How To Deal With A Negative Spouse
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 15 มิ.ย. 2024
- We listen to your questions, and the one we will focus today on will be how to deal with a negative spouse. There are already issues with how that's phrased, so let's get right down to it. Stay tuned to learn more about how to handle, deal with, and help a "negative" spouse.
00:15 Get clear about what you control and what you don't
01:38 Labeling
04:36 Be an example of positivity
05:57 Hurt people hurt people
07:13 Choose love (it's a choice!)
07:51 Practice humility
08:12 Creativity
Watch and Enjoy!
Dr. Paul Jenkins
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It’s different when you constantly try to be a positive and all you get is negative. Getting yelled at because she’s having a bad day. The cold shoulder because she’s having a bad day. I try and try to comfort her but nothing. You have to be happy. Being with someone that’s negative is exhausting
I completely agree! It's the worst I feel like he sucked the soul out me it's horrible
Yes it is, just tell her you have some ideas that could help and if she wants to hear them you would be happy to share. Don't give her a lecture. Let her see you living a happy life. She will come to understand she has a choice.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I’m married and I prefer attention and affection. Which is almost non existent when it come to her. She doesn’t like to talk /communicate. We’ve been together for almost a year married for 4 months. She doesn’t think about the things she says before she’s says them. normally wouldn’t care. But I’m 100 percent in love. I wish I had a switch that would turn off my emotions sometimes. I want this to work but I don’t know if I can handle her meanness. I’ve spent my whole life dealing with Narcissistic people. We had a talk tonight she said she liked being alone. I’ve never been alone. Never wanted to be alone. I hate it. Sometimes I think she would be better of alone. Because all I do is feel like I get one her nerves. I never thought a woman wouldn’t want attention or affection or to even have someone ask how your day is ? I guess I’m just going to back off do my own thing give her all the space she wants. But that really isn’t me. I just have a lot of resentment towards her now.
@@Angelbaby11137 sorry to hear that i can relate. I’m putting 100 percent in this and I feel I’m only getting 10 percent back.
Tell me about it..
Some people drain all the positivity out of you on the daily.
Bonnie, that is true. Hopefully we can lift them, but sometimes we need to put boundaries in place to make it through.
ain't it the truth.
So do you just leave them? Tired of all the negativity
@@LiveOnPurposeTV It's exhausting to try to lift them constantly. Trust me, I listen to constant complaining and negativity and that's all I hear. Nothing positive, no encouragement, no acknowledgment of anything good. I feel like I'm in combat constantly trying to listen, say I'm sorry you're having a bad day, I'm sorry you're so overwhelmed, I'm sorry things are so stressful, then, try to say things to redirect to something positive. That doesn't work, it goes right back to the negative. It's draining. It's draining to listen to it, I don't know what to say because it's the same words or issue brought up with work, this person in traffic, projects not being finished etc. There's so much positive to focus on and so many good people in our lives but there's no acknowledgment of anything. It's not only draining but sometimes I start feeling anxious, and overwhelmed listening to it, which upsets me because then I noticed I'm changing now because of the toxic, negativity.
Yes doesn't matter whether your nice and call them honey they won't act like it
0:33 Its hard enough to change yourself, its impossible to change someone else 👍🏾
Rachel G, yep, figure out what you control and what you don't.
🤯🤯Im here to Learn in 2021👀🙆♂️
Most truthful statement
I’ve started doing things on my own, or just with our kids, or with my friends. Natural consequences: no one wants to be around a grouch. It’s sad, but hoping by me not engaging in the negativity and just staying silent and by doing my own thing without him, hopefully God will convict his heart one day. If not, oh well. Can’t change him. I refuse to let my light be dimmed by his darkness anymore. Not wasting another moment being upset about him being so cranky! Not worth it! If I allow him to quench my light, then I can’t be light to others and the darkness wins and I will NOT LET THAT HAPPEN ON MY WATCH
Let your light shine! I love it. Hopefully he will come around to the positivity side.
Just the exact thing I needed to hear today. Thank you for this. The action is in me. and I am the in charge of my self and I deserve peace. Need to rock and shake it every day... shake off the negavibes before tiring to bed....and face the day with good vibes within.. am just hoping kids will be okay with all the aura 🥲.
Thank you for this. How are you doing?
I do the same, but now I'm accused of loving my (grown kids) more. 30 years of trying to appease someone by always engaging in their way of thinking and their personality isn't cutting it anymore. I'm tired of walking on eggshells. This is more about just a negative person, it goes much deeper in most cases.
@@jbogie9453agree
FYI - sending them this video is NOT a good idea. 😒
Perhaps. You can still do your part though. Thanks for watching, mwm48.
😂
Hahaha
Its hard to be the smart one
Well damn!
my problem is that IM the only one who's trying to "improve" myself by watching videos like this to learn how to communicate with my wife. SHE doesnt do "self improvement" for whatever reason so its always up to ME to improve ME to deal with HER. shes got her pie and gets to eat it too. and its not enough...
Stay in your area of influence. You can't control how someone else will behave. Hopefully they will see some of the positive changes and want to know more.
Staying in your area of influence is good and all, but it's bad advice when it translates to staying in a one sided relationship with an individual who refuses to grow or develop emotionally or intellectually. If you're the only one willing to put in the work, then you're going to burn yourself out trying to fix a problem by yourself that requires two people to fix. Bail, dude. Find someone who cares enough about you to be in the trenches with you. Relationships require work from both sides to prosper.
Wow I'm in the same boat!
@@LiveOnPurposeTV hey stop making videos and giving advice "yOu CaNt ChNge AnybÆdy Hurr Durr"- you mongo.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV I personally think my husband has deep seeded issues from his childhood. Coupled with he has ADD (not clinically diagnosed). Between his negativity, his ADD and his bad memory, I hit the trifecta, sadly. 30 years of trying to figure out how to best communicate with him and nothing has changed. I actually feel sorry for him at times.
It’s possible to recognize someone as negative or toxic even and it not affect you. That’s when you know you’re done with this person.
I believe it’s a great thing to be the opposite of the said negative person but only for yourself rather in an attempt to manage their negative energy.
PS: at the end of the day it doesn’t matter why your spouse is negative. That’s their business. Don’t put yourself in a place to be their emotional dumping ground. It will only tear you down.
Very good comment, Jonathan Lee. Thanks for being here.
I agree with everything you have said here. I am one of the MOST positive people you will meet - fun, carefree, always laughing and enjoying life. I have plenty of people in my life and have a good time. My husband, I truly feel, is one of those hurt people who likes to commiserate. My positivity does NOT make him more positive. It seems he tries to make me upset and ruin my good moods. I will actually say, "I am NOT going to fight with you. " I will try compassion and give him a hug. I try to joke and bring light. I try to listen, though he refuses to open up. He will continue to poke and poke and be meaner and more critical... until he finally changes MY mood to a negative one. Therefore, while I am hearing what you say here, and I think they are great points, none of them help with my husband. Any thoughts?
Lu, I don't know why your husband should try to make you in a bad mood and for that be o.k. If he won't get some help, you might want to for the support and figuring out how to handle the relationship.
Same situation with me. Fun, happy but she always has to put me down, insult my interests and start trouble.
Thoughts…..leave him.
#metoo :'-(
Same here, luckily i have many other people in my life that appreciate my positive mindset. My partner always spoils the fun when i feel good about myself. He is such a partypooper!
Calling my husband 'negative' is not a label, its the truth. Since when are we 'labeling' someone when we call them out on their bad behavior? I've supported my husband mentally, emotionally and spiritually for more than 4 decades and HE chooses to be negative and finding the 'Eeyore' in everything.
A wife needs her spouse to be positive and supportive. This is what you call 'encouragement'. We need encouragement and support, not someone who finds the 'awful' in everything.
Who the HELL wants to do anything with a spouse who finds everything defeating?
Very depressing and makes me want to find find other people who will see the glass half full, NOT FULLY EMPTY.
This. This is why spouses look to others (same or opposite sex) for some levity and positivity.
This has been going on 40+ years. I think you have your answer.
I became a doormat while trying to be supportive and understanding towards my overly emotional, and sad spouse.
I can't control her, she must control herself
Jeff Schank, I hope you can find a healthier way to interact. Consider getting into counseling together.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV it seems like it's always assumed that I am somehow unhealthy
@@jeffschank7329 ye this guys a psycho
@@jeffschank7329 Dude that is the worst. My wife and I were doing some online marriage counseling videos and my wife said "you need counseling for yourself" (she is in individual counseling). So I went to a therapist, she gave me a couple of things to work on (mainly decision making about my marriage) and told me after the fifth session that I didn't need much more but come back for a check up if I wanted it. I felt vindicated. If your company has an EIP, I'd suggest going to a therapist for a couple of meetings just to get an outside opinion.
Omg why do I feel like this was personally made for me!!!! 😭 thank you so much!!!
Victoria Richardson, you are not alone. I hope it helps.
Hey dr. Paul I really appreciate your work and this message is very good. There is an important phase I've heard at the end of "Hurt people, hurt..." 'NOT BECAUSE THEY ARE BAD, BUT BECAUSE THEY ARE IN PAIN. Seeing others from their pain changes my perspective of their behavior. Thank you for your help and ministry to our world.
That is so true, Tim Holmes. Thank you for sharing the quote with us. Honored to have you at Live On Purpose TV!
Maybe people hurt because others hurt them? Chew on that for awhile.
My husband is hypocrite, he is bad to me and shows good side to other people.I tried to be positive for last one and half year and tried multiple times to change the situation to positive but it has turned my life to hell.
He never apologize even when he is wrong clearly and Knowing blames me on everything.
Things you said are easy to do but is painful if instead of reciprocating he keeps pulling me down in term of confidence and myself
The Another Diva, please get a counselor who can help you sort this out so you can decide how you want to handle the situation where you are clearly unhappy.
I know exactly how you feel! I have the same problem! He overreacts and is hurtful - very rarely apologising! I constantly apologise even when I haven’t done anything wrong. Yet he won’t meet me half way and perish the thought, apologise to me. He’s uncivil and ignores me. Being hurt is one thing but others have their own pain too. I mask my pain by trying to be cheerful and jokey most of the time. Life isn’t easy, but that doesn’t excuse being rude and hurtful to others.
He had me at the beginning but towards the middle & end he began speaking bs 😂 the best thing to do is to leave
Cleora Alesise, that works for those who see it as an option. Thanks for watching and commenting.
And you are an example of what is wrong with people these days. This man is giving advice on how to keep families together and leaving is the best you can come up with? 80% of the children in the Black community are being raised by single mothers! 80%! The path of least resistance is easy, but what type of fruit is it bearing?
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Narcissism is very real, and so is mental illness, and immaturity is rampant in society like oxygen. The majority of the time it's best to leave and save yourself and your kids if you have. Many many many many shows dedicated to people being killed because they didn't leave.
Thank you so much for all your advices and also personal stories! They've helped me a lot. I really love you and your wife for being so real and so dedicated to helping everyone. I wish you all the best, 'cause you're amazing! 🤗🤗
You are welcome, Sonia Turcu! We are honored to be on your team!
This channel is so underrated, sad!!I love you for spreading positivity, thanks for that valuable information 👍
I appreciate that! dakshata s, viewership is growing. Share away to help spread the message.
Oh God, my tears, when he said “Hurt people hurt people”
Aljumaiah, thank you for sharing.
hurt people hurt people ...well said
Taste and life of Canada, yes, sadly, it is true.
Thank you again for providing these videos. They are a great resource for us, who weren’t given the tools by our parents, to know how to deal with certain situations in marriage or with raising children in a healthy way.
Madison Elmer, that is the goal of the channel so you made my day.
My wife is a negative grouch. I rebelled her a unicorn rainbow. Now shes a negative, grouchy, unicorn rainbow
Barry Soetorro, I hope the video helps.
Barry, how are you doing now three years later?
Im the negative spouse and this helped me. Thanks
You’re welcome 😊
I’m really tired of being creative, positivity and patience. It’s all I’ve ever been for 10 years. He’s still moody and negative. So ….. yesterday he suggested that we take a ride in my new car. Today he says , no , I’m in a bad mood.
I just responded “ well , I don’t want to go anywhere with you in a bad mood then and went about my business.
Just let him sit there like a bump on a log that he is.
I don’t care. I’m over trying to “entertain and coerce him “ into living a decent life.
I’m going to live mine.
juli loo, sounds like you have a plan.
I’ve started doing things on my own, or just with our kids, or with my friends. Natural consequences: no one wants to be around a grouch. It’s sad, but hoping by me not engaging in the negativity and just staying silent and by doing my own thing without him, hopefully God will convict his heart one day. If not, oh well. Can’t change him. I refuse to let my light be dimmed by his darkness anymore. Not wasting another moment being upset about him being so cranky! Not worth it! If I allow him to quench my light, then I can’t be light to others and the darkness wins and I will NOT LET THAT HAPPEN ON MY WATCH
My husband’s mother was a textbook narcissist and did a lot of damage. He doesn’t speak to his siblings. He also has a distant relationship with his 2 sons. He has no interaction with his two grandkids. He can be miserable and negative and it’s draining. Always looks for the problem in every situation and in most interactions with others. I love him but dread doing anything with him. I know I’m the one that has to navigate around his horrible attitude but it’s hard sometimes.
He needs a membership to the platform to work on his positivity. go.liveonpurposecentral.com.
My wife is negative. I showed her your videos . First words were negative about you. I told her you help me. Didn’t matter. Well anyway on my way to therapy and seen this video. I needed this information. Thank you.
Michael Bruce, hopefully she will the positive changes in your life and want to begin making them. It could take some time, hang in there.
Unfortunately, this isn't helpful for my situation. My husband is a negative person. Yes, I am not supposed to label, and you said changing my label will be "magical." No, it wasn't. I wake up every day positive and try to plan fun activities, have conversations with him I know he will appreciate. I live my best life. I try to feed his ego and make him feel good. I am affectionate. Yes, he is a hurt person, but the trouble is I am not the one that hurt him. I can unload the dishwasher the "wrong" way. I am always damned if I do and damned if I don't. I try to anticipate the next thing he will be mad about and "fix" it before he gets mad. Nope, it is always something else. I cannot step up anymore. I am ALWAYS the one on the high road. It is exhausting. So... any advice for that?
Lu, time for some coaching or therapy to learn to communicate or for you to see what your options are.
You sounds like me. My husband is the same way. How are you doing three years later?
thank you for this wonderful insight, you are so right! We are always choosing our own perspectives so it's best to choose to see them in a positive light.
Absolutely!!
May God give me the grace to always choose love. I really needed this! Thank you
You are so welcome, Amaka Egesimba, honored to be on your team.
Witch God? There's 2000 over history, 400 hundred today in the world. Ever 4 seconds in the world, a child below the age of 5 ,dies of just bad drinking water. God or not you do it through your own habits of choice. Your just luck enough to be born in a 1st world country, were you don't have to spend every day looking for water and food. The narcissistic arrogance of a God changing the laws of physics for just you. In the universe there is more going on that New York City. There are more stars in the universe that grains of sands on thus planet. Why the solar system and the sun we see in the sky , is less than a spec of dust in relationships to the universe. The powers in you ,not outside yourself. Your the CEO of your own life ,make it the way you want, by just deciding. Habits of choice.
I've been trying to be the positive one for over a decade. I try to love her in her love language but she refuses to love me in mine. You can only lift someone up for so long before you feel like your efforts are futile.
Big T, Consider some counseling. It may take a third party for her to hear what is being said.
I'm going on 27 years.pray for me,this is very hard
But what if the negative spouse is naturally defensive from childhood trauma and the other spouse isn’t the one hurting them? How do you handle a spouse who has so many traumas and is always on guard?
Diana G., communication. It may take the help of a counselor. When they come to trust and understand that you are not the enemy, it will change the scene. They are still looking to be hurt and haven't processed their trauma.
And what if your spouse refuses to go to counseling?
My husband is ocd and on the autism spectrum, lives in the past and is an alcoholic.
@@kellyrussell530 It doesn't matter too much because most counseling is ineffective. Negative personalities with deep seated issues are extremely hard to change.
YES!!! I needed this!!! Thank you!!
Glad to be of service to you, Jason Dunkle!
Great, Dr. Paul. You really got my back 🙂
I appreciate your work so much!
Thank you! I'm honored to be on your team, Kasia Misianda.
Beautiful content! Thank you for the wonderful resource. Choose love does seem fluffy, why do we think that? When we know deep down it is our best option. Let's share this message with our families, communities, and world. We are all in this together!
Yes! I love your positivity, Drew Hopper. Honored to have you at the channel!
I love this so much! Thank you!
See Vang, you are very welcome.
holy ish...you are doin all us a real service. Thanks my man
Glad to help
It sucks the soul out of your body when you deal with someone who is controlling, and they expect you their own terms..
Sayed, it is tiring.
Good stuff... and very timely for me. Thanks
Glad it was helpful!
So basically hypnotize man self to make me think i don’t see and feel what I see and feel regardless what’s going on
Nope, it is to get to a point where you are ready to make some changes. You decide how you want to live.
Thanks and it does start with self. Be who you want them to be. All good vibes. Even within a turbulent time.
Well said!
Awesome, thanks Dr Paul!
My pleasure!
I found this while searching for something else, but it was helpful. Thank you! 😊
Glad it was helpful! Please share with anyone else you think could benefit, Sea Jay.
I viewed your video for some insight, ( as I feel I can be negative at times.)
After watching and processing your post/s I always feel uplifted and enlightened. Thank you
Wonderful! It brightens my day to hear from the TH-cam audience, Happi ness.
Thank you. I applied this on my mother who constantly critisizes me and complains and is very "negative". And it helped me put things into perspective.
Essandera, I am so glad.
Omg I'm trying not to be upset, I feel like crying!!! Im looking forward to the day that I will no longer have to see his face! Soon I hope🙂
I wish you well. I hope you can find a more positive place and glad you have hope. With hope you have a future.
Easy way is to break up than living in negativity. We are not there to be doctors or psychiatric to the mad spouses
Some don't see that as an option. You are right about your role, there are professionals to help with those things.
Yeah because it’s just that easy with a family and shared assets.
We don’t get divorced because we care about our kids happiness more than our own. I’d chop off my arm to save my kids finger.
I don’t know your name sir but you are amazing. Everything you said is tied with attitude. And a great attitude is the most important thing of all
Dr. Paul Jenkins, nice to meet you, Luis Leal.
What a wonderful video 👏 Thank you 🙏
Our pleasure!
This one dislike is from THE NEGATIVE SPOUSE .
Hah, perhaps, Shez Di. Thank you for watching though. : )
3:34 do not label. Just walk away, you are not obligated to be near negative or “ potentially positive “ spouse.
Thank you for watching.
This is the video I needed. God I didn't realize I was being judgemental and I should have instead been a supportive source of positivity in my girl's life!
You got this, better days are ahead.
So grateful for your talk, custom made for me. It's hard to find a positive label for him because of HOW he can be so disrespectful and unloving if I don't meet his irrational expectations. Yes, he's responsible, overly so when it comes to finances, and some other things.
1) assume the best. That's not like him to act that way. He was acting out of pain. He didn't mean it, but I did take him seriously, so I allowed myself to act like a victim 2) practice humility - be open and see him as hurting. 3) step up and show up & choose the love that he's lacking. Thank you!!!!!!
See how he responds and that should tell you a lot about what he is willing to do.
Wow very impressed great advice and actually works thank you soon much
Glad it helped, Adam Vance.
Waoo!!! Eye opening it is so true...... thank you my friend. I am subscribing right now and I will make sure I want watch these video periodically.
Welcome aboard! Thanks for subscribing, Eduardo.
Hurt often comes from past hurts.
Yes, hurt people hurt people. We seek healing.
the weirdest thing is that some twisted negative people will be here making comment about how positive they are...i once knew this negative toxic pessimistic person that would always shout about how positive she is...and ill be there thinking like🤔
Andy Pender, sometimes the thing hardest to see is right in front of us.
i have to say great video. i will listen to it many many times to get this in my head. i like how you real us in on the negative title and explain how we must look at ourselves and not label them. thanks so much for this video
You are welcome, Alexander.
I thought I clicked on this video to find somebody on my side...Clearly not!!! and but its good to know that every word said here is right.. From now on I wouldn't label my wife negative... And I would be the positive energy in her life,..Thanks
You are so welcome, I wish you well with your wife.
I just stopped being angry and blaming her for every little thing , it took a lot of soul searching to realise i had to change , she is slowly stopped being bitter and angry at me , i live in hope its not to late.
Raymond piper, this is my favorite comment of the day, of the year! Better days are ahead.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV
Tis with glance and heckle ,she deems to mould our rogue ish traits, to ask for which men find so hard, ...the spirit for to shackle.
But when the stag has lost its speed, the sword edge blunt from homely feed ,
and all that sets the soul adrift ,....she will view as fickle.
So once again lost in time ,
we cry for love that was denied,
but never mess with female pride its ....hers not yours that sizzles.
Then one day you'll sit and think , and i doubt you'll raise a drink ,
To the day you left her in the past ,
Tis peace,.... but loneliness at last.
I wrote that 40 yrs ago but never understood my own words till now at 63, many thanks for what you said ,means everything to me.
you know the saying... if you can't say something nice. I'm one of those. Your video is...
One of the better comments. Try another video.
My ex got worse the more positive I got. He was seething with hatred and jealousy. When the negativity finally broke me down he would swoop in like the hero only to hate me again when i was happy. Watch out, this can also be a sign of chronic abuse and covert narcissism!
Those are definitely not just negativity. Glad you are in a safer place now.
thank you for your help mr..i will make sure to make her happy!
Great!
I understand the hurt. But often times you're not the one projecting the hurt. Hurt people hurt people doesn't mean that you did something to deserve the response. It can be something from his or her past that is now deflecting on the new relationship.
It doesn't mean you deserve the hurt, it explains why they are acting that way. That knowledge can be used to help us remain calm and not take the response personally so we can delve deeper to get to the issue. I hope that helps.
This really helps, thank you
Honored to be on your team. Best of luck to you.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you so much
You're most welcome
I would love to see a video on how to deal with kids with ADHD in a quarantine environment. We don't have a lot to give or take away to have our kids respond the right way.
Arvilla Morett, I can add your idea to the list and consider it. We just did a film day, so it will be about another month before we film videos again; then after that another month before they are released. I'm not sure it would be relevant then, but we will see. Have you seen this video?: "How To Handle Quarantined Kids STUCK at HOME" - th-cam.com/video/-aotqbPJ1zo/w-d-xo.html
This is great advice but some people are beyond being around. No amount of positivity will change them, especially if they are happy being toxic and see that you'll treat them well regardless.
Might be time to step away for a break.
I started caring and improving the openness, the need to be right, and complete willingness to do what it takes to improve functionality in the home in 2020. Deep self reflection. This has helped me see how things actually are, and not how I want them to be. I really feel lost. 😪 it's at a point, the moment she is dissatisfied with a dialog, instant attitude and shuts the person out, never to revisit the conversation again, and acts like nothing happened.
My EXPLANATIONS get interpreted as COMPLAINTS.
You might benefit from a therapist to help you two learn to listen and communicate.
Amazing content!
Thank you so much, Casi Bizu! Honored to have you at the channel.
Hey, looks like I am getting hang of your positivity way of seeing the world. For one I figured out how to handle my spouse in almost same way you have shown here. Will see how it goes :) Love your pathological positivity. Thank you! :)
Oh wow, that is awesome, mareker! I love hearing when people have integrated positivity into their lives so thoroughly that it becomes natural and authentic! Thank you for sharing your experience.
Any update? 😁
Thank you so much for talking about uplifting another person I'm not very good at doing that I don't think personally but I do so professionally almost every day I'll have to work more on that personal part a lot more thank you
Wonderful, Patricia. I love it when people see areas they need to work on and come up with a plan.
I appreciate your videos .
Thank you, Carol.
I use to get very upset at political parties and how certain people did certain things that I despise. Their values don't line up with mine and I have no control over theirs so I have learned to just say "don't worry about what others do, they will get their own review" (meaning: Jesus will judge them for how they act and what they say) I will only worry about what I do and what I say :)
Yep, stay in your area of influence.
Excellent.
Thank you! Cheers!
I've watched this video so many times, but it's become so hard to assume the best when this has become a repeating pattern and I'm always waiting to get hurt again in the back of my mind while trying my best to act positive on the outside. I feel like I'll never be good enough. Here's hoping this time it works.
Nameuneeded, you are good enough, right now. I wish you could see that. www.drpauljenkins.com/breakthroughcall.
I can totally imagine what you said. I feel the same. One thing I have started off late based on a guru's teaching is to seek forgiveness in your mind towards your spouse as your situation is a by-product of your past deeds. Your spouse is only a channel to settle that karma like a jailer in the jain who is merely on duty. Accept her behaviour in all sincerity as your karma and seek forgiveness alongside and see how things stack up.
I'm glad to see I'm not the only one feeling this way, and I want to add that we have our rough patches but things have been improving! Sending prayers to all those replying to my first comment.
Sometimes a relationship becomes a habit, and some habits are toxic and need to be broken before they break YOU. The hard part is sorting the good from the bad and weighing the balance to make the correct decision for YOU. After all…if they dont care enough about you to control their grip on your feelings, then YOU must care enough about YOURSELF to be the one to loosen that grip. Dont know your exact situation, but I am with the woman I thought had been my soulmate for 22 years and it is SO painful to realize they are changing and feeling differently about you. Ultimately, however, the truth is what you should seek. Whether it means stay or go, only the truth can set you free. Hope you find peace 🙏🏼
Here's news flash. This will never work. He said it him self you can't change anyone.
I love this guy!
Trillian Mcmillian, thanks! Honored to be on your team.
With all due respect, I am TIRED of putting on a genuine or even sometimes fake front to take the brunt of her negative nature. I control me, I control myself and my inner world. I deserve, as we all do, a peaceful home and outside world. Sometimes, wven when we change ourselves, it can highlight the deficiency of the other and make them harp on you more. I want to change ME. I work on me! I deserve peace, love, and a partner that wants to show me that they can give that genuinely.... not when you're just having a good day. Resentment is one hell of a thing to get stuck in, name calling, and also old emotions. Proprr conversation and therapy may be necessary. However, sometimes it's just not enough. I am not interested in blaming my partner. I am interested in PEACE! ❤
Well said. We all decide where we want to be and what we will put up with - until we won't.
There is no way to put out fire with fire!
Thanks, Evandro.
thank u,i appreciate u, im more oen noe,subscribing and like, today im happy to stumbled upom your video,will watch more
Welcome to the channel, glad to have you.
This is such great advice!!! ... unless your partner is a narcissist. :(
TheOzzk, that is a challenge.
That's another label though, that can be managed with some creativity.
I like the naming. I shall not change 😂😂😂
Tiaza Dobbs, you got this.
I needed this I am so positive 😌 my spouse is always around and not positive
Hopefully he will see you and want to change.
I appreciate anyone trying to give advice to this issue, but in all honesty, I'm trying to apply this advice to my current situation, and it's basically all the things I've tried through the years that just continue to drain me because it's all about helping the negative person and I'm left feeling depleted and they are still continuing to deplete me. I really truly want to share with others to save yourself in these moments, don't let them drag you down all the time, if someone goes into negative, complaining mode, especially when it's blaming or abusive, get away from them as much as you can. Completely disengage, don't argue, don't give advice, just walk away, go outside to take a walk, go to the store to get something needed, go for a drive, go away with the kids to grandma's, whatever you can to get away from the negativity so they can learn new coping skills, other than taking a dump on you!!!
Yes, we can choose to not engage with someone in a negative mode. They begin to learn that if they want interaction, they will need to be more positive.
I am constantly trying to be a positive influence and so what you describe. He is always chronically negative. I guess I just do this for myself. :(
kay catslave, hopefully he will see how much better it is to be positive, hang in there.
Hurt people hurt people. Oh.my.god.
It actually explains many problems of the world...
N Shafiee, it really does.
Socrates said marriage either makes you happy or into a philospher.
George C, I like that. It has definitely made me happier.
Love the simplicity of the answer but the work is a difficult choice and daily evaluation
Well said.
Your advice is always so good :-) . I found you first through your videos on adhd in kids . Great advice there to . I’m definitely going to try this . I do wonder though if this advice should come with a warning to anyone in a abusive relationships to just be aware of the difference between an abusive spouse ( who ... will still treat you bad regardless of what you do or how kind you respond to them and in that case you need to leave ) and a spouse whose simply hurt and misunderstanding. I guess I keep wondering which one of those situations I’m in tbh . Must of our stuff is in the past , as he did change and I think he is just hurt or frustrated these days . I am struggling though , I’m struggling to get over the past and it has affected the label I put on him . So how do I get over stuff like that I wonder . He hurt me badly tbh ... emotionally. How do I start feeling better towards him ? I feel like something died in me about how I used to feel about him when we first met as opposed to after all our fighting and arguing .
tina halle, hopefully people watch enough of the videos to know that abuse should not be tolerated, good point. Kindness helps us to have good feelings toward others. Small acts of kindness over time build up to create what you are talking about. You two might benefit from some counseling.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV to be honest if a narcissistic person sees this , it will only give them power to project all responsibility to the other partner , requesting to be positive although the hurt in their spouse was caused by their lies, triangulation, gaslighting that is so difficult to have a proof of. Dr Paul, please cover topics on narcissism and how to save a marriage/have empathy and solution after an infidelity and luck of trust.
Thank you for your positivity!
I have trouble with saying "that's not like her". But I can say "this is the positive reason she behaves the way she does".
She wants the world to be a better place.
Tim Buktu, thank you for the reminder of how we can reframe things.
Well said 👏 👌 👍 🙌
Shannon Griffin, thank you.
@Live on purpose TV My commend might be late for that session, its been a year since you made that video but at the time that was seeing this i felt i have to commend and tell you something Dr. Jenkins.
It has been long since i see my spouse beeing negative, i was trying to fix this on a way that, after seeing your video, made me realize that i gave a lable to my spouse and it wasnt the right one. I got my self remembering trying to change her instead of doing, what i do with everything and every one, trying to change the way i see things and reacting in a way that makes them change towards me.
We had an incident today and even if it was bad, it made me find this video and realize that the only thing that has to be done, is not adding labels. Thank you very much, instand sub/like and notifications!
I really appreciate your comment. You recognize your role in this and reach out to get more information. Glad you are a part of our positive-minded community.
Hoping the universe will respond...I wish there was a Spouse Correctional facility, where we can just drop them off and they get their negativity erased.
Nina Tifow, you have a great imagination. I wonder what spousal facility my wife would drop me off at? You got me thinking.
Can you do a video on how to stop fights with your spouse. We have different parenting style his mom who I hate I mean hate. Was very strict. My mom was strict but not in the same way. Can you make a video on how to come together and stop arguing esp over our kids and how to discipline them
We have a couple videos on that subject, Homemakerandglamour29 Victoria! I'm also going to give you a link to another video about how strict parents should be; perhaps you can watch it with your husband. Thank you for watching!
"How Do I Stop Arguing With My Spouse About The Kids?" - th-cam.com/video/pTTXFmztQmw/w-d-xo.html
"What To Do When Parents Don't Agree On Discipline" - th-cam.com/video/If2c3TllsOU/w-d-xo.html
"How Strict Should Parents Be?" - th-cam.com/video/9atqWREkP1E/w-d-xo.html
My other half have driven many people away and she wonders why baeky anyone wants to hang out with her,she admits that she has a temper and the times she has told me that some people have turned on her but its her own doing and she won't own up.
Jamie Williams, consider getting her a membership to go.liveonpurposecentral.com and she can take the courses with you about becoming more positive. Approach it as something you two can do together.
Im so happy i found your chanel
eva avi, so am I.
💋 omg !! Thank you 🙏
You are so welcome
Ok I watched another video on the same theme and basically it says maintain the peace however you see fit - humility or not reacting hurt or empathy as to why she is angry.
Hopefully they can get to a better place in their life.
I feel like you're essentially telling us how to be in denial and pretend everything is fine. Or in other words "fake it till you make it."
No way, we don't fake it, we put in the work and effort to save and enrich key relationships. Only you can decide if you are faking it and take that information into account as you decide how you want to live.
At first I found the first point to be a little frustrating, but as you explained it, it made sense. I thought that it will really help if I start labeling my spouse as a "perceptive spouse" rather than negative. Perceptive, because she observes a lot of things that need fixing, particularly in other people. Perhaps that is not a bad thing, as it can give us some ideas on how to inspire others to become better people, which is ultimately what they and everyone wants.
My wife lives from crises to crises
Edward, I hope the video is helpful.
Question that popped it on my mind when it ends into a divorce, when is the child old enough to chose who to live with and when to no see one parent
Raven Claw, good question and it varies with the child and parents. Legally, 18 as there will probably be a court order for visitation and custody. Having said that, many kids push back long before that.
Hi doctor Paul.I was wondering if you could point me in a direction where I could find a way to help ease the transition from being with Mom to being with Dad and vice versa. Me and my ex have my daughter50% of the time each and I want to be able to figure out a way to transition have her come to me or have her go to her mom without getting upset and not wanting to leave the one parent. Thank you very very much.
Mick Bowe, thanks you for asking - I'd be happy to help with that. I'm going to list several videos that have to do with children and divorce. I believe - but am not sure - that one of them specifically talks about transitioning from one parent to the other. Basically what I say is that when you are the one dropping of your child to the ex's house, don't be nervous, don't be negative about it. I once witnessed a mother saying anxiously to her child, "It's going to be okay. You don't need to worry. You're going to be fine." And the child was crying and clinging to the mother instead of walking toward the father. So stay positive and show confidence that your daughter is going to be alright.
"Helping Your Child Cope With Separation And Divorce" - th-cam.com/video/VLsZTSmPnPU/w-d-xo.html
"Co-parenting Tips For Divorced Parents" - th-cam.com/video/wFIvzGrdQCs/w-d-xo.html"
"How Parents Can Help Their Children Cope With Divorce" - th-cam.com/video/dloS-W_M_5g/w-d-xo.html
"Five Factors That Determine The Outcome Of Divorce For Children" - th-cam.com/video/dT4i-Z3FCBo/w-d-xo.html