My husband took a $20k pay cut for us to move to his family’s hometown from one of the biggest cities in the US. We were able to afford a larger home bc of the cost of living difference and we are now near most of his family, which has been amazing for our kids to spend time with their grandparents and cousins, extended family holidays and, of course, babysitting. Highly recommend actually doing the math before shutting this idea down.
We obviously don't know each other-but I've been drawn to want to move back towards my family. The downside is they live in the desert of Arizona near the border. My husband and I have landed in beautiful N idaho which is just a dreamland (an expensive one lol) but he finally is in a position where he's appreciated at his job and has climbed the ladder a bit and is making more financially Here than he would be there in Southern AZ and has the prospect of Not enjoying his career possibly if we moved. Would any of these thing sway your husband from moving back to his hometown personally? It a tough decision. Just looking for any advice
Separating the family destroyed family wealth too. Instead of relying on family for daycare, home help, meal help, and the ability to home school, we now have to outsource all those aspects creating more expenses
100% I think it’s weird that we don’t talk about the importance of this, it’s the best way to set your future generations up for success, it shouldn’t be taboo.
This is all well and good until you find yourself with a house full of adult children who can barely take care of themselves and expect you to pitch in on day care, meal prep, etc etc because they have never developed the skills to DO IT THEMSELVES!!!!!
This doesn’t work on my side of the family but on my husbands side of the family we currently live with in laws and are building our house down the street and I honestly love living close to them. It’s nice to have a sense of community and not be isolated somewhere random with my husband and kids.
I would NEVER be able to live anywhere near my own family. They are toxic as heck. They try to tell me everything and every decision I have made for my family was wrong. They hated that I homeschool for years, they hated that I have co slept with all of my kids, they have judged me for everything. They have also expected me to compromise for every situation to the point of constantly taking advantage of me and putting other family members animals before my family and my children. So no. I have no one. My mother in law, she IS A HUGE NARCISSIST. She wants everyone to do everything her way, and if they don't she turns her back on them. She lived in my house and wouldn't stop smoking in MY HOUSE. She blamed us when we told her to stop. She calls little girls whores! I don't even like her around my kids. I just lucked the heck out as being a generational curse breaker for my children, but sadly no other toxic person from other generations want to make any sort of changes or respect my parenting choices. I want a village but not the people I have to choose from 🙅♀️ I would hate for my husband to continue to believe he has to obey mommy. I have had to create a situation where he outs us first and stops constantly worrying about what she wants or thinks for OUR FAMILY.
Im so sorry about your family’s reality, it sounds like keeping your distance is actually best. Reminds me of some Biblical examples, one being Abraham who was called away from his own family by God because of the “toxicity” of his own family. God’s plan for him was to, and He did, create a great nation out of Abraham. Just like you said, you are a generational curse breaker and you and your family can be the beginning of something great 🙂
Not every family is functionally ready for living this way. Plus due to the high rate of internal migration inside the US (1) due to employment reasons etc makes this extremely difficult. Where l live we have numerous neighborhoods that were ethnic enclaves. It was quite common for families to occupy homes with upper and lower flats. The Grandparents on one floor and one of their children and their spouse and children on the other. How this worked with families having multiple adult children I'm not sure. 1) l won't even try and quess as to how the dynamic would work in other modern countries.
Thank you for consistently including single moms in your conversations , I never thought I would be in this Position but we need direction and advice just as much as married couples. ❤❤❤❤❤❤
I heard a real estate podcast that said more families are buying homes together!! This way they can have a home, improve credit, financial freedom, and families coming closer together!!!❤❤❤❤ this is amazing!!!
Alex. This is what I’ve been searching for as a SAHM of 6 with a workaholic husband. I’ve been going crazy. This is a God send! My worldview has been changed once again, but this is a huge one! This is what Americans want desperately, and they don’t even know it. My mind is blown girl 🤯😍
Hispanic families have had this idea and way of living for centuries. We are now just adopting the whole "moving away and being on our own" model, which doesn't really work. Many of the ones that move away, end up moving back close to family. However, we have taken God away from it too much and many problems arise. We need this AND God back in the families.
Don’t need god for this. Asian families do great with multigenerational family units, practicing a non-theistic religion. If god couldn’t help the nuclear family, he ain’t helping any family.
Yeah its definitely click bait. Its also how I found Alex to begin with. Still not sure if I like her that much, but she's got some good commentary. I also think, in general, having a bunch of people in the same roof, even multi generations of the same family, isn't necessarily a good idea. For one thing, houses traditionally have never been that large. I think historically it wasn't so much under one roof, but on the same property or at least nearby. The other problem is butting heads of authority figures. If you're looking at what the Bible says... "For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife, and they shall become one flesh" Literally the Biblical example, before any historical events actually happen, says "a man shall leave his father and mother". That is THE first reference to this in the Bible. Part of this aspect is indeed the authority issue--a man is the authority in his own house. How can he be the authority of his own house while still under his father's roof? The Bible also says "he he does not care for his own is worse than an unbeliever," so it is also true that Christians are to take care of their own families as well. That doesn't mean you can't leave your parents and move far away, as long as you're still supporting them in their time of need when possible. Abraham was literally called by God to move far away from his family. People bring up that he brought Lot with him, but he didn't bring his father and Lot didn't stay with him very long anyway. Literally they started butting heads and split after the fact, backing up my point. So if the "nuclear family" was a/the problem, the Bible actually contradicts this entirely. There are examples of multigenerational households in the Bible, but the actual commands of God back up "nuclear family".
@@jrconway3Not true,the ancient Hebrews often lived in multi family homes similar to how the Chinese did, and even if not I'm not sure we should use the Bible as a key argument for nuclear families when the Bible also says that you can marry your prisoners of war,be allowed to do polygamy,marry your dead brothers wife,take your wives slaves as your own,marry rape victims,and have female slaves marry male ones. Even you say "there From the old testament it doesn't apply" maybe Christians should stop looking at Sodom and gomora and use it as a basis to hate homosexuals as that's not what the story is about,it's about God punishing Sodom and gomora for having its locals mistreat a guess into the city. It was about lack of hospitality in a time where hospitality was a high virtue in those times.
@@jrconway3the men of Sodom were not punished for being homosexual but for being a bad house host. their not necessarily gay as men then and now don't necessarily rape men because they're gay but because it gives them power and emasculate other men similar to men in prison dominating other men. It's like how some Christians believe masterbation was bad because God killed Omar for it,but in context it's actually because Omar didn't want Tamar to get knocked up as the child she would bear would (culturally) not be considered his so he pulled out despite his father telling him to do it. God punished him because he was disobeying his father.
@@jrconway3the men of Sodom were not punished for being homosexual but for being a bad house host. their not necessarily gay as men then and now don't necessarily rape men because they're gay but because it gives them power and emasculate other men similar to men in prison dominating other men. It's like how some Christians believe masterbation was bad because God killed Omar for it,but in context it's actually because Omar didn't want Tamar to get knocked up as the child she would bear would (culturally) not be considered his so he pulled out despite his father telling him to do it. God punished him because he was disobeying his father.
@@beyondborderfilms4352 Good grief. Could you maybe pick a topic and stick to it? You shifted from point to point like a Frenchman switching waltz partners.
I hope your husband reads this book too, and it changes the direction and vision for your family for generations to come. Blessings to you and your husband, Bride. 👰♀️❤
This is so reassuring! I have always felt like a weirdo because I gravitate toward a multi-generational family emphasis. I am much closer to my parents and grandparents and aunts/uncles than I think many of my contemporaries are.
I’m loving all your pregnancy, home birthing, health and hormones, family, parenting, marriage, and BIBLICAL spillovers! Keep them coming sis!!!! I’m 27, married and trying for a family, viewer, supporting you! Thank you! ❤
Before I got married I asked myself, “what kind of man do I want for a husband and am I the kind of woman that kind of man would be happy with?” Now I’m ten years in with five children and a wonderful husband. It’s important to know what is working in your life to try and rip you apart and what is working to keep you together and be intentional with the little decisions you make because they add up quickly. If a snowflake falls on your head you might not even notice it, but if a mountain of snowflakes fell on you then you would be in real trouble.
I LOVED this guest. The major focus on the "nuclear" family and "rugged individualism" is why I hesitate to identify with conservatives, even though I agree with a lot, because I think those things are part of the problem not the solution. We need stronger bonds and to care about our families and community to have a stronger society, and those things are antithetical to that goal. I also 100% agree with what he said about people conflating 1950's values with Biblical values.
Benefits to an enterprise family: Save money on childcare Save time cooking and cleaning as chores are shared Afford more land, opportunities and equipment Home security is easier More stability and love to raise children around More skills central in one place More hands to respond to emergencies More mental health needs met by trusted community, adult friends and people you can count on In case of injury, people are discovered and receive first-aid quicker And so many more benefits. Downsides: you have to learn the neglected skill of humility, letting go of total control and relationship skills that will make the home harmonious. Super-hard for us who've been spoiled, yes. But worth it? YES.
You can’t have this type of family unit unless all aspects of it are in agreement. There is very little room for individual competitive nature and personal suffering when “enterprised” by a family unit. You also can’t expect a family unit to function whole heartedly when any specific function of it is in discordance with the other- which is often the case when you factor in outside variables. This also doesn’t consider completely individual decisions like military service or overseas charity, which cannot be denied its merits. Would someone please debate me on this because it’s a glaring contradiction to this interview that wasn’t well discussed.
@@LoneWulf278 family in its entirety or base meaning is at no fault with individual suffering. I'm asking about things like military service or other long form isometric life choices which would be contradictory to an "enterprise" family.
Same. We don’t have that kind of support or connection from either side. But we hope to make that possible for our children and grandchildren. I just hope and pray that when they grow up they don’t move far away. We are trying to instill in them these kind of values that aren’t common or discussed in the US.
Im a widow and im young so is my son. As soon as my hubby passed his family took us in. I was a sahmwe ate a homeschool family and I thank God for them every day because there support has been invaluable
After living in a toxic family for many years, it honestly is best to live separately. People start gaining control and get annoyed over your habits. You really all have to be on the same page, which is really rare as humans are rarely uncomplicated.
This is something I will always be grateful to my father for. He is 71 years okd and still working. Over his career he has saved and invested in properties. He and my mother had 6 children of which I'm the okdest (and only daughter). He continues to work to make sure all this stays around after he is gone and my brothers and I will continue to pass it down. All the property is held in a trust that we all habe to ahree what to do with. On holidays we all gather at my parents house with our respective families. We all live with basically an hours drive of eachother. I and another of my brothers live 3 miles from them. My mother's parents were immigrants from Eastern Europe and while they did work very hard to realize "tje American Dream" family was very important to them, too. Growing up we spent holidays at my grandparents and playing with all our cousins. There are little cousins in our family now and I absolitely love watching them play and get to have that same experience. While I really didn't like being around ALL those boys growing up, as an adult I absolitely love and appreciate all of them and hope to carry on the traditions.
Alex!!! This was mind blowingly good! I have NEVER heard anyone bring these topics to light in a podcast. Your vision for this podcast is impactful and amazing! God bless your girlie!
Just because being connected with and building community with multigenerational family is so valuable, that doesn’t mean the nuclear family is any less valuable. Both are extremely important. It’s wonderful to build a healthy “team” of a family…. This starts with creating a healthy nuclear family environment and then expands to a healthy extended family relationship. If your nuclear family dynamic is unhealthy, the likelihood of healthy multigenerational situations is low. Working toward a healthy nuclear dynamic has to come first, then the ideal of also having the multigenerational family support is more likely to be successful. I have always felt that family is everything. I would drop most things if family needed me. I love my extended family, but my husband and kids needs will always come first.
I disagree. If both mother and father came from bigger multi generational families then the nuclear family they create would be a healthy extension of the families they both came from.
It really just depends, and there is no one size fits all solution. I live with my wife, son, and two cats. It's a wonderful situation. Extended family is a mixed bag on both sides, so we maintain some distance. I think we just prefer a smaller, tight-knit family structure. Less chaos. Much easier to manage.
Haven't listened yet but I SCREAMED when I saw this pop up! You have been nailing these podcasts themes and guests, I always listen when I take my toddler on an afternoon stroller walk. So informative and inspiring!
I’m so glad you interviewed Jeff. I remember him when he did spoken word on TH-cam and then Disappeared. It’s so nice to know that he continued with God and is living a purposeful life. He has matured so well. This is one of your best interviews yet.
This was an amazing episode!! I am a 1st generation American, my grandmother lived in a multigenerational home. She's told us a number of stories of how beneficial it was growing up even though the family might not have had much they lived a rich life. Also a huge change was knowledge, people knew family history. And Family Values were much stronger. Look at the current structure we have in today's America. Everyone is separated, no one has any respect. There is no Family values. And we wonder why we have such a huge problem with the Culture war.
The Bible says that a man should leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife. I don’t think all living together is the answer but staying close relationship wise is good.
100% and there are so many mil issues these days that I just don’t understand. How do you cleave to your wife and keep your family as your nucleus without disrespecting your wife?! My pastor always says when you get married you’re not becoming a part of their family you’re creating your own new family. You have a new immediate family, and everyone else is extended.
I’m very thrown by this. I’m only twenty minutes in but I’m already confused on which web I would be in? My husbands family, my family.. should I really be in a web with toxic individuals and exactly what does this “web” mean. How much are we to be involved with each individual. Is he saying they should be part of our decision making process lol I have so many questions.
Really facinating episode. I do want to point out there are differences between what kind of family multi generational living works with... be very careful considering who you choose because unhealthy company creates misery. I come from a huge family, everyone is independent but family oriented. Zero codependency. We have several reunions a year, sometimes 1x a month, but no expectations. Our recent family picture was 40 people, and then shots of each family branch. We love living close by each other, and are always ready to help, but also are just as happy to let each "nucular" family unit live their own lives. Its not suffocating, we genuinely enjoy one anothers company (also a blessing that all family are devout Christians) and are involved in one anothers lives. My inlaws though... when I was dating my husband (not even married) my now mother-in-law took us out to lunch and showed us blueprints and an entire spill over how it was her "dream" for both sons to build homes on her 2 acre property to be with her forever. It felt very... suffocating to have that kind of expecation. Well, her dream only half came true, and my brother in law & wife are semi-misrable living immediately adjacent to his mother. Her emotional neediness is misrable to deal with. Sure, they got "free" child care, a mostly free house, a great neighborhood, ect. But my mother-in-law literally owns them. They described it as being trapped on a boat together, and they have to be careful not to rock the boat. After 1 year, My poor sister in law had to go through extensive therapy, and could hardly bare being in the same room as MIL. We've come to realize MIL is highly anxious about everything her 2 sons are doing, and very co- dependent, needy, and lonely. She also is a constant liar, and when caught, she gaslights and cries herself out of trouble. She wants all the time and attention she can possibly have, and it's never enough. My husband I had to have a boundaries discussion with her texting every day, multiple times a day, calling non-stop, guilt-trips, emotional abuse & shaming of her son when she didn't see him when she wanted. Early marriage, we took 8 hour round trip 2-3x a month to visit her, and it was beyond exhausting travel. Then we came to realize, she wanted to be "emeshed" into every aspect of our lives, because her sons were her "idols". It was unbelievably smothering, and my poor inlaws are trapped living next to her and forever locked into the arrangement. My point is, make sure the multi generational family you choose to live by is relatively healthy (but no one is perfect) and doesn't drive you insane. Being trapped with someone unhealthy invites resentment and misery.
...YIKES! That is SO wild! May I ask, what is your mother-in-law's situation? Long time widow? If so, have any of you tried matchmaking for her? Maybe focusing on herself and somebody else will ease things up for you all?
@@marlonmoncrieffe0728 I wish, that would be much easier! It was a divorce about 8 years ago. She's cast a grand story of how monstrous and secretly horrible her exhusband was, and she was a victim to a divorce when she wanted him to go to counseling, ect ect. Gosh... there's so much to say... We did set her up an online dating profile, about 4 years ago. She has been on around 30+ dates since, and she just keeps saying she won't compromise on her "standards". One guy got very serious about her, and he was weathly, but couldn't leave Texas. She broke it off because she said "I cant leave my sons in another state" (who are all grown adults with wives, but no grandkids at the time). At the time, I tried telling her a good marriage would make her immensely happier/healthier than her sons could, & provide for her, and she stared at me like I had said the moon was cheese. Some context: About 2 years ago, my husband found solid evidence that she had lied in order to turn her sons to her side. Her ex never abused her, period. But any tiny story she could blow up about anything remotely wrong he had done, was exaggerated beyond the actual senario. In reality, They actually had mutually agreed on a divorce. She got everything, and $8k a month from him (even when her sons were moved out), and ended up with just under 1million. But she's only ever pretended to be finacially destitute to her sons and sucked all the pity from anyone who has listen. She could have gone back to work a decade ago, (even when her sons went off to college she refused to work) but when asked about it "I just didn't want to" was her response! Mind blown. Recently, we made her to start attending a local senior center make relationships. Plenty of people love her, and she's very charming. So it's not like people ostracized her. We think she couldn't handle her "perfect life" being shattered or the title of "divorced woman". So she completely slandered him every opportunity possible, to the point my spouce had to ask her to stop talking about dad... whereas his dad never said one negative word about her. He was nothing but polite to her, and repeatedly offered peace between them. For example, she convinced her other daughter inlaw he "could be" a pedophile (zero indications!!) and now they barely let him see his grandkids, he's not invited to any of their life events. MIL put in the agreement that if her sons moved onto her land/house, their dad wouldn't be allowed on the land to visit because "she didn't feel safe". But he's never had any abusive, or even verbally aggressive, towards her after the divorce. It's super cruel, because he was never a bad, abusive, or even absent dad to his sons! It's 100% only on the basis on what their mom said about him
@@shoshanas5251 to be fair, I think I'd still take MIL over Jezebel haha!! At least MIL is a practicing Christian and does have plenty of positive notes when she's not operating out of anxiety and codependency.
Humans evolved in densely populated tribal settings, I’ve delineated the importance of this in the past on multiple occasions and how we ought to reconcile ancestral ways to modern living. I don’t know if I’d go as far as to claim the “nuclear family is cancer” that’s an absurdly oversimplified notion but controversially, it should be scrutinized. Needless to say, intergenerational trauma can too exist in multigenerational families although considering one has an adequate amount of moderating attachment influences it’ll serve as a bulwark against psychic damage. I’d argue that “individualism” (a rather vague & indefinite notion indeed) is a double edged sword - (does it really exist anyhow?) and economics, whilst influencing the social and cultural fabric of society, isn’t as much a primary factor in the social health of the population as is often espoused.
How does every episode just continuously get better and better?! I think I have a favorite episode, and then another one comes out, and it’s my new favorite!!!😍 This is good, and so important!!!
Also I wanna add, I want my children to feel respected by me when they grow up, and know I'm there for them. And we have acreage for them to put houses on so they can stay here as long as they want to. But I will not insert my opinions into their life, when they are making decisions for their own families and it's not causing harm to their children or their family. I want to respect my adult children and support them.
Amazing episode! I assigned “family homework” to my mom and sister this morning and we met up for lunch to discuss this today! 💗 such a great conversation piece for families at any stage in life!
The success of multigenerational families completely depends upon the character of the individuals in those families... for an example of multigenerational gone very wrong, look at the Avery clan from Manitowoc, WI. It is far more important for family members to prioritize morality and serving God, then living near each other is extra gravy and not a curse that it could otherwise become.
Totally agree! The multi generational family’s in a lot of Asian households is super toxic and authoritarian too, and they’re only multigenerational due to it being expected or else. Speaking from experience as someone who married into one. 😬
We were forced to briefly move in with in law's when we sold our home in Seattle to move to Montana. It was just supposed to be a transition phase. We all loved it so much that they decided to move to Montana, too, and now they live right by us. Our cousins are a mile away, too. So, we are not all in the same house but really really close and it is a game changer. Not only do we have support for childcare and housework but we can help them and we all share resources like food, tractors, cars, and more as needed. It is such a blessing that i can't imagine doing life differently. Since then, we've had life changing medical events that would have crushed us had we not had family support very close by. God certainly ordained is to so life together. Never again will I intentionally move away from family.
I have done both with my family (my Mother and Father) and (my husband's Mother and Father) then living with (my son and daughter in law). The Mother and Father with children on our own home (Nuclear Family) was when we were the happiest out of all of these choices
I should add that right now we are on a piece of land that all my kids and their spouses live on but separate houses which I think is perfect, we get to have our own space and they have their own space but close enough to be a help for each other.
Yeah I can’t get behind the living all in one house thing. You need to be able to have autonomy in your own place, but I think all having a house on one plot of land is a great thing.
Separate homes on one plot sounds amazingly ideal. I also think it can work nicely if there’s a home with an apartment. The biggest key is that boundaries are set otherwise there can be issues being close. It’s definitely harder to maintain good boundaries if you’re sharing the main living space, which I think is why it’s so difficult when family just moves in.
Staying close to extended family may be good but being all under one roof would not be. A lot of grandparents, when under the same roof as their kids and grandkids, would try to abducate some of the parent's responsibility and authority for themselves. This could get toxic and confusing for the children quick and just become a huge headache. God makes it clear in the Bible that the nuclear family IS the most important. We are responsible for our children and teaching them our values, no one else. Can grandparents have an influence? Yes, it is good for them to if they are good people with good values. But not everyone is so lucky to have Godly parents and in-laws they might want around their children 24/7. Calling the nuclear family cancer is certainly not a biblical stance. This is just clickbait and a recipe for problems.
I agree wholeheartedly. How can parents with grown children ever truly step into the grandparent role if they live with their grown children? Family units need their own roofs under which to live. Children deserve their grandparents close by, but do they really need to live with them *and* their parents?
He never said live under the same roof. His inlaws live in a separate house but on the same land property. The point is to _do_ family with multiple generations. Live _near_ others and help each other out. For some families that means in the same house, others on the same property, others that same neighborhood, or city. Extended family isn't just grandparents, its aunts, uncles, cousins, chosen family via church or friends.
He points out that it is wise to be near family members if you can be verses not being around anyone. Yes, for those of us who have unhelpful families, his advice is irrelevant. But if we do have family that loves God and values family, why wouldn't we want to work together and be prosperous? It just makes sense to me. Allie Stuckey is a great example of someone who is married with three kids and receives help from both her parents and in-laws. That is super ideal in my humble opinion. I wish I had that. I would take that over this pay for every service a la carte deal/ isolation camp struggle any day!
Amen! It makes things really confusing in the marriage and for the children if extended family are enmeshed. Families are primarily parents and their children, not a whole circus menagerie of extended family members. Parents are responsible for raising their own children. The idea of the "village" raising children for parents is a f3minist lie. Genesis 2:24 KJV - Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. Ephesians 5:23 KJV - For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Colossians 3:20 KJV - Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. Proverbs 1:8 KJV - My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother:
Love this conversation. Family is so important and realizing the value in our older generations is huge. Thanks for a great interview Alex super interesting!
I have been WAITING for you to interview Jefferson Bethke. I have read all his books and watched the majority of his TH-cam content since I was in college a decade ago. Everything he endorses has been such solid quality life advice. He is currently working with Pastor Jon Tyson on _The Primal Path_ and _The Intentional Father._ It has been profound. I'm so excited for more families to learn about his _Family Team_ ministry, that has been the biggest shaper of our family vision.
This is what I’ve been feeling for a while. However, my blood family is not healthy to be around but I really like how it doesn’t have to be blood! That’s how it should be!! One of the best episodes I’ve had yet!
Problems with this - the so called nuclear family is still the basic unit God has for us in the Bible. Children obey your parents in the Lord - the guidance laid out for parents and deference required for parents in the Bible is clearly present - not to extended family. Abraham left his family to follow God to a land he knew not. Joseph and Mary left their families to go to Bethlehem, to go to Egypt. It’s not appropriate, compelling, or biblical to call that cancer. It’s great if you have support from nearby family. But the whole title analogy needs major work. That phrasing is clearly for clicks, not edification. Parents cannot abdicate their biblical parental responsibilities, not even to grandparents, aunts & uncles, etc. They can and should include them to the the level those family members are capable and responsible to biblical ideals. Additionally - church family is sometimes more important than blood family, we can mother and father and be mothered and fathered in the church, we are clearly commanded to be part of the body of Christ and fellowship regularly.
I was thinking the exact same thing! Jesus also calls us as believers to leave your mother and father for his sake! I wasn't really a fan of him alluding to the point that "family" defines the individual. In the Christian world view, Jesus defines the individual. I loved the examples you stated- Abraham, Joseph and Mary- even Isaac took Rebecca away from her family to begin a new one! And, girl, you're right! Sometimes(many times) God calls us away from what we know, from what is familiar. I was beginning to think I was crazy lol I'm glad another christian has this viewpoint ❤
100% as a Christian women totally agree with this. Think the comment sections is very telling and although we can get some good stuff from podcasts like this, just goes to show you that without Jesus at the centre of our lives we go off track fast even if you have so called “conservative values”.
@Lorraine_Pagan_Parks I get your point, but I think you might be missing something about your examples, especially the OT ones. These people were the seed of a nation, who despite its size, still understood itself as a single family, but with divisions into tribes and clans. Even though Mary and Joseph had to move, keep in mind how they are first introduced in Matthew through the genealogy, as well as why he has to go to Bethlehem to begin with (hint: it actually wasn't too leave his family, but return to it for census purposes). In addition, keep in mind in Luke what Mary did after she heard she was pregnant: visit her cousin Elizabeth, presumably to help her out in her late stage pregnancy as well. The old covenant itself was a literal encoding of Israel as the family of God. So even though the nuclear family is your basic unit, family dynamics aren't meant to merely be nuclear, but to build up in complexity. Even the term "nuclear " implies this; our world isn't just made out of nuclei isolated from each other, but rather from the interactions of the atoms forming molecular bonds that make up the material world. In the meantime you still view cousins as brothers and sisters, while giving us a plurality of mentors to look up to, even though mom and dad are supposed to be our primary educators and providers. This is also true of the Church. If the Church is ratified through the new covenant, then we ought to be seeing our family is far larger than just our parents, siblings, and children when we talk about family. This is why Paul refers to fellow Christians as brothers and sisters in Christ, and compares himself and other presbyters/ elders to fathers in the faith for the church members.
I feel like Alex and I would be best friends and have super long chats about all the same people and references because in this season you've literally invited so many people that I've been following for years and that I feel that were so underestimated. Jefferson Bethke is one of them! But also all the others, like great christian content on family, kids, life, with a great interviewer! Loving it!
There is really something that broke when it came to boomer women. Maybe feminism?. Not all, my mom, a boomer, is great. My MIL is the most selfish, boring, and judgmental person. She has said she didn’t want to breast feed because she just wanted things to go back to normal, adopting kids is bad because they have issues, her actions show she doesn’t give a crap about her son and that he was a inconvenience to her life. My FIL let us stay at their house while we were building ours and she was mad the whole time because we disrupted her routine. She will literally just stare at us if we aren’t carrying the conversation. All she doesn’t is complain about anything and everything. She never wants to do anything with me because everything is too much work. Keeping a family heirloom that was brought over generations ago, too much work. Learning how to cook or bake something new, too much work…I would still try to let her stay with us when she is old but she really has no wisdom like say my grandparents or FIL has. It’s super depressing.
Thank you for talking about this Alex. I really woke up to this idea that we need our extended family when i had my son. Its so hard doing it alone. I felt awful for struggling to be home alone all day with my 1 year old son. We have family about 45 minutes away and that is great. We get together about 1 time a week, but i need help daily. I need human connection daily. Coming to this realization has made me feel less broken as if something is wrong with me. At this point i know the road will be tough because im not living the ideal way, but i hope to make that change for my son and hisnown family should he choose to have one.
I hear you. Seeing my baby react to family when we do get to visit is really special. Even having someone else hold her for a bit feels like a ‘break’ and I don’t need to be in a different room, it’s fun to watch her.
@@rach9466 so much changes when we are with family. He plays so well independently, and when his cousins are around, they have fun entertaining him. There is usually lots of laughter and fun. All the actions really makes him tired, so bed time is easy. So much about it that makes it easier. I just ordered a book on multigenerational living called all in the family by john graham. Its about multigenerational family logistics. I cant wait to read it!
As I'm listening to this video (without watching it) I'm thinking...why is his voice so familiar to me?? Love his video he put out years ago "why I hate religion, but love Jesus." Glad to see that he is still on fire for The Lord
Having been a caregiver I met so many selfish and openly cruel elderly people... and a very few I wish would adopt me. And I think they're often too old to learn new tricks, but a few learned and got better after I threatened to quit or stood up for myself. It's a lot of work, though - be prepared!
The cure is Jesus, plain and simple. Nothing is going to save us outside of His atoning work on the cross. Our idolizing anything outside of Christ is sin. If we look to our family to save us or fix the world, we've lost the plot.
I love that he mentioned Gabor Mate! 👏 Gabor Mate and Gordon Neufeld wrote a book together called “Hold On to Your Kids” which is a must read for anyone interested in the topic of family. Please interview Gabor Mate or Gordon Neufeld next, their research in “Hold On to Your Kids” is life changing information.
Multigenerational living is a huge part of why my Dada quit Hinduism and embraced Christianity. It’s also a big part of why he came to America. Multigenerational living has some real downsides.
*Read his book and listen to his podcast.* PODCAST TITLES 🔸️ Family Teams 🔸️ Intentional Family 🔸️ Five Minute Fatherhood BOOK TITLES 🔹️ Take Back Your Family 🔹️ The Intentional Father: A Practical Guide to Raise Sons of Courage and Character 🔹️ Family Revision: How Ancient Wisdom Can Heal the Modern Family
Love what they’re pointing out that both the husband and wife are invested both in the home and in the work. On the flip side of him discussing dads being involved at home, my husband tells me almost every day about his challenges at work, we discuss it all, and I give him all my ideas and suggestions many of which he has used. I’ve even read a negotiation book and gave him my spark notes version to help him prepare for asking for raises.
You almost got me with the title, but yes you are 100% correct on this. Especially in harder economic times. When the family unit is together, they can weather the harshest storms. The nuclear family is indeed far more stable than the current norm of single parent situations(as if that can really be helped much). However, I’ve got friends of both Indian and Mexican decent and they are both in multigenerational homes. I’ve seen how much it has benefited each generation in their respective home. The grandparents would watch the youngest ones while the parents were out working, the kids had the freedom to really focus on what they wanted to do in life and always had a guardian figure around no matter the situation. When my friends grew up, they were able to go to college for undergrad and even graduate school because they weren’t paying rent. This is something neither parents or their grandparents were able to do when they were younger. They are all just contributing to the family and thriving because of this. I’m not trying to idealize it, but I clearly see the real benefits to multigenerational households.
My parents never lived near their families when I was growing up. Mainly due to abuse. So it's not a good option for everyone to stay around their family of origin when married. Also it's biblical to leave and cleave.
@@Allatonce3 If something contradicts your preconceived notions of a subject, its always being taken "out of context" by those who disagree with your argument.
I am only 9 minutes and already he has dropped so many mins blowing truth bombs. My husband and I talk about this topic all the time and I’m so jazzed to hear him articulate these ideas!
My wife's family had that in a little mountain town 120 years ago. Everybody is cousins, they all live together and go to the same Church. So why did that break up? Some people moved to America and some stayed home.
Before this begins I saw Jeff back when MySpace was I'm and FB just blow up. All the teens where going googgoo gaagaa for him. Lol I still follow for his prophetic words of wisdom and his beautiful family. Let's Gooooo Jeff!
Grandparents, parents and children should all live in roughly the same place or area. Grandparents should be able to provide guidance to the next generation, and that same next generation ought to have the option to bond with their aunts, uncles and cousins, as well as that, siblings and grandparents should collaborate to raise these kids because we all know it takes a village. And that means everyone who can contribute contributes. This allows children to draw wisdom from a broad and diverse family structure while also providing opportunities to correct potentially bad advice or behavior reinforcements they may be subject to, and ensures a broader safety net for all of said children. Traditional family structures like these have been upended by over-glamorized suburbs nuclear families in this age of hellish suburban consumerism. We can do better than that. Traditional multigenerational family structures were the past and they should be the future. We can make them the future, we just gotta be able to cut through the noise and the cacophony of spew that we see in modern media ideology. Small families are way less well-off, especially in the long term. And anti-family people are just generally worse. Communitarian values are the superior values. I'm not a conservative, so I've just come here from a window, but traditional family structures are embraced on the pro-family left and the pro-family right. It just so happens that there are a lot of people who don't recognize the staggering importance of family. If people can unify regardless of political camp on behalf of the family, we can get a lot done. Although, yes, the economy needs to be altered so that a family can survive on one wage.
The title is thought provoking, but don't get discouraged by it. Alex has done it again!😆 This episode is 🔥 every single person needs to listen to it. It will change your perspective about the nuclear family for the better. So much of what is discussed I've considered with our family and has encouraged us to make big moves.
Wow so true about the kids attaching to peers. Have everyone in the family attach to Christ! That’s the best mission everyone can get onboard with and it’s a safe mission!
I don’t wanna live in the same city. My family wants to live in. I also don’t want to live in the same house as a shit ton of people. I need my space I’d rather get rich with help, but ultimately be earned by myself
@@Ash_Queen16 my family’s good i love them but I don’t wanna be around my extended family all the effing time I love my space I feel claustrophobic if there’s more than five people in my house at all times, i live with my parents & my only sibling & but if i had kids I can’t have that many people in my house visits are fine but after like a day or two that’s all at the same time the house I want I wanted to be more than 10,000 ft.² with like 20 to 30 feet high ceilings and two floors, maybe three with a driveway that will take me around three minutes to drive up and a backyard that will take me around five minutes to get from once at the same with my front yard
Hands down my favorite spillover episode ever. Also, I’m an OG and I absolutely love seeing how much you have grown in your faith the path couple years. ❤❤❤
Yeah this only works when all sides love and work together harmoniously. Both my parents and my husbands have severe mental health issues and I do not wish my children to see or be around. I wish I had help. They are just really not well. One is emotionally abusive another is a pedophile another is financially irresponsible and drained our resources and another is danger to themselves and those around them. We can’t and refuse to have a multigenerational house with our parents. Our kids can stay in our house for as long as they need or want/wish. We bought a big home for them to feel comfortable. But the parents are a no go.
This is kind of a tough idea for me, because my _personality_ is _very_ independent and individualistic. But this podcast has come along at the perfect time, because I've recently been feeling like the way families used to live in multi-generational households, looks so beautiful. My parents are moving to the same state and city as my husband and I, and while they were saying "well, we're trying to make sure we give you enough space, so we were looking at houses about 30 minutes away", and my husband and I said "NO! Move next door to us! We'd love you in the same neighborhood! We want to be in your lives, and you in ours!" Hopefully we get that!
What a though provoking podcast episode. Loved it! Such a great interview Alex. I had to listen at .75 speed because you two were on fire! I’ve enjoyed your content for the past few years, but you have taken it to another level this past year. Thank you for asking ALL the questions. Well done! 🎉
'How does this effect 7 generations from me?" WOW I stopped what I was doing, paused the video, and sat with that for a while. The M&M's I was eating suddenly didn't sound so good, as I definitely don't want my future kids consuming all the dyes and seed oils!! Sent this to my boyfriend and said "THIS is how I want to raise a family." AMAZING episode. Buying the book ASAP!
Part of me is resistant to this idea because I come from such a terribly dysfunctional family wrought with abuse and criminality. However, I do see the value in this for families that aren’t so toxic. I would love to provide this for my nuclear family, and maybe we can with our homeschool community and church community when we move to our new town soon. I hope so.
So many families split physically but also emotionally. If we had to live in close proximity, we would actually have to communicate and sort out our minor issues.
There are so many ways in which are world is toxic... I have so many examples that I keep expressing to people but nobody really wants to listen. We were meant to live multigenerationally, in the sunshine, running everyday, eating naturally- and then we would be happy.
Funny this is the topic for this week. My husband and I just decided a couple of weeks ago to put our house on the market to move closer to family. We are currently only 30 minutes away but we still don't get to see them enough. Now we will be just down the street from both of my sisters and 15 minutes from my parents. All of the cousins will go to the same schools. We are really excited about that.
Wow, really enjoyed this interview. Been following Jeff since him and Alyssa were just dating. Haven’t read his book yet so definitely will put it on the immediate list 👏🏽
My husband took a $20k pay cut for us to move to his family’s hometown from one of the biggest cities in the US. We were able to afford a larger home bc of the cost of living difference and we are now near most of his family, which has been amazing for our kids to spend time with their grandparents and cousins, extended family holidays and, of course, babysitting. Highly recommend actually doing the math before shutting this idea down.
We obviously don't know each other-but I've been drawn to want to move back towards my family. The downside is they live in the desert of Arizona near the border. My husband and I have landed in beautiful N idaho which is just a dreamland (an expensive one lol) but he finally is in a position where he's appreciated at his job and has climbed the ladder a bit and is making more financially Here than he would be there in Southern AZ and has the prospect of Not enjoying his career possibly if we moved.
Would any of these thing sway your husband from moving back to his hometown personally?
It a tough decision. Just looking for any advice
Slaves dont have finances even when marketed as citizens (not that you werent [marketing] there).
Sadly my family is awful to me. I don't think i want my future kids around them at all. I'd rather take my chances with the in laws.
Big cities are the real cancer
@@friendlyneighborhoodspider3962I feel that bro.
Separating the family destroyed family wealth too. Instead of relying on family for daycare, home help, meal help, and the ability to home school, we now have to outsource all those aspects creating more expenses
Or to take it all on yourself and wonder why even with appliances you can't seem to move beyond your home!
100% I think it’s weird that we don’t talk about the importance of this, it’s the best way to set your future generations up for success, it shouldn’t be taboo.
Ah, you make a good point!
But I think a strong church community can also, if not exactly, replicate such needs that an extended family can provide.
Not being around human slaves destroys wealth or whats marketed as wealth?
This is all well and good until you find yourself with a house full of adult children who can barely take care of themselves and expect you to pitch in on day care, meal prep, etc etc because they have never developed the skills to DO IT THEMSELVES!!!!!
This doesn’t work on my side of the family but on my husbands side of the family we currently live with in laws and are building our house down the street and I honestly love living close to them. It’s nice to have a sense of community and not be isolated somewhere random with my husband and kids.
I would NEVER be able to live anywhere near my own family. They are toxic as heck. They try to tell me everything and every decision I have made for my family was wrong. They hated that I homeschool for years, they hated that I have co slept with all of my kids, they have judged me for everything. They have also expected me to compromise for every situation to the point of constantly taking advantage of me and putting other family members animals before my family and my children. So no. I have no one. My mother in law, she IS A HUGE NARCISSIST. She wants everyone to do everything her way, and if they don't she turns her back on them. She lived in my house and wouldn't stop smoking in MY HOUSE. She blamed us when we told her to stop. She calls little girls whores! I don't even like her around my kids. I just lucked the heck out as being a generational curse breaker for my children, but sadly no other toxic person from other generations want to make any sort of changes or respect my parenting choices. I want a village but not the people I have to choose from 🙅♀️ I would hate for my husband to continue to believe he has to obey mommy. I have had to create a situation where he outs us first and stops constantly worrying about what she wants or thinks for OUR FAMILY.
Im so sorry about your family’s reality, it sounds like keeping your distance is actually best. Reminds me of some Biblical examples, one being Abraham who was called away from his own family by God because of the “toxicity” of his own family. God’s plan for him was to, and He did, create a great nation out of Abraham. Just like you said, you are a generational curse breaker and you and your family can be the beginning of something great 🙂
Not every family is functionally ready for living this way. Plus due to the high rate of internal migration inside the US (1) due to employment reasons etc makes this extremely difficult. Where l live we have numerous neighborhoods that were ethnic enclaves. It was quite common for families to occupy homes with upper and lower flats. The Grandparents on one floor and one of their children and their spouse and children on the other. How this worked with families having multiple adult children I'm not sure.
1) l won't even try and quess as to how the dynamic would work in other modern countries.
Thank you for consistently including single moms in your conversations , I never thought I would be in this Position but we need direction and advice just as much as married couples.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
I heard a real estate podcast that said more families are buying homes together!! This way they can have a home, improve credit, financial freedom, and families coming closer together!!!❤❤❤❤ this is amazing!!!
I mean it will likely end in infidelity but then most men cheat anyway so… I guess.
Alex. This is what I’ve been searching for as a SAHM of 6 with a workaholic husband. I’ve been going crazy. This is a God send! My worldview has been changed once again, but this is a huge one! This is what Americans want desperately, and they don’t even know it. My mind is blown girl 🤯😍
@beastbombshell3589 He’s both.
@Kwildcat13There's a reason the intelligent people have less children, and the 90 IQ men and women have excessive amounts of children.
SAHM??
@@daystar4058 Stay At Home Mother
Hispanic families have had this idea and way of living for centuries. We are now just adopting the whole "moving away and being on our own" model, which doesn't really work. Many of the ones that move away, end up moving back close to family. However, we have taken God away from it too much and many problems arise. We need this AND God back in the families.
This is very true!
How does that not continue human slavery?
As long as everyone understands their role and boundaries.That usually isnt the case. There needs to be a balance. GENESIS 31:29
Don’t need god for this. Asian families do great with multigenerational family units, practicing a non-theistic religion. If god couldn’t help the nuclear family, he ain’t helping any family.
@@bunk95
"Freedom" is a spook.
Calling the nuclear family a cancer is next level click bait 😂 Jesus.
Yeah its definitely click bait. Its also how I found Alex to begin with. Still not sure if I like her that much, but she's got some good commentary.
I also think, in general, having a bunch of people in the same roof, even multi generations of the same family, isn't necessarily a good idea. For one thing, houses traditionally have never been that large. I think historically it wasn't so much under one roof, but on the same property or at least nearby.
The other problem is butting heads of authority figures.
If you're looking at what the Bible says...
"For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife, and they shall become one flesh"
Literally the Biblical example, before any historical events actually happen, says "a man shall leave his father and mother". That is THE first reference to this in the Bible. Part of this aspect is indeed the authority issue--a man is the authority in his own house. How can he be the authority of his own house while still under his father's roof?
The Bible also says "he he does not care for his own is worse than an unbeliever," so it is also true that Christians are to take care of their own families as well. That doesn't mean you can't leave your parents and move far away, as long as you're still supporting them in their time of need when possible.
Abraham was literally called by God to move far away from his family. People bring up that he brought Lot with him, but he didn't bring his father and Lot didn't stay with him very long anyway. Literally they started butting heads and split after the fact, backing up my point.
So if the "nuclear family" was a/the problem, the Bible actually contradicts this entirely. There are examples of multigenerational households in the Bible, but the actual commands of God back up "nuclear family".
@@jrconway3Not true,the ancient Hebrews often lived in multi family homes similar to how the Chinese did, and even if not I'm not sure we should use the Bible as a key argument for nuclear families when the Bible also says that you can marry your prisoners of war,be allowed to do polygamy,marry your dead brothers wife,take your wives slaves as your own,marry rape victims,and have female slaves marry male ones. Even you say "there From the old testament it doesn't apply" maybe Christians should stop looking at Sodom and gomora and use it as a basis to hate homosexuals as that's not what the story is about,it's about God punishing Sodom and gomora for having its locals mistreat a guess into the city. It was about lack of hospitality in a time where hospitality was a high virtue in those times.
@@jrconway3the men of Sodom were not punished for being homosexual but for being a bad house host. their not necessarily gay as men then and now don't necessarily rape men because they're gay but because it gives them power and emasculate other men similar to men in prison dominating other men. It's like how some Christians believe masterbation was bad because God killed Omar for it,but in context it's actually because Omar didn't want Tamar to get knocked up as the child she would bear would (culturally) not be considered his so he pulled out despite his father telling him to do it. God punished him because he was disobeying his father.
@@jrconway3the men of Sodom were not punished for being homosexual but for being a bad house host. their not necessarily gay as men then and now don't necessarily rape men because they're gay but because it gives them power and emasculate other men similar to men in prison dominating other men. It's like how some Christians believe masterbation was bad because God killed Omar for it,but in context it's actually because Omar didn't want Tamar to get knocked up as the child she would bear would (culturally) not be considered his so he pulled out despite his father telling him to do it. God punished him because he was disobeying his father.
@@beyondborderfilms4352 Good grief. Could you maybe pick a topic and stick to it? You shifted from point to point like a Frenchman switching waltz partners.
I am getting married this afternoon. I love that I got to start my day with this episode. I am so glad we are talking about this.
Happy Wedding Day! God Bless You Both!
Congratulations and God bless
Beautiful way to start the wedding day, congrats and God bless! ❤
I hope your husband reads this book too, and it changes the direction and vision for your family for generations to come. Blessings to you and your husband, Bride. 👰♀️❤
Thank you all for your well wishes.
Fortunately my family and fiancé’s family dream about living in our own community together. I love having everyone close
This is so reassuring! I have always felt like a weirdo because I gravitate toward a multi-generational family emphasis. I am much closer to my parents and grandparents and aunts/uncles than I think many of my contemporaries are.
Do NOT take that for granted!
I’m loving all your pregnancy, home birthing, health and hormones, family, parenting, marriage, and BIBLICAL spillovers! Keep them coming sis!!!!
I’m 27, married and trying for a family, viewer, supporting you! Thank you! ❤
Good luck to you!
SAAAMEEEE
You'll regret it ✨ (my mom and grandma both did ☺️)
Before I got married I asked myself, “what kind of man do I want for a husband and am I the kind of woman that kind of man would be happy with?”
Now I’m ten years in with five children and a wonderful husband. It’s important to know what is working in your life to try and rip you apart and what is working to keep you together and be intentional with the little decisions you make because they add up quickly. If a snowflake falls on your head you might not even notice it, but if a mountain of snowflakes fell on you then you would be in real trouble.
I LOVED this guest. The major focus on the "nuclear" family and "rugged individualism" is why I hesitate to identify with conservatives, even though I agree with a lot, because I think those things are part of the problem not the solution. We need stronger bonds and to care about our families and community to have a stronger society, and those things are antithetical to that goal. I also 100% agree with what he said about people conflating 1950's values with Biblical values.
Benefits to an enterprise family:
Save money on childcare
Save time cooking and cleaning as chores are shared
Afford more land, opportunities and equipment
Home security is easier
More stability and love to raise children around
More skills central in one place
More hands to respond to emergencies
More mental health needs met by trusted community, adult friends and people you can count on
In case of injury, people are discovered and receive first-aid quicker
And so many more benefits.
Downsides: you have to learn the neglected skill of humility, letting go of total control and relationship skills that will make the home harmonious. Super-hard for us who've been spoiled, yes. But worth it? YES.
EXACTLY.
You can’t have this type of family unit unless all aspects of it are in agreement. There is very little room for individual competitive nature and personal suffering when “enterprised” by a family unit. You also can’t expect a family unit to function whole heartedly when any specific function of it is in discordance with the other- which is often the case when you factor in outside variables. This also doesn’t consider completely individual decisions like military service or overseas charity, which cannot be denied its merits. Would someone please debate me on this because it’s a glaring contradiction to this interview that wasn’t well discussed.
@@VenturaHighwayman To be clear, is your argument that family is not compatible with individuality?
@@LoneWulf278 family in its entirety or base meaning is at no fault with individual suffering. I'm asking about things like military service or other long form isometric life choices which would be contradictory to an "enterprise" family.
@@VenturaHighwayman Ooh, I think I see what you’re saying.
I’ve been thinking about this too and it makes so much sense. We will be creating a multigenerational family for our own. ♥️
Same. We don’t have that kind of support or connection from either side. But we hope to make that possible for our children and grandchildren. I just hope and pray that when they grow up they don’t move far away. We are trying to instill in them these kind of values that aren’t common or discussed in the US.
Im a widow and im young so is my son. As soon as my hubby passed his family took us in. I was a sahmwe ate a homeschool family and I thank God for them every day because there support has been invaluable
After living in a toxic family for many years, it honestly is best to live separately. People start gaining control and get annoyed over your habits. You really all have to be on the same page, which is really rare as humans are rarely uncomplicated.
Exactly!
I agree
The traditional family is the best, men should be with women and women should be with men.
This is something I will always be grateful to my father for. He is 71 years okd and still working. Over his career he has saved and invested in properties. He and my mother had 6 children of which I'm the okdest (and only daughter). He continues to work to make sure all this stays around after he is gone and my brothers and I will continue to pass it down. All the property is held in a trust that we all habe to ahree what to do with. On holidays we all gather at my parents house with our respective families. We all live with basically an hours drive of eachother. I and another of my brothers live 3 miles from them. My mother's parents were immigrants from Eastern Europe and while they did work very hard to realize "tje American Dream" family was very important to them, too. Growing up we spent holidays at my grandparents and playing with all our cousins. There are little cousins in our family now and I absolitely love watching them play and get to have that same experience. While I really didn't like being around ALL those boys growing up, as an adult I absolitely love and appreciate all of them and hope to carry on the traditions.
Alex!!! This was mind blowingly good! I have NEVER heard anyone bring these topics to light in a podcast. Your vision for this podcast is impactful and amazing! God bless your girlie!
Just because being connected with and building community with multigenerational family is so valuable, that doesn’t mean the nuclear family is any less valuable. Both are extremely important.
It’s wonderful to build a healthy “team” of a family…. This starts with creating a healthy nuclear family environment and then expands to a healthy extended family relationship. If your nuclear family dynamic is unhealthy, the likelihood of healthy multigenerational situations is low.
Working toward a healthy nuclear dynamic has to come first, then the ideal of also having the multigenerational family support is more likely to be successful.
I have always felt that family is everything. I would drop most things if family needed me. I love my extended family, but my husband and kids needs will always come first.
AMEN. So important to have things in correct order.
I disagree. If both mother and father came from bigger multi generational families then the nuclear family they create would be a healthy extension of the families they both came from.
It really just depends, and there is no one size fits all solution. I live with my wife, son, and two cats. It's a wonderful situation. Extended family is a mixed bag on both sides, so we maintain some distance. I think we just prefer a smaller, tight-knit family structure. Less chaos. Much easier to manage.
@@baronbrown1428 yes… I agree. If they came from a healthy family environment they would be more likely to create a healthy family environment.
Haven't listened yet but I SCREAMED when I saw this pop up! You have been nailing these podcasts themes and guests, I always listen when I take my toddler on an afternoon stroller walk. So informative and inspiring!
I’m so glad you interviewed Jeff. I remember him when he did spoken word on TH-cam and then Disappeared. It’s so nice to know that he continued with God and is living a purposeful life. He has matured so well. This is one of your best interviews yet.
This was an amazing episode!! I am a 1st generation American, my grandmother lived in a multigenerational home. She's told us a number of stories of how beneficial it was growing up even though the family might not have had much they lived a rich life. Also a huge change was knowledge, people knew family history. And Family Values were much stronger. Look at the current structure we have in today's America. Everyone is separated, no one has any respect. There is no Family values. And we wonder why we have such a huge problem with the Culture war.
The Bible says that a man should leave his mother and father and cleave to his wife. I don’t think all living together is the answer but staying close relationship wise is good.
100% and there are so many mil issues these days that I just don’t understand. How do you cleave to your wife and keep your family as your nucleus without disrespecting your wife?! My pastor always says when you get married you’re not becoming a part of their family you’re creating your own new family. You have a new immediate family, and everyone else is extended.
This a million times.
I’m very thrown by this. I’m only twenty minutes in but I’m already confused on which web I would be in? My husbands family, my family.. should I really be in a web with toxic individuals and exactly what does this “web” mean. How much are we to be involved with each individual. Is he saying they should be part of our decision making process lol I have so many questions.
You can leave your mother and father and cleave to your wife and still live nearby and be part of each others lives.
@Kwildcat13can still guide you and give advice
Really facinating episode. I do want to point out there are differences between what kind of family multi generational living works with... be very careful considering who you choose because unhealthy company creates misery.
I come from a huge family, everyone is independent but family oriented. Zero codependency. We have several reunions a year, sometimes 1x a month, but no expectations. Our recent family picture was 40 people, and then shots of each family branch. We love living close by each other, and are always ready to help, but also are just as happy to let each "nucular" family unit live their own lives. Its not suffocating, we genuinely enjoy one anothers company (also a blessing that all family are devout Christians) and are involved in one anothers lives.
My inlaws though... when I was dating my husband (not even married) my now mother-in-law took us out to lunch and showed us blueprints and an entire spill over how it was her "dream" for both sons to build homes on her 2 acre property to be with her forever. It felt very... suffocating to have that kind of expecation.
Well, her dream only half came true, and my brother in law & wife are semi-misrable living immediately adjacent to his mother. Her emotional neediness is misrable to deal with. Sure, they got "free" child care, a mostly free house, a great neighborhood, ect. But my mother-in-law literally owns them. They described it as being trapped on a boat together, and they have to be careful not to rock the boat. After 1 year, My poor sister in law had to go through extensive therapy, and could hardly bare being in the same room as MIL.
We've come to realize MIL is highly anxious about everything her 2 sons are doing, and very co- dependent, needy, and lonely. She also is a constant liar, and when caught, she gaslights and cries herself out of trouble. She wants all the time and attention she can possibly have, and it's never enough.
My husband I had to have a boundaries discussion with her texting every day, multiple times a day, calling non-stop, guilt-trips, emotional abuse & shaming of her son when she didn't see him when she wanted. Early marriage, we took 8 hour round trip 2-3x a month to visit her, and it was beyond exhausting travel. Then we came to realize, she wanted to be "emeshed" into every aspect of our lives, because her sons were her "idols". It was unbelievably smothering, and my poor inlaws are trapped living next to her and forever locked into the arrangement.
My point is, make sure the multi generational family you choose to live by is relatively healthy (but no one is perfect) and doesn't drive you insane. Being trapped with someone unhealthy invites resentment and misery.
...YIKES! That is SO wild!
May I ask, what is your mother-in-law's situation? Long time widow?
If so, have any of you tried matchmaking for her? Maybe focusing on herself and somebody else will ease things up for you all?
@@marlonmoncrieffe0728 I wish, that would be much easier!
It was a divorce about 8 years ago. She's cast a grand story of how monstrous and secretly horrible her exhusband was, and she was a victim to a divorce when she wanted him to go to counseling, ect ect. Gosh... there's so much to say...
We did set her up an online dating profile, about 4 years ago. She has been on around 30+ dates since, and she just keeps saying she won't compromise on her "standards". One guy got very serious about her, and he was weathly, but couldn't leave Texas. She broke it off because she said "I cant leave my sons in another state" (who are all grown adults with wives, but no grandkids at the time). At the time, I tried telling her a good marriage would make her immensely happier/healthier than her sons could, & provide for her, and she stared at me like I had said the moon was cheese.
Some context:
About 2 years ago, my husband found solid evidence that she had lied in order to turn her sons to her side. Her ex never abused her, period. But any tiny story she could blow up about anything remotely wrong he had done, was exaggerated beyond the actual senario.
In reality, They actually had mutually agreed on a divorce. She got everything, and $8k a month from him (even when her sons were moved out), and ended up with just under 1million. But she's only ever pretended to be finacially destitute to her sons and sucked all the pity from anyone who has listen. She could have gone back to work a decade ago, (even when her sons went off to college she refused to work) but when asked about it "I just didn't want to" was her response! Mind blown. Recently, we made her to start attending a local senior center make relationships. Plenty of people love her, and she's very charming. So it's not like people ostracized her.
We think she couldn't handle her "perfect life" being shattered or the title of "divorced woman". So she completely slandered him every opportunity possible, to the point my spouce had to ask her to stop talking about dad... whereas his dad never said one negative word about her. He was nothing but polite to her, and repeatedly offered peace between them.
For example, she convinced her other daughter inlaw he "could be" a pedophile (zero indications!!) and now they barely let him see his grandkids, he's not invited to any of their life events. MIL put in the agreement that if her sons moved onto her land/house, their dad wouldn't be allowed on the land to visit because "she didn't feel safe". But he's never had any abusive, or even verbally aggressive, towards her after the divorce.
It's super cruel, because he was never a bad, abusive, or even absent dad to his sons! It's 100% only on the basis on what their mom said about him
Omg this is so important. Thank you for mentioning this caveat.
Jezebel spirit operating in your MiL. For a minute there I thought I was reading a comment I made. Haha. They must be related?! 😅😂
@@shoshanas5251 to be fair, I think I'd still take MIL over Jezebel haha!! At least MIL is a practicing Christian and does have plenty of positive notes when she's not operating out of anxiety and codependency.
Humans evolved in densely populated tribal settings, I’ve delineated the importance of this in the past on multiple occasions and how we ought to reconcile ancestral ways to modern living. I don’t know if I’d go as far as to claim the “nuclear family is cancer” that’s an absurdly oversimplified notion but controversially, it should be scrutinized. Needless to say, intergenerational trauma can too exist in multigenerational families although considering one has an adequate amount of moderating attachment influences it’ll serve as a bulwark against psychic damage. I’d argue that “individualism” (a rather vague & indefinite notion indeed) is a double edged sword - (does it really exist anyhow?) and economics, whilst influencing the social and cultural fabric of society, isn’t as much a primary factor in the social health of the population as is often espoused.
How does every episode just continuously get better and better?! I think I have a favorite episode, and then another one comes out, and it’s my new favorite!!!😍 This is good, and so important!!!
Also I wanna add, I want my children to feel respected by me when they grow up, and know I'm there for them. And we have acreage for them to put houses on so they can stay here as long as they want to. But I will not insert my opinions into their life, when they are making decisions for their own families and it's not causing harm to their children or their family. I want to respect my adult children and support them.
Amazing episode! I assigned “family homework” to my mom and sister this morning and we met up for lunch to discuss this today! 💗 such a great conversation piece for families at any stage in life!
The success of multigenerational families completely depends upon the character of the individuals in those families... for an example of multigenerational gone very wrong, look at the Avery clan from Manitowoc, WI. It is far more important for family members to prioritize morality and serving God, then living near each other is extra gravy and not a curse that it could otherwise become.
Totally agree! The multi generational family’s in a lot of Asian households is super toxic and authoritarian too, and they’re only multigenerational due to it being expected or else. Speaking from experience as someone who married into one. 😬
...Who were they? What happened?
We were forced to briefly move in with in law's when we sold our home in Seattle to move to Montana. It was just supposed to be a transition phase. We all loved it so much that they decided to move to Montana, too, and now they live right by us. Our cousins are a mile away, too. So, we are not all in the same house but really really close and it is a game changer. Not only do we have support for childcare and housework but we can help them and we all share resources like food, tractors, cars, and more as needed. It is such a blessing that i can't imagine doing life differently. Since then, we've had life changing medical events that would have crushed us had we not had family support very close by. God certainly ordained is to so life together. Never again will I intentionally move away from family.
Aw, that's great!
wow, hands down one of the most thought provoking convos i’ve ever listened to. thank u.
I have done both with my family (my Mother and Father) and (my husband's Mother and Father) then living with (my son and daughter in law). The Mother and Father with children on our own home (Nuclear Family) was when we were the happiest out of all of these choices
I should add that right now we are on a piece of land that all my kids and their spouses live on but separate houses which I think is perfect, we get to have our own space and they have their own space but close enough to be a help for each other.
Yeah I can’t get behind the living all in one house thing. You need to be able to have autonomy in your own place, but I think all having a house on one plot of land is a great thing.
*each having their own home on one plot of land
Separate homes on one plot sounds amazingly ideal. I also think it can work nicely if there’s a home with an apartment.
The biggest key is that boundaries are set otherwise there can be issues being close. It’s definitely harder to maintain good boundaries if you’re sharing the main living space, which I think is why it’s so difficult when family just moves in.
Yeah, even in a mansion I'd feel stifled, @@estherruth4692.
Staying close to extended family may be good but being all under one roof would not be. A lot of grandparents, when under the same roof as their kids and grandkids, would try to abducate some of the parent's responsibility and authority for themselves. This could get toxic and confusing for the children quick and just become a huge headache. God makes it clear in the Bible that the nuclear family IS the most important. We are responsible for our children and teaching them our values, no one else. Can grandparents have an influence? Yes, it is good for them to if they are good people with good values. But not everyone is so lucky to have Godly parents and in-laws they might want around their children 24/7. Calling the nuclear family cancer is certainly not a biblical stance. This is just clickbait and a recipe for problems.
I agree wholeheartedly. How can parents with grown children ever truly step into the grandparent role if they live with their grown children? Family units need their own roofs under which to live. Children deserve their grandparents close by, but do they really need to live with them *and* their parents?
He never said live under the same roof. His inlaws live in a separate house but on the same land property. The point is to _do_ family with multiple generations. Live _near_ others and help each other out. For some families that means in the same house, others on the same property, others that same neighborhood, or city.
Extended family isn't just grandparents, its aunts, uncles, cousins, chosen family via church or friends.
He points out that it is wise to be near family members if you can be verses not being around anyone. Yes, for those of us who have unhelpful families, his advice is irrelevant. But if we do have family that loves God and values family, why wouldn't we want to work together and be prosperous? It just makes sense to me. Allie Stuckey is a great example of someone who is married with three kids and receives help from both her parents and in-laws. That is super ideal in my humble opinion. I wish I had that. I would take that over this pay for every service a la carte deal/ isolation camp struggle any day!
Amen! It makes things really confusing in the marriage and for the children if extended family are enmeshed. Families are primarily parents and their children, not a whole circus menagerie of extended family members. Parents are responsible for raising their own children. The idea of the "village" raising children for parents is a f3minist lie.
Genesis 2:24 KJV - Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.
Ephesians 5:23 KJV - For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Colossians 3:20 KJV - Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.
Proverbs 1:8 KJV - My son, hear the instruction of thy father, and forsake not the law of thy mother:
Love this conversation. Family is so important and realizing the value in our older generations is huge. Thanks for a great interview Alex super interesting!
We're reaching unprecedented levels of trad!
I have been WAITING for you to interview Jefferson Bethke. I have read all his books and watched the majority of his TH-cam content since I was in college a decade ago. Everything he endorses has been such solid quality life advice. He is currently working with Pastor Jon Tyson on _The Primal Path_ and _The Intentional Father._ It has been profound. I'm so excited for more families to learn about his _Family Team_ ministry, that has been the biggest shaper of our family vision.
Multigenerational living works.... If the elders are actually wise and understanding.
Alex you are on fire 🔥 I love your heart. Thanks for this so much. I can’t wait for you to meet the right man and start your family.
This is what I’ve been feeling for a while. However, my blood family is not healthy to be around but I really like how it doesn’t have to be blood! That’s how it should be!! One of the best episodes I’ve had yet!
family is love if there is no love there not your family
There's a reason that when societies become richer multigen families disappear. People would rather not live like that if they have to.
Problems with this - the so called nuclear family is still the basic unit God has for us in the Bible.
Children obey your parents in the Lord - the guidance laid out for parents and deference required for parents in the Bible is clearly present - not to extended family. Abraham left his family to follow God to a land he knew not.
Joseph and Mary left their families to go to Bethlehem, to go to Egypt.
It’s not appropriate, compelling, or biblical to call that cancer.
It’s great if you have support from nearby family. But the whole title analogy needs major work. That phrasing is clearly for clicks, not edification. Parents cannot abdicate their biblical parental responsibilities, not even to grandparents, aunts & uncles, etc. They can and should include them to the the level those family members are capable and responsible to biblical ideals.
Additionally - church family is sometimes more important than blood family, we can mother and father and be mothered and fathered in the church, we are clearly commanded to be part of the body of Christ and fellowship regularly.
I was thinking the exact same thing! Jesus also calls us as believers to leave your mother and father for his sake! I wasn't really a fan of him alluding to the point that "family" defines the individual. In the Christian world view, Jesus defines the individual. I loved the examples you stated- Abraham, Joseph and Mary- even Isaac took Rebecca away from her family to begin a new one! And, girl, you're right! Sometimes(many times) God calls us away from what we know, from what is familiar.
I was beginning to think I was crazy lol I'm glad another christian has this viewpoint ❤
100% as a Christian women totally agree with this. Think the comment sections is very telling and although we can get some good stuff from podcasts like this, just goes to show you that without Jesus at the centre of our lives we go off track fast even if you have so called “conservative values”.
@Lorraine_Pagan_Parks I get your point, but I think you might be missing something about your examples, especially the OT ones. These people were the seed of a nation, who despite its size, still understood itself as a single family, but with divisions into tribes and clans.
Even though Mary and Joseph had to move, keep in mind how they are first introduced in Matthew through the genealogy, as well as why he has to go to Bethlehem to begin with (hint: it actually wasn't too leave his family, but return to it for census purposes). In addition, keep in mind in Luke what Mary did after she heard she was pregnant: visit her cousin Elizabeth, presumably to help her out in her late stage pregnancy as well.
The old covenant itself was a literal encoding of Israel as the family of God. So even though the nuclear family is your basic unit, family dynamics aren't meant to merely be nuclear, but to build up in complexity. Even the term "nuclear " implies this; our world isn't just made out of nuclei isolated from each other, but rather from the interactions of the atoms forming molecular bonds that make up the material world.
In the meantime you still view cousins as brothers and sisters, while giving us a plurality of mentors to look up to, even though mom and dad are supposed to be our primary educators and providers.
This is also true of the Church. If the Church is ratified through the new covenant, then we ought to be seeing our family is far larger than just our parents, siblings, and children when we talk about family.
This is why Paul refers to fellow Christians as brothers and sisters in Christ, and compares himself and other presbyters/ elders to fathers in the faith for the church members.
Yeah, there's something off here. The title of this podcast should be "How to run a family like a Fortune 500 company."
Thank you for verbalizing how I feel about this conversation. I can't shake how some of the language used is wrong to me. Words matter to God.
God i could not live with my folks. Living nearby is fine but under the same roof, no way.
Enforces to me why a healthy church family is so important , a tribe ❤
I feel like Alex and I would be best friends and have super long chats about all the same people and references because in this season you've literally invited so many people that I've been following for years and that I feel that were so underestimated. Jefferson Bethke is one of them! But also all the others, like great christian content on family, kids, life, with a great interviewer! Loving it!
There is really something that broke when it came to boomer women. Maybe feminism?. Not all, my mom, a boomer, is great. My MIL is the most selfish, boring, and judgmental person. She has said she didn’t want to breast feed because she just wanted things to go back to normal, adopting kids is bad because they have issues, her actions show she doesn’t give a crap about her son and that he was a inconvenience to her life. My FIL let us stay at their house while we were building ours and she was mad the whole time because we disrupted her routine. She will literally just stare at us if we aren’t carrying the conversation. All she doesn’t is complain about anything and everything. She never wants to do anything with me because everything is too much work. Keeping a family heirloom that was brought over generations ago, too much work. Learning how to cook or bake something new, too much work…I would still try to let her stay with us when she is old but she really has no wisdom like say my grandparents or FIL has. It’s super depressing.
Thank you for talking about this Alex. I really woke up to this idea that we need our extended family when i had my son. Its so hard doing it alone. I felt awful for struggling to be home alone all day with my 1 year old son. We have family about 45 minutes away and that is great. We get together about 1 time a week, but i need help daily. I need human connection daily. Coming to this realization has made me feel less broken as if something is wrong with me. At this point i know the road will be tough because im not living the ideal way, but i hope to make that change for my son and hisnown family should he choose to have one.
I hear you. Seeing my baby react to family when we do get to visit is really special. Even having someone else hold her for a bit feels like a ‘break’ and I don’t need to be in a different room, it’s fun to watch her.
@@rach9466 so much changes when we are with family. He plays so well independently, and when his cousins are around, they have fun entertaining him. There is usually lots of laughter and fun. All the actions really makes him tired, so bed time is easy. So much about it that makes it easier. I just ordered a book on multigenerational living called all in the family by john graham. Its about multigenerational family logistics. I cant wait to read it!
I’ve listened to Jeff and Alyssa’s stuff for a while now. I clicked on this video so fast…
This from the same woman who literally sang a song about how husbands are boring
As I'm listening to this video (without watching it) I'm thinking...why is his voice so familiar to me??
Love his video he put out years ago "why I hate religion, but love Jesus."
Glad to see that he is still on fire for The Lord
Wow, 11 years ago! I thought I recognized him too
Wow, Alex! You’ve done it again! What an incredible interview. I just love the questions you ask and how long the interviews are. You are the best!
Scott Han’s book The First Society talks about how the nuclear family is a new concept and how it’s very individualistic
Yeah Hahn is big on this stuff since his expertise is in covenant theology.
Thank you lord for this bold, God fearing man! Loved this episode Alex.
I have been reading the Bethke’s work and listening to Jeff & Alyssa’s podcast for years…so excited that you had him on!
Having been a caregiver I met so many selfish and openly cruel elderly people... and a very few I wish would adopt me. And I think they're often too old to learn new tricks, but a few learned and got better after I threatened to quit or stood up for myself. It's a lot of work, though - be prepared!
The cure is Jesus, plain and simple. Nothing is going to save us outside of His atoning work on the cross. Our idolizing anything outside of Christ is sin. If we look to our family to save us or fix the world, we've lost the plot.
I love that he mentioned Gabor Mate! 👏
Gabor Mate and Gordon Neufeld wrote a book together called “Hold On to Your Kids” which is a must read for anyone interested in the topic of family.
Please interview Gabor Mate or Gordon Neufeld next, their research in “Hold On to Your Kids” is life changing information.
I love Jefferson Bethke and his fam!!
Best. Convo. Ever. Mind. Blown.
How can I like this more than once?
Multigenerational living is a huge part of why my Dada quit Hinduism and embraced Christianity. It’s also a big part of why he came to America. Multigenerational living has some real downsides.
I think this might be my favorite episode. Going to watch again and take notes.
*Read his book and listen to his podcast.*
PODCAST TITLES
🔸️ Family Teams
🔸️ Intentional Family
🔸️ Five Minute Fatherhood
BOOK TITLES
🔹️ Take Back Your Family
🔹️ The Intentional Father: A Practical Guide to Raise Sons of Courage and Character
🔹️ Family Revision: How Ancient Wisdom Can Heal the Modern Family
Love what they’re pointing out that both the husband and wife are invested both in the home and in the work. On the flip side of him discussing dads being involved at home, my husband tells me almost every day about his challenges at work, we discuss it all, and I give him all my ideas and suggestions many of which he has used. I’ve even read a negotiation book and gave him my spark notes version to help him prepare for asking for raises.
You reading a negotiation book and giving your husband your notes is the sweetest thing ever ❤️ I hope you guys have a long, happy, blessed marriage
@@gloriasilveira5332 aww thank you ☺️ God bless!!
This was an absolute banger of an episode! I wish we could get 5 hours of y'all. Love you, mean it, byee
You almost got me with the title, but yes you are 100% correct on this. Especially in harder economic times. When the family unit is together, they can weather the harshest storms. The nuclear family is indeed far more stable than the current norm of single parent situations(as if that can really be helped much). However, I’ve got friends of both Indian and Mexican decent and they are both in multigenerational homes. I’ve seen how much it has benefited each generation in their respective home. The grandparents would watch the youngest ones while the parents were out working, the kids had the freedom to really focus on what they wanted to do in life and always had a guardian figure around no matter the situation. When my friends grew up, they were able to go to college for undergrad and even graduate school because they weren’t paying rent. This is something neither parents or their grandparents were able to do when they were younger. They are all just contributing to the family and thriving because of this. I’m not trying to idealize it, but I clearly see the real benefits to multigenerational households.
Nah screw that. I couldn't stand my parents until 18 there's absolutely no way I'm letting them stay with me or I stay with them as a grown man
My parents never lived near their families when I was growing up. Mainly due to abuse. So it's not a good option for everyone to stay around their family of origin when married. Also it's biblical to leave and cleave.
He says in the episode people take that verse way out of context
@@Allatonce3 If something contradicts your preconceived notions of a subject, its always being taken "out of context" by those who disagree with your argument.
I am only 9 minutes and already he has dropped so many mins blowing truth bombs. My husband and I talk about this topic all the time and I’m so jazzed to hear him articulate these ideas!
I need an Alex Clark book list 🙏🏻
That is a good idea for an episode!
AMAZING ALEX!!!!!!!!! I’m implementing and buying this book. Thank you for turning me on to this!
My wife's family had that in a little mountain town 120 years ago. Everybody is cousins, they all live together and go to the same Church. So why did that break up? Some people moved to America and some stayed home.
Alex is going to be such a good mommy 🥰🥰🥰
Safe to say the clickbait didn’t work. 1.6k likes 🤣🤣
Alex, this is by far your BEST episode! Totally agree. Buying his book now. Loveddddd this episode
Before this begins I saw Jeff back when MySpace was I'm and FB just blow up. All the teens where going googgoo gaagaa for him. Lol I still follow for his prophetic words of wisdom and his beautiful family. Let's Gooooo Jeff!
Grandparents, parents and children should all live in roughly the same place or area. Grandparents should be able to provide guidance to the next generation, and that same next generation ought to have the option to bond with their aunts, uncles and cousins, as well as that, siblings and grandparents should collaborate to raise these kids because we all know it takes a village. And that means everyone who can contribute contributes. This allows children to draw wisdom from a broad and diverse family structure while also providing opportunities to correct potentially bad advice or behavior reinforcements they may be subject to, and ensures a broader safety net for all of said children. Traditional family structures like these have been upended by over-glamorized suburbs nuclear families in this age of hellish suburban consumerism. We can do better than that. Traditional multigenerational family structures were the past and they should be the future. We can make them the future, we just gotta be able to cut through the noise and the cacophony of spew that we see in modern media ideology. Small families are way less well-off, especially in the long term. And anti-family people are just generally worse. Communitarian values are the superior values. I'm not a conservative, so I've just come here from a window, but traditional family structures are embraced on the pro-family left and the pro-family right. It just so happens that there are a lot of people who don't recognize the staggering importance of family. If people can unify regardless of political camp on behalf of the family, we can get a lot done.
Although, yes, the economy needs to be altered so that a family can survive on one wage.
My favorite Spillover episode! And I’m 52 and our kids are adults. 😊 Yoire doing a great job, Alex.❤
The title is thought provoking, but don't get discouraged by it. Alex has done it again!😆 This episode is 🔥 every single person needs to listen to it. It will change your perspective about the nuclear family for the better. So much of what is discussed I've considered with our family and has encouraged us to make big moves.
This was so good, alex!!! So glad you got to interview your favorite author.
Wow so true about the kids attaching to peers. Have everyone in the family attach to Christ! That’s the best mission everyone can get onboard with and it’s a safe mission!
For every point he talked about there is a whole rabbit trail that my mind goes down.
I don’t wanna live in the same city. My family wants to live in. I also don’t want to live in the same house as a shit ton of people. I need my space I’d rather get rich with help, but ultimately be earned by myself
I feel this way especially since my nuclear family is toxic
@@Ash_Queen16 my family’s good i love them but I don’t wanna be around my extended family all the effing time I love my space I feel claustrophobic if there’s more than five people in my house at all times, i live with my parents & my only sibling & but if i had kids I can’t have that many people in my house visits are fine but after like a day or two that’s all at the same time the house I want I wanted to be more than 10,000 ft.² with like 20 to 30 feet high ceilings and two floors, maybe three with a driveway that will take me around three minutes to drive up and a backyard that will take me around five minutes to get from once at the same with my front yard
Hands down my favorite spillover episode ever.
Also, I’m an OG and I absolutely love seeing how much you have grown in your faith the path couple years. ❤❤❤
When men paid all the Bills there was usually a grandmom or unmarried aunt living with you helping with the kids/postpartum depression.
Yeah this only works when all sides love and work together harmoniously. Both my parents and my husbands have severe mental health issues and I do not wish my children to see or be around. I wish I had help. They are just really not well. One is emotionally abusive another is a pedophile another is financially irresponsible and drained our resources and another is danger to themselves and those around them. We can’t and refuse to have a multigenerational house with our parents. Our kids can stay in our house for as long as they need or want/wish. We bought a big home for them to feel comfortable. But the parents are a no go.
>and my husbands
>husband(s)
Exactly!
@@The_Comedian556??
I actually listen to the Spillover and my audio books with the Playback speed as fast as possible 🎧🎙
This is kind of a tough idea for me, because my _personality_ is _very_ independent and individualistic. But this podcast has come along at the perfect time, because I've recently been feeling like the way families used to live in multi-generational households, looks so beautiful. My parents are moving to the same state and city as my husband and I, and while they were saying "well, we're trying to make sure we give you enough space, so we were looking at houses about 30 minutes away", and my husband and I said "NO! Move next door to us! We'd love you in the same neighborhood! We want to be in your lives, and you in ours!" Hopefully we get that!
What a though provoking podcast episode. Loved it! Such a great interview Alex. I had to listen at .75 speed because you two were on fire! I’ve enjoyed your content for the past few years, but you have taken it to another level this past year. Thank you for asking ALL the questions. Well done! 🎉
'How does this effect 7 generations from me?" WOW I stopped what I was doing, paused the video, and sat with that for a while. The M&M's I was eating suddenly didn't sound so good, as I definitely don't want my future kids consuming all the dyes and seed oils!! Sent this to my boyfriend and said "THIS is how I want to raise a family."
AMAZING episode. Buying the book ASAP!
Part of me is resistant to this idea because I come from such a terribly dysfunctional family wrought with abuse and criminality. However, I do see the value in this for families that aren’t so toxic. I would love to provide this for my nuclear family, and maybe we can with our homeschool community and church community when we move to our new town soon. I hope so.
The last fucking thing on earth i want is to live with my entire family. We'd tear ourselves apart in the 1st day of being around each other so much.
So many families split physically but also emotionally. If we had to live in close proximity, we would actually have to communicate and sort out our minor issues.
This has changed the course of my family! Thank you!!!! I immediately bought and finished his book since listening to this video 4 days ago 😂
There are so many ways in which are world is toxic... I have so many examples that I keep expressing to people but nobody really wants to listen.
We were meant to live multigenerationally, in the sunshine, running everyday, eating naturally- and then we would be happy.
Funny this is the topic for this week. My husband and I just decided a couple of weeks ago to put our house on the market to move closer to family. We are currently only 30 minutes away but we still don't get to see them enough. Now we will be just down the street from both of my sisters and 15 minutes from my parents. All of the cousins will go to the same schools. We are really excited about that.
Dr Gabor Mate is amazing!! Looking forward to that interview
One of my favorite interviews! Loved Abbie Halberstadt too!
Wow, really enjoyed this interview. Been following Jeff since him and Alyssa were just dating. Haven’t read his book yet so definitely will put it on the immediate list 👏🏽