Ep. 19 | 2 Bears 1 Cave w/ Tom Segura & Bert Kreischer

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 31 ม.ค. 2025

ความคิดเห็น • 2.3K

  • @muskylemon2310
    @muskylemon2310 5 ปีที่แล้ว +883

    The way Tom manipulates and strokes Bert into a manic state, where he's ready to purchase a Cadillac Convertible TODAY is really neat.

    • @hhcdfhngdzjjbf579
      @hhcdfhngdzjjbf579 5 ปีที่แล้ว +27

      Bert is definitely playing along with it though .

    • @clintonleonard5187
      @clintonleonard5187 5 ปีที่แล้ว +44

      I have a similar personality to Bert, and I can guarantee that he is playing along for the joke. I do the same thing a lot, and it surprises me how often people completely miss that I am joking. But it gets laughs, even if people are laughing at me rather than with me.

    • @migbee
      @migbee 5 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      @@clintonleonard5187 you're bert and i'm tom

    • @IDKJEJEHRBEHEH
      @IDKJEJEHRBEHEH 5 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      Musky Lemon manipulate?! I think they were just looking for a car big and powerful enough to haul Bert

    • @buffalosteve287
      @buffalosteve287 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      You’re a tool

  • @MattO2112
    @MattO2112 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1022

    My phone gets heavier when Brent Chrysler is on screen.

  • @edibleknowledge4716
    @edibleknowledge4716 5 ปีที่แล้ว +968

    Im almost 100% positive Tom's job on this show is to influence every bad decision Bert makes. Ahahahaha

    • @kozyg8116
      @kozyg8116 5 ปีที่แล้ว +17

      One day hes gonna get him to try crack

    • @aaron4ism
      @aaron4ism 5 ปีที่แล้ว +11

      @@kozyg8116 him and drew got that set up already. Drew has already obtained it . The plan is in motion, just keep glassin' for when the crack video comes out

    • @carsonottocullen1542
      @carsonottocullen1542 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Ohh yeah I remember in the very early episodes he would try and get Bert to drink all the time even though Bert was trying not to, it was soo funny to watch!! Hahaha

    • @johnpeterson2335
      @johnpeterson2335 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Ya ok fucktards look how much he cried about being dosed on Molly ..ya I'm sure he will just try crack ..there better off just getting home drunk and putting it in front of him..not for some bit

    • @johnpeterson2335
      @johnpeterson2335 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      Him#

  • @Kickasso
    @Kickasso 5 ปีที่แล้ว +257

    Bert: "I feel like I should get myself a treat" - every moment of every day..

    • @MichaelWutsch
      @MichaelWutsch 5 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      It's more that he thinks he DESERVES a treat for doing mundane tasks like going to work.

    • @Kickasso
      @Kickasso 5 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      @@MichaelWutsch please, by the time he stops shaking at noon he's "earned himself" 8 treats.#bertmath

    • @kurtkugel2365
      @kurtkugel2365 4 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      @@MichaelWutsch That's how a lot of addicts brains work. Anything to justify over-indulgence. Tired from a long day of work, "I deserve a drink". At a wedding, "everyone is celebrating, I HAVE to get drunk", waking up in the morning, "man I had a tough time sleeping last night, I deserve a drink."

    • @risaacsgwlax
      @risaacsgwlax 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Love you all. Charlottesville is in Virginia, not West Virginia. Believe it or not we are a lot more chill than Virginia...

    • @Tripskiii
      @Tripskiii 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@kurtkugel2365 youre an idiot,. dont speeak on topics you know nothing about

  • @carterbolin8418
    @carterbolin8418 5 ปีที่แล้ว +52

    I'm actually depressed that I caught up with these podcasts. These are the funniest best shit on the internet. I'm fiending for more bears.

    • @sk8dudekid
      @sk8dudekid 3 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      I’m constantly rewatching old ones. Which is why I’m responding to a year old comment

    • @madelinegills
      @madelinegills 3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      I feel that way about YMH every week

    • @rudyquiroz269
      @rudyquiroz269 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Same here lol

    • @ramsnation196
      @ramsnation196 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@sk8dudekid please recommend some, just finished 3rd lol, not sure why im watching this one just felt like going out of order

  • @gaelangarrett7385
    @gaelangarrett7385 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1701

    Bert looks like an auto generated gta 5 character.

    • @popefranco2710
      @popefranco2710 5 ปีที่แล้ว +31

      I know we're supposed to be nice but he looks horrible.

    • @chuckrobertson9518
      @chuckrobertson9518 5 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      STUPID MALAKA!!

    • @lylechipperson3407
      @lylechipperson3407 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      lmao

    • @sumtingwong5963
      @sumtingwong5963 5 ปีที่แล้ว +26

      Looks like one of those older dudes who wait outside a starbucks and listens for a young chick to say she needs a ride

    • @XxKingkrabsxx
      @XxKingkrabsxx 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      Bravo

  • @benw2119
    @benw2119 5 ปีที่แล้ว +309

    Can we all agree that when Bert laughs he looks like Chunk from the Goonies??

    • @boofert.washington2499
      @boofert.washington2499 5 ปีที่แล้ว +14

      He really does! Get that boy to doin' the Truffle Shuffle! DO IT!

    • @leaholivia4565
      @leaholivia4565 5 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Check out the goonies deepfake w/ bert and tom. .you wont be disappointed.

    • @elijahboi3774
      @elijahboi3774 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      He loves BABY RUUUUTHHHHS.

    • @unknowncaller5144
      @unknowncaller5144 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      Agreed

    • @ld2706
      @ld2706 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      He's not Chunk from Goonies? How is he famous?

  • @erdnasiul87
    @erdnasiul87 5 ปีที่แล้ว +83

    Tom is like a devil on Bert shoulder 😂
    "Bad idea? DO IT!"

    • @SteveCossaboom
      @SteveCossaboom 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Everyone needs a "useful idiot" moron pal like Bert in the posse -- and at least 2 guys like Tom to egg him on. The useful idiot makes the rest of you look awesome, and you always have a new movie or slide show to watch after every night out!

  • @kevinschraa7210
    @kevinschraa7210 5 ปีที่แล้ว +43

    I love how they go "cooking isnt a hobby" and then Tom goes on to describe how much he enjoyed baking pie as a hobby, without saying the word hobby

  • @xsantorix8762
    @xsantorix8762 4 ปีที่แล้ว +152

    "Black History month's already been decided, you can't vote on it" 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

  • @brandonbever3989
    @brandonbever3989 5 ปีที่แล้ว +202

    Tom: “I’m starting to tell you a story”
    Bert: “Yeah here’s that same story but one that relates to me”

    • @DocManhattan56
      @DocManhattan56 5 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      Every time

    • @holleymi2000
      @holleymi2000 5 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Perfect comment 10/10

    • @stevebarr1017
      @stevebarr1017 5 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      berts story about camp was a scene from the movie heavy weights lol

    • @22.NUU.DRU.22
      @22.NUU.DRU.22 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Exactly. Learn from this Bert. You're kind of a self centered douche nozzle, not that I don't like you but damn...reflect on yourself, you're still a human being😑👌

    • @TortillaWarfare
      @TortillaWarfare 5 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Brandon Bever the exact reason I can only watch Bert with Tom, burr or Rogan. If not Bert will take over the podcast and it’s and Hour of Bert recapping his resume

  • @theguywiththetail
    @theguywiththetail 5 ปีที่แล้ว +282

    Bert: "Oh, mine is so white!"
    Everyone: *not at all surprised*

    • @LockSteady
      @LockSteady 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      hashtag so racist

    • @jacobalmeida7006
      @jacobalmeida7006 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Can you time stamp where there all surprised please?

    • @LockSteady
      @LockSteady 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@jacobalmeida7006 nobody is surprised. also, it's they are all, or they're all. not "there all"

    • @Jakeinreellife
      @Jakeinreellife 5 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      @@LockSteady fuck off. its really not impressive to correct people on third grade English, unless you're in first grade.

    • @travishunt4927
      @travishunt4927 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      hey, he's into black porn stars tho.... lol

  • @nickearnest95
    @nickearnest95 5 ปีที่แล้ว +60

    I love how Tom was bummed when Bert said he doesn’t actually smoke cigs Hahahaha

  • @lewisaultman
    @lewisaultman 5 ปีที่แล้ว +120

    Tom: Does anything smell better than gasoline?
    Brent: I'll tell you what smells better...
    Tom: Cinnamon rolls?

    • @duecepapoose1724
      @duecepapoose1724 4 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Meth

    • @colina1330
      @colina1330 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      I actually get that, though. The smell of diesel fuel is one of my favourite smells.

  • @JustinPayton
    @JustinPayton 5 ปีที่แล้ว +106

    Someone needs to make a compilation of all of Tom's cold opens about Bert.

  • @Thejayfrancis
    @Thejayfrancis 5 ปีที่แล้ว +483

    I got the perfect secret society for Bert
    It’s called Alcoholics Anonymous

    • @shooglechic
      @shooglechic 5 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      Got me choking to death on spit from laughing so hard at this.

    • @rams812
      @rams812 5 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Duuuuuude😂😂😂😂

    • @RLybarger1986
      @RLybarger1986 5 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Someone saw the opening and took it....👏👏👏

    • @jonnyincomox
      @jonnyincomox 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      😄😆🤣🤾‍♂️

    • @chain-wallet
      @chain-wallet 5 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      he'd only do it if they told him it was part of a sober october challenge

  • @inkonpaperhero
    @inkonpaperhero 5 ปีที่แล้ว +426

    I know it's jokes but after 19 episodes of this show I feel like Bert is honestly amping himself up to cheat on his wife lol

    • @pulkmees
      @pulkmees 5 ปีที่แล้ว +14

      It's also good that he talks about cheating on one of his best bits so if he actually does it, it's gonna be hilarious for new people.

    • @nickharmer9722
      @nickharmer9722 5 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      He talks about how much he loved cheating on his GF’s before his wife & how much he misses it now on the latest BillBert podcast. Turd Chyrstler

    • @TropiKalBoards
      @TropiKalBoards 5 ปีที่แล้ว +30

      Honestly i think it’s all jokes.. he always says how when LeeAnn broke up with him he cried uncontrollably. And they’ve been together for a lot longer now, plus have two kids together. I truly don’t think he would

    • @kwkirkby
      @kwkirkby 5 ปีที่แล้ว +13

      Barnt Kriesner is basically a virgin. He gets hot and bothered by cleavage, dude couldn’t cheat even if he wanted to. His words are basically his outfit he’s wearing right now.

    • @lukecarodrums
      @lukecarodrums 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      Kyle Kirkby He uses time cheat on his Ex’s all the time. He said it himself.

  • @theoffspring1232
    @theoffspring1232 5 ปีที่แล้ว +233

    We need a super cut of all of Tim's opening remarks about Brent's racism.

    • @benw2119
      @benw2119 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

    • @zaclikescauliflower2877
      @zaclikescauliflower2877 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      I feel like compilation videos kind of take away from the comedic aspect with things like that where half of the comedy of those opening bits is how it doesn't fit into the context of the conversation whatsoever. I always click videos like that expecting to laugh and just wind up bored halfway through

    • @jimothyj2638
      @jimothyj2638 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@zaclikescauliflower2877 well said. I definitely agree, especially when the compilation is aggressively cut so the funny part is only there for a second

    • @Mperkins813
      @Mperkins813 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      You could just go to the playlist with all 19 episodes and then press "next" after the start. Its at the beginning of every episode so not hard to find..

    • @theoffspring1232
      @theoffspring1232 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@zaclikescauliflower2877 That's a fair point. I would like it just for convenience sake. And the lack of context, at least in this case, is the joke.

  • @ThePoonraider
    @ThePoonraider 5 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    The way Bert blunders into a joke. Timing of a drummer, I love you two x

  • @alexis2kool
    @alexis2kool 5 ปีที่แล้ว +27

    10:13
    Bert: "Can I tell you what I think smells better?"
    Tom: "What? .. Cinnamon rolls!?"

  • @ianmcguiness3512
    @ianmcguiness3512 5 ปีที่แล้ว +29

    I love that Bert thinks being a good dad/husband is having his family follow him around on tour.

    • @SteveCossaboom
      @SteveCossaboom 5 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      ian mcguiness And talking about every embarrassing thing AND illegal thing he does to them!! Taking his minor child out driving when he’s totally baked‽‽ talking about seeing his minor daughter’s pubic hair?? Degrading his wife constantly? Talking about organising Side Bitches? On CAMERA??

    • @turbo682
      @turbo682 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@SteveCossaboom Yeah fuck Ernie too

    • @garthsegura4440
      @garthsegura4440 5 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Steve Cossaboom you don’t seem to understand jokes, maybe comedy isn’t your thing.

    • @SteveCossaboom
      @SteveCossaboom 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@garthsegura4440 There's comedy and then there's legit putting your family and friends in serious peril. Haha. Did you hear why Bert and family are moving house? They HAVE to due to all the freaks and mutants who have rolled up to the house to meet the daughters, and his wife, after hearing all the stories about them ... and especially after Bert divulged his address several times on TH-cam and his live shows.

    • @garthsegura4440
      @garthsegura4440 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Steve Cossaboom yes because those stories are completely true.

  • @quinnbrown6180
    @quinnbrown6180 5 ปีที่แล้ว +357

    Why does Brent look like a homeless man trying to blend in at an H&M

    • @tonytoronto1401
      @tonytoronto1401 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      hahaha

    • @absolutesemen
      @absolutesemen 5 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      Like he’s trying to steal a whole outfit by wearing it out of the store

    • @JaSon-ex3zu
      @JaSon-ex3zu 5 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      who the fuck is brent?

    • @ianharding4569
      @ianharding4569 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@JaSon-ex3zu Its Brickell

    • @imbtyler
      @imbtyler 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      "Can I try out these two shirts, and also take a nap in this dressing room for a sec?"

  • @TheSebass1234
    @TheSebass1234 5 ปีที่แล้ว +15

    Lmfao I have no idea how Bert is able to always talk about himself in every comment or story Tom says😂😂

  • @fleksimir
    @fleksimir 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    In this episode: two people cannot comprehend what a hobby is because they are lucky enough what they love is what they do, so their work is their hobby.

  • @petehakkinen3020
    @petehakkinen3020 5 ปีที่แล้ว +328

    "I'm a dandy." -Burnt "Pool counts as a shower" Chrysler

    • @9inchsradius
      @9inchsradius 5 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      Bart "you only need to floss" krenstler.

    • @colina1330
      @colina1330 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Tom "this is the new most disgusting thing about you" Segura.

    • @justinsumeland86
      @justinsumeland86 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      I can see bert dressing dandy and doing a dance video to classic man

    • @justinsumeland86
      @justinsumeland86 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      Dandy challenge for sober October 2020

  • @manchild1111111
    @manchild1111111 5 ปีที่แล้ว +108

    Bert recons he’s broken hundreds of watches by showering with them on but we all know Bert hasn’t even had 100 showers in his life

  • @grandmodesty
    @grandmodesty 5 ปีที่แล้ว +106

    The more Tom talks about his oldest son the more I think he took on Tom's serial killer traits

  • @dab1632
    @dab1632 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    I played D1 baseball and let me tell you....the bus rides are the best part of it. the camaraderie is something that is unmatched. bus rides, team meals, practice, man those moments are what you remember the most. I miss it every day

  • @_egavas
    @_egavas 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Thanks for pronouncing Louisville correctly 😂🔥

  • @kanedavies1979
    @kanedavies1979 5 ปีที่แล้ว +93

    “When I was 47 I got involved with the illuminati” Berts next bit

    • @Prince_Luci
      @Prince_Luci 5 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Kane Too fucking gold

    • @aj301292
      @aj301292 5 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Oh so this happened 12 years ago then?

  • @ralphpasquale8848
    @ralphpasquale8848 5 ปีที่แล้ว +27

    There I was just feathering it on TH-cam, when I got this notification. I had to follow proto and come here immediately.

  • @xRamZx
    @xRamZx 5 ปีที่แล้ว +38

    Just sat down for a nice work dump sesh, new bears up, time to earn this money 😎

    • @jimothyj2638
      @jimothyj2638 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      This podcast turns that smile upside down at the very same time you're making brown

    • @peezdoc
      @peezdoc 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      There's nothing in this world that is better than taking a shit at work while on the clock and getting paid for it!!!

  • @IceKoldKilla
    @IceKoldKilla 5 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    Tom is such a horrible friend! "Dude, get that. That's perfect. Get it today!" 🤣

    • @raaamenoodleboop
      @raaamenoodleboop 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      Ice Kold Killa Dont where a condom in India 🇮🇳 😂

  • @grahamchandler8028
    @grahamchandler8028 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Love the show ,
    You guys are killing it ,
    Also , if you need a guinea pig for some of that homegrown, let this guy know !

  • @mimigiggles4199
    @mimigiggles4199 5 ปีที่แล้ว +148

    Bert's hat definitely has hot head stank.

    • @andrewut7ya511
      @andrewut7ya511 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Yikes, cold and clammy everywhere except that 95 degree woolen head igloo

  • @SteveCossaboom
    @SteveCossaboom 5 ปีที่แล้ว +134

    Leanne is sitting at home every night with a calculator out, looking at the bank account balances, and thinking: "He just has to make $250 K more and his ass is GONE."

    • @aroff595
      @aroff595 5 ปีที่แล้ว +26

      I think the only reason she doesn't divorce him is that she knows he will be dead soon anyways, and she'll come out way ahead this way.

    • @22.NUU.DRU.22
      @22.NUU.DRU.22 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Wow lol. That's rough" but if you know much about LeAnne, she's just as fucked up in the opposite direction he is. Has no identity, no hobbies, rides his coat tails and makes a shit podcast to validate her self...etc

    • @SteveCossaboom
      @SteveCossaboom 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@dtxa7x Wow ... Chuck Berry? Really! Cool!!

    • @johnedward8352
      @johnedward8352 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Think you're underestimating Bert and overestimating Leanne

    • @kevindube7096
      @kevindube7096 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      @charles berry Ahh yes. Spoken like a married man, staying together for the kids & in denial of better possibilities. Get you a divorce & some weird ass doggie

  • @diegovaldez271
    @diegovaldez271 5 ปีที่แล้ว +17

    i need a video of tom talking about ellis’ sarcasm and attitude

  • @iancarlesi2304
    @iancarlesi2304 5 ปีที่แล้ว +15

    I appreciate Bret trying to stay “perlitically” correct, straying away from the usual Klan meeting racism, such good character development.

  • @arishillermusic
    @arishillermusic 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Bert's laugh is legendary

  • @Kbwintyy
    @Kbwintyy 5 ปีที่แล้ว +45

    Bert has clearly never floated down a river in a canoe whilst drinking all day, because that is a fun ass hobby

  • @RedNeckPride20
    @RedNeckPride20 5 ปีที่แล้ว +35

    *Waits Patiently every other Monday*

    • @Spencer121583
      @Spencer121583 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Alex Forbes on that off Monday I always get so frustrated...and Bert is a fat racist

  • @EcchiHeroOda
    @EcchiHeroOda 5 ปีที่แล้ว +20

    Tom's bert impression makes me smile so hard my face hurts. Bert you look great for a newly homeless battered husband

  • @sorryimsosad
    @sorryimsosad 4 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I love when Bert bases others will power off his own. Like “REALLY YOU JUST HAVENT SMOKED CIGARETTES FOR 10 YEARS” “C’MON YOU JUST DONT SMOKE WEED OR DRINK EVER?” 😂

  • @apexmma9425
    @apexmma9425 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    Another great episode listening to to Tom talk

  • @thomasj.padden5599
    @thomasj.padden5599 5 ปีที่แล้ว +25

    Watching Burt struggle to read fills me with determination.

  • @trashtony_
    @trashtony_ 5 ปีที่แล้ว +14

    1:07:38
    Tom: West Virginia
    Bert: That's where Charlottesville was
    😂😂

  • @PoleCatCreeknCo
    @PoleCatCreeknCo 5 ปีที่แล้ว +34

    New podcast series with Bert and Daryl Davis titled “Convert Bert”?

  • @gaso2713
    @gaso2713 5 ปีที่แล้ว

    2 Bears 1 Cave is the funniest podcast. Brings me such a joy

  • @MikeGuarino69
    @MikeGuarino69 4 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    "eyes closed karate"
    kids a genius

  • @andrewpowers3719
    @andrewpowers3719 5 ปีที่แล้ว +91

    "There's double the amount of Asians here than there should be."
    -Bert Kreischer

    • @brianjohnson9802
      @brianjohnson9802 5 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Bertha chrystals is my favorite deliberate misspelling so far.

    • @agj3358
      @agj3358 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Sneezes in coronavirus😷

    • @SteveCossaboom
      @SteveCossaboom 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      HAHA "Javolt, herr fuhrer Kreischer!"

    • @andrewut7ya511
      @andrewut7ya511 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      Put a fucking mask on if you gonna spread corona in the comments

    • @Just0wnedEsport
      @Just0wnedEsport 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      He wants to start families across the country. This Birth Kontrol guy getting out of control

  • @cmb9059
    @cmb9059 5 ปีที่แล้ว +14

    The 50 cent joke bert said is just every day dad joke.. lol

  • @coldbeer9877
    @coldbeer9877 5 ปีที่แล้ว +64

    Last time I was this early, Bert was still on molly.

    • @ETAisNOW-wn8wx
      @ETAisNOW-wn8wx 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@DumbleDoff Ari will be fine.

    • @kingebeneezer7986
      @kingebeneezer7986 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@DumbleDoff Ari still selling out shows in NY.

    • @boofert.washington2499
      @boofert.washington2499 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      @@kingebeneezer7986 *Jew York lol

    • @jameskushman9165
      @jameskushman9165 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      Everyone knows the real comedy is in la..a real shit whole

    • @rp1780
      @rp1780 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      Boofer T. Washington hope your kitties are doing well

  • @guygambone5754
    @guygambone5754 5 ปีที่แล้ว +27

    Bert is the least dandy person who has ever walked the Earth.

    • @gumborambo4540
      @gumborambo4540 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      he showers in a pool. Thats the total opposite of Dandy.

    • @mattlombardi54
      @mattlombardi54 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      Bert looks positively homeless in this podcast.

  • @SpecialHandlingUnit
    @SpecialHandlingUnit 5 ปีที่แล้ว +28

    Bert Bingo:
    He laughs at his own joke,
    He tags someone's story with his own "better" story,
    He snorts like a pig while breathing in,
    He doesn't laugh at someone else's joke,
    He goes high pitch
    He says, "does that make sense"
    He mentions his show from the '90s
    He mentions the drink, titos and soda
    Choose three and watch the show, did you "That's a bingo!"?

  • @DRlFTIN
    @DRlFTIN 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1032

    TRUMP 2020 MAGA!!

    • @King_of_Apathy
      @King_of_Apathy 5 ปีที่แล้ว +30

      vodkadile THANK YOU 🙏

    • @elias6570
      @elias6570 5 ปีที่แล้ว +24

      Thanks for this

    • @Kevin-ne5yq
      @Kevin-ne5yq 5 ปีที่แล้ว +14

      Good shit

    • @chupacabra6263
      @chupacabra6263 5 ปีที่แล้ว +11

      You're a beautiful person

    • @freddymeisner
      @freddymeisner 5 ปีที่แล้ว +55

      THANK YOU. This fucking podcast is all ads now.

  • @Hport2
    @Hport2 5 ปีที่แล้ว +30

    Last time I was this early, Bart Kressler wasn't being investigated for hate crimes.

  • @lukec5569
    @lukec5569 5 ปีที่แล้ว +99

    Jesus - Bert looks rough this time. He looks like he needs water and a nap.

    • @drewcifer_420
      @drewcifer_420 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      In his defense, I’m pretty sure they do this first thing in the morning

    • @danielgreen2348
      @danielgreen2348 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      C Coughenour and soap. Don’t forget to mention soap.

    • @Bodybybagel
      @Bodybybagel 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      C Coughenour he’s done bud..

    • @ianstrader4466
      @ianstrader4466 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      To much Molly from ari

    • @RyanJames-iv3qu
      @RyanJames-iv3qu 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      lol'd

  • @2m7b5
    @2m7b5 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Bert went from hating the idea of a minivan to loving it in like 2 seconds.

    • @kcameron819
      @kcameron819 3 ปีที่แล้ว

      This pretty much sums him up lmao

  • @bradiegibb9483
    @bradiegibb9483 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    My favorite thing about this podcast is the background laughing 😂

  • @PickleRick849
    @PickleRick849 5 ปีที่แล้ว +21

    Holy Shit! We get an hour and forty five minutes of gold on this dark Monday!

  • @orenogo
    @orenogo 5 ปีที่แล้ว +11

    The Great George Carlin: I've never been both fine and dandy. I've been fine and I've been dandy but never at the same time.

    • @nicollevandyke5950
      @nicollevandyke5950 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      Mike C ahhhhh, the greatest of the greats. My sister and I still talk about stuff heaven.❤️

  • @mobucks555
    @mobucks555 5 ปีที่แล้ว +18

    I know it's been said before, but the guys laughing in the background really makes a difference. It makes it feel like I'm in the room with everybody.

    • @SteveCossaboom
      @SteveCossaboom 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      mobucks555 Totally!!

    • @Nick-kq8pg
      @Nick-kq8pg 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      It's one guy and he's annoying af, he laughs way too often

    • @RICHERTHANTHEOPPS
      @RICHERTHANTHEOPPS 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      ​@Brick James ​ He's not the only one, why make a comment that is always said and is overrated. Everyone making lame comments seeking attention for what. To feel self worth or seem important on youtube, lmao yall losers. Just watch/listen to the show, don't need to comment on every vid like these guys give a shit about you, you're just a fan, a number on a subscriber list, all they see are dollar signs. Quit acting like yall are their best buddies.

  • @xtriple0000
    @xtriple0000 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    This episode came on auto play during my sleep. Thankfully I was woke up by Berts SCREECHING laughter and horrible attempts to talk in the HIGHEST pitch NOISE ever made by a man. Nothing better than hearing that crap at 3 am, thanks Bart!

  • @markobrien997
    @markobrien997 5 ปีที่แล้ว +16

    Tom is the type of friend that when you have a dumb idea, instead of talking you out of it he convinces you to go balls to the wall fully in just to watch the shit show unfold “how about you set-up a brewery”

  • @valor07
    @valor07 5 ปีที่แล้ว +45

    John Mulaney might be a dandy comedian, just for reference

    • @Ozweego412
      @Ozweego412 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      I'd like to add Paul F. Tompkins and Paul Feig.

    • @williamsutherland1175
      @williamsutherland1175 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Naa, Mulaney is just old school rich

    • @valor07
      @valor07 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@williamsutherland1175 lol agreed but I'd argue that those things are almost the same

    • @williamsutherland1175
      @williamsutherland1175 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      Kuya Paul nope. old school rich is way, way more understated. dandies are all about drawing attention to themselves through their dress. old school rich think they’re blending in in a full suit cause that’s what their dad’s friends alway wore

    • @chain-wallet
      @chain-wallet 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      sebastian also

  • @digitalsalsas
    @digitalsalsas 5 ปีที่แล้ว +35

    Michael Vick literally nailed a dog to a tree. That’s a crucifixion, brother...
    But as a credit to him , he was really fast and he did make good on his debts. Kewl guy club

    • @erinr650
      @erinr650 5 ปีที่แล้ว +15

      Michael Vick electrocuted dogs with car batteries, but he filed for chapter 13 instead of 7. What a prince. 🙄

    • @BillyBoyBBop
      @BillyBoyBBop 5 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      Yeah I struggled to make it through the Michael Vick glorification chapter of this episode.

    • @Fryed_Bryce
      @Fryed_Bryce 5 ปีที่แล้ว +14

      Michael Jackson touched children but i think we can still all agree Beat It is a damn good song. Mike Vick did horrible things to dogs but he was one of the more incredible athletes we've ever seen. George Washington owned slaves. Lol. The list goes on. People are complicated. Nothing is black and white. Except for Michael Jackson, who was black and then white

    • @tammijo
      @tammijo 5 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      Fuck Michael Vick

    • @kevinguilmartin5090
      @kevinguilmartin5090 5 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Yeah I couldn’t wait for them to wrap up that topic. I’m currently at work and now can’t wait to get home and hug my dog.

  • @yourenotrelatable
    @yourenotrelatable 5 ปีที่แล้ว +39

    Easily one of the best podcasts out there. And I don't even like their individual podcast's. Lol

    • @quinnsack
      @quinnsack 5 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Bullshit.... burst stupid fucking fake laugh squeal eats up like half the recording time... chill burt...

    • @benw2119
      @benw2119 5 ปีที่แล้ว +23

      I agree about Bert's...I don't watch it, but YMH has become a favorite of mine. The solo ones with just Tom and Push are usually better than their guests.

    • @m.w.6526
      @m.w.6526 5 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      This, Tim Dillon show, YMH, tigerbelly are all good

    • @arexgaming288
      @arexgaming288 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      Legion of Skanks 🙌🏻

    • @SparePartsBud
      @SparePartsBud 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      This has become one of my top podcasts for sure. YMH is usually just as enjoyable. Only ever check out Bertcast based on guest.

  • @moniquegamble7570
    @moniquegamble7570 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    I love these guys. When they laugh it fills my heart with joy

  • @madelinegills
    @madelinegills 3 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Toms story about Leann feeding the seguras was actually very sweet

  • @petersandas3
    @petersandas3 5 ปีที่แล้ว +40

    I can't wait to hear Burnt interrupt Mommy and talk about he/shes self for over an hour.

  • @Dill40k
    @Dill40k 5 ปีที่แล้ว +43

    Geez 1 minute in and Bert already offended 6 of my favorite minority groups. Impressive stuff.

    • @DopeyDude207
      @DopeyDude207 5 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Browns will be browns

    • @quinnsack
      @quinnsack 5 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Having a "favorite" minority group is more racist than anything fat burnt Chrysler has ever said lol

    • @Dill40k
      @Dill40k 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      @@quinnsack I'm just following proto

    • @quinnsack
      @quinnsack 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@Dill40k lol

    • @Rogerkonijntje
      @Rogerkonijntje 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@DopeyDude207 Giant pos's amirite

  • @neverlistentome
    @neverlistentome 5 ปีที่แล้ว +67

    RIP Fedsmoker! (I think Ari took him out.)

    • @SiNN4R
      @SiNN4R 5 ปีที่แล้ว +18

      Ari drugged his piss jug.

    • @boofert.washington2499
      @boofert.washington2499 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@SiNN4R did Fed Smoker drink his own piss?

    • @SiNN4R
      @SiNN4R 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@boofert.washington2499 he uses it as antiseptic for self dentistry

    • @timeforchange-6504
      @timeforchange-6504 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      Boofer T. Washington nah that was piss spots guy

    • @mattdyne
      @mattdyne 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      It's not going to bring him back

  • @jackberry
    @jackberry 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    When Bert couldn't get "astronomy" right I was crying 😂

  • @jeremiahkennedy1683
    @jeremiahkennedy1683 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Bert just strait brain farted strait into his best idea yet!!!!

  • @muskylemon2310
    @muskylemon2310 5 ปีที่แล้ว +18

    I was almost 29 minutes in, thinking about how stupid Bert is for detailing his future families on camera, and being SO transparent, and I heard my laugh doing that kind of whine like tom's when he's laughing hysterically. Thank god for 2B1C

    • @FloorGorilla
      @FloorGorilla 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      Bert wishes for the opposite of LeeAnn : Wrinkles, HUGE ears, shitty bangs and halitosis...wait...that is NOT opposite at all.

    • @BL-wh2ux
      @BL-wh2ux 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      2B1C sounds like the name of some weird drug

    • @andrewut7ya511
      @andrewut7ya511 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Yea man, im trying to get a few grams of that 2b1c

    • @theBROWNbanditP
      @theBROWNbanditP 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      @Teh Jamez Is that a minecraft reference?

  • @Dirtbikeman1111
    @Dirtbikeman1111 5 ปีที่แล้ว +71

    We’re waiting for the coke podcast

    • @neighborbruce
      @neighborbruce 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Yes

    • @gumborambo4540
      @gumborambo4540 5 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      @@neighborbruce It would be just a ramble, and im all in!

    • @cembarut7012
      @cembarut7012 4 ปีที่แล้ว

      @yourmomshousepodcast HEAR US OUT

  • @quinnsack
    @quinnsack 5 ปีที่แล้ว +29

    Burt "I cant lose weight but I order 10 pizzas a day" Chrysler

  • @jarrod5855
    @jarrod5855 5 ปีที่แล้ว +20

    "I didn't know their were white supremacist in Charlotsville." - Bert Kreisher "I get most of my news from TMZ." - Bert Kreisher.

  • @lewis6590
    @lewis6590 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Something nice about Bert... Brent, of all the comics out there, you're definitely one of the comics out there.

  • @coltonfisher7469
    @coltonfisher7469 5 ปีที่แล้ว +21

    2 minutes in bert "let's call someone"

    • @SteveCossaboom
      @SteveCossaboom 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      I never understand when Bert starts a story, then says he can't name the person, then says he better not even tell the story, he'll tell Tom "off camera" .... then half the time he tells it a bit later on, anyway. And, names the person.

  • @jasonstatham5165
    @jasonstatham5165 5 ปีที่แล้ว +46

    I remember when Bert posted about getting the hot sauce. It was like 2pm when he posted it on his instagram story. He just said he was drunk in this podcast while getting the sauce. I think he has a serious drinking problem and needs HElP!!! Bert needs to beat this addiction

    • @aroff595
      @aroff595 5 ปีที่แล้ว +16

      In Bart's defense, he is also a pathological liar. There is a chance that this was a lie instead of another example of his crippling alcoholism.

    • @huckleberrylachow2202
      @huckleberrylachow2202 5 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Andy R dude yes he is the biggest liar ever. i feel like half of his stories are made up

    • @SteveCossaboom
      @SteveCossaboom 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Jason Statham You could beat it out of him, like the demon it is!

    • @SteveCossaboom
      @SteveCossaboom 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Huckleberry Lachow Most are. And the ones that aren’t are hugely embellished. You can tell, as he does the long pause when he tells the stories. And he sits up straighter.

    • @huckleberrylachow2202
      @huckleberrylachow2202 5 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Steve Cossaboom yeah you don’t even need the tells most of the time. just the way he tells the stories they seems made up

  • @Nastynati0513
    @Nastynati0513 5 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    Best part of every episode is the first couple seconds after the intro when Tom catches Burnt off guard. This one was good but my favorite is,
    *2 bears 1 cave opens*
    Tom - "Will you stop saying the N word?"

  • @lewis6590
    @lewis6590 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    The Ellis stories crack me up god damn. Imagining him screaming at a jalapeno had me rolling

  • @DingusBobingus5555
    @DingusBobingus5555 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Bert's laugh is so infectious.

  • @Familyguy91091
    @Familyguy91091 5 ปีที่แล้ว +29

    I brewed my own micro batch of beer and it is a fun process but bert would never have the patience he would be drinking wort

    • @kjcorder
      @kjcorder 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      so easy!5 gallons and a few weeks. but you're right. he'd drink wort or just un conditioned beer then complain that it doesn't taste right and is flat.

    • @Familyguy91091
      @Familyguy91091 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@kjcorder I cant even lie I cracked a couple that were only conditioning for a week that were pretty flat. Tasted delicious though. 🤣

    • @VIi726
      @VIi726 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      Kyle Hruska I bet you live in or around Portland Oregon lol

    • @kjcorder
      @kjcorder 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@Familyguy91091 bert couldn't just relax and have a homebrew

  • @williamdmoeller
    @williamdmoeller 5 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    Bert looks like a homeless ninja when he puts his hood up.

    • @JTMills-cr3rw
      @JTMills-cr3rw 5 ปีที่แล้ว

      A homeless ninja that ate another homeless ninja

  • @davidvanpelt7557
    @davidvanpelt7557 5 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Tom: How are you going to be a dandy if you hate suits?
    Bert:
    Bert: Look up dandy swimsuits!

  • @jackoconnell1092
    @jackoconnell1092 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

    1:20:54 I Was Just Watching That Part A Few Minutes Ago and I Was Dying Laughing.
    That’s One Of My Favorite Parts Ever!
    😂🤣

  • @Garblegox
    @Garblegox 5 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    1:42:13 _"Once Ipiton Atine Inheima Hollywood"_
    Bert's got a mouth full of Saka Soufle

  • @benjochambo
    @benjochambo 5 ปีที่แล้ว +19

    If Tom gets any balder Bert might invite him into ‘The Organization’

  • @mvk72
    @mvk72 4 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Buddy's laugh in the background is fukin hilarious

  • @danb7601
    @danb7601 4 ปีที่แล้ว

    Is there anyone who could so perfectly compliment Berts dreaming and crazy ideas than Tom who just sits there calmly letting it happen

  • @angelicavenegas1364
    @angelicavenegas1364 3 ปีที่แล้ว

    Bert: I bought 36 bottles of hot sauce in San Jose!!!
    Me automatically knowing he got La Vics Orange Sauce 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • @jessicaerinj2379
    @jessicaerinj2379 4 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Your liquor: "Bert's Dandy 5am Whiskey (or other liquor)" lol

  • @scottyp7056
    @scottyp7056 5 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Hey Bert you’re a dad who wears good hats sometimes! Keep it up!

  • @cmighells1997
    @cmighells1997 5 ปีที่แล้ว +30

    No one finds Bert’s jokes funnier then Bert himself.

  • @Mikequitscomedy
    @Mikequitscomedy 5 ปีที่แล้ว

    "I bet Paul F Tompkins is a Dandy" that whole dandy thing had me crying with laughter

  • @taurusoverdaniels
    @taurusoverdaniels 5 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    The best fellowship is the fellowship of the ring

  • @rutatutut
    @rutatutut 5 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    40:50 And by showering with a leather watch on Brett of course means when he went for a dip in the ocean with a leather watch on.

  • @nothinbutpeanut
    @nothinbutpeanut 5 ปีที่แล้ว +11

    Tom: 25 gallon fanny pack!
    Joe Rogan entered chat