getting Happy. That's worthwhile. :)
How would all my problems be fixed? I don't mean this is a hateful way (apart from towards myself) i would wake up without any problems with digestive distress, no more upset stomach. No more spending 45 minutes on the toilet, no more sore feet, mis shapened toes that cause me constant pain when I walk, no more need to binge eat, (yeah I know I am a self sabotager and I inflict some of my problems onto myself) just not feeling sad in general. Probably wake up somewhere else automatically, somewhere idealised like maybe on vacation somewhere beautiful. I would wake up and realise my whole life was just a horrible nightmare and I actually have the life I wanted. Gosh I dunno. I'm just sad all the time so I guess i get a pat on the back for just trying to make my life better alone.
Is there anything I can do about a former psychiatrist who put NPD in my medical record without saying anything about it to me? I became aware when my lawyer sent me my medical records.
I'm trying to change my life but the landlord refuses to do anything about the problem causing me problems. Even with all the help I'm getting. So how do you deal with that everyone tells me i can move they can do one i haven't broken the landlord agreement next door have. BCT what ever you call it is not helping.
I'd really appreciate a video on being happier & more positive while dealing with severe climate anxiety/ grief - there are not enough resources around this issue & it's only going to become a worse stresser for more people the longer our "leaders" continue to invest in fossil fuels & ecocide. All the tips in this video are great, but they don't relate to my situation at all!
Hi Katie what do you do when your grieving and you hate showing emotion and don’t go therapy anymore you used to be with the school conslor but that was later s6 when my gran died and I want to do is this 😂and I don’t have money for therapy and I’m age 18 and what do you do when you hate your body shape and start getting a membership like myself hope to fix Sarah answer me please kaitmorton
I hate to ask this. But, in today's socioeconomic climate, is it not completely appropriate to be depressed? It is actually a very depressing existence.
My attachment workshop kicks off this Friday! Register now! Limited spaces available: katimorton.com/the-shop/p/attachment-workshop
❤❤❤❤❤
Hey Katy welcome back
Kati, your personal vulnerability is so helpful in helping others cope with their own. Please look after yourself. We completely understand and appreciate you. Also, PLEASE know that you are helping many thousands of people trying to work through some very difficult times.
To answer the “miracle question”: I’d be able to pay bills, my hierarchy of needs would be met, I wouldn’t have negative self talk, I wouldn’t have woken up in pain or after a night terror, I wouldn’t have anxious or depressed thoughts, I’d have energy to take on the day (I’d have more spoons), I’d have a comfortable amount of money in the bank and food in the fridge.
🙌
You've been here through at least two of the three times I have dropped back into depression... I really appreciate you uploading and giving perspectives to help us through the low times.
I love the idea of "its okay to be jealous sometimes" because I REALLY blame myself when I feel it. Fun fact: my therapist went on vacation and I was in fact feeling kinda jealous of her because of the traveling and relaxing and self care and the way that she always seem so bright, and I thought to myself yeah I could like feeling that someday. But I still didnt Tell her I was jealous because I'm afraid of misundertandings.😅
Thanks Kati, always helpful ♥️
Also, take care y'all. We're in this together.
A while ago, I wasn't feeling the best so I wrote down every single thing that I'm not satisfied with and wrote a possible solution to each problem. Turns out it's just simple things I had to do. I always remind myself that it's better to complain from slow progress than complain about no progress at all. Right now, I'm better than before. In fact, couple of days ago someone acknowledged my effort and said I had a good positive change which made me even more motivated to keep pushing through.
With therapy and A LOT of help from your videos, the past couple of weeks I've been working on being less passive aggressive and more assertive. It's really scary and I've had a few very challenging conversations. At the end of each one, regardless of the outcome, I have been so proud of myself for doing it- standing up for myself - saying what I needed to say - getting my feelings/point across. Thank you Kati.
Most days, journaling is the last thing I want to do. Even when I try, it's like the words just don't flow, like something in my mind is blocking them. However, I will say that I had a terrible day yesterday, and this morning I watched this video and decided to try journaling again. I think because I was so overwhelmed with confusion and pain, I couldn't block myself the way I normally do, I was just so desperate for relief. and I FOUND it. I journaled and for the first time, I didn't think about saying the right thing or wrong thing. I feel amazing, Kati. You're so right about the power of journaling. I finally see it now. It's not that it takes away the pain, but it creates space in our mind so that we're not so tangled up by it. Just wonderful.
A lot to think about here, and your account of journalling rather matches what I have done in the past from time to time, which is reassuring. This emphasis on there being no "one size fits all" answers which you bring to these issues is refreshing.
Your videos are knocking it out of the park as far as I am concerned at the moment Kati. Thank you.
I like what you mentioned about your therapy style because it reminds me of teaching. We often pick and choose from each of the main teaching philosophies to form our own teaching philosophy. :)
Recently I started practicing positive self-talk and self-encouragement. I noticed how indirectly this helps my mentality in general, especially in hard times.
I have made a big change recently: I slipped back into depression after a big booze binge which came after a period of high stress and not looking after my health. The binge was part of the wider landscape of my mental health but it was also the thing that catapulted me into the depressive episode. My change is that I have just turned 40 and I am deciding that my mental and physical health is my priority from here on out. Alcohol will not feature as a significant part of my life any longer and I need to make sure I look after my body and brain to make sure it is able to function as well as possible, long into old age!
Recently I started positive self-talk and self-encouraging. I can really tell how this helps my mentality, especially in hard times where I used to be self-blaming and criticizing.
I love that miracle question! Wow! Thanks Kati! ❤
I literally bring my journal into my therapy sessions, that's the only way my counsellor knows that I can talk to her without getting off track of the topic. Journaling is my only way of speaking (I have a hard time verbalizing things), so journaling makes it that much easier. I can just put all the EPIPHANIES, all the INTROSPECT/RETROSPECT ideas (and thoughts) I have on paper and put the book away and not have to look at it again. Then once the problem is down on paper for me it's OUT of sight OUT of mind so it's not nagging me as much. I love journaling.
I appreciate everyone's comments below. We are all on a journey, and it seems like some people may have it harder than others. However, everyone's feelings and experiences are valid.
I'm in my first semester of graduate school. My goal is to finish my paper by next Tuesday. I got a bunch of sources, I am trying to find quotes and place them in the paper before I start typing my paper. I would like to send it off to the writing center on Tuesday and turn in my paper on Thursday night.
I have a lot of work that needs to be done before now and then. I still have other assignments. I kind of wish I requested off from work this weekend! Wish me the best of luck!
I have a bad tooth pain now and happiness for me is just not having this pain again
1:01 I got asked this question too. I feel that the “you are living it” is depressing because I have no rewards, just pain.
I found this video very inspiring and helpful. Thank you.
oh my god, I'm so glad you mentioned how jumpy the brain is during journaling because that has been happening to me! (I am trying to do morning pages) and I was frustrated because I was like, my brain just moves too fast through my thoughts!!!
Not to go against your point of not reading your journal entries back, but I find it very useful and rewarding as you get to see how far you have come. Also another point what makes me feel better about myself is scrolling thru my camera roll to remind myself that I can survive and that you can live to fight and survive another day. just cause I disagreed with something u said, doesn’t mean I love your videos any less ❤❤ have a great day/night kati
The Artist’s Way changed my life for the better back in 2016! Such a good program.
Oh my this is so relevant to me, I could have written that question. After being diagnosed with (C)PTSD after a lifetime of emotional abuse by my narc mum I cut her off but then found there was no “me”, I have no idea who I am, I don’t enjoy anything and when anyone asks what are my passions in life or goals I have none. Therapy is trying to help but I’m like your question, I don’t know what to say. Your videos are SUCH a help. Thank you! 😊
Jeez, I wish you were my therapist and I wish I had found your channel sooner. I do plan on watching most of your videos. You have a very engaging style; you are very articulate, and your material is extremely well thought out. As a tech writer I can really appreciate the beauty of your whole video package. Also, exceptionally well executed with regards to lighting and sound. Really, really, well done. Kudos.
Personally, I'd say the first step is to lower your expectations. Happy is a really high goal that most people don't achieve even if they look like they have. Many people are good at masking and pretneding to be happy.
Set your goals at content. That is achievable by anyone. Setting an achievable goal is important. If you are content with something, you feel good about it. The more things you are content with, the more time you spend in a space where you feel good.
It's a shift in perspective. Recognize things that just worked like they should. A smooth drive to work or home. You got everything you ordered and it was what you wanted. Sometimes it's something as simple as you tied your shoes without getting your thumb stuck int he laces. It doesn't take much.
What you are really doing is focusing more on the things that are going right. It doesn't have to be anything big and amazing. The more you focus on the things that are working well, the less time you have to focus on the things that aren't. That's where all the little stuff comes in because there are so many of them around us every day.
When you get to the point where you are content more than anything else you'll notice a kind of inner peace. That's what you are really looking for, that inner peace. Low stress, living in the moment, grounded. Learn to meditate on problems with the intent to find workable solutions and build step by step plans to achieve those goals.
It's entirely possible. This is what I'm working on every day and I've noticed the changes that have come with changing that one thing.
All of this came about when I took the time to really think about the old saying "whatever you walk out your door looking for you are bound to find it." I believe it's true. If you walk out your door looking for all the bad things that are going to happen that day, you are going to find bad things. If you go out your door looking for the stuff that happens smoothly, you'll find them.
Hope that helps someone.
Thank you for taking the time to share your philosophy. It’s a thoughtful way to move through the difficult nature of life.
My parents were very toxic, abusive. So I have to work hard to try to be one happy. Sometimes I over compensate. And also has caused self esteem and confidence issues. These videos are helpful.
Thank you kati for this video lots of great tips! I’m cringing at myself 😬
Folks, if you're here, you either are struggling or have struggled. If you're having a time, I get it, right there with you, but we got this.
Awesome video, thank you!
For me, I want to like myself more and be more sure of my boundaries, especially with regards to relationships. I also want to feel like I'm achieving the things I want to and have something in my life I can be proud of.
Thank you, Kati ❤
My answer to the ‘Miracle’ question would definitely be waking up and feeling safe
This is what I don’t like about these sort of questions: most people have this notion that if I do XYZ, I will be happy. If I have kids or a spouse, I would be happy. If I was thinner, I would be happy. If I was more successful, I would be happy. If wasn’t in pain, I would be happy. Well, we end up obtaining those things, and we still aren’t happy! True happiness comes from self awareness. Realizing that we can be happy at any give moment because we are present for the now. Mindfulness has really opened my eyes to excepting that the perfect moment that I so desperately was clinging to, will most likely never be a reality. So why not except that this is my perfect moment, right here. I am whole.
I really needed to hear this. My brain is engaged. For about 20 years I've been addicted to a card game watching my life go by. Depression and low self esteem and being different lead me to think my life isn't good enough to function within society.
I found the perfect psychologist for me and have been making monument strides in getting to a better mindset.
Asking what my perfect life would look like really has motivated my brain and it's racing trying to think of what it would be.
I used to know that all I wanted was a 1 woman to love and a family to raise but now that I'm older I don't think that's the case anymore.
What do I want?
In my perfect life what would be different?
I really don't know...
I wouldn't feel lonely, I'd have a job where I'm respected at, and I'd be at a healthy weight, I'd be surrounded by trees instead of desert, and it would rain more.
Grateful for your work. I used to love the Book Artist Way as well.
My birthday is the day after tomorrow, and these past couple of days I’ve been thinking about what I want to change/improve in my life, and what kind of direction I want my life to go in. Also, very recently some family members have given me presents(money), but I have no idea what I want to spend it on. There is just so much negative self talk in my head most of the time. This video is really helpful, Kati, thank you for sharing this. I think I will start journaling more. I will be able to analyze and question the negative thoughts I tend to have so often.
You also have to realize is that happiness is different for everyone; it’s a different feeling for everyone; and you have to be realistic about it too
Thank you for another thought provoking video! I intentionally schedule self care activities and practices into my daily routine, and that has changed my life, both professionally and personally. I have made a commitment to myself, that I am worthy and deserving of the kindness, empathy and compassion, that I show and share with others. Xo 🥰
This video was SO helpful for me. The miracle question helped remind me of the things I need to focus on right now. Being able to reframe jealousy as a way to understand my wants and priorities better was really reassuring. I had bad jealousy issues when I was younger because I had an underprivileged life and it felt unfair; now that I'm older, I can more easily use those feelings to develop myself into the kind of person I would like to be. Thanks Kati.
I'm so grateful for your videos Kati, you always explain things in a way I can grasp and relate to and I appreciate the constructive content. Thank you 😊
Thank you so much for what you do for mental health. 😊 every time I watch your videos I feel better and learn a little more about how to deal and cope with my own crazy head space. 🙃 I love your analogy about how journaling is like opening up a closet of stuffed away issues and also tracking what might help us to feel better about one’s self. 🥰
Hi Kati.These videos help me so much.Thank you.
Hi Katie - I think it may be helpful for the person who posed the question at the beginning of the video to also understand the “why” and underlying reason(s) behind why she may not be able to answer these questions. In many cases (most) of us were not taught as kids to express ourselves freely, and instead probably learned to suppress or even betray ourselves and how we felt. Many of us were raised by parents who were emotionally or physically absent (intentionally or not intentionally, the impact is still the same).
- think about what brought you to talk to a therapist (she mentions ptsd, anxiety, and “other things”)
- how are the above mentioned things currently impacting your life, the ability to connect with those around you? And how would you like to see that be different (solution based as Katie mentioned)
- write down one or two things that YOU enjoy (a hobby, interest, belief, etc)
When you’re ready, you can work with your therapist to create a positive INTENTION. A goal. This will take time, introspection, and lots of work but it is truly rewarding once you come out on the other end understanding what YOU truly enjoy and then are able to safely connect with others over shared interests, hobbies, beliefs, etc. (very difficult to do that when you’re feeling depressed, anxious, reactive).
Very relatable! Thanks a lot.❤
I can't decide if I hate myself or if I hate society.
Society.
This helped me Kati. Thank you for making this video
Having a path and purpose is crucial
You should never force yourself to be happy but let it come to you naturally
Experiencing difficult times at present…and for some time really. I find knowing what I want often very difficult, kind of always have. What I do know more clearly is what I don’t want or not want any more. So rather than to ask What do I want…I ask…What is it I no longer want? That works for me (not all the time though 😕) as a starting point, work it backwards from there and exclude/take out all I don’t want or like and see what is left at the end of that process. It does not provide me all the answers or any specific answer but makes it more manageable in terms of choices and helps to find an overall direction or idea where to go next. To narrow down option and take away some of the surrounding blur is helpful to me. One step on the journey to figure out what I want or need.
*Light travels faster than sound....*
That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak!
Thank you so much for this video, Kati! Somewhat miraculously, it was exactly what I needed right now. I'm at this period in my life currently when I don't exactly have it all together. I kinda know what I want and need in life, but there's just so much of what needs to be done that I don't know where to start and it just kind of piles up making me feel so stressed I end up not doing anything at all and just wishing it would somehow resolve by itself... 😣
The journaling thing does kinda help. I try to write down all that bothers me atm so it doesn't just swarm in my head and takes up my "operational memory", how I like to call it. Only, I prefer to do it in my phone's notes instead of on paper, because I found it easier to write more consistently if I do it with something that I have access to mostly during the day. So I hope that counts? 😄💕
Funny you mention The Artists Way, reading it as we speak ... starting week 4 😊 Thanks for sharing great tips once again. Always look forward to your videos. ❤ 🦋🦋🦋
Wow! Thank you for this video.
Simple and straightforward.
Having things like this broken down helps me process.
✌️
Happiness is a state of mind or feeling of pleasure, peace of life physically and mentally, the meaning of which is to increase self-vision😊
If I got up and everything was better, all problems solved, believe me, I would know. I used to be able to pop out of bed, go for a run, take a shower and bike to work. Now, ever since I lost my wife Leesa, I can’t get out of bed. It’s so hard. I lost everything. My entire life is gone without her. I want to be able to wake up, feel good, and go for a run. If I could do that, I’d know things are better. I can’t. I’ve tried so many times. I’m miserable when I wake up without her. I hate this feeling. I can’t stand feeling this way. I’d know if I felt better. It just hasn’t happened.I wish it would.
My narcissistic mother & untrustworthy sister ruined journaling for me by reading mine cover to cover when I was a teenager…Now at 44, I know better than to put ANY thoughts in writing!! #TrustNoOne
im so sorry to hear that happened to you❤ i feel the same way...I would never put my true feeling down i writing for anyone else to possibly find. I do a thing now called "expressive writing"....so you open a writingprogram in your computer (word or something like that) and then start to write all and everything...then when you re finished...you DELETE it all! it works so well and you take the whole honest thing to a new level...when yoy know you re gonna delete everyting anywayy!=) Matbe that could be something for you to try..?
This resonates a lot with me! I walked on my dad reading my journal when I was a teenager. I stopped writing then. Now whenever I try to start again (I’m nearly 36), I feel shame afterwards and cross out words or whole sentences to the point that they are not readable or I tear out pages and run them through a shredder 😑 thank you for sharing your experience, I didn’t know why I had that block but this could explain it!
I understand the struggle... I have personally found the solution to keep a journal in my phone's notes where I could put a lock with the password on it if I don't want someone else to see it. You could try it as well! 💕💕
@@mkon29I was gonna suggest the same exact thing! This is what I do!❤❤
Hi I finally found a therapist! Thank you for making the other video,
Thank you soo much❤ and god d bless and heal everyone
Hello Kati, thank you for everything that you do. I really enjoy learning from you and you help me broaden my understanding of my mental health. ❤
I’ve been working on healing my CPTSD for almost 3 years now. I always wanted peace and happiness. I was screaming for it for a long time, and after years of hard work, I finally got what I’ve been wanting. Now I’m trying to be happy and positive 24/7 with absolutely no struggles in life. I’m working on limiting myself from showing emotions of sadness, anger, or any emotions like that. I’m working on bottling those emotions up to where they never come up. I’m a musician, I play a number of instruments as well as singing. My therapist has said to me if I didn’t have any of those emotions, then how would my music come from my heart? I just love happiness, and I’ve embraced it as well as peace. I feel like I need to limit myself from showing uncomfortable emotions to prove that I really am strong and that I really am healing. I know my worth now, but I feel like I need to limit myself to prove that I’m strong, I’m ok, I’m happy and healing and healthy.
It’s not good to bottle up emotions, because that doesn’t resolve them. They’ll just build up until they explode out when it’s least convenient. There’s no such thing as a “bad” emotion, because we choose how to express them and our emotions tell us what our internal needs are. We need sadness and anger to tell us when we need to slow down or take action to address issues. You’re gonna have a hard time healing if you don’t listen to what your emotions are telling you about what your needs are. Additionally, it’s impossible to be happy all the time, and it’s not healthy. As a visual artist myself, I find that all of my emotions bring beauty and authenticity to my work. To be happy and to be in pain are both human. I hope you find a way to express all your emotions in a way that’s adaptive.
Great video! I find setting big goals and working backwards a recipe for disaster for myself. I do much better when I set my goals super low. For example, instead of training to run a marathon, my goal might be to walk around the block. Then after a week, it might be to walk two blocks. But the big stuff is so intimidating that I quit before I begin.
As well as being an on point video the first thing that jumped out was you question began “I hope you are well”. None of my mum’s texts or calls or emails began with anything about “how are you” and other members of my family are the same, they just launch into all about them. I find that so dismissive, disrespectful and unloving. I just don’t exist to them. I’m just a thing 😢
My miracle question would be easily answered. People would actually want to talk to me and that I would have an actual want to live, seriously to get out of bed and want go do something, not because I have to, but an actual want. I haven't wanted anything for years because I am such a waste of effort.
Hello Kati, how are you keeping? I used to be part of your wonderful community perhaps 15-20 years ago, not sure exactly. I want to thank you and your gorgeous community way back then as I found it sooooo helpful and and a beautiful community to be part of. I am studying towards a psychology degree right now to enable myself to help others. My dream is to help others that have been through the same challenges as me. I am so grateful for all of your support back then when I needed it. Thank you 🙏 😘🥰😀 xx
Hey Katie I recently found your channel. I really have enjoyed your videos. I am also in Austin. Been here around 11yrs with my 22 yr old daughter. Again thanks for your channel 💗
lol one of my therapists hit me with the miracle question this afternoon, apparently my answer impressed her coz she said I was really good at this, my answer was immediate, specific, and positive, which is apparently a good sign ^_^
also that top is really cute
A position at my job that wants is open & I applied. 🤞
If I woke up and my skin was perfect, I no longer had bipolar and OCD, and so on....I don't think I would like it. Those struggles have made me a better person. Life without problems is not a good life, IMHO. Accept your lot in life and try to help others with your suffering! My two cents.
My trauma wounds cut deep it’s hard to heal with all the other things I’m juggling. Just want to forgive and forget.
Sadly thost things will always be there the only thing that we can change is how we cope with them sometimes we cope with them in positive ways and sometimes we cope with them in negative ways nobody recovers completely from that mental illness from whatever mental illness you are reborn with that illness it will always change you in some way
Could you do a video about levels of treatment for EDs? Such as medical indicators, amount of therapeutic intervention, care team intensity/size, time commitment, etc.
I seem to be having homicidal thoughts, I have the urge or intrusive thought to beat someone senseless and I have never experienced this before. I’m horrified. What do I do?
I’m becoming the most perfect person in the world. I’m going to exercise more and get to my ideal weight of 155. An going to become the wealthiest person in all of the galaxies/universes whatever else occupies the cosmos.
Hi Kati!
I've been a subscriber of this channel for about a year. I appreciate your work.
I'm a 17 year old. And at this time I'm in a constant loop. First I have a crush on someone and then they leave me alone along with humiliation. And then cycle repeats.
Can you suggest some ways so that I can kill off my feelings for others and at same time not feel lonely.
My therapist told me it is never okay to say "I don't know" because it could be used to prevent a person from finding solutions. What do you think about this idea? Thank you for your videos.
Not knowing leads to discovery.
very good video!
Hi Kati! Thank you for another insightful video.
I have a question that is off context here but I want to ask anyway 😅 I have been reading your book "Traumatized." As a therapist, it has been enlightening. It is sad that I have not been taught like that in my training. I want to develop that trauma lens though, so that I can help my clients better. Can you refer me specific trauma informed therapies or books I can read? I have begun Trauma-focused ACT.
Thank you!❤
Hey Kati. I have a question for you. What kind of advice would you give to someone that has been seeking treatment for their mental health for years, but haven’t seen any improvement in their symptoms? I’m 27. I’ve had symptoms of depression and anxiety since I was around 10. I’ve been seeking treatment since I was 15. Therapy helps a little. But medicine hasn’t helped at all. Makes me wonder if it’s not my brain that’s the problem. Thank you for listening. 😊
Because I'd have a job offer in the town I currently live in and won't have to move back in with my parents
Good luck...👍
I genuinely hate writing after getting my masters lol. I’d prefer to talk about what’s going on in my brain. But I have been trying to write in my notes if I’m feeling really bad.
AH A GOOD QUESTION WHICH ONE WORD ANSWERS are frowned upon - MONEY- LOVE - my WEIGHT - JOURNALING REALLY not for me but sounds like a good grounding technique maybe when i feel like I'm losing my shit or get into the stare where nothing is getting done - oh yes write down a goal then a list of things that you've done which negatively impacted that goal and boom fix those issues AHhh yes a miracle would def. keep me from being assaulted as a kid - hmm as if - we survive with skills that katie explains - THANKS KAtie - lates
How would I know… hmm maybe the negative thought loops would stop. I’d have a clear mind, possibly a good nights rest (those are few and far in between). I personally just think I’m inhibited by trauma and because of that I’m not working as hard as I should and that feeds into the negative thought loops since I just sulk. If I worked harder I’d be in a better place. Time to put the phone down and get to work.
This is a Super-Relevant video! HUGE thanks to Kati. :)
This is something can be re-addressed again. Because people need it.
Why?
Because we've got a whole society of wimps, where everyone-and-their-Dog feels "Traumatized" as if its the latest, hip trend and "Badge-of-Honor".
And the more "Traumatized" someone was, the more bad-ass and tough they can say they are now, for "surviving". But it's them BS-ing themselves. How do I know? Because these "survivors" are existing, but where are the SMILES, the laughter, the positive emotional ZEST and energy? Nope...
Instead, everybody needs their "safe space" and is "offended" so bad over every little thing as if they are either badly angered or emotionally crushed.
But they have no Toughness. How would wimpy pansies ever make it thru todays Army bootcamp?
When I was in high school, we had a kid kill themself. The whole school knew.
It was sad. But we got over it. We did NOT need endless counseling and hot cocoa.
We were still able to concentrate and DID go to our classes and pass our tests.
We moved on and still found ways to be happy and have joy in Life. Hurray for us.
But today, if folks are not "traumatized" then they arvee "highly sensitive". This should never have become "a thing".
I can easily see folks just manipulatively SAYING they are "highly sensitive" as a way to get the rest of the world to:
be super-nice and gentle to them
get out of work, at work
be allowed to procrastinate more, by claiming its all so "overwhelming" and on and on. What all this screams out is:
All these people are LACKING RESILIENCE! And Confidence! Badly. And no, they are not happy. Another sad part in all of this is:
many of these people might go to therapy, but a year-and-a-half later they still "aren't over it"-- because 96% of them needed some medication for depression, anxiety, or social anxiety and never got it.
Psychology should teach more about insight, but also much more about RESILIENCE and Confidence! Badly needed. Then, maybe people can have an easier time getting Happy. That's worthwhile. :)
How would all my problems be fixed? I don't mean this is a hateful way (apart from towards myself) i would wake up without any problems with digestive distress, no more upset stomach. No more spending 45 minutes on the toilet, no more sore feet, mis shapened toes that cause me constant pain when I walk, no more need to binge eat, (yeah I know I am a self sabotager and I inflict some of my problems onto myself) just not feeling sad in general. Probably wake up somewhere else automatically, somewhere idealised like maybe on vacation somewhere beautiful. I would wake up and realise my whole life was just a horrible nightmare and I actually have the life I wanted. Gosh
I dunno. I'm just sad all the time so I guess i get a pat on the back for just trying to make my life better alone.
1:13 might want to double check that?
Thanks for catching!
Is there anything I can do about a former psychiatrist who put NPD in my medical record without saying anything about it to me? I became aware when my lawyer sent me my medical records.
Kati, do you offer individual online therapy?
I'm trying to change my life but the landlord refuses to do anything about the problem causing me problems. Even with all the help I'm getting. So how do you deal with that everyone tells me i can move they can do one i haven't broken the landlord agreement next door have. BCT what ever you call it is not helping.
If I got up an everything was better,bid be waking up with a roof over my head. I wish this helped homelessness.
Why should we be positive?
I'd really appreciate a video on being happier & more positive while dealing with severe climate anxiety/ grief - there are not enough resources around this issue & it's only going to become a worse stresser for more people the longer our "leaders" continue to invest in fossil fuels & ecocide. All the tips in this video are great, but they don't relate to my situation at all!
Ok
Hi Katie what do you do when your grieving and you hate showing emotion and don’t go therapy anymore you used to be with the school conslor but that was later s6 when my gran died and I want to do is this 😂and I don’t have money for therapy and I’m age 18 and what do you do when you hate your body shape and start getting a membership like myself hope to fix Sarah answer me please kaitmorton
You look like "holly" from the tv series "King of Queens"...
I'm unworthy of chance.
I hate to ask this. But, in today's socioeconomic climate, is it not completely appropriate to be depressed? It is actually a very depressing existence.
I don't like that kind of intro with "In this episode...". It is redundant and it seems unnecessarily artificial. Just saying.
Side note ; I love your tank top
Thank you so much Kati 🥹 ❤