Alene Rounds Real friends and romantic relationships ( men, women) Really will help you through it. My boyfriend of5 years and online has really really helped me work through it. I still get worried about him because he is having his own issues but he doesn’t get mad. It’s hard but give yourself time.❤️
I know this comment was two years ago but Im going through this right now! Me and my friend texted everyday for about three years and now we havent texted in 2 days and its just been so hard
Me too, I have a friend I talk to everyday and I said something that hurt her feeling by accident and we haven’t had a normal convo in 3 days I’m so so scarred
@@ashley-sv4lo Same I texted she didn’t respond, she usually doesn’t text anyway. I called yesterday she didn’t pick up or call back. I’m really feeling some type of way but I don’t kiss ass so I’ll just move on.
As to the attachment issues, for me, what my therapist told me was that I wasn't fulfilled as a child and as an adult in family relationships, I expect family commitments/closeness from friends. I'm never satisfied bc they can only give as much as a friend can. In other words, I'm overstepping my boundaries. When I realized the amount of burden I was putting on my friends, I excruciatingly "let go" of them from my expectations. It's been a much healthier friendship since. But I still do it to new people I meet.
For me, my attachment issues are more about feeling sorry for the person who I am attached to, because I think people should hate me but are too nice to say so. I think that everyone wants me to go away. But at the same time I am needy of people, which makes it hard!! I want to text people, I want to meet up with people, but in their heads I'm sure they'd be like 'go away.' Because if it was me, that is what I'd be like to myself. I've got to learn to like myself for this problem to go away, but I don't think I ever will.
I chase after unavailable men. It ends badly cos it got ugly & they want nothing to do with me. It makes me really sad that I will be remembered for my unstable behaviour & not for the kind person I am.
Same! After a breakup when I realise that I was being codependent, I feel like that person is just gonna remember the crazy, codependent me, not the kind me and I hate this feeling!
Same but I am a dude. Getting all emotional and crossing boundaries. It's like i can't help myself but to worry that everything will collapse if I don't "fix" something noexistent.
I can definitely agree with this issue.. I struggle with depression and social anxiety after growing up with an abusive father. I now have a lot of trouble dating because I become attached so fast. It really breaks my heart when they don’t want to be around me anymore, mostly because I over think their every move. This brings my depression back into full affect, currently having so much anxiety about what the other person must think about me and tell other people about me that I can’t fucking sleep. Ugh.
***** im fully aware of when I'm becoming attached and even the possibility of becoming attached. I've isolated myself so much I have no friends I'm so scared of becoming attached and them leaving me :'( I don't feel this is ever going to end. Oxox
I have been through that stage where I shut everyone out and had no friends because of it, but now I have a few really close friends that I know I'm too dependant on and it will literally destroy me if something happens to separate us...the thought terrifies me. ***** xx
Georgia L Hey, hi.. I am currently in the situation where I don't have anymore friends can I ask you how did you find now close friends? I feel like I have a hard time making friends and now I don't really know where to start.. :) xx
Hello :) Well for friendship to occur you have to put yourself out there a bit and get socialising, even things as small as saying hello to a neighbour as they walk by can be a good start...the more connections you make with people the more opportunities you will get to make friends. From there just keep talking to people and you will soon find out if that person is friend material. You can talk to people online as well as in person. :) xx
I really like the info on psychoanalysis and would love more. It's something that is not talked about much factually in a current situation aka not freud. I would love to hear more!
I used to ve really bad with Q3. In addition to Kati's response I think it is about low self esteem and needing others to make you feel worthy, not accepting or valuing your own time and company etc
08:00 The answer to the question on the title. I have a same experience I'd like to share. It's going to sound SOOOOO weird but here we go.. I am attached to a stranger I see everyday on the way to my work. Like, i notice him everyday, I look at him and funnily enough he also looks at me for a very brief moment of time. And that makes my whole day! Like I feel happy, I behave nicely to my coworkers, my family, friends. For the last 4 months I think I have developed a feeling for him, its like getting butterflies when he looks at me. I do not think that he has tiniest bit of interest in me. But the fact that "I'm gonna see him today" makes me excited. And this has made my life worst recently. This one time he he didn't look at me, and just passed by me and I stood there and was on the verge of tears. I cried in the office bathroom. I felt guilty and my whole day was ruined. I couldn't concentrate on my work, I started questioning my sanity, my character, what kind of a person I am. Sometimes I force myself not to look at him but I do it anyway! I can't resist. I feel pathetic and it's affecting my daily life. Getting attached to people very quickly has always been a problem that I had to deal with. B this is something new for me which I don't think I know how to handle. I wish to talk to him, but I don't think it'll be appropriate to do so. I have social anxiety and it doesn't help. I'm in constant fear of what I am becoming.
I have become attached to my teacher, well she had ended up being more like a mom to me than anything. Her and I talk about anything and everything to each I love it, but I am so terrified of saying or doing the wrong thing and she will want to get rid of me. She has had told me a million times that she loves me and that she isn't going anywhere, but I'm still terrified of her leaving me. I know I am attached to and told her this, but she told me that it can be a good thing because sometimes you need that kind of people. But my problem is how can I get over the fear of saying the wrong thing and her wanting to get rid of me? Like I have a message I want to send her, but I'm so terrified of her reaction that I can't send it to her...
Darriane Newberry OK, I know this was like four years ago and I feel crazy for replying, but I have never related to a comment so much. My problem is that I haven’t told my teacher that I feel attached to her and don’t know if I should. She isn’t even my teacher anymore, but I still stop by her classroom to say hi. By the time I leave, I want to cry. Any suggestions for a late girl?☺️😢
Kitty Mellow hey - I've struggled with this a lot. Luckily we both came across this comment 4 years late :P I'm no therapist but here's my two cents. It depends on her emotional intuition but if you come to see her regularly it's possible that she already knows. I'd say if you trust her and it's weighing on your mind, talk to her about it. If you're worried about marring your relationship by getting all meta, talk to a friend or family member as a first step - anyone who's not her, basically, who won't be judgemental - to get your thoughts straight. Another way of doing this might be writing a completely honest letter, which you needn't actually give her, but write it as if you're going to. I think it's about preparing yourself for leaving and probably at some point having a conversation with her about your expectations of the relationship when you do. Hope you're ok xx
I thought I'd add my experience in even though this is an old thread: I found that once I left high school, I lost contact with these teachers and it was emotionally devastating. I highly recommend people try and find another support as well as your teacher, especially if you are close to adulthood. I know it's so hard, but I really don't want anyone to go through what I did afterwards.
Okay so I am going to be honest...the moment you started to mention letting things go...I almost slipped into a panic attack. It's asking just too much it seems. I have trouble letting even just the small things go...I try my best though
I'm legally blind and i have a developmental disabilities on top of being blind. Its been over 18 months that moved to colorado from New Mexico. I've been very homesick for a very long time. fortunately I'm currently working at local thrift store in colorado and I've been working there for 7months. I now have a lots of friends at work and who really love me and support me. I'm contently getting a lot of love affection from my managers and supervisors and coworkers which I'm very great full for that. I even have coworkers that are originally from my home town in New Mexico which it now feels so much like home. Unfortunately due to my disability I'm only allow to work twice a week. As part of my disabilities that I have, it causes me to get attach to all the people around me. I was so attach to the people around me in New Mexico before moving to Colorado. as a result of the move. i ended up having aggressive behavior from the emotional pain of missing my friends back home. Now that I'm working at the thrift store I now find myself contently thinking about my coworkers managers, supervisors and friends at work. on my days off. I find myself crying every time i have to miss work due to an illness or other medical appointment. I some times get some anxiety on my days off. and my days seams longer on the days that I'm off. I would appreciate if you can please tell me if i have any symptoms of emotional attachments to the people at work.
I have social anxiety and it is really hard sometimes but what I do is when I notice that i get anxious is I forced myself to go into this situation. Maybe I have to do a presentation at school so the teacher asks who wants to go first and I feel the anxiety comes above me so I break out of my shell and say yes I do. It's really hard but at the end when I am done I'm so proud of myself. And it's gets better only in little steps but it helped me a lot
***** Thank you so much for answering the attachment question, I'm going to start trying to work on it. I'm fully aware of when I become attached but struggle to identify how much is too much and often end up becoming dependant on that person which is when problems arise. I wish I could just form normal attachments! Thank you, you are awesome!! xx
I appreciate this. I actually don't get to attached to easily, I'm okay with letting people go when and if I need to. It's only as of late it's an issue with someone. It feels like it leads to disappointment and I want to know how to get back to how I was.
I have 3 friends and I love them all. It's just that one of them I like more than the others. That's bc she's the nicest to me. I just worry about her getting mad at me and I wish I wasn't so attached so that I wouldn't worry about it.
Kati fantastic choice of questions and wonderful answeres. I pushed my friends away, I don't know why and I have been too attached to people and what you said about being honest about it was really good. Something I've not done with friends in the past. You never know I may get to keep some by working on that. :) also I'm glad your better. I had a fall Sunday managed to save myself but my chest is in agony! :( XOXOX
i’m just so needy I just cant stay away from people. i’m sensitive keep that in mind. So my friend texted me and im getting too attached to him (why i’m watching this vid) and i just start cry and idk why
Hey Kati, loved the last question. Just to add on, I was wondering what your thoughts are about being attached to older women in their 20s and 30s (I'm a teen). This happens especially with teachers for me and I find I need to be around them at all times and I am super attached it takes over my body. I've been like this for as long as I can remember. Any helpful tips? Ps. thanks for always posting videos
I have spent 7 years single after a terrible end to a two year relationship I had. Then I met a girl that changed my mind on thinking love was naive and fake. From the day we met, we spent 24/7 togethrr, not a day apart for 3months. Then I got arrested and was in jail for 2 months and she had to figure things out by herself and now she is in a different state living with her father and I am so attached to her I'm in love with her and she is the same about me, but it seems over the phone she distances herself and detaches herself from her feelings for me but the moment I am with her again she goes right back to her incredibly lovey self and never wanting to leave my side but after three days apart she is detached again, we are both saving for our own place but I find i start to freak out when she doesn't talk to me for over three days but she says it's cuz she gets super depressed and doesn't talk to anyone at times but told me just to give her time and not worry cuz it doesn't reflect her feelings toward me, she is just sad. I give her space but after a week I start to freak out again. Uuggghhhh what do I do
hey kati.. this is the coolest channel till date i have seen.. You have said to analyse yourself with other ... i have problem that seems to be this.. i am not able to do that.. will you please tell me some ways do that.. how to avoid people who are too much close us ?
Yeah I get really attached to some of my friends. As in, love attached to them. And then yeah I some times think I'm needy and feel bad and go sit a corner
I’m always on FaceTime with my best friend and I feel like when she hangs up on me I have nothing to do and I feel like I’m gonna die of boredom when we aren’t on FaceTime but she has tons of things and she’s not always checking her phone seeing if I FaceTimed her or anything so I’m trying to stop being so attached because I feel like she’s attached but not as attached as me so 👍🏼
My attachment issue started in early childhood cus I was always alone so when someone becomes a friend I get attached so easily and I hate it cus I get hurt at the end of the day always
This is one I know did very well. I am attached to nobody. I do not even know anybody. No friends, no girlfriend, no problems. Almost all conflicts and emotional pain are sourced with social interaction. I deleted everyone from my life and am now attached to nobody. Peace is all I know now.
#katifaq - hi kati! How do I tell my therapist that I feel like a am always pretending to be me... I don't really know who I am but I feel like I just pretend to be happy but I'm not. I don't feel normal. Also how can I tell her that I can't cry. How do I communicate that I am a mess?
I feel the same way I was in counseling for a really long time but throughout that time I never ended up talking to the counsellor about what I originally went to counseling to talk about
i found out the other day that my boyfriend was texting another girl, seeking validation. i asked him about it and he apologized profusely but said “i can’t promise anything or stay loyal” and insisted that we break up because he was “hurting me” and i “deserve better” and it’s “not healthy.” I was very, very upset and realized i am more attached than i thought. i asked him to talk about it with me in person and then i’d decide. I’ve decided that if we have a good conversation now that he’s out of his state of panic and guilt and he can promise me that we will both try to give each other the openness and loyalty we need then i will try to make it work, but if he does something like this again i will have to drop him. however, my friends are all saying that he’s bad for me and i should break up with him which i know they are doing out of love but they’re also saying things like “he never cared about you in the first place” which really hurts. i just want my friends to respect that i respect myself enough to let go if i need to and i recognize that this is just a high school relationship but i do want to try to work this out like mature people. he hasn’t talked to this girl in a very long time. he agreed to talk with me and i know he doesn’t want us to break up. i’m going to talk with him this weekend and i’ve journaled a list of what i need from him in this relationship and what i need to do for myself (not project my insecurities onto our relationship, leave if he does something bad again, not help him if i know it’s going to drain me, etc). i’m mostly just posting this to rant but if anyone has some advice/encouragement to give, i’d really appreciate it!
Great video again Kati. I am wondering how to actually let myself to get attached at least a little. I'm so scared to need anyone I keep everybody away which is safe but also very lonely way to live.
How do i get someone to detach from me? espescially when said person says they constantly want to die every time you don't reply fast enough or wait a day. i feel uncomfortable but they are a teen and dealing with depression ( they diagnosed themselves). I don't want to say they are attention seeking because i'm aware that depression can be a chemical imbalance even if they are in a stable environment. i feel bad because i don't hate them but i don't feel equipped to deal with them not to mention its draining. I also don't want to cause them to fall into more depression if i express this to them.
Hey Kati I just wanted to say I love your videos, and I was wondering if you could do a video on dermatophagia, I have struggled with it ever since I could remember. Thanks!
I have a friend he's been though alot but he's far to cliningy and gets really angery when I dont get him pls can u help me sort this out its sucking the life out of me
Hmmmmm. Never knew there is something called too attached. I would view it as a boundary thing and back off, then I would let the friend come to me. This would indicate where this person stands in things. Basically, I see it as the person needing space. Then I'd find some distractions to spend my time on. I also keep in mind that people grow and change. Within, I know when it is time to move on and let go if I need to.
Can you do a video sometime on the different types of therapy and what each aims for? I hear about so many different types and this therapy and that therapy and it's confusing. Thanks!
hi.. I'm so easily with someone. and this is my biggest problem. this made me crazy. example,I'm with this man for ten days and now when he went back home,i was so crazy,emotional,and lonely. I can't even smile,laugh nd be happy. and why this thing always happen to me. someone always come and go. hope i can read someone's comment here for my situation.
this sounds so stupid but i made an online friend and we’ve been talking for a few months now and she hasn’t been rly texting much these days, mostly giving 1-2 text replies. which is kinda weird bc she’s usually the one who has a lot to talk abt & idk i just feel like i did something to make her dislike me. and i think she story blocked me on insta & i just?? don’t know what to do??? she’s the only person i’ve been talking to during quarantine bc i’m bad at making friends and im scared of getting attached to people. and this is exactly what i was scared abt
For 18 years, I've always had my daughter with me when I go to the grocery store. Now that she's moving on, I find myself avoiding going, unless someone comes with me. That's getting very difficult to find, especially since my husband is bedridden! (Hanging head in shame, I had him come out with me the other day, bec. we REALLY needed some things. It's that bad.) Is there a good 'mantra' that I could tell myself while I'm going there? I tried once, but I cried so much, I couldn't get out of driveway.
Hey Kati! Love your videos :) In one of your videos from last week, you mentioned something about the 10 major stressors that can trigger a relapse - What are those triggers? Just curious, it would nice to know, so I could be prepared :)
Hi Kati! I think there's something wrong with me. Whenever I'm in a relationship, I get so hurt and jealous when my guy mentions an ex or another girl. It hurts me so much inside. And ofcourse men watch porn, but it bothers me that he watches it to the point where I burst out crying. Do I need therapy?
This is a hard one. Im addicted to my partner. And she has bpd among others so sometimes she needs space or time. And not talking to her sometimes is the hardest thing to do
So I’m 13 and I’m so close to my mom but that’s not what’s bad it’s that I’m soooo attached to her like if she wants to go out with her friends and she mentions me being with my dad like he has to take care of me I get anxiety I start over thinking and I’m so attached to her if someone’s reading this plz give me advice to like help with that plz I need it
I want to stop taking meds for anxiety I just dont feel like myself anymore. Its better than having bad anxiety but I hate lexapro. My dr is not for it and actually wanted me to take 30mg but I only take 20mg. Is there another med I could talk to my dr about that would not be as strong? Im just always tired and feel bla. I had so much more energy before the meds.
#katiFAQ, my best friend has an ed, and she has a problem with shoplifting as well, I was finally able to convince her to go a counselor about her ed and depression, but I was wondering if there is a link between the negative behavior and the Ed? Please help!
I've always wondered what psychoanalysis would be like, I mean not the classic Freudian free association, ink blot-y type. I've also got a friend who was doing emdr and I thought that was so interesting when I took my ab. Psych class. Also, #katifaq: I have social anxiety (plus GAD) and I have a job interview coming up! (Ahhhhhh) what is your best advice for putting yourself out there and gaining the confidence to do well in job interviews? Also, do you have any tips on how to calm down before the interview? Thanks! Anyways, hope to run into you tomorrow at vidcon.
hello, kati your awesome. i dont know how to ask you question but i just want to understand things . i am so attached and afraid of losing that person . i just want to understand the difference. am i afraid of losing the person coz that person is my very very close friend or im afraid coz i already have a different feeling .... you know i mean more than friends . how would i know ? thanks everyone :) ..
This is a question for either Kati or anyone else you can answer. My dad lost his job and my insurance can't pay for therapy . I don't think I'm ready to leave therapy though... Does anyone have any ideas on how I can continue my recovery without therapy?
Well you could ask your therapist about a payment plan a lot of therapist are willing to do this so you don't have to pay your whole amount at once. Another thing you can try is counselling a lot of times a counselor can be a lot less costly. Kati also has a video on how to get treatment when funds are low. Hope this helps!
do you have any other videos on attachment? more so to family members/parents. I'm wanting to move a few hours away but I feel obligated to be here. Even when I was away before at college I still felt overly attached and worrisome about my family (mostly just my dad) all the time instead of what's best for me. #katifaq
#katiFAQ hey kati ... I would just like to ask how are you sapose to cope after spending a year in counselling with a counsellor u really get on with and trust and then she turns round and sais you only have 3 sesions left because she has to leave ...
I was attached to people once then when the time came i had to let them go and yes it was really hard for me and sad plus i had a dog i was really attached to also well ok im going to tell you the really real way why you should not get really comfortable or attached to people and here they are some People are not who you think they are, everyone has a mask around you , they can show there true colors to you and the real them to plus there's people that are dangerous to yea there's my suggestion haha
hey kati! zoe (zoella on youtube) is on vidcon, too & maybe you could try and get to know her! she's a famous youtuber dealing with anxiety & panic attacks, maybe you could collab one day! hope you'll have a great time there! xx
I have been chronically obsessed with someone for 2.5yrs. The friendship dissolved and it's extremely painful. This hurts much more than my mom having passed away in February. At least I knew why my mom left; I have no idea why Heather ditched me (other than that someone offered to send me a sex video of her and I declined. i care about her too much to see that. That happened a month ago. I did the right thing and she ditched me. I don't understand. )
You'll never understand. Maybe she doesn't even understand. You owe it to yourself to give you your life back. You existed before her, you can exist after.
having social anxiety and the ability to get EXTREMELY attached to people makes relationships so hard
Alene Rounds Real friends and romantic relationships ( men, women) Really will help you through it. My boyfriend of5 years and online has really really helped me work through it. I still get worried about him because he is having his own issues but he doesn’t get mad. It’s hard but give yourself time.❤️
Yes OMG
2 years later and i struggle way more with getting attached to people😔✊🏻
@@alleejo2019 me too have you found anything that helps?
im getting so much anxiety because me and my friend text everyday but we haven't texted in two days and its giving me so much anxiety
I know this comment was two years ago but Im going through this right now! Me and my friend texted everyday for about three years and now we havent texted in 2 days and its just been so hard
Have you already reached out to them? If you havent, just shoot them a text and ask how they're doing and say you miss them.
Me too, I have a friend I talk to everyday and I said something that hurt her feeling by accident and we haven’t had a normal convo in 3 days I’m so so scarred
K. S. Yeah I was 13 when I commented that, and you know, 13 year olds are dramatic lmao
@@ashley-sv4lo Same I texted she didn’t respond, she usually doesn’t text anyway. I called yesterday she didn’t pick up or call back. I’m really feeling some type of way but I don’t kiss ass so I’ll just move on.
As to the attachment issues, for me, what my therapist told me was that I wasn't fulfilled as a child and as an adult in family relationships, I expect family commitments/closeness from friends. I'm never satisfied bc they can only give as much as a friend can. In other words, I'm overstepping my boundaries. When I realized the amount of burden I was putting on my friends, I excruciatingly "let go" of them from my expectations. It's been a much healthier friendship since. But I still do it to new people I meet.
same here im really attached and clingy without noticing and now i think my friends don't like me anymore because of it. I think its getting annoying
no one cares
jack williams
I care
How did you let it go? This comment has really given me the lightbulb moment to realise that's exactly what I'm doing!
This is definitely it
For me, my attachment issues are more about feeling sorry for the person who I am attached to, because I think people should hate me but are too nice to say so. I think that everyone wants me to go away. But at the same time I am needy of people, which makes it hard!! I want to text people, I want to meet up with people, but in their heads I'm sure they'd be like 'go away.' Because if it was me, that is what I'd be like to myself. I've got to learn to like myself for this problem to go away, but I don't think I ever will.
helen a wow I feel exactly the same way
helen my name is j0ann.i attched t0 a friend she is like a m0ther t0 me
How are you doing now?
Same
Wow, I never heard this expressed so well. That's exactly me.
This is honestly the coolest channel can't believe I haven't found it till now!
I just found it today! Mad as heck I didn't find it sooner. Lol.
9:30 for people who want the answer to the question in the title!
thank u
Thanks
Thank you!
8:00 timestamp would be more specific.
I am so happy I found this video I get vary attach to people and it's really hard bc they run way
I chase after unavailable men. It ends badly cos it got ugly & they want nothing to do with me.
It makes me really sad that I will be remembered for my unstable behaviour & not for the kind person I am.
Same! After a breakup when I realise that I was being codependent, I feel like that person is just gonna remember the crazy, codependent me, not the kind me and I hate this feeling!
Same but I am a dude. Getting all emotional and crossing boundaries. It's like i can't help myself but to worry that everything will collapse if I don't "fix" something noexistent.
I can definitely agree with this issue.. I struggle with depression and social anxiety after growing up with an abusive father. I now have a lot of trouble dating because I become attached so fast. It really breaks my heart when they don’t want to be around me anymore, mostly because I over think their every move. This brings my depression back into full affect, currently having so much anxiety about what the other person must think about me and tell other people about me that I can’t fucking sleep. Ugh.
If this isn't me🚶🏽
Same
I get attached to older people. Especially motherly types. It's frustrating! They are just easy to talk to. I think they probably get annoyed.
Saaaaaame
Same...
Me tooooooo
Glad to know i'm not the only oneee 😂😂😂
***** im fully aware of when I'm becoming attached and even the possibility of becoming attached. I've isolated myself so much I have no friends I'm so scared of becoming attached and them leaving me :'( I don't feel this is ever going to end. Oxox
I am your friend :) People on KM will be your friends too :) u can do it hun, I belive in you
I have been through that stage where I shut everyone out and had no friends because of it, but now I have a few really close friends that I know I'm too dependant on and it will literally destroy me if something happens to separate us...the thought terrifies me. ***** xx
Georgia L Hey, hi.. I am currently in the situation where I don't have anymore friends can I ask you how did you find now close friends? I feel like I have a hard time making friends and now I don't really know where to start.. :) xx
Hello :) Well for friendship to occur you have to put yourself out there a bit and get socialising, even things as small as saying hello to a neighbour as they walk by can be a good start...the more connections you make with people the more opportunities you will get to make friends. From there just keep talking to people and you will soon find out if that person is friend material. You can talk to people online as well as in person. :) xx
Thank you so much! :) xx
all of your answers to the questions you get are so perfect. they're so clear and understandable and always helpful.
I really like the info on psychoanalysis and would love more. It's something that is not talked about much factually in a current situation aka not freud. I would love to hear more!
I used to ve really bad with Q3. In addition to Kati's response I think it is about low self esteem and needing others to make you feel worthy, not accepting or valuing your own time and company etc
I would say from experience that what you said sounds pretty spot on.
08:00 The answer to the question on the title.
I have a same experience I'd like to share. It's going to sound SOOOOO weird but here we go..
I am attached to a stranger I see everyday on the way to my work. Like, i notice him everyday, I look at him and funnily enough he also looks at me for a very brief moment of time. And that makes my whole day! Like I feel happy, I behave nicely to my coworkers, my family, friends.
For the last 4 months I think I have developed a feeling for him, its like getting butterflies when he looks at me.
I do not think that he has tiniest bit of interest in me. But the fact that "I'm gonna see him today" makes me excited. And this has made my life worst recently.
This one time he he didn't look at me, and just passed by me and I stood there and was on the verge of tears. I cried in the office bathroom. I felt guilty and my whole day was ruined. I couldn't concentrate on my work, I started questioning my sanity, my character, what kind of a person I am.
Sometimes I force myself not to look at him but I do it anyway! I can't resist. I feel pathetic and it's affecting my daily life. Getting attached to people very quickly has always been a problem that I had to deal with. B this is something new for me which I don't think I know how to handle.
I wish to talk to him, but I don't think it'll be appropriate to do so. I have social anxiety and it doesn't help. I'm in constant fear of what I am becoming.
I have become attached to my teacher, well she had ended up being more like a mom to me than anything. Her and I talk about anything and everything to each I love it, but I am so terrified of saying or doing the wrong thing and she will want to get rid of me. She has had told me a million times that she loves me and that she isn't going anywhere, but I'm still terrified of her leaving me. I know I am attached to and told her this, but she told me that it can be a good thing because sometimes you need that kind of people. But my problem is how can I get over the fear of saying the wrong thing and her wanting to get rid of me? Like I have a message I want to send her, but I'm so terrified of her reaction that I can't send it to her...
Darriane Newberry OK, I know this was like four years ago and I feel crazy for replying, but I have never related to a comment so much. My problem is that I haven’t told my teacher that I feel attached to her and don’t know if I should. She isn’t even my teacher anymore, but I still stop by her classroom to say hi. By the time I leave, I want to cry. Any suggestions for a late girl?☺️😢
Kitty Mellow hey - I've struggled with this a lot. Luckily we both came across this comment 4 years late :P
I'm no therapist but here's my two cents. It depends on her emotional intuition but if you come to see her regularly it's possible that she already knows. I'd say if you trust her and it's weighing on your mind, talk to her about it. If you're worried about marring your relationship by getting all meta, talk to a friend or family member as a first step - anyone who's not her, basically, who won't be judgemental - to get your thoughts straight. Another way of doing this might be writing a completely honest letter, which you needn't actually give her, but write it as if you're going to.
I think it's about preparing yourself for leaving and probably at some point having a conversation with her about your expectations of the relationship when you do. Hope you're ok xx
I can relate so much😢😢
I thought I'd add my experience in even though this is an old thread: I found that once I left high school, I lost contact with these teachers and it was emotionally devastating. I highly recommend people try and find another support as well as your teacher, especially if you are close to adulthood. I know it's so hard, but I really don't want anyone to go through what I did afterwards.
My therapist has me lie down because I read his emotions too much and it helps me focus on me. He is a modern psychoanalyst
Okay so I am going to be honest...the moment you started to mention letting things go...I almost slipped into a panic attack. It's asking just too much it seems. I have trouble letting even just the small things go...I try my best though
I'm legally blind and i have a developmental disabilities on top of being blind. Its been over 18 months that moved to colorado from New Mexico. I've been very homesick for a very long time. fortunately I'm currently working at local thrift store in colorado and I've been working there for 7months. I now have a lots of friends at work and who really love me and support me. I'm contently getting a lot of love affection from my managers and supervisors and coworkers which I'm very great full for that. I even have coworkers that are originally from my home town in New Mexico which it now feels so much like home.
Unfortunately due to my disability I'm only allow to work twice a week. As part of my disabilities that I have, it causes me to get attach to all the people around me. I was so attach to the people around me in New Mexico before moving to Colorado. as a result of the move. i ended up having aggressive behavior from the emotional pain of missing my friends back home.
Now that I'm working at the thrift store I now find myself contently thinking about my coworkers managers, supervisors and friends at work. on my days off. I find myself crying every time i have to miss work due to an illness or other medical appointment. I some times get some anxiety on my days off. and my days seams longer on the days that I'm off.
I would appreciate if you can please tell me if i have any symptoms of emotional attachments to the people at work.
I have social anxiety and it is really hard sometimes but what I do is when I notice that i get anxious is I forced myself to go into this situation. Maybe I have to do a presentation at school so the teacher asks who wants to go first and I feel the anxiety comes above me so I break out of my shell and say yes I do. It's really hard but at the end when I am done I'm so proud of myself. And it's gets better only in little steps but it helped me a lot
Thanks Kati.
***** Thank you so much for answering the attachment question, I'm going to start trying to work on it. I'm fully aware of when I become attached but struggle to identify how much is too much and often end up becoming dependant on that person which is when problems arise. I wish I could just form normal attachments! Thank you, you are awesome!! xx
I appreciate this. I actually don't get to attached to easily, I'm okay with letting people go when and if I need to. It's only as of late it's an issue with someone. It feels like it leads to disappointment and I want to know how to get back to how I was.
your videos are great and have helped me out so much, thank you so much!
I have 3 friends and I love them all. It's just that one of them I like more than the others. That's bc she's the nicest to me. I just worry about her getting mad at me and I wish I wasn't so attached so that I wouldn't worry about it.
Love you sooo much... you have the answer to everything. Thank you for your help!!!!!! ❤🌺🐕🌻🌷😘🌹🌻
Kati fantastic choice of questions and wonderful answeres. I pushed my friends away, I don't know why and I have been too attached to people and what you said about being honest about it was really good. Something I've not done with friends in the past. You never know I may get to keep some by working on that. :) also I'm glad your better. I had a fall Sunday managed to save myself but my chest is in agony! :( XOXOX
I love watching your videos! Ty for all of them you are a truly awesome person for doing these
i’m just so needy I just cant stay away from people. i’m sensitive keep that in mind. So my friend texted me and im getting too attached to him (why i’m watching this vid) and i just start cry and idk why
Hey Kati, loved the last question. Just to add on, I was wondering what your thoughts are about being attached to older women in their 20s and 30s (I'm a teen). This happens especially with teachers for me and I find I need to be around them at all times and I am super attached it takes over my body. I've been like this for as long as I can remember. Any helpful tips? Ps. thanks for always posting videos
Your videos are fantastic
I have spent 7 years single after a terrible end to a two year relationship I had. Then I met a girl that changed my mind on thinking love was naive and fake. From the day we met, we spent 24/7 togethrr, not a day apart for 3months. Then I got arrested and was in jail for 2 months and she had to figure things out by herself and now she is in a different state living with her father and I am so attached to her I'm in love with her and she is the same about me, but it seems over the phone she distances herself and detaches herself from her feelings for me but the moment I am with her again she goes right back to her incredibly lovey self and never wanting to leave my side but after three days apart she is detached again, we are both saving for our own place but I find i start to freak out when she doesn't talk to me for over three days but she says it's cuz she gets super depressed and doesn't talk to anyone at times but told me just to give her time and not worry cuz it doesn't reflect her feelings toward me, she is just sad. I give her space but after a week I start to freak out again. Uuggghhhh what do I do
hey kati.. this is the coolest channel till date i have seen.. You have said to analyse yourself with other ... i have problem that seems to be this.. i am not able to do that.. will you please tell me some ways do that.. how to avoid people who are too much close us ?
Hi Kati and thank you so much for answering my question! Enjoy your Vidcon experience! xxx -Myriam
Yeah I get really attached to some of my friends. As in, love attached to them. And then yeah I some times think I'm needy and feel bad and go sit a corner
I’m always on FaceTime with my best friend and I feel like when she hangs up on me I have nothing to do and I feel like I’m gonna die of boredom when we aren’t on FaceTime but she has tons of things and she’s not always checking her phone seeing if I FaceTimed her or anything so I’m trying to stop being so attached because I feel like she’s attached but not as attached as me so 👍🏼
My attachment issue started in early childhood cus I was always alone so when someone becomes a friend I get attached so easily and I hate it cus I get hurt at the end of the day always
This is one I know did very well. I am attached to nobody. I do not even know anybody. No friends, no girlfriend, no problems. Almost all conflicts and emotional pain are sourced with social interaction. I deleted everyone from my life and am now attached to nobody. Peace is all I know now.
#katifaq - hi kati! How do I tell my therapist that I feel like a am always pretending to be me... I don't really know who I am but I feel like I just pretend to be happy but I'm not. I don't feel normal. Also how can I tell her that I can't cry. How do I communicate that I am a mess?
I feel the same way I was in counseling for a really long time but throughout that time I never ended up talking to the counsellor about what I originally went to counseling to talk about
i found out the other day that my boyfriend was texting another girl, seeking validation. i asked him about it and he apologized profusely but said “i can’t promise anything or stay loyal” and insisted that we break up because he was “hurting me” and i “deserve better” and it’s “not healthy.” I was very, very upset and realized i am more attached than i thought. i asked him to talk about it with me in person and then i’d decide. I’ve decided that if we have a good conversation now that he’s out of his state of panic and guilt and he can promise me that we will both try to give each other the openness and loyalty we need then i will try to make it work, but if he does something like this again i will have to drop him. however, my friends are all saying that he’s bad for me and i should break up with him which i know they are doing out of love but they’re also saying things like “he never cared about you in the first place” which really hurts. i just want my friends to respect that i respect myself enough to let go if i need to and i recognize that this is just a high school relationship but i do want to try to work this out like mature people. he hasn’t talked to this girl in a very long time. he agreed to talk with me and i know he doesn’t want us to break up. i’m going to talk with him this weekend and i’ve journaled a list of what i need from him in this relationship and what i need to do for myself (not project my insecurities onto our relationship, leave if he does something bad again, not help him if i know it’s going to drain me, etc). i’m mostly just posting this to rant but if anyone has some advice/encouragement to give, i’d really appreciate it!
Great video again Kati. I am wondering how to actually let myself to get attached at least a little. I'm so scared to need anyone I keep everybody away which is safe but also very lonely way to live.
I just subscribed by the way I find your videos so helpful. Thank you! :)
How do i get someone to detach from me? espescially when said person says they constantly want to die every time you don't reply fast enough or wait a day. i feel uncomfortable but they are a teen and dealing with depression ( they diagnosed themselves). I don't want to say they are attention seeking because i'm aware that depression can be a chemical imbalance even if they are in a stable environment. i feel bad because i don't hate them but i don't feel equipped to deal with them not to mention its draining. I also don't want to cause them to fall into more depression if i express this to them.
Hey Kati I just wanted to say I love your videos, and I was wondering if you could do a video on dermatophagia, I have struggled with it ever since I could remember. Thanks!
I have a friend he's been though alot but he's far to cliningy and gets really angery when I dont get him pls can u help me sort this out its sucking the life out of me
Thank you :)
Hmmmmm. Never knew there is something called too attached. I would view it as a boundary thing and back off, then I would let the friend come to me. This would indicate where this person stands in things. Basically, I see it as the person needing space. Then I'd find some distractions to spend my time on. I also keep in mind that people grow and change. Within, I know when it is time to move on and let go if I need to.
Can you do a video sometime on the different types of therapy and what each aims for? I hear about so many different types and this therapy and that therapy and it's confusing. Thanks!
She has separate videos on some of them I know she definitely has videos on CBT and DBT therapy
i don’t know why,, but i can never end a friendship. it could be the most toxic friendship and i will never leave. people always leave me
hi.. I'm so easily with someone. and this is my biggest problem. this made me crazy. example,I'm with this man for ten days and now when he went back home,i was so crazy,emotional,and lonely. I can't even smile,laugh nd be happy. and why this thing always happen to me. someone always come and go. hope i can read someone's comment here for my situation.
*so easily attached
this sounds so stupid but i made an online friend and we’ve been talking for a few months now and she hasn’t been rly texting much these days, mostly giving 1-2 text replies. which is kinda weird bc she’s usually the one who has a lot to talk abt & idk i just feel like i did something to make her dislike me. and i think she story blocked me on insta & i just?? don’t know what to do???
she’s the only person i’ve been talking to during quarantine bc i’m bad at making friends and im scared of getting attached to people. and this is exactly what i was scared abt
For 18 years, I've always had my daughter with me when I go to the grocery store. Now that she's moving on, I find myself avoiding going, unless someone comes with me. That's getting very difficult to find, especially since my husband is bedridden! (Hanging head in shame, I had him come out with me the other day, bec. we REALLY needed some things. It's that bad.)
Is there a good 'mantra' that I could tell myself while I'm going there? I tried once, but I cried so much, I couldn't get out of driveway.
Jennifer W There are grocery stores that deliver as well as amazon as well.
What do I do if the friend doesn’t care what I do? Like text every day ect
So, how are you feeling, Kati? Better? No more Cold symptoms?
Thanks for another really informative video.
Nice work. x
Hey Kati! Love your videos :)
In one of your videos from last week, you mentioned something about the 10 major stressors that can trigger a relapse - What are those triggers? Just curious, it would nice to know, so I could be prepared :)
Hi Kati! I think there's something wrong with me. Whenever I'm in a relationship, I get so hurt and jealous when my guy mentions an ex or another girl. It hurts me so much inside. And ofcourse men watch porn, but it bothers me that he watches it to the point where I burst out crying. Do I need therapy?
First of all. You can't have a girlfriend and he watching porn. Hellla nooo
@@simplybribrii lol a lottt has changed since then
@@theswiftvet7107 ohhh. Oki🙏🏽😊😊😊
@@simplybribrii i dumped him as I realised he was toxic and now I've met someone who treats me right
@@theswiftvet7107 ouuuuuuu. U go sis. Periodtttt💯🎉✊🏼
Hi Kati.What do you think about therapeutic hypnosis?
Can you do a vid on attachment please
This is a hard one. Im addicted to my partner. And she has bpd among others so sometimes she needs space or time. And not talking to her sometimes is the hardest thing to do
So I’m 13 and I’m so close to my mom but that’s not what’s bad it’s that I’m soooo attached to her like if she wants to go out with her friends and she mentions me being with my dad like he has to take care of me I get anxiety I start over thinking and I’m so attached to her if someone’s reading this plz give me advice to like help with that plz I need it
I want to stop taking meds for anxiety I just dont feel like myself anymore. Its better than having bad anxiety but I hate lexapro. My dr is not for it and actually wanted me to take 30mg but I only take 20mg. Is there another med I could talk to my dr about that would not be as strong? Im just always tired and feel bla. I had so much more energy before the meds.
#katiFAQ, my best friend has an ed, and she has a problem with shoplifting as well, I was finally able to convince her to go a counselor about her ed and depression, but I was wondering if there is a link between the negative behavior and the Ed? Please help!
I've always wondered what psychoanalysis would be like, I mean not the classic Freudian free association, ink blot-y type. I've also got a friend who was doing emdr and I thought that was so interesting when I took my ab. Psych class.
Also, #katifaq: I have social anxiety (plus GAD) and I have a job interview coming up! (Ahhhhhh) what is your best advice for putting yourself out there and gaining the confidence to do well in job interviews? Also, do you have any tips on how to calm down before the interview?
Thanks! Anyways, hope to run into you tomorrow at vidcon.
how long does psychoanalysis take to work?
hello, kati your awesome. i dont know how to ask you question but i just want to understand things . i am so attached and afraid of losing that person . i just want to understand the difference. am i afraid of losing the person coz that person is my very very close friend or im afraid coz i already have a different feeling .... you know i mean more than friends . how would i know ? thanks everyone :) ..
This is a question for either Kati or anyone else you can answer. My dad lost his job and my insurance can't pay for therapy . I don't think I'm ready to leave therapy though... Does anyone have any ideas on how I can continue my recovery without therapy?
Well you could ask your therapist about a payment plan a lot of therapist are willing to do this so you don't have to pay your whole amount at once. Another thing you can try is counselling a lot of times a counselor can be a lot less costly. Kati also has a video on how to get treatment when funds are low. Hope this helps!
What about attachment to pets?
I only attach to men. Usually men I am romantically interested in.
Where did you go?!
Where are you located?
do you have any other videos on attachment? more so to family members/parents. I'm wanting to move a few hours away but I feel obligated to be here. Even when I was away before at college I still felt overly attached and worrisome about my family (mostly just my dad) all the time instead of what's best for me. #katifaq
Why this video is now appearing suddenly when I spoiled everything in my life 😭😭😭
#katiFAQ hey kati ... I would just like to ask how are you sapose to cope after spending a year in counselling with a counsellor u really get on with and trust and then she turns round and sais you only have 3 sesions left because she has to leave ...
She looks like kailey coco from big bang theory
I would say apologizing! 😩😩😩
Help me Katie!
My therapist doesn't get me.
I feel like an alien...
I was attached to people once then when the time came i had to let them go and yes it was really hard for me and sad plus i had a dog i was really attached to also well ok im going to tell you the really real way why you should not get really comfortable or attached to people and here they are some
People are not who you think they are, everyone has a mask around you , they can show there true colors to you and the real them to plus there's people that are dangerous to yea there's my suggestion haha
hey kati! zoe (zoella on youtube) is on vidcon, too & maybe you could try and get to know her! she's a famous youtuber dealing with anxiety & panic attacks, maybe you could collab one day!
hope you'll have a great time there! xx
I can literally get attached to people within two days-
I'm too attached to my friends and they keep on hurting me haha :)
I thought that psycho-analysis was out practice like phrenology since it was based on shaky theories that were scientifically unfalsifiable.
I have been chronically obsessed with someone for 2.5yrs. The friendship dissolved and it's extremely painful. This hurts much more than my mom having passed away in February. At least I knew why my mom left; I have no idea why Heather ditched me (other than that someone offered to send me a sex video of her and I declined. i care about her too much to see that. That happened a month ago. I did the right thing and she ditched me. I don't understand. )
Kevin Herrington Sounds like a narcissist. Do look into videos on that.
You'll never understand. Maybe she doesn't even understand. You owe it to yourself to give you your life back. You existed before her, you can exist after.
I need money.
Thank you beautiful k we love you