OKAY SOOO if you're in school and don't pass as a trans guy (this goes for ladies too) BRING A FRIEND WITH YOU TO THE BATHROOM. Like idk why this wasn't mentioned in the video. I'm a junior trans guy in high school and whenever I go to the bathroom I make sure I have someone (a cis guy, or for trans women bring a cis girl) to go with me.
Kai The Unicorn my cis male friends usually wait outside the bathroom to make sure no bigoty guys we know about come in, and usually dont even like say anything, they look at me weird sometimes, and they tend to wait until i leave to do anything, but i think i pass (at least body wise) pretty well. but fuck my face thats like "ooh round face big rosy cheeks red lips big eyes thats a female no doubt". IT SUCCCKKKKS
I remember a trans boy at my school (this was like 7 years ago) was afraid to use the boys bathroom, so I would take him with me to the girls bathroom. Once a girl asked why he was in there, I said it was better than him getting beat up in the boys bathroom for being different. After him they let trans students as well as openly gay boys change clothes in the teachers bathroom for PE. (boys at my school weren't comfortable with gay boys in their locker room either)
For you younger ones: lots of schools don't have gender neutral bathrooms in the regular hallways, BUT, if you go to the nurse's or principal's office, it's normally a neutral bathroom. ESPECIALLY if you are out as trans at school, they are actually required to allow you to use those ones.
I'm an ftm transsexual, but I'm one of the few lucky ones. Even from the day I cut my hair, I almost got in trouble for using the women's bathroom. I want on hormones or anything. Now, I've been in the men's bathroom several times without any problems. In fact, I changed clothes in front of other men, and no one noticed. I'm still pre T.
I once had to choose to either use a bathroom at McDonalds or a gender neutral toilet on the train. Toilets on the train are usually really disgusting so I went to McDonald's. I wasn't sure what bathroom I should use and decided to try the men's room, but I was stopped by a cleaning woman who just said "uh uh" and she basically grabbed me by my backpack, turned me into the direction of the women's room and shoved me in there. Ever since I haven't even tried using the men's room. I'd rather feel embarassed then have this happen to me ever again. Another time when I went for the men's room somewhere else I was asked by another cleaning woman if I was a boy, I just noded and went on. I had a friend with me, so maybe that's why she didn't tell me to use the women's room. I've passed as a boy before but obviously I don't pass well enough yet. It's so frustrating.
I actually had the opposite happen to me. I'm ftm but when I was at an airport I went to use the girls bathroom and the cleaning lady was like, "no no that's woman's bathroom" with a heavy Chinese restroom. I told her I was a girl cause it was before I was out and before I was positive I was trans
***** Thanks! I was binding and I didn't even talk but something must have looked so feminine to her that she thought doing that was necessary. I'm two months on T now and I hope soon I will pass completely..
+Bo Winchester Bo - You haven't done anything wrong. Do what you want as long as you are safe. Fuck the ignorant people. I am a straight male and honestly don't give a FUCK who I share bathroom space with. People just need to get the fuck over it.
it depends on how u look in rl. short hair, male clothes. i just go that way and so far only last nite i went to female restroom, a chinese girl she just saw it from my pants i think that im a woman and also sent me to female but man i felt so awkward in female restrooms. and again. if u trans didnt change ur gender completely meaning changing the genitalias then just go into a simple cabins and pee there if u dont want any1 to see what u have there. thats it. no need to pass anything unless u really changed ur genitalias. thats fuckin it.
There are 4 sets of bathrooms in my school, 3 for students (1 for elementary, 1 for middle, and 1 for high) and one set for teachers. The teachers bathrooms are private rooms near the cafeteria, but according to the counsellor they are getting used more and more by students who are uncomfortable using the public bathrooms due to an incident where someone opened the stall while you were in there (that has happened twice in my four years at this school), or are actually questioning your identity. Both bathrooms are exactly the same on the inside, it's just the marker on the door that is different. On Friday, I used those bathrooms for the first time and even though I knew in my mind that the two bathrooms were the same, there was something oddly comforting, knowing that it is the MENS room.
I'm 13 and pass well as a boy but I'm always too scared to go into the men's bathroom because I'm always scared I'll run into someone I know or that, if I'm out with my family, either my younger brother or my dad will walk in. I'm even scared to go into men's bathrooms when I'm with my friends even though I'm out as trans to them.
I understand. I feel the same way, I always freak out. The thing is that if I go into the girls restroom, people freak out even more :( I just avoid public bathrooms in general.
again same here, not all of my friends or far family members know that i go into men bathrooms. i just try to go after they already visited that very room so ik they wont show up there anymore by that time im there lol. i understand u guys so damn well. and im 32, FTM
I've never really understood why the different bathrooms for different genders, doesn't make any sens. I'm from Spain and here public bathrooms are also separated, but I worked for a few months in Stockholm and there almost everywhere they were unisex, just with little private compartments with also a sink, so you are not sharing space with anyone. It seemed so logic to me. I'm a cis girl so never had any problems whit that, but it is a problem for trans people, mums with little sons, dads with little daughters... it's really stupid making something so simple an necessary as pee difficult for people. Come on, it's the XXI century...
Literally, it's because back when women were joining the work force men were worried about their sensibilities so they had to give them their own bathroom. Gender bathrooms exist because vintage cis men couldn't locker room talk with The Ladies around.
I did a speech on this same topic for my speech 101 class this past semester. I talked about how trans people were treated in the bathrooms of their preferred gender, and the importance of gender neutral bathrooms. I got an A+ and a standing ovation from my class.
too bad there isn't some kind of secret code word or gesture a trans person can throw out to attract JUST cis-friendly escorts. i would help guard a bathroom in a heartbeat!
This is SO amazing that I found this video, because now I know that I am not alone! Since the age of 5, I've been hospitalised very nearly every week due to infections related to my urinary tract because of how I looked. Mainly because nobody was ever sure what gender I was. I tried to go into the girls bathroom, they would peek through the stall doors, or they would insult me when coming out of the stall to wash my hands, when I didn't even know I was trans at that time. I ended up getting this little slip of paper, which eventually turned into a "Emergency Nurse Pass" that was signed by all my schools nurses as well as the principals because of my extremely high risk of getting infections and being hospitalised, ending up with shots in my ass that bleed everywhere because the nurses inject me incorrectly, constant blood tests (because for a while they blamed my Hep B on it?????) and losing sleep, all because I was constantly misgendered even WHILE I Identified as a cis female by kids my age. It was my choice to wear baggy clothing from the men's department because i always hated how tight the feminine clothing was on me, and it made me feel like i was being made into nothing more than a sexual object. Like, What even is society??? But, people need to get over the fact that there ARE in fact, cisgender females that dress like a guy who do NOT identify as a trans* person! Hell, even the other way around. A pal of mine is extremely feminine, but he's cis and straight, so what's the deal? So I'm always conscious about going to the bathroom, proper hygiene, blah blah... This video... *bows* Chase, you da man.
well, people often assume that trans women will sexually assult cis women in the toilets. but, people should not confuse trans women with predators. one wants to take a piss and the other wants to sexually harrass other people.
I still use the woman's washroom and honestly I prefer it. Does that make me any less of a man? It's just that at my workplace, it's a lot cleaner. There's only one sit-down toilet in the men's washroom and it's usually destroyed by the poops from the truckers that have been driving six+ hours. Plus, I've been using women's washrooms all my life, and since I'm gay anyways I don't feel uncomfortable hanging around women.
EVERYONE PLEASE USE THE BATHROOMS!!! LISTEN TO CHASE!! A year ago I watched this video and ignored it. I just held it in anytime I wanted to go. I developed a UTI and a Kidney stone. It could happen to anyone! Please guys, please use the bathroom when you need to. I'm in so much pain, and no one else should have to go through this. Please please please use the bathroom when you need to!!!!
I live in the UK and here we usually have a unisex disabled bathroom available everywhere. A few years ago I went on holiday to California and I was shocked at how many disabled bathrooms were segregated. Not saying the UK is perfect and sometimes the disabled bathrooms are locked. The student union at my university just installed a bathroom which specifies that it is for 'EVERYONE', thanks to much prompting from our uni's trans* group.
My trick at school is to wait until everyone's in class, get excused and go to the least used bathroom then. There's rarely anyone in there. (I still use the women's though to be extra safe.)
FOR ALL UK TRANSGENDER PEOPLE! Apply for a radar key, it gives you access to the gendernutral bathrooms that are normally locked. I got one before my transition for other reasons but they are meant for people who cannot use regular bathrooms, be it being bound to a wheelchair or severe anxiety. They cost a bit of money but according to the NHS website at the time of writing this they are £3.50 exlVAT. The application process may have change as I got mine 7 years ago but please be safe and consider it
I can go to the mens bathroom in Wal-Mart. But when I'm at school, I just can't go to the washrooms in there. Since almost everyone knows that I'm a girl, I can't go to the guys washrooms which suck. And I can't go to the girls washroom either because people will just be talking about me or just staring at me. So what I do, go in the morning and go when I get home. Which is 6 hours of school. /:
Well there is a nurses office, but no bathroom. There is a bathroom in the main office but then again Mens/Womens is sparated. But I guess waiting to go home is okay. I just really hate going to public bathrooms..
Same exact problem here. I'm lucky though that my school is really big (1000+ people) so the odds of a person I know seeing me in the wrong bathroom are somewhat low. Still I'm iffy about trying it. You know you could always grab one of your friends in between classes and ask them to stand guard with you when you're going to the bathroom. That's what I'm thinking of doing if it comes down to it.
What's terrible is that my sister is really butch and she's been called out before for using the women's bathroom. I feel bad because I'm kind of jealous sometimes - not that she's getting called out, but how masculine she can look when she wants to. Anyway. It's just weird and we should just have gender neutral bathrooms like civilised people.
Same here though xD for some reason my sister gets read as male (sometimes) even though she is not and I'm just over here being super jealous :'D and I agree with the need for gender neutral bathrooms.
I've been going through the comments and they're all really helpful so thank you to anyone who posted tips and life hacks and all that good stuff. it helps a lot. have a beautiful day:)
I found that there are a few things that help me through public bathroom anxieties. (I am non-op, but I do often pass thanks to my relative height and build, so results may vary). 1. Comfy, covering clothing. Hoodies and scarves are great, because you can conceal most everything (head, eyes, month, jaw) whatever you're feeling uncomfortable with or think prevents you from passing. 2. Know the bathrooms in your area. I think most people, cis and otherwise, eventually map out what areas have the best bathrooms in their places of work and school. Bathrooms that I find create the most anxiety for me are ones that are small. Usually they'll only have one or two stalls, and if both of those stalls are taken it can be incredibly nerve wracking waiting for them while everyone seems to be staring at you. I also prefer big bathrooms because they are usually very busy. Having lots of possible witnesses around is comforting, instead of one guy or gang of guys that may seem more menacing. Bathrooms with floor to ceiling stall doors are also a major bonus as they provide more privacy. Also, Starbucks and other big coffee chains usually have individual bathrooms. Those are my favourite. 3. Bring a friend with you. Whether that be a cis-dude, or another trans dude, going in pairs is safer and can relieve some tension. If you're not with a male identified person, have your friend wait outside the bathroom for you with their phone at the ready. 4. Be quick, but try to relax. Everyone is just here to pee, and no one has any special interest in you. If you are rushing or eyeing everyone, you will look really suspicious and draw attention. I used to be afraid of sitting to pee, but in all my years I've never had anyone stare under the stall to see which way my feet were pointing, and in reality most men using stall don't stand to pee and then turn around and sit to poop. Bottom line, be safe. If all of these things are not possible, or the area you're in feels unsafe use a women's bathroom.
I'm pre-t and always assume that I don't pass, so I sometimes use the women's restroom to avoid harassment. Once, however, I went into the women's restroom to fix my tie and these teenage girls all thought I was a male predator. I suppose I'm glad that I passed for once, though that wasn't the ideal situation to pass in.
Also, if there is an accessible bathroom (not labelled as a disabled toilet) use it! All school "disabled" toilets should be called accessible toilets so people like us can request access to use them so request it and if your school is supportive they should say yes
I'm pre-t right now and I use family restroom or men's room whenever I can (I haven't come out to everyone yet so at school I have use the girls restroom -_-). Whenever I go out with my friends, I get my cismale friends to go to the bathroom with me just in case if something bad happens.
I've had an experience before where my dad got mad at me for starting to go in the mens b-room (even tho im out to him) and then when i was in the women's, a little girl was telling her mom about how "there's a man in this bathroom, mommy!" I just can't win, can i?
I'm pre-T in my senior year at high school. I've managed to find times when I know there are no females in the bathroom to be able to go. It's kind of silly, but when there are females in the bathroom it's a slap in the face reminder of what's physically there. So, there's another tip for those high school students!
I was recently on vacation and went to use the woman's bathroom because i dont yet feel comfortable enough to use the mens room and the attendant at the door stopped me and told me the mens room was around the corner. Even though to her i passed as a man and people are always calling me sir, i told her I was a woman and she apologized. But then I get strange looks when I am in the womans room. I still have a chest so I dont feel 100% on the level i need to be on to use the mens room. Its like choosing the lesser of two evils: say I am the gender i dont feel comfortable in to use the bathroom i am comfortable in or risk being called out in the mens room
a suggestion: at the first times in men bathroom go with a friend, than you can check how it goes on you, and he could help if something is going wrong. plus where im live (israel) in most of the places the handicapped people bathrooms are genderless and its ok to use them..
I never realized how much my wheelchair helps me when it comes to bathrooms until now. I pass fairly well, and people expect me to go to a stall and pee sitting down. And mostly they avoid looking at me long enough to be able to tell that my face is a little feminine.
Luckily, I never had a problem going into the men's restroom. It's been three years, and I don't know if it was luck based or I passed enough physically and knew the social cues to never be approached, but it sucks that so many of us have had serious issues with going to the bathroom.
I agree to gender neutral bathrooms , in my country we have three bathrooms in most facilities one for woman , one for guys , and one for elderys and special need people like those in wheel chairs , those who can't wait or have special case and need their own bath
i'm a pre-t 15 year old trans guy and i have severe social anxiety and i'm also a germaphobe so i tend to avoid bathrooms like the plague my entire life . once however, i had to pee extremely bad to the point where i was about to piss myself [i'd been holding it for about 6 hours] so i roamed around this unfamiliar building trying to find a disabled or at best gender neutral bathroom . one lady saw me wandering and she was showed me the way to the women's bathroom i already knew was at .. which pretty embarrassing so i just went in bc my friend went in there anyways . it was fine .. i didnt have to worry about the sound of me sitting down and whatever but when i washed my hands and was about to make a bee-line out of there [my friend didnt wait for me , in fact she thought that there was nothing to be anxious about and was telling me to "just go pee" the entire time ] , these two girls my age walked in . they just looked at me and gasped , then started laughing/staring and i ran out of there. i wanted to cry .it doesnt seem that bad i guess but i was horrified and i constantly think about it months later. it made me have an anxiety attack. try to always use the bathroom before you go out into public , even if you dont have to. it truly sucks that we have to go through this. friends can be good for bathroom things but i guess you gotta .. TELL them like "hey there's a possibility i could be assaulted could you PLEASE fucking wait for me pal"
i would recommend using the disabled toilet if you don't pass 100% i used to do this and i had no problem with it at all! saves you getting yelled at or beaten up.
That phase was greatly helped for me by already being extremely adept at using a medicine spoon STP, and just finding an out of the way area of a garden/carpark/behind the building/etc and just doing a bit of outdoor activities 😂 Seriously, no one would notice me but even if they did, who looks twice when they see someone's back facing them in front of a tree, clearly peeing? No one, they're just like 'oh, some dude is taking a piss over there' haha. Yeah it's not the classiest, but it was super helpful when men's bathrooms were busy enough to be too daunting and I was afraid of getting clocked the beaten up! ... Just try to avoid cops, bahaha
My brother's autistic, so he got frustrated learning to pee through his fly as a kid. Because of this, he would lower his pants all the way to pee (think Butters in South Park). Since he started being made fun of for it, he began peeing sitting down in stalls. He does it to this day. He is 21 years old and cis. Nobody gives him shit for peeing in a stall, so nobody should give you shit if you want to pee in the stall in the men's bathroom. Do what makes you comfortable.
I haaate using public restrooms, although now that I'm more confident in passing, I have less anxiety and just sit, because oh well. Here's a funny story though that I'll honestly probably share until the day I die: I was at a bar once, with a couple friends and was already a few beers in and had to piss like crazy. I waited in line for the men's bathroom, and when it was my turn, I walked in only to find out that there was a urinal and a toilet, but NO STALL. My guess is it was a single person bathroom, but they were just using it as a 2 person. The guy that walked in the same time as I did, gestured between the two and asked me to take my pick. PLOT TWIST! I had left my STP at home. I stood there for a second and sort of confidently (thanks to the buzz I was feeling) said, "I have to sit." The dude nodded or whatever and headed to the urinal. I stood there for a second more weighing my lack of options and just said f*ck it. Wiped the seat off, pants down, hand up covering where my penis should be in case he turned around or anyone else walked in, did the hover-sit, pissed quick, and flushed all while the same dude was handling his business at the urinal. While I was washing my hands, the dude finished, came over to wash his, and made small talk. Not sure if the guy suspected anything or not, but either way, I was super fortunate to have shared the bathroom with someone so nonchalant. Haha.
I'm agender and I went to a camp for girls (although it was really anyone but sisgender guys). While I was there my gender fluid friend (who that day was a guy) and I both needed to go to the bathroom. I usually go to the girls' bathroom because I have long hair and whatever, but I would really prefer to be able to switch off or something. But, that day we totally walked into the boys' bathroom, no one cared and we both felt so free.
I've seen a cat 3 times in your videos now. Each time I'm like "KITTY!!!" Anyway, I use the women's room because I've expressed myself feminenly before and I grew up using the women's room. Also, most men's rooms have urinals which means I might accidentally see someone's junk and I don't want that. Which is awful cuz the women's rooms get so backed up occupancy wise at school whereas the men's room always appears to be empty (and half the time it's empty I know cuz that's when a guy I know uses it; he's cis and doesnt like sharing the bathroom IDK why but whatever, he hates people). And while I've gotten weird looks before in the women's room, I feel it's safer for me (though if I could get away with it I would just jump into whatever bathroom is closest).
This is fantastic!! Because I scared to stand and pee and STPs are weird for me.. Even when I do start passing, I'll still go to the stall probably! Thanks bro!! :) I feel so much better now
A great thing where I work is that, the costumer is primarily female and the majority of my co-workers are female. The only time I ever usually see another male is when either they're gay, they're being dragged along by their wife/girlfriend, or they're looking for a gift. So the male bathroom is almost always unoccupied. It's the only place I've seen where they male bathroom is actually cleaner then the women's bathroom lol.
I started going in the men's bathroom today, and I'm so glad. Whenever I was in the women's people would say "sir, you're in the wrong restroom" and I would feel bad. Now I can pee in peace.
Hey! So ive found a few places that tend to either have a single stall bathrooms or gender neutral bathrooms. Subway has single stalls 98% of the time in my experience is always my go to place. If I cant find a subway I try walgreens. Most of the ones ive been to are either single stall so its always worth looking into. Also malls almost always have a familu bathroom. Its a little inconvenient, but hey its a safe place to pee. Be safe ya'll :)
What I want to know is; if you're on T and don't quite pass enough yet, but you still have a deep voice and everything.. What about school bathrooms? They usually never have gender neutral ones.
If at all possible, see if there's one that's in the nurses' office that you an use. I had a friend who wound up using that in high school a lot because he couldn't stand the idea of how many germs were probably in the "normal" bathrooms.
This entire video just makes me sad as shit. It's true and honest and I appreciate it. Why do we have to suffer so much to just feel acceptable in our own skin? It's literally dangerous for us to have to pee. :( it sucks to have to do this.
this helps me. im just starting out with my transition and its one of my biggest fears. even here in brighton england uk there are only one gender neutral bathrooms that i know of and that's at a local advice place not in town where you probs gunna need to go. its so upsetting. Brighton is meant to nethe best place for people like us but we still face so much abuse.
Okay so, I pass and everyone uses male pronouns and my male name. I use the male bathroom, but I have a problem, I am required to change in gym, when I go into the girls locker room everyone freaks out! I don't know if my school would be chill with me going into the boys locker room. Any advice?
I would ask the school. I have a trans friend and the school requires him to use the bathroom in the nurses office, and I know that at least one year he ended up not even taking gym because he was trans. It's not like he wanted to take gym anyway, but it was a required class as the time.
I didn't know some guys really get bladder infections and stuff. Or even has that traumatized feelings about restrooms. I personally dont ever thought about it as an that big of an issue. I used to go to the women's bathroom except when out to night clubs or bars always men's restrooms bcause it would be alot faster, didnt even bother me if it was empty of not. Ofc it no one was in the bathroom and the bathroom was filthy with pee and shit and toilets not able to flush I always just peed on the floor, and left. But lately (this years) started using only men's bathroom. Because it felt more natural and comfortable. I never thought about passing or that stuff bcause my self esteem always shootin thru the roof. And I never felt uncomfortable goin to te men's bathroom. Just did my business washed my hands really carefully. ( fresh bathrooms). No one really cares. Ofc in bars and nightclubs theres not always an option to wash ur hands. So in that situation do ur business and leave. My advice is every single humanbeing has to go to the bathroom and it is the most natural thing for male and females and everything inbetween. Nothing to be ashamed of. Btw I dont know what countries u guys live in. But in public places, don't they have like a separate single toilet for male/female who's not capable to use a normal restroom(wheelchair etc.)? in ur country, that u could use? Here in Finland its a must almost in public places. And I dont think its dangerous here to use the opposite restroom. Here are so many drunk people in public places that r happy to use any available bathroom, everyday,even in the middle of the day. Its no biggie to see a drunk/junkie stumble out of the wrong restroom. People are afraid to talk to them . They just let everyone do their business.
im trained to not have to pee for the main hours of being awake (i say it like that cause i work night shift) but back in school the bathrooms were dirty. so i made sure to hold it unless i really really had to.
in the girls room they'll say "eww a guy, perv!" or in the guys room they might think your gay (femme version). I look like bieber i even had the hair so when i tell people i'm trans they sometimes even ask FTM or MTF. i'm like halfway in-between looking.
Im in high school but When I pee in the guys bathroom, I act like a ninja creeping around corners, listening to see if anyones in there before I walk in, then run in, then run my ass out of there as soon as possible before I run into anyone
Okay, this is crazy! You say that you realized sitting down to pee wasn't a deal because you were sitting in the bathroom in the library and the guy in the stall next to you sat down to pee. THAT IS LITERALLY THE EXACT SAME SCENARIO I WAS IN WHEN I REALIZED THE SAME THING!!!! I was also at the library and I went in and sat down, and I got all anxiety driven when I heard the door open and a guy came in and I was worried that they would see I was sitting down to pee by the way my feet were turned and then they sat on the toilet in the stall next to me and started peeing and I had this crazy life revelation that its obviously not nearly as big of a deal as I made it in my head. Funny that it happened the same way for both of us! (btw I met you at west minster when you came to Utah, it was way cool meeting you then!)
I use the family restroom, but when I walk out by myself people kinda look at me funny. Like they think I left a kid in the restroom, because I leave by myself. I'll use the women's restroom sometimes which I think is a bit funny because girls kinda look at me funny. I just glance over at them and say, "I'm in here cause my mom won't let me use the mens restroom, so blame her not me." And sometimes they'll laugh, but other times they'll look away awkwardly or even laugh.
Im non binary but im very masc presenting so i can typically pass for a guy when im in public. Ive always used female washrooms my whole life since im ftnb but while i was transitioning i used gender neutral washrooms alot since i had the privilege of having them at my school. But recently ive been more confident using mens restrooms and i dont do much but wash my hands or something like that. But even more recently ive been using the facilities more and honestly it just depends on what kind of washroom you get. Most of them are stalls but if you find one with a full door then go right ahead. I would advise against using those really big public washrooms with a bunch of stalls that you typically see in malls and big areas if you're still getting the hang of using different gendered washrooms though. I've never been publicly harassed or misgendered in a mens washroom before so i dont have much experience on that, but i do agree its safer to go in if you "pass" which is quite sad.
Thanks for the video Chase. This has been a issue that has been plaguing me. I think I will use the female bathroom until I can pass enough. I was nervous about sitting down to pee too but some of these comments have made me feel better about that. I need to learn how to use my EZP though. Thing was so expensive.
i use the women's bathroom because guys at my school are douches and i don't have an STP. i get a lot of weird looks and if someone asks me anything i just raise the pitch of my voice and they think i'm a lesbian, but i don't get beat up, which is fine by me.
I feel this so much. I have had several bad experiences being harassed in the men's room and threatened. Because of this I've had 2 UTI's this year alone.
As a biol. guy, looking at your picture, I don't think you look male yet. Can you ask to use the nurse' bathroom or if out, gas stationss maybe (single stall)
I plan to get a bathroom buddy. I mostly use the women's restroom. What happens is that I will go to a place to change because someone to whom I am not Out will drop me off there, and I will go into the women's restroom, use the loo, take my time changing into the binder and the little cap-thing which I wear when I am Going Male. Clothing, too - it often involves a chance in clothing. And then a person to whom I am Out will pick me up from there. I deliberately choose a place of business at which one can sit down, relax, etc. *and* which has an intentionally LGBTIQ-equal/-affirming practise. In Saginaw, Michigan, one such place is Barnes & Noble. If you don't feel safe there, let an employee know, because they *will* try to address the problem.
I only went into the male bathroom once because I was slightly drunk and didn't give a shit at that moment. There was only one other guy in there and he didn't even look at me so it was fine. But I normally never dare to do that because as you said it's just too dangerous. When I go into women's bathrooms they usually just assume I'm really "butch" or something.
On Valentine's Day I went to the movies and ended up having to pee. I went to the women's and I was dressed very neutral that day but once I came out to wash my hands, all of the girls stopped gossiping after one said "that's a boy". I'm not sure who was more uncomfortable, but I can't use the toilets at the theatre anymore.... I panic thinking it'll happen again.
I use these drops I put in my water it's called rescue remedy. it has helped me alot and it's used for people like me who have extreme anxiety and it's a great alternative to using medication. I'm my opinion. and I get extremely anxious being in public and using public washrooms. you could get them at any superstore that would sell vitamins and stuff like that it's costs around $20 but it last for months. I highly recommend. (also with any kind of self remedy I would recommend reading more about it before using)
I apologize, I posted this on the wrong video. I meant to post it on the male privilege video. Maybe it's better said as a political action, because it's definitely not a rally. Why isn't it political?
I was walking out of the woman's bathroom once at my old high school and two guys were coming out of the men's and they were all "dude you know that's the woman's right lol why are you using it" and making fun of me so I just went "because I'm a GIRL" and walked away. I avoided school bathrooms from then on. I accidentally passed and still got confronted. Seriously.
Not a bad experience but I was at class camp with my school and we were at this wired historical thing. And I needed the toilet as you do and as I was walking down to the toilet, this guy came up to me and was like “you know that the woman’s bathroom is over there” ( and point in a direction) and I just looked at him and said “what do you mean” and the he was like “this is men’s bathroom” and then I was like “ I know” and then just walked passed Him. But ya the bathroom thing is REALLY shitty and it sucks but one day we will be able to walk into a stall without a second glans. Keep strong people:)
Unfortunately, in my country they still have you do the "real life" test, where you very rarely if at all pass but still has to use the men's room and men's locker rooms. Which I feel is not really safe, but in order to get treatment I need to do it 😕
I'm a 22 year old trans guy and many people at my school think I'm a cis boy and some of them think I'm a girl (birth name issues). I pass well enough to use the men's room but I'm scared that people are going to see me in there. Same goes for the women's bathroom. Also, I can't come out or change my name. I literally hold my pee for 8-10 hours EVERY SINGLE DAY!! 😫
i seriously dont think men care if you use the bathroom because when i was super girly i used the men's bathroom in a super dressy and formal dress and they didnt even blink an eye. So my advice is use the god damm bathroom that you choose unless the bathroom is in a different change room like at a school or pool.
At one drive-in movie place my family went to my mom got mad at me because I kept making my friend and sister stand in line and go with me into the family bathroom because I didn't want to use the women's and I DO NOT pass so I couldn't use the men's. I was just fortunate they HAD a family bathroom.
If I have to use the bathroom and there are no gender neutral bathrooms around, I usually take my partner or my close female friends with me into the women's bathrooms. I feel safer that way. I would rather risk getting yelled at then getting into a physical altercation.
maybe I'm just lucky but I've never had issues in a bathroom. In Scotland we have a number of laws protecting trans rights and a big lgbt community here. nobody has ever said anything apart from a janitor in a hospital once who innocently thought I was confused about the bathroom and that turned out fine. I'm very lucky because i don't pass at all. i get scared sometimes but luckily have never had an issue.
i've gone to the mens bathdroom since i was 12,started T when i was 17 (2013) most of the times i wait until my friends goes to the bathroom if im out ,even if i pass. But when i was in magaluf last summer and went to the clubs,there was no locks on the stalls so people could open when u where sitting there so i always said "can i take a poop in peace?!" so they said sorry and closed the door xD
I went to the men's on a camping trip, and felt proud of myself, except it was an outhouse, and there was nobody around, and it was in a national park about three hundred kilometers from civilization. I don't think I'd have the guts to go to the men's in the city - but I really like what you said about the guy who peed sitting down. That gives me a bit more confidence. I'm scared about going back to school in September though and having to deal with that minefield. I use to avoid bathrooms in school, period, but I don't want to do that to my body anymore. So... at the end of this very long comment... does anybody have suggestions for what to do in high school as far as bathrooms go? Is it safe enough, for someone who passes only like 70% of the time?
lol yeah if i really gotta go and there's no gender neutral bathroom i just rush into the women's bathroom, do my business, and leave, because i know i cannot pass. like... i have a .01% chance of passing and i'm not even joking. so i'd rather be questioned by someone than being physically assaulted which is one of my biggest fears if i think about using the men's washroom
In my experience it's the exact opposite. I have gotten far more abuse in the women's bathroom than the men's. I don't know if it's a cultural difference between USA and UK. But if the situation allows me to use the men's I will and over here, whether it's British awkwardness or not, no-one even acknowledges each other and even if they did it's likely due to British stoicism they won't say anything so I guess I've been lucky in that sense :D However it is awful if I'm with people I'm not out to so I have to go with them into the women's and then I get shouted out for being a 'perverted man'.
As an XY I don't believe most males care if transmen use the men's restroom, as long as you follow common norms. Now locker rooms...that's a different story.
I feel like with me I have some leeway if I feel like I have to use the women's room bc I have PCOS and am not on hormones yet. I'm seen people look at me and try to tell if I'm a boy or a girl and I know that it's because I present masculinely and have a binder, yet I was dfab and look a little "feminine" in the face and hips. If you feel like you aren't safe in the bathroom of either binary gender take a friend with you. I was in the men's room with my cis friend Jordan and it was great to have someone there in case something went down. I've been out and about with my cis female friends where I'm seriously the male gay (well, bi) friend and they'll sometimes ask what bathroom I'm going to go to. I know that if I feel like I don't pass then I can go into the women's room with my friends.
I am a trans man in an early age so I don't really pass as a man or a woman. People get confused and make comments. If I have my mom or a friend who is a girl, I make them come with me to the bathroom because I am so scared to go on my own. I wish I could use the men's bathroom.
![[Watch Party] RoV Pro League 2024 Winter | with Moowan ( Bacon Time Vs Talon )](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/CCEDhu6dPN8/mqdefault.jpg)
OKAY SOOO if you're in school and don't pass as a trans guy (this goes for ladies too) BRING A FRIEND WITH YOU TO THE BATHROOM. Like idk why this wasn't mentioned in the video. I'm a junior trans guy in high school and whenever I go to the bathroom I make sure I have someone (a cis guy, or for trans women bring a cis girl) to go with me.
Kai The Unicorn my cis male friends usually wait outside the bathroom to make sure no bigoty guys we know about come in, and usually dont even like say anything, they look at me weird sometimes, and they tend to wait until i leave to do anything, but i think i pass (at least body wise) pretty well. but fuck my face thats like "ooh round face big rosy cheeks red lips big eyes thats a female no doubt". IT SUCCCKKKKS
Thanks for the tip. Now i have to ask my female friends to talk to the guys because i haven’t come out to many people yet.
I remember a trans boy at my school (this was like 7 years ago) was afraid to use the boys bathroom, so I would take him with me to the girls bathroom. Once a girl asked why he was in there, I said it was better than him getting beat up in the boys bathroom for being different. After him they let trans students as well as openly gay boys change clothes in the teachers bathroom for PE. (boys at my school weren't comfortable with gay boys in their locker room either)
For you younger ones: lots of schools don't have gender neutral bathrooms in the regular hallways, BUT, if you go to the nurse's or principal's office, it's normally a neutral bathroom. ESPECIALLY if you are out as trans at school, they are actually required to allow you to use those ones.
I go at handicap toilet. It's gender neutral.
silver dinae yeah in public schools. But in private schools they dont have to let u. Lol it sucks
I use the health room restroom
I'm an ftm transsexual, but I'm one of the few lucky ones. Even from the day I cut my hair, I almost got in trouble for using the women's bathroom. I want on hormones or anything. Now, I've been in the men's bathroom several times without any problems. In fact, I changed clothes in front of other men, and no one noticed. I'm still pre T.
I once had to choose to either use a bathroom at McDonalds or a gender neutral toilet on the train. Toilets on the train are usually really disgusting so I went to McDonald's. I wasn't sure what bathroom I should use and decided to try the men's room, but I was stopped by a cleaning woman who just said "uh uh" and she basically grabbed me by my backpack, turned me into the direction of the women's room and shoved me in there. Ever since I haven't even tried using the men's room. I'd rather feel embarassed then have this happen to me ever again.
Another time when I went for the men's room somewhere else I was asked by another cleaning woman if I was a boy, I just noded and went on. I had a friend with me, so maybe that's why she didn't tell me to use the women's room.
I've passed as a boy before but obviously I don't pass well enough yet. It's so frustrating.
This happened to me too a few months ago. Just going my way when the cleaning woman told me I couldn't go there. This still frustrates me >.
I actually had the opposite happen to me. I'm ftm but when I was at an airport I went to use the girls bathroom and the cleaning lady was like, "no no that's woman's bathroom" with a heavy Chinese restroom. I told her I was a girl cause it was before I was out and before I was positive I was trans
***** Thanks! I was binding and I didn't even talk but something must have looked so feminine to her that she thought doing that was necessary. I'm two months on T now and I hope soon I will pass completely..
+Bo Winchester Bo - You haven't done anything wrong. Do what you want as long as you are safe. Fuck the ignorant people. I am a straight male and honestly don't give a FUCK who I share bathroom space with. People just need to get the fuck over it.
it depends on how u look in rl. short hair, male clothes. i just go that way and so far only last nite i went to female restroom, a chinese girl she just saw it from my pants i think that im a woman and also sent me to female but man i felt so awkward in female restrooms. and again. if u trans didnt change ur gender completely meaning changing the genitalias then just go into a simple cabins and pee there if u dont want any1 to see what u have there. thats it. no need to pass anything unless u really changed ur genitalias. thats fuckin it.
There are 4 sets of bathrooms in my school, 3 for students (1 for elementary, 1 for middle, and 1 for high) and one set for teachers. The teachers bathrooms are private rooms near the cafeteria, but according to the counsellor they are getting used more and more by students who are uncomfortable using the public bathrooms due to an incident where someone opened the stall while you were in there (that has happened twice in my four years at this school), or are actually questioning your identity. Both bathrooms are exactly the same on the inside, it's just the marker on the door that is different. On Friday, I used those bathrooms for the first time and even though I knew in my mind that the two bathrooms were the same, there was something oddly comforting, knowing that it is the MENS room.
I'm 13 and pass well as a boy but I'm always too scared to go into the men's bathroom because I'm always scared I'll run into someone I know or that, if I'm out with my family, either my younger brother or my dad will walk in. I'm even scared to go into men's bathrooms when I'm with my friends even though I'm out as trans to them.
I understand. I feel the same way, I always freak out. The thing is that if I go into the girls restroom, people freak out even more :( I just avoid public bathrooms in general.
Lilly Greenford i have yet to go into the bathrooms at all at my school im so scared to be in either
BookWerm Minecraft same I do my best to avoid toilets
again same here, not all of my friends or far family members know that i go into men bathrooms. i just try to go after they already visited that very room so ik they wont show up there anymore by that time im there lol. i understand u guys so damn well. and im 32, FTM
If you see anyone you know that you aren't out to yet, just say that there were too many people in the woman's bathroom and you really needed to go
I've never really understood why the different bathrooms for different genders, doesn't make any sens. I'm from Spain and here public bathrooms are also separated, but I worked for a few months in Stockholm and there almost everywhere they were unisex, just with little private compartments with also a sink, so you are not sharing space with anyone. It seemed so logic to me. I'm a cis girl so never had any problems whit that, but it is a problem for trans people, mums with little sons, dads with little daughters... it's really stupid making something so simple an necessary as pee difficult for people. Come on, it's the XXI century...
Literally, it's because back when women were joining the work force men were worried about their sensibilities so they had to give them their own bathroom.
Gender bathrooms exist because vintage cis men couldn't locker room talk with The Ladies around.
I did a speech on this same topic for my speech 101 class this past semester. I talked about how trans people were treated in the bathrooms of their preferred gender, and the importance of gender neutral bathrooms. I got an A+ and a standing ovation from my class.
Even if there is no gender neutral bathroom, family restrooms are nice.
too bad there isn't some kind of secret code word or gesture a trans person can throw out to attract JUST cis-friendly escorts. i would help guard a bathroom in a heartbeat!
This is SO amazing that I found this video, because now I know that I am not alone! Since the age of 5, I've been hospitalised very nearly every week due to infections related to my urinary tract because of how I looked. Mainly because nobody was ever sure what gender I was. I tried to go into the girls bathroom, they would peek through the stall doors, or they would insult me when coming out of the stall to wash my hands, when I didn't even know I was trans at that time. I ended up getting this little slip of paper, which eventually turned into a "Emergency Nurse Pass" that was signed by all my schools nurses as well as the principals because of my extremely high risk of getting infections and being hospitalised, ending up with shots in my ass that bleed everywhere because the nurses inject me incorrectly, constant blood tests (because for a while they blamed my Hep B on it?????) and losing sleep, all because I was constantly misgendered even WHILE I Identified as a cis female by kids my age. It was my choice to wear baggy clothing from the men's department because i always hated how tight the feminine clothing was on me, and it made me feel like i was being made into nothing more than a sexual object. Like, What even is society??? But, people need to get over the fact that there ARE in fact, cisgender females that dress like a guy who do NOT identify as a trans* person! Hell, even the other way around. A pal of mine is extremely feminine, but he's cis and straight, so what's the deal?
So I'm always conscious about going to the bathroom, proper hygiene, blah blah...
This video... *bows* Chase, you da man.
This must be so much harder for trans women though...
Women tend not to beat other women up
well, people often assume that trans women will sexually assult cis women in the toilets. but, people should not confuse trans women with predators. one wants to take a piss and the other wants to sexually harrass other people.
I still use the woman's washroom and honestly I prefer it. Does that make me any less of a man? It's just that at my workplace, it's a lot cleaner. There's only one sit-down toilet in the men's washroom and it's usually destroyed by the poops from the truckers that have been driving six+ hours. Plus, I've been using women's washrooms all my life, and since I'm gay anyways I don't feel uncomfortable hanging around women.
That doesn't make you any less of a man, good for you for going with your preferances!
^-^ Thank you!
Anytime for what's true :) Zepharius Be
no i don't think so. I'm FTM so i have a legit excuse to go to either. sex and gender are two different things.
I've seen you in another comment section to another vid 😛
EVERYONE PLEASE USE THE BATHROOMS!!! LISTEN TO CHASE!!
A year ago I watched this video and ignored it. I just held it in anytime I wanted to go. I developed a UTI and a Kidney stone. It could happen to anyone! Please guys, please use the bathroom when you need to. I'm in so much pain, and no one else should have to go through this. Please please please use the bathroom when you need to!!!!
While this is a great video and I'm glad it exists, I think it's really sad that there's a need for it in our world now.
Unfortunately, we have to take the world as it is, not how we'd like it to be.
I live in the UK and here we usually have a unisex disabled bathroom available everywhere. A few years ago I went on holiday to California and I was shocked at how many disabled bathrooms were segregated. Not saying the UK is perfect and sometimes the disabled bathrooms are locked. The student union at my university just installed a bathroom which specifies that it is for 'EVERYONE', thanks to much prompting from our uni's trans* group.
My trick at school is to wait until everyone's in class, get excused and go to the least used bathroom then. There's rarely anyone in there. (I still use the women's though to be extra safe.)
FOR ALL UK TRANSGENDER PEOPLE!
Apply for a radar key, it gives you access to the gendernutral bathrooms that are normally locked. I got one before my transition for other reasons but they are meant for people who cannot use regular bathrooms, be it being bound to a wheelchair or severe anxiety. They cost a bit of money but according to the NHS website at the time of writing this they are £3.50 exlVAT.
The application process may have change as I got mine 7 years ago but please be safe and consider it
I can go to the mens bathroom in Wal-Mart. But when I'm at school, I just can't go to the washrooms in there. Since almost everyone knows that I'm a girl, I can't go to the guys washrooms which suck. And I can't go to the girls washroom either because people will just be talking about me or just staring at me. So what I do, go in the morning and go when I get home. Which is 6 hours of school. /:
Hey, is there a nurse at your school? Usually they have a single-person toilet in their office. You could go there if you need to
I go before and after school. I go at 7, and get home at 4, sometimes 5. It's not at all a problem.
Well there is a nurses office, but no bathroom. There is a bathroom in the main office but then again Mens/Womens is sparated. But I guess waiting to go home is okay. I just really hate going to public bathrooms..
Same exact problem here. I'm lucky though that my school is really big (1000+ people) so the odds of a person I know seeing me in the wrong bathroom are somewhat low. Still I'm iffy about trying it. You know you could always grab one of your friends in between classes and ask them to stand guard with you when you're going to the bathroom. That's what I'm thinking of doing if it comes down to it.
What's terrible is that my sister is really butch and she's been called out before for using the women's bathroom. I feel bad because I'm kind of jealous sometimes - not that she's getting called out, but how masculine she can look when she wants to. Anyway. It's just weird and we should just have gender neutral bathrooms like civilised people.
Same here though xD for some reason my sister gets read as male (sometimes) even though she is not and I'm just over here being super jealous :'D and I agree with the need for gender neutral bathrooms.
I've been going through the comments and they're all really helpful so thank you to anyone who posted tips and life hacks and all that good stuff. it helps a lot. have a beautiful day:)
If you're in the UK go to Costa/Starbucks/most coffee shops to use the toilet because they have single stall toilets
I found that there are a few things that help me through public bathroom anxieties. (I am non-op, but I do often pass thanks to my relative height and build, so results may vary).
1. Comfy, covering clothing. Hoodies and scarves are great, because you can conceal most everything (head, eyes, month, jaw) whatever you're feeling uncomfortable with or think prevents you from passing.
2. Know the bathrooms in your area. I think most people, cis and otherwise, eventually map out what areas have the best bathrooms in their places of work and school. Bathrooms that I find create the most anxiety for me are ones that are small. Usually they'll only have one or two stalls, and if both of those stalls are taken it can be incredibly nerve wracking waiting for them while everyone seems to be staring at you. I also prefer big bathrooms because they are usually very busy. Having lots of possible witnesses around is comforting, instead of one guy or gang of guys that may seem more menacing. Bathrooms with floor to ceiling stall doors are also a major bonus as they provide more privacy. Also, Starbucks and other big coffee chains usually have individual bathrooms. Those are my favourite.
3. Bring a friend with you. Whether that be a cis-dude, or another trans dude, going in pairs is safer and can relieve some tension. If you're not with a male identified person, have your friend wait outside the bathroom for you with their phone at the ready.
4. Be quick, but try to relax. Everyone is just here to pee, and no one has any special interest in you. If you are rushing or eyeing everyone, you will look really suspicious and draw attention. I used to be afraid of sitting to pee, but in all my years I've never had anyone stare under the stall to see which way my feet were pointing, and in reality most men using stall don't stand to pee and then turn around and sit to poop.
Bottom line, be safe. If all of these things are not possible, or the area you're in feels unsafe use a women's bathroom.
I'm pre-t and always assume that I don't pass, so I sometimes use the women's restroom to avoid harassment. Once, however, I went into the women's restroom to fix my tie and these teenage girls all thought I was a male predator. I suppose I'm glad that I passed for once, though that wasn't the ideal situation to pass in.
Also, if there is an accessible bathroom (not labelled as a disabled toilet) use it! All school "disabled" toilets should be called accessible toilets so people like us can request access to use them so request it and if your school is supportive they should say yes
I'm pre-t right now and I use family restroom or men's room whenever I can (I haven't come out to everyone yet so at school I have use the girls restroom -_-). Whenever I go out with my friends, I get my cismale friends to go to the bathroom with me just in case if something bad happens.
That's a great idea!
Your passion makes me so happy and motivated
Along with this talk, one of my amazing friends was repeatedly hospitalized because he had bladder infections because he was terrified of not passing.
I've had an experience before where my dad got mad at me for starting to go in the mens b-room (even tho im out to him) and then when i was in the women's, a little girl was telling her mom about how "there's a man in this bathroom, mommy!"
I just can't win, can i?
I'm pre-T in my senior year at high school. I've managed to find times when I know there are no females in the bathroom to be able to go. It's kind of silly, but when there are females in the bathroom it's a slap in the face reminder of what's physically there. So, there's another tip for those high school students!
I do that in restaurants and stores. Hiding is a damn good option sometimes.
I was recently on vacation and went to use the woman's bathroom because i dont yet feel comfortable enough to use the mens room and the attendant at the door stopped me and told me the mens room was around the corner. Even though to her i passed as a man and people are always calling me sir, i told her I was a woman and she apologized. But then I get strange looks when I am in the womans room. I still have a chest so I dont feel 100% on the level i need to be on to use the mens room. Its like choosing the lesser of two evils: say I am the gender i dont feel comfortable in to use the bathroom i am comfortable in or risk being called out in the mens room
a suggestion: at the first times in men bathroom go with a friend, than you can check how it goes on you, and he could help if something is going wrong.
plus where im live (israel) in most of the places the handicapped people bathrooms are genderless and its ok to use them..
I never realized how much my wheelchair helps me when it comes to bathrooms until now. I pass fairly well, and people expect me to go to a stall and pee sitting down. And mostly they avoid looking at me long enough to be able to tell that my face is a little feminine.
Luckily, I never had a problem going into the men's restroom. It's been three years, and I don't know if it was luck based or I passed enough physically and knew the social cues to never be approached, but it sucks that so many of us have had serious issues with going to the bathroom.
Feel bad that you had to get that bladder infection. You are a total gem!!
I agree to gender neutral bathrooms , in my country we have three bathrooms in most facilities one for woman , one for guys , and one for elderys and special need people like those in wheel chairs , those who can't wait or have special case and need their own bath
i only pass enough for a 12 year old boy
i'm a pre-t 15 year old trans guy and i have severe social anxiety and i'm also a germaphobe so i tend to avoid bathrooms like the plague my entire life . once however, i had to pee extremely bad to the point where i was about to piss myself [i'd been holding it for about 6 hours] so i roamed around this unfamiliar building trying to find a disabled or at best gender neutral bathroom . one lady saw me wandering and she was showed me the way to the women's bathroom i already knew was at .. which pretty embarrassing so i just went in bc my friend went in there anyways . it was fine .. i didnt have to worry about the sound of me sitting down and whatever but when i washed my hands and was about to make a bee-line out of there [my friend didnt wait for me , in fact she thought that there was nothing to be anxious about and was telling me to "just go pee" the entire time ] , these two girls my age walked in . they just looked at me and gasped , then started laughing/staring and i ran out of there. i wanted to cry .it doesnt seem that bad i guess but i was horrified and i constantly think about it months later. it made me have an anxiety attack.
try to always use the bathroom before you go out into public , even if you dont have to. it truly sucks that we have to go through this. friends can be good for bathroom things but i guess you gotta .. TELL them like "hey there's a possibility i could be assaulted could you PLEASE fucking wait for me pal"
i would recommend using the disabled toilet if you don't pass 100%
i used to do this and i had no problem with it at all! saves you getting yelled at or beaten up.
That phase was greatly helped for me by already being extremely adept at using a medicine spoon STP, and just finding an out of the way area of a garden/carpark/behind the building/etc and just doing a bit of outdoor activities 😂 Seriously, no one would notice me but even if they did, who looks twice when they see someone's back facing them in front of a tree, clearly peeing? No one, they're just like 'oh, some dude is taking a piss over there' haha. Yeah it's not the classiest, but it was super helpful when men's bathrooms were busy enough to be too daunting and I was afraid of getting clocked the beaten up! ... Just try to avoid cops, bahaha
Also if you can find a "family" bathroom they are isolated and are basically gender neutral bathrooms!
My brother's autistic, so he got frustrated learning to pee through his fly as a kid. Because of this, he would lower his pants all the way to pee (think Butters in South Park). Since he started being made fun of for it, he began peeing sitting down in stalls. He does it to this day. He is 21 years old and cis. Nobody gives him shit for peeing in a stall, so nobody should give you shit if you want to pee in the stall in the men's bathroom. Do what makes you comfortable.
I haaate using public restrooms, although now that I'm more confident in passing, I have less anxiety and just sit, because oh well.
Here's a funny story though that I'll honestly probably share until the day I die: I was at a bar once, with a couple friends and was already a few beers in and had to piss like crazy. I waited in line for the men's bathroom, and when it was my turn, I walked in only to find out that there was a urinal and a toilet, but NO STALL. My guess is it was a single person bathroom, but they were just using it as a 2 person. The guy that walked in the same time as I did, gestured between the two and asked me to take my pick.
PLOT TWIST! I had left my STP at home.
I stood there for a second and sort of confidently (thanks to the buzz I was feeling) said, "I have to sit." The dude nodded or whatever and headed to the urinal. I stood there for a second more weighing my lack of options and just said f*ck it. Wiped the seat off, pants down, hand up covering where my penis should be in case he turned around or anyone else walked in, did the hover-sit, pissed quick, and flushed all while the same dude was handling his business at the urinal. While I was washing my hands, the dude finished, came over to wash his, and made small talk.
Not sure if the guy suspected anything or not, but either way, I was super fortunate to have shared the bathroom with someone so nonchalant. Haha.
This made me feel so much better
I'm agender and I went to a camp for girls (although it was really anyone but sisgender guys). While I was there my gender fluid friend (who that day was a guy) and I both needed to go to the bathroom. I usually go to the girls' bathroom because I have long hair and whatever, but I would really prefer to be able to switch off or something. But, that day we totally walked into the boys' bathroom, no one cared and we both felt so free.
I've seen a cat 3 times in your videos now. Each time I'm like "KITTY!!!" Anyway, I use the women's room because I've expressed myself feminenly before and I grew up using the women's room. Also, most men's rooms have urinals which means I might accidentally see someone's junk and I don't want that. Which is awful cuz the women's rooms get so backed up occupancy wise at school whereas the men's room always appears to be empty (and half the time it's empty I know cuz that's when a guy I know uses it; he's cis and doesnt like sharing the bathroom IDK why but whatever, he hates people). And while I've gotten weird looks before in the women's room, I feel it's safer for me (though if I could get away with it I would just jump into whatever bathroom is closest).
This is fantastic!! Because I scared to stand and pee and STPs are weird for me.. Even when I do start passing, I'll still go to the stall probably! Thanks bro!! :) I feel so much better now
A great thing where I work is that, the costumer is primarily female and the majority of my co-workers are female. The only time I ever usually see another male is when either they're gay, they're being dragged along by their wife/girlfriend, or they're looking for a gift. So the male bathroom is almost always unoccupied. It's the only place I've seen where they male bathroom is actually cleaner then the women's bathroom lol.
I started going in the men's bathroom today, and I'm so glad. Whenever I was in the women's people would say "sir, you're in the wrong restroom" and I would feel bad. Now I can pee in peace.
Hey! So ive found a few places that tend to either have a single stall bathrooms or gender neutral bathrooms. Subway has single stalls 98% of the time in my experience is always my go to place. If I cant find a subway I try walgreens. Most of the ones ive been to are either single stall so its always worth looking into. Also malls almost always have a familu bathroom. Its a little inconvenient, but hey its a safe place to pee. Be safe ya'll :)
What I want to know is; if you're on T and don't quite pass enough yet, but you still have a deep voice and everything.. What about school bathrooms? They usually never have gender neutral ones.
If at all possible, see if there's one that's in the nurses' office that you an use. I had a friend who wound up using that in high school a lot because he couldn't stand the idea of how many germs were probably in the "normal" bathrooms.
I peed outside once lmao
wyd
why
I peed outside once
same
I've peed outside many times, no fucks given.
This entire video just makes me sad as shit. It's true and honest and I appreciate it.
Why do we have to suffer so much to just feel acceptable in our own skin?
It's literally dangerous for us to have to pee.
:( it sucks to have to do this.
this helps me. im just starting out with my transition and its one of my biggest fears. even here in brighton england uk there are only one gender neutral bathrooms that i know of and that's at a local advice place not in town where you probs gunna need to go. its so upsetting. Brighton is meant to nethe best place for people like us but we still face so much abuse.
I'm so glad my country has almost entirely gender neutral bathroom. (Other then restaurants and shops, etc)
Okay so, I pass and everyone uses male pronouns and my male name. I use the male bathroom, but I have a problem, I am required to change in gym, when I go into the girls locker room everyone freaks out! I don't know if my school would be chill with me going into the boys locker room. Any advice?
I would ask the school. I have a trans friend and the school requires him to use the bathroom in the nurses office, and I know that at least one year he ended up not even taking gym because he was trans. It's not like he wanted to take gym anyway, but it was a required class as the time.
Magic Penguin good to now because im starting highschool soon and im worried
I didn't know some guys really get bladder infections and stuff.
Or even has that traumatized feelings about restrooms.
I personally dont ever thought about it as an that big of an issue.
I used to go to the women's bathroom except when out to night clubs or bars always men's restrooms bcause it would be alot faster, didnt even bother me if it was empty of not.
Ofc it no one was in the bathroom and the bathroom was filthy with pee and shit and toilets not able to flush I always just peed on the floor, and left.
But lately (this years) started using only men's bathroom. Because it felt more natural and comfortable.
I never thought about passing or that stuff bcause my self esteem always shootin thru the roof.
And I never felt uncomfortable goin to te men's bathroom. Just did my business washed my hands really carefully. ( fresh bathrooms). No one really cares. Ofc in bars and nightclubs theres not always an option to wash ur hands. So in that situation do ur business and leave.
My advice is every single humanbeing has to go to the bathroom and it is the most natural thing for male and females and everything inbetween.
Nothing to be ashamed of.
Btw I dont know what countries u guys live in. But in public places, don't they have like a separate single toilet for male/female who's not capable to use a normal restroom(wheelchair etc.)? in ur country, that u could use?
Here in Finland its a must almost in public places. And I dont think its dangerous here to use the opposite restroom.
Here are so many drunk people in public places that r happy to use any available bathroom, everyday,even in the middle of the day. Its no biggie to see a drunk/junkie stumble out of the wrong restroom. People are afraid to talk to them . They just let everyone do their business.
im trained to not have to pee for the main hours of being awake (i say it like that cause i work night shift) but back in school the bathrooms were dirty. so i made sure to hold it unless i really really had to.
Refuge Restrooms is the app. It won't come up under bathroom, but it does under transgender. That's on Apple's App Store.
in the girls room they'll say "eww a guy, perv!" or in the guys room they might think your gay (femme version). I look like bieber i even had the hair so when i tell people i'm trans they sometimes even ask FTM or MTF. i'm like halfway in-between looking.
I only use women’s bathrooms because the girls, at my school especially, are so much nicer to me and don’t harass me like a lot of the guys often do.
this video made me feel so much safer, thank u )-: p.s. i love ur cat
I NEVER use public restrooms other than at work bc they are unisex.
Im in high school but When I pee in the guys bathroom, I act like a ninja creeping around corners, listening to see if anyones in there before I walk in, then run in, then run my ass out of there as soon as possible before I run into anyone
Okay, this is crazy! You say that you realized sitting down to pee wasn't a deal because you were sitting in the bathroom in the library and the guy in the stall next to you sat down to pee. THAT IS LITERALLY THE EXACT SAME SCENARIO I WAS IN WHEN I REALIZED THE SAME THING!!!! I was also at the library and I went in and sat down, and I got all anxiety driven when I heard the door open and a guy came in and I was worried that they would see I was sitting down to pee by the way my feet were turned and then they sat on the toilet in the stall next to me and started peeing and I had this crazy life revelation that its obviously not nearly as big of a deal as I made it in my head. Funny that it happened the same way for both of us! (btw I met you at west minster when you came to Utah, it was way cool meeting you then!)
I'm in an awkward space between passing at a glance but if you look quite close or if I talk I don't pass so I just avoid public bathrooms altogether
I use the family restroom, but when I walk out by myself people kinda look at me funny. Like they think I left a kid in the restroom, because I leave by myself.
I'll use the women's restroom sometimes which I think is a bit funny because girls kinda look at me funny. I just glance over at them and say, "I'm in here cause my mom won't let me use the mens restroom, so blame her not me." And sometimes they'll laugh, but other times they'll look away awkwardly or even laugh.
Im non binary but im very masc presenting so i can typically pass for a guy when im in public. Ive always used female washrooms my whole life since im ftnb but while i was transitioning i used gender neutral washrooms alot since i had the privilege of having them at my school. But recently ive been more confident using mens restrooms and i dont do much but wash my hands or something like that. But even more recently ive been using the facilities more and honestly it just depends on what kind of washroom you get. Most of them are stalls but if you find one with a full door then go right ahead. I would advise against using those really big public washrooms with a bunch of stalls that you typically see in malls and big areas if you're still getting the hang of using different gendered washrooms though. I've never been publicly harassed or misgendered in a mens washroom before so i dont have much experience on that, but i do agree its safer to go in if you "pass" which is quite sad.
Thanks for the video Chase. This has been a issue that has been plaguing me. I think I will use the female bathroom until I can pass enough. I was nervous about sitting down to pee too but some of these comments have made me feel better about that. I need to learn how to use my EZP though. Thing was so expensive.
i use the women's bathroom because guys at my school are douches and i don't have an STP. i get a lot of weird looks and if someone asks me anything i just raise the pitch of my voice and they think i'm a lesbian, but i don't get beat up, which is fine by me.
This is one of the many, many reasons why I take self defence classes.
I take self defense classes and i still get "caught" by cis assholes
I feel this so much. I have had several bad experiences being harassed in the men's room and threatened. Because of this I've had 2 UTI's this year alone.
As a biol. guy, looking at your picture, I don't think you look male yet. Can you ask to use the nurse' bathroom or if out, gas stationss maybe (single stall)
OH MY GOD I DIED AT THE TOILET PAPER PEEING PART AHAHA
I plan to get a bathroom buddy. I mostly use the women's restroom. What happens is that I will go to a place to change because someone to whom I am not Out will drop me off there, and I will go into the women's restroom, use the loo, take my time changing into the binder and the little cap-thing which I wear when I am Going Male. Clothing, too - it often involves a chance in clothing. And then a person to whom I am Out will pick me up from there. I deliberately choose a place of business at which one can sit down, relax, etc. *and* which has an intentionally LGBTIQ-equal/-affirming practise. In Saginaw, Michigan, one such place is Barnes & Noble. If you don't feel safe there, let an employee know, because they *will* try to address the problem.
I only went into the male bathroom once because I was slightly drunk and didn't give a shit at that moment. There was only one other guy in there and he didn't even look at me so it was fine. But I normally never dare to do that because as you said it's just too dangerous. When I go into women's bathrooms they usually just assume I'm really "butch" or something.
On Valentine's Day I went to the movies and ended up having to pee. I went to the women's and I was dressed very neutral that day but once I came out to wash my hands, all of the girls stopped gossiping after one said "that's a boy". I'm not sure who was more uncomfortable, but I can't use the toilets at the theatre anymore.... I panic thinking it'll happen again.
I use these drops I put in my water it's called rescue remedy. it has helped me alot and it's used for people like me who have extreme anxiety and it's a great alternative to using medication. I'm my opinion.
and I get extremely anxious being in public and using public washrooms.
you could get them at any superstore that would sell vitamins and stuff like that it's costs around $20 but it last for months. I highly recommend.
(also with any kind of self remedy I would recommend reading more about it before using)
I apologize, I posted this on the wrong video. I meant to post it on the male privilege video. Maybe it's better said as a political action, because it's definitely not a rally.
Why isn't it political?
I was walking out of the woman's bathroom once at my old high school and two guys were coming out of the men's and they were all "dude you know that's the woman's right lol why are you using it" and making fun of me so I just went "because I'm a GIRL" and walked away. I avoided school bathrooms from then on. I accidentally passed and still got confronted. Seriously.
Thank you for making this educational and informative video!
Not a bad experience but I was at class camp with my school and we were at this wired historical thing. And I needed the toilet as you do and as I was walking down to the toilet, this guy came up to me and was like “you know that the woman’s bathroom is over there” ( and point in a direction) and I just looked at him and said “what do you mean” and the he was like “this is men’s bathroom” and then I was like “ I know” and then just walked passed Him. But ya the bathroom thing is REALLY shitty and it sucks but one day we will be able to walk into a stall without a second glans. Keep strong people:)
Unfortunately, in my country they still have you do the "real life" test, where you very rarely if at all pass but still has to use the men's room and men's locker rooms. Which I feel is not really safe, but in order to get treatment I need to do it 😕
I'm a cis female and I sometimes go into the men's restroom if there is a line for the women's. No one has yelled at me or assaulted me ❤
I'm a 22 year old trans guy and many people at my school think I'm a cis boy and some of them think I'm a girl (birth name issues). I pass well enough to use the men's room but I'm scared that people are going to see me in there. Same goes for the women's bathroom. Also, I can't come out or change my name. I literally hold my pee for 8-10 hours EVERY SINGLE DAY!! 😫
i seriously dont think men care if you use the bathroom because when i was super girly i used the men's bathroom in a super dressy and formal dress and they didnt even blink an eye. So my advice is use the god damm bathroom that you choose unless the bathroom is in a different change room like at a school or pool.
I usually don't speak in bathrooms and go when I know most of the college is in class and if someone comes in I wait until they leave before I do. :/
At one drive-in movie place my family went to my mom got mad at me because I kept making my friend and sister stand in line and go with me into the family bathroom because I didn't want to use the women's and I DO NOT pass so I couldn't use the men's. I was just fortunate they HAD a family bathroom.
If I have to use the bathroom and there are no gender neutral bathrooms around, I usually take my partner or my close female friends with me into the women's bathrooms. I feel safer that way. I would rather risk getting yelled at then getting into a physical altercation.
I pass really well on all levels except my voice. So whenever I go into the mens room I try not to talk unless absolutely necessary
maybe I'm just lucky but I've never had issues in a bathroom. In Scotland we have a number of laws protecting trans rights and a big lgbt community here. nobody has ever said anything apart from a janitor in a hospital once who innocently thought I was confused about the bathroom and that turned out fine. I'm very lucky because i don't pass at all. i get scared sometimes but luckily have never had an issue.
i've gone to the mens bathdroom since i was 12,started T when i was 17 (2013) most of the times i wait until my friends goes to the bathroom if im out ,even if i pass.
But when i was in magaluf last summer and went to the clubs,there was no locks on the stalls so people could open when u where sitting there so i always said "can i take a poop in peace?!" so they said sorry and closed the door xD
I went to the men's on a camping trip, and felt proud of myself, except it was an outhouse, and there was nobody around, and it was in a national park about three hundred kilometers from civilization. I don't think I'd have the guts to go to the men's in the city - but I really like what you said about the guy who peed sitting down. That gives me a bit more confidence. I'm scared about going back to school in September though and having to deal with that minefield. I use to avoid bathrooms in school, period, but I don't want to do that to my body anymore. So... at the end of this very long comment... does anybody have suggestions for what to do in high school as far as bathrooms go? Is it safe enough, for someone who passes only like 70% of the time?
lol yeah if i really gotta go and there's no gender neutral bathroom i just rush into the women's bathroom, do my business, and leave, because i know i cannot pass. like... i have a .01% chance of passing and i'm not even joking. so i'd rather be questioned by someone than being physically assaulted which is one of my biggest fears if i think about using the men's washroom
omfg I can't believe somebody else besides me uses the napkin trick!
In my experience it's the exact opposite. I have gotten far more abuse in the women's bathroom than the men's. I don't know if it's a cultural difference between USA and UK. But if the situation allows me to use the men's I will and over here, whether it's British awkwardness or not, no-one even acknowledges each other and even if they did it's likely due to British stoicism they won't say anything so I guess I've been lucky in that sense :D However it is awful if I'm with people I'm not out to so I have to go with them into the women's and then I get shouted out for being a 'perverted man'.
As an XY I don't believe most males care if transmen use the men's restroom, as long as you follow common norms. Now locker rooms...that's a different story.
I feel like with me I have some leeway if I feel like I have to use the women's room bc I have PCOS and am not on hormones yet. I'm seen people look at me and try to tell if I'm a boy or a girl and I know that it's because I present masculinely and have a binder, yet I was dfab and look a little "feminine" in the face and hips.
If you feel like you aren't safe in the bathroom of either binary gender take a friend with you. I was in the men's room with my cis friend Jordan and it was great to have someone there in case something went down. I've been out and about with my cis female friends where I'm seriously the male gay (well, bi) friend and they'll sometimes ask what bathroom I'm going to go to. I know that if I feel like I don't pass then I can go into the women's room with my friends.
I just use the bathroom at home or find a port a potty.
They're gross, but hey, nobody stops you.
I am a trans man in an early age so I don't really pass as a man or a woman. People get confused and make comments. If I have my mom or a friend who is a girl, I make them come with me to the bathroom because I am so scared to go on my own. I wish I could use the men's bathroom.